Luna had always wanted to shoot for the moon as a filly, ambitious by nature. She had many dreams when she was young; getting her cutie mark in something grand, powerful magic, falling in love, ruling her ponies. Those dreams died one by one, starting at the age of five.
Celestia, by herself, raised the sun one day, getting her cutie mark as well. She could remember that day so clearly. The utter shock, you could see it on their pale faces, dropped jaws, and complete silence. Luna swore that at that moment you could drop a pin and hear it in Tartarus.
Luna could remember the utter, unfiltered joy as Star Swirl the bearded and serious bounced around like a small filly. He practically skipped in circles, crying tears of joy, hooting, and hollering. "Hazza for Celestia! Hazza!" No creature blamed him either, many others joined him.
No more would unicorns be drained of their magic, sometimes draining it permanently. All of Equestria partied, they partied for several days. So much food was consumed that you'd think their stomachs were black holes. So many drinks were had that no one creature could fully remember that party, they were just so happy that this weight was no longer holding them down.
After the party calmed down, and hangovers cured, Celestia became the center of attention once more. This task was a great one, a task considered to be fit for a god. Thus, she was treated that way, it started off small. Heartfelt thanks and praises, Luna could remember the sound that teardrops made when they dropped onto polished oak flooring.
Then came the lavish gifts. Exotic and expensive foods, toys, clothing, and books. Then Celestia was offered tutorship by non-other than the best of scholars, Star Swirl, Randi, and even her father Cosmos. Not to mention the attention of many a stallion when she grew of age.
That was ok, it really was because Luna got her cutie mark too, all by herself. One night she was watching some unicorns raise the moon. Suddenly Luna just felt a tug, on her very soul like she should be the one to lift it. Like it was her destiny, she was filled with hope.
That night she raised the moon all by herself, her cutie mark reflected that. Her heart dropped so hard and fast it left her winded, a small smile flashed onto her face. Luna ran to her father so fast that many servants were run over, a cart of cabbages knocked over in her wake. The doors to her father's throne flung open so hard that the dents made on that wall were still there. All you had to do was look.
Tears ran down Luna's face, she was happy. "Father! Look!" Luna said jumping for joy, she had magic just as powerful and important as her sister’s. She stopped as soon as she realized that her father wasn't giving her the reaction she had hoped for.
A small smile, a little sigh of relief, and a "thank goodness, I'm sure the Moon Crew will be happy. They must be exhausted." That was the end of that, no party, no attention except from the six unicorns that made up the Moon Crew. Turned out raising the moon cost less than raising the sun, it was rare that lifting the moon would drain a unicorn. It was a lot safer to rise then the sun.
That was ok, really it was because at least Luna would get to pursue her magic. Even though it was not grand, or powerful she was sure it could become that way. With the right teachers, she could be something wonderful. Luna never got that chance as she was passed up every time for her sister, because of the sun. The magic of the sun was important, fiery, fierce.
So only Celestia got tutored, no matter what. Even if Celestia spoke up, probably due to the pity she felt for her sister, or because she felt guilty. At least that's what Luna thought every time Celestia did something for her, sharing her presents, trying to get her tutor time. Who knew maybe mother was forcing her to do so?
Luna's only option was to scour the trash, and that she did. There she found old textbooks, ones that Celestia didn't need anymore. So Luna trashed picked, it wasn't fun the trash was sometimes ranker then her sister's attitude. Luna laughed at her own joke 'good one' she thought to herself. Discord would love that joke, a distaste for Celestia is something they both shared.
So Luna dove into her books, making sure to hide them under her mattress when she was done, she studied hard, practiced harder. Levitating the pillows in her room over and over until her spell was flawless. Then she would move onto the next spell, and the spell after that, and the spell after that.
The spell that benefited her the most, a thinning spell. One she used on a closet wall. A closet that was right next to Celestia's lessons, she would use that spell and then put her ear up to the wall. Jotting down whatever she could. It was kinda fun, she was like a spy.
She took what she learned, and just started mixing and matching deep in the woods. She always snuck out with ease, so much ease Luna wondered in any creature even noticed she was gone. She was glad she was in the woods her first spell left a hole in the ground and a burnt tree, but she kept trying. All-day she tried, nothing worked until it turned tonight. Suddenly her spells worked flawlessly, she did amazing things with her magic. She changed the full moon to a half, then to a crescent, and decided she loved it. Soon the moon had phases.
She wondered what else she could do, so she tried everything. Guess after guess until suddenly the stars moved. Her jaw dropped, she, she just moved the stars. Excited she tried, again and again, moving them with ease.
Luna decided to go down this path of discovery and soon enough she was not just moving stars she was making them. Ending the night having made two brand-new constellations. Luna admitted they were not very creative, a dipper. She had soup for supper that day and couldn't stop thinking about it. Still, though, she was proud.
Then it was time, she could feel the sunrise and then nothing as she passed out on the ground. Waking up in a strange foreign land. Balls of light surrounded her, floating by her head every so often. It was like watching fireflies dance about during the night. It was beautiful, breathtaking. Looking closer at these bubbles showed ponies and that was the day Luna discovered she could walk through dreams and control her own.
Until a stallion, a handsome stallion that filled Luna's every thought, even in the dreamscape where she played with her ponies every night without the risk of getting caught. His image followed her everywhere, even though she tried her best not to think of him. His dark coat, his tone muscles, the glint in his sharp teeth, those red eyes.
Everything about him made Luna feel just a bit lighter. She started using her dreamscape to imagine her life with him until she had it scripted out. It would be perfect, love, a family of their own, everything she could have wanted.
That's when she knew she had to ask him out, so she did, in her dreamscape. She did it over and over and over until she had that scripted too. The next day she went to breakfast, her heart light and hopeful. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen her sister, they had grown cold and distant over the years. Her only friend was the neighborhood friendly chaos lord and hopefully this stallion. "Morning sister."
"Hello sister, thy seem chipper today. What is on thou mind?"
Luna giggled a blush formed on her cheeks, "a stallion. Dear Sister, I think I have a chance." Luna shifted on her hooves, ready to take on the day. Ready for life, ready for love.
"Oh, we shall have to go on a double date, dearest sister." Luna knew that look on Celestia's face, her wide smile as she talked. The blush that followed on her face, a stallion.
"Oh, thy have a stallion? Tell me who!"
"Sombra."
It took everything Luna had not to collapse into a sobbing mess right then and there. Pulling the calmest demeanor she could she stated "oh, well I hope thou are happy together. We shall see after I ask him. Wish me luck, sister."
"Good luck, sister."
The worst part was Luna could hear the sincerity in her sister's voice as she left the table, running for her room. As soon as the door closed behind her the tears flowed. She pressed her muzzle to the pillow firmly so her wales couldn't be heard. Her only consolation until Discord showed up for their daily dose of fun. No matter how hard he tried, she just couldn't stop the tears from coming.
That was ok, really it was because Luna moved on, of course, it still stung but even though her sister was distant, and she and Discord made fun of her. Celestia was still her sister, and Luna still loved her enough to let go of the love she held for Sombra. She could see how happy he made her. It was worth it until they broke up.
Luna had overheard it from one maid talking to another, banished to the Crystal Empire. Luna had no idea what for, but she was more heartbroken than ever. She spent most of the night crying softly into her pillows, that was until Discord showed up the next day. Once more for their daily dose of fun.
That was ok, really it was because at least Luna could move on now. She still had Discord, and her pillow, a pillow named Squashed. Luna named it herself, a sassy salty pillow.
At least Luna thought she could move on, every stallion that came to the castle, that gave her attention, that she fell for. Ended up with her sister. Most of them Luna didn't get the chance to ask out. All of them ended in messy and complicated breakups. All left Luna heartbroken, her pillow used more for crying than sleeping. Discord more used to seeing her a sobbing mess, then the hopeful filly she once was.
Then she didn't have him, Celestia came running in one day telling her Discord was taking over. Luna didn't want to believe it. Discord was odd-looking sure, rude sure, but not evil. She ran outside to see the chaos rain down upon Canterlot, a growing town.
She just couldn't believe it, there he was with this look in his eyes. She had seen it before, insanity, chaos had taken his mind. Luna had tried to help him with that, but it wasn't enough.
She and her sister scoured for answers ending up with the elements. Luna used them in hopes to cure Discord, have him come back to her. When she opened her eyes, he was stone. She shot an angry stare at her sister.
"HOW COULD YOU?!" She roared with rage slamming the elements in her magic down onto the ground. It was a small miracle they didn't break.
The elements were all about intent, or so Luna learned. How could she just do that to him? Luna didn't talk to her sister for a very long time. She refused to.
That was ok, really it was because she had her ponies, her dreamscape. There she could do anything, could be anyone, she dreamt Discord was back, she dreamt she fell in love, she dreamt that she was loved.
She hopped from dream to dream, having the time of her life. Helping good dreams become better and helping fight off nightmares.
Until Apple Pine happened, he had a nightmare. Of course, Luna helped, entering lavishly and comedically like she always did. She hopped and skipped through the dream with an ego so big Discord would be jealous, if he was around. To think of him stung her so, but she re-centered herself on the nightmare.
She blasted her magic like she always did, but it didn't work. Why didn't it work? Luna focused more and tried again, she dropped the silly act for another act entirely. Panic. No matter how hard Luna tried she couldn't get the nightmare to go away, instead she watched it unfold before her.
Apple Pine was surrounded by loved ones, "we hate you, why are you like this, why don't you just go away." He cowered in the corner as they crowded around him "useless, you are useless, just look at you, a waste of bits you are, a waste of air. How could you? How could you exist?"
Tears streamed down Apple's face as he tried to justify himself. "I was just trying to help."
"We don't want your help, we don't want you," said the collective mass of all the ponies Apple had ever loved, their eyes red, their faces twisted with rage.
Luna couldn't watch anymore she poured everything she had into not fighting the nightmare but stopping it instead, in turn, she was thrown out of the dream realm. She got her things, and scoured until she found Apple Pine in the real world. He was hiding under his bed, Luna did what she could for him. Opting to stay there for a couple of days, keeping an eye on him, trying to make his dreams the best she could, to help him recover.
Unfortunately, his psyche was too broken from it, and soon he chose to live far, far away from society, from his loved ones. Luna followed him of course, visiting time to time, trying her best to help him in any way she could. Eventually, he did get better, but he never fully recovered.
That was ok, really it was because Luna vowed she would never let that happen again. She had no idea dreams could affect a pony in such a way, that they were that important. That her ponies could suffer from them, never again.
At the cost of her own mental health, she fought nightmare after nightmare, tooth, and nail. Never again would she let another pony get hurt under her watch. This was her magic therefore this was her responsibility. She kept that promise since then, even now, even today.
Today, she thought of those past events, why? She felt the need to reflect as she stared at the bodies of her parents. Cold and still, they had passed away. They were old and sick. It was expected, what wasn't expected was they passed halfway through their goodbyes.
Celestia was first, they were telling her how great she was, how proud they were, and then they just stopped existing. Luna never got the chance to say anything to her parents, or to Celestia. It was the first time Luna had seen her since Discord was turned to stone.
That was ok, really it was because Luna knew in her heart they loved her in their own way. At least that's what she told herself, whatever worked, right?. Even with them gone, even if they had never loved her, she at least had her ponies and her ponies had her. She had protected them with her everything, she couldn’t wait to rule them.
Luna woke up the next day a little late, She groggily got out of bed. Walking down the hallways of her castle, she was soon pushing her throne room doors open to find her sister in her chair.
“What?” She said as she stared at the alicorn she once knew as her sister. The first words she had spoken to that alicorn in who knew how long.
“Father and mother wish for me to rule, I have checked with the people, and they second it. I’m sure you can help me. We can rule together sister, and...”
The rest faded out into a dull ring as Luna was shell-shocked from the revelation. Celestia was going to rule, her ponies loved Luna, didn’t they? Why? Why wasn't she on the throne?
Luna couldn’t believe what she heard, and she ripped the document out of Celestia's magic: a will. She just had to see the words herself. "We hereby announce that Celestia take over for us once we pass on…"
Luna took the document and ran, her heart pounding in her ears as she ran to the staff room. “Do thou wish for Celestia to rule?” She asked ponies that she had seen in the dreams she visited before.
“Yes, who else would”
“Of course no pony better.”
“I'm sorry, who are you?”
Did...did they not remember her? Did they not remember how much she fought for them. Did they not remember her night? How? She helped defeat their demons, for them. Luna ground her teeth together and slammed the door shut bolting straight to her room and slammed that door shut.
As soon as she got inside her room, tears started streaming down her face, this dream, it was all she had left. “AHG!” She yelled, ripping the paper in her magic to shreds, the pieces falling onto the floor.
The room spun just as much as her head did. She ground her teeth together more and more. “Ow!” A sudden pain emitted from her teeth, she often ground them together, and of course, it hurt. This time it was different, she felt them with her hoof. They were so sharp and pointy.
She just grunted, taking the hoof out of her mouth. She looked over to her only companion Squashed the pillow, levitating it over. Having no creature to talk to she often talked to Squashed. "Celestia, thou are so great, oh Celestia thou are so perfect, Celestia thou are a god. Celestia, thou are so much better than thy sister what a disappointment she was!" Luna screamed at the pillow her voice cracking with sorrow.
Celestia this, Celestia that, it was like she could not exist without her sister. Like she wasn’t even a pony worth it, like she was attached to her hip, no, more like she was attached to her soul. Even this story, a story about Luna, couldn’t happen without her sister.
Luna’s only wish was to shoot for the moon, to become great one day. She started to understand that that might not happen, so she compromised with the ground. Trying to become content with what it gave her but look at what that gave her. Nothing!
“Who needs the sun anyway when you can have night? Eternal night!” The sun was overrated, Luna was underrated. She was the one protecting these ponies from harm and all she got was ignored.
The night was beautiful, the sun, this was all the sun's fault, because of the sun the night was overshadowed. If her ponies could just see the night, they would love it, they would want it. Forever.
Luna shot for the moon but missed, after such heartbreak, she would talk to her sister until the Discord incident. Of course, she got somewhat pretentious answers, but it was better than nothing. Luna was compromise, Luna was a shadow, Luna was nothing.
But she wasn’t Luna anymore, was she? No, she wasn't she felt, different, stronger, filled with rage. She would become what she fought off, a Nightmare.
This Nightmare got off her bedroom floor. This Nightmare would shoot for something far greater, grander, godly. This Nightmare would shoot for the sun, rip it from the sky and earth, this Nightmare would not miss.
With a thought like that she couldn't help but smile, a maniacal laughed left her lips as tears streamed down her face.
Celestia never had to shoot for the Moon. She was placed there and didn’t even realize it. It happened one day, the day she got her cutie mark. Celestia was so young and innocent, playful. She was always goofing off, it's what she loved to do.
That all ended the day she got her cutie mark. It happened as she watched the unicorns struggle. Suddenly Celestia just felt a tug, on her very soul like she should be the one to lift it. Like this is what she was made to do, this was her destiny. Without even fully realizing it she had lifted the sun, by herself.
She was happy, so was every other creature, she couldn't wait to go to the party that night. She had heard Star Swirl talk to her father about it in hushed whispers. Something about strippers, whatever those were, she didn't know at the time since she was so young.
"Daddy, I am ready to go," Celestia announced, later that night having made sure she was cleaned, dressed, and ready.
"Oh, Celestia, this party isn't for thee." Cosmos chuckled as he teleported Celestia to the library. "Read up sweetheart, after the party, we are starting thy studies." In a flash, he was gone, off to the party no creature would remember.
She didn't really mind, really she didn't, because even though they weren't celebrating her they were still celebrating the action. She was sure a small party would be had for her, then every creature would move forward. Celestia hoped that she would get a cake for that party, her favorite dessert. She was right to a point, they did celebrate her but it wasn't what she expected.
Creature after creature thanked her publicly, having formed a line so long it took a minimum of five hours to see her. It made Celestia feel so awkward, sure her powers had helped man, but this was a bit much in her own opinion. She sucked it up though, she didn’t want to disappoint her parents, it was just this one time. One time wouldn’t hurt.
Then it got worse as creatures broke down into heaving sobs at her hooves. Their tears hit the polished oak floor, quite a unique sound. Celestia always did her best to get them to stop crying, thanking them as much as she could. Lifting their head up telling them they had nothing to worry about. She was here for them, she would keep raising the sun for them. Everything would be alright. It was just one time. One time wouldn’t hurt.
Eventually, she did get used to it until she met him. Roaring Glider, father of a colt she couldn't remember the name of. It was the first time Celestia had seen a drained unicorn. She had no idea he was a unicorn, his horn now lost to the sun, burned down to a nub. She only knew he was a unicorn because her father introduced him as a one.
His once bright-blue and fluffy coat was now a pale, sun-bleached off-bluish white. His coat stuck to his bones making him look sickly and frail. His eyes, once green and lively, were now white, dulled by the sacrifice that he made. Worst of all was his cutie mark. Roaring no longer had one, it was lost to the sun just like his horn, only a slight discoloration of his coat remained, a testament to what was once his special talent.
"Thank thee, because of thou no other unicorn will have to suffer as I did." Celestia watched as Roaring bowed to her. Why her, this should be reversed. He gave it all up, for the sun. Celestia should be bowing to him, he was the hero here. Celestia just had a special destiny.
His paled eyes burned into her, she couldn't help him, he gave so much for something she did with ease. If she was born sooner, he wouldn't be like this. If she had realized her talent sooner, she could have helped him. How many others were like this? Like this because of her, because she wasn't born sooner, because she hadn't realized her talent sooner. She felt a heaviness in her heart, her ponies had suffered a great loss, she couldn't help them. This was her fault.
Snapping back to reality she smiled, "oh I just did what I thought was right." She said as she desperately tried to seem like she wasn’t the hero.
She wanted to cry so hard, she really did. This shouldn’t be happening, she shouldn’t be reviving this type of praise. All she did was get her cutie mark, every pony eventually got one, she wasn’t that special. Celestia calmed herself best she could as to try to not seem upset. This was about him, not her. On that day, she faked it for the first time, forced her behavior, betrayed her emotions. it was just one time. One time wouldn’t hurt.
Celestia spent the rest of the day getting thanked, by ponies who would remember such a meeting. To her, it was all a blur as she tried her best to process what she just witnessed and what it meant. Did they actually worship her? No, that couldn’t be true, that shouldn’t be true.
It was her fault that her ponies were like this in the first place. She found a way to give those gifts back, or she shared them with her sister. Celestia didn't deserve something she didn't earn. Her father was furious when he found out, demanding that she take the gifts. That her ponies wanted her to have those.
Celestia really wasn't happy with that, but she didn't wish to further anger her father. No matter what, she always took the gift. So when the best tutor Equestria had offered to teach her magic, she agreed. She was giving in to what her father wanted, it was just one time. One time wouldn’t hurt.
They made her practice every single day, it wasn't bad at first. She learned a lot about her power and how to use it. She got incredibly good at raising and lowering the sun, every day. Every, single, day, day in, day out. That is when it got boring, so incredibly boring that Celestia spoke up to her father about it.
“Celestia, thou have a duty, a duty so important the very life of this planet depends on thou. This is what thou must do, for thy ponies.”
“But father, surely I can learn more. I wish to teleport, and levitate like the other unicorns.” Celestia protested, she wanted to be good at not just her magic. She wanted to know more than just her magic.
“Celestia, please take this seriously.”
That was the end of that, Celestia went back to learning how to control her powers, practicing them over and over. It was terrible and then it was worse, Luna made a friend. Luna had made friends before, something that father forbade Celestia to have. This one was different, really different. A self-proclaimed lord of chaos.
Celestia hated him, she could hear his and her sister’s laughter from her prison. Whatever they were doing sounded like so much fun. Joking around, playing games, maybe even eating cake. Celestia wanted nothing more than to join them, what must be like to play, but she stayed, at least until the lesson was over.
"Starswirl, can I go play now?" Celestia asked as she wiggled around in her seat. Her hip bones hurt from sitting on the hard wood for so long. The laughter grew outside of the wooden doors of Celestia's prison.
"No. Thou have powers beyond anything we have ever seen. Thou have to take responsibility for these powers Celestia. If thou do not, unicorns will have to go back to raising the sun. Thou must be taught. I will go tell those miscreants to leave."
The image of Roaring flashed through Celestia's head. The sun was her responsibility now. Her ponies needed her to do this. The sun was needed, to grow food, to provide life, to provide hope. It was her responsibility to do it all. She wouldn't want any other unicorn to end up like Roaring. She was the only one protecting them from that fate.
Celestia felt a knot form in her stomach and her muzzle started to tingle. The whole world needed her, they needed her here, to do this. Celestia's breath picked up as she tried to breathe through her collapsing chest. The unicorns depended on her, they sacrificed everything for the sun. She should do the same thing too, she had to do the same. The library swirled and Celestia screamed. A panic attack, that's what the doctor called it. Disappointing, that's what her father called it.
"Celestia, thou are responsible for thy world's life. Thou need better control."
Those little words from her father changed her universe. From that day forward that's all she was taught, control. Over herself, over her ponies. Any other magic lessons put by the wayside, lessons thrown out.
That night she cried to herself to sleep only to find herself dreaming of her sister. Dreamwalking, Luna could walk through dreams now. When had that happened? How come she got to explore her magical talent? Who was teaching her, why couldn’t they teach Celestia? Celestia took a deep breath and let it go, this was her one chance to have some fun. It could be her only chance. So she would let it go, it was just one time. One time wouldn’t hurt.
That was her only chance, she never heard back from Luna, she wanted to go and talk to her sister but every time she tried her ponies, her duties, her responsibilities called to her. Celestia’s only chance came on a random day off, given to her by her father. Celestia wanted to find Luna, the last time she had seen her sister was in a dream.
They felt so distant these days and that wasn’t what Celestia had wanted, so she searched the whole castle. She checked every room three times over, every little corner possible, even the subbords in the kitchen. Even the cake she sneaked from that kitchen, Luna definitely not in that but Celestia checked anyway. Unfortunately, Luna was nowhere to be found.
Maybe she was outside? Celestia made her way to the castle doors, when was the last time she had been out there? It was ironic really her focus was on the kingdom and her ponies, but when was the last time she had seen them? When was the last time she socialized with them? Celestia could not remember.
Celestia used her magic to open the doors, heavier than the sun, grinding her teeth together as she pulled them open. Celestia took a step outside and her jaw dropped. The small town had changed so much. Far larger, building far nicer, roads, and ponies. So many ponies, everywhere. Was it even fair to call this a town anymore, maybe a small city? When had it changed?
Celestia started her search for Luna but as she traversed the city her sister. It was so nice outside, Celestia rarely went there. Her father demanded she stayed here, under his protection from anything that might hurt her. She had an important job if she was drained of her magic. Then it was all over.
Right now she couldn't care less, as she just wanted to find her sister. Her job made it easier as the ponies around her moved out of the way for her. She thanked them for moving out of her way. They were so kind, to be polite like that, it is why she loved them so much. Always thinking of each other.
She wondered with no direction, it had changed so much she couldn’t remember where anything was. She eventually ended up at a small strange structure at the edge of town. Which Celestia felt she recognized, but she couldn’t understand why. It seemed so familiar.
It was small, and white, with a couple of shelves on it. It was covered in sun themed objects, notes, and pictures of her. Trotting over to it she saw folded papers stacked together. She levitated one of them up and stared at it.
'Dear Princess Celestia.....'
It said on the front, it was addressed to her, so she opened it and began to read.
'The sun came up today, and I couldn't be happier. No more will we have to fear that it will no longer rise. Our future is guaranteed. Thank thee, my goddess.'
The word made her stomach drop, as her fears cropped up again, they worshiped her. This was a shrine. A shrine to her, but she wasn't special. She just did what her destiny told her to. She just fell into the role, she didn't ask for the moon, she was just put there. Celestia tore through all the other letters addressed to her, all of them ending the same way.
'Thank thee, my goddess.'
They did worship her, when did this happen, how? This. This wasn't her, she wasn't a goddess. Just last night she ran into a wall because she wasn't paying attention. A goddess wouldn't do that, this wasn't her. The knot she knew too well came back, with the control, she wrangled it back into place. All she had to do was fix this, this could be fixed.
"My Goddess! Thank thou for visiting my shrine. Does it please thee, my goddess?"
A pony called out, Celestia didn’t look at her. All she could see was a reflection of her. This wasn’t, this couldn’t be, her. She was a filly, just a filly, just a mare.
"Do thou hate it? Is that why thou won’t answer? Forgive me my goddess for I have upset thee. What will take to please once more, I must know. Please."
Fear was a feeling Celestia knew well, she was scared of so much. Letting down her father, her ponies, the whole world. What she never expected was some pony to fear her. That's what tore her from staring at the shrine.
The mare trembled before her, legs shaking so much Celestia was worried she would collapse. Her head was bowed to the ground. A single tear left her eye and stopped onto the dirt below.
"No, it's beautiful, so beautiful that I was speechless." This mare would see the composed goddess she was aiming to please. That's what Celestia wanted her to see, she couldn’t let this poor pony be so upset. Her ponies mattered to her. No matter how much Celestia screamed on the inside, she remained composed on the outside. She would let this go, for this mare. It was only one time. One time couldn’t hurt.
So Celestia let it go but just for that moment, she could still fix this. Celestia made more of an effort to try and join Luna and Discord. She wanted her ponies to see that she was just like them. A pony. It was impossible.
While she did get closer to her sister, and to her chaotic friend. Celestia never got in trouble or was seen as a filly. She just so happened to be there or was taking the blame for her sister. No matter how hard she tried, they refused to see her as the child she desperately wanted to be. Eventually, she still found a sort of solace in Discord and Luna. That was good enough for her, it had to be.
Then he showed up, a dark and handsome stallion. Celestia fell for Sombra, and hard. He was romantic, nice, and involved her in his life. She always hoped that Luna and Discord would let her join, or she could find them. She never had to do that for Sombra, he was there for her, no matter what.
The romance made her feel like she was off of the moon and back down on earth. She started skipping her lessons to be with him, she didn’t care. She didn’t feel like the weight of the universe was on her when she was around him. She was even late to raise the sun a couple of times. Having spent all night with her lover.
It was on one of those mornings where she got to see her sister again, it had been a while since she had seen her.
"Morning sister."
Celestia stared at Luna, she seemed happier than normal. This made Celestia happy, she just had to know, "Hello sister, thee seem chipper today. What is on thy mind?" The second Celestia asked, she knew, a blush forming on Luna's cheeks.
"A stallion. Dear Sister, I think I have a chance."
Luna bounced excitedly "Oh, we shall have to go on a double date, dearest sister."
Celestia could feel her own face flush at the thought of her own stallion and the night they had spent together.
"Oh, thou have a stallion? Tell me who!"
Celestia flushed, guess the secret was out. "Sombra," Celestia started with a smile, a smile that said it all. Even just saying his name made her feel lighter than air.
"Oh, well I hope thy are happy together. We shall see after I ask him. Wish me luck, sister."
Celestia smiled at Luna's kindness and wished her good luck. Celestia hoped Luna would find happiness in her stallion but that wasn't to be. Luna had told Celestia he said no the next day, Celestia tried her best to offer words of comfort. Celestia knew one day Luna would find a stallion who loved her for the wonderful pony she was.
Then he just left, that was what her father told her. He just got up and left, no note, nothing. Celestia cried for days, heartbroken. It wasn't until later she realized that he had been sent away. She found out after her father passed, from Luna during an argument but that didn't happen until later.
After Sombra had left, her sister got more distant but Discord would show up from time to time. Celestia slowly realized she never truly hated him, she hated the freedom he represented. Something she wanted but did not have. So she tried her best to find that freedom in Discord. Somewhere, anywhere.
That solace was especially helpful during the days when her heart was played like an instrument. No stallion was quite like Sombra was. One after another they came to her, looking at her status. She was a goddess, and they wanted to be rulers, they wanted power, they wanted prestige. Each stallion that did it left her heartbroken, but she picked up the pieces. Thinking to herself that it was only one time. Just one time, she couldn’t get to hurt, she just had to keep trying.
Then he showed up. His name was Green Oceans, Celestia thought he was different. He never seemed interested in her status and her father approved of him. Romantic dates, flowers, her favorite things. She saw some of Sombra in him. It seemed like a win, win situation. It all changed after she spent the night with him, he changed.
Bragging rights, she was bragging rites to his friends, to him. He had gotten what he wanted, it was the last time Celestia spent a night with a stallion.
Then all she had was Discord, until that too was gone. Discord came to her one day looking worn, and she knew it couldn't be good. She thought this day would be like any other day, a bit of fun before Celestia had to go back to what ponies called a life.
"I'm sick."
Her heart was already breaking, she could see the exhaustion in his eyes as he told her what he and Luna had been up to the past few days. Discord was fighting a losing battle against the chaos that ate at his mind. With no one to teach him, he had to learn himself. While it wasn't too bad at first, it was getting worse. No one else knew how to use chaos magic. Celestia never had the heart to ask him about his family, or his kind.
So she tried to find other solutions. Celestia taught him what she had been taught, control. Looking back on it now that wasn't the best idea but it was all she had. Magic wasn't something she learned.
Eventually, Discord lost and it broke both of the sister's hearts. They did everything they could, in a last-ditch effort they went off to go find the elements of harmony. Celestia had no idea what these things did, no one told her anything about them. The only thing she knew was that they could help him.
Celestia put her faith into them, Luna was so there was nothing to be scared of. So she just focused on the now. She focused on stopping him before he did something he regretted too much. She had to save her ponies, her sister, and the rain of chaos.
She could feel the power flow through her as she kept focusing on putting a stop to this. After she stopped Discord, after, well she had no idea, but she was sure she would think of something.
When Celestia opened her eyes he was in stone, why? How? Did....did she do this? She had to, when she wanted him to stop, this isn't what she meant. When she turned to her sister to seek help, she was cast with a look of pure hatred. "HOW COULD THOU?!"
Celestia watched her sister runoff, slamming the elements down onto the ground, it was a small miracle they didn't break. Luna was right, how could she? If she had just looked into the elements a bit more, maybe if she had asked questions, this could have been prevented. Celestia collected the elements from the ground and stared into Discord's eyes. He looked so scared.
She could fix this. One day she could fix this, help Discord. One day she would figure something out. She could patch her relationship with her sister. Unfortunately, both of those things were harder than she thought. Her sister ignored her, Celestia tried to reason with her but got turned down at every opportunity, but she didn't give up. Instead, she switched gears to help Discord. She started her own studies, determined to make everything alright again but nothing came up for Discord.
That led her to today, thinking of past events. Her parents had just passed away, they were old and sick. They had passed singing praises about her. Celestia couldn't fathom why they did that, why they praised her. She was a failure, she couldn't find love, she couldn't help her sister, she couldn't save Discord. All she did was raise the sun, it's all she ever did. She didn't deserve this, and she didn't deserve what happened after.
Her parents' will Celestia found out she was left in charge, and she decided to have Luna help. She couldn't do this, she was a failure, she didn't care what the will said. She needed Luna, she needed her help.
Celestia sat on the throne that was supposed to be hers, she felt like an imposture. If her ponies really knew her, they wouldn't want her here.
“What?”
Was that her sister's voice, Celestia looked over her sister. She had changed so much over the years, she looked tired, worn down. Where had that happy filly gone when Celestia wasn't looking?
“Father and mother wish for me to rule, I have checked with the people, and they second it. I’m sure thou can help me. We can rule together sister, I need thee here with me, I need thy help, I can't-"
Celestia felt a tug on her magic as she realized Luna had grabbed the will out of her magic and began to read. “We hereby announce that Celestia take over for us once we pass on….”
Celestia called out to Luna unheard as her sister rushed out of the throne room. Hopefully, she would come back to her, come back she did, but she wasn't Luna anymore. She was someone else entirely.
The elements lay at Celestia's hooves, another failure under her belt. She didn’t know what else to do. Her sister was more powerful than she was, the elements were her only option. She stared at the sister shaped shadow on the moon. How did this happen? How could Celestia let this happen under her watch? Her father had told her that this world's life was her responsibility and the welfare of it.
Celestia had let it happen. Sombra had been banished, she didn't even think it suspicious when he left. She could have gone after him. She couldn't help Discord as chaos ate his mind. She couldn't help Luna as darkness took hers. Celestia was a failure of a goddess. All Celestia wanted was to be normal, to be a pony, to live her life.
She wasn't Celestia anymore, was she? That’s why this had happened, she was trying to be something she was not.
The goddess of this world had protected her subjects from chaos, from the darkness. That's what her ponies believed. A goddess suffocated on the pedestal that her ponies put her one, but she smiled anyway. A smile that a mother might give to a child she loved, and screamed painfully.
