Bros in Equestria

Chapters

Trains, Pains, and Narcissism.
Exposition and Espionage.
Home Improvement.
Looking for Work.
Town Tour.
Cutting Loose.
Drunk and Weary.
Localized Numbness.
Field Test.
Bro Duties.
Bro Time.
Estrus.
Estrus with Mous.
Estrus Epilogue.
Side Quest.
Wet N' Wild.
Out to Lunch.
Speed Dating.
Master Plan.
Training Day.
Hats and Hi-Jinks.
Dinner Date.
Nosce te ipsum.
Pep Talk.
Heart to heart.
Homecoming.
Trust issues.
Team Meeting.
Brainstorm.
Dropping In.
Breakthrough.
Crime Spree.
Welcoming.
On Trial.
Inter-dimensional Plumber.
Conjugal Visit.
Where's Wainbow.
Bad Influence.
Kids and Krystals.
Field Trip.
Hidden Treasure.
Local Flavor.
Cold Feet.
Dancing Lasts Forever.
A Trip Oop North.
Magic and Messages.
Time for Some Impalement.
Cause and Effect.
Occupation.
Gaining Focus.
Making Magic.
Strong Defense.
Dog Days of Summer.
Party Mild.
Decorative Food.
Sweet Talk.
The Life Span Talk.
Party Till You Drop.
Of Bros and Bells.
Planning Ahead.
Hard Labor.
Interview.
Eulogy.
Better Late than Never.
Science and Sound.
The Best Kind of Diplomacy.
Aim Low.
One Bad Day.
World Tour.
Mousdad.
Gift Wrapped.
Eugenics
At the Gala.
Stellar Science.
Regime Change.
Finale Part 1.
Finale Part 2.
Bonus Chapter: A Day at the Races.
Bonus Chapter: Double Cross.
Bonus Chapter: Light Night Fright.
Bonus Chapter: Consultation.
Bonus Story: Going the Distance.
Bonus Chapter: Afterparty.
Bonus Chapter: A Night at the Opera.
Bonus Chapter: Insurance.
Bonus Chapter: Hope Burns Bright.
Bonus Short: Perspective
Bonus Chapter: Good Cheer.
Bonus Chapter: In Which Someone is Hit with a Chair.
Bonus Chapter: Anomaly.
Bonus Chapter: Solo Rider.
Bonus Chapter: Muh Princess.
Bonus Chapter: Rep Grinding.
Bonus Chapter: Excelsior!
Bonus Chapter: Bat Out of Hell
Introductions.
Rhyme Time.
Estrus with Anon.
Lines in the Sand.
All You Need is Love/Blood.
Pot to Kettle.
Strangled Me with Science.

Trains, Pains, and Narcissism.

Your name was Mous and you are less then pleased. Before you had a chance to get your barring, you and Anon were gawked at by an entire town of ponies and crammed into a train car.

That was almost three hours ago.

The time between then and now had been dominated by this "Twilight" pony asking you every question imaginable about Humans. As well as giving you both a crash course on her world, from the founding of this nation of Equestria you were in by the princesses you were headed to see, ending with a tale of how her and her friends banished something called a "Discord" just recently. Her friends were content to stare out the windows, probably wise to how much this pony could talk. After the thousandth question, Twilight finally closed her accursed notepad. Fucking thing was probably full with how much she wrote in it.

"Thank you both for your answers, you certainly have an... interesting species." She says.

You grunt out an acknowledgement, your patience for this crap left back at your broken ass apartment.

Anon seemed to have a bit left over however. "Not a problem Twilight, maybe it can help us figure out what happened to us." He says.

Anon had you there, it can't hurt letting the experts have all the facts. And if it could, you had a plan.

Sort of.

As Twilight got up from her seat, you took the opportunity to size up the rest of your merry band. Anon looked a bit frazzled, but he had a smile on his face and was looking around the train car with lidded eyes. He always was more open in these situations.

These ponies on the other hand, you weren't so sure of. Twilight seemed inquisitive, if a bit incredulous to your explanation of airplanes. You'd keep her at arm's length.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash were talking about something near the front of the car. Rainbow Dash seemed brash and loud, she actually reminded you of yourself when you were younger. And a bit of yourself now. Applejack seemed to be curious about you, not that you could understand why. You noticed that she kept glancing at you during Twilight's interrogation.

Whatever.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie seemed only partially interested. Rarity had been listening in once when Twilight asked you about your clothes, but backed off once the topic was dropped. It might be unfair to consider Pinkie Pie uninterested, you thought She was certainly interested in throwing you a "Super Duper Ginourmous Welcome Party" as she put it. Maybe she's take an interest after that?

Listen to yourself, you sound like an egomaniac. Just because you would be so interested in a colorful horse dropping out of the sky doesn't mean that these horses would all be interested in you. Sorry, not horse, "pony". Gonna have to get used to that.

The one called Fluttershy was sitting in her seat quietly. She seemed to be staring at Anon rather intently. That was weird... Oh well, maybe it was just the shock of the moment.

The final member of your train car wasn't even a Pony. It was some lizard-dragon-thing Twilight had picked up on your way to the train station. "Spike" as you learned, had jotted down something on a piece of parchment and then blew fire on it. Twilight said he was sending a message to her teacher. You had no idea what immolating the letter had to do with mail, but you were rolling with it at this point. Anon must have noticed you looking around and elbowed you in the rib to get your attention.

"You cool, dude?" he asked.

"Yeah, just thinking."

He smirked. "I thought I smelled smoke."

You let out a small chuckle and elbow him back.

"At least I don't look like some dork who's spaces out all the time."

Not one to be outdone, he replied "Yeah, instead you look like some dork who had his favorite toy taken away."

"I didn't lose my favorite toy." You say, feigning mockery. "I have it on the back of my belt."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Say what?"

"I grabbed David before we answered the door, just in case."

"David" was the bowie knife you bought and had engraved to prove a point when you were fifteen, everyone who said it was a waste of money couldn't get the awesome joke. At least that's what you told yourself. Anon looked concerned.

"Dude, we're about to go meet their Princesses, you really think you can sneak a knife into there?" He says.

You had considered that, they were sure to have security.

"I can try, and I'd rather have it and not need it then need it and not have it."

He sits back in his chair without taking his eyes off you. "Your funeral, dude."

"Your funeral too, guilt by association." you quipped back.

Your train sped out of a tunnel and you both got your first glimpses at Canterlot.

"Damn..." was all either you could mutter

Its built into the side of a damn mountain and seemed to not have any support on the ground. The whole city looked like it was made of white marble and practically every roof was a rich purple with a glittering golden trim. A voice snapped you out of your trance.

"So I take it you guys like what you see?"

You turned to see Rainbow Dash leaning over the seat in front of you. She had a wide smirk on her face.

"That city is incredible!" Anon practically shouted. "I've never seen anything like it!"

"You Ponies sure know how to make a statement." you say curtly.

Rainbow Dash grinned at the two of you. "Yeah, well, Canterlot is where the Princesses live, they gotta make it look nice." She boasted.

You looked out the window and saw that the city, and the Princesses who may decide your fate, was rapidly approaching.

"Listen." Rainbow says. "If you get nervous here, just stick close to The Dash. I know this city like the back of my hoof." she says as she waved a cyan hoof at the two of you.

Oh she was beaming at you two like no tomorrow.

"Yeah, thanks." you reply in as polite a tone as your brain would allow.

"Got that right, thanks Rainbow Dash." Anon says with a sincere look.

"No problem Anon." she says as she flew away.

Well, at least Rainbow Dash seemed helpful, if a bit boisterous. Not that you could fault her yourself. The train pulled into the station and you and Anon walked to the doors to take your first steps into Canterlot.

Exposition and Espionage.

Canterlot looked even more impressive on the inside then it did from the outside, and that was saying something. Cobblestone streets melded with marble towers in ways you could barely believe. You and Mous stood in awe at the remarkable city these ponies had built for themselves as the rest of your new friends filed out of the car.

Twilight approached the two of you with a smile. "Follow me and stay close you two, we're headed to the royal palace." She says.

"Understood." Mous answered.

You gave her a smile of your own "Lead the way Twilight."

As you all walked, you noticed that these ponies were giving you the same looks as the ones in the town you caught the train in. Most of them were of curiosity or confusion, but you're sure you saw a few looks of disgust in there.

You glanced at Mous to see that his eyes were darting in every direction. He looked nervous.

That had you concerned. "Something the matter man?" You whispered.

He leaned in close to you "There's an awful lot of guards in this city, Very City 17." He whispered back.

You looked up to investigate and saw that, yes, there were indeed many guards at various posts around the city. Some on roofs, some flying through the air, and some on the ground. Every guard looked the same, with a pale white coat and a set of golden armor, the only difference being whether they had horns or wings. And every last one of them was watching you.

Your concerns about being watched were pushed away however, as you arrive at what could only be the royal palace. As you reached the top of the stairs, Twilight stopped to address the guards on duty.

"We're here to see the Princess, we've brought...friends." She says.

She must have noticed everyone staring too, she looked nervous. Luckily, the guard nodded and ended the moment.

"The Princess is in the throne room, she is expecting you." He says.

With that you were ushered into the palace proper. You eventually entered into a large room with an equally large throne in the rear of it, a rich red carpet lead up to the throne and stained glass windows displaying various events were on the walls. Sitting on the throne was a slightly taller pony of dark blue with a long flowing mane, a mane you swear you could see constellations in. In addition to her coloration, you noticed that she featured both a unicorn horn and pegusi wings. You remember from your lesson that "Alicorns" as they were rare, and considered royalty.

Based on what Twilight told you on the train, you could guess that this was princess Luna. Freed from her thousand year term as Nightmare Moon and returned to rule with her sister. Twilight stops short with a puzzled expression.

"Princess Luna? Why are you here during the day, where's Celestia?" She asked.

You don't know if it's the acoustics of the room or if Luna was actually that loud, but you almost went deaf when she spoke.

"Worry not, Twilight Sparkle. Our sister is away on an urgent matter and has ask Us to hold court until her return. She shall do so soon." Luna says.

Placated, Twilight continues to walk towards the throne with the rest of you in tow. As you walk, you put your hand to your ear to see if you have tinnitus now, Rainbow must have noticed because she flew over to you.

"Hehe. Be glad she wasn't using her royal voice, that's ten times louder then what you heard." She joked.

What? She could go louder than that? You make a mental note to not get Luna to shout, for your own sake. As you approached the throne, Luna stepped down to greet you all. Her eye's fell to the two of you and she spoke up again, this time in a more pleasant volume.

"You must be the subject of Twilight Sparkle's letter, she had written that she was bringing a pair of strange creatures to the palace and we feared the worst."

That explains all the guards at least, but you wonder what kind of creature warranted that many soldiers.

"Tell Us creature, do you have a name?" Luna asked as she looked you over.

"I'm Anon and this is Mous." you say, Mous nodding at his name. "It's an honor Your Highness." you add a bow as you say it.

Luna seemed pleased. "Rise Anon, there is no need for that." She turned towards Mous "And you Mous? Have thee anything you wish to say?"

Mous kept his hands in his pockets as he spoke and put on a small smile.

"My companions words mirror my own Princess Luna, it is a pleasure to meet you." he answered with a slight nod of his head.

Princess Luna looked over the lot of you and spoke. "It seems thou hast found two rather intriguing beings Twilight Sparkle. Not only are they unrecorded, but they show proper etiquette in the presence or Royalty."

"However, We would recommend that we refrain from deeper questions until mine sister arrives." Luna added.

"That will not be necessary Sister, I am here." came a voice that reminded you a bit of your mom.

If Luna was larger than most ponies, then this one must be massive. In walked an alicorn of at least five feet, her horn pushing her well past six. Her wings were out and appeared to be equal to her height in terms of wingspan. Her mane, like Luna's', had an almost ethereal quality to it and seemed to flow despite their being no wind. If this was Luna's sister, then this must be the one and only Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and bringer of the sun.

Twilight got an excited look on her face and bounded up to her.

"Princess!" She shouted.

As she reached her they both placed their necks in each others. Some sort of pony greeting you guess. The princess approached you both as her eyes darted back and forth between the two of you, though her warm smile never left.

"You must be the creatures my student wrote me about, I welcome you to Canterlot. I suggest we find somewhere more comfortable where you can indulge our curiosities." she says.

Oh hell. First Twilight on the train and now her teacher in a palace, this was looking to be a long day. You heard an exasperated sigh over your shoulder before Mous spoke up.

"Let me save all of us some time. We are Humans, male, in our mid twenties with a life expectancy of 80. We come from a planet called Earth where there are billions of others like us. Our diet is omnivorous and our species evolved from apes millions of years ago. We have absolutely no idea how we came to your kingdom save that it involved a bright white light and a lot of spinning. We are grateful for your hospitality and are of no threat to you or your kingdom and its inhabitants."

The room was silent as all eyes were on Mous standing there with his arms crossed.

"Anything else you wanted to know, your Highness?" He says, a scent of irritation creeping into his voice.

Celestia's eyes narrowed as she stared at the both of you.

"You say that the way you arrived here had a bright white light?" she asked.

"It got through our thick blinds enough to light up the room like the sun." you answered.

A "Hmmm..." was all you got from Celestia as she paced for a moment before looking at her student.

"Twilight, your letter said that these humans arrived with a building of some kind, were there scorch marks on the outside?"

What? Scorch marks? You didn't see any scor-

"Yes Princess, as well as a lot of magical residue. The curious thing was that I didn't find any on Anon or Mous at all." Twilight responded.

"Wait a second." You say. "I didn't see any scorch marks."

Mous put his hand on your shoulder and turned you to him. "I saw em dude. They were going up from the underside of the house. You probably missed them what with the weirdness of the moment."

Mous looked around the room. "No offense." he says quietly.

"None taken." says Celestia. "This is a rather strange situation. It almost sounds like a Waygate brought the both of you here, but there would be residue from it on the both of you. Unless..."

Celestia turned towards the both of you. From her horn erupted a white light that lanced towards Mous, he raised his arm to protect his head only for the light to hit his stomach and cascade off as if it were water. You cringed as some of the light raced towards you but it did the same thing when it hit your outstretched arm. Splintering over it and hitting the walls behind you. You looked at Mous. He looked pissed.

"Grrr...What the hell lady!?" he shouted as his eyes went wild and his arm went to the back of his belt.

Celestia was quick to diffuse, however. "I apologize but I had to rule out the possibility that you two both had a way of disrupting magic that could only take effect if you were aware of it. That does not appear to be the case." She says.

"So what is the case?" Mous growled, his head low.

"Tell me human, do they have magic on your world? she asked, standing her ground.

"No" you responded. "No, we don't have magic."

The Princess lowered her head and shut her eyes for a moment.

"So that's what it is..."

Celestia turned and looked Twilight in the eye.

"It would appear that these two are immune to the direct effects of magic." She turned back to the two of you. "Most likely from being from a world where it does not exist."

Mous relaxed a bit.

"You mean that everyone in Equestria is magic in some way?" He asked.

Celestia canted her head to the side as she spoke. "All of My little ponies are, along with several of the other species that inhabit out forests."

She walked over to the other five ponies and spoke again.

"Unicorns are the primary users of magic due to their horns, which act as a focus." After she spoke, Rarity's hair was enveloped in a light blue aura and as it re-arranged itself into a better shape.

"Pegusi have a more inherent connection to magic, one that allows them to walk on and interact with clouds."

Rainbow Dash spoke up with that "Yeah, it's what lets us change the weather to whatever we need."

Celestia came up to Applejack last "Earth Ponies have a special connection to the land itself. One that makes them ideal for agriculture." Applejack smiled and nodded at that last part.

"So...magic can effect ponies because they all have some magic inside them? Like a current?" you asked.

"Precisely." Celestia says. "What's more, even species that cannot use magic themselves are affected by it, as the land of Equestria itself is magical. Their time here causes them to absorb some of the latent magics into their bodies."

"But you two..." she continued "You two seem to be blocked off to all magic. Direct or latent." she finished.

Huh. Blocked off from all magic in a world where it was prevalent? That was kinda cool, almost like a super power.

Celestia picked up again. "However. There is one more test I would like to perform, with your permission of course." she says as she bowed her head.

"Uh...sure." you say, curious as to where this would go. You turned to your bro

"Mous?"

He seemed to think for a minute then relaxed from his defensive stance and spread his arms. "Whenever you're ready, your majesty." He says.

Celestia nodded and caused her horn to glow, followed by your shirt starting to glow. You felt your shirt move on its own and saw that Mous was dealing with the same thing. Your chest leaned forward as you tried to hold your ground before the glow receded, taking the pulling sensation with it.

"It seems that you are, however, effected by an environment manipulated by magic." she says with a smile.

You guess every super power has a weakness. Here's hoping no one gets mad enough to play "the floor is lava" for real.

"So what does this mean?" you hear Mous ask.

"Why it means that we're just going to have to try that much harder if we're to send you back!" says Celestia "That will take some time, however, therefore I invite you to stay in Equestria as a guest of the crown."

This princess was nice, accommodating you at the same time as she worked to fix your situation without asking for something in return? You wish some people back on Earth were like that.

"Thank you your majesty, you're too kind." You bow after you finish, even Mous bows with you albeit not as deep.

"Now, you'll need a place to stay. I understand that your home came with you when you arrived here?" she asked with a grin.

Twilight answered for you. "Yes Princess, it landed in a field on the outskirts of Ponyville."

Giggling at a town called Ponyville seemed rude at a time like this, so you silenced yourself. Wait, your home got wrecked when it landed.

"Excuse me Princess, but our home was damaged when it landed, all of our power and plumbing was severed. The house is rather inhospitable right now." You say.

Twilight turned to look at you. "Oh don't worry, I can fix that by just altering the ley lines in town a bit. That's how the rest of the town takes care of utilities. We can help you fix any structural damage too."

Wow, these ponies were practically saints by your standards.

"So...now what?" Mous asked as he returned he hands to his pockets.

Twilight puts a hoof to her chin. "Hmmm...I was planning on us being here longer, the train back doesn't leave for a while."

Luna speaks up for the first time in a while. "We fear that the citizens of Canterlot may not be as open to the prospect of unknown creatures walking around its walls. We offer you free passage to this floor of the palace until you may take your leave, but venture no further."

Luna's words made sense, just because you were permitted to stay didn't mean you should go and announce it.

"Thank you Princess, I'll take you up on that." you say.

As both Luna and Celestia nod you make your way over to the stained glass windows you saw. Out of the corner of your eye you see Celestia talk to Luna and leave the room, royal duties probably.

"That's a nice garden out there."

Your turn to see Mous standing at the window next to you.

"Are we allowed out there?" he asks.

Luna nods her head and points towards the door you came in.

"Head down that door and take the stairs on your right, they will take you to the garden."

Mous nods his head in thanks and walks off as you turn your attention back to the window. You're so engrossed that you don't notice Twilight walk up beside you.

"Enjoying yourself?" she asks causing you to jump.

She giggles a bit at your expense before she looks at the window, her face dropping.

"This window shows what a horrible place Discord made Equestria before the Princesses stopped him." she says.

The window show some sort of creature that seemed to be an amalgam of several others controlling ponies with puppet controllers.

"Hold the phone, I thought you said that you and your friends beat Discord?" you asked, starting to lose the nice little history you had in your head.

"That was after he got released." she answered, putting your mind at ease.

You continued looking at the window until a thought entered your mind. This window overlooked the garden where Mous was and you couldn't see him. That made you nervous.

=Mous Point of View=

This garden was as nice as you thought. It was quiet here, save for the birds. The setting sun cast harsh shadows over the statues. You heard something behind you. A small hallway leading into the castle rests underneath an archway. You can hear muffled voices coming from it.

Curious.

You start walking through the hallway, hoping to find the source of the voices. You are careful to make as little noise with your feet as possible. No easy task in boots. The voices are getting louder, but not easier to decipher. The echo in here was distorting them. You could hear one male and one female however. You heard a laugh from the female as you reached the corner it was coming through. You took a quick peek around to see who was there. To your surprise, it was Celestia, she seemed to be talking to a guard. "So that's where you went." You think you yourself. You listen in.

"You did well at your "post" earlier Corporal." Celestia says, in a voice you could only describe as sultry.

The corporal responded with a voice that spoke of gratitude.

"Thank you for allowing me to take that "post" your highness."

"It was my great pleasure." cooed Celestia. "In fact...I was hoping to see you at that post again." she says as she move closer to the guard. "Perhaps, tonight?"

You were spying on two ponies talk about their sex life. Gross.

Let's keep going.

The guard grew a wide smile on his face. "I will serve with great pride, your highness."

Celestia looked at him with lidded eyes. "Very good Corporal, now perhaps you should return you your current post before you are missed?" She says.

"Of course, your majesty." the guard says as he galloped down the hall.

As you stood, you saw that Celestia hadn't moved an inch. From the look of it, she was staring at the guards ass.

"I wondered why you were late earlier." You called out.

Celestia whirled around so fast you could hear the wind break.

"Now I know." You say as you stepped out into view.

"How much did you hear?" she asked with her eyes wide.

"Enough to guess that this palace doesn't seem to have an HR department."

Celestia regained a bit of her composure. "Why are you here? I thought you were waiting in the throne room." she asked.

"I took a walk in the garden and followed some voices I heard." You say.

You started walking towards her.

"A nice palace like this, you never know what kind of conspirators could be lurking about. I felt it was my duty to protect my new monarch."

She narrowed her eyes. "I shall have to install a door down here." she says.

"Or you could just talk about fucking your guards someplace where there aren't any other ponies. Try carrier birds."

She got a small grin as her eyes narrowed more, a glint of mischief sparking in them At least she could appreciate your sarcasm. You were a few feet apart now. She was staring into your eyes, not an angry stare, but a cold one.

"What will you do with this information then?"

That question sounded like a test to you. You keep staring at her in silence. If she was gonna pull that crap then she was gonna sweat it out for a bit.

"Nothing." you say flatly.

"Nothing?" she looked a bit taken aback.

"From what I understand, you're over a millennium old. To think that you've gone without for this entire time is idiotic. That guard seemed consenting enough, though I doubt he's the only one." You say.

You keep staring, your expression changing to one of slight boredom.

"Still, you seem on the level. I also owe you a debt for letting Anon and I stay in your kingdom. I have no problem keeping my mouth shut."

Her eyes widened but she kept her grin. "Well then we have an accord. Shall we return to the throne room?" she asks.

You step aside and extend your hands down the hall.

"Lead the way Princess."

You walked next to the princess for a ways until she spoke up again. "Your demeanor strikes me as odd, Mous. Many ponies would try to keep the fact that they heard what you heard hidden." she asked, not looking at you. You keep walking. You weren't going to make eye contact if she wasn't.

"I'm an odd kind of guy."

"Odd enough to try and sneak a knife into the home of royalty?" she asked.

Shit. She knew about that? Okay play it cool.

"I didn't know you then and I had to watch out for myself and Anon. If I had known what I know about you now, I probably wouldn't have bothered." You say.

She looked at you with a devious grin. "Why Mous, whatever do you mean by that?"

"You're kind. At least to the people you've never met."

She chuckled. "I'm rather kind to those I have met too."

Keep it deadpan. "I've noticed." You say.

You keep walking, letting that bit of innuendo die.

"But suicidal overconfidence isn't the only reason I'm odd."

"How so?" she asks playfully.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll find out Princess. I don't exactly hide it."

She nodded as you both kept walking. Eventually, you reached the throne room from the same entrance as Celestia came into earlier. She stopped you before you walked in.

"You are quite a unique individual Mous." She asked through lidded eyes. "I have one more question if you'll allow it."

Shit. You'll bite.

"Shoot."

She leans close to whisper in your ear.

"Do you like bananas?"

You're almost certain that statement has some meaning, but damned if you can figure it out. Oh well, when in doubt, play it off. You put on your best mock offended face and look her in the eye.

"Why Princess, I certainly hope that you aren't implying that I enjoy bananas simply because my kind evolved from monkeys. I would think such speciesism above you" You tease.

You start to walk away and leave her there before stopping. You look at her over your shoulder with a grin.

"Besides, bananas are gross."

With that you keep walking. You can feel her own grin on your back. You ignore it and catch Anon's attention as he approaches you.

"Where'd you go dude? I couldn't see you out the window." He says.

No reason he should know what you saw.

"I got a little sidetracked in a hallway and got lost, the Princess found me and was kind enough to walk me back." You answer.

He looks over your shoulder and makes a face.

"That Princess?" he asks.

You look over your shoulder and see Celestia staring and grinning. If she's trying to rustle your jimmies, it isn't working.

"That's the one." you say as you turn back to Anon.

Anon takes his eyes off Celestia and shakes his head.

"Well, let's go. The train leaves in twenty minutes." he says.

"Right. Let's roll."

As you and your friends both old and new walk out, you hear the princess call out to you.

"Goodbye everyone, feel free to come back whenever you please." Celestia shouts.

You could find something sinister in that phrase if you looked... Fuck that, it's late and you've had a hell of a day.

The train ride back was considerably quieter than the one from before. Everyone seemed tired after the events of the day. The only ones awake were you, Anon, Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Damn but this scenery was boring.

Even worse than the first ride up here, you couldn’t see a damn thing. Probably something to do with it being night. Well, almost couldn’t see a damn thing, you could see stars. You have to hand it to Luna, she made her night sky damned impressive.

You could never hope to see a view like this back home. Even with Canterlot off in the distance, the stars were shining bright. You couldn’t begin to count them all. Twilight snuck up on the two of you, interrupting your train of thought. Hehe... “Train of thought.”

”Have the two of you put any thought into where you were going to stay?” she asked.

Huh? Was the apartment not good enough?

"Is our apartment not good enough?” Anon retorted.

That was why he was your bro. You two were always on the same wavelength.

”Well, I guess it could.” She says. Her face was contorting, she looked doubtful.

”But didn’t you say that your house was damaged? Are you sure you want to stay there?” She asked.

Damn. You forgot about that yourself. You put your hand on the window. Shit, It was Hoth cold outside. You did not want to stay in a house without heat when it was like this outside.

”I guess you’re right…” Anon sighed out.

Fuck. This was not good. Living on another planet was one thing, living on one with no house was another.

”Hey! You guys can crash I my place if you want.”

Huh? You look behind your seat, Rainbow Dash was listening in.

”Having some guests for a while might be cool.” She says.

This girl only just met you and was already offering her house to you. That was serious bro material. Twilight shook her head.

”That isn’t going to work Rainbow. “

Everyone turns to Twilight.

”These two can’t walk on clouds like you can and they’re both immune to magic so we can’t exactly try a cloud walking spell.” She says.

Oh yeah. You had magic immunity. You haven’t had it for a day and it’s already biting you in the ass.

Well shit.

”So what do we do now?”

Twilight puts a hoof to her chin and thinks. ”Well, I suppose you can stay in the Library until we can get your home fixed up.”

Worked for you. You turned to Anon.

”You game?”

He nodded at you. ”Beggars can’t be choosers, we don’t have much of a choice.” He says.

He had a point there.

Twilight perked up. ”Perfect. You two will stay with me tonight.” She says with a grin.

After stepping of the train, you, Anon and Twilight said your goodbyes to the others and made way for her house. You picked up some “dinner” at a bakery on the way. Had to keep your energy up. Twilight levitated the two of you some pillows and blankets as she prepared to take a sleeping Spike up to bed.
She looked sheepishly at you. ”I don’t have any extra beds in your size. Sorry…”

”You’ve done more than enough letting us sleep here, Twilight. We can tough it out for a night.” You say.

That seemed to cheer her up. She smiled as she walked up stairs. ”Goodnight you two.” She called out.

”G’night.” You both says.

You and Anon lay down on the hardwood floor as Twilight turns out the lights. It was quiet here. Deafeningly quite. Damn your tinnitus.

As you lie there, you have a thought.

”Hey, dude.”

”What’s up?” You hear Anon ask in the darkness.

”…You think our families noticed what happened?”

You hear him sigh. He probably thought of that, he had more family members then you did. Not to mention more that he liked.

”I don’t know man, probably. It’s not like an apartment disappearing into thin air is common or anything.” He says.

You lay there for a moment. ”It’s just, we could be here for a while.”

Your mom was probably worried sick if she had heard. Assuming she wasn’t raising hell trying to find you. You hear him shift on the hardwood.

“…Yeah. We could.”

You both lay there in silent. Well shit, this mood went sour quick. Have to salvage it at least a little bit.

”Still, might as well make the best of it. If we fix up the apartment then we can at least be comfortable until Celestia comes up with something.”

”Yeah, you’re right there.” You hear him say.

As you lay there, you hear him yawn. The events of the day must be catching up to him. Inter-dimensional travel sure takes it out of a guy.

”Night bro.”

”Goodnight, dude.” He says, yawning again.

You lay on the hard floor for a bit longer until eventually Anon’s snoring lulls you to sleep.

Home Improvement.

Wake up in the morning. Feeling kinda shitty. You pick yourself up as you try and stretch your protesting muscles out. Mous is sprawled out on the ground, his mouth open in a silent snore. The sound of hooves descending stairs catches your attention and you turn around to see Twilight walking down stairs with Spike following her, the little guy still looked exhausted. With one look at Mous she turns to you.

"Does he always sleep like this?

You chuckle as you start to rise.

"Yeah, he'll be fine. We just need to get him up." you say as you take a few steps towards Mous's head.

Twilight walks up besides you and gets a closer look at your comatose friend.

"Will that be hard?" she asked.

With a smirk you answer back "Not in the least."

You crouch down to a couple feet from Mous's face and snap your fingers.

"Hey, wake up dude. We have to get to work." you say, adding a bit more volume to your voice than normal.

Mous's eyelids shoot open as he darts his eyes back and forth around the room. In a second they've settled on you and Twilight staring at him.

"Yeah. I'm up." he grunts as he stands up rubbing his head.

Twilight notices the haggard state the two of you are in from sleeping on the floor.

"I'm sorry about the sleeping condition, I know it couldn't have been the best..." She says sheepishly.

Oh no don't get sad.

"It's fine Twilight, the pillows and blankets help a lot." You say. "Right Mous?"

With a yawn his gaze drops to your miniature host.

"...Yeah. Thanks for those."

Even Mous knows not to be grumpy to someone who let you sleep in her house before fixing up your own, even at this hour. Placated, Twilight magic'd over some sort of bag and placed it on her back before she lead the two of you out of her home. You can actually appreciate her house in the daylight, a hollowed out tree with balconies and windows. It felt like something you would see at a theme park.

As you walk after Twilight, she asks if either of you are hungry. The both of you having not eaten since you arrive, you heartily agree. She takes you both to a building that looks like a gingerbread house, even the icing on top looks like it could be eaten. The first thing you notice when you walk in is the difference in size. Twilight was able to walk in with ease, but Mous and you were both almost scraping the ceiling.

The second thing you noticed was the presence of a pair of small ponies sitting at a small table off to the side. They looked like they were playing with some small toys on the table, but right now they were intently looking at the two giants who walked into their home. Or rather, one giant in particular. You looked over your shoulder and saw Mous making silly faces to the young foals. The foals giggled at Mous's antics and he took a few steps closer and knelt down.

You left them to each other's company and turned to Twilight, she was watching the same scene you were.

"Mous didn't seem like the kind of guy to get along with babies." she whispered.

"He probably just wants to be make friends with somebody who won't beat him in an argument." you say.

"Somepony." Twilight said in a matter of fact tone.

"What?" what was she talking about?

I've never heard anyone say "somebody", everyone in Equestria says "somepony."

Huh. You guess that makes sense, different vernacular and all. Just then, a familiar pink Pony came out to the counter.

"Hey guys! Are you here for your welcome party?" Pinkie asked with a mile wide grin.

"Not this time Pinkie, they're just here to grab some food before they start fixing their house" Twilight answered for you.

"Great! What'll it be?" Pinkie asked you. You looked at some of the food in the display, they were all cakes and sweets and other assorted confections. They all looked delicious, but they didn't look like something you wanted for breakfast before a day of work. You eventually settle on some bagels. You hear Mous walk up behind you from playing with the babies, he ordered some sweetbread.

"Great! That'll be 10 bits." Pinkie says.

Shit, you had no Equestrian money. Your face fell as you realized you might have to work without food in you. "Uh..."

"Oh, that reminds me." Twilight said as she levitated to small pouches to the two of you. "The Princess sent that over last night, each of you have 50 bits to spend until you get on your feet."

Wow. These princesses were really understanding to your who-why is he smelling his pouch? You turn to stare at Mous, his nose still have in his new wallet.

"Dude, what the hell are you doing?"

He removes his nose but keeps staring at the pouch

"...Mine smells like bananas." He says.
Figuring that was the only explanation you'd get, you both paid for your food and followed Twilight outside, her leading you down the road to your house.

When you weren't being rushed, you noticed that most of the other ponies in the town were staring at you. Thankfully, most of them only looked curious as opposed to cautious. One mint green pony even looked ecstatic when she saw you. You chalked it up to this town being a bit less high profile then Canterlot. That reminded you, you still didn't know what this town was called.

"Hey Twilight, what's this town's name anyway?" you asked.

She looked up to you and smiled

"Our towns name is Ponyville, governed by Mayor Mare." She said.

Ponyville and Mayor Mare. Definitely less high profile.

You had both finished your food by the time you saw your house. From here you could see the scorch marks Twilight was talking about, they weren't big, but they definitely made it look like your house had been through a lot when you came here.

The three of you quickly decide on a triage system; make the house livable again and worry about the rest of the mess later. You and Mous stepped inside to start the task of cleaning the mess your rooms were in as Twilight started to work on getting you power outside.

Your room wasn't bad, only a single lamp had broken and most of the room was simply disheveled. Mous's room on the other hand was an entirely different matter, each of the hundreds of little models kept around the room had been thrown on the floor, making it a sea of pissed off looking yellow figurines.

You stepped back into your room and started straightening up, the mattress was righted first, followed by sweeping the broken lamp up. you would probably need a place to put anything that was broken.

Spying a moving blanket that was perfect for your plan, you yell back to Mous.

"Hey, anything that's broken goes on the blanket out front."

The sound of things crashing to the ground came from his room.

"Got it." He said.

You worked for a few hours before you saw a rainbow streak moving across the sky from your window. The streak stopped a dozen yards out to reveal none other than Rainbow Dash, you open the window to speak with her.

"Stopping by to lend a hoof?" You asked.

She flew closer and peeked in the through the window

"It looks like you need it dude, you guys didn't say your house got messed up so bad on the inside too." she said as she look around your still messy room.

"You should see what Mous has on his plate." you say. "Here, give me a hand with this if you're gonna help." you say as you grab your fallen curtain rod.

The curtains go up quickly with the help of someone who can fly on giving you a hand, she even helps you carry a collection of splintered wood from furniture collisions out to the tarp. On your way out, you catch Mous carrying a long wood tube down the hallway.

"What the hell is that, dude?" you ask.

He looks up at it and scans it with his eyes,

"A didgeridoo." he says as he looks back at the two of you.

"Why do we own a didgeridoo?"

He lowers the instrument and stares at it for a moment.

"I...don't know. It fell out of my closet."

"Why are you taking it outside?" you ask.

"I don't want it, maybe we can sell the thing." he had a point, you both were gonna need money if you were going to stay here.

After you finish in your room, Rainbow and you start working on the living room. Rainbow seemed particularly interested in your television.

"You guys have TV here?" you ask, trying to snap her out of the trance she was in.

She flies around inspecting it

"Yeah, but nowhere near this big." she replied in awe.

You were both interrupted by Twilight entering the room.

"Okay, you guys should have power and water now." she said with a grin.

You grab the remote and switch on the television, you're relived to see that it turns on, even if it only showed static. You would have to look into whether ponies had cable or not.

The works goes quickly with the addition of Twilight's magic, by nightfall the entire apartment is looking good as new. It still stuck out like a sore thumb, however. You drag the tarp of junk inside, you'll see if you can do something with it tomorrow. You and Mous thank Twilight for everything she had done for you as she heads off for the night. Rainbow Dash was hovering in your living room near your DVD shelf.

"So this is what kind of movies they had where you guys came from, huh?" she said as she eyed your collection.

You sat down on your couch as she scanned the contents of the shelf.

"Yep, a few of them anyway." you say.

Rainbow stops and pulls one out to look at, a smile growing on her face.

"Hey, wanna watch one?" she asks as she holds up the case.

You take a look at her choice. The Room. Great...

You turn your head to Mous

"Movie night?".

Mous walks into the kitchen and returns with junk food and booze.

"Movie night." he answers as he sits down next to you.

And so ends your second night on a strange new world, watching movies with your newest friend and your oldest and laughing the night away.

Looking for Work.

The sun sneaks through the cracks in the curtain and rouses you from the sleep you were so nicely enjoying. Stupid sun, always ruining your fun. You were enjoying that dream too. At least you think so. You roll out of bed and start your morning routine. As you shuffle your way to the kitchen, you notice that Anon and Rainbow are still passed out on the couch. Looks like they kept going a few hours after you turned in. You examine the myriad of bottles around their bodies. Looks like the went through the last of your booze too. Inside the kitchen you begin the task of finding any food from Earth that didn't go bad in the night you didn't have power. Considering the food you normally kept, you had options. You settle on some cereal as you try to plan your day. Brain.exe cannot run, would you like to reboot? Y/N.

[N].

You were never any good in the morning.

Shower comes after breakfast in the morning so you strip down and step in. Twilight did a great job with whatever magic she had going to keep your plumbing working. This water was the perfect temperature. The warm shower gets your blood pumping, allowing you to think more than a minute ahead. First order of business was finding work, fifty bits wasn't going to tide you over long. Especially if drinking with Rainbow Dash was going to be a regular thing. You step out of the shower and find quite possibly the only plain shirt you own. You glance at the clock; 9:30. Assuming that Equestria has 24 hour days, the business day has already started. Better get crackin'.

You step out your door and make way for town. Town was quite a distance away, about 3/4's of a mile if your admittedly shit internal GPS is right. As you step in to town, you notice that there aren't as many ponies staring at you. A few here and there, but the majority of the town seem to just be ignoring you. You figure that they either stopped caring, or assumed that the two weird ape creatures would be coming through more often. Either way it was nice to not be gawked at. You find a town hall-ish looking building and look for a communal sign or something similar. Help wanted signs were always posted next to town hall, right?

Wrong, not a single help wanted sign near town hall.

"Oh fuck me."

Okay, plan B. Hit the streets.

As you wonder around town, you see several potential places you could work. You start going through a mental checklist to figure out the best. You don't know much about cooking something that is more in depth than "boil the water", so Sugarcube Corner is out. You see an orchard or something over the hills that would be sure to need more farmhands, but one look at your spindly arms tells you that you probably wouldn't hit that out of the park. You have also zero interest in either quills or sofas. What in the hell did those even have to do with each other? You look at the clock and see that it is already past 10. Fuck, you were running short on both time and options.

In the middle of your episode, you heard a pair of familiar voices. You glance down the road and see Fluttershy and Rarity approaching. Rarity seemed to see you too.

"Why hello there Mous, how lovely to see you." She said.

"H-hello Mous." muttered Fluttershy.

Was this how she normally talks? Girl needs to speak up.

"Hey girls."

No time for friends, busy getting mad at lack of work.

"What are you doing in town today Mous?" Rarity asked again.

It would be easy to ignore them, but now wasn't the time to alienate people. You give them both a glance, they demanding more of your attention now.

"Looking for work. Anon and I are going to need a steady income if we're gonna stay here."

You look them over, their coats look shinier and both their manes look like they'd been gone over recently.

"What are you two doing here?"

Fluttershy gave you a smile. Daaaaaw-no. Still annoyed at the lack of work. No time for cute.

"Oh we just got back from our spa treatment, we go every week to relax." She said.

These ponies had a spa? Wait. Spa. Spa's have masseurs. You remember that of the eight people who allowed you to touch them back on Earth, at least five commented on how good of a backrub you gave. Considering that only one was related to you, that's a 50% chance you give a good backrub. Hell, that's 50% more ability than you had in anything else. You turn your attention back to your friends.

"Where is the spa?" you ask.

Rarity looks over her shoulder.

"Down that road and left at the first corner, you can't miss it."

She turns back to you but you're already gone.

"Thanks girls." you call back behind you.

The spa looked simple enough on the outside. A few plants, glass door. All the better to relax someone. You step inside. It smells like incense in here, it would be relaxing at another time. The front desk is empty save for a bell. You drop a hand on it to call for someone. From the back walk two earth ponies, one with a blue coat and pink mane and the other with a blue mane and pink coat. Twins than.

"Hello? Can we help you?"

What kind of accent was that It sounded Slavic. You remember that Slavic kid from school, by the Force, he was a douche. Getting distracted, back on task mister.

Okay you have to be nice, use your words and remember to-

"I'd like to be a masseur here." You say.

Fucking. Shit.

The pink one giggles. She and her sister walk up to the counter.

"You want to work here? Perhaps we should start with your name."

Fair enough.

"I'm Mous."

"Hello Mous, I am Aloe and this is Lotus." she says with a grin.

Aloe: Pink. Lotus: Blue. Remember that now.

Now Lotus speaks up.

"So, what makes you think you can work here?"

Not letting you fuck this up this time brain, gotta think this through...Shit. Saying you give good backrubs is a garbage reason. Thinkthinkthinkthink. Wait. You're an alien. You have digits.

"These."

You hold up your hands.

"Yes, you have hands. So?" She asks.

Lotus was clearly not one to be easily impressed.

"Just that. I have hands that end in fingers. Fingers that can spread out pressure much differently than hooves."

She steps out from behind the counter towards you. "And different is good?"

Think fast.

"Different is great. Especially for all the different kinds of pain one comes to a spa to get rid of."

Lotus narrows her eyes and stares at you. After a moment, she turns around.

"Massage my neck." She says.

wat.

"Excuse me?"

She looks back at you with those same narrow eyes. "This is your entrance exam, impress me and you may have the job."

You quickly glance at Aloe behind the counter. She looks like she's trying not to laugh as she motions for you to go on. Fuck. Okay. You can do this. You place your hands just below her ears and start rubbing. You try to feel for any obvious knots as you move down. If you're doing a good job, Lotus wasn't showing it. She stood as still as stone as you worked your way down to the base of her neck. After a few minutes she motions for you to stop and walks back to her sister. She turns with her eyes still close. You can see her eyes darting back and forth under her eyelids. Fuck you were so screwed. You were going to have to go learn how to cook or somt-

"You pass."

Wait what? Your face must have betrayed you.

"You were right, your hands can spread pressure to all the right areas. A little practice and we'll make you a proper masseur." she says. You even get a smile out of her with that.

Oh hell yes. You grow a big grin and pump your fist. First big hurdle was jumped, now you just need to-

"Head back and wash up, it's almost noon." It was Lotus again.

"I start now?" You ask mid fist thrust.

Lotus looked as pokerfaced as she did before.

"Yes. Here in Ponyville, we get an influx of customers round lunch, ponies doing a lunch and spa date, probably." She says.

Right. Okay. Time to work. You start to walk back and Aloe motions for you to follow her. She takes you to a small room with a massage bed in the center. Various oils and lotions were on the wall. You turn your attention to her as she speaks.

"Your job won't be all massages, we each do a bit of everything here. But we'll start you off with what your comfortable with." She says.

Okay cool.

She motions to the oil shelf.

"You know what to do with those?"

Not really, but you nod anyway.

"Great. Welcome to Ponyville Day Spa." she says with a smile.

On her way out she turns. "Your first costumer will be back soon, good luck."

"Yeah..." you thought as your situation dawned on you.

"Good luck."

About ten minutes after Aloe left, your first customer entered. She stopped in the doorway as she caught sight of you. She was an earth pony, witha cream colored coat with a rich magenta mane. There was a rose on her backside. She looked a bit nervous. Okay, gotta relax her. Break out the charm.

"Hello, my name is Mous and I'm going to be your masseur today. Feel free to lay down on the bed whenever you're ready." You say.

C'mon, nice smile.

She seemed to relax a bit and started walking towards the bed. You heard her hop up and lay down as you washed up at the sink in the rear of the room.

"Is there anywhere you would like particular attention be paid to miss...?"

Might as well see if there's anywhere that you could take care of quick. Anything to make this as simple as possible.

"Roseluck." she says. "And right above my haunches has been killing my lately."

Okay. Haunches.

The fuck are haunches? You do a quick run through of all your anatomical knowledge for the closest approximation. If you had to guess... Lower back? You glance up at the shelf of lotions as you think. You were probably supposed to use these. Scanning over them, you see one marked "coconut". Good enough. You spread some lotion on your hands and get to work on your first customer. Moment of truth...

For all your guesswork, you are rewarded with a content sigh as you start rubbing. You try and alternate what sides you work on to similar results. Are you supposed to talk during this? Worth a shot.

"Yeah, I can feel a lot of tension back here." You say.

You always were a good liar.

"If you don't mind my asking, what is it you do Roseluck?"

And now you were getting chummy with the customer? Ballsy. She lets out another sigh.

"I work with my friends selling flowers, we've been rearranging our shop lately so there's been a lot of heavy lifting." She says.

Okay that makes sense. You try and think of where a pony would carry things on their back and focus your attention there, also making sure to get her legs and hoofs. Conversation flows as freely as it can. Roseluck tells you about her business, her friends, and how she got her "cutie mark". The tattoo on her calf. For your part, you explain how you got here; Anon, fall through that white void, landing on the outskirts of town and your visit with royalty. You left out to part about Celestia's little meeting in the lower area near the garden. You also didn't tell her about when she was talking to that guard.

Hey-oh.

As time passes on, you start to wonder how long this is supposed to last. You've never had a massage before, your frame of reference is quite lacking. Okay, the spa probably opens around 8. You ran into Rarity and Fluttershy just past 10. They looked like they got more than just a massage so...An hour?

You heard the pitter patter of hooves coming from the hall. The sound gets close and you see Aloe walk by the door. Oh thank god it's Aloe, you can work with that. She peeks in to see how you're doing and you quietly mouth "How much longer?" as best you can. She motions that you should be wrapping up before heading on her way. You make your way back to Roseluck's haunches as you finish up. You want to end this on a high note.

"Okay miss Roseluck, I've done my best. How are you feeling?"

She rises from the bed.

She has a far off look in her eye.

"You are very good with those hands of yours Mister Mous. I'll definitely have to come back here." she says as she walks out of the room.

"Tell your friends." you say, trying to be witty.

Alone in the room again, you revel in your small victory as you try to purge the smell of coconut from the room. You aren't using coconut again for a while.

You have two more customers that day. The first is some unbelievably large pegasus with a white coat. You're amazed the guy didn't break the fucking bed. At least you know that ponies have steroids now. Your last customer of the day is a unicorn with a dark blue coat and mane that can only be described as "fabulous". His only other discerning feature is the fact that his horn seems to be half again as long as other unicorns. You tried to stay away from his horn, experience has taught you that if something looks that Freudian, you shouldn't touch it.

After your customers had gone and you were cleaning the putrid potpourri of stenches you had amassed in your room over the day, you heard what sounded like shouting coming from the front of the store. You went to investigate. The sounds were indeed shouting, they got more distinct as you got closer.

"-all know what goes on here!" came an angry male voice. It kinda reminded you of Spider-man's boss at the newspaper.

"And what, pray tell, goes on here Mr. Whistleblower?" That'd be Lotus.

"You know very well what goes on here! You and that sister of yours have set up a den of ill repute in our fair town!" came the gruff voice again.

As you walk into the front room, you see the scene at hand. Aloe and Lotus were behind the counter trying to talk down a group of three ponies, a grey pegasus and orange unicorn flanked a brown earth pony in front of them. An Earth Pony you could only assume was this Whistleblower guy.

"Aloe, Lotus, is this guy refusing to pay?" you ask.

That rustled his jimmies something fierce.

"I have never set hoof in this horrid establishment until today! And I will not be insulted by a monster!" he all but hollered at you.

Monster? That almost annoyed you.

"Sir, what is it that you think we actually do in this "horrid establishment" that has your balls so bunched up?" you ask.

He didn't like that, you get the feeling he doesn't like much.

"Is this how your employees talk to ponies here!?" his face was getting red.

He mad.

"It is when those ponies insult those who work here." you say as you take a few steps toward him.

To his credit, he doesn't back down.

"And I asked you a question." you spit at him.

Remembering your question, he looks you straight in the eye.

"It is quite obvious that this "day spa" is a front for these to harlots to ply their vile trade in my town! I refuse to stand for that when there are children here!" He shouted.

Insulting your cool bosses? No deal.

"Hey, leave them out of this. It's not their fault that they can do their job well enough to make people feel good." you say.

You kneel down a bit and get right in his face.

"And I wouldn't be so quick to judge if my job were "blowing whistles" champ." you make sure to add finger quotes to that. Finger quotes piss everybody off.

It takes him a minute to get your innuendo, but when he does his scowl gets so big you swear he's going to crack his own teeth.

"How can you not see what is going on here?!" he shouts "The region those two come from is a haven for deviants who would run such a disgusting service! These two are probably laying with each other every night to prepare themselves for their customer!"

This poor idiot doesn't hear how stupid he sounds. You were about to counter with a particularly scathing insult about his mother, but Lotus speaks before you get a chance to.

"What my sister and I do is strictly between us Mr. Whistleblower." she says with a stern face. "...and anyone we allow to watch."

Oh god your sides, it takes ever ounce of your willpower to keep your composure. A boss who is not only cool enough to hire you rude ass, but has balls big enough to make a joke about fucking her sister while some prick is yelling at her? Now you didn't just want to work here, you needed to work here.

Aloe can't contain herself and continues a giggling fit behind the counter. Whistleblower, apparently not understanding heavy sarcasm, gets positively lucid.

"You admit it! I'll have this place closed! I'll have it torn down and the earth underneath paved over!" He shouts.

He continues to rant and rave, you give a glance back to Lotus as she shakes her head. Not in the mood for any more of this crap, you grab Whistleblower by the mane and start dragging him towards the door.

"What are you doing! Let go of me!" he shouts as he tries to wriggle out of your grip while his flunkies just stare. You toss him out the front door and his henchmen follow to help him up. They all stare at you.

"Mister Whistleblower, you have convinced me. Now you go away and go grab the authorities while I keep this hive of scum and villainy secure." you say.

"This isn't over!" he shouts. "I will not stop until thi-"

You shut the door and his squawking stops. The three of you simply enjoy the silence for a moment as that pain in the ass is gone. Lotus looks at you with a small smile.

"Thank you Mous, that was very kind of you to stick up for us." she says.

"Yeah, *snrk!* thanks!" Aloe says as she tries to settle her laughter.

"It was a pleasure." you say. "If we're set for the day, I'm going to head out."

Lotus nods at you. "Of course Mous. Be here by 8:00 tomorrow morning for the day shift."

"Yes Ma'am." you say as you make way for the back door.

You stop as you're about to step out and turn to your bosses.

"You guys aren't really running this place as a front for a brothel, are you?"

Lotus doesn't meet your eyes as she goes over a schedule "Not since moving here."

She gives you a wink, prematurely settling your jimmies. With a laugh you step out the back door and begin the walk home.

The sun is low on the horizon as you walk. The wind blows the trees and you hear a symphony of leaves brush against each other. It was really nice here, much better then where your apartment used to sit. At least it doesn't smell like gas.

"Hey, Mous!" you hear from behind you.

To your surprise, Anon and Rainbow Dash come racing up to you carrying bags.

"Where've you been man? You were gone when we woke up." he asks

"You two lightweights crashed on the couch last night and were still out when I left. I went into town and got a job at the day spa." you say with a smirk.

Rainbow looks puzzled. "I dunno man, I heard that place was a front for some shady stuff." she says as she hovers at eye level.

You chuckle at the events of the day.

"It's not, don't worry. But you aren't the only one to think that."

"That's awesome man, I'll find a job in town tomorrow." Anon says

Your bro looks at you and holds up the bags he's carrying.

"Rainbro and I sold that bunch of crap we had on the tarp and used the money to replace all the booze we drank. We got a whole twenty bits for your stupid didgeridoo. We were thinking movie night again tonight?" he says with a smile.

Dammit, it wasn't your didgeridoo. You don't know how it got there, but that wasn't important.

"Rainbro?" you ask.

He looks at her and smiles."Yeah man, she helped fix the house and help get rid of all the crap without even asking. Add that in with the fun we had last night and I'd say it's bro material."

Your first Equestria bro? You're game. The more bros the better. You smile and look at your bros.

"I'm down for movies, but I'm not watching The fucking Room again."

Anon laughs. "That's cool man, we can find something else."

"Something Else" wound up being some movie where Vin Deisel had to babysit some fucking kids. Next time, you pick the movie.

Town Tour.

The morning light seeps in through the curtains. Something about Celestia's sun seems to make curtains a futile gesture. You regain consciousness to the sound of someone rummaging around in the kitchen, either Rainbro or Mous but you can't care right now. Your body isn't used to Equestrian booze yet, it seems. This hangover was much more fierce then the ones you got on Earth. The sounds in the kitchen stopped and were replaced by the sound of paper turning.

What? Paper?

Your interest piqued, you open your eyes to see Mous sitting at the table skimming over a book, a bowl of cereal in front of him and a glass of water next to it.

"Breakfast of champions?" you ask still drowsy.

Noticing you're now awake, his eyes turn to you.

"This is the only food in the house that hasn't gone bad from the lack of power. Or at least the only kind I would want to eat for breakfast." he says.

"I even have to settle for this Gorilla Munch crap we bought because I'm afraid opening a box of Apple Jacks will tear a hole in the universe or something." he says as he smacks his cereal box.

You chuckle and crawl off the couch. As you crack your joints you make a promise to actually sleep in a proper bed tonight.

"Do me a favor, grab some real food while you're with Twilight today." Mous says.

Twilight? huh?

"What's she want?" you ask.

"She invited us both on a tour of the town when I picked up this book earlier today. She's been doing a bunch of research into us since we got here and apparently decided that today was a day to learn about how we interact socially."

Social interaction, huh? You guess that could be interesting, you never considered yourself the life of a conversation but you'd give it a shot. Wait, "earlier today"? What time was it? You glance at the clock to see that it's still 7:30.

"She opens the library at dawn?" you ask.

Mous turns away from his bowl with a look the says he was on the same train of thought you were on now.

"She said she was doing some research on the stars or something and lost track of time, she was about to turn in when I got there." he says.

"Why were you even there at dawn? What's in that book?" you ask

He closes the book and hold it up to read the title.

"Anatomical Studies of Adult Equines." he says. "I picked it up for work, I'd like to know what I'm getting into before I accidentally feel somepony up or something."

"Somepony?" you ask.

He holds up his hands and shrugs "It's the proper grammar. Get with the vernacular, man." he teases.

You roll your eyes as you head to the shower.

After you were showered and dressed, you walk out to the living room again, Mous had gone to work and left his big ass book behind. You open the book and look at a page. It seemed to be mostly studies of muscles and nerves, a good find for a guy who worked at a spa.

A slight mumbling from your couch made you look over and see Rainbro still passed out from last night. You figure that her size probably had something to do with it, small body means less booze before you were out.

You walk over and shake her a bit "Hey, Rainbro, you still alive?" she starts to move on her own and eventually swats your hand away.

Rainbro stumbles off your couch and shakily stands. "Oh man, I feel like death. How much did I drink last night?" she asks.

You look around, there are more than a few empty bottles on the floor, but a peek inside their bags show more left. At least you had less than your first night.

"I don't remember you drinking that much, but two nights in a row with alien booze can't have helped." you say, trying to reassure her.

You tell her what Mous told you, that Twilight wanted to take you on a tour of the town today. You asked her if she wanted to come along as well.

"Yeah, man, sure." she takes a few steps to the door and almost falls, you move at your best Kenyan speed and are able to catch her before she crashes into something.

"On second thought, you head to Twilight's, I'll meet you there after I grab something from my place." she says.

"You sure? You're not in your best way here." you don't want her crashing into some building or something trying to get home.

"Nah. It's cool, I fly better anyway, and the skies are supposed to be clear today." with that she steps out the front door and flies in an awkward pattern to the north.

As Dash flies, you walk. Ponyville already in sight. As you made your way to Twilight's house, you learned one thing. The sun here hurts just as much with a hangover as the sun back on Earth. You reach the door. Do you just walk in? This was her house but it was also a library, a public place.

After a moments deliberation you decide to walk in, as you do you call out.

"Twilight? It's Anon, Mous said something about a tour?"

"Oh, Anon! I'll be down in just a second." you hear her call.

You take that time to look around the room, there seemed to be even more books then there were the last time you were here. You hear Twilight descending the stairs and turn to greet her. She doesn't look too much worse for wear for someone who spent the entire night awake. She must do this often. You on the other hand, must look like shit judging from the look she's giving you.

"Are you alright Anon? You look...haggard." she says.

You find a mirror on the wall. Shit, your hair is all fucked up and you've got bags under your bloodshot eyes. Equestrian booze must do worse to you then you though.

You turn back to Twilight. "It's cool Twi, I just need to walk it off."

She doesn't look very convinced and you can't say you are either. The door opens again and a familiar cyan pegasus walks in. Rainbro is looking much better after whatever she got from her place. If you weren't there, you would swear she hadn't been drinking at all.

"Hey Rainbow, what are you doing here? Twilight asks.

"I invited her Twi, we were hanging out last night and she heard about the tour when I did." you say.

Not entirely true, but you'd rather tell a white lie to Twilight then tell her that you both passed out on your couch after a night of binge drinking and Vin Deisel movies.

"Is it cool if she tags along?" you ask.

Twilight gives you both a smile as she makes for the door.

"Of course, the more we have on the tour, the more we can tell you about the town." she says as she walks out.

Before you follow, your turn to Rainbro. "Hey, what'd you grab from your house? You look way better than before we left."

Rainbro looks to her side and grows a tiny smile

"Heh. Yeah..." she says before she turns back to you and produces a small bottle with swirling colors inside.

"This is liquid rainbow." she says. "We pegusi use it to clean out the rainbow factories in Cloudsdale, but it also works as a quick hangover cure." she holds the bottle to you.

Well damn, that sounds awesome, but you're not too sure about drinking the pony equivalent of axle grease. You take the bottle in your hand and find it's warm to the touch. No, not warm...Spicy.

"Are you two coming?" you hear Twilight call. Shit, now or never.

"Is it safe?" you ask her.

Her eyes get a concerned look in them. "It's gonna feel weird, like a ride all its own, but you'll be safe." she says.

You pull the top off the bottle and down it all at once. You look at Rainbow.

"I don't feel an diff-"

That's as far as you get before your skin starts to tingle, you feel an intense heat in your stomach and the rest of your organs feel like they're being sucked through a straw. The heat in your gut explodes and makes every blood vessel in your body feel like it has magma inside. Just as quick as it started, it's over. You're down on one knee as the feeling dies down. Rainbow comes over and helps you stand.

As the feeling returns to your body, you notice that you feel a lot better. Your head is clear and your stomach has settled. A quick look in the mirror shows that your eyes have cleared up as well.

From the corner of your eye, you see Twilight enter the library again.

"Is everything alright in here?" she asks.

You turn to her. "Yeah Twilight, we're ready. Lead the way."

She turns and walks out the door as you prepare to meet the town that you'll be living in for the foreseeable future.

Ponyville was a nice town, you found out. It had a perpetually busy feel, but also retained an air of coziness As the you, Twilight, Spike and Rainbow walked down Mane Street, you learned that the town had been founded a hundred years ago by a group of settler ponies. As you walk through town, you passed by the same building you saw Pinkie at while you were getting breakfast a few days ago. This time you read the sign "Sugarcube Corner" it said. The smell of baked good wafted through the air, your mouth was watering at the smell of the confections this store had insi-

Your thoughts were interrupted by a mass of pink shooting out of a mailbox. "Hey Anon! are you here for your Welcome Party now?" it says.

You got your heart back into the appropriate rhythm after the samba it started beating a moment ago and turned your eyes to Pinkie. She had definitely shot out of a mailbox one sixth her size and tackled you to the ground. It seems Pinkie Pie can manipulate 4th dimensional space.

Twilight approaches the two of you as you get yourself up.

"Pinkie, have you been planning this party since Anon got here?" she asks.

"Yep!" Pinkie beams."I've got snacks and punch and games and streamers." you have to nip this in the butt ASAP.

"Pinkie."

"And lights and music and I'll invite the whole town"

"Pinkie."

"And I've got a smoke machine and a disco ball and a-"

"PINKIE."

She stops talking for a moment and looks up at you.

"I'd be happy to go to your party." you say.

Oh damn. Pinkie's smile grew three sizes that day, and that's saying something.

She grabs your face and compresses it between her hooves.

"Behereateight!" she says as she zips inside faster than you can comprehend.

You turn to your friends

"Is this normal for her?" you ask.

Rainbow suppresses a laugh "It is for Pinkie Pie."

You made a mental note to stop by the spa and tell Mous that you guys had a party tonight, he would probably complain. You come up on a building that looks like a merry-go-round on the edge of the town proper.

"Who lives here?" you ask.

Twilight turns to you as you walk

"This is Rarity's boutique, she's Ponyville's authority on fashion and this is where she makes all of it." she says.

Pony fashions, huh? Most of the ponies you saw seemed to walk around naked, but far be it from you to tell people what to do.

"Can we go inside?" you ask. The concept of pony cloths intriguing you.

You hear Rainbow scoff "No, Rarity had some big rush order in town. She's always neck deep in some project or something."

Spike has remained quiet for most of your walk, but he turned to you both at that.

"It's not Rarity's fault that she has a lot of work. Being Ponyville's most successful fashion designer would keep anyone busy, especially when they see what she designs."

Rainbow had told you about Spike and his crush on Rarity one night while the two of you were drinking. Laying it on a little thick there buddy.

You continue your tour, passing the post office, the market, and a store that specialized in quill pens and sofas. You had to remember to stop by the market for food later. The four of you eventually come up on the largest apple orchard you'd ever seen, hills went as far back as you could see and every one of them was covered in apple trees. You could guess who lived here.

As you walk up to a large red barn, you spot a large red pony moving crates of apples from a nearby cart. Your party approached him and Twilight did the talking.

"Hey Big Macintosh, is Applejack here?" she asked.

"Eeyup." the great red stallion says.

"Great." Twilight says "Can you tell us where?"

Big Macintosh remained silent, but pointed to a nearby part of the orchard. Twilight nodded her thanks and lead the rest of you down the path.

You lean in to Rainbow.

"Not much of a talker, is he?" you ask.

Rainbow elbows you and winks "It's all about what you say to him, he never shuts up if you can get him going."

Your footsteps through the apple orchard are punctuated by the occasional "THUMP" coming from behind the curtain of trees. You noticed that it got louder as you kept walking. You notice a certain tan pony rearing back and kicking the trees, dozens of apples rained down as she connected. Applejack was certainly good at that, it seemed, she had almost a half dozen baskets of apples sitting under a nearby tree. She see's all of you and canters toward you.

"Howdy Ya'll, what're you guys doin' here?" she asks

"I thought I'd show Anon here around the town." Twilight answers. You offer a slight wave to Applejack at mention of your name.

She tilts her hat to you as she looks behind you.

"Ah guess your friend didn't want to come?" she asks.

"Sorry, no, Mous had work at the spa today." you say.

"Spa huh?...Ah may have to stop by there sometime." she says as she walks back to her baskets.

She turns to the four of you

"Say, while Ya'll are here, ya mind helpin' me get these apples back ta the barn?" she asks.

You nod and start towards the baskets, grabbing one and seeing that it is lighter then you thought. Maybe you could get a job working the apple fields?

The walk back to the barn proved longer then you thought, and the basket of apples you had seemed to gain 30 or 40 pounds along the way. Maybe you should look for a less physically challenging job. You wish you could be like Twilight, levitating four baskets of apples as if it were nothing. Applejack and Rainbow seemed to be having a much easier time as well. As you plant the baskets in front of the barn, Applejack approaches you again.

"Thanks for the help Anon, ya ever need some work, you just stop on by." she says.

You're fairly certain your body would mutiny on you if you pulled something like that, but you thank Applejack for the offer and follow Twilight and Rainbow off the farm.

"Where to now?" you ask.

"Just one more stop." she says "We have to go see Fluttershy at her house."

Fluttershy huh? You remembered Fluttershy, she seemed really nice. You remember she was staring at you an awful lot, too.

Fluttershy seemed to live pretty far out of town, you've been walking for almost a half hour now. Most of the time is spent talking to Rainbow about your limited knowledge of sports from Earth.

"So, wait, they play it with brooms?" she asks unbelieving.

"On ice at that." you reply.

She seems to get frustrated and puts her hooves to her head.

"I don't get it! why don't they just your normal sticks?"

You laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

"I have no idea." you tell her.

Fluttershy's house was located near the forests edge, you saw a small stream flowing just in front of her house as your approached. The entire area reminded you of a Snow White. The four of you reach the front of the house and you knock on the door. "

"Oh. Be right there!" you think you hear from behind the door.

Fluttershy opens the door "O-Oh, hello everyone. What are you all doing here?"

Was she looking at you when she said that last part? You must be imagining it. Right?

Twilight answers for all present

"We were just showing Anon around town." she says.

Fluttershy seems to perk up and gives a smile. "Oh, well, please come in."

You follow your friends inside. The house is a small cottage, assorted furniture is placed around the living area and you see a kitchen off to the right.

Out from the kitchen came a small rabbit. The rabbit looked at Fluttershy and stomped it's foot repeatedly.

"Oh, excuse me." Fluttershy says. "You can all take a seat, I just have to give Angel here his lunch."

Your stomach mush have heard the word "lunch", if it raising hell all of a sudden had anything to do with it. You just remembered that you neglected to grab anything before you left the house this morning. You'd just have to deal with it and stuff yourself at the party.

Fluttershy returns from the kitchen and takes a seat on a nearby chair. The rest of you sitting on a couch across from her. Were her wings standing up like that before? Maybe Dash knew something about it, she seemed to be giving her a look. It was probably just a pegasus thing.

"So Anon, how are you liking Ponyville so far?" Fluttershy asked you.

"It's really nice here, I haven't met a lot of ponies, but everyone I have seems to be really nice. The area is beautiful as well." you say.

Fluttershy's cheeks darken a bit "I...I could help you meet ponies...if you want."

"That's very nice of you Fluttershy, but Pinkie Pie is throwing Mous and I a party tonight. She said she's inviting the entire town as well, I figure I'll meet some ponies there." you answer.

She looks a bit dejected at that. An awkward silence hangs in the air as you shift in your seat a bit. You are about to say something when a chicken runs through the room. Wait, what?

Your eyes are still fixed on the point where the errant chicken left the room.

"Uh...did anyone else see tha-"

Suddenly chickens. Chickens everywhere.

No. Not just chickens, squirrels, rabbits, birds and everything between it seemed. After the animals have run their course, you start to gingerly put your feet back down as if the fear that placing them down to hard would spark another stampede.

"What was that!?" Rainbow called out, head popping out from behind the far end of the couch. She must have fallen off when the animals came through.

"Oh no!" Fluttershy yelled. "The animals must have escaped from their cages!" she looked close to tears. Ohgoddontcry.

"It's Okay Fluttershy, we can find them." Twilight says jumping off the couch.

She turns to the rest of you on the couch.

"Rainbow Dash, you fly up and try and spot the animals from the sky." Rainbow jumps up and gives a salute before flying out a nearby window.

"Anon, you and I will search for any anima-

"Um. I'll go with Anon." you hear Fluttershy squeak out.

You, Twilight, and Spike all turn to look at Fluttershy.

"Uh...I mean...If he doesn't mind." Oh god is she about to cry again?

"I don't mind." you hear yourself say.

"Alright then, Spike and I will take the front of the house while you and Fluttershy take the back." Twilight instructs.

You follow Fluttershy out her back door and gaze at the dense forest before you. This was going to take a while, it seems.

You and Fluttershy sift through the forest for a few hours. For your hard work, you were rewarded with finding a good amount of animals all clustered around a small lake. After you lead them back, Fluttershy tallied the results from all of your hunts.

"Oh my goodness, Angel is still missing." she says.

Angel; that rabbit you saw when you first came here. Damn. Finding a single rabbit in an entire forest was going to be hard. You all decide to slip up again, you and Fluttershy taking off into a slightly deeper part of the forest this time. Despite searching high and low, you couldn't find this elusive rabbit anywhere. You looked up at sun. It was getting dark, nightfall would make it twenty times harder to find this rabbit.

"Oh! Anon, come look over here!" you heard Fluttershy call out.

You found Fluttershy hovering over a small hole in the ground. Well, small for you, but roomy for a six inch rabbit.

"You think he went in there?" you ask as you motion towards the hole.

Fluttershy nods to you.

"Alright then." you say.

Doing the gentlemanly thing, you bend down and stick your hand in the hole to feel around...nothing. You try a bit deeper and still yield no prize. You start to crawl in the hole a bit to continue searching. You really hope this isn't some badgers nest or something equally inclined to maul you.

You keep feeling around for Angel until you discover that you can go no further. Try as you might, you still can't seem to go any further. Defeated, you start to move back only to discover that you couldn't move that way either.

Panic sets in as you violently throw yourself back and forth attempting to dislodge yourself to no avail. You were trapped. In a hole. In the middle of the woods.

"Fuck."

"Fluttershy!" you call out.

...Nothing.

"FLUTTERSHY!" you try again. You were not dying down here.

This time you got a fait "Anon?" as a response.

Crap. How deep were you?

"FLUTTERSHY! I'M STUCK! CAN YOU PULL ME OUT?" you yell to her.

You don't hear her yell back, but you can feel her start tugging on your pant leg. You do your best to wriggle your waste out, but the ball seems to be in Fluttershy's court for all the difference you're making. Fluttershy stops pulling and lets go of your leg for an instant, you almost call back to her when you feel her grab you again. But this wasn't your leg, this was a little higher up. Was Fluttershy copping a feel? You feel her let go again and you start to fear the worst. You really didn't want to think of Fluttershy as somepony who would cop a feel on someone and leave them to die in a hole.

Just then you feel something grab your opposite leg and pull hard. Something else grabs your other leg and joins the first entity. The pulling seems to loosen you. You redouble your wriggling efforts and feel yourself start to break free of the dirt. You eventually break free and are thrown back out of the hole, landing on your back. You right yourself and are greeted to the sight of Rainbow Dash standing over you

"Are you alright Anon?" she asked.

"I'm fine Rainbow, what are you doing here?" you say.

"I saw Fluttershy trying to pry you out of this hole while I was looking for you both." she replied.

Looking for you?

"Why?" you ask.

"We found Angel in Fluttershy's bedroom under her bed. I came out to find you two before it got dark." she says.

Whatabro.

You, Rainbow and Fluttershy arrive back at the house, all of you rather caked in dirt. Twilight was herding the animals you all found back into their cages. You take a quick peek at the clock; 6:15. Shit, it was late. You excuse yourself from your friends and hurry back home to clean yourself off for this party. Your minds keeps going back to what happened in the hole; Fluttershy didn't seem like the type to try and feel you up in a dangerous situation. Fluttershy didn't seem like the type to feel you up at all. You push today's unpleasantness from your mind as you come up on your house. You step inside and head back to Mous's room, you knock and open the door to find him using the smallest paintbrush you've ever seen and a magnifying glass to on one of his models.

"What are you doing?" you ask.

"Painting purity seals." he responds.

He glances up at you "What'd you do? Get in a fight?" he asks.

"I got stuck in a hole helping Fluttershy find a lost pet." you say.

Oh shit, the party.

"Hey, finish up, we have a welcome party in about an hour." you tell him.

He puts down his magnifier and sighs.

"When was there a party scheduled?" he asks as he turns to you.

"Earlier this morning, when Pinkie Pie jumped me."

He rubs the bridge of his nose and sighs again.

"I really don't want to go to any party."

"Oh, stop being a hermit. We're new here and it would do us some good to make a few friends."

You hear him call back as you walk to your bathroom. "I HAVE friends."

You get your shirt off and stick your head out the door.

"You have two bosses, six friends you ignore, and me. You need more friends." you say as you shut the door.

He'll go.

One shower and change of clothes later, the two of you are walking the dark road from your house to Ponyville.

"I still think this is dumb." Mous says with his hands in his pockets and a frown on his face.

"You think everything is dumb." you retort.

"And I have yet to be proven wrong in that regard." he defends.

Sheesh. Mous was your best bro and all, but he could be a real downer sometimes. The two of you arrive at the hill overlooking Sugarcube corner to spot what looks like a small convention instead of a welcome party.

"Huh." you say "I guess Pinkie wasn't kidding when she said she invited the hole town."

Mous shoots you a scowl and starts towards the party. "Let's just get this over with." he says.

You follow behind him with a chuckle, determined not to let his crap attitude ruin your fun.

Cutting Loose.

As you approached the party, you saw that the interior of the bakery seemed to be empty. The ponies clustered outside saw the two of you walking up and greeted you with waves and smiles. You saw a familiar pink mare poke her head out of a particularly large cluster and gallop over to the two of you.

"Anon! Mous! You two got here just in time!" Pinkie hollers.

You look around and the groups of ponies socializing, there had to be at least 30 out here alone.

"I don't know Pinkie, it looks like we showed up pretty late." you say.

"Don't be silly, Anon!" she says with a wide grin. "I had to make sure the party got going before the guests of honor showed up!"

That was...an odd practice. But you weren't about to get in an argument at a party. Pinkie zipped to the back of the house, you followed and signaled Mous to do the same.

"There better be something that qualifies as dinner here." he grunts.

It's a party." you explain. "At a bakery. Do you really think there won't be any food?"

Pinkie leads the two of you to an open basement door. Inside you see flashing lights and ponies from wall to wall. There is a small clearing in the middle for those who were dancing. Off to the sides you see doorways that lead to smaller satellite rooms.

You turn to Pinkie "Why the basement!?" you shout over the music.

"Having the party down here means the Cakes don't hear it!" she shouts back.

The three of you walk down the stairs. There was a confections table set up in the corner next to a jukebox. You make your way over to the table and sample some of the punch. Damn, that punch had a hell of a kick. You turn to see Mous had followed you over. Dammit, he always does this. Following you because he doesn't want to talk to anyone.

"Are you just gonna follow me all night?" you ask.

"If I have to." he says with a shrug.

Yeah, he wasn't gonna go on his own accord. Time for plan B: You had to ditch him.

You looked for something you could use to slip away, not an easy task in a group of four foot tall ponies. You spot a game that looks a lot like Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Deciding that that was your best bet, you head over. You take a seat near the crowd, bringing you down to eye level with them. Now all you had to do was wait.

After a few minutes, you looked up to make sure that Mous was still watching the game. It seemed to be holding his attention, this was your chance. You edged you way into the crowd of ponies behind you, keeping as low as possible. You made best speed for another room and got up to walk away as soon as you were out of sight. You waited a moment to see if he would come barreling through the door looking for you.

...Nothing. Boss defeated. Bonus Objective Met. Mission Accomplished.

Nice going Star Anon.

You checked out the room you now found yourself in and saw your Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie chatting in the corner.

You walked over and caught Rainbows attention.

"Hey, Anon!" she says.

She flies up and extends a hoof, you instinctively reach out and bump it with your fist. Feelsgoodman.jpg

As you walk over to Twilight and Pinkie and slump decide to slump against the wall for lack of a couch.

"Flying solo tonight?" Rainbow asks.

"Nah. Mous is around, we just split up for the night." you say in the best almost-lie fashion you can.

You didn't want to ditch him, but if he didn't get out there and actually talk to people he would have just followed you around and said nothing until it was time to go home.

"So, how does a Pinkie Pie party compare to the kinds of parties they have back where you come from?" Twilight asked.

You take a glance around. Ponies were socializing, eating sweets and dancing, but no one was passed out in the corner, making out on the stairs of vomiting in the plants. The entire basement seemed to just capture all the good aspects of a party and excise all the bad.

"There are some similarities." you start "But more than a few differences as well. Maybe having fun is a universal constant."

That got a laugh out of Twilight and a smile out of Pinkie but you fear it went over Rainbows head.

You spend time sitting with friends and talking about various subjects, Dash's infatuation with a group called "The Wonderbolts", Twilights research, and half a dozen other topics. The night was headed for the direction of greatness, save for the small nagging sensation in the back of your mind regarding your mission Bro.

You're sure he's fine.

=Mous PoV=

He ditched you. That prick motherfucker ditched you. Your jimmies were rustled, your critters were jittered, you-is that cake?

It was.

Rage later, cake now. You hadn't eaten since lunch, this caked looked like it would hit the spot so you grab a piece and shove it in your mouth.

You could give a half a shit about manners right now. You spot some ponies staring at you out of the corner of your eye.

You turn to them.

"Ishh a hooan hing." you say past the cake.

Damned cake. If you weren't so delicious, I'd have half a mind to spit you out. After you finished inhaling your cake, you tried to remember your previous train of thought. Oh yeah, your bro ditched you in a veritable sea of ponies you didn't know and didn't particularly feel like talking to.

You peer around the room for any sign of Anon. Nothing. Cunting hell. You spot a doorway and make towards it, maybe he slipped in there. You enter the room and don't immediately spot Anon. Dammit. How hard was it to find the only other member of your species here? Maybe he's in the back of the room.

You start to push your way through the barrier of flesh in your way when you hear a familiar accented voice. "Mous! Over here!"

You turn to see Aloe waving at you, Lotus standing behind her near a small table. Boss?...es?

You walk over to their little corner of the room.

"What are you two doing here?

Aloe smiles a warm smile up at you. "We couldn't miss the welcome party of our newest employee, could we?" she says.

Oh Aloe, your good cheer will be the death of me.

"Not to mention that Pinkie Pie invited the entire town." Lotus said grinning.

"You could have just not come, Ma'am." you say.

Lotus raises an eyebrow. "We're not on the clock, you could call us by our names."

You sigh and turn back to the crowd behind you.

"I could, couldn't I?" you say as you glance down in her direction.

You continue to scan the crowd for any sign of Anon. Still, nothing.

"I'll catch up with you two later." you say.

You begin to walk back the way you entered, there was no way you were getting through that wall of ponies. One look into the main room, however, causes you to reconsider.

Fuck. There she was. That mint green unicorn. Lyra. She came into the spa three fucking times yesterday, once with a shit mustache disguise. Each time she brought new levels of creepiness.

You accepted that some ponies might moan as you worked, but not to the extent that Lyra did. It seriously sounded like she was getting off to it. It didn't help that every time she came it she complained about an area dangerously close to her horn.

You scanned the room quickly to avoid being seen. Fuck. There was no way to cross through the room where you wouldn't be seen by her. If you wanted to find Anon, you were going to have to talk to Lyra.

Nope. Nope. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE.

You walk back to Aloe and Lotus and lean against the wall.

"Okay, it's later now, what's up with you two?" you ask as you settle in for the night.

=Anon PoV=

You've been talking to Twilight and Rainbow for a while now. You've spoken to Pinkie whenever she hopped by, but she was the party host and could never stay for too long. Conversation had been fluid between the three of you, with topics ranging from local sports, to magical theory, to your life on Earth.

The magical theory conversation had fascinated you. You had always had an interest in the sciences back on Earth, and your professors said you had a naturally inquisitive mind. Here you were learning about not only an entirely new form of "science", but one that directly subverted other known forms and yet still flowed between them naturally. From ley lines to how pegusi walk on clouds to even the colossal magics Celestia and Luna used to move the heavens, you were enraptured by all of it. It would be so cool if you could find a job learning more about it.

Fuck. You still had to find work.

You tilted your head back as your remembered your situation.

Crap. Ponyville didn't look like it had any laboratories or universities you could look into, just small town stuff.

You sighed as your aspirations of becoming some sort of extra-dimensional wizard went up in smoke.

Twilight must have picked up on your distress "Is something wrong Anon?" she asked.

Rainbow gave you a look as well, "Yeah, you were all into the conversation but you just kinda got this bummed look."

You looked back at the two of them "Oh, I was just thinking. I kinda wanted to learn about the magic here and thought that maybe I could get a job doing something magic related, but Ponyville doesn't seem to have the facilities for something like that." you say.

Twilight put her hoof to her chin in thought "Hmm. I may be able to help you there Anon." she says.

Interest re-ignited, you stopped slumping against the wall and leaned forward. "What do you mean Twi?" you ask.

"Well, I'm always doing research at the library. While Spike is a great assistant, I can always use more hands to help with field work." she says with a smile.

Holy shit that sounds perfect. Just one nagging question.

"Does it pay? We can't live with Mous supporting the both of us." you say.

Twilight smiles again. "I get grants for expenses when I do my research, bringing on an assistant should be covered under that, I think." Money + magic research job + friend as a boss = One happy ass Anon.

"Alright then!" you say louder then you thought as you grab your punch. "A toast to my new job in research."

Twilight and Rainbow get a bit of a knowing grin as they toast their cups with you. As you down the punch, you marvel once again at how good it's kick. What did Pinkie Pie put in this anyway? Whatever it tasted great.

=Mous PoV=

This wasn't as bad as you had thought. At least if you were stuck at a party, it was with two ponies you knew. You had a bit of through traffic as well, Applejack and Rarity had stopped by. Applejack told you that she could have used your help when Anon stopped by earlier to help her carry apples. Maybe next time. Rarity had stopped by to report to the three of you that the spa uniform Aloe and Lotus called her in to measure for today would be done by the end of the week. Cool. Everything was settling into place nicely.

Some time passed and the conversation died down.

Well that won't do.

"The accent you two have is similar to one we have back where I'm from. Where did you two live before you came here?" you ask.

Lotus turned to you as Aloe finished a piece of cake she had just gotten.

"We lived with our mother and father just outside of Stalliongrad." she said.

Stalliongrad. That makes sense.

"We moved here shortly after discovering out cutie marks." she continued.

"Were there many day spas in Stalliongrad?" you ask

This time it was Aloe who answered. "No, that's why we got ours. Our father worked in the factories and our mother in the restaurants. They were so tired when they came home every day that we decided to try and help them by rubbing out the tension. After some experimentation with lotions and aromas, we discovered these had shown up." she said as she showed you her flank.

Hehe. 'Rub out the tension.'

Shut up brain, it was her father. That's gross.

=Anon PoV=

The party began to die down, only a few stragglers remaining. Twilight and Rainbow had left about twenty minutes ago and you had spent the time talking to a lovely grey pegasus about his sweet mohawk. You began to make your way to the main room to get going only to discover that your coordination had taken a nosedive. Leave it to Pinkie Pie to spike the damn punch.

With a hand on the wall, you tried your damndest to make your way to the door. Crossing over the dance floor seemed a bit easier, the ponies still on it thinking you were doing some impromptu alien dance or something. You reached the door and came face to face with your worst drunk enemy.

Stairs.

A quick flex of your balance told you that you weren't going to get up those stairs without a bruise or two. Nah fuck that brain. We can do it. Maybe if you just crawl up slow... You trip over your foot which you could swear wasn't there a second ago and brace for an impact that never comes, you stopping suddenly in the air. A familiar head loops your arm around it and hauls you up the stairs.

"mous! there you are! did you ednjoy your party?" you ask.

You can see him grin. "Not as much as you did, it seems." he says as he leads you onto the path home.

"oh, lighten up. you gotta enjoy the life here man! we could be here for a long ass time and you'rre jus sitin' around wit a stick sup your ashs." you say.

"I have my fun." he says.

Yeah, right. Mous was the biggest stick in the mud ever at parties. Why did you even hang out with this guy? Oh yeah, because he saved you from being concussed and is carrying you home.

"So how was your night?" he asks.

"oh izt was great!" you say. " i talked with twilight and rainbow bout a buncha cool stuff asnd twilight gave gme ta job ais hper research buddy!"

Your brain could tell that you were drunk, but at the same time, didn't seem to give a fuck.

You eventually reach your apartment after you try to explain how a ley line works followed by a spirited performance of Puttin' on the Ritz. Heh. Spirited. You were funny.

Mous leaves you leaning on a wall as he grabs the last roll of bread in the house and shoves it in your mouth.

"Eat this." he says.

You munch down on your new snack as Mous leads you into your room, you knocking over the contents of the hallway on your way, and tosses you on your bed. He leaves the room and returns a second later with a metal bucket and sets it down next to your bed.

"Finish that. Don't choke. Puke in there if you have to." he says standing over you. "Anything else?"

"tell sme a story." you say.

He gives you a look.

"This is the tale of the drunk guy who got on his roommates nerves with stupid drunken requests and got to sleep in the couch for the third night in a row." he says as he walked out of the room, hitting the lights on the way out.

"night bro!" you call out.

A resounding "THUMP" on your door was your response. Mous could be cool, when he wanted. You were out within minutes.

=Mous PoV=

Okay, Anon is out. You walk around the apartment locking doors and picking up all the crap that got knocked over. The entire time you were thinking. You were the one who brought up the concept of the both of you being here for an extended period of time and you were just treating it as some irritating vacation. You didn't want to wind up being stuck here for a year and have spent the entire time pissed off.

You already had some friends, even if you worked for two of them. It couldn't hurt for you to cut loose every once in a while. You were about to go to bed when you heard a loud "BANG" from your front door.

"What now?"

You walk to the door and throw it open, already pissed off at whoever was out there. You look down at your feet. A rock, maybe the size of your fist, had hit the door. A look at the door showed a large dent where the rock had hit. You look out for whoever threw the rock and your eyes settle on three familiar ponies standing about twenty yards from your doorstep. Fucking Whistleblower and his cronies.

This prick must have followed you when you were carrying Anon home.

"What is your problem guy!?" you yell.

You walk out and shut the door behind you.

"You are you menace! How else do you explain the entire town going to a block party and keeping everyone awake so soon after you show up here?" he shouts back

You try and work your head around that particularly grating form of doublethink.

"If the entire town was at the party, THEN WHO THE HELL WERE WE KEEPING UP!?" you shout. This guy assaulted your home, you were not a happy camper. He ignores your question and throws another rock. It sails wide to the right.

"Get out of our town!" he cries.

"So what, you're here to run me out of town? There's another guy here, you know." you say.

He scrapes his hoof on the ground in front of him.

"I'll get rid of your influence any way I can! And a passed out drunk will be easy to haul away once you're gone." he boasts

This guy was getting on your last nerve. It would be easy to walk back inside and ignore him, he probably doesn't have to balls to actually break any windows or anything, but Anon's words come into your head. "You're just sitting around with a stick up your ass."

Looking back at this guy lights a fire in your veins, you didn't want to just let him off. You think for a moment of the consequences of your actions versus how much time you might be here for.

... Okay. Time to cut loose. In the only way you knew how to in these situations.

You walk back inside and grab your stereo and the CD nearby it. You bring them both outside and set them up.

"What is that?" yelled Whistleblower.

"Music. If we're doing this, we're doing it right." you say without turning.

-Music-

The music starts and your heart beat falls in line with it. You used to spar to this song.

"Come on." you say, wagging your hand at Whistleblower. You toss a few punches in Whistleblower's direction as the music gets going.

He scrapes his hoof on the ground again and charges you.

"Not today." you think.

You whirl around to gain some momentum and the back of your boot meets the front of his head. Whistleblower goes flying off to the side and you turn your attention to his friends. The unicorn is still staring mouth agape, but the pegasus lifts off and rushes you. You jump to the side as he passes and has to pull up to avoid hitting the house. From his vantage point, he tries to divebomb you. You sidestep just in time to avoid a collision this time. You had to take him out of the fight fast.

The pegasus came around for another pass but this time you were ready for him. As he came within a few feet of you, you jumped up and grabbed him behind the shoulder. He couldn't counter your added weight and crashed to the ground. As the two of you slid, you pressed your weight into him to drive him further into the dirt. You stop moving and get up, sparing a glance down at the unmoving pegasus. He was still breathing, and you could hear some moans escape him.

Two down.

You notice some blue flashes out of the corner of your eye accompanied by the what felt like wind on your back. You turn to see the unicorn standing over Whistleblower, his horn still glowing from recent discharge. He must have noticed that his magic wasn't doing anything to you because he starting throwing chunks of earth at you with panic in his eyes. You capitalize on his fear and charge him, sidestepping dirt clods along the way. You get close to him and he raises another clod.

Fuck. No time to dodge. Gotta get ballsy.

As he hurls the dirt at you, you swing out with a fist and hit the clod as best you can. The dirt pours over you both as the clod shatters. Shit. That hurt more then you thought it would. Wanting to end this quickly, you grab the unicorn by his horn. Magical blasts spring forth from the horn and are funneled by your hand out the tip, arcing across the sky. You drag the unicorn down to the ground by his appendage, you let go as you draw your foot back.

"Boot to the head!" you call out.

Your boot connects to the second pony of the night as he flies a few feet and hits the ground. You overlook the ponies spread out across your yard, they would be bruised, but should be fine. You kneel down to the brown colt at your feet and grab his ear.

"Enjoy the rest of your evening, Mister Whistleblower." you whisper with a smirk.

You grab your stereo as the song ends and take it inside. The couch was good enough for it for now, you wanted to sleep. You quickly clean off your hand in the bathroom. A few scrapes, but nothing too noticeable. You change into sleep pants and lay down. You take a quick inventory of the day's events. Did work. Got paid, Went to a party. Met some friends. Even if you didn't want to go in the first place, Accepted that you could be here for a while and decided to finally cut loose a bit, the mustard colored marine figures around your room would be proud.

You settle in to sleep, your fan lulling you there. Today was a good. day

Drunk and Weary.

The concoction boiled over, causing the cobalt fluid inside to seep down into the table. As it flowed, it left a trail of bright purple in its wake as opposed to the tables normal mahogany.

"Crapcrapcrapcrap!" you shout as you take the experiment vile off its burner.

You inspect the damage the accident caused. Looks like part of Twilight's table is going to match her coat for a while.

"Twilight! It looks like this one won't catalyze either!" you yell.

"Darnit!" you hear over your shoulder as your research partner investigates the latest failure."I was sure we had gotten the mixture right!

"How's our stock of Poison Joke looking?" you ask as you clean up the remainder or the mess.

Twilight sighs. "Not good. At this rate, we're going to run out before we even come close to finishing!"

The two of you had a hypothesis that you could use various chemicals and magical oils to more or less neuter a Poison Joke plant, taking away its ability to change somepony the way it did.

A hypothesis that would fall through if you couldn't get the damn thing to catalyze.

"I can always grab more." you say, not wanting to fail just because you lacked the proper materials.

Twilight didn't seem to agree with you. "Anon, I'd much rather this experiment fail then have what happened to Mous happen to you." she says.

You put on a pouty face. "I could take the path there..."

Twilight smiles and rolls her eyes "Come on, let's try this again. Maybe with less salt water this time."

You step out of the Library at your usual time, but it sure doesn't look like it.

Thick clouds hang over Ponyville, the setting sun casting them in shadows so harsh you could practically feel the water trapped inside them. The big storm was scheduled for around midnight tonight but you could swear it was going to let loose any minute.

You were about to start home when you heard a brash voice from behind you "Yo! Anon!"

You turned to see Rainbow Dash land a few feet away from you, her rainbow trail lagging behind her for a moment. She wordlessly extended her forehoof. You wordlessly bump it with your fist.

Bro: Greeted.

"Hey Rainbow, what's up?" you ask.

She grins and looks up to the clouds. "Just getting everything ready for the storm tonight, it's gonna be our biggest this year. Where were you headed?"

You stick your thumb behind you "I was about to head home, I don't want to be caught in this crap when it hits." you say.

She looks at you almost confused "Head home? On a Friday night? Buck that man, let's go grab some drinks." she turns around and begins walking, as if your answer was already set in stone. "My treat."

Well shit. It probably was with the prospect of the drinks being free. You had nothing else planned other than to relax at home and hear Mous complain that he can only take so many painkillers at once.

You find your feet already following Rainbow.

"Eh." you say, surrendering yourself to circumstance. "I could stand to get out more."

Cut to a few minutes later and you and Rainbro are in some hole in the wall chugging hard apple ciders and shooting the shit.

"So wait man, wait, what do they say where you're from instead of "Buck"? she asks. She's a bit tipsy, it goes with being that much lighter then you.

"Fuck." you answer

Rainbow stares ahead for a few moments. "That's...weird."

You continue to regale Rainbro with tales of fast food, wireless internet, and soap that tasted like chocolate when you saw a familiar creamy yellow in the corner of your eye.

Oh no...

"Fluttershy." you say despite yourself.

You must have had more then you thought. Damn these ponies weak alcohol messing with your ability to regulate yourself. She was standing at the other end of the bar with her back to you, you could see her eyeing you two every so often as she pretended to be nonchalant. Oh fuck she looked right at you.

You turn and stare at your drink and pretend not to hear the clip clop of hooves coming up on you.

Rainbro leans in. "What's wrong dude?" she whispers.

You hadn't told anyone about what had happened in the hole, you had only told Mous about her staking out the house. You were actively trying not to think about it.

"Let's just say Fluttershy gets a bit...personal when I'm around." you whisper back as you hear her take a seat next to you.

"Hello Anon, I didn't expect to find you here." she says with as big a smile as you think she can get.

You turn to her, acting like you weren't just conspiring with Rainbow about her.

"Oh hey Fluttershy, I could say the same thing about you." you say through gritted teeth.

"Oh. Uhm, yes. You see, I've been wanting to uh...get out more." she stammers out.

Why do you get the feeling you were stalked here?

"Well, it's just us bros here, having a few." you blindly grab at her shoulder and pull her close. "Right Rainbow Dash?"

To her credit, she doesn't trip. "Hehe...Yeah! Just us bros..." she says.

You'd be more concerned that she sounded a bit off when she said that if not for what Fluttershy says next.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

No, brain. Just say no.

"Yeahsure!" you stumble out.

Ffffffuck.

A few hours of awkward small talk and unwanted ass grabs courtesy of Fluttershy, you and Rainbow find yourselves outside.

Fluttershy is more than gone.

"Falconsh and Eaglesh they both 'r quite rega-hic-." she sings out. Even in your current situation, drunk Fluttershy is funny.

Or would be funny, if you didn't have her dead weight on your shoulder and her flank next to your face.

Ohfuckshewasslipping.

"Need some help here Rainbow!" you call out.

"I got her! I got her!" you hear as Rainbow lifts her head up and saves her from a fall.

Thus had been your evening since you left the bar and started carrying Fluttershy to her house. You look up at the sky; no moon. That could just mean that it wasn't the right lunar phase or it could mean that the storm clouds were over you. Better safe than drenched.

"Come on Dash! We gotta double time it!"

You move as fast as your coordination will allow as you run down the road. Fluttershy's flank bouncing to and fro and getting her tail caught in your mouth more than once. Soon enough you spot Fluttershy's house. You get to the porch and get the door open just as you hear thunder rolling off in the distance. Shit. Gotta sped this up.

"Angel!" you call out. "Angel, get out here!"

Angel hops down the stairs and starts pitching a fit at being woken up.

"No time Angel!" you say as you plop Fluttershy down on her couch.

"She's drunk, take care of her." you say as you make for the door.

You start running as soon as your outside.

"C'mon Dash! This storms right on our ass and my place is halfway across town!" you yell as you make your best speed home, Rainbow right behind you.

Your apartment is in sight just as the rain starts to come down in sheets.

"Gah! Fuck!"

You hear Rainbow move up next to you. "Let's go! Keep running!"

You eventually get to your door and get inside. Taking a knee to catch your breath. Damn but were you out of shape.

Rainbow lands and punches your shoulder. "Hehe. What's wrong Anon, can't handle a little run?" she teases.

You smile despite the burning in your chest.

"Heh...Screw...you." you gasp out.

With your breathing under control, you take a glance out the window. Lighting was flashing rapidly in the clouds and the rain smacking the glass almost covered up the thunder.

You turned to Rainbow. "How long is this storm supposed to last?" you ask.

She looks out the window and frowns. "A while, we haven't had a decent rainstorm in a while."

"Great." you think as lightning strikes a tree in the distance.

You can crash here tonight." She had been staying over on movie nights since you arrived here so there wasn't any argument. You doubted even she could fly herself home in this weather.

A drop of water hit your nose and snapped you back to reality. A glance over at Rainbow showed that she was dripping wet too.

"First things first." you say as you walk to your bathroom. "We need to dry off."

You grab some towels and toss your shirt in your hamper. No use in drying off if you were wearing that. You noticed Rainbow didn't meet your eye when you gave her a towel. You look down to try and follow her line of sight.

"Something on my pants?" you ask.

Her face got a shade darker as she threw the towel over her head and started drying her mane. "No dude...It's nothing." she says.

Mous had probably gone to bed before the storm started so it was just you and Rainbow sitting on the couch as you both dried off. You'd have put on a movie if you thought either of you could get through it awake.

You made some instant cocoa, it was still winter and neither of you needed pneumonia. Dash had been uncharacteristically quiet, with conversation coming in short, uninteresting spurts.

Suddenly, she broke her self imposed silence.

"Say...Anon. Did you have any other friends back where you were from? You know, besides Mous? she asked.

Where did this come from?

"I had a few." you say. "Most of them were from school, Mous is the only one I've known for a long while though."

Her face is darker again, and she's not looking up from her drink. "Did you ever have...someone who was more than a friend? And not a bro either."

Was she asking you to play relationship councilor? Better you then Mous, you guess. He had once suggested that you both cover a friend in pheromones to make him seem more attractive once. "I've had a few." you say as you lean your head back and reminisce. "Couple of girls, one guy. Nothing lasting more than a year and that was because she was crazy."

Seriously, Who the fuck brings a two hundred pound piece of decorative furniture to a second floor apartment?

Rainbow looked at you weird for a second. "You like guys?" she asked.

What was that term for gay ponies you heard? Colt Cuddler?

"Not exclusively, but I can see the appeal." you say as you glance her way. "Do you think that's weird?"

Her face got dark again. "Nonono! Just...I didn't know that about you." she says.

More silence. Dammit, even if she didn't find it weird, it still just got weird.

She breaks the quiet once more. "So...what were they like? Were they all smart like you were?"

Wow. This must be serious. She didn't even call you an egghead.

You mull it over for a minute. "I guess we just all had some sort of connection. Different then what Mous and I have, but, just some spark of something that brought us together. We would hang out for a while and then things would just kinda escalate."

"Heh." you hear her mumble. "It sounds like things were pretty much the same where you come from as they are here."

"Really?" you ask.

She nods.

"Well, how bout that..."

As if it were adding the period to your sentence itself, a crack of thunder killed the lights and plunged the house into darkness.

"Well, I guess that's our cue to turn in." you say as you grab one if the blankets laying on the couch. "G'night Rainbro."

You think you hear a sigh from her. "Yeah...good night Anon."

Localized Numbness.

=Author's note: All dialogue from Mous's brain will be in green.=

You stir from your sleep. Wait... something's off. No Celestia making her sun blind your ass to start off they day? What's the occasion?

You throw back your curtains and look outside. The sky is grey. The wind is howling. It's also raining. Sideways.

"Oh."

So that's what's up. Wait. You still had to walk to work in this.

"Oh dicks."

No. Don't wanna.

Fuck you brain, we've been in this fucking room for two days. It's time to get out.

You ignore your brain and roll off your bed.

Literally roll off. You land on your face.

"Ow. Fuck."

Right, okay. Those painkillers were a bit stronger then you thought. You push yourself off the ground and manage to stand. You hobble your way over to your door, you get the hang of walking again by the time you make it. Hard part's over.

Step 1: Food.

Solution: Two rolls of bread and some water.

Fucks given: None. It was cheap and filling.

You spy both Rainbow and Anon still asleep on the couch. Anon wasn't wearing his shirt. You don't want to know. You finish eating and make your way to the bathroom. You throw your shirt off and start removing the bandages covering your back. The scars from the Manticore were noticeable, but Zecora's burning potion thing made them blend well enough.

You turn on your shower and step in. Should you tell Anon about Rainbow? It's been obvious to you since she started showing up to watch movies so often. It would be nice to rip this band-aid of awkwardness off fast and just get on with it.

...No. Anon had to figure this out for himself. Anon was the smartest guy you knew, but he could be pretty damned thick at times. Even you had to point out how close he was getting to his last girlfriend. Uhg. That fucking 200 pound secretary.

Stupid cunt. Fuck her.

As you shower, you take a moment to notice that you are covering yourself in water to go outside and get covered in water. The irony would be delicious if you weren't going to hate it so much.

You feel a bit more lucid after your shower. More aware. That's good, Aloe and Lotus would probably get mad if you came into work stoned. A quick peek outside shows you that this rain doesn't seem intent on letting up any time soon. You decide to wear some normal clothes while you walk and change when you get to the spa.

You grab a work outfit from your dresser. Matching stark white shirt and pants. Rarity had made them when you started working at the spa. You personally thought they were too white when coupled with your pasty skin. The only different color on your entire body when you wore them was your hair, you had even started to grow out your beard just to add a little fucking variety. But getting these soaked wasn't an option so they went in your bag.

You threw on some jeans and a shirt and made for the door. Sweatshirt on to block at least some of the rain and bag over your shoulder, you opened the door.

Yep. Still raining sideways. Shit.

You spot a fluttering grey figure in a yellow poncho by your mailbox.

"Hey Derpy." you call out over the wind.

She spots you and gets that big smile of hers.

"Hey Mous!" she says as she flies up to you. It must be hard for her to fly in this weather.

That was why you were friends with Derpy, she never let stupid shit like a nor'easter stop her.

"Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor hail, huh Derpy?" you say as you return her smile.

Her eyes get a bit more skewed, she puts her hoof to her chin.

"Huh? What's that?" she asks.

"Heh. Never mind Derpy, just something we say where I come from. You headed my way?"

You gesture towards town with your thumb and Derpy beams a smile and nods.

Dude. Fuck. This. Rain. It was coming down in sheets, the wind making those sheets hit you square in the face. You could swear that you were a few steps away from being thrown into Oz.

Did Equestria have an Oz? Was it weirder then Equestria? Your thoughts are interrupted as a fresh burst of rain nails you. Even the company of your favorite mailmare can't overcome the hurdle of the blasting wind and rain. You had to practically yell to get conversation across. From what you could make out; Dinky was doing well in school. Or was going to Hell for the pool, you don't know it was hard to hear.

Probably the first one though.

Derpy flew off to finish her rounds as you two entered town, leaving the last few hundred yards a solo endeavor.

You eventually made it to the spa door and stumbled inside, your cloths were heavy and you were no doubt dripping. You flipped back your hood to see Aloe behind the front desk, trying to stifle a laugh, it seems.

"Welcome back, Rough morning?" she asks.

"I will never be dry again. I could spend a year in the Appleoosian desert and still be damp." you say.

"I'll bet. Lotus! Mous just walked in!" she calls back.

"On my way." you hear your co-boss say.

Lotus walks in through the door. "Mous, welcome back. We're glad tha-"

She takes a look at your new part man-part water form. "Are you sure that you're okay to work? You look like you didn't have a particularly relaxing leave." she says, you think you spot concern in her eyes.

"I have water in places I didn't know I had, but my wounds are all closed up. Just point me to somewhere I can get changed and dry." you say.

Lotus gets a small smile. "You can use the steam room, we haven't had many customers today so it's empty."

Great. The day you bust your ass to come to work is the day nopony shows up.

"Thanks boss." you say as you make your way back.

Lotus bumps you as you walk past. Ha. She hated to be called boss.

You get to the steam room and grab one of the towels nearby. You disrobe and start drying yourself off. You'll throw our clothes in the dryer you use for towels, if it's a slow day then Aloe and Lotus won't mind. Good thing your boxers didn't get damp. It makes sense that business is light today, nopony wanted to be outside in this weather.

Anon and Rainbow had the right idea, be off work, sleep late, stay indoors and watch movies. Perfect recipe for a lazy Saturday. Kinda like the day you first showed up here. You pull your pants on and grab your shirt, satisfied that you were dry enou-

You collapse as a liquid magma hot pain runs along your scars.

"GAH! FUCK!" you shout.

Fucking hell. It felt like the Manticore was dragging it's claws up your back again. Slowly. While on fire.

You get yourself into a seated position and try to relax. Too much relaxation, you accidentally lean back on the coal pit in the center of the room.

"Dammit!" you gasp out as you slam your fist into the coal pit.

You must have made a lot of noise because Lotus comes galloping into the room.

"Mous! What's wrong? Is it your back?" she ask as she bursts in.

You half double over and put your head in your hand as you grimace.

"It's nothing..." you say through clenched teeth.

She wasn't having any of that it seems. "It is not nothing! You're in pain!" she shouts.

"Nothing real, just phantom pains. Probably been having them *gak*" Dammit. Not now. "...since I got hurt, painkillers must have made me not notice them."

"And you're off the painkillers?" Lotus asked.

"Was taking a few at a time. Can't come to work stoned." you say through gasped breath.

The pain was starting to fade a bit.

"Mous...you can't work like this." she says, actual concern in her voice.

Talking to Lotus was always like a game, you had to distract her to actually get the real her out.

"I can't sit at home for another day either, I'll go mental." you say.

You sigh. The pain seemed to have passed, all the was left was a sort of throbbing feeling. You could handle that.

"There. See?" you ask as you rise. "Good as new."

You throw on your shirt, as proof. It hurts, but nothing major.

"Mous, you can't work if this is going to happen again. It's not safe." she says as she looks up at you.

You mull it over. Nopony wanted a masseur who was in pain. Your boss didn't want you to work if you were in pain. But you wanted to work.

The solution was simple: Don't be in pain.

"Then it won't happen again." you say as you head for the door.

"Are you sure?" you hear Lotus call out behind you.

"Positive." you say. "I'll be in my room."

Okay...You could do this.

Aloe wasn't lying when she said it was a slow day. Absolutely NO one had come in since you got there. This was almost as bad as just laying in bed at home. Almost. Not that there weren't downsides to being here other than boredom. As if on cue, the scars on your back flare up. You place a hand on your oil shelf to steady yourself. Damn...this one was lasting longer than the others.

As you try to power through the burning hot agony on your back, you hear someone open the door to your massage room.

"Mous."

You open your eyes to see Lotus peeking her head through the door. She had been checking on you throughout the day after she found you in the steam room. Lotus could be distant at times, but you could tell she worried. You probably would too if you found an employee screaming on the floor from his manticore wounds. Your death grip on the oils rack persists for a moment longer as your pain dies down. You turn your gaze to your employer and put on your best reassuring smile.

"Lotus, I'm fine, you don't need to keep checking up on me." you say.

Liar. 'Fine' is in the Galaxy Far Far Away.

Quiet brain. She must never know.

You must look like crap because she doesn't look very convinced. "I see. I wanted to tell you that you have a customer, she's on her way back." she says.

"Okay. Thanks for the heads up."

She stares a moment longer before she backs out and closes the door. Okay. First customer. Maybe this was just what you needed, somepony to distract you a-

"Howdy there sugarcube."

-And make the situation that much worse.

You slowly turn to meet the tan mare who entered your room. Applejack. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't send your jimmies into such a spasm. You'd seen Applejack several times since you first noticed her spying on your house and simply played along with her game of "Cat and Mous". But you weren't in the mood to play today. But you also had no choice. You had vowed to get through the day despite the pain, and dammit, that's what you were gonna do.

"Hey AJ. Lay down on the bed and we'll get started." you say without turning.

Okay. Just a normal massage. In and out.

I thought we were trying to avoid that?

Not in the mood brain.

You grab some random lotion off the shelf, you had no idea where anything was after you re-organized for the third time an hour ago. As you maneuvered to her side, you felt high hind leg brush up against your leg. You saw that. She didn't think you did. But you saw that. The perpetual frown you've had on all day grows deeper as you get to work. AJ, for her part, sells it rather well. Her moans echo through the small room as you work your way over her muscles. You try to block it out as you focus on the best plan of action.

Okay; Applejack did a lot of hauling apples, so her back muscles would need work. She also was in charge of bucking the apples, so her legs would need a lot of attention. Crap. This was amounting to an awful lot of rubbing on the mare who you caught trying to watch you exit the shower.

"You're awful quiet today Mous." you heard AJ say.

Shit. You were being quiet today.

"Sorry. We haven't had a lot of customers today, your actually the first. I guess I'm just out of it."

"Mmmm...that's awright. I don't mind silent types." she says.

Dammit AJ. Your relentless flirting would be funny on any day other then today. The constant throbbing in your back picks up with your heartbeat. Dammit...that hurt. You need to find something to focus on.

"So, where does it hurt, AJ?" you ask, ignoring her previous comment.

Should've asked that before. Stupid. Stupid. Get your head in the game.

"My shoulders have been givin' me all sorts'a problems lately." She lifts her head and turns to you, her eyes are lidded. "Anything you can do about that?" she asks.

Your scars flare up in response to your rustled jimmies. Dammit. Not now. Anything you say will come out as a groan, so you just motion for Applejack to lay down again. Had to wrap this up fast. But no way she would just walk out of here without you fixing her shoulders.

She's talking again. Something about electric apples or something. It's all just so much white noise as you try to get her out of here and ignore the ever growing pain in your back. Dammit. It's getting worse. You're out of tricks. You have no idea where this pain she is experiencing is coming from.

You wonder if you could... Just kinda... You stop rubbing for a moment and place your ear on Applejack's back. You had no idea why you were doing this, but it felt like a good idea.

Maybe you can hear the pain, Yeah!

Brain. Why are you talking instead of flooding us with endorphins?

You wonder... If pony joints are similar enough to your joints... The pain in your back has become almost unbearable again. It's all you can do to not scream in Applejack's ears as she talks about whatever. You can't take either of these anymore. You grab Applejack's hooves and pray that you're not about to cripple somepony. In one swift motion you pull Applejack's legs forward and then wrench them back behind her head as far as they'll go. A series of cracks fills the room in unison with Applejack releasing a low moan.

That was...actually rather therapeutic.

Your scars die down a bit, but you can feel them still feel the throbbing increase in intensity. The momentary reprise you just bought yourself was quickly running out.

"So, did that take care of your problem?" you ask.

Applejack looks like she just got off and you make a point of checking to make sure she didn't.

"Sugarcube, I don't know what you did. But you can do it again any time." she says.

You leave her side and open the door.

"Glad to be of service, please talk to Aloe at the front desk about paying." you say with the best smile you can muster.

The pain was coming back. This was a big one, you can feel it. Applejack jumps off the bed and grabs her hat as she leaves. The second she's around the corner, you turn tail and head to the rear of the spa. Showers. Had to get to the showers.

Your stomping through the halls draw Lotus out of the aromatherapy room.

She looks up at you the same way she has been all day. "Mous, is everything-"

"Not now." you spit out as you blow past her.

You enter into the showers, used whenever somepony felt the need to wash off any sweat from the steam room. You find the first shower you can and crank the knob to the coldest it goes as you practically tear off your shirt. You sit down in the pony sized shower and let the cold water run over your back, careful not to let any get on your pants.

Oooohhh...

By The Five that felt good. The cold water fights back the building pain and starts to slowly numb your back. You see the door open, Lotus stands there and just stares. Fuck. She looks mad.

"Mous. I don't care what you said earlier, you are not fit to work if you are in this much pain. Now go home before you kill yourself with this!" she says as she stomped up to you.

You smile. The first legitimate smile you've had all day.

"It's fine boss, really this time. This water's taking care of my pain better than those pills ever did." you say.

Lotus sticks her hoof in the stream of water and almost immediately pulls it back out, wincing.

"Mous, this water is freezing." she says.

"And it feels GREAT."

She shakes her head and sighs. "Whatever Mous, just don't do more damage to yourself then you already have." she says as she leaves.

Pfft. What did she know? You were fine, right?

You examine your situation. You were sitting in a too-small-for-you shower, alone, pouring ice water on your back to simply get through the day.

...No. No you were not fine.

With a sigh, your get up and turn off the water. You towel yourself off and throw your shirt back on. Apart from being spectacularly itchy, you were fine. You sit down in your chair back in your room. You had some stuff to think about.

The only other customer you had that day was, what a shocker, Lyra. Oh well. At least she was easy to take care of. Rub her haunches, crack her back, hit her temples and you're done. You grab your clothes from the dryer and stuff them in your bag, you were in a hurry to get home. The pain was starting to come back, your scars slowly getting more sore throughout the day.

You make your way to the front, Aloe and Lotus were going over numbers behind the desk. You pause on your way out and grab the doorframe, as another flare settles in. Damn. They were getting more frequent, you had to get home.

You hear Lotus sigh. "Aloe, close up for me, I need to help our friend here get home." she says coming out from the desk.

Aloe gives you a concerned look. "Is he alright?"

Lotus scoffs as she walks up to you. "He's thickheaded, and stupid, and should have gone home hours ago when he could still make it on his own."

"I regret nothing." you say.

Lotus puts your theory to the test with a small tap on your back.

Pain rockets up your spine and sends your brain into overload, your pupils shrink and your chest hitches.

"Ow." escapes your mouth in the best deadpan you can muster.

Never let them see you sweat.

Lotus and you make your way down the road to your house. Your scars do their best to impede you, but you only have to stop a few times.

You did a really stupid thing today, Mous." Lotus says with her eyes forward.

"I'm kind of a stupid guy."

"Stupid or not, I would hope you could at least understand not to come into work when you can barely walk." she shot a glare at you.

"No way. What would have happened if some pissed off asshole came in and tried to shut us down for prostitution again?"

"Oh please." she says. "Nopony has tried that since Whistleblower, and he was one of maybe three who's done that in the entire time I've lived here."

She turns to glare at you. "I run a public spa with my twin sister and hail from a seedy place in the world. I was prepared for overreactions when I came here, Mous."

"Whatever. He was still an ass." you say.

"And I see you picked up his lessons well." she retorts.

Heh. Good one.

You eventually reach your door, your conversation with Lotus helping distract you from the pain.

"Thanks for this bo-Lotus." you catch yourself. "I appreciate the concern."

She still looks annoyed. "Oh no. I'm not leaving until I see you swallow those pills."

You open the door and step inside.

"Uhg. You're worse than my mom."

You throw your bag on the empty couch.

"ANON YOU HOME!?" you yell out. Two thumps resound from the back of the apartment.

"Yeah, he's home, come on in." you motion for Lotus to follow you.

You make your way to your bathroom and open your bottle of pills. You toss a few into your mouth absentmindedly as Lotus looks on in mild terror.

"How many of those did you just take!?" she reels.

"Enough."

You open your mouth and lift your tongue for Lotus to ensure you actually swallowed them.

As your see Lotus off, she stops on your porch. "If you come into work tomorrow without a signed doctors note telling me your fit for it, you're fired." she says.

"First my mom, now my teacher. Are you gonna go for my old church leader to complete this guilt trip of yours?"

"Don't tempt me." she says as she walks down the trail.

"See ya later, Lotus."

"Goodnight, Mous."

You head back into the living room and are able to sit down for the first time today and lean back.

It was definitely nice to have a boss that cared about more than just that you showed up for work. You hear Anon step out room and head to the living room.

"Hey bro." he says as he walks in.

He takes on look at your face and grimaces. "Rough day?"

No need to worry him. One person at a time.

"Nah, I'm good. What's on the agenda for tonight." you say.

He smirks and heads to his side of the couch. "Troll 2."

You slap your hand on your face and groan.
Your pain had only just begun, it seems.

Field Test.

Mous was right, this Gorilla cereal was awful, and people use this to calm themselves down. Baffling. You could hear Mous trudge to the bathroom as you eat. You figured he had taken his painkillers after you heard him get home last night, if they had worn off by now then he must be in a shit mood. He trudges out of the hallway towards the table you were at.

"Rough night?" you ask.

His face is a frown chipped out of stone, his hair is in tangles and has started to fall over his face as he sat.

He ran his hair through his hands as he answered. "Not my best, I had to take more pills to get out here. This doctor better have a fix."

"So, I take it you're not helping in town today?" you ask.

He turns his gaze up to you. "Help with what?" he asks.

"Rainbow told me about it yesterday afternoon." you start. "After a storm like this, the entire town gets together to fix up any damages that might have occurred."

He lowers his hands and places them on the table.

"Was it that bad?" he asks.

"I didn't see it myself, but Rainbow anticipated some damage. She says they had to go hard on the wind."

"Is everything in town closed?" he asks.

You lean back. "I think so. From what Rainbow said, this is a town wide thing until it's all back in order." you say.

"I'll try and find you after this doctor thing." he says as he looks round the kitchen. "Now, do we have anything to eat that doesn't taste like ass in here?"

Breakfast went its usual direction. You and Mous talked about what groceries you needed, what movie you each wanted to watch after the inevitably movie night to follow this clean up duty, and speculating about the damage the town had suffered. After that, you both went your separate ways, you headed into town while Mous took the path to the local hospital. As town came into view, you got a firsthand look at the damage the storm had caused.

The trees had lost a great deal of branches, all of which were now scattered throughout the town. A few fence had been ripped up and the boards tossed around, It also looked like a tree fell near town hall. The whole town was out in force, pegusi were clearing branches off roofs while unicorns and earth ponies were clearing the streets.

"Yo, Anon!" you hear a familiar voice from above. You look up to see Rainbro Dash descending upon you. Damn, she was falling fast. You start to wonder if she's going to be able to pull up in time. A few feet from the ground, Dash pulls up hard and shoots towards you. She misses you by only a few feet, her speed causing her to kick up nearby debris into the air. As the debris crashes to the ground around you, you turn back to your bro and laugh.

"I thought the idea was to clean up the wreckage Dash, not spread it around." you say.

She lands with that smug grin of hers. "Don't worry Anon, I'm clearing it off the roads."

"Yeah right." you say. "You just wanted an excuse to go fast." you say as you extend your fist.

She laughs as she bumps it with her hoof. "Who says I can't do both?"

The both of you laugh as you head towards the center of town.

Most of your day is spent patrolling the town with Rainbow Dash collecting errant twigs, an easy, if time consuming task. Rainbow was taking the roofs around town while you were handling the streets, your job was to gather up all the bigger sticks while getting the smaller ones into the grass where they would bio-degrade.

Along the way, you come up on a row of houses that seem particularly damaged. The houses windows are broken, there are nicks and dings on the siding, and the roofs look haggard.

"These places must have taken the brunt of the storm." you say.

You continue along the row of houses, they were gonna have to get a proper crew out here if they wanted these places fixed up. You eventually come up on one particular house near the corner. This house looks like it was hit by a tornado made of hammers for all the damage done to it. Every window was broken, the door was battered and dented, as you turned the corner itself you saw that a fence post had impaled itself in the side of the wall several feet from the ground.

"Damn!" you exclaim as you check out the plank. It had gone clean through the entire wall almost halfway before it stopped.

"How the hell do you think this happened?" you ask as you turn to Rainbow.

She puts a hoof to her chin and looks around the alley you were in.

"Okay, see how we're in this little alley on the corner?" she asks.

You nod as you look around.

"Okay, well, these corners and the high roofs probably turned this place into a tiny wind tunnel. If that fence post got caught in here, then it could go fast enough to break through that wall easy." she explains.

Wow. You were impressed.

"Why Rainbow Dash, I didn't take you for a physicist." you say.

She blushes and turns away. "Yeah, well, I have to be on top of this stuff as the best flyer around."

You chuckle and turn back to the post, an idea entering your mind.

You turn back to Rainbow. "Hey, Dash, think we can break this thing out?

Rainbow gives you a quizzical look. "Why, dude?"

You turn back to the post and begin to inspect the area of impact.

"Because picking up sticks is boring and we can help the cleanup crew?" you say.

Hmm. This post went in on an angle, it should be in perfect breaking condition. You press down on the far end of the post. Nothing. You needed more force. You push down on the post again, this time lifting your feet off the ground and letting the post take all the weight.

Still nothing.

You prop yourself on a nearby barrel and stand on the post, it's wide enough for you to keep your footing on.

"Are you sure that's a good idea bro? you hear Rainbow ask.

"It's fine." You say as you grab the gutter for support. You look back down at the post

"It's on now." you say as you start jumping on it.

This post was going to break if it was the last thing you did. You keep jumping the increased in both intensity and frequency. Dammit, what was in this wood?

"Bro, take it easy!" you hear Rainbow call out.

Fuck that, your needed to see how much it took to break this wood. One particularly high jump is all it takes. Your feet hit the post and it snaps in its hole. For a brief moment, you are elated in your success. That feeling is quickly overwritten by panic as you remember that you were standing on that.

You try to hold on to the gutter only for that to come tearing off as well.

Shit.

"Anon!" you hear Rainbow cry as you fall.

You appreciate the concern, but there was no way even she could close that distance in time. You fall back and your head makes a crack that resounds through the alleyway as it hits the nearby barrel.

You think you hear Rainbow Dash calling your name but you can't really tell. Everything looks kinda wavy. The back of your head hurts.

You reach back and feel your head. It feels wet. Warm, too. You feel your shirt getting tugged. It eventually gets pulled over your head. Wait. Did it take that long? It didn't feel that long.

You hear someone shouting. Something soft is hitting your face. It smells like sweat. You remember Rainbow smelled like sweat a lot after training.

Rainbow...weren't you with her today?

"Anon!" you think you hear her say.

Anon? That wasn't your name, your name wa-

Wait. You took Anon as your name when you got to Equestria. You were living with Mous.

Today was the day you were helping clean up after the storm.

"Anon!" you hear again.

You were trying to break a fence post.

"Anon! If you're dying, I'll kick your flank!" you hear as another hoof belts you across the face.

Ow! Shit.

"Dash!" you call out.

"Anon?" you hear. You turn to see her. Her magenta eyes are wide with worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine." you say. "What happened?" you look down at your now bare chest. "And what happened to my shirt?"

She turns her head away before you get a chance to look back in her face. Why are her wings standing up?

"I wrapped your head in your shirt after you nailed yourself on that barrel!" she points a hoof to the offending barrel. "What, was I just supposed to let you bleed all over yourself?".

Shit. You feel the back of your head and look at your hand: red as all hell.

"Crap, Dash, we need to get back to town and get me patch up." you say.

Dash wheels around and wriggles under your shoulder. "No problem Anon! I gotcha."

Getting up is a bit of a challenge, but you make good speed once you're on your feet.

"Can't believe I got myself this bad." you say.

You see Rainbow look up at you "Do you do this kinda stuff often?" she asks.

A chuckle escapes you. "I don't intentionally do this stuff often, no." you say as you wind your way through the streets. "But sometimes, I get so caught up in figuring out something that I kinda stop paying attention to other stuff. Usually, Mous is there to reel me back in before something like this happens."

Rainbow Dash's head drops.

"Don't worry Dash, your new to the hole 'bro' thing, you're doing great right now." you motion to her helping you walk.

"Yeah...sure thing...bro..."

Bro Duties.

Hospital smell isn't new to you. You've been in them often enough, usually by Anon dragging you to them after you got yourself hurt.

You sat in the exam room waiting for this doctor. The painkillers you took earlier had been keeping a lid on your pain. This "Horse M.D." was taking his sweet time getting here. At this rate, you were going to heal before he showed up.

This room wasn't too different from ones back on Earth. Anatomical posters of various body parts hung around the room. A mock skeleton was in the corner.

A doctor was walking in the door.

Wait, shit.

"What's up, doc?"

You always wanted to say that but were afraid you would have gotten smacked.

"Hello, Mr. Mous. What seems to be the problem?" he asks.

This guy has some ridiculous hair. It's all red and poofy.

He asked you a question, dude.

You snap back to reality.

"I got clawed up pretty good by a manticore a few days ago, I got fixed up by some tribal goo a friend of mine made, but it still hurts pretty bad." you say.

These painkillers are making you weird. Had to stay on top of that.

The doctor looks over a form you saw the nurse filling out.

"Hmm...Well, let's take a look, shall we?" he says as he makes his way over to you.

That's your cue. You hop off the examination table and remove your shirt. The doctor makes his way behind you. You can hear him sighing, thinking, everything but telling you why you were in pain. It eventually becomes too much to bare.

"So, what's the damage doc?"

"Did you see what kinda of treatment this friend of yours gave you?" he asks.

You had apparently lost more than a bit of blood that night, you didn't remember much after you got hit.

"No, I was pretty out of it after the manticore got me."

"Hmm...I'm going to have to take some blood for a quick test." he says.

Great. Needles. You don't like needles.

"Alright, fine." you say with a sigh.

You roll up your sleeve, gotta bite the bullet here.

The doctor looks at you. "In order to confirm the theory I have, I need a blood sample from as close to the wound as possible."

...Bite the bullet here.

Fifteen minutes later, you're laying on the examination table trying to rid your body of the pain it had been through. That idiot doctor had missed the vein three times. Being stabbed in an already painful wound wasn't a fun time. That general anesthetic hadn't done shit.

You're thinking about how you would go about burning down a hospital when the doctor returns.

"Does it still hurt?" he asks.

A grunt through gritted teeth was all the reply he was going to get. You were gonna kill him. You were gonna rip that fucking stupid hair off his fucking head and force feed it down his fucking throat.

"Well, I can see why. Your blood tests showed us why you're in so much pain." he says.

Is it because you're fucking incompetent you idiot ha-

"You were poisoned."

Wait, what?

You turn to give him your full attention. Zecora didn't seem the type to poison someone she never met.

"What?" you ask.

The doctor looks at his clipboard again.

"Manticores have a poison they use the incapacitate their prey. The one that hurt you must have had it running through its claws when it hit you." he says.

He puts down the clipboard and prods you to sit up.

He rotates a mirror to show you your back scars. Three jagged marks are carved into your back, one glowing an angry red after being stabbed repeatedly with a sharp needle.

He raises a hoof to your back. "When the manticore slashed you, it released a poison into your wounds to paralyze you."

That must have been why you were so out of it when Anon dragged you to Zecora's.

"Whatever treatment you took closed up your wounds, yes, but also trapped the poison inside you. The pain you feel is your nerves inflaming around the infected areas." he says.

Well shit. Poisoned.

That's never happened before.

"Can you fix it?" you ask, general concern creeping into your voice.

Okay. Fuck. This could be serious.

This could be "stop your heart" serious.

You can't die yet. Not before Anon.

"Stop worrying." the doc says.

Fuck. Was it that obvious?

"We wouldn't live near a manticore's habitat without having some sort of antitoxin." he says smiling.

He starts writing on a small notepad and rips the piece of paper off it.

"Give that to the pharmacy to pick up your antitoxin pills. Take them three times a day with water." he says, handing the prescription to you.

What about my pain?" you ask.

Don't want to not get treated for the reason you're here.

"The pain should subside when the swelling goes down, take those pills and that should happen in about a week." he says as he walks out the door "Have a nice day Mr. Mous."

He shuts the door before you can answer.

You're walking in to town holding your antitoxins and a fresh bottle of painkillers in a bag. You had taken your first dose on antitoxin as well as some painkillers already. Feels good man. Feels REALLY good.

You've been in pain for the past few days, to be rid of it felt incredible. Damn. The town got FUCKED UP. Everything was broken and shit. Ponies were flying around and running all over the place.

You should help, probably. But how?

You should try to find Twilight, she'll know what needs to get done. You wave at Derpy as you walk by and get a wave and a smile back. Derpy was so cool. Shit, you could really go for some of her muffins right now. You wonder if you'll run into Lotus, you wanna give her your clean bill of health.

You come up on Twilight's tree house thing. There's Twilight and everyone else outside, Twilight was probably coordinating everything again. But she isn't coordinating, it looks like. She's walking around Anon, it looks like. Anon looks like he's sitting on a box. Was he...bleeding..?

Big Bro mode: Engaged. Anything that was on your mind is pushed to the side as you stomp over to Anon.

Applejack hears you approach and starts walking towards you. "Well, howdy ther-"

"Move."

You don't have time for her shit right now. You blow past her and approach Anon. He's getting bandaged up around his head. You grab his chin and turn it up before he can talk.

"Uh...dude?" he starts.

"Look at me."

Twilight and the girls stand in shocked silence as you examine Anon. You turn his head to get a look at the back of it. Bloody, a small gash on the back of his head was the cause.

"Bro!" Anon shouts and he waves you off him.

You crouch down and meet his eyes as he turns back. You hold up a finger.

"Follow." you say.

No chances, he could be concussed. His eyes are narrow in annoyance, but he follows your guide all the same. Satisfied, you stand up again.

"How did this happen?" you ask.

"Dude, it's nothing, I'm getti-"

"How?" you interrupt.

He was your bro, you had to protect him. You can't do that if he's bullshitting you.

He still looks pissed.

"I was out cleaning up debris on the edge of town, I started goofing off and hit my head on a barrel, you happy?" he says.

Your eyes drift to Rainbow Dash. She looks guilty. Of course these two were together, they're best friends. But you were his Bro.

You could care less that Dash was there, you got the answer you needed. You could push the point, but that would just get him pissed off and make him lie to you when this happened again.

You let out a sigh. "You can't be so reckless, bro."

His good cheer seems to return to his face

"Excuse me? This coming from the manticore wrestler?" he says as Twilight finishes wrapping his bandages.

"That's different. I can take a manticore, barrels are too far out of your league." you quip.

"Oh please! Which of us had to go to the hospital because he couldn't take his old man back problems?" he shouts with a smile.

With the situation back in friendly territory, the two of you plus the girls get to work on the town. With everypony working, you finish before sunset.

Rainbow heads back to your apartment for the most recent movie night. Tonight was Terminator's I and II. Rainbow liked the chase on the motorcycle, good times were had by all.

She left shortly after the second movie, work in the morning. You popped some of your pills in your mouth as you got ready for bed.

"Yo, bro." Anon stopped you in the hall as he was taking off his bandage.

"Hmm?"

"What was the deal in town today? You kinda freaked." he says.

Great. This. Best to just get it out there.

"I'm the older bro here, it's my job to protect you." you say.

Anon leaned against the wall. "Well isn't that sweet? I'm only two years younger than you dude, I can handle myself."

Shit. You knew. But you've been protecting this kid since you were seven.

"Sorry..."

You don't wait for him to respond, you just head inside and go to bed.

Bro Time.

You awake to, what a surprise, the sun in your face. You grumble as you rise from your slumber. That sun has ruined your fun for far too long.

Gentleman? How do we kill the sun? You know the sun personally. You probably have a sexual assault case on the sun. You guess you could travel to Canterlot, fight off all her guards, no doubt have to fight her sister, and then actually kill her to remove the sun.

... That sounds like a crazy amount of work. You look at your clock; 12:15. That sounds like way too much work for this hour on your day off. Why the fuck were you up anyway? You weren't scheduled to come in today. You lay your head back on your pillow and begin to drift off to sleep again...

You are interrupted by a trio of bangs on your door.

"Yo! Mous! Wake up man!"

You throw yourself out of bed and make for the door. You consider caving Anon's head in with a nearby model before you open the door.

No...Learn what he wants first, then bash his brains in with a Scout Titan.

You swing open the door and give him your best glare.

"WHAT!?" you shout.

He jumps back at your sudden outburst, but a smile is quick to form on his face.

"Good morning to you too, dude." he says with a giggle.

If your glare could kill someone, it would be doing it now. You bring yourself back from the simmering rage you were at.

"What. Do you want. Anon." you spit out.

You've known him for almost two decades, he better fucking know you hate waking up by now. He leans against the wall and grins at you.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to town with me today, we're both off and I have some shit to do." he says.

"Get Rainbow to go."

Maybe that pegasus could finally come out and fucking say it and these two would leave you to sleep all day in peace.

"Rainbow is in Cloudsdale till tomorrow, just you and me." he retorts.

Silence falls in the hallway as you bury your face in your hand.

Anon eventually speaks up again. "C'mon bro, please?" he begs.

Damn his eyes. He knew you were gonna fold. You really wanted to sleep in. But hanging out with Anon would be cool.

"The last time we hung out together, I got mauled."

"So think of how easy it will be to do better than that!" he says spreading his arms wide.

You peek through your hand to glare at him. His smile is still wide as a mile.

"...Give me a half hour."

Anon crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. "Slowpoke."

You'd punch him or something, but you were already on your way to the kitchen.

You pick through your cupboards, what was there to eat here? Fruit? No. Applejacks are still not proven safe. Gorilla Munch isn't fit for dogs. You knew what you needed to get you through this.

Some mother bucking pancakes.

You were amazed that the ponies here had pancakes. You were even more amazed that they had pancakes that came in a box, you had expected them to only have batter. You throw them in your microwave and head to the bathroom while you wait.

This was the last day you needed these Antitoxins, your pain had nearly faded away. You pop one in your mouth and pocket the bottle for later, not bothering with the painkillers. Your food is done and you sit down to eat, Anon already sitting across from you as he held his head up with his hands.

"Are you just gonna sit there and watch me eat until we go?" you ask.

"Yep." was his response.

You sit down and start eating your delectable prize for being up at this hour. You only saved pancakes for important days. You finish your meal and start to head to the shower.

"You think they can fix Rainbow at the hospital?" Anon asks.

That took you by surprise.

"What's wrong with her?"

You were concerned. Rainbow was a friend.

"Lately, I've been seeing her wings get real stiff all of a sudden. I think she may have some sort of paralysis." he says.

You bang your head against the wall in frustration. Dammit. Anon was the smartest guy you knew, he's not allowed to be this dumb. You walk into your room and grab your anatomy book.

School was in session, bitch.

You flip to the section on pegusi wings.

"Read."

You don't wait for a response.

-Anon PoV-

Damn, what jittered his critters? You turn to the book and flip through some of the pages. You had no idea what this had to do with Dash, but you'd humor Mous. Pegusi wings can carry up to 200 pounds...blah blah blah...feathers molt every summer.

This was stupid.

You were worried about your friend, why learn about basic statistics?

You skip ahead a few pages. Hollow bones, protected by innate magic.

Main bones run along the outer edge with smaller ones inside, muscle and skin stretched over them.

Bones are hollow. They have primary blood vessels the same way that you had in your legs.

What did this have to do with anything?!

You're worrying about your friend's health and your bro hands you a book of useless facts? What is this?

You're about to close the book when you get to a section that catches your eye "Wing Phenomena" Your interest re-ignited, you dive back into the text. Genetic deformities where wings grow in backwards...horrible, but no...wings locking up in flight.

You come to one phrase that causes you to stop.

"Optera Tumesence"

You go through your knowledge of scientific phrasing to try and decipher this thing.

"Swollen Wing" That sounded promising.

"Pegusi wings can become swollen for a variety of reasons, be they from injury, or poor diet." the book read.

Rainbow didn't look hurt and apart from booze, her diet was phenomenal.

"While pegusi wings are sensitive normally, they become doubly so in this state." it continued.

So her wings were hurting? You continued reading.

"While pegusi wings can become swollen for many reasons, the most common is seems to be due to arousal."

Okay, so it looks like Rainbow's wings were always stiff because she was really turned on, that's a relief.

Whoawaitwhat?

-Mous PoV-

You step into your room and toss on some clothes. You weren't dressing to impress here; tee shirt and cargo pants it is. You walk out into the living room and take a quick glance at Anon.

He looked like his brain just imploded.

"I take it you figured it out." you say.

He looks up at you, his eyes were still wide.

"Hehe...yeah. "Arousal" huh? Nuts. Who do you think is causing it?" he says.

"Huh?"

"Who do you think is getting Rainbow so turned on?" he asks again.

Oohhh...No. Dammit, no. You showed him the book, why can't he put two and two together?

Whatever, baby steps here.

"I dunno dude, let's get going."

You hate lying to Anon, but you'd rather not have to explain this situation to him. You both step outside into the Equestrian sun. You try not to glare at the object that constantly wakes you up as you head to the path.

"So what are we headed to town for?" you ask.

"Groceries, mostly. I could also do with a new notepad for work." Anon says.

"You went through that big ass notebook that fast?"

Anon shrugs. "Hey, I'm a research assistant."

The both of you continue walking until you see a floating mass of grey and yellow a bit further down.

There she is.

"Hey! Derpy!" you shout.

The mailmare spins around at the sound of her name, a letter in her mouth and a smile on her face as she flutters towards you.

Her smile is infectious.

"Hey, Anon and Mous!" she shouts.

"Hey Derpy."

"Hi Derpy."

"Why are you two headed into town?" she asked as she fell in line with the two of you.

"Groceries, we're low." you say.

"How about you, Derpy?" Anon asks.

"Oh, you know, gotta get these letters out. Especially with tomorrow being what it is." she explains.

Tomorrow? What's special about it? You think, it was mid February, and you know these ponies had an analogue for Valentines.

Wasn't it called...

"Heart's and Hooves day?"

"That's one thing!" Derpy beams.

You're about to ask her about that when Anon jumps in.

"You have any letters there from you Derpy? Maybe to someone you have your eye on?" he chides.

Derpy blushes and turns away. "Hehe. No, no special stallions in my life."

"That doesn't mean squat, don't think I haven't seen the looks you give that stallion at the clock store."

Derpy blushes harder at your teasing.

Derpy parts company with you two as you enter town. You even get a hug goodbye this time. That's new...

-Music-

It was a nice day out, not too cold. You and Anon were walked into town together, already on another argument.

"I told you, they are not 'dolls' they are 'models'." you explain.

"I'm sure that's exactly what someone who owned dolls would say." he says.

"My models take hours of time to craft, paint, and position."

"And then you go and put six hundred of them around your room like some ridiculously old Barbie fan-mom."

"Because I'm proud of the work I did! Some of those models have over a thousand piec-"

You spin head over feet and land on your back. Shit. You must have tripped over somepony.

"Sorry. Sorr-"

"No it's quite alright, I had my-"

His accent sounded Scottish.

"I was arguing with my friend and not looking where I was goin-"

"Only an accident."

The awkwardness of the scene makes the both of you not care that you're interrupting one another. Shit. Pick up these papers he dropped.

"Here's your paper's, sorry about...that..."

You get a good look at the pony you tripped over. Brown mane. Brown coat. Blue eyes. Cutie Mark? Hourglass.

... No fuckin' way.

You turn to look at Anon. He has the same bug eyed expression you have. You turn back to the stallion and blink.

Nope. Not going crazy.

He must have seen the look you had.

"Uhh...problem?" he says.

You look at your bro one last time before you turn back to him. Be cool, don't be an ass an- "Chameleon Circuit broken?"

You have never seen a pony run away so fast.

Shit. Today was weird enough already.

As the two of you make your way to the market, you're stopped by someone else calling your name.

"Mous!"

Goddammit, who noWHOASHIT. FUCK. LYRA.

ABORTABORTABORT.

You panic as the mint green mare canters up to you both with a cream coated earth pony following her.

"Mous! Hey! I didn't expect to see you in town!" she calls.

The earth pony looked pissed.

"Oh. Hi Lyra. Who's your friend?" you say through gritted teeth.

Gotta keep this conversation short. This mare looks pissed.

"I'm Bon Bon." she says.

"Bon Bon is my-" Lyra starts.

"We're together." Bon Bon finishes.

Holy shit. Did her voice just change? A glance to Anon shows that he saw it too.

TIMETOGO.

"WELLLYRAITWASNICETALKINGTOYOUWEHAVETOGONOW!" you say as you grab Anon and leg it.

"Mous! Wait up!" you hear her call.

You're around the corner before she finishes.

"Did you hear her voice!?" Anon shouts as you walk.

"Yeah, dude." you say.

"What's the deal with that!?"

"I have no idea, but being around Lyra is rarely a good thing."

You both continue walking.

"So...what's Lyra's deal?" Anon asks.

"I don't know, she's obsessed with humans, apparently. Something about our hands." you explain.

You wiggle your fingers as you say that.

"Does she always find you like that?" he asks.

"She comes into the spa at least ten times a week."

Anon is silent for a minute. "What are you gonna do?" he asks.

He's right. You had to do something. Seeing Lyra a dozen times a week wasn't fucking working.

"I dunno, man." you say.

You'll think of something later, you had shit to do. The Ponyville market had everything, you just had to know where to look. You grab Anon by the shoulder and turn him to you.

"Split up, grab your shit, meet back here in twenty." you say with accompanying hand movements.

"Gotcha." Anon says as he heads off.

You make your way around the stalls. Some bread here, grapes there. You pay the mare behind the counter. Next is your delicious pancakes. You grab as many boxes as will fit and pay the...mare.

You soon have everything you need and start to head back. On your way, you begin to notice something off...

You meet back with Anon in the center of the market.

"Book store next?" you ask.

He smiles. "Nah, they had some notepads on the other end of the plaza. I picked up a few."

The two of you share a fist bump at your good fortune and head for home.

Anon speaks up when you're out of town. "Hey...about the market...did you notice..."

"...All the mares? you ask.

"And there being NO stallions?

"And how the market was way less crowded then usual?"

It was a bit rare for the two of you to get on this wavelength, usually one of you had to explain it to the other.

"What was the deal with that?" you ask.

"I have no clue dude, I've never heard of anything like that." Anon says.

Maybe it was some weird pony thing. Like Penguin migrations or something.

You arrive back at the house. Check the clock; 2:15. You were too wired now, can't get back to sleep. Your perfect day of absolute sloth has been ruined.

You turn to Anon.

"...Day drinking?" you ask.

He smiles. "You're on."

Anon heads to the kitchen to grab the booze as you hit the lights and start a movie. 'Lady in the Water'? Why did you even own this? You and Anon take your places on the couch as the movie starts.

"So, lesbian ponies."

"I know right?!" he cries.

After a marathon run of movies, booze, and whatever conversation you could grasp at, the both of you are so far gone they need a map to find you. Sleepin on the couch tonight. Anon is passed out on the couch, drooling again. That fucker could never handle his alcohol.

You grab the remote in your mentally disheveled state and mash buttons until the room is pitch black. You settle in as you drift off to sleep Anon had woken your ass up on your fucking day off so that you could help him get groceries.

Still...This was good.

Estrus.

You were Rainbow Dash, and you just got back into town. You'd been gone for a few days and boy, did you feel it. Cloudsdale was cool and all, but all your friends were in Ponyville.

It was also Hearts and Hooves Day, and you had a plan. You were gonna march right up to Anon's house, look him straight in the eye and do...something.

Buck. This was harder then you thought.

What did humans even do for this kind of thing? What if Anon was some sort of stud and had this happen all the time? You're cursing through town when you smell something foul.

"Oh gross!" you shout.

You start to look for the source of the smell when you spot a large group of ponies headed through town square. You fly high to get a better look, all of them seem to be really happy, but their eyes are kinda glossed over. You notice something else weird; all of them were mares. You see Applejack, Fluttershy, even Pinkie Pie is bouncing around in the crowd.

"Man, what is up?"

You fly closer to try and ask and you notice that the smell gets worse the closer you get.

Just then, your wings seize up and you begin to fall. You right yourself quickly and land on a nearby roof as the horde of mares moves past you.

"Man, what now!?"

Your wings never did this, the only time they did was when you were...

Oh buck.

All the mares, the season, Hearts and Hooves day.

"It can't be! It's way too early!" you shout.

You look in the directions the mares were headed. Right towards Anon and Mous's house. That proves it.

You take off as fast as you can, you HAD to get there before they all did.

You were Anon and you were having a wonderful time being asleep. It being quiet and dark in your living room was a plus too. It was great to just hang out with Mous yesterday, but he had always been able to drink you under the table. You're nursing your hangover in comfortable silence when something starts banging at your door.

You groan as you roll over and try to ignore the sound, fucking Celestia's Witness can piss off right now. Despite your best efforts, the knocking continues. You can hear Mous groaning as he no doubt tries to do the same as you and block the noise out.

Eventually, it becomes too much for him.

"WWWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" he shouts with enough fury to practically blow out the windows.

Fuck! That is not helping your hangover!

"Dude!" you cry out.

"WHAT!?" Mous yelled back, obviously still pissed at being woken up.

He hated being woken up.

"Guys! It's me! You gotta open up!" a voice cries.

Huh? Rainbow?

"Is that Rainbow?" you ask as you rise from the couch.

"I don't fucking know." Mous says as he shoots up. "Hang on."

You hear Mous grumble about being woken up two days in a row as he unlatches the door. Rainbow Dash cannonballs past Mous and into the living room

"Do those windows lock? Is there enough food here? How fast can you guys run?" she starts asking at a mile a minute.

Mous slams the door and causes your hangover to flare again. "Rainbow Dash, you have thirty seconds to tell me why you are here waking us up before I take my hangover rage out on you." he spits as he trudges into the living room.

"C'mon Dash, tell us what's up." you say.

Dash still looks upset. "We need to get out of here." she says turning to you.

Mous pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why."

Rainbow turned back to him. "Because it's happening! Right now!"

Mous's eyes went wide as his frustration mounted. "My Friday getting ruined!?" he shouted.

You step between the two of them.

"Whoa!" you say as you try and get Rainbow and Mous to back down. Dealing with these two going at it was not on your to-do list.

You turn and look Rainbow in the eyes.

"What's going on Rainbow?" you ask. She's still on edge, eyes wide and darting around the room.

"There's no time! They're gonna be here any minute and we have to you both out!" she cried.

"Rainbow." you start as you take a few steps towards her, it must be the light because her face looks a bit darker. "We can't just start running somewhere without knowing what we're running from." you say.

"I'd prefer a straight fight anyhow." Mous says.

You turn to your bro. "Like the manticore?"

His frown deepens and he shrinks back.

"Come on, this could be serious." you say.

"What's going on, Dash?" you ask. She brings a hoof to her face.

"Fine, if you won't come along otherwise, it's Estrus season." she says.

"What's an Estrus?" you ask. Her face is darker again...

"Estrus season..." she begins. "I-It happens to mares around this time every year. Our brains get all messed up a-and all we can focus on is..." she mumbles something under her breath and turns her head away.

You lean in a bit closer. "Focus on what, Rainbow?"

She looks back at the two of you, you've never seen her this nervous.

"M-mating. All we can focus on is mating."

"Oh hell..." you hear Mous say behind you.

Pony mating season...wow. You didn't even know they had a mating season. But still, it must be normal for them.

"So...why are you here? Shouldn't you be out trying to find some fit young stallion?" you ask.

You hear Mous sigh about something again as Rainbow speaks.

"T-that's just it, the stallions have left. Every Estrus season, the available stallions either leave or barricade themselves indoors until everything is back to normal."

A bunch of males of a species turning away from all of their females going into heat? That doesn't sound like the biology you knew.

"Why would they do that?" you ask.

Rainbow's face is still acting weird as she lands and explains. "Well...some mares can become a little...intense during Estrus." she says.

Okay...so these ponies get so worked up that they chase away all the males every year? Harsh.

"So why are you here, Rainbow? What's this have to do with us?" you ask.

Rainbow jumps up on the couch to look at you both at eye level.

"Because you two are the only males of any species left in the entire town! I can't just leave you here!" she shouts.

This mare. Looking out for you even when the town goes nuts.

Mous walks away as you continue. "Thanks Bro, that means a ton." you give her a quick hug and try to suppress the laugh you get when you see her shocked face. "But still, I doubt we're in danger. The ponies here like us, but I doubt they're gonna try and molest us or something."

"I wouldn't be so sure." You hear Mous say.

You turn to see Mous looking out the door's peephole. "Why, bro?"

"Because I'm pretty sure the entire town is outside." he says.

Oh shit. You run up to the peephole and look out. Fuck. There had to be at least two hundred mares out on the trail heading towards your house.

"They can't all be here for us." you say as you scope out the herd outside.

"Why else would they all come out here, dude?" Mous counters.

You pull back from the peephole. Okay, this was happening. Fuck.

"What do we do?" you ask.

Mous thinks for a minute. "Okay, go get changed. Put on something with pocket space, a T-shirt, and some running shoes. Grab a jacket too." he orders.

You run back to your room and hear Mous step into his. You think you hear Rainbow come fluttering in as you remove your shirt, but she's in the hall when you look.

"S-so, you're just gonna trust Mous on this?" she asks.

"Mous has always been the quick thinker." you say. "He's the best guy to have during a crises."

You throw on your jacket and head back to the door, Mous walking out of his room shortly after you. "So, what's the plan?" you ask.

He looks through the peephole as he talks. "I want you and Rainbow to head out through the rear window in your room, run for Whitetail woods. Rainbow, how long does Estrus last?"

"About four or five days if it's this early." she says.

"If today is day one, stay in the woods all weekend. I'll come find you if it lasts for less than that." he says.

"Wait, you're not coming?" you ask.

He better not be doing what you thin-

"Rainbow, take care of him." he says as he opens the door and walks out.

That mutherfu-

-Mous PoV-

-Music-

You shut the door. Okay. Show time. Anon would be pissed that you were doing this, but you can handle it. And if not. It's your job to protect him.

You start walking away from your door towards the approaching mares. Damn, they were all here. Roseluck and her sisters, Applejack, Fluttershy, you saw Pinkie Pie hopping around in the rear somewhere. Even Derpy wasn't immune to the Estrus effects it seemed.

The mares were closing in, you could see their glazed over eyes already. Had to stop them here, you really hoped this works... You unsheathe your knife and throw it down on the ground in front of you.

Big boy voice time.

"I KILL EVERYTHING I FUCK!"

The mares in front suddenly stop running.

The mares behind them trip over those in front and fall down. Eventually, a parameter of mares is established some forty feet out.

Heh. That got 'em.

-Anon PoV-

He did not just do that.

Did he just do that?

You can't believe he just did that.

"Should we help him?" Rainbow asks.

You turn and lean against the door as you think. Mous knew what he was doing, that much is clear. He wouldn't go out without a plan, right? You remind yourself that he was drunk last night, he was probably just winging this.

Perfect...

You remind yourself of your own hangover as you try to decide your course of action.

"Mous can take care of himself, he bought us the chance to run and we should use it." you say.

You make for the window in your room. Once you get it open, you get to enjoy the ecstasy of trying to climb through a small window with a hangover.

You eventually get out and fall on your face.

You really wish you could just lay there, but it's time to move.

You watch as Rainbow just flies through that you busted your balls to get through with annoyance before you break into a run. You make for the tree line behind your house as you try to stay out of sight of any wandering mares. You can still hear Mous shouting from the other side of the house, though you can't make anything out.

You turn to Rainbow "Let's go."

It seemed that indeed EVERY mare in town had headed over to your house. You make good time to the woods, taking a chance that all the mares would still be at the house as you crossed through town.

Whitetail woods' premier attraction may be the Running of the Leaves in fall, but it's no worse in the late winter. The lack of leaves however, doesn't do wonders for your need for cover. You and Rainbow have to head doubly deep into the woods to find a suitable camp site.

You eventually find a small cave in a hill, a stream enough for water and you can see Sweet Apple Acres from the top. You're sure the Apple's wouldn't mind if you nicked a couple of their crop in your hour of need. Especially since one of them was just outside your home trying to solicit you.

Rainbow flies up to you, she looks on edge for some reason.

"You okay, bro?" you ask.

"Hehe...yeah." she says with a small smile. "I'm gonna go get some firewood." she says before she bolts off.

You use the time to wash your face off in the stream. The cold water breaks up your hangover almost as fast as liquid rainbow did.

Your mind goes back to what Mous did. You remember when he saved your ass from a Rottweiler back when you were ten, and when he chased a bunch of pricks with his mother's car because they were picking on you.

All that and he's still able to stare all those ponies in the face and stop them like that. You laugh as you remember who you're thinking about; Mous was way too stubborn to be dragged away by a group of horny mares.

Yeah...you're sure he's fine...

-Mous PoV-

Holy shit. This was working. Nopony was taking a step towards the house. None of them wanted to be the one to find out if you were kidding. Might as well capitalize on it.

You open your arms wide as you speak.

"All right now! I'm glad that we've come to an understanding." you shout.

You gesture behind you to your house.

"I'm going to go back inside now. If I catch anypony inside..."

You turn and take a few steps before looking over your shoulder back at the crowd that had gathered.

"...I'll assume the worst and open you up like a piñata."

You scoop you knife up from the ground and make for the door.

This was probably the only time that something invoking David Bowie's name was used to REPEL females.

You step inside your house and close the door. You immediately look outside the peephole to ensure that you didn't have a stampede of sex crazed mares to deal with. You can see everypony talking amongst themselves. All of them look afraid. Some of them are even shouting with fear in their eyes.

"Oh come on, I'm not that scary."

You shake your head as that moment of idiocy passes. Come on Mous, this is what you want.

Wait for it...

...YES! They're leaving! They're all leaving!

You pump your fist at your plan working. This was great, all you had to do was stay holed up over the weekend and get Anon and you're home free.

Your victory is interrupted by a crash coming from Anon's room. Knife in hand, you inch your way back to intercept any mares who might have broken in.

You leap through the doorway and spot... Aloe and Lotus laying on the floor?

"Bosses?"

"Mous!" they call out in unison.

What the shit? Why were your bosses here in your...

Oh no...

"Mous! It's...so nice to see you." Lotus says as she gets herself upright.

"Yeah! Hehe...really nice..." Aloe says right after.

Aw no. No no no.

"How did you two get in here?" you ask.

You back away, have to keep them at a distance.

"Oh...we found that open window and let ourselves in" Lotus says.

Fucking hell Anon. You left the window open. Gotta get em out.

"You two..."

You set your knife down on the nearby table.

"Really shouldn't be here." you say.

"Yeah, we heard your speech outside." Aloe says with a smile.

Lotus steps forward.

"You forget Mous, we know you. We know you won't actually hurt us." she says.

Shiiiit. They were right. At least about them. You liked your job, you liked your bosses. You really don't want to hurt them. You continue backing up until you can think of a plan.

You trip over the fucking table and land on your ass, Aloe and Lotus don't miss a beat. They begin to walk to either side of you as you sit there dumbfounded.

"Sooo...Mous. How are we going to do this? Lotus says drawing close. "Shall I go first?" she says as she tries to nuzzle your face.

"Or maybe me?" Aloe smirks as she closes in on your other side.

Lotus steps over your stomach to her sister. "Or perhaps..."

...Did she just lick her?

"Together?"

You tune out their giggling as you try to think. Okay. Fuck. You need an emergency plan.

Could you...? Best you got.

You crack a nervous smile and bring your hands up behind each of their heads. You start to rub the backs of their necks...people did that in these situations, right?

"Mmmmmm...Mous, it was a good thing we taught you the art of the massage...this will be heavenly..." Lotus says.

"Y-Yeah..." you sputter out.

Work your way up a bit...NOW! You grab the both of them by their hair and bolt down the hall as fast as your legs can carry you

BATHROOM! QUICK!

You toss one of the sisters, you can't even tell which one, into the bathroom and quickly shut the door. You start hauling it to Anon's bathroom as the remaining sister wriggles in your grasp.

"Mous! Stop! This hurts!" she cries.

NOT NOW.

You toss her in the bathroom and jam a nearby chair under the handle. Hooves or no, you can't risk them getting out. You run to the other bathroom and do the same just as the pony inside was figuring out the lock.

"Mous!" "Let us out!" you hear them yell as you sink back onto the wall.

"YOU'LL COME OUT WHEN YOU AREN'T TRYING TO SEDUCE ME!" you shout.

Fuck, are you rustled. Deep breaths...

Okay... Two sex crazed mares that you happen to work for locked in your bathrooms for the next three days and you can't risk them getting out?

You can do this.

-Anon PoV-

Day turned to night as your first day with Rainbow in the woods came to a close. You had grabbed a few apples from Sweet Apple Acres and the fire was crackling away. Conversation was null as you just poked at the fire and Rainbow sat a small distance away.

Her wings were swollen again, what's the deal with that?

"You okay Bro?" you ask.

You can see her head sink after you ask. "Yeah...Anon. I'm fine."

"You sure? You can come sit by the fire." you offer. Rainbow Dash looks back at you with a frown.

"I don't think that's a good idea Anon."

Huh? "Why not?"

She gets up and trots over to you, she looked pissed. "Because I'm a mare too, Anon. The Estrus is starting to affect me too." she looks a bit sad with that last bit...

"Is that why..." you point up to her wings.

She sighs and just stares at the fire. "No, that's not because of the Estrus."

You scoot a bit closer to comfort your bro."I, uh...I read about pegusi wings. I...know why they get like that." This isn't weird at all. "So...who's the lucky stallion?"

Rainbow just looks at you with sad eyes. "It's not a stallion, Anon."

Whoa. Uh. You probably should have guessed, RAINBOW Dash and all.

"That's cool, so, what's her name? Do I know her?" you ask.

Rainbow lifts off from her seat by the fire and flies to the mouth of the cave.

"It's not a pony, Anon."

Guess interspecies was a thing here, you had heard that Dash had a Griffin friend, so it must be sort of common.

"Well, that's cool too, you can't help who you like." she's getting more frustrated though you can't imagine why."So, you still haven't said wh-"

"Anon, it's you."

Estrus with Mous.

Day 2. It turns out, having a pair of nymphomaniacal mares locked in your bathroom wasn't that hard. The sink kept them hydrated, the toilets let them shit, and they were fed every six hours by you throwing food inside.

You could do without the screaming, however.

"MMmmoooooouuuussss...I need heeeeelllp here...please!" you heard from your bathroom, as if on cue.

"Use the brush, Lotus! I'm sure that'll be new for you." you call out.

You could always burn that brush later.

"Can you at least let me see my sister?" you hear her call out frustrated.

"And spend the rest of my life hearing you complain about the horrible things you two did over "that one estrus a long time ago"? No thank you."

You wanted to believe that those two were just joking all those times they called each other "pretty", but you weren't taking chances this weekend.

You looked at the clock: It was close to feeding time. You considered how demeaning that probably was as you grabbed some apples from the kitchen and made your way to the bathroom Lotus was in.

You paused as your hand hovered over the doorknob...Best to plan ahead.

You grab your trusty Scout Titan/bludgeon and moved the chair keeping the door closed back.

"Lotus, I got apples. Back away from the door and you can have some."

After a moment, you heard her call back "Okay."

Oh no missy, not after the stunt you pulled last night.

"I don't trust you, hit your hooves against the bathtub if you're away from the door." you say.

You hear a sigh followed by hooves on tile, eventually a pair of metallic knocks resonate through the door.

You open the door and poke your head inside. Lotus looked frazzled, the bathroom was a wreck, your brush was laying on the ground, bristles bent from overuse.

Guess it wasn't that new after all.

"Eat up." you say as you drop off her lunch.

You didn't want to stick around for long.

Alright, next up was Aloe. Aloe was...crafty. She had almost tricked you at early morning food time. She had actually jammed her hair in the cupboard and begged you to help take it out. It was only after you freed her that you saw her hoof moving up your leg. You noped the fuck out of there and threw in some food when you heard her asleep.

You knelt down next to the bathroom door.

"Aloe? You hungry in there?" you call out.

Silence.

"...Aloe?"

You finally get a response so quite you almost feel like you imagined it. "Yeah, Mous...come in."

You opened the door and promptly regret it.

You absolutely hated seeing Aloe like this. She was just laying on the floor of the bathtub, staring into the wall. To see the Aloe you knew, the Aloe who was so cheery even in the worst situations, the Aloe that could laugh at your darkest of jokes, the Aloe who had once gone out and bought doughnuts for everyone just because you skipped breakfast, be reduced to this.

If your heart were still alive, you know it would surely break.

"Everything okay?" you ask, despite knowing the answer.

She sighs and looks up to you. She looks miserable. "Yeah, it's just hard, Mous. Dealing with this and seeing no end in sight is really hard." she says.

She laid her head back down and continued to stare at the wall. You wanted to sit down and talk her through this. You wanted to help her in just some way.

But you can't.

This could be a trap, she could be trying to bait you into something you didn't want to do. It was exactly what you would do in her situation.

"Yeah...well, here's lunch."

You place the apples on the sink counter and re-jam the door once you're out.

Damn. Should you do something? Aloe looked horrible in there. You at least expected seduction with a smile...

Not...this.

Anon was always better at this sympathy stuff. You remember the last time this happened.

You had just beat the piss out of some cockbiter who decided to get fresh with your sister. Anon had come along to try and reason with him, but you had gone off before he got a word out. He was still bleeding on the ground as you were walking out.

"You're just gonna leave him here!?" Anon had yelled.

You tried to explain that it was what he deserved and, to your surprise, he got right up in your face and hollered at you.

"No one deserves to be left out in the dust when they're in pain!"

You had never seen him that angry, nor have you seen it since.

"It's easy to just leave someone broken when they're down, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve our help! When someone is hurting, you pick them up and help them along, and then they do it when you're hurt. Ad infinitum."

...That damn kid was the only thing keeping you on the level some days. You search through the house for a few minutes trying to find anything that can help Aloe Cucumbers? No, you didn't want to have to pull it out if it got stuck. Battle barge? Same thing, just more small parts to lose. Boot?...Put that in the maybe pile.

You eventually find a sports bottle in the cabinet.

It'll do.

You poke your head back into the bathroom and see Aloe laying in the tub, her chest rising up and down in rhythm. Must have dozed off. You place the bottle on the counter and step out.

That felt...nice.

Day 3.

Today started like any normal day, with Lotus scream at you to come "help" her. You dropped off her food and went to check on Aloe She seemed in better spirits, the sports bottle you delivered was laying in the tub she slept in.

Atta girl.

Your day had proceeded as normally as it could.

You relaxed on your couch with your good friend Sony and let the day just melt away. At least until noon or so. You heard what sounded like machinery outside, something with wheels. You could hear wings flapping and muffled voices as well. Expecting some sort of makeshift siege by horny mares, you grabbed David and looked out the peephole.

Well, there was a horny mare outside, but not any you usually saw.

This one had an escort. And a crown.

"...Oh fuck me."

Might as well nip this problem in the butt. You open the door and step out into the daylight for the first time since estrus started.

"Your majesty, I can honestly say that you are the last mare I expected to come knocking." you call out.

Celestia turned to face you, she looked surprised. You got the jump on her. Any advantage against her you could use, you would.

She regained her composure pretty damn quick though.

"Why, hello there Mous. I was simply checking up on Twilight Sparkle during this difficult period and decided to pay a visit." she says.

You don't remember seeing Twilight at your little standoff.

"How is she?" you ask.

Celestia got a smile you could only call proud.

"My student as thought of everything, once again, she has magically sealed herself in her home so that she won't cause any trouble around town." she says.

You grunt an acknowledgement as you peek over Celestia's shoulder. She took a carriage here, her escorts all looked fairly normal save for one. He looked a bit more exhausted then the rest, and he was keeping rather close to the princess. Well now, it looks like even your glorious monarch could be brought down by the estrus.

"Tell me, Mous, are you here by yourself?" Celestia asked.

Shit. That was a trap.

What do? Lie?

Shit. Act like you own the place.

"More or less, Anon is camping out the estrus in the woods. I elected to stay here." you say.

Celestia tilted her eyes over to you. "My my...all alone here." she says.

Shitshitshit.

Just then, the air was parted by a shriek wail. "MOUS! DAMMIT! GET IN HERE AND RUT ME! ANYTHING YOU WANT, JUST GET IN HERE NOW!"

That yell just kinda hangs in the air for a minute as Celestia just freezes.

Well, thanks for that Lotus.

"I did say "more or less".

Celestia just stands there, you expected her to just say "The more the merrier.", maybe she wants privacy?

"...So you did." she says.

You decide to end this conversation before she composes herself and head for the house.

"Have a nice day, Princess." You get no response before you shut the door.

Day 4.

The effects of estrus must be dying down, the girls seemed quieter today. Right before lunch feeding time, you bang on the wall closest to the bathrooms.

"You two alright in there?" you call out.

Lotus speaks up first "Yes, Mous. I'm fine."

"Aloe?"

"Fine here too!" she shouted.

Shit, they were sounding more normal.

What do you do? Play it safe? Or trust your friends?

...Fuck.

"I'm letting you two out, don't make me regret it."

You removed the chairs and opened the doors for the girls, careful to move fast. The three of you ended up standing in the hallway where it all started. Aloe and Lotus hugged each other as soon as they were reunited.

Awwww...

They both looked haggard, but they weren't making any movements towards you.

"So, everything good? Are you to back to normal?" you ask.

Aloe sighs "Yes, I'd say the worst of it is over." she says with a small smile.

"I feel much better." Aloe beamed.

You sigh a deep sigh of relief.

"Good, then it's over."

You head for the living room and really relax for the first time in four days. The girls come join you on the couch.

"Mous, I don't know what to say. Nopony has ever done something like that before for us, thank you." Lotus says.

Huh?

"Didn't I just hold you two hostage for half a week? Were I come from, people go to jail for that." you explain.

Lotus shakes her head as Aloe speaks up. "Estrus season messes with ponies heads, some of us do really stupid things to try and take the edge off..."

She trailed off and broke eye contact there...

"Couldn't let you two lose around town and wind up doing something stupid. I've had my fill of being called a deviant just for working at a spa, thank you."

You really hadn't but it seemed like the right thing to say. You lean your head back as you see Aloe and Lotus exchange glances in some sort of silent twin conversation.

Eventually, Lotus nods and turns back to you.
"Mous, you remember when we said that ponies make stupid mistakes during estrus season?" she asks.

That was like, a minute ago, yes.

You just nod.

"...And remember how we were both offering ourselves to you...together?”

Yes. You wish you didn’t, but yes. You nod an affirmative.

”There…may have been some correlation between the two.”

…Okay, this sounded like a story.

”Okay, I’m all ears.”

This can’t be easy; best let them take their time. Lotus shuffles in her seat.

”It was…our first estrus away from our parents. Estrus is different in Stalliongrad, the air is so cold that the pheromones that sets off our mating cycle hardly gets through.” she says.

Aloe continued. “You can imagine how hard the estrus effect hit us when we were outside where the pheromones could affect us…”

Aloe and Lotus both stop talking and direct their eyes at the floor.

”So…what happened?”

Aloe and Lotus both look at you, a far off look in their eyes. ”We met a man on the outskirts of Hoofington, he said he could help us. We went with him to a small campground with others like us who were having trouble with the estrus; the intention was to rally together to get our way through the estrus together.” Lotus says.

Sounds familiar.

”We had camps like that back on Earth. They didn’t really work too well.” you say.

Lotus sighs. “It seems our worlds shared something in common. One particularly difficult night, we had gone back to our room after a group meeting..."

She looked like she was about to cry.

”We had been the hardest hit by the estrus. It was the hardest thing either of us had ever done before…as the stress mounted through the night we began- Oh Celestia… began to feel we could only rely on each other to get through it and i-it just kind of…happened…”

Both of them looked on the verge of tears.

”W-we woke up on the floor of our room. Neither of us could remember the previous night, and the effects of the estrus had passed…” Aloe says.

Both of them had tears well in their eyes. Well…shit…

Uh…what do you do?

Fuck. They’re crying.

You find yourself getting off the couch. Okay, now you’re kneeling in front of them. Okay…now you’re hugging them?

Uhm.

”…Mous? W-what are you…”

”Are…you two okay?” you ask.

Were they okay now?

”Y-yes…thank you Mous.” ”Yeah…thanks.” they say.

You pull away from the two of them.

”Uh…no problem.”

You should probably try to lighten the mood, it's pretty shitty in here right now.

”Hey, you guys want some food? We can put on a movie and make a day out of it.”

Finally, some smiles. ”That’s sounds like a great idea, Mous.” Lotus says.

You head to the kitchen and grab some of the fruit you had left. You threw them a couple of apples and turned on the TV.
”Eat up.” you say.

You sit down on the couch next to them as the movie starts. Aloe grabs a nearby pillow and Lotus…lies down on your lap?

That’s…a little bit weird, but okay, emotional moment and all.

The movie started, finally signaling the end of the estrus.

Estrus Epilogue.

You walked down the path with Rainbow fluttering behind you, her hooves around your neck. She nuzzles the back of your neck

"Admit that you're lost and I'll fly up to try and spot your house." she quipped.

"I'm not lost." you say. "We cut through these trees and crossed through town to get to the woods, home should be just a ways further."

You and Rainbow had followed Mous's instructions and waited the entire weekend in Whitetail Woods, it was time to head back home and continue your life. Well, a similar life. After what had happened in the cave two nights ago, you expected that you were going to be seeing a lot more of Dash.

The apprehensions you had were melted away over the weekend. Rainbow Dash had been your best friend here, you cared for her. It didn't matter that she wasn't a human, she was still a person.

"We've been walking for almost an hour, Anon." she says "...Why don't we take a break?" that part was punctuated by her nuzzling your neck again.

"Oh no, after two days of "breaks" on that hard cave floor, I'm not taking another unless it's in my own soft bed." you say as you reach back and throw your arm around her.

"Besides, the last thing we need is to be late and for Mous to find us rutting in the bushes when he comes looking." you tease.

You make decent time back to the house. To your amazement, the door wasn't kicked in and Mous didn't burn down the house with him inside it to try and deny the mares their prize, or something. You try to get through the door only to find it locked, you knock twice and hear Mous rummaging to the door.

"Password." you heard him say.

"Fuck you." you call back.

You hear latches being undone before Mous throws open the door. Holy shit, he's actually smiling. Mous only had three smiles; Psychopath, genuine happiness, and some smug combination of the two.

This one was real, genuine, and big.

"The hell did you know it? I never told you." he beams.

You chuckle. "Hoping I wasn't coming back?"

Mous takes a few steps outside and crosses he arms. "It'd save me a mint on food."

His eyes drift up and down you before they eventually settle on Rainbows hooves around your neck.

"Heh. Took you two long enough." he says.

You roll your eyes and flip him the bird before he turns around and heads back in.

"C'mon, we got two guests, no food, and no one is allowed in the bathrooms till I finish with 'em." he says.

You and Rainbow head inside to see your mystery guests. You walk into the living room and spot Mous's bosses sitting on the couch.

"What's going on in here?" you ask.

The pink one chimes in "We're watching Aladdin!"

Mous returns from the kitchen with a drink

"Aloe and Lotus here were having a hard time of it this estrus, they asked me to help 'em get through it, aint that right?" It seemed Mous was celebrating the end of Estrus by drinking all of your booze.

"Mous was very helpful." the blue pony on your couch says.

You turn back to Mous

"A weekend with twins?" you tease.

He shrugs "It's my winning personality."

He makes his way back to the couch. Damn, he must be drunk if he's letting her lay on his lap like that.

"Come, drink and be merry with us." he says, hoisting his beer up high.

You turn your head to talk to Rainbow as she hangs off your back.

"Movie night?" you ask.

"Hehe, sure Anon." she says.

The night wore on and you all got through both Aladdin and Little Mermaid. Eventually, the exhaustion of the last few days began to catch up to you all. You had all been sitting at the title screen for the past ten minutes, too tired to actually get up and put in something else.

"I'm fuckin' done." you say.

Rainbow had been dozing off with her head in your shoulder since before the movie had even finished, all she could muster was a groan as she lifted her hoof. Aloe and Lotus hopped off their seats and started towards the door.

"Yes, very enjoyable. Work is going to be extraordinary tomorrow."

"Oh, come on now Lotus, we get to work those post estrus kinks out of the entire town. That sounds like the best time ever." Mous says as he stood up as well.

He turned to you. "I'm gonna help these two get home." he says.

Lotus turned back "You don't have to do that Mous." she says.

"No, It's my pleasure." Mous says as he walked to the door.

Right before he stepped out, he gave you a wink. Crafty Mous...very crafty.

You turn your head to Rainbow and start tousling her hair.

"Pssst. Hey." you whisper.

She groans and bats your hand away. You keep tousling, she bats you away again. The third time you go back, she finally lifts her head up and looks at you.

"What, Anon?"

You sneak your hand to the side of her head.

"Remember when you said you wanted to take a break on the way home?" She silently nods. "Well...we have the house to ourselves..." you start to rub her ear. "...and my bed's in the other room."

Her mischievous grin is all the affirmation you need.

You had both finished by the time Mous got back to the house. Two bangs resonated from your door.

"You two alive in there?" you hear.

You rap your knuckles against the wall in an affirmative and hear Mous step into his room and close the door. Your arm falls as you drift off to sleep. Rainbow is curled up in your other arm already out. It had been a hell of a weekend.

You had to run from an entire town of females in heat, lost a bro, gained something better, and slept with something outside of your species. Still, a pretty good way for things to turn out, all things considered.

You threw your other arm around Dash as your exhaustion started to take hold. Yeah...a good way for things to turn out. The last thing you see before you drift off is a rainbow mane lit by the full moon.

Side Quest.

The damn sun woke you up again, it seemed to be closer then it normally was. Maybe this was Celestias payback for ruining her fun over estrus.

You peek at the clock, 10:00.

Aloe and Lotus had given you the day off for helping them over estrus. You didn't want to do it, but you had some stuff to take care of and it provided the perfect opportunity. You rolled out of bed and made your way to the kitchen, ignoring the sounds from Anon's room.

Damn kids.

Your 'special delivery' should be arriving soon, might as well get ready while you wait. The abundance of pancakes at the market has allowed you to upgrade to eating them regularly. The pancakes putting you in a good mood, you made your way to your shower and started going over the day's game plan. Assuming magic worked the way you thought it did, it would just be a matter of practice.

You were screwed if it didn't.

You hoped they had enough room. Considering who you were dealing with, you hoped you didn't get a hoof to the face first.

You hear a knocking at your door after your shower. Just as you expected, Twilight was standing on your front porch.

"Hey, Twilight. You look like you handled the estrus as well as Celestia said." you say.

She gets an embarrassed look.

"She uh...she told you that?" she stammered out.

"Only that you thought of everything and handled yourself well."

She still looks embarrassed, but she's wearing a smile now. Twilight levitates a small box over to you, as well as a book.

"Force fields and barriers.". Promising.

"I have to say, I was a bit surprised when you asked for these things." Twilight said.

This WAS a bit out of it for you.

"Just trying to take care of a minor problem, I'm a bit surprised myself that Anon got the day off today."

She looks like she's blushing a bit. "Hehe...yeah...the Library isn't really fit for anypony to be in right now."

Well, there goes your mental image of Twilight being a paragon of willpower and toughing it out.

"Where is Anon, anyway?" she asks.

"Oh, he's around. It's not like he and Rainbow are FUCKING IN THE OTHER ROOM!" you yell.

Silence settles in before four knocks come from Anon's room.

"Yeah, they're fine." you say.

Twilight looks like she's about to die of embarrassment as she cocks her head to the side inquisitively.

"They're on round four, if they get to round ten by noon; I win ten bits and have to call an ambulance."

The awkwardness can be cut with a knife.

"...I'm gonna go inside now." you say.

Twilight just nods with a fake smile and a rather intense blush and walks away. Damn, how can someone that smart get weirder out by mating?

You step into the town proper and start your search. A quick study of the book Twilight gave you showed that, yes, force fields worked exactly how you thought.

The only question was whether or not she could do it.

You don't know where Lyra and Bon Bon live, but if they're 'together' then there's a decent chance finding one will find the other. Bon Bon apparently ran a candy shop that rivaled Sugarcube Corner, so you start your search in the center of town.

You were getting an awful lot of looks. Probably because of the big box you were carrying around.

You eventually break down and ask Carrot Top where Bon Bon lives. Let it never be said that you fall into gender stereotypes. You mentally prepare yourself for the situation ahead.

Best to play it arrogant.

You open the shop door and spot Bon Bon behind the counter. She looks pissed.

"What do you want?" she asks. You still can't get used to her different voice thing.

"Hey Bon Bon, Lyra here?" you ask.

Her frown gets deeper. "No, Lyra is not hear. I imagine that she's blowing all her money at that spa of yours again."

That was true, Lyra came in pretty often. Still, if she was out looking for you then she'd be back once she realized you weren't there.

"That's cool, I'll just hang out till she shows up."

Bon Bon walks out from behind the counter.

"I don't think that's a good idea." she says. She still looks pretty mad.

"Aw, come on. We can swap stories about candy and junk."

She seems to not like your shit eating grin. She opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by the door opening.

"M-Mous!?"

"Lyra!" you and Bon Bon call out.

"Lyra, wha-"

You interrupt Bon Bon before she finishes. "Lyra! Hey, you were looking for me? Cause I was looking for you."

"Y-you were?" she asks.

"Lyra, I do-

"Yep! Got something to show you, you guys got a basement or something here?"

"Well, we have one for storage..."

"Great, lead the way!"

"Lyra!" you hear from behind you.

Bon Bon looks a bit hurt, still mad, but also hurt.

"Lyra...are you really going to go with him without knowing what he wants?"

"Bon Bon...I..." she says.

Fuck. Now you have to be the asshole. "It's all good, Bon Bon, I'm a great guy. I'll get her back to ya in one peice."

You put your hand on Lyra's shoulder as you say that. You can feel her tense up, this is exactly what happens when she used to come to the spa. If Lyra was only considering leading you downstairs before, she just caved.

"It'll be fine, Bon Bon. Mous'll show me this thing and I'll be right back up."

She opens a nearby door and reveals a long stairway down. You follow her down the stairs as Bon Bon comes up behind you.

"Well then why can't he show us both!" she shouts.

You turn around.

"This is kinda just for Lyra."

You don't wait for a response and shut the door.

A few minutes later, you're both sitting in a small circle of candles you removed from your box. You were amazed that Bon Bon didn't kick the door in and throw you out. People and ponies do weird things for the people they care about, it seems.

Lyra speaks up as you light the last candle.

"What's all this for, Mous?" she asked.

"Ambience."

Go hard or go home.

Might as well begin. "Lyra, you're a unicorn, can you make force fields?"

She looks a bit confused. "What's this about, Mous?"

"Please answer the question."

She sighs "Yes, I can make force fields."

You don't move a muscle. "Show me."

A minty glow envelops Lyra's horn and a similar colored sheet of light floats above the center of your circle. You poke it with your finger, it has resistance, but gives if you push.

Perfect.

You extend your hands over to Lyra.

"Okay Lyra, I want you to make a force field around both of my hands.

She looks confused but complies. A green bubble seals both of your hands, stopping at your wrists.

"Okay, now, shrink the force fields to match the contours of my hand. Be as precise as you can."

"Mous, I don't know if I can do that." she said.

"Have you ever tried?"

"Well...no...bu-"

"Then try. It's one of the most human ideals there is."

She gets a determined look and the glow from her horn intensifies. As it does, the bubbles around your hands begin to contort and twist. They shrink down further until both of your hands are on a mint green energy glove.

Lyra sighs. "I did it..."

You nod.

"Yes, you did. Now comes the hard part."

-Music-

The next few hours were spent in the basement with Lyra. She was trying to learn how to bend her force fields the same way as your hands. It was slow going, she had to stop more than a few times to rest.

Eventually though, you'd gone through almost every way a hand can bend you can think of.

"Okay, Lyra, final step. You ready?" you ask.

She nods her head.

"Okay, I want you to take these off my hands and put them on the end your hooves."

"What?" she says.

She doesn't look convinced.

"Do it. Worst case scenario is that we just lost a few hours over nothing."

Lyra shuts her eyes and hold up her hooves. The magic gloves you've grown used to over the past few hours slip off your hands and float over to Lyra. The 'hands' spin around and slowly lower themselves, connecting the wrists to the end of Lyra's hooves.

They hold themselves there as Lyra opens her eyes and smiles. Her smile only grows bigger and bigger as she wriggles her new fingers.

"Mous...I..."

She looks up to you. She has tears in her eyes.

"I-I don't know how to thank you."

You sigh. "You want to thank me?" you ask.

You extend an arm down to Lyra. To her credit, she gets the idea and grabs your hand with her new ones.

"Do two things for me."

She nods her head as she stands on her hind legs.

"One: Stop coming into the spa so damn much, you have 'hands' now, satisfy your own fetish."

Aloe and Lotus could never know of this, they'd kill you for getting rid of a customer who came this often.

"And Two:"

You gesture with your thumb through the floor above you.

"Go talk to your girlfriend. I could see the looks she was giving me when we came down here."

Lyra's face drops. "Bon Bon...I don't know what I'm going to do about her..."

"Do you want her gone?"

Lyra jumps back. "No! No, no...I lo-really like Bon Bon...it's just...I don't know what to do."

You put your hand on her shoulder, even on her hind legs, she was a bit shorter then you.

"Go talk to her, work something out, if this did what I wanted and got you over whatever was making you come to the spa so often, then it should be pretty simple." you say.

You start your way up the stairs

"I don't know why she thinks I'm so worth it..."

You stop and look at Lyra over your shoulder. "Lyra, you're probably the most important person in the world to Bon Bon, of course you're worth it to her."

You head out the basement door and head for the exit when a voice stops you.

"Homewrecker."

You turn to see Bon Bon sitting on a couch in the other room. She's holding a pillow tight to her chest. She looks like she's been crying. She gives you a death glare as you walk into the room.

"You took the most important person in my life." she says.

Bingo.

"And stole her away from me."

"Bon Bon, nothing happe-"

She tosses the pillow across the room at you. "SHUT UP!"

She looks furious now.

"Don't tell me nothing happened! Nopony spends four hours in a basement and does 'nothing'!"

She has her head in her hooves now. "It just-I always tried to be so understanding! Everypony called her fascination with humans weird, but I looked past it. I looked passed her sitting, I looked past her trying to walk on her hind legs, Celestia knows I even looked past her going to that spa to see YOU so often!"

She jams a hoof in your direction. "But I don't think I can get past her ignoring me just because you fell into our town..."

She keeps staring daggers at you.

"...Bon Bon?"

You both turn to the basement door to see Lyra walk out, on all fours, it seems.

"Bon Bon...nothing happened." She says.

"I really wish I could believe that Lyra..." Bon Bon says.

Lyra takes a few steps closer. "Hey, I may be weird."

She gets up on the couch next to Bon Bon and throws a hoof around her.

"But I'd never hurt you."

Bon Bon throws Lyra's hoof off her and retreats to the other side of the couch. Lyra tries again only for Bon Bon to shoot her down. The room is quiet for a long time. You start to back away towards the door

"I should go." you say.

Lyra looks up at you. "Thanks Mous...for everything."

"Yeah, right..."

You start to walk to the door. Quick, say something to lighten the mood.

"Play nice, you two."

Fuck. You walk out the door and hurry home before the idiocy of that remark comes back to haunt you. The sun was setting, the perfect setting for the relationship you just ruined.

This blows.

Dammit, you were trying to help. This always happens when you try to help.

You trudge into the living room when you get home, Anon and Rainbow are there.

"Hey dude...you okay?" Anon asks.

"I'm fuckin' fine." you say.

You didn't need to talk about it. You fucked up.

It was your responsibility.

Wet N' Wild.

Rainbow must still be riding out the effects of the estrus, because she just put you through your third round this morning. You think it was still morning, time had lost all meaning since she woke you up. You both now lay in bed, taking in the afterglow.

"If this is normal, you're libel to kill me." you say as you stroke her mane. "But what a way to go, right?" she quips back.

You both lay there for a while. You were glad you did this, and not just because it offered a greater chance of getting laid. Rainbow and you clicked on so many things, and those you didn't, you balanced each other out on.

"So, what do you want to do on my day off that can only be done with my clothes on?" you ask.

Rainbow giggles a bit. "Limiting my choices that much, eh? You're a bad special somepony."

You chuckle "A what?"

"They don't have special someponies where you come from?" Rainbow asked.

"We do, but we usually just call them 'boyfriends' or something." you say.

Rainbow hops up onto your chest and lays her head on her hooves. "That's bucking stupid, Anon." she says before she gave you a quick peck.

She leans back in and kisses you again. Okay, looks like round 4 has started. You begin gliding your hands up to her steadily rising wings, Rainbow had good stamina, so you had to attack her from all ang-

"-FUCKING IN THE OTHER ROOM!"

Dammit. That was Mous. What was the system you worked out? You raise your fist and smack the wall four times before returning to your waiting mare.

"Now, where were we?"

Round four quickly snowballed into round five. A shower to wash off the sweat and stink turned into round six through seven.

Clean-ish and dressed, you sit down for breakfast while Rainbow lounges on the couch.

"You still haven't told me what you wanted to do today. Other than me, I mean."

Rainbow sighs with a smile. "I guess I can show you some of my new tricks."

You laugh "I've seen quite a few of your tricks already."

Rainbow sticks her tongue out at you.

"Seen that a lot too." you say.

Rainbow just smiles and goes back to lounging.

"So, where can you show me these tricks?" you ask.

"The town lake would work." Rainbow says. "A nice place to relax and spend the day."

"And something to catch you when you crash." you say with a chuckle. She waves a hoof at you dismissively.

You finish your cereal and head for the door.

"Well, let's go find this lake." you say.

Just then, you're tackled to the ground and find a familiar tongue forced into your mouth.

Ding ding. Round eight.

You eventually get out of the house around noon. Fuck you Mous, only eight before noon.

You and Rainbow walk down the path that leads to the lake. The lake itself looks like the ones from home. All the ice from the winder had melted and the grass was getting it's green shade back.

A dip of your hand in the water told you that it was still ice cold, however.

Rainbow flutters up next to you.

"You ready for The Dash?" she asks.

"I've been ready since you started boasting when I first met you." you chuckle.

Rainbow zips up into the air to begin her first trick "Be careful!" you call out.

Being around Mous for so many years has taught you how fast a quick stunt can end in a trip to the hospital. Rainbow seems to have a decent handle on it, however, before long she's pulling straight dives and zigzagging through trees.

You lay back on a tree nearby and enjoy the show. It made you happy to see Rainbow in her element like this, she truly was a master of her craft.

Most of the stuns Mous pulled had involved the fabled phrase "I bet you can't" and ended with "Told ya."

Your lazy Tuesday melted away watching Dash perform her tricks. You could get used to this, all your old girlfriends were either bookworms like you or kinda vapid. It was really cool having someone who was into such an entirely different thing then you but still engaging. The sun was beginning to set.

"Yo! Let's wrap this up! I don't want to be out here in the cold all night!" you shout up to her. "One more!" she calls back down.

Rainbow flies up high, higher than she's been all afternoon, before she just starts to drop. Your heart catches in your chest as you watch her plummet to the water faster than you can imagine. She banks hard only inches above the water and starts flying towards the shore, she's going so fast that the water behind her is parting. Rainbow orbits the lake at top speed. Eventually, the water closest to the shore is being suppressed, leaving the water in the center just a little bit higher up.

Rainbow banked hard to the right and shot straight across the lake towards you, kicking up water as she went. You braced yourself out of instinct as she stopped on a dime in front of you, causing the force she was exerting to drop and allowing the water trailing her to break on the shore and soak the both of you.

"Gah! Dammit, Dash! That's fucking cold!" you shout. You look up and that she's fallen on the ground laughing.

Okay, it was a bit funny.

"C'mon Dash, I'm gonna get sick now." you say.

Rainbow hops up and walks over to you. She holds her face an inch away from yours and gets a wry smile. "Maybe we should warm up then?".

Ding ding. Round nine.

You and Rainbow make your way back home after your escapades at the lake. You were kidding before, but at this rate, this mare may literally fuck you to death. Your abs were killing you and your body was protesting it having been drained of all liquids throughout the day.

You were defiantly gonna have to slow down.

Mous wasn't home so you headed back to your room and changed out of your still damp clothes. Rainbow was on you as soon as you got your shirt off.

"Knock it off Rainbow, Mous'll flip if he comes home to find you fucking my dehydrated corpse." you say with a laugh. Rainbows hooves unhook from around your chest and you feel her land behind you

"Party pooper." she says.

Dry and dressed, you head out to the living room and start fishing for a movie to watch.

"What do people who are dating watch, anyway?" you ask.

"Romance crap?" you turn to see Rainbow giving you a deadpan stare from the couch.

"...I'll put on Indy." you say.

Watching Dash do tricks was fun, but nothing beat just relaxing on the couch together watching Nazi's get punched.

You turned your head as you heard the door opening and watched Mous trudge into the living room and sit in the armchair across the room.

"Hey dude...you okay? you ask.

Mous just sits there with his arms crossed, he looks...depressed?

"I'm fuckin' fine." he says.

You exchange a glance with Rainbow. "Uh...no you're not dude." you say.

He shoots you a glare. "I don't wanna talk about it." he says.

"Well, tough shit. This bro thing goes both ways, you can't hog all the fun." you say. Him closing up wasn't gonna help anything.

He crosses his arms and pouts for a second. Shit, he's like a child. "I went to go try and get Lyra off my back and may have inadvertently broken up her and Bon Bon, if you have to know." he says.

"What happened?" you ask.

He leans forward and puts his head in his hands. "Lyra and I spent, like, the entire day down in the basement trying to get her magic hands. Bon Bon thought we were fucking."

This didn't sound good.

"Rainbow, do those two fight a lot?" you ask.

Rainbow puts her hoof to her chin and thinks. "They certainly are one of Ponyville's louder couples. It seems like every week they disagree about something." she says.

You turn back to Mous. "See? No worries."

He leans back in his chair. "I dunno man...you weren't there."

The room is quite for a bit as you all just sit, Mous eventually breaks the silence. "So what did you two do today? Besides each other."

You pull Rainbow closer. "Dash showed me some of her flight tricks down by the lake."

"You make it to round ten before noon?" he asks.

You chuckle a bit. "Nah. We hit 'Cloud 9' down by the lake."

The room is silent.

"Pfft...Anon." Rainbow laughs. "What?" you ask.

Mous just sits there before turning his head to you.

"That was fucking awful." he says as he leeps out of his chair and heads to the kitchen.

Well, at least he's out of his funk, it seems. "Why the fuck do we have a jar of pickles?" you hear him shout.

Mous stomps to the door with jar in hand and dumps the pickles out into the grass.

"Dude!" you call out, trying not to giggle.

Mous returns to the kitchen and you hear the faucet run for a minute. He returns to the living room and hold the jar to your face.

"This is now the 'Terrible Fucking Pun' jar. Put two bits in it." he says.

You cock an eyebrow "You can't be serious."

He can't be serious. Him looking impatient and shaking the jar a bit were the response you got.

You reach into the couch cushions and pull out some bits from in between. You flourish them to Mous and drop them in the jar. Mous grins and returns the jar to the kitchen. He looked happier at least. He eventually comes back to the living room and sits in the chair again

"So, is this the one with James Bond in it?" he asks.

The night ends around eleven and you all shuffle back to your rooms, you peek inside to see Rainbow already resting her head on the pillow.

"So, does she live here now or what?" You turn to see Mous standing behind you with a toothbrush in his mouth.

"Not yet, but I figure I can get her in here by tomorrow and we can get married this weekend." you tease.

Mous walks back to his bathroom "You're getting a toaster." he says.

You catch him on his way out. "Hey...I know you think you fucked up today, but it's cool. Shit like this just happens sometimes."

Mous runs his hand behind his head and just down. "Still man...if this is the straw that breaks the camel's back I'm gonna feel like the biggest asshole ever..."

You pat him on the shoulder. "Hey, look sharp. What happened to the Mous who was too sure of himself for this kind of talk?"

He gets a small grin as he walks into his room. "He slipped up because his roommate kept him awake fucking his Special Somepony all night." he says.

Your mouth drops. "You too man? What is it with you and the proper vernacular?" you laugh out.

Mous adopts an air of faux elitism as he shuts his door. "Don't get pissy because you didn't study up on Equestrian terminology."

You roll your eyes as the door closes and crawl into bed with Dash. You silently prey that round ten doesn't start and are rewarded with simply being able to wrap your arms around her.

You give her a quick peck on the back of the neck.

"G'night Dash."

She nuzzles you with the back of her head and you doze off.

Out to Lunch.

Morning. Fuck morning. Fuck waking up. Fuck these ponies and their easily broken relationships. Fuck assholes like you who break them up.

You sit in bed and rub your face. Today was gonna suck.

You make your way to the door and glance at the battalion of models in your room, they looked angry, they always looked angry.

Angry at you.

You trudge out to the kitchen to start this crap day. To your surprise, Anon is already out and eating.

"Not going for round whatever?" you ask.

He looks up from his bowl. "Not when we both have work."

Right. You had work. Bread is enough for today.

Anon looks over at you. "Rough night?"

You could say that. "Didn't sleep. Kept thinking about this Lyra problem." you answer.

Anon leans rises from his chair. "You gotta stop blaming yourself, dude. It wasn't your fault."

It wouldn't have happened if you weren't there. It was your fault.

"You just gotta stay positive." Anon says.

He walked out the door with his bag over his shoulder. You sigh and make your way to the bathroom. You were dreading your shower. It was too warm in here, too comfortable. It gave you too much time to think. Two ponies who obviously cared about each other we-

No.

No, Anon is right. Just don't think about it.

You're dressed, out the door, and walking with Derpy into town within ten minutes. You hoped her good cheer would help you out.

"You look sad, Mous." she says.

You turned to Derpy, she was wearing a frown that broke your heart.

"Well, who can't be when you're giving them those puppy dog eyes?" you say.

She smiled at that, but her eyes still were drooping. Gotta get this conversation off you.

"So, how was your Heart's and Hooves day, Derpy?" you ask.

She perks up for a moment and stops before zipping over to you and wrapping her hooves around you.

This is new. Kinda nice...

She releases you from the hug and give you a big smile. An infectious one, it seems.

"What was that for?" you ask.

She's still smiling. "Remember when you talked to me about that nice colt at the clock store? Well, I caught him after that little incident at your house over estrus. I played it cool and he took me out for a nice picnic, he wants to go again soon." she beams.

"Wow, that's great Derpy."

It was nice that Derpy was able to have a good estrus. Just then, a thought entered your mind.

"Derpy...he didn't ask you to travel with him, did he?"

Derpy's look grows confused. "No. He said he used to travel a lot, but that he was taking a break for a while. Why?"

You let out a relaxed sigh. "No reason, c'mon."

You continue down the road with Derpy flying beside you. Good. He's staying put.

Having Derpy get turned into some sort of monster by a space alien would have been too much.

The work day goes fairly routine. An early massage, followed by steam room duty, and eventually a hoofacure for the Mayor. You found yourself hoping to see Lyra come in, if only to find out what happened after you left.

Aloe and Lotus were their usual selves. You tried to keep up appearances, but you feel like your mood was fucking you up a bit.

It was close to 1pm. You usually took your lunch break around this time, the lunch rush being over by then.

You were about to step out when Aloe stopped you. "Mous, wait."

"What's up, Aloe?" you ask.

Lotus came out of the office behind her. "We were planning to head to the cafe for lunch, would you care to join us?"

You really didn't feel like being alone right now.

"Sure, I'll tag along." you say.

Both Aloe and Lotus perk up as they come out from behind the counter and lock up the spa. The cafe was relatively close to the spa, you usually got some ponies coming in after a meal here.

You were seated on the patio. It was nice out, you looked up and spotted Rainbow flying around moving clouds. She gave you a wave, you waved back.

Your food was brought out, Aloe and Lotus each got what looked like a dandelion sandwich. You got bread. "So. Mous."

You look up from your bread at the sisters.

"We wanted to thank you again for what you did for us during estrus, you really helped us out.

This again?

"I don't know what I did so well, I just locked you two in a room for four days against your will. That doesn't sound like something you give thinks for." you say.

Aloe shook her head. "It was the fact that you watched over us that we're giving thanks for."

You raise an eyebrow.

"It would have been so easy for you to simply throw us out in our state of mind, but you kept us around and stopped us from making another terrible mistake. That was very noble of you." she says.

Noble? You were just taking care of your friends. That's all you ever did.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you two would have done the same for me." you say.

Aloe giggles. "Mous on the estrus, wouldn't that be a sight?"

That got a laugh out of you. "Celestia would declare a state of emergency and I would have to be banished to the moon."

That got a laugh out of Aloe and Lotus.

"Mous, I want to ask something." Lotus says.

What was this? Twenty questions? Oh well, you were in a better mood.

"Shoot."

"You have heard of our lives in Stalliongrad, tell us what your life back on your home was like." Lotus asks.

Life back home...Damn.

You haven't thought about it in months. Life here just sort of picked up and took you with it. What did your family think happened? What did the school think? Didn't Celestia say she would find a fix?...Was a fix worth it?

You look back to see Aloe and Lotus eyeing you expectantly. Shit. Uh...keep it loose.

"I have a pretty routine story. I grew up with my mom and dad, and I met Anon when I was young. I went to school and met a few people I liked, along with a few people I didn't. After school, Anon and I went to college together and eventually found ourselves here, the rest, you know." you explain.

"What did you do at college?" she asked.

What did you do at college?

"I painted a lot."

Fuck your teachers, tiny models counted.

Aloe was next to speak. "You've known Anon for so long and don't have any stories to tell?"

There were a few.

"There are a few, most of them just us getting into trouble."

Lotus laughs. "What kind of trouble?"

They asked for it. "Anon is a bit younger then I am, I met him because he was getting picked on a lot. After I chased everyone away, they would sometimes come back and try again. That kind of trouble." you say with a grin.

"Have you always done that for Anon?" She asks.

You lead back in your chair. "For as long as I can remember."

Lotus smiles and cants her head. "It looks like your nobility streak runs back farther than we thought."

There was that word again. You ponder the significance of that as the three of you finish your meal.

The rest of the work day was rather uneventful. Still no Lyra... Even if she was all weird half the time, it was nice to have a recurring customer.

Closing time eventually came and you helped Aloe and Lotus clean up.

"Staying behind?" Aloe asked.

"I work here, don't I? That means I help clean." you answer.

She didn't say anything but gave you a warm smile. You were about to head out when Lotus stopped you. She looked concerned.

"Anon stopped by and told me what happened, Mous. I know why you've been so down all day." she says.

Dammit Anon.

"I know you think you messed up, but you're not a bad person." she continues.

"Good people don't stick their noses into other ponies business and wind up breaking them up." you say.

She got an annoyed looked. "Good people don't stay after work to help clean, good people don't pay for their meal when their bosses offer to take them out, and they certainly don't charge a manticore and get mauled to protect their friend."

"Well, I wasn't gonna let you two pay for my lunch." you quip.

"That was the point, Mous. We wanted to pay you back." she says deadpan.

"Yeah, well, you don't have to."

You push past her outside.

"Mous." you turn back to see Lotus standing in the doorway with a pleading look in her eye.

"Don't be like this. I've barely known three months and you're already one of the most altruistic people I've ever met. I can't watch you beat yourself up like this over one small mistake." she says.

One small mistake, huh?...

You sigh. You needed to think."Thanks for the pep talk, Lotus."

The walk home was uneventful, which was good. You needed some time to yourself.

Was the mistake you made that big? It surely was to Lyra and Bon Bon, their whole lives could be ruined.

And it would be your fault...

You were so used to having to watch out for everything. Guard against everything so that Anon wouldn't have to worry. Nip problems in the butt before they blew up in your face. And above all, never slip up. Evading an issue entirely was better.

Aloe and Lotus had called you "noble" and "altruistic", but did that mean what you thought it meant?

Did that mean shouldering the blame for every problem you were remotely involved in so others wouldn't have to? For what it was doing? What would happen if something broke you one day and Anon was all alone?

What then?

Other people were usually just blips on your radar, but you tended to keep your friends really close.

Had that been screwing you over all this time?

You arrive at the house and find Rainbow and Anon on the couch.

"Hey, man. How're you doing?" Anon asks.

"Dude...would you say I'm...altruistic?" you ask.

Anon's face contorts to a shape you haven't seen from him before. "Are you seriously asking me that? You've got three scars on you back to answer that question, dude."

Were you being too self sacrificing? Could you afford to just let things happen once in a while?

"Hey, I know what might cheer you up." Anon says. He nudges Rainbow. "Tell him."

Rainbow smiles. "Yours truly scored two tickets to the Wonderbolts show this weekend in Canterlot. thing is, they booked us for a two bedroom place, you up for a little vacation?"

Canterlot was kinda far...Your sure there was someone else who wanted to go.

But...on the other hand... You could think of plenty of laughs to have there...

Fuck it. Time to see where letting things happen takes you.

You crack one of your first smiles in the day. "Sure, Canterlot weekend it is."

Speed Dating.

It was Saturday morning, and you were on a train. You, Rainbow and Mous had all piled onto a train bound for Canterlot a few hours ago to start your little weekend getaway. You were still amazed at the sight of Canterlot as you pulled around the mountain, an impossible collection of towers and spires built right into the side of a mountain.

You feel a pair of hooves wrap around your neck. "Enjoying the view?" they ask.

You reach your hand back and tussle the hair of the mare they belong to.

"I feel like I'll enjoy it more when I get the chance to look around." you say. Your last visit to Canterlot was a very quick affair.

You turn around as Dash nuzzles your nose and gets a wry smile.

"Who says we'll be seeing that much of the city?" Oh boy, this mare was going to be the death of you one day.

"Get a room, you two."

You look down at Mous laying on the train seat, his sweatshirt hood over his eyes.

"Why, you can't see us." you say.

You glance at Mous's feet, they were propped up on a backpack. You had just grabbed a small back and thrown an extra set of clothes in but a full backpack seemed like overkill.

"Why'd you bring so much crap anyway?" you ask as you reach for the bag.

Mous's foot drops from the bag and cuts you off. "My little secret." he says.

You were sure he was plotting something, but this seemed to have gotten him out of the funk he'd been in. You resign yourself to the fact that you were just going to have to deal with whatever Mous cooked up as you pull into the station.

Wonderbolts stadium was an interesting sight, to say the least. The stadium itself was just a ring of clouds laid out to look like a racetrack. Stands were erected on the single piece of land nearby and ponies were filing in. You and Rainbow both had your tickets ready, Mous waved you off as he left.

"I got some stuff to do, I'll meet you both at the hotel." he says.

He was definitely up to something, but you could think about that later. Now was racing time. You and Rainbow make you way to your seats. Third row. Nice.

You glance around, the stands were almost full as is. High class looking ponies were talking in the box seats, one pony in particular caught your eye with his spectacular blue mustache. Above the normal box seats sat the royal box. Surrounded by guards, you could see both Celestia and Luna eyeing the track expectedly. They must have spotted you, because they both offer a wave, a wave you return in kind.

"Popular event?" you say to Rainbow.

She's floating above her seat she's so excited, she always loved races.

"You bet!" she cries. "Everypony get's pumped for the Wonderbolts derby!". She zips back to her seat just as the door opens and the stars fly out.

-Music-

The Wonderbolts fly out and wave at their fans on the way to the starting line. The announcer lands on an orbiting cloud and grabs his microphone.

"Mares, Gentlecolts, Fillies of all ages! I am proud to welcome you to today's 99th annual Wonderbolts Derby!" he shouted.

The Wonderbolts landed and crouched at the starting line.

"Today we have Spitfire, Soarin' and Fleetfoot competing for the cup." the announcer calls out.

A referee lands in front of the three racers with a flag in his mouth. Far off, a drum roll starts. The ref waves the flag and the Wonderbolts explode off the starting line.

Your hours of constantly sitting inside playing whatever games you could find had paid dividends in granting you a reaction time few could match. Your trained eye could still make out the pegusi as they rounded the first turn. Spitfire was flapping her wings so fast they looked like they would combust, Soarin' was staying true to his name and relying on more forceful flaps that carried him far, while Fleetfoot was bobbing and weaving around the track as she tried to take advantage of any air pockets. They rounded the second turn and Fleetfoot performed some sort of roll that shot her out in front. Even from here you could see Spitfire and Soarin's shocked faces. Spitfire and Soarin' were almost caught up once they entered the final stretch. Fleetfoot gave it her all as she upheld her lead against her teammates and crossed the finish line.

You pump your fist and turn to Rainbow. "Good race." you say.

She gives you a look. "Anon, the race just started."

You look up at the clock keeping track of the racers times. Seven seconds had passed since they took off.

It seemed your eye was VERY well trained.

A few hours later, the derby had ended an you and Rainbow had grabbed a bite on the way to the hotel. Full from your meal, you kept pace with Rainbow as she fluttered about and remarked at the escapades if the derby.

"That part where Spitfire was in the lead but Soarin' swooped in from behind her!? Or when Fleetfoot completed that lap upside down!" she beamed.

"I know Dash, I was there too." you say with a smile.

She flaps her way behind you and wraps her hooves around your shoulder.

"You like doing that, don't you?" you ask.

She nuzzles her face into your cheek. "I like not having to watch where I'm going." she says.

"Then you probably want someone with a better track record of not running into walls." came a voice behind you.

You and Rainbow both simultaneously yelp in surprise and wheel around. Mous was a few feet behind you standing with his hands in his pockets.

"Jeeze, Mous, how did you sneak up on us?" Rainbow asked.

Mous retains his uninterested expression and walks up to the two of you. "My species is only seen when we wish to be" he teases.

You roll your eyes and keep walking, Mous falling in with you. A glance showed you that he still had his backpack on.

"Didn't stop by the hotel?"

"Nnnope." he answered.

"Do everything you wanted around the city?"

"Eeyup."

You walk in silence for a bit.

"Plotting anything?"

"Eeyup"

"Gonna tell me?"

"Nnnope."

"Have you been hanging out with Big Mac?" Rainbow asked.

Mous glanced out of the corner of his eye and smirked. "He's a real talker once you get him started."

Your hotel room was pretty standard. A main bedroom with a TV and a living room with a fold out. The single bathroom would be crappy if you were staying any longer then you were. The three of you spent the evening watching pony cable TV for the first time. They had similar channels to Earth; a cooking channel, a sports channel, even a channel that only played shitty soap operas in another language.

Evening turns into night as the hours pass and you all get ready for bed. Mous bids the both of you goodnight as he surrenders the bathroom to you. You shit, brush, and climb into bed, Rainbow crashing down next to you. You lay there for a while before something interrupts you.

"Hey, Anon..." You open an eye to look and Rainbow. "Let's sneak a peek at what he's got in that backpack." she says.

That was probably a bad idea. Whatever was in there, Mous didn't want you to see it. Hell, it probably bit.

"Let's leave him to his toys." you say.

"Besides..." you pull her closer. "I can think of a way better way to spend our time." Rainbow gets a wry smile.

"Oh yeah?..." she says.

You lock your lips with hers as you pull Rainbow on top of you, she makes the cutest squeaks as you rub your hands down her back.

You break the kiss.

"Hold on." You say.

"Hey, Mous." You bang twice on the connecting wall.

"What." you hear from the other room.

"Go do something for a while."

You hear him sigh.

"You get a half hour, and I'm taking my bag with me." he says.

You return your attention to Rainbow as you hear the door shut. Not bad for a first date.

Master Plan.

-Music-

Sunday. Around four in the afternoon. Anon and Rainbow went off to the Wonderbolts museum, which was good. If they stayed in bed all day they'd work themselves into a rut.

Ba-zing.

It worked out for you though. It gave you time to do what you came here to do. You approach your target.

Canterlot Castle: Home of Princesses Celestia, Luna, and countless other nobles.

You had spent most of yesterday scoping it out, even took a guided tour. The ground floor with the throne room was mostly for the tourists, you were aiming higher. Past that was the residences, where everypony from the royal sisters to the royal eighth-aunt-twice-removed lived. Closer, but not optimum.

Above that was the little used maintenance hallways with roof access. That was what you were aiming for. Anon had told you that both princesses were at the derby yesterday. If these ponies were anything like people, they would be relaxing at home after a day at the races.

And if one pony in particular behaved the way you thought she did, then the roof was your best chance of getting to her.

That was your plan. Get inside. Get to the roof.

And prank Celestia.

You enter the castle walls. Two guards stood by the door. Easy.

You toss them both a wave.

"Hey, the Princess called me in. She wants to me to show her some stuff about my homeworld." you say.

The two of them exchange looks. "We weren't notified."

"Yeah, it was kinda sudden. She caught me at the derby yesterday and invited me over."

The two of them exchange another glance. These two were the biggest hurdle, they could stop this plan before it started. Not that you'd give up, there was always another way.

"What's in the bag?" the ask.

Half-truths, Mous.

"Just some stuff from my world I brought with me, I figured I'd show the Princess. I have some clothes...a toothbrush...and a music player." you list off.

The guards exchange one final glance before they step aside.

"The Princess is in her quarters." they say.

You offer a quick bow and head inside.

Phase one: Done. That was fairly simple.

It's not those guards fault they didn't ask which princess you were here to see, it's not like this stuff happens too often. With an alibi and a pair of witnesses secured, you make your way through the castle. Your strategy of "Walk around like you own the place." is doing you well, nopony asks what you're doing here.

Okay...from the tour yesterday, the stairs up should be behind the throne room. You find the stairs and sneak your way up. Phase two begins now.

Phase one may have had the biggest opportunity for failure, but phase two is no slouch. If anypony caught you up here, they could pretty easily call your alibi into question by simply asking the princess. Getting caught by Celestia with your pants down wasn't something you wanted to happen. Both figuratively and literally.

You keep your head held high as you walk. It would deter a cursory glance, at least. You spot a mirror hanging from the wall up ahead. You can spot two guards on duty in its reflection. Fuck. Sneaking by wasn't an option.

You take a knee by a vase to think. You're so caught up that you don't notice the pony sneaking up on you.

"Who are you?" they whisper.

You don't like being snuck up on as it is. That goes double when you're trespassing. You shoot up from your knee and nudge the vase.

Fuck!

You spin around and stop the vase from moving before it crashes. Heh. It seems all those days of playing games in Anon's living room have paid off.

You turn to face your new friend. He was taller than most ponies, white coat, goldilocks mane, unicorn horn, and a...lapel?

"Who are you?" you ask.

The colt gets a disbelieving look on his face. "I asked first." he says.

Had you there.

"I'm Mous, I met the Princesses a few months ago. You?"

He leans his head to the side and his incredulous frown gets deeper.

"I am Prince Blueblood. I have been RELATED to the Princesses for my entire life." he says.

A noble? Named 'Blueblood'? You have stopped being surprised.

He gets in your face. "Why are you here!? Only members of the royal family live on this floor."

Remember your cover.

"The Princess sent for me, I was looking for her room." you say.

He doesn't buy it. "It's day. No one knows that Princess Luna is even awake and Princess Celestia has been...indisposed...for the entire day." he counters.

Well, there's your confirmation on her habitual behavior. But fuck. There goes your alibi.

Dammit!

You ignore Blueblood as you slump on the nearby wall and think of the consequences of this. You would probably be detained for a bit. Hauled off. Anon and Rainbow would be grabbed and asked why you snuck into the palace.

As for punishment? You don't see why Celestia wouldn't take matters into her own hooves, especially if you were so keen on interrupting her. You're she would find the right irony for your punishment...

You shudder.

Blueblood wants answers. "Well!?"

You sigh. "I'm here to prank Celestia."

He tilts his head. "Prank?"

"Yes, prank. It's sort of like a game we play, we try to mess with each other whenever we meet." you say.

That was the best explanation you had for your relationship with Celestia.

Blueblood leans his head towards you. "What kind of prank?"

You grab his ear and whisper your plan to him. A devious smile parts Bluebloods lips as he hears what you have in store.

"And you're sure it would work?" he says.

You simply nod.

"Then get up, I'll help you get past the guards." he says.

Whoa what?

"You're helping me? Why?"

You never did anything for this guy.

"Maybe I can just appreciate a good prank?" he says with a smirk.

Holy shit, did you just make a bro?

Bluebro signals you back to him as he walks a few feet back. "Play along." he whispers.

"And so there I was, with cake all over my new tie, when who walks in? But the duke of Trottingham." he says with a pompous voice.

He leads you down the halls past the guards as he talks, he must not have guests because they seem a bit shocked.

"I was so embarresed, I ran as fast as I could into the bathroom to wash up, luckily the dukes lovely daughter was kind enough-"

He throws you around a corner and peeks back at the guards.

"They aren't moving." he whispers.

"Where to?" he says as he turns back to you.

This was starting to look up.

"The roof, that's the best bet."

"Follow me." he says with a grin.

The royal apartments had quite a few guards. Luckily, your new companion was able to talk his way past every single one of them.

"There it is." Bluebro says pointing towards a wooden door at the end of the hall.

You make for the door when a familiarly regal voice stops you. "Nephew?"

You both spin around. "A-Aunt Luna?" Blueblood says.

Luna walks towards the two of you. "What, may We ask, art the two of you doing?"

Luna motions towards your backpack. "And what is that thou carries?"

Shit think fast.

"Blueblood and I met at the market yesterday...and...he was giving me a tour of the palace." you stammer out.

Luna looks confused. "Then, why art thou headed for the roof?

Fuck.

"The view?"

Luna takes a step towards Blueblood and smiles. "We are proud of thee nephew! Tis so nice to see thee making friends after the...unpleasantness...at the Grand Galloping Gala."

Blueblood doesn't miss a beat. "Thank you Aunt Luna, it's nice to be making friends."

"Well, we shan't keep you from your day." Luna says as she walks off.

Blueblood and you both exhale a sigh of relief and enter the door to the roof staircase behind you.

The staircase leads you to a door with the best view you've ever seen. You can see almost all of Canterlot from up here. From the main gates and the train station, to the Wonderbolts stadium. You can even spot your hotel. The sun was starting it's decent, giving you plenty of afternoon light to disrupt an afternoon delight. Bluebro leads you to his best approximation of where Celestia's roof is.

You hear it before you get there.

Shit. You didn't have much time if the growing crescendo of their voices was any indicator. You throw your bag down and start unpacking your things.

"So, what did Luna mean by 'unpleasantness'?" you ask.

Blueblood sighs "Up until recently, I was a selfish, bigoted, ungrateful pony who was only interested in himself. At the latest Grand Galloping Gala, it finally came to a head when I tossed a mare in front of me to avoid a falling cake."

That sounds like a tale.

"It culminated with the mare screaming at me and driving me away. When I heard what the other ponies were saying about me...I..I couldn't bare it, because every word of it was true. From that day on, I have strived towards self improvement in an attempt to assuage the damage I have done. he says.

Damn, you could feel for him. Having a shit reputation is the worst, especially around people you like.

"Hey. I don't care what everyone else says, you did good by me today. Thanks" you say.

You hold out your fist, Bluebro bumps his hoof against it.

"You should get out of here, Celestia will be pissed when she hears."

"Are you sure you can handle her?" he asks with concern in his eyes.

You smirk. "Don't worry, Bro. This was the plan all along."

Bluebro nods and gallops off to the door you entered. The voices coming from the open window below you were getting more intense.

Nothing to do now but wait...

You were Princess Celestia, and you were getting laid. You had met him at the derby yesterday, Fancypants, his name was. He had spoken about a mare companion often, but it seemed they were on a break.

Which was perfect, Fancypants was good at this.

"Ah...come on...come on..." you pant out.

Fancypants increased his fervor. Just then, a sound wafted through your window.

The sound of music. It sounded like something with strings. Was the royal band practicing? Oh well, didn't matter.

"Ah! Right there! Don't stop!"

Fancypants grunted and started giving it his all. By the stars, you were close.

"Keep going!"

That music was still continuing. Where was that coming fro-aaaaahhhh!

Any second now...

That music was really nice...But where was it...

Just then, the music got words.

"Here comes the sun..."

WHAT?

"WHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!?"

NO! NO DAMMIT NO! THAT MUSIC RUINED IT!

"P-Princess?" Fancypants spoke.

"Wait here." you say as you hop off your bed.

You were more terse with him then you wanted, but what did he expect? This ruined your afternoon. You fly off your balcony and follow the source of the music.

Was it coming from the roof? You flew up and saw the source of the disturbance.

Him.

He was laying on your roof, head in hand, grinning like a madman. Next to him sat a small white square that was projecting the music you heard.

He spoke. "Princess Celestia, has anyone ever told you that you would make an absolutely lovely tenor?"

-Mous PoV-

-Music-

Shit eating grin: ON MOTHERFUCKER.

Music: Staying on, who doesn't like The Beatles? Celestia, it seems.

She landed on the roof a few feet away.

"Hello Princess, like my little concert?" you ask.

She just glared at you. "What are you doing here?"

You carefully got up, this joke would be ruined if you went and fell off the damn roof. "Why, just serenading Canterlot with some music from my world. I was in the area and I thought "You know, the Princess would really like some of this music, and I have to pay her back for checking on me during estrus." so I worked my way up here, found your room, and here I am."

"Why, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" you ask.

You stared her down. This was your biggest gamble, whether she would take it well. Her eyes stare right into yours.

You can't break contact here, if this goes tits up, your gall might be the only thing that saves you from a trip to the moon.

You were peripherally watching her mouth for the signs of... Yes!

"I think I see a smile..."

Celestia quickly turns her head away as she works to regain her composure. You still hear a few giggles escape.

"I'm glad you enjoyed my show, Princess."

She turns back to you, composure restored, but a smile present. "Yes, very elaborate, very fitting. You certainly have thought this through, haven't you?"

You give a wide shrug. "I told you, I'm a bit of an odd guy."

You cross your arms and begin to relax...this isn't over yet.

Celestia takes a step closer "However..."

And there it is.

"There is the matter of how you managed to sneak directly above my room in the royal palace, I'm sure my Captain of the Guard would like to have a word with you about that."

Hmm...you could work with this.

"Come on Celestia, there's no fun in that. At least give me a handicap." you say.

"Such as?" she asks as she opens her mouth into an unnaturally wide grin and flutters her eyelashes.

"Three hour head start."

"Two."

"One and a half, and the guards don't know what they're looking for and can't follow outside of the city."

Celestia stares at you for a second. "Deal."

You extend your hand. "Shake on it."

Celestia extends her hoof, you grab it and give it a good shake.

"Well then, I suppose I better get moving? You should go see to your boyfriend. I'm sure he can help you with that Cobalt Cunt you have now." you say as you bend down and grab your stereo.

Celestia just stares at you confused.

"Oh, just get out of here."

What was the female term for blue balls anyway?

You haul it back to the hotel, Anon and Rainbow better be there and not naked or you're leaving without them. You run up the stairs and burst into the room.

Rainbow and Anon are sitting on the couch together watching TV. "Dude, we have to get cable at the house." Anon says.

"No time. Pack. We're going." you say as you cross the room.

Anon looks confused and alarmed. "Uh...Dude? Is something wrong?"

You don't have the time for this. You grab Anon by the shoulders.

"You know how bros have that thing where they sometimes need you to not say a word and just go along with whatever they say? And he'll handle everything?" you ask.

Anon shakes his head wordlessly.

"Well, this is that time. We have, like, twenty minutes to get out of the city before the guards get he-"

You hear shouting from outside. You run to the window and pear out. It looked like half the royal legion was outside Some white unicorn in a purple accented suit of armor was calling out orders. "Spread out! We're looking for anything out of the ordinary!"

This was against the deal, but you found yourself smiling.

"Celestia you bitch..."

This reminds you of a song...how did it go?

Oh yeah, Dat bass line.

Anon grabs your shoulder. "What's going on, dude?"

You reach into your bag and pull out your sunglasses. Sunglasses you slowly lower onto your face as you recite the words you've wanted to for so long.

"I think it's time we blow this scene, get everybody and the stuff together."

Okay.

Let's Jam!

-Music-

You, Anon and Dash burst out of the hotel back door. Get to the train station. Alert no guards.

"This way."

You lead them through an alley to the street behind the hotel.

"You sure this is a good idea, Bro!?" Anon shouts.

You turn to shout back at him. "Of course it is!"

He looked scared. You must still have your psycho grin on.

Shit pegusi in the air. "Under that overhang!" you shout.

You can see the train station. There's a squad of guards out front.

"Mous, guards!" Anon cries.

"I'll handle this, just run past them!" you call back.

Anon and Rainbow blow past the bewildered guards as you grab the one in the lead.

"You have to stop him! There's some crazy Gryphon in that store and he's holding them hostage!" you cry.

"W-what!?" the guard says. "Come on, this could be it!" he calls to his friends as he runs down the road.

Ha. Idiot.

You all get through the turnstile and look for your train.

"There it is!" Rainbow cries.

Fuck! It was pulling out! You all race towards the rapidly leaving train.

"There they are, get em!" you hear from over your shoulder.

A quick peek; Fuck! Guards!

"Rainbow, carry Anon and land on that caboose!" you shout/

Rainbow grabs Anon under the armpits and carries him to the train.

Only have you now.

"Outa my way!" you shout to the ponies in front of you.

You can hear the guards hot on your tail. The train leaves the platform.

Gotta jump! You sail through the air at the edge of the station and grab a hold of the bars on the back and Rainbow and Anon pull you up.

Eat your heart out James Bond.

You turn and flip the guards back on the station the bird. All earth ponies. Nice.

You turn to Anon as your train races out of Canterlot in the setting sun. "See, told you I'd take care of everything."

Training Day.

You brace yourself as the wind kicks up. Dammit, you were trying to calibrate this thing.

"Twilight, can we move this thing? I can't work under these conditions." you say.

Twilight is paying attention to the pegasus that just flew by. "6.7 wing power Spike, record that." Spike jots down the numbers as Twilight turns to you. "And I'm sorry Anon, but we need to be this close to get the most accurate readings." she says.

You groan and go back to work. Today you were helping Twilight calibrate an anemometer to track the power of each Pegasus's wing power. Ponyville had been chosen to make an artificial tornado to shoot water up to Cloudsdale and exact numbers were a must. Around you were various pegusi training their bodies to improve their scores.

"I don't know what I been told!"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BEEN TOLD!"

"The Princesses are mighty old!"

"THE PRINCESSES ARE MIGHTY OLD!"

You turn to watch the line of pegusi being led by a jogging human proceed down the track, you can't say you're surprised. It had been a week since Mous got you chased out of Canterlot and only gave 'It went as planned.' as an explanation, and he had been more rambunctious and demented ever since.

He hadn't been like this since you were last on Earth. You weren't ruling out brain damage as the cause.

You wave him down. He stops in front of you and the pegusi behind him stop with him.

"Aren't you and your bosses supposed to be taking care of pulled muscles? Isn't that what you were paid to do today?" you ask.

He's jogging in place, where did he get this energy?

"Took a break. Got bored. Two more laps and I'm back to it." he says before he tries to take off. You grab his arm. "Are you okay? You seem kinda...hyper." you ask.

He turns to you. "Would you rather I go back to pouting?" he asks before making a face and moving on.

...Brain damage was the only thing that made sense.

You crouch down back to your little machine and start fiddling with it again, only to fall on your face from a sudden gust of wind.

"Dammit! Who now?!" you shout.

You turn around to see who interrupted you this time only to spot them laying on the ground, laughing.

"You -snrk!- you're working too hard Anon." Rainbow Dash giggled out.

You crouch down and smile at her. "Working hard my ass. I've had to wind this fan three times because your pegusi keep tripping me up." you say.

Rainbow takes off and hovers as she points to you. "In more ways than one, huh?"

You fall back on your ass and sit. "Yeah yeah, don't you have stuff you should be doing yourself? 'Coach'?"

She crosses her hooves. "I'm on a break." she smirks.

"Well, what about that guy." you say. You point behind her to a rather large pegasus who is jumping around shouting 'YEAH!' at everyone.

Rainbow just sighs. "Him again..." she turns back to you. "See you in a little while, Anon." she says. She pecks you on the lips before she flies off.

It still amazed you that she still tasted like rain.

You turn back to your machine only to spot Twilight and Spike staring at you.

"...What?" you ask.

"Rainbow Dash just kissed you." she says, dumbfounded.

"Well...yeah. We're kinda seeing each other." you say. Did you forget to tell her?

"When did this happen?"

Yup. At least you see a small smile.

"We escaped my house when the estrus started and hid in the woods. Things kinda...escalated." you explain.

You can remember enough post-estrus conversation with her to know that Twilight gets somewhat uncomfortable when talking about intimate subjects.

Twilight blushes for a second but regains her composure quickly. "Well, I'm happy for the both of you. It's nice to see you enjoying your time in Equestria so much."

Dash took it as a personal challenge to ensure that you 'enjoyed' your time here. You have to say, she did a good job. But you enjoyed just being around her just as much.

It also didn't hurt your abs as much...

You finally get to finish calibrating this stupid machine as Dash gives the others a pep talk. You sat back and watched. Dash was giving orders like a drill sergeant, and Dammit, were these ponies listening.

This was something you always liked about Dash. She knew what she needed and didn't rest until she got it... Didn't that sound like someone else you-OHGOD.

In your new state of abject horror and revulsion, you look over your shoulder. He was chasing Aloe and Lotus around the tent they had set up with a rolled up towel.

"Haha! Stop it Mous!" they screamed.

"Not until you admit that I am the Pungeon Master!" he bellowed.

You shook your head and returned to Rainbow's speech.

Okay, so your best friend and your marefriend shared an aspect, so what? That's normal.

...No one must know. Your psychiatrist would have had a field day.

You hear somepony walk up beside you.

"Hey, Fluttershy. We missed you out here today." you say.

Fluttershy had come in yesterday, but had left early on. Apparently, due to low wing power.

"H-hi, Anon." she says.

You patted the ground next to you and she took a seat. The both of you watched the training pegusi in silence.

You hear Fluttershy sigh. "It must be nice to be Rainbow Dash, she's always so confident about herself." She lowers her head a bit. "I wish I could be like that..."

"Is that why we haven't seen you around as much?" you ask.

She lets out a dejected sigh. "Yes...I'm just such a weak flier. I won't be any help here..."

Shit. She looks depressed. You didn't know she was having confidence issues...

Wait. Mous said something once to you about this...how did it go?

"Well, I believe in you." Fluttershy looks up. "And Rainbow, and Twilight believe in you too."

You turn to look at her. "Do you believe in us?" you ask.

"W-well, yes. But-"

You stop her there. "No buts. We believe in you, and you in us. Take heart in that and you'll go far."

She gets a smile and gives you a big hug. "Oh, thank you Anon. I'm going to go train my best with the others." she says as she flies off.

You sit back and smile, Fluttershy was a sweet kid. Bit thick sometimes, though.

Training was wrapping up for the day as the sun started to descend. Mous had left with Aloe and Lotus a while ago, it was just you and Twilight and a couple of straggling pegusi now.

You cast your eyes across the field as you helped pack. Fluttershy was doing some wing-pushups and Dash was drilling Thunderlane about something.

You were glad to finally learn his name, he had a sweet 'do.

Twilight closes the case for her anemometer. "See you tomorrow for the big day, Anon!" she called back.

You wave her off and wait for Rainbow to fly over. "Uhg. Stupid Thunderlane. He's not gonna show tomorrow, I know it."

"Are you gonna be able to pull it off tomorrow?" you ask.

She crosses her hooves and sulks."We might be able to, if we give it our all and everyone shows up...I just hate playing it this close."

You may have been slow on figuring it out, but even you know what to do when your marefriend is sulky.

"C'mere, you!" you shout as you grab her and pull her close.

"Pfft! Anon!" she shouts in protest. "Lemme go!"

You fight her as she tries to twist out of your grip, eventually ending with the both of you face to face as she stops struggling in your grip.

"Feeling better?" you ask.

"A little..." she says. She pulls your head close and locks your lips. She eventually breaks away and grows a smile "Mmmmm...Now I feel better."

You pull her closer. "Well, let's head back to the house and I can make you feel eve-"

You hear a hitching sound to your left. You both turn to spot the source of the sound.

It was Fluttershy. She was crying.

"Uh...hey Fluttershy...what's-" That's as far as you get before she flies away, you can hear her sobbing as she gets over the hill.

Damn, where was this yesterday? Also, what the buck just happened?

You turn to Rainbow. "What's her deal?" you ask.

Rainbow follows her as she runs away and breaks out of your embrace.

"I don't know." she says. "She's never done this before..." she says.

You could see the concern for her friend in Rainbows eyes. She acts tough a lot, but she cares even more.

"Should we go talk to her?" you ask.

Rainbow looks off into the direction Fluttershy flew. "I don't know...she's probably locked up in her house, I doubt she'll answer the door like this."

You take rainbow's hoof in your hand.

"But, she's our friend. Shouldn't we still try?" you say.

Rainbow looks you in the eyes for a minute before she drops to the ground.

"It's not fair that you can do that to me." she says with a small smile.

You give her a kiss on the forehead. "Call it boyfriend privileges, let's go."

It's late at night now.

You and Rainbow slog your way into the house and into the living room. Mous is reclining on the couch watching some movie while he eats.

"You two are late. Head back to that cave in Whitetale Woods for a little nostalgic lovin'?" he asks.

You plop down next to him. "Not now dude, I'm not in the mood."

He puts his plate down and rights himself. "What's up?"

Rainbow throws her head into your lap, you absentmindedly start twirling her hair.

"It's Fluttershy. She saw Rainbow and I kissing and then just freaked out and flew off." you say.

Mous crashes into the back of the couch. "Did she now..."

"Yeah!" you continue. "And when we went to her house to try and figure out what went on, she wouldn't even open the door or windows. We were there for like, two hours trying to talk to her."

Mous laughed a bit. "Let no one say you're not persistent, dude."

Mous yawns and gets up."Shit. I'm tired. I'm the fuck out, night you two."

"G'night." you call back.

You sit on the couch for a while, just playing with Rainbows hair. It's a few minutes before you notice that she fell asleep.

You scoop her up and carry her to bed. You'd have to make her feel better in the morning. You climb in next to her and hold her tight. A little too tight, because she stirs awake.

She glances up at you and frowns. "Anon, you okay?" she asks.

You sigh."I just can't figure out why Fluttershy ran away today and it's buggin' me."

She gives you a kiss and snuggles into your chest. "Don't worry about it Anon..." she yawns. "...Everything'll work out."

You kiss the top of her head and close your eyes. Yeah. You had your bro, your girl, life was pretty good.

Everything would work out...

Hats and Hi-Jinks.

Morning. The sun was out. It seemed to be keeping its distance. It seemed Celestia was taking your prank well. Good.

You throw yourself out of your bed. You’re still feeling the adrenaline high from that prank you pulled. It blew away all that moodiness you had going.

Feels good.

You head out to the kitchen and grab start breakfast. Pancakes all day err’y day. You sit down and start grubbin’.

Anon walks out with Rainbow tailing behind him.

”Gottagolateforworkbye!” he calls out.

Oh yeah, today was Tornado Day. You finish your food and head back for your shower. You were back at the spa today. Aloe and Lotus were expecting a good rush of customers after the tornado situation was settled.

You jump out of the shower. Teeth brushing time, Colgate would kill you if you take didn't care of them.

You step out of the bathroom with a towel around you. You spot a Stetson disappear into the bushes outside. Fuck. She’s gonna try something today.

You sigh. Oh well, let her have her fun.

Okay. Sit rep. Work clothes in bag, street clothes on body. Hair washed, teeth brushed, breath…eh.

You were ready.

You open the door and step out. It was a nice day out. You look to your mailbox and spot a familiar grey Pegasus.

”Derpy!” you call out.

Derpy smiles at you, the little unicorn underneath her smiled at you too.

”And Dinky!” you add.

You start toward the two.

”Well, well, well, what have we here? I didn’t know it was ‘Take your Daughter to Work’ day."

Derpy beams down at Dinky. “Little Muffin here has to write a paper on what her mommy does for school, so she’s coming along.”

Derpy had told you what had happened with Dinky’s father. It pissed you off.

It made you glad to see how proud of her daughter Derpy was, however. It reminded you of your parents, a bit.

You crouch down to Dinky’s level.

”So, you’re giving your mom a hand delivering letters, Dinks?” you ask.

Dinky vigorously nodded her head. “Ya-huh! I’m an assistant!” she says with a big smile.

”Nope!”

You reach down and scoop Dinky up. You gingerly place her on the top of your head as you stand back up.

”You’re a hat now!”

You feel Dinky shift around her new perch a bit and see Derpy trying to suppress a giggle.

The moving eventually stops. “I’m a hat now!” she shouts.

You and Derpy share a laugh. The girl had enthusiasm.

”Let’s go to work! Let’s go to work!” you begin to chant.

Dinky joins you in your chorus with Derpy joining in shortly after. The three of you start down the road to Ponyville.

”So, Dinks, your mom tells me that you’ve been kicking flank in school.” you say.

You don’t see Dinky nod so much as feel it as she vibrates on your head. “Yup, I got a perfect score on our spelling test. My math still doesn’t add up, though…”

Ha. That was pretty good for her age.

”Ah, don’t sweat it Dinks, math gave me the run-around too.” you say.

You turn to Derpy. ”Hey, your boyfriend works with delicate clocks all day, maybe he could give Dinky some math help? I’m sure it easy peasy for him.” you say.

Derpy puts a hoof to her chin. “I guess I could ask him, Mister Hooves has said that he wants to spend more time together.” she says.

Hooves. He was going by Hooves?

”He’s got the same last name as you?” you ask,

Derpy snaps herself out of her thoughts and turns to you. She’s blushing a bit. “Yep! Hehe…We thought it was weird too.”

Weirder then you know, Derpy.

”Huh…quite the coincidence.” you say quickly.

You turn your gaze as far to Dink as you can. "How bout it Dinks? You wanna see if Mister Hooves will help you out?”

You feel Dinky nod her head as you continue to town.

You wave goodbye to Derpy and Dinky once you get into town. You make your way through the town to the spa.

You kept your eyes out for Lyra and Bon Bon. Even if you weren’t stressing about the situation, but it’d still be nice to see what happened.

You were still contemplating the situation when you felt something wrap around your torso and pull you to the ground.

”Gah! Fuck!” you exclaim.

You were dragged straight back out of town along the path. Rocks were flying up and whizzing by your face. Dirt got caught in your face as you tried to get a look at who was dragging you. You got a half instant look and absorbed three details. She was a mare. With a blonde mane. And a Stetson hat.

Dammit.

”AAAAAAAAPPPPPLLLLLLEEEJAAAAAAAAAAACK!” you shout.

She drags you along the dirt path outside town. “Now quiet down back there! We’re almost to tha’ farm!”

”Applejack you rabid bitch, let me go!” you choke out through the dirt flying in your face.

You get no response as you continue to be dragged along. Gotta stop this. Can’t use your feet, you needed a fulcrum.

You spot a tree along the side of the road out of the corner of your eye. That was your best bet. You start rolling to try and direct yourself to the tree. This would be tight… You shoot past the tree as your inertia takes over. The rope around your torso snaps taut finally lets you sit up. Or would, if you didn’t have to move fast.

You jump up and start running forward.

You clear the dust and dirt from your eyes and spot Applejack being pulled back to the tree by the rope. Okay, that was probably good. You turn back and start running back towards the tree. You see Applejack rubbing her head as she gets up next tree.

Shit! Gotta go fast!

You double time it to the tree and begin orbiting it. You hear an “Oof.” escape from Applejack as the rope begins to bind her to the tree. After a few revolutions around the base of the tree, you toss the rope around you off and pull it tight to keep her bound. You stand there for a bit, taking deep breaths to calm down from this little ordeal.

”What the hell, AJ!?” you shout.

You knew why she did this, but she had normally just been content to sit in your bushes and watch. Tying you up and dragging you across town is new.

”What the fuck is this!?” you shout again.

She hangs her head low. “Darn it! I was sure mah plan woulda worked.” she says.

”What plan!?”

She looks up at you, disappointed that her plan ended with her tied to a tree. “I got tired of sittin’ in the bushes, thought I’d try for somethin’ else.”

Brain. I require your input.

MAIM! KILL! BURN!

Fuck you brain! I hate you!

You feel yourself getting angry. You release the rope off of Applejack.

”Just go.” you say. You point down the road as Applejack trots off.

”And don’t let me catch you pulling this shit again.”

She stops part of the way down the road and gives you a wry smile and a wink…Dammit.

You trudge into the spa. Late.

Aloe gives you a once over, raking in the sticks and dirt covering your body. ”Rough morning, Mous?” she asks.

You sigh. ”Something like that, what’d I miss?”

”Not much, everyone’s out to see the tornado.” She says.

”Good to know I can piss off and not be missed.” you tease.

You head back to the back room and change into your work clothes. Thank Hastur that your bag didn’t get horribly damaged during your dragging. You toss your bag and wash up for the day.

Aloe was right; you only got a single customer the entire day.

You were about to piss off and go get an early lunch when someone walked in. Whoawha-

”Anon?”

He was covered in branches, soaked to the bone, and had a few scratches about him. He takes his shirt off and throws it on the chair.

This won’t be weird…

”…I take it today didn’t go so well?” you ask.

He sighs. “No. No it didn’t. We didn’t make the wing power we needed to get the tornado going fast enough.” he says.

Well. Fuck?

”What happened, With the tornado? Didn’t we need that water?”

Anon groan as you worked on his shoulders. “NNNnnggg…We had to get Spitfire to chip in just to get it stable, everyone had to bust their flanks, but we got it there.”

That didn’t sound good. Rainbow sounded like she wanted to impress Spitfire.

”What happened to your wing power?” you ask.

Anon sighed. “We lost some pegusi. Thunderlane ended up getting the Feather Flu…and we still haven’t heard from Fluttershy…”

Damn. It had been a whole day.

”Where’s Rainbow now?”

You start to work on the small of his back. The tornado must have gone cataclysmic with all the tension here.

”She took off after Spitfire. She was pretty embarrassed at what happened.” He says.

That sounds like Rainbow.

Work let out at the normal hour. Other then Anon, you had only had the Mayor’s assistant come in. Runaway tornados have a habit of scaring away the customers.

You throw your bag over your shoulder and head for home.

”Mous!”

You turn your head and spot two ponies galloping towards you. A mint green one and a cream one.

”Lyra? Bon Bon?”

The two of them trot towards you. They’re smiling.

”Uhh…hey! What are you two doing here?” you ask.

”We were looking for you.“ Lyra says.

Huh?

”Uhh…why? I would figure you’d want to see me again after what happened….what did happen?” you ask.

It was about time you figure this out.

Lyra and Bon Bon look at each other. “We talked for a long time after you left. We decided that all the time we spent together wasn’t worth losing over a misunderstanding. And then, well…”

Lyra turns back to you. She’s smiling. “Mous…would you like to come to a wedding?”

Whoa.

”No way.” you say.

They look back at each other. Their smiles grow.

No way!

”Haha! I love weddings!” you shout as you drop down and wrap your arms around them. ”Congrats you two!”

You sit yourself down in front of the two. This was fantastic.

“I’d love to come, give me a date and a place.” you say.

The wedding was apparently at the end of the month. These crazy kids. You’d have to get a tux.

You say goodbye to Lyra and Bon Bon. The walk home was nice.

Nicer then it’s been in a long while.

Dinner Date.

It's been a few days since the tornado debacle, you were finally getting all the water out of your ears. Rainbow had been pulling double shifts to fix all the damage the runaway tornado had done to the clouds, this was the first chance you've had the chance to see each other since.

You were sitting on the couch after work waiting for Rainbow to show up. Trying to ignore the moans coming from the bathroom.

"Hang in there man!" you call back.

A knocking came from your chamber door and got you off the couch. You didn't have to guess who it was, your suspicions were confirmed when your vision was flooded with blue and you got a peck on the lips.

"Hey, you." you say as you ruffle her mane.

"Hey Anon." Rainbow says as she flutters into the living room and lands on the couch. "So, what's on the list for tonight's movies?"

You had actually been giving this some thought. "Actually, we always stay in here and watch movies. You wanna head out somewhere tonight?".

Her eyes shot wide and some red came through her cheeks. "L-like a date?" she asks.

She was cute when she was embarrassed.

"Well, it's not like we've really followed routine here. We've been together, what? Two weeks? And most of that time, I ended up naked. You've spent pretty much every night here, I think it's high time I actually take you out someplace." you say.

She looks back to you, her blush had gone. "What did you have in mind?" she asked.

"I don't know, dinner? And then maybe somewhere after? Let's play this buy ear." You reach out your hand.

She grabs your hand and you pull her off the couch. "Hehe. Okay, Anon." she says.

One thing before you go... You head back to the bathroom, the door was locked. "You alright in there, man?" you call out.

"MY INSIDES ARE TRYING TO BECOME MY OUTSIDES!" was your answer.

You and Rainbow both clamp your mouths shut as you try to stop from laughing.

"Okay...we're gonna head out, did you need something?" you ask.

"I need a gun and one bullet!" he shouts back.

"This is what happens when you eat nothing but pasta for dinner, man!"

You hear another groan, this one a bit more pathetic. "But I love pasta!"

You and Rainbow both head to the door rather than risk a laughing fit in the apartment. The night was warmer than it had been in a while. Winter Wrap Up was coming soon, that much was certain.

"So, know any good places to eat around here?" you ask.

Rainbow turns to you with a small grin. "Isn't that your job?".

"We're a pegasus and an extra-dimensional alien, we're non-traditional as shit as is."

The two of you eventually decide on a restaurant called "Jardin d'Olive". You don't say anything. No need for a reservation though, which was sweet.

Conversation flowed smoothly over dinner. You talked about The Wonderbolts, the work you were doing for Twilight, even the weather was an interesting topic when you had someone who controlled it eating with you. Too bad the conversation couldn't stay that way.

"So..." you start. "What's the fallout from the tornado?"

Rainbow puts rests her head on her hoof and gets a far off stare. "I can't say I'm surprised." she says. "We royally bucked up that thing, we almost cost all of Equestria its rain water."

You put your fork down. "So, how bad?".

Rainbow sighs. "Most people are willing to write it off as some horrible accident, but a few more are pretty mad about it. They say that we put the entire town at risk when we should have gone for a more foolproof plan."

Like what? A big ass hose?

"Hey. You tried your best, and everything worked out in the end. This'll all blow over." you say.

Rainbow is still looking off to the side. "I just keep thinking; If Thunderlane and Fluttershy had shown up, none of this would have happened."

She had a point. "What was their deal, anyway?" you ask.

Rainbow finally meets your eyes. "Thunderlane came down with Featherflu, like he said...no one has heard from Fluttershy."

Damn. It had been almost a week. You were getting worried. "Think she's okay?" you ask.

"I think so...Fluttershy has always been too happy to keep down for long." Dash says.

You hope so. You really hope so.

The two of you finished dinner and decided on a late night walk in the park. "I still say it's weird that a town that's surrounded by forests and fields would have a park." you say.

Rainbow laughs a bit and elbows you in the side. "Hehe, shut up."

After a once around the park, the two of you curl up under a tree and watch the moon make its way across the sky.

"Tell me how this is different from what we do at your place?" Rainbow asks.

You pull her a bit closer to you. "Here we don't have to listen to Mous shit all night." You lean your head back on the tree. "And don't tell me that it isn't nice out here." you say.

"So, are we just gonna sit here all night?" Rainbow asks.

"Isn't that what couples do in the park? Sit under trees together and look at the sky?" you say.

Rainbow shifts herself around a bit. "I think that's what they do in the day...but it's nice and dark here, and just the two of us..."

"You entirely sure about that?" you say as to point a thumb towards the full moon. If Princess Luna was the lady of the night, then that moon was her eye on the world.

"Oh she has better things to do." Rainbow says as she pushed your arm down and locked you lips.

Despite a bit of a trip with dinner conversation, this date had gone spectacularly. A nice dinner, a walk in the park, making out under a tree probably wasn't a classy thing to do, but 2/3 isn't bad.

An hour or so later, Rainbow is hanging onto your neck as you walk your way home. The park lets out just by your house, so you decide to cut through.

Along the way you spot somepony by the stream. Somepony yellow and pink.

You turn to Rainbow, she has the same look you have.

"...Think we should talk to her?" you ask.

She silently nods her head and you step off the path.

Fluttershy was sitting by the edge of the stream, she looked like someone just crushed her puppy. A trio of owls were sitting on a branch above her, they looked like they were trying to entertain her. Even nature itself couldn't stand to see Fluttershy cry.

"Flutters?" you call out.

Her head snaps up and turns to you. For a second you see a smile, only for it to fade away once she spots Rainbow.

"Hey, we were looking for you. Everypony is worried." you say.

Fluttershy lets out a deep sigh. "Oh..I'm alright."

That was a lie. She was nowhere near fine. You take a few steps towards her only for her to scoot away.

"Come on Shy, talk to us." you say.

Rainbow chimes in. "Yeah, you can't just be alone forever."

That was the wrong thing to say, it seems. Fluttershy just looks up at the both of you with the saddest expression you've ever seen. You were amazed it didn't start raining right then and there.

She didn't say anything, she just got up and flew away.

"Fluttershy, wait!" you call out.

Crickets and Owls are your only answer.

You and Rainbow arrive home around midnight. Rainbow had been quiet the entire walk home, despite your constant attempts at cheering her up. As soon as you were inside, she just flew to your room and shut the door.

Dammit. The night was going so well, too.

You looked on the couch, Mous was sitting there. He looked like he was brain dead for a minute before he turned his eyes to you.

"How'd it go?" he asks.

You rub the back of your head. "Man, everything was going perfect until we found Fluttershy in the park."

"She still upset?" he asks.

You nod your head.

"You know why, right?"

Yeah, you knew why. You had been giving it thought all week, Fluttershy running off when she saw Rainbow only confirmed it."...Yeah." you say.

This conversation needed a life raft, quick. "So, how was your night?"

Mous gets what can only be described as a thousand yard stare. "I can't move. But on the plus side, I no longer fear death."

The life raft just got caught in the engines and sank the boat.

"Uhg...and on that topic, good night." you say.

You step into your room, Rainbow is laying on the bed. She's curled up into a little ball, staring out the window. You crawl into bed and wrap your arms around her.

"Wanna talk about it?" you ask.

She shifts."It was my fault, she was talking to you but as soon as she saw me, she flew off."

You nuzzle the back of her head. "It's not your fault that Fluttershy can't handle us."

"No, but it's my fault there's an us in the first place." she says quickly.

Ouch.

"Are you having second thoughts?"

Rainbow whirls around and gives you wide, scared eyes. "No! No...it's just...I wish this wasn't such a big deal."

You pull her close. "Let's leave the existentialism to Mous, okay? You just worry about being awesome."

"Hmmph. I don't feel awesome." she says into your chest.

"Are you kidding? You're Rainbow Dash! Not only the best flier in all of Equestria, but the first special somep0ny of an alien." You kiss the top of her head. "And a pretty good one, at that."

Finally, a laugh and a smile. "That was so lame, Anon."

"Pssh. You liked it." you tease.

She gives you a long kiss. "I like you more."

"Not as much as I do." you fire back.

You see that competitive spark light up in her eyes. "Oh yeah?"

You get your smirk on."Don't try it Dash, I like everything. You can't beat me."

She gives a small chuckle and curls back up into your chest. You lay there for a long time as Rainbow falls asleep. You'd have to get a message to Fluttershy sometime, and you wanted to help square all this blame the Weather Patrol was getting for the tornado away, but for now? This was all you needed.

Nosce te ipsum.

"Just talk to Aloe at the front desk about payment." you say.

Roseluck hopped off the bed and left the room. You started the task of airing this damn room out. No easy task with coconut. You light some incense candles, they would do it.

Walking into the lobby you were stopped by Lotus.

"Mous, I was wondering, did you want to go grab some lunch?" she asks.

It -was- almost lunch.

"I'm down, it'll give my room time to air out." you say.

You step into the lobby proper in order to address both sisters. "Where did you two want to go? The diner?"

Aloe glances off to the side. "Uhh...actually, I'm not hungry! But you guys should go eat, I'll watch the spa."

You shrug and head for the door, Lotus right behind you. The diner was farther away from the cafe, but usually had better food.

"Nice weather." Lotus says as she keeps pace.

She was right, the skies were clear and the sun was shining. "Yeah, the Weather Patrol must be spoiling us because of the tornado." you say.

It had been a week and a half since, you didn't hear anyone complaining over the sunny days.

"You never see weather like this in Stalliongrad." she says.

If it was anything like home, you're not surprised.

The two of you continue towards the center of town and spot a group of ponies hustled around a small stage. On the stage was a rather loud unicorn.

"Listen O' citizens of Ponyville! Listen to how your Princesses have failed you!" she shouted.

You and Lotus walk past without another glance.

"This stuff happen often?" you ask.

Lotus rolls her eyes. "She sounds like the unicorn who came through last year and almost got the town demolished. I'm not giving her another moment of my time."

The diner was more of a little bistro. At least it had outdoor seating. Lotus ordered a sandwich, while you opted for soup. You needed to cut down on the pasta...

The biggest thing that this place had over the cafe was that they used actual flavoring. The cafe was great for a quick sandwich, but you were SOL if you wanted a good mushroom soup.

"So...Mous." you heard across the table.

You tilt your head to the side. Can't talk with soup in your mouth.

"I uh...wanted to ask you something." Lotus says.

You nod as you swallow your meal.

"Shoot."

She shifts in her seat a bit.

"You and Anon have known each other for a long time..." she starts. "And you spend a lot of time together."

/nod. You were bros, that's what you did.

"Have you ever been...'together'?" she asks, a bit of red coming through her blue coat.

You sigh and rest your chin in your hand. This was not the first time this has happened.

"No. We have never been together." you say.

Lotus relaxed a bit. "So, you don't play for the same team?"

Uhg...You hang out with one guy for the entirety of your life and have no other friends and suddenly everyone thinks you're gay. You shake your head and give her a deadpan stare.

"Not that there's anything wrong with it! It would just be something I didn't know about you." she stammers out.

Heh. Nice save Lotus.

You can't imagine somepony who accidentally slept with her sister to have too many social hang-ups. Lotus is quiet for the rest of the meal.

You get up to walk back before you're stopped.

"Mous." Lotus is standing behind you, she's looks really nervous.

"What's up?" you ask.

She says nothing and keeps looking around.

You crouch down to eye level. "You okay? What's up?" you ask.

She looks you in the eye for a moment before she says "Buck it."

You were about to say something, but find yourself unable. You can't get words out with Lotus's mouth pressed up against yours.

What is this. What is happening. Why is it happening.

Situational report.

Brain: askdjbngsdf. No help there.

Jimmies: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! To be expected.

Weak organic blood pump: Out to lunch.

Dammit.

You don't move for what seems like an eternity. Finally, Lotus removes herself.

She's staring at you "Mous, uh...are you okay?"

No. You needed to think. Gotta go.

You don't notice as you stand up and start walking. You don't notice as you head over the bridge out of town. You don't notice that somepony is shouting behind you the entire time.

-Music-

Why would she do that?

The most obvious answer was that she liked you.

Why would she do that? Neither girls nor guys ever liked you. Ever. You were always "that weird guy who always hangs around that other guy." It was rare for anyone to even know your name unless you spoke to them. So what changed?

You became an alien. Everyp0ny knows who you are.

Brain, why weren't you this helpful back there?

We all have our reasons.

Great. Now your brain was screwing with you. You didn't need this right now.

What do you do?

Do you want to kiss Lotus some more?

...You don't not want to.

What does -that- mean?

It means that you have no desire to never kiss Lotus again.

That makes no sense.

It makes perfect sense.

Are you attracted to ponies?

You know the answer to that.

Right. Big bad Mous isn't attracted to anyone, that why he neve-

Yes. That's right.

There's more than one kind of attraction, dingus.

Right...emotional. Were you emotionally attracted to Lotus? She was funny, she was smart. She kept up with your quips and gave as good as she got. She watched out for you. Your mind went back to when you had your manticore wounds.

You guess Lotus is pretty cool.

But that still didn't answer wh-gak! You rub your face and look around. You appear to have ran into a tree.

Idiot.

Fuck off brain. Wait... Why was it night?

Why are we in the Everfree Forest?

And what's that sound?

You follow the path closer to the mystery sound.

Prepare for Mauling: Round 2.

Eat shit brain.

This was pretty close to Zecora's, you think. True enough, you spot Zecora's hut after walking some more.

Zecora was outside sitting and playin- That fucking didgeridoo.

THAT FUCKING DIDGERIDOO.

Calm down, man.

Stupid thing was haunting you.

Maybe Zecora has some advice.

"Zecora." you say.

Zecora stops blowing your arch-nemesis and turns to you. "Ah... Hello again, dear friend Mous." Her face falls as she looks at you closely. "May I ask why you are so morose?"

You walk up and sit next to Zecora. "I have a problem, I need a hand. If you had advice, that would be grand."

Even now?

All opportunities to rhyme will be used.

Nerd.

Plebian

Zecora smiles. "Tell me your problem my good chum, allow me to stop you feeling so glum."

You lean back a bit. "I have a friend, we're kind of close. But I think she wants more from dear ol' Mous."

Zecora nods.

"I'm not opposed, that's not what I want to imply. I just can't wrap my head around why" you say.

Zecora tilts her head. "Why? I do not understand, I feel as if you need to expand."

"I don't see myself as all that nice, I've been told I have veins that are filled with ice. Why she likes that, I can't say to be precise." you say.

Zecora gets a smile."Perhaps you are not as cold as you think, perhaps that is not your friends kink."

You give a disbelieving look.

"People are often hard on themselves and think they're have no value. They must sometimes take themselves under review." she says.

Hmm. Review yourself...

I give you a C+.

Shut up brain.

-Music-

You left Zecora's and started back towards town. Review yourself...right.

Well, you thought you were a generally cold person. You had one friend you considered a brother, his girlfriend, two bosses, and an ageless sun goddess. Before you came here, you had less than that.

You always thought you were horrible to people, not that you could figure out why you did it. You always thought that they were a minute away from slapping you, or just walking away. Anon had been the only person you could really count on to stay for ages.

So why would Lotus like that?...What if she didn't?

What if you were wrong? What was it they called you that one time? Noble.

Noble: possessing, characterized by, or arising from superiority of mind or character or of ideals or morals.

Uh. Thanks Brain.

I got your back.

So, were you noble? What did Lotus say... You took them in during estrus, sure. But they might have done something stupid. You took a manticore for Anon, but he was your bro and would have died.

Come on...one thing here.

Derpy.

Huh? What about her? You talked to her, sure...

Wait. Hearts and Hooves day. You got her to talk the that stallion who may or may not be an alien.

Is that noble?

Did you do it for personal gain?

No.

Sounds it to me.

Okay, so you may be noble just because you helped Derpy that one time...Was that enough? You stop walking, don't want to hit any more trees. You're back in town.

...Was it enough?

Let's go find out.

You were Lotus and you were an idiot. Why did you kiss him? Why in broad daylight? Why did he walk off like that?

You had been laying on your bed for a while trying to figure that out.

"Are you okay, sis?" Aloe called from the doorway.

You look up. "I'm fine, just thinking."

"Don't worry, I'm sure Mous had a good reason to walk away." she says.

"Yeah, like not wanting to date outside his species. Working with him is going to be great." you say.

Aloe sulked for a bit before walking away. Not that you could blame her, even you didn't want to be around you when you got like this.

"Lotus!".

By Celestia, you were going nuts. You could almost hear him.

"Lotus!" again.

Why were you hearing him? It's not like you ever dated enough for him to become important to you. You wanted to, but then you cocked it up.

Why didn't you just wa- You were interrupted as something slammed into your window.

"Lotus!" you looked outside.

"Mous!?" you shouted.

He was hanging by the window sill. "Let me in! I'm slipping!" he called out.

You rushed over and opened the window so that he could roll in and land on your floor.

"Mous, what are you doing here?" you ask.

"I figured we should talk." he says.

You sigh. "Look, if this is about what happened today, I'm sor-"

"No, not about that." he says.

You try to talk, but can't get words out with Mous' mouth pressed up against yours.

"About that."

-Mous PoV-

Heh. That shut her up.

I told you I'd handle it.

Thank you Weak Organic Blood Pump.

She looked at you in stunned silence, her pupils the size of pinheads.

"Sorry about when this happened earlier, I needed to think." you say.

She meets your eyes. "...And...did you?" she asks.

You reach up and run your hand through her hair, that was allowed at this juncture, right? She seemed not to mind.

"Yeah...I uhh...I don't know why you want this... But, I think I do too, in a way." you say.

She lights up when you say that.

"So...do you maybe wanna see where this goes...? Maybe we can go out for lunch again tomorrow? I promise I won't silently walk away again." you say in an attempt at a joke.

She gets a big warm smile and laughs, it makes you happy. "I'd like that..." she says.

Sweet.

"Okay, well, uh...I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" you say.

You stand up to walk out, sparring a glance at the window.

"Uhm...can I use the door?" you ask.

She nods. You are stopped as you walk out of the bedroom by something grabbing your shirt.

You turn around. Lotus motions for you to crouch down.

You get a quick kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asks.

"Yeah, of course." you say.

You hope you were still smiling. Lotus walks you to the door. You wave goodbye as you make your way back to the house.

See what happens when you listen to me?

Yeah, great, where were you when I needed you earlier today?

I told you, out to lunch.

Very cute, Weak Organic Blood Pump.

Hey, if today is any indicator; we're going to be seeing each other a lot. Call me by my name.

No. Heart is a shitty name.

That asshole was beating too fast to get a new name, anyway. Brain, what do you think?

I think today was a good day.

Pep Talk.

"You're sure you don't want to come?" you ask.

Rainbow stops in the doorway. "You know that Fluttershy won't say a word so long as I'm there."

You didn't want her just flying away again.

"I know." you say. "It's just...I wish we could all just sit down and talk this out." you cross your arms and pout.

Rainbow flies back up to you. "I know Anon, but I'll just make it worse if I'm there."

She gives you a kiss goodnight as she flies out.

"Good luck!" she calls back from down the road.

Yeah, you feel like you'll need it.

You were not looking forward to going to Fluttershy's place alone. You doubted she's try anything, but the memory of what she did when you got trapped in that hole nags at you. Hmm...you need some backup.

You head to Mous's room and knock on the door. "Enter." you get in response.

He sat there hunched over, doing what else? Painting his models.

"Getting theatrical?" you ask.

"Someone has to inject culture into this house."

"He said as he painted the Chainsword of his walking tank." you quip/

"This is a power-bat." he corrected.

You look around the room. "Holy shit, are there more of these things here?"

"There are." he says.

The entire room was covered, ships hung from the ceiling, troops were positioned around and on top of furniture.

"Where the hell did you get more!?" you ask.

Mous keeps painting. "Twilight used a duplicate spell on them, even turned 'em grey so I could paint them all again." he says.

His obsession knew no bounds. Even being trapped in another dimension didn't stop him.

"Oh whatever. Look, I need your help." you say.

Mous stops and glances over at you. "Oh?"

"Yeah, I need to head over to Fluttershy's to try and fix things. Up for bodyguard duty again?"

Mous leans back and stares into space "Does Fluttershy have manticores?" he asks.

"Heh. Probably not."

Can't fault him for being cautious.

"What do you need me for anyway? he asks.

You sigh and lean against the doorframe. You can't tell him she felt you up, he'd flip. "This just may be a really tense scene and I'd rather not go it alone, okay?" you say.

He gives you a disbelieving look.

"Please?" you beg.

Mous sighs. "Fine."

He climbs out of his chair and slips on his boots. "This better not be a waste of time."

You and Mous trudge along the path into town as it loops back towards Fluttershy's cottage. It's colder than last week when you went out with Rainbow, both of you are in your jackets.

"You know, I'm surprised you were free tonight. Mr. Big Shot Stud." you tease.

Mous rolls his eyes. "Oddly enough, some couples can date for a few days without moving in together, you should give it a shot." he shoots back..

"Tch. What's the point then?"

You spot Fluttershy's cottage down the road. None of the animals that characteristically congregate outside it are there. Not a good sign.

As you get closer, you see that it's worse. The blinds are drawn over the windows, the plants outside look like they haven't been watered either. You knock on the door, only for it to squeak open once you touch it.

"Well, that's not creepy in the least." Mous says.

You both step into the living room. Everything -seems- fine. The only indicator that anything is wrong is a general layer of dust over everything. Everything seemed to just be in a general state of disuse.

Mous stepped out of the kitchen. "No sign anything's been used in a while, there's some bread that looks like it's been touched though. If she's here, she's eating."

That was good. No one wanted a starved Flutters. You were both put on alert when you heard something descend the stares. It bounced into the living room and started pitching a fit at you. Well, at least Angel stuck around. He kept waving his arms in some sort of bunny tantrum, expecting you to understand it.

"Fuck off rabbit, take us to Fluttershy." Mous says.

Angel pouted for a moment before he hopped up the stairs, You and Mous right behind him.

Upstairs was no better than down. The blinds were drawn on all the windows, the doors were all shut save for the one at the end of the hall. Angel led the two of you into the room. Before you sat Fluttershy's bed, empty save for a lump in the covers in the center.

You grab the covers and whip them off.

"Fluttershy..."

She was curled up in a little ball in the middle of the bed, the indentation on the mattress was evidence that she'd been there for a while. There appeared to be water stains on the sheets.

She stirs from her sleep and looks at the two of you bleary eyed.

"A-Anon? Mous? W...what are you doing here?" she asks.

You admit that you were a bit upset at the whole situation on your way here, but that was gone now. Fluttershy had that effect on people.

"We came to check up on you." you say trying to comfort her.

She rubs her face with her hoof "Oh...I-I'm fine.."

"No you're not." Mous says. You shot him a look that he just shrugged to. He was never the best at empathy.

"It's a little hard to believe that, Fluttershy. We've seen the rest of your house." you say.

Fluttershy shifts in her bed."Oh...well, I've just been...a bit tired lately and I-I've been napping a lot."

Shit, that sounds bad. "Fluttershy? Do you want to talk about what happened at the racetrack?"

You sit down next to her on the bed. he lets out a small squeak.

"O-oh...that...I-It's nothing Anon, Really. I mean, why should I care if you and Rainbow become special somep0nies and..." Her entire body hitches."...And I'm all alone..."

Oh god. "Hey...c'mon Fluttershy, why would you think you'll be all alone?" you ask.

She's crying freely now. "B-Because I'm not brave enough to get a special somep0ny!" she cried. "When you first came here I thought 'Oh, he's so nice, I'm sure he won't mind my shyness." But I was so shy that I never said anything and then you met Rainbow and it was too late!"

Tears ran down her face. "I-I was afraid even on that day when I talked to you. After what you told me, I-I was going to talk to you about it, b...but then I saw you and Rainbow and I-I..."

You wrap your arm around her and try to comfort the little weeping angel.

"S-So everyp0ny in town is worried? That makes sense..."She buries her face in your lap. "No wonder I can't believe in myself...no one believes in me...

"Whoa, what?" Mous says behind you.

He left his post at the door and walked over to the two of you. "You gave her the pep talk?" he asks. What did this have to do with anything?

"Uh...yeah..." you say.

"Well, did you say it right?" Mous asked.

Huh? Why the hell did this matter?

"Something about how we believed in her so she should too, why?"

Mous leans back and sighs. "That explains it...Fluttershy!" he called out.

She lifted her head from you. Mous pointed his finger straight at her. It was that one time in your garage all over again.

"Listen Fluttershy, never forget. Just believe in yourself. Not in the Fluttershy that we believe in, and not in the friends that you do. Just believe in the Fluttershy that believes in you."

That hangs for a second. "Mous..." you start. "That was the most retarded damn thing I've ever heard! Please don't tell me that worked on me!"

"You watch your mouth, boy!" he shouts.

"No! That's stupid! "Don't believe in us" what, is she supposed to take everything anyp0ny says with a grain of salt!?" he yell.

You stand from Fluttershy's bed as you continue to argue. "No! She's just supposed to find the faith in herself! Not other ponies!" Mous shouts.

"And how does that help her current situation? Does -that- crap make her feel any better?"

"It's supposed to give her the confidence to-

"PLEASE STOP FIGHTING!"

The both of you turn back to Fluttershy, she's almost cowering on the bed at your antics. You McFucked up, son.

"Listen, Fluttershy." Mous sighs."What I'm saying here is you're a good kid, a little self confidence and you'll have suitors lining out the door."

"Yeah." you say."Everyp0ny is amazed at your kindness with your animals. And you'd be amazed at how many guys like a little shyness."

Fluttershy shuffled in her seat a bit. "D-do colts really like shy mares?" she asks as her face turns red.

"If they're anything like the guys back home, yeah." Mous says.

"A...and you're sure?" she asked.

You turn to her."Fluttershy, they have entire conventions around girls as moe as you."

She tilts her head to the side. "Moe?"

You laugh. "Don't worry about it Fluttershy. Are you okay now?"

She shuffled a bit more. "I-If you think that I can do it...I-I guess I can try..."

That's good. "So, are we okay now? No more tears?" you ask. You're rewarded with what must be Fluttershy's first smile in a while and a nod.

"Great...we'll let ourselves out." You motion for Mous to follow you as you leave the room. The house already looked a bit brighter.

Mous and you walked down the path to your house mostly silent. It felt good to help Fluttershy, a little grope wouldn't make you dump a friend. Rainbow and the rest of the girls would be happy to hear from her again. It would suck for the group of friends who had saved the kingdom twice to be broken up by you.

Mous had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire time. He was probably pouting about what you said.

"...I can't believe you said that back there." you say giggling.

He gives you a look. "It worked on you."

"Yeah! Back when we were in highschool!" you tease.

"I don't know how old Fluttershy is..." he retorts.

...Should you say it? He'll get so pissed.

"Kitan had a manlier death anyway."

Oh god. The look on his face is priceless. This is what nerd rage looks like.

He grabs you by your sleeve. "That's it! We're watching the series again! Call Rainbow, this is gonna be a couple day thing."

You try not to laugh as he drags you home.

Heart to heart.

Nine hours. NINE. CUNTING. HOURS. This wedding had better be worth it. There had better be shit loads of cake.

You stood in the Fillydelphia train hub and looked around. Passing ponies were staring at you with either fear or revulsion. It smelled like gas and piss.

So just like Philly back home?

Looks that way brain.

You walked out of the train station and headed down the road. You kept your eye's high. Fillydelphia certainly inherited the right skyline.It almost made you forget where you were.

You were glad you could get off for this. It helped that you were dating your boss. She says she'd give you a bonus if you caught the bouquet for her.

Hehe. "Bonus."

Dammit brain, we've been dating for like, three weeks tops. That's not what she meant.

Yeah, but she wouldn't mind if we thought it's what she meant.

Piss off.

Someone's afraid.

I am not afraid...I'm taking it slow.

Out of fear.

Out of respect.

Respect for what? She kissed you on the introductory date. I'm pretty sure I felt tongue.

Piss off. I'm done with you.

I can taste your fear from here.

You frown. Your brain was an asshole.

You cross through the center of the city. Chariots were locked in an eternal gridlock in the roads. The streets were chocked with passersby and the occasional tourist. Every one of them was staring at you. You didn't mind it, but goddamn. You were glad you lived in a small town.

The trio of guards that were following you didn't help. Ever since the train station.

Just like Earth.

You cross through the center of the city. Dammit. Where was this hotel Lyra and Bon Bon said to go to?

A shouting pegasus in a pavilion catches your ear.

"This 'order' that the Princesses have set up is against the very nature of the world! Hiding us all away from the chaos of life has made us weak! Complacent!"

Who's this douchebag?

Religious nut?

Never a shortage of those in the city...

You walk away as he starts to yammer about some crap that happened a millennium ago that you didn't give a shit about.

You finally arrive at the hotel. Not a bad place, marble floors, brass accents. Swanky. You walk up to the front desk and ring the bell on it.

Some snooty looking pony walks out, he takes one look at you and frowns.

"Can I help you...sir?"

Stay calm, play it co-

Kick his ass.

Fuck off brain.

"Yes, I'm here for the Bon Bon - Heartstrings affair." you say.

He raises his eyebrow at that and levitates a key to you. "I have also been instructed to direct any...pony to the dining hall at 7..."

You nod and head towards the elevator. Racist asshole.

Your room is midway up, overlooking the north side of the city. Cool, no sun in your face.

I wonder if the West side is still dangerous here...

You look at the clock. 5 in the evening. You collapse on your bed.

Leaving town at the same time you normally woke up was not fun. And bullshit could you sleep on a seat not designed for you. It would be nice to rest a bit...

We need to talk.

Or would have been. What?

About Lotus.

This shit again? What?

How do you feel about her?

I kissed her goodbye today, I'd say I feel pretty good about her.

You know what I mean.

I really don't...

You can't lie to me. I'm you. The honest side, it seems. We need to talk about what Lotus means.

What she means?

Lotus is the first sentient life form we have shown interest in. Ever.

And?

And that signifies a change. A change in our personality.

How do you know we weren't a horsefucker this entire time?

Because we'd been here two months and not shown any interest. Even when their immortal god-empress propositioned us. Even when we had our current special somepony and her twin sister locked up in our house.

We were not taking advantage of Aloe and Lotus over Estrus, That's sick.

And Celestia?

My way is more fun.

But somehow, Lotus gets through. What did she do?

You know wha-

And why did you reciprocate?

You were there, you kno-

I know you, you're committed until this thing goes down. Why here and not on Earth? Well?

...She was nice to us. No one is ever nice to us. She gave us a job after a look and a test we bullshitted through. She was the only pony in town to worry about us after the manticore.

I don't know where this is going, but Lotus deserves a shot with the guy she thinks we are.

And that's enough?

If she can get us to date her, who knows what else she can do?

Your brain was silent.

Yeah. Thought so.

Yo, wake up.

You wake up in a puddle of your own drool. The clock says 6:45. Fuck, get up lazy ass.

The dining hall was nice. Big. Very big. Big enough for the hundreds of ponies that were in it. The hundreds of ponies now looking at you in silence.

Shit. Uh...

"Hi, Everypony!" you shout.

Hi, Doctor Mous!

Eat shit.

"Mous!" you hear from your side.

You turn to spot Lyra galloping towards you, Bon Bon right behind her.

"Finally, the guest of honor has arrived!" she says.

Guest of honor? What?

"Nice to see you Lyra." you say.

"Oh, let me try this out!" she says as she lifts her leg and her horn starts to glow. A minty green hand forms at the end of Lyra's hoof. You grab and shake the hand. Damn, it feels just like flesh, even down to the heat emanating.

"Someone's been practicing."

Bon Bon finally catches up with her bride to be. "Oh...she's been practicing all right." She nuzzles Lyra.

We gave two lesbians hands.

Hands we then shook.

Gross

Gross.

"Come meet my dad, Mous!"

Lyra leads to back to a table being set up. Standing next to it is an elderly unicorn with a brushed back mane, a forest green coat, and a red jacket. Various medals and ribbons hung on it.

A guard vet, it seems.

So it seems.

Time to impress.

"Good day, sir." You toss up a salute, one that he returns with a smile.

"Ah, hello my boy. Captain Harmonica, good to see a guest with respect to the guard."

:Headcanon Harmonica Voice:

Holy shit, his voice.

This man could conceive children with his voice alone.

"Of course, Sir. I have met many guards and respect the work they do." you say.

Getting chased out of Canterlot doesn't count as meeting guards.

Shut up, I don't want him to talk and make our heart stop.

"Dad, I was gonna bring Mous along to the party tonight, is that okay with you?" Lyra asks. She was giving the Harmonica the puppy dog eyes.

"Of course sweetheart, the more the merrier." he says.

Harmonica walks off and you approach Lyra. "Party?" you ask.

She gives you a big grin. "My bachelorette party! We're gonna show these Fillydelphians how it's done!"

Lesbian pony party?

Shit, I'm game.

You collapse back on to your bed around 3:00.

Ow. Ow. Oh ow.

Brain, stop trying to kill us.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW LOUD YOU COULD YELL!?

Aaaaaah. I am initiating emergency consciousness override. Piss off brain.

THE CANDY MAN MAKES, EVERYTHING HE BA-

...Silence. Good.

Damn. Lyra can fucking drink. Not so much Harmonica...surprisingly. Somewhere between the third club and the fire, you sorta spaced. Somepony fucking spiked your drink, it's the only explanation.

Oh well, at least you can think and don't have to move anymore. Don't even really have to think anymore with brain offline...

...I wonder how Lotus is doing.

Dammit. Brain was fucking with you even when he wasn't there. It was normal to think about them so often this early, right? Right? You were still you, right?

Dammit. You need someone here.

Brain! Wake the fuck up!

ZZZzzzZZzzZzzZZzzz.

Asshole.

I'm here man.

Heart?

At your service.

Oh good, what's our blood alcohol level at?

A little bit passed pissed.

Shit.

Yeah.

So, can you help? Why are we thinking about Lotus so much?

Well duh dude, it's because we like her.

...We do?

Is that not obvious?

I don't know, we never liked someone before.

Come on man. We may be weird, but we've seen enough cartoons and daytime soaps to know what it's like to like somepony.

So... is this good?

I'm a bit biased here, but I think it is. Lotus is good for us.

How?

We've gotten our ass kicked for Anon a bunch of times, now we have somep0ny who'll kick our ass herself if that happens.

And how is that good?

It makes us think of new options, maybe ones that don't involve hostage situations?

That only happened once...

Also, you know, we like her. Quite a bit. That's a good reason on its own.

Lyra and Bon Bon were well on their way to Canterbury for the honeymoon. Here's hoping they actually get out of the hotel room.

The wedding went off without a hitch. No protesters against a same sex marriage, no time traveling blue boxes, no dinosaurs.

What was that last one?

Brain! Good of you to join us!

What did we drink last night?

Lol I 'unno.

Where are we?

Train back home, should be getting close. It's about nine at night.

Why are we still in our tux?

"Cause all the girls crazy 'bout a"

SHARP

DRESSED

MAN

Yeah.

You're a dork.

You sang along too.

But seriously, why the tux?

Maybe I just like to dress to impress for special events?

Whoa. Wait. Did you plan something without me?

It's a surprise.

We hate surprises!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

You pull into the station as you put Brain on silent. Bag over your shoulder, you head to the front.

Where is she...

"Dressed up just for me? I'm touched." says a voice from behind you.

You spun around and saw Lotus sitting on a bench, she hopped off and trotted over to you. You put your bag on the ground and sit at eye level with her.

Dude, what are you doing!?

"Hey there pretty pony." you say. You had spent the entire train ride back thinking of that, you were very proud.

You grab her chin and kiss her. Longer then you normally did. Deeper too.

You didn't feel obligated to do this, nor did you feel uncomfortable about doing it in public. You break off and press your forehead against her.

"Mous! What was that for?" she squealed.

Her cheeks were red, even through her coat. She was cute when she was surprised.

"Just happy to be home." you say.

Homecoming.

Light seeps in through your windows and wakes you up. That sucks, you can see why Mous hates being woken up like this. You pull the still sleeping mare laying next to you closer, okay maybe it wasn't all bad.

Rainbow had stayed at your place every night since your talk with Fluttershy, finally able to know that she wouldn't be ruining a friendship in doing so.

Rainbow nuzzles into your chest as she wakes up "Five more minutes..." she complains.

You kiss the top of her head. "Come on lazybones, we both have work today."

She waves a hoof dismissively. "Buck work...I'm staying in bed today."

"I'll bet I can get you out of bed." you say as you play with her hair.

A small laugh is your answer. She asked for it. You grab Rainbow by the flank and jump out of bed, ignoring her yelp of surprise as you do. You make sure to lean Rainbow against your chest as you carry her out to the kitchen, her moaning at being moved not helping matters.

Mous is eating at the table when you get out.

"Are you always out here before I am?" you ask.

Mous shrugs. "I get up when I hear you moving around so I can ensure I always get the best seat."

You roll your eyes and walk into the kitchen, Rainbow still leaning on your chest. "Anon, throw me an apple if your -that- set on moving me this early." she says.

You pop an apple in your mouth and grab one for yourself. These Golden Delicious were the best.

You carried Rainbow back to your room after breakfast, she shifted her weight and fell onto the bed again.

Oh dammit.

"I thought that getting some food in you would wake you up some..." you lament.

You can see Rainbow's grin from here. "Yeah, bad move on your part. I'm gonna have to lay here and let this food digest for a while before I get up again."

You lay down next to her."I got you out of bed once, what makes you think I can't do it again?" you ask.

Rainbow smirks at you. "I'm ready for you this time."

Luckily, force is not your only option.

You jump off the bed and head into the bathroom. "Okay, you just lay there while I shower, you know, naked and stuff."

You hear her shuffle around on the bed. "That...won't work Anon..."

You turn on the water and step in. "Sorry! Can't hear you over the sound of me vigorously rubbing my wet chest!"

You hear the something jump onto the floor and clop into the bathroom. You wipe the steam off the glass to see Rainbow pouting at you. "You're a terrible special somep0ny, bribing me like this."

Forty minutes later, you're showered, laid, dressed, and walking out the door. You kiss Rainbow goodbye as she takes off into the clouds.

"So, does she taste like skittles?" you hear behind you.

Mous is standing in the doorway behind you, heading out as well.

"Skittles?" you ask.

He gives you an incredulous eyebrow.

Oh. Tasting. Rainbow.

"Haha." you say.

You walk ahead as Mous waits by the mailbox for Derpy. Something about giving her a hug he forgot about. You walked by somepony on a stage as you got closer to town. He was ranting about chaos theory or something.

The library was abuzz when you stepped in. Papers were strewn about the floor, books sat open on ever piece of furniture available, a chalkboard with what looked like a time dilation equation sat in the corner.

"Oh, hey Anon!" you hear from the other room. Twilight came trotting out to great you. "You're just in time!"

A quick once over told you that Twilight had at least slept, no bags under her eyes and she was keeping balance pretty well.

"What is all this stuff, Twi?" you ask as you motion around the room.

Twilight's face lights up like a Christmas tree. "The Princess sent over a special spell that her magisters made and she wants us to help!"

You grab one of the pieces of paper laying around and start scanning it.

"What kind of spell are we talking about?" you ask.

"Why, the spell to send you home, of course!" she answers.

...what?

A lump forms in your throat.

"S-She finished that?" you ask.

Twilight goes back to reading a large tome. "Not yet, but she says she has the base component down. It's our job right now to take care of the stability of the portal."

Stability, that means she already knows how to send you elsewhere and how to power it. The hard part's done.

This portal nonsense could take a few weeks, a month at the most, but then what? How much longer did you have here?

"R-right, I'll go work this out." you say.

You sit down at the desk and start crunching numbers based on the magical theory you know, but your heart isn't in it like it normally is.

How much longer were you going to be here? Were you allowed to opt out? Should you? What would Mous say?

You admit that you missed your family, but you know that you'd miss Rainbow and all your other friends here if you left. Shit, you had a GIRLFRIEND here. One who had been living with you a month.

It was no doubt that the two of you cared about each other, you didn't want to leave that. But...at the same time, you didn't think that writing off your homeworld was the best mode of thought.

"How's it going?" you heard over your shoulder, causing you to jump.

Twilight stood behind you.

"Uhh. Fine. Fine, take a look." you say as you hand her the paper you had been writing on.

Twilight's face grows a shocked expression as she reads.

"Anon, did you do all this right now?" she asks.

"Well, yeah." you say. "Why?"

"Anon, this is incredible! You've cracked the portal stability equation! How did you do that?" Twilight asked.

You turned in your chair. "Well, it was simple enough. I figured out what kinds of magic we'd need, probably spacial manipulation and maybe a time tunneling spell if time flow is different there than it is here, And then I just used general Arcane energy to bind them together." You look up at her. "Is that...special?"

"Incredibly!" she cried out. "Nopony has ever thought of combining different types of magic energy together! We always just kinda brute force it."

"Well, different ways of thinking, I guess." you say.

"This'll cut down on the time till the portal is done drastically! I can't wait to get you started on the other aspects!" she exclaims.

Waitwhat? Oh god.

No.

Dammit, no!

You just cost yourself a month of time here! Idiot!

You groan and put your head in your hands. Idiot! Stupid idiot!

Twilight senses something is wrong and approaches you again. "Anon? Is something wrong?" she asks.

You talk through your hands. "Twilight, have you ever wanted something, and then later on your realized you didn't want it anymore?"

"Did something happen, Anon?" she asks.

You looked up and saw the concern in her eyes. "It's just...I've built this life here that I like and suddenly, this thing that I should want with all my heart comes along and is ready to take me back to my old one and...I don't think I want it to."

Twilight puts her hoof on your arm. "Well, I think you've answered your own question, Anon. If you like someplace, you don't try to leave it."

"But what about my family?" you ask.

Twilight gets a knowing look in her eyes. "Would your family want to see you again if you were going to be unhappy?"

"But...what about the spell?" you ask.

Twilight levitates the paper you wrote on over to her. "You've cracked something important, but we still have a long way to go before it's finished. And when it is...we just won't use it!"

You give her a bit of a look. "So, we're doing this entire thing just for its own sake?"

"Nope! For science!" she says.

Twilight let you off early today and you began to walk home.

You felt good. Really good. You had always figured that staying in Equestria for a long while would be a possibility, but this was the first time you had -chosen- to stay.

Ah. And there was your main reason for staying flying through the clouds now.

"Hey Rainbow!" you call out.

She doesn't yell back and shrugs at you. "Head back to the house when you're done! It's important!"

She nods and flies off. You can fully appreciate Ponyville now that you can see it as your home. Fillies ride around in wagons, colts and mares wake through the center of town. Some wave hello to you, some even say it. But all of them have already accepted you. And you them.

-Music-

You arrive at your house, it would be a few hours till Mous got home, which was good.

Rainbow lands next to you. "What's up Anon?" she asks.

You open the door and motion for her to come inside. You shut the door behind you and turn to her.

You run your fingers through her hair. "Rainbow..."

You find yourself at a loss, how to you tell somep0ny that you didn't have to go back to your home dimension?

"Oh fuck it." you pull Rainbow close and kiss her as hard and deep as you can.

She's shocked for an instant, but she catches up quick. You walk to your room and collapse on top of the bed, Rainbow already pawing at your shirt. You spend the afternoon like that, intertwined in the language of lovers that communicates you're feelings and then some.

You both finish and simply lay there curled up in each other for a while.

"Hehe...wow. Where did -that-come from Anon?" Rainbow huffed out.

You feel Rainbow shudder as you plant kisses up her wings and onto her back.

You stop at the base of her neck "Just happy to be home." you whisper.

Trust issues.

-Music-

You were glad you found this ball under your bed. It helped pass the time between customers. The lunch rush had subsided and ushered in the late day slump. The only sound in the spa was the light music playing and the general "thump" your ball was making against the wall.

Somepony opened your door just as you caught the ball.

It was Lotus. "They can probably hear that racket you're making all the way in Canterlot." she says.

You get up off the floor and put the ball in your bag. "Then they should make more noise and cover me up. What's up?"

Lotus points behind her. She looks irritated. "We have a customer who just came in asking deluxe treatment." she says.

Oh hell. The Deluxe took a few hours. It also usually involved a double massage.

"So, I guess my number's up?" you ask.

Lotus gets a smirk. "The downside of dating your employer is that you are the first name they call when they need help, let's go."

Lotus leads you through the spa into one of the bigger rooms in the back. Inside was a beige colored earth pony with a blue mane.

"Mous, this is Pearl Necklace. Wife of Ponyville's Filthy Rich." Lotus say.

Never heard of him. You can guess what his deal is just from the name though.

"Hello Ma'am, I'll be your second masseur today." you say.

She gives you a once over. "They say your massages are to die for."

Word spreads.

"I like to think I know what I'm doing. Why don't you lay down on the bed and we'll get started?" you answer.

She hops up on the bed. "I-I must admit, I've never had a massage before..."

Lotus is quick to soothe. "Relax, we know what we're doing, we'll take care of everything."

Pearl Necklace paid her bill and left a generous tip on her way out. She should have, she kept you here an hour after closing. You and Lotus exit the spa rubbing your faces. This was not how either of you wanted to spend your Friday.

The streetlamps flickered on as you stepped out. It was early spring, Winter Wrap Up was right around the corner.

"Uhg. How a pony with as leisurely a life as her can have so many sore spots to complain about, I'll never know." Lotus complained.

Got that right...

"You wanna get dinner?" you ask.

Lotus looks up at you disbelieving. "Don't I normally have to drag you out just to get lunch?"

You shrug. "I have been worn down today by the constant dribble coming out of that mares mouth. You game?"

Lotus looks towards the center of town. "Diner?"

You jerk your head to the side and start walking, Lotus close behind you. You both slump in your seats at the diner, the day's work catching up to you. Lotus is staring off into space with a grin on her face. You try to follow her gaze only for her to catch you and have her grin grow wider.

"What?" you ask.

She points a hoof past you near the edge of the patio. "That's where all this started."

Oh yeah. She kissed you there.

"I thought all this started when I pulled myself through your window?"

She traces a hoof around her wineglass but still stares out. "Yeah, but you wouldn't have come to my house if it didn't start here." She turns to look at you. "How did you get to my window anyway?"

"Jumped off a tree branch."

Almost fell twice.

The two of you find yourselves taking a late night walk after dinner. Lotus is silently resting on your back. She saw Rainbow hugging Anon around the neck one day and asked you about it. The obvious solution was piggy back rides. It worked out, she was pretty light.

This was nice, Lotus just resting on your back, the silence of the road.

Heeeeey maaaaaan.

God dammit Brain. You do this shit on purpose.

Let's rap, man.

What?

Let's chat.

About?

The mare on your back.

Didn't we already have this discussion?

This is a new discussion.

Joy.

Did you notice how many she put away at dinner?

We put away quite a bit ourselves.

No, not that.

Then what?

Look at how relaxed she is.

So?

So? She trusts you.

She just doesn't want to walk, Brain

No, this is trust. Trust me.

I'm pretty sure she trusted us before.

Enough to get tipsy and let you carry her? Not likely.

So, what's your point?

I just think it's a bit strange for a guy to have claimed to be taking it slow only to now be taking his special somepony to his house.

Wait, wh-

"Oof!" You reach a hand up an rub your face.

You have run into your own door.

"Dammit."

You felt movement on your back.

"Huh? Where are we?" you hear Lotus say.

Shit. You look like a scumbag.

"Uh...I ran into my house." you stammer out.

She settles her head on your shoulder. "Cute."

You think you see a smile.

"Can I come in?" she asks.

Whoa.

Wait.

What?

"Huh?"

She gives you a peck on the cheek. "Has anypony ever told you told you that you're cute when you're flustered? I never saw too much of your home when I was last here, care to give me the tour?"

The last time she was here was during estrus. You can see how that would make paying attention hard.

"Uhh...sure." you say.

You let Lotus down and open the door. You lead her through the house as you throw your bag on the couch. She passes right by the bathroom she was locked in.

Guess she saw enough of that.

Should we be okay with this?

Hey, if she trusts us, we should trust her.

You come in on her in your room, she's looking at the models on display. "Quite the collection you have here, isn't it?" she says.

You sit down at eye level in the middle of the room. "It's a hobby."

She takes a few steps towards you until she is inches away from your face.

"Is it weird?" you ask.

Lotus starts to nuzzle your face with hers. "Hmmmm...Maybe I like weird?"

You run your fingers through her hair. "That's weird."

Lotus doesn't respond. It seems she's kissing your neck.

Uhhh... Gents?

Uhhhhh...

Thanks Brain.

Uuuhhhhh...

Et tu Jimmies?

Roll with it.

Heart?

Do it.

Uhhh.

You keep running your hand through Lotus's hair. That damn headband was in the way, get rid of it.

She eventually leads up your neck and reaches your lips. Okay, wow, that's her tongue. She presses up against you and pushes you back. Way back.

Lotus, I'm gonna fal-Ooof!

Okay, she's on top of you now.

We should tell her.

Lotus breaks the kiss and goes back to your neck.

Her hoof reaches between yo-HELLO.

WE REALLY NEED TO TELL HER.

"L-lotus..." you all but whisper

Lotus works her way back up to your lips again.

"Lotus.." you get out between breaths.

She breaks the kiss and looks at you with those big blue eyes of hers

"Lotus, I-I never..."

She starts stroking your hair and goes down to your ear. "Ssssshhh. Relax, I know what I'm doing... I'll take care of everything..."

-Music-

Morning.

You didn't mind that it was morning. You had been up a while.

You slept on the floor that night, the bed was too small for the two of you. Not that space was an issue. Lotus seemed content to sleep on your chest. You didn't mind either, the carpet/blanket combo felt good on your skin.

Lotus stirred on your chest.

"Morning, pretty pony." you say.

She rubbed her eyes. "Mmm...good morning."

She plants a kiss on you and lays back down.

Silence falls.

We gonna talk about this?

What do?

Make a joke?

"So, was it good for you too?" you ask.

Laughter. Score one for you.

"Why is it that that's the first question guys always ask?" she says.

You rub the nape of her neck. "Well, we passed out pretty quick last night. And I'd say I have a bit more reason to want a review."

Lotus giggles again and rolls off your chest onto the floor. She scoots up to your head. "Yes. Despite your general lack of experience, you are a proficient lover."

+10 ego.

"But, I've had better." she teases.

You roll your eyes and clutch your chest. "Oh, how will I ever recover from such a horrible blow to my manhood?"

That elicits a giggle as Lotus wraps herself in your arm. "I will admit though..." She looks around. "It was a new experience, making love with so many...tiny eyes watching."

That got a chuckle from you. "Don't go pretending you don't enjoy an audience."

You both laugh.

"Hey...do we work today?" you ask.

Lotus presses herself up against you and looks you in the eye. "I think I'm due for a personal day..."

Lotus starts the same process as last night, working her way up your neck, as you pull the blanket over the two of you.

Team Meeting.

The carriage bounced and bobbed along the road and into the forest. Being crammed inside with four other ponies made the ride...interesting.

Eventually, the carriage stopped. But not before the riders inside had been dropped into a pile.

"Whoever's hoof that is has five seconds to remove it before I do." you grumble.

The offending hoof is removed as you all climb your way out of the carriage. Before you are erected a good couple hundred tents of varying sizes. Ponies of all shapes and sizes roam around the makeshift town.

No...not just ponies. Your eyes make out several pairs of griffins as well as several unicorns. You even see a minotaur.

"Impressed, human?"

You turn to your side and spot Trixie beaming over her collection of cultists.

You grunt. "Seems pretty organized for a religion supposedly based around the concept of Chaos..."

Trixie harrumphs. "We will not have a hired mercenary, and even worse, an -outsider- critique our methods. Now, come along. I want you to sit in on a meeting."

First a camp and now a meeting? Is it a Chaos meeting?

She's a hypocrite, who cares? Just follow along until we get what we need.

The meeting was exactly as bureaucratic as you thought. Long table. Dozen or so high ranking cult officials. The Holy Mother at the end, flanked by Trixie and some pegasus in red armor. And you. Crammed between a griffin and an earth pony who smelled like he hadn't bathed in a week.

Trixie was using her illusionary magic to place markers over a map of Equestria and the surrounding countries.

"I will re-iterate our plan for those of you who are unaware." she says as she throws a glance at you.

Fuck you too, Trixie.

"As you all know, Chaos is a state of things. One that is imprinted throughout the entire world almost as much as magic itself." she says.

Four markers appeared over the map. Two to the North and two to the South.

"Our goal, is to collect four items that either caused mass Chaos, or are the direct result of it. Using these artifacts, we will tear open a portal and free our lord Discord." she says with a manic grin.

Everyone else at the table was wearing the same grin.

You sigh and raise your hand.

"What, human?" Trixie asks.

"Why are we doing this? I mean, I know you want to free Discord, but isn't he a statue in Canterlot? Shouldn't the first task be getting that statue?" you inquire.

The rest of the members of this idiot council all moaned like you had just asked why the sky was blue.

"Discord is not mere flesh, human, He is a spirit. A spirit that is currently trapped in the Tartarian plains. We will use these artifacts to open a portal to Tartarus and allow him re-entry into our world." Trixie says.

"Isn't Discord supposed to be as powerful as Celestia? Shouldn't he be able to open a portal himself?" you ask.

You hear a sigh from the earth pony next you. "I have a question, why are we even entertaining this ape? He is no true believer, and I fail to see why our plans hinge on him."

You shoot him a glare which he scoffs at. "What, ape? You think you can frighten me? I have fought worse then you in my-"

He gets no further as you grab his head and slam it onto the table. You pull David out of his sheathe and stab him into the table barely a hairsbreadth away from the earth pony's neck.

"You ponies need to learn that I'm a lot scarier then you are."

Any traces of arrogance in the ponies eyes had evaporated as he eyed the blade at his throat. A flash of light erupts from behind you and splinters over the back of your head. You turn to see Trixie standing on the table, her horn still glowing.

"That is why we need him. I have word from one of my sources that both this human and the other from P0nyville are entirely immune to magic. We can't overlook that advantage." she says.

The only time that ever came up was when you first got here and saw Celestia. She has spies in the palace?

Trixie continues to glare at you while the rest of the room looks on edge, the pegasus on the other side of Her Holiness looked ready to jump you.

"Now, release him human." she spits.

You stare down Trixie for what feels like hours.

Should just wreck these idiots...

Easy. Remember the plan. We need them.

Yeah...but they don't need us here.

You pry David out of the table and re-sheathe him as you walk out.

"Human! We are not done here!" you hear Trixie shout from behind you.

You stop and look at Trixie over your shoulder. "Four artifacts to summon Discord. I help you get them and then I get what I want. I'm going to assume you aren't a moron and have some way of crossing that ocean on your map, so I'm leaving until you twits come up with a plan." you say as you continue walking out of the tent. "Come find me when you have something, and not a minute before."

That went well, what now?

We need food. And a place to sleep.

You wander around the camp looking. Dammit, where is the cafeteria tent, or whatever?

There has to be one with this many cultists.

Maybe they catch their own food?

You're interrupted by a trio of colts running past you chasing a ball.

Shit, they had kids in this mess?

Fucked up.

"Hey. Kids."

They all turn to look at you.

"What are you doing here?" you ask.

The three of them glance at each other. "Uhh...our parents all brought us here, who are you?"

Parents dragging their kids into a doomsday cult?

It's either that or pay for college...

"Nevermind, where do I get something to eat?" you ask as you shake your head.

The colts all point to a particularly large tent over on the other side of camp.

"Yeah. Thanks."

You can feel them stare at you as you walk away.

-Music-

Dinner consisted of some bread and water. Can't get too fancy when you're feeding this many mouths in the middle of nowhere. At least you were used to the diet.

It was night, late, the events of the day were beginning to catch up to you. Apparently, tents were for actual members of the Cult, so you had to fend for yourself. Deciding against sleeping near the outskirts of a camp in the middle of the Everfree Forest, you lean back against a tree next to the conference tent you stormed out of earlier.

Your mind begins to replay the events of the day. You still remember Anon's face when you announced you were working with Trixie, he looked confused.

Anon always saw the world a bit more black and white then you. Contrast to Rainbow's face; the rage of your betrayal was practically carved into it.

Still, you hope they're okay.

You didn't stick around to see the aftermath of the smokescreen. And then with what happened with Lotus...

You felt a pang in the middle of your chest. Why did she have to be there?

She better be safe. Is she worried about you? Or did she do what you said?

Maybe you shou-

No. We can't. The job is too important.

You sigh as you remember why you rolled in with Trixie in the first place.

Mind like ice. Let nothing get in our way.

You take some deep breaths as you center yourself. Anon, Rainbow, and Lotus would be fine. Whatever they do after this, you're not going to be around to help. You eventually succeed in banishing those thoughts and drifting off to sleep.

Whatever the council came up with, tomorrow would be an interesting day.

Brainstorm.

Everything was happening in a blur.

After the scene at the town square, Twilight immediately sent a letter to the Princess. Not half hour later, you were sitting on a carriage getting flown to Canterlot. You and the rest of the Element bearers were whisked into the throne room.

Celestia and Luna stood around a table with a map of Equestria on it.

A stallion was leaning over the map. "If they escaped by carriage, then the Everfree Forest is their only option. But I am hesitant to launch an attack on it with the possibility of Discord returning at any moment." he says.

Celestia nodded. She looked serious. "Agreed. Our first priority should be to ensure some method of countering Discord. Thank you, General."

Celestia and Luna approached your little group. "Hello Twilight, everyone. I wish that we could have met under better circumstances." the Princess of the Sun says.

"Me too, Princess." Twilight says. "Do we have a plan on how to stop Trixie?"

Celestia started walking towards you as she spoke. "Trixie and her cult can be handled with conventional means, it is the threat that Discord's return poses that we must plan for."

She looks down her nose at you. Serious Celestia is scary Celestia. "Anon, I am to understand that Mous has joined forces with Trixie to free Discord, do you know anything about that?"

Was she trying to implicate you? Was she just being cautious? "I am just as surprised as you are about this Princess, Mous had said nothing to be about his plans." you say.

The Princess continued to stare at you for what felt like an eternity. "I believe you." she says.

You let out the breathe you had been holding. Good. You didn't need to be thought of as a traitor.

"As for Discord." Celestia says. "We cannot use the Elements of Harmony as our main weapon again, if they allowed for Discord's return once then they would do so again."

Makes sense.

She approaches Twilight."Twilight, as my most faithful student, I ask your help in designing a magical countermeasure with which we can use on Discord." she commands.

Twilight grows a serious look on her face. "You can count on me Princess!" she gives a glance over at you. "However, I would like Anon's assistance. His method of thinking has proven to be very well suited for magical study."

Whoawhat? Was she talking about that portal stabilizer you put out?

Celestia nodded. "Very well, Anon will assist you in creating a binding spell."

She turns to the rest of the girls. "I must ask that the remainder of the Element bearers stay in Canterlot Palace during this crisis. The Elements are still our trump card and we must ensure you all stay safe."

Everyone but Twilight and Rainbow trotted away.

"Twilight." you say as you approach her. "Why in Equestria do you need my help? I got that portal stabilizer out of pure luck, you can't tell me that I can somehow help a group of ponies who have been studying magic their entire lives on a magical problem."

Twilight wasn't having any of it. "Anon, you were able to stabilize a trans dimensional gateway using a method of magical thinking that has never been conceived before in a fraction of the time it should have taken, that's no fluke. We're going to need that method of thinking if we're going to have a chance of stopping Discord." She turns and trots towards the door. "Come find me in the Arcanium, we have a lot of work to do."

-Music-

Rainbow flutters up to you. "You alright?" she asks.

No. You were not alright. Your best friend, your bro who you've known for your entire life had turned on you and was planning to release a being of godlike power and malice for a free trip to another dimension.

You were pretty far from alright.

But no reason to worry Rainbow.

"I'm fine." you say. "Hey, why don't you go find a room and check this place out? I'll catch up with you a bit later after I'm done with this stuff"

Rainbow looks worried. "You sure you're alright?"

"Positive." you say. You give her a kiss and are rewarded with a smile as she flies off.

You catch up with Twilight and follow her into this Arcanium.

"Whoa." was all you could say when you walked in. The room was a beehive of activity. Unicorns were fetching and reading magical scrolls, brainstorming in groups, and testing theories with magical apparatuses.

Twilight leads you up to a unicorn who seems to be overseeing everything. "What's the situation Grand Magister?" she asks.

The Magister turns and grows a smile when he sees Twilight. "Good to see you, Miss Sparkle. Always happy to have another mind working on a problem." He glances up at you. "And who might this creature be?" he asks.

"This is Anon, another mind to work on this problem." Twilight says. You offer a silent wave. "Anon was the one who solved that stability issue on the dimensional portal."

That seemed to get his attention. "So, you're the one who came up with the idea to combine different types of magic? Good to have you."

"Now, come see what we have so far..." he says as he leads you back to the unicorns brainstorming behind him.

You found your way to the room Rainbow had picked out later that night. You'd be annoyed that she picked one at the top of so many stairs, but you couldn't be arsed.

Rainbow was already in bed by the time you got there, you wanted to lay down with her and forget the events of today.

Instead, you found yourself staring at the moon for who knows how long.

"You worry about thine companion." you hear over your shoulder.

You turn around and watch as a dark blue Alicorn descends from the night sky and lands on your balcony.

"Princess Luna." you say with a bow. You look out over the sleeping city "You could say that..."

"You are close to Mous." she says.

Got that right. "Mous has been like my big brother since I was three. He was always looking out for me and trying to help me out." Your face falls. "I can't imagine why he would do this..."

"We know of the betrayal of one's siblings very well." she says as she turns to you. "One thing of which you can be certain of is that there is always a reason for those so close."

You shrug. "He said it's because he wanted to go back to Earth...he said that cult had a way of sending him back."

You feel a hoof on your shoulder. "Take heart, young Anon. Know that if your bond is as strong as you say it is, then there may be a way to save Mous yet."

"And if it's not?" you ask.

Luna's face drops. "Then your brother is truly lost."

With that Luna flares her wings and takes to the skies.

Great...

You find yourself at the table in your room after your chat with Luna.

You wanted to write a letter to Lotus. You remember finding her in an alley right before you left. She had just been laying on the ground there, crying.

She said she talked to Mous before he left the town. It seemed like it didn't go well.

"Hey Lotus, it's Anon." you start. "I'm writing from Canterlot, they have me helping with researching some way to take care of Discord with a bunch of other ponies, weird huh? I'm sorry to say I don't have any news on Mous or why he did what he did. But, I know that I'm gonna find out. One way or another, I'll find out. Be safe Lotus. -Anon.

You wrap the scroll and set it aside on the desk. You can mail it tomorrow. You crawl into bed with Rainbow and pull her as close as you can.

Your talk with Luna hit deep. Mous seemed content here, he had never talked about wanting to hurry back home at least. He even started seeing Lotus. Why would he do all of that only to ditch right afterwards? And why would he put the entire planet at risk to do it? Mous had always been a stubborn ass, but he was never malicious, right?

Had the Mous you had known all this time been covering up someone who only thought of them self? You sigh as the exhaustion sets in and glance at Rainbow. Could you stop, possibly hurt Mous to save the life you had here? What would the Mous you remembered do?

...He'd put himself down. Which meant that's what you had to be ready to do.

Dropping In.

You were told to expect trouble. You brought your knife expecting trouble. But there was no trouble here. There was nothing living here save for your expedition.

"Any of you want to tell me why you're wasting my time here?" you ask loudly.

"Settle down, Mous." came a voice from above.

A pegasus in plain red armor landed next to you.

"No, Speedy. I was brought in to counter unicorn magic and steal artifacts. I was not brought here to dig through rubble." you gripe.

The ruins spread across the entire island, as far as the eye could see. You remember seeing the island from above, the entire thing was covered in one giant city.

A city you now stood in the corpse of.

What interested you more than the state of the island was the name.

Gallopfrey.

You didn't say anything. Your enthusiasm had piddled out in the three hours you've been here looking for some non-descript rock, however.

Still...can't hurt to get more info.

"Hey, Speedy, what happened here?" you ask.

Speedy gazes over the field of collapsing towers and craters. "No one knows. Legend says that Gallopfrey was a beacon of magical study in the time before Celestia and Luna came to power. But by the time modern explorers got here, there was nothing but these ruins." he says.

Speedy kicks a rock. "None know what happened to the ponies here."

You can hazard a guess.

Extermination.

Enough wonderment, back to work. "Well, I don't want to be in a corpse city any longer then I have to. Let's move."

You and Speedy made way further into a large globe structure.

"What are we looking for here, man?"

Speedy shrugs. "I don't know, the Holy Mother just said we'd know it when we found it.

Actually, that was what her escorts said she said. What she said was more along the lines of "We got dead rock find and see-know it."

"Why does she talk like that, anyway?" you ask.

Speedy looks back to you. "Lord Discord speaks to us through her. It's...apparently quite the ordeal."

"Why doesn't Discord just talk to us direct?"

"Lord Discord isn't the only being trapped in Tartarus. He's one of the bigger ones there, but he was weakened by the Elements of Harmony. If He tried to contact our plain directly, then He would be discovered by Tirek or the Dogfather, maybe even the Smooze or Grogar." he says.

"And?"

"And even Gods have enemies, Mous."

That made sense. Every sentient being had enemies.

We've made a few for ourselves these last few days.

You continued walking. You were lucky you weren't out here alone, most of the members of this cult seemed a mite Xenophobic.

Speedy was the first decent one you've met. He was a good kid.

"Hey, Speedster, how'd you get here, anyway?"

"That's an odd question." he says.

"I'm an odd guy." you retort.

"Well, I attended a rally in Cloudsdale a few weeks ago. Everything they said just made so much sense to me...about the worlds natural state being one of chaos and how ponykind had actually become weaker since the Princesses came to power. I decided to join up and here I am."

Typical cult jarg-OHSHIT.

The ground below you gave way and caused you to slide down to the bottom of the sphere below. You eventually landed on your ass, Speedy touching down next to you shortly afterwards.

"Are you okay, Mous?" he asks.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fi-" You cut yourself off.

In front of you was a slab of rock, one no bigger than your hand.

Magic of every color imaginable flowed freely out and then back into it, giving the chamber you were in a kaleidoscopic glow.

"Get a unicorn here, I think we found what we're looking for." you say.

It took a few hours to get the slab of Gallopfreyin rock out of its resting place, but you got it. You were currently sitting in the supersized carriage the cult used to travel in. Most carriages fit maybe eight and were pulled by two pegusi. This one was big enough to fit twenty and had to be pulled by eight pegusi.

The perfect size for a strike force.

Still, the added size was nice, it let them have a roof. You were currently headed south at best speed to the kingdom of Zebrica.

"Anyone want to tell me what the plan is?" you ask.

The pegasus from the planning meeting, Stormwing his name was, spoke up. "Our plan is to land the strike team outside of the Zebra temple in Whoazambique. There we will steal the claw of Bangheli, the tiger that was responsible for over a hundred Zebra deaths when he was alive."

"What's the welcoming committee look like?"

"Celestia and Luna are aware of the significance of the claw, and a small cadre of unicorn magi are on station to help defend it with their Zebra allies." Stormwing says.

Unicorns. Magic.

That's us.

"Right. I'll handle the unicorns, you all worry about the zebras. No fatalities."

"What!?" Stormwing gasped. "We are leading a war and you expect us to allow our enemies to live!?" he shouted.

"You are leading a cult, not a war, and if you want anypony else to think you're right, then you can't leave a trail of bodies." you spit back.

You and Stormwing glaring at each other is interrupted by a voice from the front of the carriage. "No big pain!"

You both look to see the Holy Mother looking at you for a few seconds before her eyes lead her away.

"The Holy Mother has spoken, Stormwing." you say with a grin.

Stormwing grunts in annoyance and trots off.

You pear out the window, you can see Whoazambique fast approaching.

Pegusi and unicorns line up near the door. You nudge your way to the front. "Alright, I'll take the Equestrian unicorns. The rest of you, occupy the guards and give the fliers time to dash in and grab the claw. Then we leg it back to the chariot and bail, got it?"

The drop party nods as the chariot slows down and the doors open.

-Music-

The smell of grass and heat enters your nose as your boots hit Zebrican soil. The temple rests inside a hill a few hundred feet off in the distance, Zebrican guards are already running out with the Equestrian magi already out.

You begin a slow walk towards them as the rest of the party falls in behind you.

"Steady. Keep pace with me and don't break until the fighting starts." you order.

Intimidation is the best weapon.

The lead unicorn stood next to some sort of tribal leader and shouted down to you. "Halt! You are on holy Zebrican ground that is guarded by the Equestrian Magi Society! Leave at once!"

"Hand over the claw and we'll be gone before you can blink!" you call out.

He scoffs. "The claw of Bangheli is property of the people of Zebrica! You will not gain it freely."

"Then it's a good thing I'm prepared to use force!"

The Zebra leader stepped forward. "Who are you to take the claw? It is ours by Zebrican law!"

Seems rhyming is a cultural thing for Zebras.

You pull David out from his sheath.

"I like to see that you can rhyme, but unfortunately, you waste my time. I will allow you all to divert, just give us the claw and no one gets hurt." you sing out.

The leader scoffs this time. "Such a crime I cannot allow, take your soldiers and leave. Now."

The time for talk is over.

The time for war poetry is now.

Poetry?

For fear.

Do we know any?

We know one...

"With blood and rage of crimson red...

"I'll fill souls with the darkest dread."

"I warned you all to vacate..."

"But now I'll burn you all, THAT IS YOU FATE!"

The unicorn shouts. "Stand ready!"

"CHARGE!" you call back to the strike force.

The battle is joined. The magi commander fires a quick bolt at you, one you deflect with a backhand. His shocked expression says it all.

That always gets em.

You grab his horn and throw him on the ground, a kick to the head takes him out for now. The tribal leader rushes you, you dance around him and ready David.

No fatalities.

You trace a line along his right side with David, his pain distracts him long enough for you to push him over and deliver a kick to the head.

A pair of unicorns get wise and hold your clothes in a telekinetic grip.

Now you see why I wore a sweatshirt to a place this hot.

Yeah yeah...

You slip out of your sweatshirt and rush the unicorns.

A punch to one's face allows you to grab the other's horn and drive you knife into his shoulder.

Dude!

A casualty is not a fatality.

The unicorns companion regains himself, but a quick flick of the knife and a few drops of blood in his eyes are enough to distract him again and allow you to take his knees. A few blows to the head takes him out.

A Zebra charges you with a staff. You sidestep and embed David into it, cracking the wood and allowing you to twist it away from her. You toss the zebra into a wall, a double kick to the head later leaves both of you on the ground, but only one of you getting up again.

"Mercenary!" You look up to see Stromwing and Speedy flanking a griffin holding a box. "We have the claw!"

Good.

"FALL BACK! EVERONE ONTO THE CARRIAGE, NOW!" you bellow

You leg it back to where the carriage is with the rest of the landing party. You intercepted every magical bolt you could and tried to keep the zebras from giving chase. You pushed a unicorn into the hovering carriage and started to climb in yourself, stopping after you got one leg up.

The Holy Mother was staring right at you.

WHAT IS THE V.I.P. DOING THIS CLOSE TO THE FIGHT.

Your shock causes you to hesitate, the unicorn commander finally gets back to his feet and shoots a magical bolt at you. It's heading for Her.

This'll all be for shit if she dies! Move!

You lift your arm to block only to find another body where it's supposed to go. The blast washes over Speedy and throws him to the back of the carriage.

"Speedy!" You glance back at the temple, none of yours were still out there. "Driver! Go!"

The doors close and you take off, magical blasts tailing you into the sky.

You rush back to Speedy. He's still breathing.

Good.

"Medic!" you call out.

A unicorn pushes past you and begins to cast healing spells.

Your rage starts to boil over. You grab Stormwing and throw him to the ground "What's the fucking deal with having the goddamn VIP in that warzone!?" you shout.

He struggles under you. "The Holy Mother attends all away missions! It is through her that we are blessed by Discord!"

You bring your fist down on his jaw. Hard. "That's fucking retarded! You needlessly put Her at risk and may have killed Speedy!"

Stormwing stops moving. You hear a coughing to your side. "So, what would you have us do, sir?"

You wheel around, Speedy's eyes are open at least.

Wait. Sir?

"What did you just call me?" you ask.

He coughs again and smiles. "In our society, those in command got there by outdoing those who previously held the position. Are you not taking command, sir?"

Well now.

Aint that something?

You return to Stormwing and slap him awake. "Hey, asshole! Wake up!"

Stormwings eyes open and start to focus, you take out David and bring him to his chest .

"I am taking command of all future raids. Speak now and be split from stem to stern or forever hold your peace." you say.

He remains grim faced and silent.

"Good."

You dismount and take a knee next to Speedy and the medic.

Taking Stormwings post as raid leader also came with an upgrade in living quarters. You now slept in a small tent with a single cot.

Better then tree's.

Trixie was a bit pissed when you told her you usurped Stormwing, but her anger evaporated when you showed her the two artifacts you found. Speedy was taken to the doctors tent. He would live, but was in no shape to fight. You replaced him with a Griffin.

You lay down on your new bed. It was late, you were tired, and you had two more raids tomorrow.

The life of a mercenary.

But still, everything was coming together. Get the artifacts, find Discord, and get this over with. Here's hoping Anon doesn't inadvertently cock this up.

Your concerns put to rest, you find your thoughts drifting to a place you didn't want them to. To Lotus.

You could have very easily died twice today. If you did die, what would happen? Would she grieve? Even if you told her not to? Would she even find out?

This isn't helping. Thinking like this will get us killed for sure.

You sigh. Right. Veins like ice.

Remember why you're doing this.

Yeah... It'll be worth it.

Breakthrough.

"Have we tried maybe sapping Discords powers? Making him not a threat?" you ask.

Twilight rubs her head "No, that won't work. Chaos is a state of something, we might as well try and change matter into anti-matter."

You sigh and put your head on the table. You had been at this for hours, every idea anyp0ny had had to stop Discord had fallen through in some way. You try to trap him in a cage? He would turn the cage into marshmallows or something. You try to send him to another dimension using the portal spell that would have sent you home? Turns out chaos magic disrupts portals and could open up a black hole. You try to stop time and just raid the cultist camp? Turns out that would collapse all of reality.

"Perhaps it is time we went onto more extreme options..." the head magister says.

Everyone at the table looked to him. "Discord is a creature of matter, if we can destroy that matter, we can destroy him."

Destroy matter. This guy wanted to circumvent a fundamental law of the universe?

Would that even work?

"Isn't Discord basically a god in his own right? From the reports, he's able to alter matter on a sub-atomic level, couldn't he just reconstitute himself?" you say.

The head magister thinks for a moment before frowning is slumping back in his chair. Crap. Nothing was working.

Your thoughts are interrupted. "Anon, Twilight, may I have a word with you?

The two of you wheel around and spot Princess Celestia in the doorway.

"What is it Princess?" Twilight asks as you approach her.

Celestia was still wearing her serious face."I came to see what progress had been made" she says.

You sigh. "Not much Princess. It seems that every countermeasure we can come up with would either fail or cause more damage than Discord would."

"We must hurry." she says. "The cult could summon Discord at any time."

That didn't sound good.

"Has something happened?" asks Twilight.

Celestia sighs. "A report came in from the magi we had stationed in the Zebra temple of Whoazambique. A group of raiders attacked them and made off with a precious artifact...they were lead by an unknown creature that walked on two legs."

...Damn.

"What's the damage?" you ask.

"No fatalities, thank the stars. Any fighting was a delaying action for the raiders to make off with the artifact, nothing worse than a few head injuries and a non-fatal stab wound were reported." the Princess reports.

Non-fatal? That made no sense. Was he with them or not? What was his play here?

"It seems that Mous has become a threat. One we cannot ignore." Celestia says.

Hold the phone. "Huh? How? Mous may be a nut with a bunch of other nuts, but he's still just one guy." you respond.

"One guy who successfully lead a raid against both ourselves and our allies and will no doubt lead more in an attempt to summon Equestrias most dangerous enemy." Celestia corrected.

You shrunk back.

"It is with that knowledge that I must declare Mous an Enemy of the Crown. Every guard in every city and fort will be informed, and his capture will be a priority." Celestia says with regal authority.

Shit. "And...what if he can't be captured?" you ask.

Celestias face flickers. "Then we must use more permanent methods."

That hit hard. They were talking about killing your bro. And the worst part was that they weren't wrong. You may have admitted that this would be the right thing to do if it came to it, but you were still coming to terms with that decision.

Celestia must have caught wind of your little crisis. "I am sorry." she says.

You looked up to her. Gone was the face of the stern monarch, it was replaced by one of sadness and guilt. "I know how close you two were. The only thing I can truly say about Mous from our handful of interactions is that he was truly one of a kind." You think you see a smile tug at her lips when she says that.

The Princess wordlessly steps out of the Arcanium.

You let out a deep sigh. "C'mon, let's get back to work..."

A few hours after Celestias visit and you all were still no closer to stopping Discord. Everyone's spirits were down, you were laying your head against the table trying to come up with something.

You stared at the table, it amazed you that even magic could make something so flat.

Flat. That Flatland movie you watched.

First, Second, and Third dimension...Fourth dimension.

Could that work?

"Guys." you say, causing everypony stares at you.

Your heart starts pumping as you work this out. "I have an idea!"

You rush to the blackboard and draw a shape. "Okay, who knows what this is?" you ask/

Twilight is the only one to raise her hand. Typical.

"Okay, this is a tesseract. It's a fourth dimensional analogue to the cube. My plan is simple in scope, a bit difficult in execution. What I want to do, is create a fourth dimensional prison and put Discord in it. Once he's inside, we toss the prison back into 4-D space and let him rot." you explain with a grin of satisfaction.

The mages mouths grow to grins as your idea starts them on their own.

"We can use spacial magic to mold a cube into a tesseract!" one says

"We're going to need power, someone set up some arcane batteries for a test run!" shouts another.

"I'll start drawing out the proper glyphs and mana lines!" says one as he ran off.

Twilight trots up to you and smiles."See? I told you it wasn't a fluke."

You made your way back to your tower room. Everything was coming together for the tesseract prison, they were finishing the runes and running strength tests now. It was earlier then the night before, so you were all set to complain to Rainbow about these damn stairs you had to climb. Or would have been if you didn't spot her eating at the table alone. "

"Hey you, why the long face?" you say as you walk through the door.

She turns to look at you and smiles. "Oh, hey Anon. I was just...eating dinner."

"Alone? In our room? You know there's a dining room, right?" you say as you take a seat next to her.

"Hehe...yeah, I know." she says. "It's just...well, were gonna go up against Discord soon, and I didn't exactly pull off a stellar performance the last time he showed up."

Twilight had told you what had happened, ditching her friends and running. You didn't have to be dating Rainbow to know that she'd take that rough. "So, I've been eating up here, ya know? Just...trying to not think about what happened last time." she looks on edge.

"Hey." you say. "How bout we have dinner here together? Just you and me?"

Rainbow gets a big warm smile. "Yeah..." she says.

Dinner was nice and gave way to bed, which gave way to the two of you working off dinner, which gave way to actually trying to go to sleep.

You tossed and turned. This entire thing had a very 'last day alive' feel to it...

Last meal. Last night together. Tomorrow you would accompany the guard and try to put down Trixie's cult. And the entire thing hinged on a theory that you came up with by staring at a table.

Could you do it?

You ran your hand through Rainbow's mane. Yeah.

...You had to.

Crime Spree.

You scarfed down breakfast and made your way to the chariot. You were hitting the two Northern targets today, it was going to be quite the trip.

"Sir, sir!" you hear.

One of your new flight lieutenants fluttered up to you. "What order did you want to do today, sir?" he asks.

You looked over the crude map he had. "We'll hit target two at night, there'll be less guards."

"Understood, sir." he says flying off.

You came up on an interesting sight near the chariot. Trixie, Stormwing, and the Holy Mother were seated around a table with a small black box on it.

Members of your raiding party were touching the box for an instant and walking away.

Curious.

"What is this, Trixie?" you ask.

Trixie glares at you. "Because you refuse to bring the Holy Mother along on your mission, we must gain Lord Discord's blessing another way. This box is that other way.

Stormwing huffs. "I still don't know why we listen to the freak mercenary..."

Oh hell naw.

"Because the freak mercenary seems to be the only living thing here who wants the mission to succeed. Leave the hard work to the new generation, Stormwing, stick to the paperwork."

Stormwing growls as you eye the box.

"Just put my hand on it?" you ask.

Trixie nods.

You place your hand on the box. What was this supposed to-

A new presence fills your mind.

"My, you're an interesting one."

VOICE.

IN OUR HEAD.

"Why yes, you must be tha-

OUT.

You return to yourself. You were holding David high above the box. Trixie and Stormwing looked ready to pounce.

You re-sheathe David. "Never again."

It's crowded enough in here.

"All right! Raiding party, load up!" you shout.

Time for a crime spree.

-Music-

The Griffin Kingdoms. Asgard. Well, the mountains around Asgard. The carriage was chaos. Carefully organized chaos.

Griffin defenders harried the carriage as it bobbed and weaved around the jagged peaks. Both doors were open and your heavily unicorn raiding party was firing shots at any griffin to get close.

You and the few pegusi you had on board were in charge of keeping any griffins from latching on and throwing them off if they did. You generally were just supposed to fly through the peaks and raise as much hell as possible. And while you did and all the battle-primed griffins chased you through the sky, a team of your griffins would steal the stupid crossbow you were here for.

Just as planned.

When you weren't warding off griffins, you were directing fire. "Aim high up on those cliffs! Cause a rockslide behind us!" you shout.

Two unicorns fire at the cliff you just threaded your way through. Rocks exploded off of it, causing the griffins behind you to either break, get flattened, or try to wave their way through.

I thought we said no fatalities.

No direct fatalities.

Okay, situational report. It had been about ten minutes since you first engaged the griffins. If the guards in the warehouse with the crossbow were all chasing you, then it should take your team...

Fifteen minutes? Twenty at the most?

You hated all this sneaking around.

The carriage was rocked as a griffin half again as large as the others barreled his way inside.

"A griffin has boarded!" someone calls.

Dammit.

"Back to fire support! I have this one!"

You take a quick slash at the griffin before he can see you, hoping to end this quick. You trace a line on his cheek but that's it.

Fuck.

You dodge a retaliatory swipe from the griffin. Damn, not a lot of room in here.

Have to end this, fast.

You duck and dodge under a high swipe and deliver a combination kick to the head and swipe to the hind quarters as the carriage lurches.

Was this driver drunk?

"Dammit! Keep us steady dri-"

Pain lances up your back and throws you to the front of the carriage.

DAMMIT. RIGHT. ON. THE MANTICORE WOUNDS.

The cuts feel shallow, not much blood.

That's it.

You bang on the driver window. "GO NUTS!" you shout.

You grab the griffin by the tail and yank him back. He squawks at you before your fist throws him back. He paws at his face and takes a blind swipe at you. You grab the hand and yell to the nearest unicorn, holding David out.

"MAKE IT HOT AND SHARP!" you roar.

The unicorn blasts David with an enchanting spell. You can feel the heat radiating off your blade, you can almost see and hear the sharpness.

You flip David around and bury him into the griffins claw, he erupts out the other side.

Dude!

A MAIMING IS NOT A FATALITY.

The griffin is squawking and screaming about his claw as you rush him.

"AFT DOOR, CLEAR A PATH!" you order.

You push the griffin with all your might and watch him roll out of the carriage.

"Sir!" you hear.

You spot your theft team flying through the clouds.

The wounds on your back made you a less than exemplary leader at the moment "GET IN HERE!" you snarl.

The team dives through the door and lands inside.

"SMOKESCREEN! GET US OUT OF HERE!" you shout.

A black haze erupts from the carriage as you disappear into the clouds.

Situational report.

We got the stupid crossbow, what was it good for?

It killed a High Thane or something.

Right, we got that and booked it. Griffins didn't follow.

And now?

On the way to the next target and gett-ack!

You turn to the unicorn bandaging you. "Easy! That's a busy area." you say.

The medic was wrapping you in enchanted bandages. They were supposed to numb pain and make the wound heal faster. It was good that the wound was shallow and pain was all you had to worry about. You grab the severed griffin claw from the ground.

Huh. It'd make a nice trophy.

No evidence.

Come on, brain, what are the odds?

Good enough that we don't want evidence.

You sigh and toss the claw out the window.

"Sit-rep." you order.

A trooper approaches you. "We have Canterlot in sight sir, we're keeping low to avoid being seen."

"Okay, and where's the museum?"

"On the south side, sir. The ice should be in there." he says.

Your target was a chunk of magic ice. It had apparently come from a really bad argument from the founding of Equestria.

"We'll be seen if we land in the middle of town and we have to assume they know who we are. Land us on the ground below Canterlot, as close to the museum as you can."

"Yes, sir." the trooper says with a salute.

You leap out of the carriage and hit the ground.

"Alright, small team. You five unicorns and you, griffin. With me. The rest of you, circle around until you see the signal to pick us up." you say.

"What's the signal sir?" they ask.

"You'll know it when you see it."

Your team follows the griffin for a bit until you're directly underneath Canterlot's walls.

"Here?" you ask.

He nods. You turn to the unicorns.

"Take us up."

Four of the unicorns spread out around you and begin casting. The ground shudders and snaps and begins to rise. You stay low as the levitating chunk of rock elevates you up to the walls.

"We're directly behind the Canterlot Museums walls, sir." the remaining unicorn says.

"Get us inside."

The unicorn begins his spell. A portion of the wall begins to glow and starts fading away. You and the griffin hop of your makeshift elevator and get inside. The rest of your team follows.

You motion for them all to get low and take a knee. "Okay, the guards don't know we're here. Let's keep it that way. Where is this ice being kept?"

One of your unicorns' horn glows. "This floor, near the North side."

"Good. Stay low, stay together, and don't draw attention."

They all nod.

"Good. Move."

-Music-

You hated sneaking around. Straight up bouts were much more your style. But at least this was going well enough. You and your team sneak through the musea-

Is that a sombrero?

Dude. Steal that shit.

No. No evidence.

Oh come on, when are we going to get a chance to get a sombrero here?

No. It's too silly.

You are no fun, brain.

You eventually come up on the safe. "Get it open." you say.

One of your unicorns casts a spell causing the lock to open.

Inside sits a single pedestal with the ice on top of it.

"Grab it."

The same unicorn steps up to the ice. That ice was supposed to be the coldest thing on the planet, the chill of discontent. The unicorn levitated the ice off the pedestal

Alarms sounded as soon as he did.

Fuck.

-Music-

A gate starts closing above the open doorway.

"Stop it!" you shout.

The remaining unicorns all halt the gate with their magic.

You wave the ice holder to you. "Double time, let's go!"

The ice bearer makes it through the falling gate just as it breaks through the magical bounds. And a trio of guards storm around the corner.

"Smoke em out! Back to where we came in!"

A plume of smoke fills the hallway behind you as your team dashes to the exit. You bound around the corner and spot the exhibits close to where you came in.

A pegasus with a plumed helmet was waiting for you.

A higher rank, it seems.

The pegasus lunges at you.

"Wings!" Your unicorns stop both his wings and suspend him in the air.

"Door!" The remainder fire concentrated magical blasts at the wall, causing a lovely explosion and kicking up dirt and smoke.

"Shield!" All unicorns present drop what they're doing and erect a shield around all of you.

The pegasus sergeant clatters to the floor as his backup arrives.

"Why are you doing this? What's your plan?" he asks as he rights himself.

The carriage arrives to pick you up and your team jumps in. You're about to hop in yourself when you turn to address the sergeant.

"Come to us and find out."

You get back to camp and throw Trixie her new toys, she's practically salivating over them.

"When are we doing this?" you ask.

"It will take some time to prepare the spell and get everything arranged. We shall be ready by tomorrow." she said with a manic glint in her eye as she trotted off.

You're about to head back to your tent when you stop outside another. A bigger one, with two guards posted outside it.

The Holy Mothers tent.

Should we check it out?

We should.

You approach the door and look at the guards. "The Holy Mother wants to see me."

They step aside and let you in. Idiots.

No better than the Canterlot guards.

The interior of the tent was large and round, but sparse. A bed, mirror, and a desk with that black box were the only fixtures. Apart from the Holy Mother sitting in the middle of the room. She was staring into space, you could see some drool. You begin walking around the room.

"So, Holy Mother, let me ask you something." you say.

"Gotta talk-think big man and do want." was your answer.

Right...

"Why are you doing this? What's your big play? I figure that you must be up to something if you lead a cult where you advance by getting rid of the last pony to hold the seat."

"I hear ever and got block bad bug." she blabs.

"And am I just crazy for thinking I can get a clear answer out of you?"

"You crystal look and very good at please you have to help me."

Wait. That sounded almost...

Clear.

You turn around, the Holy Mothers eyes were clear and she was staring right at you.

"Please, you have to help me." she says again.

Okay. What goes on here.

What changed?

You were walking around the room, asking her questions, and she started to get clear.

Where are you?

You're standing in front of the desk with the box...you're standing in between her and the box.

"What is this?" you ask.

"I don't know..." she says. She sounds like she's gonna cry.

You walk towards her, hoping the effect won't fade.

"What's happening here? What's going on?"

She sniffs. "I don't know. All I know is that the Voice is gone from my head for the first time in months..." She starts smiling. "It's finally quiet..."

You had your own idea about that.

"What's your name?" you ask.

"S-Screwball." she says.

"Do you know what's going on here, Screwball?"

"I-I know that the Voice has been using me to help get it free...and I know it has gotten a lot of ponies to do a lot of bad things..." she got a far off look. "It didn't always used to be this way..." she says. "I-I had a husband...a mother who loved me...we were trying to have a baby before all this started..." tears are rolling down her face. She looks back at you. Her natural eyes were blue. "You have to help. You have to stop the Voice."

...

We can't do anything. It's too important.

Yeah...yeah I know...

You sigh. "I'm so sorry..."

You start to rise.

"No...No! Please! Please don't!" she cries as you start to walk away. "Please don't let it come books talk us aware..." Her voice trails off as you leave the tent.

Sleep was hard that night.

We can do this. Tomorrow is the big day.

I know.

We can't fuck this up.

I know...

It'll all be worth it...

It had to be.

Welcoming.

Today was it. The big day. The day you raid the Discord Cult's camp. The day where your shot in the dark idea was the deciding factor on whether or not there was a tomorrow.

Mous had apparently raided a Canterlot museum in the early morning. That had been the last straw for Celestia once she found out, she mobilized the guard at first light. The guard had taken up positions defending both Ponyville and the Magi stationed between Ponyville proper and the Everfree Forest. The cult wasn't just sitting on their hooves though, they were in the trees as soon as they saw you setting up.

A standoff ensued. One that's been going on for almost seven hours now.

A shadow momentarily blotted out the sun. You looked up and saw both Celestia and Luna descending on you. It was all hands on deck for this one.

Celestia eyes you as she lands. "Is everything ready, Anon?"

You sigh. "As well as it can be, Princess. Twilight is triple checking everything now so we'll be ready when something happens."

The three of you stare out over at the forest. You could see them if you squinted, the silhouettes of movement between the trees.

"They are going to draw this out." Luna says.

"We will let them." Celestia says. "They think themselves holding all the cards, but we still have a few tricks."

Celestia was wearing that look again. It was easy to just see her kind exterior and forget that she had been a politician for a millennium.

You looked back at the woods. You wondered what Mous was doing, and how he was going to factor into all this.

No way he was on the sidelines.

-Mous PoV-

Anon is standing next to Celestia and Luna. They're all looking right at you.

Think they can see us?

They aren't acting it if they can.

You hand the binoculars to the guard you borrowed them from. "Send a runner if anything changes."

"Yes sir." he says.

You trudge back to the forward camp and find a familiar pegasus.

"Stormwing, what do you make of this?" you ask.

He scoffs. "The foals are simply waiting us out. They'll not be so content to be still once we summon Lord Discord."

Leave it to Stormwing to put all his eggs in one basket.

"What's your plan if they charge before Discord is here?"

His face grows serious. "The plan, mercenary, is to hold them here. We have the advantage in terrain and objective. Each of these soldiers will gladly lay down their life to buy Mistress Trixie the time she needs to summon Lord Discord."

Brilliant...

"Try and keep 'em scared away. Anything for more time." you say.

"Finally, we agree on something mercenary." he laughs.

Yeah.

Whatever.

You head further into the camp, it was mostly deserted. You head to the cafeteria tent. Inside is everyone who can't fight, the sick or injured, the young or old. There wasn't even a guard posted outside. You look over everyone inside, you spot the three little colts you met on your first night here.

Poor little bastards probably don't have any idea what's going on...

"Hey, Mous." you hear from over your shoulder.

"Speedy..."

He was laying down in a cot in the corner, his wing was bandaged from the hit he took.

"How's it hanging?" you ask.

He looks around. "Could be worse..." he says weakly.

Not by much.

"So, what's the plan if they get here?"

"He rests his head on the cot. "I don't know, we don't have any guards. I suppose we'd all be taken prisoner and prosecuted for crimes against the crown."

Shit.

That sounded bad.

Speedy speaks again. "But, we won't be. Mistress Trixie is already summoning Lord Discord...everything will be fixed once He gets here...wait and see..."

Speedy laid his head back down on the cot. You look over the crowd of infirm again.

"Keep 'em safe, Speedy."

You get up and walk out of the tent.

You make your way to where Trixie was casting the spell, a small clearing on the far side of the forest from the guards.

They were going to sacrifice people for time.

Trixie stood in the middle of an arcane circle, runes and magical whips of energy floated from the circle into the four items circling her. The artifacts you had collected were starting a light show of their own, those lights then feeding into a portal as tall as you were in front of the summoning circle.

The Holy Moth-Screwball was sitting behind her, staring off into space again.

Trixie notices you approaching. "Mercenary! Glad you could arrive! Are you here to watch as the Great and Powerful Trixie summons the Lord of Chaos?"

Great and Powerful?

Some ponies...

Keep it cool.

"Thought I'd offer some additional security." you say.

Trixie nods and turns back to the portal. "Not necessary! The Great and Powerful Trixie is moments away from completing the ritual!"

We're close.

You find your mind drifting once more to a place you don't want it to at this juncture.

Dammit.

Against your better judgment, you sigh to yourself and say a small prayer.

Lotus, wherever today or your life takes you, please be happy.

You cover your eyes as a multicolored beam shoots from the portal into the sky.

-Anon PoV-

You saw the beam. Everypony saw the beam. It shot straight up from the forest and begun to suck magical energy from the sky. Guard ponies were rushing around, organizing into ranks. The mages were running around preparing the dimensional prison for the worst. Celestia and Luna stood ready for battle even as they ordered a flier to gather the rest of the girls in case the Elements of Harmony were needed.

All you could do is watch.

"It's starting..." you say.

You think of your bro for what may be the last time. You're sorry Mous. You're so sorry it came to this. But you have to stop this.

You are the Great and Powerful Trixie. You were moments from completing the spell. You could feel the chaos flow from the artifacts. You could feel Discord using his magic to stabilize things on his end. You couldn't be happier.

You were about to get all the power you deserved.

You would remake Equestria in your image.

You would watch as ponies groveled at your hooves.

You would do six shows a night to a packed crowed.

But most importantly... You would have revenge on Twilight Sparkle for humiliating you.

She has embarrassed and run you out of town before, and you were about to return the favor a thousand fold. The immortal enemy that she had worked so hard to banish, you would release. The harmony that she tried to uphold, you would destroy.

You could hear Discord in your head now.

"Good, apprentice! Just a bit further!"

You redouble your efforts and recite the arcane words in your mind. You can see Discord appear in the portal.

"Almost there!" he calls out through the portal.

A bit more and he would be able to cross over.

Pain lances through you and breaks your concentration for a moment. The final magical words remain trapped on the tip of your minds tongue.

You begin to feel cold.

You look down to see what had interrupted you in your moment of glory.

A knife was sticking out of your stomach.

-Mous PoV-

You pull David out of Trixie and toss her out of the circle.

"Well, that's over with."

You look to the portal, inside it was a being that looked like some first year seamstress's attempt at a doll.

The portal isn't collapsing.

It might be self sustaining.

Stall.

"So, you must be Discord." you say.

He was wearing a smug look. "And you must be that interesting being I met yesterday through the link. I see you stabbed my apprentice." he says.

You look down at Trixie, she had lost a lot of blood but was already trying to stem the bleeding and cast a healing spell.

Will it work?

It better.

You had swiped some manticore poison from the armorer and coated David with it, Trixie would be slowed down just enough to do what needed to be done.

"Something like that."

Discord begins to clap his mismatched hands. "Bravo, bravo. A masterful level of deception."

You aint seen nothing yet...

"I would say I'm surprised, but I know how this cult works. Congratulations, new Grand Wizard. Now, continue the spell and let me into the world again." the Spirit of Chaos says.

A sound echoes through the forest. A sound that caused creatures spines to chill.

The sound of your laughter. That was too rich.

Discord looks confused.

"You don't get it, do you?" you ask.

You take a few steps to the portal until you are face to face with Discord. "I'm not here to let you in...I'm here to watch you die. See, I know about how the rest of Tartarus feels about you, and from the look of things..." You gesture behind him. Clouds of dust miles high billowed from behind the Tartarian hills. "...You don't have too much time.

-Music-

Discord turned to you, the reality of the situation dawning on him.

"You see Discord, little Trixie here was so intent on me helping her, that she missed on crucial fact." A smile tugs at your lips as you stare down this Chaos God. "This place is my home and you're not welcome. I have people I care for here, people I love, people I look out for and who look out for me."

Your smile is noticeable now. "You think I was going to let you out with all them here?"

He steps closer to the portal on his end. "But...I watched you, through Screwball, screw the others. You helped them free me! Why change that now?!"

This guy serious?

"For a spirit of chaos, you sure can't tell when you're being played."

He grabs the portal in a temper. "Answer me!" he bellows.

"You were the only threat to Equestrian life that was still around. I knew that if you got out, you would hurt everypony here, you would hurt Anon. I decided to take you out of the equation." You cross your arms. "I must say, it was better than my first plan to just try to stab you to death once you got through. Now I can have a bunch of hell spawn do it for me." you say.

Discord put his hands on his hips. "So, what do you want? The power to protect your family and friends? The wealth to never have to worry about anything else ever again?"

He's nothing if not persistent.

"I want nothing you have Discord. You're not in a position to bargain either, I'm holding all the cards."

"Oh, we'll see about that." Discord says as he snaps his talons.

You hear movement behind you. You turn and see Screwball start to rise. Her normally wide eyes are squinted with rage, the spirals inside are spinning wildly.

"Stop...ape. Free...voice." she says.

Fuck.

You reach for David.

Plan A first.

"You're stronger than this, Screwball." you say.

She looks at you, he eyes widening.

"I had Discord in my head for less than a minute and I had to throw him out. You've had him in you for months."

She continues to shamble towards you.

"If I can do it, you can do it. Kick him out, Screwball."

Please don't make us kill you.

"Can't...not strong enough..." she says. She was already fighting back.

Discord starts to shout "You're right! You're not strong enou-"

"OH, SHUT UP!" you shout back at the portal.

You crouch down to Screwballs height.

One hell of a gambit.

"Don't listen to him. You're as strong as you need to be, Screwball."

Her slow march towards you stalls.

"Now, take your life back."

Screwball begins to shake. "Get...out...of my...head..." The spirals in her eyes recede, bringing forth her natural blues. "Get out!" she cries as she falls over.

Shit!

You run up and cradle Screwball's head in your lap, she's still breathing.

Good...

"No! NO!" you hear behind you.

Now for this prick.

You stomp up to the portal and jam a finger towards it. "You know, before you just annoyed me, but now you've pissed me right the hell off. Enjoy being eaten alive, Discord. May your name be synonymous with a bad joke."

You turn and walk away from the portal. Discord gives it one last go. "Don't you turn your back on me! We can still help each other! I can still send you home!"

You look over your shoulder. "I told you. I am home."

You kick the nearest artifact over and listen to Discord's scream of fury as the portal snaps shut.

Quick, say something witty.

"End of line."

Screwball is still breathing. You crouch down next to Trixie, the poison still seems to be hitting her.

"Trixie, I hereby take control of the Cult of Discord from you. If you contest, I'll kill your family." you say.

Harsh, dude.

Not in the mood right now, brain.

"Why..." Trixie says.

Huh? Why? "Were you not paying attention? I explained my reasons to your boss. I'd call him back so he could tell you, but I think he's a bit busy right now." you quip.

"This was my moment...and you took it away..." she huffs out.

Trixie's eyes narrow as she glares at you. "Kill you!" she shout as she pours all she has into a magical blast aimed at your face.

These kids never learn.

You punch her in the face. "Now now, My Little Megalomaniac. We'll get you the help you need." You look down at the puddle of blood and the hastily closed wound on Trixie stomach. "Why, if you're lucky, you might still get to keep your kidney."

"Won't...leave..." she huffs out again.

You cup your hand over your ear. "What's that? Can't hear ya."

Trixie turns her head to you and grins a sick grin. "You won't leave...they won't let you."

They?

Shit!

Behind!

You wheel around. Everyone is there. In the trees. Every soldier, every magister, every species of the cult was surrounding the summoning circle.

And they were staring at you.

Stormwing was in the lead. "Wha-what have you done!?" he shouted.

You glace back behind you. Trixie has joined Screwball in unconsciousness. You put her there.

Will it work?

It better...

"I've taken control." you say.

You turn back to the amassed cult. Now or never... "Forces of Chaos...bow to me."

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

The lights in the sky were gone. The beam from the portal had pulled back minutes ago. All the cult members in the trees had retreated further into the forest when it happened. What followed was the most tense time of your life.

Was Discord free? Was it time? What happened?

What you saw however, you were not prepared for.

You saw Mous. He was leading what looked like the entire cult towards you. He had his hands behind his head. None of them were carrying weapons. You saw several white flags.

...Was it over?

Mous walks right up to the Princesses, the cult at his rear. He holds out both of his hands. "Princesses. Discord is dead. The Cult is over. I hereby surrender them to you." he says.

Both Princesses look they had just seen the impossible.

Celestia was the first to speak. "Yes. Well. Guards, bind them and take them in for holding."

"I am the leader of the Cult now. I expect my subjects to be treated fairly." Mous says as he shot Celestia a glare.

She holds his gaze for a moment. "They will be."

Mous is shackled and lead away."We also have wounded, they'll need to be seen to."

Whoa. Hold on. "Mous!" you call out as you grab his shoulder.

He looks you in the eye. He looks...tired. "Wh-what happened? What is this?" you ask.

Mous looked you in the eye for a while. "Everything went as planned." he says as the guards lead him away.

You turned back to the Princesses. They looked as confused as you did. "So...what happens now?" you ask.

Celestia looked at you. "Now, we figure out where we go from here.

On Trial.

You sat alone. You were in a cage. Your hands were bound together by a chain, that chain was bound to the wall.

A bit excessive.

We did almost lead an insurrectionist cult in summoning an evil god.

You sat in Ponyville's jail. Nothing fancy, just iron bars and stone walls. You shouldn't be surprised that their jail was a bit medieval, nopony ever committed crimes here.

Well, at least we'll be remembered.

Yeah. As a psychopath who almost got everypony killed.

We had good intentions.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

You would rather we not have done anything?

...I would rather we not need to have done anything.

You lean your head back against the wall. Too late now... The Princesses were being remarkably understanding about all this. They intended to give you a trial tomorrow, let all your crimes be laid bare and have Ponyville decide your fate.

You didn't hold your breath.

Still...not too shabby.

Yeah. Could have been worse... Your laments are interrupted as the door to the jail opens and a trio of Ponies walk in. They stared at you. Two alicorns and a unicorn.

You turn your head to greet them. "Princesses. Blueblood."

Why the hell is he here?

Blueblood looked concerned, Luna intrigued, Celestia just stared at you.

A joke comes to mind. "You shouldn't frown so much Princess, it'll freeze-"

"Now is not the time for games, Mous." Celestia all but spits.

Ouch...

Guess we're being serious now.

You look up at the royal trio. "So, why are you here?"

"We have come to hear your account of things." Luna says.

"We are curious to know your thought process." Blueblood says.

Celestia just stared.

"Well then, is there anything in particular you wanted to know?" you ask.

"Why." Celestia says. Her words were cold.

How do we say this?

You let out a deep sigh and lean back. "I...like it here. Anon likes it here. I've been betting on Anon saying he wants to stay here for a while. I'm not opposed to it, and if your reports about what I says in town square say differently, I was lying then. I knew about Discord and what he did. So when Trixie asked for my help bringing him back, I took the bait and started planning to sabotage everything."

"Why?" Celestia asked again.

Did we not make that obvious?

"I wanted Discord gone. Dead, if it could be arranged. That was the only way Anon or anyp0ny else was going to live a normal-esque life." you answer.

"Discord had only been a threat twice. The odds of him successfully returning again were low." Blueblood says.

"Any odds higher than zero were too high for me."

The royals exchange looks. Celestia stepped forward. "Tell me, you expected to succeed at this the entire time?"

You meet her gaze. "I had to. I couldn't allow Discord to come back."

You couldn't. Not with Anon here.

"And you expected to simply walk away from it?" she asked.

"No."

"Then, what did you expect?"

"To be dead."

The three exchange glances. That through them for a loop.

"Thou...expected to perish?" Luna says.

You nod. "The plan going into this was to either die fighting Discord or get executed afterwards."

"Why?" Celestia says.

She was favoring that word...

"If joining a cult to bring back Discord wasn't enough, I wounded about a dozen ponies and zebras, personally maimed a griffin, probably got a few more killed, and stole priceless artifacts from at least three sovereign nations." You glare at the rapidly blinking royalty. "Where I come from, people have been executed for less."

"And...you did this regardless of knowing that?" Blueblood says?

"Why?" Celestia asks.

This bitch and the whys...

"Because it's my job to keep Anon as safe and happy as I can. That's what big bros do. If I had to sacrifice my life to ensure a world where he and everpony else I care about could live in peace, then I would do it." you say.

The three of them glance at each other again.

Uh...might have overdone it there.

You hold up your hands "Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal here. I went with the plan that I thought would give me the best chance of success. I'm just saying that getting off scot free is betting against the odds."

The royals fall silent.

"Any more questions you wanted to ask?"

"No." Celestia says as she steps out. She stops at the door. "But, he might."

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

You step in as the royalty steps out. You are less than happy.

"Mous." you say.

"...Anon." was your reply.

Mous looks around his tiny jail cell. He looked like crap, his clothes were torn, his eyes bloodshot, he face scarred.

"I figure you owe me a chat before tomorrow." you say.

Mous sighs. "I figure you're right."

"What the fuck man." Mous looks at you with a small grin.

No. Fuck that grin.

"What the fuck was all this?" you ask again.

Mous sighs and tells you it all. About his plan. About his motives...About his suspected future.

"You know..." you start. "I'm not pissed about the cult. I'm not pissed about the thefts. I'm not even pissed that you plan on dying."

You crouch down to his eye level. "No. What pisses me right the fuck off is that you didn't tell me anything." he turns his gaze from you. "I'm your best friend, Mous. Through thick and thin. And you think you can go do something like this and not tell me?"

"It wasn't your problem." he says.

"BULLSHIT!" You lash out and kick the cell bars. Oh. Are you mad now.

"Not my problem.' What the fuck is that!? I don't call you my bro because I think we're secretly related! If it's your problem, it damn well better be mine! Because I sure as shit know that if it's mine you make it yours!" you shout.

You glare at him, giving him every ounce of your anger.

"...I'm sorry." he says.

Stay angry. Stay angry. Stay...Ahh...dammit.

You lean back against the wall and fall to the ground. You were both silent for a while.

"Heh. Did you see any of this coming when we first got here?" you ask.

Mous laughs. "Not at all..."

"So..." he starts. "How's Lotus?"

You raise an eyebrow. "Lotus?"

He nods. Cute.

You sigh. "We found her after you bailed, she was in some alleyway crying."

Mous shrinks away when you say that.

"As far as I know, she went home."

"Good..." he says as he leans his head back.

"I sent her a letter a few nights ago, I didn't hear back from her."

Mous nods his head. The room goes silent.

"So..." Mous opens one eye and looks at you without turning his head. "Did you two..." You play out a series of motions with your hands.

Mous sighs and looks forward. "Yes." he grunts out.

Well. Wow. Lotus was...impressive.

"She must be special...what'd she do to get you to go along?" you ask.

A smile pulls across Mous's lips. "She trapped me in a cave for a weekend."

You laugh and flip him the bird. "Fuck you, man."

"I have somepony for that." he says before his face falls. "At least, I used to."

"Hey man, don't give up." you say as you stand.

Mous sighs. "I'm not giving up, I just...I don't want to plan for something and have it taken away."

Two knocks come from the door. "Visiting hours are up." the guard says.

You turn back to Mous. "Go." he says.

"I'll see you at the courthouse tomorrow." you say.

Mous grins and nods as the guard leads you out.

You sat in the courtroom pews, Rainbow and the rest of the girls sat to your side with the Princesses and some Prince Rarity didn't seem to like on your other side.

You even saw Lotus sitting near the back of the room. "I need to be here." she said.

Court proceedings in Equestria were a bit different the Earth, it seemed. The judge served as both prosecution and defense, you wanted to point out what a bad idea that was, but Twilight urged against it. Ponyville's own Judge Honor Gavel was presiding over this.

"Bring in the accused." he says.

The doors at the back of the courtroom swung open. Mous was in the same clothes he had surrendered in, the same chains too. You saw a mixture of emotions play across Lotus's face when Mous stepped in. He didn't meet her eyes, instead just focusing straight forward.

Mous was lead to a raised dais in the center of the room.

Judge Gavel started things. "We are not here today to determine whether or not this man is guilty, that much is known."

Well shit, that sounded bad.

"Instead, we are here to determine whether the intentions behind his actions and the presented results are enough to clear him of that guilt."

His eyes fall to the center of the room. "State your name, son."

"Mous." he says.

"Mister Mous, you are charged with accelerating events which could have lead to the release of Discord. You have pled guilty to that." Gavel says.

"Yes."

"I am told that you had a reason for doing that. Would you care to share?"

Mous sighs. "It all started a few nights ago..."

The courtroom sat in rapt attention as Mous finished his tale. "And that brings us to where we are now, your honor."

The judge didn't look convinced. "From your story, it seems like you got rid of Discord by accident, meaning you committed these crimes without knowing if doing so would help."

Shit. That sounded like Mous.

"How do we know that you will not commit even more heinous acts to stop a future threat?" the judge says. "To be honest, you sound like a madman who is attempting to justify himself."

Shitshitshit.

The judge turns to the room. "Is there anypony here who can attest to the character of this man? Any who can convince me that he would not do these things again?"

You stand as soon as he finished. "I can."

The entire room turns to you. "I've known Mous longer than anyone here. He's been like my brother for over twenty years, and while his actions have always been...extreme, they've never been malicious."

The court room stood in silence...come on, you can't do this by yourself.

That royal unicorn, what's his name? Blueblotch? Stands.

"When I look at Mous, I see myself. I see somepony who has made mistakes and wants to make up for them. I would ask this court to give him the same chance they gave me."

On the opposite side of the room, Lyra and Bon Bon rise. "Mous came to our house to teach Lyra a magic trick, I'll admit that it caused an argument at the time, but we wouldn't have been married if it wasn't for that argument."

"He's been my friend since he came here!" Derpy shouts from the back.

"He tried to help get me to believe in myself." Fluttershy says.

"He helped Anon get Poison Joke for me and had to fight a manticore to do it!" says Twilight.

Princess Luna stood. "Every misdeed he may have done was for the good of those around him."

The room fell silent as Celestia rose from her seat. She cleared her throat "I had a chance to meet Mous on his first day in Equestria. I will admit that he caught me in a...compromising position." L Luna and Bloobloo roll their eyes.

"He had every chance to make what he found known to everypony he saw, but didn't. I stand with the others in this room. Mous may take extreme actions, but they are never for evil purpose."

Mous stares back at everyone in the courtroom with a face that speaks of shock. Someone wasn't expecting this.

"Settle down, everypony." Judge Gavel says as he bangs his namesake.

He settles his head on his hoof as he thinks. "Based on the testimony that even out esteemed Princesses have offered...It is clear that this man, despite the rashness of his actions, meant well." he rises in his seat. "But I cannot, in good conscience, let him go unpunished."

"I may be able to help there, your honor." Princess Celestia says. Celestia smirks. "I request that I handle his punishment."

Mous whirls around and stares wide eyed at Celestia, she grins.

The judge strokes his chin. "Mister Mous." Mous turns back around to the judge. "Would you be alright with Her Highness handling your punishment?"

Mous swallows. "I'd prefer it over an execution..."

"And are you sorry for what you did?" the judge asks.

Mous looks down. "Yes."

The judge rights himself. "Then I hereby leave your punishment in the hooves of Princess Celestia. Court dismissed." he slams his gavel twice and steps down.

You jump out of the pew and walk up to Mous. "Dude! You're still alive!" you say as you shake him.

"Yeah..." was all he says

"Well, Mous." comes a voice from behind you. The both of you turn around and face Celestia. "It would seem that your punishment is my responsibility."

"It would seem so..." he says.

Celestia smiles. "However, I find myself weary after this long ordeal. I'll tell you what, why don't we pick this up again in a year or so?"

Mous's jaw drops like a rock. "What."

"You won't be needing those." Celestia says as she magics Mous's cuffs off.

"Luna, Blueblood, we should be off." Celestia says as her royal family departs.

-Mous PoV-

"Wow...you just got a whole year reprieve." Anon says.

"Yeah..."

You were still a bit shocked. And scared of whatever Celestias punishment would be. But mostly shocked you weren't dead.

"But not from me." Anon says

"Hu-" You get no further as Anon decks you in the jaw.

"That's for thinking you could handle this on your own." he says.

Okay.

"I deserved that." you grunt as you rub your face.

"Yeah, you did." Anon says as he helps you off the floor.

You and Anon head for the doors. You stop along the way to thank your supporters.

Lyra and Bon Bon say it was nothing and Derpy gives you a bear hug.

Feels good.

You step outside and breathe deep.

Feels great.

The sun was going down, Celestia must have teleported back to Canterlot to lower it.

"Hey, Mous!" you turn around and spot Rainbow Dash flying towards you.

Rainbow stops next to you. "How's it feel to be free, man?"

Free from everypony but the sex hungry princess.

"Good." you lie.

"Yeah well, before you go think you had everything under control, just know that we had plans to stop Discord ourselves." she says.

You laugh. Rainbow starts talking to Anon and gives him a peck on the lips.

Still got something to do, champ...

"You!" somepony shouts.

You turn around to see a hoof coming at your face. You are punched to the ground for the second time as the guards restrain your attacker.

"You killed Lord Discord!" he shouted.

The guards haul your still screaming attacker away as you sigh and stand up.

"Who was that, Mous?" Anon asks.

You stand a rub your cheek.

"His name was Speedy... and he was my friend... Hey, I got something to do, I'll catch up with you two later." you say.

You wave goodbye to Anon and Rainbow and leave the courthouse. Now...where did she live, again?

It was night when you made it to the house. Aloe was walking inside when she caught your eye.

"Hey..." you say from the road in front of her house.

"Hey..." she says back.

Awkward.

"Is she in there?" you ask.

Aloe nods.

"Can you ask if she'll come talk to me?"

Aloe smiles. "Sure, Mous."

Okay, breathe deep.

We can do this.

We just killed a god, we can do this.

I don't know if we can do this...

Lotus comes to the door and sees you in the street.

Thank god, she's okay...

She looks surprised. Lotus starts galloping towards you.

"Lotus, I..." You get no further as Lotus spins around and bucks you in the stomach.

Goddamn!

You fall to your knees and clench your gut.

Think she just burst out liver!

"Fucking hell! I know I deserve it, but when is everyp0ny going to stop-mmfff!" The words get trapped in your mouth as Lotus kisses you. She then breaks the kiss with a hoof upside your head.

"Babe, I'm getting some mixed messages here!" you shout.

Babe?

Shut up.

"You unbelievable ass!" she yells as she gets in your face.

You're too busy clutching your poor ruptured stomach to say anything else.

She's pacing in front of you. "Do you know what it was like to be at that trial!?"

Yes. You were there.

"Do you know what it was like to watch the man you love stand accused of all that!?" she shouts.

What!?

"I love you too." you say.

WHAT!?

-Music-

You turn your brain off. You don't need him here.

Lotus looks just as shocked as he was. "W-what?"

"Yeah..." you cough a bit. "Had a lot of time to think while I was away... I usually ended up thinking about you."

Lotus seems to visibly calm down.

"There were a lot of times when I just wanted to leave and come find you again...but I didn't." you say.

Your stomach didn't hurt as much. It felt weird though.

"I-I wanted to tell you in the courtroom today but...well..." You're silent as the idea of what you avoided comes back into your mind. "But it...wasn't the right time...so uh, I-I came here right after and...yeah, I love you."

You may be fucking this up a bit.

Lotus looks you over. "D-Don't think that saying that means I'm still not mad at you..."

You look up into her big blue eyes pleadingly. "Please don't let it be. Please promise that you'll hold this over my head and kick my ass if I do this again..."

Lotus walks closer to you.

"I-I don't want to die, Lotus... I don't want to either get killed or do something stupid and get executed...I don't want what happened between us in that alley to happen ever again." you say.

Lotus buries her face into your neck, you can feel tears drip onto your skin. "You big idiot..." she mutters.

You pull Lotus close and kiss her again, and finally let all the crap of the last few days go. Lotus wraps her hooves around the back of your head.

"I love you..." you repeat.

Let Celestia punish you, let Speedy be pissed, let anyone who wants to think you're a monster think it. You had Anon, you had Lotus. That was all you needed.

The next few minutes are a blur. You remember carrying Lotus into her house and up her stairs, and her telling Aloe that the spa would be closed tomorrow. You remember walking into her room and the two of you collapsing on her bed. You remember relaxing for the first time in days.

And then you remember nothing more.

-In Tartarus.-

-Music-

You were Comet. You were a Diamond Dog. You used to work for the Dogfather. But he died. The Dogfather, Tirek, The Smooze, and Grogar all attacked Discord together. It took a while, but he finally fell.

Tirek popped his head off and galloped away, something about a trophy. Grogar drained every last bit of magic from the corpse and left as well. Smooze just ate the body and seeped into the ground.

Dogfather died though, he was the first to attack and got the brunt of Discord's wrath. Whatever happened before you got here sure pissed him off. The Dogfather should have waited, you thought. Let the others wear him down and then come in yourself.

Stupid. He paid for it.

"Comet! Comet, look!" Rex cam running up to you, he was holding a necklace. "Look what I got."

This was the Dogfather's necklace, the one that gave him his power.

"Good ol' Rex." you thought as you twisted his neck and took the necklace from him.

This opened new possibilities. Yeah, it would take a while...

But you could do a lot with this.

Inter-dimensional Plumber.

You finish drawing the last of the numbers on the blackboard. "And that class, is why Home Improvement was statistically the best sit com ever made." You turn to the sitting foals. "Any questions?"

Applebloom raises her hand, you point to her. "Mister Anon, how come they never showed all of Wilson's face?"

Oh boy...here we go. "Well, you see-" You are interrupted by the bell ringing. You glance at the clock; 3:00. "-that will have to be answered another time." you say.

The kids grab their things and file out the door, you pack up your charts and graphs.

Cheerilee approaches you. "Thank you so much for doing this today, Anon. The kids loved to hear about your homeworld." she says.

"Equestria is my homeworld now, Cheerilee, but I get what you mean. Thanks so much for having me." you say as you wave goodbye and step out of the schoolhouse.

You take a deep breath as you look around the town. One year... It had been one whole year since you began seeing Equestria as your home.

But anniversary day didn't mean you didn't work. You were supposed to meet Twilight near the Everfree Forest after you left the school.

You set out down the path.

The year had been good to both you and Mous both. Rainbow had officially moved in with you a few months ago, leaving her cloud house to one of Applebloom's friends. You were happy to have her. With the way everything had been going with her it just seemed natural, and you were glad to be able to move your relationship along.

Lotus and Mous had fallen into a routine, more or less. They'd go to work together, come back to the apartment, watch T.V., and they'd either sleep there or Mous would take Lotus back home. Only to do the entire thing again the next day. The more you hung around Lotus, the more you liked her. There were times when it seemed like she was the only pony who could actually out-argue Mous on one of his moods. Still, you could see they cared about each other when the sarcasm in the room wasn't so thick you could cut it with a knife.

You spot Twilight and Spike near the edge of the forest. "

Hey, guys!" you call out.

Twilight trots up to you. "Hey Anon, are you ready to get started?" You nod and follow as Twilight begins casting her location spell.

Over the past year, small magical rifts had been popping up in the Everfree Forest. The rifts were too small to see, but they could pose a problem if they ever coalesced together. You and Twilight had been making pilgrimages out every so often to track them down and get rid of them.

"And all this was from the summoning?" you ask.

"Yep." Twilight says. "It makes sense, Trixie punched a hole in space all the way to Tartarus. The hole might not have been finished, but it was still there."

You nod and continue patching holes in the universe with Twilight. You wished you could do more, but the patch job involved using magic to seal the holes. Not only could you not cast magic, you were entirely immune to it.

It was a bit annoying at times.

You eventually make you way into a small clearing. There are four pedestals in a circle, one was knocked over. You could look at the ground and see the outline of the arcane circle burnt into it.

"And once again, we find ourselves back where it all started." you say.

"No different from every other time..." Twilight grumbled as she sealed the breach.

You were always lead here when you came by, every time. Twilight theorized that it was because this was ground zero that caused the breaches to always start here and work their way out.

It was a double edged sword. On the one hand, you always had to come back here and it was rather annoying. On the other, you had started to notice patterns in the way the breaches materialized around this one.

"That's us. Finding order in the chaos..." you say.

"What?" Twilight asks.

Shit, did you say that out loud? "Nothing, Twi. That the last of em?"

She nods the affirmative. You look up at the sky. Shit, it was already dark out. You were late.

"Alright then, lets book it." You didn't want to be in the Everfree Forest at night.

You get home around eight, way later then you normally do. Work was picking up every since you helped with the Discord crisis, there was a time when you got home at 5:30...and now?

Well, the more things change...

You open the door. Lotus and Mous seemed to be involved in some strange ritual where she lays on his back as he lays on the couch and Rainbow was sitting in her usual spot.

...the more they stay the same. "Bout time you got home." Mous says. "We made soup, there's some in the kitchen for you."

You grab your dinner and sit down next to Rainbow. "So, what'd I miss?"

"Grylly the Bear is about to drink his own pee again." Mous says.

Dammit. That happened like, every episode. You went to all the trouble of getting pony cable and all you do is watch the same stuff over and over.

Typical.

The night goes on and soon, everyone goes to bed. You step into your room after Rainbow. Wait, shit, you forgot. "Hey, I gotta talk with Mous real quick. Back in a sec."

Rainbow giggles. She was cute when she giggled. "Don't keep me waiting, I had to sit here all night and watch those two together."

You chuckle yourself and close the door behind you.

You head for Mous's room. "Hey, man I-" you freeze as you remember the first rule of living with a bro.

Knock before opening a door.

Mous was sitting in his chair, Lotus was sitting in his lap. She had her head buried into his neck and her hooves snaking up under his shirt. He was looking at you wide eyed with her ear in his mouth.

Brain.exe has imploded on itself.

Mous looks down at Lotus and back to you. Lotus senses the disturbance and adopts the same wide eyed look Mous had.

"Dude, party foul." he says.

You rebuild your synapses enough to speak. "A word?"

"Uh, yeah." He picks Lotus up and places her on the bed. A quick kiss on the forehead and an "I'll be back." later and he's out in the hall with you.

"So, what was so important that you had to interrupt Couple's Dance Night?" he asks.

Ohmygodwhat? "Couple's Dance Night?" you laugh out.

Mous gets a smarmy grin. "Couple's Dance Night, The Horizontal Tango, Shaking the Foundation, Waking the Dead, Guttering, Eating the-"

You keep laughing. "Okay okay!" You shout as you calm yourself.

You sigh and bring yourself back to the reason for coming here. "So, it's been about a year..." you say.

To his credit, Mous catches on and rubs the back of his head. "Yeah..."

A year since the cult. "What do you think she's gonna do?" you ask.

Mous sighs and leans against the wall. "I don't know...on the one hand, she's always been kinda screwy with me. But on the other hand, this is a serious issue..."

"Think you'll be coming back?" you ask.

"I think so...she probably wouldn't have volunteered if she just wanted to lock me up..."

"How has Lotus been taking it?"

Mous sighs. "We've been taking it one day at a time. It worked for the entire year, but now..."

"Now they're might not be any more days..."

"Yeah..."

The hallway got quiet.

"Well." he says. "If this is my last night, I'm going to enjoy it." he walks to his door. "Night dude."

"Night."

You open your door as Mous closes his. "Now, where were we..." escapes from behind it.

OHGODWHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HEAR THAT.

Rainbow notices you walked in and rolls out from under your blankets. "Heh. Took you long enough." she says as she starts pawing at your shirt.

Your erection had never been more confused.

Conjugal Visit.

You stomped through the castle. The guard was leading you. You weren't pleased.

You come to Celestia's door. The guard knocks. "Who is it?~" comes from behind.

"You know damn well who it is, let me in." you spit.

The door magically swings open and you walk in, ignoring the stink eye the guard was giving you.

Fuck you too, guy.

You cough. "You could at least air out your sex dungeon before inviting people in." Seriously, it smelled like estrus in here.

"Come now Mous, the dungeons are on the lower floors." Celestia coos.

Good to see she's in top form. Celestia sat at her mirror, running a comb through her hair.

"If you're still on that rats nest, I can come back in an hour or three."

"No need, almost...done!" she says as she rises from her seat.

You give her hair a once over.

"You look exactly the same."

"You charmer you." she says.

Celestia steps out onto her balcony overlooking the city. You follow her out, eager to avoid the musky overtones.

"Now, Mous. This is supposed to be a punishment, I hope you don't think this is a visit planned for fun." She says that, but you can see her smirking.

"I guess we'll just have to make our own fun along the way, Princess."

Celestia lets out a throaty chuckle as she leads you out of the room.

You and the Princess walk along Canterlot's busy streets. Ponies passing by were shocked to say the least at the sight they were seeing.

"Someone doesn't get out often..." you say as you see the looks on their faces.

"Oh no, I normally just have an escort with me if I walk the city. However, I usually travel either by carriage or by flying myself." she says.

"And, why are we walking as opposed to either of those?"

"Why, to see the sights of course! And I love spending my time with my best human friend." she says.

What?

Celestia stops walking. "Unless..." She turns her head and looks you in the eyes with a grin. "Mous, are you asking to ride me?"

Seriously?

"Gotta try harder than that, O' Queen of the Sluts." you chuckle.

You start walking again and catch Celestia grinning.

Okay, that's troublesome..."What?" you ask.

"I've never been called a Queen before." she says.

"Keep the name, it suits you."

The two of you continue down a street much less crowded then the last. Good. All those ponies bowing was getting weird.

"So, Mous. How has this year been to you?" Celestia said.

"I can't complain."

"We both know you could, but indulge me. Twilight says you've made some new friends."

Twilight is spying on us?

Not weird at all.

"A few."

"She also said you made one -good- friend."

Dammit...

"Yes, Lotus. We work together. We had actually been seeing each other for some time before the cult."

"Oh? And how do you feel about her?" she asks.

Smells like a trap...

"I love her."

Why did we say that?

"Oh my~! I would never had expected to hear you say that, Mous!" Celestia teased.

"I try to defy expectations." you say.

The two of you continue walking.

"So, you've been seeing each other this whole year?" Celestia asks.

You nod.

"Well now, it seems things are getting serious."

"I'm committed."

Celestia gets a grin. "So, no looking at other mares when she isn't around?"

What is this?

"No."

"What about her?" Celestia points to a mare across the street.

"Nope."

"Her?" a pegasus flying over you.

"Nope."

"What about -her-?" That one was hanging off some guy in a suit, and looked like a hooker.

"Nope."

"What about this?" Celestia spins around and shoves her ass in your face.

Oh, come on.

You put on your best offended voice. "Don't insult me, I know what's been there."

The two of you approach a large building built into the city walls. Celestia stops outside the steps. This place looked deserted

"This the place O' Princess of Pony Pricks?" you ask.

Celestia lets out a laugh. "That was rather good."

Oh?

You get a grin.

"O' Sultana of Stallion Shlongs! O' Countess of Cocks! O' Duchess of Dicks!" you exclaim.

You throw out your arms as you put on your little show.

Celestia laughs and starts up the stairs. "Come along, Mous."

You follow Celestia inside and enter a large lobby with a single desk in it. A single guard sat behind the desk.

He saw the two of you approach. "This way Your Highness."

The guard leads the two of you to a small room with a desk in it. You take a seat in the chair at the end. The desk was bisected by the wall, the other side of it was seen through thick glass.

Were you at a jail?

Celestia catches your attention. "I'll be outside while you do this." she says.

The door closes.

Do what?

After a few minutes, the door on the opposite side of the glass opens and a familiar looking pegasus takes a seat.

Oh hell...

You sigh as the pony stares at you. "Stormwing..."

"Mercenary." he spits out.

"Any reason we're doing this?"

Stormwing slumps in his seat. "I'm told that that luminescent bitch in the palace wanted us to have words."

Of course she did...

"Fine. Let's have words. How's life?" you

Stormwing grunts. "They treat us like cattle in here. Twenty three hours inside, one out. Not allowed to fly..."

"Not allowed to worship a dead chaos spirit?" you ask.

Stormwing harrumphs. "I have stopped worshiping Discord, Mercenary."

Well, that's progress.

"So, serving time for almost bringing about eternal chaos?"

"No." he says.

"Oh?"

He's starring daggers at you. "I am still serving time because I said I would kill you if I ever got out."

Oh. Well, damn.

Can't let him know we thought that.

"You would try...but I can see why they keep you here now, at least."

We're done here. You bang on the door and have Stormwing taken out.

Celestia sent you back into the room when you walked out, said you had two more visitors. The second of which was brought in wearing a straight jacket and a glowing collar.

"Trixie, nice to see you. I like the necklace." you say. It probably keeps her from casting spells.

"Human. Nice to see you're treachery was rewarded." she says with fire in her eyes.

You weren't feeling sorry for these fucks. Stormwing was a psychopath.

"So, how's it hanging? They ever get you to stop seeing Twilight Sparkles big throbbing horn when you went to bed at night?" you tease.

Trixie's face flushes. "Trixie will not sit here and be insulted!" she shouted.

Cute, she doesn't know.

See they still haven't fixed the third person thing...

"I see your prison garb is a bit different then my last guests, how is psychiatri-"

"You thing yourself better then Trixie? You think yourself different?" she asks. "HA! We are the same, human. We both saw what we wanted and took it." she's grinning now. "The only difference between us is that one of us roams free and healthy, while the other is imprisoned and without a kidney!" her she shouted. She had jumped out of her seat and onto her end of the table now.

Okay...that sucks.

Didn't really want that to happen...

The aids must have noticed the commotion, because they came in and tried to wrestle Trixie back down. You must have made a face because Trixie got a huge smile.

"Remember that feeling, human! Remember the feeling of knowing that you are no different from those you fought!" she called.

The guards haul Trixie out, but you can still hear her shout obscenities at you from the hall.

Right, well, that was annoying.

I feel a bit bad about the kidney...

The door opens

She got what she paid for, bitch was lucky...she didn't...lose...

Your mind quiets as your last guest is wheeled in.

Oh no... No no no...

He was in a straight jacket, his mouth locked in a bite-mask. The whole thing was very Lecter-ish Unlike before, the guards stay in the room.

His stare has enough hate in it to destroy a city.

"Speedy..."

"Don't talk to me, traitor! You don't get to talk to me!" he barks at you. "Traitors don't get to talk to me..."

"Speedy...what happened?" you ask.

Speedy was a good kid, he had punched you after the trial, but you just thought that was emotions playing up.

He's all lit up now. "What happened!? WHAT HAPPENED!? WHAT HAPPENED IS YOU KILLED MY GOD!" he bellowed.

The guards moved towards him.

"Stop." you say with a hand.

The guards stall as Speedy continues his rant. "You join our society, help us gather up everything we needed to summon Him! AND THEN STAB US IN THE BACK!"

Technically, it was the kidney.

Shut it brain.

Speedy isn't stopping. "No, worse than that! You made the entire society meaningless when you KILLED LORD DISCORD!"

The room is silent for a while until a sound come from Speedy's side.

He's crying... "He...He was the only one that made any sense anymore...and you killed Him. I called you my friend and you killed Him..."

"Speeds..."

"Shut up! Don't talk to me..." he's breaking down. "You belong in here with us..."

That sentence galvanizes him. "You belong in here with us!" Speedy starts thrashing in his bindings, the guards start wheeling him out. "YOU BELONG IN HERE WITH US! YOU BELONG IN HERE WITH US!" he shouts as they take him away.

You stepped out of the room. You were shaking. You remembered the Speedy that you talked to on Gallopfrey. The one that was decent to you when everyone else there was distant. The one who took a magical blast to save someponies life.

To see him turned into that?

It sucks.

You find Celestia standing in the middle of the room.

"Okay, I get it. Seeing how I've ruined their lives was my punishment, are we done here?" you say drained.

You wanted to go home. Wanted to see Lotus again and forget all this.

"Not yet." Celestia says as the doors to the prison open.

Great, what now...

Two ponies walk in, a mare and a stallion. The stallion was just some unicorn you'd never seen before, but the mare... The mare, you didn't help when you should have.

"Screwball..."

She trots up to you "Hello, Mous. Princess Celestia" she bows.

Her hair is different, she looked bigger, her eyes are natural.

"W-what is this?" you ask.

No, seriously, what happened?

"Well, when you helped me expel the Voice and closed the portal, it never came back. I spent a few months in a hospital before I got released." she turns to the stallion at her side. "I went and found my old husband, and well...here I am!" she beamed.

This...this is good.

"T-that's great, Screwball."

She looked so much better.

She glanced up at Celestia. "The Princess told me you would be here today, so I just stopped by to say thank you. Thank you for ending all of that. None of us would be here if you didn't."

None of us?

That denotes more than two.

She said she was trying for a kid...

Guess we know why she's bigger...

You and Celestia wave Screwball and her husband off.

"Well, come along. I have a chariot ready to take you home." Celestia says.

The two of you walk down Canterlot's streets.

"Princess, I have to ask..."

"Hmmmm~?" she coos.

"What was the point of all that? I thought seeing how much I fucked everyp0ny in there up was my punishment, but then you brought out Screwball." you say.

Celestia lets out a surpassed laugh. "Mous, I have been around for a very long time...and I've become familiar with taking extreme measures to stop disasters."

You glance up at a banner with a full moon on it.

I'll bet she has.

"The 'point' of this exercise was to make you aware of the most important thing in those situations; taking into account the lives that will be affected." she answers.

Your mind goes back to Stormwing, Trixie, Speedy, and Screwball.

Celestia must be a fucking psychic. "There were more that were affected then just the four you saw today, most of them are doing well, luckily."

That's good.

Celestia leads you into the chariot stables.

"But, if the trip to the jail was for all that, what was the punishment you told the judge about?" you ask. That question had been on a cancer on your mind every day for a year.

Celestia laughs. "Come now, Mous. A year free? Free to think every day on what horrible plans the Princess had in store? I'd say the judge would be satisfied."

Celestia, you magnificent bitch. "Maybe he thought you were the one aiming to be satisfied?"

The both of you laugh.

You board the chariot. "But seriously, Celestia." She cocks an eyebrow at her name. "Thanks. For all this. I think I needed it."

Celestia gets that grin of hers. "That's two you owe me now."

You two are left smirking at each other as the chariot flies away.

The chariot dropped you off in the center of town. You were able to catch Lotus on the path back you your house. You'll remember the squeal she made when you snuck up on her for the rest of your life. You both decided to forgo T.V. tonight and hid in your bedroom. It was your first night where you weren't afraid of some mystery punishment, you were planning on enjoying it.

You like to think you forced Anon and Rainbow to take a night on the town.

It was late now. Lotus was asleep on your chest. It had taken eight months, but you two had finally figured out a way to sleep on the bed comfortably.

Your mind was going back to the events of today. It still threw you for a bit of a loop, to see what happened to Speedy.

Lotus stirred on your chest after a bit. "Are you okay? Your heart is beating out of your chest."

Damn traitorous organ.

You had been better.

"That damn thing, always keeping me up. Take it off my hands for me?" you ask.

Lotus cocks an eyebrow.

"What? It's been a year and I don't see myself giving it to anypony else. Take if off my damn hands for me."

Lotus crawls up to your shoulder. "What kind of special somepony are you? Dumping that on me?"

You roll over. "Come on, it's all noisy and half busted and shit. Do me a solid here."

Lotus sighs. "Fine." She gives you a kiss. "I'll hold onto your heart for you."

Wait, what just happened?

Jeeze, pay attention brain.

You pull her close. "I love you."

She wraps her hooves around your torso. "I love you too."

The two of you stay like that as you drift off to sleep.

...Still in the dark here.

Where's Wainbow.

You stared at the mana battery on the desk as you align the crystal. Hmm...one to twenty five ratio...

You hoped this would work, this mana battery was huge. Oh well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Okay...everything looks to be in order. "Hey, Twilight! Can you gimme a hand with this?" you call.

The door at the top of the cellar opens. "What's up, Anon?" Twilight asks as she trots down.

You gesture to your little setup. "I need a spell, care to provide?"

She gives your experiment a glance, there was a mana battery hooked up to a focusing lens that was aimed at a small crystal. "Any spell?" she asks.

Not just any spell would do, no..."How about a little light show?" you ask.

Twilight aims her horn at the focusing lens and fires a spell. Bright purple light erupts from Twilights horn and gets compressed into the lens as it enters the crystal.

Twilight stops the spell as you remove the crystal from its resting place. "Now what?" she asks.

"Now this."

You toss the crystal on the stone wall. As it shatters, the room is bathed in a soft purple glow The glow dies down after a few moments, but you hardly notice. "Ha-ha! Yes!" you shout.

Twilight looks confused. "What just happened?" she asked.

You sweep the shattered crystal pieces into your hand. "What happened, is that I was able to apply a magical spell to an object anypony could use. The conversion ratio was horrid, but this is how progress is made." you say.

Twilight is all lit up now. "Anon, that's incredible! We have to run numbers on this." The two of you quickly make your way upstairs and work on the conversion ratio issue.

You and Twilight work well into the evening, the prospect of portable spells encased in tiny crystals was incising. You got home later than normal, which was later still than when you used to.

You walk into the usual scene. Lotus and Mous were curled up at one end of the couch with Rainbow on the other.

"Hey guys, what's..." Rainbow shoots a glare at you that causes you to falter.

Did you do something? You take a seat next to her. "Hey, is everything okay?" you ask as you try to put your arm around her.

Rainbow squirms her way out and continues to pout. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Okay...Somepony obviously doesn't want to talk.

The lot of you get ready for bed, Rainbow washing her face as you changed. Good a time as any..."So...can we talk?" you ask.

You hear Rainbow shut off the faucet. "Nothing to talk about." she says as she climbs into bed and turns away from you.

You sit down on the bed. "C'mon Dash, talk to me."

"No." she spits out.

Okay... That was harsh.

"Come on, did I do something?" you ask.

Did you drink all the milk? Leave the toilet seat up? Kick her in your sleep?

She wasn't answering. "Did I say something?" you ask.

Ask if her hair was natural? Accidentally insult her? Call her by an ex's name? Oh god, don't let it have been Brian...

Still nothing.

"Come on Dash, what did I do? What did I say?"

Rainbow throws the blanket off of her. "Nothing!"

Then what? "Did Mous or Lotus piss you off? What is it?"

"IT'S ALL OF THAT!" she shouts as she storms out of the room.

You chase after Rainbow, but it's a futile effort. She's out the door by the time you get to the hallways. What the hell!?

"Dude?" you hear behind you. Mous and Lotus are both peeking around the corner, a toothbrush sticking out of each of their mouths.

"Do you two have to practice the 'Creepy Simultaneous Action Couple' thing, or does it come naturally. you ask.

Lotus giggles to herself as Mous gives you a deadpan look. "Go find her, dingus."

You throw your clothes back on and run out. Shit, Rainbow had the advantage in both speed and being able to avoid obstacles. She could be anywhere by now.

You run through town looking, but to no avail. What did she mean 'It's all of that'?

You spend almost the entire night out there. Pinkie hadn't seen her, neither had Rarity. She went in the opposite direction from Fluttershy Twilight was asleep.

You finally got lucky when you asked Applejack. "Saw her flyin' off towards Whitetail Woods. Thought it was might strange to be seein' her out at this hour..."

You start running as soon as you leave the farm. Whitetail Woods. There was only one place she could be if she went there.

You still remember the path the two of you took. Time had marched forward and the trees had re-grown all of their leaves, but you still remembered.

You bound up the hill and entered the cave you had spent the night in so long ago. "Rainbow?!" you call out.

Silence.

You slump against the cave wall. Dammit. That was your last lead.

Your mind jumps back over a year. You still remember the warmth of the cave, the warmth of her body. You remember the leisurely days the two of you had spent that February, eating when you wanted, sleeping when you wanted, fucking when you wanted.

You had bonded more the just physically over those few days. To think that you could lose that... Your mind jumps back to right before your first night with Rainbow, back to when you were indecisive.

"If you want something, you go get it. Period." That's what he said that got you off your ass back on Earth.

That's what got you through estrus.

And that's what got you off your ass now.

"Rainbow?" you call out. You kept walking along the stream.

If you were out of leads, you just had to find more. "Rainbow!" you called out again.

Still nothing. You keep following the stream. You weren't going to let this happen, not while you still could fix it. You walk through some trees and come across a beautiful lake. This must be the source of that stream.

The lake was a small oval cut into the side of the mountain, the moon was reflected on the still water. The reflection of the moon was scattered as a rock sipped across the water, waves radiating out from the impact sight. You follow the rocks flight path, a blotch of cyan and blue is sitting at the edge of the lake.

"Rainbow..." you say as you approach her.

She just looks up at you."Hey, Anon. Sorry about running out. I overreacted."

Her eyes are puffy. "Yeah, what's the deal with that?" you ask.

Rainbow sighs. "It's...It's nothing..."

You take a seat next to her. "Liar."

You flash her a smile and get a small one in return. "It's...It's about Mous and Lotus, and you and me." she says.

Okay...

"I see the two of them together all the time...always saying how much they love each other..." she's shuffling around. "...and the more they say it, the more I notice that we never do."

Wait...that's what this is about?

She continues. "And now, you're spending all this time at Twilight's...and I'm afraid I don't mean as much to you anymore."

You could see her point, she was the element of loyalty. Thinking that you were stepping out must be hard on her. That didn't stop it from being bullshit, however.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash..." you snake your arm around her and pull her close. "What am I going to do with you?" She starts to open her mouth, but you cut her off. "Me? Step out on you? That's ridiculous."

You cupped her cheek in your hand as you had done your first time in these woods. Rainbow practically buries her face in your hand.

"Rainbow..."you begin. "Right before all that cult crap, I turned down an offer to go back to my homeworld, back to everything I've ever known. But I decided to stay here." you lean in and plant a kiss on her lips, you linger behind a bit afterwards though. "Now, who do you think caused me to do that?" Rainbow doesn't speak, but puts her head in your shoulder. You take the opportunity to wrap your arms around her. "Of course I love you, you silly filly..."

The two of you spend however long like that under the stars by the lake before you both head for home. It's early morning, you were exhausted and you should be in bed. But this was more important, you'd call in sick if you had to. You had gotten used to how Rainbow moved in bed over the past year, but that night was different. Your mind once again went back to your first night in that cave, the feeling you felt then showing up now.

You're still awake as Celestia begins to raise the sun, Rainbow Dash curled up in your arms. Just as you are about to fall asleep, you pull her close. "Love you, Dashie." you whisper.

Bad Influence.

The sun was low as the two of you walked home. Well, you were walking home. Lotus was on your back. She had become addicted to piggy back rides, it seemed. You didn't mind.

"Are we recording Gossip Mare?" you ask.

Lotus shifts on your back. "We better be. Tonight Silver Lining confesses to Ironhoof."

You laugh.

Silly mare. Silver Lining obviously liked Crimson Wind better.

You continue on your way until you hear something from behind you "Mous! Wait up!"

You turn around. Derpy was flying towards you with Dinky on her back. You stop walking as Derpy catches up and lands. She's panting.

Okay, this could be important.

"Well, if it isn't my second favorite mares in the world." you say.

Derpy and Dinky both smile at the compliment.

"What's up?"

Derpy takes a deep breath and regains her composure. "I've been looking all over for you, I tried to catch you at the spa."

Oh?

"What'cha need?" you ask.

"A favor." she says.

"Shoot."

Dinky steps out from behind her mother. "I'm going on a trip for a week and everpony I've asked can't watch my little muffin. Do you think you could...?"

DUDE.

HELL.

FUCKING.

"YES."

DID WE SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

DOESN'T MATTER.

Reel it back.

"Yes I will watch Dinky while you are gone." you say as you regain your composure.

Dinky is beaming as much on the outside as you are on the inside. Derpy looks relieved.

"Should I steal her away now? Or some other time?" you ask.

Derpy smiles. "Just stop by my house tomorrow. House number 404."

Waitwhat?

Shut up.

You head out at around noon. It was your day off, you gave no fucks about how late you slept. Lotus had been a bit annoyed, Dinky being over meant she couldn't spend the night for the week.

You made it up to her. Never got the chance to watch Gossip Mare though...

You dropped Lotus off at her place before you made for Derpy's. "Have fun on your little play date." she had said.

Cheeky mare.

You knock on the door to Derpy's house. Your little friend answers.

"DINKY!"

"MOUS!" she cries as she jumps up to you.

You wrestle with the squirming filly and eventually get her on top of your head. She liked your head.

You step inside. Derpy walks out of the kitchen...followed by a brown colt. "Hey, Mous!" she calls.

Him.

"Hey Derpy..." you say.

You start to put the pieces together in your head. You didn't like the picture it made.

"So...you two going on a trip together?"

Derpy looks back towards her colt-friend. "Yep. He said that he knew of some wonderful places and that he wanted to show me..." she said with a smile.

Sweet. If it went as planned.

"How nice...Hey, why don't you and Dinky go get her ready?" you say pointing up the stairs.

Derpy nods and leads Dinky upstairs.

And...they're gone.

"Okay, Listen Time Lord." you growl.

He doesn't stumble, Just looks at you.

"I'll be brief, I know your deal and the mortality rate involved." You crouch down to eye level. "If you bring her back dead, or some cyborg, or with the contents of your little box dumped into her brain, or heaven help you, don't bring her back at all; I will find you and break you apart atom, by atom, by atom."

He doesn't falter. "I think I can do that."

You carry Dinky and her backpack back to your house, Dinky under one arm and her bag under the other.

Your mind is elsewhere, however. If he was traveling again...

"So...Dinks..." you say.

She looks up at you.

"What do you think of Mr. Hooves? Is he a good guy?"

Dinky smiles and nods. "Yeah, he's really nice! He's fun, and silly, and he helps me with my homework!"

"Does he ever talk about himself?" you ask.

Dinky slouches a bit. "Not a lot...He says that he came from far away and had to do some bad things. He says that some of those bad things happened to people he cared about and that he came here to get away...he gets really sad when he talks about that."

Well...damn. Things must have happened differently.

"But still, he likes you and your mom, right?"

There's that smile. "A-huh! He says that mom and me remind him of why he started traveling in the first place!" she beams.

That sounded ominous... Still. If this colt is who you think, you can trust him.

Haha...

What?

"Who we think."

Dammit brain, now we have to put money in the Pun Jar.

You and Dinky spent the day on your couch, doing whatever mischief the two of you could find. Anon would probably get annoyed at that garlic you put under his bed.

Dinky levitated the paintbrush up to the tiny man she held, gingerly painting his shoulders. You glanced down to the collection she had already finished. Each of them was grey with yellow highlights.

"Making your mom an army, are we?" you ask.

"I figure these guys can help her with the mail on rainy days." she says as she rotates the model under her brush.

You ruffle her mane "Atta girl."

You get back to your own model and glance at the T.V.

"You might like this part." you say.

Dinky watches as a lanky man in a suit jumps through a wall on a horse before giving a speech to some clockwork robots. "Hehe. This guy reminds me of Mr. Whooves." she says.

"Well how bout that..."

Dinky got you in a mood, so what? The universe hadn't imploded on itself yet, so you figured you're in the clear.

The door unlatches Anon and Rainbow walk in. "You would not believe what I'm working on wi-" He pauses as he catches sight of the two of you on the couch. "There is a filly on our couch."

"Dinky is staying here for the week while her mom is away." you say.

Dinky is still paying attention to her model.

"Oh. Cool. What's for dinner?" Anon asks.

"Whatever you want, just know that we ate all the ice cream."

Dinky lets out a small burp in approval.

Atta girl.

You put Dinky to sleep on the couch and tell Anon and Rainbow to keep it down before you turn in yourself.

It takes you some time to drift off, this is the first time in a while that Lotus wasn't here. You'd gotten used to the extra weight in the bed, the presence of somepony else. Your years of bachelordom kick in however, and you fall asleep.

At least until you hear your door open. Your hand flies over to the desk and grabs David as you lurch up.

"...Mous? Are you awake?" you hear from the darkness.

"Dinky?" you say blinking.

You reach over and turn on the lamp. Dinky is standing in the doorway, her eyes are watery.

"What's up?" you say.

Dinky shuffles her hooves. "I um...I had a nightmare."

Oh boy.

Big Bro Mode: Engaged.

"Come on, shut the door, let's talk about it." you say as Dinky hops up on the end of the bed. "All right, spill."

Dinky sighs. "I had a dream about my dad..."

You heard the story. "I dreamt he came and said that he wanted me back, and then he took me away from my mom, and everypony I asked for help said I was better off with him then my mom."

You sigh. "Dinky, everypony here loves your mom. No way we'd let her lose you."

Dinky doesn't cheer up. "But, what if she does?"

You shrug. "Then, I guess I'd have to come and get you."

That gets a smile. "What if my dad tried to stop you?"

"I'd feed him his horn."

Dinky laughs at your joke. You aren't joking.

You lie back down in your bed. "Alright poozer, lights out. You can crash with me tonight."

Dinky gets a big smile and plops down on your chest as you turn out the light.

Kids and Krystals.

You were eating breakfast at the table with Rainbow. Miraculously, you had beaten Mous out here. Having Dinky stay hadn't been as weird as you though, which was good.

You liked to think you liked kids.

As if on cue, you hear a door open and the sounds of feet and hooves. Along with singing.

"Pizza!"Mous calls out. Dinky mimics. "Pizza!" "Pizza for breakfast!" he sings and he half walks half dances into the kitchen and opens the fridge.

He pulls out a pizza box from the fridge as Dinky jumps up into an empty seat. "It's the thing to eat to make your day the very best!"

"Pizza! Pizza for breakfast!" Mous slides a plate with a piece of pizza in front of Dinky. He places his piece down, but doesn't sit until he's done singing. "Sauces and cheeses, they fulfill all your needses! When you eat pizza!"

With that he all but falls into his chair and starts eating, Dinky starts clapping her hooves together.

"I love the feel the crowd gives..." he waxes. "Especially the cute ones." he says as he ruffles Dinky's mane.

Dinky laughs as she digs into her breakfast of champions. "Isn't singing Barry Manilow to a minor a crime in some places?" you tease.

"No jury in the world will convict me." he says as he eats.

"Tch." Rainbow snorts. "They will if you sing for them with that voice." she says.

You laugh and brohoof Rainbow, just because you were together didn't mean you had to lose such base joys as ripping on your best friend.

"Everyone's a critic." Mous says with a roll of his eyes.

The four of you sat around the table eating in silence. Dinky was sitting next to you, trying to fit an entire slice of pizza in her mouth.

Mous reaches over and pulls it from her mouth. "Stop that, you're gonna choke and make your mom mad at me."

You chuckle. "Father of the year, mares and gentlecolts."

"Nothing so noble." Mous says as he finishes his meal. "I just don't want to explain to Cheerilee that I was late bringing her in because of a surprise trip to the hospital."

"Speaking of Cheerilee." Mous lifts his arm and sniffs. "Stay here while I go wash up poozer, then we can head out."

Dinky nods as Mous walks off.

"So, Dinky." Dinky looks up at you from her plate, she's back to trying to fit the entire thing in her mouth. "Have you been having fun?"

Mous could always keep kids happy, probably something having to do with him having the mental maturity of a fifteen year old, but you had never entertained kids you weren't related to.

You were curious to know how you did.

To your relief, Dinky started nodding vigorously. "Yeah! I'm having lots of fun! You and Mous are really funny when you argue!" she laughs out.

Oh yeah, you and Mous got into an argument during movies last night. You don't care what kinds of magnetic fields they have, Lightsabers should go on forever.

A few minutes later, Mous walks out of his room and scoops Dinky onto his head. "All set to go to school Captain Whooves?" he asks.

Dinky points to the door. "Make it so, number one!"

You suppress laughter as the two of them walk out the door. You can't repel cuteness of that magnitude.

You and Rainbow leave home shortly after Mous did. "Love you." Rainbow says as she kissed you goodbye and flew off into the clouds.

Work at Twilights had been all but consumed by your studies of applying spells to crystals, Canterlot was very interested in the idea. The library was loaded with boxes, mana batteries all the way from Canterlot, boxes of crystals from around the kingdom of various purities.

You had your work cut out for you. "I'm here Twilight, what's on the agenda for today?" you call out as you tiptoe past the equipment.

Twilight is nose deep in a book. "Today we're looking into the flash heating spell on the crystals from the western mountains." she said without looking up.

Flash heating, that meant steam. "We headed out to the lake?" you ask.

"Yep!" Twilight says as she levitates the book into her saddlebags. "I'll take the crystals and you grab the mana batteries, come on!" she says as she determinately marches out the door.

Dammit, you always carried the batteries. And they were heavy.

-Some time later-

The crystal hits the surface of the lake and erupts into a brilliant white light, steam bellows from the a single point at the center of the reaction and cascades across the water.

"Okay, test number fifty two: Flash heating spell with western mountain crystal of B level purity got us about 60% conversion." you say as you jot down your findings.

I think next we should-" you turn to look at Twilight. She was sweating, her hair was frazzled and her chest was heaving. "-take a little break." you say.

Twilight smiles as she drops down to the ground to rest. The two of you had been testing all morning with her being the only source of spellcasting, she deserved a rest. You ran through your head how this little system you devised worked.

The crystal acted as a prison for the magical energies. When a spell was fired through the focusing lens, the mana battery hooked up gave the crystal a minute jump of power. That jump of power kept the spell inside powered indefinitely, the problem was the crystals themselves.

Any gem with enough internal lattices could work, you just needed something that could bounce the spell around inside it. Unfortunately, some of the gems you were getting were of poor quality, they were giving a crap conversion rate on some spells. Even the crystals you were using today were only giving about half as good a reacting as if you just used the spell proper, and they were some of the best you'd used.

You sigh. Oh well, such was science.

You rise to your feet. "You ready to get back to it Twi?"

Twilight nods and rises herself.

"Cool, I wanna try some of those bigger ones..."

You got home around 8:00. You were soaked to the core.

You stepped into the house and found Dinky and Mous sitting at the edge of the couch, Rainbow was lounging in her normal spot.

"Okay, Dinks. Try shooting a portal over there and I'll handle this..." Mous's eyes drift over to you. "What happened dude?"

You sigh as you close the door. "We were doing rapid heating experiments down by the lake today, there was a misfire and I ended up with half the lake dumped on me."

Mous glances over you. "I'd call that experiment a success."

Dinky giggles at his joke.

You should flip him off, he deserves to be flipped off. But there's a filly here...

"Whatever, dude. I'm gonna go wash this pond water off." you say as you step into your room.

You throw your shirt off and feel a pair of hooves wrap around you. "Whoa now!" you call out as Rainbow nuzzles the back of your neck. "There's a filly in the other room!"

"I got that take care of..." she says.

You hear the T.V. from the living room turn up. Way up.

You can barely hear yourself get pushed onto the bed with over the sounds of science coming from the living room.

Ha. You grab Rainbow's ear. "You sly dog..."

Whatever was left of the night was spent by having a game stump the four of you.

Dammit, you should have been smarter than that. Stupid conduction gel.

"Alright Dinks. Bath and bed, let's go." Mous yawns out.

The two of them walk out of the room and leave you and Rainbow alone on the couch. You sit there for a while, just playing with her hair as she lay on your lap. It was nice you just shut your brain off after a long day of testing.

One thought nagged at the back of your mind thought... Oh well, now was as good a time as any.

"Hey, Rainbow, what do you think about kids?" you ask, breaking the silence.

Rainbows eyes shoot open faster than you can catch. "Uhh...I think there are some issues we'd have to work out first..." she says as she eyes you.

"No no." you say. "I'm not asking you to let me stick a baby in you." God, were you not ready for that. "I was just wondering. If we keep this up, what do you think about kids?"

Rainbow rolled over. "Kids can be cool...I guess. I just don't really see myself as the world's greatest mom, ya know?"

You chuckle. "The Great Rainbow Dash? Backing away from a challenge as small as caring for another life?"

Rainbow punches you in the shoulder and laughs. "Buck you."

You scoop her up and carry her to the bedroom, she'd probably crash on your lap if you let her. You fall asleep wondering how well you'd do as a dad.

And how terrifying the idea of Mous as an uncle would be.

Field Trip.

Morning of the final day. You were dropping Dinky off back at her place late this afternoon. Dinky sat on your head as you walked her to school. It was for the best, your hands were full.

In addition to your work bag and Dinky's backpack, you were giving all the little figures dinky had painted over the course of her week with you to her as a gift. You also had a narrow tube shaped bag over your shoulder.

The walk to school was fairly quiet. You peer up at Dinky's forelegs hanging over your forehead.

Hmm...Time to see how much she's learned.

"IIIIn West Fillydelphia, born and raised!" you start.

Dinky picks up quick. "On the playground was where I spent most of my days!"

"Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool."

"And all shooting some B-Ball outside of the school."

"When a couple of colts, they were up to no good!"

"Started makin trouble in my neighborhood!"

"My mom took me inside and said she'd teach me a lesson!"

"She said "You're movin with your aunty and uncle in Manehattan!"

Yeah.

You reach up and ruffle Dinky's mane. "Atta girl."

You hear her giggle. "Hey, Mous?"

"Hmm?"

"What's this thing?" she asks and points to the narrow tube slung over your shoulder.

Hehe.

"A surprise." you say.

Dinky bends her head down and looks you in the eye. "A fun surprise?"

You make a face. "Well, you'll just have to wait for the surprise, won't you?"

You drop Dinky off at school.

"Okay Poozer, we're going on a new plan today. Don't meet me at the spa, I'll be coming here." you say.

Dinky tilts her head. "Why?"

"For your surprise!" you call back as you walk away.

Aloe and Lotus were working you hard today. Penance for ducking out before closing. Double steam room duty, aromatherapy, and then back to your massage room for a trio of customers.

No lunch today, it seemed.

The door opened and you heard a customer walk through.

"Hello, my name is Mous and I'll be-" Your stop yourself as you catch who your 'customer' is. "Oh, hey. What's up Lotus?" you ask.

Lotus silently walks to your massage table and hops up. She wasn't wearing her headband.

"Need something?"

Lotus doesn't look up. "Yes, my special somepony has been busy all week and we haven't seen too much of each other..." she opens her eyes and gives you a sultry stare. "Can you help with that?"

Oh, so this is how she wants to play it?

"I'll see what I can do..." you say with a small chuckle.

You grab some lotion and get to work on her back.

It's true, you two haven't seen hide nor hair of each other since you've been watching Dinky, it's fair that she wants some attention. Attention you're happy to provide, to a point. Sex in the workplace was rarely a good idea.

Plus it's hard enough getting lotion smell out of here.

The massage goes as agonizingly slow as you can make it.

"Mmmmm...lower." Lotus says.

"That kind of contact is inappropriate for a spa employee, ma'am..."

Lotus giggles. "I'm sure your boss won't mind."

You work your way up to her shoulders. "Oh, I don't know about that...besides, is it really so hard to just wait until you can see him again?"

You drift from her shoulders to behind her ears, a small gasp is your reward. "I hear that waiting can...enhance things."

Lotus lets you continue your way around her ears as she speaks. "Ooohh, but the wait has been agonizing so far..."

You lean in closer to her ears. "Well, I'm sure your special somepony is very sorry that he's made you wait so long...I'm sure he'd want to make it up to you, maybe in a few hours?"

You drift up and begin massaging her scalp, she leans into your hands as you work. "If only I could steal him away for a short while..." she says.

You crouch down to eye level and knead back to her neck. "I'm sure he would if he could, ma'am."

Lotus's hoof starts meandering around on your shirt. "What's stopping him?"

"Well..." you starts before a bell chimes at the back of the room. "Your hour's up."

Lotus lets out a deep sigh and opens her eyes. "You..." she leans forward and plants a kiss on you. "Are horrible."

You escape from work around 3:00 and head for the school. Dinky and her friends are running around out front.

"Dinks!" you call out.

Dinky spots you and gallops up to you. "Mous! Do you have my surprise?"

You crouch down to her. "I do. Why not go as your friends if they want to come along?"

Dinky tilts her head. "It's for them too?"

You ruffle her mane. "Let's just say that what I have in store won't be as fun if it's just you and I."

Dinky nods and runs back to her friends. A few minutes later, you're leading a group of about ten or so foals to the lake. You find a good spot and begin setting up out of the narrow bag you carried.

Two sticks went into the ground with a net in the center supported by elastic strings.

"Okay, class. This is something from my world called a "Big Honkin' Slingshot.". We used it to throw everything from water balloons, to snow at each other."

You crouch down to demonstrate the size of the net for what you had in mind. "But today, we're going to try something different. As you can see, this net is the perfect size for a small pony. As you can feel, it's early summer and way too hot out. And as you can imagine, that lake would feel great right about now." you say.

You look at the faces of the little foals as they start to put the pieces together, smiles forming on them.

You point to a chubby grey earth colt. "Up for the first shot, kid?"

He nods enthusiastically and jumps into the net.

You pull back a little farther to accommodate his weight and watch as he sails through the air.

He lands with a resounding splash and surfaces near the center of the lake. "That was fun! Come one guys, the water's great!" he calls out.

You turn to the rest of the kids.

"Alright, who's next?"

The afternoon melts away as the kids line up to be launched into the lake. Eventually, they just forego the slingshot and run into the lake to play. You relax under a tree and play lifeguard.

"Rumble, I swear if I have to get you down from another tree!" you call out.

Rumble hops from the tree branch he was on and continues to play.

Little adrenaline junkie...

We're one to talk.

Quite brain, I'm being lazy.

You hear the clip clop of hooves behind you. "Well now, aint that a sight. Playin' lifeguard are ya, Mous?" somepony says.

You know that draw.

"Something like that AJ." you answer.

Applejack takes a seat in the grass a few feet from you.

"Applebloom is in there if you're here to get her." you say without looking.

"I see her, I'll let her play a bit." AJ says.

Silence ensues.

Aawwwwwkwaaaard

"So, haven't seen you in a while."

Applejack hadn't been showing up in your bushes for a while, that had you worried. She may be planning something.

AJ chuckles. "Nope."

"That makes me nervous."

AJ grins at you. "Why? Thinkin' I got some master plan?"

"I just don't want my house demolished by an apple golem, is all."

That elicits a laugh from Applejack. "Naw. I saw you and that blue pony together s'all. Figure you don't need me around with that."

Whoawhat?

"And you're just...okay with that?" you ask.

AJ gets up as Applebloom wades out of the water. "We had our fun, Mous. But I don' want nothin' with you if you got somepony else on your mind the whole time."

Old honest Applejack.

You lean back against your tree and smile. "Thanks AJ. Y'all have a nice night."

AJ gives you a wink as her and Applebloom trot off.

The kids all run to their homes as the sun goes down and you let Dinky dry off on your head.

You open the door to Derpy's place and look around. Empty.

"Hello? Derpy? Mr. Whooves?" you call out.

Horrible space monster?

Shut it ya git.

You hear voices coming from the back yard and move to investigate. To your surprise, you see Derpy and Mr. Whooves trotting back to the house. You can see a bit of blue from behind a tree.

Derpy spots the two of you. "Muffin!"

Dinky must have dozed off, she shakes herself awake. "Mom!"

Dinky jumps off your head and goes to hug her mom. You let the two of them have their moment and pull Mr. Whooves aside.

"I trust everything went well?" you whisper.

He flashes a smile. "Nary a sight, smell, or hint of danger."

Really?

"How unlike you."

He narrows his eyes. "Hey, I can be safe when I need to be."

Yeah, you believe that...

"Was she too much trouble for you, Mous?" you here Derpy ask behind you.

"Derpy, she was a dream." You reach down and ruffle Dinky's hair one last time. "And loads of fun on top of it."

You show the box you'd been carrying all day.

"Your daughter knows her way around a paintbrush. Thought I'd leave a little gift for her." you say.

Dinky jumps up and latches onto your chest. "Thanks, Mous."

D'awww...

"Heh. No problem, little poozer." you say as you let her down.

You wave goodbye as you make your way home.

Well, that was fun while it lasted.

It was. We'll have to keep an eye on Dinky.

Think he'll keep the two of them safe?

He seems on the level.

And if not?

We tie him to the outside of his box and toss it into the sun.

-Music-

Lotus practically jumps you as soon as you get home. "Anon isn't home yet and I convinced Rainbow to leave...I have you all to myself tonight..." she says as she strokes your shoulder.

"What in Equestria will we do this entire time all by ourselves?" you ask sardonically.

"Why don't I show you?" she says as she pulls herself close and locks your lips.

You ignore the gasp she makes as you grip her by her flank and carry her to your room. You slam the door with your foot as you make for the bed, Lotus already snaking her hoof under your shirt and trying to pull it off.

Lotus breaks away from your mouth. "Let's get this awful thing out of the way, shall we?"

You give Lotus a hand with your shirt as she pushes you onto the bed and leaps on top of you. Lotus grabs your face and dives back into your mouth as you wrap your arms around her.

"I remember what you did at the spa..." she says as she attacks your neck. "I've decided to get you back by dragging this out as long...as...possible..." she says the last part as she trails her way down your bare chest.

"Oh no..." you quiver.

"I've been waiting an entire week for this, mister. And you aren't leaving this room until you repay me. With interest."

Of that, you had no doubt.

The both of you were curled up under the blanket, taking in the afterglow. You have no idea how long or how often the two of you went, but it was dark now and you didn't hear sounds from the living room.

You pull Lotus closer. "So, are we even now?"

Lotus gives you a long kiss. "We're closer then we were when you got here."

"I'm gonna be paying this debt off until I die, aren't I?"

Lotus laughs as she settles her head on your shoulder. "I told you, interest."

Damned compound interest, Einstein was right.

You reach your hand up and stroke her mane. "Missed you while you weren't here."

Awww...I missed you too." Lotus kisses your cheek. "It's awful how alien my own home feels when I sleep in it."

"I'm not complaining."

Lotus laughs and wraps herself under your arm. "I'll bet."

Lotus rests her head on your chest. "It's just as awful to hear ponies talk about why the alien who almost summoned Discord is running around with a young filly all of a sudden."

Stupid Discord nonsense.

"Eh. I'm a kid at heart." you say.

"Oh, don't I know it. Never have I heard somepony giggle so much while making love."

It's not your fault you're ticklish...

Lotus lets out a yawn.

"Pretty pony tired out?" you ask.

"Pretty pony has a specialsomemonkey who tires her out." she answers.

"I thought you ponies from Stalliongrad had the endurance for long winters?"

"Not the endurance to handle the devious western aliens." Lotus teases.

You kiss Lotus on the top of her head. "Love you too."

You lay your head down and begin to drift off to sleep.

"Oh, one more thing dear." Lotus says.

"Hmm?" you grunt out.

"My parents would like to meet you."

OHSHITWHAT!?

Hidden Treasure.

You walk along the edge of the crag further into the waste ahead of you. A Rainbow streak flew across the sky and touched down just ahead of you.

"I looked ahead, no sign of any trouble." Rainbow says.

She had insisted on coming along with you to look for crystals today, something about Diamond Dogs and the last time they came out here.

"Are you really expecting that much trouble, Dash?" you ask.

Rainbow hovers a few feet off the ground as her head darts to and fro. "I told you, Anon. The last time any of us came out here, Rarity ended up kidnapped. No way I'm letting that happen to you."

How sweet. "My knight in pastel armor." you tease.

The two of you continue your trek until you reach the rocky outskirts you came for. It was quiet here. REALLY quiet. You didn't even hear birds.

"Stay close, Anon." Rainbow says.

"You know, Anon's not my real name." you say.

It was true, the two of you had made up names on the spot when you came here and just rolled with them, you probably would have just used your real one if you had known you'd be here for a year and a half.

Rainbow glances back at you. "So, what -is- your name?" she asks.

You motion Rainbow down and grab her ear. She listens intently as you whisper the name you dropped into it.

She pulls away afterwards. "So, that's what names are like where you come from?" she asks.

You nod. "Pretty much. But they're a bit different depending on where you go in the world."

Rainbow puts her hoof on her chin and thinks. "Nah. You'll always be Anon to us."

"What, you don't like my name?" you ask with feigned offense.

Rainbow gets a smarmy grin. "It's not the worst name. But I met Anon, not that other guy."

She might have a point there.

"Well, Anon and the other guy both think we should get what we need here." you say as you start walking again.

If this place was as dangerous as Rainbow said it was, you wanted to leave quick.

-Music-

This place felt wrong. The silence you noticed earlier was even more prevalent now. There was no life out here, just rocks and dirt. The sound of the wind over stone was your only indicator that you hadn't gone deaf, and even that seemed quieter. Rainbow had decided to walk some time ago, the atmosphere of the area pushing her to the ground.

"Real inviting, this place..." you joke, trying to lift the mood.

Rainbow doesn't respond to your joke and the mood stays below rock bottom. You and Twilight had jury-rigged a crystal to be able to detect other ones in the area, but you were only getting faint readings.

"Is there any other part of this place we're missing?" you ask.

Rainbow shuffles her hooves a bit. "There is one part..." she starts. "The Diamond Dogs who kidnapped Rarity took her to some underground tunnels." she points over a hill. "Somewhere in that direction."

That sounded promising. "Alright! Let's go." you say, your spirits raised.

"Whoa, hold on!" Rainbow yelled. She sped in front of you and stopped you in your tracks. "We are NOT going back in there! What if the Diamond Dogs are still there?"

"Come on Dash, it's been how long since you were last here? Those Diamond Dogs have all probably cleared out by now." you say as you try to push past her.

"Anon, no! I may play fast and loose sometimes, but even I know this is a bad idea." she says stopping you.

You lower Rainbows hoof from your chest. "Dash, I have to get these crystals for my research. It'll just be in and out." you say. "Besides, I have you to protect me."

Rainbow's face softens at the faith you put in her. "Okay, but just a quick visit..." she says as she leads you to the cave.

The locater spell trapped inside the crystal lead you further then "just a quick visit". You were well underground by now, passing by empty mine carts and steel doors.

Rainbow got more and more nervous as you went deeper. "Hey, look sharp. Walk around like you own the place." you tell her.

Mous used to tell you that when you got worried, you probably could used him about now. The locator crystal reacts to a nearby wall.

You motion to Rainbow. "Stand back."

You pull out a small green crystal out of your pouch and throw it at the wall. The crystal shatters and bathes the wall with a green light. The light washes over the rock and seems to dissolve it as it goes, revealing a collection of crystals underneath it.

The light dies down. "Alright!" you exclaim as you examine your bounty with your magnifier.

Deep node crystals as you expected, decent quality, about five interior refractions...

"I telling you, saw light from over here!" a voice says in the darkness.

Oh. Shit. You could hear their footsteps, there sounded like a few of them.

"And I telling you, there no light here! We the only ones in these tunnels!" another says.

They come from around the corner at the end of the tunnel. Three of them, short, center, and tall. They had maces and spears on them. Diamond Dogs.

Oh fuck.

"Uh...anyone want to play fetch?" you say against your better judgment.

The dogs remain stone faced. God that was a stupid thing to say.

Rainbow jumps ahead of you. "Alright you three, just back off!" she shouts down the hall.

The smallest dog points his hand at the two of you. "See? Told you there were voices!"

"What you think we should do?" the big one asks as he picks up his mace.

Why the fuck were these dogs dressed for war? Oh well, didn't matter. You reach your hand into your pockets. You had a collection of spell crystals stashed away in the event you had to make a quick getaway. No need for a repeat of the manticore.

The lead dog stroked the underside of his chin. "We not need this right now." he says to himself. "Why you in our caverns pony and ape?"

Your eye drifts to the node sitting in the ditch next to you. "We came for these crystals, we'll leave once we get them."

The dog folds his arms. "Should capture you..." he mutters to himself. The dogs flanking him grab their weapons.

Ohshit. You grab a handful of crystals and get ready to throw them. The dog waves his hand at the two of you. "Don't want to explain how you slipped past. Take your stupid rocks and go. Better not be here when we get back." he says as he turns around.

The two dogs flare their nostrils at you as they leave. "Stupid ape not even here for gems..." echoes from the tunnel as they leave.

You and Rainbow noped the fuck out of that cave faster than either of you could blink. The massive geode you were carrying didn't weigh you down in the slightest as you jogged through the wasteland and into the forest. Safely outside of Dog territory, you and Rainbow take a breather.

"Why *huff* the hell *huff* were those dogs *huff* geared up like that?" you gasp out.

"I don't know, Anon." Rainbow says, leaning on a tree. "But I hope your rock was worth it."

It was. This geode could be the answer to your need for a higher conversion rating. You and Rainbow rest for a bit before you jump back on the path towards Ponyville, the geode sitting in your arms. Rainbow has gone back to her old habit of wrapping her hooves around you and letting you lead the way.

"Hey." you say to break the silence.

Rainbow rests her head on your shoulder. "Thanks. For coming along today. It's nice to know that I can count on more the just Mous to tag along for a dangerous job."

Rainbow grins. "I'd be a bad special somepony if I let you go off and get killed in a cave somewhere." she says as she kisses your cheek.

"Special somepony..." you repeat to yourself. "That still sounds weird to me."

Rainbow laughs. "You're so weird, Anon."

"Tch. You like it." you retort.

Rainbow laughs again. "Yeah...yeah, I do."

Local Flavor.

It seemed they skip summer in Stalliongrad.

The air was temperate and moist, it carried the smell of gas and hay. Everything in this city looked waterlogged, the ponies walking the streets looked tired and irritated. The entire city had an air of dreariness.

"You two come from, quite possibly, the most depressing city in existence." you say.

Aloe and Lotus shoot you a look.

"And I've been to the Griffin kingdoms."

Aloe rolls her eyes. "You can't judge an entire city off of your first glance, Mous. Stalliongrad is one of the capitals of industry in all of Equestria!"

Lotus throws her saddlebags back over herself and starts walking down the road. "Oh, don't listen to him. He's just grumpy that he has to travel to Canterlot once we get back."

It was true. By god did you hate travel. What did you care about some stupid royal wedding, anyway?"

The three of you continue down the road. You take the opportunity to look around.

"Why is everything here positively dripping?" you ask.

Lotus looks over her shoulder back at you. "We get a lot of snow here, so when it starts to warm up we get a bit waterlogged"

You'd hate to be here during the winter...

"And your parents still decide to live here?"

Lotus chuckles. "Mama and Papa would never leave Stalliongrad."

"Mama and Papa?" you think.

Not weird in the slightest...

The three of you reach your destination, a townhouse on the eastern bloc of the city, in time. Aloe and Lotus are practically giddy as they trot up the front porch and knock on the door.

A blue earth mare opens the door with a big smile. "My little girls!"

"Mama!" Aloe and Lotus cry as they lunge at her.

You climb the porch as the three of them have their reunion. The girl's mother looks ecstatic "How are my daughters? Are you well?" her eyes drift to you. "And is this the one you told us about, Lotus?"

Okay, first impression time.

"Hello, my name is Mous. It's a pleasure to meet you." you say with an extended hand.

A little too much boy scout there...

The mare extender her hoof and shakes. "And I am Celtic Kick. It is so nice to finally meet the one my daughters speak of so often."

You glance at Lotus. "Only good things, I hope."

Lotus gives you a wink. Good, she hadn't mentioned the cult business.

"Come in, come in." Celtic Kick mutter as she ushered you all into the house.

She calls into the kitchen. "Darling! The girls are home! And they brought a guest!"

What follows is the bastard child of an atom bomb and a jet engine. "WHAT!? MY LITTLE GIRLS ARE HOME!?"

A brown earth stallion bounds out of the other room and practically stampedes you. "AH! MY LITTLE GIRLS, COME BACK TO VISIT AFTER ALL THIS TIME!"

He spots you and trots up. "AND YOU MUST BE ALIEN THAT MY LITTLE LOTUS MET!" he wraps his hooves around you, yet the shouting continues. "YOU WILL CALL ME STRELNIKOV! IS GOOD TO FINALLY MEET YOU!"

Yep! We're deaf now!

-Headcanon Strelnikov Voice-

You're pushed into a living room and plopped on a couch, Lotus hops up next to you. She must have noticed your dazed look.

"Yes, Papa has a good set of lungs. You'll get used to it." she whispers.

You really hope so.

The obvious questions are taken care of first: What are you and where did you come from? You give the abridged history of your life before you came here and your species, stopping once you landed in Ponyville.

Celtic Kick takes a sip of her tea. "So, Mous. How did you meet our daughter?"

"YES! TELL US OF HOW YOU KIDS MEET!" Strelnikov says.

You swear you can feel the house shake when he talks. Or was that the continent below you?

"Well, I met Lotus when I applied for work at the spa." Lotus leans her head on your shoulder. "We got along well enough and things just kinda... took off."

Oh god that was a terrible story. You'd have to work on that.

Aloe covers for you. "You should have been there to see it, mama. These two acted just like how you and papa did in your old stories."

"Did they now?" Celtic Kick chuckles out.

"HA! IS GOOD TO SEE OUR LITTLE GIRL TAKES AFTER HER MOTHER!" Strelnikov says as he slaps the table.

"Tease all you want, but I can just look at the two of you and see that everything worked out well." Lotus says.

"And I don't mind being like your dad, it would be cool to be able to shout like that." you say.

You almost go deaf again as Strelnikov laughs at your joke.

The five of you sit and talk for a while before Strelnikov rises from his seat. "MOUS, WHAT SAY YOU AND I GO TO BAR? GIVE THE GIRLS TIME TO AWAY FROM US."

You glance down at Lotus. "What? He's safe, he doesn't bite or anything." she says.

You pull yourself off the couch and chuckle. "No more than you do."

You and your new partner in crime head out, Strelnikov leaking the way to a bar a few blocks down. The first thing you notice when you walk in is that it looks like the entire town is in here.

Stalliongrad must not have a particularly bumping night life...

Strelnikov leads you to some stools at the far end of the bar. "BARMAN! RED BAYBALES!" he calls out.

The drinks float over to the two of you. You're about to down yours when you see Strelnikov eyeing you.

You raise your mug. "To decent drinks."

"YA BUDU PIT' ETO." he says.

What?

Must be his native tongue

You throw your drink back and start chugging. And chugging. And chugging... You slam your empty mug down on the counter as Stelnikov chuckles. Let it never be said you cannot impress. It helps that Equestrian booze is weaker then the stuff you're used to.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment. "SO, MOUS. LET US TALK OF THINGS." he says.

Oh?

"What kind of things?" you ask.

"THINGS LIKE CULTS."

Fuck.

You turn to try and make a joke to let this blow over, but Strelnikov has a deadly serious look on his face.

"You heard about that, huh?" you groan.

"ONLY BECAME FACTORY WORKER WHEN THE GIRLS WERE BORN. STILL HAVE OLD FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES." His voice sounds like rolling thunder. "THEY TELL ME THINGS. THINGS LIKE HOW ALIEN JOINS CULT TO BRING BACK DISCORD AND THEN BREAKS THEM BEFORE IT HAPPENS. BUT NOT AFTER DOING MANY BAD THINGS."

You motion for another drink and down a gulp as soon as it gets to you. "Yeah, that sounds right..." you say.

You didn't like thinking about the cult. Not after that trip to Canterlot's jail.

"I AM NOT WONDERING WHY, ALREADY KNOW THAT FROM FRIENDS. WHAT I AM WONDERING IS IF YOU BRING THAT TROUBLE TO LOTUS." he asks.

You turn to look at him. He's staring straight ahead. "MANY OLD FRIENDS DID NOT WANT ME TO GO FACTORY WHEN MY GIRLS WERE BORN, WANTED ME TO STAY AT OLD JOB WITH THEM. I DID NOT WANT THAT LIFE FOR MY NEW FAMILY. HAD TO DO LOTS OF BAD THINGS TO PUT IT ALL BEHIND."

He finally looks you in the eye. His eyes are cold, but you can see the determination behind them "YOU HAVE IMPRESSIVE START. BUT I WONDER, WOULD YOU DO BAD THINGS AGAIN TO PROTECT MY DAUGHTER? WOULD YOU STEAL AND LIE AND HURT TO KEEP YOUR FAMILY SAFE?"

You think about who you're talking to. Then you think about the worst case scenario you can think of.

You grab your mug. "I'd do a whole lot worse than that."

Strelnikov stares you down for an eternity, seemingly testing your conviction. A smile parts his lips and he throws his hoof around your shoulder. "I KNEW MY LITTLE TSVETOK HAD CHOSEN WELL!"

The two of you laugh and order another round, reveling in the skewed morality that neither of you can seem to give a damn about right now.

You spend the next few hours at the bar, regaling Stelnikov with tales of your exploits. "So, I'm standing between Anon and this bucking manticore, and it's growling and howling and making a big scene. I get it to chase me all over the area and eventually lop its tail off."

Strelnikov grins and nods. "HA! GOOD SHOW!"

"Yeah...he got me back, though." You rub the scars on your back at the memory.

"DOES NOT MATTER! YOU STOOD GROUND AGAINST FOE MUCH BIGGER THEN YOU, THAT TAKE KISHKI!"

Or a stupendous lack of intelligence.

"Strelnikov! Stop making so much damn noise!" comes a voice from the opposite side of you.

Strelnikov leans back on his stool. "PERYEITI SEKSOM S SAMIM SOBOI, SICKLE STAR! DO NOT BE JEALOUS OF MY NEW FRIEND JUST BECAUSE HE CAN FACE MANTICORE AND YOU RUN FROM LITTLE BUNNY!"

Strelnikov laughs as this Sickle Star stomps his way over to you. He was a gargantuan red pegasus, his friends followed behind him.

Dammit...It's Whistleblower all over again.

Sickle Star gets right in your face. "I see no friend here. I only see some freak." he spits out.

Oh hell naw.

"Look, Tinkerbelle. There's no reason to be rude." you say in your seat. "Why don't you and your boytoys head back to your seats and ignore us until we go away?"

Sickle Star doesn't like that. "Maybe we don't want to ignore you! Maybe we make you go away...?"

"YOU GOING TO TAKE THAT FROM THIS KHUL?" Strelnikov says.

You throw a wink to him as you pick up your mug.

-Music-

You empty the contents of your mug. "Ah...that's good."

You bash Sickle Star between the eyes with the mug and knee him in the chin on his way down. You bring down the mug onto his friend on the right side, shattering it on his horn. You kick Sickle Star out of the way and grab the last stallions hoof as he jabs it towards you.

"I'm faster than you." you say as you deliver three punches into his ribs and bash his head on the bar counter.

You can hear Strelnikov working over the unicorn you blew past as Sickle Star gets back on his feet. He scrapes his hoof on the floor twice and charges you.

Mistake.

You swipe a barstool and bring it down on his head in a swift motion. If the fistfight didn't alert the rest of the bar, the shattering barstool did. Might as well make it count, you haul Sickle Star's prone form over your shoulder and toss him behind the bar.

Sickle Star apparently had more friends, because another pair of earth ponies rise from their seats and trot towards you.

"Oh come on, you too?" you moan.

You hear a galloping behind before you see Strelnikov sail over your head. "KTO SLEDUYUSHCHII!?" he cries as he tackles one of them.

Time to wrap this up.

You jump up on the bar counter and make for the door, being sure to kick the tackled ponies friend in the face on your way.

"Stelnikov! Exit!" you call out.

Strelnikov delivers two more blows to the pony on the ground before he bounds over him and runs out the door with you. The two of you are halfway down the block before anypony gets out of the bar.

Strelnikov and you are still laughing by the time you get back to the house. "YOU HAVE GOOD RIGHT HOOK FOR ALIEN!" he shouts.

"You should have seen me before I came here..."

The two of you walk inside. "We're home, how're you gir-" you start.

You walk in on Aloe, Lotus, and Celtic Kick all sitting down, they were holding their hooves over their mouths smiling.

"Oh, Mous. *snrk* Y-You're back. *snrk* How was it?" Lotus says as she eyes her sister and mother.

What was going on he-Oh dammit.

You sigh. "You told them that I'm ticklish, didn't you?"

The girls erupt into furious laughter as the cat escapes from his bag, Strelnikov joins them as you both sit back down.

A few more hours of conversation leads you to bed. Aloe and Lotus insist on sleeping in their old bedroom upstairs. You don't complain, they had sweet bunk beds.

Unfortunately, you and Lotus were stuck on the bottom bunk. Aloe's head pokes out from around the edge of her bed.

"I better not hear anything down there." she warns with a smile.

You grin back. "Don't worry, you won't. We're very quiet."

Aloe sticks her tongue out and recedes back.

Lotus settles in on your chest. "So, did you and Papa have a good time bonding?"

"Yeah, we did some stuff." you report.

Lotus raises her eyebrow. "Oh? What kind of stuff?"

You think back to the events of the night. Strelnikov knowing about the cult, the conversation that followed, the bar brawl.

"Oh...you know. Guy stuff."

Cold Feet.

You stare down your opponent across the table. She was cheating, she had to be.

You lay down you cards. "Three of a kind."

Let's see her beat tha-

"Royal Flush!" Pinkie calls out as she lays her cards down and takes her winnings.

"Owch, Anon." Rainbow laughs out behind you.

That made no sense. That would mean Pinkie had six aces this game. You don-

Rainbow lays a hoof on your shoulder. "Don't think too hard about it Anon, it's better that way."

You let out a sigh and lead back, all of you were on your way to Canterlot for a big royal wedding. Apparently between Twilight's brother and some princess. Not that you could tell from looking at Twilight, she was pouting over the horrible slight of not being told about the wedding at the front of the car.

You don't see what the big deal is, you and Mous did things without telling the other all the ti-

You catch yourself from comparing the relationship Mous and you have to anyone else, it was far too circuitous to think about...

Speaking of Mous, where the fuck was he?

"Now arriving at Canterlot station, Canterlot station." came a voice over the speakers.

"Hey." you say to Rainbow. "I'm gonna find Mous, he's been gone the entire train ride and that makes me nervous."

Rainbow nods. "Good idea."

You make your way through the train cars. You wanted to give Mous the benefit of the doubt, but he got you run out of Canterlot the last time you were both here. No chances today.

You eventually find Mous in, of all places, the caboose. Even more strange, Lotus was sitting in the seat next to him.

"Uh. Hey Lotus, what are you doing here?" you ask.

Lotus raises an eyebrow. "What? I was invited." she says.

"She's my plus one." Mous says.

"I don't remember read anything about a plus one on the invitation..." you say as you cross your arms.

Mous produces an invitation from his pocket. "Read again."

You snatch the piece of paper and glance over it. Was he kidding with this?

"Dude, I don't think wedding invitations come written in acrylic paint."

Mous waves a hand at you. "Celestia won't care."

What? "It's her nieces wedding, I think she'll care."

Mous holds up a finger. "Wrong. It's her nieces wedding in Canterlot after I just had to go to Stalliongrad." Lotus elbows him in the ribs. "Ow. No way am I not bringing my special somepony along for a nice weekend getaway."

Lotus rolls her eyes. "How romantic. Smuggling me into the city."

"Hey, I'm not smuggling you. I'm bringing you along regardless of what ponies say." Mous pouts.

The train slows to a stop and ponies start stepping out of the other cars.

"Fine, whatever. You're funeral, dude." you say as you head to meet up with the girls.

-Mous PoV-

You head off the train and the first thing you notices is all the guards. Damn, this was worse than when you first came here. When you came here, they didn't have a giant purple bubble over the entire city.

Lotus notices too. "Are they always this worried about security here?"

"It's wedding security, they're throwing anypony who doesn't belong in the dungeons." you say.

Lotus elbows you in the gut again. "Ow, again. Relax, I'm only teasing."

Your party comes stops as a white unicorn with a blue mane notices you all and comes to great you.

Oh no...

Anon notices the face you're making. "Dude, what is it?" he whispers

"You remember when we had to run out of Canterlot that one time?" you ask.

Anon nods.

"Well, he was in charge of the guards chasing us."

Anon adopts the same face as you as you both try to remain unnoticed while he argues with Twilight about something.

Eventually, he approaches the two of you. He tilts his head to the side. "Have I met the two of you before?"

FUCK.

"...No?"

...Tense moments pass.

Oh good, that convinces him. "Well then, I'm Shining Armor. Pleased to meet the two of you."

Hands are shaken and introductions are made before you nope the hell out of there ASAFP.

"I'm not needed for anything at the wedding, so I'm gonna show Lotus around town. You just heading the chapel?" you ask.

Anon sighs. "Yep. Celestia has me in charge of the light show." Anon brandishes a few of his magic little crystals.

"Good luck, knock 'em dead."

Anon runs off. "Don't say that! With my luck I'll have a fire crystal in here by accident..."

You give Lotus the grand tour of Canterlot. Which evens out to about everywhere you knew about. Celestia had you all staying in the castle during your stay, so there was always something new you could show her. You introduced her to Broblood. He complimented her hair. You showed her the statue/corpse of the god you got killed. "I thought he'd be bigger." she teased.

Eventually, the two of you ended up relaxing on the floor of the balcony of your room. Lotus was splayed across your lap as you pointed out various landmarks.

"And that's the hotel I got chased out of. And over there is the museum I robbed."

"Why do I get the feeling that you'll implicate me in something if you go any further?" Lotus says.

The two of you laugh. You reach down and begin stroking her mane. "Sorry I couldn't get you into the wedding."

Lotus snuggles into your lap. "Sweetheart, you were able to treat me to a little vacation to Canterlot. That's more than enough." Louts looks back up at you. "And I'm sure Aloe and Caramel won't mind the privacy..."

You shake your head. "I still can't believe he's not gay..."

You reach your hand into the bag of sunflower seeds you pilfered. They were apparently Celestia's favorite. That made them taste better.

"You going to share any of those with me?" Lotus asks as she looks up at you.

You grab a seed and place it between your teeth. "Come and get it."

Lotus catches on and steals the seed with a quick peck.

"Is that all I get for inventing an awesome new game?" you ask.

Lotus settles back into your lap. "Use more seeds and I'll have to stay longer."

An hour or so later, you were out of sunflower seeds and just laying next to Lotus on the balcony. Games were fun, but you enjoyed just relaxing with her all the same.

You hear a slight *clink* touch down on the balcony before somepony speaks. "Hello Mous. Enjoying the day, I see."

You open your eyes and spot a white alicorn looking at you. "Good afternoon, Sunshine. How's the wedding?"

Celestia's little armor things were glinting in the sunlight, she knew how to make her presence known. "The wedding proceeds as planned, I trust I'll see you there?" she asks.

"I got my good t-shirt ready and everything."

Celestia chuckles as you feel a slight shaking on your side. You look over. Lotus has a look of sheer horror on your face.

She's never met Celestia before, dingus.

"Babe?" you ask.

"The Princess is here. The Princess is here in front of me and I was curled up with my special somepony..." she mutters out.

Celestia is quick to bring the conversation back. "You must be Lotus, Mous has told me all about you." She turns back to you. "I take it this is the "plus one" your invitation said.

"You got it." you say grinning.

"How odd...I saw the invitations and I don't remember seeing anything about a plus one..." Celestia says with her own smile.

You fold your arms back behind your head. "Must have just slipped your notice, what with all the mayhem of the wedding."

You think you hear a giggle. "I'm sure that's the case. Well, I must be off. Take care, you two." Celestia says as she takes off and flies to her room.

Lotus still has that look on her face. You can't help but chuckle a bit.

-Anon PoV-

Today was the big day. Everyone stood in silence as the ceremony began. No one wanted to think about what had happened at the rehearsal, with Twilight's little meltdown. The music swelled as the bride entered and Celestia started the proceedings.

You glanced over for the third time this hour an-Yep he fell asleep again.

"Dude!" who whisper as you elbow him in the gut.

Mous's eyes snap open as he looks around the room.

"How can you sleep at a time like this?" you ask before your scientific mind gets the better of you. "More interestingly, how can you sleep standing up?"

Mous yawns. "Bored."

"I thought you loved weddings?' you ask.

"Yeah, normal ones. Not ones that are this..." he looks around the room. "Out there."

"STOOOP!" echoes through the hall.

Everpony present wheels around to spot Twilight standing defiantly in the doorway. "Oh, not again..."

"Why does she have to ruin my special day?" the bride sobs.

"Because it's not -your- special day!" comes a familiar voice. Another round of gasps echoes throughout the room. "It's mine!" says a Cadence identical to the one at the altar, save a bit more haggard.

Over your shoulder you hear. "Okay, this wedding got interesting again."

The bride says something about brides mates that you don't here. How can there be two of her? "Ah don' understand, how can there be two of 'em?" Applejack says, her thoughts mirroring your own.

"She's a Changeling!" the new Cadence cries. "She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them!"

The Cadence at the altar gets a furious look on her face and erupts in a green fire. When the fire dies down, a new insectoid form has taken its place.

"What." "The." "Fuck?" You and Mous say in volley.

This Changeling Queen begins lecturing Cadence about Equestria's love.

"Dude!" you cry out.

"I see it." Mous says. His voice gaining that icy quality it got when things went tits up.

"What do we do? Let it play out?" you ask.

Mous just nods as he eyes the Changeling Queen.

"Ever since I took your place, I've been feeding of Shining Armor's love for you." she gloats. "Every moment he grows weaker, and so does his spell. Even now my minions are chipping away at it."

She's back center stage now. "Soon, my Changeling Army will break through, and then will take Canterlot, and then all of Equestria!"

"No. You won't"

-Music-

Celestia slowly steps forward. Her voice is cold and authoritative, like it was when you were dealing with Discord.

"You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self..." Celestia locks horns with the Queen before she takes off. "I will protect my subjects from you!"

Light shoots forth from Celestia's horn and illuminates the room. The Queen meets Celestia's blast with her own...and overpowers it, sending her crashing to the ground.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight cries as she runs to her mentor.

"HOLY FUCK!" Mous shouts as he dashes behind her.

You run up to Celestia's prone form, Mous has his hand on her neck. "Pulse is steady. She's breathing." he says.

Celestia's eyes crack open. "The Elements of Harmony, you must get them! And use their power to stop the Queen!"

As if on cue, the windows shatter as dozens and dozens of smaller Changelings pour in.

"MOVE!" Mous shouts as he breaks for the door, the girls right behind him.

"Oh, no you don't!" you hear the queen shout from behind you. A lance of green magic strikes the ceiling above the door just as Mous and the girls get past.

But trapping you inside. A shrill laugh comes from behind you."You're not going anywhere..." the Queen says.

Dancing Lasts Forever.

It's been a few days since the royal wedding. A few days since you got engaged. You roll over in bed to face your sleeping fiancé, you still can't believe she said yes. You lay on your stomach and start gently blowing her hair. After a minute or two, she grumbles in her sleep and bats at her hair.

She cracks open her eyes and glares at you. "You better not pull this stuff when we're married."

You caress Rainbow's cheek. "Well...I won't pull it -that- often."

You lay there and continue to play with Rainbow's hair as she wakes up. "So, what's the plan for today?" she asks with a yawn.

"Well..." you think. "Twilight and I are gonna run some tests on the crystals she found in that cave under Canterlot and after that..." you stop yourself before you give it away. "Well, let's say I have a little surprise for you."

Rainbow just eyes you. "You know I hate surprises."

You give her your best cat smile, you'd been practicing this. Rainbow groans and shuts her eyes again.

"So, what's your agenda?" you ask.

"Double duty. Thunderlane called in sick, again, today. As if we don't know where he is."

"Heh. Those two gonna scare away all her animals if they keeps this up."

Darned kids.

The two of you step out of the house, you pull Rainbow into a kiss before she flies off. "Love you."

Rainbow grins and shoots off into the sky. "Be home in time for your surprise!" you call up to her.

You start your walk into town. Twilight had pulled you aside right before you proposed, she said that she had found some crystals when she was imprisoned and wanted to test your portable spell system on them. You were colored intrigued, those crystals had been growing for years and they were right underneath a city where magic was the norm. The excess energy they had soaked up over the years would be astounding.

You step in the front door. "Hey Twi, I-whoa!" you duck as a book levitates right past your head. You really should be used to that by now... Twilight was standing in the middle of the room, staring at a crude drawing of the town parameters on her blackboard while levitating what seemed like half the library around it.

Twilight finally takes notice of your presence. "Hey, Anon. We're gonna have to put our crystal research on hold for today, something has the towns leylines completely messed up!"

Twilight didn't shout often, this must be serious. More serious than the entire town's utilities being at stake.

"Anything I can do to help?" you ask.

Twilight turns to you and frowns. "Sorry Anon, but you need magic to alter the leylines here. And putting the spell in a crystal would be uneconomical."

She turns back to her blackboard. "I think it best if we just write today off. Besides, don't you have something important to do in town today?" she says with a grin.

You feel your cheeks darken. "Oh, you heard about that, huh?"

That grin is far too devilish for Twilight. "I may have heard something about it." she says as she grabs you with her magic and pushes you to the door. "Now, go break a leg."

Ponyville had a small jewelers in the center of town, a little operation that was in your price range. You had already been talking to Rarity regarding gems, the one you had for this was a small sapphire that you had used a coloration crystal on to make it look more cyan. Neither of you having a horn to put a ring on, you were opting for a simple necklace or bracelet.

And now, the hard part... Deciding which one you wanted.

You liked this one, but it's chain was pretty long. That one was nice, but it looked like it would snap off at high speeds. This one was neat, but asymmetrical. To hell with that.

You stood there agonizing for however long before the clerk spoke up. "Shopping for your somepony?"

You silently nod as you inspect this necklace for the eighth time.

"Pegasus or Earth Pony?" he asks again.

"Pegasus." you say.

This one would make her look like Mr. T...

You aren't paying attention as the clerk heads to the backroom and returns with a small golden necklace and places it on the counter. A pair of golden wings sprouted from a socket in the center and served as the loop of the necklace. The socket looked to be just the right size for the gem you had.

It was perfect.

You look up at the clerk. "How did you-"

"Call it a hunch." he said with a smile.

One hell of a hunch.

You spent the rest of your impromptu day off back at the house, planning out how you were gonna do this in your head.

"You're worrying too much." Mous said. "Just do what comes natural."

You were sitting on the couch when you heard the door open. "Uhg. If I never see another raincloud again, it will be too soon." Rainbow says as she hopped up on the couch.

"Rough day?" you ask.

Rainbow lounges back. "I till ya Anon, I'm good, but doing two pegasus' work can tire a girl out."

Perfect timing. "So, would you like your surprise now?" you ask.

Rainbow smiles and looks over to Mous and Lotus on the other end of the couch. "You sure? I don't think they'll appreciate that with them in the room..." she says.

"You two making love tonight comes as no surprise to either of us." Lotus says.

"They have a point." you say as you stand.

You turn to Mous. "Meastro?"

Mous silently gets up and walks out of the room, he returns a moment later with his stereo.

"Rainbow..."

Mous hits play.

-Music-

Wait...you know this song.

You turn to your DJ. "Really?"

"Best I got, dude." he says as he slowly starts to dance.

Rainbow and Lotus giggle at the sight as Lotus joins her boyfriend in the middle of the room.

"Go on dude, we'll just be here." he says as he picks her up.

You stifle a laugh as you turn back to Rainbow. "Rainbow. I know I didn't have a wedding necklace in Canterlot..."

You can see her trying not to laugh as her eyes dart between you and over your shoulder. You control your laughter as best you can.

"Well, I went into town today and got you this." you say.

Rainbow's eyes light up as they see the necklace. She takes it in her hooves as you produce the identical one from your bag.

She brings a hoof to your chin and gives you a kiss. "Thanks Anon. I love it."

Her eyes dart over your shoulder as Rainbow bursts out laughing. Your curiosity at its peak, you turn around as well.

Mous had removed his shirt and was flossing it between his legs. Lotus was performing some kicking style dance.

"Now that you've stopped worrying so damn much, can I interest the happy husband and bride to be in a group dance?" he asks without breaking eye contact.

After you picked your sides up out of the crater your bro put them in, you fasten your necklace and do the same for Rainbow.

"May I have this dance?" you ask while at eye level.

Rainbow giggles. "Yeah, let's show these two how it's done."

The four of you end up having a couples dance off in the living room. Despite Mous and Lotus's best efforts, you and Rainbow take the non-existent gold.

Only had to break two lamps to do it, too.

A Trip Oop North.

You sat in the carriage as it sped over the mountains. You hated travel. The early morning sun was shining right in your face, making your already intense no-sleep-headache that much worse. Damn Celestia always knew what way to make it shine to piss you off.

You hated the sun in your face.

You absentmindedly flip off Celestias big eye in the sky as you try to relax a bit. You had woken up early, way early, and crept out of the house to meet the carriage that would transport you to the Griffin kingdoms. You had pulled Celestia aside after Anon proposed and the party was winding down. She had allowed you to borrow a carriage after you told her your reason for wanting to go, but not without a "That's three you owe me now." first.

Fuck her. You helped save her city.

You were a bit apprehensive about going back to the Griffin kingdoms, but based on the info you got, you were headed to Talos as opposed to Asgard. If you were lucky, no one would link you to your last visit.

You turn to the pegusi flying you. "How much longer?" you ask.

You expected the wind to carry your voice away, but one of them turned to you. "We're coming up on Gryphus now, we should arrive at Talos in a few hours."

You grumble to yourself and curl up into a ball away from the sun. Might as well try to get some sleep...

You were getting dragged through the griffin streets. Your escorts were on the ground, their throats ripped out. Griffins from all over came to jeer at you, throw rocks at you, one broke your leg a while back. You were hauled into a big building and dumped on the floor.

Some griffin with a helmet and armor walked out. His right talon was severed.

Brilliant...

"We finally found you." he says.

You spit the blood from your mouth. "Took you long enough...have you been sitting on your ass this past year?"

He brings his good talon across your cheek. You watch as two of your teeth get thrown across the room.

"You will be executed for crimes against our nation at dawn. Celestia will not interfere in our justice." he turns to another griffin. "Find his mate and companion. Execute them too."

What!?

No!

You lunge at the griffin commander only to be caught in his grip.

He slams you down on the ground and stands over you. "Look at the mighty thief now. Helpless to save those he loves."

You try to rise but you can't get your body to move. "Anon and Lotus would both be better off if you just died to that manticore."

You spit blood and teeth into his face. "Screw you."

He holds his talon high over his head. "You know, I think I will accelerate this." he says.

His claw comes down on your face as you see the bright sun.

You rocket up from your slumber in a cold sweat. You're not dead. Your leg is fine. Lotus and Anon are fine. You're still sitting in the carriage.

D-Damn...that was...

Yeah.

"Sir?" you hear over your shoulder.

You turn to one of the pegusi flying the carriage. "We're entering Talos airspace. We will land soon."

You wave them off. "Yeah...Right."

You bury your head in your hands. That dream was... You didn't want to think about it.

The carriage pulls around and lands on a small runway.

"You two go see the sights, but stay close-ish." you say as you hop off.

You notice that Griffin architecture is similar to Canterlot. Every building seemed to be made out of stone, and the city itself was built vertically instead of horizontally.

"This shit better be navigable..." you groan.

You find a decent amount of walkways and ladders throughout Talos, they were functional if unused.

You spot the first guard who deems to stay on the ground and approach him. "Excuse me, I'm looking for a Gilda..." you flip the paper with her name over. "...there is no last name here."

You toss the paper away. Piece of crap.

The guard snorts. "If you're looking for Gilda, you'll either find her at her roost in the south end, or the bar next to it. I've had to take that bitch in three times this month alone..."

You wave the guard in thanks before he stops you. "You know...you look rather similar to the description of someone who attacked Asgard last year..."

SUNNOVABITCH. LIE.

You throw on a depressed face. "Yeah...that was my brother...he's not around anymore."

The guard eyes you down. "Move along."

Don't have to tell you twice.

You arrive at the only roost near a bar on the south end. Asking a passerby revealed that, yes, this was Gilda's home.

How to go about doing this?

Plan A.

"GIIILLLLDAAAAAAAAA!" you shout.

...Nothing.

Plan B.

You take your boot off and hock it at the window. It bounces off with a resounding *clunk* and falls to the ground.

"GIIIILLLLLDAAAAAAAAAAAA!" you shout again, louder this time.

This time, a griffin opens the window and shouts down to you. "WHAT!?"

"C'mere." you say.

Gilda looks fucking pissed. "YOU THROW THINGS AT MY HOME AND WAKE ME UP AND EXPECT ME TO TALK TO YOU!?"

"It's about Rainbow Dash."

Gilda stares at you silently.

"It's important." you say.

Gilda retreats back into her house as you retrieve your boot. Eventually, she comes flying out of her window and lands next to you. "Alright dweeb, you have my attention. Now what do you want?"

You extend a hand out to Gilda, one she doesn't shake. "Please allow me to introduce myself, I am a man of neither wealth nor taste."

Gilda doesn't laugh at your joke and just stares daggers at you.

Plebian.

"Okay, fine. My name is Mous and I am a friend of Rainbow's. I came here today to tell you that she's getting married to my bro and to ask you to come to the wedding." you say with your arms crossed.

Gilda continues to stare at you. "Are you serious?"

"As serious as traveling hundreds of miles from home can be." you answer.

Gilda scoffs and paces on the ground. "Why should I care what happens to that flip flop? Why should I care what she does?"

Rainbow had let slip what had happened with Gilda, about what she did to the girls and to Fluttershy in particular. You take a whiff of the air, even in the mountains, you can smell the booze on Gilda's feathers.

"Because you still care. And because you're upset about how things turned out."

Gilda whirls around and gets in your face. "I don't care what happens to her! And she was the one who told me to get out!"

Tears of either rage or grief were forming in her eyes. "Now I'm stuck here with my bullshit job and my bullshit life and the one friend I had who made it worthwhile told me to get out of her life!"

Gilda stomped away and sat by the curb.

These fucking kinds...

What's the play?

Sympathize.

"Gilda, was Rainbow Dash your best friend?" you ask.

Gilda harrumphs."We were best friends since flight school and then she went off and dumped me like that..."

"Well, were you being a bitch?"

"It's not my fault that Dash's friends were too lame for her!" she shouts. "Hmph. "Stupid fiancé is probably too lame for her too..."

Your nostrils flare.

Easy, seabiscuit...

You ignore that insult and pace over to Gilda.

"If she's your best friend, the fact that she's happy should be enough for you." you say.

"Don't even know why she wants me at this stupid wedding..." she says.

"She doesn't. I do."

Gilda just looks at you.

"What? It's true. This is Rainbow's special day, you being there would probably make it more special."

Gilda continues to stare. "Why go through all this trouble?"

"Well, apart from Rainbow being my friend, her being happy makes my bro happy, which makes me happy." you explain.

"So, you came all this way just on the off chance that I would come to a wedding for someone I haven't spoken to in a year, huh?"

You shrug. "I'm a bit of an odd guy. Plus I can't stand to watch someone have -this- much self pity."

Gilda laughs as three horn blasts echo throughout the city. "That's the inspection horn, you should probably get going."

"You have home inspections?" you ask. Didn't know Griffin society was that Orwellian.

Gilda gets to her feet and spreads her wings. "Yeah, recent addition. Something about trying to catch Diamond Dogs hiding out in town."

She takes off and hovers in the air for a few seconds. "I'll think this over." she says as she flies inside.

Stupid kids...

You head back to the landing strip just as it was closing. Your ride was hooked up and ready and you were in the air within minutes.

So. That's one thing taken care of.

Yup. Only have a million other things for this to turn out right.

You know, the happy couple is supposed to handle things too.

Yeah. But family is supposed to help.

You get home around late afternoon. You find Anon and Lotus. Letting your fears from that nightmare fade away. You examine the significance of the nightmare in bed that night.

Losing your family is a legitimate fear.

Yeah, but the feeling I got during it...

You were helpless in the dream, it would be different in real life.

But what if it isn't and I screwed everyone over with that cult crap?

You've gone down this road bef-

This isn't about breaking up two lesbians, this is about Anon and Lotus dying for our mistake. We're supposed to make sure they don't get hurt and we may have ensured it.

Was it the idea of them getting hurt or the helplessness?

What?

We know that bad things sometimes happen, we're usually okay with it so long as we try to stop it. But you were helpless in the dream, you weren't able to stop it.

You sigh and role onto your back.

I don't know brain...I just know that protecting our family was a lot easier when it was just Anon and us back on Earth.

Do you regret it?

You roll over and look at Lotus asleep next to you. As if on cue, Lotus stirs and turns her head to you. "Sweetheart, are you okay? You're tossing and turning..." she asks.

You wrap your arms around Lotus and pull her close, letting her heartbeat calm you down some. You stay like that for a bit as your worries are pushed away by the rhythmic thumping up against your chest.

"Yeah...yeah, I'm okay."

Magic and Messages.

You examined the crystal under your microscope. "Hey, Twilight! Have you seen the number of facets these crystals have? It's insane!" you call out.

Most of the gems you examined had enough facets that you could count them and guess the conversion rate, but these crystals from under Canterlot had so many that you couldn't even begin to count them all.

Twilight nudges you away from the microscope to get a view of the latticework herself. "Wow, I was shocked at how violently the crystals exploded when they were hit with magic. I guess now I know."

Explode? That didn't sound good. "So, these things are unstable?" you ask.

Twilight brought her hoof to her chin. "Hmm...maybe we should test these outside?" she says.

You couldn't agree more. You scope the crystals into a bag as Twilight grabs the mana batteries and focusing lens. Bout time you didn't have to carry it...

You head back to the lake that you use for all of your experiments.

You set up the focusing lens and secure a crystal in front of it. "What do you think we should try?" Twilight asks.

Hmmm. "How bout an ice spell?"

Twilight nods and aims her horn at the focusing lens. A cold blue light shoots through the lens and strikes the crystal.

The crystal adopts a small pulsating light at its core, a chill passes into your hand when you grab it. "Well, that promising..." you say.

You wind up and toss the crystal into the center of the lake. The crystal shatters on the water surface and erupts into a howling blast of arctic wind.

"Damn!" you shout as the wind knocks the two of you over. Although, you admit that the blast felt good in the summer heat.

You and Twilight right yourselves after the blast dies down and gaze at the lake. "Whoa..." Where you were expecting a small chunk of ice, you saw a completely frozen lake. The grass at the edge of the lake, the grass was covered in frost. A nearby tree was minus leaves on the side facing the lake.

"Did..." Twilight says "Did all this happen from the crystal?" she asks.

You took a step onto the frozen lake. It was completely frozen, right down to the bottom. "We did say the conversion rate would be high..." you think out loud.

Your little magic show is causing a crowd to gather. "Hey, what happened to the lake?" you here somepony ask.

You turn back to Twilight. "Maybe we should clean this mess up and get out of here before they get mad?"

Twilight looks around at the gathering crowd sheepishly before she casts an enchantment on the ice. The crowd continues to stare at the rapidly breaking ice as the two of you slink back to the lab.

You and Twilight set up your instruments as soon as you got back. Twilight casted a weak spell on the crystal and you immediately threw it under the microscope.

"Twilight, are you sure this spell was weak? This thing looks like it could give mustaches to the entire town..." you say.

Twilight was pacing around her study. "That makes no sense! The spell I applied to that should have barely given a mustache to somepony! How is the spell getting intensified?"

What was it about these crystals? All that was special about them was a crap ton of lattices and that they had absorbed some latent magic.

An idea forms in your head. "Twilight, can you try and detect magical energies in an empty crystal?"

Twilight turns to you. "Of course I can, but what would that do?" she asks.

"Maybe help solve our problem." you say as you fish a crystal out and hold it to Twilight.

Twilight's horn glows as she points it at the crystal for a moment before she opens reels back in surprise. "These crystals have almost as much magical energy in them as a small mana battery. Is that what you think is effecting the spells?"

"It might be part of it." you say as you hook the crystal up under the microscope.

You switch to the highest zoom lens, one that would look deep inside the crystal. What you see inside reminds you of a video you saw about the neurons in the brain. You can see the spell flying around through the lattices, but the spell was getting bigger as it passed through them.

"Twilight, could the spell absorb magical energy?" you ask.

Twilight puts a hoof to her chin and thinks. "Well...arcane magic is applicable to every kind of magic. If these crystals had absorbed enough of it into them..."

"...Then they could amplify the spells inside of them to an Nth degree."

Well, that's one mystery taken care of. "But how do we fix it? We can't have them turning entire lakes into popsicles whenever we use them..."

Twilight puts her head on the table in front of her and groans.

You were just bashing your heads against a wall here. "Wanna take a break?"

Twilight lifts her head from the desk with a frown, clearly not happy about having to stop her research. "So, how's the wedding planning working out?" she grumbles.

"Good." you say, trying to raise her spirits. "We thought of having it in Canterlot, but that's a bit out of our price range, ya know?"

Twilight lifts her head a bit and a smile grows on her lips. "You know, you -did- help save all of Canterlot from a Changeling invasion. I'm sure Celestia wouldn't mind letting you use the chapel."

You look at Twilight disbelieving. "Really?" Twilight silently nods.

Well, shit. That would be perfect.

Spike picks then to burst in through the door. "Twilight! Ya gotta come quick!"

"Spike? What's wrong? Is the lake not melting?" she asks.

He looks panicked. "No! It's..." he turns and looks back outside as he bites his claw. "Twilight, it'll take too long, come on!" he says as he runs out of the room.

You and Twilight follow him and bound down the street. A large crowd of ponies were standing in the middle of town, you could spot Mous standing amongst them.

You saw Applejack and Rarity standing near the center. "Girls, what happened?" Twilight shouts as she runs up.

Applejack takes her hat off, but it's Rarity who speaks up. "Oh Twilight, it's awful. I just..." Rarity's words catch in her throat.

Applejack steps up for her. "We just got this note...Applebloom n' Sweetie Belle's class was goin' on a field trip today and..."

Applejack's words die just like Rarity's did as Twilight picks up a note. Underneath the note is a large collection of hair, in every color.

"Ponies. We have little ponies. You give gems or you never see them again. - Southpaw Diamond Dogs." she says.

No... You crouch down and examine the hair...Red and pink strands catch you eye.

You spot Mous out of the corner of your eye. He was hugging a tearful Derpy. Oh no...

You walk over to him as he lets Derpy go. "Did they...?"

You're taken aback when he looks you in the eye. His eyes spoke of barely concealed outrage.

He pushes past you. "Get your things and meet me at the house. If you're not there in fifteen minutes, I'm leaving without you."

You can imagine where he's headed with that look... "You're gonna go-

"Yes." Was the answer you got as Mous stomped out of town.

Time for Some Impalement.

You were keeping pace as best you could, but Mous was booking it through the forest. You had grabbed a small bag and dumped as many crystals into it as you could, most of them fire and ice spells of varying intensities.

You figured you were going to need them.

You had caught up with Mous at the house, securing his knife to his belt and lacing up his boots.

"Where are they?" he had asked. You had never heard that voice before, that low rumble he had said those words in. It scared the shit out of you. You told him that the dogs were in the wastelands South of town and he took off, you had been running ever since.

You had to practically beg him to take a breather every now and then, and even then it was only for a few minutes. You don't know where he got this boundless stamina.

You eventually lose sight of Mous as he picks up speed, your calls doing nothing to slow him down. You catch sight of him crouching behind a boulder, he waved you to run over and get down the second he saw you.

"What is it?" you ask.

Mous put his finger to his lips. "Dogs. Three. On patrol."

On cue, a trio of Diamond Dogs stepped out from over a cliff, silently trudging over the blasted landscape. They both carried large maces, but were otherwise unarmed.

"Okay dude, how do we deal with this?" you ask.

No response.

You look next to you. Mous isn't there anymore.

You look over the boulder to spot Mous making a mad dash for the Diamond Dogs.

Shit!

You jump up from your hiding spot and run after him.

You're still over fifty feet away when the dogs spot Mous as he gets in close to them. David comes out faster than you could see and jumps into the center dogs throat as he falls over.

Holy shit!

One dog takes a swing with his mace as Mous weaves under it and brings David across its neck. The dog drops his weapon as he falls, Mous grabs in as he dances around the final dogs swings before he blindsides it with the mace. The dog falls backwards from a kick to the chest delivered afterwards. The mace rockets high into the air before it falls on the dog's leg, filling the area with a sickening SNAP.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

You finally catch up just in time to watch Mous slam David into the dog's chest all the way up to the hilt. The dog cries in pain.

"I just pierced your lung. Speak quickly, before I kill you." Mous says, his voice still low and dangerous.

"Dude!" You cry out.

"Not now!" he shouts back.

The dog regains some of his composure. "Nnnggg...What you want?" he says through gritted teeth.

Mous grabs the dog by a scruff of fur and pulls him close to his face. "You captured a bunch of young ponies. Where. Are. They?"

The dog raises a trembling claw and points to a nearby cliff. "In cave. Have them in cell."

Mous follows the claw before looking back at the dog. "Helped. Beg mercy. Beg for mer-kkgg!"

Mous slid David out of the dog's neck and stood up.

"Dude...WHAT THE FUCK!?" you cry.

"What?" Mous says as he stomps to the cave.

"You killed him when he was begging for his life!"

Mous wheels around and stares daggers at you. "Does this look like the face of someone who wants to hear begging?" he asks.

It's silent for a while. This is usually when Mous calms down a bit, but he just keeps that cold stare. "They took children, Anon. Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle, and Dinky." He turns and glances at the guard. "Maybe if this were anypony else, it'd be different. But I don't have a shred of mercy for foalnappers."

Mous turns and begins walking towards the cave. "You can run back to the town if you want, but I'm going to get those kids out. And every Diamond Dog that gets in my way is getting cut open."

You stand there for a minute as he storms off. Going in there meant that you were signing off on him killing an unknown number of Diamond Dogs.

Not going in there meant he would be killed for sure.

God Dammit...

You rush up next to Mous and keep pace with him. He stares straight ahead when you look at him. "This isn't a revenge slaughter. We get in, get the kids, and get out." you say as you enter the cave.

"Fine." Mous says as he brings his finger to his lips and creeps along the wall, knife in hand.

You follow suit as the two of you descend into the Diamond Dog mine. The two of you sneak your way through the mine, doing well and avoiding guards so far.

That is, until you one spots you from an intersection up ahead. He is about to call for help when Mous rushes him and drives his knife into his stomach.

"Where are they!?" he whispers to the dog.

The dog grunted in pain and pointed down the shaft to your right. The dog whimpered as Mous started to slowly push the knife further down its stomach, the blood flowing over Mous's hand as it did. "Directions." he says.

The dog rattled off directions before Mous stuck his knife in his neck and moved on. You just stood in shock. You had NEVER seen Mous like this before. He was always protecting you and had always cared about kids, but this? This was a whole new monster.

The two of you crept through the mine until you heard a symphony of stifled cries coming from a door up ahead.

Mous slips his knife under the door and looks at the reflection. "They're here. Two, one on each side. I'll take the one closest if you can take the far one." he whispers.

You nod as you dip a hand inside your pouch and grab a crystal. Mous counts down with his fingers and burst through the door, startling the nearby guard as he tackles him. You spot the guard at the far end and toss a crystal at him. It's a fire crystal of high yield and explodes on his chest throwing him against the back wall as it immolated his torso.

It was not a pleasant sight.

The flames licked off the fresh corpse and lit up the room as Mous dispatched his guard. He grabbed the keys from the dead guard and opened the cell door. "Dinks?" he whispers out.

"...Mous?" you hear from the back of the cell.

-Mous PoV-

Dinky stepped out of the harsh shadows the burning corpse was casting,. Despite how dire your situation was, you saw a smile form on her face.

"Mous!" she cries as she galloped over to you.

You dropped down and caught her as she jumped up to you. "Are you here to rescue us?" she asks as she gripped your chest.

"Hey, I said I'd look out for you." you remind her.

You let Dinky down and rise to your feet. "Is everypony here?"

"Yes." came a voice from behind the curtain of shadows.

Miss Cheerilee stepped out, followed by the foals her were too scared to step away from her.

"Are you all safe?" you ask.

Miss Cheerilee nods. "They took us in the forest, most of us were too scared to try anything..."

"I'm all for happy reunions, but can we get going?" you hear Anon say behind you.

You turn around and glance at him, he's leaning against the wall gripping his stomach. He must not be taking ending a life well...

The corpse is starting to smell, too.

"Alright, everypony stay close. We're getting out of here." you say.

You lead everypony out of the jail and have them cluster behind you, keeping an ear out for any more patrolling guards. You came up on an intersection when you heard voices.

"Who did dis?" a stern, accented one says.

"I dunno boss, found him like this on my way through." came another.

You and Anon crouch at the corner, you poke David around the corner and look at his reflection.

"Three. Two guards. One in a...is that a suit?" you say.

A suit? In here? This didn't make sense, why a suit?

Cheerilee breaks through your thoughts. "What are we going to do? They'll hear us if we try to sneak by." You think for a minute. This corner was dark, the only light source coming from a torch close to the dogs.

You turn to Anon. "Stay behind me and watch for them sneaking past. Once they're done, give me a distraction."

Anon nods.

"Cheerilee, take your kids out no more than two at a time. This tunnel should be a straight shot, if I'm remembering correctly." you say.

Smelling a lot of "if" on this plan...

Cheerilee nods.

"We aint alone here." the accented voice says again.

"Got that right." you say, loud enough to make your presence known as you step out of cover.

The dogs are startled at your half shout and turn to face you. You slowly walk down the tunnel and get a good look at them. The two guards were different from the normal kind, they carried no weapons and wore no armor. And the one in the middle was indeed wearing a suit.

"Who're you!?" he shouts as he got close.

You hear Anon walking behind you, a few feet back if the sound was an indicator.

"Name's Mous, this is Anon. What's the cute little puppies name?" you say.

That rustled one of his guards. "Don't speak ta tha Dogfather that way!"

Dogfather? Why was that familiar?

The Dogfather calms his guard down. "Why're ya here?" he asks.

"Reasons."

Can't let him know you got the kids out.

"What'd ya see?" he asks again.

"Buncha dead guard dogs." you say.

He and his guards emit a low growl as they take a collective step towards you. Your hand inches towards David as they come forward.

"You gonna regret dat, kid." the Dogfather says.

Come on Cheerilee...

"I doubt that..."

"Mous, we're good." Anon whispers.

Paydirt.

"Gonna make you pay for what you did 'ere." the Dogfather says.

"Doubtful. Do it!"

Anon takes he cue and shatters a crystal on the ground, filling the tunnel with white steam.

You turn and begin to run only to feel a gout of heat rush past you and clear most of the steam. All three dogs hands were glowing an angry orange.

Holyshit, did they just cast magic!?

The dogs wind up for another volley.

"Run!" you shout.

"Keep 'em away from tha' portal!" the Dogfather shouts as you run down the tunnel.

You barely hear him, trying to avoid the dogs that seemed to be coming out of the walls. You slash one but don't bother checking on him as you run.

Gotta go fast.

"What the hell! Did those dogs just throw magic!" Anon shouts as he throws a crystal behind the two of you.

You nod as you run.

"Dog's can't DO magic!" he shouts.

"Apparently, they can! Keep moving!"

You see the exit in sight, Dinky was standing at the doorway with her class. "Watch out!" she calls.

You wheel around just in time to duck a swing from a huge dog.

"Shit!"

You grapple with him as Anon throws spells at the dogs bringing up the rear. You don't see The Dogfather behind them.

Your body screams at the work you've put it through today. First a long run to get here and then all this fighting.

Ignore it. Ignore every nerve, every shallow breath, every sore bone. Keep fighting.

You eventually get the big dog across the neck and turn to the class. "Run back to town! We'll catch u-hrk!"

A lance of pain runs through your torso. You look down, a bloody sword is sticking out of your stomach.

The dog behind you releases the sword. "Heh...finally got you." he says.

You wobble in place a bit before you look at your bro. "A-Anon..."

You crash to the ground.

-Anon PoV-

"MOUS!" you call out.

You try to get to him, but the dogs just keep coming. Dammit, no!

"YOU BASTARDS!"

Your hands are a flurry of motion as they dive into your pouch and throw spell after spell at the dogs. Some dogs burst into flame, some are encased in ice, some have the water in their eyes flash vaporized, and some still wither and die under green light.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" you shout.

You'd get revenge! They killed him! They killed your bro!

Mous was laying on his side, the sword still sticking through him and the blood pooling from it. You spot the class from the corner of your eye, they hadn't moved. Dinky was staring in tear filled shock at Mous.

One of the dogs you saw with the one in the suit leaps forward. You throw spell after spell at him, but he either intercepts them with his own or magics up a shield to block their effects.

"Stupid ape can't even cast a spell! Has to use cheap tricks." he shouts.

You'll show him cheap tricks! The other dogs back off as the leader wends he way towards you.

You toss a crystal at him, expecting for it to cause him to parish in an arcane explosion, only for the crystal to explode in your face. Your magic immunity saves your ass as the magic washed over you, you still lost your balance though.

The dog stands over you. "Heh...stupid ape."

-Mous PoV-

Music

So.

This must be how dying feels like.

Hurts.

We had a decent run, I guess.

That we did, brain.

Can't die yet.

It was fun while it lasted, heart.

Yeah. I'm calling it quits...lost too much...

NO.

Whoa what?

NOT YET. WE'RE NOT DYING YET.

You feel your body resist you as you push yourself up. The nerves around your stab wound flare and tell you to stop. You ignore them.

Come on man! We got stabbed, it's over!

Listen to him!

NOT OVER. NOT YET. NOT WHY WE HAVE A HEART STILL BEATING.

You can hear your heartbeat thunder in your ears as you get on your feet.

Dude, this is crazy!

We're losing too much blood!

MAKE MORE. NO DYING. NOT YET. NOT TODAY.

You look down at your hand, you still had David, good. You trudge over to the gloating dog-mage.

This is insane!

NO STOPPING.

You drive David into the dog's neck and turn to face his backup. They looked scared.

GOOD. WE'RE NOT DONE.

-Anon PoV-

You're staring in shock. Mous is upright with a sword sticking through his gut and just stabbed the dog who had stopped you.

You don't notice the Diamond Dogs still in the tunnel ask. "How's it still alive!?"

If this were a movie, the epic score would be playing now.

You did however, hear Mous's response.

"WE BRAWLERS ARE SUSTAINED BY WILLPOWER! EVEN WHEN MOCKED AS RECKLESS AND CRAZY!" he shouts.

Aaaaaand just like that, the moment is gone. You swear, even when he's being spectacular, he's a dork.

The dogs yelp in fear and run back inside at the sight of the angry bloody demon who killed their commander after being stabbed standing in the doorway.

Once they leave, Mous collapses to the ground and brings you back. "Mous!" you cry out.

Dinky rushes up to him, tears in her eyes. He grabs her chin. "Hey Dinks..."

You take off your shirt as you run up to him.

You look him over. Yep, still impaled. "I need to get this sword out if I'm gonna help." you say.

Mous braces a hand against the wall, a weak "Do it." escapes his lips.

You grab the shortblade and pull it with all your might. It erupts from Mous's back, accompanied by a torrent of blood and a gut wrenching scream.

You tie your shirt around him as tight as you can and turn to the class behind you. "Every unicorn, down here, NOW!" you shout.

You had to save him...

Your hands a pressed tight against Mous's body as the unicorns run up next to a still tearful Dinky.

Mous isn't talking, he must have gone into shock.

"Alright, every one of you, grab him with your magic and put as much pressure as you can around his wound! We have to get him back to town!" you say.

The foals help you float Mous out of the cave as you all run home.

Hang on, buddy...

Author's Note

I really like it when Youtube fucks around and breaks the links to my music at key story moments.

Oh wait.
NO I FUCKING DON'T

Cause and Effect.

You sat on your couch with your head in your hands. It had all gone so wrong...

You and the rest of the class had hauled ass back to town, carrying a still bleeding Mous in a magical grip. You had run him to the hospital, barreling through a shocked town as you did.

Being immune to magic had bitten you in the ass here. The doctors were unable to cast any healing spells or close the wound with it, they couldn't even use magic to determine any internal injuries. Cheerilee took all the kids back home while Rainbow flew off to an emergency meeting over the Diamond Dogs.

It was your job to tell Lotus what happened. Lotus was quiet for a while before she calmly walked out of the spa, breaking into a mad dash to the hospital once she was outside.

You caught up with her at the hospital in the room Mous was in. Lotus pulled up a seat next to his bed while you just sat in front of him. It hurt to see your bro hooked up to all those tubes, barely breathing and needing a machine to keep him alive.

The door opens and Rainbow flutters in. She took a look at your face and lands net to you on the couch. "How is he?" she asks.

You sigh and lean back. "He's stable. They stitched up the wound and started pumping him full of blood, but he hasn't woken up yet."

"How's Lotus?"

You can still remember her sitting there, silent as the grave. "Quiet. Very quiet. She was still there when I left."

Rainbow curled up under your arm. "That could have been you..."

You kiss the top of her head. "But it wasn't." You take in the scent of her mane as you remember how close you came to being just like Mous.

"What did the meeting decide on?" you ask.

It's Rainbow's turn to sigh. "They never came to an agreement. Nopony could decide if we should fight or run or just stay where we are."

You can guess what she voted for. "Typical government stuff?" you ask.

Rainbow dismissively waves a hoof.

"I don't know, Rainbow..." you say. "Something about this just feels...different."

"What do you mean, Anon?" she asks, fear creeping into her voice.

"I don't know...I just think that before this is over, a few more of us might end up like Mous..."

The two of you sit like that for a long time, taking solace that the both of you were still able to do so.

Twilight took the next day off to study the possibility of magical Diamond Dogs and Rainbow said she could duck work today, so the two of you went to the hospital after breakfast.

Mous's room was unchanged. He was still on the bed, having blood pumped into him, with an EKG machine beeping away in the corner. Lotus was still sitting in her chair by the bedside. She turned to look at the two of you once you came in.

"How is he?" you ask.

Lotus let out a heavy sigh. "No change. I would expect that he wouldn't let this keep him out, but now..."

Damn...

You take a seat in front of the bed with Rainbow. "Has anypony else stopped by?"

"A few of the kids you two helped save came by before school...they didn't stay long." Lotus says.

You looked around the room and caught a large get well card on a desk next to Mous's bed. You could see signatures of each of the kids on it.

Lotus rests her head on the edge of the bed, she looks exhausted. "Lotus, did you sleep here?" you ask.

Lotus stifles a yawn. "I slept a bit..." she says. "Aloe tried to take me home around midnight, but...I wanted to stay here."

You look at Mous from across the room. "Come on, Pincushion Man. Don't tell me you're going to let a Diamond Dog take you out..." you say, trying to rouse him awake.

The room falls silent.

"...Well maybe you can fuckin' try it next time, see how you turn out."

You all sit in silence for a moment before you rocket out of your chair.

"Mous!?"

You run to the side of his bed. Mous's eyes crack open "Not so loud..." he groans. "I feel like I'm waking up to the worst hangover of my life..."

Lotus hauls herself up onto the bed and practically dives into Mous's mouth. You turn away until you hear them separate themselves, you hear "Hey pretty pony." whispered as you turn back.

Lotus curls up on Mous's chest as he turns to you. "Hey, man. Didn't think I'd be waking up. What'd you do?" he asks groggily.

You can't stop smiling. "I got the class to float you back and stop you from bleeding out."

He reaches his hand up to the bag of blood hanging next to him. "And this?"

"Enchanted pigs blood."

Mous leans back. "Well, good thing I'm AB positive..."

The two of you laugh for a bit, it feels good to be able to do this. "So..." he asks. "Everypony get out okay?"

You reach over and hand him the get well card. "See for yourself."

A smile tugs at his mouth as he looks over the card. "And the Diamond Dogs?"

Rainbow speaks up. "We had a big meeting last night, but we couldn't decide on anything. Twilight's trying to figure out how they could use magic right now."

Mous leans back in his bed and sighs. "You think they might try something?" you ask.

"Don't know. Don't know this "Dogfather" well enough to guess." he says as he reaches his hand down and strokes Lotus's mane. "Truth be told, I mostly just happy to not be dead."

You glance at Rainbow and yank your head towards Mous. She nods in agreement. "Well, I think we'll give you to some privacy..." you say as you head out the door.

They probably need it...

-Pincushion-Man PoV-

-Music-

You sat in your bed. Your head was swimming. The mare you loved was laying next to you on the bed, curled up into your chest. She did a good job hiding it while Anon was here, but you could feel warm drops of liquid seep through your gown.

"You keep that up, you're going to ruin this lovely smock they gave me." you say.

Lotus laughs a bit and rubs her face into your chest. "Shut up..."

You sat there for a while, silently stroking her mane. "You mad at me?" you ask.

Lotus strikes her hoof on your chest. Not hard, but enough to get her point across. "I am furious at you. I'm furious that you went off and almost got yourself killed again after what you told me after that cult business..." she pulls herself up to your neck and rests her head on your shoulder. "But I'm happy that you came back."

You rest your head on hers. "Sorry...That I worried you, I mean..."

Lotus pushed herself into a sitting position on your lap, you groan a bit at the proximity to your stab wound before the pain fades. "And another thing!..." she says.

She places her forehead on your own. "What's this I hear about you running off to fight only after little Dinky gets mentioned?"

"I'm grooming your successor." you quip.

Lotus laughs. "You ass..."

"You love me..."

Lotus falls back to your shoulder and kisses your neck. "I do...Celestia help me, I do."

You wrap your arms around Lotus as she moves up to your lips.

"Love you too."

The two of you lay there for a while, you could feel the weight of the last few hours lifting off her shoulders as you did. You were brought back to reality as the steady beeping from the machine next to you picked up in speed. You break the kiss after who knows how long and lazily look into her eyes.

"We probably shouldn't have sex in the hospital...That machine will know and I doubt it's good for me." you say.

Lotus falls onto your good side and rests her head. "Denying me my fun like that...you're lucky you're hurt, mister."

You settle in as Lotus lets out a yawn.

"Tired?"

She stretches out. "Somepony kept me at the hospital wracked with worry over him since they brought his bleeding body into town yesterday...

You close your eyes as the Morphine starts to effect you again. "How fitting, I've been pretty tired since they brought my bleeding body into town yesterday..."

Lotus nuzzles your chest as you wrap her in your arms. "Promise me you'll still be here when I wake up?

You laugh and kiss the top of her head. "Of course I will...Who the hell do you think I am?"

Lotus giggles. "You're a dork, my big crazy dork."

You know you should feel touched, but Dammit. Did no one else appreciate these quotes like you did?

-Back at the mine-

They got away. A bunch of foals and two hairless monkeys got away after killing almost two dozen of your guards and one of your magisters. What's worse, the dogs you had chasing them came running back, shouting about some monster that couldn't die. You had to strangle them yourself. This was not what any Dogfather needed, let alone a new one.

You fiddled with the tag on your neck, it was the only thing you really treasured. A gift from your mother before she died. It was from before you died too.

"Dogfather! Dogfather!" one of your soldiers came running. "What do you want us to do now, Dogfather? The ponies know we're out here!"

You thought for a minute. You weren't gonna let them come to you, you'd get whacked faster than the last Dogfather if you did that...

"Tell tha mages ta go inta overtime, get dat portal open as far as it can get." you say.

The soldier salutes and runs off.

It was time to get this started...

Occupation.

You left Lotus and Mous to enjoy each other's company. Rainbow latched onto your neck as you both walked out of the hospital and nuzzled you.

"This is sudden." you say as you wrap your arm around her. "Those two get you all worked up?"

She keeps nuzzling your neck. "Really, Anon? Right here in the street?" she asks in a sultry tone.

You know she's playing. No reason you can't as well. Rainbow yelps as you pull her close and launch a counterassault on her neck.

"Here...there...anywhere and everywhere." you whisper.

Rainbow laughs. "That was lame, Anon." Then she kisses you. "But it was sweet."

You chuckle as you continue down the road. "Hey, I proposed didn't I? I'm prepared to fulfill my husbandly duties at any time or place."

You walk with Rainbow attached to your neck a bit before your stomach stops you.

You remember that you hadn't eaten all day. "But, how bout we go be engaged over breakfast?" you say.

Rainbow plants a kiss on your cheek. "It's a date."

She flies ahead of you as you walk to the diner. "But don't go trying to feel me up in public." she says back to you with a grin.

-Mous PoV-

The doctor wakes you up when he enters the room. You were always a light sleeper. You check the clock, you've been out for a few hours.

At least we woke up...

Shut up Brain, I'm still pissed at you.

"Well, Mister Mous, so we meet again." the doctor greet.

"Doctor Horse, so we do." you say.

He grabs your chart at the end of the bed. "Impaled by a Diamond Dog." That's a step up from a manticore."

"I enjoy moving forward."

He trots up to your wounded side. "I just need to check your stitches." His eyes drift past you. "Should we wake her up?"

You look down at Lotus. She was still curled up on the bed with her head on your chest, fast asleep.

Daaaawwww...

"No. Let's let her be." you say.

She needed the rest.

Horse lifted up your gown and took a look at the scar underneath. It wasn't pretty. A deep dent sat on the left side of your stomach, accompanied by heavy discoloration where you imagine your blood was clotting. You could see the heavy stitch work that the doctors did to keep all your insides together. You imagine that your back looked similar.

"Hmm. Your stitches are holding." horse says.

"That sounds good."

He jots some things down on your chart. "It is. With injuries this bad, stitches sometimes get undone by the body itself. If they're holding this long after the surgery, they should be good."

You lean back and exhale as he continues to talk. "You're very lucky, Mister Mous. An inch to your right and you'd have nicked your bowel, not to mention how your kidney somehow dodged the blade."

Well, at least we won't wind up like Trixie.

Horse looks down at Lotus and turns around. "I'll leave you to your rest."

As the door shuts, your sleeping companion stirs.

Lotus rises from her slumber, and looks around. "Huh? Wha?"

You chuckle a bit.

She rubs her face with her hoof. "Was that the doctor?"

"Mmhmm" you say as you lay back down.

Lotus remains in her sitting position. "What'd he say?"

"He said that my body is rejecting itself and that I have ten minutes to live."

Lotus just stares at you before collapsing back onto your chest. "Don't joke like that, especially after you just got stabbed."

Seems we touched a nerve.

"Hey, you okay?" you ask.

Lotus shifts around. "I just don't think you should be joking about dying when you almost did."

You pull Lotus in closer. "Hon, I have to keep positive. If I let this damn stab wound turn me grim and brooding, then the dogs might as well of taken me out at that cave."

Lotus looks up at you, her eyes full of worry. "You don't really mean that, do you?"

"Would you have fallen for me if I were a different person?"

Lotus opens her mouth to speak, but closes it as she considers your words.

You lower the bed so your laying flat and pull Lotus to your chest. Just like home.

"I know I wouldn't be able to live with myself if some stupid fear of death cost the mare I love the man she loved."

Lotus gives a halfhearted laugh. "What a romantic doublethink."

The two of you lay there in silence. You can't fault her for being worried. Near death incidents have that effect on people and ponies alike.

Without warning, the building begins to shake and a blue light floods the room.

-Anon PoV-

After Lunch, you and Rainbow went to go hang out with Twilight and try to tackle this Diamond Dog problem. You had been at the library for a while, it was mid-afternoon now.

Twilight was levitating scrolls around her as she chased three trains of thought at once. You were checking some old notes by Starswirl the Bearded for any reference on magic in other races. Rainbow was reading Daring Do.

Twilight put her scrolls down. "This makes no sense, Diamond Dogs don't have the knowledge of leylines required to use magic. They can't manipulate it the same way we can."

You put down the journal you had and look at Twilight. "Twi, I was there. I saw the dogs casting with my own eyes."

"But how could the dogs have gotten such mastery of magic so quickly! It's supposed to take years of study for a single pony to learn, let alone an entire race!" she shouts.

Twilight's pride was showing, but her words got you thinking. "Twilight, is it possible for them to steal magic energy from somewhere? Use it to jumpstart their own abilities?"

Twilight thought for a moment. "I suppose, in theory. But where would they get the magic to even make that work? I don't think even Princess Celestia could do that."

A gizmo at the back of Twilight's study suddenly whirred and popped. Once it stopped, the lights snapped off. "Uh...what happened?" Rainbow asks.

Twilight trotted over to her little machine. "This was what I was using to keep track of leyline disturbances in town...but if it's dead then that means...

"All the magic in town just got sucked up by something?" you ask.

Twilight turns to you and nods with panic in her eyes.

A low rumble begins to shake the library.

You, Twilight and Rainbow rush outside. The rumbling intensifies as you run to town square. You spot cobalt jolts of energy shooting out over the buildings. You all stop in horror as you see a portal the size of a house in the middle of town's square.

Diamond Dogs were pouring out of it and startling away any townsfolk still sticking around. What comes out of the portal next is the biggest canine you have ever seen. Almost as tall as the portal itself, the interesting thing about this dog was that it had three heads.

Twilight reels back. "Cerberus!? Here!?"

What are they, Greek?

The dog you spotted in the caves, the one with the suit, was standing on top of the Cerberus. He removed a cigar from his mouth and pointed over the town. "Level it." he calls out.

The dogs started smashing buildings as Cerberus ran down the path in front of it.

Holy shit!

You turn to Twilight. She was staring in shock "We have to get everypony out of town, now!"

"How could this happen!?" she shouts.

You grab her by the shoulders and shake her to get her attention. "It doesn't matter how it happened, we need to save the town, now!"

Twilight regains her composure. "Right, I'll do what I can to alert the town. Rainbow Dash! Go herd everypony you can to the train station!"

Rainbow salutes and shoots off into the sky. "Anon, get to the train station and get it ready to go, we need to get to Canterlot yesterday!"

You nod and race off to the train station. This was going to have to be fast...

The conductors were just as shocked as the rest of the town, but you had gotten them to start up the train by raising your voice a little.

Ponies were filing into the train as fast as they could. Fortunately, the dogs seemed more interested in sacking the town then in killing anypony.

You warded off a pair of dogs with some ice crystals and allowed the family they were chasing to jump onboard the train. You were still worried sick. You had run to the hospital, only to find it deserted and Mous's room empty.

You did, however, find a Diamond Dog with a scalpel jammed in his eye. So you were hopeful.

Twilight ran up to you with the mayor. "Anon! Is everypony on board!?" she hollers.

"All that came! What about the rest?" you say.

There was no way this train could support the entire population of the town.

"They're running to the Everfree Forest! Zecora is going to help them hide in the mountains!" Twilight says.

As good a plan as any.

Mister Cake runs by with his children on his back as Pinkie hops into the train. "Sweetie? Has anyone seen my wife?!" he cries.

"Help!" you hear.

You saw two dogs making off with Ms. Cake over their shoulder. "Sweetheart!" Mr. Cake calls out.

You bound down the street and toss a crystal at the head of one of the dogs, encasing it in blue ice. You were about to do the same for the one carrying Ms. Cake before a knife flew out of the nearby alley.

"Mous!" You call out as you run to meet him.

He had changed into the clothes he had gotten stabbed in and was wheeling around a bag of blood as it still dripped into him. He held his stab wound as he pulled David out of the dead dogs neck. "Hah. Nice."

Mous grimaces as he speaks. Lotus helping support him with a worried look. "I'm fine, just off my morphine..."

You help Mous get back to the train station before you see a cyan bolt racing across the sky. You see it impact Cerberus in the middle of town, knocking him back a bit. "Yeah! How do you like that!?" it calls out.

"Rainbow! We have to go!" you cry out.

Rainbow banked hard and came racing towards the train. But not without bringing Cerberus with her.

You weren't going to let this mutt harm your fiancé, let alone the passengers. You throw not one, but three crystals at the beast, one for each head. The effects of the crystals prove enough of a distraction for Rainbow to get on the train.

Cerberus roars in outrage and makes for the train again. "Anon! Onboard, now!" Mous shouts.

You jump onboard and shout for the conductors to gun it. Cerberus crashes through the train station just as you clear it and get onto the tracks. Cerberus doesn't follow and proceeds to wreck the train station. You watch as Ponyville, the town you'd called home for the past two years almost, shrink in the distance. Smoke bellowing up from it.

Gaining Focus.

You sat on the train as it sped away from Ponyville. The car was packed with refugees, the only reason you were sitting was because you were unable to stand. Pain shot through your torso again. Lotus gripped your arm and helped you lean back.

"Easy there...come on." she says.

You grunted through the agony of your nerves flaring up again for a few minutes.

Aloe and Caramel sat across in the seat across from you. "Mous, are you sure you should be traveling like this?" Aloe says.

"Better than staying in town." you say.

This pain wasn't doing wonders for your sense of humor.

The door behind you opens and a familiar face trots out. "Mous!" she says.

Dinky bounds out from her mother legs and hops on your lap, you ignore the pain for your little friend.

"Hey there, poozer. What's up Derpy?" you say.

Derpy throws her hooves around your neck and almost pulls you off your seat. "I wanted to thank you for getting Dinky out of those mines."

She looks down at your wound. "I heard what happened...I'm so sorry."

What? Why?

"Well...don't be, Derpy. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Let's hope you don't have to." Lotus says.

As Derpy and her family walk away, you stop her coltfriend and pull him close.

"Any chance you could help this situation?" you whisper.

He shakes his head. "I didn't have time to grab anything before we had to leave."

Damn...

He must have seen your face. "I'll help any other way I-"

"No." You interrupt.

You look down the car at Derpy and Dinky taking a seat. "Just take care of them. We can handle the rest."

You hope.

The train pulls into Canterlot and the guards start sorting out the refugees. Anon and the girls head to the castle, they were meeting the Princess for a meeting.

You said you'd catch up with them. Right after you went to the hospital.

You dragged Doctor Horse along so he could give the Canterlot doctors the heads up on your condition. The Canterlot hospital was more equipped then the Ponyville one and they brought out a blast from the past: Magical bandages.

The soothing bandages started to work as soon as they were wrapped around you. The doctors said they were soaked in an enchanted mix, and that it seeping into your skin was what was helping you. You made a mental note to watch out for any magical poisons.'

You and Lotus make your way to the castle, you wanted to be present for this meeting.

"Feeling better?" Lotus asks with a smile.

You make a show of stretching, jogging in place, and even jumping up and down a bit.

"Mhmm. I tell ya, these bandages should be the standard in every hospital."

"Will they heal you faster?" she asks.

"They numb the pain a good bit, but I'll probably still have to take it easy."

You doubt these bandages could keep your guts from spilling out if you popped a stitch.

The guards at the castle were being pricks and wouldn't let Lotus into the meeting. Anon must have heard your shouting, because he came out and told you to stop being dumb. You were about to go off on him when Lotus assured you that she didn't mind and that you should just go in already.

You found Anon, the girls, Shining Armor, several officials, and both Princesses standing around a small model of Ponyville and the surrounding countryside.

"Sorry to keep you all waiting."

"We weren't waiting, Mous." Celestia says.

Straight to business again.

"We were examining the methods used by the Diamond Dogs to invade Ponyville in the way they did." she says.

"What have we got?"

Anon sighs. "Not much...the Dogs came out of a portal in the center of town."

"A portal that shouldn't have existed..." Twilight grumbles.

You jerk a finger towards Twilight. Anon catches on. "Diamond dogs apparently can't use magic."

"Hmmph. Tell that to the fireballs we dodged." you say.

"But it shouldn't be possible! And even if it was, where did the Dogs get the kind of magic to make a portal so big!?" Twilight shouted.

"Twilight, you said the leylines in Ponyville went dead right before the Diamond Dogs came?" Celestia asks.

Anon and Twilight nods.

"Hmm...perhaps the Diamond Dogs siphoned the magic from the leylines to power there portal..." she says.

"But Princess, that's impossible!" Twilight says.

"Evidence proves otherwise, Twilight."

Twilight silences herself.

"That still does not explain how they summoned Cerberus..." Luna says.

"Maybe it was pack nature?" a voice echoes through the room.

Everyone in the room spins around to get a bead on the voice. "Oh come on, dere's no need for dat."

Everyone spun back around and saw a Diamond Dog standing on the map. Or well, the image of a Diamond Dog.

"Took you mutts long enough ta all get 'ere. Ya kept me waitin'" he says.

"Who are you?" Celestia roars.

"Easy dame, names Dogfather." he says.

Celestia was taken aback by that. "THE Dogfather? How did you get out of Tartarus?"

That was where you had heard that name! During the cult crap!

The Dogfather laughs. "Heh. I'm tha new one. Took over after Discord took out da last one."

"You're welcome for that, by the way."

The Dogfather turns to you. "Huh?"

"I'm the guy who trapped Discord there. You're welcome for your promotion, Spot."

He growls at you. "I got ta where I am on my own, runt. Aint nobody helped me."

"How do you have your army? Celestia asks.

The Dogfather continues to stare daggers at you for your insult. "Busted 'em out when I got outta Tartarus. Took that fancy guard dog wit' me. You oughta know bout havin' one dog guard another."

"What do you want?" Celestia says.

Dogfather turned back to the group assembled. "I want what's due us dogs. You ponies keep da world in yur grip. Hell, ya even control tha sun and tha stars, n' I want some a dat."

Luna shifts to her royal voice, clearly annoyed. "THOU WERE BANISHED TO TARTARUS FOR THE CRIMES THOU COMMITED! WE SHALL NOT ALLOW THEE TO OBTAIN MORE POWER!"

The Dogfather is un-amused. "Ya aint got no choice, dame. We're commin' for ya n' we're gonna take what we want..."

The image of The Dogfather vanishes from the table.

"Well, shit."

The room erupts as everypuny tries to figure out what to do.

You can't make out a word of it before Celestia silences the gathered ponies with a loud but calm "Stop."

Everypony stops talking as Celestia speaks. "We are not going to panic. Panic is what will tear us apart."

She turns to a pony in a robe. "Grand Magister, your first instruction is to seal off Canterlot's leylines from any outside influence and ensure that the Diamond Dogs cannot teleport in."

The pony nods and trots off as Celestia turns to another. "General, how long would it take the dogs to get here by foot?"

The general looks over the map, Ponyville and Canterlot weren't too far away. "Not long. However, if we can contact Cloudsdale, we can have them hammer the area with weather to slow the dogs down. We can also barricade the paths on the mountain that lead to the city."

There were times when having your city not touch the ground were a good thing. "Do so immediately. Anything we can use to grant us time should be considered." Celestia says.

"Guard Captain. Prepare the royal guard for an invasion. And prepare the citizens of the city as well." she says to Shining Armor as he saluted.

Celestia turned to Anon. "Anon, Twilight, you two were invaluable during the Discord crisis. I would like you two to help the Grand Magister as well as devise a method of robbing the Diamond Dogs of their magic."

You approach Celestia as everyone else exits the room. "Orders?"

Celestia merely gazes at you. "You intend to help?"

She wasn't expecting you to volunteer.

"Any way I can." you say.

Celestia throws a glance at her sister before turning back to you. "Help however you see fit, Mous." With that, she walks out of the room.

It was late at night now. Way late. Luna's moon had already risen and was more than halfway across the sky. You had taken a walk down to the area the refugees were set up, you had helped get everypony squared away with a roof over their heads and food in their bellies before you made your way back here.

Those hotels might be pissed off at the royal edict telling them to provide shelter, but they could fuck off. Broblood stopped by to help your case when they resisted.

You crawl into bed, Lotus was already asleep.

You begin absentmindedly flicking her hair before you hear something. "You're worried."

You turn to the mare next to you as her eyes open.

"I am?" you ask.

Her eyes spoke of concern. "You only play with my hair in bed when you're worried. What's wrong sweetheart?"

You sigh and wrap your arms around her. "Lotus, I think I'm gonna try helping the delaying action. I can't just help refugees while the dogs keep marching towards us."

Lotus shifts in your grasp. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

The bandages were helping, but you know you shouldn't be pushing yourself.

"I don't think it matters. If the dogs are coming, I can't let it slow me down." you say.

Lotus sighs and buries her head in your chest. "I know trying to talk you out of it would be pointless...Just please, please, be careful. I don't want to see you back in the hospital again so soon..."

You pull Lotus up to your head and kiss her. "I promise...no unnecessary risks."

What was necessary was still up in the air...

Making Magic.

You and Rainbow sat at the table in the royal dining hall eating breakfast in silence. The sky outside the window was dark and cloudy, despite it being early morning. Cloudsdale had kicked it up a notch and was dumping six kinds of hell on the Diamond Dogs. Snow battered them without end, hail forced them to take shelter, tornados pushed them far out of the path to Canterlot, and that was just what you saw on your way in today.

Unfortunately, it also had an effect on the populace of Canterlot. Shining Armor was absent from breakfast, having to calm down the citizens for fear of a riot.

All this did have a rather "End of days" feel to it... An army from hell, a charismatic enemy leader, broken weather. And the only thing standing it it's way were you and the rest of the mages.

No pressure...

"You worried?" Rainbow asks.

"Scared is more like it." you say as you push your plate away. "This is all a bit overwhelming..."

Rainbow loops a hoof through your arm. "Come on, Anon! We got you and Twilight taking care of the magic, Mous and the all the others taking care of the path in, and don't forget that you got the best flier in Equestria on your side!"

You chuckle and kiss her forehead, Rainbow's optimism was infectious. "Yeah, I guess you're right. And we still have the Elements of Harmony ready, just in case."

Rainbow's face falls a bit. "Uh...you were banking on us being able to us the Elements?"

You look her in the eyes. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN FLUTTERSHY IS PREGNANT!?" Mous bellows.

"Easy man, the Dog's can probably hear you from down there." you say.

Mous is pacing around the room now. "How did this happen? Why did it have to happen now?"

You can't resist. "Well, when a male and a female love each other very much they..."

"I know that part! They call the doctor and he gets the machine!" he shouts.

Hehe, he's so-wait what?

You don't get the chance to ask as Mous continues his little tirade. "This totally fucks up our security..."

You take a seat next to him. "Rainbow had the same reaction, what's up man? Why can't Fluttershy help? She can't be more than a few months along..."

Mous runs his hand through his hair. "It matters because she'll be thinking differently. It's easy to risk your own neck, but it's a whole other matter to risk someone else's. Especially when it's your kid."

That...made a lot of sense, actually. "Also, I doubt Thunderlane is going to want to put the mother of his bastard child at risk. Despite that limp dick fucker putting us in this mess in the first place." Mous grumbles.

You throw your hands behind your head. "Why o' why can't these kids learn the proper way to combat unwanted pregnancy?"

Mous gets a devilish grin. "A nice trip down the stairs..."

The room is silent for a moment as the joke sets in. Before it is brought back to life with the sounds of uproarious laughter.

The laughter fades. "Don't worry man, we'll just have to try harder. For little Thundershy."

Mous rises from his seat. "Yeah yeah...go be magical. I have to get the guards on the walls started boiling that oil..."

Boiling oil on fur...Not a good way to die.

You connect the copper wiring to both the mana battery and the crystal base. "Alright, try it now!"

The room takes on a faint blue hue and echoes a slight hum as the device powers up. The device was a mana sink. It had a similar design to the crystals, just on a much larger scale. A mana battery power an anti magic spell. That spell was then sent through a spherical refracting lens, providing an area where mana flow would be interrupted.

"Nice work, everypony." Twilight says. "This will trip up the Diamond Dogs for sure."

The Grand Magister steps forward. "Yes. An impressive accomplishment. Apprentice, take this prototype and the supplies down to the artisans. They must begin mass production immediately."

The apprentice nods and gallops out of the Arcanium as the Grand Magister approaches the rest of you. "We must now tackle a bigger problem..."

You shoot a look at Twilight. "Bigger problem?"

Twilight turns to you. "Yes Anon. We may have come up with a solution for the Diamond Dogs magic...but..."

"But we may have magically neutered ourselves in the process." The Grand Magister finishes.

The significance of that hits you...damn. "Is all magic out?" you ask.

"Minor spells, such as our telekinesis will still function. The crystals will drain the mana from any spell that is larger than that."

Crystals... "Grand Magister. Would the crystal drain the mana from an already completed spell?"

The Magister shakes his head. "Once a spell is self sustaining, There is no need for additional mana. The crystal would be powerless."

A smile splits your face. "Then maybe there is a way. "

-Music-

You're back in the meeting room. Mous stood with the General and Shining Armor while you stood with Twilight and the Grand Magister.

Celestia and Luna stood at the head of the map. "General, report." Celestia says.

The general sighs. "It's not good news, Your Majesty. The Diamond Dogs have powered through the plains and will be at the first of our delaying fortifications within the hour. They will be able to strike at Canterlot by the morrow."

The room collectively gasps. "How can these Dogs make it this far despite the weather slowing them!?" Luna asks.

"Because dead Dogs don't need to sleep, or eat, or stop. They could walk halfway from here to Fillydelphia overnight." Mous grunts out.

Celestia remains calm. "And you, Grand Magister?"

"We have successfully developed a way to counter the Dog's magic, and have sealed off Canterlot's leylines. Anon has supplied us with a crystal based alternative to our own magic, allowing us to participate in the field." he says.

You feel your cheeks darken a bit as Celestia says. "Thank you Anon, your help will prove invaluable."

Celestia turns back to everypony gathered. "I believe it is time to tell you what we are all defending."

"The City of Canterlot serves as more than our capitol. At the heart of the city, deep underground, lies a regulator for all of Equestria's magical energy. Princess Luna and I believe that The Dogfather will attempt to harness that energy for himself." Celestia says.

Twilight speaks up. "But Princess, nothing can handle that much magic! It would kill him!"

Celestia closes her eyes for a moment. "The Dogfather is already technically dead, Twilight. And with his magic, he may be able to control it."

"We have underestimated our enemies speed and resolve. However I have faith, both in the countermeasures you have developed and in the defenders of the city. So long as we stand in harmony, we cannot fail.

The room stays silent as everyone considers the Princesses words. Celestia eventually speaks up. "Friends, you know the enemy we face and their goal. I would ask now that you retire to your rooms, for tomorrow will be an eventful day indeed..."

You lay silently in your bed with Rainbow that night. Tomorrow was going to be different then it was with Discord. No numerical advantage, no real ace in the hole. It was going to be a clash of wills, yours and your friends against the Dogs.

Rainbow was breathing soundly into your chest, but you knew she was awake. "How is everypony?" you ask.

Rainbow sighed. "Worried. Fluttershy and Thunderlane are scared for their foal. Rarity met up with some Prince and got the Apples and the Cakes to hold up in his estate." Rainbow looks up at you. "Do you think we can beat 'em Anon?"

You think silently for a moment. "I think we're going to try." Rainbow starts to wriggle around and works her way up to your face.

"You're going to fight tomorrow?" she asks.

You nod. "That's the plan."

Rainbow plants a kiss on your lips. She places her head against yours after she breaks it. "Tomorrow, you're gonna go off and try to defend the city while I have to stay holed up in here as a "last resort".

"Dash..."

She puts a hoof over your mouth. "I love you, Anon. And before this whole mess started, I agreed to marry you. So before you go out and maybe give your life defending Equestria..." Dash leans forward and plants a long, tender kiss on your lips. "Give me something to imagine that time would be like if you don't come back..."

You pull Dash's mouth back against your own. As the night wore on, you reminded yourself that this was what you fought for.

For little Thundershy who wasn't even born yet, for Granny Smith to live out the rest of her days in peace, and for Rainbow Dash to have her fiancé come home alive.

You would fight for all that, and you would show the Diamond Dogs why they shouldn't have left Tartarus.

Strong Defense.

You could see them out there. Streaming out of Ponyville and scurrying around the ground below like tiny little ants.

The winds were whipping and howling as the tornados harried the Dogs.

"Private, keep that wall high. We need the fire burning to boil this pot." you say.

"Yesh Shir!" The private called back with the ladle in his mouth.

You hop down from the wall and grimace as you land. Damn wound...

You reached into your pocket and swallowed some of the painkillers the docs gave you.

"How many of those did you just take?" General Vizir asks.

"Enough."

These pills were lighter than the ones you had taken for your manticore wounds, the benefits of having magical bandages as well.

Vizir just continued to glare at you. You could guess his thoughts.

"You don't like me, Vizir."

The general snorts. "A little more than a year ago, you were the one we were calling meetings over. And now the Princess appoints you Chief Logician for the defense of the city."

"And that makes you angry."

"I just don't think somepony almost convicted of war crimes should be put in charge of defending the lives of others." he says.

Heh.

"Remind me to tell you about the story of the Nazi scientists from my world if we live through this." you say.

A chariot pulls up to the castle walls. "Sirs! You're needed at the first barricade!"

You were setting up barricades at the entrance and exit of every cave along the route to Canterlot. You can't imagine what's so hard about setting up walls...

-Headcanon Vizir Voice-

You and Vizir took the chariot down to the first mountain cave. The railroad that normally served as the entrance was being ripped up, it's metal and wood fortifying the barricade. The small path up the mountain had been blasted away by unicorn magic. Vizir assured you that they could rebuild it.

The land before the mountains was a sea of hills as well as a straight shot to Ponyville. It was less than a day ago that you were racing along this path to escape town. Not a half mile from the foot of the mountain, a tornado raged. Snow was piling up by the foot, and hail was falling like rocks.

Not your normal summer.

The chariot landed and a soldier approached you as the two of you stepped off. "Sirs! We have captured a prisoner!"

"A Dog got this far?" you ask.

"Advanced scout. Take us to him, son." Vizir says.

The soldier led the two of you behind the first barricade. A Diamond Dog was trussed up in the corner. "Here he is, sirs."

You look the dog over, he was small. "Where'd you find him?"

"He was hiding behind a hill, watching us erect the barricade. We only spotted him after he dug himself out of the snow." The soldier says.

"Leave us." Vizir says.

The soldier trotted away as Vizir stepped towards the Dog. You stopped him halfway.

"Do you ponies have "Good cop, Bad cop"?"

Vizir gets a glint in his eye. "You might work out after all. You're bad cop, I have a reputation to uphold."

Yeah, not like we have a reputation.

Don't take his side, brain.

The two of you walk up to the Dog. It's hands and feet are shackled. It starts to shout. "Not going to talk, ponies! You never mak-"

"Be quiet mutt. Before I do it myself." you bellow. The cave adding echo to your voice.

Vizir steps over to the mutt. "You'll have to excuse my friend here. He has had a rough day."

You flare your nostrils as the dog glances your way. "Why don't you tell me why you're here so that we can all get on with our day?" Vizir says.

The Dog snorts in Vizir's face.

"A shame. Logician?"

You sit down in front of the dog.

How are we gonna play this?

I have a plan.

"I killed Discord. Start talking and I won't do to you what I did to him."

What.

Trust me.

You're a retard, Brain.

The Dog's eyes flare. "That a lie. No way you kill Discord."

Vizir interjects. "He did. I saw the wreckage."

"Talk." you order.

"H-How!?" The dog shouts.

"Extreme and excessive violence."

The Dog audibly gulps. "Dogfather on his way here. Now. Storms not going to slow him down.

"And why is that?" Vizir asks.

"Dogfather and other Dogs from Tartarus already dead. They not need to sleep, or eat, and they don't get stopped by weather that isn't tornado."

You and Vizir glance at each other.

"He going to hit Canterlot with his army. All living dogs going to catch up and make it harder for you to stop us." the mutt rambles.

Vizir has heard enough. He removes the Dog's bindings. "You are free. I recommend you leave this place, we will not be merciful a second time..." he grumbles.

I thought we were bad cop.

The Dog hops over the barricade and runs to the forest. Vizir turned to his men. "Soldiers! Shore up that barricade! We will be expecting Dogs by nightfall!"

You ride the chariot with Vizir back to the walls. You land to find some contraption waiting for you.

"What is this, private?" Vizir asks.

"A countermeasure delivered by the mages, sir. They say it will stop the dogs magic." he says.

Hmm...

You bend down to inspect the device. "So...Anon finally delivered."

"How does it function?" Vizir asks.

The private levitates a scroll in front of him. "Apparently, it only needs to be activated by a unicorn. And then it will cancel most magic in a two hundred foot area."

You look down the city walls. There was a lot of ground to cover...

"Are they sending more?"

The private nods. "The note said that they were producing more of them now. They should be here by night watch."

"Good. I want them erected and operational by midnight. We cannot let the Dogs near this city while they can use their magic." you say.

You and Vizir step out to the edge of the wall. "This device will help, but I worry about the effect it will have on our defenses."

"How so?"

"If this device can disrupt the Dog's magic, it may disrupt our own as well." Vizir laments.

"Go talk to the mages. If I know Anon, he'll have come up with a solution."

"You are sure?" Vizir asks as he glances to you.

You silently nod.

The two of you stare out over the walls under the dark sky, watching the advancing horde.

"Think we can beat 'em?"

Vizir sighs. "I have faced Griffins, Minotaurs, and everything in between. But an army from Tartarus..."

Yeah...

You can relate...

You were in bed after the meeting. Heavy stuff, getting told that an army was coming for you. Lotus was laying her head on your chest, breathing steadily.

You reached down to brush her hair when she spoke up. "Do you think you can win tomorrow?" she asks.

"I think we can."

Just had to play it right.

She shuffled on you. "It's just...I spent the day with Aloe and Caramel at the shelter..." She looks you in the eyes. "Everypony is scared Mous. We're all scared that this may be the last night for Canterlot. I know you and Anon and the rest of the guard are going to do everything you can to stop them, but..." she trails off.

You pull Lotus on top of your chest and hold her close. "Hey now...don't talk like that. I'm not gonna let those dogs take one step inside this city."

"Sweetheart, you may have taken apart a cult, but even you can't stop an army."

You look down and meet her gaze. "Yeah? Just watch me." you say with a grin.

Your infectious grin causes Lotus to giggle a bit before she rest her head again."...Mous? If this were your last night on Equestria, where would you want to be most?"

You hug Lotus close to you. "Well, after I spent time with my family? I'd say I'm pretty happy here..."

Lotus lets her hooves curl around your chest.

"But...this isn't our last night. Not even close. We're both gonna live long, happy lives once this is done with." you say.

You bend your knees and scoot Lotus up your chest, the "oop" she makes is adorable.

"But hey, maybe I'm wrong. So..." You pull Lotus in and kiss her, as tenderly as you can. "Let's make this "last night" together something to remember..."

-Meanwhile at the foot of the mountain-

You were The Dogfather. These Ponies had thrown the weather at you, and still you came. They had thrown tornados at you, and you still came. They had sent your army to Tartarus, and still you came.

They thought some little wooden barricades were gonna stop you?

"Get dis damn thing outa da way."

Your soldiers got to work hacking apart the barricade, sending splinters sailing through the air. You looked over the mountains, catching the tips of Canterlot's tallest spires over them. You were gonna collapse those spires. You were gonna knock down the walls and send these ponies back to Tartarus in your place. And then you were gonna take the magic away from this kingdom. And then you were gonna turn this whole stinking planet into your chew toy.

You looked up into the sky, it was a full moon again. Good. You wanted the Princesses to see you, to see their end commin' for em.

The wooden barricade began to splinter and crack.

Yeah...just a bit longer...

Then you'd show these ponies that your bite was way worse than your bark...

Dog Days of Summer.

You blasted through the last barricade. These damn ponies had put up a dozen of those things. The first was cute, the second was irritating, everything else was just annoying. You eventually just got tired of waiting for your Dogs to chop through it and just blasted it with your magic.

You wanted in that city. You wanted that magical regulator.

The three headed beast beneath you growled.

"Easy, boy." you say patting him.

Cerberus hadn't gotten the chance to fight anything since you invaded that town, he wanted it just as much as you did.

One of your lieutenants marched up to you. "Dogfather! The live Dogs have caught up to us, we are ready to take the capitol!"

You silently nod as Cerberus marches forward. You hadn't been able to get that many dead Dogs out of Tartarus with just the magic that came with being Dogfather, but once you got that regulator... Your living horde had been pulled from all corners of the world, from Equestria to the Griffin kingdoms. No way those ponies could beat you with these numbers...

"Boss!" someone called out and pointed to the sky.

Against the blackness of the early morning sky, you could make out a hint of gold racing towards the city.

"Leave 'im! Let 'em be warned, it aint gonna make a difference!"

The Dogs behind you began howling their approval at the full moon. You stare at Canterlot off in the distance, you could see it since you ported into that town, but to see it so close now...

For the first time since you had gotten out of Tartarus, you felt excited.

You turn to your lieutenant. "Knock dat city down..."

The horns sound. The horns that mean the city is under attack. Both you and Rainbow spring up from your bed.

"It's starting." you say.

You quickly hop out of bed and throw your clothes back on, looping your crystal pouches onto your belt.

You bolt out of the room and head to Mous's door. "Dude! Come on, we gotta go!"

You open the door as Mous was rising to his feet in front of Lotus. "Yeah, let's go." he says.

Lotus looks scared. You probably just walked in on their goodbyes, and if Mous's goodbye's were as grim as his face was now, you can imagine Lotus being left wanting.

"She gonna be alright?" you ask as you and Mous bound down the hallway, Rainbow Dash catching up to you.

Mous nods. "She's either staying here or going to be with her sister. I told the guards to escort her if she leaves."

You exit outside and look over the city. Canterlot is a beehive of activity, guards and soldiers are flocking to the main gates, pegusi are taking to the air, and you can see Celestia and Luna descending from their tower. You can also see over the wall. You can see the writhing mass of fur that constituted the Diamond Dog army. At its head, you see a three headed beast with a single Dog standing on top of it.

A chariot settles down in front of you all. "Sirs! We're here to take you to the front!" the lead pegasus calls.

You waste no time in grabbing Rainbow and pressing your lips against hers. "I love you. Be safe."

Rainbow wraps her hooves around you tight before she jumps into the air. "That goes double for you."

You and Mous step onto the carriage as Rainbow flies off to be with the rest of the element bearers You grip the edge of the carriage as you fly off to war.

You heart is beating out of your chest, your breaths are shallow and your palms are wet. The grim reality of the situation was setting in. You were going off to war. You weren't cut out for this! You were a science major less than two years ago!

You look over at your bro. He's standing there, grim faced and arms crossed. He looked like he was denying even the whipping wind to touch him.

You lean forward and grip the railing as your stomach turns in knots. "Nervous?" you hear behind you.

You silently nod, fearing that any words would come out wrong. "C'mere." Mous says.

You push off from the railing only to have Mous grip you by the shoulders hard. "Look at me." he says.

Your gaze meets your bros. His eyes have changed, where once they were alive and had a spark of mischief, they were now hollow and cold. "You're scared. That's normal, good even. But right now, you can't be scared. You can't be scared, doubtful, or worried. Not about anything."

Mous points out at the Dog horde. "Those Dogs can smell fear. They've lived in hell and will tear you apart if you show any. So don't. Show that that you aren't afraid of them. Smile and scream and do whatever it takes to make them fear you."

"You sound like you're turning me into you." you say.

Mous smiles as the chariot begins to descend to the walls. "Is that really so bad here?"

-Music-

The two of you step off the carriage and onto the walls. You make your way to the battlement where Shining Armor, The Grand Magister, General Vizir , and the two Princesses were standing.

Shining armor held what appeared to be a megaphone and was shouting over the edge of the wall. "Stand down! If you leave this place, I assure you that no harm will come to you!"

A fireball impacting the wall next to him was his response.

Shining Armor retreats back to the rest of the commanders. "I don't think they're going to cooperate..." he says.

The Grand Magister speaks up. "Perhaps a show of force is required..."

"I agree with the magister." Vizir grunts.

The Princesses consider their words. "Anon, Mous, what do you two think on the matter?" Celestia asks.

You brought your hand to your chin to think. Mous walked to the edge of the wall. "Do they know their magic is out?" he asks.

Luna shakes her head. "The mana-sinks remain deactivated for the time being. However, they may be activated at a moment's notice."

Mous walks over to you. "What do you think, man?"

You glance over the wall at the encroaching horde and bite your lip. "I don't suppose they'll just leave if we tell them their magic is shut off?"

Mous crosses his arms. "I don't think that'll work dude."

He was right, it wouldn't help. And you were ignoring what he told you on the ride over.

Scare em...

You glance at Shining Armor's megaphone.

Scare them...Your eyes fall back to Mous.

A devious smile parts your lips.

-Mous PoV-

After a few minutes of deliberation about what to say, you grab the megaphone and hops of onto the wall.

"Care to give me a little more 'oomph' Princess?" you say as you wave the megaphone at Celestia.

The megaphone glows white for a minute and you bring it to your mouth as you look out over the assembled Dogs.

"HEAR MY WARNINGS, DIAMOND DOGS! CARRIED TO YOUR MINDS BY THE POWER OF THE SUN PRINCESS HERSELF!" you shout. Damn. That was one hell of an enchantment.

The Dogs below shrink at the auditory onslaught.

"WE HAVE ERECTED DEVICES IN THIS CITY, WHICH WILL ROB YOU OF YOUR PATHETIC FALSE MAGICS!"

A unicorn behind you powers up the mana-sink and floods the area with a blue glow, similar glows pop up along the walls. A few Dogs below try to cast, only to watch their spells fizzle out when they try.

You gesture to the guards lining the wall. "VETERANS OF HALF A CENTURY OF DEFENDING THIS CITY WAIT TO CRUSH YOU BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THEIR MIGHTY HOOVES!"

Time to give 'em the rumble... "THE ROYAL MAGISTERS ARE ANXIOUS TO TEST THE EFFECTS OF THEIR TRUE MAGICS UPON YOU..."

The a few of the Dogs back away as the knowledge that they would be fighting magic dawns on them.

You thrust a finger up into the air, straight at the moon. "THE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT HERSELF HAS MARKED THIS BATTLE, AND WILL PAINT THE NUMBERS OF YOUR DEAD ACROSS THE SKY AS TESTAMENT TO YOUR DEFEAT HERE!"

The Dogs are really looking nervous now. "THERE IS NO HOPE IN OPPOSING THE INEVITABLE..."

"LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS, UNBELIEVERS." You form a thumb with your hand and immediately twist it to face down. "AND BOW BEFORE THE FORCES OF THE CELESTIAL EMPIRE."

The entire city is silent for a moment as your words sink in. The Dogs haven't stopped staring at the wall with all of you on it.

Eventually, one begins to back away from the wall. He drops his weapon and starts a mad dash back the other way.

That's all it takes to convince another to do the same thing, and another, and another still.

Eventually, hundreds of Dogs are turning tail and running. "No! NO! Get back here ya mutts!" You hear hollered from beyond the wall.

Nice.

You step down from the wall. "How was my performance?"

Anon offers a golf clap. "Not bad, but you over annunciated."

"You did well, you two. Very clever." Celestia says with her first smile in a while.

Vizir practically gallops over to the wall. "This is almost half their host! With the loss of their magic this will be-GET DOWN!" he shouts.

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

The castle walls shook as a gout of flame the size of a house blasted through the gates. You peered over the edge and saw The Dogfather panting on the ground. "G...Get in there ya mutts!" he shouted. The remaining Diamond Dog began to pour into the city. Engaging guards along the way. A deafening roar echoed over the walls as Cerberus crashed through the Dogs and Ponies in his path and headed for the center of the city.

Luna's horn glowed for a moment. "By the stars! Those Dogs! They're dead!"

Mous pushed himself off the ground. "Yeah, a scout we caught said as much. At least that explains why our little speech didn't work."

Vizir gallops up to you. "We must defend the city! ALL TROOPERS! DRIVE THE ENEMY BACK OUT OF OUR GATES! ABOVE ALL, DEFEND THE MANA-SINKS!"

The Grand Magister turns to the Princesses. "I shall gather my mages and push them from the flank." he says before racing off.

You push yourself off the ground and rejoin Mous with the princesses. "We must go combat Cerberus, will you two be okay here?" Celestia asks.

You nod and Mous gives a thumbs up as Celestia and Luna fly away.

You and Mous step to the inner edge of the wall. "How do you want to do this?" you ask as you ready yourself for combat.

"Like this." Mous says as he jumps off the wall. In the distance, you hear an eagle cry.

"Goddammit!" you shout as you run down the stairs, throwing crystals at any Dogs who were getting close to Mous.

Mous pulled David out of the Dog he landed on and picked up the small hatchet it had dropped.

You tossed an ice crystal into a crowd of Dogs as Mous carved his way through the ones on the ground. You tried not to pay attention to the Dogs as you hit them with crystals. You still weren't used to killing something.

"Come on ya stupid son's a' bitches!" Mous shouts as he kicks a Dog over.

You jump off the stairs to avoid a Dog and toss a fire crystal back up at it. "Could you not piss off the army of Dogs trying to kill us?!"

"Oh come on, Anon!" he shouts as he buries his hatchet into a Dog's neck. "This is where it's at!"

The two of you dance around each other as you take on any Dogs you can. Luckily, years of playing Playstation in your living room together had given you both an idea on how the other thought in times like this.

It's as you throw your latest crystal that you feel Mous push up against your back.

You also look around to see that you're surrounded by Dogs. "Mous..."

"Yeah, yeah. I see it." he says.

Shit. "How are we doing this?"

"Break on 3. Ready?"

You take a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Alright."

You dip a hand into your pouch.

"One..."

You grab the first crystals you find.

"Two!"

-Music-

Break on two, that's the rule. It serves you well. The Dogs are shocked as you throw your crystals over the first few and slam one into the lead. The best part of these crystals were that the effects they made were magical in nature, you didn't feel a thing from the fire that immolated that Dog.

You duck under a wide swing and toss a gas crystal into the Dogs mouth. You dance your way back and toss an ice spell to the ones behind you. You are rewarded with a yelp of pain as you switch to concussion spells.

Dogs are flung to and fro by the force trapped in the crystals.

"Stupid mutt!" you shout as one gets too close

You toss a spell into the air, it spawns a torrent of magical hail that forces the Dogs back. You take the opportunity to fling more concussion spells, throwing the Dogs back again.

Dammit. These dead Dogs were tough.

Wait. Dead Dogs.

You carried a few healing crystals in the event that you had to play medic, you tossed them at the Dogs to test your theory.

"Haha! Yeah!" you shout as the crystals break over the Dogs and washes healing magic over them. Healing magic is great for the living, but the dead seem to hate it. The Dogs howl and cry as their dead flesh burns them.

You crush to fire crystals in your hands and form rudimentary cones as the magic escapes, gouts of fire erupt from your hands and bathe the Dogs in flame. They run around and try to put their fur out. A few concussion crystals finishes the job.

Hey, maybe you're getting the hang of fighting after all.

-Mous PoV-

-Music-

The old "Break on two" trick. A classic. You relish the face Dog in front of you makes as you jump at him and drive David into his neck.

His friends try to help, but a hatchet to the face usually deters people. You don't give an inch and dive back into them.

This wasn't gonna be like the mine. Oh no. You were rested, ready, and wearing light chainmail under your shirt. You were set.

"Come on you badger licking thundercunts! Hit me!"

The Dogs rise to your challenge as you dance under their pikes and maces. These Dogs were strong, but not too bright. They were wearing heavy plate, probably to combat ponies, but David could fit inside the little nooks and get at their flesh.

A particularly mad Dog rushed you in revenge for your latest kill, a sidestep and a kick to the stomach brought him down. You twisted David around and slammed him into the Dog's eye.

"Oh come on, ladies! Give me a challenge!"

A pair of Dogs rush you, lances out. You flip David and the hatchet into a defensive grip and meet then. You step inside the space between the lances and rush the Dogs, making sure to keep the pressure high on both sides so they couldn't break your guard. You get to within inches of the Dogs and break off, flipping your weapons back to an offensive position as you did and burying them in the Dog's necks.

You hear a roar from behind you and spot a Dog charging you with a mace. You dig the hatchet out of the corpse at your feet and throw it at your attacker. The Dog taking his eyes off you to inspect his new shoulder wound was his last mistake. You charged him and thrust David deep into his neck, using your momentum to push the Dog to the ground.

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

You walk up to Mous as the last Dog falls. "Nice work, psycho."

He laughs. "Psycho? What about you Sir Killalot?"

You roll your eyes and look over the grisly sight. Something near the palace walls catches your eye though.

A pair of Dogs, flanking another one in a suit. "Dude, Dogfather!" you shout.

The Dogfather turns to you as you shout and starts to run. "Come on!" Mous shouts.

The two of you break off after The Dogfather.

He leads you through streets, over walls, and even through the market.

"How the hell did he get in!?" Mous shouts.

"He must have snuck in while we were fighting!" you answer.

The Dogfather runs up to a seemingly normal wall on the palace and waves his hands.

The bricks in the wall part and reveal a passageway. "Holy hell!" you shout.

You and Mous follow The Dogfather down the hallway he made.

Up ahead you see a bright purple light. "That has to be the Regulator!"

The Dogfather waves his hand. "Take care of 'em!" he shouts.

Shit!

Mous bounds ahead of you and brings his hatchet and knife to bear. "You take that one! I've got these two!" he says as he throws the hatchet into the arm of the first Dog.

You run past the blockade as Mous fights them off and keep running after The Dogfather. You were not gonna let him get that magic! You were gonna stop him for Rainbow and Thundershy and everypony else out there!

The Dogfather throws a haphazard spell at you that sails over your head. You return the kindness by tossing an ice spell at his feet.

The floor under The Dogfather becomes a sheet of ice, causing him to fly through the air and land in a heap in the center of the room. "Alright, puppy dog. Time to end this."

Be like Mous.

"Kid, I dunno what you tink you're gonna-" He doesn't finish as uppercut him with a concussion spell.

"No talk, nut sack. Just you and me." you say.

You were tired of this prick stabbing your bro, invading your town, and scaring your country.

"Dat was your last mistake kid..." he says. His hands glow and another wave of fire hits you.

For a split second, you think of it as the end. Before you see the fire rolling off you, however.

The Dogfather takes this moment to gloat. "Did ya really tink dat a couple'a gizmos were gonna neuter da top dog in Tartatus!?"

You extend your hand in front of you and walk towards the fire's source.

"I'm a GOD you little runt!"

You eventually reach the fire's source and clamp your magic proof hands over his. You look down at yourself, it seems he burnt your shirt off.

As the fire dies down, you look into his shocked face. "Yeah? I'm an Atheist." You then head-butt him.

The Dogfather reels back and tosses another spell at you. You remember seeing Mous deflect magic with his a backhand once, and you must say that you can see the appeal. The Dogfather's eyes grow wide and take on a slightly purple hue.

"I don' get it... Why aint my magic-!?" His eyes grow so big they look like they're going to pop out of his head. "What -ARE- you?!"

You reach into your pouch and grab a crystal. An ice crystal, you find out, as you crack the crystal in your hand and watch the ice inch its way up your arm.

"I'm the guy who catches strays."

-Music-

Here you go.

"I'm sick of you fucking up my home, asshole! It's time to put you down!" You rush him as he prepares another spell, only to second guess himself as he remembers his lasts effect.

Well...Mous is cheesy sometimes...

"Sub-Zero ice punch!" you yell as you deck The Dogfather with you ice arm.

But not that cheesy...never again.

Can't let him catch on though. "Ya see, were I come from we have rules!" you shout as you walk over his rising form and grab him by his gaudy necklace.

"One! You don't kidnap children!" You slam him with your ice arm and push him back to the ground again.

You reach down and pick him up by the necklace again. "Two! You don't invade towns with a hell army!" This time a trio of teeth fly out when you hit him.

You lift him up once more time, concentrating all your frustration into your fist. "AND THREE! YOU DON'T TRY TO SUCK UP AN ENTIRE KINGDOM'S MAGIC!"

The Dogfather breaks away from his necklace as he sails across the room.

He reaches out to you as he lays there. "No...I need dat..." he says.

You inspect the necklace as your ice starts to melt. Gold, with a single gem in the center cut like a bulldog face. "Too bad. It's mine now."

Underneath the necklace, you feel another. You grab it in your hand and give it a once over. It looked like a golden dog tag. On it was inscribed the word "Comet."

You laugh. "You have the same name as the Full House dog? No wonder your plan failed..."

-Music-

It was a few days after you beat The Dogfather. Celestia had deemed it necessary to throw a parade in honor of a city defended. You and Mous were walking through an ecstatic Canterlot as p0nies lined up to thank the two of you. You were frankly flattered by the attention. Everyp0ny else had helped fight off the dogs too. Celestia said it was because you two stopped The Dogfather that you were the stars of the parade.

Mous was eating this up, exciting the crowd gathered in front of the palace and rousing them to new levels up joy. That old dimensional prison you came up with came in handy. Celestia and Luna had tossed The Dogfather into it and sent him off to parts unfathomable. Served him right, the Danny Tanner licking prick.

The two of you bounced up the stairs to the castle and stopped at the doors. Everyone was there. Luna and "Blueblood" as you learned. The girls. Rainbow...

Mous snuck a wink to Lotus as Celestia came out to greet you.

The two of you offered a bow. "Rise, friends. There is no need for that here."

The two of you rise up as Celestia booms to the crowd. "In recognition for their efforts in defending this city and capturing The Dogfather, I declare Anon and Mous, Heroes of Canterlot!"

The crowd roared as Celestia levitated shiny medals over the two of you.

Rainbow burst from her place and kissed you as hard as she could. "Hey, you." you say.

You glanced over at Mous who was holding his own special somep0ny.

The two of you turn to each other. "We did it, dude!" you shout.

Mous smiles back. "Was there ever any doubt?"

You're grinning now as your bro holds out a hand. You slap your palm into his and clasp it as hard as you can to the roar of the city.

Bonus.
[Authors note.] A litle idea I thought up in the shower after I finished this chapter, consider it an alternate "bad end" scenario that I only wrote because I wanted to do my Chaos Speeches.

Anon was dead. The Dogfather was too much for him.

You were not happy.

They had taken Canterlot. They had taken Celestia and Luna.

And after that... They had started to methodically kill off everyp0ny who wasn't a unicorn. The unicorns were left alive only to have the magic sucked out of them before they were discarded.

You were not happy. This would not stand.

You had said goodbye to Lotus, Anon, and Rainbow's graves before you started your mission. And now, here you stood. In the same arcane circle used to summon Discord so long ago.

But you weren't here for Discord.

In place of the artifacts, four magic users, both pony and dog, now lay in chains.

One decided to speak. "Y-you can't do this! They'll kill everyone, not just th-"

You backhand Twilight as hard as you can to silence her.

"Shut. Up." you growled.

Twilight shrinks away from you as tears form in her eyes.

You reached into your pocket for a catalyzing crystal, something that could kick start any spell. Anon's last gift...

You stood there as you prepared to throw away everything you once were.

Speak the words.

You throw the crystal into the circle and stare into the portal it creates from the magic siphoned from your captives.

"With the thirty-seven keys of Tzeench, I open the way for my brothers..."

The portal shudders and grows.

"With the thousand whispers of Slaanesh, I call to them..."

Screams and moans echo from deep inside.

"With the twelve plagues of Nurgle, I fell their enemies..."

A putrid stench seeps from the reddening portal.

You pause as you contemplate the name of your new patron.

"And with the mighty axe of Khorne, I will cut open the world for them."

The portal erupts to full size, the sound of marching metal boots echoing from the other side.

You were not happy. But soon, you would be.

Party Mild.

Holy hell, was it cold outside.

"Does it always get this cold this early?" you ask.

Lotus looks up at you. "Usually. Why?"

"Because I wasn't freezing my ass off when I showed up in Equestria around this time of year."

Lotus bumps your leg as the two of you walk."Sweetheart when you showed up, we had just fought off a spirit of chaos. A buffalo summer is getting off easy..."

You let "buffalo summer" slide.

"'We'? Did a lot of fighting on the front, did you? Servicemare Lotus?"

Lotus rolls her eyes and bumps you again. "Besides, isn't it a bit later now then it was when your first arrived?"

"Oh, like I keep track of when I get sent across dimensions. Who cares about that stuff?"

"Pinkie Pie, for one."

Damnable party mare...

"So my big "Two years in Ponyville" party is a month late, what does it matter?"

"It's Pinkie Pie." Lotus says.

That mare's name alone should not be her excuse...

The two of you walk up to the lot the spa occupied. Well...used to occupy.

"The builders seem to be moving along at an excellent pace." Lotus chirps.

"Yeah. Only took 'em four damn months."

Lotus bumps you with her flank again. It's getting annoying... "Be nice to them! They're building the entire spa underground this time, it takes a while." she says.

"Anything to make it Cerberus proof, eh?"

"It's an investment." she says as she trots down the road.

You pull your jacket up a little higher at the wind and follow. "You know, it's not really an investment if you didn't actually pay for it..."

Lotus stops in the street and turns to you. "How DID you manage to get Celestia to foot the bill? She didn't -borrow- you for a day when I wasn't looking, did she?"

Celestia and you fucking. There's a laugh.

"Babe, I'm a hero of the city. I can get them to foot the bill on damages from the invasion if I need to."

Lotus adopts a wry look. "I don't know...how do I know you're not stepping out on me? Everypony knows Celestia is free at night..."

You can see where this is going.

"Fine..."

You take a knee and present your back to Lotus. "Hope on."

You hear Lotus gallop up to you and jump onto your back.

You grimace a bit as she lands on you. "Is it your wound scar again?" she asks with concern.

"It's nothing. No little impalement scar is going to stop "Mous the Human Mule"." you say.

Enchanted bandages were good healers, but time was better.

-Music-

You carry Lotus through the center of town on the way to Sugar Cube Corner. You hated coming through here... In the middle of town square there now stood a monument to those who fell during the Diamond Dog attack.

You stopped in front of it and glanced over the names carved into it.

You remembered when Berry Punch got wasted and collapsed at Anon's birthday party last year... Snowflake's enthusiasm back when you had to help the pegusi train for the tornado was something you wouldn't be forgetting. The dogs had even gotten poor Mr. Waddle when they invaded...

Lotus nuzzles your cheek. "Mous...you couldn't save everypony. You were wounded and barely able to get away yourself, in no shape to run around saving lives."

You sigh, the cold air stinging your lungs. "Maybe not then. But If I stayed here I might have been able to le-"

"Mous. No. Thinking like that will drive you mad." she interrupts.

Lotus tightens her hooves around your neck. "Besides, you wouldn't have stayed in the end."

"Oh wouldn't I?"

Lotus puts her head on your shoulder. "No. Because if you had stayed, I would have stayed. And you wouldn't let me do that."

You chuckle as you think that through. "No fair using my own logic against me."

Lotus kisses you on your neck. "Special Somepony privilege, dear."

Your spirits raised, you look back at the simple stone monument. "Doesn't mean I don't feel bad..."

You stand there in silence for a moment before moving on.

You set Lotus down as the two of you walk into Sugarcube Corner. "Mousyoumadeit!" Pinkie shouts as she zipped down the stairs.

"Hey Pinkie."

"Hello Pinkie."

"Look at this asshole!" comes a voice from the rear.

Anon came down the stairs holding a pair of drinks. "Doesn't even have a place to work and still gets here after me!"

"Yeah yeah, not all of us have your amazing powers Punctuality Man." you tease.

You grab one of the drinks from him as you walk inside.

The lot of you make your way to the stairs and evade the dancing ponies. "Care for a little dance, Mous?" Lotus grins out.

"Hell no. You can get me to be nice to the contractors, you can get me to stop feeling sorry for myself, but even you can't get me to dance in public."

"Sorry for yourself?" Anon asks.

"He went to the memorial in town square." Lotus replies.

You sit near the back of the room close to the rest of the girls. "Now why did you do that? Today is supposed to be a day for fun." Anon says.

You throw on your grumpy voice. "I had fun once. It was awful."

You glance at the girls, Fluttershy in particular. She and Thunderlane were seated at the far end of the room, Fluttershy's stomach was noticeably bigger than the last time you saw it.

"That foal is either very large or there is more than one in there...

"An expert in pregnancy now, are we?" Anon teases.

"I know stomachs do not bulge that way when you're just fat."

A few hours pass. You stare at the young foal in front of you.

"Come on, Pound. "J". That's the hard one. Say it with my Jjjj-" you instruct.

Pound Cake contorts his face at you. "G-. J-. J-!"

"Good! Now...repeat after me. "Jedi."

Pound Cake looses interest at the new sound he can make and falls back giggling.

Anon pipes up behind you. "Looks like someone owes me ten bits..."

Pound Cake isn't getting a Hearths Warming Eve gift this year.

The night lingered on. A good night with food and friends. The Heartstrings were doing well, Lyra was getting new gigs. You all helped the girls jeer Rarity a bit. Apparently she was making regular trips to Canterlot to see some prince she met during the invasion. Guess everypony deserves a second chance. Even after a cake facial. Derpy and Mr. Whooves stopped by to greet you. Apparently he's moved in. Good for him. You were still going to watch him like a hawk.

Pinkie wheeled in a cake and breaks into a song she called. "Happy Two Years on Our Planet." Pinkie started passing out cake. Rainbow was flying around Anon messing with him. That wedding was coming up fast...

You're literally pulled away from that train of thought when Lotus twists your face to see her. "Two whole years since you plopped down in our backyard, hm?"

You chuckle. "And look at how badly I've corrupted you. Forsaking proper Stalliongrad manners by pushing around my head like that.

Lotus brings a pair of soft lips to yours. "Happy Two Years on Our Planet, Mous."

"Thanks pretty pony."

Lotus settles on your lap as you turn to see Anon sporting a drink. "To two more years?"

You glance around the room at all your friends and to the mare in your arms before you grab your drink.

"And more after that."

Decorative Food.

You stepped out into the chill of late fall with Rainbow trotting out behind you. The leaves had changed and been removed and winter was fast approaching.

The two of you leave home and make your way to town. "So, how many ponies have RSVP'ed?" you ask.

Rainbow's face falls. "Besides the girls, only a few old friends from flight camp."

You can't stand to see her like this. Rainbow had told you that her parents were both gone, leaving her alone in the world.

You scooped her up and carried her a bit. "Hey. No pouting, you. This wedding would be a success whether no one came or the entire kingdom came."

Rainbow nuzzles your neck as you walk. "Thanks Anon...So, who do you have coming?"

You think for a minute. "Well, Mous and Lotus are coming. Probably Twilight. Derpy and her family. Uhm...that's about it."

Rainbow giggles. "Looking forward to a small wedding after the last one we went to?"

"I'd be happy with one that doesn't cause an international incident, yes." you say. "Have you thought about who's going to be your bridlemates?"

Rainbow sighs. "I was gonna ask the girls, but I don't know. Five bridlemates?"

"What about it?"

She looks up at you. "Isn't it a bit weird?"

You flash a smile down at her. "Aren't we?"

Rainbow smiles back at you, her previous bad mood gone. "Yeah, I guess. So, who's your best colt?"

You just raise an eyebrow.

Rainbow's face contorts as she holds back a giggle. "He'd probably just do it anyway."

"Or throw the other colt out."

You stop in front of the door to Twilight's library and give Rainbow a kiss. "Love you. And remember, be at Sugar Cube Corner at three so we can go over cake designs."

"Love you too. And three o' clock, got it." Rainbow says.

The two of you stand there in silence for a bit. "I'm going to have to come get you, aren't I?"

"Can't hurt!" she says as she shoots off into the sky.

That mare. You loved her to death, but sometimes she acted like a child.

Stepping into the library, you call out. "Twi! I'm here!"

"Down here Anon!" came a voice from the basement."I'm just setting up!"

You descend the stairs to Twilight's basement and stop a familiar looking chair. Mana batteries surrounded the wooden chair, with scorch marks radiating out from it.

You pause as you reach the bottom of the stairs and Twilight looks at you. "Something wrong?" she asks.

You shake your head a bit. "I just noticed how weird this would look to an outsider."

Twilight giggles. "Well, hop on in. Today is the final round of testing."

After you had beaten The Dogfather, the Canterlot Royal Magi Society had taken great interest in your magical immunity. Over the past few months, you and Twilight had been assaulting you with every form of magic on Equestria, you even got Mous to do a few rounds.

You were glad you were past Chrono magic, you didn't want your clothes aged to dust again. At least not in winter...

After a few hours, you and Twilight are sitting in her study going over results.

"Well, Anon, it looks like our initial hypothesis was correct. Both you and Mous are completely immune to all forms of Equestrian magic." Twilight says.

"Twilight, Celestia shot both of us with magic the day we got here and it just slid off. Was that not enough proof for you?"

Twilight flips through some of her notes. "That was only the initial test. After looking at these results, I can tell you it's far more in-depth then that."

You lean forward. "Well? Don't leave me hanging."

Twilight looks you in the eye."You and Mous, the both of you, are immune to magic, like we learned when you came here, but you are also immune to the -effects- of it as well."

That...wasn't news. "Yeah Twi, we know, that's why Mous had to heal the long way after what happened in the mine."

Twilight shakes her head. "That would have been a direct effect of magic, I'm not talking about that."

"Anon, do you remember how you told me you beat The Dogfather? With the ice on your arm?"

You silently nod. "Simply put, you shouldn't have been able to do that. The ice may have been made by magic, but it was still incredibly cold ice. You should have had nerve damage."

The ice didn't -feel- that cold. "I just thought the coldness of the ice was just magical and that's why it didn't work..."

Twilight shakes her head again. "That ice should have frozen you, but instead it did nothing. These tests today prove it, you and Mous cannot be effect by any magic, direct or indirect, whatsoever."

Wow that's...exactly the same as it was before. At least you knew why now.

"Oh well, "for science" and all that." you say as you throw your arms behind your head.

You look up at the clock. 2:55.

"Shit! Twilight I gotta go!" you shout as you grab your bag.

Twilight chuckles. "Good luck Anon!" she calls out as you leave the library.

You burst out of the library and down as fast as you can. Dammit, you can't be late. Not after what you told her this morning...

You slide around to Sugarcube Corner and...see Rainbow Dash sitting on the steps with a smug grin.

The two of you stand in silence for a moment, Rainbow's smug grin growing ever wider. "Yeah yeah, you made it here before me. Let's just go inside."

"Heh. Right behind you, Anon." Dash says as you walk up the steps.

"How bout this one?" you ask as you point to a cake design in the booklet.

Rainbow makes several faces as she looks it over. "Nah. I'm just not feeling it."

You sigh and rub your head. Picking a wedding cake design was not a fun experience, it seemed.

"Okay, well, how about this one?" you ask as you point to another design, this one featuring various pegusi on it.

Dash looks it over as well."I don't know, Anon. I'm not feeling this one too much either.

You'll feel it when I throw the bastard at you...

Easy tiger, easy...

You had been at Sugarcube Corner for the past hour or so, looking through a book of pastries the Cake's had given you. Rainbow had been shooting down every choice thus far. Apparently not "feeling it".

"Dash, at this rate we're not even going to -have- a cake, we'll just spend all our time before it waiting for you to pick a design." you lament.

Rainbow sighs and rests her head on her hooves. "I just want something that really gets us, ya know? Something that really says something about us."

You throw your arm over her. "Dash, most of this cake is going to end up inside of us. I think we can let the fact that we're getting married speak for itself."

Rainbow sighs and goes back to the book as Pinkie hops in through the door. "What's wrong, Dashie?" she asks once she reaches the table you're sitting at.

"Hey Pinkie. I was just looking at these wedding cakes, but I'm not feeling any of em." she says.

Pinkie's face falls for a moment before it shoots back up and explodes into joy. "Well, why don't I make it?" she beams.

Both you and Rainbow turn to look at her. "You'd do that Pinkie?"

"Of course I would, silly filly! Nopony should be without a cake on their special day! I'll be sure to make you a super spectacular best cake ever cake!" she shouts.

Both you and Dash exchange looks at each other. She looked gleeful, you imagine you looked relieved.

"Thanks Pinkie, that means a lot." you say.

Rainbow looks to her friend. "More than a lot..." Rainbow says. She turns to you before turning back to Pinkie. "Hey, Pinkie, did you...want to be one of my bridlemates?"

Pinkie's eyes practically bugged out of her head as she shot into the air. "Ohthankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Pinkie is still talking as the two of you raise to your feet. "OhI'llneedtogetadressandI'llneedtofindoutwhatabridlemateevendoes!"

You both step out of Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie still talking.

"Think she'll make a good bridlemate?" Rainbow asks.

You chuckle. "I think she'll act as a good counter to the best man."

Sweet Talk.

You stood looking at yourself in the trio of mirrors.

Is our ass that big?

Rarity orbited around you. "How do you like it darling?"

You bended your body in different shapes as you examined the tuxedo. "I'm impressed, Rarity. Not many ponies could produce a fitting suit for an alien."

Rarity playfully laughs. "Then it is a good thing I am not many ponies."

Got that right.

Rarity goes off to her drawing table as you continue to examine yourself. "So, you and the girls wearing those dresses I saw at the last wedding to this one?"

You can hear Rarity drawing away. "Oh, those dresses won't do at all! I'll just whip up a new set. Modeled after Rainbow's of course."

You turn to look at her. "You're gonna make six new dresses in addition to the tuxedos you've already made?"

"Of course darling! We all must look our best for this wedding!" she says as she continues to draw.

Good luck with that, lady.

"Rainbow ask you to be her brides mate yet?"

"Bridle mate, dear." Rarity corrects. "And no, not yet. Although I hear that Pinkie is the first official one."

A wedding featuring you and Pinkie Pie. Should be a blast. Literally.

"And what about you, Mous?" Rarity asks.

"Hmm?"

Rarity continues to talk with her back turned. "You and Lotus have been rather serious for a while now, should I be designing a dress for her as well?"

Oh...this.

"If you design all these dresses and end up not eating, Rainbow and the girls would kill me."

Not to mention what Spike would do.

Rarity steps away from her drawing board. "Regardless darling, you and Lotus have known each other almost as long as Anon and Rainbow have. We've seen where they're headed, so why not you?"

It seemed Lotus had been chatting with Rarity during her spa dates...

"You've known Blueblood longer then that even, why not make one for yourself?" you tease.

Rarity was not amused. "You know why. A few months together is not the proper time for marriage."

"But two years is?"

"Yes! When you love somepony, you're supposed to get married! I can't see why you wouldn't want to." Rarity shouts.

"Because planning a wedding is a pain in the ass?"

In some cases a royal one.

That was terrible. Now we have to put money in the Pun Jar.

You left Rarity's in your new tux. It was expensive, as are most custom orders, but it's not every day your bro has a wedding. You cut through town on your way to the spa. Construction finished today, it was time to check out what Celestia's money paid for.

It's a bit odd that she footed the bill...

We're heroes of the city, brain.

But what if she's going to have us pay her in backrubs?

We'd have to fake our own death.

You shudder those thoughts away as you step into the new lobby. Neither Aloe nor Lotus were behind the counter.

"Girls?" you call out.

"Down here, Mous!" comes a voice from the new stairs.

You descend down the stairs into the new underground portion of the spa. In the center of the room was the new hot tub, with the steam room underneath the stairs. Massage beds, mud and ice baths surrounded the tub, with private rooms branching off from the main room.

Aloe whistled as you reached the bottom of the stairs. "Nice suit Mous!"

You spun on your feet and did a small flourish. "New spa, new uniform. What do you think?"

Lotus trots up to you. "I think you knew we weren't going to open until tomorrow and you came to show off."

"Is it working?" you ask as you strike a pose.

Lotus rolls her eyes and walks back to the center of the room with her sister. "How strange is it that you just so happen to turn up here right after we finish setting everything up?"

"Yeah, you missed out on moving everything!" Aloe says.

"It's aliens mucking with my mind, I tells ya."

Aloe glances up at the clock. "Well, time to go! Caramel is taking me out tonight."

"Go on, I can lock up." Lotus says.

"Have fun, don't die!" you shout up as Aloe trots up the stairs.

You turn back to see Lotus giving you a face.

"What? That's what my dad used to tell me."

Lotus rolls her eyes and trots back to lock up the private rooms. "So, how many months pay did you blow on that suit?" she asks.

"Enough that I'd be worried if I had to pay a mortgage."

Dropping out of the sky outside town had its benefits, Nopony owned that land.

Lotus locks up the last room as you sit on one of the massage beds. "So, this is what you would wear to weddings where you're from?"

You nod.

Lotus slowly shakes her head. "Ridiculous..."

"No more so than a blue pony with an accent running a spa."

Lotus smirks as she walks around to the front of you. "Still...it's not all bad..."

"I'm glad you approve."

Lotus walks a bit closer and takes off her headband and collar. "Remember when you asked if it was working?"

This mare...

"Maybe."

Lotus rises to her hind legs and wraps her hooves around your neck. "Well, here's your answer." she says as she brings her lips to yours.

You wrap your arms around Lotus just in time for her to push you back onto the bed. She hops on you of you and makes a dive for your neck. You reach out and stop her just in time.

Lotus looks at you with her best puppy dog eyes.

"I'm not having sex with you at work and I'm not doing it with this suit on."

"But sweetheeaaarrt..." she whines.

"The suit must stay on and stay safe, those are my only requirements."

Lotus sighs as she leans down again. "If I must..."

Lotus lies back on your chest and kisses you again. You stay like that for a while, filling the room with gasps and giggles. After some time, Lotus resigns in her bid to get your clothes off and simply lies on the bed with you as you stroke her hair.

"So, Rarity asked me why I haven't proposed to you yet while she was giving me this." you say.

"And what did you tell her?" Lotus asks.

"That planning a wedding is a pain in the ass."

"Tch. You have that right. I am not envious of Rainbow and Anon having to run around so much."

"Still..."

You let your arm drift up under hers and pull her to your chest. "What would you say? If I asked, that is."

Lotus stretched out on the bed. "If you asked right now?" Lotus shimmies up and plants a kiss on your neck. "What do you think?"

You scratch Lotus behind the ears and kiss the top of her head. "I think I'd make some stallions angry by getting the best wife."

Lotus chuckles and cuddles into your chest. "Charmer."

You rustle her mane. "Charmer enabler."

The Life Span Talk.

Year 2 in Equestria.

Your wedding was in a little over a week. You really couldn't be happier. You emerge yawning from your room on a Saturday off and head for the kitchen to find Mous and Lotus curled up on the couch, the menu for From Russia with Love looping on the TV.

You creep up next to them. "Looks like you two should have kept your eyes open."

Mous waves an arm at you and moans under the pillow. "Fuck off James, no one likes you."

Lotus stretches on his chest. "I found him rather charming."

"Traitor." Mous grunts out.

The two of them roll off the couch as you head into the kitchen, Rainbow trotting out of your room as you did.

"Good morning." You sing out as you bend down and give her a peck on the nose.

Rainbow yawns. "Hey Anon..." she mumbles out and heads to the table. Even after all this time, Rainbow hated mornings.

You went scrounging through the cupboards as the girls sat down and Mous came into the kitchen.

You pull out the singular can at the back of the cupboard. "Don't tell me..." Mous says as you do.

And the prize today is! "Beans."

Mous buries his face in his hand. "Brilliant..."

"Guess we haven't had much time to go shopping with all the wedding planning, huh?" you chuckle out.

Everyone pouts at the realization that there is no food.

"...Cafe?" Rainbow asks.

Lotus and Mous exchange looks, then the two of you. "Cafe?" he says.

You look at the desolation on your kitchen. "Cafe."

The four of you head to town and make a beeline for the cafe. Never get in the way of food on a Saturday morning, mom used to say.

Mous decides to be boring and orders bread and water, Lotus getting some tea. You and Rainbow both share a salad.

"You're gonna be hungry as hell if that's all you're eating for breakfast." Mous says through his full mouth.

"And you're gonna choke if you keep talking with your mouth full." You say.

Mous shrugs. "I've had worse."

"Dear, please, don't make my drag your corpse to the hospital in public." Lotus chimes in as drinks her tea.

Mous grumbles and goes back to eating.

You take a deep breath and lean back. This was nice...just relaxing with friends a week before you got married. Times like this make you glad that you were sent here. Your eyes drift over the town of ponies you had come to call your neighbors.

They stop right in front of Twilight's tree house. Or rather, the object in front of it. "Is that the royal carriage?"

The others all turn and look over. "What's that doing here?" Rainbow asks.

"Maybe Twilight is giving her report in person this time?" Mous says.

He turns to look at you. "Should we check it out?"

"Is it any of our business?" You didn't want to stick your nose into Twilight's life.

Mous leans back in his chair. "I'd just prefer to find out if we should be expecting another Diamond Dog invasion. Except they're goats now, or something."

You turn to Rainbow. "What do you think?"

Rainbow glances at the carriage. "This isn't normal...If Twilight wasn't running around town trying to prepare everything, then she might not have known about it."

You exchange a glance with Mous. "Okay...but just a quick check-in."

The four of you are almost to Twilight's when the door opens and spike runs out. Spike's head swivels around nervously before he spots you and runs up. "Anon! Mous! You gotta come with me!" he shouts.

Your worst fears seemingly confirmed, Mous shouts out. "Lead the way!"

You break off into a run as Spike leads you...ten feet down the road and right back into Twilight's house.

"What's happening? What's going on!?" you shout as you burst in through the door.

Inside the Library stood both Celestia and Luna as well as Twilight and the Grand Magister. Twilight turns to you."Oh! Boys! I just sent Spike out to find you."

"Yeah, we know that, what's wrong?" Mous asks.

Twilight and her teacher exchange glances. "Uh...nothing? We just needed to talk."

You turn to Spike. "Why did you make it sound so urgent?"

Spike looks at you like you had just grown another head. "Uh...both of the Princesses are here? Did you want to keep them waiting?"

What.

You sigh in relief, Mous just growls "You cheeky little..."

Spike dashes up the stairs before Mous can turn him into boots.

Celestia clears her throat. "Yes, well, it is a good thing that you have gotten here so fast. We have an important matter to discuss with you."

You put your hand on Mous's shoulder and hold him back."What is it, Princess?"

Twilight and her teacher exchange a nervous glance, The Grand Magister has to speak up. "We have completed out research onto your magical immunity, gentlemen."

Well, that was fast. "So, is it replicable?"

Luna steps forward. "The immunity to magic thou share is a result of the Waygate that brought thee here. We cannot reproduce those magics."

Well damn, that was a shame. "So, what did you guys need us here for?"

A bit of magical study didn't seem to warrant sending Spike out looking for you.

Celestia closes her eyes for a moment. "When you arrive here, you told me that your kind live to about eighty years of age...was that...an average?"

Mous and you exchange a glance. What was this?

"Yes, humans had a general lifespan of around seventy or eighty when we were last on Earth." Mous says.

Celestia closes her eyes again and sighs."What's going on Princess?"

You were getting slightly nervous.

Twilight looks up at the two of you, her eyes large and worried. "We studied your magical immunity and we found...a... side effect."

Okay, now you're worried. "Well, tell us!" you shout a bit louder then you mean to.

"W-well..." Twilight says before the words die in her throat.

Celestia steps up and takes Twilight under her wing.

"Even I find myself at a loss for words as to how to say this, so I'll just say it." she says. "Anon, Mous, so long as you remain in Equestria, neither of you will age."

The room is silent for an eternity.

Not...age?

Did that mean you were immortal? You could still be hurt, Mous had the scars.

Judas H. Priest... you weren't going to age!

"WHAT." Mous shouts.

"I said that neither of you will ag-"

"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!"

You can hear Mous's breathing increase. "Sweetheart..." Lotus says.

"NO! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHAT IS THIS!?" Mous shouts.

"Calm. Down." Celestia booms.

She succeeds in quieting Mous, if temporarily. "We do not know what the cause of this is, Waygate magic has always eluded us. We aren't sure if time simply runs differently here or if some form of magic from the Waygate affected you. All we know is that there isn't a cell in your bodies that has aged in the two years you have been here."

Rainbow flutters up and grabs your shoulder. "You okay Anon?"

You finally speak up. "How? How can you know that?"

"There is an antiquated system in Canterlot used for magical defense." Celestia says. "Whenever something enters Canterlot, it records everything about them. This system recorded the both of you when you entered Canterlot for the first time, and again during the Diamond Dog invasion. There was zero change in the results."

Your head falls.

"That should not be." Celestia says.

You stare at your own hands. Had you missed something that could have given you a clue? Your hair grew while you were here and any cuts you had healed fairly normally.

Mous is glaring daggers at Celestia and Luna. "Fuck this." he says.

Mous turns and walks out of the Library."Mous!" Lotus calls out.

"I need to think, Lotus!" he calls back.

You needed to think too. You silently turn and follow Mous as everypony behind you cries out.

-Music-

The two of you silently trudge through the winter air. There is no speaking as you walk, simply silent contemplation.

You aren't going to age...

The two of you walk for hours. You walked into the Everfree Forest, attracting the attention of a pack of Timber Wolves. They were scared away by a "FUCK OFF!" that could have been heard back on Earth.

You walked up a mountain, each of you silently helping the other. You remember Rainbow telling you about this mountain...she had had one of her adventures here. Rainbow...she was still going to age.

It was sunset by the time the two of your stopped. You simply sat at the edge of a cliff and thought to yourselves.

The silence was eventually shattered. "AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" Mous yells, his roar echoing through the valley below.

"Feel better?" you ask as you turn to him.

Mous curls his knees up and rests his arms on them. "No."

"Well, can you not do that? Non-aging aside, I don't want an avalanche. Or to go deaf."

"Pfft...Why not? We have all the time in the universe to dig our way out, now." Mous says.

The two of you sit for a while.

You sigh and lean back on your hands as you watch the sun set over the mountains. "Gotta say...I didn't anticipate this when we first got here."

"Yeah..."

"Not the best train of thought to go into a wedding to."

"..."

You rest your chin on your hand as you think of your future now. Your unendingly long future.

"It'd be so easy..." Mous says.

"Hm?"

He shifts his eyes to you. "Leaving."

...Leaving? "What, man?"

"You heard me." he says as he rises to his feet. "Leaving. Going away. Just walking down this mountain and following that sunset until we can't anymore."

You rise to your feet as well. "And why would we do that?"

Mous still looks irritated. "Isn't that what immortals do? Wander around and do nothing as they forget what year it is?"

"That still isn't a reason why we should do it."

"Why not? We both know how this wedding story of yours is going to end now. Why keep going if the reason you have is gonna be gone long before you get to the end?"

"Just because I know how a story ends doesn't mean I don't want to enjoy the ride there." you say.

Mous walks over to the edge of the cliff and kicks a rock off in silence. "You're scared..."

Mous shoots a glare at you. "You're scared...Scared that you've finally found a place with people you like and you don't want to be here when they're gone..."

Mous quickly turns back and glowers over the cliff edge.

You sigh and walk up next to your bro. "You know." you start. "I remember something someone once told me when I got scared once. It was a dumb line that he got from some lame cartoon, but it worked." You turn your bro and look him in the eyes. "Ya gotta keep moving forward, even when you're scared."

The anger in Mous's eyes fades, replaced by melancholy stare. "How do we know that the way forward isn't away from here?"

"Hey!" Mous turns back to you. You aren't used to playing this role, so you kinda just wing it.

"Force your way down a path you choose to take, but don't do it by yourself." Sound familiar?" You say as you jam a finger in his face.

Mous smiles for the first time in a while. "Yeah...a bit."

You spread your arms and the two of you embrace in the most deserved bro-hug you've had.

As you separate, Mous jams his hands in his pockets, but keeps a smile on his face. "So that's it, huh? You and me from here to eternity, just enjoying the ride?"

"I can think of worse fates." you say with a laugh.

"Not to mention worse people do spend it with..." Mous says with a laugh of his own.

You turn and start down the path, the rising moon lighting it for you."Come on, man. I think we may have scared the best parts of this story when we left."

-Music-

The two of you make decent time back to town. It helps that you scared away half the Everfree Forest the last time you came through.

You can see the house in the distance. "They are going to be so pissed..." Mous says.

"Lotus might. All I have to do is remind Rainbow that we have a wedding and I'm home free."

Mous makes a face as you open the door. "We're home!" you call out.

"Anon!?" Comes a voice from your room.

You open your arms for a hug as the rainbow streak flies out of your room. You are rewarded with a hoof to the face instead. "You bucking jerk! Don't ever scare me like that again!" Rainbow shouts.

You hold your face. "Dash, come one, I don't want a broken nose when I get married."

"You're lucky I'm still letting you marry me after the crap you pulled!" Rainbow shouts.

Your plan has failed. You are up shit creek. "Nice save." Mous says as he scoots behind you.

You spot Lotus walking out of Mous's room. The two of them simply look at each other once they meet.

"Hey." Mous says.

Lotus silently trots up to Mous as he kneels down to her eye level. "Never do that again." she says as she nuzzles his face.

Wait. What just happened?

Dash wraps her hooves around you suddenly. "What she said goes double for you mister."

You remain silent as you let your hand swim through her mane.

"Where did you both go?" Lotus asks.

"Well.. we went to a big ass mountain to think for a while on today's...news." Mous says.

"Did you think of anything big?" She asks.

You hug Rainbow close to you as you sit against the wall. "We decided that an eternity in our twenties would be shit without you two here."

Lotus looks up at Mous. "What he said. Just, you know, with more swearing."

You nuzzle Dash's head with your own. "Hey you..."

Rainbow finally rises from your chest and plants her forehead against yours. "Hey..."

"You ready to get married?" you ask.

Rainbow plants a kiss on your lips and pulls back with a big smile. "Yeah."

That alone made today worthwhile.

Party Till You Drop.

Year 2 in Equestria.

-Music-

Las Pegasus. The night before the wedding. That left the second most important thing besides getting married left to do. It was your job to give Anon one last big hurrah.

You turn to the rest of the collected stallions. Big Mac had accepted your invitation with the same simplicity he was famous for, while Thunderlane had been a bit hesitant to leave his pregnant mare.

You other two companions are a different matter...

Broblood had insisted on coming along, if not for his intimate knowledge of the city itself then for his status, a status that he assured you would get you into anywhere you needed. You have absolutely no idea why Mr. Hooves accepted your invitation.

We're totally gonna get eaten...

Shut up. Time to work.

"Okay, boys. We are here on a mission. A mission to give Anon here the time of his life before we all have to go to a wedding with a hangover, are you with me?" you say.

"Eeyup."

"You got it!"

"Of course."

"Here here!"

"I don't think I like this..."

You turn to the dissenter. "Come on, Anon. It's your last day as a free man. What could go wrong?"

"Well..." Mr. Hooves starts.

You absentmindedly jam a finger at him. "You are not allowed to weigh in on the matter, you walking broken mirror."

-Music-

Broblood was able to charm the lot of you into the biggest casino resort in the city.

"My friends and I are trying to enjoy one last night before one of us gets married, can you accommodate us? I assure you, I can make it worth your while." He had said.

The manager backpedaling once he saw that you were indeed with royalty was brilliant.

The Whinny's gambling floor seemed to stretch on for miles. Rows upon rows of slot machines and roulette wheels were set up, with hundreds of ponies milling about between them. None of those were for you, however, not when you were with royalty.

A casino employee ushered you up a flight of stairs behind a velvet rope. What you assume was the VIP lounge was a swanky place.

Private slots and card tables were sequestered in the back of the room, a stage with a mare dancing on it was in the corner, waitresses trotted around with trays of drinks. "Welcome to our VIP room, sirs." your guide says.

"I'm starting to feel uncomfortable." Anon says.

"Oh, stop being a so negative."

You turn to your little group. "Alright. Blueblood, is there anything in particular we need to know before we begin?"

"Never accept any free drinks and touching costs extra." he says with a deadpan face.

"Alright then, gents..."

You reach out and grab a pair of drinks from a waitress.

"Enjoy."

You throw your head back and dribble the drinks into your mouth to the shock of everypony else.

A few hours had passed and most of your were pleasantly drunk. And you did mean "Most of you.". Rarity must have rubbed off on Blueblood, because he bought drinks for practically everypony in the VIP lounge.

You had several different kinds of drinks in you. A pair of Red Stars from Stalliongrad, a Canterlot Twister, and some shots of a drink that Mr. Hooves had ignited with some pen of his. As it stood, you were lounging with Thunderlane and conversing with a nice mare on stage.

"And so that's when Thunder here got together with Flutters, all because of a little Feather Flu." you explain.

The dancer writhes and twists around on the floor as she goes about her routine. "Aww...that's cute. It's almost like you two were meant to be together."

You take a swig of your drink as Thunderlane stammers out a response. "Yeah...Fluttershy is a great mare." He leans his head back. "I still can't believe I'm gonna be a dad soon...time was I'd probably have come to this place myself."

The dancer performs a particular feat of spinal trickery and bends over backwards, her eyes meeting the two of you. "Well, I think a good parent is one who can admit when they were wrong. At least you know you shouldn't come here after he or she is born."

You elbow Thunderlane in the rib. "Yeah man, you're gonna make a great dad to little Thundershy of Flutterlane or whatever other combination you can come up with."

Thunderlane blushes a bit. "You think so?"

"Better than some of the dads I used to know. Go off to war and come back to live out of a bottle, or let their kids run around and screw like bunnies. Be better than that, and you'll be golden." you say.

You dig a bit out of your pocket and flash it to the dancer. With a flick of your thumb, it flips through the air. The dancer catches it in her mouth and loops her tongue around it, producing it for you both.

Damn, she was good at that.

Thunderlane chuckles beside you. "Thanks, dude. I'll think about your...advice."

-Anon PoV-

You sat silently at the slot machines, watching the little symbols spin round and around until you stopped them. Three hay bales again? Fuck your luck.

You looked around that room to see where your friends were. Mous and Thunderlane were off laughing with the stripper. Big Mac was getting a show of his own with a pair of the dancers from earlier in the night. Blueblood, to his credit, was keeping his distance from the dancers, eventually winding up at the poker table. He seemed to care about Rarity quite a bit if he was turning down vices that had claimed one so clean cut as Big Macintosh.

Either that, or Big Mac was less simple as he put on.

Your last companion sat as quietly as you next to you, simply staring ahead and playing the slots. "Oh, bollocks." he says as he loses again.

Mous always seemed suspicious of this guy, you had your own suspicions yourself.

"So...Mister Hooves." you say.

He turns his head to you. "Hmm?"

You tilt your head towards Mous. "My counterpart has some rather..."far out" ideas about you."

He chuckles. "I've heard some of those ideas myself."

"But those ideas aren't true, are they?"

He shakes his head. "Completely unfounded."

The two of you sit in silence for a moment. "But...if they were true...Do you think I could bug the space alien for advice?"

He freezes with his hand on the level and turns to you. "What's on your mind?"

You spin in your stool a bit. "I've had...an interesting week. I found out that I won't age so long as I'm here, made peace with that, and then went about planning a wedding. But now..."

"Now the weight of tomorrow is coming down on you." he says stonefaced.

You stops spinning, your eyes glued to the floor. "It's just...I'm supposed to promise to love her forever. That's really easy when the odds say you'll live your lives together, but once that's gone..."

"Then you can imagine all that time without her."

You stay silent and simply nod.

Hooves pulls the lever. "Well, if I -were- some sort of incredibly old alien, this would be the time where I tell you to not think like that."

You elevate your gaze to him as he presses a button to stop one of the slots. "When you have that much time, people you care about are going to leave you, it's a fact of life."

He presses another button. "What's important is to enjoy the time you have with them and to try to make it last as long as you can."

He presses the final button and turns to you, his eyes look calm and welcoming. "When those people do eventually leave you, it's your choice at the time whether to find another companion. The life of an immortal would be terribly lonely otherwise..."

The slots stop moving to reveal...

"Nothing? Again!? It's mathmatically impossible to lose this much!" he shouts.

"I think these machines might be rigged, man." you laugh out.

"Is that so?" Hooves looks from left to right before he pulls a small silver cylinder out of a pocket that doesn't exist. He points the cylinder at the slot machine and causes a light buzzing. Suddenly, a flood of coins pours out of the machine and into the tray.

You give Hooves a look. "What? They're cheating too." he says.

You throw up your hands and walk away. "I'm not gonna be here when you get caught."

You walk to the main room to see quite a sight. Mous was on the floor clutching onto some stallions leg and shouting. "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE YOU!?"

You walk up to a slightly tipsy Thunderlane. "What happened?"

"Dude had a few and then went nuts when he heard this other dudes name..." he says.

"Well, what's his name?" you ask.

"Some big city sounding name, I heard him check in as 'Bruce Mane' or somethin'."

You look at the stallion. Tall, black mane, blue eyes, sky blue coat. Okay...this was starting to make sense now.

You kneel down and pry your bro's fingers off his hoof. "Sorry about this, Mister Mane."

Mane seems bemused. "No problem at all, son." he says with a grin.

"Hey. Hey, Mous."

"*hic!* Why won't e' let me be 'im, Anon?" Mous mumbles out.

Shit. Someone went hard. The night is almost complete, just gotta get him off this guy.

You start to peel his fingers off. "Come on, I think I heard Clark Canter when we came in."

Mous's head snaps up and he heads to the door, Thunderlane and Blueblood following, Blueblood apologizing as he followed.

You call back to your last two friends. "Mac! Hooves! Come on! We're going!"

Mac says goodbye to his new friends, but not before they slip him some small pieces of paper. Mac, you dog...

Hooves trots down the stairs, his "winnings" in his mouth.

You turn to the doorman. "Thank you for a wonderful time."

"I'M OPEN TO WEARING THE SCALEPRINT UNDERPANTS!" Mous shouts up the stairs.

Okay, now the night is complete.

Of Bros and Bells.

Year 2 in Equestria.

You adjusted your tie for the sixteenth time this hour, your nerves were playing at you again.

"If you keep this up, you're nerves alone are going to scare her off." came a voice from over your shoulder.

Mous sat in a chair behind you, arms crossed and foot tapping. ""You'll excuse me if I don't take the advice of the guy who got me as drunk as he got me the night before my wedding."

Mous shrugs. "It's tradition."

"Tradition blows."

Mous gets up and orbits around you. "Come on, lemme get a good look at you."

Mous's hands glide from your tie, to your suit, to your shoulders. "You..." He starts as he gives you a final once over. "Look like a polished turd."

Your laughter calms your nerves a billionth of what they normally were. "Look who's talking. I can't believe you wore your work boots to my wedding."

"Hey, the last wedding we went to ended in an invasion. I'd rather be prepared."

You sigh and look yourself over in the mirror. "Of all the things that could happen on top of everything else."

You feel your jimmies begin to spontaneously rustle.

"Hey." Mous says. "Don't be like that. You two are great together."

You sigh and run your hand through your hair. "I just can't stop thinking of all the ways this could go wrong. Immortality not-withstanding."

Mous sighs. "Anon, do you love Rainbow?"

You shoot an incredulous glance at him. "Of course I do, man. What the hell kind of-"

"Then shut up, go out there, and get married to the mare you love before I shackle the two of you together at the neck." Mous says, silencing you.

Always a great motivator; this guy...

The two of you stood at the altar, half of Ponyville sitting silently in the seat behind you and Celestia silently standing in front of you. You had planned on a smaller wedding, Pinkie Pie had different ideas.

"Did you take care of it?" you ask.

"I did the best I could, don't really know it off the top of my head." Mous says.

It would have to do. It turned out Equestria's wedding march was different from Earth's. It wasn't that big a deal, but Mous said he'd try and handle it.

You rocked back and forth as you counted down the seconds. You weren't thinking of running, there was no place in Equestria you'd rather be. But still, you were anxious.

"I'm proud of ya."

You turn around and meet Mous's grin. "What?"

"I said I'm proud of you, my little bro finally finding someone he cares about and settling down. Makes me happy."

You wag a finger in his face. "Somepony, not someone. Get with the vernacular."

Mous chuckles. "It would be impolite of me to flip you off at a wedding."

The two of you share a laugh. "Hey. Thanks man" you say as you clasp him on the shoulder.

"Nowhere I'd rather be." he says.

Suddenly, the music starts and your sphincter tightens.

-Music-

Oh god... He didn't.

Ignore it. Ignore the guffaw forming in the pit of your stomach, ignore that damn serene face he has on his face. Just focus on her coming up the aisle.

Rainbow's dress was incredible, Rarity had done an amazing job. She wore golden sandals around her hooves, her dress was stark white and served to better bring out the rainbow mane flowing behind it. You could catch hints of a smile on her face from behind the veil supported by a golden crown thing on her head.

Spike was giving her away for you in place of her parents, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle followed them up the aisle tossing flower petals.

Rainbow trots up to the altar next to you. "Hey." she whispers, the excitement seeping through.

"Hey." you whisper back.

Celestia smile down at the two of you. "Gathered friends." She begins. "We are here to celebrate a wonderful occasion. Not only of two souls coming together in matrimony, but in coming together across entire worlds."

That was...incredibly grandiose. Did Mous write this speech or something?

"The couple will now say their vows." Celestia says.

You bend down to Rainbow's height and throw back her veil. "Rainbow Dash..." you want to continue, but she's looking at you with those big magenta eyes of hers and throwing you off. "You were one of the first ponies I met when I came here, the first one to be my friend..." You brush a stand of hair out of her face. "But the only one I fell in love with. I vow to help you, hold you, and love you every bit as much as I do right now."

You could hear sniffling from the crowd behind you.

"Anon..." Rainbow starts. "When you came here, I didn't even know what you were, I didn't know you were going to be my best friend, and I really didn't know you were going to be my husband one day." Rainbow presses her forehead against yours. "But I wouldn't change a second of it. I love you Anon, and I vow to keep loving you, support you, and kick your flank when you mess up and forget to eat again."

You hear chuckling from the crowd behind you now. You had only forgotten once...

Scootaloo trots up behind you, a pillow in her mouth with a pair of matching necklaces on it. Celestia levitates the necklaces into the air and casts a spell, causing the jewels in the center of each necklace to turn a matching shade of blue.

The necklaces lower in your hands. "Anon, do you take Rainbow Dash to be your wife?" Celestia asks.

"I do." you say as you fasten the necklace.

You did. You absolutely did.

"Rainbow Dash, do you take Anon to be your husband?"

Rainbow reaches around and snaps the necklace together around your neck.

"I do." she says. You feel your heart rate pick up at those words.

"Is there anypony here today who has a reason that these two should not be wed?" Celestia asks.

This was always the part in the movies where some ex flame burst through the door shouting an objection and you admit you held your breath. The room was silent however, but you were sure you could hear Mous's neck muscles strain as he glared out over the crowd and dared anyone to object.

Celestia smiles. "Then by the power vested in me as ruler of Equestria, I now pronounce you Man and Mare. You may kiss the bride."

Didn't have to tell you twice. You almost fall over as you pull Dash close to you and lock your lips. That moment seems to stretch on for years as you savor everything about it. The taste of Rainbow's lips, the smell of her hair, Mous screaming "Louder!" to the cheering crowd.

The two of you finally separate and simply sit there for a moment. "So, I just noticed that I don't have a last name. Am I "Mr. Dash" now?" you say with a chuckle.

Rainbow laughs an wraps her hooves around you. "We'll figure something out."

The reception was held at the same chapel as the Royal Wedding, they finally replaced all those windows that had shattered. It went just as a reception put together by Mous and Pinkie Pie was expected to. The girls had offered their congratulations, Rarity had almost wounded a group of mares going for the bouquet, and you got to show off on the dance floor. The two of you were just stepping off and heading back to the rest of the party. "Anon?" Rainbow asks.

"Hmm?"

"What's a "Gangnam Style"? she asks.

You laugh as you walk. "It's this whole thing, I can tell you later."

You walk hand and hoof through the party before a voice caught your attention. "Hey Dash."

Rainbow turns around and went wide eyed. "Gilda!?"

At the table in front of you holding a drink sits a single Griffin. "Hey, nice dress." she says.

Rainbow shakes her head. "How the heck did you get here?"

Gilda jerks a talon towards the rest of the party. "That other guy came to find me at my place and didn't leave until I said I'd think about it, he probably would have come back if I didn't show."

That sounded suspiciously like someone who you just saw sticking his face into the chocolate fountain...

"But, why? I thought I was too lame now?" Rainbow asks, her pride seeping into her voice.

Gilda sighs. "It's cause I missed my friend, Dash. I missed my friend because I acted like a bitch to her the last time I saw her."

Rainbow was taken aback. "So here I am, at her wedding, trying to apologize." Gilda says.

Rainbow was silent for a while before sighing and walking up to her friend.

"Well..." she says before she wrapped her hooves around her. "It -is- a wedding."

You continue walking around with Rainbow. "That was rather nice of you." you say.

"What?"

You turn to her. "Forgiving your friend like that. Time was I could imagine you holding a grudge."

Rainbow playfully punches your shoulder. "I'm a married mare now, Anon. Maybe it's time to turn over a few new leaves."

You rub your arm. "Starting with spousal abuse, are we?"

Rainbow nuzzles your cheek. "You know you like it."

"Only from you." you say as you peck her on the lips.

"How cute." came a voice from the corner of the room.

You turn around to see Mous toweling the chocolate off his face, Lotus sitting on the seat next to him. "You two and the chocolate are libel to give me diabetes." he says.

"Maybe you ought to ease up on the chocolate fountain then?"

Mous rolls his eyes. "What's the point of a fountain made of chocolate if I can't stick my face in it?"

You continue to eye him as he towels off. "...What?" he asks.

"I know you have something planned." you say.

Mous feigns offense. "Me? Mess with your special day? Perish the thought."

A huh..."

Mous gets a glimmer in his eye. "But...I did give the DJ a bit of new music..."

"Remember the song you proposed to?" he asked.

You nod.

Mous whistles to the DJ.

-Music-

You hear the first chords.

"You didn't..."

Mous extends a hand into a claw. "IT CANNOT BE SEEN, BUT THERE'S BLOOD ON THE GREEN!" He shouts.

"Only God knows I'm innocent!" you join.

"TAKE ME, TAKE ME HOME!" Mous steps up onto the table as Lotus simply shakes her head. "A DARK SEED REIGNS IN ME, LIKE A STORM RULES OVER THE SEA!" You break down into laughter as everypony present turns to your table. "I CHALLENGE THEE, DO NOT CROSS THIS BRIDGE ALONE!"

Mous shouts his way through the entirety of his secret song singing into a wine glass before he calms down. The party rolls on into the night, with congratulations coming from everypony.

The gifts were just as nice. Twilight got you a book in interspecies relationships, Rarity offered to make you some clothes, Applejack gave a box full of Zap Apple Jam, Pinkie sang a song for the two of you with Fluttershy's bird choir. Celestia and Luna presented you with tickets straight to New Saddle for your honeymoon. "Only the best for a hero of the city." Celestia says.

Mous got you a toaster. That bastard never forgot anything.

He eventually found the two of you at the table. "What are you two doing here?"

"Uhh...eating a salad?" You says with the fork almost to your mouth.

Mous gestured out to rest of the party. "You two have been married for hours now and everypony is off on their own, get outta here and go enjoy your wedding nights."

"Are you drunk?" you ask.

"More buzzed then drunk, stop evading."

You turn to Rainbow and catch her blush a bit, it seemed the both of you were looking forward to consummating this.

You both rise from your seats. "You're sure this is okay?"

Mous is leaning back in his chair. "Anon, shut the fuck up and go turn me into an uncle, would you?"

"You're insane!" you shout back to him.

"I'm not the one who just got married!" he hollers back.

That was certainly true, you did just get married. And you couldn't be happier.

"Love you." you say as you kiss Rainbow on the head.

"Love you too, Anon" She says as pulls your lips together.

Planning Ahead.

Year 2 in Equestria.

Your fingers glide up her spine. "Derpy, there really shouldn't be this much tension here. They have you working double shifts, or something?"

Derpy moans a bit under your touch. "It's Hearths Warming season, Mous. Everyp0ny is sending cards to their families."

Yeah, you knew. You had convinced Lotus to just send a card to her family, fuck going to Stalliongrad in the winter.

You move down to her shoulders. "So, how're things Derpy? Any plans for Hearths Warming?"

Derpy releases a sigh as you work the kinks out of her shoulders. "No, just a quiet evening at home with everyone. Mr. Hooves says he's due for a quiet winter holiday."

Right...he changed his name. Way to drop that W Doc, that ought to keep everyone off your trail.

"What's Dinky asking for?"

Derpy looks up at you. "Paint, thanks to you. Ever since you gave her those little plastic things, she's been painting them more often. She even learned a duplication spell so she could make more."

Heh. Atta girl Poozer.

"Congratulations Derpy, your daughter is an artist."

You give Derpy's back one more once over before you stop.

"I've done all I can do. If the pain persists, I'd head to a doctor."

Derpy hops off the bed and trots upstairs."Thanks Mous, happy Hearths Warming!" she calls down.

You wave her off as Lotus trots down the other set of stairs. "Was that your last for today?"

"Unless you have some surprise customer ready for me, I think so."

"Help me lock up." Lotus says as she trots to the backrooms.

You go around to each of the private rooms and make sure nopony left anything inside them. "I'm thinking a lazy night on the couch?" Lotus shouts from the other room.

"Now I know why we're together, we have the same idea of winter fun."

You throw open the door to the apartment with Lotus on your back.

"How come I always end up carrying you these days?" you ask/

Lotus kisses your neck. "Because it's cold outside and you love me."

Lotus hops off your back and trots into the bathroom. You throw your bags on the couch and make for your room. You dig through your dresser to find what you were looking for.

It was cold outside and you were off work, it was time for the pajama pants to go on. You throw your new pants on and wriggle your toes into the carpet.

Feels good man.

Your mood already lightened, you step out into the hallway to a most peculiar sight.

"Why are you wearing my pajamas?"

Lotus had some of your favorites, the plaid ones, shimmied up around her waist, they were bunched up around her legs as she walked out of the bathroom.

Lotus turned to you with a grin. "I like the feeling of the fabric on me when we lay together."

You have to admit, it did look cute.

Still, you raise an eyebrow. "And that's a reason to raid my dresser because?"

You follow Lotus out to the living room as she talks. "I figure if one pair feels great, two will feel wonderful." she beamed.

You glance over her. "You know you have them on backwards, right?"

"Huh?"

You point to Lotus's rear. "The pants. They're on backwards."

Lotus twists her head around to see. "But, what is this little hole for if not a tail?"

Oh here we go...

One almost explanation later, the two of you are laying on the couch. Well, you're laying on the couch. Lotus is laying on you. You were both staring at the TV, Grylly the Bear was about to drink his own piss, again.

"This show blows, let me change it." you say.

Lotus scoops up the remote. "No way, I haven't seen this one."

You wrestle with her for a moment. "Come on..."

Lotus simply throws the remote to the other side of the room.

"...You bitch."

Lotus giggles. "You could always go get it."

You glance at the remote by the table, then you glance at the TV. "No...no, I've come too far."

Your hand falls in resignation as Lotus goes back to her show.

A few minutes pass before you get bored.

"So, how are the pajamas working out?" you ask.

Lotus smiles at you. "You tell me."

Lotus's hips suddenly start to grind on your lap.

"Hey hey, not on the couch. Too much of a pain to clean."

Lotus pouts. "Anon would have sex with Rainbow on -their- couch."

"That's because they're on their honeymoon, babe. I promise that we can screw like rabbits on our couch if I ever take you on a honeymoon."

Lotus smiles. "Promise?"

You sigh in exasperation. "Yes."

Lotus gives you a peck on the cheek. "Thank you sweetheart."

Your hand reaches up and rubs her neck. "Yeah yeah, just no beaches. Beaches suck." you say.

After two episodes of Grylly the bear and half of some cooking show, you managed to make a shitty lasso with a blanket and drag the remote to you.

"Sleep on the couch tonight?"

Lotus shifts on your chest. "No. You roll around too much in your sleep, and on this small couch you'll end up rolling off and crushing me."

"Are you calling me fat?"

Lotus chuckles. "I'm calling you clumsy."

"I feel so loved."

Lotus kisses the bottom of your chin. "Good, that's what I was going for."

The two of you lie on the couch for a bit, both too lazy to move to the bedroom to go to sleep.

"...Mous?" Lotus says.

"Hmm?"

"I...need to ask you something."

Well shit, this sounds serious.

"What's up?" you ask.

Lotus flips the pillow you had over your head off and looks you in the eyes. "Well...the spa has been doing quite well for itself since lately, and Aloe and I were talking..."

Well, at least it didn't sound like bad news.

"We were thinking about expanding...to Canterlot."

"...And you want me to come with you." you say.

Lotus gets a nervous look. "It wouldn't be for a long while, you'd still be close to Anon and it would mean so mu-"

You silence her with a finger on her lips.

"It's still a long ways away?"

Lotus silently nods.

"Then let's worry about it then, huh? It's too late for that kind of talk."

Lotus lets out a single laugh. "Just put it off until we have to worry about it?

You nod.

Lotus is quiet for a moment before she falls next to you on the couch. "Okay!" She squeaks.

You turn to Lotus. "And just like that, you're not worried anymore?"

Lotus curls up on your shoulder. "Just like that."

You chuckle. "See, that's what I like about you. You're willingness to go along with my stupid crap."

Lotus looks at you out of the corner of her eye. "Oh? And what else do you like about me?"

You could see how this was going.

"Your twin sister." you say.

Lotus beats a hoof on your chest.

"It's true." you laugh out. "I'm aiming for the pair of you."

"Is that so? Well then it's a good thing I'm only using you to get to Anon." Lotus says.

She traces a hoof over your shoulder. "Until then, I have to make do with you."

You roll off the couch and scoop Lotus into your arms.

"I also hate how you gave the nice alien who walked into your spa a chance to work there, I can't stand how you were worried about me when I got hurt by that manticore, and the fact that you can keep pace with my quips drives me up the wall."

Lotus talks as you carry her into your room. "Your rampant altruism pisses me off, your almost psychotic need to have make ponies laugh either with you or at you is irritating to no end, and the fact that I know you don't even consider looking at other mares drives me mad."

You plop Lotus down on the bed. "Looks like we're totally stuck with each other."

"It looks like it, I can't see a way out." Lotus says.

"Still..."

You sit on the floor face to face with Lotus. "I like that part."

Lotus scoots towards you and rubs your noses together. "I like that part too."

Yeah.

That part was the best.

Hard Labor.

Year 2 in Equestria.

You and Mous were sitting on the couch. It was a particularly boring Saturday. You had off.

"Don't you have a wife or something to hang out with?" Mous says from his side of the couch.

"She's off coordinating with the weather patrol." you turn to him. "Don't you have a marefriend to hang out with?"

He shrugs. "She's going over earnings with Aloe today."

The two of you sit in silence.

"Holy shit." you say, causing Mous to turn to you. "When did we become boring?"

Mous sighs and sinks into his seat. "I'd like to point out the individual in the room who recently got married."

"Oh shut up." you say.

You're both silent.

"...I bet I could hit the power button on the TV with the remote." Mous says.

You didn't need to be a super genius to know that was a bad idea. That TV was large and the button was small.

But still...

"I bet you can't."

Mous is digging through the cracks in the couch when Rainbow burst through door. "Guys! You gotta come qui-!"

Rainbow sees the two of you there; you sitting in your seat while Mous has his ass up in the air and his arm elbow deep into the couch. "Uhh...did I miss something?"

You turn to look at Mous. "Not really... What's up Rainbow?"

Rainbow shakes her head to re-collect her thoughts. "We have to go! It's happening right now!"

Mous jumps off the couch and runs to the door. "Goddamnit! Is the entire town here to try and fuck us again?"

"No no! It's not that!" Rainbow shouts.

You rise from the couch, this could be important. "Rainbow, calm down. What is it?"

Rainbow takes a deep breath and looks you in your eyes. "It's Fluttershy! She's having her foal!"

-Music-

The three of your burst out of the house at top speed and make for the hospital. No easy task when it's on the other side of town.

"When did it start!?" you shout to Rainbow as you run.

"She was having lunch with Twilight when it started! They told me to fly around and get everypony to the hospital quick!"

"Do we have to get anypony else?" Mous shouted.

"No! You two are the last ones I got to!"

A thought hits you. "Wait, isn't this early? Fluttershy has only been pregnant a few months!"

"Yeah! The baby is coming early! That's why Twilight is so worried!" Rainbow shouts. "Now come on you two, double time!"

You watch as Rainbow shoots off down the street and Mous begins to overtake you. Damn this running, you were not built for this.

Still, your mind was racing at the situation.

Horse pregnancies back on Earth had lasted about eleven months, you remember. Pony pregnancies were no doubt different, but she could only have been pregnant for six or seven months, that was early even by human standards.

The three of you run into the lobby of P0nyville General. "We're here for a pregnant mare, Fluttershy." Rainbow says to the receptionist.

"Room 206." the receptionist says without looking away from her clipboard.

You run to the elevator only to have Rainbow zip past you. "Too slow! We'll take the stairs!"

You make it to the second floor and run down the hall. You open the door to room 206 and- "Hello face full of Fluttershy vagina..." Mous mumbles.

Ignoring Mous, you join Twilight and the rest of the girls. Fluttershy was laying in the bed flanked on either side by nurses, Thunderlane was sitting in a chair next to her holding her hoof.

"How're ya doing, Flutters?" You ask.

"O-oh. Hello Anon. I-I'm doing fiiiiine..." She says through her labor pains.

"Easy Flutters, don't overdo it." Thunderlane says.

You turn to Twilight. "How're we doing?

Twilight sighs. "The labor just started and she's already in this much pain, I can't imagine what it will be like later on..."

You look around the room. Two nurses are helping Fluttershy, but that's it. "Where's the doctor?" you ask.

As if on cue, the door opens. "Hello, I'm...doctor..." The doctor pauses as he stares at Mous.

"Speedy!?"

"Mous!?"

Mous stomps up to the doctor. "Speedy, what in the Sam hell are you doing here? I swear, if you came all this way just to get at me..."

"Mous! I'm a doctor here!"

"You weren't a doctor when I knew you!" Mous says.

"Speedy" rolls his eyes. "I had a life before I met you..."

You look at the two of them. "How the hell do you two know each other?"

Mous and Speedy exchange a glance. "Old friends." they say in unison.

Of course...

Speedy trots up to Fluttershy. "Hello, as you probably heard, I'm Doctor Speedy. I'll be helping you here today, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy grunts. "O-oh...thank you Doctor..."

Speedy smiles. "It's my pleasure. Now, let's see how far along you are..."

"AAAAHHHH! I THINK IT'S COMING!" Fluttershy shouts.

Mous leans his head back against the wall. "She has been saying that for twelve hours now..."

Everypony in the room is tired. The rest of the girls look haggard, Thunderlane looks like he's about to crack, even Speedy looks like he could use a break.

Speedy checks under Fluttershy's blanket. "No...not yet. You're still not fully dilated." he says.

Mous releases a groan. "I'm gonna step out." he says as he pushes through the door.

Twilight trots up to you. "Is Mous always this squeamish?" she teases.

You chuckle. "More like antsy, getting him to sit still has always been hard."

The two of you glance over Fluttershy. She was panting and sweating and screaming up a storm.

"So how bout it Twilight, you ever want kids some day?" you ask.

Twilight lets out a drained laugh. "I've got my hands full with my research..." she says as she sits down. "Besides, Spike might get jealous."

You share a chuckle.

"How about you, Anon? Are you looking to become a dad anytime soon?" Twilight asks.

Fluttershy starts her shouts again, ending your conversation. You hadn't really thought about it that much...

You thoughts are interrupted as the door flings open.

Mous lowers his foot and steps into the room brandishing a WAS THAT AN EGGBEATER!?

"WE'RE GONNA GET THAT BABY OUT!" Mous yells as he spins the eggbeater above his head.

Fluttershy starts screaming. Thunderlane starts screaming. Mous is screaming, but he looks excited.

The screaming is so loud that you can barely hear Speedy.

"I can see the head!" he yells over everyone.

Mous throws the eggbeater away and joins you at the side of the bed, a shit eating grin on his face.

Speedy moves to his clipboard. "Healthy colt, born at 1:42 am, nine pounds." He turns to the new family. "Not bad for a premature birth, Congratulations."

Speedy trots out of the room as everyone gathers around the baby.

"He's precious." Rarity coos.

"He's cute!" Shouts Pinkie.

"He looks like he's about to cr-"

A wail fills the room as you turn to Mous. "See what you do?"

Mous waves a hand at you. "Give me a break, I just invented fear induced labor."

The colt quiets down as his mother nuzzles his face. "Have you two thought up any names?" you asked.

Fluttershy and Thunderlane smile at each other. "We both like Sunshine."

You watch as Thunderlane nuzzles his son. "Little Sunshine..." you say.

Nurses come to take Sunshine off to the nursery. "Fluttershy needs to rest now." they tell you.

Twilight and the girls head out as soon as they leave, leaving you, Mous, Rainbow and Thunderlane standing outside the door.

Thunderlane turns to you. "Guys...I can't say thanks enough. It meant so much to Flutters that you all were here."

He trots up to you and Mous. "I don't know where you got that thing, and I should probably be mad, but it's late and it got Sunshine out...so, thanks brah."

Mous and you exchange glances. "Brah?" Mous asks him.

Thunderlane chuckles. "That bad, huh?"

Mous pats him on his shoulder. "Never say it again and you'll still be allowed to speak."

You all head back to the house. Mous had to apologize to Lotus, citing an emergency birth as the reason she was alone all night. Lotus drags him off to their room to help her work out the kinks in her neck. "Yeah, 'neck'." Mous says.

You laugh as you step into your room and collapse on the bed. "Heh. Rough day, wasn't it?" Rainbow asks.

"If I never hear another mare in labor again, it will be too soon." you groan out.

Rainbow chuckles as she jumps into bed next to you. "Still...the baby was cute."

"The baby -was- cute." you say.

You reach out and stroke Rainbows mane. "You'd make a cool mom."

Rainbow smirks. "You'd make an okay dad, yourself."

No greater time then the present...

"Think we should...?"

Rainbow's eyes grow serious. "Think we're ready?"

You chuckle. "I don't see how that's ever stopped us before."

Rainbow wraps herself in your arm and gives you a kiss. "This is a pretty big decision."

"So was proposing, and look how well that turned out."

Rainbow laughs. "...Mous is going to be a weird uncle."

You look down at her. "Really?"

Rainbow smiles. "Well, I've been looking for somepony to teach my moves to anyway."

You scoop her up onto your chest and kiss her. "I can already tell our kid is going to be spoiled with you for a mom."

Interview.

Year 2 in Equestria.

You were with Rainbow in Canterlot. You were both headed for the Kind Leaf Orphanage.

"Think we'll get a cute one?" you ask.

Rainbow turns her head as she flutters down the road. "Don't you think most kids are cute?"

You shrug as you keep walking, what are you gonna do? She had you there.

A creeping doubt sinks into your mind. "I'll admit I'm a bit worried...Mous was always a bit better with kids then me. What if I scare 'em off?"

Rainbow flies to your shoulder. "A bit late to be thinking like that, Anon."

She was right, but you were kinda nervous.

"I guess the weight of this decision is just finally hitting me." you say.

This was quite possibly the first time you would meet your son or daughter, and the first time they would meet the parents that gave them a home.

You shrug your shoulders. If you were going to channel Mous with the kids, you might as well channel his overconfidence.

You and Rainbow push through the door into the orphanage.

A single mare sits behind a desk in the front.

"Hi, we're here to maybe see about adopting?" you say as you approach her.

The receptionist just looks at you. "You two?"

You and Rainbow exchange glances. "Uh...yes?"

"We don't give our foals to just anypony who walks in off the street." she says.

You reach into your shirt and show off the necklace you have matching Rainbows. "We're actually married."

That catches her attention and causes her to stare at the necklaces in examination. "Hmph. Guess they'll just let anypony get married these days."

Bitch.

She hops off her chair. "Follow me." she says as she leads you deeper into the orphanage.

You place a hand on Rainbows shoulder as she trots after the receptionist, glaring. "Take it easy." you whisper.

"You gonna let her insult is like this?" she whispers back.

"Screw her. Let's just get to the kids, eh?"

Rainbow keeps quiet, but continues to glare at the receptionist.

The receptionist knocks on a door at the end of the hall. "Got some for ya."

She trots away as the door opens and reveals a stark white earth mare. "Why hello there!" she says.

Excitable one, it seems. "Hi, I'm Anon and this is Rainbow. We're here to see about adoption?"

The mare's smile consumes her entire face. "How wonderful! I'm Nightingale, you've met my sister Crow."

Oh well that made sense.

She ushers you into her small office. "Come in, come in! Take a seat!"

As you and Rainbow sit down, Nightingale trots behind her desk. "So, how long have you two been together?"

Shit, this question. "Well...we've only been married a month or so, but we've been together for about two years now."

Nightingale keeps her warm smile. "Worried that that would be a deal breaker, huh? Well don't, the adoption process takes a while, I'm sure you two will be ready if and when you take your foal home."

She glances at a small picture on her desk. "And we don't want to keep these kids waiting any longer then we have to..." she says softly.

Nightingale recomposes herself quickly. "But enough talk, why don't I take you out to meet the kids?"

You're lead into a sizeable communal room.

Fillies and colts run around doing all sorts of activities. Some play together, others alone. Some sit and talk and some simply watch the television in the back of the room.

One particular colt, a small gold colored pegasus was staring slack jawed at you as you walked in.

"Hello Thunderstrike, would you like to say hello to our guests?" Nightingale asks.

Thunderstrike snaps back to reality. "Oh uhm, that's okay Ms. Nightingale. I'll just go play with the others." he says as he zips away.

"Cute kid."

"But a bit shy." Nightingale says.

You know the feeling.

You spent a bit of time amongst the kids. Most of them were great kids, you wished you could help them all. Except for that little Flash Whatever kid, he was a little asshole.

You met back up with Rainbow at the front of the room. "Meet any you like?" you ask.

"Tons." she says with a smile. "All the little fliers kept asking about my tricks."

You look back over the kids. That colt from before, Thunderstrike, was sitting along on a couch. The rest of the kids seemed to be avoiding him.

"Nightingale, what's his story?" you ask pointing.

Nightingale follows your finger and frowns. "Ah, Thunder. He used to live here in Canterlot with his parents, but...they didn't survive the Diamond Dog invasion last summer..."

...Ouch.

You look over at the kid. "Why is everypony avoiding him?"

Nightingale sighs. "Kids are superstitious at this age. The others seem to think that Thunder might somehow bring back the Diamond Dogs."

That made absolutely no sense. Perfect for kids.

A group of foals inch their way up to the two of you. "Uhm...A-Are you Rainbow Dash?" they ask, eyes wide and tales swaying.

Dash grows a confident smirk. "The one and only!" she shouts. "I guess my reputation gets ahead of me."

Dash's little show gathers the attention of the more of the foals in the room. They crowded around her asking her to show off this stunt or that trick.

Rainbow smiled and looked over at you. "Go have fun, just don't show off too much." you say.

Rainbow flies up to you and plants a kiss on your lips, eliciting an "eeeeewww" from some of the foals. "Thanks babe."

Rainbow flies out into a small playground outside as Nightingale watches the foals from the doorway.

As you expected, Thunderstrike jumped up on a chair and looked out the window to watched Dash perform her stunts. His face was a mix of awe and excitement as he watched her dive and loop through the air.

"You know, you'd probably get a better view if you went outside." you say.

Thunderstrike jumped at your words and almost fell off the chair before he righted himself. "Oh, uh...No. I don't think that's such a good idea."

Well, might as well start from the beginning.

You extend a hand. "I'm Anon."

The boy reaches out a hoof and shakes. "My name's Thunderstrike."

"Hey Thunderstrike." you say as you take a seat on the floor next to the chair.

"So...Ms. Nightingale told me about how you got here..." you say.

Thunderstrike visibly shrinks a bit. He steps down from the window and simply lays in the chair.

Shit...

"My Mom and Dad and Me lived near the castle courtyard..." he says. "We were hiding in our house, like the guards said."

"At first, we thought it was over when we heard somep0ny shouting really loud." he continued.

You and me both, kid.

"But then there was a loud bang and we heard Dogs in the street..." his lip was starting to quiver a bit. "M-My Mom and Dad hid me under the bed, they said they were gonna fly off and distract the Dogs before they came back for me but...But they never did..."

You sit next to Thunderstrike as he hitches and sniffs for a bit. "Yeah...that was a bad day..."

Thunder picks his head up. "W-what?"

You turn to look him in his watery eyes. "Yeah, I was there when it happened. That voice you heard, the one yelling? That was my best friend trying to scare off the Diamond Dogs."

Thunder's head drops again. "Well, it didn't work..."

You felt for him, you really did. "It sort of did...Most of the Dogs got scared and ran, but some were able to knock down the gate and get into the city. We stopped them...but not fast enough, it seemed."

Thunder looks back up at you. "I thought the gates here were too strong for ANYPONY to get through..."

You chuckle. "Usually, they are. But the Dogs had help from someone called The Dogfather. He was the one who broke down the gates and brought all the dogs in the first place."

Thunder shudders a bit. "But... you stopped him, right?"

"Oh yeah..." you say as you raise your fist. "Got him right in his snout."

You and Thunder share a laugh. "Sorry I didn't get rid of the Dogs fast enough..."

Thunderstrike still looks melancholy, but at least he isn't crying. "It's okay...It's not your fault." he says. "And at least you got rid of them."

The two of you are almost knocked backward as a powerful boom echoes through the city and shakes the building.

You look into the sky and see a rainbow cascading over it.

"Oh wow! A real Sonic Rainboom!" Thunderstrike cries.

You lean against the wall. "Yeah, that sounds like Rainbow. Giving her best to a bunch of kids..."

You cast your gaze over Tundetstrike as he stares out the window with ears up and mouth agape.

"Hey...Maybe we could see each other again soon? Would that be cool?" you say.

Christ, you sound like you're asking this kid out... What would mother say?

Thunderstrike turns to you with a big smile. "I'd like that! You're pretty neat!"

Now you really fell weird, getting compliments from a kid like that.

Eulogy.

Year 42 in Equestria.

-Music-

You sat in your chair. You were numb. It had all happened so fast...

You watched as the casket was partway lowered into the ground to reveal the headstone. "Rainbow Dash: Element of Loyalty, Wonderbolt, Mother, Wife, Friend." It reads.

Everything had happened so fast... Dash had been practicing, dammit she had always been practicing... She had been pushing herself hard for months and it had finally caught up to her.

You watched as she had flown high into the air and simply fallen out of the sky. She hadn't been breathing. You did the best CPR you could until an ambulance came. They had taken one look at her and shaken their heads...Dead On Arrival.

That's when it had started, the numbness.

The doctors had performed an autopsy to determine the cause. Sudden heart failure brought on by over-extending herself. The same thing that had made her the captain of the Wonderbolts, the thing she based her entire life on, had taken her away from you.

Everypony had shown up to the funeral, everypony who's life Dash had touched in hers. The rest of the girls were wrecks, save Twilight who was putting on a brave face for everypony. The Princesses had presided over the funeral, saying it was the least they could do for their Element of Loyalty. Thunderstrike, yours and Rainbows little boy, had flown in all the way from Cloudsdale with his family. With a sigh, you watched as Thunder rose from his seat and walked to the podium.

Thunder looked over the gathered ponies with a low face.

"My mother..." he began. "My mother came into my life one day when I was barely four years old. She had come to try and find a foal to call her own...and probably to show off a little bit." everyone in the crown chuckled.

He continued. "When I saw my fist Sonic Rainboom, I was...amazed that any pegasus could have flown that fast. I thought that was going to be the last I saw of her, but her and Dad kept coming back just to see me."

Mous nudged you from the seat next to you.

"For my fifth birthday, I got a father to teach me all about the world, and a mother who never gave up on me no matter what I said or did." Thunder stepped down from the podium and ran his hoof along the casket. "I love you, mom. And I'm sure gonna miss you." He says as he returned to his seat.

The next to take the podium wasn't even a pony. You had only met Gilda for the first time at your wedding, but her and Rainbow had remained close friends afterwards. Gilda would fly down every so often to see her little "Thundersquirt" as she called him, even helped teach him how to fly.

"Dash and me...we were best friends in flight camp." she says.

Gilda cast a sorrowful glance at the casket below her before she regained her composure. "W-we worked together, goofed off together, and did nothing together until she moved to Ponyville."

"I came to Ponyville once, thought maybe I could hang out with Dash again like the old days, but..." You can hear Fluttershy and Pinkie shift in their seats as they remember what Gilda did when she came to town back then. "I got into a bad way when Dash broke it off with me...did a lot of stupid things and made a lot of mistakes." Gilda glances and Mous. "But then some dumb ape came and told me to go to Dash's wedding." Mous extendes a single finger as Gilda kept talking. "Dash...said she forgave me for everything I had done, she said that she wanted things to go back to the way they were. Ever since then I got my best friend back, and I guess I got a couple other ones too..." she says as she glanced over the crowd. Gilda stepped down and ran a talon over the casket. "See ya Dash..." she chokes out.

As Gilda sat, Mous nudges you in the ribs. You silently shake your head. You were in no mood to give a eulogy for your wife who was alive just a few days ago.

Mous sighes and rose from his seat, walking to the podium himself.

"In this...emotional time, I'll be giving my own eulogy." he says. "I'm just gonna be riffing here, so give me a minute..."

"What can really be said about Rainbow Dash that hasn't already been said?" Mous leans on the podium. "Rainbow Dash was arrogant, brash, vain, single-minded, and narcissistic..." Everyone was staring as Mous paused. "...And she was one of the best friends any of us had ever had."

"She welcomed two aliens with open arms, helped us fix our house, defended and protected us when she could, and was one hell of a wife and mom...The true embodiment of loyalty..." Mous looks up at the clear sky. "Look, she even made it a nice day for us." Several chuckles echoed through the crowed as Mous stepped down. "Later, buddy." he says as he runs his hand over the casket.

The service concluded after a speech from Twilight and another from Princess Celestia. Everypony rose from their chairs as Rainbow was lowered into the ground. You didn't blink as you watched the groundskeepers shovel dirt into the grave. "Goodbye Dashie...I love you..." you whisper as you lose sight of the coffin to the falling earth.

You feel somepony walk up next to you. "Hello, Anon." they say.

"Hey, Luna." you respond, still staring at the ground.

Luna had been re-acclimating herself to Equestrian society over the past couple decades, she still had her antiquated way of speaking, but you two had struck up a friendship as you both worked with Twilight on various magical experiments.

Luna sighed next to you. "This really...accentuates it, doesn't it? The curse of a long life...?" you can see Luna look to the stallion behind her from the corner of your eye.

"Yeah..." you say.

You look down at your hands. Not aging was easy to get used to at first, you were rather used to your own face. As the years went on however, and Dashie and Thunder had grown older, you couldn't help but feel a growing knot in your stomach. You knew that one day, you'd be without them both. You just didn't anticipate that it would be this soon...

Luna turned to you. "Anon..."

You glance her way.

"Should you ever need someone to talk to, know that I am here." she says with a concerned face.

You force a small smile. "Yeah...thanks Luna."

Luna returns with a smile of her own and turns to leave. "Come Pippen, let us leave Anon to himself for now..."

You hear Luna trot off. You silently turn and begin walking in a direction, you don't know where you're going or why, but you just keep walking.

At least until a pair of hands grip your shoulders and say. "Easy Seabuscuit."

You almost trip over your feat as you turn to Mous. "Hey man..."

"Where are you going?" he asks.

You sigh and look down the hill in front of you. "I dunno man...I'm just gonna walk for a while."

Mous's eyes drift over you. "Not alone, you're not."

You turn to try and stop him. "Dude, wait, you don't have to-"

That's as far as you get before Mous shushes you and kneels down to Lotus. "I'm gonna go take care of him for a bit, okay? Don't wait up."

Your eyes drift over Lotus...while she kept herself in good health, her normally pink mane has been turning ever greyer, and more wrinkles were forming on her face every day.

Lotus kisses Mous on the cheek. "Be safe." she says.

"I'm always safe." Mous says as he rises and walks towards you.

"Alright man, lead the way." he says.

You and Mous skulk through the woods for a while, eventually ending up on the shores of a small lake. The two of you hoist yourselves onto some nearby rocks and sit, the only sound coming from the rocks Mous was skipping across the water's surface.

"We gonna talk?" he asks as he tosses another rock.

"What is there to talk about?" you sigh.

"You. Your state of mind."

"My state of mind? My state of mind is that my wife just died."

Mous is silent for a bit. "...We both knew this was going to happen."

You grumble. "Yeah, but not this soon..."

The two of you sit silently for a while.

"It's just..."

Mous turns to you. "I never got the chance to say goodbye..."

Mous's head drops. "I know, man..."

You push yourself off the rock and stand. "You know, I think I can get what you were saying all that time ago...about just leaving."

Mous jumps up onto his feet. "Whoa...you're not?..."

You shake your head. "No no...I still want to stay. It's just..."

Mous puts his hands in his pockets. "This is our life now..."

The two of you look over the lake. "What are you gonna do now?"

You shrug. "I don't really know. Maybe I'll travel, or bury myself in research or something."

"But you're gonna be alright?" he asks.

You look up into the sky. The same sky that had reminded you of Rainbow whenever you looked at it. You let out a deep sigh. "Yeah...It'll take a while, but I'll be good.

You look up at Mous. "Thanks man."

"It's what I do." he says.

You extend your arms. "Come on."

Mous rolls his eyes. "People already think we're gay without us hugging in the middle of the woods.

"Mous, I'm not leaving until we hug this out."

You feel Mous cringe as he weakly hugs you.

"You hug like a girl." you say.

He grunts.

"And your shampoo smells like crap."

You can't help but laugh as Mous shoots himself off of you. "Okay! We're done here!"

Better Late than Never.

Year 83 in Equestria.

-Music-

You sat in a chair in the hospital. You had been here for...A while. A week maybe?

You...didn't expect to be here that much longer...

You reached a hand out and grabbed Lotus's hoof, rubbing it with your thumb. You massage her hoof for a few minutes before you hear her shifting in her bed.

Lotus's eyes crack open and turn to look at you.

"Hey pretty pony..." you say meekly.

The years had been kind to Lotus. Her hair was a muted grey but still retained the slightest hint of her natural pink. The wrinkles around her eyes had taken root and spread throughout the rest of her face, leaving parts of her skin hanging in bags. But still...time takes its toll on us all.

Except for you it seemed...

Lotus reaches up and rubs her face. "Hello dear..." she says.

Hearing her voice again makes you smile.

"Did you sleep well?" you ask.

Lotus adopts a small smirk as she settles back into her bed. "Yes, these beds are quite nice."

"I'm glad you're enjoying your time here." you chuckle.

You scoot your chair closer as you continue to rub her hoof. "H-how are you feeling?"

Lotus stares off into space for a bit. "...Tired."

...Shit...

You absentmindedly kick at the bag below you.

"It's...almost time." you all but whimper out.

Lotus closes her eyes for a moment. "Yes, I think so..."

Okay then.

"Just...stay a bit longer, alright? There's something I have to do."

You put your hand into your mouth and whistle.

The door to Lotus's room opens and a small earth stallion trots in.

He is wearing a black robe and a white collar.

"Dear? What is..." you hear Lotus ask.

You can't answer her, you're bent over digging through your bag. Once you grab the required items, you lean over the bed and look Lotus in the eyes.

"Lotus, uhm..."

This is...hard. It's harder because your eyes feel weird.

You regain yourself. "Lotus, I don't think we have too much time left together, and I know you and I probably won't be able to do that honeymoon I promised you but..."

"Yes."

You look up to see a tearful smiling Lotus. "Of course."

You feel generally happy for the first time in this week's assault of depression. You lunge out and wrap your arms around Lotus in the bed.

"Love you..." you whisper.

The two of you separate and you wave the stallion on.

He clears his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

The cleric had left. The two of you had shifted around the chair and the mattress a bit. You were now leaning silently against your wife. You looked down at the necklace set you had gotten.

Well, one necklace and a bracelet.

Turns out that the one you bought didn't fit you, probably what you get when you just rush in and buy whatever you can find.

You run a hand through Lotus's mane. "I don't know what I'm going to do..."

"Hm?"

"When you're...not around. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Lotus smiles and places a hoof on your arm. "You'll grieve for a bit, longer then you probably should if I know you. Eventually things will fall back into a routine...And then you'll meet a mare who can drag you out of your doldrums, and she'll fall in love with the same man that I did so long ago." she says as she nuzzles into your shoulder.

You stare out into space as you take in her words and what they would mean. "I don't...think that's going to happen..." you say.

Lotus looks up at you. "What do you mean, sweetheart?"

You sigh and lean back in your chair. "I mean...you were it Lotus, you were the first one to actually get through. For so long I had shut out everyone and everything that tried to get in, because it was just me and Anon."

You placed your forehead against hers. "But despite all that, you somehow found a way in...and I can't thank you enough for doing it." you say as you rub your noses together.

Your face falls as you look back into Lotus's eyes. "But...once you're gone, I think that way you got in is gonna get blocked off too."

Lotus's eyes well up a bit. "Mous..."

You reach out and grab her hooves in your hands. "I don't want to find another mare Lotus, I don't need to."

Your eyes were feeling weird again. You reach out and pull Lotus as close as you can.

Your voice barely registers above a whisper. "I can't replace you...I won't. You mean the world to me..."

You feel Lotus wrap her hooves around you. "You'd be by yourself? For however long you'll still be alive?"

You'd be by yourself for twice that to avoid replacing her. And besides, you still had Anon.

You look down at your bracelet. "I didn't buy this thing for its fashion sense."

Lotus chuckles. "No...I suppose not."

Your eyes hurt.

Moving was the last thing on your mind right now. "Can we...stay like this for a while?"

"If we do that, you'll ruin this lovely smock they gave me."

You laugh. "Shut up..."

The two of you eventually separate, you returning to your seat and just staying with Lotus as she rested in her bed. You'd stay here all night if you had to...

Lotus hadn't left you hanging either, she had stayed awake so that the two of you could reminisce.

"Do you know what I liked the most?" she asks.

"Hehe...What?"

Against all logic, you were smiling.

Lotus turned to you, her eyes half lidded and tired. "How I'd wake up every morning to you grinning at me. You'd smile and kiss me and say "Hey pretty pony." and start my day off just right."

You chuckle. "Are you sure it wasn't because I'd usually start rubbing your flank afterwards?"

Lotus lets out a contented sigh. "I suppose that belongs on the list as well..."

You rub your hand through Lotus's mane, like you would every morning when you woke her. "Sorry I took so long to propose..."

Lotus lets out a weak laugh. "Sweetheart, do you remember the week before Anon and Rainbow's wedding? When you asked me what I would have said if you proposed then and there?"

You thought back, way back. "Uh...yeah, why?"

"Do you remember what I said?"

It was getting a little clearer now. "I think you were acting like a smart ass and told me to guess."

Lotus lets out another laugh, a bit stronger this time.

"But...I'm pretty sure it was a 'yes'." you say.

Lotus nods. "Indeed it was. And from that point on, we have lived together, slept together, and spent most of our lives together."

"So?"

Lotus shakes her head. "So, you proposed eighty years ago...and I said yes in a heartbeat, It just took you a while to set the wedding up."

You chuckle."And look at all I could get."

"We both knew that wedding planning was out of our league..."

-Music-

Celestia had set the sun. Luna's moon had begun it's trek across the sky. Lotus lay in her hospital bed, still as a statue with her eyes affixed on the ceiling.

"I think... it's time to go..." she croaked out.

Oh god...

"S-say hi to your dad for me?"

She had held on long enough...

"T-tell him that I finally got around to making a...an honest mare out of you..."

You reached out and grabbed her hoof. The tears were running down your face and landing on the bedspread.

Lotus's eyes slowly turned to look at you. "I...Lo...

"Yeah..."

You bend down and plant a tender kiss on her lips.

"I love you too...

More then she could ever fathom.

Lotus closed her eyes... You felt her hoof slack in your grip and fall from your hand.

You're alone in the room.

You get down on your knees and put your head in her lap. The blanket over her is getting wet and sticking to your face. Your body hitches and your eyes burn. You were so sure that your tear ducts had been paralyzed... You could have laid there for hours for all you know. Eventually your throat was too sore and you ran out of tears.

You slowly rose and pulled the blanket over Lotus's face. You switched off the EKG meter and walked to the door. You paused as you opened the door.

"Goodbye Lotus..." you say as you leave.

You stepped out into the hospital lobby. That numbness that Anon told you he felt at Rainbows funeral, it was creeping up on you. Speaking of Anon, you caught him sitting in the lobby.

He took two steps towards you and wrapped his arms around you.

You didn't fight him off this time.

"I'm so sorry..." he says.

The two of you stand there in the lobby for a time, ignoring everyp0ny staring at you.

"...What do I do now?" you ask.

Anon breaks away from you. "Right now, were gonna go out and drink until we can't walk. And then you're gonna stay with me for the week."

You give him a doubtful eye. "I don't think a sleepover is going to help me here, Anon..."

Anon slips his hands into his pockets. "No. No it's not. Not by a long shot. But it's the best first step you can make on the road to recovery."

You sigh. "Staying up for three days and watching movies?"

Anon throws an arm around you. "Not being alone."

Science and Sound.

Year 140 in Equestria.

You angle a fire spell through a lens as you seal the last edge of this box.

You reach a hand out to the kid next to you. "A spell if you please, acolyte."

He rummages through the box of crystals you had. "Any preference sir?"

"Surprise me." you say.

The colt levitates a crystal out of the box into your hand. You open up the top of the clear crystalline case and balance the crystal on the stand on one side of it. The case seals shut with a hiss as you turn the handle on top.

You extend a thumbs up to your acolyte by the mana batteries. "Alright, give us the juice!"

The acolyte flipped the switch and sent mana flowing down the wires into the case. A brilliant blue light filled the Arcanium as the magical reaction inside took place You turned your head away until the reaction died down. The blue light died down enough for you to look back inside the case.

Where there had once been a single magical crystal, there were now two.

A chorus of cheers echoed through the Arcanium, cheers you had to suppress. "Now now, everypony, let's not celebrate until we know it works right."

You crack open the case and let the errant steam from the reaction escape. As it does, you reach in and grab the twin crystals.

Hmm. Better to do this somewhere safe.

"Razzle Dazzle, could you open the window for me?" you ask.

The unicorn complies and lets Celestia's sunlight into the dusty room. You toss the pair of crystals into the lake below, the two of them shattering on impact and bursting into rainbow light.

You turn back to the room full of waiting unicorns. "Okay, now you can celebrate."

You nudge your way through the celebrating magi and up the stairs to the Grand Magister's office. You close the door behind you, she liked the quiet.

You stand in front of her desk. "I am happy to report that we were able to apply the duplication spell to the crystalline case."

"And the spells had the same magnitude?" she asks.

You silently nod.

"That's amazing, Anon! How did you do it?" she asks as she tries to get down from her chair.

Twilight had been able to keep herself going for a long while with the help of her magic, but the years were starting to catch up to her.

You explain your process as you go to help her down. "We kept the magic contained by vacuum sealing the case and ensuring that there were no cracks or open corners. It kept the spell from getting out and reflected it back all in one."

Twilight nods her head. "Ah yes, the Hoodinium Constant. Very good."

"Was there anything else, or can I tell these kids that they're free to go?"

"Well, they can leave, but I was hoping to steal you away for a bit." Twilight says as she levitates a saddlebag to her shoulders.

You grab the bag before she sets it down and throw it over your back. "What's up, boss?"

Twilight smiles at your old nickname for her. "I was going to check the regulator underneath the city and could use a hoof, are you up to it?"

You offer a grin. "Spend some time with one of my oldest friends and work on a magical superconductor? I think I may be able to clear my schedule."

Twilight rolls her eyes and laughs as you open the door for her.

You pried the cover off the regulator and stuck the measuring rod inside. Twilight sat a few feet behind you and examined the readings on a machine.

You looked around the room. "It hasn't changed at all, has it?"

"Hmm?" Twilight says as she looks up from her machine.

"This. It's been over a hundred years, but here we are; doing science in the same place we beat The Dogfather in."

Twilight chuckles. "I suppose it all has a bit of a nostalgic feeling to it..."

You go back to taking the readings of the magical reaction going on inside the regulator.

"So, why were you so intent on getting off work today?" Twilight asks.

Fuck. "Oh...no reason.

Twilight has a smarmy grin that you rarely see on her. "Ahuh. What's her name?"

You turn around "Hehe, what?"

"Anon, just because I never had kids doesn't mean I can't spot somepony ditching for a date, so what's her name?" she says with a level of good cheer that should be impossible.

You sigh in submission. "Star Charmer. She works at the Wonderbolts arena."

Twilight is quiet for a bit. "Good for you."

Huh?

You turn to look at Twilight. "Anon, it's been 98 years...I miss Rainbow and all my old friends every single day, but it's wrong to think that you wouldn't begin to see other ponies in your situation."

Well...Wow. "Thanks Twilight, that means a lot."

You turn back to the regulator.

"Anon, when I'm gone, I'm going to name you as my successor."

It takes your brain a moment to process that.

"WHAT!?" you shout as you spin around to face Twilight.

Twilight remains seated. "What are you talking about 'your successor'!?" you yell.

"I mean that when I am no longer able to perform my duties as Grand Magister, you will be my first choice for that position." she says.

You kneel down to her level. "Twi...

She shakes her head. "Anon, please, don't tell me that you can't because you're not a unicorn. I have seen you make discovery after discovery about magic using nothing more than your intellect."

Twilight's warm smile came back. Damn, she must have learned that from Celestia."You've been a part of the Royal Magisters for as long as I have, Anon. I can think of nopony better to take the mantle."

The machine next to the two of you dings. "Ah! Magical energy is Equestria is within .002% of nominal values. Excellent." Twilight says.

Twilight begins to levitate the machine back into her bag. "I can get this back to the Arcanium, Anon. Go on your date."

"Are you sure, Twi? I can stick around if you wa-"

A bright flash of purple light explodes around Twilight and has left you alone with the regulator when it dissipates.

"...Right. Teleporter."

You decide to think about Twilight's words to you later, right now you were on a date.

Star Charmer and you were taking a walk through Canterlot on the way to a nice little deli she knew about.

You looked up at the castle as you passed it. "Something on your mind?" Star asks.

You flash a smile. "Nah. My friend just works there, I was wondering what he was up to."

She smirks back. "That guy you always talk about who gets into all the crazy shit?"

"The very same one."

Star glances over at the castle herself. "Wanna try and find him?"

"Now?"

"Yeah! Come on, live a little!" she cries as she flies over you towards the castle.

Yeah, this was a good idea...

The two of you find Mous in the castle gardens. Oddly, you find him with half the royal choir, a megaphone, and his old stereo.

"What in the hell are you doing?" you ask.

Mous whirls around; he was wearing his psychotic grin. You looked up at the side of the castle he was face. You were sure that was Princess Celestia's balcony...

Oh god...

"Ah! Anon and lady! Welcome to our little show." he booms as he walks up to the two of you.

He extends a hand to Star. "Mous: Royal Logician."

Star meets his hand with a wry smirk. "Star Charmer: Technician at Wonderbolts Stadium."

Mous throws off a goofy bow. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance. You two are just in time for the festivities..."

You really don't like how he said that. "Mous, what are you planning?"

A shit eating grin is your response. "Anon, you know that telling would spoil the surprise."

He practically skips back to the choir. "Places everypony! It's almost time!"

He had been acting demented ever since Lotus. You really hoped this was the peak of his shenanigans, whatever it was.

A guard pegasus flew over the area and landed next to Mous.

"Everything is in place?" He asks.

The guard silently nods.

"Good lad, you'll get your reward later."

The guard frowned a bit and flew off, obviously wanting his reward now.

"Bribing the guards? What are you planning?" you ask.

Mous just winks at you and flips on the stereo.

-Music-

Oh god...

The choir sung out the lyrics loud enough for the entire city to hear. Star Charmer just looked up at you confused as you brought your palm to your face.

Mous threw his arms into the air and began some sort of weird combination of dancing and thrusting his crotch into the air in time with the guitar.

From up on high, Princess Celestia steps out to see what all the racket was.

"Hey!" Mous shouts.

Mous brought the megaphone to his mouth and began stomping around the area as he sang. "I was just a skinny lad! Never knew no good from bad! But I knew life before I left my nursery~!"

Star Charmer looks up at you again. "Is this normal?

"For him it is..."

"Left alone with big fat fanny! She was such a naughty nanny! Heap big woman, you made a bad boy outa me~!"

Princess Celestia took off from her balcony and landed in the garden below as Mous continues to stomp around. "Hey! Hey!"

Star Charmer joined you in your tactical facepalm. "Whoo!"

Mous continued to dance around, this time getting close to the two of you. He clapped twice in your face along with the song and proceeded to spin away.

Mous put his arm in between his legs and swayed along to the songs rhythm as he sang. "I've been singing with my band! Across the wire, across the land! I've seen every pink eyed floozy on they waaaaay~!

Celestia trots up to within an inch of Mous, her face one of confusion.

"But their beauty and their style went kinda smooth after a while! Take me two them dirty ladies every time!"

The choir finally joined back in and began singing the chorus. But you didn't see. You and Star Charmer were already halfway out of the castle.

"That's the guy you've known all your life?" Star asks.

You nod.

"Has he always been insane?"

"Pretty much."

The Best Kind of Diplomacy.

Year 268 in Equestria.

You stomped your way through the embassy. Why did she have you do this? There had to be somepony better qualified for this.

Dammit Celestia, I'm a logician, not a diplomat.

Are we really a logician?

It sounds better than "Royal problem solver".

"They in?" you ask the receptionist.

"Third door on the left, sir." she says.

Brilliant.

You walked down to the number room you were instructed. You opened the door and spotted three Griffins sitting at the table inside.

"Gentlemen, how do?"

The lead Griffin grunts. "We have been waiting here for over an hour."

Idiot meeting planners.

"Yes, bit of a clerical mix-up. At least you had a good view." you say.

You motion to the large window overlooking the valley underneath Canterlot. If you squinted, you could see Ponyville in the distance, expanding after all these years.

You throw your file onto the table and flip it open. "Now let's see what we're here for, huh?"

The Griffins glare at you as you peer over the file. The idea that a diplomat wouldn't come to a meeting fully prepared with the information about what he's there for was inconceivable to them.

Well screw the lot of them, you weren't planning on behind here.

"Increased troop deployment along the border? That won't do at all."

The Griffins feathers shift as you pull out a seat.

"Alright gents, let's chat."

Cut to FOUR DAMN HOURS LATER.

These Griffins were being right assholes about all this.

You asked nicely, they shot you down. You offered to ease trade tariffs, they refused. You told them you killed Discord and they laughed in your face.

The chair you were leaning in was balancing quite well as you leaned back on it in silent contemplation. These Griffins were stone cold serious. Each of them was wearing solid armor across their chest, as well as a plumed helmet and a single gauntlet on their right talon.

Wait, single gauntlet?

"What's with the gloves?" you ask.

The Griffins snort. "You're asking about our apparel now?"

You nod. Not in the mood for questions.

They all three hold up their talons. "We are each a member of the Wind Raiders. The founder of our organization lost his talon in a raid by an anonymous chariot many years ago, and spoke of a creature he had never seen before doing it. Now, all Wind Raiders wear a gauntlet over their talon as testament to his sacrifice."

Griffin lost a talon. Chariot attack. Mystery attacker.

Well, this isn't weird at all...

One of the Griffins snorts. "This ape wastes our time. Better to simply leave then to spend the entire day asked about what we wear by Celestia's lapdog."

'Lapdog'?

Okay, that was it.

You lean forward and let the chair slam against the floor.

"Alright birdies, let's talk."

The lead Griffin speaks up. "I think we're don h-"

You interrupt him. "When I said "let's talk" I meant "I'm talking". Besides, you're gonna want to hear this."

The Griffins sit back down, placated a bit.

"You Griffins are the masters of the sky, right? Surely you've had to deal with dragons every now and then."

The lead Griffin nods. "Of course."

"And surely you've heard of the oldest and angriest of them all, Grougaloragran, right?"

The Griffins exchange glances before they nod. You reach into your file and pull a map of the Griffin kingdoms out.

"Well, here's the deal. We stole his egg. And we hid it in one of your cities." you say.

The Griffins eyes go wide as you point to the map.

"Now, we have it hidden from his senses by a spell, but that spell can be turned off at pretty much any time."

You meet the Griffins eyes as you drop your voice down. "If you walk out of here without promising to remove your troops from the border, or breathe a word of this to the High Jarl; that spells goes down, Grougaloragran senses his egg, and he burns half your kingdom to the ground to get it back."

You swear you could see sweat dripping through their feathers. "You have no honor." they say.

"I also don't have something a very large, very old, and very angry dragon wants hidden underneath a couple hundred thousand of my citizens lives."

You rise from your seat and head for the door, leaving the Griffins to contemplate your words. "Get your troops away from my border, or I just might lower the spell anyway."

You slammed the door behind you and walked down the corridor.

Ha. Idiots.

Griffins were too honorable and Klingon-esque to consider the fact that the diplomat they were speaking to might in fact be lying through his teeth about a threat too big to ignore, even if they had never heard of the dragon before.

They'd fly home and get the troops away from the border before spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to find an egg that didn't exist.

You stepped out into the sun and thought about what to do next. Might as well give Celestia a report on the meeting and then...you don't know, spit off the wall or something.

You walked down the street towards the castle. The years had been...decent to you. You hit a rough patch for a long while after Lotus died, you admit that. Anon had eventually helped you drag yourself out of it and do something with your long life.

You walked down the road and saw a light show from the Arcanium that would put Pink Floyd to shame.

Speaking of Anon...

Anon had taken to the Grand Magisters position like white on rice after Twilight had died. Even now the city was running more efficiently as he reworked the leylines.

Thought's of Twilight brought you down the path to the rest of the old gang...

Pinkie had been the first to go after Rainbow, all those years of partying finally catching up to her. She had made you all promise to wear party hats to her funeral.

Fluttershy went after her, passing away quietly in her sleep.

Rarity had lived with Blueblood for a while before she became a household phrase in the world of fashion. You think you were wearing one of her coats...

Applejack had opened up her own orchard out west. The last time you had seen it, it had gone on past the horizon.

Twilight had been the last to go; as the Grand Magister of Canterlot, with a special gravesite in the royal gardens.

You looked down a familiar path in the park.

Well...maybe not the last one.

You decided to cut through the park on your way to the castle. You came here often.

Sequestered just off the main path was a statue that you had commissioned.

But it wasn't a statue. It was an antenna. And it was sending a message.

Derpy and Dinky hadn't been at Rainbow's funeral. They hadn't been around for years.

A little after Dinky graduated from school, the entire family had just vanished. Dinky, Derpy and Mr. Hooves.

It didn't take an idiot to figure out what had happened, you probably should have just been glad he held off as long as he did.

You were rather choleric for a few weeks until you came up with the idea for this antenna. It was off the main path, sitting in the middle of a small clearing with a straight line of sight into the sky.

Anon had helped you rig it up to broadcast a message into space every ten minutes. Every ten minutes for the last 200-sum-odd years.

Anon was the only one who knew why you did it. He had assured you that a couple of mana batteries would keep a short message broadcasting for millennia.

"Take care of them." That was all you had the message say. A simple request of the one who had taken over protecting them now.

You popped the cover off the antenna base and ensure that everything was in working order. Satisfied, you rose to your feet and looked into the sky.

"They better still be there, Time Lord."

You turned back and headed for the path. You'd come back next week to check on it again.

You walk through the castle to Celestia's room. The door opened before you reached it and a mountain of a stallion stepped out. He made Big Mac look like a colt.

Fucking hell...

You recognized him as one of the guards who patrolled the North wall at dusk.

"Soldier." you say as you pass.

"Sir."

You stepped into Celestia's Bastion of Horror's to find her sitting at a beauty desk in the corner.

You peer back at the stallion as the door closes. "So, can you just unhinge your jaw or something? Or is there magic at play here?

"I'm willing to bet that magic is the reason you aren't gagging on the smell of musk right now, if that's what you're asking." Celestia turns her head to you. "How did it go?"

"Despite being seriously out of my element, I was able to lie to the diplomats. They'll probably be pulling their troops out within a week." you say.

Celestia eyes you. "You heard them say that, did you?"

"I inferred from their faces."

Celestia grunts and turns back to her mirror. "I hope you're prepared to stake Canterlot's security on that Mous."

"Nothing a little assassination of a High Jarl can't fix. We can use that crossbow I stole once."

Celestia pulls the comb through her hair. "Let's exhaust diplomacy first."

Right...only a matter of time before the High Jarl is the one you catch walking out of here.

"Well, I've got a lot of nothing to do. Don't hurt yourself, Sunshine." you say on your way out.

"Send in the next one~!" Celestia calls behind you.

Gross...

You meet a stallion headed for Celestia's room on your way out.

"Here to see the princess?" you ask.

He silently nodded.

"Something came up, she's busy for the rest of the day."

The stallion looked disappointed and trotted away.

Ha.

You were such a dick.

Aim Low.

Year 353 in Equestria.

Be some time past midnight. This bed was fantastic, there were advantages to being Grand Magister. You were soundly, joyously, asleep when a vibrating on your desk awoke you.

Stupid baby monitor...

You promise to take care of your great-granddaughter for a weekend and what does she do? Keep you awake.

"Coming Winter..." you moan out as you roll off the bed.

You shuffle yourself into the room you set up for Winter Heart and peer into the crib. There she was asleep, with her face planted on the crib and her ass in the air. Someone was going to be grumpy in the morning...

Wait, if she was asleep, then what was?...

Now a bit more aware, you walk back into your room. The vibrating was coming from inside your desk. You pull open the draw and dig around for the offending noise. Your hand wraps around one of the many spell-stones you kept in the desk as various alarms and communication devices.

The one you pulled out was your direct communication with Princess Celestia. It was glowing an angry red. After midnight.

"Oh hell..."

You got a guard to sit in with Winter as you made your way down to the meeting room.

Mous was practically hopping up the stairs into the castle.

"Do you ever sleep?" you ask him once you meet up.

"Sleep means I have to stop doing things." he says.

You rolled your eyes as the two of you stepped into the meeting room. Orbiting around a large map of Equestria was Celestia, Luna, General Silver, and Guard Captain Shimmer.

"Sorry we're late." you say as you both join the rest of the assembled ponies.

Grand Magister, the Logician, both Princesses, a General and the City Guard. Whatever this was couldn't be good.

Celestia nods to the two of you. "Glad you could join us, this is a meeting of dire urgency..."

Celestia casts a spell and makes a figure of light on the map.

Mous scoffs. "An Ursa Major?" he looks to Celestia. "Why does an Ursa Major constitute calling us in at this hour?"

"Were it so simple, Logician." Celestia says. "This is Canterlot as seen to scale against this beast." She says as she casts another spell.

A small model of Canterlot appeared on the map. It only reached up to the bear's stomach.

"Oh..." Mous half-groans

You look over the Ursa. "What is this thing, Princess? And why is it the subject of an emergency meeting?"

Celestia re-positions the Ursa a bit Northwest of Canterlot. "What you see here is the Ursa Gigantis; an incredibly rare mutation of the Ursa major, thought to have been extinct long ago."

"Our scouts reported rumors of one's existence inside the Forsaken Forest between the borders of Equestria and the Griffin kingdoms."

"Tch. Three guesses who pissed it off." Mous says.

The Griffin Kingdoms had been going downhill in recent years. It had all started when some old order of theirs had been ousted as paranoid and was shunned form the society.

After that started the "Degradation of Honor." as they called it. The Griffin Kingdoms turning on each other in mad grasps for power. As of today, the kingdoms were barely trading with anyone and had refugees fleeing by the hundreds. That still wouldn't explain why they'd send this thing after you...

"Regardless of the intent, we estimate that it will reach Canterlot over the Northern mountains within twenty days." Celestia says.

You begin brainstorming ideas. Could another 4-D prison work? What about banishing it? Maybe-

"Unfortunately, there may be a complication." Celestia says.

Celestia and Luna turn to everypony assembled. "The Members of the Ursa genus are composed of star magic. Their outer body is made of the night sky, while their hearts are a micro-sun."

"Meaning?" Mous asks.

"Meaning that it'd break out of a prison and cancel out any hit by Sun or Moon magic." Luna says.

Damn, that made it harder...

"Then we hit it with both." Mous says.

Mous and you exchange glances. "Are you thinking...?"

"A cannon."

"Double barreled."

"With both types of magic in it."

You put a hand to your chin. "That could work."

Mous turns to Celestia. "The new city platform construction is hereby suspended. I'm going to need every scrap of metal and every pony there to be able to get this done in time."

Celestia nods. "Anon can you design this cannon in time?"

"I have a few ideas now." you say.

"Good. General, Guard Captain, go with the logician and ensure that he gets all the things he requires."

Mous leads his new entourage out of the room, barking orders as he goes.

You turn to Celestia and Luna. "In order for this cannon to work, I'm going to need a proper power source. Do you two have any ideas?"

They both nod. "We do, but will take time to gather."

Luna trots up to you. "Can we trust that you will complete the cannon in time, Anon?"

It still messed with you a bit to hear Luna talk like a normal pony. You look at the distance Gigantis would have to cross and compare it to the idea in your head.

You place a hand on Luna's shoulder. "Don't worry Princess, cannons are easy."

-Music-

Fucking hell, why are cannons such a hard concept? It had taken you almost the entire twenty days and you probably slept a forth of that time, but Canterlot now had a cannon the size of Wonderbolts stadium attached to it.

Mous was looking out the window of the control center over the twin cannon barrels.

Ursa Gigantis could be seen out in the distance by the mountains.

Luna and Celestia had come through with the power sources, you were actually running the final tests on them now.

"Moonstone cylinder is ready..."

Your readouts beep.

"Fusion cylinder is set."

The Princesses stand behind you. "Then we are ready."

Mous took out a spyglass and stared at Gigantis. "Targeting ready?"

"We're good."

Mous grins. "Get me a bead on that things heart."

You adjusted the cannon's targeting. "We're good! I have an angle!"

Mous collapses his spyglass and holds a thumb out at Gigantis. He was coming down the mountain.

"Mous, we don't have all day!" you shout.

He gets that psychotic grin of his. "HYBRID CANNON: FIRE!"

You slam your fist on the firing mechanism. A low hum rises through the control center as the cannon drew power from Canterlot. You looked back and watched as lights across the entire city dimmed. The hum stopped for a split second before twin torrents of magic shot out of the cannon. They raced over the landscape towards Gigantis, coalescing into a spiral as they drew closer.

Gigantis seemed intent to let the magic wash over him, sure that his sun heart would revive him. You can only imagine his surprise as the twin shots punch him in the chest and throw him back against the mountain behind him. A mountain that promptly explodes, sending a rain of dirt and magical residue down over Equestria. The control center is silent as the ponies get their first real glimpse at the power of the cannon.

Mous forms a gun with his hand and breaks the silence. "Bang, you're dead."

You and Luna had taken a chariot out to inspect the damage. Mous remained behind at the cannon, beginning work on disassembling it. You don't even want to begin to think of the political situation having that thing would bring on... You let out a low whistle as you landed in the crater the cannon caused. You had gotten Gigantis alright, you fucking blew him up.

Pieces of Ursa corpse were strewn around the area, slowly dissipating as the star magic inside of them seeped out.

"Well, at least now we know those platinum capacitors work..."

"Not one of my more peaceful theories." Luna says.

The Hybrid Cannon had almost been grounded before it could start when you learned that the power draw to fire the damn thing would take more magic than Canterlot had. It was Luna's idea to make up some capacitors to siphon of magic over time to give you the boost you needed.

You got out your instruments and set up for a preliminary reading.

"...Is this my fault?" Luna asks.

You turn and look at the moon Princess."Your fault?"

She nods. "This Gigantis was a creature born of the stars, my stars. That makes him my responsibility, right? Is it my fault that this creature had to die in such a gruesome way?"

You put a reassuring hand on Luna's shoulder, getting a smile in return. "Hey, this guy made his own choice and decided to march on Canterlot."

You continue. "Back on my world, we had a saying. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." You can try to save everyone, but there comes a time when you have to just try and save the most people possible."

Luna looks a bit unconvinced. "So that is how you solve these problems? Arithmetic?"

"No, no. I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel sorry for something that was going to hurt your subjects." you say.

Luna looks contemplative.

"Why are you so regretful over this? Is it just because of the stars he's made of?"

Luna lets out a deep sigh. "You have to promise never to tell anypony what I'm about to tell you."

Oh boy...

You nod.

Luna shuffles her hooves. "Back when I was Nightmare Moon, and I cast the world into darkness, I released an immense amount of Lunar magic. At the time I thought nothing of it, but when I was restored to my natural form...I noticed something familiar about the "Ursa Major's" that my subjects feared."

You sit down and listen intently. "I learned that they were mutated into that form by the magic -I- released so long ago! Every Ursa in Equestria is my doing...

Luna stared down at the ground after her admission.

You had heard this kind of talk before. "Princess, you weren't in your right mind back then, and you didn't know what the Lunar magic could do."

Luna glances up at you.

"Plus, most Ursa's are relatively peaceful, this one was just big and angry."

There's a smile from her. "You're no more responsible for this one's death then you are for the noise Timber Wolves make when they howl at the moon."

Luna trots up to you. "You're experienced in this regard?"

Oh yeah..."Let's just say Mous get mope-y sometimes and needs people to remind him that he's not an ass all the time."

Luna grins. "Perhaps I should do what he did."

You laugh. "What he did got me chased out of Canterlot once, I don't think you want to go down that road, Princess."

Luna gives you a wide smile. "Anon, you've known me for centuries..."

Your eyes snap open as you feel a pair of lips on your cheek. "Call me Luna, huh?" she says as she trots away.

...What just happened.

One Bad Day.

-Authors Note: The first section of this before the divider was actually written as a bonus chapter after BiE was finished, since they happen one after the other, I just welded them together here.-

Year 683 in Equestria.

You sat silently on your couch. The T.V. was off now. You had to turn it off after some fucking tampon commercial or something showed this annoyingly happy couple.

Fuck happy couples...

Fuck tomorrow...

Fuck drinking whisky in your apartment alone.

You brought the bottle to your lips as the thoughts of the anniversary came back. Only nothing came out. Glancing inside the bottle, you saw that it was empty. Dammit. You weren't going to open another bottle at...

Fuck. What time was it? You look over at the clock. 1:43.

Shit...you should be getting to bed.

Bed was the last place you wanted to be right now...you didn't want to think or dream or do anything. But you had to. You had a job to do in the city so you peeled yourself up off the couch and walked to your room. Stumbling was less of an issue when you were this upset.

You peed out as much of the alcohol as you could before you climbed into bed.

The good part of drinking as much as you just did was that it helped you get to sleep. There was no way you could have done it on your own.

Not tonight...

Probably not for a while.

Your eyelids slowly close until they literally cannot be opened again. And you try to prepare yourself for whatever may come.

It was around your fourth year in Equestria. You sat on the sand looking out over the water. You and Lotus had decided to take a trip to the Bridle Shores.

Nice name...

"See any Sea Ponies?" you ask.

A hoof and bops you in the nose. "You know Sea Ponies are just a myth." Lotus says as she sits in your lap.

"I dunno. We have fliers and magicians, why not swimmers?"

"Us normal commoners don't even get an honorable mention?"

You chuckle as you bend down, your lips brushing up against the nape of her neck.

"Fine. We have pretty ones too."

Lotus cuddles up against you. "No prettier than this view."

The view WAS great. Water stretching out as far as the eye could see with Celestia's sun setting on the horizon. Apart from Anon, she was the only one who knew about this. Thanks, Glowstick.

No time like the present.

You reach into the pocket of your stupid Hawaiian shirt and reach around to place your hand in Lotus's lap.

"Hey. Got something for you."

She looks down at your hand cupped over her gift. "Bits for all the trouble I've had go through with you? You shouldn't have."

"Would you just take a look?"

Lotus chuckles as she turns your hand over and peels back your fingers, a sharp intake of air marking her completion. In the palm of your hand rested a single golden necklace, a blue gem set in the middle.

"I asked Anon for his advice here and you know what he said? "Don't hijack someone else's wedding reception." You take the necklace in your hands and wrap it around Lotus's neck, fastening it in the back. "So how about it? Want to go through even more trouble with me?"

Lotus wipes her hoof across her face as she turns around and wraps her forelegs around you.

"You ass..." she says through teary eyes.

"That is not a no..."

Lotus sniffles as she smiles."No. No it isn't." She says as she pulls herself up and brings your lips together. You pull her against you through the kiss and cause the two of you to fall back. Neither of you breaks until your need for air becomes too great.

You can't help but release a chuckle. "So, do I take your last name since I don't really have one?"

You kick open the door to your house with Lotus on your back.

"Isn't it a bit unseemly for a successful Canterlot spa owner to be seen getting carried through the streets by her husband?" you ask.

Lotus kisses you on the cheek as she did so often back in Ponyville. "Don't worry sweetheart, I've been telling the media that you are my personal mode of transportation, my reputation shall remain clean as crystal."

You crick your back as Lotus hops off. "How fortunate."

The sweet embrace of the couch is not too far away.

"First you use and dispose of me over estrus and now you use me as a pack mule. Don't I at least get some time to recuperate?" you gripe.

"Recuperate on the job, dear! That's how we pay for this nice home of ours!" Lotus calls from the bathroom.

You lean your head back against the couch to let the day wash off you. It really wasn't that bad...You may have had a ton of customers, but these Canterlot ponies tipped like mad.

Lotus and you had a tidy little nest egg put away.

You hear the bathroom door open next to you. "Mous..."

Your eyes spot Lotus standing at the entrance to the bathroom, a small stick held in her hoof. Her hoof that was trembling as a smile inched its way onto her face.

"No way..."

Lotus only nods frantically as her smile grows ever wider.

You jump off the couch and scoop her up in your arms. "Haha! No way!"

Eleven months later.

You sat in a hospital room. Lotus on a bed, you in a chair next to her. Cradled in her hooves, wrapped in a small blanket, rested a tiny foal. Your little Ivy... Now if you could just keep her from becoming a botanist, you should be gold.

"She has your hair." Anon says above you.

You look down at the little tuft of hair sprouting from your little girls head as you twiddle with your own "Really? You think so?"

"He's not even the same species and his genes are still pushing us around..." Lotus says.

Everyone shares a quick laugh but quiets down as Ivy stars to stir.

Anon puts a hand on your shoulder. "We'll leave you guys alone for a bit." he says before him and Rainbow exit.

You reached a hand down to stroke your daughters face, calming her down and sending her back to sleep.

"She's beautiful..." Lotus says.

"She is. Nice work there, Mom."

Lotus nuzzled her face against you. "Don't allow me to take all the credit."

"Credit nothin'. I just put this bun in the oven, you were the one who cooked it and got it out."

You pull her head close and kiss the side of it. "Great job, babe."

Lotus rocked Ivy back and forth. "It only took sixteen hours of labor..." she groans.

You reached a hand down and stroked Ivy's chin "Our little girl takes after her daddy in more ways than one, huh?"

Lotus chuckles. "Why am I not surprised that you were a difficult newborn?"

"Hey, it was bright and cold out there. No way was I going without a fight."

Year..."Who cares anymore?" in Equestria.

You were sitting on the front porch of your house, Lotus laying across your lap. You stroked her graying mane with your bony hand as your great-grandkids ran around like idiots on your lawn.

"Windy, I swear you better not break that tire swing!" you shout.

Windy stops using her wings to almost pull the branch off the tree and jumps off.

"Sorry, Gramps!" she calls up as she fluttered down.

Hmph.

"Your Great Granddaughter almost ruined my handiwork."

Lotus shifts in your lap. "Well perhaps you should have worked harder on it? Boulder was not a small boy."

"Don't badmouth my son like that, that was all muscle."

You sat in silence as you watched the children play. It wasn't long ago that Ivy and Thunderstrike were the ones playing in your yard...

Poor Thunder...he had been a wreck when Anon passed. Same with you.

You wouldn't be here right now if Lotus hadn't pulled you out. You wouldn't get to watch these kids...

"Thanks." you say.

Lotus looks up at you. "Darling?"

"Thanks. For making sure I had something to wake up to...after Anon."

Lotus presses aged lips against your own set. "No charge, Mous."

You wrapped your arm around her shoulder as the two of you watch the kids play in the sunset.

"Think we did good?" you ask.

"I wouldn't ask for anything else."

"A real "happy ending", huh?"

Lotus chuckles. "That was terrible."

"Terribly funny."

You let out a sigh as Celestia begins to set the sun. "I love you."

"I love you too, dear." Lotus says as she cuddles up onto your shoulder.

"Mous?"

"Hmm?"

"It's morning."

Year still 683 in Equestria.

You rocket awake in your bed into a sitting position.

"L-Lo..."

Y-you were dreaming.

Argh...

"Dammit..."

-Music-

You throw your legs off the bed and stomp out to the kitchen. It was still dark out, the clock read 5:21

Some "morning"... Now even your dreams were mucking with you.

You throw open your cupboards and grab the bottle of whisky. Need to forget that dream, can't think about it. Not today...

You crack the bottle open and down the contents. And down. And down... And down some more.

You tear yourself away from the bottle when the burning in your throat becomes too much for you.

Hmmph...Only got half of it down.

You throw the bottle onto the counter and head to the bathroom. You look inside your medicine cabinet and...

The sleeping pill jar is empty.

That's just. Fucking.

"GREAT!"

Your fist lashes out and strikes the mirror head on. The mirror spider webs out from your point of impact. Great. Now you have to get that replaced too...

You look down. And now your fist has glass in it! Great!

You dig out your tweezers and start prying the glass out of your knuckles. This isn't too bad, nothing some rubbing alcohol and a few hours won't fix.

Speaking of alcohol, that whiskey is coming back to you. You toss the tweezers in the sink and collapse back onto your bed. You'd just stay here forever if you thought it wouldn't backfire...

Dammit...

Stupid immortal life...

You slam a pillow over your head as you try to will yourself asleep. You silently wonder how bad it would be if you didn't wake up.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

You wake up at your normal time of the day. You know what day it is. You sit up in bed and glare out at the sun beating down through your window.

Fuck you sun, you piece of shit.

At first you consider just lying back down, you don't have anything to really do today... You shake your head to get that fucking stupid thought out, staying in bed all day today would drive you nuts.

You jump out of bed and head for the kitchen. You planned your day over a bowl of cereal.

What you needed to do was stay active, doing nothing would lead to too much thinking. Not after last night...

You can't afford to think today.

You toss your bowl in the sink and head for the shower. The water beating down on you didn't distract you enough, you ended up having to recite poetry. The shower was probably a terrible fucking idea, too many memories in here. You went back into your room and threw on some clothes.

Most of your original shirts had degraded over the MANY centuries, but you had held on to Rarity's old measurements of you for the royal seamstresses. Even then they could never get sleeves perfect, you were forced to wear an almost sleeveless tunic all the time.

It might have been from the increase in muscle mass you had gotten over the years too, being a logician was surprisingly taxing sometimes. You dress yourself and grab ever-sharp David off the nightstand. You never left home without him nowadays.

You kick open the hatch in your floor and descend the ladder down to the street. It was a bit of a pain, but it kept you from getting fucking robbed. It was cool as hell too.

You take a deep breath. Let's get this day over with...

-Music-

You trudged down the street with your hands in your pockets. Every city had it's rough areas and Canterlot was no different. You had been walking around the new platforms for a while, trying to find some wrongs to right in the more lawless hangouts.

Fucking nothing.

Not one break in, or fight, or fucking purse snatching to be found in the entire fucking city. Celestia probably has the entire city in on some stupid scheme to screw with you, the incandescent bitch.

You had been reduced to counting just to avoid thinking. It wasn't all completely awful, you had never counted to ten thousand before.

This stupid city had been boring you over the last few HUNDRED YEARS.

Couldn't all be like Anon. Sitting in a stone tower, subverting the universe with magic, finding new loves and having a shit-zillion adopted kids.

No, someone had to pound the pavement to find where the leaks in the bucket were.

It was the same thing every damn day. Wake up, piss around the city, solve some stupid problem that any idiot with a brain should be able to solve, irritate Celestia, go home and be alone to start it all again.

It. Was getting. Old.

You make your way to the guard barracks to see what they were up to. Maybe they'd at least be an interesting distraction.

This stupid kid had no idea what he was doing. Neither of them did. Dancing around each other with their spears and their shields, too afraid of getting hurt to take a chance.

One of them, a Corporal, charged the Private he was sparring against in a big showy move. The Private should have been able to dodge that easy, but he looked like he was moving in gunk for all his speed. The Private missed the tip of the spear by an inch and practically stumbled away.

Uhg. You can't watch this.

"Enough! Enough." you shout.

You hop off the box you were seated on and push your way through the ring of stallions watching the brawl.

"What the shit was that?" you ask as you waltz into the middle of the makeshift ring set up in the barracks courtyard?

You snatch the spear off of the ground and bonk one on the head a bit. "You move that slow in the real world and you're fuckin' dead, kid."

The two guards glance at each other. "Well, si-"

"No fuckin' buts. If you don't shape up you're gonna be a fuckin' corpse when someone or something invades the city."

The rest of the guards look quizzical. "Are you expecting an invasion, sir?"

"We live in the most powerful city on the planet, you idiot. Our rulers raise and lower the sun and moon. Everyone wants a piece of that." you spit.

The guards just watch you rant.

"Discord wanted it. The Dogfather wanted it. Whatever High Jarl the Griffins have right now probably wants it. And you colts are the only thing standing in their way."

You spin the spear around and plant it's tip into the ground. "But you're not gonna do fucking shit if you don't learn how to fight against a proper opponent."

One guard speaks up. "What do you suggest we do, sir?"

Now there's an idea...

"You'll fight me."

They all exchange glances now. "Uh..who, sir?"

"All of you."

-Music-

You flick the spear off the ground and broadside the guard on the ground. His friend tries to help him, but he's put down by a punch to the neck. The rest of the stallions rush in to help their friends.

Finally! Something to do!

You revel in the fight as the first wave crashes into you. You bring one down with a blow to the forelegs and another two by throwing them into each other. One tries to jump on your back, but he's torn off and stomped into the dirt.

You duck under a wide swing as the stallions begin to get their bearings. You deliver a haymaker on the lead one and use him as a stepping stone to dive back into those behind him. Stallions are smashed headfirst into the ground or kicked in the face or have their legs dislocated.

Eventually, your worst fears are remembered. These twats have no idea what they're doing!

It's all become routine!

Block a strike, blow to the chest, spin a hundred eighty degrees and do it again on his friend. Only every so often do you get somepony particularly daring, but even they're too stupid to dodge a telegraphed kick to the neck.

It's not long before the routine nature the fight was taking on angers you even more.

Dammit!

"FIGHT ME!"

They continue to throw themselves at you.

"ONE OF YOU LIMP DICK FAGGOTS FUCKING FIGHT ME!"

You feel bones snap and hear grunts and groans but you keep going.

"WHY CAN'T ANY OF YOU FIGHT ME!?"

You're about to dive on this Private who probably pissed himself when a voice breaks through your Black Rage. "ENOUGH!"

You can feel the ground shake as the Guard Captain stomps his hooves up to the ring. "Logician! What is the meaning of you beating my guards senseless?" he booms.

"What's the meaning of your pathetic guards not being able to put up a blasted fight, Kamos!?"

He snorts and stomps over to you, slamming his ridiculously compensatory mace on the ground. Kamos was a Minotaur, brought in to teach the guards how to fight in a different way than they had learned. He was failing.

"You've wounded over half my troops here!" he shouts.

You look back into the ring. There must have been three dozen stallions lying on the ground. Most were just cradling their heads, but a few had some bloody wounds or legs pointing off in the wrong directions. One was in the corner with his hooves between his legs biting his lip.

"Your troops could fight their way out of a wet paper bag!" you yell.

Kamos shoves his horned head in your face. "I will not be lectured on the state of my guards by a city planner!"

You grab him by the horns. "And I will not be lectured on how well these runts can fight by a mercenary calf! I barely broke a sweat here!"

Kamos twists horns out of your hands and grabs his mace. "Leave this place, Logician. Before I make you."

Hah. You'd like to see him try. Should just grab David and open this steak dinner up...

You glance around at the ring, these stallions would make it hard to fight. Some might end up getting hurt worse.

You flare your nostrils and turn to walk out. "Fine, lick your wounds, you bumbling bovine."

You went back to your apartment to grab something else to occupy your mind and change your shirt. The stallions had managed to tear it up a bit in the fight. Maybe there was hope yet, all they needed was six times that number and you might actually be bleeding.

You head back to the castle just as the sun is being set. You had worked this out a while ago, saved it for a rainy day. You set up your Big Honkin' Slingshot in the castle gardens and aim it at Celestia's window.

If you were right, she would be brushing her hair in preparation to go to bed right now. Now you just needed your math to be right.

You loaded the plastic bag into the slingshot. A bag full of month old mayonnaise that had been sitting in the sun and a bit of your piss flying through the window. Priceless.

You pulled back on the basket and tuned your ear. If you listened carefully, you could hear Celestia humming to herself in her room.

Best you were gonna get.

You release the bag and watch it sail across the courtyard into Celestia's room. You hear a gasp of surprise after the wet "SPLAT" of the bag breaking and hope for the best.

Now for the fun part.

"Let's see how well the sun can chase someone!" you holler.

You turn and run out of the gardens, the sound of flapping wings following you.

You had of course planned out your route in advance. You bobbed and weaved through the city streets, intent on making this chase as hard for Celestia as you could. You burst through a bakery and ran out the back to avoid her sight, ignoring the shocked faces of the patrons.

As you rounded a corner, you heard the shattering sound of a pot breaking.

"Bill the castle!" you shout back.

You glanced up and saw the tip of a white wing over top of a roof.

Fuck, pick up the pace.

You ran into a small plaza and dashed down an alley. A quick stab of David into the ponyhole cover at the rear got it open and allowed you to drop in.

You couldn't hear much over the running water and your own boots echoing in the tunnel, but you kept moving.

After a few minutes and several turns, you came to the end of the line. A hole in the side of the city served as the end of the waterways underneath the streets. You stopped and watched as the water dropped out of Canterlot to form an artificial waterfall.

You looked back down the tunnel and saw only blackness. You chuckle to yourself as you sit against the wall.

"Looks like I win this round, Sunshine."

"Win what?"

You almost shat your heart out your asshole as you jumped to your feet.

Celestia was standing at the edge of the tunnel, a confused look on her face.

Fuck.

"Well, you found me." you say as you wave a hand at her. "What's my punishment gonna be? Changing your sheets? Finding your new boy-toys? Do I have to be your slave for a week?"

Celestia cants her head. "Mous, what are you talking about? It was just a mirror."

Wait. Mirror? Then the bag didn't hit...

"FUCK!"

You slumped back against the tunnel wall.

"Mous, are you alright?" Celestia asks.

"Yep. Fucking great. I'm just fucking grand today, Celestia."

She takes a few steps towards you. "No, you're not."

You snap your head at her and glare daggers. "And how the fuck would you know?"

Her face hardens. "Well, even if I didn't just follow you on a chase through the city, or know about what you did at the barracks earlier."

Fuck you life.

"I can still see that you're angry about something." she says.

You grunt. "No. All fine and dandy here. Just Ol' Mous enjoying his fucking eternal life doing the same goddamn thing day in and day out."

Celestia lowers her head."Mous, talk to me."

"Fuck you." you say as you get to your feet.

You didn't need this. You don't need to think about what's wrong.

You're about to walk down the tunnel and go home when a silver screen of light materializes in front of you. "You're not leaving until you tell me what's wrong, Mous." Celestia says.

You feel your anger at everything boil over.

"Fine! You want to know what's wrong?" You turn and stomp towards Celestia, jamming a finger into her face. "I've been in your city for over SIX. HUNDRED. FUCKING. YEARS! All I do every day is solve stupid problems and go home to wallow!"

"This has never been a problem for you before." Celestia says.

"Well it's a problem today!"

"Why?"

"Fuck you! That's why!"

"Mous..."

You growl as your anger grows to new heights and the thoughts come rushing in.

"IT'S BECAUSE I'M DOING ALL THIS ALONE! IT'S BEEN SIX HUNDRED YEARS SINCE MY WIFE DIED AND I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT TODAY! I CAN'T BE LIKE ANON GET A NEW WIFE OR HUSBAND OR WHATEVER HE'S ON NOW EVERY HUNDRED OR SO YEARS!"

"SO THAT'S WHY I'M FUCKING MAD CELESTIA!"

You turn from her and go to the wall. "I'M MAD BECAUSE I MISS MY GODDAMN WIFE!"

"AND I JUST!"

You boot lashes out and strikes the wall.

"CAN'T!"

Again.

"DEAL WITH THIS IMMORTAL CRAP TODAY!"

The tunnel is filled with the sound of you kicking the stone wall repeatedly until you feel something on your face.

Celestia was rubbing her snout against your cheek.

You shoot away from her and hold up your wedding bracelet-thing. "Whoa! Hey! Married man!"

Celestia chuckles. "Well, I had to do something to get you to stop abusing my masonry."

She sits with her back to the same wall you were kicking. "You're upset because you're alone in your immortal life? Join the club."

Tch.

"Yeah right. The Princess who brings a new stallion into her room every hour is lonesome."

"It wasn't always like that, Mous." she says.

"Oh yes, I'm sure you experimented with mare too. Leave me the fuck alone Celest-"

"I was married once too."

...Okay, this would be good.

"Bull." you say.

"It's true."

"When?"

Celestia stares off into the distance. "Oh...it was...about right after Luna had to be banished."

You stay quiet as Celestia reminisces. "Luna and I were always close... But when she turned into Nightmare Moon and I had to banish her...I lost my only friend in the world. The only one who knew what it was like to be an immortal..."

Celestia looks like she may cry for a moment before she recomposes herself. "My husband was Grand Magister at the time. He was the one who was able to bring the Elements of Harmony into a physical form."

"...And the only one I could turn to when Luna was gone."

You lean against a nearby wall. "So, you two were close."

Celestia smiles as she remembers. "We were inseparable. What started as two friends grieving over another turned into a feeling I still can't describe."

You gesture to her. "So what made you...like...this?"

Celestia's face falls again. "The same thing that happened to you, My husband died. At first I was able to rule well enough...but soon I began to ache for his touch, the warmness I felt inside when he was near."

She turns to you. "I tried finding others, others that I could hope to love as much as I did him. However, I would take far, far too long...Time is different for an immortal. You can feel like only days had past and then find the object of your affections dying in your arms."

"So..."

"So I decided to never be hurt by loss again. I fell into a pit of mindless pleasure seeking in an attempt to stop the days from piling up and to keep the feelings out."

You remain silent for a bit.

"So, did it work?"

Celestia sighs. "It did. But not for the better."

"What do you mean?" you ask.

Celestia gets to her feet. "I mean where once I felt my feelings for ponies swell and dive, now they just remain...stagnant. I walk down the hall of the palace and don't see guards with lives and families... Just pony shaped hourglasses slowly losing their sand."

"And the boy-toys?"

"A momentary distraction to drive out the misery of the eons until I can find the next."

Well...damn.

"So, what does this have to do with me?" you ask.

Celestia sighs and casts a spell, causing the screen behind you to fall.

"What it means, Mous. Is that I consider you one of my only true friends in this city. One who understand the burdens on an immortal life."

Her voice falls to a whisper. "And I don't want to see you make a mistake like I did..." Celestia turns to the ledge and spreads her wings. "Find something to live for Mous. Be it another pony, or Anon, or even just to see another sunrise. Just remember that you can't live a life in misery, nor can you do it by only living for yourself."

With that Celestia jumps off the ledge and takes to the skies.

Her words remind you of a phrase you were always saying. "Force your way down a path your choose to take."

You...wanted to be happy again. Lotus would have wanted you to be happy again.

You sigh and begin to walk down the tunnel back home, with plans to find a way to get happy.
-Music-

World Tour.

Year 1086 in Equestria.

You stood on the bridge as you watched Canterlot approach in the distance, silhouetted against the setting sun. It had grown since you had been away. You remember when it was just a city sitting on the side of a mountain, now it encircled it entirely.

Your helmsman grunts as he steers. "Blasted Griffins taking up all the food flight paths..."

"Simmer down Sky Streak, just take us in." your first officer says.

He trots up to you. "How long has it been, sir?"

You sigh and think back. "About...two hundred years? It's been a while, Kunta."

Kunta looks out the main window with you. "Excited to be back?"

You chuckle. "I've got a few friends to see, how bout yourself?"

He sighs. "I have never been to Canterlot before, I can already tell that it is very different from Zevera."

He had that right. "It's different in more ways they you can imagine, but the core is the same."

You turn to him. "I think you're going to like it here." you say with a smile.

Kunta chuckles. "If not, you owe me a ride down south." he says.

Kunta turns back to the bridge. "Alright, let's not have a repeat of Dromedor! Take us in nice and easy."

You hear your radio technician begin to speak. "This is airship Delphinus requesting permission to dock in the Southern harbor."

Home sweet home...

You can see him before you even get off the ship. You step down the off ramp and see a familiar shape standing cross armed on one of the mooring hitches.

"Did you stand there the entire time?" you ask.

Mous turns and grins at you. "No. Sometimes I sat."

He jumps off the hitch and spreads his arms. You drop your bag and follow suit.

The two of you embrace on the dock as your crewmembers disembark. "Oooohhh, it's good to have you back, buddy."

Mous leans back and begins to look you over. "Lemme get a good look at you, make sure you're eating right."

You strike a pose as Mous orbits you. "What do they serve on that boat? Grass?"

You cross your arms. "I got some meat along the way."

Mous laughs. "I'm sure. Guy spends almost two centuries exploring the world and doesn't pack enough food for the trip."

"Lucky for me there were so many stupid animals on the ground, huh?" you say as you pick your bag up and head down the pier.

Mous catches up with you. "So, how about we get a decent meal in you and then call it a movie night? Just like old times."

Fuck.

"I..uh...got an engagement later tonight, tomorrow?"

Mous extends his lower lip. "Aw, who could be more important than me?"

Shit, uh...

Mous just smiles. "Stupid Casanova..." He waves you on. "Come on, we can just grab a meal together."

The two of you are seated in a small cafe in Canterlot.

You're amazed when they bring a pair of steaks out. "I taught 'em how to do that." Mous says.

You're in shock. "But-How di-"

Mous giggles. "I figure you've seen all the Griffins around?"

You silently nod. You had seen them walking around the city.

Mous leans back. "About twenty or so years after you left, the whole Griffin Kingdom government just kinda imploded on itself."

Whoa..."Damn."

Mous nods. "Some Jarl died and about a half dozen lesser ones tried to fight for the throne. Turned into this big ass civil war, Gryphus ended up razed."

Shit. "So, what happened."

Mous takes a sip of his drink. "We'd been getting refugees from the fighting since it started. After Gryphus, Celestia and Luna stepped in and just annexed the Griffin Kingdoms into Equestria. Couldn't stand by and let the Griffins suffer, ya know?"

"Was there opposition?"

"Some, but you can imagine what lack of trade does for one's food supply. Most of the cries for "Griffin Independence." died out about thirty or forty years ago."

You take a bite out of your steak. "Were you there?"

"Hmm?"

"At Gryphus."

Mous leans back in his chair. "Not for the initial landing, but I was there shortly thereafter." he stares off into space for a bit. "It was a bad scene...lotta dead Griffins, lotta burning hatcheries."

You swallow your food. "They torched their own hatcheries?"

Mous swirls his drink in its bottle. "We captured a Legionnaire when we got there, he kept spouting on wanting to cleanse the impurities from the griffin gene who dared ask for Pony help."

"Damn..."

"Mhmm...But now, the Griffins are all over Equestria. Living in peace and all that."

"Is it still called Equestria now?"

"It's a better name then "Quadropedia"."

You chuckle at the thought. "So, what else changed while I was away?"

Mous digs back into his food. "Got a new Grand Magister after Dream Charmer passed."

You remember Dream...she had a great mane.

"New guy is pretty good at the job, bit weird though. Keeps talking about the need to chronicle everything."

You sip your drink. "The job has a way of getting to you."

"So how bout you mister world explorer? Any interesting tales?" Mous asks.

You sigh. Where to begin? "Well, for one, you were right. Gallopfrey makes for a beautiful corpse."

"Told ya."

"What else?"

You stab at the remains of your dinner. "Saw the Kingdom of Haven. Flew over Boardor. Traced the leylines all the way up to and past The Breach."

"You should be either dead or insane after that."

"It's not all that bad, just a lot of weird sounds."

You finish your meal and look at the clock. Should probably be going... "I gotta jet, think you can pay for this and I'll get back to you?" you say

Mous grins. "It's not like you've had a job for two hundred years."

"You're a bro." you say as you walk down the street.

"Don't be commin' round here with no foals!" Mous cries behind you.

It was late now. Well past midnight. You sat at the edge of the bed and scanned around on the floor. "Have you seen my shir-"

You look back to see Luna with your shirt on looking in her mirror.

"I suppose you have."

Luna made faces in the mirror. "I...don't think these are for me." she says, her wings trying to rise from underneath the garment.

You and Luna had always been...close. You had worked together with Twilight on a few things and again when you were Grand Magister. For a while, the two of you had considered making something of it.

That...didn't work.

So you fell into a different routine. If the..."opportunity" arose and neither of you were tied down, you'd get together and spend some time with one another. It normally didn't end in a bedroom, but two hundred years is a long time to not see someone.

You helped Luna get the shirt off her and slipped it on.

She trots up to you and smiles. "Anon, you ruined the view."

"Oh? Well...perhaps I could be persuaded into another showing."

Luna begins to rub her nose on your stomach. "I'll bet."

You get on your knees and wrap Luna in your arms, letting your hands slide down her back. A contented sigh escapes Luna's lips as you move down to her wings.

A sigh that gives way to a sharp intake of air. "A-Anon..."

Shit!

You throw your hands off her wings and pull back.

Luna has her head low and shaking, her eyes the size of pinpricks.

"Hey, hey it's alright." you say.

Panic attack.

You wrap your arms around Luna and let her hitch into your shoulder. "Sshhh...It's alright. Everything is fine."

"I-I'm sorry Anon...t-this is stupid."

"Hey, don't talk like that. It's fine."

"I-I should be able to move past this. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, it doesn't bother me." you whisper into her ear.

You spend a few minutes helping calm Luna down before you take a seat on the floor with her.

Luna looks up at a picture she had on her desk. "I miss him so much..."

"He was a good kid."

You remembered Pip from when you lived in Ponyville. Him and Thunderstrike had been good friends.

"H-he was the first one to not be afraid of me on Nightmare Night."

Pip had LOVED Nightmare Night.

"I'd say it paid off for him." you say.

Luna laughs. "Shut up."'

"Hey, he got to make friends with a Princess, eventually married her. I'd say he made out pretty well."

Luna turns back and looks at the floor. "Do you ever miss Rainbow?"

You lean back against the bed. "All the time...and Dream Charmer, And Winter Withers, Lightning, Tip-Top, even Sugar Heart for all the crap she put me through."

Luna looks up at you. "How do you get past them? All that death..."

The million bit question...Mous had asked you that after Lotus had passed. "I guess...I'd just been ready for it. I mourned them when they left, but I don't think any of them would want me to let it dominate my life." You chuckle. "Hell, Rainbow would probably kick my ass for it."

Luna giggles.

"I guess it's just a part of having an eternal life, huh?"

Luna is silent for a minute. "...Yes it is."

You turn to her and give your best smile. "Do you need me to stick around? Help you through the night?"

Luna gives you a peck on the cheek. "Sweet of you. But I think I'm fine."

You rise to your feet and give a small bow. "Your Highness..."

Luna stands and walks back to her bed. She flicks out a wing and extends a single feather in the center of it at you.

"Heh. Looks like we've been spending too much time together..."

Mousdad.

Year 1157 in Equestria.

The sun was beating down on your face as you slept. Or at least, it was trying to. Hard to get through the window when there's a corkboard covering it.

Hah. Screw you Celestia.

You threw your feet off the edge of the bed and stretched, releasing several pops throughout the room. You stood and started your walk to the kitchen. The rest of your apartment was dressed in similar lighting to your room, with thick sheets covering the windows and only allowing slits of light in.

What can you say? You were not a morning person.

You poured yourself some cereal and threw your coffee into the contraption Anon had rigged up for you on your last birthday. Your eyes scanned the living room.

He should be out by now...

"BOY! BREAKFAST!" you shout.

You heard a body hit the floor from some height.

The door adjacent yours opens. "Dad?"

"Food."

A small hybrid of bird and lion walked out of the shadows closer to you. "Dad, it's too early."

"School is in an hour, Eitri."

Eitri groans. "Dad, it's summer!"

What?

"Huh?"

You walk over to the window and throw the sheet back. Sure enough. Your neighbors all had their windows open, many had laundry drying outside.

"How the fuck long has it been summer!?" you shout.

"About a month..." Eitri says.

Fucking old age.

You heard a yawn over your shoulder. "I'm going back to bed..."

Oh hell naw.

"Hold up there, poozer. When I was a kid we didn't get to sleep till noon until the last week of June." you say.

Liar.

Shut it.

You point to his room. "Wash up, come out, and eat. We'll figure out something to do."

Eitri groans again. "Daaaaad..."

"Now."

Eitri grunts and heads back into his room.

You don't know what your mom was so on about, parenting is easy.

You and Eitri sat at the table eating your breakfast. He was munching down on some bacon you had grilled up for him. It was nice to hear him calling you dad on instinct now.

It had been... what? Five years since you took him in?

You still remember when you met him. He had stolen some fruit or something and hidden behind you when the guards chased him. Shit, but had he looked scared.

Luckily, you were you. A simple "He's with me." was enough to scare the guards off.

After taking him away and getting a meal in him, he had relented and stayed with you for the night, saying that he would be gone in the morning. A day turned to a week turned to a month turned to you sending him to school.

Fucked if your Griffin kid was gonna be a moron.

Eitri sat silently stabbing his bacon with a fork.

"Eat it. I don't want you passing out when you do stuff today." you say.

Eitri glanced up at you. "Dad, do I have a mom?"

Damn.

"Every living thing has a mom, Eitri."

He puts down his fork and glares at you. "You know what I mean."

You sigh and lean back. "You mean a mare who lives with me."

Eitri crosses his arms and nods.

...Fuck.

"I guess you had one a long time ago...but she died."

Eitri swallows some bacon. "How long ago?"

Your eyes meet his. "Very long."

He seems to understand that he won't be getting an answer and goes back to his meal. "What was she like?" he asks.

Shit, you weren't planning on a trip down memory lane.

"She was...the best. She was fiery, and smart, and kind...you'd have liked her." You look up and see Eitri smiling. "And she'd have liked you too."

Eitri smiles as he eats his breakfast.

"You wanna go see her?" you ask.

Eitri's eyes snap up to you. "We can do that?"

"Yeah, had her buried in the royal gardens. We can see her any time.

Eitri twiddles his talons a bit. "That could be cool."

Atta boy.

The two of you headed out after breakfast. Eitri complained about your ladder, why you installed it. Screw off, kid. We don't get robbed because of that ladder.

You made your way to the castle and walked in a beeline to the gardens.

There in the back was a small headstone with the words "Lived: 978-1084" carved on it. At the foot of the headstone rested a small pool of water, inside of which was a single lotus flower.

Eitri walked up to the headstone and looked around it. "There's no name."

You chuckle as you sit down.

Hey pretty pony...

"Her name was Lotus."

He dips his talon in the water. "Has that been here the whole time?"

"I change it once a week." you say.

Eitri walked back over to you. "How long did you know her?"

"Eighty-three years."

Eitri's eyes widen at the number. "Was she your wife?"

"For a little while... she died right after we were married."

You hold up your bracelet arm. "I got her a matching one of these for her neck."

"What happened to it?" he asks.

You point at the grave. "She still has it."

Eitri is quiet for a little while.

"Dad, how old are you?"

...FUCK.

"Old, kid."

Eitri walks in front of you. "No Dad. I want to know. How old exactly are you?"

You can see from the look in his eye that Eitri isn't going to back down from this.

"Dammit..." you sigh out.

You lean back a bit and start counting. "I am...One thousand one hundred and eighty three years old."

Eitri is left speechless. You had told him that you were one of the oldest things he'd ever see and why, but no specifics.

Eitri just looks at the grave. "Must be nice..."

"It has its ups and downs..."

"And Uncle Anon has been with you the entire time?"

"That and more, poozer."

Eitri turns his head up to you. "What's it like, dad?"

Oh here we go...

"It's...life. It's rough sometimes. It's great sometimes. I have my good days and my bad."

You reach out and ruffle the feathers on his head. "But I'm dealing."

"And you don't get sad because mom isn't around?"

"Mom"?

Heh. This kid.

"Can't be sad. Gotta look out for you, poozer."

Eitri swings his talons at you as you continue to ruffle his head. "So all you do is look out for ponies?"

"Gotta do something to keep from going crazy."

"Who?"

"Oh you know. You, Uncle Anon, the entire city if I'm feeling like it.

"Everyone?" Eitri asks.

"Every last one."

Eitri and you sit there for a while. "Thanks for bringing me out here, dad." he says.

"No problem, kid. I always like to come here."

Eitri has a smile on his beak.

"Wanna go have some fun?" you ask.

Now that smile is twice its size." "Yeah!"

"Wanna go mess with Celestia?"

"YEAH!"

You ruffle his feathers. "Atta boy."

Eitri shoots off into the sky as you prepare to give chase.

You pause for a moment and brush your hand along the face of the headstone. "See you in a week, babe."

With that, you run out of the garden. She would have loved him...

Gift Wrapped.

Year 1486 in Equestria.

It was also Mous's birthday.

You were standing outside on the main deck as the ship slowly sailed through the sky. The deckhands around you were more than a bit nervous. You couldn't blame them, The Breach was a fairly un-routine place.

The sound was what did most ponies in, that faint singing sound echoing in the wind. Some thought it was sirens, or some sort of magical resonance from The Breach. It sounded like a church choir to you.

You walk over to the edge of the deck next to a particularly edgy deckhand. "Nervous, son?"

He snaps to attention as he sees you. "Sir! I...guess you could say that."

He looks off the edge of the ship. "You hear the stories about this place, ponies telling you that you're mad for coming this far...seeing it I start to think they're not far off."

You look over the edge of the ship with him.

The Breach was the place in Equestria where science went to go fuck itself. Your view was dominated by floating landmasses and continents. Off in the horizon you could see the pink glow from all of Equestria's leylines coming together a little past your destination. The water underneath you rippled away from itself from the tear in the world at the sea floor.

You turn back to the deckhand. "Don't worry. The Breach puts on a big show, but I came through here years ago without even a scent of trouble."

He looks a bit more relaxed at your words. "Nothing, huh?"

You shake your head. "Not a damn thing."

He grows a small smile. "Schway."

Your brain cracks a bit at his words.

"Schway"?" you ask.

The boy smiles. "Yeah, the Logician has been saying it all voyage. I guess it caught on."

He didn't...That motherfu-

"Excuse me, son."

You stomped down the corridor of your ship and threw open the door to Mous's room.

"Yeah, don't knock or anything. Not like I could be-"

"SCHWAY?" you shout.

A devilish grin immediately grows on his face. "Which one was it?"

"ONE OF MY DECKHANDS."

Mous jumps up from his set. "Oh good! I'll have to give him a bit for using it."

"What are you doing?" you ask disbelievingly.

"Making a trend!" he says with a smile. "I figure I can get all of Canterlot saying it within the next five or so years."

You bury your face in your palm. "Mous, this is..."

Stupid. Inane. Fetishistic. Those thoughts and more sprout in your mind.

"Schway?" he asks, grin wide.

You look up and glare at him. "It's schwarbage."

"It's been a thousand years! About time we got some new slang terms."

"Not from a cartoon."

Mous walks to his chair. "Oh, you're no fun.." he moans.

"Besides, I don't know what you expected me to do, you've kept me on this boat for a week. Why do we need to go all the fuck the way out here for a birthday present?" he says.

He'd change his tune...

"It only works here." you say.

Mous brings a hand to his chin. "Is it a spaceship?"

"No."

"A robot?"

"No, dude."

"A spaceship robot?"

You give him a deadpan look. "I promise that your gift will be wonderful and excellent and that you won't be able to guess it."

Mous leans back. "Well that's no fun."

"Not for you, anyway."

"How much longer until we get there, anyway?"

You do some math in your head. "At current speed and where I figure we are, I'd say about a half hour."

Mous pouts. "Bet you didn't even wrap it."

-Mous PoV-

You and Anon disembarked the ship alone. He had said you wouldn't need the deckhands.

The two of you now stood in a rather unassuming field of grass. Apart from the fact that this continent was at the literal edge of the world and a stone's throw away from the source of all magic, it looked pretty normal.

"Where are we?" you ask.

Anon looks around with a smile. "Eden: The Original Landmass. Hidden up at the tip of the world and spawning every other landmass on the planet from its fertile shores."

You looked around. Pretty normal trees, normal mountains, normal lake way off in the distance.

"It looks like Montana."

You turn to Anon. "So, why drag me all the way out here for my fifteen hundredth and third?"

Anon smiled and produced a small pulsating crystal from his pocket. "I've been working on something for a while...talking to some colleagues, working out the details, figuring out just what to do to make this work." He smiles at you, that warm smile that was probably responsible for his last four spouses. "Well, I finished it. And I can't think of someone I would rather give it to then you."

"Anon...what the fuck are you talking about?"

Anon smirks and tosses the crystal past you. An explosion of bring light and a wall of sound rushes past you as the crystal releases it's magics. In the direction of the light, you can hear the sound of hooves clopping towards you.

"...Mous?"

-Music-

No way... That voice...

You look towards the light, more gentle and benevolent now then when it first came into being.

You dropped to your knees at the sight you saw.

Same hair...same coat...just as you remembered...

She trots up to you and nuzzles your face with hers. "Hey, you..." she says.

Your brain takes a moment to process this before you wrap your arms around her.

"H-hey pretty pony..."

You can feel tears welling up in your eyes.

She was back. Lotus was back.

"Hey you." she says as she wraps her own hooves around you.

"Oh my god, oh my god..." you say through it all.

You kiss her neck as the tears fall down your face.

"H-how are you here?" you ask.

She rests her head on your shoulder, just like she used to. "I was told someone wanted to see me..."

She was...how-

You turn back to Anon. "How long?"

Anon smiles at you. "Few minutes?"

You turn back and embrace Lotus again. It would do.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

This was...

You're beside yourself, you can't think of a single thing to say after shouting "BABE!" and pulling her as close as you could.

Words weren't going to be enough, there was nothing you could say or do to express how you were feeling.

"S-see my kid?" you ask.

You hear Lotus sniff as she runs a hoof over your hair. "Yes, a cute little thing."

She takes your face in her hooves and places your foreheads together. "You've rubbed off on him. There isn't a week that goes by where he doesn't find me."

You sniff. "Heh...he's my boy, all right."

Teary smiles are echanged by the both of you.

She was back...

"What's it like up there?" you ask.

Lotus rocks in your arms a bit. "Big, happy. You have a lot of old friends up there..."

You look down at the bracelet you were wearing. "Your dad mad at me for taking so long?"

Lotus smiles, she was still wearing her necklace. "How could he be mad at his favorite son-in-law?" she says before giving you a peck on the lips.

That wasn't enough. You pulled Lotus back to your lips and let her embrace take away all the heartache you had in you once again.

In time, Lotus pulls away from you and returns her forehead against yours. "I think our time together is almost up..."

"That's fine..." you say.

She sniffs. "I wish I could see you again."

"You will."

Lotus looks into your eyes in confusion.

"Take a message to your boss, landlord, whatever. Tell them that when I eventually...go, that I'm gonna want in. No Pearly Gate's gonna stop me." you say.

Lotus lets loose a small laugh through her own tears. "You'd break into Elysium on your own?"

You smirk. "Of course. Who the hell do you think I am?"

Lotus laughs harder this time and wraps her hooves around your neck. "You're my completely mad husband...and I love you."

You bring your lips together one last time. "I love you too."

Lotus turns back the way she came in response to some voice only she can hear.

She turns back to you with a tearful smile. "See you again?"

You reluctantly release her from your arms. "Count on it, pretty pony."

Lotus smiles and trots back to the portal. She stops at its edge and sends one more wave to the two of you.

This was...good.

You knew you would see her again. You promised.

As Lotus finished waving, she stepped through the portal just in time for it to swallow itself.

-Anon PoV-

Mous got off his knees as the portal shut itself. He begins to walk over to you with his head down. "So, did you enj-"

"Shut the fuck up, Anon." he says as he wraps his arms around you.

This was...new. Very new.

"Thank you...I don't know how you did it and I don't know how I could repay you, but thank you." he whispers.

You pat him on the back. "Don't thank me man, it was your birthday. What else was I supposed to do?"

He pulls away from you, his arms still on your shoulders. "Use it yourself? You have just as much use for it as me..."

You had considered that for a moment.

You shake your head. "This trick only works once, dude. I guess I could have seen Rainbow, or Thunder..."

His head droops a bit.

"But I finished this and thought. "Who do I know that could use a visit from an old flame?", I really couldn't see myself using it any other way."

Mous chuckles. "You're a real bastard, ya know?" He looks up at you. "Here I am trying to be the best friend ever and you go on and blow me out of the water like this."

You grin at him. "You do pretty well, yourself."

Mous lets go of you with the biggest genuine smile you've seen from him in a while. "Thanks man...for everything."

You give him a slap on the shoulder. "Any time."

The Delphinus floats in the air a ways away. "Ready to head back home?"

Mous wipes his eye and looks out with that smile. "Yeah, let's go. I have to get to work on the statue of you I have to make now, anyway." he says.

Eugenics

Year 1752 in Equestria.

You walked down the street on your way to work. You were not looking forward to today...It was going to suck royally.

Still, it was your job to manage this crap.

The job can't always be screwing with Celestia and walking around... Every so often, a crisis would rear its ugly head. This particular one involved unicorns.

Unicorn birthrates had skyrocketed in the last ten years. Unicorn foals now made up almost half of the ones in Canterlot.

Under normal circumstances, that wouldn't be an issue.

However, some ponies thought the Unicorns to be of a higher class then the rest of the non-magical citizens.

That had lead to some conspiracies, that Celestia and Luna were spiking the water to breed a Unicorn master race. Today was the day where the Princesses were going to try meeting with the leader of this moronic "organization" and try to talk him down.

You retained the same level of confidence in it that you always had for this kind of stuff. You figured you would have to fix everything. Again.

The tide of problems hits you in the face as soon as you get to the castle.

"Logician, we examined the map in the event of a riot. Likely hotspots are here, here, and here." an assistant says.

"Get some guards there, but keep them undercover. I don't need a bunch of stallions in armor stetting a riot off early."

Another assistant trots up to you. "Sir. In the advent of this seasons weather, I feel the need to warn against the possibilities of street side bonfires."

"What season is it?"

"Winter, sir."

Keeping warm.

"If a mob meets outside the castle, I want our guards handing out warm clothes. Make sure they see us doing it, too."

"Yes sir."

You continue walking through the castle. Where the fuck was...

"Captain Tarkus!" you shout.

The Griffin pauses to turn to you. "What is it, Logician?"

Christ, you beat up some guards a couple a hundred years ago and suddenly every guard captain hates you...

"Have you given your guards the instructions I sent out?"

Tarkus puts his helmet on and makes for the door. "I will not risk my men's lives for your orders, Logician."

Stupid griffin...

You step in front of Tarkus' escape. "And I won't risk the safety of the citizens of Canterlot to protect soldiers in armor."

Tarkus and you exchange glares.

"Nonlethal means of containment only, Tarkus. We can't afford to look like tyrants here."

Tarkus grunts. "If I didn't think you'd sell me out to the Princesses in a heartbeat, I'd simply ignore you."

Damn straight you would.

After a day of playing chess ten hours in advance against somepony who could flip the table at any time, you were finally sitting down for lunch.

Anon sat across the table from you drinking a coffee. "I am so glad we have trade with Zebica..." he says as he takes another sip.

"Long nights?"

"Coming up on three days straight today...stupid protesters have us looking up every angle." he says.

"Your hubby pissed?"

"He's too scared of me when I'm cranky to be pissed off."

"What have you got?" you ask.

Anon leans back in his chair, making sure to keep his drink with him. "The expected, this just looks like a genetic fluke."

"Can magic even be used to influence birth?"

Anon shakes his head. "Hell no. Otherwise, the latent magics of Canterlot would have turned us into an entirely unicorn city by now. And I'd probably have some biological kids, to boot."

You sigh. "But you just know that the protesters aren't going to be listening to any of that..."

Anon groans. "Almost makes you long for the days of doomsday cults and Dogfathers."

"Tch. Screw that. I was the one who had to sleep in the woods and get impaled."

"You did those to yourself, ya nimrod."

The two of you sit in silence for a moment. "Still...times have changed...

You slowly nod your head. "Not always for the better, eh?"

Anon pinches the bridge of his nose. "I could stand to see somepony else solve some problems every so often."

"Then what would we do?"

"Sleep."

Where the ever-loving fuck was Celestia? How does one lose a horse the size of a man? The meeting was in twenty minutes and the rioters had already taken to the streets. You had checked in her room, didn't even find a stain on the sheets you could use for a clue. You caught Luna on her way to the meeting, she apparently hadn't seen her sister either.

Fuck. Your. Life.

It's on your umpteenth trip over one of the castles catwalks that you notice a flowing pastel shape in a garden below you.

"Of course you're there..." you mutter.

You guess that made sense.

You head down the stairs and come out near the side of the garden. Celestia was sitting in front of a modest gravestone in the center of a ring of flowers. Carved into it was: "Twilight Sparkle: Grand Magister and favored student of Princess Celestia."

You approach her from the side. "You alright, strobe light?"

Celestia sighs, her face low. "I just keep thinking...Twilight would have had this wrapped up in the time it would take me to walk to this meeting. She would use some unique combination of brilliance and that gloriously approachable attitude of hers to calm everypony down."

You look down at the grave. "She was a good kid."

"I've taken on a few students since she left my tutelage, but none of them have come close to the potential she had."

You slip your hands into your pockets. "Such is the way of things in an unending life, huh? There's always going to be that one person who shines above all the rest."

Celestia closes her eyes for a moment. "...Yes."

You give her a few moments with her favorite pupil, before you tap her on the shoulder. "C'mon, let's go put this problem down before they turn her into a demon with six heads or something."

Celestia chuckles as she falls in line behind you. "Historians always get those facts wrong. I can assure them that she never had more than five.

Heh. Good one.

The two of you walked into the throne room from the back. Anon ran up to you as you came in. "You're very late..."

You pull him aside as Celestia trots up to the amassed crowed. "Couldn't be helped, be glad I got her here."

"Princess Celestia! So glad you could come..."

The clink of Celestia's horseshoes echoes through the room. "Royal Lace, I stand here to defend the innocence of the unicorns against your accusations."

You and Anon walk up and join her. "Standing with me is my sister, Princess Luna, an ex-Grand Magister, and the current Royal Logician."

How come we don't get a name...

Royal Lace puffs himself up. "Yes, yes, we know who they are...State what "evidence" you have! Let the people of Canterlot judge you."

Celestia nods and Anon and Luna step forward. "We have poured over everything from old Canterlot records, to the magical regulator, to the water supply, to the children themselves." Anon says.

Luna steps forward again. "Every shred of evidence points to this being nothing more than a genetic fluke. Nothing that warrants this kind of a reaction."

Royal Lace simply huffs. "A likely story. A story that is exactly what you want us to here!"

The crowed cheers him on. "We're fed up with your lies, Princesses! You won't stop until all are like you, magic users!"

What?

"We won't allow you to change our children!" he shouts.

"Would you listen to yourself!?"

Everypony stares at you.

"The princesses are changing our kids in the womb! It makes perfect sense!" Is what you all hear in your heads?"

Royal Lace stares at you. "Stay out of this Logician! This is between us an-"

"I'M TALKING." you shout.

You had been practicing a Canterlot voice with Luna, it's nice to see it worked.

"As you say, I'm royal logician. So let's use some mother fucking logic."

You leave your place next to Celestia and begin to stroll around the crowed. "Why the hell would the Princesses change everypony to unicorns? If they were that selfish, it'd be more magic to have to share. If anything, by your logic they would want to DECREASE unicorn birthrates."

You continue to patrol the front of the crowd.

"Also, if you had actually LET the ex-Grand Magister and Princess explain their findings, they'd show you the proof that this is just a genetic accident."

Lace regains his composure "That still does no-"

"And this guy! I've never seen a bigger narcissist in my life!"

Celestia.

Shut up.

"This twit doesn't want your kids safe! He wants to be famous! He was a fashion worker before all this!" you shout.

You had your boys do some snooping.

You step in front of Royal Lace and look over the crowed. "Ponies, don't let yourselves be pawns to this...attention horse."

Nice.

"He's using you all to get himself in history books. Don't let him do that, you're better than that."

The crowd stands in silence as Royal Lace begins to sweat.

"I'd like to see their proof." a pony in the back says.

Another shouts up. "Me too!"

The rest of the crowd joins in the chorus of voices and inches closer to Anon. He calms them down and brings out a chart."Okay, okay, settle down everypony...

As Anon begins to explain the concept behind genes, you spot Royal Lace slip out of the throne room. That's what he gets. Punk ass bitch.

You take a seat on the floor and take in your science lesson for the day.

At the Gala.

Year 2042 in Equestria.

You sat in at a desk inside the Arcanium. Even if you weren't Grand Magister anymore, you were still welcome here. Not that there was anypony to kick you out, the place was deserted at the moment. But still you sat here, silently pouring over ancient research notes as you drew up your design.

It had to be perfect...an elegant but simple design. Something artificial to allow for naturalism.

Your magnum opus.

You pause in your research as a light giggle echoes through the Arcanium.

"Working hard, Anon?" says the voice coming from every direction at once.

You knew what this was, you had heard this voice often. "Oh, just had a sudden bout of inspiration."

The laughter came back a bit stronger. "He stepped down as Grand Magister almost a millennia ago, but he still spends all his time here."

A thousand years...it felt like yesterday when you handed in your resignation to go off and see the world.

"Oh, I don't spend all my time here." you say to the sort-of empty room.

The shadows on the walls seem to separate themselves and slide behind you as look over your notes. The light clinking sound of horseshoes heralds the midnight blue face rubbing up against yours.

"So I'm aware." Luna says.

The two of you had kept your..."arrangement" going for a good long while now. Even by timeless standards, the two of you spent an awful lot of time together.

Nothing official yet, Luna still had her episodes every so often. They were getting few and far between now, though. Which was good.

Luna looked down at the paper you were working on. "A new project?"

"Something like that, my biggest one to date."

Luna's eyes drift over the paper and widen. "How are you going to power such a monstrosity?"

You lean back. "I...hadn't gotten that far yet."

Hmm...Considering what you were aiming for here...

"I guess a shit ton of mana batteries could work, or maybe I could patch it into a leyline..." you say.

Although...considering what you were planning...

"Remember the Hybrid Cannon?"

Luna arches an eyebrow. "What could you possibly want with that thing again?"

"Remember how we powered it? The Moonstones and that Fusion thing?"

Luna silently nods.

"I'm thinking that could work. Especially with what I'm going for."

Luna looks back over the blueprint. "An ambitious design, Anon."

Got that right.

"But not one for you to tackle tonight, I'm afraid." she says.

You looked out the window at the lights shooting up from the castle proper.

"This is going to be my first Grand Galloping Gala in a long while." you say as you stand.

Luna takes a look at you. "Well then, let's ensure you dress the part."

A glow springs from Luna's horn and takes hold of your clothes. You feel them shifting and changing on your skin to reveal a deep navy tuxedo.

"I feel snazzy already." you say.

Looking up you see Luna in a similar glow, revealing an evening dress when it dies down.

You walk up to Luna and hold out an arm. "Shall we, m'lady?"

"We shall, good sir." she giggles.

The Grand Galloping Gala hadn't changed much over the years. Lots of high class ponies still just walking around talking to each other for a night, filling up on snack foods and drinking wines.

As well as Mous sitting alone in the corner asleep on a chair. Keep on keeping on, buddy. At least you knew you didn't miss much.

Attending on the arm of a Princess was a new experience, however. You certainly met more ponies this way, you had almost doubled your number since the last time you were here with Dash.

Wow...that took you back. Dash and the girls had been invited to the Gala the year the two of you got married, you were her plus one. You could have spent the entire night watching her regale the crowed with tales of her stunts... Watching her trot back over to you, give you a peck on the cheek and say... "Anon, are you alright?"

You snap back to the present and turn to see a concerned looking Luna.

"Yeah, sorry. Million miles away."

Luna had brought you up to some pegusi stallion in a blue bodysuit. The Wonderbolts still hadn't changed their uniforms...

The Stallion holds out a hoof. "Thunder Dasher, I'm the Wonderbolts captain."

You grasp his hoof and give him a firm shake. "Captain, eh? Seems I'm a magnet for those here."

He and the rest of the ponies around him look at you in confusion.

"Sorry, sorry, my mind gets away from me sometimes. I was married to Rainbow Dash way back when." you say.

That grabs this guys attention. "You and Rainbow Dash?"

You slowly nod. "Uh...yeah?"

You hadn't kept up with Thunderbolt issues after Dash passed, this guy's interest was beyond you.

"Did she ever speak about how she did the Inverse Duckwalk Backflip?" he asks.

Talk about it? You helped her work it out.

"A bit. You see, the trick is..."

You began to explain the physics behind the Inverse Duckwalk Backflip to the captain. Who knows, maybe it could come back into play? You looked around the room as the two of you were talking and had a startling question form in your mind.

Where the hell did Mous go?

-Mous PoV-

"Are you sure about this?" she asks.

"Coppertone, I've thought of everything. The path, the exit, how to steer, everything. Just get on."

Celestia hops on top of the food cart behind you and sits down.

"Alright now, hang on, use your wings to help us steer, and listen to what I say."

Celestia nods with a look of confidence on her face.

You looked down the spiraling staircase in front of you. Yeah...this was gonna be good.

You grab the string tied to the break under your wheels as you reach down to the stereo you had hidden on the lower rack of the food cart.
-Music-

"HI, I'M LOGICIAN MOUS!"

"And I'm Princess Celestia!"

"AND WELCOME TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!"

You pull the break out from under your wheels and start to drift down the stairs.

The two of you rocketed down the stairs and breakneck speed.

"Use your wings! Keep us towards the center!" you call to your back passenger.

As Celestia uses her wingspan to steer the food cart, you lean to the side to give it that extra oomph. You clear the bottom of the stairs with a smash and continue to rocket through the ballroom on momentum alone.

Now comes the hard part. Keeping the momentum up.

Celestia levels out her wings as you pass a very confused Ex-Grand Magister and his Princess of the Night.

"HEYANONHEYLUNA!" you shout.

You smash through the doors to the dance room and hop up to a low crouch and try to steer yourself to your target. You lean hard to the left as you position your cart dead on to smash through the refreshment table. Through the table and through the window behind it.

And straight into the pond below.

-Anon PoV-

Dammit, you were having a very nice conversation about aerial stunts and your dead wife too. You and Luna had chased the errant food cart as it barreled through the Gala. The sight in the dance room was one of utter chaos, smashed tables, a broken window, and a collapsed statue.

How the hell did the statue collapse?

You run to the shattered window and spot the carts occupants crawling onto the shore of the pond. Of course, they were laughing like madmen.

"Th-that part when those waiters had to jump out of the way!"

"Or the part where the band saw us and tried to keep playing!"

The two of them rolled around on the grass as they reveled in their fun. Luna trots up to you and sighs at the sight.

"This normal Gala behavior?" you ask.

Luna grows a deadpan stare. "Every twenty years, like clockwork."

Stellar Science.

Year 2480 in Equestria.

You and Mous were down in the Regulator chamber.

"Make sure that those surge protectors are evenly spaced out." you say.

Mous grunts and drops the device on the ground. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"The magical resonance could trip one of the breakers if they're too close, we need that not to happen."

Mous hooks up the surge protectors like you told him to and retreats back to the main cables with you.

"Alright...protectors are on and ready, the power is flowing, let's just..."

You flip the master switch. The regulator hiccups and begins to spin even faster and glow even brighter before eventually calming down.

Mous lowers his arms from in front of his face. "So...we did it?"

"That we did!"

"The leylines are hooked up now?"

You flip a few switches on the cables. "Told you fixing that leyline would pay off."

The additional power would help immensely.

"At least we won't black out Equestria now." Mous says.

Ehh...

"Probably not." you say.

You walk past Mous as his face drops to one of pure misery. "Great. I fucking love "probably's"."

You roll your eyes as you lead the two of you out into the ever setting sun.

"Come on, it's almost time and it's a long walk to the Arcanium."

Damn these wires, they cost more than your house. The downside of creating a machine that subverted nature, you needed pure platinum wiring.

"Luna, could you hand me the hydrospanner?"

You feel the tool placed in your hand as you finish attaching this motor.

Mous continues to pace through the room and fill it with the echoes of his footfalls. "Could you hurry this up? I'm not comfortable standing next to this thing."

Nancy...

"Come on man, it's just a little nuclear fusion from the heart of the sun." You poke your head out and look to Celestia. "Thanks for that, by the way."

The monarch gives a curt nod as you dive back into the bowels of your machine.

You set the last wire cluster into place.

Almost...

"Done!"

You pull yourself out and close the hatch on the machine.

"Alright Anon, explain to me how this contraption works." Mous says.

The machine was about as tall as your waist, with an interior miniature of the planet, sun, and moon. Small numerals representing the months and days of the year were spread around the edge. Below that were two rotating rings.

"It's simple in concept, large in scope. This, is the Orbital Tether, and I made it for one thing." You turn to Mous. "To move the sun, moon, and stars."

Mous lets out a low whistle as you make your way around it.

"It sends out a magical lasso around both stellar bodies, using the Moonstones and Fusion reaction as a foothold."

You switch on the preliminary functions. "From there, the machine calculates the proper position for everything using a mechanical computer I made after pouring over astrological notes for the last three thousand years."

Mous just looks at you cross armed. "So, it makes it like it was on Earth?"

"Basically."

"Why didn't you just say that?"

"Oh, screw you."

He has no concept of drama sometimes...

You throw the switches on the Tether and start the turbines for the rings below. The rings functioned as the focus, each charged with either solar or lunar magic and responsible for actually moving the sun or moon.

You flip on the calculator and walk to the main power switch.

"Luna, if you could get the window please?"

The window of the Arcanium attic is pushed open with a magical aura, letting in the sun as it rests still as stone on the horizon.

"Alright..."

And here we...Go.

You flip the main power switch as the Tether hums to life. Yet the sun still hangs in the sky.

"Uh...Anon..."

"It'll work, dude."

Come on...You HAVE to work...

Celestia clears her throat. "The sun is not moving, Anon..."

"It just takes a while for the magic to get to there is all!"

You jerk your head back to the sun and try staring it down. Please work...

Suddenly, the sun shifts ever so slightly.

"Did you see that?" Mous says.

Come on, baby...

The sun began inching its way down, jerking ever closer to the horizon before finally beginning to coast down like it normally did.

"D-did it work?" you ask.

"See for yourself." Luna says behind you.

She opens the window behind you, letting you see a silver orb slowly inching its way up past the horizon.

It...it worked.

"HAHA! IT WORKED!" you shout as you jump into the air.

THE TETHER WORKED!

You feel a hand on your shoulder push you back to the ground gently. "Easy, sport. Don't want to break your new miracle machine." Mous says. "Congrats, man." He adds with a slap on the shoulder.

You were sure you were grinning like a loon. But at the same time, why shouldn't you? Your magnum opus and the result of over four hundred years of development had just paid off.

The sun and the moon would rise automatically now.

Luna and Celestia trot up to you. "Congratulations, Anon. You deserve every bit." Celestia says.

Luna was smiling just as much as you were. "Yes, this is an incredible feat! Nothing like this has happened since Starswirl the Bearded discovered two hundred spells in his spare time!"

"Yes...A very *yawn* impressive achievement."Celestia says. She peers out the window at the rising moon. "With that, good friends, I shall retire. Luna, the court is yours." she says as she trots down the stairs.

Mous gazes out the window. "I gotta get gone too, crimes been up in Lower City lately and I have to go stand menacingly on top of roofs."

Dinner and a movie then, good luck man. Mous leaving puts just you and Luna watching the moonrise.

"Amazing, Anon. Truly amazing." she says.

"Yeah..." You say. "Wonder what I should do with my time now."

Luna turns to you. "I feel the same way. With the moon rising on its own, I'm relieved of part of my duties."

She inches closer to you. "Perhaps we can assist each other in finding something to pass the time?"

You reach down and stroke her mane. "A celebration -does- seem in order..."

You were curled up in Luna's bed with her in your arms. The window was open, letting the soft light of the artificially risen moon into the room. Luna shifts in the bed, sending her now flaccid wings draping over you.

Experience has prepared you, however. A trio of pegusi spouses had taught you how to avoid a face full of post-coital wing.

Luna continued to shift in your arms, grunting as she did.

"I know you enjoyed yourself, but I didn't hurt anything did I?"

A wing flies up and bops you in the head.

"Brute." Luna chuckles out.

You pull her closer to you. "Hey now, that almost sounded like the old Luna talking. I thought we worked on your vernacular issues millennia ago."

Luna sighs. "I wouldn't say it was my vernacular that was the issue here."

Well damn. "What's up?

Luna snaps her wing back against her body and turns to you, moon reflecting off her teal eyes. "Anon, now that the Tether is done, what will you do?"

Well, that was the question of the day, huh?

You hadn't put much thought into it. Your thoughts leading up to today had been dominated by the Tether, and you were a bit distracted afterwards.

"I...don't really know." you say.

You slide your hands behind your head as Luna drapes her hooves over your chest.

"The Tether was the biggest thing I've ever worked on. My Magnum Opus. I...really don't know what I'd do after that."

"I've seen the world...gotten married...had kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. To tell you the truth Luna? It's all gotten...kinda dull."

You count off on your fingers. "And ohh...it's been...five hundred years? Since I was last married."

You stare out over the dark room. "I guess it's finally getting to me too...they all end the same way."

In a hospital room.

You look down at Luna. "What about you?"

Luna shifts next to you. "No one...not since Pip...just you."

That was kind of flattering and sad at the same time.

"Still having the episodes?"

Luna nods. "Less often...but I...don't feel comfortable with anything particularly long term yet."

You reach down and stroke her mane.

Hmm... Something new...

"Then I'll wait."

Luna looks up at you. "Wh-what?"

"I'll wait, I said. For you to try and work this out."

"Wait?"

"Yeah! I figure that we both care about each other enough, we both don't age, why not give it a try when we can?"

Luna's eyes fall. "You...know that could take some time, Anon..."

You wrap her hooves around your chest and pull her close. "We have the time."

Luna rests her head on your shoulder and sighs. "Yeah..."

Regime Change.

Year 2561 in Equestria.

You scribble the last of the numbers on the whiteboard. "And so class, we then see that when we combine Power with Wisdom and Courage, we get a-"

The bell rang. What is it with you teaching kids and bells? You packed up your things as your students filed out. This university work had been good at giving you something to look forward to, even if it was just part time. Still, you noticed that the kids were learning almost faster than you could teach.

Guess ponies got smarter in two and a half thousand years.

You step out into the university square and look out at the city at night. Canterlot had certainly changed from the Tolkein-esque city on the side of a mountain it used to be. Where once ponies had want, you had helped them create from nothing. Where they had once needed space, Mous had started an expansion project. And where they had once had fear, the two of you had stood together to fight off everything the world threw at you.

Canterlot was truly a city of peace and harmony.

You headed for the main gates as you planned your evening. Hmm...Maybe Luna would want to go out on the town? She and you had been seeing each other rather regularly over the past few months. To you, it seemed like you practically lived together.

Just like you did with Rainbow...

You're so caught up in your thoughts that you don't notice the figure standing at the wall near the gates.

"Anon..."

You crane your neck to the side to see Mous leaning up against the wall. "Hey man, what's up?"

He looked...sad?

"Anon...I was sent out to find you. It's the Princesses..."

This sounded bad..."...What is it?" you ask.

Mous looked you wearily in the eye.

"Anon, they're dying."

-Music-

You and Mous practically ran to the castle. Inside you found Celestia and Luna laying in beds a few feet apart.

Good god...

Over the past thousand years, neither Celestia or Luna seemed to age a day. They were the only other beings alive who had been locked in their age like you had.

All of that had been undone, however. Before you lay two very old mares.

Their coats had been muted, leaving Celestia a far shot from her normally pure white and Luna a soft navy.

Celestia's mane was now a collection of low reds as the fire she embodied died out. Luna's astral mane was almost entirely black now, only a few of the stars inside it clinging to life.

Celestia looked up at the two of you and smiled. "Ah...I see you finally found him."

You just look over the two monarchs. "How did this happen?"

Mous grunts and walks between the two Princesses. "That's what I want to know..." he spits. Mous looks over at Celestia. "We're both here, so spill. Why are you two dying?"

Celestia and Luna both look to each other before nodding and turning to you.

"What we are to tell you must never leave this room." Luna says.

You both nod.

"Boys, Alicorns are a genetic fluke." Celestia says. "The possibility exists in all of My Little Ponies, but the odds are too low to be properly quantified."

Luna coughs. "A pair of Alicorn foals have recently been born in the town of Dappleshore..."

"With each Alicorn birth, there exists the chance that Fate will deem them to be the new bearers of the sun and the moon."

Luna smiled at you. "But you have taken care of that, for them."

Celestia finished for her sister. "What you see here is just that, Fate has deemed that these two young foals are to inherit our power and responsibility. And with our magics leaving us...our time is running out."

This was too much to bear...

"You knew."

You looked to your side, Mous was positively starring daggers at Celestia.

"You knew. You knew this whole time and didn't tell us."

Celestia met his piercing gaze. "This secret is one of Alicorn kind's greatest ones. Not spoken aloud since the days of Discord."

She glanced your way. "We are telling you this now only because we trust the two of you implicitly."

"We could have done something!" Mous shouts. "We could have spent all this time trying to stop you two from dying instead of building cities and magic sky tethers and cannons!"

Luna shook her head. "We allowed for many subversions of natural law from you two...But we could not allow that one."

The room is quite as Mous fumes. "Tell me why I shouldn't leave your lying asses here to piss off for not telling me..."

You know the answer to that.

You reach out and place a hand on his shoulder. "Because they're our only friends here, dude..."

Mous turns his furious gaze to you and meets your eyes. You'd never seen him so...Angry? Hurt? You can't tell.

Eventually, Mous releases a deep sigh. "So that's it...We just stay here and watch as our last two friends die..."

You glance at the ancient Princesses, now finally worthy of that name.

"They'd do it for us." you say.

Mous silently considers your words before he grabs a silently chair and slams it on the ground next to Celestia's bed.

You and Mous had each taken a sister to see off. Luna looked even more peaceful here, resting silently in her bed. It was just like the others...

"So, what were your parents like?"

Why did you ask that?

Idiot...

Luna chuckles as she tilts her head to you. "Tia and I...we were born in St. Petershoof long, long ago...Our mother was a Unicorn and our father, a Pegasus."

Wow...

"That's pretty lucky, two Alicorns years apart from each other." you say.

Luna looks at you with a coy smile. "I have a secret to tell you, Anon."

"Hehe, oh?"

She nods. "I may be older then you think I am."

"Such a breach of trust. I don't know if I can ever trust a mare again, Princess Luna."

Knowing Mous has given you lots of practice for your sarcastic voice.

Luna nods. "Yes, roughly four thousand years ago, Tia and I were in the same place as those two foals just being born."

She gets a far off look in her eye. "Being thrust into a world of power and infinite responsibility before either of us were ready..."

"You handled it well." you say.

She sighs. "Save for my..."breakdown"."

Better change the subject away from such grimness..."So, how come you look so much younger then Celestia?"

Luna chuckles. "A thousand years in stasis on the moon will do wonders for your complexion, Anon."

The two of you share a laugh.

"So...all those times you sounded sad when I told you I'd wait for you to get better..."

Luna lets out a deep sigh and nods. "I...didn't want to break your hope. You seemed to hold onto it so dearly, the idea that we could one day be together."

She looks down at the edge of her bed. "So much like Pippen...Even to his dying breath, he held onto the hope that a miracle would happen and that he would be with me for longer..."

You stroke Luna's mane as you let her remember her husband in peace for a bit.

"If it wasn't for...all this. Where did you see us going?" you ask.

Luna nuzzled into your chest. "I saw you and I, brainstorming magical theory throughout the day, working out the problems over dinner, and discussing applications for it in bed until the sun began to rise. Each of our days an adventure into the magical world with one another as our only guide."

Your mind races at the possibilities of what your life could have been.

You kiss the top of her head. "Poetic. I like it."

Luna sighs. "Ah, but time makes monkeys out of us all. Even if we were together, this would still have happened. We still would have been torn apart because of a one in a trillion chance."

That wouldn't do. "Luna, that's no way to spend your last hours." You pull her off your chest and look into her faded eyes. "Let's concentrate on the happy thoughts, yeah?"

Luna chuckles. "Uhg, and now I'm imagining you telling me that every day when I worried about this day." she says as she rests a head on your shoulder.

You laugh. "Got that right."

-Mous PoV-

You sat silently in the chair next to Celestia. She was breathing fairly steady, her eyes closed and her mouth turned up in a grin. She probably wasn't even dying, the cunt.

"You're a bitch, you know that?"

She chuckles. "And you are an ass. That was probably why we got along so well."

You scoff. "I hated every second of it."

"Likewise."

"The only joy I got was when I would scare off your boytoys."

Celestia shifts on the bed and opens her eyes. "The only fun I ever had was when I would sneak into your house and hover my flank over your face as you slept."

Hmph.

"I wondered why my house smelled like fish sometimes."

The two of you sit in silence for a while. Her grinning at you as you glowered at her.

"So I guess this means I win the bet on who dies first, right?"

"I suppose it does." Celestia says.

"I am gonna piss all over your fuckin' bathroom."

"Be sure to get the walls evenly." she chuckles.

Celestia stares off into space for a moment. "Mous, I have something to tell you. Come here."

"Is this the part where you tell me you love me?" you whine.

"Would you just come here, you jackass?"

You grumble and rise from your seat.

"Closer."

You lean over the bed.

"Closer."

You bend a bit more. What the hell...

"Closer..." She whispers.

You're practically on top of her face now, what could she wan-

"TOUNGE IN MY EAR!" you shout as you pull away.

Celestia is laughing up a storm as you stomp around the room and try to get the cock flavored spit out of your ear.

Stupid bitch...That was...

"That was actually pretty good." you relent.

You sit back down in your chair as Celestia calms herself. "Glad you enjoyed it." she says.

"I'll let you have that one."

Celestia's wrinkled face lit up. "Such a sweet parting gift!"

You throw your hands up. "I know, I'm a giver."

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

You and Mous had spent the next several hours in the room with the Princesses. There was laughter, there was tears, there was spitting in mouths. All that you could have hoped for from the four of you.

Eventually, Celestia spoke up. "It's time..." she says quietly.

You and Mous stepped away from the beds near the front of the room. Celestia and Luna looked at the both of you from their beds.

"You two deserve a formal goodbye..." Celestia says with Luna nodding in agreement.

"We have lived for four thousand years, we have met many beings and made friends with a good portion of them."

Mous chuckles silently.

"But none have been truer friends then the two of you." Luna says with a smile.

"You have helped us defend our city, our planet, and our very way of life." Celestia beams. "And you have both helped to hold it together in the years in between."

You were starting to blush...

"The future is yours now, Anon and Mous." Celestia stated.

Luna looked the two of you over with tired eyes. "And it could not be in better hands."

Celestia and Luna both laid their heads on their pillows and faced each other.

"Wherever fate takes your soul. Know that I love you with all my heart, Luna." Celestia says.

Luna nods. "And I you, Tia."

With that, the sisters eyes slowly closed their eyes...

Celestia's mane stopped it's constant blowing motion for the first time since you had come to Equestria. The colors bleeding out into the air and fading. The last of Luna's stars faded to the smallest pinpricks of light before they too were gone, the star field that was her mane simply loosing cohesion and dissipating. The two of you stood in the room together as some of your oldest friends left you.

You look down at your watch. "Time of death: 5:16 AM..."

Mous lowers his head.

"Join us brothers and sisters."

"Join us in the echoes of time where we stand vigilant."

"And as you perish, know that your sacrifices will not be forgotten."

"And that one day we shall join you."

You nod as he finishes. "Amen."

-Music-

You and Mous now stood on the roof of the castle. The both of you were facing to the East, eyes fixed on the horizon.

You were both worried about the Tether. With the Princesses gone, the magic keeping a grip on the sun and moon might have gone with them. You needed to be ready to handle the city if that were the case.

"It's just us now..." you say.

"Us and the city..."

A though crosses your mind.

"We've seen how many sunrises?" you ask.

Mous just shrugs. "Tens of thousands, at least."

You turn back to the East. "This might be the first time we miss one..."

"A great morning..."

The two of you stare at the horizon for what seems like an eternity. The sky was lightening as the sun slowly crept up, but that final push was all that needed to miss... You hold your breath as the sun looks about ready to burst beyond the edge of the earth. As quickly as it had when the Tether had first gone online, Canterlot was bathed in the orange glow of Celestia's gift to the world.

"So here it starts...A new era for Equestria." Mous says.

"One without the Princesses..."

You try to think of something you can do to help but come up...empty....

"What do we do now?" you ask.

Mous turns and walks back to the door leading inside the castle. "We hold the kingdom together."

Yeah...alright...

Finale Part 1.

Year 2562 in Equestria.

It has been eight months since the death of the Princesses.

You sat at your dining room table in silence. You had done nothing since they died. No projects, no teaching, hardly any leaving the city. Nothing.

You had seen ponies died before...hundreds of times. Spouses, children, grand children, and more. You had been there every time one of them had passed.

But watching a pair of seemingly all powerful Princesses go... It really hammered home the reality of what an unending life would mean for you. An eternity of death with fleeting moments in between to punctuate it.

Your mind had been changed over the last two thousand years. To an outsider, your courtship with Luna had lasted lifetimes. But you remembered every rendezvous, every lunch in the Arcanium, and every night together goofing off.

You laughed inwardly.

Here you were, an eternity later and with a Princess-Goddess going through the same motions you did with Dash when you first came here.

You fiddled with the crystal on the table for the hundredth time today. A spell cooked up millennia ago...One you never thought you'd be considering using. One that you had thought about using every day for the last six months. As with every other time you were here, you attempted to rationalize a reason to get excited for something.

And with every other time, you came up empty.

You had traveled the world and seen every city under the sun. You had reached into the depths of the planet and pulled the magic trapped inside back together. You had subverted science at every turn, making matter out of nothing and creating objects that should not be able to exist. You had even taken the heavens themselves and made them run on time.

You drop your head onto the table, once again frustrated that you could think of nothing to do. You once again considered your potential new monarchs. The media had gone into a craze after word broke of the Princesses and the apparent new heirs to the Equestrian throne. Mous had stepped in after having a word with you about it, declaring that the foals would be off limits to the tampering of anypony, both civilian of royalty, until they were ready to take the throne. The two of you had both agreed that the children needed to live their own lives before they had to worry about everypony else's.

Your mind races as you think try to think of one thing that could excite you out of this rut.

Well...There was That.

You stepped into the castle proper and made your way to the Vault of Harmony. After the girls had gone, you dug the Elements out of that stupid tree, each of the Elements was then placed in the vault to prepare them to be passed down to the next pony to hold them. The Acolytes had told you that the Elements would only choose their next wielders in times of extraordinary crisis. With that in mind, you had drummed up a rudimentary scrying tool that could locate the ponies required.

You're a bit embarrassed at the simplicity of the device when you find it in the vault. Oh how moronic you were in your two hundreds. You open the chest the Elements were kept in and slot the tiara one into the device, might as well start with the big one.

...Nothing. Damn.

Okay, how about the next one?

You swap out the tiara for one of the necklaces.

...Still nothing.

You continue to swap out each necklace into the device in the hope that one of them will light up, letting you know that there was something still out there.

You felt your hopes shatter with each negative result.

After you checked each Element for the third time, you let out a deep sigh. That was it then... There was nothing left to do in this world.

You place the Elements back in their chest and lock up the vault before you head upstairs. You needed to talk with someone...

Mous had practically moved in to the office at the top of the castle, he said he liked to be able to look out over the city. You found him standing over his desk scribbling his signature on some papers, a forest green cloak wrapped around his shoulders.

"Nice shower curtain."

Mous continues to sift through the papers. "I'm Lord of the city now, Lords wear capes."

"Of course they do..."

"You wore a robe once, Mister Grand Magister."

Your memory takes you back to that unbelievably gaudy get up the had you wear. Rarity would have passed out.

"I did, didn't I..."

"So what can I do you for today, man?"

"Can I...talk to you about something?" you say as you take a seat in front of his desk. "It's important."

Mous's eyes drift up to you. "Big bro alert." he clears the papers and takes a seat behind his desk. "What's up, man?"

You wring your hands together as you try to figure out how to play this. "I really don't know how to say this, so I guess I'll just do it..."

You meet his eyes pleadingly.

"I want to leave." you say.

Mous arches an eyebrow. "Like, another trip?"

You shake your head. "No man..."

"I want to leave Equestria."

Mous stares at you in silence, his face one of confusion. "What? We can't leave..."

He gets out of his chair and walks to the window. "Why would you want to anyway?" he asks.

You shake your head. "We've been here too long, man. We've seen and done too much."

Mous waves a dismissive hand at you. "Just go off and see the world again."

"That won't work."

He turns back to look at you.

"I spent two hundred years exploring the world, Mous. I've seen every city, lake, mountain and wonder the world has, hell I probably have a story about something that happened there." you say.

"There's nothing left to see... Just the same tired old sights."

Mous paces to the other side of the room. "Then go teach some kids, or something."

You shake your head. "The kids here are probably smarter than I am, they'll learn nothing from me."

"We've been here too long. The world is leaving us behind." You say.

Mous leans against the wall. "Why are we even having this conversation? It's not like we can just up and leave the planet."

You reach into your pocket. "That's...not true."

You place the small silver crystal in the palm of your hand and show Mous. "What is that?" he asks.

You turn the crystal over in your hand. "An old spell...Did you know that Twilight and I were working on a spell to send us home?"

Mous looks at you like he'd seen a ghost. "We shelved it after a breakthrough we made right before all that Cult crap..."

"Ever since then, I've been researching and tweaking the spell in my spare time. Just as a side project to see if I could."

You hold the crystal up. "Mous, this spell will open a Waygate, one that could take us off Equestria."

Mous is staring daggers at you. Daggers that are on fire and made of pure anger. "So that's it, huh? You've seen and done everything you can think of, so it's time to go?" he spits.

"Mous it's not-"

"We have responsibilities here Anon! We promised to take care of this Kingdom for Celestia and Luna!"

Ouch...

"Mous, look outside." you say as you point to the city.

Canterlot looked like a utopia. Glistening spires, towers of arcane magic, and happy citizens.

"Crime is next to nothing on both the upper and lower cities, the entire kingdom is enjoying peace and prosperity, and every other kingdom on the planet is enjoying those same rewards."

You point to the two of you. "We did that. We helped them up and made them something great..."

Your voice trails off. "And they don't need us anymore."

Mous sweeps the papers off his desk and slams his hands down on it. "THAT'S NO REASON TO ABANDON THEM AFTER THEIR MONARCHS HAVE DIED!"

"Have you seen the citizens!?" you shout.

You point out the window again. "When we announced that Celestia and Luna had died, the press went nuts and they still did nothing! They're content to wait for the new foals to take the throne when they're ready!"

"We did that! We did it by working our asses off for this city for the past two thousand years! It makes perfect sense that they wouldn't need us anymore!"

"Don't need us!? We have to protect them, Anon!" Mous shouts.

You're practically pleading with him now. "Mous, this city isn't some kid who you picked up off the playground! It's grown up! They don't need our protection anymore!"

Mous pushes off the desk and stomps to the window. "We can't abandon the only home we've had for two millennia just because we're bored!"

"Well we can't stay in a place that we've overstayed out time in and call it a home worth having, either!"

-Music-

The room stayed silent for what seemed like hours. You were left standing after your argument while Mous simply stood looking out the window.

"Leave." he says.

What?

"What did you say?" you ask.

Mous turns to you, his eyes cold and distant. "I said leave. You want to go so bad, you want to grow up and be on your own? Do it."

You take a step back as his words cut through you. This wasn't like with the cult, you could tell... This was real.

"Mous...please..."

"I have to protect the city, Anon. It's my job..."

You take a step towards him. "Mous, please. This city doesn't need our help anymore..."

Mous refuses to meet your eyes. "Get out of my office..."

Your head falls as you hear those words.

"Then I guess this is it, then..."

You pause as you step through the door.

You have to try, at least this once. "I wasn't asking permission to go...I'm gathering my things and taking a train to Ponyville today..." you say.

Mous is silent.

"I'll be gone by sundown."

Mous's eyes shift to you for a second before he turns his back to the door.

Your eyes fall as you step out, the door clicking shut behind you.

Finale Part 2.

-Music-

You walked back to your apartment in a state of shock. It was over...

After a trip to another dimension and over two thousand years, it was over...

...Just one more reason you can't stay.

You grabbed two of your magical pouches. One inlaid with the forth dimensional spell you had first made as a prison, you could fit practically your entire house in there. You threw some things inside it. Clothes, food, water, your marriage necklaces from every spouse you'd had, as well as a few texts on science and magic.

The other was the perfected version of your duplication spell, ensuring that you'd never run out of supplies. You dumped a couple crystals into that one, you'd probably need them.

Wherever you were headed...

You secured those and several other pouches on your belt and left your home unlocked as you left. There wasn't anything particularly valuable in there anyway

Mous was right about one thing, though. You had a responsibility that needed seeing to. You made your way to the Arcanium and jotted down some instructions on the operation of the Orbital Tether. The machine had never been too much of a hassle, but it was best to ensure that it would stay that way. Your Opus taken care of and your letter of resignation to the University sent, you make your way to the train station.

It had been here...two and a half thousand years ago that you had first arrived at Canterlot... Back with Twilight and Dash...and Mous...

You looked back at the city, taking it in one last time. You sigh and make your way to the ticket stand. "One for Ponyville...

You pause at the last hurdle, wanting desperately for things to go back to how they were. But they can't...not here.

"One way."

-Mous PoV-

You watched the train pull away. The 1:15 to Ponyville, right on the second every day.

That had been hard...

You could move the heavens, but getting trains to run on time was a feat.

You left your office for a walk around the castle, there being too much anger in there.

You weren't mad.

He wants to go? Fine.

If he wants to abandon you, that's his fucking choice.

Never mind the fact that we had fought for him in school.

And taken on that Manticore, Discord, the Diamond Dogs, and a whole shit ton of other stuff.

But no, this was a great fucking way to repay you.

Not that you were mad.

You blew past castle workers and guards alike as you weaved through the castle. Anon was banking on you being too scared to let him go. But you weren't scared.

You weren't.

You felt the grass crush underneath your boots as you kept walking.

It was fine losing your best friend. You could do all this yourself.

We could do even more by our self!

Think of all the stuff Anon held us back from doing.

All those scumbags we let off easy.

You could actually do all those things we wanted to do...Screw what other people said.

You stop on your tirade as you walk through the garden.

Before you stand two headstones. One with a single lotus petal on it, and the other with a small brown feather.

Eitri had always wanted to be closer to her...

Your wife and your son. The two people you knew would always be straight with you...

Apart from Anon...

You feel your legs give out underneath you as you drop to your knees in front of the graves.

"Hey Pretty Pony...hey Featherhead...I need some advice..."

Anypony walking by might think you're nuts, but you could give a damn.

"I... don't know what to do, guys. I have responsibilities to Canterlot, to...all the ponies who live here."

It was true, you were bored of Equestria. You had been bored of Equestria since your last friend died eight months ago.

But that didn't excuse you from your job.

"All my life I've been looking out for people. Protecting those who couldn't do it themselves."

You look up at the towers sprouting over the garden walls. "And now I've got an entire city to look out for..."

You thought back to what Anon had said.

"I...A-anon was right about a few things. We've made life good for the ponies who live here..."

You look up at the graves with blurring vision. "But if I were to leave here...I might not get back in time to see you both again..."

You felt a pang in your chest as you remembered the promise you made at Eden so long ago.

"I don't want Anon to go away...but...I just don't know what to do now..."

He had said that the city had grown up and didn't need a protector anymore. But what about him?

Had Anon grown up?

He had become Grand Magister, traveled to world, made it so you could see Lotus one more time, set the moon and the sun to his watch, and gotten a Princess to fall for him. He had come a long way from that scared little kid you knew back home He had probably gone farther then you did...

Did Anon deserve to be on his own? Make his life what he wanted of it without others mucking it up?

You...You'd be alone then.

The only human in a world of colorful ponies... Not aging, not dying, just watching as everything moved along.

On your own.

You shudder the thought out of your mind and look to the gravestones.

What would they say here?

You close your eyes and try to remember what they talked like. You can almost hear Lotus, full of fire and spunk. "The man I fell in love with wouldn't be dwelling on this when there was something he needed to do."

In the other ear, you heard Eitri. His voice full of the bravado and pride he showed as he got older. "My dad would have smacked me upside the head if he saw me worrying about something this obvious."

Dammit, you just wanted all of this to stop. All this talk of time changing you and people leaving.

...You hadn't changed that much...had you?

You decide to level with your hallucinations and try to remember what you were like when you first came to Ponyville, and before that even, on Earth.

What you find are a bunch of inspirational words you shouted to get people moving.

"Never let anyone tell you what you can't have."

"No stopping. Not while you have a heart left beating."

"Force your way down a path you choose to take."

You sit there on your legs as you consider past-you's words.

A path YOU choose to take...

-Anon PoV-

You stepped off the train into Ponyville. You knocked your feet on the station floor.

Still wood...

Stepping outside the station, you see that while the town had expanded, it still had its rustic charm.

Hay roofs...Unpaved roads...Happy ponies trotting to and fro.

You decided to walk through town a bit before you left. There was the old Sugarcube Corner building, now turned into a townhome..

Town Hall had been moved, in its place was now a fountain almost as tall. In front of it still stood the overgrown monument to the Diamond Dog victims.

You stepped inside an all too familiar building constructed inside a hollow tree.

"Still a Library..." you mutter.

An elderly librarian shushed you after you said that, reminding you of this places old owner. You walked around and glanced at the shelves you had spent so long organizing. Your eyes stung as you remembered all the good times you had here. From your first night in Equestria to all those hours as Twilight's assistant.

You left before the room got to you, making your way to your old house. Along the way, a shadow falls over you as something blots out the sun.

Something with purple scales.

You had seen dragons in the interim after you moved to Canterlot, but Spike put them all to shame.

"Hey there, Spikey Wikey." you say.

Spike snorts as he lands in the field next to you. "Anon, you know I haven't gone by that name in ages."

You walk up and rub his gargantuan snout. "Yeah, well, I was there when it was still cool. I'd say I'm entitled to it."

A sound escapes Spike's throat that sounded like a chuckle. "So, why are you here?"

You released a sigh. "I'm...leaving Spike. This world has... gotten too small for me."

Spike's eyes wavered. "Leave? How?"

Your hand dug into your pocket. "A last gift...from an old friend of ours."

Spike's eyes widened as you brought up his old caretaker.

You place a hand on his snout before he gets too emotional. "Take care of this place for me, will ya Spike?" You look into his great eye. "I left it as best I can for you."

"I..." Spike starts before his face hardens. "You can count on me, Anon." he says with a deep wavering voice that made you remember the little boy you knew.

Atta boy...

You head down the old road you used to take into Ponyville every day. The area your house had landed in had been turned into a park. You got a few odd looks from families enjoying their day, but none of them bothered you.

It wasn't long before you saw it. The old brick and mortar house had come a long way from getting ripped out of the universe and flung into a different one.

You for some reason began to wonder about your downstairs neighbors face when you left... You step up to the front porch and look in. The door had probably fallen off ages ago, leaving a clear view inside.

You take a few steps in and look around.

It was all here...The old kitchen, the living room...You step into your old empty room.

If you shut your eyes, you could almost feel the presence of the old furniture. The smell of someone cooking dinner. The feeling of hooves wrapping around your neck...

You're pulled back to reality all too quickly by a bird calling in the distance.

You shake your head and proceed to walk out of the apartment, being sure not to look inside Mous's old room as you left.

You stood on a hill a bit away from the old house.

Welp...time to go...

Best place as any, in the sight of the way you came in.

You reach into your pocket and grab one of the Waygate crystals you made. You kiss the crystal for luck as you toss it on the ground.

The crystal shatters and releases the spell trapped inside. Space ripples and bucks in front of you until a translucent portal stands before you.

Looks stable.

You stand on that hill for a while, just staring into the rippling portal in front of you.

Time to go...

You look back behind you, taking one last look at the kingdom you called home for the last two dozen lifetimes.

Maybe you'll come back one day...

Off in the distance, you see the mountain encircling city of Canterlot.

You turn back to the portal.

"Later, buddy..."

You begin to walk to the portal.

...

"Wait."

-Music-

"Wait up." a voice calls.

You turned around to see someone you never intended to see again.

"Mous?"

He trudged up the hill to you, his cape billowing behind him. "Sorry I'm late, chariot was a bit slow."

"Here to see me off?"

Mous ignores you and walks up next to you. "This it?" he asks.

You look to the portal and nod. "Yeah."

"Where to?"

"Somewhere else, I don't know where. New planet? New galaxy? New dimension?"

Mous glances to you. "You know, going through that could age you instantly."

"I also might not be able to breathe."

"It could let you out in the center of a sun."

You look at him. "It could do all that and more but...I have to do it. I can't stay here."

Mous's eyes shift between you and the portal.

"We'll go together." he says.

With that, Mous breaks the chain on his cape and lets it fall to the ground.

"Whoa what? What about all that that happened back there? What about Canterlot?"

Mous adjusts his knife on the back of his belt. "Anon, we can disagree and argue and fight, we can call each other names and scream..." He looks you in the eye with a small smile. "But I don't call you my bro because I think we're secretly related."

You smile as he speaks. "Your problems are mine, and my problems are yours. That's how we roll."

You extend your arms and embrace your brother on top of the hill. The two of you break away and look down the hill at all the ponies below.

"You ready to go Al?" Mous says.

You grin. "Let's go, Tom."

With that the two of you step through the portal, content that wherever it lead you, it would lead you together.

-Epilogue-

-Music-

Over the years in Equestria, there have been many legends. The Rise of Chaos. The Setting of the Moon. The Return of Harmony.

However, on that day, a new legend was told.

A legend of two beings from across the stars. They had started as men, fighting the beasts of the wild. They moved on to be champions, guarding Equestria from the forces of Chaos. They rose to become heroes, defending a city against legions of the darkest warriors. And then they transcended into legends, by dragging the world towards a better tomorrow on their own backs.

On that day, a new legend was told.

The Scholar and the Fighter. The Mage and the Trickster. The Mind and the Soul.

The tale of The Two Brothers.

-The End.

Bonus Chapter: A Day at the Races.

Year 6 in Equestria.

You hopped off the train and breathed in the city air "Welcome back to Canterlot, Thunder."

Thunderstrike walked off the train and looked around the city. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Dad?"

"Of course it is!" came another voice from above.

Rainbow Dash flutters down to the ground and hoofs you in the shoulder. "Heh. Told you I could beat the train here."

"Yeah yeah, you're fast. Wanna get moving?" you say.

Dash chuckles as the three of you start moving. "Late to the Wonderbolts Derby? You couldn't pay me."

Thunder remains land bound as you walk along. "I haven't been here in forever..." he says.

Shit.

"Hey, you okay? I know this place has some bad memories..."

Thunder shakes his head. "It's fine, dad. Why are we headed this way, anyway? I thought the Derby was at the stadium."

"We have to pick up your uncle first."

As the three of you reach the correct house, you knock on the door. Four times.

You could hear him from the other side. "-swear to god, if I die when I open this door!"

He swings open the door and shifts his eyes between the three of you. "Oh. It's you, hey."

Mous turns back into the house. "Babe! They're here!"

He loops a bag around his shoulder as Lotus comes trotting out of the house. "A pleasure to see you again, Anon."

"Hey Lotus."

"Alright, I'm all set." Mous says.

Good.

"Let's hit it."

You were in the locker room with the other racers. Before every Wonderbolts Derby, they had a race for kids. Once around the track and the winner would get a picture with The Wonderbolts.

Thunder looks scared as he watched the older kids mill about with their parents.

"You okay, buddy?"

Thunder looks at you with pleading eyes. "Dad, I don't think I can do this."

You kneel down to his level. "Why's that Thunder?"

Thunder looks around the room again. "Because all of these kids are way bigger than me! They have tons more wing power and they'll go super fast!"

Stage fright, you knew it well.

Thunder's head falls. "And I know mom is in the running for becoming a Wonderbolt soon...If I lose, it might mess that up for her..."

Whoa now.

You place a hand on Thunders head. "Hey, none of that. It's our job to worry about you, not the other way around." You tilt his chin up. "Besides, you can't be scared Thunder."

He looks you straight in the eye. "But I am dad! I'm scared that I'll screw up!"

You rest both hands on your son's shoulders. "You can't let that stop you, Thunder. You gotta keep trying, even when you're scared."

Thunder shuffles his hooves. "Is that what you do?"

You give him a thumbs up. "All the time kiddo, now go knock em dead."

The four of you sat on the bleachers as you watched the foals on the field.

Thunder was stretching out by himself away from the general pack.

"That kid reminds me of fucking Roid." Mous says as he points to a particularly large colt.

"You think every big kid looks like Roid."

"He's burned an image into my mind. All those massages he asked for..." Mous shudders.

You let Mous have his little episode as you turn to Rainbow.

"How do you think he'll do?" you ask.

Rainbow brings a hoof to her concerned face. "Thunder has the skill and the speed...But..."

"His heart isn't in it..."

Rainbow shakes her head. "He's just too nervous! He reminds me of Fluttershy sometimes."

"Mom of the year, Everypony."

Rainbow tilts her head to you. "Hey, you ask a pro flier for her opinion, you can't be mad when you get it."

"Besides, I can fix that." Mous says.

"Don't take all the credit! I picked the song!"

"It's was my idea, though! And I have the better shouting voice!"

Lotus and Rainbow share a concerned look.

"What do you two have planned?" Lotus asks.

"A surprise" The two of you say in unison.

A voice comes over the loudspeaker. "Junior racers! Take your positions!"

Mous pats you on the shoulder "Time to move."

"Where are you going!?" Rainbow shouts back to you as you walk up the stand stairs.

"We're gonna go help Thunder!"

You were Thunderstrike. Your dad has taken you to Canterlot to see the Wonderbolts Derby and race in the Junior Derby.

That has you terrified.

These other kids were mountains compared to you! Their wings must stretch from here to Fillydelphia!

You can't do this. You shouldn't have done this! Why did you agree to this?! You should have stayed home!

You were scared, more scared then you had been in your entire life. Screwing this up would screw everything up for mom! She'd be laughed out of the Wonderbolts for having such a slow son! She might regret picking you...The other kids at the orphanage were probably way faster than you...

You could never measure up to mom...She was the fasted in Equestria!

Even if you won this, you'd just be her "slow son".

She could go of to be the best Wonderbolt ever if you weren't holding her back!

You look out over the stands.

The other kids families were cheering them on, filling the stadium with a cacophony of names. You couldn't make any out, but you saw your family.

Or well...half of your family...mom and aunt Lotus...

Looks like dad and uncle Mous didn't want to watch you embarrass yourself. You couldn't blame them...

The call comes out to assume your places for the start of the race, you don't do it with any enthusiasm though.

Your head dropped as low as your heart did.

And then the music started.

Everypony turns to see the source of the music blaring over the loudspeakers. Standing on top of the announcers box stood two figures. Two bipedal figures.

Dad? Uncle?

They were bobbing in time to the music, joining their voices in the choir coming from a small white box by their feet.

The plucks of the instruments echoed all over Canterlot.

They violently bang their heads as the song says a word.

"THUN-DER!"

They continued to bang their heads to the music's drum, pumping their fists at each THUNDER.

To your open mouthed shock, the rest of the stadium begins to join them.

"THUN-DER!"

The entire stadium was chanting your name. Were they doing this for you?

"THUN-DER!" they shout.

You hear another sound rising over the music. The sound of your heart beating in your ears.

Their shouting was really getting the stadium going. Dad handed Uncle a small microphone.

"I WAS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A RAILROAD TRACK!" he shouts.

"THUN-DER!"

They did all this for you.

All to make you feel better.

"I LOOKED 'ROUND, AND I KNEW THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK!"

"THUN-DER!"

"MY MIND RACED, AND I THOUGHT "WHAT COULD I DO?"

Dad said you had to keep trying.

"AND I KNEW THERE WAS NO HELP, NO HELP FROM YOU!"

Dad and Uncle did all this for you. To make you move forward, even if you were scared.

You can't let them down.

"SOUND OF THE DRUMS! BEATIN' IN MY HEART!"

The ref raised his flag as you lowered yourself and flared your wings. No fear. No doubts. You were gonna win this race.

"THE THUNDER OF GUNS! TORE ME APART!"

All was still in the stadium for a moment.

"YOU'VE BEEN-"

The ref waves his flag.

You shot off the start line.

"THUNDERSTRUCK!"

Bonus Chapter: Double Cross.

Authors note: a double crossover I did with my AiE friend Sorcerer's 40k story for his birthday, Eris and Justy are his

The two of you step through the portal, crossing back into a physical plane after traversing the infinite nexus of reality.

You promptly fall to one knee and almost vomit.

"You really can't handle these portals, can you?" Anon asks.

"Screw you, *hrrk* Mister Mage Man."

Anon shakes his head and laughs before he helps you up.

The two of you look around the new landscape you found yourselves in. Well...perhaps "landscape" wasn't the best term.

There was charred and blasted land in all directions, small hills dotted the area with tall broken mountains off in the distance. The skies were a cacophony of rolling clouds and bursts of lightning that occasionally struck the ground somewhere far away. Bones stuck out of the ground at seemingly random intervals, and broken and batter weapons litter the abyss before you.

There was little doubt at where you were.

"Oh hell."

"Pretty much."

The two of you walked in a direction you had decided was South in search of anything interesting. Some would call you mad, but they had never spent an eternity of boredom in a city before. Watching fucking crabs battle would be acceptable right now.

Some of the other universes you had visited had been interesting enough, for the time you had stayed. But they had yet to scratch that itch you and Anon had left Equestria for.

The two of you walked up to the shore of what looked like a black river. Inside you could see thousands upon thousands of faces screaming in silent agony. The entire area had a low wail filling it.

Anon bent down and dipped a finger into the "water"

The water tried to stick to him as pulled his hand out. "Styx, it seems."

"Domo arigat-"

Anon holds up a single finger. "No, we're not doing that."

Spoil sport.

The two of your snap your attention over a nearby hill as four loud bangs echo over it.

"I hear voices over there." you say.

"Natives?"

"No clue..."

More sounds come over the hill. More bangs, the sound of steal clashing followed by a series of screams, and the unmistakable sound of transmutation magic.

"I think that's all of them, I'll go look around!" A voice calls.

You and Anon tense up and drop to your knees, trying to stay hidden. Your hand glides to David in preparation to pounce on whatever comes over that hill.

What does, however, is something you never expected to see again.

"She" by the looks of her hair, floated over the land, her eyes scanning back and forth.

A Draconeq-!

A Draconiqw-!

A Discord!

Her eyes grew wide as she twisted her head and caught sight of the two of you.

"Justy! Two more over here!" she shouts as she flew towards you.

Anon swore and tossed a crystal at the Girl-Discord...Which she promptly teleported back in front of the two of you, causing the spell inside to escape.

The two of you leapt out of the magical fire and ran at your attacker. She looked surprised that you were both unscathed. "And they seem tough!" she shouts.

You were about to join Anon in trying to swat the annoying pest when you felt the ground shake beneath you.

What you saw next was something you never expected to see alive.

He towered over every human you had ever known. The grey armor he was clad head to toe in gleamed in the non-present sun. He hefted a black great sword with glowing runes over his head. And he was headed straight for Anon.

A GREY!? HERE!?

NO TIME TO THINK!

He was almost on top of Anon when you jumped in between the two and threw out your hand to try to get him to stop.

"Praise The Emperor and strike down His foes!" you shout.

The walking tank plants his feet into the ground and skids to a stop mere inches away from you. All the commotion gets Anon and Girl-Discord to stop tossing spells at each other.

The Knight looks down at you. "One of His faithful?...Here?"

Your hand falls as he lowers his sword.

You see Anon's face contort into shock as he recognizes one of the little figures that dotted your old room now looming over him.

The Mini-Discord flies around the Knight and latches onto his shoulder."Hello, Justy? These guys were trying to kill me ten seconds ago?"

"Justy" turns to look at his companion before he casts his gaze back to the two of you. "Why were you trying to harm Eris?"

You glance back to Anon.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. Misunderstanding." he says.

Eris eyes the two of you pensively. "How come you two weren't hurt by my magic?"

Justy snaps his head back to Eris and grips his sword harder. "Immune to sorcery?"

You didn't like the sound of that voice.

"Relax, We've been immune to magic for years."

He glares down at the two of you, his eye slits glowing mildly.

You take this time to glance over his armor, the only thing catching your eye being a white tabard.

His grip on his sword tightens.

"Easy, boy. We're all friends here."

He tilts his head at your brash choice of words.

"Who are the two of you?" he asks.

You slowly relax from the tense stance you were in and lower the arm you had across Anon. "He's Anon and I'm Mous."

Eris flashes a shit eating grin. "Catchy."

"Why are you here?" The Justicar asks.

Anon steps forward. "We're...travelers. Our portal sent us here from the last place we were at."

Eris and the Justicar exchange a glance. "Yeah? We got pulled here from a portal of our own and dumped a few miles back." Eris says as she jerked an eagle talon thumb behind her.

The four of you are silent as the similarities of your situations begin to surface.

"I think it's time to compare notes."

After a few minutes of putting your heads together, you learned that Eris and the Justicar were in a less voluntary version of what the two of you were doing, jumping around alternate universes. You could feel for them, escaping one Tartarus only to be tossed into another.

Apparently they had been pulled out of their most recent Equestria and hit some sort of magical interference, stranding the two of them here.

And you two as well. Whatever this was interfered with any kind of portal or Waygate magics.

After you all shared your back stories, Eris pointed off in the distance. "Whatever is stranding us here is big, really big, and it's off in that direction."

"You know that?" you ask.

Eris narrows her eyes at your doubt. "I can feel it."

The two of you glare at each other until the Justicar cuts between the two of you and begins walking in the direction Eris was pointed.

"Eris can be trusted, Logician. She has never steered me wrong before." he says.

Hmph. Guess you're back to "Logician" now.

Eris slithers through the sky after her friend as Anon walks up next to you. "Something wrong?" he asks.

You continue to watch Eris from a distance. "Eris says she's the daughter of Discord. That means I don't trust her as far as I can throw her."

"But you trust that Justicar guy?"

You scowl. "Unlike her, lying isn't in his nature."

"What is?" Anon asks.

You shrug. "Decapitating Demons and Sorcerers."

Anon groans as he begins to walk after Eris and the Justicar. "Oh, great..."

-Anon PoV-

You were walking with your new associates through Tartarus, trying to fix whatever was keeping you here.

Well, you were sort of walking together.

Mous and that Justicar were a few feet ahead, with you and Eris bringing up the rear. You were still getting over the fact that one of Mous's tiny little figurines had seemed to come to life and was planning to kill you a while ago.

Eris was float-pouting next to you as you made you all hiked along.

"Is...something wrong?" you ask.

Her eyes shoot down to look at you. "Your friend up there is a prick."

Heh.

"Yeah, he's always kinda been like that."

"And now he's up their chatting up MY friend, probably trying to get him to try and kill me again." she says.

You glance up to her. "Think he has a chance?"

Eris meets your gaze and smiles. "Nah, not Justy. Me and him are tight."

You let out a throaty chuckle, seems like these two were bros of their own.

"Why does he have such a stick up his ass over me?" she asks.

You said you were Discord's daughter?"

Eris nods.

"Mous...got Discord killed back where we came from."

Despite her general attitude, you see Eris's face fall just a little bit. "What? How?"

"There was this cult that wanted to bring back Discord, Mous joined up and screwed up their plans right when He was gonna get summoned. Apparently that trapped him in our Tartarus where he got killed by the other big players in it." you say as you rub the back of your head.

Eris' face hardens. "Tch. Next you'll be telling me that he killed The Dogfather, too."

"No, that was me."

Eris did a double take at you. "Really?"

"Well, more imprisoned then killed..."

"How'd you manage that?"

"I punched him a lot."

Eris grows a smarmy grin. "I like you new guy. What did you say your name was?"

"Anon."

Eris extends a lions paw. "Pleasure to meat you, Anny."

You smirk as you shake her hand. "So I'm Anny now, huh?"

"Anny and Eris!" she flexes her arms. "Mages extraordinaire."

You roll your eyes and keep walking. She was more like Mous then either of them realized.

-Mous PoV-

You marched silently next to the Justicar. It was...a little awe inspiring. Being next to a figure that you had known for years and thought fictional. And now you were off to go probably fight something with him.

That still left questions, however...

"Justicar, may I ask a question?"

"You may." he says from under his helmet.

You look over your shoulder, Eris and Anon were laughing about something a ways behind the two of you.

"How did you...get mixed up with her?

No words escape the Justicar as the two of you continue to walk, his face underneath his helmet a hiding his thoughts.

"Eris assisted me in escaping from the Tartarus I was sent to, she is my...friend. She was a great help when we fought The Dogfather, and the only reason I was able to defeat Tirek." he says.

Now that's something you didn't expect to hear...

Justicar turns his head to you. "Why is it that you do not trust Eris?"

You face your eyes forward. "If Eris is actually related to Discord, then her father was planning to invade my home and turn it into something...bad."

You imagine all the ways Eris could screw you over.

"I just have trouble seeing the proverbial apple falling far from the tree."

Justicar turns his head to you. "Eris has proven herself trustworthy, Logician. I have never had a truer companion."

You slip your hands into your pockets. "I suppose I should trust the word of a Grey Knight."

"How is it that you know of me? Ever since I arrived on the horse-xeno world I have found none who knew of the Imperium." he asked, more curiosity in his voice this time.

"Oh, um, I belong to a chapter."

That got his attention. "Which?"

Fuck.

"Uh...the Angry one?"

Justicar stares forward for a moment lost in thought before slowly bringing a hand over his face.

The four of you come to the mouth of a wide chasm, an unnatural purple glow softly resonating from deep inside.

"Well, that looks promising." Anon says.

Eris flits between the three of you and points into the chasm. "Whatever is keeping us here, it's down there."

A chilling laugh echoes through the chasm. "Ah...those dulcet tones can only belong to one being..."

Eris reared back. "Grogar..."

"What's a Grogar?" you ask.

"He's a ram necromancer, really bad dude. He got sent to Tartarus way back when for trying to raise an army against Princess Platinum." she says.

She sounds worried.

"Little Eris...now so wise in the workings of Tartarus and its occupants. Tell me, how are you here? Word spread that you died with the rest of your misbegotten family ages ago..." the voice says.

Eris remains stone-faced in her contempt for the voice assaulting you all.

"Nothing to say? You should know that I can see you now...such interesting companions you have brought..."

Shit, he could see you?

You start glancing around until you see a small black bird at the edge of one of the chasm walls.

"Up high! Left side!"

Justicar raises his gun arm in an instant and releases a single shot at the bird, sending a steady rain of feathers down over your group.

"Oh...you shouldn't have done that..." Grogar mocks.

The ground beneath you starts to rumble, forcing the three land bound of you to take a knee while Eris danced her way through falling rocks. The lands of Tartarus are ones of almost constant violence and bloodshed, millions upon millions of warriors were consumed under its soil.

The first hoof of a buried ram burst through the ground, it's fur mottled and broken in places. Behind it rose the limbs and bodies of hundreds more, of dozens of different races. The dead continued to rise and block your passage into the chasm.

"Now I must utilize more eyes then you can kill to keep my sights on you..." Grogar hisses.

As the last rose from its grave, they turned to look at you will hollow eyes and slack jaws.

"But perhaps I should simply dispose of you instead."

-Music-

Well, this sucks. Bunch of zombies blocking your way out.

"Uh, anyone got any ideas here?" Eris asks.

Justicar readied his great sword as you and Anon reached for your own weapons and spells.

"Guess, snake eyes."

Eris floats back to your group. "Fight an army of zombies and then go try and hit the biggest magician in Tartarus?"

"We have dealt with worse, Eris." Justicar says.

Anon digs some crystals out of his pouch. "Yeah, what happened to "Eris the Grand Wizard?" back there?"

"Can you serve as the point of our spear, Justicar?"

He drops down into a fighting stance. "None shall stop us."

"Alright, stay close and don't let 'em get behind you." you say to Eris and Anon.

You bring David to bear and crouch down low. "And be careful."

Alright...you could do this.

"Whenever you're ready, Justicar."

With a twitch, Justicar explodes towards the undead horde. You follow a moment afterwards, spells arcing overtop of you as you joined the fray.

Zombies couldn't hold a candle to real fighters, you found out. They were slow, stupid, and easy to push over.

Even the Changelings had put up more of a fight then this.

You watched as Justicar swept his blade in wide arcs, bisecting zombies and forcing those in front of him back further. "Come feel the bite of my sword!" he shouts.

Anon was slowly advancing behind you, tossing crystal spells at startling speed into the horde. Zombies ran from one barrage, only to be caught in another as it fell.

Eris, true to her pedigree, was teleporting around the enemy ranks and either transforming improvised weapons into snakes or sending their wielders hundreds of feet into the air to come crashing down to the ground.

All in all, a good fight.

You bobbed and weaved through zombie swipes as you brought David across the muscles in their legs. They weren't going to get far without those.

You looked down the chasm and saw that the light at the end of it was closer than before.

"Keep it up! We almost have them!"

Here's hoping Grogar isn't thirty feet tall...

You throw the zombie against the wall and drove David into its neck, a hand on its chin keeping the pressure steady. You saw David halfway through the neck until you were able to get enough leverage to simply rip the decomposing head off.

"Making the world a better place, one zombie at a time!" you shout as you toss the head behind you.

You run up to the others as they finished off their own assailants.

"Everyone in one piece?" Anon asks.

You all nodded the affirmative.

The soft purple light was more intense now, spilling out from a cave at the rear of the chasm.

"Why do the bad guys always hide in creepy caves?" Eris asks.

"Because not even Tartarians want to look at their hideous asses." you say.

Justicar starts towards the cave opening. "Let's go, everyone."

There were no guards inside the cave, making sure you made good time. As you descended into the cave, you saw the purple glow intensify. At the rear of the cave, above the purple glow, stood a figure.

He came up to your chin on his own, with his horns shooting high above you. Around his neck hung a band of golden disks, red velvet connecting them together. He turned his decrepit head to face you with his glowing red eyes. "Ah...my guests have arrived. Please do come in."

The four of you ready yourselves.

"Bringing violence into my home? Such rude manners..."

"Take down whatever is keeping us here and we'll leave."

Justicar shuffles his stance. "We cannot allow such an abomination to live."

Grogar laughs. "It seems that there some...Discord in your little group."

Dammit Justicar, you were lying.

"What's with the light show?" Anon asks.

Grogar turns his head back away from you. "The Well of Souls...The dumping ground for all the damned that Tartarus proper has no room for."

He continues to rant. "Originally constructed as a means to keep Tartarus from overflowing, it will now be the centerpiece in my plan for escape...once I gain its power, of course."

Humph.

"Forget caves, why does every bad guy want to eat the dangerously old power source?" you say.

Grogar ignores you. "Now I can't just have you four ruining my plans...something will have to be done."

His horns glow and cause the cave to shake.

Out of a side passage come two more zombies, you had wondered why you didn't see any Minotaur's outside and now you knew.

Grogar turned to face you with his minions. "Surrender and I will grant you an eternity in my service."

Not bloody likely...

Need a plan.

You turn to Anon. "Got anything that can pop that glowing zit of his?" you whisper.

Anon nods. "If I can get close enough,

"Justicar, think we can hold off those guards?"

He nods.

That just left the Grogar...

"I've got Horn-head." Eris says.

Justicar turns his head to his friend. "Are you certain you can take him?"

Eris smiles even as sweat beads begin to dot her brow. "Come on Justy, who do you take me for?"

"If you four are done romanticizing..." Grogar jeers.

His guards begin to trudge towards you as his horns glow. "We can begin..."

Eris rocketed up into the air to intercept the spell Grogar was casting at you as Justicar began grappling with his guard.

You and Anon rush the other, it shrugging off a crystal spell that Anon threw.

The ex-minotaur raises its club high over its head and brought it down with a crash that echoes through all of Tartarus.

The smoke clear to reveal the club partially embedded in the ground.

Oh you have always wanted to do this.

You run up the club and onto the length of the minotaur's arm. You bury David into its shoulder as you swing around and grab a hold of the fur on its back. The minotaur releases its club and scrambles as it tries to pry you off of it.

"Hang on!" Anon shouts.

"The hell do you think I'm doing!?"

Anon throws several crystals at the guards midsection, sending it reeling back from the resulting explosion of force.

You almost fall off as the guard loses its balance and teeters over the edge of the Well.

You pry David out of its shoulder and quickly jam it into its eye, hoping over its good shoulder and kicking off its head as you jumped off it and landed on the floor.

Anon sends another blast of force at the raging zombie and gives it the final push to send it screaming into the Well behind it.

The sounds of battle draw your attention to the other side of the Well. Justicar was dancing around his opponent, dodging blows from its twin axes. With a twist of his arm and a flick of his shoulder, his sword cleaves through the arm of the guard, sending it flying off into the corner.

This sends the minotaur into a frenzy, causing him to swing his remaining axe with wild abandon and pushing Justicar back.

Anon tossed a single crystal at the minotaur, blinding it in the light of the sun. Justicar capitalized on his distracted opponent and drove his sword through its midsection, firing rounds from his gun arm into its face for good measure.

He yanked his sword out as the two of you ran up to him. "Thank you." he says.

A shrill shriek echoed through the cave.

Eris had been holding her own against Grogar and keeping him away from the three of you for as long as she could.

Now, Grogar's spell was bearing down on her. "Anytime you guys want to help is fine!" she shouts.

Justicar rockets past the two of you again to try and help his friend.

He raises his sword high over Grogar...only for it to be stopped a magical aura.

Justicar did not falter, however. Not with Eris in danger. Both his hands gripped his sword as the runes on it glowed brighter then the sun as he tried to bury it into Grogar's neck.

"Anon, get that spell ready!" you shout.

You ran up to the necromancer and grabbed him by the horns, your magically immune hands tearing through his aura like wet paper.

Grogar's blood red eyes went wide as you twisted his horns and tossed him stumbling further into the cave.

Justicar rushes over to Eris as she falls to the cave floor and Grogar starts ranting again.

"Insolent whelps! I am the terror of the old world! I will rip your flesh from your bones and transform all of you into my persona-*gak*!" Grogar chokes on his words as your fist connects with his jaw.

"You talk too damn much."

Metallic stomping sounds from behind alert you to Justicar's mood. You step out of his way as he silently walks up and kicks a still dazed Grogar into the wall.

As Grogar lands in a heap, Justicar stomps up and slams his sword straight through the necromancer.

You flinch as he does.

Eris floats up and wraps herself around Justicar's shoulder. "Not so tough now, are you horn-head?"

Grogar weakly lifts his head and smiles at the pair. "That which is dead may never die, worm. Like the tides, I will return to swallow you all whole..." he spits.

"Is that so?" Anon asks as he walked up behind all of you.

Anon jerks his head over to the Well. "Justicar, would you mind hoisting our friend over the Well for me?"

Justicar nods and silently walks over to the still swirling Well, hoisting an impaled Grogar over its magical surface. "What will this do?" he asks.

Anon fiddles with a crystal in his hand. "Punish the guilty." he says as he tossed the crystal into the Well.

The crystal shatters, releasing the spell inside against the Well's own magics. The magic swirled around the surface for a moment before sinking below it.

Silence settled into the cave Before sll at once, the Well of Souls exploded.

The souls that were kept inside of the Well began to rocket out, igniting Grogar in their wake. Moans of the damned echoed through the cave as their torment in the well was ended, but another noise soon overtook them.

Grogar screaming.

As the last soul escaped from the Well, you saw their handiwork firsthand.

Grogar was a husk now, most of his flesh had been seared off by the energy escaping, leaving only bones and a bit of fur in its wake.

"Toasty." you say.

Justicar whips his sword to the side and flings Grogar's corpse into the wall.

Eris's face perks up. "Justy, that interference is gone. I can feel the portal magic building up for another pull, too."

"Guess this is goodbye." Anon says with a small smile.

Eris rushes forward to hug him around his neck. "Thanks for the help, Anny!"

She glances your way. "You too, grumpy."

Eris and Justicar started to glow a bit.

You turned to Justicar. "May the Emperor forever light your path."

He nods. "And you, brother marine."

You smile at his words as the both of them vanish in a flash of light.

Anon digs into his pouch and produces another crystal. "Ready to get going ourselves, dude?"

"Someplace without necromancers, if you please, Ensign."

Anon rolls his eyes and opens the portal, walking through it with you soon behind him.

Bonus Chapter: Light Night Fright.

Year 14 in Equestria.

Nightmare Night.

You and Lotus were sitting on the train to Ponyville for a night of fun with Anon and his family. The cape underneath you got caught on the seat for the eight time.

"Oh you piece of shit..."

Fuck it.

You grab the entirety of the cape and bunch it up into a ball on your lap. At least it keeps it from catching.

Lotus gives you a stony grin as you sit back. "Was wearing that entirely necessary?"

"Rarity worked hard on it for me, it'd be rude not to use it."

Lotus rolled her eyes under her dark hat. "It's going to get caught on something and you're going to get hurt."

"Such a good general, watching out for those under her command."

Lotus shifted in her fitting uniform and hat. "I'll have you know that Stalliongrad produced some of the greatest generals in Equestrian history, mister."

You reach over and stroke the nape of her neck with your armored hand. "You should keep this after tonight..."

A smile creeps over Lotus's face. "Getting ideas are we? You know that would not be proper for one of my station."

Heh.

You pick up the pace on your rubbing. "I'd say it would be permissible so long as it was one in my station."

Lotus chuckles. "That may be, but being late to meet my sister due to a quick..."intelligence exchange" would reflect poorly on me."

She had you there.

You remove your hand. "Party pooper."

A voice comes in over the loudspeaker above. "Next stop: Ponyville Station. Ponyville Station."

"Welp. Better get set."

You grab your helmet on the seat in front of you and slip it on.

"I'll try and get us some candy, kiss for luck?"

Lotus glanced up at you with a smirk. "Not with that face."

-Music-

Ponyville was always a bustle with activity around Nightmare Night. At least it was after Princess Luna stopped by that one time. You and Lotus walked through Ponyville in search of your other half.

He was easy to spot, standing in the center of town in a bloody lab coat with one arm relocated from its socket and in his other hand.

Why does everyone go as zombies?

Anon must have heard your footsteps because he turned your way as you got closer. He placed his hand over his face when he saw your costume.

You get to him and strike as imposing a stance as you can, with your fists on your hips.

"It's okay to be jealous." you say.

"You're mad."

"I think the one who just had his costume outdone is the mad one."

"How much did that cost you?"

"Enough."

More than.

You look around. "Where's your wife and my nephew?"

Anon looks up in the sky and spots a particularly dark cloud floating around. "Hang on."

Anon walks up behind the cloud and throws his severed arm up at it, earning a "Ow!" out of it.

Rainbow Dash jumps out of the cloud and lands next to Anon. "What was that for?"

"Isn't pranking townsfolk a little juvenile for people our age?" he asks.

Rainbow silently points a hoof to you.

"Don't drag my ass into this."

Rainbow trots up to you and Lotus. "Nice to see you two too."

You look over her Wonderbolts suit "Rainbow, wearing your work clothes doesn't count as a costume."

You should know. You've done it.

"I had no time to get a real costume together with shows and Thunder." she moans.

"Where is Thunderstrike anyway?" Lotus asks.

Anon joins you all again. "Out with his friends, you know how teenagers are."

Yup. Annoying.

You were sitting at the old cafe with Lotus and Aloe as the sisters chatted and caught up. Your contribution to the conversation was negligible.

"So he just left you?" Lotus asks.

"Yup. Said he needed to "work some things out.". Last I saw, him and Soarin' were rather "close"." Aloe chides.

Ouch.

Lotus places a hoof on her sisters shoulder. "Oh Aley, I'm so sorry..."

Aloe's face is low for just a split second before her trademark optimism shines through. Aloe removes her sisters hoof and waves her own dismissively. "C'est la vie. I can't expect somepony to be with me when I'm not what they're looking for."

"I had an inkling..." you say.

Aloe and Lotus stare at you.

"What? Have you seen him? The hair, the way he always followed Mac around?"

The twins look at each other and then back to you, the their faces wearing the same identical incredulous look.

"Oh whatever."

You let Lotus comfort her sister some more and got to your feet.

"Sweetheart, where are you going?" Lotus calls behind you.

"Gonna walk around a bit, see some old friends. Meet back in the square when Luna shows up?"

Ponyville had changed little in the past years. You still miss it. Canterlot was nice and having your own place with Lotus had its advantages, but you kinda miss knowing everyone in town.

You had missed Applebloom and her friends getting their marks.

Missed the Mayor keeping her office.

You apparently missed Speedy settling down with one of the nurses at the hospital.

But there was one thing you wouldn't miss for the world.

You glanced up at the clock tower as you walked down the road. Two minutes till...perfect.

You had planned this out around when you had planned out your own costume. Instructions and parts sent through the mail, good thing she had the job she did.

All leading towards this night.

Screams and crashes came from the house down the road as the clock struck 9:00. Bursting out of house number 404 came a rather distressed brown earth pony with an hour glass mark. Behind him came two metal monstrosities. One of gold and the other silver.

"DELETE! EXTERMINATE!" they shout.

The stallion backs away on the ground as they came closer.

"DELETE!"

"EXTERMINA-WHOA!"

Derpy trips off her porch and lands on the ground with a thud, her Cyclops helmet rolling away from her.

This sends Dinky into a fit of laughter as she pulls off her own helmet.

Hooves sat on the ground in front of them. "Wh-wha-"

You walked up to the happy family moment and looked down at him. "Always counting on me to come save your hay-bacon, eh?"

He shoots you a glare as Dinky trots up to you. Holy hell...she was almost up to your stomach now.

"So how bout it Darth Knight, just as planned?"

You reach down and ruffle her mane. She looks up with a mildly annoyed face. "Just as planned, poozer."

Hooves helps his companion off the ground.

"So how bout you poozer, all set and ready to graduate?"

Dinky bobs her head."All set to get out of this town and see the world! Who knows maybe I'll visit you in Canterlot?"

"Stay out of the East End."

Buncha weirdos in there. Yourself among them.

"Are you coming to the ceremony, Mous?" she asks.

You tilt your head at the grinning fil- mare in front of you.

"I'll mull it over."

You'll have to swipe a megaphone.

The sounds of wings flapping drew your attention up. High in the sky was your nephew, Thunderstrike. Along with Pound Cake and Rumble. The three of them flew over the town towards Whitetale Woods.

"Where the hell are they going?"

Dinky scoffs. "Probably to go meet up with Truffle. He always hangs out up there with some of the others from school."

A bunch of teenagers hanging out alone in the woods...

"See you later Dinks, I got stuff to do..."

You creep through the woods as best as your costume would allow. Thunder and the others had touched down around here, it was just a matter of finding them. You hide behind a tree as you heard voices from up ahead.

Paydirt...

The kids are all sitting around a fire. You see Thunder, Rumble, The Cake Twins, Truffle, Tiara and Spoon sitting on logs and talking.

"And so aunt Pinkie pulls this ball out of NOWHERE and just starts tossing it around!" Pumpkin shouts.

"That is so weird." Tiara says.

"Not as weird as having a nephew only a few years younger than you." Rumble says.

"And you have to live with him too." Thunder says.

"Don't remind me..."

Truffle holds up a...was that a bong?

They have pot here?

He puts the bong to his mouth. That was when you see the plant inside it.

That's not pot.

It's too blue.

"Joke..."

They wanted to inhale Joke? They wanted your nephew to inhale Joke!?

No.

No that would not stand.

You climb the tree in front of you. Once you reach the best height, you creep your way out onto a thick branch that hangs over the group.

The kids are passing the bong around, it's almost to Thunder.

The shadows mask your movements, the crackling of the fire your sound.

It is then that you notice it.

You are hiding above a group of minor criminals. You are dressed how you are dressed.

...This is the absolute zenith of your life.

Your spirits soaring, you drop from the branch. Your boots land in the small fire pit and stomp it out, plunging the clearing into darkness. The kids scream in unison as you flick on the vocal modulator on your chest.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THE POWER OF THE NIGHT."

The kids scream and either gallop or fly away from you.

All but one.

"Guys! Wait, come back! It's just..."

And he was pissed.

"Uncle! What in Tartarus' name are you doing!?" he shouts.

You shatter the bong under your boot "Making sure you don't fuck up your brain with Poison Joke. What the hell are you thinking Thunder!?"

"Uhg! I knew someone would be like this if I told them! You're just like Dad!" he says as he starts to walk away.

Oh hell naw.

You walk up and yank Thunder to the ground by his tail "I'm not your dad, I'm your uncle. And that means I can kick the crap out of you when you deserve it."

"Buck you!" he shouts as he got up

"Don't do Joke in the woods!"

"Don't tell me how to live my life!"

"Then stop fucking it up!"

"Joke isn't that bad!"

"Horseshit it isn't! I've seen what it does to the bums in Canterlot!"

It wasn't pretty. OD on Joke and your entire brain pulls a joke on you. And turns off.

That wasn't happening to Thunder.

Thunder starts walking out of the woods back to town.

"You're worse than Dad!"

"Damn straight! And what's so wrong with your dad wanting to keep you safe?"

"He's smothering me is what's wrong! "Be home by nine!" "Eat your food!" "Practice your routine!" He's not letting me live my life!"

"You mean he's not letting you cock up your life!"

You grab Thunder's hind leg. "News flash nitwit! You have to actually work at it if you want to achieve that potential your dad talks about so often!"

"Well maybe I don't want to be a stunt flier!" he shouts.

He wriggles his leg out of your hand.

"If I go into stunts I'll just be "The Son of the Wonderbolt!" Everyone will expect me to deliver in something I don't want to do! But Dad and Mom are both SO INTENT on me doing it! They get on my back every damn day!" And it was stressing me out in school and I thought "Hey, maybe I can sneak off into the woods with some friends and RELAX for thirty seconds!" but you had to go screw that up too!"

He was panting at his outburst, staring at you with wide angry eyes.

The road back to Ponyville was silent.

"...IS THAT IT!?" you shout.

His face contorts. "Wha-"

You lightly conk his head. "You block head! Your dad wouldn't get on your ass about stunt flying if you'd tell him you didn't want to!"

Thunders eyes are still wide "He...wouldn't?"

Tch...teenagers.

You sigh "No...Thunder, you dad cares more about you than anyone. He'd never want you to be unhappy in what you do."

Thunder's head falls. "But...won't they be disappointed?"

You put a hand on his shoulder "Thunder, you can't be disappointed in what your kid chooses for a life. That's like, rule one of being a good parent."

There's a smile.

"Really?" he asks.

"Actually, it's "Don't make them sleep in the basement. But the other one is up there."

Thunder laughs.

"Now c'mon. Let's get to town and tell your dad about your career change, and hope your aunt doesn't try and kick my ass for probably being late."

Thunder chuckles. "Right behind you "Darth Knight"."

Damned kids...too smart these days.

Bonus Chapter: Consultation.

You cross through the portal and breath in the sweet air. The scent of trees and grass filled your nostrils, the sound of water not too far in the distance caressed your ear.

And the grumbling jerk on the ground in front of you swore as he pushed himself off his back. "How come I always end up either vomiting or getting tossed around by these portals and you come out fine?" Mous asks.

You stroke your chin and turn back to the portal.

"I don't really know...Maybe it has something to do with the energy of the gate? It could affect whatever goes through it first and not have enough left for me."

Mous gets off the ground and rubs his head. "Brilliant..."

"You could avoid that if you didn't run headfirst through each portal I made."

Mous waves a hand at you. "With your luck the first place you sent us to wouldn't have any air and then I'm the one stuck in the nexus of reality without a way home."

"So you're going to act the guinea pig?"

Mous takes out his knife and starts to cut through some of the branches in your way. "The guinea pig-guard dog, that's me."

You roll your eyes and followed through the path Mous was carving.

It reminded you of a song...

"On the sweet unfolding, of an antique mystery..."

Mous slices through a branch and turns to you. "No, we're not doing that."

"Oh come on!"

"No. Consider it payback for that time in Tartarus."

"Singing Elton John is different from singing Styx."

"Barely."

The two of you break through the branches and look out over the stunning vista. The view stretched for miles and miles with sweeping fields of green grass giving way to dense forests that pushed up against purple mountains as they scraped blue sky.

Mous lets out a slow whistle as he sheaths his knife.

"Yeah..." you say.

You reach down and pull out a handful of grass. The wind picks up and sends the grass tumbling into the sky.

"You think we're still in Equestria?"

"I dunno. Mous says, pulling his face down. "Do I look my age yet?"

You chuckle as you stand.

"Wouldn't that be something...? A place where we could stay?"

Mous puts his hands back in his pockets. "It'd be something..."

Your peace is interrupted by the sound of wood splintering. "GET THE WIZARD OUT!" a voice bellows.

The two of you share a sigh.

"The more things change?"

"The more they stay the same..."

Mous grins and points over the hill the voice came from. "C'mon, it's hero time."

-Music-

You stand at the top of a nearby hill looking down at the road below. Various griffins and Diamond Dogs were fighting with what appeared to be royal guards around a caravan of wooden carriages, a large Minotaur standing back barking orders.

"Just like Tartarus?" Mous says as he takes out his knife again.

Your hand dips into your spell pouch.

"Just like Tartarus."

You throw a spell high into the air that shatters into a barrage of light and sound. That drew the attention of the bandits as Mous ran down the hill.

You start chucking spells at the stunned aggressors, first at that Minotaur Mous seemed to be charging. It's weapon was encased in ice, sticking it to the ground. Mous slid between its legs in its shock and slashed at its ankles.

You turn your attention to the other bandits. They shoot arrows at you as you advance down the cliff. You're able to incinerate most of them with a fire spell and dodge the ones that got through.

The royal guards rally at the unexpected help and between the three of you all that remained was the Minotaur.

Mous is dancing between it's hard and heavy strikes with a smile. "C'mon Bessy! You can do better than that!" he shouts.

The Minotaur went into a rage and increased his speed, Mous still toying with him. It was then however that the Minotaur was overtaken by a golden magical field. He held still for a moment before he rocketed up into the air at mind-blowing speed. The Minotaur was a spec in the sky by the time you got to Mous and joined him in slack jawed aw.

"He will not be joining us again." A stern voice says.

You and Mous turn to face the speaker. You knew exactly who it was once you saw that beard.

Before you stood one of the greatest Equestrian mages ever born.

The founder of over a thousand spells, the original Grand Magister and a pillar of Pony society: Starswirl the Bearded.

And he looked PISSED.

Did this mean you were in Equestria's past?

He took a step towards the both of you. "Who are you?...WHAT are you?"

Holy SHIT. Starswirl the Bearded sounds like Patrick Stewart.

His horn glows a bit as he steps closer.

Mous being Mous, speaks up. "Easy Santa, we just saved your ass how bout a little common courtesy?" He says as he twirled his knife around his fingers.

Starswirl snorted. "Here is your "courtesy"."

He stomped his hoof on the ground in conjunction with his horn glowing. A spatial rift opened up in front of him, a brilliant star field on the other side. A vacuum force pulls at the two of you, requiring you both to brace yourselves. What you couldn't brace against was Starswirl yanking Mous's knife out of his hands and letting it fall into the rift.

"DAVID!" he called out.

The rift snapped shut as David vanished into it. "I will not have unidentified creatures armed and threatening me."

You didn't have to be a genius to tell that Mous was going to go off.

"Armed!? I'll show you armed you jackass!" He shouted.

Shit! Gotta defuse!

Luna had taught you some of the old greetings Magisters used to use when they saw each other.

If this was Starswirl's time them it was... You ran up behind Mous and grabbed his arm.

"I become two! We become one!" You shouted.

Starswirl's horn stopped glowing and his face changed to one of mild confusion and interest.

"Unbridled, unequal, in the light of the sun..." He finished.

The mood is tense as Starswirl's eyes shift between the two of you.

"Corporal." He says.

The soldier trots up to him. "Fly back to Canterlot and inform the Princesses that I am returning swiftly...With guests..."

You and Mous exchange a glance.

Here we go again...

A couple thousand years ago you were in a similar situation. It was a train instead of a carriage and Twilight instead of Starswirl the Fucking Bearded, but the familiarity wasn't lost on you.

Only this time it was you doing the talking.

You had spent the entirety of the ride explaining everything to Starswirl. Who and what you were, how you came to your Equestria and your life there and finally how you came to his here.

Starswirl sat in rapt attention as you finished.

"And so that takes us to here. We came through a Waygate after some adventures in other universes."

Starswirl leans back against the carriage. "Fascinating Anon! And you say that the both of you have reached such an age has something to do with your non-connection to magic?"

You nod "That's what all our research suggested Starswirl. Passing through the Waygate seemed to affect our bodies in some way."

He taps his hoof against his chin. "And in all that time you have been unable to deduce a way to change that?"

You shake your head. "Waygate magic had always eluded my teachers and I."

Starswirl stared off into space for a moment. "Perhaps I can change that..."

You and Mous did a double take. "What!?" You both exclaim.

Starswirl has a smarmy grin on his face. "Yes, I may be able to rid the two of you of the effects of the Waygate."

"...How!?"

"I have several theories in mind so far. I look forward to working them out with you Anon."

Dude. Not only did you get to work with Starswirl the Bearded, but he was going to help you start aging again! Oh how Twi would be jealous.

Mous sat next to you with his chin in his hand.

You elbow him in the ribs. "C'mon man, be happy! We're finally going to be normal!"

Mous continues to stare at Starswirl. "He killed my knife."

Your face fell to the floor. Was he serious? He couldn't be serious.

"Mous, you can't kill an inanimate object."

"Tell that to David."

Uhg...he was impossible... Here you are telling him some of the best news in your lives and he's worried about his knife...

Starswirl looks at Mous. "This knife was dear to you?"

"I've had it since I was fifteen." Mous says.

Starswirl strokes his namesake. "A considerable time considering your age..."

His horn starts to glow. Motes of light from around the carriage begin to wink into existence and are drawn into the air in the center. The motes collect faster and faster, like a miniature black hole. Eventually the motes stop and the light dies down, leaving a pair of steaming knives sitting on the floor.

Knives; plural. Both of them identical to the one Mous lost.

"A replacement and an extra as apology." he says.

Mous bends down and snatches the blades off the floor, pulling one out of the sheath. "I guess I'll have to re-do the inscription..."

"That's amazing Starswirl! You can produce matter all on your own?"

The wizard nods. "That and much more Anon, you will see all of it in the coming months."

You're REALLY trying to not think of that as a come on.

The carriage lurched to a stop, the door being opened by a guard. "Come along you two, let's go meet the Princesses."

Mous and you walk behind Starswirl through Canterlot castle. Mous's mood seemed to have improved since he got his knives, his expression now one of mild interest as opposed to anger.

"Takes you back, doesn't it?" you ask.

"Way back."

It was more than a bit of a shock, going from the Canterlot you and Mous had helped build to this one. Here the castle was smaller and the city not as spread out. The only real tower was the magisters tower and even that was smaller than the one back home.

The two of you really had landed in Equestria in its infancy...

Right after Discord was defeated but befor-

Oh shit...

You grab Mous by the arm "Dude!" you whisper.

"What?"

"We're meeting Luna!"

"So?"

"Before she turns into Nightmare Moon!"

Mous's eyes widen as he finally gets it. "What do we do?" he whispers.

You peek in front of the two of you, Starswirl hadn't heard.

"Just...don't tell anyone. Pretend we don't know."

Mous arches an eyebrow. "Don't you think we should at least say something?"

You shake your head. "Nightmare Moon is why Twi and the girls get together...and THEY beat Discord. Our hands are tied."

Starswirl leads you into the throne room, the two Princesses standing at the rear.

"WE WELCOME THOU BACK TO THE CAPITOL STARSWIRL THE BEARDED, BE THESE CREATURES THE REASON FOR YOUR RETURN?"

You and Mous brought your hands to your ears at the auditory onslaught.

"I THINK WE MISSJUDGED MAN. I THINK WE'RE IN TARTARUS AGAIN." Mous says through gritted teeth.

Starswirl chuckles. "Yes, the Princesses can be a bit loud when they are using their traditional voices...especially Princess Luna."

You knew a bit about Luna...

"Believe me, I know" You and Starswirl say in unison.

The two of you exchange an awkward glance before Starswirl simply turns and continues walking.

He leads you up to the Princesses.

Celestia and Luna look just as they did back when you last saw them healthy...ethereal manes and flawless coats and all.

"GREETINGS AND WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA VISITORS!" Celestia booms.

...Healthy lungs too!

Starswirl bows before the two Princesses and you and Mous followed suit.

"Yes Princesses, I believe that my trip to the Eastern Leyline will have to wait." He gestures back at the two of you. "Along my way my convoy was attacked by bandits, bandits these extra-dimensional beings helped defeat!"

Celestia and her sister exchange a shocked glance. "EXTRADIMENSIONAL?" they shout together.

He glances back at the two of you. "They have seen and done things that defy logic! Far too many to tell!"

His horn begins to glow. "So I will show!"

A flash of light to your side drew your attention to a pedestal with a bowl of water that has materialized in the room.

As the light died down, Starswirl walked over to the pedestal. "This is my Scrying Pool! With this and a small spell I will be able to glance into your past and show the princesses in its waters!"

You walked up to the magical pool. "Impressive..."

Scrying was always something you had never been able to properly do without innate magical talent.

Starswirl cast a spell as the others gathered around the pool.

"So how does this work?" you ask.

"Simply dip your hand in the pool and allow it to get an imprint on you, it will do the rest." the Magister says.

Mous nods to you and you place your hand in the stagnate pool of water. As the pool ripples at your touch, images begin to form.

It's like a trip back in time for the both of you...

Everyone stands in rapt attention as the images play. The awkward meeting between you and the girls... Your first night with Rainbow in the cave. The marriage between the two of you and every day afterwards. ...Rainbow's death.

The years melt away in the pool.

It shows your time as Grand Magister, your tour around the world, the completion of the Tether and when you left Equestria. You make a point of keeping your nights with Luna out of your mind...no need to cause a scene.

The images slow as you come up to the current time.

Celestia speaks first, in a normal voice to your surprise. "You did all of that...?" she asks.

You silently nod.

"And you?" Luna asks Mous

"Some things were the same...some different." he answers.

"Princesses, Anon is going to help us do all the things in the pool you saw. He will help us bring Equestria into a golden age."

"Don't forget our plan Starswirl, we have to solve this Waygate issue."

"A wizards word is his bond." He says as he places his hoof on his chest.

You smile. This was great!

An Equestria where you could teach and learn with the greatest wizard who ever lived, and one where there was a real shot at reversing the effects of the Waygate.

"Is that all we have planned for this thing?" Mous asks as he approaches the pool.

"Or did you want to look into our hom-

Mous's fingers dip into the water.

And the gentle pool becomes a miniature squall.

You try to pull your hand out, but find it stuck to the side "Uh...Starswirl?"

Starswirl looks at the pool in slight alarm. "The spell I cast prepared the pool only for your levels of latent Waygate magic, not the both of you."

He tries to cast a spell on it to no avail. "The spell seems to be...taking into account the new imprint and...reversing?"

"So this thing is gonna show our future?" Mous asks with growing worry.

"A possible one, let me try to-"

"Wait..."

Murky images begin to form in the waters, shapes beginning to coalesce.

Mous inhales sharply next to you as the waters take the shape of a mare neither of you had ever expected to see again.

She was running through dark halls, a look of panic on her face. Behind her was a being made of pure green light barreling towards her. The mare tripped and fell to the ground, staring wide eyed as the looming figure of light prepared to end her...

And with that the waters calmed and the images faded.

"No. NO! Come back I need to see more!" Mous shouts next to you.

You pull your hand out of the pool as Mous gripped it with both arms.

"Where is that!?" he shouts at Starswirl.

The wizard shakes his head. "I cannot say Mous. That was only a possible future for the two of you."

"But it could still happen, right?"

Starswirl stares at a frantic Mous next to you. "...Yes."

Mous turns to you. "Give him the Waygate crystal. The two of you put your heads together and find a way to make sure it takes us to her so I can save her."

He...wanted to leave?

"Mous...we can't just throw-"

"I can't let her die Anon." Mous says, his eyes taking on the steely determination they did in these situations. "I won't."

The air was tense for a few moments before Mous pushes off the pool. "Find me when you learn something." he says as he left the room.

You turn to Starswirl. "Could we...come back? If it worked?"

Starswirl's sour expression was all the answer you needed.

A few hours later you were on the castle roof. Mous was standing near the edge, pacing back and forth.

You walk up to him from behind. "Come up with a name for those two?"

Mous turns his head to you and looks at the knives hanging from the back of his belt. "I'm thinking Mick Jagged and Joe Parry." he says.

You roll your eyes and take your place next to him.

"...Figure anything out?" he asks.

You let out a deep sigh. "We learned of a way to get us to her...Tapping into the lattice of the Waygate spell and using Luna's star magic to plot a course across to the right universe..."

"I'm sensing a "but"..." Mous says.

"Starswirl says it's a one way trip...There's a one in quintillion chance that we'd just happen to land back here again."

Mous's face falls. "So if we save her we lose the Waygate cure..."

You nod. "Is this really what you want man? One life at the cost of who knows how many years of still not aging?"

Mous stares off into the sunset. You think his face flashes to one of absolute despair for a fraction or a second.

"I can't just leave her Anon...I just...I can't..." he says in a voice barely above a whisper.

You take a deep breath "It'll be a bit...before we can get the spell working. A week or two."

Mous looks up at you. "I could go it alone if you want...you could stay here and be cured."

You smile and pat him on the shoulder "You'd be lost without me."

Mous chuckles. "At least I wouldn't have to get thrown around by portals anymore..."

The two of you stand high above Proto-Canterlot.

"One week?"

"One week."

A rescue across universes...not your least ambitious project.

You floated through the infinite blackness.

You were David the Bowie Knife and you were in space.

The wizard had torn you from your master's grip and flung you through a portal. Your master didn't think that you could think and you really couldn't. Not in the way he thought anyway.

As you floated, you had a "thought".

Yes...that would do nicely... You sung without a mouth, you didn't need one for this.

It was your namesake.

"This is Major Tom to ground control, I'm stepping through the door."

"And I'm floating in a most peculiar way."

"And the stars look very different today..."

Bonus Story: Going the Distance.

He had said one week. One week until he and Starswirl finished the spell that would let you go save her.

That had been ten days ago.

Ten days of trying to occupy yourself while the wizards did their work with the knowledge that she might be in danger.

You had learned a bit about the Equestria you were staying in. It was apparently about a hundred years after Discord was put down and the world was in harmony. Canterlot was the capitol, but was still under construction. You gave them a few pointers that you used back home.

The rest of this place was...topsy turvy.

Apparently Luna and Celestia switched rolls here. Celestia was the dutiful monarch who always put country and citizen before herself, and Luna was fucking anything with a hole or a pole.

One of those being Starswirl. Very loudly. In the room down the hall from yours and Anon's.

You and Anon sang Nightfall to them. Loudly and out of key. At least some things were universally constant.

When you weren't snooping around the castle, you were out in the courtyard with the guards. You had set up several practice dummies so that you could practice with Mick and Joe. That was where you were now, standing in the middle of a circle of spinning dummies as you danced from one attack into another.

The key with dual weapons was movement...to better utilize your extra knife. You speed up your strikes and eventually stick the dummy right where it's neck would be.

The sharpness of the blades becomes apparent when the "head" of the dummy lists to one side and falls off, revealing Anon standing behind it.

"You push yourself too hard and you'll be exhausted before we go save her." he says.

You yank Mick out of the dummy and leave the circle. "I'll be fine."

Anon stops you. "I know you didn't sleep last night, man..."

It's true, you hadn't.

"Too riled up."

You slip Mick and Joe back into their sheaths as Anon shakes his head.

"What's up?"

"We got it." he says.

You felt your heartbeat kick into high gear. Finally...an end to this waiting around.

"And you're sure it'll get us to her?"

"It's as close as we can get it."

...It'll do.

"Lead the way."

Anon leads you through the smaller Canterlot castle up to the Magisters tower. Starswirl and the Princesses stand around a table with the modified crystal on it with seven ponies in red robes. The First Magisters: Paragons of Equestrian magical study.

They and Anon had been pouring over the crystal magics for the past week and a half. Anon said he had to teach Starswirl all about how the spell worked, probably jumped magical study in Equestria forward by two hundred years doing it.

"Are you sure there is no way we can convince you to stay Anon...? Think of all we could accomplish!" Starswirl says.

Starswirl hadn't let up after Anon had told him he was leaving with you. It hadn't helped your mood.

"I'm sorry Starswirl but we have to go, she needs us." Anon says.

Starswirl sighs. "All this for a young girl..."

"We promised." You stare into Starswirl's eyes. "I promised."

Starswirl sighs again and turns away.

Anon elbows you in the ribs and gives you a stern look. You were being rude...

"Thank you. All of you. For your help." you say.

"We really appreciate it." Anon adds.

Anon walks up to the table and scoops up the crystal. "You ready?" He asks.

You flex your hands and get ready to fight whatever that green light was once you step out.

"Do it."

Anon nods and tosses the crystal onto the ground. A rippling portal opens up a few feet in front of you both, filling the room with a low hum. It doesn't look any different from the way it normally did...

This better work.

Only one way to find out, you guess.

"Let's go."

Anon wordlessly follows you as you step through the portal.

You were in Gouxia Shin in Ib'xian, about ten years after the Equestria shook the world by annexing the Griffin Kingdoms due to their recent troubles. The warehouse complex you were currently in at the edge of the city was famous for being one of the most quiet places around.

Except for right now.

"Run!" the Doctor yells as the blast of energy impacted the wall behind you.

He didn't have to tell you twice!

Your name was Dinky Hooves and you have been traveling with your family for a while now. It had all started when Dad had said he wanted to take you on a trip after you graduated. That trip had ended with a bunch of robot ponies trying to kill you. Which lead to saving a star. Which lead to going back to the founding of Equestria. You don't know at what point you started enjoying it...but you eventually told him that you didn't want to go back.

The four of you arrived at this warehouse a few hours ago, looking for the reason the TARDIS had sent you here.

You found it when you discovered that some psycho Ibex named Hard Light had found a way to make an infinite army for himself thanks to an alien computer and some magic.

He had found a way to make the digital constructs inside the computer "real" in the form of holograms.

Holograms that were now chasing you.

-Music-

"Keep going! Back to the TARDIS!" Dad shouts.

You, Mom and Dad run through the warehouse, bounding over obstacles and evading as many of the hologram creatures as you could. You glance behind you and saw the horde of magic holograms chasing you, with new ones forming along the way.

One of them, a pony made of green light, tried to tackle you as Hard Light talks over the loudspeaker. "You should not have come to disrupt my work, Doctor."

Dad rolls his eyes as he runs. "It's not like I WANTED to come here..."

The light monsters behind you continue to give chase.

An emerald Diamond Dog shouts orders to the rest in his double flanged voice. "Get them! Make sure they not get back to the Box!"

Another dog tries to materialize directly in the path of the three of you.

You pray your magic will work as you reach out with your telekinesis and tried to yank his foot out from under him. You congratulate yourself as the Dog slams into the ground, but five others seem to take its place.

"Gogogogogogogo!" Dad yells as you round a corner, green blasts of energy flooding through the doorway a second later.

At the end of the hall you saw it, that shade of blue you had come to call home lately.

"Keep going!" Mom shouts.

There were tradeoffs to being a unicorn, such as not being able to move as fast as earth ponies or pegusi.

That became apparent when Dad and Mom start pulling ahead of you.

The blasts of energy behind you become more rapid, one of them striking near your foot. You lose your balance and tumble to the ground as the emerald monsters close in.

"Muffin!" Mom cries.

Dad didn't say anything, just pulled a green glowing stick out of his lapel and points it at the monsters.

The various hologram creatures held their hands to their imaginary heads at the sound before winking out like lightbulbs.

But still they came.

They rush passed you, charging Mom and Dad. "Dinky!" Dad shouts.

The same Emerald Dog from before who was shouting the orders looms over you as you tried to get to your feet. "Stupid ponies try to ruin Master's plan?"

You back away from the dog, noticing a bang and a low hum come from behind you.

The dog stares right at you and raises his claws. "We not let that happen."

You close your eyes and brace yourself for the end...

-Music-

The end that...doesn't come?

You open your eyes and see someone you NEVER expected to see way out here.

He stands hands locked with the Dog, a manic grin on his face and eyes that seemed to be giving the dog pause.

What...?

"Stupid dog tries to kill my friend?" he grunts out. "That isn't happening..." He glances down at you with a smile. "Pay attention now Poozer."

Your mind is catapulted back years at the mention of your old nickname and the only one who used it.

Mous stomps on the Dog's knee and sends a snapping sound through the hallway before he flipped it over his shoulder and began stomping on its neck.

The emerald creatures behind him began bursting into flame and being tossed back dozens of feet. Mister Anon walked into view from behind you, tossing tiny rocks that sent the dogs flying.

The emerald monsters start to back away until they were eventually in full retreat.

Mous stops Mister Anon after he finished with the Dog. "Split up, keep the Dogs off 'em."

He looks back at Dad. "You. Is there something sending these things out?"

Dad nods. "A transmitter back in the main room."

Mous nods. "We'll take care of all the mooks, get rid of that thing."

You finally find your voice. "J-just the two of you?"

Mous gets that grin that brings you back to when you were a filly.

"C'mon Poozer, you know this is what I do." he says before he turns and runs down the hallway, Anon following behind him.

-Mous PoV-

Okay. The portal worked, Dinky was safe, and there was an endless supply of weird holo-deck monsters in your way.

And Hearthswarming wasn't for months.

You bring your new knives to bear and dive into the fray. The addition of an extra blade makes this so much faster. You become a little tiny whirlwind of death as you sliced, stabbed and chopped your way through the cramped hallway.

Ha! Listen to you so happy on the job!

This must be Dinky's doing, it was GREAT seeing her again! It had been absolute AGES since you saw her at graduation, all beaming as you and her family cheered her on.

Even seeing her little figurines at the museum back home ha-WHOA!

You duck down just in time to dodge a magic blast. Oh yeah, you were fighting.

You tended to go on autopilot when you fought...

The lights dim and a faintly accented voice scream "NOO!" over the loudspeaker as you stabbed a green zebra in the neck. That was either Doc or Anon and considering that you hadn't been sucked into a black hole, you'll guess Anon just hit a power generator.

You cut through another group of light monsters before the voice came back. "That will not work Doctor!" it shouts.

You follow the voice to a stairwell, at the top of which was a door with flashing lights coming from underneath it.

Well that was promising.

You stomp up the stairs as that nut-job kept ranting. "You cannot stop the future Doctor! Even the Time-Ponies will be in awe of my crea-"

You interrupt him as you kick open the door "I HATE THIS STATION!"

Before you was a very frightened Ibex dressed in a lab coat, a glowing metal cylinder behind him.

"No! Stay back!" he shouts as you closed the distance between the two of you.

You grab the microphone and wrestle it out of his magical grip "Give me that!"

The mic echoes through the warehouse as you toss it over your shoulder. You kick the Ibex against the wall when he starts trying to hit you with magic, scooping up a chair while he's dazed.

You throw the chair through the opaque window overlooking the warehouse floor. You hoist the protesting Ibex over your shoulders shortly thereafter and toss him out next. Anon, Hooves, and Derpy all stare up at you in silent shock. Dinky had a smile.

"I found the bad guy!" you shout.

You hop out of the window and roll into the fall.

The Ibex next to you groans as you stood.

"Oh relax you pansy, it was only fifteen feet." you say.

He moans again before he wisely decides to stay quiet.

Dinky has been staring at you since you got here. You knelt down to her eye level as you had done so many years ago.

"Hey Poozer."

She takes a few steps towards you, her eyes still wide. "How...how are you here?" she asks.

"Anon and a..."friend" of ours rigged up a portal to take us here."

You look around the room.

"Where are we, anyway?"

"Gouxia Shin in Ib'xian. Around 1912." the Doctor says.

You look to Anon "Was that before or after we shot Spacebear?"

"After. Way after." he says.

"I miss Spacebear."

"You shouldn't have had me blow him up then."

"Have you two changed at all?" Dinky asks.

You look back to her and return the smile she's giving you. "Not in the least, Poozer."

"Why are you here Mous?" she asks with a grin. "I'm not complaining, but it's still pretty weird."

"Saw a vision of you getting hurt, came to get you."

"All the way from Canterlot?"

"Further. And I said I'd protect you Dinks." you reach out and ruffle her mane "You know that."

Dinky's smile persists as she wordlessly wraps her hooves around you. "My life has been way too boring without you Mous."

"Likewise Dinks." you say returning the hug.

A beeping noise coming from the Doctor interrupts your reunion.

"Oh dear. We have to leave now." he says.

Huh?

"Why?" Anon asks.

"Because we fried the generators here and they were set to explode. Alright, grab him and take him to the TARDIS!" he says, pointing at the Ibex.

You release Dinky and move to the unconscious Ibex.

"Never a dull moment, huh Poozer?"

She giggles and helps you pick up the dead weight with her magic.

"Not in the least."

-Music-

The warehouse erupted into gouts of flame that shot up hundreds of feet into the air. The generators below were offworld technology, they could hold enough energy to turn this side of the planet into glass, Hard Light had only used a hundredth of their storage capacity. You stood with Anon, Dinky and her family on a nearby hill as you watched the warehouse go up, the TARDIS behind you with the unconscious Ibex inside it.

"Is the fire always blue, Doctor?" Derpy asks.

He nods. "It is when it's Atraxi technology."

"At least it looks nice." you say.

The building below explodes as another generator went.

You could relax now that Dinky was safe, relax and take in your surroundings. The first of which is this stallion standing next to you.

"New bow tie?" you ask.

He grows a smug grin. "Bow ties are cool."

"Bow ties are lamer than parachute pants."

"Are not."

"Are so."

"Are not!"

"They kinda are dad." Dinky interjects.

Hooves reacts in shock and turns to Derpy.

"They're a bit silly sweetheart." She says.

Hooves looks to the two mares. "Twenty minutes you're back and you're already turning my family against me..."

You chuckle "Have a rough time of it, huh?"

He cringes. "Yes. Bit of a situation on Sontar a couple hundred years back...Got a little hairy."

"You should have called, we could have done your job for you."

He scoofs. "Oh I couldn't do that. You were busy! Something about a "Spacebear" I believe?"

You roll your eyes. Even dead that thing was annoying.

The final generator explodes in the factory and sends a great blue fireball into the sky. The distant wail of sirens told you that the authorities were on their way to investigate this fireball.

"That sounds like our cue to vanish." Hooves says.

Dinky hopped up and wrapped her hooves around your waist again, squeezing you tight. "It was great to see you again Mous..."

You stroke her mane. "Heh...you too Poozer."

Derpy flies up and wraps her hooves around both your necks. "Thanks for helping us you guys."

"Heh...No problem Derpy." Anon says.

"It's what we do."

"I won't hug you." a voice says from inside the now open TARDIS.

Hooves steps out holding a small wallet looking thing that he throws to you. "But I do have a gift."

You open it up, seeing the blank pages inside.

"Psychic Paper. Just think if you're in a jam." he says.

You hand the important paper to Anon, he gets in less scrapes than you.

"And I suppose that works both ways? Will I be getting messages from you when YOU get in a jam?" you ask.

Hooves chuckles. "Spoilers..."

Heh...

The two of you stare at each other as Dinky and Derpy walk inside the TARDIS.

"I guess I was right to trust you." you say.

Hooves walks inside his box. "I do my best...So long boys."

"Later Spacemane."

"Goodbye Doctor."

The blue door shuts before the blue box begins to fade. In a moment it's gone, leaving the two of you on the hill alone.

"Is he allowed to call us "boys"? We're probably older than him." you say.

"Eh...he's weird."

The police sirens grow ever closer to the burning building.

"Shall we?" Anon asks.

"Someplace sunny, if you can."

Anon chuckles and opens the portal. And the two of you are gone before the cops get on the scene.

It was great to see them again...

Bonus Chapter: Afterparty.

Year 8 in Equestria.

You tilted your head back and downed your third shot of the hour, careful not to get any on your suit.

"Should you really be drinking considering what we're about to do?" Anon asked in his gaudy getup.

"Did you really have to change into pants instead of that bitchin' leotard?"

Anon crossed his arms and pouted. "Just because I have the highest voice doesn't mean I to be the cross dresser..."

"No, the fact that you fuck dudes does."

"Are you guys ready?" a voice called out.

Derpy fluttered up to you two in her maids outfit. She got out of the dress pretty fast, it seemed.

"All set Misses Hooves" Anon said with a bow.

"Your hubby gonna get upset that we're technically stealing your first dance?"

Derpy giggled. "He'll just have to appreciate the appropriateness."

You heard Twilight talk on the other side of the curtain. "-happy to see an old friend finally start a happy life. Even if it took him a while."

A chorus of laughs came from the ponies outside.

You hop to your feet. "Everyone remember their lines?"

Derpy nodded.

"Yup." Anon said as he put on his hat.

"Then let's go be amazing."

The three of you took your positions behind the curtain as Twilight kept talking. "A few friends of ours have set up a..."show" for the groom, they hope you enjoy it."

You hear Twilight scamper off stage as the curtains are drawn back to reveal the packed ballroom. There, sitting in a large chair, was Mr. Hooves with a confused look on his face seeing his new wife on stage in a maid outfit. At least Dinky was giggling.

The music starts.

-Music-

You slowly tilt your head up and look over the crowd.

"It's astounding...Time is fleeting...Madness...takes its toll. But Listen Closely."

You stomp your foot as the beat picks up.

"Not for very much longer." Derpy sang.

"I've got to...keep control."

The three of you break formation and begin dancing around the stage.

"I remember doin' the time warp! Drinking those moments when- The blackness would hit me,"

"And the void would be calling!" You and Derpy sang in unison.

The three of you met right in front of Hooves.

"Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Twilight levitates a mic to her mouth. "It's just a jump to the left."

"And then a step to the right!" you three sing.

"With your hands on your hips."

"You bring your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrust, That really drives you INSA-AY-AY-ANE!"

You all jump back into formation. "Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Derpy orbits around her new husband. "It's so dreamy...Oh fantasy free me! So you can't see me, No, not at all."

She gets right in his face. "In another dimension- With voyeristic intention. Well secluded, I see all."

You strut in front of him as Anon dances behind you. "With a bit of a mind flip..."

"You're into the time slip."

"And nothing, can ever be the same."

"You're spaced out on sensation!" Derpy shouts on the back of the chair.

"LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDAAAAATION!"

"Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

You clear a path of vision strait to Anon as he dances with a cane. "Well I was walking down the street, Just a having a think. When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink! He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise, He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes! He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again."

You rejoin him. "Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Twi grabs the mic again. "It's just a jump to the left!"

"And then a step to the right!"

"With your hands on your hips,"

"You bring your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrust... That really drives you INSA-AY-AY-ANE!"

You dance your way back up to the stage.

"Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

You all fall down as the music dies.

The room erupts into a hurricane of applause and cheers as the music turns into a slow and steady bassline. The three of you get back to your feet and go out to greet the crowd.

"Yes, thank you everypony." you say waving.

Hooves walks up and hugs his wife. "I loved it Derpy."

The mailmare blushes and gives her hubby a peck.

Anon smiles as you attempt to shoo them off the stage.

"C'mon, let's not take up space." you say.

Derpy flashes a small grin and pushes Hooves back into his seat.

Anon arches an eyebrow. "Any reason why?"

Oh Anon...you really should have learned by now. You take your position next to Hooves' chair.

"C'mon man, you know what comes next."

Anon listens to the still steady bassline.

"You didn't..."

"I so did."

"Who?"

"Guess~."

"No way..."

He got no further as a bright flash of light erupted from right in front of Hooves.

-Music-

Before you all, in a black cloak and whorish makeup, was Princess Celestia. Just as planned.

"How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman."

She glanced at you and winked.

"He's just a little brought down because when you knocked, He thought you were the candyman."

She spun around and strutted to the stage. "Don't get strung out by the way that I look, Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a mare by the light of day, But by night I'm one hell of a lover."

Everyone in the room gasps as Celestia tosses off her cloak and reveals a saddle, stirrups, and a birdle underneath.

"I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania..HA HA!"

She flares her wings and saunters down to the nervous Doctor. "So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound. You look like you move pretty groovy."

She starts orbiting the chair. "Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal. We could take in an old Hot Trot's movie."

Doctor turned his head to talk to Celestia as she smugly walked around. "Princess, what are you doing? Is this just a bit of screwing? It's a bit strange, considering it's my wedding. I know you are kind and just messing with my mind. Or is there something I should be dreading?"

Celestia teleports in front of him again and grins a manic grin down. "So you got hitched and bewitched, and now you're life's enriched."

"Well Doctor, don't you panic. In the light of the sun, when it's all said and done."

"I'll get you a satanic mechanic."

She trots up to the stage and pulls one of Rarity's lounges offstage, the three of you walking up behind her. "I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania...HA! HA!"

She lounges across it with the three of you taking position behind her.

"So why don't you stay for the night?"

"Night."

"Or maybe a bite?"

"Bite."

"I could show you my favorite...obsession? I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan. And he's good for relieving my... tension."

She climbs up from the lounge. "I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania. HIT IT! HIT IT!"

"I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania."

She stops in front of Hooves. "So, come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab."

"I see you shiver with antici...

The room is silent.

"...pation~!"

"But maybe the rain isn't really to blame."

"So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom!"

With that she teleports out. The room stays silent after the sight they saw.

"So...who wants' cake?" you ask.

Bonus Chapter: A Night at the Opera.

-Music-

Year 1820 in Equestria.

You and Anon had gotten into the habit of performing this opera once every twenty years or so. You both knew it like the back of your hands before you came here, and what with the names of the characters well...

You really couldn't say no.

Anon was peeking out of the curtains as the music played and signaled the start of the show.

"Big crowd." he says.

"It's always a big crowd."

"Bigger crowd then. I swear, half these ponies are just here because Celestia and Luna are."

You rose from your seat and cricked your neck before you threw on your costume, a simple lab coat.

"Well then, let's give them a story to remember, yeah?"

Anon smiled as you head to the curtain. "Knock em dead "Tom"."

"Remember to be evil this time, "Al"."

You walked out into the spotlight as twang of a guitar string started your first part. You fiddled with a screw in your hands as you spoke your lines.

"My father worked the mines until the day it took his life."

-Music-

"It stole him from his only son and it stole him from his wife."

You walked to one side of the stage and looked out of the audience "And I swore upon his grave, someday I would make things right."

You turned and walked back to the other half of the stage as stage crew wheeled out diagrams of machines. "So I learned how to bend steel. I learned how to make it move, and I watched as it withstood all the hell we put men through."

You picked up a metal glove. "With hands of iron, there's not a task we couldn't do."

You drew some equations Anon and you talked over on the board. "They've waited so long for this day, Someone to take the death away, No son would ever have to say, My father worked into his grave."

As you drew, magically manipulated props of mechanical men came marching out from backstage, with Anon at the rear.

Anon stopped on the opposite side of the stage from you and put one hand in his jacket pocket while the other rested on a cane. "Tom, listen to yourself, then listen carefully to me. If you replace the working parts, you get a different machine."

A smile parted his lips. "The man who turns the wheels, they will follow anywhere he leads."

Anon walked to the backdrop of the city behind the two of you. "We've spent our whole lives searching for a way to make a better world. Giving everything to them, asking nothing in return." he said as he shook his head.

He turned to you with a sinister grin. "Well here it is: our chance to take back everything we've earned." he said as he clenched his fist.

You continued to draw. "They've waited so long for this day"

"They've waited so long for this day!"

"Someone to take the death away."

"There is no price they wouldn't pay!"

"No son would ever have to say,"

"For someone else to lead them..."

"My father worked into his grave."

"Don't turn your back on me!"

You walked slowly to the window overlooking the city. This was wear your character realized that he had to activate the machines to keep his promise of a better city. A promise you yourself could relate to...

You stared at your hands. "What will I become with the things I will create? I never said that men should bow. I never said that men should break. I only want what's best."

You lower your head.

A blue mare came out from stage right and had the spotlight shown on her. "The one I love, she works so hard, she works her hooves until they bleed. Some of the pain that she endures would bring a strong man to his knees."

Your face hitches. "I only want to help."

Anon shook his head on the other end of the stage. "You are a fool."

"You underestimate the character of man." you say looking back.

"They are weaker than you think,"

"You think that they'll surrender if you bind their working hands. But they are strong"

"Just wait and see." Anon seethes.

You clench your gauntleted hand and walk to the front of the stage "We will build cities in a day!"

Anon put his hand on his forehead and shook. "Men would cower at the sight."

"We will build towers to the heavens."

"Man was not built for such a height."

"We will be heroes!"

"We will BUILD heroes!"

Your face fell and you reluctantly reached out a hand to a large metal leaver. Across the bottom of the stage, the lights flickered as machine props behind you sparked to life. You watched the machines "below" you.

"They've waited so long for this day, Someone to take the death away, No son would ever have to say, "My father worked into his grave."

You slipped on another gauntlet. "Men sleep tonight with hands of bone. They will awake with hands of steel and with these hands we will destroy. And with these hands we will rebuild."

You let the fire in your eyes grow as you shout. "And we will stand above our city, rising high above the streets. From tops of buildings we will look at all that lies beneath our feet."

You stab both your hands into the sky. "We will raise our hands above us, cold steel shining in the sun and with these hands that will not bleed, my father's battle will be won!"

You exited stage right as Anon surveyed the machine army, stopping right in front of a single one with an angry red eye who's glow seemed to grow by the second. He shuddered briefly before he exited stage left, the machine man following him a few paces behind.

You re-entered stage right as the backdrop changed to a city street. You mumbled under your breath about the consequences of your actions, letting the audience only hear a word every so often.

As you were lost in thought, a carriage passed you and reached stage left just before you did.

The lights darkened as the scene changed.

-Music-

You walk back out onto the stage after a quick outfit change, looking over the audience as the scene shifts.

"What have I done? Though I did not pull the trigger, I built the gun that he holds in his hand."

You look up to the sky. "Last night I dreamed I climbed to the top of a mountain of metal and for miles I could see the destruction of man."

Your face grows grim as you walk back and forth over the stage. "I will not be the father of death."

You pull a small photo out of your pocket, caressing it slightly. "Darling Emily, everything that I have done, I have done for you, but it's turned out all wrong."

The stage lights up as the music swells.

"Can I take it back? Can I turn off this machine before it destroys everything that I've loved?"

You looked over the crowd in horror and rage. "I will find a way to make this right!"

"I will find a way, Emily."

"I will not be the father of death!"

The light on you dimed and instead revealed a cobalt blue mare walking into another set, a letter in her grip.

Your darling Emily...

"Tom?" she called as she walked inside.

The lights grew to reveal a figure rummaging through a desk, it was Anon. Startled by the sound, he turned to look at Emily. A sinister smile crossing his face. He motioned behind Emily, causing a machine to slam the door shut.

Emily turned to Anon frightened as he got out from behind the desk.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Let me take you away."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"He will be nothing when this runs its course."

"He will be everything that a man is supposed to be."

She moves to the window and looks out over the city, this girl had a nice voice...

"If the shadow blocks out the sun..."

"There will be Light!" the choir to the side sang.

"If it stays 'till the sun is set...

"There will be Light!"

"If the sun never shows its face again..."

"There will be Light!"

"No matter how dark the city gets... there will be..."

Anon gave a DAMN good evil glare as Emily sang. He turned to the machine and slid his finger across his throat, spurning the robot into action. It clambered towards Emily as Anon glided out the window. Emily tried to follow Anon out the window, but the machine caught her hair. Even as she tried to scream, the machine moved. Ripping a steel blade across her neck and sending a splash of blood across the wall.

You walked into the set moments after, crossing over into the room where the grisly murder had taken place. A bright red light pulsing outside the window drew your eyes towards it. Emotions played across your face, drawing a few gasps from the crowd. The machine tossed the still dripping knife into the room before it leapt off the stage.

Sirens came from offstage.

You knelt down next to Emily, pulling her as close to you as you could, your body silently hitching. Real guards, actual ones from the city, started kicking at the door. You brushed the hair from Emily's face and kissed her forehead as a single tear rolled down your cheek. The door bucked and splintered, rousing you from your mourning. You pocketed the note and slipped to the window.

The buzzing sound of spells charging filled the silent concert hall.

"The robot, didn't you see!? It had a red light behind a blast shield and it killed her!" you shout.

The guards, to their part, looked to you confused and charged their spells more. Your head sunk as you turned and throw yourself from the window. Gasps of shock came from the crowd as the well practiced guards fired their spells.

You grunted as you hit the ground below. Dammit...it was only a few feet but it still hurt...next time Anon plays Tom. At least your magic immunity helped sell the scene. You rolled over and pushed yourself shakily to your feet as the sirens grew louder and ran off stage.

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

You were born for this moment.

Finally getting to put to use all those "dance lessons" Michael Jackson videos had taught you.

As Mous ran offstage, a gaggle of reporters came in to take his place behind you. Above all your heads was a screen, one that was due to go live any moment.

You held your cane behind your head with your back to the audience, popping your shoulders and sliding it across in tune with the music. As the drums joined, you began twirling the cane on circles on either side of you, prancing around as the reporters assembled.

You glanced up at Luna and Celestia's box seats, they both seemed to be enjoying it. Luna was enraptured by the story despite seeing it over a dozen times and Celestia seemed to be following your cane twirls. It was good to put on a performance for good friends.

You strutted in front of the reporters and slammed your can onto the ground.

"Tonight the streets are red, the lights are blue and blinding. No sign of the "Good Doctor," but the siren's wail and whining Tell us he'll be found."

You walk in rhythm to the window behind you and overlook the city. "I can almost hear the hounds..."

You grinned a bit as the lights of the city flashed. You turned back to reporters, dancing as you walked.

"What kind of man builds a machine to kill a girl?" No he did not use his hands like a smart man he used a tool. But just the same!...How can you question who's to blame?"

The reporters all took a step forward. "What was her name?" they shouted.

You waved a dismissive hand. "It doesn't matter. Now listen..."

You toss your cane up into the air and spin around on your heels before catching it and hoping in the air.

"The Good Doctor" has to pay!"

A red countdown appeared on the screen over your heads, drawing the reports attention. You bent your head down to whisper to only you and the crowd.

"When I say he was a monster, when I set fire to his name. It does not matter where you hear it from, whether truth or lies, it gets said all the same!"

You glance up at the countdown, stabbing your cane towards the reporters "Whatever's on the table plays!"

You glance up back as the countdown as it ticks down to 1 minutes, 46 seconds. The reporters keep blaring questions at you as you slip into the studio. A pane of glass separates you from the reporters as they flap their gums.

The mics weren't on...the cameras weren't rolling...so you spoke to yourself.

"There is a flame I have been fanning. There is a fire waiting to catch. There is a hell that has been building from the moment we first met."

58 seconds to air.

"If there ever was a time, If there ever was a chance, to undo the things I've done and wash these bloodstains from my hands."

49 seconds to air

Your eyes grew more deranged and excited as seconds ticked away. "It has passed and been forgotten. These are the paths that we must take. Cause you and I, Tom, we are men And we can bend and we can break."

40 seconds.

"If you think that you can run. If you think that you can stand. Well you forget who turned this city on. "

The automated lights in the studio switch on as you throw you cane up and catch it again.

"You forget who plugged this city in!"

30 seconds to air.

"They'll not switch it off again."

You straightened your tie, knocked the wrinkles out of your suit jacket and faced the camera lens.

"One by one they're tuning in."

15 seconds.

You looked over the audience as they watched hypnotized by the events unfolding.

Just as planned.

3 seconds...

You clear your throat as the blinking red light goes solid.

Your face appears on the screen above the audience, their eyes snapping up to it. "Hello, people of the greatest city on the planet. It is my great honor to announce the new telescreen's that will be sending a constant stream of information to you all."

Your face grew serious.

"As you all no doubt know, a murder was committed by my once associate Dr. Thomas Light. I want to assure you all that he will be caught and brought to justice, I will not allow such blatant disregard for the law go unpunished."

You grow a small smile. "I promise you all, I will make this city safe again."

The guards, the reporters, all the city folk looked up at the screen. And they trusted it's words completely.

-Mous PoV-

-Music-

You sat in a defendants chair as the scene changed. You kept your head low and arms close as the music lightly filled the hall. Extras walked around in a mock trial with and spoke without sound. You were to be depressed over loss here, you had lots of practice doing that. Your voice was kept soft as it was amplified over the audience.

"Emily, The crowd has gathered here but it is not because of you."

You shake your head.

"Emily, the taste of blood in their mouths, I can't imagine what they'll do. But it doesn't matter what they'll do to me."

You shift in your seat a bit

"Emily, have they forgotten you when they set their sights on me?"

You look up at the shadow cast by a noose hanging from the ceiling.

"They will hang me from the rope tonight. Will you be waiting there for me? Will our souls remember where we said we'd meet on the way out of this town?"

Tears began to well up in the eyes of both you and the audience as the scene hit them. "I'm leaving one way or the other, Emily. There's nothing left here for me now."

You pulled your head closer. "Emily, it's so quiet now. It's like the calm before a storm."

You look up at a screen with Anon's face on you "They will punish me for what he did to you. But either way it's all my fault, 'Cause I made the man who laid his hands on you."

You shook your head as you shouted.

"And I would tear him down, but I feel like a dead man and what can a dead man do?"

Smoke came from backstage with the silhouette of Emily shining out. "This is not your fault!" she yelled.

"I'm leaving one way or the other, Emily."

"This is not your fault!"

"There's nothing left here for me now."

The lights intensify on the court as they reach the end.

"Here comes the blow... We find the only man who loved her... We find the only man who'd give his life to see her once again..."

"We find this man..."

"Not Guilty!"

"Guilty... I am Guilty!"

The sentence had been dealt; not guilty. The judge, jurors and lawyers all left the courtroom, leaving you alone in the defendants stand. As the lights on the set died, lights outside the court windows intensified.

Along with shouts of anger and rage.

-Music-

You sat in the stand, simply waiting. A group of guards came and escorted you from the stand out of the courthouse. They paused at the doors and prepared for what was outside. As they swung the doors open, the angry mob outside's screams intensified.

It was utter chaos in the city.

"Give us the doctor!" they shouted.

The guards hurried you along through the crowd.

"Give us the rope!"

The guards kept the mob away from you as you were pushed into a carriage The mob pounded on the windows of the carriage as it left.

"Give us his hands!"

"Give us his feet!"

You could see the rage in their eyes.

"Give us the doctor!"

"Give us the rope!"

You kept maneuvering through the sea of protesters.

"Give us a grave!"

"Give us a shovel!"

"Give us a marker!"

"Give us the doctor!"

"Give us the rope!"

The carriage slowly made its way to the train station, every stallion, mare and foal in the city slowly marching after you. In the vacant silence of the station, you could hear the dull roar of the crowd as they came closer and closer to the station.

In utter apathy, you stepped onto the train right as the doors shut.

As the train pulled away, your looked up to the angry face of Anon at the top of the tower you helped build. He screamed and hollered and drove the crowd to new levels of frenzy as he drove you out of this city and took complete control. Thomas Light was gone. Your name tarnished, your work stolen., your love murdered.

But the city...

The city was still alive.

-Music-

The train picked up and shot you out of the city as fast as it could. Behind you, things changed. A relentless army of robot workers marched out and began to tear down the old city, replacing it with a sleek new modern one. Ponies followed the metal monsters out as they rebuilt the city, standing in awe of what laid before them. No longer would they toil in factories or risk life and limb in mines, the city would now take care of that for them.

The single screen that transmitted Anon's face now sent the same picture to hundreds of others, filling the city with his word. His words, his workers, his conviction, turned the city into a steel plated heaven.

Years passed.

A new generation grew up in the steel city, one that had never been told about the old by the previous generations. Why would they? What point was there in telling everyone about the crap-hole the city used to be? The people of the old city had been given a gift in the form of a new one, given by a kind man with an endless supply of steel hands.

And gifts could be taken back.

Fear settled in over the city, keeping them silent and safe. Despite all that, rumors started. Rumors that a demon with a single red I would take you away at night if you had even a dissenting word on your lips. Some children grew up hating the city and the machines that had their hands around the necks of the people.

There was one boy in particular.

His name was Joe.

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

You stepped out on stage in your Joe outfit. Playing two characters was practically a necessity, Wiley barely got any time. You step out into the light and overlook the city.
"The city doesn't know what's coming, she doesn't feel the heat. The city won't know what hit her, what knocked her out into the streets. The city is thinking that it's over, and she's already fast asleep."

"So I'm breaking out of here tonight."

"I am ready."

You walked along the shining city in disgust of what it had become.

"We're given only what we need, only the chance to survive."

You glance up at the broadcast tower.

"And even then, it's a coin toss, a roll of the dice."

You look at the complacent masses of the city. "There's gotta be something better, something that feels more alive."

"So I'm breaking out of here tonight."

"I'm breaking out of here."

You chase after a mare a ways ahead of you, trying to convince her of the state the city is in.

"You've got to feel it girl, Feel the wind pick up."

The choir to the side of the stage sung with you.

"It feels like something's gonna change."

"Something's gonna change."

"But there's no use putting it in drive if all the wheels are stuck."

You grab her shoulder. "There's somethin' wrong here."

"Something's wrong here."

"Like this whole city wants to scream, but no one makes a sound."

She keeps on ignoring you as she walks into a restaurant. "But, you've got to feel it, baby."

"Something's wrong here."

"So I'm going to find out what it is and I'm going to tear it down."

You slide up next to the mare and grab her ear to whisper. She may have been ignoring you all night, but you had her attention now.

"The engine's running, baby, we don't have time for goodbyes."

"I know you can't come with me. I see that look in your eyes."

"So kiss me fast cause there's no time to lose. Leave the light on I'll come back for you."

"When everything is said and done, I swear I'm gonna make it right."

You steal a quick kiss, swearing you can hear Luna stiffen a bit.

"I'm breaking out of here tonight!

The girl smiled and rose a hoof to slap you, but you were already gone. You kicked open the door and jumped on your bike to tear into the streets with fire in your blood. As you rode, you screamed out against the silent city. High above, citizens yelled at you to keep your voice down for all of your safety.

"I'm so tired of giving up. I am so tired of giving in."

"You wake up knowing things should change, not knowing where to begin."

"This city won't say where she's going, and she won't speak of where she's been."

"So I'm breaking out of here tonight..."

As you race, the denizens of the city open their windows and lean out, gasping and speaking in timid voices in a chorus of fear.

"Don't turn your back on the city." they said.

You ignored the voices, you were the only one who hadn't turned his back.

You kick the shifter.

"Say a prayer for all the children still sleeping.

You shift to 3rd gear.

"Don't turn your back on the city."

"Say a prayer for all the fathers who still remember."

You shift to 4th.

"Don't turn your back on the city."

"Say a prayer for all the girls who've learned to stand up."

"Don't turn your back on the city."

5th.

"Don't turn your back on the city."

"Say a prayer for all the boys who won't surrender."

The lights on the stage and indeed in the entire theatre go out save for the one directly above you.

"Sometimes I just want to drive until the streets run out. I want to burn until there's nothing left to burn about."

Who do you know like that?

"This city's waiting for a better day. When I get back there will be hell to pay."

The lights pulse brighter and brighter.

"But, if I'm the only one left standing, I will not be afraid to fight."

"I'm breaking out of here tonight!"

You keep racing.

"I feel a fever coming on me, burning out of control. and I hear nothing but the static. For years now there's been nothing but the static on the radio. If you can hear my voice outside these walls, if you can hear me sending out this message tonight, then break the silence, send a signal back."

"I'm coming, all I need is a little guiding light."

The music keeps pounding as you keep riding.

"...If you can hear me." you add as an afterthought.

"Don't turn your back on the city..."

"If you can hear me...Don't turn your back on the city."

You keep riding next to the rails for a while, eventually leading to the slums of the city. Even here, the telescreens were buzzing. You heard footsteps behind you as you stepped off your bike and reached for the knife in your boots. You whirled around to face your potential attacker.

It was a grey haired Mous.

You were about to speak when he raised a finger and pointed behind you. You turned around to see a single pulsating red light from the alleyway behind you.

-Music-

Mous took a few steps towards you and you him. You recognized this face, the face of the Demon of the City. You felt yourself grow more excited.

You stay where you are as you talk to him.

"I've seen your face in the shadows. I've seen your face in the places I wasn't meant to be."

"I've heard them whisper about you. I've heard the men in the bars and I've seen the women lock their doors at night."

"Lock your doors tonight."

You take a few steps towards him as he continues you glare past you. They say your eyes are on fire. They say you'd kill a man for walking the wrong side of the line."

"The wrong side of the line."

"But men, they say a lot of foolish things and in the end the only words I can find to believe in are mine."

You walk towards him as the choir prepares to join you.

"They say:"

"This city."

"This city." the choir sang.

"She's been dead."

"For years now..."

"For years now,"

"For years now..."

"For years now,"

"So death is,"

"Not something"

"Not something that scares me."

"That scares me... "

"That scares me ..."

You take a step closer.

"There's worse things."

"Than death here.

"Than death here."

"They told me..."

"Keep quiet."

You thrust your arms into the air.

"I will not be told where to stand! I will not be told what to say. Not by man or machine, Not by you, not by anyone tonight!"

"You're gonna have to do better than fear. You're gonna have to step out of the shadows and fight!"

You point a finger at him "And when they see your face again, They will know what it means to have fear dragged out into the light."

"Drag it out!"

"They say:"

"This city."

"This city." the choir sang.

"She's been dead."

"For years now..."

"For years now,"

"For years now..."

"For years now,"

"So death is,"

"Not something"

"Not something that scares me."

"That scares me... "

"That scares me ..."

"So come on!"

"Come on."

"Come on! Step into the light!"

The machine behind you lurches to life and steps from the shadows. Mous visibly tensed as the machine walked forward. You slowly backed away from the bike, getting close to Mous in the alley.

The machine never charged up its magical canon in its hand, instead leaning forward with a large blade in it's fist.

"This city."

"She's been dead."

"For years now..."

"So death is."

"So death is.

"Not something.

"Not something that scares me!"

"That scares me."

"There's worse things."

"This city."

"Than death here

"She's been dead. For years now."

"There's loss and there's silence and sadness!

"For years now."

Your hands were shaking.

"So death is."

"So come on!"

"Not something."

"Come on!"

"That scares me"

"Just open your mouths and receive it!"

"That scares me."

The machine continues to march forward, making sounds over and over. In time, those sounds resembled speech.

"This city. She's been dead. For years now. So death is. Not something. That scares me"

It repeated those words over and over like a mantra. You leaned forward and charged the machine, intent on going down fighting. You slammed into it and rolled along the ground with it. The machine got on top and put its hands around your throat. You clawed at the metal covering it, looking for a chink in the armor.

Your hand found the magic canon in its hand instead. You were able to twist the hand and blast the machine. When you got your eyes open, the machine was several feet away with a smoldering hole in its chest. You grabbed a pipe and prepared to bash its skull in, but Mous stopped you.

"I built this. It's mine to destroy." he said.

With surprising speed, his right hand shot to your boot and withdrew the knife. With his left hand he grabbed the machine by the jugular-shaped electrical conduit at its throat and sliced. A single swift blow. The eye went dark. The machine was dead.

He turned to face you, your labored breaths drowning out the telescreen.

"My name is Thomas Light..." he said.

He walked over to the lifeless machine and motioned for you to assist him. You both dragged the remains into the alley. Mous sheathed the knife in your boot and examined the machine. With a few deft movements, he pulled the dark green helmet off its head.

"Here... try this on."

-Music-

You and Mous needed a plan.

"This city's sleeping like a soldier trapped inside of an iron lung. Machines can keep you breathing but what happens when you find a new war's begun? Flip a switch and turn it off, you won't be able to breathe. So either way you're a casualty."

You walked around as your mind processed what was happening and your pulse quickened.

You clench your fist.

"I've got this burning like my veins are filled with nothing but gasoline and with a spark it's gonna be the biggest fire they've ever seen. Cut me down or let me run, Either way it's all gonna burn... The only way that they'll ever learn."

You point to the telescreens. "We've got to turn it off, Flip a switch."

"Light up the night!"

"There is a city that this darkness can't hide. There are the embers of a fire that's gone out, But I can still feel the heat on my skin. This mess we're in, well you and I, Maybe you and I, We can still make it right."

"Maybe we can bring back the light."

Mous paced around with his hand on his chin.

He turns back to you. "At the heart of the city there is a building that looks down over all there is and the man in the tower controls it all without raising a single fist. It's like they gathered up the city, they sold it to the devil and now, It's gone to hell and they wonder how."

He walked closer to you. "Well, a friend once told me: Men, they would follow any man who would turn the wheels. Now the wheels are spinning out of control; what would they do if we held them still? If you destroy the working parts, what you'll get is a broken machine. A beacon of light from a burning screen."

"Light it up."

"Light up the night."

You both clasped your fists and sang together.

"There is a city that this darkness can't hide. There are the embers of a fire that's gone out, But I can still feel the heat on my skin. This mess we're in, well you and I, maybe you and I, We can light up the night."

You both made a plan, a simple yet effective plan. You would make your way to the central transmitter and stop the broadcasts, taking out Wiley's eyes. With those out, Mous could re0enter the city and kill Wiley.

Mous walked into home and handed a bag of explosives to you.

"There is a city that this darkness can't hide. There are the embers of a fire that's gone out, "But I can still feel the heat on my skin. This mess we're in, well you and I, maybe you and I, We can light up the night."

"There is a city that this darkness can't hide. There is a fire that will burn through the streets of the city, and we will stand in the light. We will stand in the light, you and I."

"You and I."

"We can bring back the light."

The assassin dead, there was no better time. Mous locked the helmet under your chin and handed you the bag.

"Go!" he shouted.

-Music-

You hopped on the bike and sped back to the city. You head the news reports as you passed each telescreen.

"Incident as cities edge. Armed assailant. Threat to public safety."

Ignore it all, just climb.

You raced through the streets faster than ever before. The world seemed to ebb around you as you came closer and closer to the imposing spire and the giant telescreen on top of it.

You were gonna climb to the top of the world.

The street ended and you jumped the curb, launching you into the front steps of the tower. The bike lost traction on the smooth marble and slid across the floor. You were thrown off it just as the bike launched into the air and crashed into the steel doors, erupting into flame. You rolled on your stomach as you slowed yourself, sirens bursting to life around you.

You push yourself up and run to the stairs, jump the flames left by the bike. After what seemed like an endless number of stairs, you reached the top of the tower. You kicked the door in and stepped into the night air.

Have to act fast.

You threw the bag down next to the transmitter, reached inside and grabbed the detonator. You held as tight as you could and ran for the stairs. It took three steps for the bomb to go off and throw you into the air.

Mous had almost reached the plaza. He watched the flames erupt from the top of the building and set the sky on fire. As he watched the debris fall to the earth, he saw one piece that could only be a human body. His fears were confirmed as the body landed with a dull thump and he pushed his way through the crowd. As he stood in the center, another explosion shook the ground. Then another and another and another still.

In the distance, he saw as the telescreens burst into flame and splintered.

-Mous PoV-

-Music-

You understood at once. There had been no mistake, this was all part of his plan. A man who had spent his entire life fearing for his control wouldn't be done in by a pack of explosives. You turned your head and caught glimps of a red pulsating light at the edge of the city.

Another transmitter.

You had stopped nothing.

You fell to your knees at the knowledge that you had sent a young boy to die. A voice came over loudspeakers shouting about insurgent forces and commanding the frightened men and women to return home.

Red lights sprung up all around you as thousands of mechanical soldiers poured in. At the same time, the stage lights died down and left a single spotlight on you as time seemed to slow.

"Emily, a crowd has gathered here and once again they fail to see...You can't just set the world at someone else's feet and not get trampled underneath...I think somehow Joe knew it, he paid the price he thought he had to pay, but Emily, that debt was meant for me..."

You tap your fingers on your chest twice "That debt was meant for me."

You look up to the sky. "This is not the world my father knew. This is not the world, I know, he would have wanted me to build, But I can't undo it now. It's like a train, and all its cars are filled with steel, that I would stop if I knew how."

And it is bearing down on me..."

"So I will stand here with my shoulders square and tall, and when the whistle blows, not falter, but when the crash comes I will fall. With so much steam and steel behind it, I won't slow it down at all."

Your head sinks.

"Oh God...Oh God..."

You look up at the encroaching red lights.

"Here comes the arm."

And now...this part...You hated this part...

It always hit close to home...

Emily trotted out onto the stage. Christ, she was even blue too.

She orbited around you on your knees with a benevolent look about her.

"Thomas, Please don't cry for me. I know you never meant for this. I love you completely, just remember that. If I should leave you now, Then in my final hour, I pray this letter finds you well before it all goes to hell. He could never cage the world. It's too big for anyone, and soon the dark will pass. I want so much to be with you but in my heart I know, Tom, the city needs you now. This city needs you now."

"This city needs you now!"

Your eyes snap open as the choir sings. "THIS CITY!"

You look around at the turmoil and destruction. Screams came in every direction as desperate and terrified people ran past.

This city needed you now and not just this one.

You looked down at Anon's face and snapped the helmet off him as you stood.

"Joe, when you see Emily, tell her to wait for me."

Your eyes snap forward. "'Cause I still have work to do..."

With that you turned and walked away. You walked around machines and around terrified citizens. You were going to save this city and all its people one day.

Count on it.

The lights came back on and illuminated the audience as they practically brought the roof down with their applause. You and Anon joined the other members of the production on the stage and waved at everypony.

"Next time, you play Light."

"Hating our destined role, are we?"

"Maybe I just don't like being tossed from windows? Not to mention I could work that cane better than you did."

Anon laughs "You wish."

The applause lasted forever as ponies, nobles, and princesses alike shared their thoughts on the play.

You all take each other's hands and hooves and bow, bringing the performance and night to a close.

Bonus Chapter: Insurance.

Year 1183 in Equestria.

The bridge of the Delphinus hummed as you looked to the platform below. It stuck straight out of The Quiet Sea to the southeast of Equestira. It kinda reminded you of an oil derrick from back on Earth, save that this one didn't have a drill going down below the waves, just a large fortress of a structure on top.

You and Anon had rushed out here as soon as you heard the news. As Royal Logician, you were in close with the spymaster and had a few of his minions doing work for you. One of your longest standing orders was to keep watch for anything that could be considered a gun.

You and Anon agreed one hundred percent, Equestria would not benefit in any way by tossing firearms into the mix. The Princesses were made aware of the situation and agreed to try and snuff out any firearms research before it started, Equestria didn't need some orbital friendship cannon, or something.

You now circled the only place on the planet that had working guns.

Spies had reported back to Canterlot that one "Doctor Crowley" had built up a functional firearm and was experimenting with different ammunitions. You didn't know where he got the idea or the theory, but you weren't going to let it get any further.

Those guns were going up in smoke.

Anon looks out the front viewport down at the platform. "How do you think he built this thing? The spies said he was a unicorn."

"Probably an old structure, he might be squatting."

You point a finger towards the south side. "There looks like a good place to land."

"And a good place to flood this rock with troops." the griffin beside you says.

You turn to glare at him. "Knowing that he may have dangerous new technology in there?"

"My fliers and the marines are more than ready for a few fast rocks."

You reach up and whack a pair of fingers across Eitri's head causing him to wince and rub his talon over it.

"You don't throw people away on a hunch, boy. Anon and I will scope it out."

Eitri continues to rub his head yet assumes his position on the bridge, not without a "Reckless old man..." from him first.

True, this was probably reckless as hell. But you and Anon were the only ones who knew what you were really dealing with here. Plus, you got a god killed and helped win a war.

It's not like this isn't routine by now.

You and Anon step off the lifeboat and onto the platform. There was a long walkway leading to the interior of the fortress. Curiously, there was no living thing anywhere else on the rig.

"You think he does all his own research?" Anon asks.

"These crazies always do..."

The two of you walk along the path further into the main building.

"You think he sees us?" Anon whispers.

"Wouldn't put it past him...this is all very Bond Villain-ish..."

You both cross through the entrance into the dimly lit interior. Just in time for the thick metal door to come crashing down behind you.

Neither you nor Anon turn to act surprised, just releasing an exasperated sigh.

"Knew it."

"Eeeyup."

Speakers above you sprung to life with a low rumbling voice. "So...they have sent an errand boy and a globe trotter to stop me...I'm flattered." it says.

You look up to the scyring devices he probably has in the ceiling.

"Look, Crowley? Can we just wrap this up so we can blow up your lab and go home?"

You had a Princess to bother.

A door at the far end of the hallway opened up. "Hehehe...welcome to my parlor said the spider to the flies..." Crowley cooed over the speakers.

You and Anon both roll your eyes. "And now we start with the gloating..."

"They always gloat. Why do they always gloat?"

Anon's question goes unanswered as you prepare to be herded along like cattle.

-Music-

An hour or two later, you and Anon are still trudging through Crowley's "death fortress" as you listen to him ramble. You side step an obvious trip wire as you passed that pipe for what you're sure was the eighth time.

Crowley blathers the whole time.

"To think that you wanted to STOP this research! Think of how the world would be changed by learning of these devices! My name will go down in history books as the most important inventor who ever lived!"

"Greatest pain in the ass who ever lived is more like it..." Anon says.

You flip David out and cut a trip wire ahead of you. "Honestly, Crowley. Do you even listen to yourself when you say that crap?"

"You sound like a madman, pal."

"Hell, he probably is. He knows what he's doing but there's no way that's stopping him."

"The world deserves to know! This is progress!" he shouts.

Anon tosses an ice spell at a revving up fire trap. "Bad progress."

"Yeah! Why ya gotta go and be a cock about your science! Are you not happy in a world with magic and crap? You gotta throw assault weapons into the mix?"

You can hear him fumbling with his mic. "This is for the progression of SCIENCE! Something the two of you seem content to keep from us! With your knowledge you could create the strongest nation on the planet!"

"Built on the blasted bones of everyone else."

Crowley starts ranting about the purity of scientific studies, but you don't hear as you turn to Anon.

"Shut him up, will ya?"

Anon nods and tosses a spell at the wall, splintering it into pieces.

You both step through the cloud of dust and split wires into a veritable armory.

Around the room on dozens of stands stood guns. Some were long, others short, some fat and some skinny. All of them propped up and put on display.

The two of you walk around the room and looked at the pieces. One in front of you had a spinning orange center and a barrel the width of your thumb. A small plaque on the stand read. "Heat gun. Shelved due to instability in magnetic containment system."

Anon speaks up from his end. "Rock Launcher. Shelved due to inconsistent durability of ammunition."

You look around the room, there were dozens of weapons in here.

"These are the failures..."

Anon and you continue to walk around the room.

Anon stops at a window. "Hey, man, come look at this."

You step up behind him and look down, in the center of a large room was a metal sphere, glowing panels adorning the outside. Big thick wires stretched from the top of the sphere along the ceiling and into various other parts of the fortress.

"Power generator?"

"Looks like."

You look back to the armory. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

Anon matches your devious grin. "Oh yeah."

-Music-

You and Anon stood in the blown out window of the power generator, various guns from around the room in hand.

"For those about to rock."

"We salute you."

You and Anon level the weapons at the generator and pull the triggers. Heat and rocks and metal and sound are hurled at the generator at high speeds. As the rounds punch through the casing, blue smoke and green fire erupt from the holes. The ammunition in your weapons expended, you drop them to the ground and switch to others.

Magical bursts rip the generator apart and shake the fortress. Lights flicker and wink out as their power supply is cut, sending the halls into the red din of emergency lighting. That continues for a bit, each of you dropping a weapon only to grab another and continue to destroy the reactor.

As the reactor enters its death throes, it belches one final gout of smoke into the air. You and Anon kick the guns into the chamber to be incinerated along with the reactor as you turn and walk out.

"We need to do more things that end in science explosions." Anon says.

"I'm down."

You and Anon get back to the place you came in as the factory/lab behind you billows smoke.

"Why do all bad guys fortresses end up on fire or falling to pieces?" Anon asks.

"Probably some magic crap. I've stopped trying to figure out how this place works in all my years."

You and Anon make your way along to the lifeboat, stopping when a loud BANG and the ping of metal on metal stops you.

The both of you have been around the block more than once, you're on the ground once the bang sounds.

You glance back from the pipe you were hiding behind.

He was a tall lanky stallion, a burnt golden coat and a long blonde mane tied in a bun. Floating around him was six of the proto-guns that you had seen in the armory.

"You are both fast. Faster than I admit I gave you credit for." he says.

Anon slowly rises to his feet. "I take it yo-

You beat him to it.

"MIIIIIIIIIIISTAH CROWLEY!"

Anon shoots a dour glare at you.

"What?" you ask.

He knew it was coming eventually.

Another round ricochets off the pipe in front of you. Damn! That was too accurate!

Crowley chuckles. "I finally figured it out...the perfect shape for the projectiles..." He brandishes his guns again, this time firing at Anon. "Who knew that a simple conical shape would offer such possibilities?"

Another bang against the pipe punctuates him.

Crowley splits his attention between the two of you, sending shot after shot your way. The guns are far too advanced for how long they've been here, and with three a piece, a veritable tide of bullets rushes towards you.

"Dammit, does this guy not run out of ammo!?"

"He may have a 4D spell inlaid on the guns!" Anon shouts back.

As the bullets ricochet off the pipes, you make sever quick hand gestures to Anon. Over the sound of his own laughing, Crowley doesn't notice Anon going into his pouch. You close your eyes and try to hear the rhythmic pounding of the weapons, trying to anticipate an opening.

When you hear all the guns fire at once, you snap open your eyes.

Anon flings a crystal at Crowley, sending smoke exploding out in front of him. You rush him with David drawn, but he clears his face quickly.

Shit!

Thinking as fast as you can, you tackle him to the ground, causing his weapons to scatter. He gets his legs underneath you and pushes you off with all his might.

You bounce and land a few feet behind him as you slowly rise.

The reflection of sunlight off steel catches your eye. Below you on the ground rested two pistols.

...Didn't have to tell you twice.

You grab the guns and snap them up as Crowley rose. A second that passed like an eternity went by, Crowley's face slowly realizing his situation.

You pull the hammers back and looked down range.

"Dance for me."

The pistols slam into your palm as you pull the simple triggers and send rounds screaming into Crowley. He raises a shield just in time to stop the bullets, surprise and shock splashing over his face.

Anon jumps out of his pipe while Crowley was distracted, tossing concussive and explosive spells at Crowley from the other side. A full dome shield appears around the tinkerer, sparks and bangs bouncing off it. The remaining weapons in Crowley's grip shake but did not move as the unicorn was forced to pay full attention to the onslaught.

"Close it!"

You and Anon slowly and methodically walk towards Crowley, keeping the pressure up. As you get closer, the rate at which attacks are repelled by his shield increase. You see his eyes nearly bug out of his head as the strain mounts. In moments, you hear him gasp and watch him fall to the ground as the shield fails.

The two of you pull back just in time to avoid killing the poor sap as he falls to the ground. Still doesn't stop a round from punching into the ground by his head.

Crowley gasps and pants at your feet, his eyes glazing over as the stresses of keeping his shield up pass.

"Consider your research over." Anon says.

The stallion laughs a tired laugh. "Just as the old stories said..."

You take a knee next to him. "Eh?"

Crowley coughs again. "Crowley" is not my true name, ape...my true name... is Crab Apple..."

You and Anon glance from the unicorn to each other. "No way." you say in unison.

He coughs again. "Yes...my ancestor... was the younger sister to the great Element of Honesty herself..."

Crab looks back up at the two of you. "Stories of "The Two Apes" go back in my family for generations..."

He rests his head back down on the ground as you both work around having just beat up little Apple Bloom's great-great-great-whatever grandson.

"Still..." you say after a while.

You look down to him "You wanted to bring tools of violence into Equestria that are better left alone."

"It was for...science..." he gasps out before losing consciousness.

"It was for your own selfish reasons." Anon spits.

You could level with him. He probably couldn't stand a selfish scientist.

"I guess the apple..."

You lift your guns up next to you.

"Doesn't fall far from the tree."

The factory behind you explodes, sending a fireball into the sky and blotting out the setting sun.

Yeah.

Bonus Chapter: Hope Burns Bright.

Year 3 in Equestria.

These damn seats STILL sucked to sit in. You'd think that after a decade here and numerous trips you'd have learned how to sit in these in some manner of comfort, but apparently not.

You glance out the window at the rapidly falling snow. The Crystal Kingdom was a good distance away, even farther north than the positively arctic city of Hoofswell.

If "Kingdom" was the proper term to use for a single giant city.

It had all started when Celestia had called Twilight in for some test. She had also said it was your job as her friends to help her out with this "test". Mous and her had argued that way they always did, but you were more than happy to go. An entire "kingdom" centered around crystals would probably have loads of information that could help your research.

Not to mention your desire to help Twilight.

Mous strolls through the car and sits in the seat next to you, grumbling as he does.

"What's your problem?"

"Stupid bathrooms are barely big enough to get in."

"Or it could be that diet of yours finally catching up with you."

"There's what, a dozen sentient species on the planet? You'd think they'd design their bathrooms as all accessible."

"Well, at least you got in before we got there."

"I didn't, actually."

You shoot him an incredulous look.

"What, are you just gonna hold it the entire time we're here?"

Mous shifts in his seat. "I opened the door and went off the side."

You pinch the bridge of your nose. "Of course you did..."

"I had to go."

Uhg...

You're about to lay into him when a voice comes over the train car.

"Last stop on the Northern run: Glacia Station."

-Music-

The nine of you step off the train and look around the area. Stretching out in every direction was a sea of white obscured by a sheet of snow pouring down.

Mous sums up the collective opinion on the area. "Well this sucks."

Twilight sighs and starts off into the snow. "Let's just move."

You pull the collar of your jacket further up and wordlessly follow her. Slogging it through the snow goes about as well as you'd expect, with everyone's teeth chattering and a certain someone muttering a certain tune.

"I hate the snow, I hate the snow, I hate the rain and I hate the sleet, man I sure do hate the snow. My feet are froze and my toes are too, man I sure do hate the snow..."

Far ahead of you, a cloaked figure materializes out of the blizzard, putting all of you instantly on edge. You might have attacked if Twilight hadn't run up to it and gotten a "Twily!" out of him.

You relax your guard as Shining Armor pulls up his goggles and reveals his smiling face.

The rest of you casually approach the embracing siblings.

"Nice get-up, Armor. Is Lord Vader just around the corner?" Mous asks.

Everyone else present turns to stare at him.

"Nobody gets me..." he says as he face falls.

You pat your bros back as Shining draws the groups attention again.

"I'm glad you all came, but we should get moving. There are some things we don't want to find out here..."

Well that wasn't sinister...

As if on friggen cue, a pitch black haze sprung up from the blizzard.

"Vashta!" Mous shouts.

Shining Armor leaps forward and fired a magical blast as the haze coalesced into a massive horned head.

"Not that, it's King Sombra!" he shouts.

Sombrero?

The shadowy head comes together and fires its own beam of magic, impacting directly on Shining Armor's horn.

"Shit!"

Twilight shares your sentiment, it seems. "Run!" she shouts.

Don't have to tell you twice.

The ten of you haul ass in the opposite direction, trying not to be eaten in the process.

Here's hoping that things were better in the kingdom...

Things really weren't that much better in the kingdom. You had all run from the frozen wastes into the Crystal Kingdom and met up with Cadence. She wasn't looking too hot. Bags under the eyes, frayed mane, less full skin. Shining Armor said it was due to the strain of having to keep the shield spell going this entire time while Sombra assaulted it, and with his own horn damaged, he couldn't chip in.

You really need to find that Crystal Heart they mentioned and fast.

You and the rest of the gang were walking the streets, looking for any clues you could get from the Crystal Ponies. Right now you were walking alongside one stallion in particular.

"So you really don't have any idea where it might be kept?"

The stallion closes his eyes in what looks like pain for a moment and shakes his head. "N-no. I don't know anything, I'm sorry."

The stallion increases his pace and walks away, leaving you in the dust.

You grumble in annoyance as Fluttershy flies up to you. Despite the...weirdness of your first interactions, Fluttershy and you had become good friends over the years, with Sunshine and Thunderstrike mirroring that.

"Oh, uhm...excuse me Anon..."

Still shy as a sack of newborn puppies, though.

"I was uhm...wondering...is there any reason that Rainbow Dash is acting so...rough?"

You glance behind you and spot your rainbow maned bride apparently attempting to box with a citizen.

"C'mon! Let's go! Put 'em up!" she cries.

You grimace and turn back to Fluttershy, rubbing the back of your head.

"Yeah...she's been like that a while now..."

Flutters brings her hooves to her mouth. "Oh my goodness! She isn't sick or hurt, is she?"

You shake your head "No, no...it's just..."

You lean forward and whisper into Flutter's ear. "It's -that- time of the month."

Fluttershy's eyes go wide in realization and a hint of crimson comes through her cheeks.

"O-oh..."

A few hours after your little info gathering session and all of you are combating the evil escaped Dark Lord by planning a fair.

It made sense by Equestrian logic.

The girls were all seeing to the various tasks they knew best, each lending their particular talents to the fair. It was already drawing in a crowd. You weren't seeing any of that, however. You were helping Twilight with her work on the Crystal Heart. You exhale onto the shining crystal and rubbed it with a rag.

"Nice job here, Twi. I can see myself in it."

Twilight still seems a bit nervous. "I just hope that it will help restore the hope of the Crystal Ponies..."

You step back and admire the Heart's sheen. "If not, we'll just have to come up with something else."

Hope sprang eternal, after all.

AJ and Rainbow seem to think that was the perfect moment to come barreling in to your work area, almost knocking the heart over.

"It's the wrong Heart!" Rainbow shouts.

Oooooof course it is.

Twilight reels back from Rainbow. "What!?"

You right the heart as Twilight pulls out her book and discovers a page torn from the back.

"Oooh, how could I have missed this!?" she cries with her hooves over her head.

You kneel down next to her and put an arm over her shoulder. "Twi, it's alright. We'll find a solution. Do you have any ideas where the -real- Heart might be?

Twilight ponders for a moment before removing her hooves. "The throne room."

"The throne room?"

Twilight jumps up from the ground. "Anon, we have to get to the throne room!"

You nod.

"Lead the way."

Twilight magics a cloth over the fake heart. "We have to keep the Crystal Ponies away from the heart until we find the real one! Otherwise their hope could go lower than ever!"

Rainbow salutes and AJ nods her head. "You can count on us, Twilight."

You give Dash a quick peck on the head before racing off with Twilight into the palace.

-Mous PoV-

What part of your demeanor said that you would be good as a carny?

Was it your almost permanent scowl? Was it how much you LOVED talking to people during a crisis? Was it the big honkin' knife on your belt?

No. It was none of those things because you are not a good carny. And why they thought it was a good idea to stick you at the craft tent was anyone's guess.

You tie off the head of the little figure and hand it to the little filly in front of you.

She takes it and gives it a quizzical look. "Uhm, what is it?"

"A voodoo doll."

"What's it do?"

"It do the voodoo that I do."

The filly cocks her head to the side and trots off.

You turn to Rarity and groan "Please inform me as to how this is supposed to HELP."

Rarity's hooves are a blur as she finishes a hat and hands it to a mare. "It is supposed to help, Mous, by lifting the spirits of the Crystal Ponies so that they can fill the Crystal Heart and banish Sombra."

You lean out of the stall and look to the edge of the barrier where the black smoke was building. "And why are we throwing a fair instead of trying to solve the problem?"

"And how would you propose we do that?"

You shrug. "I don't know, violence?"

Rarity scoffs. "Not every problem can be solved so crassly, dear."

It worked on Discord, and the Dogfather.

Rarity sighs as she hands out a particularly crap hat. "Come along, we need to meet up with the others. That was the last of our supplies."

Logistical problems too, brilliant.

You hop over the counter and follow Rarity back to the Heart. To the fair's credit, the ponies along the way seemed in higher spirits than they were before. Applejack and the others were all clustered around the Crystal Heart. Or rather, the Crystal Heart that was covered with a tarp.

What?

You and Rarity approach the farm-mare.

"What's with the tarp, AJ?" you ask.

She turns to you both, her eyes snapping back and forth like they did when she lied.

"Nothin'! Aint nothin' wrong!"

Well that just FILLS you with confidence.

Before you can get closer, AJ backs up and rear ends the Crystal Heart, sending it falling to the ground and shattering.

The citizens around you all gasp and reel back in horror. "That's not the Crystal Heart!" one of them yells.

Within moments, the generally calm fair is one of panic and near riot.

Fuck.

Okay, time for a real plan.

-Anon PoV-

You hold on to Twilight's haunches for dear life with Spike dominating your field of vision as you slide down the inverted stairs. You can't say this was part of your plan for tonight, directly opposing a fundamental law of the world, Still, not the weirdest thing you'd done since you came here.

"Hang on!" Twilight shouts.

You risk a peek over here and see the floor rapidly approaching.

OHSHI-!

The three of you are thrown into the air as you reach the "bottom" and land in a heap.

You push yourself off the ground and rub your aching head. "Dammit Twi, I'm a scientist, not a crash test dummy..."

You get to your feet and see a large door in front of you.

"Well...that's...something?"

Twilight slowly walks up to the door and examines it. "Hmm...this has to be the way, there's no other door."

Twilight reaches up and opens the door, freezing the moment she does.

"Anon!" Spike cries.

"I see it, I see it!"

You and spike rush up to Twilight and look her over, her eyes are lime green.

Okay, that's not good.

Twilight's eyes are rapidly shooting around as if looking at something on the inside of the pitch black door. Spike shakes her as you check her eyes themselves. To your surprise, shaking seems to work. Twilight blinks and returns her eyes to normal within moments.

Spike hugs and latches onto Twilight as she rubs her head with her hoof.

"Nnnnggg...the door..." she says.

"The door...?"

You and Spike stare into the darkness of the door just in time to hear Twilight shout "No!"

You come back to yourself in your house, Dash was flying around tossing things to and fro.

"All you do is spend all your time with Twilight, what am I SUPPOSED to think!?"

Uhh...

"I'm sorry?"

Dash gets right up in your face. "Oh, you're SORRY! Well everything's okay now, Anon, because you're SORRY!"

Your eyes shift back and forth as you take in the scene. "Buh!?"

Dash flies away from you. "Well, forget you! I guess I just picked the wrong one when you two came through."

The front door of the apartment opens and Mous walks in clutching a letter. "Hey broski, let's not make this any weirder than it has to be."

Dash flutters up and wraps her hooves around Mous as he holds the letter out to you.

"This was outside."

You open it and read its contents.

"Anon, I have written to inform you that your services are no longer required. Please clear your things out of the lab post haste. Sighed Twilight Sparkle."

...Buhwha!?

"Sorry, brah." Mous says. "Looks like there isn't much left for you here."

Okay. Your confusion can't get any higher.

"You two..."

You look up from the letter at them.

"Are acting WILDLY out of character. And since the last thing I KNOW I remember is that weird door...I'm gonna guess this is some weird illusion?"

Mous and Rainbow stand ramrod stiff for a minute before the sound of glass shattering in the distance sends your vision back to an inky blackness.

You come to watching Twilight and Spike hugging.

"Uurrrgggg..."

Twilight's eyes snap open. "Anon! Are you alright?"

You grip your head and look up at the door. "Magic door? Shows you illusions?"

Twilight nods. "Your worst fears."

You think about the idea of either Mous or Dash acting that way "Well it did a shitty job, let's get going."

Twilight smiles and nods.

-Mous PoV-

Everypony around you is in a state of panic. Meaning the entire city is in a state of panic.

You aren't worried.

Sombra has pierced the shield and is slowly making his way towards the castle, swallowing the countryside in a deep fog and converting the naturally beautiful crystals into jagged ones.

You are standing alone in the center of the main city street as the mass of fog creeps ever and ever closer. A face collects at the head of the fog, its emerald eyes boring into you. You shoot back with a cross-armed glare of your own, intent to make Sombra fight for every possible inch of space. The rest of the girls were getting as many of the Crystal Ponies back to the palace as they could, leaving you as the only "defense" the city had.

As Sombra moved to mere feet away from you, you spring your trap.

"Now!"

Applejack hits the stereo.
-Music-

Sombra balks at the music as it starts to pick up into the strings that have carried you through many a tough time.

And no music is complete without a speech.

"CRYSTAL PONIES! LISTEN UP!"

The citizens hiding at the base of the palace peek out at you.

"TAKE A GOOD LOOK! THIS IS ALL SOMBRA IS NOW! A BALL OF GAS AND AN ANGRY LOOK! HE CAN'T HURT YOU! THERE'S A WAY TO GET RID OF HIM FOR GOOD, BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP! SO ALL OF YOU, GET FIRED UP!"

More and more of the Crystal Ponies come out from behind the palace struts, pushing Sombra back a bit. The Shadow King rears up again and scared some of the citizens, but a familiar voice draws all your attention upwards.

"I got it! I got it!" it shouts.

Everyone looks up to see a small purple dragon holding a glistening crystal hoping down to the ground.

"HA!"

You raise a fist. "IN FEARFUL DAY OR RAGING NIGHT, WITH BURNING BLOOD MY SOUL IGNITES! WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST AND YOU'RE FULL OF FRIGHT, LOOK TO THE SKY -- FOR THE HEART SHINES BRIGHT!"

Sombra screams in pain as the light from the Heart charged with the hope of the citizens bathes over him. Your victory is short lived as the ground begins to shake, more crystals jutting up from underneath it.

You see a particularly large one jutting out under the center of the fog.

"Oh no you don't!"

You jump up and hang on to the rock as it sails into the sky with Sombra standing on the top of it. You glance behind you and see Spike falling on a direct path with you.

Fuck.

Need a plan!

You grab Sombra by the hoof and drag yourself up to him, smacking the underside of his jaw with your fist

Shit! Can't reach for David when you're this high.

You grapple with Sombra as the rock rises higher in the air and try to keep him away from Spike. At that moment, a pink missile shoots past you and grabs Spike.

You and Sombra look down to see Cadence gliding over the city with Spike and the Heart on her back. You take the initiative and grab Sombra, tossing him to the ground.

"Do it!"

Sombra struggles under you as Cadence lands.

"Noooo! That's mine!" he shouts.

"Oh, cram it."

Cadence casts her spell on the Heart, sending a cascading wave across the city. Sombra glows and cracks underneath you, eventually exploding in a torrent of magic. You push yourself up from the ground and peel off your scorched clothes, silently adding another notch to the useful aspects of your magical immunity.

"Heh, knew that guy had a short fuse."

Some time later you were all back in Canterlot hanging outside Celestia's schoolhouse. Twilight had ventured inside some time ago, leaving the rest of you out here. Spike was being his normal panicking self, pacing back and forth and muttering about the things that could go wrong.

Anon and you were talking about the Crystal Kingdom.

"I can't believe he just CHUCKED her like that." Anon says.

"He's a guard captain who had is mind all fucked a few years back, I could see him doing it."

"Still man, he just...THREW her."

You shrug. "Royals."

The doors to the schoolhouse burst open with the force of a purple unicorn. "I passed!" she shouts.

The group erupts into cheers of joy and celebration as they congratulate Twilight. Spike nearly faints.

All in all, a good day.

At least you avoided any impalement.

Bonus Short: Perspective

You stare into the bubbling green goop in the cauldron before you, your own face reflected in its contents.

"Dude, is my hairline receding?"

Anon looks up from the tome he was perusing while everypony else trots around the room in preparation. "Really? That's what you're concerned with right now?"

"Should I be nervous about something else?"

Anon gestures around the room in the palace. "You're always jumpy about cross dimensional trips."

You shrug "Guess I've just grown used to it after all this time."

Anon giggles. "Took you long enough."

You flip Anon the bird quickly, but hide it as the doors swing open and three ponies walk in. The small purple one chuckles. "I see you two are still getting along."

Anon smirks and meets them. "As famously as the day we met, Dusk."

Solaris smiles. "Ah, you two remind me of my own brother and me."

You elbow Anon as you meet the others "We've heard that said."

Anon and Dusk lead the rest of you to the arcane circle with the bubbling cauldron in it.

"You sure this'll work how you think, Zecarro?"

The Zebra shaman walks around the circle and the cauldron. "What I have made is my most powerful brew, so for your purposes it will have to do."

You glance over to Anon. "Shall we?"

Anon nods and moves to one side of the cauldron. "We shall."

Dusk walks to the edge of the circle as you join Anon on the other side of the cauldron. "Remember you two, the effects of this spell will only last for about ten hours, so make it quick."

You both nod.

"Thanks Dusk, for everything."

Solaris stands next to his student. "It was the least we could do after the help you gave with King Nymphamos."

The two of you nod.

"Later taters." Anon says.

You both tip the cauldron over and let the brew mix with the arcane circle, engulfing you both in white smoke.

You come back to yourself to the taste of grass and dirt.

"Bleeehh..."

You push yourself up from the ground and find Anon laying on his back a few feet from behind you. He blows leaves out of his face and sits up, examining your surroundings as you are.

Brick and cobble two story apartments, green grass and a familiar yellow sun high in the sky. Cars sit in their spaces under throw together shelters to protect them from the elements.

You and Anon push yourself up off the ground and brush yourselves off.

"We make it?" you ask.

Anon nods. "Looks that wa-"

"DUDE, WOULD YOU HURRY UP!" comes from around the bend.

You and Anon peek around the corner of the nearby building and spot two intimately familiar faces. They were a bit shorter, less muscled, and wore different clothes, but there was no denying who they were.

One of them runs down the stairs and meets the other. "Will you quit your bitching? You always want to get there early."

"Excuse me wanting to avoid the traffic."

"We walk!"

"And we always hit the lights and then Mac hollers at us!"

The two start down the street with bags over backs and you pull Anon back against the wall. Both of you sit with backs against walls and eyes wide open in shock.

"Yep."

"We made it."

"Any idea when?"

Anon runs over and grabs a newspaper off the ground, scanning over it. "Right before we left..."

"How before?"

Anon turns back to you looking like he's seen a ghost. "The day before."

You glance back to the slowly shrinking figures in the distance.

"Well how bout that?"

A few hours had passed as you and Anon tailed your past selves. It was fairly touch and go, you had to watch yourselves to make sure you didn't turn around and see yourselves. You don't REMEMBER seeing an older version of yourself before your life took a crazy left turn, but you can never be too careful.

Anon leans over to your seat. "So now what?"

"We keep sitting in the Ale House and watch ourselves, I guess."

Anon leans back and watches himself in the reflection of the bar. "You remember this day?"

"I remember the fries I'm eating taste like dirt."

From the corner of your eye, you catch sight of you spitting your fries out back onto your plate.

Anon puts his hands behind his head. "Think about what'd happen if we went over there..."

"A blue box would probably show up and we'd get punched."

Anon chuckles. "I mean it. Think how different EVERYTHING would have been if we weren't at the house for some reason tomorrow."

You sip your soda and think of all the possibilities. Never meeting the girls, never meeting Lo', actually aging, not to mention all the adventures.

You scratch at the table. "Wouldn't change it, personally."

Anon looks around. "Yeah...too many memories."

You grab your glass and raise it. "To whatever?"

Anon clinks his drink against yours. "To whatever."

It was later at night now, the sun had set and the only light came from the nearby auto dealerships. You and Anon sit on a bench across from the old apartment, both of you staying quiet as you recounted the day's events. The two of you had walked around school and seen everyone you hadn't seen in so long, all just how you remembered them.

You let out a long drawn out sigh. "It's weird looking back..."

"REALLY weird." Anon adds.

You turn your head to Anon "You think Terry had that kid with that waitress after we left?"

"Probably. What do you think the class looked like when we graduated?"

"Long hair, long bears and little sleep."

"Pffft! I wonder what they thought after we left."

You're both silent for a while.

"...Probably that we died."

Anon crosses his arms. "Yeah..."

He glances over at a collection of payphones. "Hey..."

You turn your head and look at it as well.

"Should we...call our families?" he asks.

You look at him.

"For like...a final message?"

You think about it for a minute.

A last message to mom and dad...

"That could be cool..."

Anon smiles and leads you to one of the phones. You grab the receiver and dial the number, you end up only getting the machine.

Words escape you. You just end up talking.

"Uhm...hi Mom, Dad. It's me. I uhm...just called to say I love you all that..." You wipe a not-tear from your eye. "Aaaand just wanted to say that I think about you guys a lot and what you're doing and...to stay safe and happy, you know?"

Everything else just sort of dies in your throat. You'd never been one for this crap.

"So...good-bye."

You hang up the phone and step out of the booth, Anon meeting your shortly afterwards.

"Think this'll help them after...tomorrow?"

Anon sighs. "I hope so..."

White smoke seeps up from the ground around the two of you, similar in nature to the kind you saw when you came.

"Back off to whatever..."

The smoke rises and engulfs the two of you, sending you back to your insane and crazy life that you wouldn't change a moment of.

Bonus Chapter: Good Cheer.

Year 5 in Equestria.

Man, Equestria had weird decorations for trees. Meaning that they didn't have any at all. Apparently they didn't do much for trees here.

"How's it look?"

You hear Rainbow flutter around the opposite side. "It still looks lopsided, Anon."

Ohfer-

"This is the fifth time I've put these decorations on again, how is it STILL lopsided?"

You step out from behind the tree and look at it. Handmade decorations of crystals and tinsel hang from the branches and catch the light of the living room.

"See, it looks fine to me."

Rainbow lands and walks up to the tree. "But there's more tinsel on this side and more crystals up there!"

You glower at her "Are you serious?"

Rainbow's look back at you said it all. She always liked Hearths Warming, you suppose you could understand why she was taking it so seriously.

"Mom, Dad?"

The two of you turn around, Thunderstrike is standing in the doorway behind you. "Can we put the star on now?" he asks.

You look to Rainbow, she shrugs the conversation you were just having away.

"Yeah, c'mon buddy, you can help me."

Thunder trots up behind you as you dig through a box and pull out a hand carved star made of magical resonance crystal. A little something you did on your lunch breaks.

You hand the star to Thunder. "Wanna help out?"

The boy eagerly nods and begins to flutter his wings as hard as he can. Lessons with Dash serve him well as he gently carries himself up to the top of the tree and places it on the tip.

You reach inside and twist a crystal you placed there and light up the entire tree in reds, greens, and whites.

The three of you sit and bask in the glow of the tree when a knock comes at the door. Thunder drops down from the air and bounces up and down. "They're here! They're here!"

You look at your watch "Only ten minutes late..."

Rainbow kisses your cheek and gets up. "It's not like we were really ready."

You push yourself off the ground and go and open the door. On the other side is another blue mare and her own companion dressed in bundles. "Zdravstvuyte, vse!" she shouts.

"Yeah, hey." he says behind his wrapped boxes.

You step to the side and usher them in. "Welcome, comrades."

Lotus casually walks in and hugs Rainbow, the two of them already holding their own conversation.

Mous grunts and slogs in after, the weight of his gifts making him sway. "Tell me where I can put this crap down before I have a hernia."

You gesture to the living room and grab the box off top to lighten the load.

"Aunty! Uncle!" Thunder cries and bounds over to them.

Mous dances around as Thunder runs between his legs cheering. "Gah! Poozer! Stop! Let me-! Boxes! Okay now!"

Thunder leaps into Mous's arms as soon as the boxes hit the floor. The two of them play wrestle a bit and laugh.

"How ya doin, Poozer?"

You sit on the arm of the sofa.

"Thinking about getting one of your own, man?"

Mous scratches Thunder's ears. "Yeah, because I'm such GREAT father material."

"Selling ourselves short, are we?" Lotus says from the hallway.

"Being realistic." he says back.

You flick his head. "Debbie, you're bringin' me down."

"Nobody likes a Debbie Downer, uncle." Thunder giggles.

Mous glares up at you. "How long did you two practice that?"

You won't lie.

"Bout twenty minutes."

Some time later the five of you are seated around the tree, handing out gifts to one another. You never were big on tradition.

You hand Thunder a box almost as big as he was. The boy jumps up and tears at the paper until he gets to the box below, revealing a picture of a four wheeled, metal framed scooter.

"OH, WOW!" he shouts, almost reaching the ceiling what with how high he jumps. He dashes over to the scooter box and examines it, reading over every word on the box.

"A plank with some wheels? Really?" Mous asks.

"I saw Scootaloo buzzing around on it and thought it might be a good idea for a junior flyer."

Mous rises to his feet and grabs a long, thin, yet unwrapped box from his own pile and hands it to Thunder. Thunderstrike eyes the box with barely held back curiosity and pulls the contents out. What slides out of the box is a red and brown electric guitar with four thick strings along its long neck. Your eyes go between the instrument and Mous.

"You got him a guitar?"

"I got him a BASS guitar." he says.

"And what the hell is he supposed to do with a BASS guitar?"

Mous shrugs. "Pick up chicks?"

You pinch the bridge of your nose as Thunder looks the bass over.

"How does it work, uncle?"

Mous kneels down and plucks one of the strings, filling the living room with a low "Bwoooooooonnnng."

Thunder's eyes go wide as he plays with the strings a bit more.

"You have to get him something to pick up chicks? You can't just get him a toy?"

Mous sits back down next to Lotus. "Aren't uncles supposed to help young boys "grow up"? Besides, you don't have any dirty magazines in this hick town."

Some hours pass and all of you are relaxing on the couch after dinner. You have Home Alone on the TV and Thunder on the floor watching as the events unfold in rapt attention. Gifts were exchanged all around. Mous got Rainbow a bomber jacket with holes for her wings and you got Lotus a new hair band.

Rainbow glances up at you from your lap. "You two gonna give each other something?"

Lotus stretches out across her area of the couch like a cat. "Yes, don't tell me that the two boys who've known each other for almost thirty years don't get each other something for Hearths Warming."

You and Mous exchange a look.

"We got each other something..."

"We always do." he says.

"But we'll give it to each other later."

Rainbow and Lotus share their own look before they start trying to tickle your stomachs.

"What'd you get!? What'd you get!?" they squee.

You and Mous giggle so loud you barely hear two knocks resound through the house.

"The door! We got the door!"

You and Mous leap off the couch and run to the door. Flinging it open, you are greeted with two shapes that stand out against the snow, one purple and another alabaster white.

"Greetings Anon and Mous, in this season of the holidays I-"

"OH HELL, NOT HERE TOO."

Celestia and Mous glare at each other.

"Away vile temptress! Ye shall not seduce my nephew!" Mous shouts while making a cross with his fingers.

Twilight and you both roll your eyes.

"Just coming around to celebrate?" you ask.

"Yep." she says.

"Happy Hearths Warming, Twi."

"Happy Hearths Warming, Anon."

Celestia sighs. "And here I was hoping for a gift~"

Mous breaks a particularly long icicle off the front of the door frame and hands it to the Princess.

"Go nuts."

-Music-

You and Mous are throwing on your jackets near the door some time later, a pair of brown paper bags in your hands.

Your gifts to one another.

"We'll be back in a few!" you call.

Rainbow shushes you and continues to stroke a sleeping Thunder's mane.

Mous chuckles and leads you out into the cold. The two of you talk a bit along the path into town, mostly about life now that you were apart from one another. In time, you both come to the decorated town hall, stopping right in front of the Diamond Dog memorial plaque.

You both hand each other your gifts and unwrap them. You both get a single bottle of booze for Christmas.

"A beer every year."

"Just as always."

You and Mous pop the caps off the beers and clink them together, chugging them down in the middle of town.

You both finish, Mous punctuating his with a loud belch.

"So, heard the little poozer talking a bit tonight "dad"."

You rub the back of your head "Yeah...happened a few months ago."

Thunder had been with you about a year but had only just started calling you "mom and dad". Once day after you had picked him up from school he just said "Let's go get a snack, mom and dad." You and Rainbow were so flabbergasted that you just caved then and there.

Mous pats your shoulder. "Good on ya, man."

"How bout you, man?"

Mous shurgs. "Not much to say. I work with Lo', I come home, I mess with Celly when I get the chance."

"Heh, got a routine down, huh?"

"I run a tight ship." he says with a smirk.

You take a deep breath, drawing in the cold air. There weren't enough moments like this anymore...just the two of you and the ones who mattered.

Still, in the mood of the season, you'd take what you could get.

"Ready to head back?"

Mous nods. "Yeah, but first things first..."

He winds up and hocks the bottle at the upper levels of town hall, a shattering glass sound signaling his success.

"FUCK, WINDOW, RUN."

Mous bolts down the street in an instant, leaving you there for a moment. Some moments you could do without, though...

Bonus Chapter: In Which Someone is Hit with a Chair.

Year 3 in Equestria.

You gently place the last Marine in the box and slide it over next to the rest of them.

"Go with Him, Marine..."

Today was moving day, the day you and Lotus clear out of the old house and make way for Thunderstrike to move in with his new mom and dad. You walk out to the kitchen and pass Lotus sweeping up in the living room with her hair tied in a bun.

Filling a box half full of pots was your next challenge, Anon wanted to get new stuff for the new addition.

"Can't believe he gets to go to the city to meet his kid and we're stuck here cleaning house."

"It's for family, dear." Lotus says.

"That kid aint family yet."

Lotus laughs. "I've seen you around him, you like him."

The kid had spirit.

You start grabbing pots out of the cupboard and putting them into the box. Some time passes before a frantic knocking comes at your door.

"Uhg..."

Lotus catches on to your groaning quickly. "Estrus isn't for months dear, don't worry!"

You roll your eyes and open the door. On the other side there is a rather frantic looking brown "stallion".

"Oh hell-"

He rambles something off so fast you can't understand it.

"Hooves, slow down, use your words."

He takes a deep breath. "MousIneedyourhelphetookDinky!"

"...Words. Doctor." you spit.

He closes his eyes and seems to visibly calm a bit. When he opens his eyes you can see the worry and concern in them. "Mous, please, I need your help. He...took Dinky."

...What.

After a quick jaunt back inside to your room to grab David and shout back to Lotus, you and Hooves shoot off the porch and down the road back to town.

The two of you eat the distance at best speed franticly searching for Dinky.

"What in the hell happened!?"

Hooves gallops along next to you with panic in his eyes. "Dinky's father came back into town and apparently demanded to see his daughter after all this time!"

"And who the hell is that!?" you ask.

"Pokey Peirce!"

Fucking Pokey. Pokey liked to stop by at the spa fairly often, he would always complain that his magic was giving him headaches.

You didn't know that he was Dinky's dad, but it made some sense. He had apparently been in town for a long while and he had always talked about Derpy like he knew her when she came up.

"So he just waltz in and took her!?"

Hooves shakes his head. "He asked for her and Derpy refused, that's when he took her! I only found out a short time ago!"

He took her? Straight from Derpy? That would not stand.

You felt your anger boil over as you ran faster and faster towards town, Hooves right on your tail the entire way.

You tear ass through the town looking for house 404. The way was just like you remembered, hang a left at the fork, cut across the town square, hop the bridge and the fourth house on the right.

You burst through the front door and swivel your neck around trying to find them. "Dinky?! POKEY! Come out!"

Hooves comes in moments after you and blows right past you upstairs. Well if anyone knows where they're going here...

You run upstairs after Hooves and into a room at the end of the hall with a crying Derpy on it.

Oh god...your heart...

I feel you, man.

I know you do, heart.

Hooves hops onto the bed and throws hugs Derpy against his chest.

You wait by the door while they talk.

"Sweetheart...it's okay." Hooves says.

Derpy sniffs. "No...no it's not. H-he took her..."

"What happened. honey?"

She sniffs again and sits up straighter. "He...burst in while you were out and said Dinky had to come with him...that it was his right as a father and that she had to see how living normally was..."

Some father...taking a kid away from a happy home.

Derpy wipes her misaimed eyes. "He threatened me...with his horn when I wouldn't give him Dinky."

Pokey had always had both a longer and sharper horn than most unicorns, it was the basis of his cutie mark and had attracted him more than a bit of "attention" from the mares around town.

That he used it as a weapon against Derpy...You feel your pulse quicken.

"Derpy do you know where he went? It's important."

Her eyes focus for a second as she thinks. "He...said he was going to Fillydelphia. Something about meeting his family."

You put your hand on Hooves' shoulder.

"If we're gonna catch him, we have to go yesterday."

Hooves pats Derpy on the back of the head. "Would you like to come with us, sweetheart?"

Derpy's eyes narrow. "You bet."

With that the three of you are out the door.

You, Derpy, and Hooves run through the center of town as fast as you can, stopping in front of the town hall. Ponies mill about and give you a wide berth as you look every which way for any sight of him.

Derpy extends a hoof and points down the road towards the train station. "There!"

You follow her hoof and see Pokey trotting down the road with a squirming Dinky in his magical grip.

"HALT CRIMINAL SCUM!"

Pokey's head whips around and you swear you can see his pupils shrink even at this distance.

"GET HIM!"

Pokey cringes and runs inside down the road, barreling through other ponies along the way. The three of you tail him as best you can as you twist and turn through the town.

"Derpy! Fly over the houses and cut him off at the train station!" you shout.

Derpy nods and goes into the sky and over a roof leaving just you and Hooves.

You round the last corner and spot Pokey and Derpy having a glaring contest while Dinky floats in the air grinning like a madmare at the sight of her mother.

Derpy had her own version of The Stare when her eyes aligned, one possibly more frightening and powerful as Pokey was now experiencing.

"POKEY!"

He turns around and glares at the two of you. "Stupid meddlers!" he shouts before dashing into the nearby bowling alley.

You and Hooves meet Derpy at the door and pause before entering.

Derpy looks to the two of you. "What's wrong? He has Dinky!"

You and Hooves look to each other.

"He also has magic and big heavy bowling balls to throw."

Derpy's eyes fall. "But...we have to get her..."

You sigh...

"Derpy... There's an old Earth saying. A phrase of great power and wisdom, and consolation to the soul in times of need."

Hooves gives you a knowing smirk. "And what's that then?"

You kick open the bowling alley doors. "YOLO!"

-Music-

No sooner do you get the door open than a bowling ball is thrown at you. You duck to the side as the ball whizzes past you and look inside to see Pokey standing on a table with his eyes ablaze.

"Oh he's AAALLL lit up now!"

You rush into the bowling alley and dive to the right, missing another volley of bowling balls by moments. "Doc! Go left!"

Hooves rushes in and slides under a collection of chairs as balls bounce off the side of it.

Peirce backs up towards the rear of the alley as he levitates more balls to him. "Back off, the both of you! I am this girls rightful father and I won't have two aliens telling me how to raise her!"

Shit, he knew?

Dinkie squirms and screams in Peirce's grip. "Let me go! You're not me real dad!"

D'aww.

Pokey shakes Dinky around. "Be quiet, you little brat!"

Jeez, what did Derpy used to see in this guy?

Probably something that wasn't there considering her eyes.

Oh fuck you, Brain. That was below the belt.

"Doc! Split up!"

You break out of your cover and rush Pokey, Doc following your lead on the other side of the alley.

Pokey levels a collection of bowling balls at you and prepares to fire...

...At least before a mechanical whirring sound comes from Hooves' end of the alley and the bal returners start spewing bowling balls at him at high speed.

Pokey grunts and groans as the hard plastic from the balls smacks into him and disrupts his focus.

You close the distance and grab the nearest weapon you can: a metal folding chair. You push off a shoe rack and swing your chair in a high arc over your head, knocking the electric light as you do.

The light bursts into sparks just in time for you to bring the chair down on Pokey Peirce's head. Pokey's head bucks and snaps about as you slam the chair down on his head. Hooves' runs up and catches Dinky before she hits the ground while you continue to go to town on Pokey.

Mous. Mous! MOUS!" Hooves' shouts.

"Eh?" you say.

"He's down..."

You look down at the unicorn underneath you as he spits a bloody tooth from his mouth.

"Oh..."

You stand at your full height and cup your mouth with your hands.

"Is there a Doctor in the house?"

A half hour or so later the guards came to haul Pokey Peirce away for kidnapping and child endangerment charges. After a quick trip to the hospital.

You watch from a couple dozen feet away as the happy family is reunited. Dinky hugs both her parents in the middle of the street after the successful rescue, a few tears being shed amongst them.

"Did you have an interesting time after you burst out of the house?" a voice behind you says.

You turn around and catch Lotus walking up behind you. "Hey pretty pony. Yeah, I'd say I had a good day."

She sits down next to you and watches the scene unfurl.

"Only a concussion today?"

You point to Dinky and her family. "I'd say it's worth it."

Lotus sighs. "I might agree."

The two of you watch Pokey get taken away and Dinky and her family return home.

You nudge Lotus with your hip. "Kids, huh?"

She gives you an incredulous look.

You flash a smile. "Aw c'mon. The new place is gonna be bigger than here."

Lotus turns around and walks home. "Too big, if you ask me."

You run to catch up with her. "A baby's head is only about the size of a melon! Stop being a puss!"

Bonus Chapter: Anomaly.

Year 880 in Equestria.

You and Mous stand in the carriage as it speeds down from Canterlot towards the Everfree forest on outskirts of good old Ponyville. Today hadn't gone the way you had really anticipated. Oh sure, it started simple enough. Wake up, feed the great-great-grandson, feed yourself, drop him off and prepare for your upcoming explorative trip, but today seemed intent to be different.

Mous had caught you on your way to the docks, apparently unable to find either Princess "Did you check the doughnut place down the road?" you had asked.

The two of you went around the entire city looking for Celestia and Luna, eventually ending up at the Magisters Tower.

That's when you heard about it.

The experiment that was performed three weeks ago and the outcome of it. And so like good royal problem solvers, you both jumped on a carriage and flew down to where you were told the Princesses were.

You come up over the crest of a hill and see a sea of white and glittering gold.

Well...the Princesses and half the royal legion, it seems.

The carriage lands and the two of you disembark, heading over to where you saw Celestia and Luna by the tree line.

"How bad is it?" you ask.

Luna turns to you, her eyes full of worry as a nearby tree pops and fizzles over with static before simply disappearing. "Bad."

You and Mous stare at the spot where the tree once was blinking. "Yeah...I can see that." he says.

You run your hand through your hair. This is....new.

"And all this was from that experiment?" you ask.

Celestia and Luna nod silently.

Mous grumbles next to you. "So how're we solving this new Princess?" he asks.

The other two monarchs in attendance wince at his choice of words.

"...What?"

Celestia shakes her head. "The filly in there...is not a princess, no matter what she looks like or what powers she has."

"Filly?" Mous asks.

"So this is all HER doing?"

Celestia nods. "It seems the experiment last week had...repercussions it seems. Repercussions that are in that forest."

You and Mous glance between each other and the forest. The trees, the ground, the air all seemed to have a static overlay over it. Sometimes you'd take your eyes off a rock or shrub for just an instant and it wouldn't be there when you looked back. Everything before you seems to change and shift and corrupt the longer you look.

"What...is all this?"

"Her powers have manifested in ways we can't imagine, Anon..." Luna says.

Celestia steps forward. "The pony in that forest is something that should not be, and the land itself is resonating that sentiment. Her magic is violent and unpredictable, it's -erasing- whatever it touches. It may be confined to this forest for now, but it's only a matter of time before it spreads out over all of Equestria..."

Mous shrugs. "Got a plan?"

Celestia levitates a large crystal surrounded by floating smaller ones over to you. "That is the strongest siphoning spell we could muster. If the worst should occur, you need to use that spell on her."

Luna stamps her hoof on the ground. "Sister, no! The feedback!"

"Is only a failsafe in order to save the entire kingdom!" Celestia answers.

You pocket the spell. "We'll...try to work something out. What will you two do?"

"We will stay here...and try to stem the tide of this magic as long as we can." Luna says.

"You ready man?" you ask Mous.

He bristles. "Either hurt the kid, do the impossible, or let the kingdom get eaten. No pressure."

You groan. You had to at least try.

"Yeah...let's go."

You're not a step into the forest when Celestia says "Hold."

The two of you turn back and look at her. "My friends." she begins. "The magic at play here is...unlike anything I've ever seen. It has even effected my sister and I to some extent."

"So what does that mean?"

"It means her magic could even effect YOU two, despite your general immunity."

Mous groans. "So now we've got THAT to deal with too...great."

You sigh and trod into the forest. "C'mon man, not getting any younger..."

The two of you walk through the shifting and vanishing forest with your eyes front and your heads down. The air here was...oppressive, like you could be winked out of existence at the slightest thought. It made it kinda hard to concentrate.

Shit, was this how normal people lived in your positions felt?

In time you come across a clearing with a singular broken tree trunk in it. What was curious was that there was no felled tree to go with it, just the trunk.

Upon closer inspection, the top part of the tree looked...torn off?

"Hey, man, come check this out."

Mous stands off to the side. "Dude...listen."

You cock an eyebrow and put your hand to your ear, straining to listen. From the tree trunk, near the ground, you could make out the sound of sniffling. Mous walks over and the two of you kneel down and look underneath the trunk. In a small hovel underneath the trunk, near the back, cowered a small cream colored filly. One with both wings and a horn. Her horn however...it was shifting and static-y, like the forest itself but much more frequent and more intense.

"...Seems we found the source of all this. Mous says."

You lean into the hole a bit. "Hi there..."

"Go away!" she shouts as she swipes a hoof at you.

Behind you, the grass flattens and a small stream has the water inside it tossed out. You and Mous glance between the filly, the stream, and each other with wide eyes.

"Uhm...what's...your name, little one?"

She sniffs and looks up at the two of you. "E-Erroria."

You motion for Mous to sit down and you follow suit.

"Well Erroria, I'm Anon and I used to be Grand Magister, this is my best friend in the whole world, Mous. Can you come talk to us?"

Erroria grips her head and winces. "N-no! I can't!"

You lean in a bit more, you had to help this kid and you were the best "expert" anyone had right now.

"Come on, Erroria. It'll be fine, we'll talk a bit and help."

"No! Y-y-ou might get hurt!" she shouts.

The static effect on her horn intensifies and fills the hole with a grey glow.

"Dude..." Mous starts.

"...Erro-"

"I CAN'T!" she shouts at the top of her lungs, releasing the energy stored up inside her.

The magical explosion throws you and Mous back several feet and evaporates the tree with a loud "ZZZZAK!"

Mous coughs and rights himself. "What in pony hell was that!?"

"I'msorryI'msorry!"

"*cough* Wait!" You rise to your feet and stumble over to where Erroria is. "Wait..."

The tree that Erroria was hiding under was now gone, a crater in its place and her resting in the center of it. Her horn didn't have the static magic on it anymore, you take that as a good sign.

You walk into the crater and kneel down next to the girl.

"Are...you alright?"

Erroria shakily raises her head. "I-I think I'm ready to talk now, Mister Anon..."

-Music-

Mous joins you and Erroria in the crater.

"So...how did this happen, Erroria?"

You knew how it happened, but you needed to hear it from her.

She sniffs and rubs her face. "I-I just woke up one morning a while ago a-and I had a horn on my head! And only princesses are supposed to have horns with their wings!"

She continues. "Mommy said it was a blessing...a gift that meant I was gonna be a princess too!" Erroria looks around at the crater and surrounding woods. "Some gift." she says hanging her head.

"How did...all this start?" Mous asks.

Erroria lifts her head again. "I was able to cast little tiny spells when I got it...and then I was able to cast more spells later! All the kids at school thought it was so neat..."

She shuffles her hooves a bit. "But...then."

"I tried casting a spell to turn on my lights, just my lights! And..." Erroria looks around the crater "That happened..."

You rub her back.

"Anon? Ideas?" Mous asks.

You think for a bit. "The experiment...Last week there was an experiment on some of the leylines underneath Canterlot...One of the capacitors failed and the energy grew unstable and had to be dispersed into the air. We thought it dissipated harmlessly but..." You look over the filly on your lap. "I guess not..."

Erroria's head sinks. "So...what are you going to do now?"

You look to Mous. You both knew the surefire way to fix this.

But...she was a child.

Mous just shakes his head.

"We...had a solution. But it's not a good one, so we won't use it."

She hangs her head. "You should..."

Both yours and Mous's heads snap down and look at the girl.

"What?"

"Yeah, what?"

Erroria sniffs. "All the magic gets all bunched up in me and explodes sometimes...like what happened before."

The two of you rub your heads remembering the feeling.

"And...when that happens I can FEEL what's happening to the forest get worse..."

Her chest hitches and she curls up into a little ball. "And...I'm afraid about what'll happen if it keeps going..." Erroria's voice wavers a bit. "S-so if I'm the reason all this is happening, you shouldn't be afraid to do what needs to be done to save everypony else!"

Her horn begins to glow with static again as she collapses onto the ground and speaks between sobs. "I'm n-nothing...not a Princess or anything...just...some MISTAKE!"

...Ouch, poor kid...

You and Mous both instinctively reach down and pet her head.

"Erroria...no..." you say.

"You're important, Erri, don't think otherwise."

She shakes her head as her horn glows. "I'm just an accidental alicorn who's gonna hurt a lot of ponies..."

"Says who?" Mous asks.

Erroria blinks and looks up at him.

"Who says that you have to hurt ponies? Who says -you- can't fix this?"

You grab Mous by the shoulder and drag him away.

"Dude, what?" you whisper.

"Well it's better than fuckin' killing her!"

...Goddamnit.

Million to one shot, but...together the two of you had made harder.

You return to Erroria. "Okay! This is what we're gonna try and do, sweety. You're gonna change all this back and I'm going to walk you through it!"

Mous gets behind Erroria. "And I'm gonna be here cheering you on!"

Her horn was glowing brighter and brighter as the magic built up inside her. "Wh-what?" she stammers out.

"It's okay, Erroria! We're gonna help you here!"

You hope.

Night's fallen. You and Mous are leaving the forest now. The nice and normal forest. Mous has Erroria in his arms leaning against his chest as the two of you break the tree line.

A dome of purple magic encases the entire forest, Celestia, Luna, and the royal legion behind it.

"Is it done?" Celestia asks.

You nod. "It's done..."

Celestia and Luna's horns glow and the dome recedes, allowing them to approach you both.

The Princesses see the filly in Mous's arms and frown. "Did you...use the spell?" they ask.

You shake your head and turn Erroria's head to them. Her eyes were wide and hollow as she stared unmoving into space unfocused.

The Princesses wince. "What...happened?"

You sigh. "Erroria's magic was the result of the experiment with the leylines we did...it was also what was causing the forest to change as it was."

Luna glances at Erroria's eyes. "What...happened?"

You run your hand through your hair. "I...talked her through redirecting her magic back in on itself, it made a magical vacuum effect that-" you snap your fingers "-sucked all the magic back in on itself."

"And...the girl?"

You grimace and look to the catatonic filly. "...A side effect, it was either that or kill her."

The Princesses hang their heads.

Mous walks over to one of the legion officers. "See that this girl is taken care of...get her some help."

The soldier winces a bit and flies off into the night.

Luna stands next to you. "You stayed with her and helped her despite it all, Anon...that was very kind of you."

You pinch the bridge of your nose. "It was the right thing to do."

You needed this fucking trip, man.

Mous walks over with his own thousand yard stare and sits on the carriage to take you both home.

You walk over and sit next to him. "We tried, man..."

"That's what makes it hard..." he answers.

The carriage lifts off back into the sky. Not a word was said as you flew back to Canterlot.

Not a word.

Bonus Chapter: Solo Rider.

Year 1840 in Equestria.

"Come on ponies, come on! We're curtains up in five minutes!" Key Grip says knocking his hoof against a table.

You adjust your helmet for the eighth time and walk up to him. "Grip, we've been practicing for months, we know our parts."

You put your hand on his shoulder and smile. "So relax, eh?"

He brushes your hand off. "Mister Anon, you may be an experienced actor in this context, but this is the first time we've performed this play and you brought me on to ensure that it goes off PERFECTLY."

He trots away. "A little stress is acceptable."

You shake your head as you watch him leave. Guy's gonna give himself an ulcer.

"Guy's gonna give himself an ulcer." someone behind you says.

Mous walks up with his helmet under one arm and his poncho on.

"Will you quit playing? You're gonna break it before the show even starts."

"But my arm has a motor in it!" he says.

"Just...leave it alone, you can play during the show."

A portly pony with a large white beard in a lab coat waddles up to you both. "Are you both ready?" he asks.

You chuckle. "All ready "doctor"."

Mous slips his helmet on and clicks it shut. "Still can't believe you stole my old part."

"Oh you've got a more important part anyway."

The lights dim and the orchestra does a sound check.

"Oop! That's our cue! Come along, Mous!" the doctor says before trotting out onto the stage with Mous following him.

You sit just off stage left and look out over the once again packed crowed with the Princesses in their box, content to sit and watch before you're due on stage.

-Music-

A hush falls over the crowd as the orchestra begins play. A backdrop of a familiar dystopian city is pushed out on stage, the windows in its buildings springing to life.

An older gentlecolt in a tuxedo stands on a pedestal and clears his throat.

" No one was left who could remember how it had happened, how the world had fallen under darkness. At least no one who would do anything. No one who would oppose the robots. No one who would challenge their power, or so Dr. Wily believed..."

One of the buildings, a crumbling high rise sticking out above the rest has it's window begin to glow brighter and brighter as the stallion inside continues his work.

"Twenty floors above the dark streets of the city, Dr. Light lived in a run-down tenement. An eccentric and brilliant man. Light was a loner, a thinker, a man of ideas. Ideas forbidden in Wily's society. The society for which he worked. The society in which he lived. The society that he would set free."

Doctor Light scrambles from table to table connecting servos to motors to on a table.

"And so Light worked, far into the night, when the watchful eyes of Wily's robots weren't upon him. He'd set his skillful hands to the task of creating a device to bring about a change, to create a machine to bring freedom, to create a man to save the world."

The arc generators behind Light sparked to life and feed a city's worth of power into the prone form on the table.

"Twelve years Light worked! And on a cold night in the year 200X, Protoman was born!

Mous rises off the table in his helmet and suit, spinning up his gun arm and no doubt grinning underneath his helmet. As the narrator speaks, Mous gets off the table, grabs a shield and wraps a poncho around his neck.

"A perfect man, an unbeatable machine, hell-bent on destroying every evil standing between man and freedom, built for one purpose, to destroy Wily's army of evil robots. Ready, willing, prepared to fight."

Mous runs out of the laboratory and out of the building. He dashes through the congested streets of the city and makes his way towards the imposing superstructure to the edge of town.

A factory-fortress who's face called to immediate mind the face of a skeleton. Smoke pouring from its stacks, the gates open and a figure stands perfectly still in the light of the entrance, meeting Mous's helmeted glare ad they stare at each other.

The crash of metal destroys the silence and one by one, more mechanical figures step into the light.

"Cutman."

"Gutsman."

"Elecman."

"Bombman."

"Fireman."

"Iceman."

"Proto."

Mous spins up his cannon as the one with a flaming head held a hoof forward and shouted "ATTACK!"

The violence is sudden and surreal, metal against metal as man and robot pony come to deafening blows. Mous blocks with his shield and fires with his cannon. Dealing death without remorse or hesitation. Still, the audience can see how imbalanced the fight is, with only one being against so many. He fights without the fear of his inevitable defeat while the crowd keeps their distance, straining to see through the smoke to make out each crushing blow.

The din of battle stops, abruptly and unsettlingly.

"And as the smoke cleared! Wily rose above the countless robots remaining. Protoman was wounded, low on energy, struggling to remain standing as Wily ordered the final attack."

Mous leans on his gun arm, magical sparks of electricity arcing from his joints as his knees give out from him.

"The death of Protoman."

The audience gasps as the robots dive in on Mous and the lights above the stage begin to flash. The narrator's face is the only consistently illuminated thing on stage.

"The crowd had gathered there to watch him fall, to watch their hopes destroyed." he sang. "They watched them beat him, they watched them break him, they watched his last defense deployed."

On cue, Mous throws off a glowing sphere that fizzles out against the machines.

"There was not a man among them who would let himself be heard. But from the crowd, from their collective fear, arose these broken words:"

The robots continue to tear Mous apart underneath them.

"We are the dead. We are the dead."

The crowd begins to cry out questions, each time answered by the repetitious words of the Narrator.

"What have we done?" they cry.

"We are the dead." the narrator answers.

" What will we do?"

"We are the dead."

"Where will we turn?"

"We are the dead."

"Is there nothing we can do?"

"We are the dead."

"How did it come to this?"

"We are the dead."

"How did we go so wrong?"

"We are the dead."

The crowd finally relents and joins in the mournful wail of the narrator.

"We are the dead..."

The lights stop flashing as the robots haul Mous's broken body away off stage and plunge it into darkness.

-Music-

Doctor Light sat with his head in his hooves, watching as the crowd carried Mous's scorched and scarred helmet -- the only thing left of he who would save them. As the crowed marches back to either their homes or the makeshift grave where the helmet would remain, Light sees a tear streaming down his face and collapses onto the ground at the weight in his chest.

His face contorts to various emotions. Frustration, humiliation, hatred. All these and more are present as they have been since he escaped the city so many years ago. In that time he had learned to focus them into his work, his machine, his son.

But now to see it all come to this...

This time Light had built more than a machine. He had sent a man, his own son, into battle to do the impossible and save those who could not be saved. The hatred wells up in his face again as he storms through his apartment, tearing down his machines and tools.

"They deserve the hell they brought upon themselves." he said.

He levitated a tool and began to smash and cut at his flesh, attempting to destroy his means of creation. But as he tried to destroy his workshop, his hooves seemed to create on their own accord. Pieces of metal were snatched off the ground and fused together, beginning to take form.

The form of Light's anger, of his guild, of his grief, of his love, the form of a son. Your form.

The years passed. Nothing changed. The denizens of the city were wearily content to suffer under Wily's robot army.

In whispers, they still spoke of Mous.

You would find out the truth, Light new this. When you were old enough, Light called you to his workshop and began to explain.

-Music-

You sat on a box across from your father and rested your arms on your knees. He sighs and looks at you with a pained smile.

You tilt your head to the side as he speaks.

"You have heard me tell this story many times before you sleep."

He gently bops you on your head. "This time listen carefully"

"And I will tell you once again."

He looks out the window into the city below and grimaces.

"But this time understand that what I'm telling you, every single word is true. You need to know."

You're confused. "Know what, dad?"

"There was another who came before you. He was a hero and your brother and my son. He fought the darkness, and the darkness won."

Your eyes widen at the revelation.

A...brother?

Dad's eyes are filled with pain.

"And he fought bravely, and he died bravely, but he was forsaken by the ones he wished to save."

"And when he died he died in vain."

"...What?"

"You need to know...you are not him..."

"A time is coming, and I must warn you, though it's something that you may not understand. They can't be saved by just one man."

Dad reaches out and grabs you, hugging you close to his chest as your heart aches. "And I am sorry, because I was wrong and I'd take away the weight his shoulders had to bear. Because when he fell I was the only one that cared."

Dad pulls away and looks into your eyes. "You need to know. You are not him! His fight's not yours!"

You break away and run to the window, your eyes filled with tears. Your heart aches under what you'd just been told. How could dad do nothing? How could he not avenge the death of Protoman?

Dad leans against his work table. "That story's finished. That story's ended. Understand there's nothing more that we can do. And I will not risk losing you..."

You turn back and glare at him with angry eyes.

"For if you leave now, you will be fighting for a people that refuse to comprehend. They have chosen their own end."

He pushes off the table and trots towards you. "So you will stay here. You will obey me and I will keep grieving for the son I sent to death. You are all that I have left!"

"You need to know! You are not him!" This fight's not yours!"

You stare at him a moment longer. "No."

You don't let him answer as you tear past him. You throw open the doors and disappear into the stairway.

The last thing you head was dad shouting after you. "You cannot win!"

-Music-

You burst out of your building and ran down the streets as fast as you could. Looking up you saw the other buildings, each housing thousands of the people your father says simply watched as your brother died.

"I have seen this city a thousand times. Through the glass twenty stories high, I have watched this city burn. If everything that you said is true, there is no hope someday they will learn. But if I stay here with you, then I will never know the truth."

Your legs eat up the distance as you run. "Do not say this is how it has to be! As I walk through the city streets, these frightened people watching me pass; there is an evil that holds them here, yet they won't try breaking its grasp. But if I stay here with you, then I will leave them to their doom."

"Do not say this is how it has to be... You do no better than the fools of this burning city."

You stop running.

Your path had led you to the grave of your brother. Behind you, men began to gather while you stood silently, reading the wards your father carved into the marker.

"You have heard me tell this story."

"Even here it is not safe."

"Many times before you sleep."

"Even this grave has been defaced"

"No matter how dark this city gets."

"Someone has written on this stone"

"Even now, there is hope for man."

"In some angry hand."

You feel your fury mount. "Hope rides alone!"

The men behind you gasp at your outburst, you turn to them and shout with wild eyes.

"Hope rides alone!"

You had to defeat him. You had to free the world. You had to avenge your brother.

"Hope rides alone!"

The buildings fly past now. You rush towards the fortress, towards your fate.

"Do not say this is how it has to be..."

Metal loudspeakers mounted on the stone walls are now humming, chanting words to settle the commotion you created. Words to quell a potential uprising. Words to inspire fear. Words to drive back the freedom that is within the grasp of a single angry mob.

"You do no better than the fools of this burning city."

"And as I live, there is no evil that will stand. And I will finish...what was started, the fight of Protoman!"

The loudspeaker continues to spout its rhetoric as you reach the fortress.

"We have control."

"We keep you safe."

"We are your hope."

"We have control."

"We keep you safe."

"We are your hope."

Behind you, the crowd gathers, ready and willing to seize the freedom so deserved of them. They begin to mimic the cries of the loudspeakers in protest.

"We have control!"

"We keep you safe!"

"We are your hope!"

-Music-

"We are in control!"

The voices of the men and women behind you carry you forward, urge you to purpose.

You've no fear that freedom is close now. Standing between you and your purpose is a sea of robots, one commanded by one leader.

Not Wily, no. He has no power on the battlefield. This was his second in command, his face shrouded in shadows from the fortress.

All at once, the robots advance.

You dive into it and begin to finish the fight. One by one they will fall, with no mercy or hesitation show. These are machines. They can't feel pain. They can't know what drives you on.

Your rage is lost on the soldiers, your target only the commander. The commander will fall, the city will be free, Protoman will be avenged.

The wreckage you must wade through to get there isn't important.

"Send your armies. There's no man or machine who can stop me, and you'll soon see. I come for vengeance for the first Son of Light, and I'm ready, and I'm willing, and I'm prepared to..."

You cut down a line of robots in a hail of gunfire and shout to the commander.

"Send me the best you've got! Send me your strongest machines! The fight my brother fought, here, now, will end with me!

The commander waves his hand and sends another line for you to dive into. They fall like just the rest.

"All you wounded, those of you who can, pick yourselves off the ground.

You grab the throat of the nearest soldier. "Hurry back, tell your leader you'll need more men!"

You shout to him again.

"Send me the best you've got! Send me your strongest machines! The fight my brother fought, here, now, will end with me!"

The machines broke against your might like flies. "Is this the best you've got!? Is this your strongest machine!?"

You ready your cannon. "Now with one powershot, you'll see what vengeance means!"

As you neared the gate and the leader of the army, your fury yielded to confusion.

This commander was no mere machine.

"The shadow, it covers your face but your eyes shine just like mine. Step forward, step into the light if you're ready, and you're willing, and you're prepared to fight."

You sweep your hand in front of you.

"So be it, send your armies! There's no man or machine who can stop me, and you'll soon see. I come for vengeance for the first Son of Light and I'm ready, and I'm willing, and I'm prepared to fight!"

"Send me the best you've got! Send me your strongest machines! The fight my brother fought, here, now, will end with me!"

You gesture to the broken army. "Is this the best you've got!? Is this your strongest machine!?"

You ready your cannon once more.

"Now with one powershot, you'll see what vengeance means!"

Just before the shot rang out, the shout that would end this battle, the commander stepped into the light.

H-his face...

You had seen it before, in visions and dreams.

This was not the face of evil. This was the face of a hero. This was a face of a son. This was the face of your brother.

This was Mous.

-Music-

-Mous PoV-

Anon dropped to his knees and lowered his weapon, his eyes taking in the sight of you leading Wily's forces. Dr. Light, your old quivering mule of a father who had let you die, steps out of the crowd quietly.

"You're trying to understand." he says. "I told you your brother had been killed. Yet, here he stands in the very shadow of the man you came here to destroy."

He looks at Anon in shame. "You came here to avenge his death. You came here to save mankind. You see now, you cannot do both..."

Anon's eyes raised to meet yours. You meet his stare, keeping it only for a moment, before turning your hate filled gaze onto the bloodthirsty crowd.

"Tell me now."

"Is there a man among you here? Is there no one who will stand up and try to fight?"

You jam a finger in their direction, causing them to step back. "Tell me Man! Is there not one in all your ranks? Is there not one who values courage over life?"

You turn your attention back to your brother.

"They looked to me once. Now they turn to you." Do you understand now? Do you see that the truth is they don't want to change this? They don't want a hero! They just want a martyr, a statue to raise!

You clench your fist in rage at the thought of these sheep. "I've given everything I can... "

You meet Anon's gaze and shake your head. "There are no heroes left in man."

"So it begins!"

You hike up your shield.

"No matter which one of us lives, the ground we're standing on will crack and blow away...And you will fight! But when you fight, you'll fight alone. And in the end you'll see there was no other way."

You point at Anon with your gun arm.

"I've been here before. I've stood where you stand. They called me their hero, The Hero of Man. But why should we save them when they stand for nothing? If they deserve life, LET THEM STAND FOR THEMSELVES!"

"We've given everything we can! There are no heroes left in man."

You shake your head and spit. "They'll watch you die to save their lives! They will not stand here by your side!"

You look across the crowd and meet eyes with your father. To any looking, your face would have changed imperceptibly, nothing but your eyes.

You leap off the shattered robots and land in the midst of what's left. You smash a remaining robot with your shield and send him flying into the ranks. Two, three, four robots fall under your blows as you destroy your own troops to make your way to the front of the line.

When you get there, you stand alone in front of Anon. Maybe you could still convince him...

"We've given EVERYTHING we can. There are no heroes left in man!"

You spin up your weapon and raise your shield.

"So let them watch as we decide the very fate of all mankind!"

The air, choked with smoke, blankets the two of you. You make no move, but stand at the ready some distance away. Anon struggles to grasp the truth of the situation and rises to his feet. He lifts his weapon hesitantly and locks eyes with you before breaking free yet gain and searching for your father who's eyes are planted at the ground.

He can watch no more while the crowd watches with fiery intensity. His eyes fixe once again on you...

And his weapon drops to his side.

-Music-

-Anon PoV-

The cold light of the street lamps illuminates your battlefield as you stare down Mous. This was your brother and you had to kill him to save these people but...did they deserve it?

Why were they more worthy than him.

"I will not fight you!" you say.

"You have no choice." he answers.

"I'll stand beside you!"

"I stand alone."

"You're still their hero!"

"Then they are fools."

"This cannot be the only way!"

"You will see."

You shake your head. "They don't deserve this!"

"When this is through,"

"Now more than ever,"

Mous jerks his thumb down. "Mankind will fall."

"We are their hope!"

"They would not stand."

"They know no better!"

"They would not fight."

"They are not ready!"

"They never will."

"Even now there is hope for man!"

"My father's words!"

"Your father loved you."

"He still believes?"

"His heart was broken."

"His only weakness."

"His greatest strength!"

"Now we shall see-"

"You are not evil."

"-if they will stand-"

"You are not broken."

"-beside their hero."

"We both know they'll never fight!"

Mous raps his gun on his helmet. "You finally get it. There are no heroes. Mankind is doomed."

Mous jams his gun arm at the crowd and points to each and every one of them. "You will never have another Hero! You will never have another chance! You will fall because you never tried to stand for yourselves!"

The crowd looked at each other before looking back to you, stomping their hooves. Their voices overlapped into a maddening drone.

"Destroy him!"

"You can save us!"

"Destroy him!"

"You're our only hope!"

They finally settle on one phrase that rouses you to action, just to get it all to end. "KILL PROTOMAN!!!"

There were none who saw the blow, only the blinding light that followed as the Sons of Light rushed one another. The crash was deafening and when it dissipated, the two of you stood feet apart, both of you in pain...

...But only Mous fell.

His knees hit the ground, then his weapon. Before he could fully collapse, you were at his side. The two of you embraced.

...Mous was dying, nothing could stop that.

He strained his neck to turn and look at you, his eyes becoming blurry as he tried to speak. Nothing comes at first, until he summoned all his remaining strength and whispered into your ear.

"If these people...tell this story...to their children...as they sleep...maybe someday...they'll see a Hero...is just a man...who knows he is free..."

Mous's hand drops from your shoulder and hits the ground.

...Protoman was dead. The crowd seemed pleased.

It was then that you finally understood.

"...There are no Heroes left in Man." you whisper.

The crowd slowly seeps forward, encircling the two of you and looking down as they attempted to justify what you'd just done.

"He could not save himself. How could he save us? For all the blood he shed,"

"As I live..."

"Your brother failed us."

"There is no evil that will stand."

"There's nothing you could do."

"And I will finish..."

"You had no choice."

"what was started:"

"Why do you cry for him?"

You crane your neck up to the sky and shout "THE FIGHT OF PROTOMAN!"

"You are our hero. You are our hero!"

You lay your brother to his rest and rise to your feet. You had only one thing to say to this crowd.

"You are the dead."

The body of Mous at your feet, you remove your helmet and walk through the crowd away from the fortress and to the edge of the stage. The robots, those left, looked at their fallen leader and then at you. With no orders, they would not move.

With eyes full of rage, you looked over the whole of the mob and lowered your head. Slowly, your battle-scarred helmet slipped from your hand and hit the ground. Wily stood high above the robots and the set itself, high above the crowd and the audience, and high above the broken heroes. With a wave of his hoof, the robots had their orders.

The robots marched on the crowd and began to punish them for their rebellious thoughts. Men fell in waves, those most eager to watch the shedding of blood first. Neither the sounds of the marching nor the screaming caused you to turn. Nor did the sounds of children crying for their parents pull your gaze from the edge of the city.

The one sound that caused you to pause and look back at the burning city was the voices raised over the din.

"We are the dead...We are the dead... We are the dead..."

-Music-

You ran backstage and met with Mous and the other actors. You clasped your hand with your "fallen" brother.

"Still slow on the draw there, Anon." he said.

"Oh and your song wasn't melodramatic as all hell?"

"It's the only one I get! I wanted to make it count."

You roll your eyes as the other actors run out to take their bow.

"Luna apparently left a message during the show man, she wants to talk to you about something later."

That's new...at least during the show.

"What about?"

Mous shrugs. "What do I look like? A mind reader?"

Your ears perk up as the song continues.

"We should get out there."

Mous nods. "Yes we should."

Mous runs out onto the stage ahead of you and joins the actors.

When you follow, the applause is so loud that you can barely hear the narrator shouting "MEGAMAN!" as loud as he can.

The cast waves and greets the crowd as Key Grip comes out from backstage. "Thank you! Thank you, everypony! We thank you all for coming to this play!"

He looks up at you. "Nice to finally have some new material, eh Megaman?"

You nod. "I -did- get tired of dying so often."

Mous elbows you. Grip chuckles. "Have you anything to say to the crowd?"

You grab the microphone. "In fact I do."

The crowd ceases it's applause and looks forward in silence. They are left wanting as the lights go out and send the stage into pitch blackness, with only your voice coming through.

"Game over."

Bonus Chapter: Muh Princess.

Year 898 in Equestria.

Who's idea was it to put this place at the edge of the city? They should be fucking fired. It's not like ponies might want to see the people they care about from time to time, even if the place was depressing.

You walk down the street with your hands in your pockets, grumbling as you walk through the puddles of rain water.

"Why do we even GET rain? She can move the fucking sun you're telling me she can't just make the crops get their food?"

"What was that, Mous?" a voice asks.

"YAGWAHBUHWHA?!"

You jump at least a foot into the air and bring your hands over your face. Celestia laughs heartily and emerges from a nearby side street, an umbrella in her magical grip. "You weren't always this jumpy!"

"I WAS THINKING, YOU TART."

Celestia rolls her eyes. "I don't smell smoke."

"Cute."

"I am, aren't I?'

It's your turn to roll your eyes as you walk down the street and hope that she- Nope, she's following you. Goddamn it.

Celestia matches your pace and looks at you.

"What?"

"Where are you going?"

"...To visit someone."

"Where?"

"Somewhere in this direction."

"Where do they live?"

"What's with the twenty questions?"

"Tell me!"

"At the corner of "None of your." and "Goddamn business." across the way from "You shitting bitch."

A moment of silence hangs in the air as you walk. "...Shitting"?"

"Fuck off, Celestia!" you call back.

But that doesn't work, she trots right back up and keeps pace with you.

You grimace. "Why are you still here?"

"Because I'm not doing anything today and I'm bored."

"Go do a guard."

"None of them are in the mood with this weather!"

You reach the end of the street and groan inwardly as Celestia sees your destination. "Alright, fine, see what I'm doing and then leave. But don't say I didn't warn you."

You leave her there to catch up and head to the doors, passing the sign that says "Canterlot Asylum for Troubled Minds." along the way.

You enter into the asylum lobby and lower your hood, letting the rain water drip off you.

Celestia enters shortly after you and looks around inquisitively. "Mous, if you wanted to be committed, all you had to do was ask..." she says.

"I saw that coming, fuck you."

Seriously, oldest trick in the book.

A doctor trots past the lobby and spots the two of you, his eyes going wide at sight of the princess. "Oh! Logician, so nice to see you again, and P-Princess! What a surprise!" she stammers out.

"She's with me." you say.

"He's with me." Celestia says.

You and Celestia look at each other and frown as the doctor chuckles awkwardly. "Yes...well...I trust you have both come to see her?"

"Her?" Celestia asks.

You ignore her. "Yep, promised I'd stop by again soon."

The doctor nods and heads down the hallway, you follow. Celestia keeps pace with you more. "I'm proud of you for finding someone after all this time, Mous...but isn't an asylum a bit odd of a place to look for suitors?"

"Oh shut up, Sparkplug. It's not like that."

You fiddle with your bracelet.

"Then why are you here? Why did you say you'd been here before?"

"Maybe I just made some new friends? Anon's been gone over a decade and a half and you get tiring after a while."

Celestia rolls her eyes as you stop out front of room 500.

"She's been painting ever since you brought those oils last time." the doctor says with good cheer in her voice.

You chuckle. "That's my girl..."

The doctor opens the door and ushers you into a room where a young adult mare is sitting on her bed and hanging her paintings up in her wall with her magic, ruffling her wings as she does.

She turns to the sound of you entering and her face lights up with that smile that warms your heart. "Muh muh muh!"

The cream and purple pony flails off her bed and onto her feet, nearly knocking her paintings over before bowling over to you.

"Muh muh muh! Muh muh muh!" she cries.

You get down on one knee and hold your arms open, letting the mare jump into them and nuzzle your chest. "Hey there, buddy..."

As you pet her head, she opens her eyes and looks at Celestia. "Puh puh puh..."

"Yeah...that's the Princess."

Celestia mirrors the girls wide eyed gaze as she looks down at you two. "Mous that is..."

"Yeah, Erroria, remember her?"

You get back to your feet and pet Erroria's snout as she nuzzles into your hand.

Celestia has shifted her gaze from her to you. "The...girl from the forest...about twenty years ago?"

You nod. "That's right...we sent her here after it happened..."

You and Anon...

"And she's been doing so much better since then, right Erri?"

The Princess-That-Should-Not-Be looks up at you and smiles. "Yuh!"

You muss her mane and smile at her. "Atta girl..."

"And...how often do you come to visit her?" Celestia asks.

"Oh I'd say about once every two or so weeks, right Erri?"

"Yuh!"

"And you what, just come to say hello?" Celestia asks.

You shake your head. "Well that'd just be no fun, wouldn't it? No, I stick around for the day and watch Erroria. Because of her...abilities, she can't leave her room without an escort.

Erroria hangs her head.

"And because of my attributes, I make the perfect one. So I take her out to stretch her legs whenever I'm here."

Erroria smiles and trots past you to the door. "Wuh?" she asks.

"Coming, Erri."

You turn on your heel and put your hand on Erri's shoulder.

"You coming, Celly?"

-Music-

You usher Erroria into one of her favorite places in the asylum, the greenhouse. The rain still patters against the class walls and the lack of sun meant that the temperature was colder than usual, but she still loved it here.

"Fuh!"

"Yes, go play with your flowers, Erri."

Erroria bounds off into the aisles of flowers as you take your place near the stairs by the door. Celestia trots in shortly after you and sits down next to you, eyeing Erroria as she runs around.

"I must admit that this girl had escaped my memory after the incident..." she says.

"Tch. Yeah...that was the case for a lot of people."

"And you've been here every two weeks since then?"

You shake your head. "I held off for...about five years. Then out of the blue I just...felt guilty and came to visit. Stuck around and drew some pictures with her. Then I figured she could use a friend, not a lot here, you know?"

Celestia looks up to the barred windows. "I can imagine..."

"I'll bet."

Celestia looks back to you. "Are you her only friend?"

You shrug. "She says the nurses are nice and the doctors are neat, but there aren't too many other people here with her...unique predicament."

Celestia nods slowly. "What ha-"

"Fuh! Fuh!"

Erroria runs from inside the rows of flowers with one in her grasp, a purple one a shade off from her mane. "Fuh fuh! Fuh fuh!"

You take the flower and turn it in between your thumb.

"It's pretty, Erri!"

You push her mane out of the way and tuck the flower behind her ear. "There you go...pretty as a princess, wouldn't you say, Sunass?"

Celestia shakily smiles. "Yes...very nice."

A bit later, the three of are back inside in the common area.

Hooves meet ivory in a melodic tick unti- BONG.

"No no, Erri."

You scoot her hooves away and set your fingers.

"Now try and follow along...okay?"
-Music-

You let your fingers go over the keys before you drop down to the low end of the piano, Erroria watching you intently before joining in on her side.

"That's it!"

Erroria smiles as you scoot off and let her take your place on the seat. She mimics your movements on the keys and fills the room with music.

"Thata girl..."

You pat her shoulder and go join Celestia on the nearby couch. The Princess never takes her eyes off Erroria as she drinks the tea the nurses set out.

Being royalty had its advantages.

"She is very talented." she says.

"Takes her a while, but she gets it down quick enough."

Celestia nods. "I...noticed she can't talk."

You sigh "Yeah...after the forest her mental capacities just-"

"I understand." Celestia say, saving you the need to.

The room is silent save for the piano.

"She...understands the world, a lot. I can look in her eyes and see how bright she is. But her motor skills...she can only really get the first syllable out."

Celestia turns her gaze to you and lowers her voice to a hushed whisper. "Mous...do you know what happened to this girl? What made her like this?"

A wave of shame passes over you, one you've had to bury each time you see her over these years.

You look over and see her on her piano, so happy and content out of her room. You look away.

"Celly...ask me that some other time...just...not around here..."

Celestia looks at you, her eyes lacking even a hint of the standard jovialness they usually had. Instead all that was there was a cold stare that looked right through you.

The clapping of hooves together draws your attention to Erroria. "Muh muh muh!

You get up and pat Erroria on the back. "You got through the whole song! Good job, Erri!"

Good job...

Later still you and Celestia join Erroria in her room. Despite the weather, you like to think Erri had fun today. You had eaten a nice lunch, told her what you did since you last visited, played a game of hide and seek and blew bubbles.

Now you're back in her room looking over a somewhat crude painting of a familiar clearing in the woods.

"It looks wonderful, Erri..." you say, getting a smile from her.

The clock behind you strikes five and chimes through the room. Erroria's and your own faces fall as you realize what time it is. The end of visiting hours.

You drop down to your knees and hug the sick girl. "I had lots of fun today, Erri. Be good for the doctors and I'll come visit again soon, okay? Maybe we can go out into the city."

You knew on the inside that was a lie, that anyone who saw her would freak out over the new "alicorn", but it made you feel better to say.

"Muh." Erroria says poking you in the chest with her hoof.

In the years you'd been visiting, you and Erroria had gotten a pretty good system down for understanding what she has to say, poking someone with her hoof meant she was addressing that person.

Her face curls in immense concentration. "Ffffffffffff..."

"Sound it out Erri, come on."

"Fffffffffrrrrrrr..."

You cock an eyebrow "Erroria?"

"FffffffffffriEND." she finally blurts.

You're taken aback. She's never been able to get a whole word out...

"H-heh..."

You pull her in for another hug. "You're my friend too, Erri..."

Hoofs on floor tiles come from the hall, heralding the arrival of the nurses. You separate from Erroria and smile.

"Later...buddy."

With that you muss her mane and head out the door.

-Music-

It's still raining outside when you leave the asylum and let out a deep sigh. One hand runs through your hair while the other reaches into your pocket and sticks a toothpick in your mouth.

"Is something wrong?" Celestia asks coming out of the door behind you.

"They help me relax."

"Toothpicks?"

"Cigars are expensive."

You sigh again and chew on the toothpick some more, letting the repetitive motion calm your nerves.

Celestia comes up beside you and sits down. "So."

"...So?"

"So you obviously know what happened to her, tell me."

You sigh and look away. "Let it go, Celestia."

"Tell your monarch, Mous."

"I don't take orders from you."

Celestia stares at you with steely magenta eyes. "Now."

Uhg...dammit.

"...Fine. Do you remember when that giant Ursa came and marched on the city...? And the cannon we built to stop it?"

Celestia silently nods.

You break the toothpick, throw it away, and pick out another one. "Turns out...letting that much magic loose over the world has drawbacks. I had the magisters look into it and we found that the magic got caught in the solar winds and just ended up circling a small town a ways south of Fillydelphia...and guess where our little "Princess" lived?"

Celestia continues to stare. "The report Anon filed claims that an experiment with the capacitors underneath the city was the cause, that the magic had to be released into the air."

You shake your head. "That...was something else. The new head magister says that the capacitors for the city wouldn't hold enough magic in them for a hundred years to change someone into...what Erroria is."

Celestia falls silent.

"No...only the power released from the cannon -I- was so adamant for and the Ursa Gigantis -I- used it against mixed together could do that..."

Celestia turns away and looks to the falling rain.

"Because I was so intent on using the direct method...I ruined that little girl's life."

"You and Anon saved the city with that plan." Celestia says matter-of-factly.

You think about that...one life for the sake of many.

"My fault...my responsibility."

"And you come here to punish yourself?"

"...I come here...to try and repair the damage I caused. To give her the things she needs the most to have as normal a life as she can..."

"Well." Celestia says, her voice warming up a bit. "You already seem to have given her a friend."

You laugh once, a harsh and bitter laugh, but a laugh all the same.

"Baby steps...huh?"

Celestia nods. "Baby steps."

Celestia's horn glows and the rain stops, the clouds parting to reveal a setting sun off in the distance.

"Friendship and time can heal all wounds, Mous...never forget that." she says.

"Even the ones we ourselves cause?"

As if on cue, a dark blue shape takes off from the royal palace and flies through the air, the moon rising above her on the same arc she herself flew.

"With our friends, proper patience, and care...we get by."

You snicker. "Have you been getting into my music again?"

-Music-

Bonus Chapter: Rep Grinding.

Year Not-Even-Six-Months in Equestria.

Two days after the Cult of Discord had been put down and a day after Mous's trial. You haven't moved from your bed since you and Rainbow came home from the trial and all but collapsed into it.

These last few days, man...

It wasn't common for you to spend a week planning to put your best friend down because you thought he's destroy the world.

It took a lot out of you.

So you'd just lay here and take any rest you ca- Something is poking you in the ribs.

"Nuuuuuhh..."

"Anon, wake up." a familiar voice says.

"NUUUUHHHH!"

"Anon it's almost noon!"

You reach out and put the pillow over your head. "Daaaaash, I was pulling late nights for the past week trying to fix this Discord mess, let me sleeeeeep."

Rainbow boops the pillow off your head. "You've been asleep for hours, Anon! Any longer and you'll get stuck there."

You look at your clock. Sure enough, it says noon. You'd been asleep for sixteen hours.

"...Buh."

"Oh don't be a filly."

With great difficulty, you push yourself off the bed and up into a seated position, stretching and letting your joints pop and snap in protest.

"I don't know why you woke me, do we even have stuff to do today beyond being glad we're alive?"

Rainbow flutters over to you and up to your eye level. "SOMEONE has to help the town get back to normal."

You look at her with your groggy eyes. "And because I helped the Princess and you're and Element of Harmony, that means us, doesn't it?"

Rainbow crosses her hooves and nods.

BUH.

After some more prodding, Rainbow rolled you off the bed and into the shower. After that you scarfed down some toast and juice before throwing on whatever didn't smell and headed out.

You hold your hand in front of your face to shield your eyes as you step out into the early afternoon sun.

"Nnnngggg...now I know why Mous complains all the time."

"I thought that was just because he was a grouch."

You join Rainbow on the road into town. "That too, but I think I see his point here."

The two of you walk for a bit and you happily enter the part of the path with some trees for the shade.

As you do, a question forms in your mind.

"So...is the town all wrecked or something?

Rainbow turns to you as she flutters forward. "Huh?"

"Back at the house, you said we had to get the town back to normal? What changed?"

Rainbow rubs the back of her head. "Well, they did kinda interrupt the Winter Wrap Up ceremony. Some stuff got wrecked in the chaos. Not to mention that we've got a couple hundred ponies who are being held by the guards and waiting for trials."

"Oh yeah...leave it to him to bring 300 sum odd people with him when he surrenders."

"Yyyeeeaaaah...that's another thing."

"Huh?"

Rainbow's face falls a bit. "The last thing a lot of ponies in town saw was him siding with those cultists and running away, or the trial if they were there. They're not gonna have the best opinion about him."

Oh shit, you totally forgot about that.

"Well...guess we know where we should head first."

Rainbow floats up to you as you walk ahead. "Where are we going?"

"To tell the truth, I have no idea."

Where the hell DID Aloe and Lotus live, anyway?

Turns out Aloe and Lotus lived on the North end of town.

"See? I told you we'd find it."

Rainbow grumbles next to you. "Only took getting lost five times..."

The market was a confusing place.

"Hey, I got us here eventually."

You knock on the door three times. From inside the house you hear somepony moving about as well as a few saucy words in another language.

The door to the home opens and Aloe stands on the other side. "Ah. Anon, wasn't it? What can I do for you?" she asks.

"Hi Aloe. I think you have something of mine here?"

She sighs and steps aside, pointing her hoof upstairs. "Third door on the right, but good luck."

"Thanks."

You and Rainbow head up the stairs and find the door. You reach your hand out and knock three times.

"Go'way." the voice on the other side says.

You sigh and knock again.

"Fuggoff."

Three more times.

You hear someone moving around on the other side of the door before it's thrown open and Mous' head gets thrust out.

"WHAT DO YOU-oh hey."

"Hey man."

"I'm busy, what do you want?"

From the bare shoulder and his head you could see, you can imagine what. "We're going into town, we need to fix some stuff."

His face hardens. "Please tell me what needs to be fixed so bad that you're here right now at the WORST time."

"Your reputation."

Mous winces and looks away. "Yeah...yeah okay, hang on."

He shuts the door a bit and you hear more ruffling of fabric through the small crack left open.

The door's weight lets it creak open and you see Mous bare backed and manticore scarred and rooting around behind a bed with a lightly dozing Lotus under the covers.

"Where the fuck is my fucking shirt?"

You point up. "Dude."

Mous follows your finger to the ceiling fan where his shirt is hanging off of.

"Oh."

You wait outside for Mous to get dressed. After a few minutes time he walks out the front door, Lotus walking next to him.

Mous leans down and gives Lotus a peck on the lips before whispering something that sounds WAY too close to "I love you." for him and joins you.

Oh well, ask about that later.

"Can we make this fast? I've been wearing the same damn clothes since Winter Wrap up and they smell terribly." he asks.

"Are you sure that's not just your natural odor?"

"I saw that coming, fuck you."

You smile as Mous steams and Rainbow flutters ahead shaking her head. "I've known you two for months and you're still weird."

You and Mous fall in behind her and head into town. Upon reaching town, you catch sight of everyone. They run this way and that on their errands and shop at various stalls.

Interestingly, the shoppers were 90% royal guard, it seemed.

"What's with the security?" you ask.

"All the guardsponies are responsible for taking care of the prisoner Mous brought in, they're probably just trying to get food and blankets for them all." Rainbow says.

Mous sighs. "Greeeeeat."

The three of you walk into the town square and all activity seems to stop for a moment as everyone looks at Mous before going back to their things a bit more cautiously.

"Jeeze, it's like our first day here."

"Only weirder."

You hear Mous take a few steps back. "Look, if this is gonna be weird, I can leave..."

Oh hell naw.

You reach out and put your hand on his shoulder. "Dude, the journey of a thousand mile starts with a single step. And you having a rep around here that isn't hostile is a bit farther than a thousand miles away."

Mous sighs and runs his hand through his hair, then walking ahead of you. "Come on. Show me where these prisoners are being held so I can get this over with."

"Here, take these twice a day for a week and everything'll be fine."

The colt takes the pills and cup of water in his magical grip and nods. "T-thanks mister."

As the boy trots away back to his friends, you lean back and stretch out a bit. You had taken a seat at the medical tent and just done what the nurses told you to do. Turns out that a lot of the ex-cultists were suffering from exposure due to inadequate shelter.

It felt good to help them.

"Hold the damn thing up!"

You turn around and see Mous helping a Minotaur in cultist colors haul a large box towards a tent. Well, "help" is an operative word because it seemed to be crushing him as he held it over his head.

"Sir, I can carry this fine on my own." he says.

"How many times have I told you to cut that sir crap, Crete?"

He strains a bit and holds the box up higher. "Now where do you want it?"

The minotaur points out a spot and Mous drops the crate with a yelp.

"Are you alright si-"

"Crete, call me sir one more time." Mous says cracking his back.

The minotaur exhales through his nostrils and walks off to go do something else.

"Working hard?" you ask.

"Eat shit."

You flip him off and lean back to relax a bit. "How are they?"

Mous walks over and practically falls on his ass down next to you. "Still calling me sir, I hate it."

"They'll stop when they're ready."

"They need to hurry the hell up and be ready now."

You pat him on the back.

"I know it sucks, man. But remember what you told me in tenth grade."

"If you kick your locker it opens without putting in the combo?"

You reach out and flick his face. "No dingus. It was after I kissed Mark and everyone was calling me a fag."

Mous taps his head a bit. "Uh...was it "If I go to juvie, break me out."? I remember I punched a lotta people that year."

You chuckle at the memory.

"Close, but I think your advice was more "Fuck 'em, they're assholes and won't even care in a week."

Mous leans bag and slowly nods. "I think I remember..."

"It'll probably take a bit longer than two weeks...but people will come around."

From behind the two of you, the group of colts you helped treat earlier run past chasing a ball and laughing.

The ball bounces off Mous' foot. The boys gasp and look to one another before one of them braves up and walks over to Mous.

"That's uh...that's my ball, sir..."

Mous, despite the title, smiles and picks up the ball. "That it is."

The boys smile and come closer, still looking a bit unsure.

"What's wrong, little guys?"

They rub their hooves. "Well...Our parents are scared."

"Of what?" Mous asks.

The boys look at the two of you. "They said we all gotta go to Canterlot and get "tried" and that's bad."

Now you and Mous exchange a look.

One of the boys steps forward. "Sir...nothing bad's gonna happen, right?"

Mous sighs and rubs the colt's head. "No, kid. Nothing bad'll happen if I have my way." He picks up the ball and tosses it to the kid. "No go on, get out of here, go play."

The boys run off laughing again leaving you and Mous alone.

You wring your hands together. "Well..."

"That's three."

"Only got, what, a couple hundred more to go?"

Mous smiles for the first time today. "Pfffft. Easy mode."

Author's Note

Fucking hell, I've written a hundred chapters of this.

Bonus Chapter: Excelsior!

Year 4 in Equestria.

You and Anon walk through the woods on this bright shiny day with business going as usual. So ragging on stuff.

"The girl gets promoted to Princess and she needs -our- help to clean up a castle? Doesn't she have -people- for this?"

"Yes, but she also has her friends and friends help each other." Anon says, hands in his pockets.

You grumble and keep walking. "Pain in my ass, draggin' me all the way down from Canterlot into the goddamn woods..."

"Are you -still- bitter about the coronation ceremony? It was THREE MONTHS AGO!"

"IT WAS FOUR HOURS! WOODEN PEWS! SOOR ASS! I WILL NEVER NOT BE BITTER!"

Anon rolls his eyes and keeps walking.

You didn't like this, the walking or where you were walking too. "Goddamn castle had to be in the middle of the fucking Everfree..."

"Twilight says it's been pretty calm since that thing with the vines."

"And you!"

You pick up your pace and catch up to Anon. "What's the deal with not asking for my help with that?"

"I thought you didn't like to be dragged back out here into the boonies?" he answers with a smart look.

"Yeah, but not when there's giant vines and shit."

"I handled just fine, thank you very much."

"How?"

"Aerosol can and a lighter."

"Ah, you have learned well, young grasshopper."

"It's only natural that your psychosis would infect me too." Anon says with a wink.

"All part of the package."

You put your hands behind your head and keep walking down the road to the castle.

The two of you come up on the Everfree Castle in about a half hour's time, finding the door a crack open.

"Do we just...go in I guess?" Anon asks.

"It's either that or wait out here and they might have food in there."

Anon shrugs and joins you in heading inside.

The castle looked...well, as similar to the one in Canterlot as your memory would allow, just in a further state of disrepair. Tapestries hung in various tatters, there was rubble or clutter everywhere, and you could smell the dust. But some parts looked worked on. A pile of clutter gathered neatly here, a tapestry taken down and folded there.

But...no one who could have done it.

"Oh boy..."

"Like -this- isn't suspicious."

You and Anon fan out and investigate.

"Twilight? Dash? Where are you guys?"

"Rarity? Spiiiiiike? I swear if you got those covered in dust I'm going to be mad.

"Got what?" Anon asks.

"Spike asked if he could borrow some of my old comics and shit from home a while back."

"I guess I should just be glad it's not something more ridiculous..."

"He wasn't interested in a Lexicanum."

"Smart kid."

"How heretical."

You and Anon keep looking through the castle, he told you that there were apparently traps here? So you kept on edge.

Two secret doors, a pitfall, and a not-glory hole got you nothing.

"Okay, I'm starting to get concerned now." Anon frets.

"Let's check the highest room in the tallest tower."

"...Okay, I'll bite, why?"

"Twilight's a princess now? Duh."

Anon follows you to the stairs rolling his eyes. "Of course, how stupid of me."

A few too many stairs takes you up to the highest room and, surprise surprise, it looks like it's been in recently.

You look around. "Where do you think they are?"

"I don't know...do you think the vine things came back?"

"I wouldn't know, I wasn't -here- for them." you say.

You turn look over the room. There's bits of food and a bag of chips along the wall and some comic books lying on the floor on the othe-

Floor?

"Oooohhhh noooo..."

You walk over and leaf through them, all here, just on the floor.

"I'm going to kill that boy..."

You begin leafing through copies of Green Lantern and Fantastic Four to inspect for damages when Anon comes up behind you.

"Uh...is that supposed to happen?"

You look over the comics and see that one of them is glowing hot white with the images swirling into a vortex. You feel a tugging as if a great vacuum is sucking you forward as it spreads to the other works as well.

"Oh for the love of fuck." was the last words out of your mouth before you got sucked in.

You come to with your face against pavement.

"...Ow."

Anon stirs outside of your field of vision. "Nnnnnggggooo...losing consciousness like that is -super- bad for you..."

"Where are we?" you ask, getting to your feet.

"No...idea."

The two of you look up. You were in a city, that's for sure, with purple and blue stone buildings that had golden diamonds studded on their corners. The sky is a deep twilight with blue and green and deep red streaks and stars arcing over it.

The two of you stand in the shadow of a...hairspray factory?

"No earthly idea..."

"We're not on earth."

"Shut up."

A sharp cackling sound echoes out from the factory. Both you and Anon shrug to one another and then sneak up to the window.

Inside there's, well...you can only call it a cross between a pony and a hentai monster behind the controls of a big cannon type thing with a can of hairspray next to her.

"A...HUH."

She babbles about bad hair days and you and Anon duck back down. "We got sucked into the comic books."

"HAS to be, only explination."

"Must be enchanted."

"Gotta be."

"Is it bad that we're so blasé about this?"

"This is sort of our lives now."

"Yeah, but do you feel like it's weird somehow?"

"Like?"

"Like this is all one big contrivance and now that we're sucked into the comic we'll become wrapped up in the plot?"

You and Anon just look each other in the eyes.

"...Dude, I'm okay with it if you are."

"Hell yeah. It works for X-men."

"Who in Tartarus are the X-men?" another voice says.

You and Anon look up to see three stallions dressed like mooks.

"...Ah crap."

"Ah crap."

"Hey! Quit your damn shoving!"

"Move it, then!"

The goon behind you prods you with his head and pushes you along on the floor. You do your damndest not to make it easy. He's a strong one, however, and him and his friends push you and Anon into the factory.

The weird-lady laughs like a lunatic as she looks over you, shaking an iron cage with her hair. "What is this!? Uninvited guests!!!!?"

Inside the cage you could make out six familiar colored po-what in the hell are they wearing?

"Anon!...Mous!...What're...you doing here?" you hear Twilight ask through strained teeth.

"Guessing the same way you are, Twi."

"Then they meet the same fate!!!" the crazy lady shouts.

"You won't get away with this, Mane-iac!" Twilight retorts.

The two of them go back and forth and you whisper to Anon.

"Well at least we know where they are now."

"You got a plan for this?" Anon asks.

What?

"No, I don't have a plan for being sucked into a comic book."

"I mean some of that Errol Flynn shit! Wave your knife around and be nuts and do crazy shit!"

"I don't have my knife."

Anon practically recoils. "You went into the forest without your fucking knife?!"

"I didn't want to sneak it onto the train!"

"Oh that's a first."

"Shut up."

Mane-iac continues to rant and one line catches your attention. "This city shall experience just what I did when I fell into that vat of chemicals!"

Both you and Anon immediately face her.

"No."

"Yeah, no, we're not doing that."

Mane-iac cocks an eyebrow. "What?"

"The Joker origin thing? Yeah, we're not doing that."

"CHRIST no."

"So cliche."

"Incredibly."

"SILENCE!" she shouts.

"Or what? You'll monologue more?"

She looks offended. "I'll monologue exactly as much as I-"

"Hang on, Power Ponies!" a voice cries.

Everyone looks up as Spike slides across on a zipline weari-why is he dressed like Burt Ward?

Spike kicks the cage the girls are in and brings it down onto the ground where it shatters.

"Good plan!"

"Works for me!"

You and Anon body check the goons guarding you as the others run off to deal with the girls.

"Yo! Anon!" Rainbow Dash flies up in...some sort of costume and smirks. "Come here often?"

"Only every other week, Bluebutt." he retorts back.

"Flirt later, what in the shit is all this?"

Dash grabs a necklace in her teeth and shoots lightning at somepony. "I dunno! We just got sucked inside of one of Spike's old comics and we were in these outfits!"

You and Anon look at her. "And...then you could do super things?"

She nods and zaps another, you and Anon look to each other and you catch yourself smiling.

"How's THAT for a plan, dude?"

"What?"

"We're in the comics, let's get our superpowers and bust out of here."

Anon just looks at you. "...Did you hit your head?"

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

You dash away, Anon shouting "Dude!" behind you and run into the fray.

Any time and any powers here, Comic-gods.

"Hey! Mrs. Mane!"

She turns to look at you as you walk up.

"Or do you prefer Maney? You know I used to read about someone a lot like you, she was more Next-Level-of Evolution than tentacle hentai."

You shake your head. "You kids today...so dissapointing."

She growls at you and leaps to her hairspray-can-thing. "We'll see how much lip you give when you can't move! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Any time now, comic gods.

Something small shoots through the window as Mane-iac jumps on the presser and sprays the sickly green gas at you.

Just then, you feel something tug at your finger.

Yes.

You feel a presence in your mind, one that floods it with information.

YES.

"Ring Capacity: Climbing."

OH HELL YES.

You clench your fist and the object on your finger envelops you with emerald energy. At the same time, you think of a whirling hurricane that would blow this smoke away and find the wind picking up.

The wind turns to a momentary vortex expels the smoke, you then jab your fist towards Mane-iac and smile as it shoots a green laser at the canister, exploding the top of it.

"Beware my power, asshole."

-Anon PoV-

What. The. FUCK.

You'd seen many incredible sights since coming to Equestria, but this one was currently at the top. Your best friend, the guy who you'd known your entire life, just came into possession of a power ring from a comic book.

One rooted in his own stubbornness, at that.

He stands there, garbed in the skintight uniform of the Corps that wasn't doing anything for his figure and having dispelled all of Mane-iac's solidifying smoke with a wave of his hand.

"So that's what that's like..."

"DUDE!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT!?" he responds ecstatically.

"FOALS!" Mane-iac yells. "I'LL DESTROY YOU -ALL-!"

She climbs behind her cannon and takes aim at you.

"Oh please." Mous raises his ring at her, green sparks showering from it as his willpower just BEGS to be let out, and fires a beam of light at the cannon.

The cannon erupts into a shower of sparks and blasts Mane-iac away from it. A sphere that looks just like a plasma globe jostles out of it and falls to the ground.

"Lookout!"

"I got it!" comes a cry.

Spike runs up in his caped outfit and dives through the air, catching the sphere inches before it hits the ground.

"NICE work, Spike!" Twilight shouts, the others applauding him.

"Yes, very impressive...now what?"

Mous walks over to Mane-iac and floats her up into the air. "Yes, what do we do with you, sunshine?"

She mutters something.

"Eh? Can't hear ya?" Mous says. You all lean in to hear her.

"I'm sorry, my liege...I'm so sorry..."

You and Mous look to one another.

"...What did she mean by lie-"

The ground starts to rumble and Mous deposits Mane-iac over in the corner, raising his ringed fist again and grinning.

"We're not done yet..."

The far wall explodes in a torrent of blue energy and a figure stands in it.

Mous aims his ring at her and the other costumed heroes take positions next to him in the still settling hairspray.

"Knaves! Who are you to defeat my associate!"

Twilight looks to Spike. "Who is -this- Humdrum?"

He scratches his head. "I dunno...she's not from my comics...

"Then...that leaves..."

"Mine." Mous says.

A pair of eyes, turquoise and reptillian, open inside the smoke and make Twilight gasp.

"NIGHTMARE MOON!?"

"WHAT!? HOW IS -SHE- HERE!?"

Twilight shakes her head. "I don't know! Maybe a magical imprint on the castle got into the comics as well!"

"Then she'll go down like all the rest!" Mous boasts. "Isn't that right, Moonie?"

She begins to walk towards your group. "You do not speak to "Nightmare Moon" human."

As she exits the smoke, you lay eyes on her. She's tall, as tall as Celestia, with wings just as wide and a horn just as long, just sharper. She's shrouded in a green cloak and wears a masked helmet underneath the hood.

"YOU SPEAK TO NIGHTMARE DOOM!" she shouts before firing an energy blast at the plasma globe.

The reaction inside hitches and glows brighter, sending a wave of energy out from it and surprising you.

You instinctively step back and gasp, filling your lungs with the hairspray.

And then you drop to your knees at the sharp stabbing pain in your head.

"Anon!" Mous and Dash shout as they run over to you.

What is this?

What's going oooaaaaah.

You hear your blood pumping through your own brain as your thoughts race faster and faster and faster still.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?" Mous roars.

The whirlwind of thoughts speeds up and you think of everything you've ever thought at the exact same time. It goes so fast that you swear your head is going to catch alight when suddenly-

It stops. You open your eyes and see everything new.

"Conciousness..."

Mous leans down to you, still pointing his ring at Nightmare Doom. "Dude?"

You chuckle "Yoked by CONCIOUSNESS."

"Are you okay, Anon?" Dash asks.

You jump to your feet and kiss Dash on the lips, getting a tinge of electricity from her.

"FANTASTIC! So much about all this makes sense now!"

"Anon?"

You whirl around to Mous.

"It's controlled by consciousness! We're in a compressed space based on a fictional thing! The space is picking up on our conscious and unconscious thoughts and spiraling out from there! That's why you have that ring! That's why they have those powers! That's why this is all here! It's fundamentally linked to us! We think it into being!"

Mous cocks an eyebrow. "What the -hell- happened to you?"

You wave a hand. "Probably just some of the chemicals in the gas excited by the energy wave and interacting with my brain, nothing major. It's not important! I can get us out of here!"

"How?" Twilight asks.

You look at Nightmare Doom, staring at the nine of you behind her iron mask.

"She'll have to be distracted and gone first."

Mous turns to her and you swear you see his eyes shrink as his ring ignites. "Oh we can handle that."

-Mous PoV-

-Music-

Your ring flares and light envelopes your hand, setting it ablaze with emerald fire as you stare down your enemy. "Twilight! Rarity! Rainbow Dash! With me!"

"Mous wha-"

Before she can react you raise your hand, a lance of burning green erupting from it and blazing a brilliant path through the air to strike Nightmare Doom square in the jaw.

She recoils from the attack, more in surprise than pain, an indignant yelp escaping her as it collides.

"You dare strike me?” she demands when she recovers, barely restrained anger smoldering in her eyes.

"Oh I dare,” you say with a smug grin. “Catch me if you can."

With little more than determination and a half-cocked plan not ten seconds old you take a running start and charge the villain, a single word echoing through your mind and filling your being.

Fly. It works far better than you had intended.

A factory wall explodes as you’re propelled forwards at a clip that would leave even Rainbow slack-jawed, a shining green contrail left in your wake.

As well as one very angry alicorn.

”You cannot run from me!” she bellows after you. “None escape Doom, foal!”

“Well I’m escaping right now, let’s see you do something about it!”

Incensed, the alicorn redoubles her efforts, anger fueling her and propelling her ever faster.

“You cannot win!” she roars furiously, her words nearly lost amidst the rush of the wind.

“Allow me to disagree. You see this ring of mine is powered by will, and I am one obstinate son of a bitch.”

”I don’t care how obstinate or belligerent you may be, it won’t save you from Doom!”

“You know what? You’re right, you've convinced me.”

With a thought you come to a complete stop and whirl about to face Nightmare Doom.

“I’m right here, Doom, come and get me!”

Nightmare rockets toward you in her single-minded fury, completely oblivious to your actions. The light from your ring grows a thousandfold brighter as you pour every ounce of willpower you can conjure up into it.

You draw your arm back and clench your fist, the rings power surging through your muscles.

“I tried to warn you,” you say more to yourself than to her. “But you didn't listen. I told you, this ring of mine’s powered by will, and where there’s a will, well...”

Your arm pistons forward, every tendon in your body shrieking with the effort. Doom notices at the last moment, but by now her speed it too great to avoid you. Her momentum carries her directly into your first whereupon all the stored power in your ring explodes outwards in a miniature super nova.

"Below the shoulder! Past the wrist! Look out evil, it's my fist!"

It takes a moment for the spots to fade from your vision, but you’re finally able to observe the aftermath of your work.

Unfortunately for you that involves a still-conscious Nightmare Doom who doesn't particularly look that much worse for wear, a wicked smile etched on her face.

”A fair strike, but your last.”

“Oh fuckberries,” is your intelligent response.

You desperately try to muster up a few scraps of power to defend yourself, but you’re spared the effort when the air around Nightmare is filled with frost, lightning and… sewing needles?

”Mous!” comes a familiar voice that you’re pleasantly surprised to hear.

“Better late than never, your highness,” you call down to Twilight. “Now lay on the pain!”

Nightmare breaks through the ponies’ assault and make a beeline for you, the attacks appearing to have done little more than irritate her.

You roll through the air, just barely avoiding her charge and respond with a well aimed blast of energy from your ring.

However your attack bounces harmlessly off a protective veil of darkness that springs up about her in response.

“Damn it all!” you curse loudly.

”You fools think to harm me? I am the night! I am doom! I am-”

Her tirade is interrupted as a pink cork materializes in her mouth.

”That’s quite enough from you!” Rarity calls out. “You sound like a broken record!”

“Ha!”

With incoherent rage currently overriding all of Nightmare’s thoughts she misses Twilight and Rainbow entering the fray, the pair unleashing their powers on her in unison.

The powers combine and quickly Nightmare is enveloped in a howling snowstorm.

She pays little heed to it though, and instead redirects her ire at an unsuspecting Rainbow, a beam of midnight tearing through the gale striking her full in the chest, tossing her from the sky like a puppet with its strings cut.

“Rarity, catch her!” you call out.

Rarity is in motion before you even finish and Rainbow is seen safely to the ground, much to your relief.

In retaliation you dash to the distracted Nightmare lashing out with your fist, fully intent on reproducing your attack from earlier.
However the power takes on a different shape, encasing your fist in a whirring emerald drill.

The drill strikes her in the side of the head and shears through her helm, splintering a section of the silver armor as it impacts her and sending her soaring through the air.

It’s over in an instant, but when the drill fades you can only stare at your hand in amazement, the implications of what you’d just done not lost upon you.

A grin splits your face and you clench your fist with renewed determination.

“Twilight, Blow her out of the stars!”

Twilight wastes no time peppering Nightmare with a hail of razor edged ice while you loop around behind the black mare. You fire off an attack at Nightmare that takes the shape of a rocket propelled fist while she’s busy defending against the hail of frozen bolts, a strike meant more to agitate rather than cause any real damage.

The fist strikes her in the back of the head and draws her attention.

She whirls around to meet you and comes face to face with a hardlight hammer, its head in the shape of a roaring lion.

“Goldion Hammer!” you bellow as the construct strikes her mask with a sharp crack, the impact sending Doom spinning through the air.

Yes, this is working out quite nicely. “Mous, are you alright?” comes the concerned voice of Twilight as she and the others fly up to join you.

“I’m fine, how about Rainbow?”

”It’ll take more than that to keep me down.” Rainbow proclaimed brashly.

“Good to hear, ‘cause we've got quite a bit of work ahead of us.”

”What’s the plan then, comic expert?” Twilight asks.

“Simple. We hit her until she breaks.”

”I like that plan.” Rainbow says.

Without another word you and Rainbow take off towards your target who’s still reeling from your most recent attack.

Dash overtakes you and lets loose with a lightning bolt that splits the sky. Her aim is true and with Nightmare still reeling she has no defense against it.

Rarity follows up with a cluster of knife-edged gems that slash through the air, detonating in a shower of pink as they collide with their target.

Twilight hits her next with a blast of arctic wind, a coat of rime forming over Nightmares wings and throwing her off balance.

You dump every remaining scrap of power you possess into your ring in an all-or-nothing attack. This is your last shot.

A hardlight canon forms from your ring, its barrel glowing ominously. "FINAL STAGE!"

A verdant beam of pure destruction erupts from the mouth of the canon, laning straight towards Nightmare. The beam impacts with a thunderous crash, but before you can celebrate you realize something is off.

Instead of resulting in the earth shattering kaboom you’d expected the blast is sucked in and begins to whirl around her

Every consecutive attack your allies land on her meets with similar results, each strike being absorbed into the glowing shell forming around her and adding a different color. The energy whirls faster and faster, the colors blending together until it was all just a blur of white.

You’ve read enough comics to know what’s coming next.

The accumulated energy explodes violently away from Nightmare in a brilliant chromatic wave. You manage to raise a weak shield that just barely manages to withstand the backlash, the girls, however, are not so lucky and are caught up in it and thrown to the factory below.

Squad broken!

-Anon PoV-

Mous shoots up into the sky trailing green, Nightmare Doom following him and Twilight, Dash, and Rarity following her.

"Okay, time to get to work."

You run over to the sparking orb that fell on the ground and look it over. Marveling at the trapped electricity contained inside

"Spike? How does this thing work?"

Probably a plasmatic reaction kept in a perpetual firing state.

"Uhhh..."

"Nevermind! I think I have it!"

You run away from the orb and head to the giant hair dryer cannon, looking into the slot the orb was kept in at the circuitry contained within.

"Uhh...Anon? What're you gettin' at there?" Applejack asks.

"All part of the plan, AJ."

You hear her walk up behind you. "And you mind lettin' us in on this plan?"

"It's pretty simple once you run it through, AJ. We're in this comic-land-place because it's influenced by our consciousness, our perceptions about how reality works now that we're in a comic book. I wager that's also what brought Nightmare Doom here since me and Mous saw the other comics get the same treatment before we showed up."

You re-arrange some architecture in there, shifting some phase couplings to accelerate the isothermal axio-tractor beams.

"If we ever want to get back home, we need to cause a collapse of the causal-nexus that maintains this idea-verse by feeding it a paradox and channeling enough of the conceptual field bleed into that paradox that it just shuts the whole thing down."

You lean back out of the socket and look at AJ. "Get me?"

She just scrunches her face.

"And...yer gonna do that with...whatever you just did to that machine?"

"I reversed the polarity and yes."

You climb up into the control seat and pop the cover of it off, meddling with some wires inside.

"AJ! Fluttershy! I need you to rotate this thing to face the moon!"

"Oh! Uhm...why is that, Anon?"

"All a part of the plan, trust me."

AJ throws her lasso around the barrel and her and a bulky Fluttershy rotate you.

You divert power away from the catalytic-aerosolizer and...

"CRAP!"

"Two for the swear jar!" Pinkie shouts.

"No, Pinkie, I need-"

BOOM.

You instinctively cover your very-clever head to avoid and rubble while Pinkie zips away to investigate.

Wait, she can -zip- no-

She zips back. "TWILIGHTRAINBOWDASHANDRARITYFELLFROMTHESKYOUTSIDECOMEQUICK!"

You get that thanks to your new brain.

"Dash!

You leap down and run outside the factor. Just as Pinkie said, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity lay in a small crater.

"Dash! Dash are you okay!?"

You look her over, feeling around her wings. The Supracostalis felt bruised, but that's it, the Radius and Ulna were intact on both sides, and her Biceps took it well.

"U-uh..." Dash stammers.

"You're okay!"

She looks up at you with a hint of red in her cheeks. "Better than okay if you don't get your hands off my wings quick."

Oh. OH.

You shoot your hands back.

"Oops."

"You kids done playing?"

You look up and see Mous float down.

"Is she distracted?" you ask.

"She -was- until she turned our attacks back at us."

You rub your chin. Damn, that'd mean she'd need to be overpowered.

Overpowering an alicorn...tough. Unless...

"We could paralyze her..."

"Anon?" Mous asks.

Black lightning above you heralds Nightmare Doom's rage, you hazard a look and see her breaking out of some ice on her wing

"We need to catch her by surprise, then we can slam her into a paradox and bring this whole thing down."

"We'll get sent back home?" Twilight asks.

"Lickity split."

Pinkie sags. "Awww...I was kinda hoping I could run super fast for just one more day..."

"NO."

Everyone looks to Mous who has his teeth clenched.

"WE DON'T -TALK- ABOUT THAT. WE DON'T -TALK- ABOUT WHAT HE DID."

Everyone is silent...So you flick Mous in the head.

"Thettle down, Beavith. I need your help with that infinite energy battery you got there to pull this off."

"Name it." He answers with his ring already ignited.

You point up to the angry alicorn who just freed herself.

"I need you to put her back in the moon. The resonance cascade will tear this reality apart."

Mous lifts his ring and grins. "I can do that."

"Good! We gotta hurry!"

You turn and run inside, climbing up the cannon into the control seat.

"Spike! Put the orb in! I need the power! Then set all the dials inside to six!"

"You got it!"

"NONE MAY STAND AGAINST DOOM!" you hear.

Shitshitshit.

You look up to see Mous helping the others up. "Okay! Blast her with what you got! I need her still for just one second!"

Twilight, Rarity and Rainbow fly up and blast Nightmare Doom with their powers, stalling her mad descent to crush you into atoms for a split second.

Mous clenches his fist. "Finishing move."

He'sno-

Mous holds his ring up, forming a large green drill.

Yep, he is. Goddamnit.

You take aim at the moon in preparation for your roll in this. Moment of truth.

"Go!"

"GIGA-!"

-Mous PoV-

Your hardlight drill connects with Doom's chest and doesn't stop there. She summons shields to keep from getting impaled but you pour it on and on, dumping your will into the ring to keep going. "NONE MAY STOP DOOM!" she snarls. "DOOM ENDURES! LET NO PRINCESS PULL ASUNDER WHAT SHE HAS WROUGHT!"

"OH SHUT UP!"

You keep pushing higher and higher away from the planet, blasting through the atmosphere and hoping your life support shields work.

"I WILL RETURN, HUMAN! NO BANISHMENT! NO PRISON CAN HOLD NIGHTMARE DOOM! SHE WHO ESCAPED FROM TARTARUS ITSELF!" she hollers.

"I'm not banishing you!"

You re-angle yourself and push more thrust out of the ring, homing in on the moon.

"I have a giant drill and I'm going to PUT. YOU. IN the moon!"

"RRRAAAAAAHHHGGGGG!"

Nightmare Doom fires off bolts of magical energy which shatter her mask and reveal the deformed face underneath, she bites at you with fanged teeth and fires more bolts into the emptiness around you both but you keep pushing.

"You're what's keeping us here, locked up and trapped. It's hardly a wonder that your shit got slapped! The night is over, now it's day! You lost Doom, NOW OUT OF OUR WAY!"

You slam the drill and Doom into the surface of the moon, kicking up dirt and rocks as you push down harder into it.

Far off, a few miles away from your impact sight, a beam of hot white energy slams into the moon, it's origins coming from the planet behind you.

"Atta boy, Anon!"

The rocks you kick up go from dull brown to glowing white, like the beam. You look down at Nightmare Doom and see her glowing with the same intensity from the inside out. Your stomach lurches and the moon starts to move...towards the planet at an astonishing speed.

Did he-?

Is he-?

...You better be right, Anon.

As the two objects get closer together, you look Nightmare in the eye.

"So this is the power of the Electro Orb...not bad, not bad at all."

Sometimes you couldn't help yourself.

-Music-

For the second time today, you regain consciousness in total darkness with an odd taste in your mouth.

Is what she would say.

"Bleeeeehhhccchh..."

You push yourself off the ground and open your eyes. You were back in the room you entered the comics in, the others scattered about.

You spot Anon getting up.

"You dick."

"What?" he answers.

"You dropped the moon on me!"

He shrugs and smirks. "Hey, it worked, didn't it?"

"Ya coulda warned me."

"Coulda shoulda woulda."

You help the others up and shake off what just happened.

"Spike, where did you get this comic book?" Twilight asks.

"The Enchanted Comic Shop in Canterlot." he answers, fiddling with his claws.

Wait what. You slide a bit closer to Spike.

"Hey...you wanna tell me where that is?"

"No." Anon says.

"Oh come on."

"No, I don't need to read about how you got shot with a time bullet or something."

"My comic-death would be way more glorious than that."

"Sure it would be."

"I'd be awesome."

"You'd end up in Crossed or something." Anon teases.

You roll your eyes.

"Yeah, sure, then I can be killed by the fucking stupid writing."

Anon rolls his eyes and follows the girls downstairs. "Come on! Time to help out."

"My clone could take over."

You follow them, glancing back at the comic one last time. Leaving wasn't so bad...green just wasn't your color.

Bonus Chapter: Bat Out of Hell

Year 4 in Equestria.

You and Thunderstrike were home along, just a dad and his adoptive son for the day. Not that you really wanted it to be…

It had all started a day or so ago, Twilight had been summoned to the Crystal Empire alone and closed down Golden Oaks for the trip. At the time, you were happy for the time off, it’d give you a chance to spend some time with Thunder.

But when Twilight got back…

You hadn’t been there, but Dash had been, and whatever the situation was, Twilight made a beeline for the old forest in the middle of the Everfree with Dash right behind her.

”Dad.”

Rainbow had asked you to stay home while she helped Twilight, someone had to watch the boy, he was barely seven. Something was up, you could tell, so you rang up Mous on a payphone and asked if he could make a visit.

”Daaaaaad…”

Lotus would love the chance to visit her sister and if another army of Diamond Dogs were gonna be showing up, you wante-

”DAD!”

You snap back to reality in the kitchen with Thunderstrike on a bench next to you.

“Huh! Huh! What? What!?”

”Dad, the hayburgers are burning.”

You look down, you had a spatula primed and ready to flip a pair of hayburgers on the stove.

“Gah! Shi-cra-poop!”

Thunderstrike giggles as you transfer the hayburgers from the pan to the buns on the plate and blow on them a bit.

“Uh…sorry buddy, they may be a bit raw.”

Thunder takes his and bites in a bit. “It’sh okay, dad. You had your thinking face on, what were you thinking about?”

“Oh, you know, just…” Don’t scare the boy. “Stuff.”

”Were you thinking about where mom went?”

“Something like that, yeah…”

”Mom’s helping Princess Twilight, right? It has to be important.”

Yeah…it -has- to be, but…

You rub Thunder’s head and grab your burger.

“Don’t worry about it, bud. It’ll all work itself out.”

Thunderstrike smiles and you prepare to bite into your hayburger when someone knocks frantically on the door.

”Anon!? Thunder!? Are you there?!”

You and Thunder both perk up.

“Dash!?”

You run to the door and throw it open. Rainbow Dash is on the other side, mane disheveled like she just flew around the world and eyes wide. “Dash! What’s wrong?” you ask.

”You and Thunderstrike need to come with me to town hall FAST!” she says, already fluttering that way.

Thunderstrike runs past your legs to follow his mother.

“Dash what is-“

”No time Anon! Let’s go!”

“Graaaah!”

You grab your keys and run out the door after her, leaving your hayburger behind.

The three of you run all the way from your house to town hall which is more than a bit packed with ponies.

“Whoa, what is all this?”

”Inside! Quick!” Rainbow shouts.

Rainbow hurries you both inside where the situation is ten times worse. It’s standing room only inside the assembly room at town hall but almost everypony is laying on the floor groaning and moaning in pain. Staff from the hospital on the hill are milling between them and obviously doing what they could, but the gesture seemed almost futile…

“Holy hell…what happened here…”

”What’s wrong, mom…?” Thunder asks, shirking away from the scene.

Rainbow lands and holds the boy close to her to comfort him. “Well…it started with-“

"It was Tirek, Anon…” someone says.

You look over your shoulder, Twilight is approaching the three of you from the main office with her head low and face in a frown. “It was all Tirek…” she says.

Tirek…Tirek…

“That name rings a bit of a bell…”

”Tirek was a conqueror from a far off land with his brother Scorpan long, long ago…before Celestia and Luna defeated Discord. He came to Equestria to steal the magic of all the ponies here.” Twilight says. “But…Tirek’s brother Scorpan betrayed him after learning to appreciate the ponies living here. Celestia and Luna used their magic to banish Tirek beyond the gates of Tartarus and Scorpan returned to his home but…Tirek’s escaped.” She finishes, her face bearing some sort of unknown guilt you can’t pick up on.

“Escaped huh…?”

In hindsight, killing Cerberus during the Dog War was probably a bad idea…

”And it’s worse than that…” Twilight says looking up at you.

You don’t know -how- it could be and your face must betray that fact because Twilight continues.

"Remember when Mous defeated Discord?" Twilight asks, an uncertain hitch in her voice. "Somehow Tirek managed to absorb the magic he left behind. He's so powerful now, Anon."

Ooohhh…

“Right…that’s…bad…”

”Real bad…” Rainbow says, comforting a scared Thunderstrike.

You look over the room of ponies. “So…did this lot…?”

Twilight nods solemly. “Yes…Tirek stole the magic in all these ponies…he got some in the air, ambushed them in Canterlot, and other places. Some even said he derailed their train.”

That’s aw-

…Train from Canterlot?

“Oh no…”

Your legs start moving on their own as you spot a robin’s-egg blue mare and her identical pink counterpart among the masses.

“Oh GOD, no…”

“LOTUS!” You run over from the front door to the side of the room the spa-sisters were laying on.

Lotus’s head lifts up slowly at the sound of your voice and she offers a weak smile. “Anon…so good to see you again…can never rely on public transit, can we?”

You kneel down and cup her head. “Lotus…good lord, what happened?”

She shakes her head. “I…don’t rightly know, Anon…” she says. “We were on our way here…on the train and then this…enormous Centaur from the depths of my nightmares themselves appeared on the hill nearby…”

You pet her shivering head as she recounts.

”He cast a spell on the train and I just…felt the life being sucked out of me…we all did. If he had stopped the train, I doubt I’d have had the strength to get here to safety…”

You stroke her mane as you hear Twilight, Rainbow, and Thunder trot up behind you.

“It’s okay…we’ll find a way to fix you.”

Lotus redirects her vision. “I’m afraid…we’re not the only ones in trouble, Anon.”

You follow her gaze to a blonde-maned grey Pegasus in the same state as Lotus, laying on the ground while her little girl tried her best to comfort her.

It broke your heart.

“Twilight…where’s Celestia? We’ll need her help in this.”

Twilight’s mysterious face of guilt returns and for a moment she seems like she’ll stay quiet, but she leans in so only the two of you can hear.

”Anon…Tirek sent the Princesses to his cell in Tartarus…I’m the only one left.”

Oh. Crap. Yeah, this couldn’t get much worse for you gu-

Wait.Lotus…Celestia…Derpy…

…It just got worse.

Your stomach sinks. “Where is he?”

Twilight shakes her head. “I haven’t had the time to finish my Tirek-tracking spe-“

“Not him."

You look down at Lotus. “Where is he?”

-Music -

Lotus directed you to a storeroom in the back of the amphitheater. You told Twilight and Dash to not follow.

Pushing open the door and stepping inside takes you into a realm of almost palpable outrage. He’s standing at the back of the room, scratching his knife against the rear wall to the little bit of light coming in from the small window.

”…Mous.”

”Anon.” His response is short, curt, and underplayed with barely contained fury.

He hunches over and scrapes at the wall some more.

“…I heard what happened.”

He pauses his scratching and turns his head a bit, almost looking back at you. “You feel it too, don’t you?”

“Feel what, man?”

Okay…this is new…and scary.

Mous slams his fist against the wall and makes you jump. “That feeling…in the pit of your gut…the one that tells you that someone has to pay for this…in the WORST way possible.” He growls before returning to scratching.

You swallow your nerve, this had to be handled carefully. “Can’t say I do…”

”It’s something, I promise you that.”

“Mous, I’m sorry. If I hadn’t asked you to come, this wouldn’t have happened.”

The scratching pauses, just for the slightest moment. ”Not your fault, it’s his.”

You take a few steps away from the door towards him and hear him muttering. “Gonna take it back…get back everything he took…”

“Mous…what are you going to do?”

Mous scratches one last thing on the wall and turns around, when he does, you almost reel back.

You’d seen him mad before. Before the Dog War, when you both were invading that mine, you’d thought you’d seen him as mad as he could get.

That Mous would be eaten alive by this one. His tilted glare bored through you and past the wall, barely containing the rage behind it.

"I’m going to find Tirek…and then I’m going to cut his eyes out.”

“Mous…we can fix this…we can work together and fix this so tha-“

”Don’t fucking patronize me, Anon.”

Your words die in your mouth.

”And don’t waste my fucking time.” He says.

You re-position yourself directly in front of Mous, blocking his path.

“I’m not going to let you go after someone who sent the Princesses to Tartarus solo, Mous.”

”You won’t be able to stop me.” He says, sheathing his knife.

“I can do my be-“ Mous’s fist slams into your face with rocket force and knocks you off balance. Your hands instinctively shoot up to the fluid leaking from your nose as you fall back against the wall and sink to the floor. “FUCKING HELL, MAN!”

”DON’T get up Anon, I mean it.”

Mous kicks open the door to the amphitheater to the gasps of everypony in the room.

”Move.” He spits.

You sit nursing your face as Mous walks through the parting crowd and out the door. Rainbow Dash and Twilight run into the storeroom.

”Anon! Are you okay?!” Rainbow asks.

“Think he broke my goddamn dose…” you say through coughs.

Rainbow Dash does what Rainbow Dash normally does in these situations and gets mad. She tilts your head back and looks up your nose.

While she does that, you look at what Mous was scratching. It’s a crude map showing Ponyville, Canterlot, and the railway between them. A circle was drawn around Ponyville and the surrounding countryside and railways leading away from the down.

Okay…okay, this was serious… You turn your gaze to Twilight.

"Twi?...We need a plan…”

Twilight silently nods her approval.

-Later-

“Ow! Ow! Take it easy! I bruise easily!”

Twilight rolls her eyes as she sets and bandages your nose with her magic. “Yeah, I can tell.”

The two of you plus Rainbow had hurried you off to Golden Oaks for some quality time with Twilight’s first aid bag after Mous legitimately broke your nose. You’d explained to Rainbow Dash that you didn’t know why he did it other than “he was mad” which, of course, resulted in her getting mad. ”He’s your best friend and the godfather of out child and he just goes and punches you!? I mean, who does that!?” she had exclaimed.

After some venting, Twilight had asked her to watch the shop back at the town hall, probably for her own sanity.

A good thing, in hindsight…

Twilight sighs and cleans up the bandages, setting them by the windowsill and looking through the glass to the town beyond. Houses were boarded up, windows closed tight, and nopony at all was on the normally bustling streets.

Twilight sighs. “It’s the Diamond Dogs all over again…”

“The town’s still standing…”

”For now. But Tirek is close…and I-…” Twilight looks back at you. “I have no idea what we can do, Anon.”

Whoa, this isn’t like her.

“What kind of talk is that, Twilight? You’re the smartest pony in town and a Princess to boot!” Maybe the last Princess in Equestria too, but you don’t mention that. “And the two of us helped manage the Discord crisis and jailed the Dogfather, we can solve this too…I know we can.”

Twilight takes a deep breath “IknowwedidallthatAnonbutthisissomuchdifferentbecauseTirekwasjailedinTartarusforagoodreasonlikeDiscordandwecouldn’tevenbeatDiscordandhadtouseTirektodoitandhe’sprobablyonlygrownstrongersincethenandallthispiledontopofbeingaprincessisjusttoomuchcraptohandle!” she quickly shouts out.

Wow. Motormouth said a swear word, it must be serious then.

You sigh and lean your head back “He’s really that big of a deal, huh…?”

”Tirek is classified as a Class-X level threat, not only to Equestria, but the entire planet.”

You look at her. “For serious?”

Twilight simply nods. “If Tirek drains all the magic in Equestria, he’ll have nothing to stop him in the rest of the kingdoms as he slowly conquers everything in his path.” She hangs her head. “Just like the old-times…”

Uhg…

You pinch the bridge of your nose, wincing a bit as you touch the wounded body part.

Twilight shuffles her hooves. “Anon…if I tell you something, can you promise me you won’t tell anypony?”

What…?

“What is it, Twilight?”

The Littlest Princess takes a deep breath. “Before Tirek came to Canterlot and sent the Princesses away, they transferred their magic out of their bodies…and into me.” Twilight looks at you stonefaced.

“…Bullshit.”

As if in a show of force, Twilight’s horn glows bright white…and the gradually descending sun outside does a loop-de-loop.

Your eyes go wide.

“Okay, not bullshit. But this is great, Twilight!”

Huh?

“You’ve got all that magic in you! You can beat Tirek and save the kingdom and everyone in it!”

Twilight’s eyes take a turn to bug out and she waves her hooves. “No no! I can’t! I don’t even know how much of this I can control, let alone fight an ancient demon with! I don’t even think that I have enough magic to do that!”

Your heart and head sink.

“Oh…”

Twilight matches your demeanor. “I’m sorry, Anon…maybe if we had twice as much magic…”

You rack your brain thinking of what to do. You’ve come a long way since you first arrived in Equestria…and been a part of amazing things, but never like this.Twilight was right, beating Discord was a shot in the dark and that involved days of preparation with the smartest minds in the kingdom working around the clock to come up with an at-best stop gap solution. And even your ace in the hole-hail Mary-shot in the dark-bullheaded-odds defying wizard had stormed out after breaking your nose and left you without.

Now it was just you, a new princess who couldn't control her powers, and your two brains against an ancient evil that could destroy the world.

Destroy Dash and Thunder…destroy your life and everything you loved…

In that moment, you feel something change.

Once a few years ago, before you came here, you had ask Mous how he lived when he was constantly able to solve both his problems and yours the way he did. His answer was simple; “It aint that big a mystery, man. I just consider the options I have and then pick the one with the best odds of working for what I want.”

”And what if that kinda shit goes on your record, man?” You had asked. You remember, the police had been called that time in the past.

Mous had shrugged at you. “So long as the end result is that our side is golden and the pricks that screwed us over know not to anymore, I can deal with a day of jail time or two.”

You think of Dash, Thunder, Twilight, the rest of the girls, and everyone huddled in that town hall… If it meant them being safe…then you had to not brush anything off the table.

You felt the most interesting thing as you stood up, a wash of cold in your mind as ideas you once considered reprehensible popped in. It might cost you your soul, but this might work…you just had to angle all the parts at the right solution.

”Anon?” Twilight asks.

“Twi, show me a map of the kingdom.”

Twilight cocks an eyebrow and pulls down a map of Equestria and the outlying kingdoms. You grab a red marker and begin circling various parts. The Crystal Kingdom… The Badlands to the west… You circle one area off in the white of the map and put “TBD” next to it.

”Hey!” Twilight shouts. “I need that map!”

“You can take it out of my pay. When does the next train to the Crystal Kingdom leave?”

Twilight steps back a bit shocked. “It can leave whenever if a Princess asks…why? Anon, what are you getting at?”

“I have a plan, Twilight. A plan that may not work and has a lot of chances to go wrong, but has the potential to stop Tirek.”

”Plan? What plan?” Twilight asks, now looking at the map behind you as her curiosity piqued.

“You said yourself that Tirek would destroy Equestria if he was left unchecked, and that you alone don’t have the power to defeat him.

You cap the marker and set it down, looking Twilight in the eyes.

“So that means we need more power.”

Twilight gulps. “You can tell me on the train…”

”I’m not sure about this…” Twilight says across from you.

You lean against the train car window as it speeds along the countryside. “What choice do we have?”

Twilight had used her influence to get the last train out of town and a crew brave enough to operate it. Brave might not be the best word, they probably just thought that being mobile meant being one step ahead of Tirek…

Twilight purses her lips, you can see the wheels in her mind turning until… ”I can’t say…” she sighs. “This wasn’t exactly covered in Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns…”

“Neither, I doubt, was being a princess. But we do what we can.”

”You’re sure this will work…?” Twilight asks.

Poor girl…she hadn't been a princess long, you could tell she was nervous.

“There will be no one there to try and stop us.”

Now who do you sound like?

Twilight shakes her head. “Not what I meant. I mean, can you trust them?”

You’d told Twilight your plan over the ride, she’d be the ONLY one you could tell. She was the only one you could trust.

“They’ve got just as much to lose as we do here, Twi…”

Not entirely true, but you were hoping to pull something out.

Twilight rubs her head. “I feel like I’m trying to pin a tail on a bot-fly here…”

You mull that over and nod. “An apt analogy, but not entirely accurate.”

Twilight’s eyebrow elevates in curiosity.

“There’s a storm rolling across Equestria that’s the biggest we’ve ever seen, we’re trying to start some smaller storms around it and hope they mash together into a supercell that can crack it.”

Twilight just looks at you. “That properly captures the…cataclysmic nature of all this.”

The conductor comes over the loudspeaker. “Princess, we’re coming up on the Crystal Kingdom now.”

You rise out of your seat. “Let’s get to this…”

The Crystal Kingdom, with its monarch “absent”, was much like Ponyville just one chapter earlier. Houses were being boarded up and while citizens still walked the streets, guards were posted on every street corner and the shield was raised.

You and Twilight didn’t stick around though, you both hurried to the vaults underneath the Crystal Palace and obtained a…artifact. Then it was back up above ground to obtain another. The rise continued up the foot of the palace, through the living quarters, past the winding spiral staircase and up to the focusing iris at the top spire.

You turn to Twilight, the artifact box in your hands. “Are you ready?”

She nods, the second artifact in a saddlebag on her back. “As I’ll ever be…”

You reach into the box in your hands and grab the sharp unicorn horn inside. You extend your arm and hold the horn in the center of the arcane circle carved on the floor.

“Hit it.”

Twilight aims her own horn at your hand and casts her spell, causing the severed horn and her own pack to glow a lavender color. ”Back away, Anon.”

You jerk your hand back and step back next to Twilight, watching the spell unfurl. The horn floats in the ring and begins to bleed black smoke as its bearer is reconstituted.

The smoke forms a shape, forming a strong torso and legs to stand on that end in diamond black hooves. Smokey green eyes with hellish black pupils emanating purple smoke turn their gaze to you.

“King Sombra…you look in good spirits.”

Sombra’s pupils shrink even further upon seeing you both and he snarls, baring his fangs and scraping his hoof on the ground. "YOU!” he growls, lunching at you and dissipating into a giant smoke simulacrum of himself that bares down on you.

“No.”

Twilight’s pouch glows, as does Sombra’s horn. The Shadow King releases a “What!?” of surprise as he’s forced to re-solidify and crashes to the ground in front of you.

“Yeah.” You kneel down and get closer to the surprised pony on the floor. “I’m told that sucks.”

”What did you do to me!?” he snarls.

”Nothing fun. We bound your spirit before we let you out.” Twilight says, opening her bag and floating out the crystalline heart artifact you’d gathered out of it. “To this.”

“We thought you’d appreciate the poetic nature of it.”

”BOUND!?” Sombra roars. “YOU CANNOT BIND ME, APE!”

His horn begins glowing an angry red but- You lash out and slap the Crystal Heart, Sombra reacts in kind and reels as if struck.

“Stop that, or we’ll make you.”

Sombra growls and looks up at you, not saying anything.

You don’t let him. “You’re going to help us do something, Sombra. A mission of grave importance for the good of the entire kingdom.”

”Or else what?” Sombra asks.

“Or else we’ll smash this and your crystal obsessed spirit will go back to being the quantum foam that holds reality together.”

Sombra glares daggers into your eyes and you glare right back.

“You’ll have no mind, no body, and no soul. You will cease to exist in every and all forms that you could conceptually exist in and we'll put the energy that makes you be you to work doing something good for someone.”

”HA!” Sombra spits his first saliva in over a year at your face and lands it on your cheek. “You cannot bluff to me, ape. I will NOT spend my newfound freedom as your lapdog and you will not destroy me.”

You subside your anger and grab the heart from Twilight.

“Well Twi, you heard him.”

With a flick of your wrist, you toss the heart out over the open edge of the tower.

”NO!” Sombra shouts, making a dash towards the edge.

Twilight looks up at you half frantic, you quickly nod and the all-too-fragile Crystal Heart levitates dozens of stories off the ground.

You march over to Sombra who has a hoof outstretched in a futile gesture to touch his new phylactery, grab him by the jaw, and turn him towards you.

“Let me tell you how this is going to work, you little pissant. You are going to help me because you have no choice in the matter. You are not my partner in this. You are my pawn. A sacrificial piece on a board that is nation sized in a plot you can’t even start to comprehend.”

Sombra blinks at you as your fingers dig into his “flesh” deeper. “You will obey my orders without question, you will not scheme, you will treat Twilight with the utmost level of respect and you will perform your duty for Equestria because you have absolutely zero say otherwise. This mission, and the safety of Equestria through whatever means are needed are the only reason you are here. You will do this because you are aware firsthand what I am, what I do, and the individuals I routinely do it with, and that if I detect the slightest hint that you are disingenuous, disobedient, or attempting to sabotage me, I will unmake you.”

A few tense moments pass as you release Sombra and rise to your feet.

“Do I make myself crystal clear?”

Sombra spends a few moments staring into your eyes, not in hatred or anger, but seemingly of calm shock until he finally opens his mouth. ”Perhaps once more…with feeling.”

You tilt your head a bit to the side. “Quaint. Now on your feet, we’ve got a train to catch and a long distance to travel.”

Sombra grunts and gets to his hooves. “Do you expect me to call you “master” as well, ape?”

“I expect you to not bother me unless you have something to add to the situation. You are centuries old, there can’t be just cobwebs knocking around up there.”

You turn on your heel and head for the door, fists clenched and marching. “Twilight, we’re done here. Let’s get headed southwest…”

Twilight exchanges a quick wary glance at Sombra which he returns with restrained contempt before bagging the Crystal Phylactery. “Right behind you, Anon…”

The train ride from Northern Equestria through Gildedale’s boarders and past Shimmerwood to the western badlands had been long. Even at top speed, it’d still taken overnight to get there, forcing the three of you to sleep on the train.

You think Sombra needed to sleep, anyway.

Archback Mountain was your destination, right at the southern tip of one of the splits in the Central Ley Line. The area was a no-man’s-land ever since reports of missing ponies and griffins started coming in from the area. You could do the math well enough to figure out who was there and why you needed to go.

The three of you had been walking along the sand in the mid-day sun for what felt like forever, scarfs around you and Twilight’s faces to keep the dust out.

”This had better be worth it.” Sombra jeers.

“How’s not dying? Is that worth it?”

”I promise, you get used to it, human.”

”Nopony is going to die!” Twilight shouts. Sombra rolls his eyes. “Children…”

You put your hand over your eyes and squint. In the distance, you could see the jagged peak of Archback. “You think they know we’re here?”

”Assuming they have not changed in the thousand years since I last saw them, they knew we were here the moment we stepped into this sand.”

Great…

“Why aren’t they doing anything?” you ask over your shoulder.

”They might still be deciding if they should come closer or not…” Twilight say.

Hmmm…

You look over your shoulder to your other companion.

“Get their attention.”

Sombra gets petulant. “I do not take orders from anyone, human. Phylactery or not.”

You jerk your head towards the mountain. “I’m giving you the opportunity to pretend they’re me and work out some frustrations, be grateful.”

Sombra grits his fangs and rolls his eyes, taking a few steps forward. “I’ll show you grateful…”

Sombra’s horn and eyes glow with a smokey lavender aura as he makes the ground shake, forcing you and Twilight back a step. Sombra throws his head forward and the rumbling heads away from you, but Sombra still keeps his head low in concentration.

”Sombra…what did you-“ Twilight begins.

Twilight is cut off by a large purple crystal breaking through the ground near the base of Archback Mountain. It rises high up into the air and strikes the center of the peak dead on, sending a shockwave and accompanying tremor your direction moments later.

”…Oh.” Twilight says as Sombra steps away, a cocky grin showing he’s quite pleased with himself.

“Very good…now look.”

Sombra turns around and sees what you and Twilight are really gaping at.

From behind the top, bottom, every side of Archback Mountain came an ever growing black cloud, like you’d just kicked over the biggest anthill in the world.

And you had, technically. It was a Changeling hill, but whatever.

The cloud of insectoids nearly blocks out the sun before it rushes towards your party with startling speed. Not unexpected.

“Twilight, put up a shield if you please.”

”Huh? Right!” Twilight says, snapping out of her trance at the spectacle.

The Changeling swarm descends from the sky and Twilight’s horn sparks. Just sparks.

“Twilight that shield please.”

”Trying Anon!” she says.

You feel a pit in your gut. This was NOT the time for your powers to not work, Twilight!

“Faster.”

Spark. The swarm gets closer.

“Faster!”

"I’m going!” Twilight says, beginning to panic as she produces another spark.

You can see the purple reflection of Twilight’s magic in their blue eyes now.

”I’m going to die again so quick, wonderful…” Sombra adds dryly.

“FASTER WOULD BE BETTER!”

Twilight’s horn sparks again and begins to glow. “Got it!”

A purple bubble emanates out from Twilight and covers the three of you just in time for the Changeling swam to slam headfirst into it. Like a sea of angry ants, the ones closer to the rear just fly past the ones who impacted the barrier before them to try their luck. Each of them bounces off either onto the ground or into the air.

Finally they wise up and cease the river of chitin against you, opting instead to begin circling your relatively small enclosed space in a black tornado of deafening wing beats, angry hisses, and green magic reflecting off blue eyes that reaches up to the heavens.

And the three of you at the heart of the swarm storm.

You walk to the edge of the safe zone and look out at no Changeling in particular. “Bring your leader to me. Now.”

A green glow, one brighter than the glows form the smaller Changeling’s horns, breaks through the gaps in their tightly woven flight pattern.

In an instant, a gap opens as the vortex of bugs rotates and a Changeling larger than the rest steps through, standing just outside your dome.

She snorts. “You again…I suppose I should have known…”

Her sickly green eyes move to your companions. “And you brought the rock-humper…wonderful.”

Sombra stomps a hoof. “SILENCE, you miserable insect…”

“Chrysalis…in as pitiful form as ever, I see.”

Seriously, rock-humper? That was lame. You guess eating love means she has to diet her sense of humor.

”Why are you here ape?” she literally hisses.

“Why does anyone come to anyone else? I want something.”

Chrysalis laughs, a shrill flanged laugh that somehow pierces the buzzing roar of the Changelings around you. Responding to their queen’s command, the twister breaks movement and arcs behind her, the Changelings landing in neat and orderly regimented squadron behind their monarch and stretching back almost half a mile.

”You want something!? You who were responsible for our failed invasion and who attacked our hive WANT something!??!” she exclaims, snorting near the barrier separating the two of you with green fire coming from her nostrils.

You fold your arms behind your back and stand still there. “You heard me Cheeselegs, I want something from you. And you’re going to give it because it’s something you want to.”

Chrysalis gives you a “Zebra, you serious?” look. “Oh really now.” She says flatly.

“Damn straight.”

”And that is?”

“Your lives.”

Chrysalis’s eyes narrow to dangerous slits. “Are you threatening us, human? You’ll find that you need more that rocks to defeat the Changeling Swarm…”

Psssh. “Don’t give me that load of horse shit, Chrysalis. We’re at least ten miles away and you live in a fucking MOUNTAIN. I’m not a geologist and even I know Sombra caused nothing more than superficial damage, idiot.”

She pauses a bit after being insulted, taking a deep breath to, no doubt, rip you a new one but you don’t give her the time.

“I’m talking about something far more destructive than a rock, Chrysalis. Tirek is loose and he’s gorging himself on Equestria and any other magic he can find.”

Chrysalis shuts her insult in her mouth and chews the inside of her cheek. “Yes…my sleepers reported as much back to me...if Tirek comes here, he will find himself beget by the Swarm and devoured.”

Now you laugh. “HA! Bull.”

You offer Chrysalis a little golf-clap. “You invaded Canterlot and successfully knocked Celestia down after stuffing your flank with love for weeks beforehand, good for you, sport. But Celestia, the princess of love, and Luna all had their magic eaten by Tirek.”

Chrysalis blinks twice, clearly not believing your words. Good thing too because you were lying about where that magic was.

“And now they’re in Tartarus.”

”HA! Serves Celestia right.” Chrysalis says.

”Don’t talk about the Princess like that!” Twilight snaps.

You give her a look over your shoulder. Stick to the plan, girl…

You hope a triple dose of deific power lets her read minds.

Chrysalis smirks. “Good to see the Princesses new toady getting out and about…”

Before this can go further, you signal Twilight to drop the shield.

The purple barrier lowers, much to Chrysalis’s surprise and Sombra’s embarrassment if his facehoofing is an indicator.

The smirk grows wider. “You are unwise your lower your defenses…”

“And you’d be unwise to act without letting me finish.”

Chrysalis sarcastically nods, letting you continue.

It’s simple. You want to let your people thrive, that much is plain as the desert sun. But this isn’t a question of thriving, it’s one of surviving. This lone wolf, Queen-bitch-of-the-Badlands thing isn’t going to cut it this time, Chrysalis. So you have two choices.”

You hold up two fingers and count them both off. “You can fight alone in which case all of you will die, or you can fight with us in which case only some of you will die.”

Chrysalis looks at you like you just told her to eat a shit pie.

“You’re smart enough, do the arithmetic.”

Chrysalis takes two steps forward and gets right up in your face. “Why…should I believe anything you say? Why should I believe that you won’t exterminate us after what we did in Canterlot?”

You think over the best way to answer her, how best to direct her feelings. “Because I, like you, care about my people. And unfortunately the best chance for their survival is for us to work together.”

You sidestep Chrysalis and walk around her, arms still behind your back. “If you’re going to turn me down, figure out how many of your people’s lives your pride is worth. I have other things to do.”

You feel Chrysalis’s glare burn into the back of your skull. “Were I you, I would watch my words…”

“Were you me, you’d be pretty. Clock’s ticking.”

All eyes are on Chrysalis save yours, the Changeling army ahead of you and Twilight and Sombra behind you.

A long silence passes in the statue still near-battleground.

”Thissssss…will be an alliance of CONVENIENCE“ human…nothing more. We are not now, nor will we ever be beholden to you.” Chrysalis says trotting up to your side and looking down at you.

“I don’t care if it’s an alliance of attraction so long as you bring what I need to the table. Can you? I saw you in Canterlot.”

The Changeling Queen sneers at you. “You will see our numbers darken the sky, whelp. Then we will see where your opinions on what happened in Canterlot stand…”

You stare her down for a minute before turning around. “Whatever. Just get your people ready and come with us. I need your host for Tirek but I need you personally for what comes next and your entourage isn’t exactly inconspicuous.”

You look behind Sombra and Twilight in the direction you came from, the train waiting just past the horizon.

“I hope you have good reception.”

Chrysalis snorts and flutters her wings back to her swarm.

You walk up to Twilight and Sombra. “And that makes two…”

”Just how many more strays are you planning to add to this party, human?”

“How many more strays am I planning to add to this party” what now?” you say in a mocking tone.

You can hear Sombra grind his teeth. Having his phylactery was awesome. “How many more strays are you planning to add to this miserable waste of time, ANON?”

“I’m glad you asked, Sombra. The four of us have only one more stop to go before everyone on my list is gathered.”

You look down at Twilight who eyes the Changing Queen and the Crystal King with clear and obvious worry. You offer her a reassuring pat on the head and a half smile so Sombra can’t see.

”And where might that be?” he asks.

You put your hands back in your pockets.

“Canterlot, duh.”

-Chrysalis PoV-

The human and his lackeys herded you onto the waiting train shortly after you’d communed with your commanders. They would have your assistance until you could verify that Tirek was actually a threat and possibly do something about it and not a second more.

Your people depend on it.

But for now, Tirek was not the primary concern of yours.

You walk from the train car with Anon and that insufferable new princess in it and into the next one, in doing so you trade one annoyance for another.

An entire empty train and you get stuck with him.

You scoff. “I’m amazed you were able to make it on this train without wondering at the marvels of modern machinery.” You chide.

Sombra rolls his eyes. “Did you spend the last thousand years thinking that up? I’m impressed you strung the sentences together.”

You narrow your eyes.

“Repugnant as ever, Sombra.”

”Likewise, insect.”

“Why are you even here?” you ask. “I thought the human needed those who could actually do something.”

”Your hive saw enough of what I could do to warrant my place here.” Sombra snips. “And besides…I am bound.”

You laugh once. “Bound?”

”The worm used a phylactery.”

“HA!” you laugh once more, throwing your head back. “Finally you learn your place.”

”Then you’ll do well to pay attention, Chrysalis. Because this fate is your own should you not heed my warning.”

“Mmm?” you ask.

”He is gathering his objects of power, and soon we will not be able to fell him should he attempt something, not without a plan.”

You cock your eyebrow, interest rising. “You have something?”

Sombra’s eyes glance out the window and then to the car behind you. “Come…listen well.”

You sit in the chair behind Sombra and listen intently to his plan.

-Anon PoV-

You just saw Sombra look at you through the car window and now Chrysalis is sitting behind him, his jaw moving and clearly saying something.

You scribble on your paper next to your notes.

“And the bait is taken…”

”What’s that?” someone behind you says.

You turn your head and catch Twilight coming down from the conductor’s cabin.

“Nothing, just a side thing. Are we gonna be on time to Canterlot? It’s important we get there at a dark hour.”

By your math, you should just be able to make it.

”We’ll get there…” Twilight says, craning her head.

You turn your paper to her to let her see, you’d been drawing a map of what you could remember about Canterlot. “It should be just like I told you on the way out here. You go ahead while me and the goon squad head along the ground to meet you along the outer wall.”

Twilight nods. “

And you’re sure you know where the prison is?”

Twilight nods more nervously. “They wouldn’t have moved it.”

Good…

You chew your pencil.

“Then all that’ll be left after we grab both of those is finding the right place for a summoning and praying the last storm doesn’t hit before the rest of us are…”

”What?” Twilight asks.

You wave a hand. “Nothing, pay it no mind.”

Twilight frowns. “Anon, you’ve been acting…strange since we left Ponyville. Different from how I know you, are you sure you’re okay to do this?”

You nod slowly and look out the window. “Strange times, Twilight…”

Her frown deepens and her head begins to sag.

You speak to skillfully avoid a lecture. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m just…tired from a day of walking in the desert is all…”

Twilight looks into your eyes, you hate doing this to her. “You promise?”

“Cross my heart and hope to…you get the rest, huh?”

Twilight giggles.

“There we go…now go get some rest, it’s a long ride to Canterlot and you’ll need it for your solo sneaking mission.”

Twilight sighs and crawls up on a seat. “I just want this to be over soon.”

“We all do Twilight, we all do…”

Twilight looks over your shoulder. “How’s the spell matrix coming?”

You sigh. The two of you had gone over a hypothetical endgame for this crisis on the train ride to the Crystal Kingdom, the lynchpin of which was a magical spell that you were hoping could be your ace-in-the-hole.

You lift your page of notes to the magical blueprint underneath. Runic letters, calculations, and even a layline map were all scribbled around the boarder of a spell matrix that you were worried might not even fit in a crystal.

“Slow. Slow and with lots of guesswork. I’m sorry Twilight, I just don’t have that much information to work with…”

Twilight grimaces. “Well…let’s hope our third acquisition has a bit more information for us.

Powerhouses were important, but so was information so you could apply it. It was the hope that your next destination would yield both.

You sigh and go back to your notes. “Only time will tell, Twi.”

Night fell before you made it to Canterlot, a good thing too for a solo sneaking mission.

Twilight had taken to the sky after the train stopped at the foot of the mountain, a single purple dot against the inky lavender of the night sky.

Meanwhile, you, Chrysalis, and Sombra hike through the trees and fields underneath the platform that Canterlot rested upon. ”Are you going to inform us what your scheme here is human? Or do you expect us to stumble in the dark?”

You continue on ahead. “You know everything you need to know, Sombra. Besides, I hear that stumbling around in the dark is one of your talents.”

Chrysalis chuckles.

The three of you enter into a clearing with a circle of grass that appears different than the others. Unlike the rest of the grass, this has a perfect circular ring of newer, taller, slightly different shaded grass. You head over and kneel down in the middle of it. You rub your hand on the dirt and look above you, judging the layout of the city based on where you were.

“So this is where it was…alright.”

You stand.

“You two, on me. Sombra. Float this chunk of dirt straight up and stop when I tell you to.”

”And what would that accomplish besides making our presence known?” He asks while Chrysalis just steps onto the chunk, probably to spite him.

“Well, do it and you’ll find out? Come on, chip chip.”

Sombra grumbles and stands behind you, he may be bound but he certainly didn’t like this. Not that you needed him to. His horn glows and the circular chunk of earth once more rips from the ground and rises vertically up the side of a mountain, eventually floating just a few feet away from Canterlot’s exterior walls.

“Chrysalis, can you magic us up a door?”

Chrysalis points her glowing horn at the wall and makes a single pinpoint of emerald fire on it. The fire spreads into an oval ring that reveals a well-stocked museum inside.

“Where eagles dare, kids.”

You run and jump through the hole, leaping into the museum.

Galloping hooves and buzzing wings behind you tell you that your compatriots have joined you.

“Keep those spells going, the other way out is significantly harder than an elevator.”

The two of them sneer. “It may be easy for you to say that, Anon. But maintaining these spells will be draining. You had better be sure this is worth our time.” Chrysalis says.

“Well then let’s not drag our feet.” You say.

You head over to a help kiosk and grab a brochure. You flip it open and begin rapidly scanning the contents of the museum for what you’ll need.

”What could be in this collection of relics that could possibly help us, human?”

You flip a page. “Well right now I’m considering adding you two dusty relics to their collection.”

You get two deadpan looks in response as you find what you need.

“Come on, down the hall and three rights.”

You toss the brochure and hurry away, your companions following you.

As you run, you can see the vault that once held Zod’s Repeater, the crossbow that got stolen so many years ago, and other priceless artifacts from ages past. Battle standards and tomes of ancient lore and discs of forbidden knowledge, but you blew past all that on your way to a more recent acquisition.

You hurry into a large room that has a single pedestal in the middle. On that pedestal rested a wood hewn box and in that box, on silk dressings, rested something small and gold.

“I had a dog and his name was Bingo!”

You begin hopping on one foot.

”What are you-“

You get your shoe off and into your hand as you smash the glass case into pieces and snatch the box.

The burglar alarms, despite no guards able to respond to them in the wake of Tirek’s rampage, begin to blare.

“Okay! Now we run!”

You get your shoe back on and hold the box under your arm, dashing down the hallway with your surprised companions behind you.

”WARN US NEXT TIME!” Sombra roars.

“Less talking more running! We need to get out befor-“

Next to the three of you, a display case with a sombrero inside winks out in a flash of light.

Ah. That’d be the automatic teleport system designed to get the pieces out of the museum and into a safe place in the event of another robbery.

“Let’s go! Unless you want to be a permanent resident!”

You, Chrysalis and Sombra pick up your pace and dash for the hole Chrysalis maintained open, jumping through in quick succession and landing on Sombra’s plot of land just as a crystal blue barrier sealed the hole shut with a force field.

You sigh explosively. Good work, team…”

”Exciting visit to the museum?” asks a voice above you.

You look up and see Twilight fluttering in place some 20 feet above you.

“Riveting. Do you have it?”

Twilight floats up a small wool bag with something jostling around inside it. “Right where we left it.”

“Good…”

You turn to Sombra. “Lower us and we can begin.”

”Be careful!” Twilight shouts once you’d gotten on the ground. “The runes of a summoning circle are the very language of summoning itself! Make one small mistake and the entire array can fall apart! Who in Tartarus taught you how to make a summoning circle in the first place?”

Sombra’s eye twitches as he stops spreading crushed crystal dust in the circle. “I did. When I REFINED THEM A THOUSAND YEARS AGO!” he shouts.

Twilight looks back to you. “He’s being bad again.”

You just stay out of it. “Sombra, keep doing what you’re doing. Chrysalis, go help him. Twilight, come over here.”

Twilight trades places with the Changeling and sits down next to you.

“You’re enjoying this.” You say so only she can hear.

”Only a little bit.” She answers coyly.

You roll your eyes. “Do you have the spell?”

Twilight’s face drops from the impish smile she had to one of worry. “I do but….are you sure about this, Anon?”

“It’s all we have, Twilight. Give me the tesseract.”

Twilight deposits the ever shifting cube-within-a-cube into your hand.

“You two, clear the circle.”

Sombra and Chrysalis back away from the summoning circle you’d been so carefully drawing on the ground this last hour and head back over to Twilight.

You step inside and set the tesseract right in the middle before stepping back just to the edge.

“Do it.” You say without looking.

Twilight’s horn audibly sparks while her spell drifts through the air and into the hypercube. As soon as the spell reaches it, the cube sparks to life. Hopping into the air on a jolt of energy and sending power along the crushed crystal of the summoning circle. The power consumes the crystal like gas did fire and bathes the glade in purple light. Twilight grunts as the tesseract levitates into the air and begins to spin, it’s outer cube one direction and its inner cube another at alternating speeds.

A sound comes from the cube, a shrill sound of something being pulled from a pocket universe of absolutely nothing into the material world through a hole the size of an atom.

The perfect prison.

The shrill howl grows louder and louder until it echoes off the mountains themselves. And then, all of a sudden, it all stops.

The lights recede back into the cube which stops spinning and heralds the end of the screaming with a loud THUMP and heavy panting.

You wave away the steam from the magical reaction and crouch down to the familiar figure that’s sprawled on the ground trying to catch its breath for the first time in years.

“Comet…so nice to see you again.”

-Music -

Comet sits on what passes for his knees staring at his own paws in utter disbelief.

Twilight and you had thrown him into a 4D prison you’d made for Discord before you learned he died, but it was only after some more recent research into the topic that you learned what 4D was like.

No lights. No sound. No body. No sense. Nothing. So Comet’s reaction to finally having sensation after his stay was understandable.

But it was also wasting time.

“YO! FIDO!”

Comet’s ears perk up and he looks over his shoulder at you. As soon as he meets your eyes he stumbles over himself and falls on his face. Comet growls and gnashes his teeth like the mutt he is while he also not-so-subtly tries to remember how his legs worked.

Sombra stares. “This is what passes for a villain while I am away? Appalling.”

”The hell do you want!? You aint puttin’ me back in that cage, if that’s what you think. Not on my rotten life…” Comet growls.

You put your hands into your pockets and step forward. “Wrong. If we wanted to, that’s what we’d do.”

You roll your shoulder. “Look behind me. I’ve got conquerors and would be monarchs here on my whim, don’t kid yourself into thinking I won’t put you down with another block of ice in a second if you make me, puppy dog.”

Comet’s eyes narrow.

“What I’m here for is information. You know something we want to know.”

Twilight steps forward and nods. “So count yourself lucky.”

”Infor-what?” Comet asks in disbelief.

Twilight takes another step towards the summoning circle now separating your party from Comet. ”Comet, Tirek has escaped from Tartarus and is draining the magic out of everypony he can find. At this rate, nothing will be able to stop him and he’ll take over Equestria. You were in Tartarus at the same time as Tirek, can you tell us anything?”

Comet growls. “What’s in it fer me?”

Ever the businessman.

“Leniency.” You say.

Comet cocks an eyebrow.

“We’ll put you in a cage that isn’t worse than Tartarus, for less time too, IF you help us out here, that is.”

Comet lowers his head, still crouched over and clearly not trusting you. Not that you could blame him.

”…If you wanna know that…you gotta know the whole story.” He says. “Whaddayou think happened in Tartarus after yous guys shut out Discord?”

“You and your buddies killed him is what.”

Comet nods. “Yeah…but that’s only half the story.”

“See, all the big shots down there each carved up a little piece’a’tha Big D for themselves…Tirek took his skull and Grogar sucked up alla tha magic in him…but they didn’t keep that stuff.”

Twilight nods. “Go on…”

”Turns out, old Horn Head McGoat couldn’t use dat magic, too unpredictable for his spells so it was totally useless to him…but not Tirek. Grogs and Tirek traded their pieces, see? Grogar got Discord’s skull fer who the hell knows and Tirek got alla his magic, last I heard. This wuz right before I broke out.”

“How can Tirek use it when Grogar can’t? Isn’t he a master magician?”

Comet rolls his eyes. “Friggen surfaceser’s…you don’t even know how Tirek works, doya?” When you both shake your heads, he continues. “Tirek aint magic, not like hornhead ova here or Grogs. See, you’s craft ya spells and throw ‘em around, and that’s all well’n’ good. But Tirek? Tirek is a friggen juggernaut wit magic. He don’t craft it, don’t shape it, he just consumes it and burns it up like some kinda furnace. And Furnaces’ don’t care what they burn.”

You chew the inside of your lip. “So…take away the coal…”

”The flame dies down…” Twilight says.

You and her look at each other, both thinking the same thing.

“Do you have the materials to modify the spell back at the library?”

She nods. “Down in the basement, we’d better hurry.”

You take a step towards Comet.

"We will but…hold on.”

Comet’s eyes shrink and his fur stands up as you get closer. You clutch the box in your pocket.

”Gonna renege? Send me back now? Don’t grow too attached ta ya throat if ya do, humie.”

“Relax, Comet. I’m not.”

"Then…what?” he asks, still wary and probably pissed.

“Come with us.”

A stiff breeze passes between you two.

”…Wut.” he says.

“You heard me. I’m putting this Army of Darkness together, make it an Army of Barkness.”

Twilight facehoofs, Chrysalis groans. Twat, like she knows a good joke.

”Are you…friggen SERIOUS?” Comet asks. “Tha’ HELL would I do that?”

You shrug. “Because I have something you want.”

You walk closer to him, he backs away towards the trees out of instinct. “And because, you know that’s what’s going to happen, right? If we fail? You’ve already been in two of the worst places imaginable in your un-lifetime, do you really want to go for a third?”

Comet grinds his teeth and narrows his eyes. “Temptin’ offer…but like ya said, I’m just an undead mutt who’s been outa the game for a while. I aint throwin’ what time I got left away against a juiced up Tirek if that’s all I got.”

“Then it won’t be.” You say.

You grab the box in your pocket and whip it at Comet. His rough lifestyle makes him reach out and grab it in a heartbeat right before it’d have hit his face.

He looks at you questioningly, you decide to keep staring and let your offer do the talking. Comet opens the box, his eyes widen in the second life shaking shock of his day. He reaches in and pulls a golden amulet on a long chain out of the box, letting the light casting off it catch him in the eye and illuminate them with wonder.

”Is…this…?” he starts.

“Yeah, it is. Welcome back, Dogfather.”

You pocket your hands again and turn back to the hills.

“Now fall in with our other little stormclouds. We’ve got our local library to get to…”

You yawn at the top of a hill just outside Ponyville the next day.

“Mmnnnn…”

Been a while since you pulled an all nighter.

”If you cannot stand on the battlefield, human, return to your bed and let us handle this.”

“And miss your fantastic personality, Sombra? Not a chance.”

Chrysalis joins the two of you from the bottom of the hill where Dogfather is doing some sorcery. ”Blunt as he is, the rock biter has a point. If you cannot maintain awareness on the field, perhaps your responsibilities are best left to another.”

You fiddle with the spell crystal in your pocket. You and Twilight had spent all night refining and crafting the spell as per what Dogfather told you.

Just like old times.

“And give you two both the leverage to do what you want? Not a chance.”

Raspy laughter comes from behind you as Dogfather walks up the hill in a newly conjured suit, tie, and hat. “Sounds like ya learned a bit since I last left, eh?”

You grunt in acknowledgement. As you do, Twilight swoops down from the sky and lands next to you three.

“Everything set?”

Twilight nods. “The others moved the townsfolk as far away as they could...but…”

“Twi?”

Twilight frowns angrily. “Why aren’t we going into the Everfree Forrest to try and get the Elements? It can’t hurt to have them helping us.”

“Do you think you can control them in your…state?” you ask.

”What? What state?” Sombra asked.

“Shutup.”

None of the others new about Twilight’s absorbing the Princesses’ magic, but time on that secret was rapidly running out as planned.

Twilight remains firm. “It can’t hurt to try.”

“That’s a no….Look, Twilight, I’m asking for your trust. As your friend and colleague…please, we’re almost done.”

Twilight was the one who’d been with you the longest through this and every step of the way, so for a moment, just for her, you let her look into your eyes and see something that isn’t the ice cold you’d been presenting to everyone. She looks into your eyes for near an eternity and sighs.

”I hope you know what you’re doing, Anon…”

“Me too…”

You look at your watch. It had been about 40 hours since news had broken about Tirek…

“That’ll have to do…Twilight. Light it.”

Twilight raises her horn into the sky and fires a magenta sphere of magic high up into it. The sphere explodes in a shower of sparks that rains down on the countryside for all for miles to see.

…And then the ground starts shaking.

He comes through over a hill from the Everfree, pushing the larger trees out of his way like branches and crushing the smaller ones. His titanic size rivals the mountains in the distance and his horns point straight up and seem to scratch the sky, arc of energy sparking between them. He stands clench fisted, his red infernal skin coursing with the magma hot magic of an entire kingdom flowing through his veins and his body seems to radiate power. His black and yellow eyes focus on your hilltop and seem to bore through you and into the pits of Tartarus beneath you.

When he speaks, the world rumbles. “So…this is that presence I felt moving around. I see you collected a group of rejects in your spare time. Tell me, did you come here to grovel at the hooves of the new ruler of this world?”

Bravado bravado bravado.

“What the hell do you think, idiot?”

Tirek chuckles once. “Ah, morsels then. Very well, you’ll go well with the other things I’ve obtained…”

”I think not, Tirek!” Twilight steps forward and stares up at the colossus.

”And you are?”

”Twilight Sparkle.” she begins. “PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle.”

Tirek’s face contorts. “Another? They’ll make anyone a princess now…where were you when I imprisoned the rest of your kind, Alicorn?”

Twilight stands her ground. “They sent me away so I’d be safe…along with all their magic!”

A long silence passes and Tirek laughs heartily, causing snow on a mountain peak in the distance to fall. “I had wondered where they had sent it! But never did I believe that they’d be fool enough to place it all in one little pony who can barely control it!”

Twilight’s eye twitches and her horn glows.

A lance of purple magic erupts from the tip of her horn and streaks past Tirek, grazing his cheek.

“…You were saying?” You say, still in awe of the display.

Tirek watches the bolt fly off and explode in the distance before he turns back to you and scowls. “I see…then if we’re going to drop all pretense…”

Tirek opens his hand and reveals something, a crystal chest with six holes for six keys in it.

”Hey! That’s mine! Give it back!” Twilight calls.

”Hold onto your things better.” Tirek jides before throwing the chest into his mouth and biting down with a loud CRACK.

Chrysalis stands next to you wide eyed. “Uh oh…”

Tirek begins to swell as he absorbs…whatever the hell was in that chest and grows to even greater magnitude, now towering over the hill you were sitting on and glowering down.

”If you will not surrender your magic to me…I’ll pick it clean from your corpse!”

Sparks erupt from his horns and meet in the middle, forming a glowing ball of nuclear fusion between them.

”Oh my.”

”We need ta leave now…”

“Twi?”

Twilight continues to glare at Tirek as he releases the energy at you.

AW SHIT.

”MOVE US, GIRL!” Sombra cries.

Twilight’s horn momentarily glows purple as the beam of negatronic Fuckyouium races towards you-

A ping sound is heard-

-and you materialize on another hill some distance away. Back where you were, Tirek pours heat and rage and power into where you once were, reducing it to slag.

He turns and catches eye of you.

”He can see us…”

”Now Anon?” Twilight asks.

You’re still catching your breath from having your body pulled through your asshole, but you manage to get a few words out.

“Go! Go! Go fuck his day up!”

-Music-

Arcane fire ignites along the length of Twilight’s horn and she vanishes in a burst of violet light, appearing behind the gargantuan Tirek’s head and laying into him with a lance of magic. The attack breaks against the monster and erupts into a violent supernova, staggering Tirek and clouding his vision.

At the same time Sombra glares contemptuously up at the centaur, his eyes flaring evilly as dark magic fills him. He stomps his right fore hoof sharply against the ground, spikes of black crystal erupting up through the soil at his touch in a line towards Tirek, growing in size as they approach.

At last a spike like the trunk of a redwood lances up from the ground in front of Tirek, shattering against the beast’s skin. Almost as an afterthought Tirek swipes at the crystalline pillar, shattering it and sending boulder-sized masses flying through the air.

One shard embeds itself in the ground scant feet from where you overlook the conflict on a small hill.

“…Meep.”

Suddenly a spray of ice splashes against the demonic centaur’s torso, tendrils of frost creeping across his skin. The source is soon revealed to be the Dogfather, one hand in a pocket and the other raised at Tirek, thumb and forefinger extended in the shape of a pistol.

"Ya like dat, big guy? How’s about a little more, eh?” Once more a ray of frost issues forth from his outstretched finger and bursts explosively against the demon, hastening the spread of the frost. Tirek merely sneers arrogantly as the icy veins slowly spread, a look the canine mobster doesn’t miss. ”Think dat’s funny, eh? Well ow’s about somma dis!” he calls, withdrawing his other hand from his pocket and taking aim.

Though this time instead of frost a great ball of fire erupts from his finger accompanied by a cry of “Badda bing!”

The flaming projectile strikes Tirek squarely in the chest and engulfs him completely, a violent explosion rocking the area and concealing him in the resulting plume of smoke. As the Dogfather cheers loudly you frown; if Twilight and Sombra’s attacks had been brushed off so easily you doubt this one had fared any better. You can’t help but find it at least a little unsettling that some of the most powerful beings in the land are troubling Tirek about as much as a particularly annoying fly.

Then as though to confirm your suspicions a red hand reaches out through the veil of smoke and raises high into the air, twisting into a claw as though trying to grasp at the sky.

Suddenly streaks of lightning part the air, striking the ground for leagues in every direction.

You glance up at the sky and after a moment take a few steps to the right. As you continue to survey the devastation you offhandedly note a spray of dirt erupting from the spot where you had been standing only moments prior as a bolt of lightning strikes the ground.

A frown comes to your face as you watch the goings on; they aren’t fighting together, they’re all just waging individual battles against the same enemy. You search the area for any sign of Chrysalis, noting that the changeling queen had yet to make any move.

Twilight seems to share your thoughts and decides to make them known. “Feel free to lend a hoof any time you want, Chrysalis!” she calls out. A flash of green draws your attention as the villain in question appears by your side. “An impatient girl, that one. I wonder if she’ll live long enough to outgrow it.”

“Well you certainly could be contributing a little more,” you remark conversationally.

The queen scoffs. “The swarm marches at its own pace, human, not yours.”

Before you can retort a low rumbling catches your ear. Every second the mysterious sound grows louder and louder until the ground beneath your feet is vibrating.

You cast Chrysalis a sidelong glance. “Would this be your doing, then?”

The changeling queen says nothing, but the growing smirk is all the response you need. Soon the ground beneath Tirek’s hooves begins to crumble, of flood of chittering black monsters spilling out from great rents in the earth.

The chitinous mass wastes no time and within seconds the changelings swarm over Tirek gnawing, biting, and burning as they go. As Tirek’s red skin vanishes beneath the writhing mass of black Chrysalis’ smirk slowly changes into a smile like that of a proud mother. Tirek thrashes about for a while trying to dislodge his attackers, but to no avail; the swarm holds tight with teeth and magic and gives no ground.

”Such good children they are, braver than any army.”

“Bravery doesn’t count for everything. And I seem to recall that they don’t exactly have the best track record.”

Chrysalis looks as though she wants to retort, but the words die in her throat as an orange glow becomes visible through the swarm engulfing Tirek.

A look of terror overcomes the queen’s features. “Oh no,” she says barely above a whisper.

Her anxiety is palpable and even you can’t deny that what’s happening isn’t at least a little worrisome. ”Fly,” Chrysalis whispers to herself. “Fly, FLY!”

Almost at once the swarm scrambles to obey her command, the air darkening as hundreds of changelings take flight. It does them little good in the end.

A storm of nuclear fire erupts from Tirek, filling the air and scorching the land for leagues in every direction. You notice your companions shielding themselves through various means, but your view of impending death is blocked off as emerald flames burst from the ground to envelope you and Chrysalis in a protective shell.

After a few moments the flames die down and you’re left to take in the scene of destruction. The land is black and glossy for a kilometer in every direction, trees stand dead and bare, and the faces of mountains glow cherry red. Only a small patch of green remains beneath you where Chrysalis had warded off the flames.

And all the while ash drifts gently down through the air like black snow.

You hear a light thud as a small fragment of debris lands on the blackened ground before you and Chrysalis, the queen’s eyes going wide as she recognizes what it is.

A chitinous, black horn.

From the way she stares at it you can tell the others will have to fare without her for a while. You decide it best to not say anything, anything you say could very well attract ire that would be much better directed elsewhere.

Meanwhile Twilight decides to take advantage of the situation, teleporting to the still glowing peak of a nearby mountain and alighting upon it, taking no notice of the near molten stone beneath her hooves.

Eyes burning with power, she brings a hoof sharply down upon the stone, the blow backed by her near godly magical might. Fissures split the stone, but the mountain holds together. Undeterred, she brings her hoof down again sundering the rock yet further, but still it holds. Before she can muster enough energy for another strike a shadow falls over her, coalescing into the form of Sombra.

”Frail child,” he mocks in a hoarse whisper.

Without another word the mad king’s eyes flare that familiar sickly green and brings his own hoof down upon the mountain. Spires of jagged crystal erupt from the rents in the mountain side, finishing the job Twilight had started and tearing the peak apart, sending much of the rock face tumbling.

Though the instant the rock face breaks free Twilight is in action, grabbing hold of the debris in a magical grip. Twilight, straining from the effort of holding up nearly half a mountain, gives one final burst of energy and sends it sailing away.

The debris hurtles through the air propelled on by alicorn magic, a storm of crystallized evil and half-molten stone bearing down on Tirek. The assault catches him fully unprepared, a hail of wicked crystal razors and glowing red boulders pummeling him until nothing can be seen from the dust cloud kicked up.

Your companions waste no time taking advantage of the lull in combat to regroup, each of them making their way to the small, pockmarked hill you’ve chosen to base yourself on. A flash of violet heralds the appearance of Twilight. “This isn’t working, our attacks are having no discernable effect,” she wastes no time in pointing out.

A cloud of black fog materializes nearby, solidifying into Sombra. ”You’ve no one but yourself to blame for this, usurper. Say what you will of me, but how many times have you brought your world to the brink of destruction? Even I was never so careless.”

You imagine that you can hear Twilight’s teeth grinding from where you stand.

”Yeah, but didn’t little miss princess over ‘ere give you a good beatin’ not long ago, buddy? Where’s dat put you?”

”Still higher than you, mutt,” the mad king growls.

“This solves nothing,” you interject, gesturing towards Tirek. “There’s only one enemy here, at the very least wait until he’s taken care of before turning on each other.”

”How can we do that, though?” Twilight asks. “He’s thrown off everything we’ve hit him with so far. I know we’ve only just begun but this isn’t the least bit encouraging.”

”Perhaps you should have chosen better companions, these fools you’ve chosen to ally us with are pathetic,” Chrysalis hisses.

The Dogfather laughs in response. “Listen lady, I may notta hit ‘im the hardest, but at least my plan was better’n ‘buzz around for a while and die’. Please tell me you got somethin’ better’n dat.”

”I agree with the dog on this matter, your efforts were singularly pathetic,” Sombra mocks with a sneer.

Chrysalis rounds on the pair with such fury that for a moment you’re sincerely worried that your group might tear itself apart that instant.

”They were braver than either of you pathetic weaklings!” the changeling shouts in a wounded fury. “Any of my subjects is ten times the warrior either of you are! Such miserable beings as you have no right to speak. A king without a kingdom and a princess’s lapdog; what sorry creatures you are.”

“Enough of your bickering!” you shout at last, your patience spent. “Arguing does not help our cause. If Tirek succeeds we all die, I hope you haven’t forgotten that. There must be something you can do to put him on the defensive.”

For a moment the group is silent, though whether they’re considering your words or plotting to murder each other you can’t say.

”I’m thinkin’ we should just take the kid gloves off. Just go all out ‘n hit wit everthin’ we got.”

”Do we know if that will even phase him?” Twilight asks.

“I think you should save that for when he’s weakened. You can’t tire yourselves out and exert all your strength in the opening moments of the fight, save the killing blow for when you’ve gained the upper hand.”

At last Chrysalis speaks up. “If you can buy me some time I will summon my guards. They are powerful and will match this monster blow for blow, but they are far away and will need time to arrive.”

“Good, that’s something.” You turn to the others. “What can you do to buy her the time she needs?”

”Might be safe ta say that Tirek ain’t too homesick,” the Dogfather offers. “If youz can distract ‘im long enough for me ta get in all good n’ close like I can give ‘im a little present from ol’ Tartarus.”

“You could blind him,” you suggest.

”I can set the sun and change it to night,” Twilight offers.

”The beast shall never see the knife at his throat,” Sombra adds.

”I think I can help youz out wit dat,” the Dogfather says. “Now we got a plan or what?”

Twilight looks dubious. “How do we know this will work?”

“How do we know any of this will work?” you counter.

She shakes her head in exasperation. “Fair enough. I’m ready when you all are.”

At that instant Tirek’s voice thunders out across the battleground ”YOU CANNOT WOUND ME, INSECTS! I SPIT UPON YOUR PATHETIC EFFORTS!”

Your companions need no further prompting.

You glance at Twilight. “Let’s get it started.”

The alicorn takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, violet fire springing to life along her horn as she channels her power. In an instant the sun crosses half the sky and falls below the horizon with the moon rising to takes it’s place, all the land being cast into darkness in mere seconds. Wordlessly Sombra is engulfed by shadows, his shade becoming nearly invisible in the blackness of night.

The Dogfather straightens his jacket and takes one last drag on his cigar before leaving, the orange glow casting his face in an unsettling shadow. “Looks like I’m off den. Wish me luck.”

”I hope this works,” Twilight says as you stare at the Dogfather’s retreating form.

“You and me both.”

”YOUR TRICKS WILL NOT AID YOU,” Tirek bellows out through the shadows. “THE NIGHT WILL NOT HIDE YOU, DESTRUCTION WILL FIND YOU ALL THE SAME.”

At that moment Sombra descends upon him, a black shade with evil, burning eyes.

”Darkness!” he hisses as he whips around Triek on a contrail of black fog, a cloud growing and spreading each second.

”TIRESOME INSECTS,” Tirek snorts as he blindly tries to swat Sombra from the air.

On the ground the Dogfather closes on the giant centaur, a smirk on his face. “Can’t hit what ya can’t see, tough guy.” He takes a long, hard pull on his cigar, and then with a mighty breath exhales a plume of thick smog that clings Tirek and adds to Sombra’s efforts.

The shroud of smoke and evil soon engulfs Tirek fully, only his shouts of anger escaping the veil, though soon his shouts are followed by spells of incredible magnitude. A torrent of fire bursts from the cloud, scorching acres of land and turning the ground to glass. A bolt of lightning erupts next, lancing across the land and striking a distant mountain, shattering it like glass. Each spell carries with it a force to lay waste to entire cities, and as each is vomited out you can’t help but wish for this fight to be ended.

Then as though in response to your wishes the Dogfather manages to close on Tirek, coming to a halt just before the swirling cloud.

”What’s dis? Ya don’t call, ya don’t write; ya don’t seem too keen on keepin’ in touch, so ‘ows about we bring da party ta you?”

He takes his cigar from his mouth and give it a swift, hard flick that sends the end flying to the ground. As the ember sinks into the scorched earth and the ground catches fire the Dogfather smirks and ficks a thumb to reignite his cigar.

”Courtesy ‘o Tartarus, no need ta thank me,” he calls as he retreats.

While Tirek rages obliviously in darkness the fire spreads over the dead and blackened earth, the flames eating away at the very ground.

Almost frighteningly quickly the flames spread across a swath of earth nearly as great as Tirek himself.

As the fire burns higher and hotter the ground begins to crumble away, giving way to a view of a realm of madness. Otherworldy flames flare up through the wound in reality, bellowing high into the sky with such intensity that it dispels the choking cloud engulfing Triek. His sight restored at last, Tirek is greeted with a sight that stills even his great fury for a moment.

The fires of Tartarus reach up for him, grasping at him with burning fingers and raking black lines across his red skin. Tirek backpedals furiously in an effort to put as much distance between himself and the flames as possible.

So illuminated by the light of hellfire, for a moment you’re able to catch what might pass for a glint of fear in the demon’s eyes.

There it is.

“Chrysalis, how much longer?”

The queen closes her eyes, appearing almost lost in thought. “Soon…” she hisses shortly after.

“How soon?”

“Very soon,” she says, eyes flitting back and forth beneath their lids.

“Twilight, change it back.”

Once more Twilight channels her magic and moves the heavens to her will. The moon whips through the skies as the sun returns to take its spot once more. Wide with fear and already partially blind from the flames, Tirek’s eyes are painfully assaulted by the sudden shift back to day. The centaur roars with pain and screws his eyes shut, raising his hands to ward off the light.

“How long?” you press Chrysalis.

She snaps her eyes open and fixes her gaze upon Tirek. ”Now.”

At her word the ground erupts behind Tirek, a colossal black monster tearing free of the earth and leaping upon him, driving him forward and into the flames. Tirek thrashes about in panic as hellfire sears his skin, the screeching monster on his back a maelstrom of bladed talons and slashing claws.

After a moment the centaur manages to regain his footing, grabbing hold of his assailant as he does and throwing it from him while he makes his escape from the fire. With the nightmare creature’s form no longer obscured by the flames you’re finally able to get a good look at it.

Tirek as well wastes no time sizing up his newest challenger, placing himself a safe distance from the burning portal as he does. The creature is a terrible mix of spines, chitin plates, and wicked claws, though even as you observe it green fire spreads across its carapace. Chitin melts and runs like wax while limbs snap and sunder, its form altering before you. Slowly its new shape takes solidity and you can’t help but feel the slightest bit unsettled. Before you all now stands a twisted mirror of Tirek, though in place of red skin and fur black chitin plates clothe the beast. Four arms ending in long, bladed talons protrude from its shoulders and a single jagged horn rises from its head while from its back protrude great, black armored spikes.

But as monstrous as it is; all claws and spines and fangs, even worse are the two burning eyes in its skull, glittering with malign intellect. This is no slavering beast Chrysalis has called, but an engine of war, its eyes cold and calculating as they size up their prey.

”What in Equestria is that?” Twilight demands.

“My thoughts exactly.”

”Rajaxx,” Chrysalis almost purrs. “First of my praetorians and commander of my armies in my absence.”

“A cockroach on steroids?”

”Just watch and you will learn something of changeling might, human.”

And you intend to do just that, the more you can learn of your enemies’ strengths the better.

For his part Tirek remains wary of the beast despite it only being a little over half his size, though none of his bravado vanishes. “You will burn like the others, worm,” he snorts derisively.

In response the monster opens wide its fanged maw, a hideous roar issuing forth in challenge.

Tirek paws the ground with a hoof. “Come then, insect. Come and die!”

The warrior beast needs no further invitation and charges Tirek, its chitinous hooves tearing up great swathes of land as it barrels down its war path. Tirek charges to meet it and the very land quakes beneath the fury of the thundering giants. The two collide with a resounding crash that seems to shake the entire world, laying into each other with unholy fury.

Tirek lands a blow on Rajaxx’s armored chest with a force to sunder mountains, but the praetorian’s hardened carapace simply soaks up the damage, the strike doing little more than halting the monster’s charge. Then more swiftly than such a being has any right to be Rajaxx lunges forward, taloned claws ensnaring Tirek’s arm and pulling him forward into a vicious left hook delivered by two armored fists. The blow catches Tirek off guard and staggers him, having been unprepared for the might his adversary was possessed of.

Rajaxx presses his advantage and delivers a powerful backhand from both left claws, the jagged chitin of his fists raking deep gashes across Tirek’s face. Tirek, left arm still ensnared by the changeling’s talons, responds with another punch aimed at Rajaxx’s head, but the praetorian is already in motion to intercept it.

Rajaxx catches the fist in his left claws before it can land and drives his plated forehead into Tirek’s nose, releasing his victim as he does. Tirek staggers backwards clutching his ruined face, droplets of burning demonic blood falling to the ground where they spit and sizzle.

With Tirek so distracted Rajaxx surges forward and delivers a double right hook to the centaur’s already wounded head, turning him away. At that moment the ground before Tirek erupts once more, yet another horror twin to Rajaxx bursting forth. As it collides with Tirek it vomits a torrent of burning green ichor into his face, blinding him temporarily and setting him ablaze. Tirek roars in agony and staggers away from the dual assault, the emerald fire clinging to him and refusing to be extinguished regardless of his thrashing.

You stare at the newest arrival in morbid fascination, it’s almost identical to its twisted counterpart though with a few marked differences. Instead of claws the beast sports two pairs of scythe-like mantis blades, as well the horn sprouting from its head is considerably larger than its twin’s. And while this one’s eyes burn with the same calculating malevolence, there is also an evil fire deep within them, ancient and terrible. This is not a warrior of brute force like Rajaxx, but something different.

“And who would this fine fellow be?” you ask conversationally.

”Skeram, my advisor and second only to Rajaxx in power.”

”I wonder what he had to say about the attack on Canterlot,” Twilight mutters, though if Chrysalis heard her she gave no sign.

“That he wasn’t there probably tells us…” you mutter back.

Meanwhile the newly arrived Skeram wastes no time displaying his power. His jagged horn glows a sickly green while similarly colored flames fill his maw. Skeram disgorges a destructive bolt of changeling magic, the arcane assault striking Tirek full in the chest and nearly sending him to the ground.

In amazement you watch as the once unstoppable demon begins to give ground under the combined assault of the two praetorian warriors, Rajaxx laying into him relentlessly with fist and claw while Skeram bombards him spells of terrifying power.

This is what you’ve been waiting for, Tirek is completely on the defensive now.

Evidently your companions take notice of this as well. The Dogfather, having beat a hasty retreat once his business with the portal was done, now observes the battle from a safe distance though is eager to enter the fray once more.

”Ain’t dat a fancy trick. Well I got a few fancy tricks of my own.”

He brings a hand to his mouth and delivers a shrill whistle. “Up ‘n at ‘em boys, dere’s work ta be done!”

At his command the blazing portal to Tartarus flares even brighter for a moment before quickly dying altogether. The flames die but leave behind a parting gift from Tartarus in the forms of six constructs of stone and fire. Each stands four meters tall with demonic visages carved into the stones that serve for heads. But though their eyes burn just as bright and terrible as Chrysalis’ praetorians, they lack the vile cunning the former possess. They are mindless constructs of hate and rage in thrall to the Dogfather’s will, though their master wastes no time in putting them to good use.

”Alright boys, sick ‘em!” he commands.

The infernal constructs charge into battle, fearless of the towering demon lord.

Meanwhile Tirek manages to break away from the changelings, gaining himself a brief respite. As he regains his breath he returns to battle with vigor, charging forward and aiming a blow at Rajaxx. But before the blow contacts he stumbles, the fiery golems grabbing at his hooves with burning claws and holding tight with demonic strength.

Tirek’s blow falls short and as it sails by Rajaxx catches him under the chin with a dual uppercut. The blow sends him careening to the ground and within seconds the golems swarm over their victim, burning and clawing at the downed demon.

You can hardly believe it, you finally have the upper hand. You make an effort not to become too hopeful, but it really looks like Tirek might be weakening. It appears as though even the others are noticing as well.

However your hope is short lived.

An evil red light emanates from Tirek and his muscles swell with unholy strength. With one mighty sweep of his arm he flings the fiery golems away, a few simply disintegrating as his blow connects with the rest shattering as they strike the ground. With deliberate slowness Tirek raises himself from the ground and turns to face the praetorian guards, snuffing out the flames eating away at him with a burst of magic while his wounds close and heal before them.

”That is more than enough of this foolishness, you die now insects.” He rumbles.

Rajaxx screeches out a furious challenge and charges Tirek, a clawed fist lunging at him. Hand blazing with a hellish light, Tirek grabs at the incoming claw and catches it in an iron grip while his other hand wraps itself around Rajaxx’s throat and holds fast.

With a powerful tug and a crack of shattering chitin, Triek rips the arm free and flings it away, a rain of caustic green blood trailing it. Tirek then drives his forehead into Rajaxx’s face, fragments of chitin flying as he makes contact.

Then with a strong shove he then throws the wounded warrior beast away where he falls to lie bleeding on the ground. As his brother hits the ground Skeram unleashes another magical artillery round. The attack strikes Tirek full in the chest, but the demon barely budges under the assault.

Tirek reaches out with a hand, chains of fire leaping from his palm to ensnare the screeching insect warrior. With a sharp yank he pulls Skeram from his hooves and sends him sailing through the air towards him. As Skeram nears Tirek clasps his hands together and raises them high into the air, bringing them down in a mighty haymaker that connects squarely with the praetorian with a thunderous crash and sends him into the ground. He then wraps a hand around one of the spines protruding from Skeram’s back and digs his fingers into the back of the changeling’s centaurian lower half. When his grip is firm enough he begins to pull. With a horrendous crack of shattering carapace and a screech of agony, Tirek rips the warrior’s abdomen free, its lower half falling dead and useless to the ground.

Out of the corner of your eye you notice how Chrysalis stares unblinkingly at the scene of carnage. Almost out of nowhere you feel an unexpected twinge of pity for her, this can’t be easy to watch. As Tirek holds up Skeram’s severed torso he drinks in his victory, however his assumption is premature. Springing into unexpected action Skeram wrenches himself free of Tirek’s grip, swinging onto Tirek’s back and driving all four of his scything talons into the demon’s chest where he holds fast, sinking his teeth into Tirek’s shoulder as he does.

Tirek snorts in anger and reaches up to finish off the warrior for good, but he finds his arms ensnared in the death grip of Rajaxx’s talons. As the two stare each other down, you notice both Rajaxx and Skeram’s horns flaring a brilliant green. Soon the glow spreads to their eyes and their mouths fill with fire, tongues of flame flaring out through their teeth. Within seconds the glow infuses their carapaces as power grows and surges within them. It isn’t particularly difficult to figure out where this is going, especially if the look on Chrysalis’ face is any indication.

“Aw crap. Is this something we should know about, Chrysalis?”

Chrysalis swallows. “They will die before they fail me,” she says hoarsely. “And die they will. As will everything caught in the blast.”

“Caught in the blast?” You don’t like the sound of that one bit.

She spares you a brief glance. “Guard yourselves.”

Your eyes go wide. “Twilight?”

A transparent violet field of magic envelopes the three of you, though you hardly feel any safer. For all purposes it appears as though little more than a thin shell of glass is all that stands between you and the suicidal behemoths about to go supernova.

As glowing fissures split what chitin remains intact on the beasts you notice a figure sprinting up the hill towards you.

”Oi! Let me in, I only jus’ got back, I don’t wanna die again this soon!” the Dogfather calls, his coat flapping madly behind him as he dashes for safety.

For a moment you think Twilight might just leave him to die, but as he reaches the bubble a hole opens up and grants him entry. The hole reseals not a moment too soon, the bodies of Skeram and Rajaxx proving unable to contain the amassing power for any longer.

Their shells split with a crack like a thunderbolt and then the air turns green. A wave of power washes over the shield Twilight projects and you find yourself hoping dearly that she doesn’t falter. However the praetorians’ death knell begins to take its toll on Twilight, the alicorn slowly sinking to her knees under the pressure of maintaining the shield, a small trickle of red running from her nose.

Then just as it seems she can go no longer a wall of ebon crystal erupts from the ground before the dome, shielding you yet further from the blast. Suddenly the shade of Sombra materializes beside Twilight, glaring down at her in contempt.

”You die when I say, not before,” he hisses.

Regardless of where it came from, you can’t help but feel grateful for the aid. The next few moments pass like hours as you stare at the wall of crystal, silently praying for it to hold.

Then all at once it ends. The magic fades from the air and everything calms. Twilight lowers her shield at last, sighing with relief as it dissipates.

You glance up at the smoking crystals that saved you as they glow bright red, the energy of the blast having reduced much of them to slag.

A glance around reveals that what little remained standing after Tirek’s other attacks is now scorched bare, nothing within sight save the crystals before you standing any higher than the odd twig. With a deep breath you stride out from behind the black pillars, anxious to see how Tirek fared under the twin guards’ death throes. The sight you behold leaves you feeling utterly dismayed. In a crater of cracked glass Tirek, battered but still standing strong, slowly raises himself to his hooves, a look of stoney defiance set on his face as he stares out at the hill you occupy.

One by one your companions join you, gazes locked firmly upon the demon lord.

After a tense moment Tirek breaks the silence. ”I am Tirek, lord of the Midnight Castle and all my gaze falls upon. I am as a god before such as you and I shall not be undone. Fight if you like, but you will fall. Your struggles are in vain.”

For a moment you lock eyes with Twilight, an unspoken understanding passing between the two of you. You then turn your attention to the villains.

”Well?” you demand. “Are you not the most evil beings to walk this land? Will you allow him to defy you so brazenly?”

Chrysalis’ lips pull back in a furious snarl and Sombra growls deep in his throat, his burning gaze locked upon Tirek.

”I’d say dis’d be as good a time as any ta let the dogs out, eh?” the Dogfather remarks. Twilight nods. “It’s all or nothing now. We’ll hit him with everything we have, we must hold nothing back.” ”Vengeance,” Chrysalis snarls, emerald fires blazing to life in her eyes.

”Let’s put this mook down for good,” the Dogfather agrees as his fur begins to smolder, tongues of fire beginning to leap from his skin.

“He shall beg for death,” comes the haunting whisper of Sombra as his form becomes ethereal once more, drifting away as a formless cloud of black smog.

You extend one arm and shoot them back an almost angry glare. “I told you to hold him until I say, do NOT fire early. Go.” Needing no further prompting your companions spring into action, charging once more unto the breach and leave you there twiddling your thumbs impatiently.

Come on, come on…

Twilight and Chrysalis take wing, darting for Tirek in all haste while the Dogfather takes off on all fours, pawprints of fire trailing his passage.

Sombra reaches Tirek first manifesting as an oppressive wall of fog, dwarfing the titanic centaur with his immeinsity. Two emerald eyes leaking twin streams of violet fire appear in the mist gazing ominously down. Tirek stands resolute before Sombra, meeting the malevolent gaze defiantly.

Suddenly the black fog surges forward. “Weaken!” he demands. “It is my will!” The cloud engulfs Tirek fully, the choking mist bearing down on him like a furious thunderhead come to life. Tirek breathes a torrent of fire into the darkness, but the fog merely parts before it as it passes uselessly through. With terrifying swiftness black tendrils creep up Tirek’s two right legs, crystals growing and spreading wherever they touch.

Soon the crystals cover both legs, severely limiting Tirek’s movement.

The two eyes in the fog narrow in triumph. “Bend, demon. BREAK!” At Sombra’s command crystal spikes erupt from both legs, shattering bone and tearing through flesh. With a grunt Tirek sinks to his knees, his right side rendered useless by the crystals that even now sizzle and melt under the unleashed torrents of burning blood.

“He’s wounded, bring him down!” you shout.

Your companions waste no time and take full advantage of the momentary weakness. The Dogfather skids to a halt, kicking up a cloud of ash. Swiftly he rights himself and sticks a fresh cigar in his mouth, lighting it with a flick of his thumb.

He then draws hard, the cigar igniting with a whoosh and burning down to a stump within seconds. As he inhales his body is lit from within as flames of Tartarus writhe and churn within him, his skeleton appearing dark and wicked through his illuminated skin.

With a flick he discards the butt of his cigar. Then with a great howl the infernal hellhound unleashes a torrent of hellfire at the injured Tirek, the unholy flames hungering for what passes for the demon’s soul.

Above the battlefield Twilight’s eyes flash white as the might of the heavens fills her.

Then when at last she can hold no more she unleashes every spark of destructive might she’s capable of, a lance of pure might descending upon Tirek as a furious sword cast from heaven.

At the same time Chrysalis bears down on Tirek, the fire in her eyes spreading across the whole of her body. A corona of emerald flames fueled by grief and vengeance grows and flares about her until she shines as bright as the sun above. Then with one last shriek of grief-stricken fury she barrels towards her target on wings of Armageddon fire.

You stand watching the battle unfold as little more than an observer, eyes glued to the scene as the attacks converge on Tirek. As focused you are on the events unfolding before you you nearly miss something off in the distance, a sound so faint yet bringing with it so much hope.

A train whistle.

The instant before the attacks impact Tirek you allow a relieved grin to grow on your face.

“Showtime.”

-Music-

The train whistle blares again, louder this time and getting the attention of your compatriots. And Tirek.

“Now! Pour it on! Don’t let him get an inch!”

They turn and hammer Tirek again, forcing his attention away from the noise.

You however, run up the hill and look over the horizon, trying to get view of it. And atop the mound, you are not disappointed. It races over the rails at breakneck speed, the tracks underneath shaking and straining to contain its power as it races towards you.

The crystal that makes up its body reflects the sunlight, turning it into a blinding missile. It’s also got red paint splashed on the front, covered in pony skulls, and has “THOMAS THE DANK ENGINE” carved into the side, smoke rises from a back half that was recently set on fire..

“Haha!” you exclaim. “Guys! The last storm cloud is here!”

”What in Tartarus does THAT mean, human!?” Sombra shouts.

“It means pour it on! Everything you got! Don’t give him a bloody centimeter! And it wouldn’t kill you to work together!”

Sombra stomps his hoof and raises jagged spikes from the ground in front of Tirek, warding him back while Chrysalis harries his back.

You begin to jump up and down on the hilltop towards the train as it nears Ponyville. He was seriously hauling ass, but in the wrong ass direction. He toots his horn. “ALL ABOARD THE MAGICAL MURDER EXPRESS!” he shouts over the intercom on it.

And then he goes off the tracks.

Mous and his engine of destruction shoot into Ponyville station lightning fast but don’t stop there. The barricade meant to stop runaway trains explodes into fragments of steel and wood as the high speed crystal train stops for no one.

After that, the train still eats up distance, albeit chaotically as Mous somehow directs the engine with no tracks as it speeds towards you.

Right at you.

“Whoop.”

You about face and run down the hill. Twilight, Chrysalis, Sombra, and Dogfather continue to throw their all at Tirek. “GO GO GO! GET HIM RIGHT IN FRONT OF THIS HILL! NOW!”

The ground underneath you rumbles and makes you trip.

Twilight pauses in the air and looks at the scene while you roll down the hill. “Anon what the BUCK!?”

“PUSH HIM, TWI! IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS!”

Twilight flies around in front of Tirek and summons a purple aura around herself, slamming into the centaur with a thundercrack and pushing. Sombra launches crystals the size of SUV’s up from the ground at Tirek, battering his knees. Dogfather holds his hands together shooting gouts of angry red fire out between them, screaming like a madman, while Chrysalis buzzes Tirek’s head like a terrible moth, zapping him with her magic.

The rumbling from behind the hill and the hellish noise of machine eating dirt behind you grows and grows. You dive to the ground just in time.

The world and everyone in it freezes at the sight as Mous hits the hill with the train, angling into the air and launching the entire thing into the sky up straight at Tirek all while screaming bloody murder over the intercom.

It all comes crashing down when Mous and his train slam into Tirek at full force. The front of the engine buckles and coughs as it still tries to push itself forward, the moment of the cars behind slamming into it one after the other.

Tirek staggers with each train car that coils against his chest and screams in agony. By your guess, that train had been going about two hundred miles an hour, and that train all together probably weight about 4,000 tons…

You’re too busy right now to do the exact math, but it amounts to a hell of a lot of “fuck you” hitting Tirek at once.

“POUR IT ON!”

As Tirek files backwards, your allies give no quarter. Dogfather summons hellish meteors which strike at Tirek while Sombra makes crystal spikes erupt from the ground and explode underneath him. Twilight fires a sustained beam of magic with supporting fire by Chrysalis.

And finally, all at once and with a great WHAM, Tirek falls to the ground.

“KEEP GOING! WE HAVE HIM!”

Twilight magics up a glowing purple ball and chain which wraps around Tirek’s legs while Sombra sprouts up more crystalline totems to trap his arms. The crashed train, now torn to pieces by the impact, rests on his torso as a pressing weight.

And for the first time in a while you let out the breath you had been holding.

You wave the others over and break into a jog towards Tirek’s head. The area had been obliterated in the fight. Large swaths of land had holes and trenches blasted out of them, trees were bent and pulled up from the ground by the explosions or the train. Tirek’s massive hooves left deep indentations in the earth and you can see even from here that his collapse to the ground will make a new quarry sized hole for Ponyville.

The land had suffered but it was a good bit better than the alternative…

You get to Tirek’s head as it bleeds blood onto the ground so hot that it lights the grass on fire. Tirek wasn’t moving but…

“Will that hold him long enough?”

Sombra looks over the battered and blasted body of Tirek who, while down, was still breathing. “The beast will not be moving soon…”

Good…

You put your hands in your coat pocket and stroll down the hill towards Tirek’s head.

“Stay here.” You tell your allies.

You walk down the hill, Tirek’s head lays sideways amidst burning wreckage on the ground after the train-haymaker he took.

When you approach, his golden trimmed eyes crack open. Where before you felt under the gaze of a monster of old, now you feel like you’re looking at a bear in a trap.

“Tirek. Do you know why you failed?”

His brow furrows and knits closer as he struggles under the weight of a train and a couple thousand tons of rock. ”Failure…is beneath…me, worm.”

"Well you’re the authority on being beneath stuff now. Answer the question.”

Tirek struggles a bit under the rubble in a bid to squash you or something. Fine, not like you needed him to answer.

“You failed because you thought you were something else than what you are. You cast aside your other half, your brother Skorpanok or whatever, because you didn’t see what he gave you…”

You dare to reach out and flick Tirek’s nose. “Perspective, and the assistance you so desperately needed. Perhaps if you had trusted your brother, he could have pointed out the flaws in your plan. Perhaps if you had listened to your brother, you wouldn’t be here in the first place.”

Tirek struggles and shifts some stones off him.

“Don’t embarrass yourself, Tirek. It’s over.”

”NOT YET! WE’RE NOT DONE!” comes a shout as the door to the train engine wreckage was thrown open.

A hand slams down on the edge of the engine frame and hauls a body out, the owner of which you knew well enough to know he’d be here. Mous glares down at you and Tirek. “Not yet…we’re not done yet…” he seethes. Mous pulls himself out of the train car and climbs to his feet.

He is battered and bruised, his clothes torn and stained with blood in too high a quantity to be entirely his. His bloodshot eyes have deep dark circles around them and you can see him dragging his ankle.

However when you run over to help him, he weakly pushes past you.

”We’re not done…not until he gives back everything he took.” Mous growls.

Tirek growls at Mous himself pinned under the rock and metal. “You will not take what I have made mine, insect.” He says before clamping his mouth shut.

Mous doesn’t fire off his usual quip, instead just going for his knife. “Then I’ll cut you open bit by bit until I find where you keep it!” he shouts, half starting to lunge.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” you shout, grabbing him. “Easy Rambo…”

You pull Mous back, watching that knife after what happened in the town hall, and get close to his ear.

“I have a spell, but you need to not fuck this up and help me.” You whisper.

As not to let Tirek catch on and possibly counter-act you, you break away.

“So, think you can get his mouth open for me?” you ask.

Mous blinks at you, possibly weighing his options between what you ask and his slicing idea, but you aren’t surprised when he takes a third option.

Mous rushes forward to Tirek’s face and jams his knife into the centaur’s eye.

The earth shakes under the combined force of Tirek thrashing at the steel in his eye and the scream that he produces.

“Good enough!” you shout, tossing your crystal into his agape mouth.

The crystal breaks against one of Tirek’s fangs and releases the spell kept inside which rushes down Tirek’s throat. Near Tirek’s broken stomach, under the skin, comes a cacophony of lights that shine through the thick skin.

"Come on buddy, down!” you shout as you grab Mous from his place twisting the knife into Tirek’s eye some more and duck down to the ground.

Tirek hacks once, spitting up the same lights that hid under his skin. Twice release a bit more which floats into the air. On the throaty cough, the spell takes effect and rips the magic Tirek had absorbed from his body, shooting it out from his mouth and into the sky.

You feel the magic sear a bit of your clothes as Tirek vomits the combined cutie marks of the entire kingdom out of himself. The arc of energy flies up into the sky before spreading out to all corners of Equestria, blessing the denizens of it with the return of their livelihood while looking pretty wicked at the same time.

Once it dies down, you push yourself up and look around, Mous stays on his knees catching his breath. Tirek lays emaciated and small in the middle of the crater he once occupied, moaning slightly with the errant twitch.

You let out another sigh, this one you didn’t know you’d been holding.

“Done…”

”Anon! You did it!” you hear behind you.

Twilight comes rushing up with Sombra, Chrysalis, and Dogfather close behind her and smiles up at you. “The spell worked! Harmony is returning to Eque-“

Twilight is interrupted by the groaning man next to you pushing himself to his feet even when he shouldn’t be conscious.

Mous stares at the villains who, to your somewhat surprise, back away a step with a hemorrhaged eye and grabs his knife again. “What…are they…doing here?” he gets out.

You put your hand on his shoulder. “Mous…they helped us, they helped fight against Tirek.”

”And…now?”

You look them over. “Now…I know you talked, all of you…are you going to uphold our deals or are we going to have a problem?”

Sombra and Chrysalis share a quick glance, Dogfather just paws at the dirt. None of them take their eyes off you.

Mous raises himself up a bit higher but you can see his legs shaking. “Get…out…of my…SIGHT.” He shouts.

A long silence passes with Dogfather first to speak. “…Yeah…okay, sure. I can be a’ professional.” He says backing away.

“Twilight, can you take care of our other two friends while I take care of this one?”

Twilight nods. “I’ll alert the hospital too…come on you three!” she says taking to the air.

Chrysalis follows her, Sombra glares and fades into the shadows, while Dogfather runs on all fours behind them.

The second they’re out of sight, Mous collapses back to his knees, gasping in short steady breaths.

You kneel down to Mous. "Hell of a stunt you pulled…”

”Worth it all…everyone’s safe…” he gets out.

You pat his back. “Yeah…you and I look a bit worse for ware, though.”

Mous looks up at your broken nose. “Sorry…” he gets out.

You shrug. “I’ll get you back later.”

The two of you look into the sky as the last trails of light head off to their bearers.

“Think they’ll all know where to go?” you ask.

”We’ll deal with it if they don’t…” he answers.

“I wonder if Discord’s magic is in there…”

”Deal with that…after my ribs are fixed.”

You chuckle. “That’s pretty much all there is to it, then…except…”

”…Except?” Mous says, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s later.”

His senses dulled from whatever ordeal he went through, your fist flies out and connects with Mous. Right between his legs.

He gasps and grunts, falling flat onto the ground and bringing his hands over himself.

“Fuuuuuck…you…” he coughs out.

“You deserved it."

You sit down next to your friend, patting his back as he works off your revenge and let another crisis solved slide off your back.

Author's Note

Battle segment written by my buddy Imperius.

I swear to god if I have to repair the first music link in this chapter one more goddamn time I am going to eat my own head.

Introductions.

It was Saturday, one of those lazy Saturdays in late summer where you like to sit on your bed and do nothing. Which is precisely what you were doing. Nothing on Earth could beat waking up, not having to go to classes, and just letting your mind wander over the marvels of the internet. Your entire apartment was silent save for the fan you had trying to get rid of the heat and the occasional sound of your bro in the next room rummaging for glue or something. As you click on the thousandth link of the day, you notice that your room was significantly brighter then it was a minute ago. Looking up you saw that, yes, your blinds were still drawn, and that this light was blasting through them to illuminate your room like this.

"What the fu-"

You were interrupted by the sound of wrenching wood followed by a churning sensations as the entire apartment started spinning.

You held onto the side of the bed with a kung fu grip that would make G.I. Joe proud. It was all you could do to avoid being tossed around like the rest of your things. Over the sound of your things clattering and the high pitched whine that had joined the blinding light, you could make out one sound your recognized.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Oh good, your bro was handling this was the same level of class he was famous for. But there was no time to worry about him now, your grip was slipping and you didn't want a lamp to the face. As suddenly as it had started, the white light and defining noise vanished and gave way to cyan blue and the sound of birds chirping. Or at least it did before the resounding CRASH of concrete and ground followed by the staccato of all your things hitting the ground.

"Okay, what the fuck." You said rubbing your head.

You scrambled to your feet and burst into the hallway at the same time as your bro was stepping out of his room and looked at you.

"What the tap dancing Christ was that!?" He half shouted, his eyes wide and breathing quickened.

You have absolutely no doubt that your expression mirrors his own as you exhale in relief and lean against the wall.

"I have no idea, you okay?".

He seemed to calm down and rubbed the back of his head as he spoke.

"I conked my head when it started, but I'm fine. Can't say the same for my room." He groans.

"I know the feeling, I almost got flung off my bed." You say.

You looked around to see that the table you kept in the hall had fallen over, you walk over and set it upright.

"If this table is over then the rest of the furniture might have fallen too, go check the front of the house and I'll take the back." You say.

"Got it." Your bro stepped out of his room and started walking, waving his hand as he did.

The back of your apartment really only consisted of the two bathrooms. Apart from your medicine cabinets being emptied, there didn't seem to be that much damage. A quick check told you that the sink and showers weren't running, however

"Damn..."

You returned to the hallway and saw your bro returning, you looked at him expectantly as you awaited the damage. With the annoyed look that constituted his normal face he leaned against the wall to report.

"Rest of the house is the same as we thought, most of our shit's been knocked over. The TV's safe, thank god, but I wouldn't go into the kitchen." He said.

You sighed in relief. That TV was the size of a dining table, you weren't looking forward to having to clean that mess.

"The bathrooms are more or less the same, but the weird thing is that the water isn't running." You say, jamming a thumb behind you..

That got his attention.

"I tried both the kitchen light and the fridge light, nothing. Stove won't even turn on either." Hey said.

You reach a hand up and stroke your chin. "That's weird, you think that light thing cut the lines to the-" You were interrupted for the second time today by a brash sounding voice coming from outside.

"I'm telling you! This big box zapped into the air over here and fell to the ground!"

Your bro and you exchanged a glance.

"People." You say.

You walked to the front door and went for the peephole as your bro silently stepped into his room and started throwing things around. Damn. The peephole glass got cracked when you crashed to the ground, all you could make out were some inconsistent blobs on the other side of the door You heard your bro coming up behind you.

"What have we got?" He asked in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I can't tell." You replied. "The glass is broken."

Before he could respond, a second voice spoke up outside, this one much quieter

"I hear voices!" It yelped.

Ohshit.

"Whoever they are, they know we're in here." Your bro whispered, unease creeping into his voice.

"Think we should open the door?" You whispered back, no less on edge.

"Better to get this over with quick before they decide to let themselves in."

You nod. "Okay. On three."

"One..." You gripped the door handle tight and unlocked the padlock.

"Two..." You could hear your bro make a small movement, preparing for whomever was outside.

THREE!" As you flung open the door, the both of you stopped dead in your tracks at what you saw.

What. The. Fuck.

Standing before you were six waist-high multicolored horses. Each of their faces aghast at what they were seeing. You're brain could barely process what it was seeing, the only sound escaping from your lips a resounding "Uh..." For a few seconds that felt like the most awkward eternity ever passed and you felt like you might just keel over then and there. Your bro eventually broke that silence for you, however.

"Ba-weep-gra-na-weep-ninny-bong." he said without taking his eyes off your new guests.

The purple horse in the lead got a confused look on its face and pulled back "Excuse me? She countered.

"...You speak English." Your bro said, relaxing a small bit.

The purple horse lowered itself and grew a nervous smile.

"Uhm... Yes. Well then, my name is Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends. Who are you?" She asked.

It was your turn to speak, but you knew better then to give your real name to strange people, let alone strange bright horses who spoke.

"Uhm...Anon. My name's Anon."

This Twilight horse nodded at you, that same smile on her face.

"Okay then, and you are?" She asked, turning to your bro.

He gave a quick annoyed glance at you before meeting her gaze again.

"Mous. You can call me Mous." He said.

The purple horse nods at the two of you and offers a warm smile. "Anon and Mous. Hi there, as I've said, I'm Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinky Pie, and Fluttershy."

You and "Mous" look over the assembled equines.

"What are you guys?" The one you assume to be Rainbow Dash asked.

"Uh... We're humans, and this is our house. We don't really know what's going on...can any of you give us an idea?" You say.

Before anyone could respond, your vision was overcome by pink wall of hair and face.

"Ohmygosh!YourhousejustlandedinthemiddleofthisfieldandthenyoutwoguyswalkedoutandhiimPinkiePie!" It said, faster than you thought possible.

"Uh..."

Another horse spoke up, a tan one this time. "Pinkie Pie, get down from there. Ya'll aint helping' put these fellers at east when ya ask your questions that fast."

That one had a southern accent, did they have Kentucky here? Pinkie Pie zipped back to her original place before you could react and turned to the new horse

"Sorry Applejack, but you know how excited I get when I meet new people!" She said.

She started bouncing up and down halfway through that sentence.

They also seem to have meth here. Wherever here is.

A yellow horse stepped out from behind Twilight. "Um...Excuse me, but...what are the two of you?" She said. This must be Fluttershy then. She does her name credit.

"We're people." Mous said. He must have finally gotten his brain together.

"People?" Fluttershy asked.

"You know, humans." You attempted to clarify.

Fluttershy tilted her head and gave a look that could melt glaciers. "I've never heard of a 'human' before..."

"Well, I've never heard of a talking horse before." Mous all but spat out.

Dammit...Mous had had that temper since you were kids, and it just bit him in the ass.

Okay, now everyone looks offended.

"Excuse me!" Came a sharp voice from the back. "We are not 'horses', we are ponies, and you'll do well to call us as such."

Since you knew everyone else's name, you assume this is Rarity.

Mous' eye's squint as he stares at Rarity.

"Ponies." he says flatly.

"Exactly that." huffed Rarity.

"Not horses." he said again, with the same annoyed voice.

Yes!" she responded, her own annoyance becoming apparent.

The second most awkward moment of the day passes as Mous and Rarity have some sort of staring contest/silent argument. You hear him sigh.

"Right..." He says as he tries to end the argument and save face at the same time.

So as not to offend your knew acquaintances, you step in

"I'm sorry for my friend here, our arrival here was a bit rough. Can any of you tell us where we are? This doesn't look like the city."

Now they look confused instead of offended, you guess that's an improvement. Twilight steps up with her expression showing equal parts concern and curiosity

"You're in Equestria, where else would you be?"

Oh shit, Mous caught that.

"Equestria? The land of the pastel ponies is called 'Equestria'? Where do you all live? Fillydelphia?" he said with a grin.

"No, we live in Ponyville, Fillydelphia is a ways away." Twilight says without a hint of sarcasm.

He clearly wasn't expecting a straight answer.

"Uhm...right." He all but stammered out.

Holy shit. Someone actually rendered Mous speechless.

"Okay, miss, Twilight was it? Can you tell me and my friend here how we got to Equestria?" You ask, trying not to let your amusement show

"Hmm. I can certainly try." She answers as she walks up to the wall of your house.

It was a miracle that the walls stayed intact as they did. They looked all in one piece so you wouldn't have to worry about the roof collapsing at least. Twilight stood near the wall and closed her eyes as what looked like a horn on her head started to glow a light pink.

"Hmm. There's residual magical energy all over your home, but I can't tell what kind." she says opening her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's uh...okay..." You say.

A purple unicorn just did something to your house and was talking about magic. You still are fairly open to the possibility that you had horrible food poisoning and this was just the dream you were having in a hospital somewhere.

"It's strange that I can't place this magic." Twilight said as she eyed the apartment curiously.

Twilight turned to her friends. "Girls, I think we need to bring Anon and Mous to Canterlot and see if the Princesses can help." She said.

Mous was wisely keeping his mouth shut about a place called Canterlot after what happened last time, but you were more interested in the other part of that statement. Princesses? These ponies had speech, town and even government?

"I think there's a train leaving in an hour or so." Rainbow Dash commented as she flew up to your roof. "We can make it if we go now."

Wait, flew? How did you miss her wings? You look over the remaining for ponies in front of you. Rarity had a horn like Twilight while Fluttershy had her wings to her side. Applejack and Pinkie Pie looked normal.

"Good Idea, Rainbow." Twilight said as she turned to you. "Are you two okay with that?"

Having no idea where you were and with your "Holy Shit" meter busted all to hell with what you've seen in the past ten minutes, you feel like some sort of plan could do you some good.

"Sure." You answer. "If you think it will help."

"Great, follow me." Said Twilight with a smile, she turned and walked away leading her friends as you started to follow. After a few steps, you turned back to Mous, still standing in the doorway.

"You coming bro?" You ask.

He shook his head and took his shocked expression with him.

"Yeah. Right behind you." he said as he took started after you.

The two of you walked in silence, the both of you taking inventory of your situation. Talking ponies were taking you to see their monarch to figure out why your apartment fell out of the sky. By train it seemed, too. Food poisoning was looking ever more likely.

Rhyme Time.

You stare at the forest before you. Shit, that place looked creepy. The full moon wasn't helping matters either.

You turn to Anon. "Why is it that you need me here again?" you ask.

He's staring at some notepad he brought. You hike your sweatshirt up and pull your hood over your head as a breeze blows past you. It was definitely going to be a long winter.

"Because the Everfree Forest is dangerous and I need my bro to protect me while I look for this Poison Joke thing for Twilight." he answers.

Protect from what? It had been about two months since your tussle with Whistleblower, you could handle yourself well enough in a fight but you didn't really feel like bodyguard material. Especially not in a forest that your local wizard deemed dangerous.

The past two months had been more or less routine. Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Rainbow had been over at least three times a week for a movie night. She'd probably be here right now if she didn't have to get clouds ready for that big storm this weekend. You look up at the sky, you can already see some thick clouds the weather team had amassed as they. Thunder clouds and a full moon at the creepy forest? You had the best luck in the world.

Anon put his notebook away and started towards an opening of trees.

"Welp, not gonna get things done just standing here. Let's go." he says.

You reach down and adjust David on your belt, bullshit were you not brining your knife here.

You start after Anon. "If I get eaten, I'm blaming you."

The two of you walked through the forest for a while. The moon had made its way a considerable distance across the sky and was casting harsh shadows through the tree canopy. The two of you were keeping your spirits high with conversations. Topics had ranged from what your friends and family on Earth were doing, potential movie night choices, and remembering your first Hearthswarming Eve.

"Hey... I wanna ask you something." Anon says.

"No. I will not marry you so we can get a blender or something."

He punches your shoulder. "I saw that coming. Fuck you."

Anon sighs. "I was just wondering..."

He looks down at the ground as he walks. "Have you noticed Fluttershy hiding around the outside of the house? Like, in bushes and stuff?" he asks.

No. Not Fluttershy anyway.

"No. But now that you mention it, I've been seeing a Stetson in off in the distance every so often." you say.

He looks at you. "You think it's just some pony thing? I mean Rainbow is over every other day and we see Twilight enough."

"I don't know man." you say "I just get her away from the house whenever I see her."

He chuckles. "Fluttershy usually bolts as soon as I see her, how do you handle Applejack?"

"I bought a box of apples from Applebloom in town a while ago, I throw them at her if she gets too close."

You eventually come up on a small clearing. Stumps and logs littered the area. You look up and see a cloud rolling in front of the moon, casting the area in shadow. Anon kneels down and examines some flowers on the ground. He rises with a disappointed look on his face.

"I don't get it, this is where Twilight said to look in the first clearing for the Poison Joke, but I don't see anything here but normal flowers." he says.

You examine the surrounding, you couldn't place any of these flowers but they looked unremarkable.

"Could she have been wrong?" you ask.

"No way, I've seen the map myself. The only other clearing is half a mile in."

Well shit. Maybe you could double back and find some. You were about to speak your mind when a deafening roar came from behind the tree line.

Oh fuck.

A form materialized out of the trees, a form that looked like a lion. That was where the similarities ended. On its back you saw a pair of stubby bat wings, with a long tail that ended in a scorpion stinger rising from in between them.

Fuck.

You had no idea what this thing was. You turn to look at Anon, he hasn't taken his eyes off it.

"What the fuck is that thing, dude?" you ask as the adrenaline kicks in.

He keeps staring at it, his pupils have shrunk to the size of atoms.

"Manticore. One of the apex predators in the Everfree Forest." he says.

You turn back to the manticore. Damn that thing looks pissed.

"How the fuck can there be more than one apex predator!?"

"The Everfree Forest is kinda just a clusterfuck, anything can get eaten by anything else." Anon says.

Okay. So you have a predatory animal with what appears to be teeth, claws, and a wicked tail possibly with poison. It's lived here for years and knows how to survive, and it's mad.

Kid, you're boned.

The manticore starts orbiting the two of you, keeping near the tree line. Your survival instinct was telling you to run. Everything about this situation warranted running. You could probably make it back to town, but...

You glance at Anon: Loose clothes that would surely get caught on something, sneakers not meant for running, and to top it off he looked like he was panicking. No way he would make it. He was your bro, and it was your job to protect him tonight. You take a few steps towards the manticore as you unsheathe David. It seems to register you challenge roars in defiance of your best attempt at scaring it away.

Shouting match it was.

You let loose what you thought was your best war cry but all that comes out is a less than satisfactory "Waaaaaaagh".

The manticore is as unimpressed as you are and roars again, this time stepping closer and baring it's teeth. No way you were getting out of here without a fight. You bring David to bear and go into a defensive stance.

You don't dare turn your back on this thing.

"Stay behind me." you say to Anon.

The manticore starts to run straight at you. With a sigh, you take off to meet it.

Oh well. You had a good run.

-Music-

You sidestepped the manticore before you dove headlong into its mouth. You had no intention of making this easy. You flicked your wrist and drew two shallow gashes on the manticores left side. You still held on to the naive hope that you could scare this thing off. You ducked and rolled as the stinger tail filled your vision. Just barely dodged that thing. You had to do better, at least take this thing down with you.

The manticore roared a short distance away, apparently you were more of a threat when you were armed. It started lumbering towards you again and, not wanting to repeat a failing strategy, ran for the tree line. You danced around the first tree you got to, just hoping to keep something solid between this thing and your precious organs. You caught its paws with a few quick jabs when it tried to reach you, but weren't causing any serious damage.

The stinger came next, madly darting towards you as it tried for just a prick of the skin. Through some fancy footwork and a unique way of contorting yourself, you were able to get the stinger caught in the trunk of the tree. You hammered it with David's handle to keep it there.

Fuck. Bad move.

The manticore bounded around the tree following its tail and came face to face with you. You fell back as the manticore drew a claw up to finish you. Right then, a rock hit the side of its head.

Both you and the manticore looked back into the clearing.

"Come on you disgusting chimera! Come and get me!" Anon cried as he threw more rocks.

Shit! What was that idiot thinking? The manticore was after him now! Or at least it tried to go after him until its tail went taught and it tripped.

Wait, taught tail. Opportunity.

You grabbed David and ran towards the manticore's tale, right near the base. You rose David high a moment before you brought him down as hard as you could. The manticore roared in pain as you rose David once again, this time almost cutting through entirely.

The manticore seemed to have other plans and turned its head to you to try and bite your arm.

No. You weren't done yet.

Without thinking, you kick the manticore in the snout, one of its fangs sailing through the air. You brought David down a third time and were rewarded with a blood of red blood and a green ichor you assumed was poison. The manticore howled at the loss of its appendage.

You ran past it with one thought on your mind: regroup. You had maimed it, you both could make it back to town if you ran now.

A blinding pain put a stopper in your plans as you went sailing through the air and landed a few feet from Anon. Fuck. Manticore must have recovered faster than you thought. You could feel lava hot gashes along your back and a fluid running down it. Now you were bleeding on your favorite sweatshirt, great.

You look back at the manticore. It's eyes were wide in hatred and pain and its wings were flared out as it approached you. Dammit. Where was David. You might be able to get it in the neck before it kills you. Suddenly, green smoke started to billow out of the trees as a female voice boomed through the forest.

"TURN AND RUN MANTICORE! HUNT NOT THESE POOR SOULS ANYMORE!"

The manticore seemed alarmed by the spectacle and faltered.

"I'LL NOT ASK AGAIN, FEARSOME BEAST. RUN BEFORE YOU FACE SHE BY WHICH THIS FOREST IS POLICED!"

Either blood loss, fear, or some combination worked because the manticore turned what was left of its tail and ran. After the manticore ran, a cloaked figure stepped out of the green mist and spoke.

"Tell me traveler, how is your friend?" it's voice fell as it continued. "Is his time here almost and an end?"

"It's nothing." you say as you start to rise only to be pushed back down again.

"Shut the fuck up." Anon says.

He turned back to your savior. "The manticore got him. He has three gashes on his back. He's already lost some blood."

You looked down underneath your stomach, sure enough, a small red pool was forming underneath you as the life drained out of you. The cloaked figure spoke again.

"Get him up and follow me, we can save him if we hurry." she speaks.

Very rhyme-y this one. You feel Anon hoist you up and start after the pony who saved you. This reminded you of Earth. You would drag him home after he got drunk and he would do the same to you when you got hurt. Good to see that your broship continued while you were in this new world.

Your vision and hearing were blurring as you reached your destination; a small hut in the middle of the woods. Anon and your mystery mare got the clothes off over your wounded back and poured a cold tonic down it, they kept saying things but you couldn't make it out. You screamed as loud as your lungs would allow as it set in. Dammit. If you could scream like that before you wouldn't be in this mess.

You could feel Anon bandaging your torso as your host offered you a bowl of some sort of broth. You downed what you could and tilted your head back, your hearing slowly returning to you.

"-ey. Hey! You still with us man?" you could finally make out Anon say.

You rub your hand over your face.

"Yeah, yeah I'm here." you say.

You take a look around the room you're in.

"Uh. Where is "here" exactly?"

The mystery mare spoke up from another room.

"You find yourself inside a dome, a dome which functions as my home." she says.

You looked around the room you found yourself in. Decorating the walls were various tribal masks, shelves filled with tonics and herbs, above the window hung a-

No.

Nonono.

It was here. Mocking you. That fucking didgeridoo had followed you out here.

You were torn away from your first mortal enemy in Equestria as your host pony returned. No. Not Host pony. A host Zebra it seemed.

"I see that you are now awake. It is good to see my potion take." she smiles.

Again with the rhyming.

"Yeah, thanks for that. I'm Mous and this is Anon." you say as you motion to him behind you. "Who are you?"

"Kinda rude man, she saved your life." Anon scolds.

You look back at the zebra.

"...Sorry." you say.

She takes it well. "Have no shame. Zecora is my name."

You grab your bloodied shirt from the floor and throw it back on, you were gonna have to get Rarity to fix this.

"Tell me Zecora, do you always rhyme?" you ask.

She looks a bit hurt. Nice going asshat.

"This is how I have always spoken, is there something with which it you find broken?" she asks.

Damn. She's good at this. You smile as you lean back.

"Au contraire my monochrome mare, it's quite unique, so don't despair." you say.

You were always good in literature class.

Her smile returns as you rise from your seat.

"If I may, I have to ask, why you were in the forest, and what was your task?" she asks the two of you.

Anon turns to her after he hands you the sweatshirt you were looking for.

"We're here looking for Poison Joke for Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville, do you know her?" he asks.

Zecora nods. "Twilight Sparkle is a friend of mine, as so I see, a friend of thine."

Zecora stepped into the next room and returned with a pot full of blue looking flowers.

"The last time someone came looking for Poison Joke, it ended in disaster. I thought they safer in the hands of a master." she says.

Anon reached into pocket and pulled out a piece of cloth that he wrapped in his hands.

"Do you mind if we take a few?" he asked as he leaned forward.

"Go right ahead, they are not used for much." she says as she raised a hoof "It is good to see you know not to touch."

Anon put the flowers in his bag and the cloth back in his pocket.

"We good?" you ask.

"We good." you get with a grin.

You give your goodbyes to Zecora and make ready to go home, you stop at the doorway however.

"Zecora, before I go, it begs the question." you point to the didgeridoo. "Where did you get that piece of your collection?"

She looks up at it and smiles. "I purchased it from a merchant somewhere in town, I doubt you'll find another like it around."

You chuckle and step outside.

"Is there a safe path back?" Anon asks

Zecora nods and points between two nearby trees. "Between those trees you will find a path, it will spare you the forests' wrath."

You wave your thanks and farewells and start walking.

Some fifteen minutes later you can see the lights of Ponyville.

You look over your shoulder and see Anon yawn. "It's late, lets head home. I'll give these to Twilight tomorrow." he says.

You nod and walk next to him. Your mind goes back to the confrontation with the manticore. You could have very easily died there if it wasn't for Anon.

"Hey." you speak up.

He turns to you.

"Thanks. For back there with the manticore. I got his tail because of you." you say.

He takes a step towards you with a grin.

"And for getting Zecora's help, that's two you owe me." he says as he wiggles a pair of his fingers.

That was true, you were convinced Zecora was something even worse the forest had cooked up for you. No way you would have asked for her help if Anon wasn't there.

"I think we're even for all the times I've had to carry your ass home." you retort as you start walking again.

Silence.

"Seriously thought, thanks man. I didn't want to die back there."

"Awww..." he says as he snakes his arm around your shoulder right over your

"BACK WOUNDS!" you cry.

His arms shoots off and he laughs as your lean on a tree until the pain subsides. Sleeping was going to be the best tonight. You look back to him once you hear him quiet down.

"But seriously, no problem bro." he says with a wide grin. "What are friends for?"

You smile and keep walking. Your mind goes back to the fight with the manticore as you do. You could have left. You would be short three big scars and a few weeks of pain. But Anon would have been gone. You take inventory of both of those possibilities. A quick look at your bro's grin at a job well done convinces you. A few wounds was totally worth it.

Estrus with Anon.

You wake up with your face on a log. You had elected not to sleep in the cave with Rainbow Dash after last nights...revelations. You had been thinking about it well into the morning until you fell asleep.

Looking back it had been a bit obvious, Mous would have probably slapped you for missing it. She was always hanging out with her, that shit with her wings, the blushing. Oh god, you had been calling her 'bro' since you got here. You didn't mean to 'brozone' her or whatever.

And why you? Surely the "best flyer in Equestria." could do better than a skinny extra dimensional alien.

Okay, maybe you can work this out. You just have to head up there and talk it out with Dash, then you can go right back to being bros. You get up and make for the cave. You step inside and are assaulted with a humid stink, you can't see Rainbow but you think you can hear her further back.

You can make out what sounds like pants and gasps as you get closer to the source.

"Rainbow?" you call out.

The panting stops and you see Rainbow poke her head out from behind a rock. Damn, she looks like hell, her mane is unkempt, her eyes are bloodshot, and she appears to be biting her lip.

"You can't be in here Anon." she says.

"Dash, c'mon, let's talk." you say as you take a few steps towards her. That was a poor decision it seems, because she just backs away.

"No, Anon, the Estrus has started for me. You can't be here."

"Dash, come on, let's just talk. I want us to be friends again." Dash lowers her head and begins to walk back behind the same rock.

"Yeah...? Well I don't."

You left the cave after that. It seemed official, you had lost your bro. You nicked a few apples and walked around the forest. This sucked.

You were stuck for the next few days in the middle of a cold forest with an ex-bro who wanted nothing more than to sleep with you right now. You trudge along as you eat your apple, what could you do? You wanted to go back, but you couldn't do that without setting her off.

You wanted a bro and she wanted something more. That was that.

You...did just want a bro...right?

You stop that train of thought right then and there, were you really considering this? Could you? These ponies were clearly sentient, they had goals and opinions just the same as people from Earth. But they were still ponies; an entirely different species.

Okay, okay. Let's break this down. Rainbow Dash was your second best friend, and the first friend you had in Equestria. She was funny, interesting, and was willing to spend entire nights watching movies and drinking with you. If this were Earth, you feel this would have happened a long time ago.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, she was an entirely different species. Doing this on Earth would earn you scorn and ridicule, possibly some jail time. You run the idea through your head, were you okay with going further with Rainbow?

If species didn't matter, would you?

...Know what? Yeah. You probably would.

You relax a bit having that thought taken care of, only for another to worm it's way into your head. You were okay with You and Rainbow, but was everyone else?

Equestria seemed to be a tolerant place, and they had a multitude of races. Surely some of those races had 'intermingled' before? Right? You sigh as your train of thought takes you further.

None of the other races here were aliens from another world. You'd really rather not start a relationship with someone and then be told by the all powerful Sun-goddess that said relationship was against the rules.

So, what do you do? Do you ask? Do it anyway? Back off? You were prepared to go further with Rainbow, but you still had a few nagging doubts, you still kinda wanted kids one day.

Bailing would be simple, even if you lost your bro.

Your mind jumps back to the last time you were in this situation; back on Earth. You had been offered the chance to go to this really prestigious seminar to give a report you had done. You were nervous as all hell. Sure, you wanted to go, but you had no idea what everyone there would think of it. You lost your nerve and decided not to go, Mous was the first one you told.

"Fuck that." he had said. "If you want to go do something, you go do it. Period."

You still remember the sight of him standing over you in your garage, pointing dead square in your face.

"Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't have, dude. Not a bunch of scientists, not me, and definitely not some pansy ass voice in your head telling you that you can't do something."

Your mind snaps back to your current situation.

"Heh...Even when he's not here, he's busting my balls." you sigh.

Yeah. Fuck that voice in your head. You knew what you wanted. And you were gonna go get her.

The sun was already setting when you got back, you didn't notice you had been wandering around the whole day. Okay, deep breaths...you can do this You inch your way into the cave. The smell from before is still hanging in the air. You creep back near the rock Rainbow was behind last time and just sit.

You hear her tossing and turning on the ground behind you.

"Nnngggh. Dammit Anon, why'd you have to leave me here like this?" she asks to a supposedly empty cave.

"Maybe I like the way you squirm?" you say as you make your presence known.

You hear Dash suddenly stop moving followed by the clip clop of hooves on stone as she rounds the rock you were leaning back on.

"A-Anon? I told you, you shouldn't be here." she stammers out.

"Yeah, I know..." you reach up and brush some of her disheveled hair out of her face. "But, I want to be." You let your hand fall from her hair to caress her cheek.

Rainbow Dash shudders as your fingers move from her cheek to her chin and down her neck until you eventually trail off.

"You gonna kick me out?" you ask.

-Music-

Rainbow Dash lowers her head and opens her eyes. She's panting pretty heavy.

"You really want to stay here? What about what happened last night?" she asks.

You lean off the rock and sit down right in front of Rainbow.

"I did some thinking, I decided that I like it better here." you say with a smile.

Yeah. You're glad you did this, you already feel better.

"Now...I think one of us here has a problem that the other can hel-"

That's as far as you get before you feel another tongue in your mouth. You fall onto your back as Rainbow tries to pull your jacket and shirt off with her nubby hooves.

"Easy, easy, Dash!" you call out. She stops and looks at you with pleading eyes.

"Anon, I swear, if you're bucking with me here..."

You laugh a bit at that "No no no..." you say as you get control of yourself. "It's just...we have another few days here. No need to wear ourselves out now..." you say as you bring her to your lips and see if you can set a pace that will make the both of you happy.

You both lay there enjoying each other, she smells like the air after a rainstorm. You hear a bit of hitching from her and open your eyes to see tears forming at the edges.

You silently kiss her forehead. "Shhh...shh...no tears, only dreams now."

You hear her laugh. "You're so dumb..." she says as she kisses you again.

Everything else proceeds as you expected it would, you setting the pace, Rainbow more than happy to go along with whatever in her current state of mind. You were warm for the first time since coming out here that night.

Lines in the Sand.

-Music-

Twas the night before Winter Wrap Up and all through the town, not a creature was making one tiny sound.

"Fucking hell."

Except for one guy. He had just dropped off his special somepony after a night out.

"I have lived here for three months, I should not be this lost." he said.

A voice comes from the alley nearby."Oh, you're more lost then you think."

The guy is on alert now. Voices in the dark are never good. "What if I told you that I could help you?" it asked.

Cloaked ponies step out from the alley. Behind them is their leader. A blue unicorn. "What if I told you I could send you home?" she said.

The guy was wise to what she was doing. "I'd ask what you'd want in return."

The unicorn chuckled. "Oh, I just need some help in busting out my...patron. He was put away for a while and I could use someone with your...abilities...in getting him back."

The guy was still on edge. "And what would you do once this 'patron' of yours was free?"

The unicorn flips her hair back. "After we help you? Oh, we just want to have a little fun..."

The guy relaxed a bit, an idea racing through his head.

"Okay... Shoot..."

-The next day-

The sun was out, and so were the three of you. You adjusted your vest a bit. Rarity had done a good job, it was pretty snug. Rainbow was letting you lead her along again and Mous was walking in front of you.

You noticed something hanging off the back of his belt. "C'mon, dude. What'd you bring David for?" you ask.

He glances over his shoulder at you. "Because we're on the animal team? And there are bears and shit out there?"

Typically paranoid.

You spot Cloudchaser flying waving at you from up high.

"That's my cue." Rainbow says. She flies in front of you and gives you a quick peck. "Good luck you two." she says before she rockets off.

You and Mous enter into the town square and find Twilight directing ponies near a large carriage.

"Hey Twi, we're here to help." you say. "Where do you need us?"

Twilight gives her clipboard a once over. "Fluttershy is coaxing animals out in the southern fields, think you two can lend a hand?" she asks.

You both throw off a salute and head south.

You found Fluttershy and her team spread out through a collection of burrows in the fields. Most of the dens had little bells affixed to them that got the animals out.

"Hey Fluttershy, need a hand?" you ask.

Fluttershy turns to you. It was good to see her smiling again. "Oh yes, there's lots to do. Do you to think that you could handle the animals on that hill over there?"

You two head over to the hill and look over the dozen or so dens.

"Guess we just start?" you ask.

Mous shrugs and makes for the first den. He has his hand over his knife. "Hello? Mister or Missus Hopefully-not-a-honey-badger?" he called out.

You begin clearing out the animals from the other dens as you giggle at Mous's antics.

The two of you make decent time clearing out the hovels.

"Hey, man." you say.

"Huh?" you hear Mous grunt as he backs out of a den.

"Did you want to grab Lotus and head out someplace tonight? Double date?"

Mous gets a far off look in his eye and sits on the ground. "Y-yeah. Sure."

"You okay dude?" you ask. This wasn't like him.

He waves his hand. "I'm fine just...never had a date with other people before."

You give him a pat on the shoulder. "Not worries man, we can keep it cool."

You dive back into the nearest den. "Yeah...cool." you hear Mous say.

The day wore on and the two of you got every single critter out for Spring. You were tired, covered in dirt, and a bit wet. But you felt good.

You spotted Rainbow up above. She must have spotted you too, because she dropped out of the sky and flew in for a kiss.

"No! No!" you shout as you try and hold her back. "I'm covered in filth and smell like a barn."

She boops your nose. "You're paying me back later..."

Of that you had no doubt. You all gathered round the Mayor's podium to hear her speak. "Congratulations, everypony! Not only have we wrapped up winter, but have done so in record time!" she calls out.

The thunder of hooves echoed through the town in cheer.

Wait, where was Mous?

The Mayor continues. "It is with great honor that I declare winter over...

A firework launched off from behind the podium interrupting her.

"...and declare it now..."

The firework exploded and ended the mayors sentence for her.

And then everything else exploded.

-Music-

The first explosion caused the crowd to panic. The second caused them to stampede.

Or, they tried to.

Unicorns at the edge of town appeared and fired magical bursts into the air. It did an effective job of corralling the already frightened townsponies back into the square. You could feel Rainbow trying to pull out of the deathgrip you had her in and fly up high.

No way. Not with those fireworks going off.

Eventually, the explosions died down and the panicking crowed was pushed back in front of the stage.

Your eyes drifted to the stage and saw a group of hooded ponies trot onto it. One stepped forward and looked over the chaos in front of her before pulling back her hood.

Blue unicorn. Light blue hair.

"Listen, Ponyville! Listen to your better!" she called out.

-Music-

A collective gasp washed over the crowed.

"Trixie!" Rainbow shouted.

Who's Trixie?

"Come and bear witness to the word of Chaos!" Trixie shouted.

Twilight pushed her way through the crowed, she looked pissed. "Trixie! What are you doing here? This seems a bit beyond you." she says.

Trixie tossed her hair back. "Well, well, Twilight Sparkle. We meet again..."

Twilight stomps her foot on the ground. "This is no time for grudges, Trixie! What are you doing here?"

"Why, simply spreading The Word!" she cries out. "Don't tell us that you have not seen our followers in your tiny town these past months! They have preached the word of Chaos well and drawn many to our cause!"

'Word of Chaos'? These ponies were a cult? One of the ponies behind Trixie stepped forward, flanked by the other two.

Her hood fell and revealed a purple mare. The eyes of which were pried open in a maddened gaze, showing the impossible spirals inside.

Trixie drinks in the shock and revulsion of the gathered crowd. "The Holy Mother was the start of this movement, and it is with Her that we shall release the King!" Trixie continues.

"You don't mean!?" Twilight gasped.

"Yes!" Trixie says. "We're going to free Discord!"

Another gasp washed over the crowd. "Free Discord?!" Twilight shouted. "Do you know what that will do!?"

Trixie scoffed. "Free the world from the false 'order' that those Princesses in Canterlot enforced? For too long have they been holding us back! It is time that Chaos reigned once again!"

Twilight scrapped her hoof along the ground. "I'm not gonna let you free Discord, Trixie..." she growled.

"Just try and stop me." Trixie laughed.

A beam of purple magic shot from Twilight's horn towards Trixie.

The beam stopped short of Trixies face and splashed over the stage behind her.

It had been blocked. By a hand.

"Can't let you do that, Twi..."

You couldn't believe what you were seeing. You knew you were seeing it, but it didn't make sense.

"Mous!?" you called out.

Mous's eyes met yours. They were colder then ice.

"Anon."

"What the hell are you doing, man!? Why are you helping this psycho?" you cry out as you elbowed your way closer.

Mous climbed up onto the stage and glanced at Trixie. "We made a deal." he says.

What!? Deal?

"For what!? She's gonna give you more figures? Or new boots!? What could possibly be wor-"

"I want to go home, Anon!" Mous shouts.

He stood hunched over on the stage, his face contorted by fury into something grotesque. "I want to go home! I want my family back! I want my LIFE back!" he shouts.

"So you made a deal with some crazy cult!? Mous, we have a spell that can get you home, just-"

"NO! It took you three goddamn months to even get this far and what do you have to show for it!? How many things could go wrong and delay you another six month or a year? They have a spell that can send me home NEXT WEEK. All they want is help with something." he says.

This made no sense...

"Mous...Discord will turn this place into a hellhole!" yous ay, remembering the lesson you were taught when you first came here. "You can't condemn an entire kingdom, an entire PLANET to that just to send you home!"

Mous gave you a glare that looked like it could blast a hole back to Earth by itself. He turned to Trixie. "Get us out of here."

Trixie nodded and cast a spell that made white smoke explode from under the stage.

"Mous!" you cried out as you fought through it. You reached the stage as the smoke cleared to find no one on it.

Mous was gone.

-Mous PoV-

You followed Trixie down the alley. She said she had a carriage stashed back here that you could use to slip away.

The rest of the town should be too distracted by the smoke bombs to follow. Everything was working out.

Help these assholes, get what they want, and then...

Paydirt.

Your new friends darted around a corner. You were about to follow when something stopped you.

"Mous..."

Dammit. Not now.

You turn around. Lotus stood in the alley behind you.

"Mous..." she says.

She looked like she was going to break down.

"W-what are you doing?" she asks.

Fuck.

"Go home, Lotus." you say.

She shakes her head."Not until you tell me what went wrong!"

You sigh. "Nothing. Nothing went wrong..."

Lotus shifted on her hooves. "S-so was it all a lie?"

What?! "No! No, I just..."

You take a deep breath and clench your fist.

"I have to do this Lotus." you say.

You start backing away. "I-It'd probably be best if you forgot about me." You glance down the alley ahead of you, you can see the carriage.

Lotus lowers her head, the tears were flowing now. "Mous...please don't do this..."

Dammit.

No distractions.

Yeah...

"I'm so sorry...goodbye, Lotus." you say. .

You turn and run down the alley, not stopping until you're in the carriage.

All You Need is Love/Blood.

You bounded down the Canterlot streets as fast as your legs could carry you. The Changelings were descending en masse, trying to rout you back to the chapel. They were easy enough to discourage, toss 'em around a bit and they flew off.

"What's the plan here!?" you shout. You sure didn't have one.

"We get the elements and we stop all this, that's the plan!" Twilight shouts back..

"And the Changelings in our way?"

The seven of you round a corner into the main market.

"These Changelings are starved of love, if we can get to the element vault before they can feed, we should be able to make it." Twilight says.

"Alright, so, the castle?" you ask.

Twilight shakes her head. "Princess Celestia had the elements moved after Discord almost got out. They're kept in a vault on the other end of the city."

Nice going there, sport.

The girls overtook you as you lagged behind. "Mous, come on! We have to hurry!"

You shoot a glance up at the castle. Have to be sure.

"You girls go on ahead, I'll catch up." You don't wait for a response and make for the castle stairs.

The royal guards, despite not having a leader at the moment, were doing a decent job of holding down the fort.

Still, Changelings harried the stallions on the walls. Dammit, where the hell was Luna? You ignore everypony and race up the stairs as fast as you could.

You burst through the door into your room. "Lotus! Where are you!?" you shout.

"Mous?" comes a voice from the bathroom. The door opens and Lotus steps out, she looks worried, but unharmed.

Oh thank god.

No time to waste, you grab your bag and throw it on the bed.

"Mous, what is going on out there!?" Lotus shouts.

"Changelings hijacked the wedding by disguising themselves as the bride, and now they're trying to invade the city." you say.

You throw your spare clothes out of the bag and dig through the pockets until you find what you need.

"You brought your knife to a wedding?" Lotus asks unbelieving.

"Yes, and now I'm glad I did."

You secure David on your belt and kneel down to look Lotus in the eyes. "Lotus, I need you to hide in here. I need you to lock, barricade, do whatever to the door and not open it for anyone. Even if it's me."

Lotus silently nods her head.

"If you hear me at the door, ask me where our first kiss was. Ignore everypony else."

"Be careful." she says.

You promised not to take risks, but damned if you were gonna do nothing during an invasion.

Do this quick.

You pull Lotus close and lock your lips. "I love you."

You dash out of the room and slam the door behind you. You stand outside for a moment, mentally preparing yourself.

Alright. No quarter. Let's go.

You run outside to meet up with the girls as a Changeling descends on you from overhead. You don't give it the chance, you grab it and toss it to the ground. David dives into the creature's neck and flies out as just as fast as you continue to run down the path.

Alright. The hard one was down. Lotus is safe, we're working on the girls.

Anon better be okay...

-Anon PoV-

You were Anon and you were not okay. Oh sure, you were physically fine. But you were still a prisoner of some crazy bug queen while your best friend and marefriend went off to fight an entire army and save the entire city. Mous could handle himself, but you were more worried about Rainbow then you'd ever been.

Thoughts kept creeping into your mind of Rainbow laying broken under a never-ending tide of Changelings. It continued to wander to how they treated their prisoners...

You shook your head to banish the thoughts and come back to reality. The queen was off delegating orders to her various subordinates. Celestia was hoisted up to the ceiling and encased in a cocoon, while you, Cadence, and a still hypnotized Shining Armor were left to sit at the altar.

Cadence was waving her hoof in front of her almost-husbands face. "Darling! Come on, talk to me!"

The Queen's laughter echoes through the vacated hall. "You waste your time! Shining Armor's love for you has put him under my total control. He won't move unless I allow him to."

"I'll never let you win!" Cadence shouts.

The Queen just laughs again. "My dear, you have no say in the matter." She turns back to her lieutenants.

Cadence's face falls

You lean over. "Hey, it's okay. Everything will work out."

Cadence sighs. "I wish that I could believe that...Twilight and the others just have so much working against them, while we can only sit here and do nothing."

Aaaaand there goes the mood.

You have to salvage it, anything to keep the thought of what would happen if you lost this out.

You say the first thing that pops into your head. "So, tell me how you and Shining met."

Cadence sighs and looks off out the only window that doesn't show a city getting attacked. "I used to foal-sit for Twilight, so Shining and I are old friends. I had a bit of a crush on him since we were young, imagine my surprise when he asked me to the Grand Galloping Gala one year. I guess, Shining Armor has been a fixture in my life since day one. Getting married just seemed so...natural."

You lean back and sigh. "I can relate. Rainbow Dash has been with me since I first arrived here..."

You here a small giggle escape Cadence. "You and Rainbow Dash? Twilight has told me so many stories about her antics."

It's your turn to laugh. "I'm glad to say that I've been a part of those antics for coming on two years now." Your eyes drift over the city. "I wish I could help her now..."

Cadence turns back to her fiancé. "I can't stand to see him like this..." a tear rolls down her cheek. "I would give anything to have him back."

Poor mare, you could tell she loved him.

Wait...Love. Cadence's power was love.

That...That could work.

You smile as a plan starts to come together. "Oh, thank you John Lennon."

-Mous PoV-

The Changeling takes Lotus's shape as it gallops towards you. They must be able to tell who you love instinctively. Too bad. Ten minutes ago that would have stopped you.

You catch it in the air as it dives towards you and push David deep into its stomach.

"Hi, honey." you whisper to is as green blood seeps from the wound.

You catch Rainbow Dash's wide eyes as you throw the corpse away. "Keep fighting." you snarl.

Rainbow doesn't argue. You return to your task.

Green magic rolls off you as you cut your way through the Changelings. Any Changeling who got too close was immediately opened up as it's comrades looked on in what you assume was horror. These Changelings thought they could use Lotus as a weapon against you, that you would hesitate.

You were teaching them of their grave miscalculation.

These Changelings were surprisingly light, you were able to hold one with one arm without any trouble.

A side effect of being bugs.

You watch as the girls make their own way through the horde of Changelings, each taking on their own doppelgangers.

Wait...idea.

"Look at me you pathetic insects!" you shout.

The Changelings turn to glare at you. "I've killed dozens of you and don't get my own clone? I'm hurt..." you tease.

The Changelings let loose a low growl at the mention of their dead and are engulfed in a green inferno. Before you now stands an army of you. You charge the closest, it falters as you kick it down and drive David into his neck. The rest reel in shock, some of them lose their balance.

Bingo.

"They aren't used to fighting on two legs! Come on!" you call to the girls.

You wade into the Changeling ranks and get a good look at what your face looks like when you get stabbed.

-Anon PoV-

A Changeling bursts into the chapel. "My Queen! The element bearers have almost reached their destination! Our forces only serve to slow them down!"

"Curse those ponies!" The Queen turns to her subordinates. "Ditto! I make for the field! See to it that all goes according to plan here!" she cries as she buzzes off out the window.

The Changeling in question takes the Queen's place and resumes giving out orders.

You turn back to Cadence. "Okay, she's gone, they're distracted. This is our best chance."

Your plan was a long shot, but still better than your Discord Prison idea. Basically, Cadence was going to love Shining Armor out of his trance.

Cadence nods and turns to her husband. "This will be easier the more love I can channel." she says.

You take your cue and start thinking about everyone you've ever loved. Your family, your bro, everyone you've ever dated, Rainbow...

Cadence starts her channeling. "Darling, I hope you can hear me."

You recite the names in your head. Family, bro, exes, Rainbow.

Her horn begins to glow. "This wedding, the Changeling Queen, all of it doesn't matter to me. When I was trapped in the caverns, and I only had my thoughts to keep me company, one thought kept me going. That I love you, Shining Armor, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Family, bro, exes, Rainbow...

The magical glow moved to Shining Armor now. "But, we can't be together if the Changelings feed off our love. I'm ready to give them everything I have, but I need your help, darling."

Shining Armor's entire body is glowing now. "So please, come back to me."

"C-Cadence?"

Everything takes a pink hue.

-Mous PoV-

The girls were trapped by the Changelings. You weren't.

You weren't going to let them stop you.

The Changelings had gotten faster, better, they were evading your stabs and slashes and generally just being a pain.

But still, you cut them. A shrill shriek fills the air as a magical blast hits the ground a few feet away, scattering the Changelings.

You feel something heavy hit the ground and the sound of Changeling magic. The smoke clears and reveals the new arrival.

It looks like Anon.

It even sounds like him. "Ah, hello human~."

The Queen.

"You have made quite the problem for my soldiers~." she cooed.

H-

"However, I am not one of my soldiers, I and the one who defeated Celestia Herself. You cannot defeat me."

H-how

You're shaking.

"Lay down you're weapon and save me the time it would take to pum-"

"HOW DARE YOU!?" you scream.

Your outburst silences the Queen. Your world is going red.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE HIS SHAPE! HOW DARE YOU PERVERT THE IMAGE OF MY LITTLE BROTHER!"

The Queen moves Anon's hand to her mouth. "Oh dear, you do care for this one...How fitting that he will be your undoing~."

That gets a smile out of you. But not one the Queen seems to like. "Oh no. That's where you're wrong." you say.

You step into the area the Queen cleared. "See, I know that's you. I know you're not the real Anon"

You brandish David. "And now, I'm gonna choke you to death with your own insides."

-Music-

This fucking Queen.

This fucking slut of a Queen thinks she can kill you while she looks like Anon.

You don't give her the chance. You were tired, you were sore, but you didn't care.

You slash at her head, missing only by inches as she darts away. She knew her way around two feet, it seemed. The Queen holds her hand out and fires her sickly green magic at you. You relish the look on her face as you bat it aside and begin another offensive. Some fancy blade work nets you a quick slash on the Queen's cheek.

One that seals itself with green energy as the Queen laughs, her own voice breaking through.

Damn. That makes it hard.

The Queen's hand sprouts gouts of emerald flame as the fingers on it elongate and sharpen. She lunges at you and swipes with her new claw, you parry her as best you can.

Shit! That makes it harder!

The Queen puts you on the defensive as you backpedal and look for an opening.

C'mon man! This is their leader! She has the gall to look like Anon! Take her out and this is over!

You shout in your enemy's face and start a daring plan. A head butt dazes the Queen long enough for you to twist your knife to her, she dodges, but you don't let up. Slashes lead to punches, which lead to stabs, which lead to kicks. Everything you can think of, you throw in at her.

Every attack however, is healed the moment it's caused.

"Dammit! Stay down!"

Your exhaustion is catching up with you as you try for a desperate maneuver to get behind her. The Queen catches on and sweeps out your legs, sending you falling to the ground.

The Queen laughs as she plans a foot on your chest, pushing you onto your back. "I win."

You glance behind her. Did the city always look so pink?

-Anon PoV-

-Music-

It was working. The entire chapel was lit up in a brilliant pink glow. Cadence and Shining Armor were floating above you.

They had combined their magics, Shining Armor casting his shield spell powered by Cadence's love magic. These ponies were learning about the science of magic, it seemed.

Energy was cascading off the happy couple by the second. The waves were passing right through you, but were playing hell with the Changelings. They were getting tossed to and fro, those smart enough to hang onto something being the only stragglers.

They wanted love? They were getting all they could handle and more.

The waves were bringing forth every memory you had of all the people you loved. Your parents teaching you to ride a bike... Mous standing up for you at school... All your time with Rainbow...

Eventually, the waves intensified, throwing even the last Changelings out.

Eventually, only one remained. Spitto, or something. "What is this!?" he cried. "How are you doing this!?"

You turn to the Changeling as his grips begins to break away. "That's the power of love."

It was the after party now. The Bride and Groom insisted on being wed as quickly as possible, a request Celestia was happy to oblige.

Mous gave you a pat on the back and said the love magic had saved his ass. He then said he was going to go hang with the DJ after a visit to "Queen Got-Squashed-By-A-Bug".

You let him, you had other things to do. You spot Rainbow having a laugh with Soarin after her Sonic Rainboom and pull her aside. "Hehe...What's up Anon?" she asks.

You find yourself at a loss, all the things you felt today were gumming up your works.

"I-I love you Rainbow." was all you could get out.

Rainbow chuckles a bit and gives you a peck on the lips. "I love you too, Anon."

"No, I mean, it's more than that." Dammit, you were screwing this up. "When I was with Cadence and Shining Armor today, I was worried sick about you. I didn't know what I would do if you got hurt."

Rainbow blushes a bit. "T-thats real sweet, Anon. But you had nothing to worry about, see?" she performs a little flourish. "There's nothing in Equestria that can stop The Dash."

You laugh a bit. "Yeah...But still. Today, I saw a couple that loved each other so much, they were able to clear out an entire city. And when I saw just how far Cadence was able to take that love, I got reminded of how much I love you."

Rainbow opens her mouth, but you speak first.

"Rainbow Dash, let's get married."

The party is silent.

Everypony present is either standing with their mouth agape or just staring wide eyed.

You can see Mous lift up some stupid purple goggles he probably stole off his face and mouth "Do it." over and over again.

Even the bride and groom were shocked.

Rainbow was just as stunned as everyp0ny else. "Anon...I-" she brings her hooves to her mouth as you get down on your knee. "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh." you hear her say.

"Rainbow, I love you more than anyone I've ever met. You're funny, confident, and one of the best friends I've ever had. Certainly my first Equestrian one. I don't have a ring, or a plan, or anything like that. All I have is this feeling inside that says that this is what I want out of my life, to share it with you. So, Rainbow Dash. Will you marry me?" you ask.

Rainbow's big magenta eyes meet your own, they had tears in them. "Heh...was beginning to think I'd have to use estrus again. Yes, yes of course I will."

The party erupts into cheers, congratulations, and a resounding "Qapla'!" from the DJ stand as you pull Rainbow in and kiss her.

Music starts, oh god, was he really doing this? You don't even care. The mare you love just agreed to marry you, your life couldn't get any better. Rainbow hovers her way through a dance with you as your best friend and brother serenades you with words that have been on your mind for hours.

"Always, I wanna be with you and make believe with you, and live in harmony, harmony, oh love!"

Pot to Kettle.

Year 2 in Equestria.

Hour 3 in Canterlot.

"How about this one?" Lotus asks.

You look the building over. "It's kind of big for a spa, don't you think?"

Lotus trots up to you. "Dear, half of our current spa is underground."

"And most of this towers above the street. The old spa worked fine with one story, why does this one need two?" you ask.

Lotus huffs and walks down the street. "You just don't want to have to walk up stairs."

You follow Lotus. "My sloth aside, isn't a two story spa a bit extravagant for our second location?"

Lotus stops in the street and turns to you. "We have to make our mark here. We need something that these big Canterlot spas can't compete with."

You raise your arms and silently flex your fingers.

"Something else dear." she says.

"Oh, I see how it is. You've had your fill of my awesome fingers, so now we have to buy a building."

"We need something, some sort of hook, to get p0nies to come to our spa. You're good, but you're not -that- good." Lotus says.

You throw your hands behind your head. "I blame my teacher."

"Yes, this is clearly her fault." she harrumphs.

"If she had spent less time with her tongue down my throat, I could compete with these heavy hitters."

Lotus stops in her tracks and glares at you.

Might have taken this a bit too far...

You roll your eyes. "Sorry."

Lotus silently turns back and continues down the street.

Great...

Silent treatment...

You followed Lotus a few feet back as she continued not talking to you.

"I thought this move was a long while away, why are we here now?"

Nothing.

"You're acting like a filly."

Lotus continued to stare straight ahead.

"I find your mother attractive."

Lotus stops in the street and stares at you.

That got her.

"Can we talk now?" you ask.

Lotus's eyes narrow. "No."

She then continues trotting down the road.

Goddamnit.

"Babe. This is ridiculous."

Lotus mumbles something as she puts distance between the two of you.

"What?"

"I said I don't care and to stop following me!" Lotus shouts from down the road.

What!?

What is this?

Is she-?

She's ditching us here!

You were more than a bit annoyed, this was stupid.

You cup your hands around your mouth. "Those fritters you ate on the train are going to your ass!"

Lotus flicks her tail at you as she turns onto another street.

You stand there for a moment before you notice that you are surrounded by ponies staring at you.

"What!?" you shout.

The ponies snap back to their own business and continue walking.

That's what you thought...

You stomped through Canterlot, ignoring the looks you were getting. Eventually, you decided the take a seat on a park bench.

Why'd she leave like that?

She's probably PMS'ing, ponies do that, right?

Makes the most sense.

It's not like we lied or anything.

We didn't! If we had spent less time making out, we'd be better at massages!

You sit and stew for a little while. You're still trying to wrap your head around what you did. You were always a bit rude, but that had never bothered Lotus before.

You weren't acting any differe-

"Alone in the park?" A voice asks.

"GAH WHAT THE FUCK."

A shrill laugh resonates from behind a nearby tree as an enormous stark white p0ny steps out from behind it.

"Cunting hell, Celestia. Do you just stalk Canterlot in the off chance that I show up? The citizens are going to talk." you jide.

The monarch recomposes herself and speaks. "I happened to be taking a stroll through the city when what did I hear but my favorite human shouting about fritters and rear ends."

Fuck your life, she heard that.

You turn your head away as she continues. "I decided to follow you to see if I could gather any clues, but I'm afraid I came up emptyhoofed."

You dismissively wave a hand and walk down the path out of the park. "Good. Stay out of my damn business."

The clinking of golden horseshoes tells you that isn't going to happen. "Oh come now, Mous. I have been alive for over a thousand years, you couldn't ask for better advice."

"I could ask somepony who isn't trying to stick her nose in my damn business.

Celestia trots up next to you. "That doesn't sound like you telling me what happened~." she sings out.

You sigh. Can't hurt...

"Okay, what happened was..."

You walked with Celestia for a while as you both recanted what had happened and answered any of her inane questions. "Was she annoyed when you came here?" "Did you actually call her fat?" "Did she catch you looking at other mares?"

Eventually you reach your admittedly short limit. "No. I did not piss her off and home, or call her fat, and stop projecting your problems on me."

Celestia chuckles. "Then it sounds like she simply got tired of you being an ass."

"What? I wasn't being an ass!" you shout.

"Mous, you always act like an ass."

"Fuck you. I am not."

Celestia cocks an eyebrow. "Yes. Clearly."

"That's because I'm annoyed right now!"

You turn away and lean on a nearby wall.

Celestia walks up to you. "It's true Mous."

"Then why has nopony said anything?" you ask.

"Perhaps they have. Mous, think to yourself, how many friends do you have?" she says.

You turn to face the monarch. "What is this?"

"Answer the question." she says.

This is stupid.

"Anon, Lotus, You, Rainbow...Derpy, Aloe?, Uhh...Applejack...Twilight...Blueblood..." you recount.

"You don't sound too sure about some of those." she says.

"Piss off, I'm sure about the first four."

"So, your best friend, his wife, your special somepony, and me. We are all the friends you have?"

"Have you never wondered why?" Celestia asks as she orbits around you.

"I'm not a pony person."

"That aside, it's because you're an ass. You have four friends because you're a horrible jackass." she lectures.

"Then why they hell has nobody ever said anything?"

Celestia sighs in exasperation. "I told you. because they're either your best friend, his wife, or your special somepony."

You glance at her. "And you?"

Celestia chuckles. "I am incredibly old and incredibly patient, I can tolerate some rudeness."

Tch.

"You forgot to mention humble."

Celestia releases a laugh. "Especially when that rudeness is entertaining."

You stood outside the hotel room you were staying at.

"This is a bad idea." you say.

Celestia nudges you forward. "That's never stopped you."

"She's probably not even here."

"You won't know until you check."

You have your hand on the door knob.

"You should talk to-

A flash of light and a popping sound interrupts you. You look back to see Celestia has made herself scarce.

"...You bitch."

You take a deep breath the open the door. Lotus turns to look at you as you silently stomp into the room, drop yourself onto the couch, and cross your arms.

Lotus glares at you for a moment before returning to what appears to be her choice of spa locations.

"So..." you start.

Lotus remains facing forward. "So...

That's good. At least she's talking to you.

"So, I talked to a friend."

"Anypony I know?"

"Uh...an older one."

Lotus silently nods. "And?"

You throw our arms into the air and lean back on the couch. "And I found out that I'm apparently a gigantic asshole all the time and that you should probably break up with me."

Lotus turns to you. "You found out exactly that?"

You look at her out of the corner of your eye. "I may be paraphrasing."

She goes back to her list. "It's true, you are an asshole."

You snap your fingers. "See? I knew it."

"Almost all the time."

"Preach."

"Your constant complaining is one of the most grating things I've ever experienced." she says.

"It makes sense."

"And any mare with more than half a brain would leave you in the dust."

"I always knew you were smarter tha-oof!"

You lean forward to see Lotus's head in your lap.

Uhh...

"Am I missing something?" you ask.

Lotus turns her head to you. "I'm a twin, sweetheart. I had to split a brain."

"So...you're not mad at me?"

Lotus stretches in your lap. "Oh, I'm still mad. But you'd be amazed at how much having to walk around an unfamiliar city all day looking a buildings makes you long for some company."

Your hand falls from the couch and runs through Lotus's mane.

"Sorry...That I was an asshole."

"Anything less wouldn't be you." she says.

"Wouldn't that be better?"

Lotus giggles. "Dear, you're an incredible amount of fun to be around. It just has to be in doses sometimes."

Doses?

"Uhh...I can work on that, if you want."

Lotus looks up at you. "All for me?"

Your eyes dart around the room. "Yes?"

Lotus pulls herself up and rests her head on your shoulder. "I'd like that..."

Your arms loop themselves around her. "How much of a reduction were you looking for?

"A you who is half as much an asshole would be spectacular."

Hmm...

"I can give you 25%"

Baby steps.

Strangled Me with Science.

Year 2204 in Equestria.

The Broken Leylands. Mother fucking summer. You hated summer. You especially hated summer in the sea of sand and heat that was past the Appelosian desert.

You looked down at the valley below. According to Anon, leylines are supposed to glow pink at almost all times. Not this one, this one just looked like dirt and dust.

But then again, you were here to fix that.

The camp around you was a bustle of activity. You watched as everything from Pony to Zebra to Griffin was carrying out their tasks. Made sense, everybody wanted this project to succeed.

Some Zebras were fumbling with one of the battery charges. You holler at them in their native tongue as they scurry back to work.

"Since when did you speak Zebra?" Anon asks from the desk behind you.

"Since Celestia decided that I was apparently her number one choice for dicey diplomatic sessions."

You turn to look at him. "It helps to know when somepony is calling you an ass."

Anon rolls his eyes as he pours over the paper in front of him. "I'm sure you heard it often enough."

You walk up to the desk and look at the blueprints on it. "Less then you think. Explain to me again why we're setting mana batteries to explode out here in the middle of nowhere?"

Anon does some math on the side of his paper. "Because, we're going to re-ignite this ley line for the good of the planet and send more power to Canterlot?"

"To power your pet project. Do you even have a name for that hunk of junk?"

"Annoying Brother?"

You scoff. "Two hundred years of working on it and he can't even come up with a proper name."

"Hey, this is complex magic. I fuck this thing up and I send Equestria into an ice age. Not too much time to brainstorm names."

You roll your eyes and go back to overlooking the workers. "Okay, I get the why. But how is a bunch of mana-bombs supposed to help?"

Anon steps away from the desk and points you over the horizon. "It's simple really. This leyline got severed from the leyline about a thousand or so miles to the North thousands and thousands of years ago, probably because the magical flow just changed course."

Anon points to the charges. "What we're going to do, is set off these charges via radio signal in succession, that'll hopefully simulate a proper mana flow and link this one back up with the main line."

"And if it fails?"

Anon sighs. "Then I'll have wasted the last eighty years."

Not like you didn't have the time.

"And it'll explode." you say.

Anon winces and half turns to you. "There...might be a -slight- chance of a backfire, but that's less than a thousandth of a percent."

"But it could still happen..."

He gives a nervous chuckle. "What's science without risk?

The radio back at Anon's desk beeps and calls the two of you back to it.

Anon picks it up and holds it to his head. "A-huh. Alright. Perfect! Get everyone back to minimum safe distance and we can get this going!"

Anon looks up at you with the smile of a kid on Christmas.

"Don't break my continent." you say.

-Music-

You walk back to the main control tent with Anon practically skipping ahead of you. He ran into the control tent and began checking readouts and flipping on machines in the back.

"All stations checking in?" he asks.

An assistant spoke up. "Yes sir, everypony is online."

"Capacitors set to handle any feedback?"

"Check, sir."

"And how's our bleed?"

"Within .01%."

"Good, good..."

This was all a bit mad science-y...

"Alright! Green across the board! Mister Steele, give me master control!" Anon says.

The stallion in question fiddled with his instruments. "Ready, sir."

Anon moves to a large red lever at the end of the tent. "Alright, everypony! Moment of truth! Be ready to report any back-ups!"

Anon grips the lever with both hands and yanks it back as hard as he can.

A series of lights and beeps emit from a nearby machine.

Anon runs over to it. "Alright, we're about halfway across the sea. Stay frosty everypony..."

You walk up to him. "Is sea bad?"

"Sea was where we had to fashion mana depth charges. They've been down there a while, and if they have any leaks, it's game over man."

Brilliant...

"Sir, we have hit land." a technician says.

You watched as the lights on the machine traveled ever further inland.

After a minute of watching, Anon jumps up. "We should be close enough for a front row view now!"

With that he ran out of the tent. Towards the encroaching explosion.

"Anon! Dammit, that's what I do!" you shout.

You chase Anon out to where his desk was set up.

You could see the cloud of dust off in the distance as the batteries detonated.

"Anon, this isn't safe."

"It's fine, I accounted for everything..."

Dammit, he wasn't listen-

Your thoughts are interrupted as the mana batteries at the start of the Ley Lands began to detonate and sent shockwaves through the ground. The rest follow shortly thereafter, sending up clouds of dust that can probably be seen from home.

You can barely breath in this.

"Anon! *cough* Anon!" you choke out.

You wander through the dust until you find him exactly where he had been standing. As the dirt clears, you see another sight. The ground below you was glowing an ever steadying pink.

You can see Anon grinning from ear to ear. "Haha! It worked!" he shouts as he jumped in the air.

He grabs you by the shoulders. "It worked!"

With that he was off back to the tent. "How're we looking?"

"We have steady magic flow in all checkpoints, sir."

Anon looks back to you beaming.

You sigh. "Yes, yes, you fixed the planet. Can we go home now?"

The two of you sat on the main deck of the Delphinus. You were busy pouring sand and dust out of your clothes while Anon sat next to you in silent wonder at the events of the day.

This silence was irritating.

"If you ever get this much sand in me again..." you mutter.

Anon sighs. "Can't hear ya. Too wrapped up in the moment."

Heh. It was quite the feat...

You looked out across the plains and mountains of the Mild West. The sun bobbed in the sky for a moment before it went that final distance across the horizon. Over all your years, you had begun to notice the tells when Celestia lowered the sun.

One step closer...

"Well, now that my day is more or less over. I guess I have to think of something fun to do."

Anon perks up at that. "Hey I heard something you may like."

"Oh?" you ask turning to him.

"Mhmm. There's this new museum in lower city, see?"

You nod.

"Well, they opened an exhibit about us." he says as he slides his head.

You try to wrap your head around that.

"Just us?"

"Yep."

"The two of us?"

"A-huh."

What the-

"Did they just steal stuff from the apartment?" you ask.

Anon laughs. "I dunno, wanna find out?"

Shit kid. Of course you wanted to find out.

The two of your made your way to the museum as soon as you landed. A quick elevator ride down to the part of the city in the valley below put you right in front of the museum.

Turns out that subjects of museum exhibits get in free.

Walking into the hall they had you located in was like walking back in time.

"By the Emperor..." you exclaim.

They had them all in a case the size of the royal dining table. Every last one of your little models, each expertly posed inside and all trying to kill each other. Lotus had said there wouldn't be enough room for them once you had moved to Canterlot. So it was with a heavy heart that you locked your little voyeur gallery away in a trunk and kept them at the apartment.

Seeing them here again was like a dream come true.

Most of them were you standard: Yellow and angry. But you could see a few of the alternate schemes you had come up with. The royal blues. The blood reds. You even saw a few with grey and yellow in there.

"Projected account of ancient Earth warfare." you hear Anon say next to you.

What?

"They think this is what they thought war was like on Earth?"

Anon shakes his head. "Seems that way."

That...that was fucking awesome.

The two of you continued to inspect the gallery. They had collected a few of your super old movies and thrown them onto a T.V. That still didn't excuse them picking The Room, however.

Even two thousand years later, Tommy Wiseau is annoying.

"Like a fucking time capsule..." Anon says.

"Got that right..."

You glance over at him. "Better then a night with the moon Princess?"

Anon stumbles and blushes. "Uh...you know about her, huh?"

Oh please. He had known you knew that he was seeing someone, apparently he doesn't know how obvious the two could be together.

"It's been over a thousand years since you two started this little whatever of yours dude."

Anon rubs the back of his head.

"I know you kept it a secret, but come on. I'm me. I knew before you went off to play explorer."

You walk to the next exhibit to give him a break. He had probably been trying real hard to keep that a secret.

Hell, it's not his fault you knew him fo-

...No. No no.

No no no.

Not you. Not again.

Not here.

Not now.

Anon walked up to your frozen ass in the middle of the floor. "Dude, what is it?"

What is it? Just the return of your most hated foe.

THAT. MOTHERFUCKING. DIDGERIDOO.

IT'S HAUNTED.

IT HAS TO BE HAUNTED.

ONLY IN DEATH WILL WE KNOW PEACE.

You grab the nearest museum worker. "HOW MUCH FOR THAT."

"U-uh...well, sir. I uh..." he stammers as he tries to get his bearings. "Uh...letmegoaskthecurator!"

Anon puts a hand on your shoulder. "Dude, what are you doing?"

SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE LONG AGO.

The two of you stand in the park after midnight. Burning wood fills your ears and noses. The silence of the park is split by the last pathetic whine of The Accursed One as the flame consumes in.

You dump a bucket of water from the lake on the blaze, condemning It to ash.

"It is done."

Anon just watches you as he had done since you bought the damn thing. Most people don't spend a years' salary on something they intend to burn.

"Well, that was...dramatic. Are you feeling better?" he asks.

You breathe in the air, laced with a trace of the smell of burning wood. "Yes..."

Anon looks down at the pit of ash. "Makes you yearn, ya know?"

"Hmm?"

"All of this. The museum, your...little friend here."

Fuck you.

"Makes you yearn for the old days, you know? Back when it was just you me and Rainbow, trying to do some stupid thing in the middle of Ponyville."

You looked up at the city you had been protecting for the past two millennia. "Things definitely took an unanticipated swerve..."

Anon nods with you. "Wanna re-live some of it?"

You look down and meet his eyes.

"...Movie night?"

Anon grows a wide smile. "I've got Star Wars."

"I got beer."

Anon chuckles and heads for the park entrance. "Come on, we need to hurry if we're getting through all three."

You laugh as you run to catch up with him. Same shit, different night.