DO NOT READ THIS: KEPT ONLY FOR INSPECTION

I cooked some tofu bacon, nice and chewy, the way it was meant to be, and some of my Lawrence-famous eggs. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients needed:

Onion powder

Garlic powder

Thyme

3 eggs per person eating

Sharp or mild cheddar/Colby jack cheese

Utensils needed:

Bowl (prefferably the kind you'd eat soup or Hamburger Helper in)

Fork (large, the kind you'd use to make hold still things you're cutting)

Medium sized pan

Spatula

Directions:

1) Crack the number of eggs required, three for each person eating, into a bowl.

2) Use the fork to beat it into a milky yellow substance. While beating, beat in a bit of onion powder and thyme.

3) Get the pan and spatula ready. Once the eggs have been beaten thouroughly, dash in quite a bit of garlic. Heat any one of the eyes on the the range, or surface of the oven, to six. If your oven's range doesn't heat up that way, I can't help you.

Cook's tip: Butter the pan!

4) Set down the pan on the heated eye and pour the contents of the bowl into the pan. Let it sit for 30 seconds. In these seconds get the cheese and grater ready for use.

Another Cook's tip: If you have already made the bacon, cook it in the pan you cooked the bacon in! It may sound and look disgusting, but the bacon grease gives it a taste you can't get anyplace else!

5) After these 30 seconds are up, start flipping around the eggs until there are no liquids in the pan. Att this point, you should shred piles upon mountains of cheesy goodness onto your eggs.(RAN: When that was originally written, there was a typo. It read: "At this point, you will want to start shredding piles of cheesy goodness on your eyes". LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING) Let it sit for a second or five, and turn off the eye, move the pan to a cold eye, and try to spead the melting cheese around the eggs, and serve equal portions to everybody. Or everypony in my case. (RAN: This is my actual recipe. Make it, and when your friends ask "What is this fantabulous recipe for eggs?", I give you full premision to say "A twelve year old from Lawrence Kansas who writes books and fanfictions. A particular fanfiction he wrote is The Ponyville Conundrum!". You can even give a detailed plot summary as they whisk you off to the loony bin!)

"Mmm... Theesh err delishush; Wut ish et?" said Rainbow through a mouthful of eggs. Now I know why not to speak while I chew, it's not understandable..

"What was that?" I asked. She swallowed.

"I said: These are delishious; what is it?" she corrected herself.

"Oh, this is my special eggs recipe" I explained

"Mmm! I just love eggs! What did you put on it?" chirped Pinkie

"Onion and garlic powder, butter, thyme and cheese" I listed. Applebloom and Applejack grew pale.

"D-did y'all sa-sayee... onion powder?" stammered Applebloom

"Yes. Whassa matter?" I worried

"Ah'm allergayec to onyens!!!" she screamed and ran into the kitchen. (RAN: How do ya like my Applebloom writin'? She's fun, I should use her again later) AJ rushed after her.

"Is this a good situation to just sit an' do nuthin'?" I asked

"Yeah, prolly" confirmed Other Price. After dinner I decided to check on her. All it did was make her throat swell a bit. Not enough to stop the airflow. She said she felt okay, no need for a hospital, but I was gonna run her by Walgreens if she wasn't okay by morning.

The rest of dinner went peacefully. We watched Johnny Test while we ate. You wouldn't beleive it (Drippity drip! Hear that sarcasm?) but Rarity thought Bling Bling Boy was dressed horribly.

After that I went ahead and watched an episode of Happy Tree Friends where Flaky and Cuddles went swimming. It was one of the first episodes, and I have seen it, like, thirty times before, but I don't care. Then I went to sleep upstairs, in my spot. I woke to some of Simon's trademark yelping.