Day to day life in a weird world

by Scriptz Error

Rating: mature
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Slice of Life, Death, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Romance, Original Character
Length: 5082

Me a human, in the crazy wacky world that is Equestria, you'd be laughing if it actually wasn't so...lonely, crazy right? Well it is, I'm Jack and honestly? I'm not worried about my safety but about my mental health

Here I am in this unfamiliar weird world full of colorful horses and magical demi-gods with seemingly no limits to it's beauty and stupidity.

And for once i'd like to kinda just feel that happiness every other horse gets with those dumb stupid lopsided smiles but even with those infectious laughs and stupid grins i can't seem to really keep it for much longer than after the moment i got it.

Yeah pretty depressing huh? Well I'll just go through the motions and keep going because honestly? I'll just keep going downhill from here...too bad I can't seem to get any higher

Jack's the name and depression is my game

This will be a story heavily on the slice of life tag and a story of trying to overcome depression:twilightsmile:

Also constructive critism is valued and wanted so don't be afraid to say something, this is my first story in a long time

Published 2020-09-24 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-29 08:24:46 UTC

Chapter 1- Waking up to a new day

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEE-
A slam could be heard from outside my- WONDERFUL- -aboad that I own, it was me, I made that slam...I guess that's kinda all I can input as a thought for this morning huh?

...

"Damn I really need breakfast more than I thought" I grumbled to myself while I began to prepare my arms to bring me up when I realized something, after a long pause-

Cue the groaning

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh but that would mean I'd have to get up.", Not that I thought the simple task was meaningless or hard it's just the parts afterward that I disliked

"Buuuuuuuuut if I were to stay in the comfort and softness of this blanket, so nice." Annnnnd train of thought process gone "What if I were to just take a couple seconds in soaking this wonderfully crafted creation made of cotton, j-just for a bit of course, yes just for a-" a yawn came from my mouth as if my body was telling me I knew where this was going, which to be fair I did

"-bit." and thus the day went back to being another normal Saturday.

"Wait", my mind now slowly working it's cognitive powers, were starting to tell me something...work

A universal sound of stress exiting the body could be heard, it was a sigh, a sigh of many I've made so nothing new but a sad sigh nonetheless, a sigh of disappointment and strength losing within the breeze of the air lost to time as the story behind such loss of hope.

"Okay let's not oversell this too brain" I spoke aloud in the attempt- sadly in vain-to combat my over attentive brain because I mean, what else are you gonna do when your alone and need to start working

"Shit, work" Mentally cursing but also thanking myself for remembering

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd there goes my wonderful me time albeit brief but sweet isolation from other people, I stood up out of bed and walked down stairs to be welcomed by the living room.

And thus started my daily routine of putting out good ol' reliable cereal. Grabbing it on hand while it was on a stool next to my couch from..last night's attempt to forget.

"Not like I hate people or anyone in particular, I just dislike being an odd one out in almost anything" I said to justify my disinterest in socializing I chuckled, I always seem to try to justify my thoughts so I can reassure myself I'm doing something right.

I began to walk over to the kitchen which wasn't big itself but it blended with the living room seemingly well so I didn't complain much, I stared at it for a bit rather than making a mere glance...much.

I mean to their credit I'd be a lot more scared and concerned that a alien claiming to be of a different world was just brought here out of the blue. I thought as I scavenged for any milk that may have thought it was free from my reign of hunger and thirst.

"heh" I allowed myself to laugh a little at that as I held the lone survivor within my hands as a reward for my successful search.

Then I poured the universal drink into my bowl filled with "Celestia's treasury of sugars" I frowned, "I should've probably picked something more healthy" I said while staring at the the imagery of the white horse but after a long pause I continued my motions as normal so that I don't lose track of time and while putting away the cereal box I pondered what my original thought was until it clicked.

As I picked up my spoon I finished my last thought with a heartfelt tone of sincerity and warmth , "I guess that just goes to show how peaceful and wonderful they are" I began eating but pondered why I suddenly went from the idiotic rambles of my normalness to something so...real, something so sincere of sheer gratitude and love.

When I was finished drinking the milk I began to think aloud again "Maybe I should thank Twilight and her friends today, just to stop by and say thanks for everything leading up to this, it's the least I could do since they've helped with everything" I for once in a long, long time since I came here even dating back to when I was where I was supposed to be, smiled, a genuine heartfelt smile of content of pure love and appreciation.

"Brain that was one of the most if not, best idea you've had since we've gotten here"

No problem man, that's what I'm here for.

I began to pick up my bowl and turned around and spoke again out loud to distract myself from focusing on the sentimentality of it for too long "Man if I was more sane I'd probably be questioning why I need my brain to avoid my loneliness." Then I bent my head over forward and stopped in a standing position with bowl still in hand in front of the sink, shocked with mouth open, realizing how suddenly dark that came out to be than it was a joke, then I was reminded how hurtful the world is.

"Even if this is a new start. it's living beings in general that make the world a little more cruel". As I washed the bowl I suddenly thought of something and it slipped through my lips

"And ironically enough make it a bit more warm and less deserted". I blew raspberry from how that sounded, so clingy and touchy, and true.

As I finished washing the bowl I went to the closet to gather my clothes.

To any outsider they would seem like odd tatters of something that was used to be but I was no ordinary outsider no, no, no I am a connoisseur! A man OF TASTE!

Annnnnd also needing of new clothes, I knew that, I wasn't an idiot...okay I'm not THAT much of an idiot but me being a procrastinator and all I pushed this job to today instead of yesterday because I was NOT gonna handle something like this after the day I had and honestly I don't even want to remember it due to how exerting and painstaking the day was.

As I wore my (holed up shirt) I began to make sure everything was in order within the house, sure it sounds stupid since I didn't exactly have much and the idea of anything being misplaced is kind of zero to none since I don't exactly leave everything on the ground but it wasn't merely about the items or the possession of having them it was more sentimental than that, it was home.

I looked at the clock hanging on the wall near my the kitchen, "Shit".

Home that it is I needed to get to work, No matter how comfortable that dastardly bed is, I still have responsibilities and besides, I can't exactly stay in one place with my thoughts alone,

"That would be a nightmare" I stated as I opened the front door to a shining new day with no frown to keep me down, Today was a good day, I can tell, I thought as I closed the door behind me to start my new optimistic view.

Author's Note

A new chapter to a new story that (I hope) will do well

Chapter 2- Working towards that perfect day

As I walked out I felt the sun's rays hit me, it has been awhile before I really focused on it, to feel the sun's warmth and innocence onto my face and body it was...nice to say the least and since my day barely began I felt like it was a good sign that this nice gesture will not be the last.

While usually I disliked the idea of the sun hitting my face first thing in the morning I'll accept this intrusion, "Just this once" I said in a whisper of content and awe. Although that's not the only calming thing to greet me, along the trip from my house to Applejack's farm I usually like to find solace through the walk to my destination, the forest was always so calm and the sun would like to spread it's warmth to even the coldest places so the end result was the beauty of my path.

The sun's rays would shine out through the tree's leaves leaving strands of sunlight throughout the path, it was almost as if the sunlight and forest mended together to build the beauty of the view that it was, the end result was as if it was from a fairy tale, the forest never having something to really stick out to the road creating hazards but tree's growth was evident, their branches would grow outward and their leaves with the branches creating a sort of arc as if it was a blanket of protection and the only clear sign of it not being completely hole less was the sun's light seeping into the vulnerable patches. To say it was calming and beautiful would be understatement and I would be lying if I always appreciated it for what it was, I used to be worse, much worse.

"I guess that just goes to show how much I've improved" I said to myself while walking through the breathless sight that the world gave me, I guess I just forgot to see the beauty the world gave me.

As much as I'd like to savor the piece of art that the travel was it ended far quicker than I'd like and I still have much ground to cover so I continued onto Ponyville, much like any other day I would wave to any passersbys that gave enough time to smile or wave to me, I've been through the market and streets enough to know how long It'd take to get to Applejack's farm, but I can't help but feel like something's different, something off place and subtle. But I keep moving on regardless, while it's always fun to the abnormalities that Ponyville always gets, including me, I don't exactly have time to spare so I put that feeling aside so I can focus on work for the "now" and work on the "Later" after work.

I soon found my two feet hitting the path that was laid down to direct any new comers that they had reach Applejack's farm. Usually I didn't take a glance over Applejack's farm but I've already looked outside of my normal perspective so why not indulge in a little more of my out of character detailing. Applejack's Orchid had plenty of trees, enough that I personally think could fill this whole town's hunger for days, of course It may be a hyperbole but nonetheless it was quite big, it seemed like it went on for days, I used to wonder how they ever bucked them so quickly that they did, it was so astonishing to me but now? I see it as normal as the Applejack does since I now know the secret to the technique and is now even involved in the progress.

I mean how else was I going to gain bits?...Why am I questioning this again? Maybe due to the fact that I want to know if I can be worth more, to know that if I ever did want to become something more that I'd fill the role perfectly with some weird unrealistic power to be so good at some task that ~~-everyone~~ er, Everypony would be so astounded by my capabilities, that they'd think I was so much more than they originally thought. Alas that is far from the truth, while I may have an edge of sorts on certain areas of work I am, and still just the average person from an average part of the world that just so happened to be tossed around like a rag doll till I stopped, puked, and realized I got transported here. I really wished I got at least some super powers, I mean really? Teleporting to a whole new world! And I still stay the same dull me, so unfair. But I guess it's sorta worth it since I'm here. Just so odd to me, I mean magic, talking horses, and super hero's are real things in this world and here I am in the midst of all this, just a worthle-No I won't go there, I'll just focus on work and distract myself.

"Well howdy' Jack, ya seem to keeping up appearances less and less on time, wanna maybe tell me about it?" The southern accent while used to catch me off guard now had no longer any effect, especially since her statement was true, I have been getting less and less on time but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to, she held a stern look at the end of that statement well at least that's what I expected, I couldn't and didn't wanna check because I suddenly found anything else more interesting than looking at her, scratching my head I replied with a more apologetic tone.

"Heh sorry Applejack, guess I just didn't sleep well last night" Which was also true

"Sugar cube be honest with me, what's going on?" She wore a sincere smile filled with nervousness but genuine want to see me happy, I guess she just seems to have that effect huh? If she wasn't an element of honesty and a colorful horse in a weird world I would be more inclined to ask how her face can direct such an emotion so strongly.

"While I appreciate the concern Applejack I am by no means in the need of the consideration" I ended the statement with a proud smile and stance; my chest puffed out to say I stand well now, only seemed to make her push her face closer in contemplation so I added an extra pinch of "trust me".

"I won't be late next time I promise and I'll try to not be late any other time, really I'm fine" I said with a more shift to sincerity and honesty, something she could see for herself for comfort.

"Well ah guess I'll trust ye for now but If you ain't here by 2 tomorrow ya won't be just getting a stern talking" She said with a more serious tone and made sure to emphasize that I really shouldn't try to test her, I chuckled a little out of nervousness before I talked.

"Well I don't plan to miss out on missing out anymore" A little awkward silence continued due to the no real substance the statement was, "Sooooooooooooooo, to the apples?" I asked with nervousness and questioningly in my voice very well evident, I felt like I was going to be turned into stone if she kept her stare on me for any longer. Only after a small silence did she become less stern and smooth out her face and replied with a simple nod and a noise of confirmation.

"Well uh see you at dinner at 5 o'clock?" I asked to just smooth out any remaining bits of the serious confrontation

"Eeeyup" She responded which I could've sworn was Big Mac instead.

I sighed knowing at least she wasn't mad at me enough to stop me from having dinner with her family after work like usual, sure it was just paranoia of letting her down or thinking I made our friendship worse but I just wanted to reassure myself, friendship was still kind of weird, well at least true friendship anyways and also having one of your best friends as your boss.

Chapter 3- A little unease and worry

My job is pretty simple, well as simple as "bucking" trees to gather apples but most times I feel like I need to work more than that by any means, I mean it means a lot to me that Applejack would let me near her farm let alone work in it and I feel like I don't show my gratitude to that enough...I really should start showing more compassion to these ponies but I feel so displaced and I feel like I unearned their trust and kindness like there's something behind the pleasant words and commodities, I know that's just me but this kind of warning has been so drilled into my mind that I can't help but listen to it and have distance between me and them like the moment I accept their pleasantries I won't be able to come back and that scares me.

A sigh came from my mouth again, "I really should stop thinking like this" I said aloud to no one in particular, I always do this, make a big deal out of something so small and my anxiety goes up and then everything after that is just crumbled. I feel so guilty for being here, to be in this world of love and peace and leave to where I used to be; a cold unforgiving world with pain that everyone is just trying to mend.

...
Mayyyyybe I should just focus on the work and stop from this line of thinking, I promised myself I'd try harder.

But I can't really help it, the days seem to go slower and mold together with memory, I can't remember when I last bought essential items like food or clothing and that should already be red flags but I can't help but just seem so deflated with the tasks, I just..I don't like where my days are going and it all seems to get worse like when I first got here. The day when I was so filled with emotions that I kept bottled up and-

I slapped my cheeks both side with both hands. No, Just keep going Jack just keeping going and you'll see a light at the end like you always told yourself.

..But how many times did I expect light when darkness only greeted me?

I for once didn't reply to myself, I could easil-no no no

I really need to stop thinking about this, the more and more I focus on it the more it spirals out and-

"JACK!", My first reaction is have my anxiety skyrocket and immediately move my legs but thanks to my visits with Fluttershy I merely took a millisecond to calm my nerves and process what's happening.

I turn my head to the left, "Yesss?" I hissed obviously peeved that Applejack had to ye-wait Applejack? Fuc-

"Finally ya outta ye daydream, Granny Smith,Apple Bloom, and Big Mac were worrying over what happened to ya! And here I found ya just bucking the same tree." She was clearly peeved so I did the most reasonable thing.

"Sorry" I winced knowing that saying sorry wasn't going to cut it so I moved my hand to scratch Applejack's left ear

"Yo-oh ohhh" She swatted my hand with her hoof, "Gosh darnit Jack!" She stomped her front hooves on the ground and took up a stern look with a obvious frown, "This ain't just about work anymore, I'm startin' ta get worried and don't just say you're fine because ya can't lie to the element of honesty."

"Uh well" I'm cornered, I can't just brush this off sine she was already tipped off by my tardiness and there's no way I can lie my way out of this one but I can't exactly talk about this, I mean I think Applejack's great but I can't exactly explain and make it easy to understand because even I don't understand half of what it is.

"I uh" I tried to think of something ANYTHING

Then a sigh came out and her face softened, "Sugar cube I understand if ya don't want to talk bout' it now but me and the gals are starting to get worried and this wouldn't be the first time ya shut yourself out from us, ya barely out and bout' so at least talk to one of us."

I took a pause to take this into account, I mean sure I don't really go out but there's a good reason, I don't have anything to do outside I mean any activities outside that don't have a purpose within work is just to play games or hangout with frie-

...
Wow...Immense realization has never hit me harder than it did just now. I-I don't go out because I don't have friends, and as much as that sounds stupid and ridiculous and very sad It never hit me until now, the reason I was so easily able to stay at home was because I had plenty I could do inside without friends and I could make friends online but here? I'm alone, I-I mean I always knew I was alone but the sudden realization of how lonely i-is startling.

"I-I..wow uh I think I uh" all just fumbles of words could come out of my mouth, I always thought I was just odd so there was no point but now, now it's like tons of bricks just dropped onto me, to know that I've been alone for most of my life is not just so-so-so soul crushing.

"Sugar cube, Just promise me ya tell of the girls.", she seemed so concerned and worried about me, it was refreshing but sad, to think I've tried to distant myself from this is-but my mind always want to remind me why I distance myself like this, why I should keep having my distance between me and this world.

"I will Applejack", those simple three words seem to make her relax completely.

"Well we outta go for supper" she looked up to the sky which was starting to have a orange hue, "And it seems we better mosy on over if we don't wanna keep them waitin'."

"Yeah yeah I get it, I'm the bad guy" I said in a joking manner, but truth be told I did feel a bit bad but that was set aside to the reality of what I just learned, I'm alone..I really am alone.

Chapter 4- Is it weird to feel alone?

It's Sunday and I wake up to-

To-

Uh, I guess I dont really wake up to anything huh? I mean I never wake up to anything so why did I expect a change?

...
Maybe I only really woke up just now to this?

Well great, wake up to a depressing realization, awesome. It's just a thought like always so no reason to dwell on it.

...
Yet it keeps nagging at me, nowadays I feel like I'm missing something, something I haven't had for awhile but what? At first I thought it was just because Luna talked to me about my dreams a month ago but that I felt like I missed my chance to tell her something, but it's not just that, it can't be because I feel it everyday so it can't be just about her. But It's still attached to her and not just her but me and Fluttershy, and Applejack and-

Wow.

Maybe I've just holding it inside, feeling so hollow, I mean I never realized but I'm just going through the motions and not the dull boring tasks but just everything in general, no motive, no reason, just eat sleep and work but I've never had a reason to keep doing it all. Maybe there isn't, maybe all there is, is loneliness for me. I'm alone, I've been taken from my family with all the culture and work and...happiness.

Back home, back at my bed there was my online friends, chats and games, I used to socialize even if it was a small bit, there I made the active choice to try and that constant want to try made me get through middle school, high school, and I was sorta ready to keep going.

But here? It's all so foreign and scary. I hate to be honest but it's all so trusting and unfamiliar, I'm so tired of constantly feeling like my emotions will slip and everything will just crumble around me like I will cause all the sweetness to go away.

I hate feeling like I cause things out of my control and I hate it even more when it is in my control and I can't do shit!

"I-I" I choked out in a sob.

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, great! Now I'm crying like a bitch!, I-i can't even keep myself together from just thinking about the bad stuff. Why couldn't I just look at the bright side of all this? It's so meaningless to think about all of this, why think about my family? Why think about the relationships I could've had? Why want a companion with comfort?

"W-w-why want friends?" I laughed bitterly at that, why? Why why why?

It feels so dumb to want this, to want fullfiment in life because in all honestly I wasnt going to get any of it...not the way I am, not the way I handle things, not the passion I have now. BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING! SO WHY!

"why?", I feel sick, I feel like my body is shutting down, I close my eyes to shut off my vision, for a second I just want to feel like I can't be seen, so that I can feel like I'm the only one in the world so that it can give me an excuse to wallow over my own stupid wants and desires. I lay down back in bed and I relax, over all the tears that spilled freely and even more coming I, out of all things at this moment, just wanted peace, just to sleep no matter how long or how short

"when do I get to be happy", I whisper so small so insignificant that I'm not even a mouse could hear it and to be honest? I wouldn't want it any other way, because I know I shouldn't show this side of me, to any creature no matter how big or small.

The last thought before I cried myself to sleep was the, 'When do I get to be happy?'

I open my eyes and I could immediately tell I was in a dream, one of few to little, due to the fact that when I opened my eyes I was greeted to a familiar ceiling with glow in the dark stars that clung to the ceiling.

Home.

That was the immediate thought that came, my childhood bedroom had stars that would light up in the dark so that I wouldn't be afraid of the dark when I was small and it was pretty cool to think of it as the outside when I laid in bed while listening to depressing songs. I slowly stood up knowing if this was up to my recollection then I'd like to review the nostalgia. Infront of my bed stood my black wooden desk with my desktop underneath in a small compartment on the right of it and to the left stood my notebooks of drawings that I did during school, well more like doodles since they didnt amount to anything but they were somewhat special to me nonetheless. On top of the desk at the middle stood my 27 inch screen, ah the constant shouting of who betrayed who on such simple games. And to the left of the desk stood my drawer but I mean it's just clothes so why even bother looking into it, but for the real nostalgia came from the closet to the right of the desk, taking a step inside I reached for the top where a simple wood plank served as a sheld of sorts only being upheld by the wood pole that served as the placement for the hangers. On the top I found something so forgettable, so minuscule but held so much memories, I found a CD bag where it would have multiple slots for CD's on each page and it was filled with nostalgic and never touched CD's alike, merely nostalgic because of the movies that I used to watch as a kid when TV wasn't a option due to my family's economic problems. It was odd to see movies I never truly got a grasp on concept wise but years later seem to understood the deep meaning of the story. But the most personal and intimate thing about all of this was it all felt so real, I could really feel the CD'S, I could really feel the wood on the desk or the metal on the machine that gave me access to people around the globe and I could really FEEL the emotions welling up in me. I sat back down to my bed, the CD bag still in hand, relaxed and began to lay down to take all this memory in, only that began to come into mind. All this was a dream, no matter how much I wanted it to be real again, no matter how I wanted to make it all feel like I was back home where I could talk to my online friends again, I was merely in a dream with no idea how long the simple heaven would last.

A knock came from the door, and from instinct of countless alarmed moments from my middle school years I asked, "W-who is it?" I asked quickly and concerningly.

But then my mind took control again, who could It be? Wait this was a dream right?

Then a throat was cleared from behind the door,"It is I Jack, I wish to speak to you about your dreams as of late. I know you have told Us that the particular matter is sensitive but I feel as it is my duty to make sure you are safe from nightmares as a Princess and a friend, We also believe We may need to speak to you on a personal matter, as a friend."

A sigh came from my mouth because I mean what else of a noise would I be making?

"Door is open", the knob turned and somehow I knew this was going to be a long night.

Author's Note

Wrote this at 1:23 am so if I made inconsistencies or errors please tell me so I dont look like an idiot for keeping them.

Alright good night!