Equestria Girls: Magicless Troubles

“Rarity?! What in the heck are ya holdin’!”

“GET BACK!” she screamed with a massive rocket launcher on her shoulder, “MAMA’S ABOUT TO STRIKE THEM DOWN!”

Double Diamond shouted the same thing I was thinkin’ in that moment. “Woah, wait, do you got a license for that, bro?!”

Rarity wasn’t in the mood. “DO YOU WANT TO ARGUE OR LIVE?!”

There was no stoppin’ that drama queen when she was in a funk. If she was totin’ the thing around, I could only hope that she knew how to use it. Our options were heckin’ small right about now with loads of magical clay pigeons--that were now actual pigeons--tryin’ to kill us.

“Let’s move!” I shouted, and retreated behind Rarity. I took a closer look at the launcher. It was an M3 Multi-Role Anti-Armor Anti-Personnel Weapon System--MAAWS fer short--or at least it looked like one. It had a laser for gudin’ whatcha shot, but that didn’t make it any better. “Rarity, are ya sure ya’ll know how to use this thing?”

Diamond had fled behind her with me, just as panicked as I was. “I’m out of ammo! If you have a plan, shoot that thing!”

“Darlings, relax. The adorable boy behind the counter at the shop said it was recoilless--whatever that means. Perfect for someone like moi, not to mention this fashionable set of earmuffs for ear protection,” she explained as she held it up and squinted her eye as she got ready to fire. Them earmuffs were pink and fuzzy. Not my idea of protection. “Now watch, and be amazed! Oh, but do cover your ears, this could be loud.”

That put me a bit at ease. Recoilless meant--well--it ain’t got no recoil. Someone as delicate as she should be able to use it. And I guess the fact that she was able to even get it also implied that she did have a license.

Well, it was all I could hope for. The clay pigeon swarm was closing in on us. Diamond and I crouched down and covered our ears while we hoped for the best.

“FIRE!” Rarity shouted as she pulled the trigger. I opened one eye. Well now, that was somethin’. Instead of regular rockets, the thing shot colorful ones filled with…

“Paint?!”

SPLAT!

A clay pigeon was hit and exploded into a steamy mess of blue ink. The trenchcoat wearin’ girl just giggled in response. “Well of course, darling. They weren’t going to let me use actual rockets. But they’re very effective against evil birds!”

I couldn’t believe it. Rarity was actually doin’ it! Each bird was hit by a rocket that exploded into a paint-laced mess! It was like a massive school art project all over the shootin’ field! Whoo doggy!

“To left! Up there!” Diamond shouted.

And yet the whole time, Rarity was cool and collected. She guided them paint rockets and destroyed each and every one of them magical pigeons!

“Yee-haw, ya got ‘em all!”

Once it was over, the three of us could finally stop and rest.

“Well hot damn,” Diamond commented as he looked at the mess of paint and clay pieces, “The last thing I would’ve pegged you for is a rocket launcher user, Rarity.”

The enthusiast bone in my body couldn’t help but correct him. “Well technically it’s categorized as a recoilless rifle, partner.”

“Pfft,” Rarity scoffed at my words, “details, details. Those ghastly clay birds are no more! No need to thank me, Applejack.”

“Wait a minute--recoilless what?” Diamond asked me next, “That looks nothing like any rifle I’ve seen.”

I decided to explain it to him. “That’s cuz it ain’t a rocket launcher, partner. Even though it looks like one, it don’t fire rockets.” I tapped the barrel of the weapon Rarity held onto. “It’s actually uses a massive shell--or bullet--and it’s propelled by a gas that don’t use smoke. Rocket launchers use--well, rockets that explode on impact. But I guess for this time, she used...paint bullets? I still don’t get that part.”

“Hmhmhm!” she chuckled all smug-like, “There’s quite a deal you may not know about me, dear Applejack. Though I’m surprised you know so much about these weapons. Wherever did you learn it all?”

“Oh, mah pa has a weapon’s cellar beneath the barn. Ever night I look into it and study one of the items inside.” Since we caught ourselves a break, I figured I’d sit down to explain this. “He was big into huntin’ out near the valleys at the edge of the city.”

“Um...guys?!” Diamond interrupted me with another shout as he pointed to the middle of the range. “T-the...the pigeons, they’re…”

Rarity and I looked up. The sun was bein’ blocked out.

Turns out, the clay fragments of the pigeons started to put themselves back together! It was like some sorta magnetic sand thing as they all...bunched up. It was weird, freaky, and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Once they were all put together, they became one supermassive gigantic magical orange pigeon! There weren’t enough words to describe it. It was as big as a barn!

“Oh dear,” Rarity mumbled quietly, “I don’t think the paint really worked…”

It tilted its head around like it was scannin’ the area. It was like, at any moment we could be scooped up by its beak, never to be seen again. C’mon, AJ, think. There’s gotta be somethin’ we can do...

“Okay, okay, don’t panic,” Diamond was clearly panickin’, but tried to keep a straight face. “We just need...more firepower...but uh...how are we gonna--”

Then another random voice came up from behind us all. Though thankfully it was much less loud and obnoxious.

“Use these,” the guy said as he tossed us some shotgun shells. He was dressed up in a leather jacket with spikes, and red pants. But the strangers part was the fact that he had on a bandit mask and pitch black shades. Couldn’t see his eyes nor mouth. “These are incendiary shells. Burn the clay monster so it doesn’t get back up.” That was all he had to say before he upped and turned to head back inside the gun shop.

“Hey wait!” I called out as he left, “Just who are you?!”

Rarity gave a pretty quick answer. “Oh you don’t know? That’s the gentleman that runs the shop.”

“Uh-huh…” Yeah I wasn’t trustin’ that.

But Diamond wasn’t as patient as I was. He loaded up one of the shotguns with the fire-shells, and started blastin’! “Eat this, sucker!”

The gigantic pigeon flew towards us, but it was slowed down by the shots that caught it on fire.

EEEEE!

It let out a loud screech that caused Rarity and I to cover our ears.

“Uch! What a nuisance!” she yelled, “Time to fry this bird! Diamond? Would you be a dear and distract it by running that way?” Rarity pointed toward the field.

Diamond pumped another shot, and started to run. “On it! I just hope you got a plan!” The huge clay bird followed him, and started flappin’ its wings around like a wild chicken without no head.

“Uh...do ya have a plan, Rarity?” I asked as I saw her pick up the other shotgun and load it with a few of them shells. “...Wait, what are ya…”

“You may not have your strength assistance from your geode, but I know you’re still strong, Applejack. With that said, I need you to fling me up there.”

My eyes grew wide when I heard that. “Wait...what? Ya want me to throw ya on top of the crazy clay birdie?!”

“We only have a limited time before Diamond will have no choice but to loop back to us! Now throw me, woman!”

“Alright, alright, sheesh…” I couldn’t refuse that logic. Oh well, here goes. I grabbed ahold of Rarity’s arm, and ran up behind the orange bird. “Hyaah!” With all my might, I flung Rarity up to it. She must’ve been stickin’ to her diet, because she was pretty easy to throw. But I lost my balance, and found my face in the dirt. “Ugh…”

But it was worth it.

“HAHA!” Rarity cackled like a crazed little girl on prom night, “This goose is cooked! Or should I say...pigeon.”

I had to stop and drag my open palm across my forehead. That line was so lame even a goose wouldn’t honk at it.

BANG!

But Rarity had the right idea. Soon as she landed on the bird, she blew its head off with a direct hit from those fiery shells. Coupled with Diamond’s efforts from below, the huge clay pigeon disintegrated, and disappeared into nothin’ but ash.

“Landsakes…” I stood up and dusted myself off. We actually did it didn’t we?

“I gotcha!” I heard Diamond shout as he caught Rarity who had fallen from the air once the big bird disappeared. “You okay?”

“Hm? Oh yes, thank you, dear.” She stood up, and fixed her detective hat and her hair. Always gotta stay good-lookin’, eh? “Now...where is that meteor? We mustn’t waste time and destroy it immediately.”

I caught up to them, and showed ‘em where it was. “Over here. It kinda caused a--”

BANG!

Rarity took the shotgun, and blasted the rock with it. “There we go, darling, can we move on now?”

“...Bruh what?!” Diamond groaned, “You mean if we did that we coulda avoided all this? BRUUUUUH!”

“Heh…” I rubbed my left arm. I felt mighty stupid for touchin’ that rock without listenin’ to Twilight. “Sorry, ya’ll.”

As patient as ever, Rarity put a hand on my shoulder. “Oh don’t you worry. You didn’t know it would do that, did you?”

“Well...no.”

“So there you go! Accidents hap--”

BZZ!

Dang phone. Always at the worst times. “Yello?” It was a video call from Twilight.

“Applejack! One of the watches has sent me a notification! You guys destroyed the meteor?”

“Eeyup--wasn’t that hard, right Rarity?”

“Not at all,” she said with a giggle. “Hehe! How’s everything on your end, Sparkle dear?”

Twilight adjusted her glasses and looked down at her notes. “By my calculations. That’s only one of many. But don’t worry, Sunset is already--”

“Aha!” I heard Micro Chips from the background again. “I knew it! They’d be able to take down whatever magical mishap without any need for us to go help them. You worry too much. Oh, and you also now owe me your copy of Astronomical Oddities, Twi.”

“Ohoho no ya don’t!” Twilight looked back with a determined smirk on her face, “Best two out of three! You’re not getting my favorite new reading material that easy!”

I did a double-take in my mind. Just what in tarnation was that about? “Are ya’ll...placin’ bets on our success?”

Twilight faced the camera again and scoffed. “Well sor-ree! But when you’re stuck in your makeshift garage HQ watching out for everyone, you have to make your own fun. Stay alert, and I’ll update you soon on any more fluctuations.” She turned away, “Okay Mikey, let’s see you come up with a better strategy!”

I hung up.

“Oh my,” Rarity said, “They sounded a lot like what Sweetie Belle and I sound like when we tease each other.”

I chuckled. It was easy to relate to somethin’ like that. “Yeah, ‘Bloom and I are the same way. But fer now, we need to search for more of these here space rocks so we can get our magic back.”

“Aha! Rarity and Applejack are back on the case!” she squealed and put her arm around my neck. “Oh and thanks for your help, Diamond. Feel free to tag along with us if you wish.”

“Heck yeah!” Double Diamond joined us. “I’m always down for that!”

Meanwhile…near the shop…

“Looks like they went for it. Hopefully things get better from here…”