Ersatz Love

by Celly Da Pancake

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 6536

Celestia just wants someone to hold her and to tell her she's loved. A local human looks to be the perfect prospect.

Nicholas doesn't really know Princess Celestia. Sure, he's met her once or twice, when Twilight was still trying to find a way to get him home. Exchanged pleasantries and what not. But never had he had a real, sit-down conversation with her.

Now, he's been summoned to Canterlot to work as Celestia's advisor. He has no other options but to accept.

Cover art used with permission by Miokomata. Go check them out!

Audio reading of prologue by StraightToThePointStudio. Go check them out!

Published 2020-09-11 22:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-01-05 09:25:25 UTC

Prologue - The Offer

Nicholas allowed the door to slam behind him as he entered his room, the rucksack hanging off of his shoulder being unslung rather forcefully onto the floor beside his bed. The contours of the bed welcomed him, the sheets doing their job perfectly, hugging him tightly as he sank into the mattress.

His hands were quick to find their place on his face, covering his eyes and only granting the barest traces of light through his fingers. He would be ashamed to admit, even to himself, that he felt the wet touch of tears on his skin. Crying was something reserved for things like loved ones passing away, or finding love unrequited, not failing to get a job. This was nothing. Zip, zelch. So infinitesimally small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things that he shouldn’t even have spared it any thought.

People were turned down all the time. It was something he should have expected. He should have just known, the second he walked into that office, that he wasn’t going to get the job. Why pick the weird, dark-skinned creature, when one could pick from a pool of young, talented, pony candidates? He should have just known.

Why? Because this was not the first time this had happened. This was, in fact, only the most recent failure in a long line of failures to find a job. While the reasonings for why they wouldn’t hire him were always slightly varied, the gist was always the same: We want normal employees who are not going to scare fellow employees or drive away customers. Every time, he had gone in with the highest of hopes and every time, those hopes had been shattered. So much so, that he now found himself crying on his borrowed bed in his borrowed room like a baby.

Whatever happened to helping yourself so others don’t have too? he thought with a self-deprecating frown on his face. Get up, you lazy bastard! We have to keep looking. Why? Because if he didn’t, he would become a freeloader, just like his father. To the tune of that thought, he had only two words in response: Screw. That.

With that invigorating thought to spur him, he dropped his hands from his face and sat up on the bed. He just had to keep looking. That was the key. Massaging his temples with a heavy sigh, he lifted himself from the bed, making sure to straighten out the many creases and shift the slightly tilted lamp on his nightstand back to its correct orientation.

He knew exactly where the problem lay. He didn’t want to stock shelves or push carts or pick apples. He wanted something better, something more. His father had just called it ambition, but he saw it for what it really was: Pickiness. A way in which a part of his father had expressed itself within him. Something that he would firmly deny, but deep down, knew was true.

Shaking his head, a hand did a once-over of his face to confirm that there was no remaining moisture on his face. Once it’s scan was done and all the tears were rounded up and deposited unkindly onto the floor, he did his best to smile and walked out of his room, into the library proper.

The crisp scent of fresh paper hit him, making his body relax slightly. He always did like the smell of books. He stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled down the stairs, in search of his purple, nerdy, unicorn friend and housemate.

He found her lounging on the couch, her hooves tucked neatly under her as she read a scroll which was being levitated only inches from her face. Her ears twitched slightly, but never turned his way. It was the perfect opportunity.

Creeping up behind her, he brought his mouth right up next to her ear. “Hey Twili—” And that was all it took to make her leap, sending her tumbling off the couch, the scroll lazily floating downwards, coming to a rest on her head.

Several moments of silence passed before she finally got back onto her hooves, shaking the scroll off her head. She fixed him with a vicious pout and attacked his ears with adorable whines. “Niki~! Why do you always do that!”

“Because you always have the best reactions,” he chuckled, picking up the scroll and opening it wide, eyes scanning it thoroughly. “Tea prices soar as two-dozen tons of tea are purchased by the Crown? I didn’t know you followed the newspaper, Twilight.”

She huffed, wrenching the scroll from his grasp with a flare of her horn. “I don’t follow the newspaper, I just like to stay informed.”

He raised his hands up defensively with a teasing grin. “Hey, that’s fine. Nothing wrong with keeping up on current events.” Moving around the side of the couch, he crashed onto it where he patted the space next to him, signaling for Twilight to sit next to him. Hesitantly, she crawled up onto the couch, placing the back of her head against his outstretched arm.

Unconsciously, he played with her ears as she kept on reading her newspaper. His mind wandered to his previous breakdown. He felt his cheeks flush slightly at the memory. He really needed to get himself sorted out, he couldn't—wouldn’t be caught in one of his funks, by anyone. His pride wouldn’t allow it. That still led to him having to tell Twilight that he had failed yet again to acquire a job that paid more than minimum wage and that it was back to stocking shelves with him. Not that she would get mad at him—she never had before, but he still felt like he was letting her down in some fashion. She covered practically all of his living expenses besides food, which even still she insisted on paying for at times. Truly, she was a saint and too kind for her own good.

Nicholas felt her head twist under his grasp and suddenly he was looking into her eyes, the look on her face being one of remembrance. “I totally forgot to ask you.” she gasped in embarrassment. “How did your interview go…” Pausing, her gaze dropped when she saw the look in his eyes. “No luck, huh?”

“Not this time,” he said, shaking his head. “Guess being a chef isn’t on my star chart. Maybe I’ll poke around the marketplace, see what I can find.”

Twilight remained silent for a moment, before letting out a breath gazing up into his eyes. “Would it make you mad if I told you I’m glad you didn’t get the job?” Her cheeks lit up from within, coating her lavender fur with a nice shade of violet.

“Umm,” he cleared his throat and retracted his arm, to scratch behind his neck. “Well, it doesn’t make me feel like sunshine and rainbows, if that’s what you're asking. Do you mind if I ask you why?”

She sheepishly pawed at the couch with a hoof. “Well, I saw how little success you were having in finding a job you enjoyed, and I noticed how unhappy it was making you, so I might have asked Princess Celestia if there was an open position at the Castle…?”

He felt his breath hitch for a second. A job working in the Canterlot Castle, where the Princess Celestia resided? That sounded… great, actually. He turned to her. “And what did she say?” He asked with baited breath. Maybe he would score in as the royal chef or the court jester or something along those lines. Or at least, that is what he hoped for, however unlikely that was to occur.

“She said you’d be working as her royal advisor, following her around to meetings and standing with her during court, helping her make decisions towards the betterment of the country,” Twilight said. “And in case you have any doubts about anything, she noted that all costs of living would be covered under the Crown Budget.”

Nicholas took a moment to ponder before responding with a smile, pulling Twilight into a hug.

“Where do I sign up?”

Author's Note

First story yada yada, please be nice to me!

How About Lunch?

There sat, facing the window, a comfortable, roomy cushion. It was all silhouette, as was the pony draped along it, as the blackout-curtains did their job, soaking in the sunlight. Her hooves were crossed in front of her, and her neck was stretched over the side, as to lay over a cypress end table, whose surface was supported by the flared wings of a crouched pegasus warrior.

Into this cushion, Celestia sank down, the physical exhaustion borne from a long day of hard work, and a sleepless night pressing down on her relentlessly. Within her mind, she could see a small square, filled with milling ponies. A peddler was selling his wares, a jeweler, showcasing her finest products, a baker, sharing his sugar-coated delicacies with a smile. An expression common between all of her ponies, but most of all, her. Her face felt as though it would tear with how wide her smile was. Happiness was abound; in the air, on her face, on her withers, though the latter was in a different, five-digited form. Scritch, scratch, they went, his nails dragging softly through her coat in the most delightful manner. Bliss pushed out her indignity, that she had thought out the sound they made against her coat.

His voice wafted to her ears like the notes of a distant song, perking her ears and her gaze. His face was young, chocolate, rounded just right. Jaw curved downwards, sharpening perfectly to outline an alien, but undoubtedly, masculine visage. Several more adjectives could Celestia pull, though the one that stood at the forefront was thus: Attractive. Ebon eyes seemed to reach into her soul as she met them, imploring admittance into her mouth. Teeth, sheened in the most coveted shade of white, combined with the look, made her defences crumble. Her eyes closed, and she slowly moved her lips towards his. Hot breath washed over her cheeks, warming them with passion. She slightly tilted her head, as to accommodate their differences in anatomy. Their lips me—

“Oww!”

She cried out in pain, eyes flying open as she struck her horn on the end table, her hooves shooting upwards to caress the sore appendage. Undignified, unprincess-like whimpers slipped past her lips, the dual-pronged assault on both her physical health at the smashing of her horn, and her mental health at the abrupt ending of the wonderful dream she had been having, taking its toll on her. A few moments were all it took to put a lid on it though, her confused sorrow turning into frustration as she realized exactly what had happened. Damnable dreams, she thought with a grumble. You will pay-two fold for this, sister.

Ever since—since yesterday? Yes, yesterday, her tired, still awakening brain confirmed. The morning of, to be exact. Ever since yesterday morning, her sister had been teasing her about her hiring of the human living with her student, Twilight Sparkle. Something about ulterior motives and only hiring good-looking subjects for castle staff, to which her less than thought out response had been, “I don’t only only hire good-looking ponies! Plenty of the castle’s staff are less than impressive in the looks department.”

Needless to say, she had hurt the feelings of several of her little ponies that day, but at least her sister had found it amusing. That day—that being yesterday, was also important in that she had received her response from Twilight regarding the employment of one Nicholas Dewman, local resident of ponyville and sole human settler of Equestria—of Equus itself, as her personal advisor. The response was what she imagined was a resounding yes, reaffirmed and emphasized by the inclusion of an inordinate number exclamation marks afterwards, the one-word response and accompanying punctuation scrawled in a neat, yet unfamiliar writing style; Dewman’s, most definitely.

If her ears were working properly, her sister had found something else, most likely a recent dream, amusing as well. It was undoubtedly her doing, as had been the case for the last week since her mistake of entertaining Luna with the idea, that she was entertaining the idea, of having a guest at the castle. The status quo dictated such.

Her sister seemed to believe that she harbored some deep infatuation with the human, when she had, in fact, only met him once and merely held a small bit of interest and curiosity in him. While she would admit that her motives were not entirely altruistic, they were also not malicious and if worked out correctly and acted upon, would only improve upon the mood of the castle and strengthen the bond between herself and Nicholas, thus also bettering work done. At least, that was the plan. She could only hope it wouldn’t blow up in her face. Pushing down the burst of giddy and nervous energy she felt at the thought of the man, Celestia opened her eyes once more, rubbing them tiredly.

A familiar giggle rang through her ears, causing them to swivel to the right. “Had quite the enjoyable dream, dearest sister?”

“Quite,” she hissed out, continuing to nurse her horn with her hooves as she wiggled around on her cushion to face Luna. “Please, tell me there is a reason for your intrusion into my room? A good one at that, not whatever horseapples excuse you gave me last time about coming to make sure I had taken my ponyflu shots.”

Luna was sprawled out over her bed, as though she owned the thing, hooves entangled within the silk sheets. Her eyes were full of mirth and lively, her hooves holding up her chin as she giggled wildly.

“Is concern for my sister not an apt enough answer?” Luna questioned, a cheeky smile stretching across her face. “I simply wished to check up on you. It is a rare occurrence for you to sleep in so late.”

“Sleep in? What time is it?” Without waiting for a response from Luna, Celestia flung the curtains open and was instantly blinded, as the midday sun shone its oppressive radiance down on her. Without prompting, the curtains were shut again, her eyes constricting and dilating rapidly as her mind processed the information it had received through the thorough scorching of her retinas.

Sun, out. Sun, half-way through sky. Me, sleeping on comfy cushion. Her simplistic inner-ruminations revealed a plethora of problems with the presented situation. From where the sun was in the sky, it had to have been nearing, if not already passed noon. She had been asleep, and probably still would have been had her sister not decided to visit her.

So that begged the question: If she was here, and her sister was here… who was running day court?

With a flare of her horn, Celestia was standing next to the door of her room, looking princess ready. Decked out in her gold slippers, torc, and crown, she took a step towards the door only to be stopped by Luna’s hoof on her side.

“Day court has already been taken care of, sister, as has the sun,” Luna said with a tinge of pride before her mouth curled into a frown. “I have been listening to the concerns of our citizens and I merely took a break to check in with you. While several of the more enlightened nobles, namely Fancy Pants and Noble Banner stepped up to the task in my stead, I was ultimately forced into letting Prince Blueblood take up the position as head of day court—until I return, of course. He has assured me that everything will be fine.”

Celestia groaned, fighting down the urge to drag her hoof down her face. Today is going to be a great day, she thought, continuing to repeat that mantra in her head as she looked to her sister. “While that is a questionable move, sister, I will not argueyour judgement. I trust that you will be able to handle whatever fallout is to come of this?”

Luna nodded vigorously, that grating smile still plastered across her face. “Indeed, sister. We will be able to handle anything that is to come of this.”

“Besides sister, even were you to resume your position at the head of court today, I would not have you going out looking as you do, there is still crust in your eyes and your hair has knots in it,” she paused, wrinkling her nose, “and smelling.”

And smell, she thought questioningly, her brain taking a moment to register what was said. What’s that supposed to mean?

“Surely you don’t mean—” Celestia paused, taking a sniff under her legs where they connected with her barrel. Her own nose wrinkled in revulsion. “Indeed, I need to bathe; I smell as though I have been in a bed for far longer than I should have been.”

“Nay sister, you smell of rotten vanilla and soggy flowers, as though a pony spiked the ice cream machine with a sack of moldy daffodils.”

Celestia flinched at the given imagery. Her sister was really laying the pain down on this one. But she could play hardball too. Oh, how she could play hardball.

Leaning in with a feigned gasp, she sniffed hesitantly at Luna, making sure to scrunch her muzzle into the most disgusted face she could manage. “No Luna, I think it is you who needs to bath. Much moreso than I.”

Luna giggled a bit into her hoof before balking, looking back towards Celestia, a worry-stricken visage laid perfectly over her face. “Surely you jest, Tia?” She leaned down to take a whiff of her own odor. “It must be yo—”

In the time her sister had taken to smell herself, Celestia had levitated one of her pillows over and rubbed it all over her, so that it smelled strongly of sunny fields and bed funk before swiping Luna across the face with it.

Falling backwards with a manic cackle, Celestia made to her bathroom at a hurried trot, collapsing to the ground laughing as the door closed behind her to Luna’s angry profanities.

Today was going to be a great day. She could already tell.

Silence, filled only by the patter of water against the bottom of the tub and her coat, overtook the bathroom as Celestia pondered on her day, the steam from the water wafting up into her nose and eyes, clearing away the morning brain fog. She wasn’t sure she was entirely comfortable with the whole scenario, but she had to let Luna have more responsibility, lest something similar to before happen. The thought made her shiver. Whether she was ready or not, her little ponies needed both of them to keep the country running; she had been alone for long enough and she was sick of it. Luna’s actions came the firm clasp of uncertainty, for her day was open. She had nothing to do. Well, not nothing, but close enough to it; closer than she had been since—since forever, really. These sort of opportunities came about once a century, so she would make good with it while it lasted.

Maybe I could go for a walk in the gardens, she thought. Watch one of those new films that Luna has been fawning over, perhaps. She had the day off; however much was left of it, that is, but it was still quite the occasion for the princess. Some of the less imaginative voices in her head called for her to finish her paperwork, but they were quickly silenced. Paperwork was for later.

Letting the water run through her mane, she thoroughly exfoliated her coat with the loofah, making sure to get all the grime and other nasty particles out and gone. Within several minutes, she was done, feeling like a brand new mare. Taking care to wipe all the crust out of her eyes, she went to open the door, but ended up meeting resistance.

“Sister.” Luna’s voice carried through the door. “While I am glad that you did not overreact to my tampering within your dreams, I fear that abruptly ending it has pulled you out of a sleep that you most desperately needed. You should go back to sleep, and I will return to court and make sure your nephew has not caused irreparable damage to our fair city.”

This was a little known fact, only shared between herself and Luna, and perhaps a few of her personal guards. Celestia did not operate well off of little sleep. In fact, if she didn’t get her eight hours, she had to resort to rejuvenation spells to get through the day. Because of this, Celestia always made sure to hit her quota, but lately, it had been hard. WIth the return of her sister several months earlier, and the continued stresses of life as a princess, sleep had been hard to catch. Even more so, since she had made her decision to hire the human.

Officially, he would be her advisor, there for her to defer to should she need trusted opinion, assist with paperwork, and accompany her to meetings with local and foreign officials. Unofficially—she wasn’t quite sure yet. Consort wasn’t the right word. An experiment was what her brain had labeled it as. Later today, he would arrive by train, and she would take it from there. Once again, she pushed down that familiar feeling of filly-like giddiness.

She met Luna’s response with her own. “I know, I know, but I doubt I’d be able to fall asleep now. I’m sure you know how it is. If you are fine with taking over for the rest of the day, I will find something to do to pass the time away before Nicholas and Twilight arrive.”

Luna responded exactly how Celestia thought she would. “It is only fit that I resume some responsibility, after my extended absence. Rest sister, and enjoy the rest of your day.” A pause, then she continued. “And do not think that thou art free from punishment for thy crime. Thou wilt pay for thy sullying of my coat in due time, sister! Watch thy back!”

Celestia felt a slight chill go down her spine. Luna had reverted to her old speech. She wasn’t messing around.

Celestia heard her sister take several steps, but the hoofsteps stopped, around the same time as she grasped the handle. “And sister, please, should you choose to engage in relations with the human, whatever that might entail, ensure he is the right one before doing anything risky. I can only make one dream about the desires of one’s heart, after all.” Celestia could practically hear Luna winking, before she whisked out the door to her room and into the hallway, letting the door shut with a muffled bang.

Celestia’s cheeks were the color of embarrassment as she stared dumbfoundedly at the door to her bathroom. After a moment, she shook her head, her lips curling into a devious smile as she let out a giggle. Luna will pay three-fold—and so will I, most likely. How I missed her.

Her sister’s words did strike a chord though: However strange, yet enticing the dream had been, it could only be so if her mind desired such. Perhaps, she had been without love for too long—long enough to make another attempt at finding it. She wasn’t sure, but she had already set something in motion by hiring the human. Talking in length with Luna revealed nothing helpful, only that Luna would not interfere in any negative way, and that she fully supported her finding love, ‘however she saw fit’, whatever that was supposed to mean.

While she was aware of that it was a rather… unorthodox method of going about it, she was a determined mare with a plan. One that she was eager to carry out, along with the commencement of her self-christened ‘great day’.

After I eat breakfast, that is, she concluded, her stomach rumbling in approval. “Or lunch—how weird to think that I slept in! I’m sure the nobles had quite the tizzy,” she mumbled quietly to herself with a giggle, as she walked into the bathroom to go about her belatedly performed morning routine.

Several minutes later, Celestia emerged from her bathroom feeling refreshed and smelling of floral shampoo. Taking a second to clear any crust from her eyes that she had missed and to cast a rejuvenation spell, she re-donned her royal garments and exited her room, en route to the kitchens.

Along the way, she greeted the maids, guards, and otherwise with gentle smiles and polite waves, occasionally giggling at the strange, confused looks she would receive in turn. Princess Celestia, out of the throne room at this time? Simply unheard of!

She could see the headlines now: Princess Celestia sighted in the kitchens during court hours! Has our princess finally decided to retire? She giggle-snorted, holding a hoof to her mouth in a mixture of shock and mirth. All it takes is half a day off because of an accident, and I am already letting myself go. Next thing you know, I’ll be prancing around the halls like a ballerina!

Perhaps she was blowing it out of proportion, but she wouldn’t put anything past her little ponies. They were quick to take nothing and turn it into something of gargantuan proportions.

Within a few minutes, she had arrived at the dining hall, hoof pressed up against the door as to open it. She almost did, but something stopped her, namely a stray thought. It was daring. By some eyes, rebellious even. But as she made to enter, she couldn’t stop thinking about it and in the end, it proved to be her undoing.

Her will crumbled, and she caved into her desires. Turning around, she cantered back down the hallway, eyes set forwards with a resolute, giddy determination; that of a hungry, immortal regent up to no good. She was going to eat at a restaurant.

“I’d like to personally welcome you all to Canterlot,” the speakers blared out, relaying the message to the entirety of the passenger car. “We hope you enjoyed your ride, and we hope to see you next time on the Friendship Express!”

Nicholas rubbed his bleary eyes, his arms still retaining the subtle feeling of pins and needles from sleeping on them too long. He grasped at the edges of his seat, the uncomfortable material compressing under his palms. Once his vision had cleared, a quick scan was performed, eyes focusing in and out on every little detail, all at once. A dull throb at the back of his head promised a nasty headache should he continue the same course of action, so he closed them, resting his neck uncomfortably on the head rest—for it was too short, with its divot being shallow and truncated and altogether unsuitable for his neck. But he made due, for there were no other options.

His ears picked up the slow braking of the train as it headed into the station and the scramble of ponies gathering their belongings in preparation for departure. He felt something soft rubbing up against his arm. Gentle at first, the perpetrator of the shaking became increasingly more agitated as time went on. It almost seemed to correspond directly with Twilight’s annoyed-sounding voice in his ear.

“Niki, wake up! We need to gather our things, we’re about to get off!”

No, his ears must have been deceiving him. The shaking of his arm had no correlation with Twilight’s voice—It must have been mere coincidence. He sighed, letting his body settle back into the uncomfortable chair once more.

Were he to have gotten more sleep the previous night, he might not have found himself in such a situation, but his mind spared him no respite, filling itself with many images, all of them almost solely revolving around Celestia and himself. Anxiety was quick to find its hold, coiling around him like a snake. What if he wasn’t good enough? What if his performance was sub par? Such thoughts were commonplace, almost natural after so many months in Equestria. These thoughts had kept him up all night long, leaving him without a wink of sleep. When morning came around, he wasn’t ready in the slightest, but Twilight was nothing if not punctual, so he had been drug through his morning with nary a thought on his part.

“Niki, if you don’t get up right now, I’ll—I’ll do something! I’m not sure what that something is right now, but it’s gonna be a not so enjoyable something!” Immediately following her tirade came the stream of jabs and grunts of disapproval from the ponies around her for the racket she was making. He could picture her ears folding over her head in embarrassment, as she muttered out a couple of sheepish apologies before shifting back towards him.

“Niki…” Her voice held a dangerous undertone, promising pain and suffering should he not comply. “Get up.”

“Why?”

“If we don’t arrive on time, Princess Celestia could—she could—ughh! She could get really mad at us, and I don’t want that to happen! It would benefit both of us if you got up and followed me. That’s what a good friend would do.”

A small frown creased his face at the implication that he wasn’t a good friend. He was the bestest friend. He would show her.

He sighed, reaching out a hand blindly in search of Twilight’s ears. Perhaps a good scritch would calm this pony’s nerves and convince her of his prowess in the arts of friendship. At least, that was his thought process until his hand was magically slapped back to his side, falling victim to Twilight’s frustration.

“That’s it, we’re going! The Princess is waiting for us,” Twilight snapped in a loud whisper.

Nicholas grunted, as he was wrenched from his chair, eyes wide as he and his meager belongings—that being his rucksack and a small pack full of clothing—were levitated out of the cabin, over the heads of staring ponies and into the fresh open air of Canterlot station, where he was promptly deposited in a heap onto the ground.

The crisp air invaded his cramped nose, cleansing out all of the dust and other gunk that had accumulated within over the course of the train ride. Cold stone tiling kissed his bare skin, treating him with tiny shivers and a pleasant rush of endorphins which did a fine job in waking him up. Eyes now wide open, he twisted his head revealing the towering—from his point of view—two-tiered buildings of Canterlot. A certain sense of surreality struck him, along with a reminder of his ludicrous luck when it came to making friends in high places—an affliction solely relegated to the lands of Equestria, it seemed. He certainly wasn’t friends with any princesses back home.

Here we are, he thought dryly, picking himself up off the ground and dusting himself off. Nicholas didn’t want to sound as though he were ungrateful for Twilight’s unyielding hospitality, but she could have done with a little more patience. It was almost as though she were more excited than he was, and he was the one getting the job, not vice versa.

He gathered all of his belongings off of the ground and hurried off towards the already advancing mare, eager not to be left behind in the unfamiliar city. He had only been here once before, back when they had still been trying to find a way for him to return home. With only a brief greeting and conversation with which to build his opinion of Princess Celestia, and her recently returned sister, Princess Luna, he had had a number of spells, none of which worked in sending him back. A few months of research later by the Princesses and Twilight, and the bad news came in. He was stuck here. Forever.

The news had been chilling, but he had come to grips with it. Dwelling on it would do nothing. But that was besides the point. He just couldn’t help but feel nervous about meeting the Princess. What would she think of him? Would his performance be adequate? All of these questions swirled through his mind like vultures, pestering him to no end. He had no answers for them. He had gotten his job. This was what he had wanted. He couldn’t chicken out now. Steeling his mind, he shook his head and ignored the voices.

Having been regaled by her friends on her attitude towards tardiness and feelings of underperformance with the Sun Princess, he was expecting this from Twilight, but it still caught him slightly off guard.

A few long strides put him shoulder to shoulder with Twilight, where he promptly received her typical awkward conversation starter. “Soooo, how did you sleep?”

“So, we’re not going to talk about you just picking me up and dumping me on the ground with your magic?” he questioned tiredly, allowing a bit of his annoyance to seep into his voice.

“No, we are not,” Twilight responded simply, with an almost cheery tone. Figures.

He snorted, crossing his arms best he could while still keeping his belongings in hand. “Okay then. Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

Nicholas groaned internally. Twilight was truly insufferable sometimes.

From there they fell into a comfortable silence, interspersed with interjections from Twilight on the surrounding landmarks as they passed by.

His eyes drifted up towards the sky. The sun was shining down directly on them, staring down from its zenith. Cloud cover was sparse and the buildings provided little in the shade, his only respite being the occasional blast of breeze. He wasn’t sure why, but it just felt so hot, as though he were choking in this city full of ponies. Maybe it was just his anxiety acting up.

“And that’s Donut Joe’s! I used to read books there all the time as a filly, while Shiny and Cadence were talking and stuff.”

Nicholas nodded listlessly, eyeing the inside of the bakery. The smell of delicious pastries hit his nose and his stomach rumbled. Hopefully, they would get something to eat before they met the Princess. He wasn’t sure he would make it until then otherwise.

As they were walking, he couldn't help but notice that while they were walking further into the heart of Canterlot, they were pointedly not walking towards the castle. He would have asked Twilight about it, but he was too busy trying not to trip on the ponies around him to be able to.

For the most part, the ponies that were out and about were amicable, giving him and Twilight waves as they passed and sparing him fleeting glances of curiosity. He didn’t begin to see the snobbiness the city was notorious for until they started getting closer to the castle. Robust townhomes turned into grandiose mansions, quaint parks turned into sprawling gardens, and homey industry turned into marketplaces, catering to the niche needs of Canterlot’s upper echelon. The waves turned into sneers and upturned noses. At least the working-class spared me the courtesy of kindness every now and again, he thought. You’d think I was some tentacled abomination, the way they’re looking at me.

“Don’t pay them any mind, Niki. They look at everypony like that,” Twilight reassured him, seeming to sense his thoughts. Nothing further was said beyond that, his friend seeming to be content with happily trotting on through the city.

Every minute or so, he was struck afresh with the revelation of how lucky he was to be in the position he was in. Twilight had been a great friend thus far, and he couldn’t help but feel as though he hadn’t done enough for her in turn. He would miss her.

So engrossed was he in his thoughts, that when Twilight stopped in front of him, he tripped and fell head over heels across her body, landing on the floor with his head propped painfully and awkwardly along the ground, the rest of his body fighting against gravity to rest upon a door, which upon opening, let them fall haphazardly downwards, entrapping a furry something, between his legs.

He heard a soft giggle, and craning his neck upwards revealed two magenta eyes.

“Nichola—!”

A lilting, soft voice spoke its reassurances that everything was okay and that all was forgiven, quickly quelling Twilight’s outburst. Nicholas propped himself up on his elbows, dragging himself backward, but not quick enough to catch a warm breath to the face.Vanilla, and a hint of oats, his brain registered. An interesting combination, but pleasant nonetheless, briefly causing him to lean in. Nicholas’s eyes were shut as the world briefly disappeared.

“We always meet in the most interesting ways, wouldn’t you say, Nicholas?”

Nicholas’s eyes snapped open, taking in the full scene in front of him—what he could see, that wasn’t filled with white. Radiant alabaster dominated the entirety of his vision, though his eyes were completely focused on the brimming pools of emotion fixed upon him. Tinged with mirth and a bit of something else, they captivated him, until he received a hoof to the back of his head.

A hasty whisper from his side: “Nicholas, you have to bow!”

In his precarious situation, nose to nose with the Princess, from whom he was receiving a job, he arranged himself into an off-balance kneel, bowing his head in his best imitation of reverence.

After a moment, he felt a hoof under his chin tilt his head upwards, and he was once again staring deep into Celestia’s eyes. “Please, there is no need for such formalities, Niki—may I call you that? That is what Twilight refers to you as in her letters to me.”

Being put on the spot, Nicholas swallowed and replied thickly with the only thing his brain could come up with: The truth:

“I’m from Ponyville.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. I’m from Ponyville? Is that really the best I could come up with? He would have mentally scolded himself some more, but his brain was too busy being completely frozen.

A few moments passed before she laughed. It was a high-pitched, lilting thing; the kind of thing that banished any thought of maliciousness from one's mind, and brought a smile to one's face. “I’m from Canterlot,” she replied, accompanied by another giggle and a hoof under her chin to stifle continued laughter.

Another moment of silence passed, before Nicholas’s stomach grumbled.

“Hungry, I presume? Would you care to join me for lunch?”

All he could do was nod dumbly.

What the hell is happening? he thought, as he was led into the unnamed restaurant by a giggling princess, while the world bowed around them.

Author's Note

I tried. I tried. But even still, I was immensely disappointed with this chapter. It was just so bad. I'm sorry. Moving on.

Life has stopped being mean for the time being, so I will be better about writing.