Compulsory cuddling was NOT in the job description!!

by Ausbrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Anthro, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Profanity, Random
Length: 3969

An ongoing prank war between Luna and a trusted guard gets a little... Affectionate.

Stella F. Sabre. An upstanding member of Princess Luna's Night Guard. A mare of the most profane lexicon in all of Equestria and self proclaimed sexiest mare alive.

She is also embroiled in a lifelong prank war with her boss, the aforementioned Princess Luna.

After one such prank, Luna decides to up the game and really stick it to the batpony. By using a spell that makes Stella irresistibly drawn...

To hugging.

Everyone.

Stella is not amused.

- To be honest, I can't remember what brought this idea about. It's sat in my 'to-do' box for nearly two years I think. Then one day I got a little inspired and finished it.

I will ABSOLUTELY blame Flammenwerfer for this however.

Rated Teen for Stella.

Published 2020-09-18 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-18 01:50:01 UTC

Seriously, I even read the fine print!

Seriously, I even read the fine print!

“It’s about time we were finally able to meet,” Celestia smiled as she sat across from the cyan-scaled drakina. “After getting so many letters from Twilight about you, I was beginning to think you didn’t like me.”

“Psh,” Dragon Lord Ember waved a claw. “Nah. Honestly? I just forgot. I only know Twilight through Spike. And to be honest, I didn’t know that Ponyland had more princesses. Seriously, how many do you even need?”

The dragon had arrived a few days ago, having been sent here at Twilight’s suggestion. Brokering friendly treaties between dragons and ponies was the main objective after all, but now she was just killing time.

That and the Sun Princess served up some A Grade gems to munch on. Case in point, she was sitting down to dinner with Celestia, the two sharing some idle conversation.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Celestia chuckled as the doors to the dining hall opened, a half-asleep Luna stumbling in, her mane a mess and her eyes half-closed as she flopped down at the breakfast table, yawning rather loudly.

“Honestly sister,” Celestia shook her head. “You were up late again weren’t you?”

“Well I wouldn’t be,” Luna mumbled, having placed her head on her folded arms. “If a certain bat hadn’t gone and fucked up my food with caffeine and pep pills,” the alicorn said, her eyes bloodshot and heavy bags hung under them. Staying awake for nearly two days wasn’t the whole problem, it was also the crash that came after, and being over-tired so she couldn’t sleep anyway. “She is going to pay dearly for this one, We assure thou as such.”

“Oh dear,” Celestia chuckled and noticed Ember’s perplexed expression. “My sister and one of her guards have something of a prank war going on. They play practical jokes on one another, to try and embarrass or some such.”

“Ahh,” Ember nodded in understanding. “That reminds me of the time when I became Dragon Lord. One drake has been a real nuisance during the Trial, so my first order as Lord, had been that he hug everyone he sees on the way out, including Former Dragon Lord Torch.”

“O-Oh my,” Celestia giggled.

But what was more unsettling was Luna’s growing grin. That… was not the smile of a sane mare. Of a well rested and level headed one.

“I’ll be riiiiiight back~” she giggled and suddenly teleported.

“Huh? Was it something I said?” Ember asked as Celestia sighed again. Castle life was about to get interesting.

Stella F Sabre.

Lieutenant in the Lunar Guard. Ace Riflemare and Sexiest Batpony alive.

She slept soundly on her cot, a small smile on her muzzle with a little snagglefang poking out the side. She was actually quite adorable like this.

She’d also bust your bollocks if you even thought as such around her while she was awake.

This mare was infamous in many ways. A lexicon so profane and perverse that sailors around the world coveted it, and at times, a level of alleged promiscuity that made even ‘working mares’ blush when they thought about it.

And yet, she didn’t notice the manically grinning alicorn standing over her bed, her horn shining faintly in the darkness that enveloped the room.

‘When others speak a phrase so true,

Let this spell guide you through.

A simple gesture is what you’ll grace,

Made in the form of a loving embrace,

All they have to do is ask,

And you will do well to complete the task,

The spell shall be simple and pure,

You will avoid lust’s allure,

By Moon’s next fall, the spell will end,

For now, you have some hugs to attend~’

The blue mist that rose from her horn fell upon the sleeping mare, soaking into her body silently and completely. With the temporary curse place, Luna allowed a small chuckle to herself.

“Sleep well little bat, you’re going to need the rest~”

And with that, she melted away into the shadows. First some tea, then retreat to her room for some much needed rest. Tomorrow was going to be very interesting for everypony.

Well, except Stella.

With a yawn, Stella smacked her lips a few times, shaking off the dregs of sleep and raising her arms, stretching until several parts gave a satisfying crack. Sitting up, she had a hand through her mane and took a deep breath. She felt… oddly energised today.

“Was wondering when your lazy ass would get up,” a voice broke the blissful silence as Stella opened her eyes, the golden orbs settling on her batpony bunkmate, Emeralda Nightglint. They’d been such for a good long while now and were used to trading verbal barbs.

“Eh, feck off,” Stella yawned. It was early and she was uncaffeinated. “Come over here and help me wake up proper eh~?”

“Like I’d degrade myself like that,” Em snorted as she sat on the end of her bunk, slowly unbuckling her boots. “Night shift was boring, except for the saps trying to keep that dragon from taking a bite out of the crystal fountain in the gardens.”

“Oh yeh? She still around?” Stella mumbled as she kicked her legs out of bed and slowly stood up, stretching again. First a quick shower… maybe a wank, then it was off for her own…

Oh wait, she had the day off today. Sweet!

“You wanna join me~?” Stella purred and winked at her bunkmate. “I’m feelin’ good today, and I’ll happily share it with yeh~”

“Pass,” Emeralda rolled her eyes. “If I ever want anything like that, you will be the last pony I ask.” She pulled her arm guards and pauldrons off, rolling her shoulder a few times.

“Mmm, that’s right, take it all off~” Stella teased, waggling her eyebrows. Em facepalmed and looked at her.

“I swear, you can’t even do something like a hug without it turning lewd can you?”

“...what?” Stella felt… off all of a sudden. That was weird.

“A hug, you know… a thing most others do?” Emeralda said. She reached down to unclasp her breastplate, letting it fall off before wondering why a shadow was cast over her. She wasn’t offered much time to think about it before Stella pulled her into a soft embrace.

“W-W-W-What are you doing!?” the batmare blushed, trying to push her off.

“I dunno,” Stella said, sounding confused. “Huggin’ I guess. This is weird.”

“You feel weird? Then let me go!”

“Can’t, don’t feel like it, or something,” Stella said as she held the mare close. She smelled of apple shampoo and the sweat of a night’s work. All in all, not a bad scent really. Yet, Stella wasn’t tempted to make this more than it was. Just… hold her close and hum a little.

“Let go of me you crazy shit!” Emeralda said, still trying to fight it. “I swear to Luna I’m going to kick your ass!”

“Shh,” Stella held her head in the crook of her arm, slowly and soothingly petting her mane. “It’s okay…”

“No it is NOT okay!” Emeralda shouted loudly. “What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“I dunno!” Stella said, now getting more weirded out. Why was she even doing this? And every time she tried to spout some kind of innuendo, the words died before her lips could speak them. She tried to move her hands and grope the mare, but they refused to take that action. All she wanted to do was snuggle her softly. “What’s wrong with me Em?”

“I ask myself that every single day,” Emeralda sighed, finally resigning herself to the hug…

She was going to slap the shit out of her after though.

A half hour later, Stella was finally released from whatever the fuck it was that compelled her to do that. Damn… maybe she needed a nice stallion or something? It had been a little while after all. Yeah, that was prolly it.

She rubbed her cheek, Emeralda’s slap stung like a bitch. Ah well, such was life sometimes.

Now, time to enjoy her day off. It’d been a bit since her last one, so she had a few activities to cross off her list. First was to go out and buy a few things. Then perhaps treat herself to a kickass lunch.

She saluted a few more Night Guard that were coming off shift, the ponies returning the gesture as she strode through the marble halls. They never got boring, no matter how many times one strolled through them. Between the polished marble, the draping, fragrant lavender that Luna often hung up and the contrast between the stoic guards and the hustle and bustle of the castle servants, life here was never dull.

One thing that was on her mind however, was Luna’s retaliation.

Stella let out a small chuckle at her latest prank against her. After all the caffeine and pep pills she’d spiked her meal with, the alicorn was probably doing the salsa on the moon.

So her inevitable revenge ought to be good.

Well she would have loved breakfast, ya know, provided she hadn’t left her bloody wallet in the armory. So once she’d realised that, she headed there, eager to get her breakfast, despite the fact it was closer to noon…

Eh, that was a problem for ponies that didn’t have the day off.

She opened the door to see that a few Night Guard were still milling about. Some fresh faced recruits that were talking, but quickly snapped to attention and saluted their superior officer when she walked in.

“Aye, nice form, but I’m off duty,’ Stella waved a hand. “Jus’ gettin’ a thing, so as you were.”

The pair of stallions and the single mare nodded as they resumed their conversation. Stella was half-listening as she opened her locker and pulled out her bitpurse.

“So, when do you think I should go for it?” one stallion asked.

“When you’re not being such a pussy?” the mare said, getting a small amused snort from Stella. “Seriously, just ask her out. Maybe you’ll even get a hug or something on your first date~”

Stella froze, her hooves starting to move on their own as she approached the mare. The stallion that had been talking looked thoughtful, before blinking as the mare squeaked, pulled into a hug by Stel.

“L-Lieutenant?” the mare blushed. “Uuumm, what… are you doing?”

“Hugging apparently, dunno why,” Stella replied. This was the second time today. And while she was a friendly enough mare… most of the time, this was weird even by her standards. These three were a pegasus mare and two earth pony stallions. So, none of them could have used a spell on her.

So why?

“Um, okay… why?” the mare asked, somewhat awkwardly returning the hug as Stella nuzzled the crook of her neck. Hmm, she smelled like strawberries and vanilla.

“No idea,” Stella said truthfully. “I should stop in a minute.”

“Oh… kay?” the mare said, she looked at her friends for help, only to find them laughing their asses off. She deadpanned and frowned at them. “This is… kind of embarrassing Ma’am.”

“You and me both Private,” she said as she sat down, pulling the flustered pegasus pony with her as she snuggled on one of the bench seats. “You three tell anyone and I’ll kill yeh, yeh understand as such aye?”

“Ma’am… kinda hard to take you seriously when you’re hugging and petting me,” the other mare said.

Stella just sighed as she waited for whatever this was to pass.

Eventually it had, and the trio got a very loud and very irate ball-busting speech from Stella about telling nopony, or they’d be cleaning the latrines with their tongues for the rest of their natural lives.

But this was starting to worry her a little. Twice now, she’d hugged a random pony for no reason whatsoever. And she had no idea what was causing it. Emeralda hadn’t been so bad, but hugging the newbie in front of her peers had taken a chunk out of her reputation.

Okay, slight alteration to her day. First she’d get something to eat, then figure out what was happening to her.

Epona forbid she hug somepony really weird.

Stella finally made it to her eatery of choice. A nice little cafe that served some amazing breakfasts. Also helped that the tall, leggy mare that owned the place was as hot as Celestia’s sun and sweeter than sugar.

“Good morning Miss Stella,” Mocha Latte smiled at her as she strode in. ”One usual?”

“You bet sweetflanks~” Stella winked, Mocha blushing slightly and waving her off to a booth. That said, the normally quiet cafe was rather noisy.

Due to a small group of foals that was here with their teacher. At least half a dozen of the anklebiters were running here and there, and all of them stopped to look at the tall batpony mare that walked in.

“Whooaaaa!” a group of colts said. “Coooool!”

“She looks a lil scary though,” one filly said, hiding behind her teacher’s leg.

“Sorry,” the unicorn mare apologised. “I don’t think they’ve ever seen a batpony before.”

“Eh, s’fine,” she waved a hand. Honestly, she didn’t have much thoughts about foals, other than she didn’t want one. Getting pregnant would put the brakes on her career really Luna-damned fast.

But the one bright-eyed unicorn filly looked up at her, making the mare pause in her step. “Sup shortstack?” she said, looking down.

“Can I hug you?” the filly asked, her arms outstretched.

“I’msorrywhat?” the mare asked, but her body already moved on it’s own again, Stella leaning down as she hugged the giggle little unicorn. A cute purple thing with a blonde mane and tail. She was adorably cute and giggled more when Stella hugged her. “See, she ain’t scary!” she said to the others.

“Oh no…” Stella moaned as the others piled on, her arms moving to hug them all as they all joined in on the laughter, their teacher smiling as even the shy little filly joined in.

Well this was suitably mortifying. At least nopony was around to see her for this. Her rep would be utter shite if…

That was not a foal’s giggle. She turned to see Mocha standing there, a plate of eggs and hashbrowns in hand and giggling at the cute sight of Stella under a pile of foals.

“Tell… nopony…” Stella warned with a fierce glare.

“My lips are sealed,” Mocha giggled. “Your food is done, when you’re finished being all cute and fuzzy~”

Foul-mouthed as she was, Stella at least had the manners to hold her tongue around kids not of her tribe. Her thoughts were ranting up a storm though.

And like before, her body once again became her own as she finally released the kids and stood up, dusting herself off. “Righto, get back to yer teacher aye?”

“Yes Miss batpony!” they all said as they ran back to the teacher to tell her all about the nice mare.

“Honestly,” Stella sighed and shook her head as she sat in her booth, idly poking the scrambled eggs with a fork. What the bloody Tartarus was wrong with her today? Hugging everypony that asked for one? It was like…

Her eyes slowly widened, realization dawning on her like Celestia’s sun. This wasn’t normal. So what on Equus was causing… it…

Her left eye twitched and her jaw clenched so hard her teeth were protesting the imminent cracking.

Luna.

Mother. Fucking. Moonflanked bitch!

This was her doing. Stella didn’t know how. But she knew that she was behind this. Likely her retaliating prank. It was harmless enough, despite it ruining her reputation, pride and image.

But she’d better believe her big blue arse that she was going to pay for this!

Right, new strategy. She would return to the castle and hole herself up in her room. Hopefully whatever this was ran on a time limit. So all she had to do was wait it out.

Only she was on the other side of Canterlot.

Fuck.

Stealth.

Stealth was her goddamn middle name right now.

Stella Stealth Sabre.

“...I wanna punch me in the face fer that,” she muttered as she ducked in and out of alleyways, trying to keep out of sight and earshot of most ponies. She still didn’t know what triggered this hugging thing, so best to play it safe.

And so far so good. She didn’t feel that incessant need to hug someone.

Luna was gonna get hers. No doubts about that. That thrice-damned alicorn was going to pay dearly for this one!

Her ears flicked. Okay, so if she took this ally, it should lead around the main square and exit close to the Castle. A few more minutes and she’d be safe in her room, hugging her pillow instead of random strangers all day.

Then she turned as her eyes widened. “Oh you have GOT to be shittin’ me!” she cursed as she saw a crowd of people running down the alley. She turned, not wanting to get caught up in that as she exited at the nearest point…

And emerged right into the center of the plaza. Why were there so many damned ponies here!? And most of them were either stallions with cameras, or squealing fanfillies. Well no matter, she could just slip back into the alley and make a break for the castle. Hell, she’d snuck away easier and she was drunk at the time…

Then she saw why. Fleur De Lis, the most popular and famous model in Canterlot. Shit, she was probably the most popular mare next to the Princesses. Currently the mare was in the middle of a public photo shoot, wearing a long, flowing cobalt dress that hugged and accentuated her lovely curves.

All in all, she was a goddamn sexy mare…

But this was bad. There were a lot of ponies around now. And all it would take is a single word for her to endure a rather sightly and very public hugfest. She was tempted to just take flight and book it back to the Castle, but that might draw more attention to herself.

Fluer's manager, a loud and boisterous Germane mare named Photo Finish, hopped up onto the side of the fountain. “Now!” she called out. “Ve shall get somepony from ze crowd to get a photo with Mizz Fluer. A once in a lifetime opportunity! Now, who would like to come and embrace ze magicks?”

“Ohno… ohnonono!” Stella murmured as she felt her body tingle, her legs turning as she took a backseat, her form pushing through the crowd and through to where the unicorn supermodel was waiting. As Stella burst through the crowd, Photo’s eyes locked onto her… maybe. It was hard to tell with those oversized shades on.

"Mmm, zis is interesting," Photo strode over to Stella, hemming and hawing over her. Sizing the mare up. Please no…

"Yes! You vill do nicely indeed!"

Fuck!

She literally pushed Stella over to where Fleur sat on the side of the square's large fountain. She smiled politely as Stella was seated next to her. It was rather picturesque really. Two beautiful mares seated on the stunning fountain in the city square. The bright sunlight providing the perfect illumination. Stella's current attire of a sleeveless shirt and cargo pants was quite the contrast to Fleur's stunning summer dress. But it somehow worked.

"Now, let us make ze magicks!" Photo declared as she pulled out her camera, and Stella could feel the burning, jealous gaze of Fleur's adoring fans on her.

More than anything was the embarrassment. Stella liked looking nice and all, but this sort of girly stuff was a bit much.

"Just enjoy it," Fleur smiled gently at her. "I will admit, I've never had a photoshoot with a Thestral before. It's a little passionnante~"

"Not exactly the word I'd use tae describe it lass," Stella mumbled.

"Nein!" Photo declared and sighed. "Vere is ze passion! Ze embrace!"

"....fuuuck," Stella groaned as her body enacted on the now-familiar routine. She put her arms around the beautiful unicorn model, taking her into a gentle embrace as the crowd rippled with surprised gasps as the sheer audacity of the batpony.

"Oh mon, une telle audace~" Fleur giggled, apparently rolling with this unexpected turn of events. She even returned the hug and smiled as Photo Finish went crazy with the camera, clicking like mad, as if it would be the last one's she ever took.

Stella blushed hard as all she could do was simply let it happen.

Luna was going to pay for this. Dearly.

Stella's glare could melt solid steel right now. She'd endured over an hour of that crazy Alemaneian mare taking her photo, before she and the model had rushed away for their next appointment. Stella bailed as quick as she could before the rabid fans ripped her apart.

Now she walked through the Castle's main gate, swearing and muttering under her breath. Her day off ruined and an alicorn's murder to plot. Regicide was gonna be the high note to end this fucking travesty of a day.

It was a little after six now. The sister's should be eating dinner together before Luna started up Night Court.

Turning down the hall, she ignored the odd looks she was getting from the posted guards, before practically kicking the dining hall door in.

The waiter serving the Princesses jumped at her sudden entrance, but the Alicorns themselves seemed unfazed.

"So," Luna said with a smug smile that only boiled the bats blood harder. "I heard you had an interesting day Stellaluna."

"Oh don't you even fuckin start!" Stella roared. "Also, permission to speak frankly yer Highness."

"Permission granted, don't mind me one bit," Celestia giggled, spearing her chocolate cake slice with a fork. "Have at it Lieutenant."

"Thank ye kindly," Stella said and looked to Luna. "What the absolute dried cunt crust of a fucking whore was THAT!?"

"Mmm, I'm not entirely sure what you mean," Luna mused, sipping her coffee. "Did something happen, o'trusted Guard of mine?"

"Oh don't gimme that 'I don't know shite' spiel ya fucking moon humpin' cunt! Ye know exactly what I'm feckin' talkin about!"

"Mmm," Luna set her mug down and grinned. "Perhaps I do. Something about a little enchantment? Perhaps to liven up your day a little?"

"Oooh, I fuckin' knew it!" Stella riposted with the verbal fire of a thousand suns. "You better watch yer feckin' arse this time Luna. This shite's gone way too far!"

"I was very careful that only harmless intentions would trigger it," Luna said with a smile and looked past where Stella was standing. "And I had a trusted friend tail you… just in case something went awry."

"....Friend?" Stella turned her head. Midnight Song stood in the doorway, blowing her a kiss and waving. "She'd have made it fuckin WORSE!"

"Come now, it was a harmless prank," Luna said with a smile. "I put the moon into a spiral last night because I was so overtired because of you. Then licked a patron on the cheek because she looked like a giant icecream cone. Turnabout is fair play~"

"....Alright fair," Stella groaned. "Fer fuck's sake though. I'm gonna go to bed. This shite better be worn off by the time I wake up."

"Yes yes, a twenty four hour time limit," Luna giggled. "Oh, Stella. Before you go…"

Stella turned her head to see the alicorn's shit eating grin.

Luma spread her arms. "How about a hug for a dear friend~?"

"FUUUUCK YOOOU!" Stella yelled, even as her body walked towards her…

End.