Starlight, Babyslayer vs. The Army of Cozys

by Nebbie

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cozy Glow, Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst, Sex, Lightning Dust, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Romance, Trixie
Length: 7794

In a world ravaged by Cozy Glow's marshmallow clone army, one mare stands alone: STARLIGHT, BABYSLAYER!

Starlight vs. Cozy Glow (and her marshmallow clone army)... It's going to be messy and weird, but she's ready for that.

Contains more than the daily recommended amount of bladed weaponry, unnecessary explosions, shipping, and butt humor.

Also an entry for https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1019523/cozy-glow-short-story-contest-4, under the vs. prompt.

Published 2023-09-16 02:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-18 17:01:24 UTC

Don't Overthink It

Starlight, covered in black leather armor, with a katana at one hip, a firepony's axe at the other, and an RPG on her back, scanned the horizon of the brightly-sunlit desert with her binoculars from atop her motorcycle. Looking at a column of smoke behind a hill, she turned toward it. As she came up to it, she turned her motorcycle off and slowly walked with it up. Halfway she stopped, setting her motorcycle in between some rocks, then took out a plastic clam and flipped it open. "Commander, I think I'm here. This look right?"

After a moment, Spitfire's voice replied "Affirmative. Be careful, Rainbow was no fool, and our fastest flier, and now she's toast."

"Yeah, I know. ...and she's not toast if I'm not too late, maybe just buttered bread," Starlight said as she walked to the top of the hill.

"Just be prepared. Lightning Dust may not've been a good thinking mare, and that certainly wouldn't improve becoming a Cozy, but she literally had a career based around winning fights with sharp objects, and you're not carrying much else besides those..." Spitfire said.

"Right...think she'll happen to be weak to explosives to the face?" asked Starlight.

"From range, in the open, and in broad daylight? Only if she's a moron who never learned to dodge. Remember, Twilight fought that way, and all that earned her was Flash Sentry's spear up the rear to her ear, so I suggest you take a page from that glorious traitorous bastard's book instead of hers. Now, I've got some of my own stuff to deal with, so it's radio silence for the next two hours, over and out," replied Spitfire.

Starlight nodded, then flipped the communicator closed and peeked out over a boulder in front of her. She saw a camp full of Cozy Glows, and in the middle, a large fire with wings held cooking over it, and nearby...Rainbow Dash, crying and on her knees, wingless, looking up at a mare-sized Cozy Glow with slightly spiky curvy hair and a black suit with green lightning stripes raising a sword.

"Well, poo," Starlight muttered as she sprung into action, leaping and sliding down the hill. "RAINBOW!"

"Starlight? Hey, wait...don't come closer..." Rainbow said weakly.

The Cozies turned to look, most with a look of terror.

The mare one, however, grinned and put her nose against Rainbow's. "Well well well, you were right they'd send a pony to save you after all...guess you won't be kissing my butt anymore, 'cause she will!" She moved her own head away and swung the sword, severing Rainbow's head.

Starlight froze in horror merely a few body lengths away as Rainbow's head bounced on the dirt and blood rushed out behind it, then the mare Cozy picked it up, looked into Rainbow's blinking eyes, then casually dropped it back on the bloodstained dirt and sat on it.

"You...you bastard!" Starlight spat as she looked towards the mare Cozy. "You'll pay for that!"

"Me, pay for it? I was just making her pay for ruining my reputation in my past life... I really would've spared her as my pet if I was left alone, but you just had to come along and play the hero, and the Cozy would've had my hide if I let you walk away with an element of harmony."

"You have no idea who you're dealing with, Li-...wait, don't you Cozies take different names, since you aren't really the original pony, just a Cozy with bits of them baked in?" Starlight asked, scratching her head.

The Cozy rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry. "It's Crazy Glue."

"...really? Seems kinda lame," Starlight said as she unsheathed her katana.

"You're one to talk about lame names, 'Babyslayer'! At least my name tells ponies I'm CRAZY. Anyways, speaking of lame, it's pretty damn lame when somecozies ARE SITTING ON THEIR SORRY BUTTS INSTEAD OF ATTACKING THE HERO THREATENING US WITH A SWORD, YOU NINCOMPOOPS!" Crazy shouted.

The other Cozies looked between themselves, one sipping a juicebox before tossing them aside, and another running out of a wooden latrine with toilet paper on her rear hoof. They all formed a semi-circle around Starlight, and soon several of them pounced.

Starlight jumped up at them and spun around, her katana cleanly decapitating a pair as if they were made of butter. A cartwheel later, another two were down, one chopped in half at the waist, instead of the neck.

A few got in punches on Starlight's face, making her spit blood. She took a moment to concentrate, and unleashed a magic beam.

It melted holes in the stomachs of both, who looked down at the holes in terror before collapsing. The remaining Cozies were seemingly rooted in place, with the one with toilet paper on her hoof slinking back to the latrine.

Crazy giggled and flew up from behind the half-ring of sweating Cozies. "There's still a lot more here, and you're already bloodied and bruised. How many more do you think you can handle, little miss hero? One snap of your horn is all it'll take, so take a good look at your future!" She spun around midair and shook her rear towards Starlight.

"Big mistake..." Starlight said as she pulled out her RPG and fired right at Crazy's rear.

Crazy had only a second to go wide-eyed and eep with a derped expression as the explosive embedded itself inside her, and then pooped like a balloon filled with fire, her hooves, wings, and head comically bouncing away.

"So...your leader, the only one who has an idea how to fight, is gone. Wanna fight and die, or run away screaming?" Starlight asked.

The remaining cozies ran off, some shrieking, some just ducking into tents with juiceboxes.

"That's what I thought...hmm, maybe I should take some trophies..." Starlight said as she grabbed a Cozy head, finding weirdly it was staring at her in horror, teeth chattering. "Whoa...guess you marshmallow clone abominations take a while to die. Um...I'll just be setting you down for now, enjoy whatever afterlife you go to."

Starlight went over to Rainbow's head, sighed, then wiped some discoloration off the snout's fur with a rag before stuffing it in a sack in her saddlebag. "Well, you're avenged at least...but why were you and Crazy out here to begin with...?" She mused as she went to the largest tent and looked into Crazy's logbook. It was mostly empty, but written on a recent page was a very important circling of an address just after mention of Trixie's capture, with the words "Old mad science factory cleanout, URGENT" underlined. Starlight quickly grabbed some apple juice from a supply bag and got going. "I'm coming, my stupid, foolish love..."

Starlight, riding on her motorcycle in the black of a moonless night, took out her clamshell and called Spitfire. "Hey..."

"Hey," Spitfire replied. "...too late, huh?"

Starlight growled. "A bit. I left some Cozy heads and bodies at the dropoff site like you asked, and uh, Rainbow's head too, if ya wanna bury her or something..."

"No time, but at least they won't be parading it around in the damn streets. And thanks for not trying your necromancy idea and trusting Zecora's wisdom for once, the Spike incident was more than enough," Spitfire said with a hint of frustration.

"I know, I heard from Soarin'. So...our deceased friend Lightning Dust, or...Crazy Glue, wrote down that she found Trixie, and it's somehow related to the Cozy Factory. Think I'll find her there...and not just a Cozy acting like her?" Starlight asked.

"No idea. I've gotten reports about Trixie, but they're vague and contradictory, and sound like they came from ponies that huffed a bit too much magic smoke while it was being blown up their rears. Only thing we know for sure is she had some brilliant robotics ideas that the Cozies abandoned and have Sunburst puzzled. At the very least, I can say that even if she got used to make a Cozy, if one mare's mind was such that plastering it on a Cozy would see no difference from the usual, it'd be her...no offense," Spitfire replied.

Starlight chuckled and snorted. "Heh...none taken. Anyways, I'm nearing the city, going dark."

"Roger, try to retrieve anything that might be important for how they make Cozies out of marshmallow; Sunburst and Zecora's research has made some real strides and they think they're close to a breakthrough," Spitfire said, and the connection closed.

As Starlight came into Fillydelphia, she looked around to see guard towers at the city's edges. The Cozies up top thankfully didn't seem to think much of a lone pony on a motorcycle. More concerning were the empty streets...while this was the time the least ponies would be awake, there would normally be ponies out doing late night activities, and the few out were just Cozies that looked like they'd happily beat up anypony they found.

As she got close to the factory and stopped, she saw that the area around it was completely demolished. Just beyond the warning signs to stay away, and a few guard towers, was a long stretch of area that had clearly been filled in with fresh dirt, save for a few areas where she could see bodybags. "So this is where they dispose of dissenters...kinda trashy."

She hopped off her motorcycle and concentrated, soon teleporting in just behind a window she'd seen from the outside. She looked around the corridor a moment and perked her ears, listening for alarms. With nothing immediate other than a dull ache in her horn, probably from a weak anti-magic field, she spotted a doorway marked as "Authorized Personnel Only, and teleported past it, bringing her into another corridor, with at the end a single door labeled "Security". She smirked as she teleported once more...

Inside, two Cozies in chairs at a control console with security camera feeds turned to look at her, one having rounded bulky hair, the other short and spiked. "Wait, Starli-"

Starlight cut her off with a kick to the head, that took it right off and sent it bouncing into the wall.

The other Cozy gulped, starting to shake, frozen with a look of fear, as her seat became wet, soon followed by yellowish drops onto the floor.

"Wow, okay, this is awkward uh, guess I should've taken both your heads off...or wait, she said my name, do I...know you two?" Starlight asked with a raised eyebrow.

The Cozy nodded as her body continued shaking for a moment before she opened her mouth. "I-I'm S-S-Scootaloo...and that's...Apple Bloom. Like, we're uh, we're the actual originals, continuity of mind and all, just with some Cozy stuff in and weird marshmallow bodies..."

"Oh shoot, sorry to uh, scare the pee outta ya," Starlight said with a blink. "So are you...gonna just let me do my thing or...?

Scootaloo hurriedly nodded, then leapt off the chair and grabbed the Cozy head, putting it back on the body it came from with a bit of some weird paste.

The head blinked before opening its mouth. "Buck ME that hurt harder'n bein' buttbucked by Big Mac! Err..."

Starlight blinked in surprised and looked to Scootaloo, who just shook her head and put her tongue out with a disgusted look.

Apple Bloom went wide-eyed. "Okay, let's start over here, and pretend that Scootaloo didn't wet herself, and that I didn't say that."

All three ponies nodded.

So did nopony tell ya that us here doin' nothin' important are just rejects that don't even wanna kill ponies instead of prank 'em?"

Starlight rubbed the back of her neck. "Again, sorry about that, I kinda didn't get the memo ponies like you even could exist. So...you two were early conversion experiments, I take it?"

"Yep," replied Scootaloo "Sweetie too, but they really overdid her...she's literally just a marshmallow with eyes and holes now."

"Sounds horrifying, yet...cute and delicious and...I really don't want to think about a filly like that..." said Starlight. "Anyways, I'm just here for Trixie, so if you'll kindly point me to her, I'll be on my way. Sorry again."

Apple Bloom sighed. "She ain't here no more, and we ain't exactly kept in the loop. Only thing I know is that whenever Big Mac comes to visit, he talks about how much he wishes he could tell me how great her super-special secret shows are. I think it's a load o' horseapples, either to trap ponies, or Trixie's just out to make money off the end of the dang world."

Starlight sighed. "Must've been what got Rainbow. Anyways, I can't return empty-hooved. You got anything here that could help me find her or learn about what made you two?"

Scootaloo shook her head. "They packed up most of the weird science stuff when this place got turned into a detention center, but...maybe Anti Cozy would know. We can disable the alarms and tell the higher ups you used some new stealth spell or something. Oh and uh...what was that about Rainbow?"

Starlight took out a flask and took a swig. "Your idol's dead, kid. Lightning Du-Crazy Glue got her."

Scootaloo groaned and slammed her head on the console. "Knew she wouldn't listen when I told her she needed a cool ride and a sidekick. Buck it, tonight's the night. Gimme some of that and go do your thing." Scoots then slammed her hooves on some buttons that said "disarm".

"You're awfully young but given the circumstances, uh..." Starlight extended her hoof, and the flask was gone in a split second.

Scootaloo chugged the rest of the flask down, burped, tossed it aside, and looked at Apple Bloom with a grin, who gave an uneasy look in return, then jumped her, smooching her with comically loud noises on the floor.

"Whoa," Starlight started as she gagged a bit. "Not comfortable seein' ponies this young doin' the dirty, and...is she okay with this or...?"

Scootaloo's hoof pointed towards the door.

Starlight spoke as fast as she could, saying "Right, your business, not mine, have fun, hope you disarmed the right things, bye!" before teleporting out in a blink to what she hoped was near the right cell.

Immediately her horn hurt like hell, clearly this area had a lot more of a magic-suppressing field going on. It only subsided as the magic left over from the teleport left. "Damn, so much for teleporting out of here..." And sure enough, she spotted a guard pacing the corridors, who she recognized as Fleetfoot, not the least bit Cozified. Starlight shuddered at the sight.

Fleetfoot grinned and chuckled. "Ooh looky here, it's Spitfire's favorite little hero, slayer of Crazy Glue, come to let me show Cozy why demoting me over a few 'war crimes' was a mistake... So then, you're here for revenge for those families, huh? Got some big magic spell or a potion ready to go? Ooh, what's it called?"

Starlight tapped something in her bag and rolled it on the floor towards Fleetfoot. "Grenade," she said dryly.

"...oh," Fleetfoot said with a gulp as she turned around and tried to fly away, only to have her back half blown to kingdom come. She wheezed for a moment before slumping forward.

Starlight trotted over to inspect the cell door, noticing a retinal scanner, and then went to Fleetfoot's remaining front half, which was weakly trying to escape. "As expected. I'll be taking this..." she said as she took out a knife and carved out one of Fleetfoot's eyeballs before holding it up to the scanner.

The door swung open, and Starlight set her knife down in Fleetfoot's forehead, making the half-mare look back with a nervous smile. "I would give a big speech and make a really witty one-liner about your weird name, but look, you're a sociopath who was too evil for Cozy Glow, so just get dead faster!" She drove the knife in all the way to the tilt.

Fleetfoot gave a few spasms before going still.

Starlight then trotted into the cell, not seeing anypony inside, but clear signs of a young filly, from the toys and sappy romance books about. "Fifty Shades of Hay? Really?"

A Cozy Glow cautiously peeked out from under the bed and looked at her. "I-it was a phase... Um, y-you here to end me, since your the um, babyslayer?"

Starlight took a moment to regain her composure. "No, no, I'm looking for some information, and apparently all the conveniently-placed logs got deleted after you villains got serious about access control policies... So you're...?"

"A failure. The shoulder angel she asked for, but not what she wanted. Careful what you wish for and all..." the Cozy replied.

"Well, sounds about right, but I was hoping for a name too. Do you have any idea how confusing it gets when there's 10 ponies named Cozy Glow in the same room and somehow only one of them is the real deal and the actual murderer? I still have nightmares sometimes," Starlight said with a shudder.

"Oh... Call me Comfy Bright I guess. It's what they called me when they threw me in here," Comfy said dejectedly.

"Hey, it's okay now," Starlight said as she put a hoof around Comfy. "So there's a few things I want to know, and...if you really are like that, maybe you could come with me, too?" Starlight asked, smiling.

"Fine. What did you need to know?" Comfy asked as she inched towards Starlight.

"Mainly anything you know about Trixie..." Starlight replied.

"Oh, her? Great...well, let's sit down on the bed then, 'cause this is gonna take a while," said Comfy.

Don't Lose Your Head

In the desert at noon, Starlight stepped off the gas. "Alright, if Spitfire's info is accurate, we're pretty close to one of Trixie's experiments, it's right in that canyon," she said, pointing at a gap in two large cliffsides.

"It is, I can feel it. Like, down in my guts, all weird like," Comfy said with a slight cringe.

"Huh...that's actually brilliant of Trixie to come up with...nopony would know you can tell when they're nearby. It doesn't work in reverse, does it?" Starlight asked with a look of concern as she trotted off towards the canyon.

"It does, but it won't notice me with the other Cozies around, and if I'm real close. I might even be able to calm the thing so you can get the kill...or maybe we could save it somehow," Comfy said as she flow close behind.

"Sorry, I know you hate killing, but we barely knew these things existed until last week, so we aren't exactly equipped to play giant Cozy tamer," Starlight said with a giggle.

"Right. So why is this whole place a big desert anyways?" asked Comfy.

"Beats me. Maybe Cozy is bad at managing weather? If I stopped to investigate every little mystery in this crazy world, I'd probably be driven insane. Best not to sweat the details," Starlight mused.

"Shh...it's getting closer," Comfy said.

Starlight grabbed Comfy and dove into a bush as stomping could be heard.

Soon, a 10 foot tall Cozy Glow came into view from out of the canyon. It trotted out towards their bush a few paces, as two Cozies Starlight recognized as likely having been Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, based on retaining their exact manes, flew around it, and made an odd loud moaning sound.

"What the hay? Why's the thing coming out when we're about to feed it, Diamond Glow?" asked the former Silver Spoon.

"You know how weird these things get, maybe it's claustrophobic or something, Cuddle Spoon. Regardless, BRING THE PRISONERS!" replied Diamond Glow.

Starlight watched as a trio of generic Cozies marched forward two ponies she recognized: Moondancer and Caramel.

"So..." Diamond Glow began. "Any last words, rebel scum?"

"What?" started Caramel.

Moondancer groaned and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, just that this creep here thought the best time to come grope and spank my rear was while I was planting a bomb. Types like him are exactly why you Cozies took over. I only had eyes for Twilight..."

Cuddle Spoon rolled her eyes. "Whatever, just step up to the thing's mouth as you're called. CARAMEL!"

"I-I'm not a rebel though! You can't do this!" Caramel shouted as he widened his stance, looking around and breathing heavily before darting away with his eyes closed. "You'll have to catch me!"

Diamond Glow slapped the big Cozy's side, and its tongue shot out, slapping against his rear under the tail, sticking to it as it then reeled in rapidly. In an instant, with nothing but a short scream, he went in its mouth, only a forehoof sticking out for a while before the big Cozy gulped.

"Huh, froglike, interesting," said Moondancer, while Caramel screamed more from inside.

After a while, a Caramel-like stallion Cozy shot out the big Cozy's rear with a squelch.

"Huh, and he's still screaming inside...so it isn't continuous," Moondancer observed.

"Don't you have any sappy regrets or prayers or whatever?" asked Cuddle Spoon as she put an elbow on Moondancer's flank.

"No, now for the love of Celestia, shut up and let's get this over with!" Moondancer shouted as she shoved the filly's hoof away and pushed her rear end against the big Cozy's lips.

"Uh...okay," said Cuddle Spoon.

"Oh and actually...how about... My departed friends that gave a damn are smiling at me, Cozies. Can you say the same?" Moondancer asked with a sly grin.

"Eh," Diamond Glow said as she shoved Moondancer in, the mare vanishing in the blink of an eye. "If the original Silver Spoon is like, a ghost or somethin', she's probably bein' all weird and romantic with ghost Diamond Tiara or even...ugh, Snails. I don't need their icky approval."

No scream was heard as the big Cozy began processing Moondancer, and soon a Moondancer-like Cozy came out and looked to the Caramel-like one with disdain, while the big Cozy vomited up a pellet containing the hair and bones of the original ponies. "You better not have somehow gotten that guy's yucky traits."

The Caramel-like Cozy nervously giggled. "Uh, I think I just want to spank ponies a lot with my meanness?"

"Hmm...good enough, maybe we can date," replied the Moondancer-like Cozy. "Let's go get some stupid names from this stupid regime."

"Ugh," started Diamond Glow. "Don't tell me we're making that one a general."

"Psst..." came a whisper to Starlight's side. She glanced over at Comfy Bright tugging on her hoof. "I feel sick..."

Starlight blinked a few times and looked back to the other Cozies, who had just gotten into some big argument. None seemed to have heard Comfy. "Can't it wait?"

"No...I think...I think that hayburger you gave me...doesn't agree with my system. Us marshmallow Cozies normally have an all apple juice diet," Comfy said as her hooves quivered.

"Right, explains why Scootaloo of all ponies would wet herself. Look, just do it as quietly as you can, they're distracted," replied Starlight.

Comfy gagged a bit, but as Starlight looked around nervously, it seemed like with the Cozies at each other's throats, they weren't exactly expecting somepony to be in the bush.

...and then Comfy unleashed a mess of vomit at Starlight's hooves that spilled well outside the bush, making her freeze.

The Moondancer-like Cozy blasted away the bush with her horn. "Oh great, creepy voyeurs watching us get birthed or pooped or whichever you wanna call it too now. And one's got a weak stomach! Yuck, this day keeps getting worse and WORSE!"

"Well it's over for you!" shouted Starlight as she unsheathed her katana, and in one fluid motion, sliced off the Moondancer-like Cozy's head.

Diamond Glow leapt into action, only to get sliced diagonally.

Next, the Caramel-like Cozy slapped Starlight's rear so hard she fell over, losing her katana, and he promptly got an axe up the crotch, where it became wedged.

Starlight started to get up, staring at Cuddle Spoon, who seemed paralyzed by fear...only for Cuddle Spoon to then slap the big Cozy's side, making a tongue shot out straight at Starlight's face. She had mere moments to gasp, but then...a pink hoof slapped the tongue away. "...Comfy, you...you sav-"

"Nope, just me here to make sure you get a fun execution," said Crazy Glue as she grinned.

"B-but I..." started Starlight.

"Blew up most of me? Yep, but then you left my head just lyin' around! A few minutes with a marshmallow body maker and...good as new. Come on, you didn't think of that? They really just take any action hero they can get these days. Nighty night!" She finished her little monolog with a sprinkle of some kind of sparkling powder in Starlight's face.

"Well...poo," replied Starlight said as she swayed a bit and passed out.

Starlight opened her eyes slowly to Sunburst offering her tea in what seemed to be a cabin. "Huh...wasn't I...?"

"Shh, it's okay, we got you. Crazy Glue might've been one tough cookie, but she had a hard time dragging you to Canterlot by herself, and Spitfire really wanted her head for a new fireplace display."

Starlight chuckled and took the tea, stirring the spoon around. "Well, glad to hear she's not just resigned to spending the whole resistance in a chair letting getting fat waiting to be captured, at least not without something to stare at!"

Sunburst smirked. "Speaking of, she might've forgotten to disable your uh, emergency...you know, in case of capture..."

"Oh, the surprise rear bomb? Well I assume we're not at risk of capture for now, so go ahead," Starlight said as she took a sip of the tea.

"Uh, heh, yeah uh, how do I disable it again?" Starlight asked, looking nervous.

"Oh, don't tell me you're so squeamish you didn't even listen to the instructions! Ugh..." Starlight said as she rolled her eyes, then turned her rear to him and lifted her tail. "It's just three quick presses of the button inside, it'll vibrate twice if disarmed...you can use a spoon or something. Actually, I can get it myself with this teaspoon if you don't want to..."

"No no, I uh...I think I'll manage, just let me get something...less of an heirloom," Sunburst said as he trotted off to the kitchen.

Starlight sighed. "Typical Sunburst...hmm, what forest are we i-"

Her musing was interrupted as she felt two vibrations in her rear, and the reality around her seemed to shake with them. She suddenly shot her eyes open, seeing Crazy Glue staring at her, with Canterlot towers behind. Her eyes went wide, and she realized she was shackled to a chopping block, and that her horn felt numb, like it had been cut off.

"Hmph," came Luna's voice from behind. "So you really are that gullible. Thanks for telling us how to disarm other captures." Luna trotted around to her front, showing that she was small, nearly a filly, with solid light-colored hair.

Starlight snarled a bit. "You violated my dreams, YOU DAMN TRAITOR!"

"Traitor? I'm a co-ruler of Equestria, and I did what was right for Equestria. Under no definition of the word am I one, you damn rebel. I'll happily go over the finer points of my reasoning later, inside your dying head. Now, let's go on with the execution that'll take it of..." Luna stated smugly as she headed off to a nearby tower.

"So..." Crazy Glue began as she flew over, sitting down on Starlight's head on the chopping block. "Any regrets?"

"A few. Mostly that I didn't turn your brain into paste," Starlight replied before blowing Crazy's tail a bit out of her face.

"Hmph, spicy, but not as fun as Rainbow. At least you don't bite," Crazy said with a giggle.

"Keep sitting there and I might..." said Starlight.

Crazy spun around onto the tip of Starlight's nose, leaned her body back, and bent her front down to stare her eye to eye, holding the sides of her head. "Oh, what a fun threat...but anyways, you're about to lose your head, along with that little failure over there. How's it feel?"

"Like I've gotta take a dump and some crazy pony is sitting on my nose," replied Starlight dryly as she spotted Comfy shaking nearby, also chained down.

Crazy giggled so hard she fell backwards, off of Starlight's nose, and onto the ground. "Heheheh, the block tends to have that effect on ponies...though in your case, it's probably because Luna left your horn in there after using it to disarm your little present for us. Anyways, I've gotta go get my axe!" Crazy flew off.

"Psst...any plans?" Comfy asked from her smaller chopping block, looking terrified.

"Sorry kiddo, my only plan is to spit in Luna's face if she really is gonna go inside my head and lecture me on her deranged ideas, and I think anything better isn't saving you, so prepare to meet your maker...or wait, your maker's Cozy Glow, and she isn't bothering to come, so I guess meet her maker," Starlight replied as she turned to face Crazy Glue, who was flying over with a comically-oversized red axe.

"Well, any last words?" asked Crazy Glue.

"Bite my sparkly magical butt, you hellspawn," Starlight said weakly, sounding rather bored.

"Hmm...sounds fun, but nah," Crazy Glue replied as she flew over and swung the axe.

Time seemed to slow down as the pain in Starlight's neck started, and as her head began to fall into the bucket below, she spotted out of the corner of her vision Spitfire flying over.

Crazy Glue turned around in panic as a magical beam slammed into her side, colored like it was from Sunburst. "You ANIMAL!" he shouted as he charged over and let off two more into Crazy Glue in rapid succession, knocking her axe away and then turning her head into marshmallow mush.

Photo Finish then teleported in and grabbed Starlight's head out of the bucket, staring into her eyes. "It is not too late! Ze head is freshly cut!" Photo then dunked Starlight's head into some kind jar of brown liquid Zecora was holding.

Zecora sprinkled something in around her as time seemed to return to normal. "Do not be full of Fright, you are saved dear Starlight. We now just need to know, if you accept having a terrific cyborg body made mostly of marshmallow Cozy Glow... Blink only twice to be tossed like old rice!"

Starlight promptly blinked six times in a second, just to be safe.

"COMMENCE ZE MAGICKS!" shouted Photo as she brought over the body, which had pink paste stretched between areas of metal on the hooves, butt, and back.

Zecora promptly took Starlight's head out and stuck it on the cyborg neck.

Starlight gasped, suddenly feeling the need to breathe. "Oh BUCK ME Apple Bloom wasn't kidding...whoa...cool, but uh, how did you all...?"

Sunburst brought her lips to his and smooched her for a good long second before pulling away. "Well it was simple, we just combined Zecora's alchemy with my magical expertise, some robot parts Trixie left behind, and just a dash of Photo Finish's utter insanity from her time working in one of Cozy's labs... And sorry, but we didn't have time to work out all the kinks, so you may not be able to eat solid food or fly very well."

"We can provide ze upgrades later," added Photo Finish as she tossed a bomb that took out a few guard Cozies flying in, turning them into pink paste.

Starlight smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips back. "Thanks..." She took a moment to grab Comfy, and her hoof automatically turned into a saw that cut the chains. The filly seemed to be passed out from fear, so she just laid her on her back, then turned to look around. "Um...wait, what about Luna?"

Spitfire was suddenly thrown out of the tower Luna had gone in, and slammed against the hard cobblestone. "...s-she's...a big problem," Spitfire got out before slumping down.

"Then it is time for SACRIFICE!" Photo Finish shouted as she took out some kind of paste from a jar in her dress and shoved it in Spitfire's lips. "A pegasus for an alicorn is a worthwhile trade, yes?"

Spitfire perked up suddenly, only to look back sadly. "...yes...everypony else, get lost and don't come back, I've got her!"

Luna flew down gently and smirked as she started firing off magic beams.

Sunburst grabbed onto Starlight and kicked at her flank, making wings pop out her sides, and her butt turn into a rocket that sent them flying, followed closely by Zecora and Photo Finish.

Starlight looked back and watched as Spitfire dodged gracefully...for a moment, before a bolt took off a wing and Luna started to cackle and pace around the grounded pegasus. "How exactly is she supposed to take out Luna?" she questioned as she rubbed her neck, which itched a little, but was otherwise quite fine.

Sunburst flared his horn, and the group teleported a ways away, up on a balcony.

A loud explosion from the area of the battle answered Starlight's question just as she set down, with a single hoof of Luna's flying past.

"Backup detonators, the bane of gloating traitors," Zecora rhymed.

Starlight blinked. "Huh, but now what? We've got no leader and no escape route from this damned city!"

Photo Finish cleared her throat from behind them. "We are not here to escape! We are here to find ze MIRROR PORTAL and GO...where Trixie went!" she shouted as she pulled out a map. "It is lower down in zis tower..."

"So you finally figured out what I did to her..." said Cozy Glow as she teleported in, her horn already flaring with magic. "Too bad you're getting DESTROYED!" She immediately shot a bolt that took off one of Photo Finish's legs, turning it to ashes.

Starlight growled and reached out mentally for any assistance her new body could provide. "I don't think so..." She jumped up, leaving Comfy to fall to her side and wake up, only to then fall back down as her legs splayed out, slamming her belly against the floor with a clang.

Comfy took one look around, and hit a button on Starlight's hoof, making a rocket shot out at Cozy.

Cozy tried to dodge, but the explosion sent her tumbling into a wall, resulting in rubble coming down and burying her up to her neck. "Oof...how devious, you made me think you were about to fail only to have one of my own shoot at me!"

"Uh...let's go with that," Starlight said.

Sunburst put a leg around Starlight and inspected her. "Starlight, your cyborg body isn't ready for this kind of combat yet...and Trixie designed a lot of it. You need to go and get her to stand a chance."

"But..." Starlight began.

"No buts! I know I lost you to her a while back so...this is goodbye," he finished with a kiss, only to go wide-eyed as a beam from Cozy started turning him to ash from the rear forward.

"No butts, more like!" said Cozy.

Starlight screamed as she flailed and backed up from him as his entire back half turned to ash. "SUNBURST!"

Sunburst looked back weakly as his tongue lolled out.

Starlight froze and loudly gasped for a moment, nearly crying as she made guttural noises.

"Oh did I break your boytoy? I was gonna let him have a big ol' romantic speech, but my beam did a wee bit more than I wanted," Cozy giggled. "Golly, I just don't know my own stre-"

She was interrupted by a potion bottle to the face, shattering and spilling some green liquid on her that promptly exploded.

"AAAH, it burns!" she shouted as she flew a ways away. "WHAT THE HAY KIND OF POTION IS THAT?"

"Bottled bombardier beetle potion, a stubborn filly's most hated lotion!" replied Zecora as she tossed several more, sending Cozy away screaming.

Starlight inspected Sunburst's remaining half, and sighed as she closed his eyes with her hoof, then went over to Photo Finish. "So...she good enough to move?"

Photo Finish groaned. "Barely. Let us go, before ze terrible tyke returns!" she said as she slumped against Zecora and held on, dragged along towards a stairwell.

Don't Make it Real

Down deep in the tower, Photo Finish went up to the mirror and tried to pull on a piece of its paneling with her remaining hoof. "Zis will take but a moment to reprogram it...ze default setting is some weird school version of Equestria where long-legged monstrosities act melodramatic, not where Trixie went..."

Comfy sighed. "Sorry about your hoof, the whole ash beam thing was my idea, and it tends to numb ponies pretty badly. I'd have Starlight's new robo-butt make some coffee for ya, but I don't remember the buttons. Trixie only showed me that once."

Photo rolled her head around. "Zis lost leg...'tis but a scratch..." Photo cackled "Ze evil kinder clearly cannot aim. She would be TERRIBLE at photography! Anyways, a little overdrive potion from Zecora will have me going going GOING!" She stared towards Zecora.

"Are you sure? For the maladies this inflicts have no cure..." Zecora said.

"Hmph, I know I might explode, but zat is alright, I only need to be very alive for a little longer before I go...and greet Death with a swift kick to the gonads!" Photo said with a smile.

Zecora promptly went over and gave Photo a bottle of a sparkling liquid that seemed to make her hair go wild with energy.

Photo promptly got out some wires and jammed them into the portal.

Starlight smirked. "Zecora does certainly have something for everything."

"You're too kind, I left much behind. My best remaining offensive option is at this point a dangerous fusion concoction," Zecora said ominously.

Starlight gritted her teeth. "Right...let's call that a last resort, I wouldn't exactly want any of us to become one with Cozy. Say..." Starlight rubbed her chin with her hoof. "Comfy, did you just say you know what my body, or at least its shiny metal butt, can do?"

Comfy nodded her head. "Not a lot, and what I know is from when it was just individual parts..."

Starlight shrugged. "Well, anything's a start. Cozy will be back...and I can't let Spitfire and Sunburst's deaths be for nothing."

Comfy hopped atop her and hit her robotic flanks with her legs, making Starlight's hooves turn to rockets that levitated her up. "Giddyup and uh, think like a blender, it'll activate your grindy hoof!"

Starlight nodded, putting her left hoof out, which then extended blades that spun around for a moment. "Neat...definitely the right hoof to stick where her sun don't shine."

Comfy giggled. "Yup...I guess you and Sunburst were close?"

Starlight sighed. "He was my first friend, and I kind of obsessed over him moving out to where I...did some bad stuff. You know, it's good he went out by my side instead of becoming food for one of those abominations that'd just make some 'Sun Glow'." Starlight shuddered. "Only one that's closer is Trixie, since well, we've slept together in her little love wagon. I guess she's all I have left to live for now, but I don't know if I'll even find her."

Zecora put a hoof on her shoulder. "You will find her in time, as sure as I rhyme."

Suddenly, the room shook.

"Yeah, time? Well we might be out of that. Hey, Germane weirdo, you done tickling the portal's pickle?" Starlight asked.

"Nearly...it will at least go to a world with a Trixie!" Photo said as she finished wiring the portal up to a teacup, and began putting other wires into an actual pickle, and wiggling them around. "Just one final touch to calibrate and we go! Almos-"

She was cut off as a slicing beam from above went through her neck, her ears twitching a moment while a sputter came from her rear, before her head rolled right off of her cauterized neck stump.

Cozy's distinctive giggle could soon be heard, and she soon dropped down through a hole in the ceiling. "Hahah, oh golly, not only did I stop her from getting your hot lesbian retreat portal ready, losing her head took the horseapples out of her too!" She wheezed a bit.

"Okay, NOW I'm peeved!" Starlight swore as she reactivated her grindy hoof and flew fast towards Cozy.

Cozy went wide-eyed, flailing as she barely responded in time, losing part of her wing to the blender-hoof. "Hey, that's not fair!"

"As if you ever fight fair! You just killed a pony mid-sentence!" Starlight shouted in response.

"Rear grenade launcher!" shouted Comfy as she tugged on Starlight's tail.

Starlight blinked. "Really?"

"Really, Photo's uh...moment just now reminded me of one of Trixie's designs," Comfy said.

"Of course, she was the one who designed our emergency bombs too... Trixie, you're brilliant, but I'm going to slap you when I find you," Starlight muttered as she did some aerial acrobatics to fire off grenades from her rear at Cozy, sending the alicorn filly tumbling about.

Comfy cackled and rubbed Starlight's cutie mark, making it glow. "Suck off Cozy's special thing and swallow it!"

Starlight smirked. "Now that one, phrasing aside, I can get along with," Starlight concentrated on Cozy, and started to pull away the filly's mark.

Cozy however shot a bunch of beams in return, breaking Starlight's concentration.

Starlight retreated to the balcony, where Zecora used a slingshot to send a bunch of pellets towards Cozy glow, which seemed to stick to her wings and slow her down.

Starlight again tried to suck off Cozy's mark, but a beam hit her hoof, and shorted out the magic from her hip. "Gah! Somepony tell me we're winning..."

The mirror suddenly lit up.

Starlight looked over, noticing Photo's head having its tongue stuck out into the pickle. She smirked and headed towards the mirror. "Well, sorry for your death, but kudos on how you used your dying moments, and make sure to bite Death's babymaker off for me...I go!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" shouted Cozy as she dived in between Starlight and the mirror.

Zecora tossed a potion bottle, but it was stopped midair as Cozy giggled.

"TURBO!" shouted Comfy as she slapped Starlight's rear so hard her hoof turned red.

Starlight's robo rear promptly opened up into two huge rocket boosters, which lit their flames. "Zecora...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em..." She gave a wink, and Zecora nodded back. "So Cozy, ready to get rammed? Better step aside!" she taunted as she focused on moving forward.

Cozy stubbornly stayed put, trying to blast Starlight.

Starlight was grazed on one of her robotic hooves, but mostly managed to dodge, and even jammed her grindy hoof into Cozy's general rear area, grinding something as blood sprayed out.

Cozy squealed like a pig and jumped out of the way, only to get splashed with another potion courtesy of a Zecora-tackle, getting it all over both.

Starlight hit the mirror portal, a blinding light around her, obscuring the filly and zebra as they screamed and fused together.

Outdoors at sunset, sitting in front of a projection that said "Le Fin", Trixie put a hoof around Starlight. "Well... what do you think?"

"Well, I like action, but...it seemed a little...full of itself, derivative from things like that new Wolf and Stain or whatever game Button plays, and, frankly, weird, with the name 'babyslayer' and the rather aggressive shipping..." Starlight replied. "No offense."

"Hmmph, you just don't know true brilliance," Trixie said. "I should go to Sunburst."

"Speeaaking of him, how exactly did you make this again? Sunburst didn't kiss a mare dressed up as me, did he? That'd be...weird, and those effects looked really realistic," Starlight said as she took the film reel off the projector.

"Oh, I found a magical artifact that turned whatever I say and think into weird flashes of things happening, then I just recorded that," Trixie said as she reached for a half-empty popcorn container she had nearby.

"Um, Trixie, would this happen to be the one me and Twilight were studying?" Starlight asked.

"Maybe, why?" Trixie said as she shoveled in all the remaining popcorn and began chewing.

"Well...from what we can tell, it's actually sort of a thing that uh, might be able to make real things. Like, by warping other universes..." Starlight went on, sweating a bit.

Trixie gulped down the popcorn and burped. "Ha, like a whole army of Cozy Glows is just gonna show up on us!"

An army of Cozy Glows then appeared in the sky, dropping down a big Cozy.

Trixie stared in shock. "Well...um..." She promptly grabbed Starlight and hid behind her. "Time to slay, my queen!"

"Hehe...um...you all...happen to be friendly?" Starlight asked, sweating.

Suddenly, cyborg Starlight, with Comfy on her back, teleported in. "Rats, this has to be the wrong universe. Hey, other me, you know how to fight?"

"Uh...well, maybe," Starlight replied.

Trixie pushed Starlight aside and stepped forward. "My creation! Oh, this is going to be so fun!" she squealed, eyes wide in happiness...only for a big Cozy from her side to shoot out its tongue onto the side of her face, making her gulp before she got pulled into its maw.

"TRIXIE!" Starlight yelled as she watched her friend's backside sticking out of the big Cozy's mouth wiggle and flail about.

"Well I guess you better learn fast if you wanna save your marefriend, other me!" Cyborg Starlight said as she began shooting out grenades at the swarm of Cozies.

"On it!" Starlight said as she ran up to the big Cozy and started blasting, accidentally zapping Trixie's butt.

"Yeowch!" Trixie shouted as she was sent fully into the beast's mouth, making it promptly swallow her.

"Other Starlight, ya gotta aim..." Comfy chided.

"SORRY, a bit new to hero stuff!" Starlight said as she unleashed a slicing spell, which the big Cozy dodged, leaving it to cut a a nearby marshmallow Cozy in half. Muffled screams told her meanwhile Trixie didn't have long left.

"You're doing better than I did when I started!" said Cyborg Starlight as she got out a blade from her side. "Let's gut this thing before Trixie's a goner...we've got about 30 seconds, so...plenty of time I think! And besides...maybe Spitfire was right..."

Starlight's eye twitched. "Regular Trixie is enough of a pain, we are NOT dealing with a Cozified one!"

"Well then ya better help out!" Cyborg Starlight replied.

Starlight groaned as she flared her horn. This was gonna be a long week.