Flash Sentry's Inappropriately Hot Momby shallow15ChaptersSundayMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdaySunday“Flash, honey! Breakfast!” Flash Sentry rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers before grabbing a t-shirt from the assorted clothes scattered on the floor by the side of his bed. He put it on and stopped at the door of his bedroom. Please have gotten dressed already. Please have gotten dressed already. Please have gotten dressed already. He took a deep breath and opened the door, heading downstairs to find what was waiting for him. If anyone asked Flash, he'd say his life was pretty good all things considered. His school was a much more pleasant place to be, his band was doing all right, and he was friends with seven of the coolest girls at Canterlot High. All in all, Flash Sentry didn't have a lot of major problems. Except one. Flash came down the stairs and rounded the corner heading for the kitchen. A sense of foreboding and dread was building in his gut. He paused at the doorway. He could see movement at the edge of his field of view, back where the stove was. He took another deep breath and entered the kitchen. Aw, dammit. “Morning, Mom,” he said, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. The nearly six-foot tall supermodel making pancakes at the stove looked over her shoulder, her metallic blue hair flipping in a way that you only ever saw in shampoo commercials. She smiled at him, revealing obnoxiously perfect teeth, and glanced at him with sapphire blue eyes from behind a pair of fashionable glasses. “Morning, sweetie!” she trilled. Flash tried to steadfastly ignore the fact she was wearing a very short black nightie that barely covered her tight round ass, and showed off quite a bit of her impressive cleavage. She tripped her way across the kitchen floor and caught Flash up in a firm hug that pressed her large soft breasts into his own chest. Flash felt his face turning red, and craned his head back, fully aware of how close his chin came to touching the tops of her breasts. No, Flash Sentry didn't have a lot of problems. Except this one. Having an incredibly hot mom... who didn't seem to know how hot she was. Azure Flame had married Flash's dad about a year before Flash was born. For the most part, as he was growing up, things seemed to be okay. But when Flash turned ten, he'd noticed things started to get a little more tense at the dinner table. And then, one day, his parents had sat them down and told him they were getting a divorce and Dad was moving out. Flash didn't know what had caused his parents to split up, but he had elected to stay with his mother. He didn't want her to be lonely. A couple of years later, when puberty hit, Flash started to get an idea of some of the reasons why his dad had divorced his mom. Azure was, to put it bluntly, a bombshell. Tall, lithe, with a narrow waist and large firm breasts and hips. Despite pushing forty, she took care of herself and looked nearly ten years younger than that. On top of that, she was crazy smart and an award winning journalist. She had a regular column in the Canterlot Times, contributed to half a dozen websites, and had two novels published. She was currently working on her third. So Flash's original theory was that his dad had left because of sheer feelings of inadequacy. Solemn Sentry had been a very straight-laced man. Not mean or strict, but just very... bland. Very concerned with appearances. He was a high powered corporate accountant, and was very good at his job. But Flash had thought that maybe having a wife who could discuss geopolitical realities at the dinner table and look like sex on heels at the same time might have been a bit too much for the old man. Hell, Flash felt barely able to cope with having such a woman as a mother. “Breakfast is ready!” Azure let him go and turned back to the stove. The hem of her nightgown flew up slightly with the motion. Flash's eyes flicked to her pert bottom. Not in any sort of Oedipal way. She was his mom, for God's sake. But whenever his mom was still in her sleepwear, there was always a certain risk. Oh thank god, she's wearing panties this morning. Flash took a seat at the table. It had already been laid out with plates and silverware. As well as other plates of bacon, toast, and hash browns. Azure brought over a stack of pancakes on a plate and plopped them on the table and herself into a chair. “Ta-daaa!” she sang. “Pancakes ala Mom!” She began doling out the food and they began to eat. “So,” Azure asked after a couple of minutes. “What's on your schedule for this lazy Sunday?” “Not so lazy,” Flash answered. “Meeting up with Sandalwood at the park later. He wants help training his dog to fetch.” “That's so cute. What time are you meeting him?” “Around one. Why?” “The car needs washing,” Azure replied. “I was hoping you could give me a hand with that. After we eat?” “Oh sure, no problem.” Flash got up from his chair. “I'm getting some more coffee. Refill?” “You're so considerate,” Azure said. “Are you sure you're my son and not some kind of magical doppelganger?” Flash smirked and picked up both his and his mother's coffee mugs. “If I was, I'm pretty sure Sunset and her friends would have already barged through the door with rainbow lasers.” “Always with the rainbow lasers,” Azure replied. A mischievous grin crossed her face. “Speaking of Sunset, isn't the Sadie Hawkins dance this week?” “Yeah,” Flash said, filling the mugs. “Nobody's asked me yet.” “Well, that's just silly. I thought you and Sunset were getting back together.” “Sunset's kind of taken herself out of the dating pool for now.” Flash handed his mom her coffee and sat back down. “I think she's still trying to figure some things out. Besides, the Rainbooms are playing the dance, so it's not like she'd be available as a date anyway.” “Well, she doesn't know what she's missing,” said Azure. She paused. “Wait, no, she DOES know what she's missing, and that's too bad for her.” “I thought you didn't like her?” Azure shrugged. “That was before whatever it was happened that made her change. I didn't like the old Sunset. I wouldn't object to the new Sunset dating my best boy ever.” Azure leaned over and gave Flash a teasing hug, peppering his cheek with kisses. Flash laughed and pushed back. “Mom, c'mon! I've got a forkful of syrup here! I'm not afraid to use it!” “Don't write checks your butt can't cash, mister!” Azure gave him another grin. She took a sip of offee and then her eyes widened. “Oh, nuts! I forgot to get the paper!” Panic suddenly gripped every molecule of Flash's being. “I'll get it!” he said quickly, but Azure was already on her feet and heading for the front door. “No, I've got it, sweetie.” Flash sprang to his feet. “Um, do you want your robe or... something?” Azure's voice floated from the front hall. “No. I won't be outside that long. Oh! Good morning, Mr. Wattle! How are you --” Flash reached the hallway just in time to hear the distinct sound of gauzy material ripping and a bag of oatmeal thunking on concrete. He pulled out his phone and slapped a hand over his eyes. “Mr. Wattle!” Azure appeared back in the hallway. The nightgown was gone and she had covered her upper body with sections of the newspaper. However, she didn't seem to be all that concerned with her current state. “Flash! Call 911! Mr. Wattle just collapsed on his front walk!” “Already on it!” Flash called turning his back as his half-naked mother rushed up the stairs to her bedroom. “911, what is your emergency?” “This is Flash Sentry. Can you please send an ambulance to 1835 Rudell Drive? My next door neighbor has just collapsed on his front walk.” “Flash? This is Lifeline.” “Oh hey, Lifeline.” “Your mom went out without a robe again, didn't she?” “Oh yeah.” “They'll be there in five minutes. Go check and make sure he's breathing.” Mr. Wattle was breathing. In fact, as the paramedics loaded him into the back of the ambulance, Flash suspected he saw the old man smiling. He certainly had been the last five times this had happened. He must have fantastic insurance. After the crowd of neighbors had begun to disperse, Flash went back inside, picking up the remains of his mom's nightgown from under the rosebushes next to the front walk. Azure was nowhere to be found, but the remnants of breakfast had been cleaned up. Flash shrugged and went upstairs. The door to Azure's bedroom was closed. He knocked lightly on the door. “Mom? Mr. Wattle's gonna be okay. They're taking him to the hospital just in case.” “Oh good.” Azure's voice came from behind the door. “I'm getting dressed. Listen, honey, I handle washing the car. Do you think you can trim the rosebushes by the front walk? They ruined my nightgown while I was out there and I think that might have contributed to Mr. Wattle's collapse. He kind of got an eyeful, if you follow me.” “I get it! I get it!” Flash snapped. Then he realized the words came out harsher than he intended. “Sorry, Mom. Didn't mean to snap.” “It's okay. Go get changed and grab the pruning shears from the garage. I'll be out in a minute.” “Got it.” Flash changed into a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt and headed down to the garage. He hit the button to open the automatic garage door and went outside, grabbing the pruning shears and a pair of gloves on the way. He'd been working for a few minutes when Micro Chips came along the sidewalk. Flash put down the shears and waved. “Hey, Micro!” “Oh, hi Flash!” Micro came up to him. He had what looked like an R/C controller in his hand. “What's new?” Flash asked, gesturing at the control. “Testing a new drone?” “Sort of,” said Micro. He flicked a switch and a drone came zooming around the corner of the house. It was attached to a long leash on the other end of which was what looked like a disreputable fur rug. Flash blinked then realized what he was seeing had legs and a nose and was, in fact, the droopiest looking basset hound he'd ever seen. The drone hovered next to them and the dog... well, didn't so much “sit,” exactly... more like puddled on the driveway next to them. “I didn't know you had a dog,” Flash said, reaching down to pet the animal in question. “Oh, he's not mine. Entropy belongs to my sister. I'm looking after him this weekend. But I wanted to see if I could make walking him a little more efficient. Still a few bugs to work out though.” “Yeah, he looks a little tired.” Flash knelt down and scratched the dog behind where he guessed his ears were. “Oh, it's not that. The drone propellers nearly gave out. Entropy can get up a good head of steam when he wants to.” Flash gave him a look. “Riiiiight.” He stood up. “Hey, not to be rude but I need to get back to – “ “Hi, boys!” Azure's voice interrupted Flash mid-sentence. Both of them turned and goggled. Azure had emerged from around the corner of the house. She was wearing a strapless white bikini top that seemed about half a size too small for her chest and a pair of denim cutoff shorts that clung tightly to her hips, but rode very very low. She was carrying a bucket of soapy water in one hand, and the garden hose with a pressure sprayer attached in the other. She stopped next to them and bent over, putting the bucket down, giving both boys a generous look at her cleavage. Flash looked at Micro. The nerd was blatantly staring at Azure's chest, his eyes so wide they looked they were about to pop out of his head. Flash rolled his own eyes and elbowed Micro in the ribs, causing the other boy to squawk in surprise. Micro looked over at him, surprised. “My mom, dude!” Flash hissed. “Right. Sorry,” Micro whispered back. Azure stood up and looked up in the sky. “Was that a goose? I thought I heard one.” “I didn't hear anything,” said Flash. “Me either!” Micro blurted. “Not a thing! And I definitely wasn't staring at your-OOOOF!” Azure stood back up. She looked a Micro quizzically. “Are you okay, Micro?” “Just fine,” Micro gasped as Flash straightened his arm. “Well, okay. Flash, make sure you get the broom to sweep up the-- IS THAT A DOG?!” Azure clapped her hands as she caught sight of Entropy. “I love dogs! Especially floppy ones like him!” She bent over again to pet the dog, this time with her back to the boys. The waist band of the shorts came away from her hips, revealing the bikini bottom she wore underneath. Flash fought to suppress a sigh. Oh god, it's a thong. He looked over at Micro, who was staring slack jawed. He elbowed his friend again, but there was no response. He frowned and waved his hand in front of Micro's face. No response. “Who's a good boy? Is it you?” Azure asked the dog as she moved to a crouching position.. She took the dog's face in both hands. “I think it is! I think it is!” With his mom distracted, Flash reached into the bucket, grabbed the sodden sponge inside and slapped Micro across the face with it. Micro squawked again and sputtered. Azure got back up and turned around. “You guys seriously didn't hear that?” she asked. She blinked when she saw Micro standing there, suds all over his face and shoulders. “Are you sure you're okay, Micro?” “I'MFINETHANKYOUMRSFLAME!” said Micro far too loudly. “INEEDTOGETENTROPYBACKHOMBEFOREMYSISTERCOMESTOPICKHIMUPSOTHANKSHAVEAGOODDAYBYE!” Micro picked up the dog and zoomed down the driveway and to the sidewalk, the drone being dragged out of the air and bouncing with exciting cracking sounds along the concrete. Flash and Azure stared after him, then looked at each other. “I'm sorry,” Azure said. “But sometimes, your friends can be very weird.” “I know,” Flash sighed. They both worked for a while. Azure soaping up the car, while Flash finished trimming the rosebushes. He was collecting the trimmings and bagging them up when there was a splash and Azure cursed. Flash turned around, and stared. Azure was standing there, her front completely soaked and the bikini top was clinging to the curves of her breasts. Her nipples were prominent, poking the fabric out. Said fabric was also getting dangerously close to transparent. Flash stood there, trying to figure out the best course of action. “Oh, for God's sake!” she groaned. She looked down at herself. “My shorts are soaked!” Before Flash could do anything, Azure had unzipped her shorts and shoved them down her legs. She bent over to pick them up, and two cars collided with each other on the street. Azure stood up with her shorts in her hand and looked over her shoulders. “People really need to pay attention when they're driving,” she said. She looked back at Flash. “I hope you're staying off your phone when you drive.” “Um.. yeah,” said Flash. “Uh... should I get you a towel, or something?” “No, it's a swimsuit. I'll just put the shorts over here.” Azure walked past him and tossed her shorts onto the front step. They bunched up. Azure huffed, making her chest bob, and bent over to straighten out the discarded garment. Flash looked up as three more cars joined the pile up in front of their house. The fact that one of them was a police car that was en route to check out the first accident was probably ironic somehow. Flash shook his head and turned back to the front steps. He blinked as he saw that the clasp on Azure's bikini top was coming undone. “Hey, Mom?” “Hmm?” Azure stood up and turned, which was just enough to cause the clasp to pop open. The bikini top dropped to the ground. Flash, working purely on instinct, ran to grab the bucket, grabbed a huge pile of suds and slapped them against his surprised mother's chest. As soon has he heard the wet slap for flesh and felt the soft give in his palms, his brain finally caught up with him. He looked up, eyes wide, to meet his mother's equally surprised expression. He looked down at his hands, which vanished at the wrists in the suds. “I'MSORRYI'LLGETASHIRT!” Flash bolted into the house slamming the door behind him. Azure, standing there with suds sliding down her front, blinked and picked up the bikini top. She turned her back to the street, wiped off the suds and put the top back on, before going back to washing the car. “I really should talk to him. He's acting just like his father.” Author's Note Hey, you. Yeah, you about to ask a certain question. Let me ask you one. You see the "Porn" tag on this story? No? I just saved you some time. MondayLife with a ludicrously hot mom was not without its effects on Flash's social life. He never had anyone come over to his house, because more often than not, they'd wind up in a drooling aroused stupor the second Azure came into the room. As a result, when Flash wanted to hang out with friends, he'd typically go to their houses, or hang out at the mall, or basically anywhere but his own house. That had changed this afternoon. Flash's history class had been assigned to do a team report on various eras. The class had been split up into groups of three. Flash wasn't worried initially, because he'd been teamed up with Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle, both of whom were on the Honor Roll and had excellent grades. The problem came once school was out and they had to decide where to meet up to start putting the project together. “I wish I could offer my place,” said Sunset. “But you've both seen how little space I have for project work. How about your place, Twilight?” Twilight shook her head. “Can't. Spike got out yesterday and came home covered in fleas and ticks. He got back into the house before we could stop him. Mom's supervising the exterminators.” “Well, that doesn't seem so bad,” said Flash. Twilight gave him a look. “I had to lock her out of the bathroom this morning to keep her from giving me an 'inspection' in the shower and when I left for school, she was putting on a hazmat suit to prepare for, and I quote, 'the mass household genocide.'” Flash and Sunset looked at her in confusion. Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes. “Mom hates bugs in the house. She's got a whole team of exterminators over there now and she texted me to let me know not to come home before seven.” “Ohhhh,” Flash and Sunset “oooh-ed,” finally getting it. Sunset turned to Flash. “Look like we gotta go to your house, then, sport.” Flash felt the usual panic begin to rise in his chest. “Can't we just go to the library?” “C'mon, you know the library's no good. We'll have to keep our voices down. We can't play any music, and there's no snacks.” “But Twilight...” “Will be fine,” Sunset finished. “I will?” Twilight asked. “Besides, doesn't your mom go into the Times office on Mondays to meet with her editor?” Flash sighed. “Yeah, but--” “Just text her and find out when she's coming home,” Sunset insisted. “We'll clear out for the day before then.” “Um,” said Twilight, raising a finger. “Should I be worried about why Flash doesn't want us to be there when his mom gets home?” “Not for the reason you're thinking,” replied Sunset. She looked back at Flash. “Come on. It'll be fine.” “All right.” Flash sighed and pulled out his phone. He fired off a text and got a response. “Mom says she'll be back around six.” “Perfect!” Sunset grinned. “Let's go!” It was unusually hot for autumn and the sun beat down on the three of them as they walked out to the parking lot to Flash's car. Fortunately, his AC was working and the trip back to his house was made in comfort. Things proceeded smoothly as they worked in the living room and generally, the afternoon passed in a pleasant fashion. Then Flash heard a key in the front door. He looked up at the clock on the wall. It's only four! She's early! Before he could do anything, the door opened and Azure came into the house. Immediately, all eyes were on her. “Bedraggled” wasn't exactly the right word to describe her appearance. She looked tired, and her hair was disheveled. But it wasn't disheveled less in the limp, harassed way most people would be after a long day out, but more in the sense of “I just got done with a six hour marathon sex session and I don't feel like fixing my hair yet.” She was clad in a smart black suit, with a white silk blouse. She carried her jacket over her arm. She had been sweating. The white silk was clinging to her upper body, and much like the bikini top from the day before, was going translucent. The outline of her bra was visible, and there was probably two too many buttons undone. Azure let out a sigh of relief as she entered the air conditioned comfort of the house. “Ohhh, that's so much better.” She looked over at the three teenagers and smiled. “Hi, kids! How's the project coming?” “Fine, Mom,” said Flash, trying to keep exasperation out of his voice. “You're home early.” “Technically, I'm home late.” Azure hung the jacket and her purse on the coat rack next to the front door. “The meeting finished up just after you texted me, but I got stuck on the freeway on the way home and the damn A/C in the car conked out. An hour and a half stuck in the heat! Even rolling the windows down didn't do anything. I'm broiling!” “I'll say you are,” Sunset muttered. Flash shot her a look, causing the redhead to respond with a sheepish smile. “Well, don't let me interrupt you,” said Azure, plucking the blouse away from her skin. This had the opposite of the intended effect, since it almost immediately clung back to her chest when she let go. She looked down at herself and sighed. “I'm going to take a shower and get out of these clothes. Are you girls staying for dinner? After all that, I don't feel like cooking so I was just going to order pizza. You're welcome to stay if you want.” “Uhhhh...” Twilight uttered, staring wide-eyed at Azure. Sunset grinned at her stupified expression and looked back at Flash. “Well, we should get more work done on the project before we call it a night, right, Flash?” Flash looked at all three women: Sunset's evil grin, Twilight's blank expression, and Azure's expectant look. He sighed. “Yeah, pizza sounds great, Mom.” “Good!” Azure smiled. “Decide what you want, and I'll call in the order when I get out of the shower. Back in a few minutes!” Azure walked out of the living room, Sunset and Twilight watching her tight rear move obscenely in the equally tight slacks of the suit. They continued to stare long after Azure had left their sight. “AHEM!” Flash ahem-ed loudly. “Can we get back to work now?” “Buh...?” Twilight replied, still looking at the empty doorway. Sunset and Flash looked at each other. “Oh, god,” Flash groaned, collapsing against the back of the couch. Sunset couldn't help but laugh. “Azure Flame claims another victim,” she said. “I'll take care of it.” Sunset got up from where she had been sitting on the floor and leanded over Twilight, who was in one of the armchairs. She gently shook her friend's shoulder. “Hey. Twilight?” “Buh?” Twilight repeated with no other response. Sunset frowned and snapped her fingers in front of Twilight's face. Nothing. “Oh, great, she's broken.” Flash leaned forward and put his face in his hands. “I knew something like this would happen.” “You need to stop being so uptight about the fact that your mom's hot,” Sunset told him, still studying Twilight. “Really? I shouldn't be uptight about the fact that Twilight's catatonic, just like you were the first time you met Mom?” “Okay fair enough, but can you blame her? I knew what I was getting into when I came over here today. I've built up a tolerance. Plus we all thought she wouldn't be home until six.” “Yeah, okay,” Flash sighed. “So what do we do about Twilight? She seems to have checked out completely.” “Buh?” said Twilight. Sunset put her hand on her chin for a moment then snapped her fingers. “Got it! If this doesn't work, nothing will.” She leaned back down so her face was close to Twilight's ear and said: “Hey, Twilight. Are you sure they didn't fake the moon landing?” Instantly, Twilight's head snapped around. “Oh my god! For the last time, the moon landing was NOT faked! Why is it people STILL keep insisting on this idiotic conspiracy even fifty years later?! It would cost MORE money to fake that kind of thing in 1969 than it would have to actually GO to the damn moon in the first place! Sweet merciful Einstein on a bus, it confounds me how willing people are to blind themselves to the – what are you two laughing about?” “Welcome back, Twi,” Sunset grinned. Twilight looked from her to Flash, to the doorway, then blushed and gave a sheepish grin. Sunset sat back down on the floor. “Let's get back to work, before we get distracted again.” Twilight was leaning over, shifting things around in the fridge, trying to get at the case of soda in the back, when she heard the voice of liquid sex behind her. “I'm sorry! I don't think we've actually met before.” Twilight yelped in surprise, then let out another yelp of pain as her head banged into the top of the fridge. She pulled herself out and turned around, putting a hand to the back of her skull. “Oh my goodness! Are you all right? I didn't mean to scare you!” “Yeah,” Twilight said as the stars at the edges of her vision began to clear. “I'm okay I just... banged... my... buh?” Twilight's brain shut down as she saw Azure standing to the side of the island counter. She had changed into a pair of ass-kissing purple jogging shorts and a very tight tank top, with a stylized blue flame motif down by the left hip. Her hair was still damp, but she looked much more refreshed. Twilight found her gaze dropping down to Azure's impressive bust and her face flushed. I don't think she's wearing a bra anymore! “Well, that's good!” Azure came forward, holding out a hand. “I'm Azure Flame.” “Buh?” Somehow, Twilight's brain finally rebooted itself and her head snapped up to meet Azure's smile. “Sorry! Hi! Hello! I'm Spylight Twarkle! I mean, Sparklight Twinkle! I mean...” Twilight thrust out a hand to shake. “Twi. Light. Spar. Kle! Nice to meet you!” “Likewise,” Azure said with a giggle. “Flash has told me about you.” “He has?” Twilight frowned. “Me or the other me?” “Both of you, actually,” Azure answered. She moved toward the fridge. “Do you mind? I'm dying of thirst.” “Oh, sorry!” Twilight moved aside, allowing Azure access to the fridge. The older woman opened the door and bent over, the shorts tightening across her buttocks like a second skin. She rummaged around in the fridge, causing her fabulous ass to undulate back and forth. Twilight bit her lip and tried to force her brain to work through the fog that was starting to cloud her mind again. “Um... so... what did Flash tell you about me?” “Oh, that you transferred from Crystal Prep and you seemed to be doing much better there. He told me about the girl who looked like you that he went to the Fall Formal with, of course, but he made it clear that you weren't her. And then there was all that mess at Camp Everfree.” Azure came back out of the fridge with a bottle of water. She twisted off the top and gestured with it toward Twilight. “Overall, he said you're a very nice girl and he's glad to know you.” “Oh!” Twilight smiled, genuinely surprised. “Well, I'm glad to know him too.” Azure grinned and brought the bottle to her mouth. Twilight stared as Azure's plump lips wrapped around the top of the bottle. The older woman tilted the bottle up and her throat began flexing as the cool liquid slid down it. After a moment, the air pressure in the bottle changed and the cheap plastic began collapsing as Azure actively sucked the water out of the bottle, tilting her head back and holding the bottle upside down, sucking, pulling every last drop out of the collapsing bottle. A few errant drops dribbled from the corner of her mouth, oozing their way down her face and neck. Twlight followed one drop as it slid down Azure's supple neck and into her clevage. Twilight swallowed heavily as the bottle was finally drained with a loud crackle and Azure removed the bottle from her mouth. “Ahhhh! That's so much better.” Azure tossed the bottle into a blue trash can in the corner, where other plastic bottles and aluminum cans awaited recycling. “Have you guys figured out what you want on the pizza?” “Buh?” Twilight shook her head. “I mean, no! No, we haven't!” “Oh, okay.” Azure shrugged. “Just let me know when you do. I'll call in the order when you've all decided. I'll be in the office. Flash knows where it is. Just knock when you're ready!” “I will!” Twilight once again found her gaze following the undulating buttocks of Azure Flame as she left the kitchen to the main hallway. The nerdy girl swallowed heavily and went back out into the living room, slightly dazed. “Hey, where the drinks?” Sunset asked, starling Twilight out of her stupor. “Oh, sorry. I forgot. Mrs. Flame came in and I...” Twilight drifted off. “Oh, god,” Flash groaned. “Don't worry about it,” said Sunset to Twilight. “Azure has that effect on everyone.” “Really?” Twilight asked, looking at her. “But I'm straight?” Sunset shrugged. “Straight, gay, bi, pan, doesn't matter. If you're into sex at all, you're into Azure.” Twilight frowned. “That makes no sense at all.” Sunset shrugged again. “Can we just get back to work?” Flash asked, irritation evident in his voice. “Hang on, I want to try an experiment.” Twilight got to her knees on the floor next to Sunset. “Could you give me an hand with this?” “Sure,” Sunset replied. Twilight nodded then grabbed Sunset by the shoulders and kissed her full on the mouth. Sunset let out a squeak of surprise and Flash goggled as Twilight kept Sunset liplocked for a full twenty seconds. Then she let go and frowned. “No reaction. Nothing.” “Gee thanks, Twi,” Sunset snarked, a little dazed and now a lot turned on. “No, no,” said Twilight. “No reflection on you, Sunset. I didn't get any sort of sexual response from kissing you. So yes, I'm still only interested in boys. But why isn't that the case with Flash's mom?” “Does it matter?” Flash asked, clearly getting more agitated. “Let's just forget about my mom and get tonight's work done. Then we can eat and I'll take you guys home.” But Twilight was already muttering to herself. “Is it some sort of hormonal signal? A pheromone she naturally secretes? There has to be some kind of explanation.” “Twilight...” Flash began, but Sunset held up a hand. “It's better to just let her work it out when she gets like this. Let's get back to work. I'll get her caught up later.” Flash groaned again as he and Sunset turned back to their project. “She's not going to try to experiment on my mom, is she?” “I'll do my best to keep her occupied,” Sunset answered. Flash sighed again. Why does that not fill me with confidence? TuesdayFlash liked to keep Cacophony open while he did his homework. A couple of his friends were usually online at the same time, and eventually the whole thing turned into an informal study group. And even if studying wasn't the priority, the occasional distraction was always welcome. Usually. Thunderstruck: Dudes! Check this out! I'm stocking shelves at the supermarker, right? And the hottest babe I've ever seen in my life just passed me! MicroNation: Thunderbass, every woman who passes you at work is “the hottest babe you've ever seen in your life.” Thunderstruck: No, seriously. I managed to snap a picture as she was walking away! Check it out! The notification chime sounded again, causing Flash to cringe. He knew before he even looked. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew. Since Flash Drive usually rehearsed at Thunderbass's place, his friend hadn't ever met Flash's mom. And hadn't Azure mentioned she was planning to go grocery shopping today? The picture that had been uploaded was a hastily taken phone pic. All that could be seen was the woman's lower half from behind. But what a behind it was, encased in a pair of skin tight yoga pants and an apparent lack of visible panty line. Near the top of the picture, the ends of long metallic blue hair could be seen brushing the top of the bottom in question. Flash put his face in his hands and let out a groan. You had to go right after yoga, didn't you, Mom? Sandalwood: Holy crap, dude! I think I just found a new religion! Thunderbass: Yeah, the First Church of the Divine Yoga Pants. RingMaster: I am intrigued by your philosophy and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. “Oh for the love of – Gah!” Flash turned fully toward his laptop and started typing. Maybe he could derail this particular thread before it got too weird, too horny, or both. FlashOfInspiration: Hey, guys, I'm working on the assignment for Harshwhinny's Geometry class. Anyone else getting stuck on number 7? Brawl4All: @Thunderbass, see if you can get more pics! She can't have gone far! Thunderbass: Just a sec... FlashOfInspiration: Uh, guys... I could really use some help here. Thunderbass: Holy CRAP! She's in the produce section! Check it out! Another hurried shot was posted. Again, her face wasn't visible, but this one was a side shot, showing off the impressive chest of the woman in question. Flash slammed his head onto the keyboard, causing a random string of letters to appear in the chat. Not only had Azure gone straight to the supermarket from her yoga class, she had apparently decided to forgo putting the hoodie she had worn when she left back on, leaving her in a modest cut purple sports bra. This would have been bad enough, but there was one other thing adding to Flash's embarassment. She was holding a fairly large cucumber. Brawl4All: Oh, to be a cucumber being serenely held by a hot chick in yoga pants. Thunderbass: She's older too! Brawl4All: Oh, to be a cucumber being serenely held by a hot MILF in yoga pants. MicroNation: Pffft! “All right,” Flash said aloud, “That's enough of THAT, thanks!” FlashOfInspiration: Gettin' a little creepy here, guys. RingMaster: Oh, come on, Flash. We're just having a little fun. FlashOfInspiration: Yeah, telling Thunderbass to stalk some random woman shopping. Real fun. RingMaster: … well, I guess if you put it like that. Thunderbass: I gotta get back to work anyway. Just figured you might There was a pause in the conversation. Flash stared at the screen, confused. Sandalwood: Thunderbass? Buffy? You okay? Thunderbass: Yeah, sorry. I think I just saw Twilight Sparkle hiding behind the oranges. Brawl4All: Hiding? Thunderbass: Yeah, like legit crouching behind the display. She had some sort of gizmo with her. Weird thing is, she was pointing it at that woman. “Oh, no!” Flash moaned. He grabbed his phone and stabbed at Twilight's number. “Come on, come on, pick up! Pick up!” “Hello?” came a whispered voice. “Twilight, it's Flash. Where are you right now?” “Um... I'm in the middle of some important research, Flash.” “Uh huh,” Flash frowned. “You wouldn't be at the supermarket stalking my mom, would you?” “Whaaaaaat? Noooooo!” Twilight snorted. “Why would I do that? I mean, just because your mom happens to radiate sexual charisma in defiance of all known normal human response to the point of making me question my own sexuality, that certainly doesn't mean that I'm trying to get readings on her as she causes a five cart pileup in the produce section when she decides to eat a banana right there in front of everyone.” Flash covered the phone speaker with his hand and let out a growl of frustration. He put the phone back to his ear. “Twilight, please stop trying to get readings on my mom.” “I have no idea what you're talking about.” Flash rolled his eyes. “Twilight, stop stalking my mom, or I'm telling Sunset what you're doing.” There was silence then: “Oh, all right, if you insist.” “I do. Thank you, Twilight.” He didn't bother waiting for a response, instead ending the call. He also closed Cacophony, where the aforementioned five cart pileup was now the major topic of conversation, and focused on his homework. When he finished, he decided to log onto Blueit to see what was happening in some of his feeds. He immediately stared as the main page came up with the most popular posts and forums. Right at the top was b/FirstChurchofDivineYogaPants Knowing he was going to regret it, he clicked the link and wasn't surprised in the slightest to find that the subblueit had been created just an hour or so ago. It already had over five thousand subscribers and at least twenty pictures posted. Nineteen of them were of Azure in the supermarket. The other was fanart. Very detailed fanart. “I'm going to kill Thunderbass,” Flash muttered. “Actually, I better kill all of them for good measure.” He refershed the page and gulped audibly when he saw a livestream had been posted. He clicked the image to activate the feed and jumped when his phone rang. He answered it almost mechanically. On screen, Azure was being filmed from behind, this time in the supermarket's pharmacy section. She was holding a bottle of some kind. “Flash, sweetie, it's Mom,” came Azure's voice through the phone, causing Flash to jump again. “Uh! Hi, Mom!” he said a little too loudly. He fumbled for the volume keys on the keyboard, trying to turn the sound on the livestream down. Azure's head tilted slightly. “Honey, are you okay? You sound a little... flustered.” “I'm fine, Mom!” Flash said, finally managing to mute the stream. “Was just finishing my homework.” “Oh, okay! Listen, I'm at the grocery store and I know you mentioned you were out of your favorite bubble bath.” Flash grit his teeth. He could hear the snickering from everyone who was watching the livestream. He glanced at the number at the bottom of the feed: 2,479. Azure continued, blissfully unaware of her son's rising embarrassment. “It looks like they're out of the Daring Do kind, but there's Captain Squeaky or Princess Dream. Would one of those work?” “Either one's fine, Mom!” Flash said, trying to sound positive, but his voice came out more like someone seriously considering jumping off the edge of sanity. “I think I'll get the Princess Dream one,” Azure replied. On screen, she put the bottle she was holding back on the shelf and picked up a violently pink one instead. “I think it smells nicer.” “Sure thing, Mom! Princess Dream, great!” I wonder if they have the internet in Neighpal? I could be a yak farmer. They must always need yak farmers out there. There was a crash over the phone and Flash watched in horror on screen as Azure dropped the bottle and bent over to grab it. Whoever was streaming zoomed in until Azure perfectly toned bottom filled the screen. But, no sooner had they stopped zooming in, the picture went blurry and suddenly, everyone was staring at the fluorescent lights in the supermarket ceiling. “Oh, nuts! Sorry, honey, I dropped the bottle-- What on earth?!” “Mom? You okay?” “I need to hang up now, sweetie. It looks like someone ran over a lady behind me with his cart. I better see if I can help. I'll be home soon. Love you!” “Love you too.” The call ended, as did the livestream. Flash groaned again and turned off the computer. He needed to get offline for a while. He left his room and went downstairs, flopping on the couch in the living room. Some good old fashioned mindless TV is what he needed right now. He grabbed the remote and clicked the set on. “Breaking News this afternoon. Senator Power Point has unexpectedly resigned from his post today when he was discovered masturbating in his office by a reporter for this network. An official statement has yet to be released, but according to the reporter in question, the senator appeared to be looking at the online Blueit forum 'FirstChurchofDivineYogaPants.' We'll have more information tonight at six.” Flash's scream of aggravation could be heard down the block. Wednesday“Okay, guys, we've been going for about three hours and I have school in the morning, so we'll do a couple more rounds of Stumble Chums and put this stream of Flash Games to bed, what do you say?” Wednesday nights were the nights Flash decided to livestream on Fidget. He wasn't the most popular person on the platform, but he had a pretty solid core of fans who turned up every week. It also helped that Sunset also streamed on Wednesday afternoons and usually set up a raid to his channel when Shimmer Code wrapped up. As Flash waited for the game to populate, he browsed the chat. “Yeah, PlaceMatt, I wish I could stream longer too, but you know, not living on my own just yet. Oh hey! KingKrab, thanks for the bits!” The game loaded and Flash began moving his brightly colored anthropomorphic bean along the obstacle course laid out with the fifty other brightly colored beans. “I really hate this course. Everybody cheats like a – OH COME ON! Did you guys see that? He deliberately got in my way! Come on, this game's already designed to be challenging without people being jerks about it!” He managed to get to the end of the course and qualify for the next round. While he waited for the next game to load, he went back to the chat. “Yeah, I know you guys don't care if I swear, but my mom's down the hall and she does. Believe me, you don't want to be on her bad side.” And, as if summoned by the mention of her existence, there was a knock on the door, then the sound of it opening. “Flash, honey, are you still up?” Flash, already into the next round, had no chance to stop Azure Flame from entering his bedroom. He caught a glance of her in the camera feed of his streaming software and felt his teeth clench. Azure had apparently just gotten out of the shower. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel. A towel that matched the one wrapped around her body. The dangerously short towel wrapped around her body. “Mom!” Flash yelped as she reached around his chair and huggwed him from behind. “I'm in the middle of a – “ “Oh!” said Azure, catching the image of herself and Flash on the screen. “Are you still streaming? I'm sorry, honey, I thought you usually finished by now.” “I'm about to wrap up. As soon as this game is done.” “Okay,” said Azure. Then, before Flasah knew what was happening she ducked around the chair and leaned in toward the webcam. “Hi, frieeeeeeeeends!” she trilled. Flash yelped again as he saw his on camera feed was filled with Azure's face and, more shockingly, her impressive cleavage. The chat was going bananas. PlaceMatt: Hi Flash's mom! ThunderStruck: Holy CRAP! KingKrab has donated 2000 bits. 20PercentCooler: Hi, Mrs. Flame! ShimmerCode: Is it bad I want to be that towel right now? “Sunset! Knock it off!” Flash tried not to yell. “Mom, could you go get dressed or something? I'll be done in a – DAMMIT!” The large “ELIMINATED” graphic plastered itself across the screen, indicating Flash was out of the game. He let out a groan, followed quickly by and “Ow!” as Azure gently slapped him on the back of the head. “Language!” she said sternly. “I know people on Fidget like to curse, but you know better than that young man!” Flash rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, Mom,” he said sheepishly. Sandalwood: Whoa, harsh! HotToTrot donated 100 bits. HotToTrot: I'll throw in another 500 if she loses the towel! ShimmerCode: Dude, come on... not cool. Flutterbye: … he needs a spanking for being a bad boy... 20PercentCooler: What was that? Flutterbye: What was what? Azure stepped back and kissed Flash on the cheek, causing him to blush in embarrassment. “All right, just don't let it happen again. Good night, everybody!” Azure waved to the camera, then walked back to the bedroom door, letting Flash take control of his stream. As she closed the door, she didn't notice a corner of the towel get caught between the door and the jamb. Meanwhile, Flash was trying to get his stream back under control. “No, I will not put her on the stream on a regular basis. No! That's just gross! Come on, guys, don't be weird – what the? Will you guys stop promising me bits if I being her on the show! It's not gonna happen! KingKrab, I appreciate the donations, but seriously it's just --” As Flash's viewers watched, the door opened slightly, and Azure leaned around it, reaching down to the floor for her fallen towel. She was largely covered by the door, but now more of her fantastic cleavage was visible, and later, some would claim they almost saw a nipple. Flash didn't see her, being to preoccupied with the chat, but stared as a virtual avalanche of bits started flooding his account. “Guys, stop! It's not going to work! I'm not gonna bring my mom on the show, and even if I did she's wouldn't be in just a towel!” Behind him, Azure waved again, before putting a finger to her lips in the universal “shhhh” signal. She slid back out the door closing it silently behind her. “Stop sending me bits! I mean, you can if you like the stream, but if it's just cause my mom showed up, knock it off, please!” 20PercentCooler: Who wants to pool our money and give Flash whatever he wants to get his mom back on the stream? “Rainbow Dash, quit encouraging them! Besides, everybody knows you're into guys!” Flash groaned as he looked a the chat, which was blowing up with people trying to figure out ways to convince Flash to have Azure back on the show. Flash dragged a hand down his face and took a deep breath. “Okay, that's it. We're done for tonight. I will be back next week and maybe then you thirsty bastards will have calmed down so we can get back to business as usual.” ShimmerCode: Language! 😆 “Good. Night!” Flash killed the stream and logged out of Fidget. He then slammed his head against the desk. “Flash, sweetie! Are you finished?” “Yes, mother.” Flash yelled back, his head still on the desk, trying not to sound irritated. “Don't forget to take the trash out before you go to bed!” “Yes, Mom.” Thursday“I'm sorry, you're WHAT?!” Flash yelped. “I'm chaperoning at the Sadie Hawkins Dance tomorrow!” Azure replied with a grin. “Isn't that great? You won't have to go alone now.” Flash bit back the unkind thought that manifested in his head and tried to plaster a smile on his face. He failed. “Oh, yeah, great,” he said through clenched teeth. “Oh stop it,” Azure replied. “You know I won't do anything to embarrass you.” Not on purpose, anyway. Flash thought, noting the purple halter top and skin tight jeans she was wearing today. Out loud, he said: “I wasn't even really planning to go to the dance. Nobody asked me.” “Well, I'm asking you. I can't show up there without an escort! What would people say?” Azure asked in a mock-scandalized tone. Probably something like “I wonder if I could convince her to step into that broom closet for ten minutes?” continued Flash's inner monologue. He sighed and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. “Well, I guess if you put it that way,” he said. “Yay!” Azure swept her son up into a hug which, after a moment, Flash returned. “Now, let's go!” she said. “Go? Go where?” Flash asked. “Well, if I'm going to be at a school dance, I need a new dress, don't I?” “I guess?” “Exactly,” said Azure, grabbing her car keys from the rack that hung on the wall next to the door leading to the garage. “And I need a second opinion, and you're nominated, kiddo. So we're going to the mall.” “The mall?” Flash gulped. Maybe I'll get lucky and no one I know will be there. So much for that. Flash thought as Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy waved to him and Azure from across the women's department at Cashman's department store. “Hi Flashie! Flashie's mom!” Pinkie chirped as she bounded over. “Hello, girls!” Azure replied with equal cheer. “Are you dress shopping too?” “Accessories, mostly,” said Fluttershy. “Rarity has our outfits for the dance all set up!” Pinkie confirmed. She suddenly let out a gasp. “Are you shopping for a dress for the dance, Mrs. Flame?” “Guilty!” Azure grinned. “But it's been kind of difficult. I'm not finding anything I like and for some reason I haven't been able to get a clerk to help me. Oh! There's one! Excuse me!” Azure spun in place, her hair flowing out in a metallic blue wave. Her lithe form turned effortlessly and her prodigious chest bounced in an enticing manner. The girl at the counter took one look at her and decided she needed to go use the ladies room. Immediately. For about ten minutes or so, and shot off at high speed. Azure frowned in confusion. “That always happens for some reason. Weird.” Fluttershy, her face now a bright red, let out a squeak. Pinkie, however, held up a finger and grinned even wider. “I know! Let's go to Rarity's boutique. I know there's not enough time for her to make something for you, but there's gotta be something she can help you find.” “Isn't that actually Prim Hemline's boutique? I've heard things are kind of pricey there,” said Azure. "I'm sure Rarity has something in your bust--" Fluttershy squeaked as Flash noticed her eyes darting up to meet Azure's at the last second. "Budget! In your budget..." Flash managed to stifle the groan that welled up in the back of his throat. And so it begins... – “Of course I have something to fit your budget!” Rarity trilled after Azure explained her situation. She took the older woman by the arm and practically dragged her across the store to a rack of dresses. “Now, these aren't exactly the up-to-the-minute latest, but they're also certainly not out of season either.” As the group crossed the store, the other store clerk called out. “Um... Rarity? I need to... use the powder room. Are you going to be okay?” “Absolutely, Coco, darling!” Rarity called back. Coco flushed and dashed into the back of the shop at high speed. “Ooooh!” Azure cooed, pulling an emerald green gown off the rack. She held it up in front of her. “What do you think, Flash? Is it me?” Flash eyed the dangerously high slit that ran up the side of the skirt, as well as the dangerously low bustline. “Ummm... I don't think it's quite your... color, Mom.” “Are you sure?” Azure held the gown up in front of her. “Your father always said I looked good in green.” Rarity glanced from Flash to Azure and stepped in. “To be quite honest with you, darling, I don't think that's quite the right gown for a high school dance.” Azure looked at the dress and put it back on the rack with a sigh. “I suppose you're right.” “Um, if you don't mind me saying so,” said Fluttershy, hiding behind her hair and touching her index fingers together. “I don't think there'd be any harm in Mrs. Flame trying on anything she likes. Even if it isn't quite right for the dance.” Azure crossed over to the girl and hugged her, causing Fluttershy to let out an “eep!” and turn bright red. “Thanks for the support,” Azure said. She looked back at Rarity. “Tell you what, why don't you pick some things out for me? You seem to have an eye for that sort of thing.” Rarity began going through the rack, pulling out various dresses as she muttered to herself. “No… no… yes...no… definitely not… ohhhh, yes! No… Yes… yes…no...” “Hey, Mom,” Flash called. “You might want to let Fluttershy go now.” Azure blinked and looked down where Fluttershy was still in her arms, her face pressed up against the older woman's chest. “Oops! Sorry.” “I don't think she mi-iiiiiinds!” Pinkie whispered to Flash, elbowing him in the ribs. Flash rolled his eyes and glanced out the large picture window at the front of the store. He frowned as he saw the top of a familiar purple ponytail bob below the bottom edge of the window. “Excuse me for a second, Pinkie,”he said, heading for the door. He stepped out and sighed again at the sight of Twilight crouched below the store window, some kind of weird gizmo in her hands. The nerdy girl looked up as his shadow passed over her. “Twilight,” he said, irritation clear in his voice. “Flash!” Twilight grinned like a lunatic. “Hi! What are you doing here?” “Shopping with my mom,” he said flatly. “What about you?” “Oh, just taking a walk.” “A walk.” “Yes!” Flash folded his arms. “A walk with what looks suspiciously like one of your magic monitoring thingamajigs.” “Um... well...” Twilight put her hands behind her back, hiding the gizmo from sight. “You're trying to get readings on my mom again.” Twilight stood up. “Whaaaaaat? Noooooo! I was just some readings on the... um... mini black hole!” Flash quirked an eyebrow. “Mini black hole. In this part of the country, at this time of day, located just outside the store where my mother happens to be shopping at this very moment?” “Ummm,” Twilight's grin got wider. “Yes!” Flash pulled out his phone. “I'm calling Sunset.” “Why? I'm right here.” The two of them yelped in surprise as Sunset Shimmer appeared around the corner. She looked at the two of them, perplexed. “What's going on?” “Nothing!” Twilight said too fast. “Flash and I were just discussing mini black holes!” Now it was Sunset's turn to quirk an eyebrow and fold her arms. “Mini black holes.” “Yes!” “Really.” “Absolutely!” Twilight looked at Flash, bouncing her eyebrows in desperation. “She's been trying to take readings on my mom,” he said flatly. Sunset blinked. “Azure's here?” Flash jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “She's buying a dress for the dance tomorrow.” Sunset looked longingly through the window for a moment, then shook herself out of it and turned her gaze on Twilight. “What the hell, Twilight?” Twilight blushed and looked down at her feet blushing. “Sorry,” she mumbled. Sunset sighed and turned to Flash. “Sorry about that.” “It's cool.” Sunset shook her head. “No, it isn't, but I'll take care of it.” The redheaded girl grabbed Twilight by the ear and began dragging her down the street. “Oww! Ow! Ow ow ow!” Twilight protested. “I swear, I can't take you anywhere,” Sunset said as she dragged Twilight away. Flash let out another sigh and went back into the boutique. He looked around and found Pinkie standing outside the fitting room. “Hey, where is everybody?” he asked. “Oh, Rarity and your mom are in there trying some stuff on.” “Is everything okay?” Pinkie got a mischievous look on her face. “Well, I haven't seen Rarity flinging herself at your mom yet, so that's a good thing, riiiiight?” “Oh for God's sake,” Flash mutter rubbing his eyes. Pinkie put an arm around his shoulders. “Cheer up, Flashie. There's worse things in life than having a stupidly hot mom.” Before Flash could respond, a squeal of delight came from the fitting room. “Oh, my god, Rarity, it's PERFECT!” Azure squealed. “Are you sure, darling?” Rarity replied. “It seems a bit... tight.” “I love it! And I'm sure it'll stretch as I wear it.” “Well, that's...er... not quite what I meant, Mrs. Flame.” Flash listened to the conversation and held up three fingers. “What do you mean?” Azure asked. Flash dropped one finger. “Well... how can I put this... um... there seems to be a bit of a...” Rarity's voice dropped to a stage whisper. “...panty line.” Flash dropped another finger. “Is there?” Azure said. “Let me just... oh. I see.” “I thought you might,” said Rarity. “So let's try on one of these others...” “No, that's okay,” said Azure. “It's easily fixed.” “Beg pardon?” Flash pointed at the curtain shielding the fitting room from the rest of the store. “MRS. FLAME!” came Rarity's scandalized voice. “Your... unmentionables!” “It's fine. We're all girls here, right, Fluttershy?” “Yes, Mama,” came Fluttershy's voice. “What?” “What?” “Um... yes.” Rarity's voice seemed oddly strained. “Could you just, excuse me for a moment?” Rarity came out of the fitting room at high speed, nearly colliding with Flash and Pinkie. Her face was bright red and she fanned herself with her hand “Oh, I'm so sorry, darlings!” she apologized. “Excuse me, won't you? I just... need to use the powder room!” Rarity zipped to the back of the store without waiting for a response. After a moment, Flash and Pinkie heard the sound of frantic banging on the door, follow by Rarity shrieking: “Coco! Come out of there! I have urgent business to do!” Flash put his face in his hands and groaned. Pinkie gave him a sympathetic look and patted him on the back. “Look at it this way, Flashie, things can't get any worse.” Of course, in accordance with several cosmic laws, she was very, very wrong. Author's Note Special thanks to Shortskirtsandexplosions for his help in hammering this thing out.
Sunday“Flash, honey! Breakfast!” Flash Sentry rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers before grabbing a t-shirt from the assorted clothes scattered on the floor by the side of his bed. He put it on and stopped at the door of his bedroom. Please have gotten dressed already. Please have gotten dressed already. Please have gotten dressed already. He took a deep breath and opened the door, heading downstairs to find what was waiting for him. If anyone asked Flash, he'd say his life was pretty good all things considered. His school was a much more pleasant place to be, his band was doing all right, and he was friends with seven of the coolest girls at Canterlot High. All in all, Flash Sentry didn't have a lot of major problems. Except one. Flash came down the stairs and rounded the corner heading for the kitchen. A sense of foreboding and dread was building in his gut. He paused at the doorway. He could see movement at the edge of his field of view, back where the stove was. He took another deep breath and entered the kitchen. Aw, dammit. “Morning, Mom,” he said, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. The nearly six-foot tall supermodel making pancakes at the stove looked over her shoulder, her metallic blue hair flipping in a way that you only ever saw in shampoo commercials. She smiled at him, revealing obnoxiously perfect teeth, and glanced at him with sapphire blue eyes from behind a pair of fashionable glasses. “Morning, sweetie!” she trilled. Flash tried to steadfastly ignore the fact she was wearing a very short black nightie that barely covered her tight round ass, and showed off quite a bit of her impressive cleavage. She tripped her way across the kitchen floor and caught Flash up in a firm hug that pressed her large soft breasts into his own chest. Flash felt his face turning red, and craned his head back, fully aware of how close his chin came to touching the tops of her breasts. No, Flash Sentry didn't have a lot of problems. Except this one. Having an incredibly hot mom... who didn't seem to know how hot she was. Azure Flame had married Flash's dad about a year before Flash was born. For the most part, as he was growing up, things seemed to be okay. But when Flash turned ten, he'd noticed things started to get a little more tense at the dinner table. And then, one day, his parents had sat them down and told him they were getting a divorce and Dad was moving out. Flash didn't know what had caused his parents to split up, but he had elected to stay with his mother. He didn't want her to be lonely. A couple of years later, when puberty hit, Flash started to get an idea of some of the reasons why his dad had divorced his mom. Azure was, to put it bluntly, a bombshell. Tall, lithe, with a narrow waist and large firm breasts and hips. Despite pushing forty, she took care of herself and looked nearly ten years younger than that. On top of that, she was crazy smart and an award winning journalist. She had a regular column in the Canterlot Times, contributed to half a dozen websites, and had two novels published. She was currently working on her third. So Flash's original theory was that his dad had left because of sheer feelings of inadequacy. Solemn Sentry had been a very straight-laced man. Not mean or strict, but just very... bland. Very concerned with appearances. He was a high powered corporate accountant, and was very good at his job. But Flash had thought that maybe having a wife who could discuss geopolitical realities at the dinner table and look like sex on heels at the same time might have been a bit too much for the old man. Hell, Flash felt barely able to cope with having such a woman as a mother. “Breakfast is ready!” Azure let him go and turned back to the stove. The hem of her nightgown flew up slightly with the motion. Flash's eyes flicked to her pert bottom. Not in any sort of Oedipal way. She was his mom, for God's sake. But whenever his mom was still in her sleepwear, there was always a certain risk. Oh thank god, she's wearing panties this morning. Flash took a seat at the table. It had already been laid out with plates and silverware. As well as other plates of bacon, toast, and hash browns. Azure brought over a stack of pancakes on a plate and plopped them on the table and herself into a chair. “Ta-daaa!” she sang. “Pancakes ala Mom!” She began doling out the food and they began to eat. “So,” Azure asked after a couple of minutes. “What's on your schedule for this lazy Sunday?” “Not so lazy,” Flash answered. “Meeting up with Sandalwood at the park later. He wants help training his dog to fetch.” “That's so cute. What time are you meeting him?” “Around one. Why?” “The car needs washing,” Azure replied. “I was hoping you could give me a hand with that. After we eat?” “Oh sure, no problem.” Flash got up from his chair. “I'm getting some more coffee. Refill?” “You're so considerate,” Azure said. “Are you sure you're my son and not some kind of magical doppelganger?” Flash smirked and picked up both his and his mother's coffee mugs. “If I was, I'm pretty sure Sunset and her friends would have already barged through the door with rainbow lasers.” “Always with the rainbow lasers,” Azure replied. A mischievous grin crossed her face. “Speaking of Sunset, isn't the Sadie Hawkins dance this week?” “Yeah,” Flash said, filling the mugs. “Nobody's asked me yet.” “Well, that's just silly. I thought you and Sunset were getting back together.” “Sunset's kind of taken herself out of the dating pool for now.” Flash handed his mom her coffee and sat back down. “I think she's still trying to figure some things out. Besides, the Rainbooms are playing the dance, so it's not like she'd be available as a date anyway.” “Well, she doesn't know what she's missing,” said Azure. She paused. “Wait, no, she DOES know what she's missing, and that's too bad for her.” “I thought you didn't like her?” Azure shrugged. “That was before whatever it was happened that made her change. I didn't like the old Sunset. I wouldn't object to the new Sunset dating my best boy ever.” Azure leaned over and gave Flash a teasing hug, peppering his cheek with kisses. Flash laughed and pushed back. “Mom, c'mon! I've got a forkful of syrup here! I'm not afraid to use it!” “Don't write checks your butt can't cash, mister!” Azure gave him another grin. She took a sip of offee and then her eyes widened. “Oh, nuts! I forgot to get the paper!” Panic suddenly gripped every molecule of Flash's being. “I'll get it!” he said quickly, but Azure was already on her feet and heading for the front door. “No, I've got it, sweetie.” Flash sprang to his feet. “Um, do you want your robe or... something?” Azure's voice floated from the front hall. “No. I won't be outside that long. Oh! Good morning, Mr. Wattle! How are you --” Flash reached the hallway just in time to hear the distinct sound of gauzy material ripping and a bag of oatmeal thunking on concrete. He pulled out his phone and slapped a hand over his eyes. “Mr. Wattle!” Azure appeared back in the hallway. The nightgown was gone and she had covered her upper body with sections of the newspaper. However, she didn't seem to be all that concerned with her current state. “Flash! Call 911! Mr. Wattle just collapsed on his front walk!” “Already on it!” Flash called turning his back as his half-naked mother rushed up the stairs to her bedroom. “911, what is your emergency?” “This is Flash Sentry. Can you please send an ambulance to 1835 Rudell Drive? My next door neighbor has just collapsed on his front walk.” “Flash? This is Lifeline.” “Oh hey, Lifeline.” “Your mom went out without a robe again, didn't she?” “Oh yeah.” “They'll be there in five minutes. Go check and make sure he's breathing.” Mr. Wattle was breathing. In fact, as the paramedics loaded him into the back of the ambulance, Flash suspected he saw the old man smiling. He certainly had been the last five times this had happened. He must have fantastic insurance. After the crowd of neighbors had begun to disperse, Flash went back inside, picking up the remains of his mom's nightgown from under the rosebushes next to the front walk. Azure was nowhere to be found, but the remnants of breakfast had been cleaned up. Flash shrugged and went upstairs. The door to Azure's bedroom was closed. He knocked lightly on the door. “Mom? Mr. Wattle's gonna be okay. They're taking him to the hospital just in case.” “Oh good.” Azure's voice came from behind the door. “I'm getting dressed. Listen, honey, I handle washing the car. Do you think you can trim the rosebushes by the front walk? They ruined my nightgown while I was out there and I think that might have contributed to Mr. Wattle's collapse. He kind of got an eyeful, if you follow me.” “I get it! I get it!” Flash snapped. Then he realized the words came out harsher than he intended. “Sorry, Mom. Didn't mean to snap.” “It's okay. Go get changed and grab the pruning shears from the garage. I'll be out in a minute.” “Got it.” Flash changed into a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt and headed down to the garage. He hit the button to open the automatic garage door and went outside, grabbing the pruning shears and a pair of gloves on the way. He'd been working for a few minutes when Micro Chips came along the sidewalk. Flash put down the shears and waved. “Hey, Micro!” “Oh, hi Flash!” Micro came up to him. He had what looked like an R/C controller in his hand. “What's new?” Flash asked, gesturing at the control. “Testing a new drone?” “Sort of,” said Micro. He flicked a switch and a drone came zooming around the corner of the house. It was attached to a long leash on the other end of which was what looked like a disreputable fur rug. Flash blinked then realized what he was seeing had legs and a nose and was, in fact, the droopiest looking basset hound he'd ever seen. The drone hovered next to them and the dog... well, didn't so much “sit,” exactly... more like puddled on the driveway next to them. “I didn't know you had a dog,” Flash said, reaching down to pet the animal in question. “Oh, he's not mine. Entropy belongs to my sister. I'm looking after him this weekend. But I wanted to see if I could make walking him a little more efficient. Still a few bugs to work out though.” “Yeah, he looks a little tired.” Flash knelt down and scratched the dog behind where he guessed his ears were. “Oh, it's not that. The drone propellers nearly gave out. Entropy can get up a good head of steam when he wants to.” Flash gave him a look. “Riiiiight.” He stood up. “Hey, not to be rude but I need to get back to – “ “Hi, boys!” Azure's voice interrupted Flash mid-sentence. Both of them turned and goggled. Azure had emerged from around the corner of the house. She was wearing a strapless white bikini top that seemed about half a size too small for her chest and a pair of denim cutoff shorts that clung tightly to her hips, but rode very very low. She was carrying a bucket of soapy water in one hand, and the garden hose with a pressure sprayer attached in the other. She stopped next to them and bent over, putting the bucket down, giving both boys a generous look at her cleavage. Flash looked at Micro. The nerd was blatantly staring at Azure's chest, his eyes so wide they looked they were about to pop out of his head. Flash rolled his own eyes and elbowed Micro in the ribs, causing the other boy to squawk in surprise. Micro looked over at him, surprised. “My mom, dude!” Flash hissed. “Right. Sorry,” Micro whispered back. Azure stood up and looked up in the sky. “Was that a goose? I thought I heard one.” “I didn't hear anything,” said Flash. “Me either!” Micro blurted. “Not a thing! And I definitely wasn't staring at your-OOOOF!” Azure stood back up. She looked a Micro quizzically. “Are you okay, Micro?” “Just fine,” Micro gasped as Flash straightened his arm. “Well, okay. Flash, make sure you get the broom to sweep up the-- IS THAT A DOG?!” Azure clapped her hands as she caught sight of Entropy. “I love dogs! Especially floppy ones like him!” She bent over again to pet the dog, this time with her back to the boys. The waist band of the shorts came away from her hips, revealing the bikini bottom she wore underneath. Flash fought to suppress a sigh. Oh god, it's a thong. He looked over at Micro, who was staring slack jawed. He elbowed his friend again, but there was no response. He frowned and waved his hand in front of Micro's face. No response. “Who's a good boy? Is it you?” Azure asked the dog as she moved to a crouching position.. She took the dog's face in both hands. “I think it is! I think it is!” With his mom distracted, Flash reached into the bucket, grabbed the sodden sponge inside and slapped Micro across the face with it. Micro squawked again and sputtered. Azure got back up and turned around. “You guys seriously didn't hear that?” she asked. She blinked when she saw Micro standing there, suds all over his face and shoulders. “Are you sure you're okay, Micro?” “I'MFINETHANKYOUMRSFLAME!” said Micro far too loudly. “INEEDTOGETENTROPYBACKHOMBEFOREMYSISTERCOMESTOPICKHIMUPSOTHANKSHAVEAGOODDAYBYE!” Micro picked up the dog and zoomed down the driveway and to the sidewalk, the drone being dragged out of the air and bouncing with exciting cracking sounds along the concrete. Flash and Azure stared after him, then looked at each other. “I'm sorry,” Azure said. “But sometimes, your friends can be very weird.” “I know,” Flash sighed. They both worked for a while. Azure soaping up the car, while Flash finished trimming the rosebushes. He was collecting the trimmings and bagging them up when there was a splash and Azure cursed. Flash turned around, and stared. Azure was standing there, her front completely soaked and the bikini top was clinging to the curves of her breasts. Her nipples were prominent, poking the fabric out. Said fabric was also getting dangerously close to transparent. Flash stood there, trying to figure out the best course of action. “Oh, for God's sake!” she groaned. She looked down at herself. “My shorts are soaked!” Before Flash could do anything, Azure had unzipped her shorts and shoved them down her legs. She bent over to pick them up, and two cars collided with each other on the street. Azure stood up with her shorts in her hand and looked over her shoulders. “People really need to pay attention when they're driving,” she said. She looked back at Flash. “I hope you're staying off your phone when you drive.” “Um.. yeah,” said Flash. “Uh... should I get you a towel, or something?” “No, it's a swimsuit. I'll just put the shorts over here.” Azure walked past him and tossed her shorts onto the front step. They bunched up. Azure huffed, making her chest bob, and bent over to straighten out the discarded garment. Flash looked up as three more cars joined the pile up in front of their house. The fact that one of them was a police car that was en route to check out the first accident was probably ironic somehow. Flash shook his head and turned back to the front steps. He blinked as he saw that the clasp on Azure's bikini top was coming undone. “Hey, Mom?” “Hmm?” Azure stood up and turned, which was just enough to cause the clasp to pop open. The bikini top dropped to the ground. Flash, working purely on instinct, ran to grab the bucket, grabbed a huge pile of suds and slapped them against his surprised mother's chest. As soon has he heard the wet slap for flesh and felt the soft give in his palms, his brain finally caught up with him. He looked up, eyes wide, to meet his mother's equally surprised expression. He looked down at his hands, which vanished at the wrists in the suds. “I'MSORRYI'LLGETASHIRT!” Flash bolted into the house slamming the door behind him. Azure, standing there with suds sliding down her front, blinked and picked up the bikini top. She turned her back to the street, wiped off the suds and put the top back on, before going back to washing the car. “I really should talk to him. He's acting just like his father.” Author's Note Hey, you. Yeah, you about to ask a certain question. Let me ask you one. You see the "Porn" tag on this story? No? I just saved you some time.
MondayLife with a ludicrously hot mom was not without its effects on Flash's social life. He never had anyone come over to his house, because more often than not, they'd wind up in a drooling aroused stupor the second Azure came into the room. As a result, when Flash wanted to hang out with friends, he'd typically go to their houses, or hang out at the mall, or basically anywhere but his own house. That had changed this afternoon. Flash's history class had been assigned to do a team report on various eras. The class had been split up into groups of three. Flash wasn't worried initially, because he'd been teamed up with Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle, both of whom were on the Honor Roll and had excellent grades. The problem came once school was out and they had to decide where to meet up to start putting the project together. “I wish I could offer my place,” said Sunset. “But you've both seen how little space I have for project work. How about your place, Twilight?” Twilight shook her head. “Can't. Spike got out yesterday and came home covered in fleas and ticks. He got back into the house before we could stop him. Mom's supervising the exterminators.” “Well, that doesn't seem so bad,” said Flash. Twilight gave him a look. “I had to lock her out of the bathroom this morning to keep her from giving me an 'inspection' in the shower and when I left for school, she was putting on a hazmat suit to prepare for, and I quote, 'the mass household genocide.'” Flash and Sunset looked at her in confusion. Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes. “Mom hates bugs in the house. She's got a whole team of exterminators over there now and she texted me to let me know not to come home before seven.” “Ohhhh,” Flash and Sunset “oooh-ed,” finally getting it. Sunset turned to Flash. “Look like we gotta go to your house, then, sport.” Flash felt the usual panic begin to rise in his chest. “Can't we just go to the library?” “C'mon, you know the library's no good. We'll have to keep our voices down. We can't play any music, and there's no snacks.” “But Twilight...” “Will be fine,” Sunset finished. “I will?” Twilight asked. “Besides, doesn't your mom go into the Times office on Mondays to meet with her editor?” Flash sighed. “Yeah, but--” “Just text her and find out when she's coming home,” Sunset insisted. “We'll clear out for the day before then.” “Um,” said Twilight, raising a finger. “Should I be worried about why Flash doesn't want us to be there when his mom gets home?” “Not for the reason you're thinking,” replied Sunset. She looked back at Flash. “Come on. It'll be fine.” “All right.” Flash sighed and pulled out his phone. He fired off a text and got a response. “Mom says she'll be back around six.” “Perfect!” Sunset grinned. “Let's go!” It was unusually hot for autumn and the sun beat down on the three of them as they walked out to the parking lot to Flash's car. Fortunately, his AC was working and the trip back to his house was made in comfort. Things proceeded smoothly as they worked in the living room and generally, the afternoon passed in a pleasant fashion. Then Flash heard a key in the front door. He looked up at the clock on the wall. It's only four! She's early! Before he could do anything, the door opened and Azure came into the house. Immediately, all eyes were on her. “Bedraggled” wasn't exactly the right word to describe her appearance. She looked tired, and her hair was disheveled. But it wasn't disheveled less in the limp, harassed way most people would be after a long day out, but more in the sense of “I just got done with a six hour marathon sex session and I don't feel like fixing my hair yet.” She was clad in a smart black suit, with a white silk blouse. She carried her jacket over her arm. She had been sweating. The white silk was clinging to her upper body, and much like the bikini top from the day before, was going translucent. The outline of her bra was visible, and there was probably two too many buttons undone. Azure let out a sigh of relief as she entered the air conditioned comfort of the house. “Ohhh, that's so much better.” She looked over at the three teenagers and smiled. “Hi, kids! How's the project coming?” “Fine, Mom,” said Flash, trying to keep exasperation out of his voice. “You're home early.” “Technically, I'm home late.” Azure hung the jacket and her purse on the coat rack next to the front door. “The meeting finished up just after you texted me, but I got stuck on the freeway on the way home and the damn A/C in the car conked out. An hour and a half stuck in the heat! Even rolling the windows down didn't do anything. I'm broiling!” “I'll say you are,” Sunset muttered. Flash shot her a look, causing the redhead to respond with a sheepish smile. “Well, don't let me interrupt you,” said Azure, plucking the blouse away from her skin. This had the opposite of the intended effect, since it almost immediately clung back to her chest when she let go. She looked down at herself and sighed. “I'm going to take a shower and get out of these clothes. Are you girls staying for dinner? After all that, I don't feel like cooking so I was just going to order pizza. You're welcome to stay if you want.” “Uhhhh...” Twilight uttered, staring wide-eyed at Azure. Sunset grinned at her stupified expression and looked back at Flash. “Well, we should get more work done on the project before we call it a night, right, Flash?” Flash looked at all three women: Sunset's evil grin, Twilight's blank expression, and Azure's expectant look. He sighed. “Yeah, pizza sounds great, Mom.” “Good!” Azure smiled. “Decide what you want, and I'll call in the order when I get out of the shower. Back in a few minutes!” Azure walked out of the living room, Sunset and Twilight watching her tight rear move obscenely in the equally tight slacks of the suit. They continued to stare long after Azure had left their sight. “AHEM!” Flash ahem-ed loudly. “Can we get back to work now?” “Buh...?” Twilight replied, still looking at the empty doorway. Sunset and Flash looked at each other. “Oh, god,” Flash groaned, collapsing against the back of the couch. Sunset couldn't help but laugh. “Azure Flame claims another victim,” she said. “I'll take care of it.” Sunset got up from where she had been sitting on the floor and leanded over Twilight, who was in one of the armchairs. She gently shook her friend's shoulder. “Hey. Twilight?” “Buh?” Twilight repeated with no other response. Sunset frowned and snapped her fingers in front of Twilight's face. Nothing. “Oh, great, she's broken.” Flash leaned forward and put his face in his hands. “I knew something like this would happen.” “You need to stop being so uptight about the fact that your mom's hot,” Sunset told him, still studying Twilight. “Really? I shouldn't be uptight about the fact that Twilight's catatonic, just like you were the first time you met Mom?” “Okay fair enough, but can you blame her? I knew what I was getting into when I came over here today. I've built up a tolerance. Plus we all thought she wouldn't be home until six.” “Yeah, okay,” Flash sighed. “So what do we do about Twilight? She seems to have checked out completely.” “Buh?” said Twilight. Sunset put her hand on her chin for a moment then snapped her fingers. “Got it! If this doesn't work, nothing will.” She leaned back down so her face was close to Twilight's ear and said: “Hey, Twilight. Are you sure they didn't fake the moon landing?” Instantly, Twilight's head snapped around. “Oh my god! For the last time, the moon landing was NOT faked! Why is it people STILL keep insisting on this idiotic conspiracy even fifty years later?! It would cost MORE money to fake that kind of thing in 1969 than it would have to actually GO to the damn moon in the first place! Sweet merciful Einstein on a bus, it confounds me how willing people are to blind themselves to the – what are you two laughing about?” “Welcome back, Twi,” Sunset grinned. Twilight looked from her to Flash, to the doorway, then blushed and gave a sheepish grin. Sunset sat back down on the floor. “Let's get back to work, before we get distracted again.” Twilight was leaning over, shifting things around in the fridge, trying to get at the case of soda in the back, when she heard the voice of liquid sex behind her. “I'm sorry! I don't think we've actually met before.” Twilight yelped in surprise, then let out another yelp of pain as her head banged into the top of the fridge. She pulled herself out and turned around, putting a hand to the back of her skull. “Oh my goodness! Are you all right? I didn't mean to scare you!” “Yeah,” Twilight said as the stars at the edges of her vision began to clear. “I'm okay I just... banged... my... buh?” Twilight's brain shut down as she saw Azure standing to the side of the island counter. She had changed into a pair of ass-kissing purple jogging shorts and a very tight tank top, with a stylized blue flame motif down by the left hip. Her hair was still damp, but she looked much more refreshed. Twilight found her gaze dropping down to Azure's impressive bust and her face flushed. I don't think she's wearing a bra anymore! “Well, that's good!” Azure came forward, holding out a hand. “I'm Azure Flame.” “Buh?” Somehow, Twilight's brain finally rebooted itself and her head snapped up to meet Azure's smile. “Sorry! Hi! Hello! I'm Spylight Twarkle! I mean, Sparklight Twinkle! I mean...” Twilight thrust out a hand to shake. “Twi. Light. Spar. Kle! Nice to meet you!” “Likewise,” Azure said with a giggle. “Flash has told me about you.” “He has?” Twilight frowned. “Me or the other me?” “Both of you, actually,” Azure answered. She moved toward the fridge. “Do you mind? I'm dying of thirst.” “Oh, sorry!” Twilight moved aside, allowing Azure access to the fridge. The older woman opened the door and bent over, the shorts tightening across her buttocks like a second skin. She rummaged around in the fridge, causing her fabulous ass to undulate back and forth. Twilight bit her lip and tried to force her brain to work through the fog that was starting to cloud her mind again. “Um... so... what did Flash tell you about me?” “Oh, that you transferred from Crystal Prep and you seemed to be doing much better there. He told me about the girl who looked like you that he went to the Fall Formal with, of course, but he made it clear that you weren't her. And then there was all that mess at Camp Everfree.” Azure came back out of the fridge with a bottle of water. She twisted off the top and gestured with it toward Twilight. “Overall, he said you're a very nice girl and he's glad to know you.” “Oh!” Twilight smiled, genuinely surprised. “Well, I'm glad to know him too.” Azure grinned and brought the bottle to her mouth. Twilight stared as Azure's plump lips wrapped around the top of the bottle. The older woman tilted the bottle up and her throat began flexing as the cool liquid slid down it. After a moment, the air pressure in the bottle changed and the cheap plastic began collapsing as Azure actively sucked the water out of the bottle, tilting her head back and holding the bottle upside down, sucking, pulling every last drop out of the collapsing bottle. A few errant drops dribbled from the corner of her mouth, oozing their way down her face and neck. Twlight followed one drop as it slid down Azure's supple neck and into her clevage. Twilight swallowed heavily as the bottle was finally drained with a loud crackle and Azure removed the bottle from her mouth. “Ahhhh! That's so much better.” Azure tossed the bottle into a blue trash can in the corner, where other plastic bottles and aluminum cans awaited recycling. “Have you guys figured out what you want on the pizza?” “Buh?” Twilight shook her head. “I mean, no! No, we haven't!” “Oh, okay.” Azure shrugged. “Just let me know when you do. I'll call in the order when you've all decided. I'll be in the office. Flash knows where it is. Just knock when you're ready!” “I will!” Twilight once again found her gaze following the undulating buttocks of Azure Flame as she left the kitchen to the main hallway. The nerdy girl swallowed heavily and went back out into the living room, slightly dazed. “Hey, where the drinks?” Sunset asked, starling Twilight out of her stupor. “Oh, sorry. I forgot. Mrs. Flame came in and I...” Twilight drifted off. “Oh, god,” Flash groaned. “Don't worry about it,” said Sunset to Twilight. “Azure has that effect on everyone.” “Really?” Twilight asked, looking at her. “But I'm straight?” Sunset shrugged. “Straight, gay, bi, pan, doesn't matter. If you're into sex at all, you're into Azure.” Twilight frowned. “That makes no sense at all.” Sunset shrugged again. “Can we just get back to work?” Flash asked, irritation evident in his voice. “Hang on, I want to try an experiment.” Twilight got to her knees on the floor next to Sunset. “Could you give me an hand with this?” “Sure,” Sunset replied. Twilight nodded then grabbed Sunset by the shoulders and kissed her full on the mouth. Sunset let out a squeak of surprise and Flash goggled as Twilight kept Sunset liplocked for a full twenty seconds. Then she let go and frowned. “No reaction. Nothing.” “Gee thanks, Twi,” Sunset snarked, a little dazed and now a lot turned on. “No, no,” said Twilight. “No reflection on you, Sunset. I didn't get any sort of sexual response from kissing you. So yes, I'm still only interested in boys. But why isn't that the case with Flash's mom?” “Does it matter?” Flash asked, clearly getting more agitated. “Let's just forget about my mom and get tonight's work done. Then we can eat and I'll take you guys home.” But Twilight was already muttering to herself. “Is it some sort of hormonal signal? A pheromone she naturally secretes? There has to be some kind of explanation.” “Twilight...” Flash began, but Sunset held up a hand. “It's better to just let her work it out when she gets like this. Let's get back to work. I'll get her caught up later.” Flash groaned again as he and Sunset turned back to their project. “She's not going to try to experiment on my mom, is she?” “I'll do my best to keep her occupied,” Sunset answered. Flash sighed again. Why does that not fill me with confidence?
TuesdayFlash liked to keep Cacophony open while he did his homework. A couple of his friends were usually online at the same time, and eventually the whole thing turned into an informal study group. And even if studying wasn't the priority, the occasional distraction was always welcome. Usually. Thunderstruck: Dudes! Check this out! I'm stocking shelves at the supermarker, right? And the hottest babe I've ever seen in my life just passed me! MicroNation: Thunderbass, every woman who passes you at work is “the hottest babe you've ever seen in your life.” Thunderstruck: No, seriously. I managed to snap a picture as she was walking away! Check it out! The notification chime sounded again, causing Flash to cringe. He knew before he even looked. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew. Since Flash Drive usually rehearsed at Thunderbass's place, his friend hadn't ever met Flash's mom. And hadn't Azure mentioned she was planning to go grocery shopping today? The picture that had been uploaded was a hastily taken phone pic. All that could be seen was the woman's lower half from behind. But what a behind it was, encased in a pair of skin tight yoga pants and an apparent lack of visible panty line. Near the top of the picture, the ends of long metallic blue hair could be seen brushing the top of the bottom in question. Flash put his face in his hands and let out a groan. You had to go right after yoga, didn't you, Mom? Sandalwood: Holy crap, dude! I think I just found a new religion! Thunderbass: Yeah, the First Church of the Divine Yoga Pants. RingMaster: I am intrigued by your philosophy and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. “Oh for the love of – Gah!” Flash turned fully toward his laptop and started typing. Maybe he could derail this particular thread before it got too weird, too horny, or both. FlashOfInspiration: Hey, guys, I'm working on the assignment for Harshwhinny's Geometry class. Anyone else getting stuck on number 7? Brawl4All: @Thunderbass, see if you can get more pics! She can't have gone far! Thunderbass: Just a sec... FlashOfInspiration: Uh, guys... I could really use some help here. Thunderbass: Holy CRAP! She's in the produce section! Check it out! Another hurried shot was posted. Again, her face wasn't visible, but this one was a side shot, showing off the impressive chest of the woman in question. Flash slammed his head onto the keyboard, causing a random string of letters to appear in the chat. Not only had Azure gone straight to the supermarket from her yoga class, she had apparently decided to forgo putting the hoodie she had worn when she left back on, leaving her in a modest cut purple sports bra. This would have been bad enough, but there was one other thing adding to Flash's embarassment. She was holding a fairly large cucumber. Brawl4All: Oh, to be a cucumber being serenely held by a hot chick in yoga pants. Thunderbass: She's older too! Brawl4All: Oh, to be a cucumber being serenely held by a hot MILF in yoga pants. MicroNation: Pffft! “All right,” Flash said aloud, “That's enough of THAT, thanks!” FlashOfInspiration: Gettin' a little creepy here, guys. RingMaster: Oh, come on, Flash. We're just having a little fun. FlashOfInspiration: Yeah, telling Thunderbass to stalk some random woman shopping. Real fun. RingMaster: … well, I guess if you put it like that. Thunderbass: I gotta get back to work anyway. Just figured you might There was a pause in the conversation. Flash stared at the screen, confused. Sandalwood: Thunderbass? Buffy? You okay? Thunderbass: Yeah, sorry. I think I just saw Twilight Sparkle hiding behind the oranges. Brawl4All: Hiding? Thunderbass: Yeah, like legit crouching behind the display. She had some sort of gizmo with her. Weird thing is, she was pointing it at that woman. “Oh, no!” Flash moaned. He grabbed his phone and stabbed at Twilight's number. “Come on, come on, pick up! Pick up!” “Hello?” came a whispered voice. “Twilight, it's Flash. Where are you right now?” “Um... I'm in the middle of some important research, Flash.” “Uh huh,” Flash frowned. “You wouldn't be at the supermarket stalking my mom, would you?” “Whaaaaaat? Noooooo!” Twilight snorted. “Why would I do that? I mean, just because your mom happens to radiate sexual charisma in defiance of all known normal human response to the point of making me question my own sexuality, that certainly doesn't mean that I'm trying to get readings on her as she causes a five cart pileup in the produce section when she decides to eat a banana right there in front of everyone.” Flash covered the phone speaker with his hand and let out a growl of frustration. He put the phone back to his ear. “Twilight, please stop trying to get readings on my mom.” “I have no idea what you're talking about.” Flash rolled his eyes. “Twilight, stop stalking my mom, or I'm telling Sunset what you're doing.” There was silence then: “Oh, all right, if you insist.” “I do. Thank you, Twilight.” He didn't bother waiting for a response, instead ending the call. He also closed Cacophony, where the aforementioned five cart pileup was now the major topic of conversation, and focused on his homework. When he finished, he decided to log onto Blueit to see what was happening in some of his feeds. He immediately stared as the main page came up with the most popular posts and forums. Right at the top was b/FirstChurchofDivineYogaPants Knowing he was going to regret it, he clicked the link and wasn't surprised in the slightest to find that the subblueit had been created just an hour or so ago. It already had over five thousand subscribers and at least twenty pictures posted. Nineteen of them were of Azure in the supermarket. The other was fanart. Very detailed fanart. “I'm going to kill Thunderbass,” Flash muttered. “Actually, I better kill all of them for good measure.” He refershed the page and gulped audibly when he saw a livestream had been posted. He clicked the image to activate the feed and jumped when his phone rang. He answered it almost mechanically. On screen, Azure was being filmed from behind, this time in the supermarket's pharmacy section. She was holding a bottle of some kind. “Flash, sweetie, it's Mom,” came Azure's voice through the phone, causing Flash to jump again. “Uh! Hi, Mom!” he said a little too loudly. He fumbled for the volume keys on the keyboard, trying to turn the sound on the livestream down. Azure's head tilted slightly. “Honey, are you okay? You sound a little... flustered.” “I'm fine, Mom!” Flash said, finally managing to mute the stream. “Was just finishing my homework.” “Oh, okay! Listen, I'm at the grocery store and I know you mentioned you were out of your favorite bubble bath.” Flash grit his teeth. He could hear the snickering from everyone who was watching the livestream. He glanced at the number at the bottom of the feed: 2,479. Azure continued, blissfully unaware of her son's rising embarrassment. “It looks like they're out of the Daring Do kind, but there's Captain Squeaky or Princess Dream. Would one of those work?” “Either one's fine, Mom!” Flash said, trying to sound positive, but his voice came out more like someone seriously considering jumping off the edge of sanity. “I think I'll get the Princess Dream one,” Azure replied. On screen, she put the bottle she was holding back on the shelf and picked up a violently pink one instead. “I think it smells nicer.” “Sure thing, Mom! Princess Dream, great!” I wonder if they have the internet in Neighpal? I could be a yak farmer. They must always need yak farmers out there. There was a crash over the phone and Flash watched in horror on screen as Azure dropped the bottle and bent over to grab it. Whoever was streaming zoomed in until Azure perfectly toned bottom filled the screen. But, no sooner had they stopped zooming in, the picture went blurry and suddenly, everyone was staring at the fluorescent lights in the supermarket ceiling. “Oh, nuts! Sorry, honey, I dropped the bottle-- What on earth?!” “Mom? You okay?” “I need to hang up now, sweetie. It looks like someone ran over a lady behind me with his cart. I better see if I can help. I'll be home soon. Love you!” “Love you too.” The call ended, as did the livestream. Flash groaned again and turned off the computer. He needed to get offline for a while. He left his room and went downstairs, flopping on the couch in the living room. Some good old fashioned mindless TV is what he needed right now. He grabbed the remote and clicked the set on. “Breaking News this afternoon. Senator Power Point has unexpectedly resigned from his post today when he was discovered masturbating in his office by a reporter for this network. An official statement has yet to be released, but according to the reporter in question, the senator appeared to be looking at the online Blueit forum 'FirstChurchofDivineYogaPants.' We'll have more information tonight at six.” Flash's scream of aggravation could be heard down the block.
Wednesday“Okay, guys, we've been going for about three hours and I have school in the morning, so we'll do a couple more rounds of Stumble Chums and put this stream of Flash Games to bed, what do you say?” Wednesday nights were the nights Flash decided to livestream on Fidget. He wasn't the most popular person on the platform, but he had a pretty solid core of fans who turned up every week. It also helped that Sunset also streamed on Wednesday afternoons and usually set up a raid to his channel when Shimmer Code wrapped up. As Flash waited for the game to populate, he browsed the chat. “Yeah, PlaceMatt, I wish I could stream longer too, but you know, not living on my own just yet. Oh hey! KingKrab, thanks for the bits!” The game loaded and Flash began moving his brightly colored anthropomorphic bean along the obstacle course laid out with the fifty other brightly colored beans. “I really hate this course. Everybody cheats like a – OH COME ON! Did you guys see that? He deliberately got in my way! Come on, this game's already designed to be challenging without people being jerks about it!” He managed to get to the end of the course and qualify for the next round. While he waited for the next game to load, he went back to the chat. “Yeah, I know you guys don't care if I swear, but my mom's down the hall and she does. Believe me, you don't want to be on her bad side.” And, as if summoned by the mention of her existence, there was a knock on the door, then the sound of it opening. “Flash, honey, are you still up?” Flash, already into the next round, had no chance to stop Azure Flame from entering his bedroom. He caught a glance of her in the camera feed of his streaming software and felt his teeth clench. Azure had apparently just gotten out of the shower. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel. A towel that matched the one wrapped around her body. The dangerously short towel wrapped around her body. “Mom!” Flash yelped as she reached around his chair and huggwed him from behind. “I'm in the middle of a – “ “Oh!” said Azure, catching the image of herself and Flash on the screen. “Are you still streaming? I'm sorry, honey, I thought you usually finished by now.” “I'm about to wrap up. As soon as this game is done.” “Okay,” said Azure. Then, before Flasah knew what was happening she ducked around the chair and leaned in toward the webcam. “Hi, frieeeeeeeeends!” she trilled. Flash yelped again as he saw his on camera feed was filled with Azure's face and, more shockingly, her impressive cleavage. The chat was going bananas. PlaceMatt: Hi Flash's mom! ThunderStruck: Holy CRAP! KingKrab has donated 2000 bits. 20PercentCooler: Hi, Mrs. Flame! ShimmerCode: Is it bad I want to be that towel right now? “Sunset! Knock it off!” Flash tried not to yell. “Mom, could you go get dressed or something? I'll be done in a – DAMMIT!” The large “ELIMINATED” graphic plastered itself across the screen, indicating Flash was out of the game. He let out a groan, followed quickly by and “Ow!” as Azure gently slapped him on the back of the head. “Language!” she said sternly. “I know people on Fidget like to curse, but you know better than that young man!” Flash rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, Mom,” he said sheepishly. Sandalwood: Whoa, harsh! HotToTrot donated 100 bits. HotToTrot: I'll throw in another 500 if she loses the towel! ShimmerCode: Dude, come on... not cool. Flutterbye: … he needs a spanking for being a bad boy... 20PercentCooler: What was that? Flutterbye: What was what? Azure stepped back and kissed Flash on the cheek, causing him to blush in embarrassment. “All right, just don't let it happen again. Good night, everybody!” Azure waved to the camera, then walked back to the bedroom door, letting Flash take control of his stream. As she closed the door, she didn't notice a corner of the towel get caught between the door and the jamb. Meanwhile, Flash was trying to get his stream back under control. “No, I will not put her on the stream on a regular basis. No! That's just gross! Come on, guys, don't be weird – what the? Will you guys stop promising me bits if I being her on the show! It's not gonna happen! KingKrab, I appreciate the donations, but seriously it's just --” As Flash's viewers watched, the door opened slightly, and Azure leaned around it, reaching down to the floor for her fallen towel. She was largely covered by the door, but now more of her fantastic cleavage was visible, and later, some would claim they almost saw a nipple. Flash didn't see her, being to preoccupied with the chat, but stared as a virtual avalanche of bits started flooding his account. “Guys, stop! It's not going to work! I'm not gonna bring my mom on the show, and even if I did she's wouldn't be in just a towel!” Behind him, Azure waved again, before putting a finger to her lips in the universal “shhhh” signal. She slid back out the door closing it silently behind her. “Stop sending me bits! I mean, you can if you like the stream, but if it's just cause my mom showed up, knock it off, please!” 20PercentCooler: Who wants to pool our money and give Flash whatever he wants to get his mom back on the stream? “Rainbow Dash, quit encouraging them! Besides, everybody knows you're into guys!” Flash groaned as he looked a the chat, which was blowing up with people trying to figure out ways to convince Flash to have Azure back on the show. Flash dragged a hand down his face and took a deep breath. “Okay, that's it. We're done for tonight. I will be back next week and maybe then you thirsty bastards will have calmed down so we can get back to business as usual.” ShimmerCode: Language! 😆 “Good. Night!” Flash killed the stream and logged out of Fidget. He then slammed his head against the desk. “Flash, sweetie! Are you finished?” “Yes, mother.” Flash yelled back, his head still on the desk, trying not to sound irritated. “Don't forget to take the trash out before you go to bed!” “Yes, Mom.”
Thursday“I'm sorry, you're WHAT?!” Flash yelped. “I'm chaperoning at the Sadie Hawkins Dance tomorrow!” Azure replied with a grin. “Isn't that great? You won't have to go alone now.” Flash bit back the unkind thought that manifested in his head and tried to plaster a smile on his face. He failed. “Oh, yeah, great,” he said through clenched teeth. “Oh stop it,” Azure replied. “You know I won't do anything to embarrass you.” Not on purpose, anyway. Flash thought, noting the purple halter top and skin tight jeans she was wearing today. Out loud, he said: “I wasn't even really planning to go to the dance. Nobody asked me.” “Well, I'm asking you. I can't show up there without an escort! What would people say?” Azure asked in a mock-scandalized tone. Probably something like “I wonder if I could convince her to step into that broom closet for ten minutes?” continued Flash's inner monologue. He sighed and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. “Well, I guess if you put it that way,” he said. “Yay!” Azure swept her son up into a hug which, after a moment, Flash returned. “Now, let's go!” she said. “Go? Go where?” Flash asked. “Well, if I'm going to be at a school dance, I need a new dress, don't I?” “I guess?” “Exactly,” said Azure, grabbing her car keys from the rack that hung on the wall next to the door leading to the garage. “And I need a second opinion, and you're nominated, kiddo. So we're going to the mall.” “The mall?” Flash gulped. Maybe I'll get lucky and no one I know will be there. So much for that. Flash thought as Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy waved to him and Azure from across the women's department at Cashman's department store. “Hi Flashie! Flashie's mom!” Pinkie chirped as she bounded over. “Hello, girls!” Azure replied with equal cheer. “Are you dress shopping too?” “Accessories, mostly,” said Fluttershy. “Rarity has our outfits for the dance all set up!” Pinkie confirmed. She suddenly let out a gasp. “Are you shopping for a dress for the dance, Mrs. Flame?” “Guilty!” Azure grinned. “But it's been kind of difficult. I'm not finding anything I like and for some reason I haven't been able to get a clerk to help me. Oh! There's one! Excuse me!” Azure spun in place, her hair flowing out in a metallic blue wave. Her lithe form turned effortlessly and her prodigious chest bounced in an enticing manner. The girl at the counter took one look at her and decided she needed to go use the ladies room. Immediately. For about ten minutes or so, and shot off at high speed. Azure frowned in confusion. “That always happens for some reason. Weird.” Fluttershy, her face now a bright red, let out a squeak. Pinkie, however, held up a finger and grinned even wider. “I know! Let's go to Rarity's boutique. I know there's not enough time for her to make something for you, but there's gotta be something she can help you find.” “Isn't that actually Prim Hemline's boutique? I've heard things are kind of pricey there,” said Azure. "I'm sure Rarity has something in your bust--" Fluttershy squeaked as Flash noticed her eyes darting up to meet Azure's at the last second. "Budget! In your budget..." Flash managed to stifle the groan that welled up in the back of his throat. And so it begins... – “Of course I have something to fit your budget!” Rarity trilled after Azure explained her situation. She took the older woman by the arm and practically dragged her across the store to a rack of dresses. “Now, these aren't exactly the up-to-the-minute latest, but they're also certainly not out of season either.” As the group crossed the store, the other store clerk called out. “Um... Rarity? I need to... use the powder room. Are you going to be okay?” “Absolutely, Coco, darling!” Rarity called back. Coco flushed and dashed into the back of the shop at high speed. “Ooooh!” Azure cooed, pulling an emerald green gown off the rack. She held it up in front of her. “What do you think, Flash? Is it me?” Flash eyed the dangerously high slit that ran up the side of the skirt, as well as the dangerously low bustline. “Ummm... I don't think it's quite your... color, Mom.” “Are you sure?” Azure held the gown up in front of her. “Your father always said I looked good in green.” Rarity glanced from Flash to Azure and stepped in. “To be quite honest with you, darling, I don't think that's quite the right gown for a high school dance.” Azure looked at the dress and put it back on the rack with a sigh. “I suppose you're right.” “Um, if you don't mind me saying so,” said Fluttershy, hiding behind her hair and touching her index fingers together. “I don't think there'd be any harm in Mrs. Flame trying on anything she likes. Even if it isn't quite right for the dance.” Azure crossed over to the girl and hugged her, causing Fluttershy to let out an “eep!” and turn bright red. “Thanks for the support,” Azure said. She looked back at Rarity. “Tell you what, why don't you pick some things out for me? You seem to have an eye for that sort of thing.” Rarity began going through the rack, pulling out various dresses as she muttered to herself. “No… no… yes...no… definitely not… ohhhh, yes! No… Yes… yes…no...” “Hey, Mom,” Flash called. “You might want to let Fluttershy go now.” Azure blinked and looked down where Fluttershy was still in her arms, her face pressed up against the older woman's chest. “Oops! Sorry.” “I don't think she mi-iiiiiinds!” Pinkie whispered to Flash, elbowing him in the ribs. Flash rolled his eyes and glanced out the large picture window at the front of the store. He frowned as he saw the top of a familiar purple ponytail bob below the bottom edge of the window. “Excuse me for a second, Pinkie,”he said, heading for the door. He stepped out and sighed again at the sight of Twilight crouched below the store window, some kind of weird gizmo in her hands. The nerdy girl looked up as his shadow passed over her. “Twilight,” he said, irritation clear in his voice. “Flash!” Twilight grinned like a lunatic. “Hi! What are you doing here?” “Shopping with my mom,” he said flatly. “What about you?” “Oh, just taking a walk.” “A walk.” “Yes!” Flash folded his arms. “A walk with what looks suspiciously like one of your magic monitoring thingamajigs.” “Um... well...” Twilight put her hands behind her back, hiding the gizmo from sight. “You're trying to get readings on my mom again.” Twilight stood up. “Whaaaaaat? Noooooo! I was just some readings on the... um... mini black hole!” Flash quirked an eyebrow. “Mini black hole. In this part of the country, at this time of day, located just outside the store where my mother happens to be shopping at this very moment?” “Ummm,” Twilight's grin got wider. “Yes!” Flash pulled out his phone. “I'm calling Sunset.” “Why? I'm right here.” The two of them yelped in surprise as Sunset Shimmer appeared around the corner. She looked at the two of them, perplexed. “What's going on?” “Nothing!” Twilight said too fast. “Flash and I were just discussing mini black holes!” Now it was Sunset's turn to quirk an eyebrow and fold her arms. “Mini black holes.” “Yes!” “Really.” “Absolutely!” Twilight looked at Flash, bouncing her eyebrows in desperation. “She's been trying to take readings on my mom,” he said flatly. Sunset blinked. “Azure's here?” Flash jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “She's buying a dress for the dance tomorrow.” Sunset looked longingly through the window for a moment, then shook herself out of it and turned her gaze on Twilight. “What the hell, Twilight?” Twilight blushed and looked down at her feet blushing. “Sorry,” she mumbled. Sunset sighed and turned to Flash. “Sorry about that.” “It's cool.” Sunset shook her head. “No, it isn't, but I'll take care of it.” The redheaded girl grabbed Twilight by the ear and began dragging her down the street. “Oww! Ow! Ow ow ow!” Twilight protested. “I swear, I can't take you anywhere,” Sunset said as she dragged Twilight away. Flash let out another sigh and went back into the boutique. He looked around and found Pinkie standing outside the fitting room. “Hey, where is everybody?” he asked. “Oh, Rarity and your mom are in there trying some stuff on.” “Is everything okay?” Pinkie got a mischievous look on her face. “Well, I haven't seen Rarity flinging herself at your mom yet, so that's a good thing, riiiiight?” “Oh for God's sake,” Flash mutter rubbing his eyes. Pinkie put an arm around his shoulders. “Cheer up, Flashie. There's worse things in life than having a stupidly hot mom.” Before Flash could respond, a squeal of delight came from the fitting room. “Oh, my god, Rarity, it's PERFECT!” Azure squealed. “Are you sure, darling?” Rarity replied. “It seems a bit... tight.” “I love it! And I'm sure it'll stretch as I wear it.” “Well, that's...er... not quite what I meant, Mrs. Flame.” Flash listened to the conversation and held up three fingers. “What do you mean?” Azure asked. Flash dropped one finger. “Well... how can I put this... um... there seems to be a bit of a...” Rarity's voice dropped to a stage whisper. “...panty line.” Flash dropped another finger. “Is there?” Azure said. “Let me just... oh. I see.” “I thought you might,” said Rarity. “So let's try on one of these others...” “No, that's okay,” said Azure. “It's easily fixed.” “Beg pardon?” Flash pointed at the curtain shielding the fitting room from the rest of the store. “MRS. FLAME!” came Rarity's scandalized voice. “Your... unmentionables!” “It's fine. We're all girls here, right, Fluttershy?” “Yes, Mama,” came Fluttershy's voice. “What?” “What?” “Um... yes.” Rarity's voice seemed oddly strained. “Could you just, excuse me for a moment?” Rarity came out of the fitting room at high speed, nearly colliding with Flash and Pinkie. Her face was bright red and she fanned herself with her hand “Oh, I'm so sorry, darlings!” she apologized. “Excuse me, won't you? I just... need to use the powder room!” Rarity zipped to the back of the store without waiting for a response. After a moment, Flash and Pinkie heard the sound of frantic banging on the door, follow by Rarity shrieking: “Coco! Come out of there! I have urgent business to do!” Flash put his face in his hands and groaned. Pinkie gave him a sympathetic look and patted him on the back. “Look at it this way, Flashie, things can't get any worse.” Of course, in accordance with several cosmic laws, she was very, very wrong. Author's Note Special thanks to Shortskirtsandexplosions for his help in hammering this thing out.
