Celestia chooses the location of her capital.

by MLG Hard

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Comedy, Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, Profanity
Length: 1223

Some of you might have previously wondered why Celestia thought building her capital on a cantilever was a good idea, well it wasn't: here's the story of how she picked that idea.

Due to the crumbling state of The Castle Of The Two Sisters after Nightmare Moon was banished, Celestia must choose a new spot for her to rule from, and because she's the female equivalent of a Chad, she builds the entire thing on a cantilever, here's the story of how she convinced her subjects to follow through with the idea.

Published 2020-09-11 21:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-11 21:40:00 UTC

Celestia is O M E G A C H A D.

“And that is why the age of consent should be 48 hours,” the stallion finished.
“Get out,” Celestia said.
“Okay,” the stallion departed.
“Next,” Celestia ordered, impatiently.

A group of ponies walked in, whom she recognised as the governors for regions of Equestria.
“Celestia, you surely do not wish to continue ruling from this crumbling castle¿” Asked The Governor Of Vanhoover rhetorically, gesturing around at The Castle Of The Two Sisters. “Which is why I propose that you move your capital to Vanhoover. We’re one of Equestria’s major cities, we have great cultural importance, and due to our close proximity with the Changelings over the border, it’ll be easier for you to keep an eye on them.”

Celestia thought about it, “I suppose the rest of you are here to promote your cities for the new capital, too?” the collective nods gave her her answer.
The governor of Manehattan stepped forward. “Manehattan is the biggest and most prominent city in all of Equestria, it is greatly connected to the rest of Equestria, therefore, it would only be logical to have as your capital, and it’s a great deal away from our main enemies.” he said.

All the governors then came and spoke their reasons for their city, Appaloosa for its thriving agricultural sector and inland, making it rather central. Las Pegasus for a huge tourism base and being in an area that had a lot of potential for development.
Baltimare’s distance from most enemies (excluding the dragons, but those aren’t a big deal if an eye is kept on them).

Finally after everyone presented their arguments, Celestia thought about it for a bit and decided, she then said, “Okay, meet me back here tomorrow and I’ll tell you.”

The next day.

They all filed in and when they were all there, before they could ask her anything, she announced, “I have decided.” She teleported them all.

“Where are we?” they all asked simultaneously as they all stood blinking in a field.
“I have taken you to this valley, the closest ideal location for a city to the centre of Equestria,” she said “I WANT TO BUILD MY ENTIRE CAPITAL CITY ON A FUCKIGN CANTILEVER ATTACHED TO THE SIDE OF THAT MOUNTAIN!”

“She’s lost it.” One of the Governors muttered.
“All that stress from running Equestria.” another said.
“WHEN I SAY I WANT A CITY ON A CANTILEVER, I MEAN IT!” Celestia yelled, her horn glowing ominously; she teleported them back to Canterlot.

Several weeks of threatening workers until they agree to a madmare’s idea later.

“This seems like a highly impractical design,” Said the Chief Architect, “honestly I’m not sure how I engineered it.”
The blueprint showed a palace built on a cantilever wedged into a cliffside.
“Well, you’ve planned the design, get your workers to build it!” Celestia cried.
“You know, I’m not in charge of the builders, that's the job of the-” he began.
“DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE¿!” Celestia yelled.
“No, sorry, your majesty,” the Chief Architect said and cantered out.

Celestia was bored, the building of her new city wasn’t going as fast as she hoped, the builders were really struggling to safely build a cantilever capable of bearing her Capital, they were using magic to try to enchant something strong enough, she has got Starswirl The Bearded to help, but the undertaking of such powerful magic was difficult and progress was slow-going.

I have an idea..
“DESTROY ALL GOATS!” she yelled as she shot more bolts of fire at the goats, they tried to run away, but she killed them all.
“ALL THE GOATS MUST PERISH!” She shouted.
She spent several years going out and killing goats, she killed millions, and when she finally returned…

“WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PERFECT VISION!” She cried as she saw only the palace was on the cantilever, while the rest of the city was almost completely constructed on the valley floor.
“WHEN I SAID BUILD THE ENTIRE THING ON A CANTILEVER I MEANT IT!” She rained down hellfire on the city, starting from the centre and moving out, surprisingly not that many ponies died, as they were working on the outskirts and they had time to get out.

This time she oversaw the construction of the city, she infused the construction with huge amounts of power, the entire city was built very, very compactly, it had to be.
“Well, we did the impossible,” Starswirl said to her as she gazed over the final product “we built an entire city on a cantilever while being threatened with death by a madmare.”

Celestia decided to ignore his superscript, as he had done a lot to build her new city.
“I LOVE CANTILEVERS!” She shouted.
“Yeah, I think we knew that.”Starswirl muttered as he walked away, no doubt to work on some new magic.

Celestia moved into her new castle, already many ponies have expressed interest at moving into the newly founded city.

“Princess, the amount of ponies applying to move into your new capital is triple its max capacity, and the architects have already used all the tricks up their sleeves to renovate the living spaces,our most advanced high rise buildings have been built here, therefore: the only remaining option is to control who gets to come in and who doesn’t.” Said The Minister Of Housing.
“Noted, Sir, I shall look over my options.” she responded.

Celestia looked through the list, the most logical choice would be to admit people based on their abilities, and that is what she would do. She wanted an ethnostate of talented unicorns, so first she would only allow residency of unicorns, but almost half of the ponies applying for residency were unicorns, so she had to further narrow her results, she decided to admit unicorns based on their results in a magical proficiency test.
Her capital was going to essentially turn into a race of spellweavers.

Celestia sat in her tower, watching her new people move in, she was excited at the magical possibilities, she resolved that she would have a grand magic academy built in the centre city, this required a city block to be removed, so she evicted the least talented magicians, to stay in this city, you had to be in the top.

The academy wasn’t for anypony in the city, either, only the creme de la creme were to be trained in magic there, some of her advisors complained that the city seemed to much of a “progress at all cost cult”, she ignored them, she was going to revolutionise magic through her new achievements.

“You have been brought here, because you have shown extreme talent in the art of magic.” Celestia addressed her new class, “and I am here to refine your talents into something that can change the world. If you work hard, your names will be immortal in the history books, if that doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in doing, the door is over there.” Celestia waved a hoof at the door. Nopony moved.

“Good, let us begin.”

Author's Note

This is a mild cry for help.
I expect more dislikes than likes, as typical, please dislike me harder, senpai.
First person to comment "I drink phlegm" gets a virtual head-pat.