Sussy Sue

by Tirimsil

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, Sex, Main 6, Profanity, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Narcotics, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 4760

Twilight gets unnecessarily angry about a trifle and ruins everything for everyone. What else is new?

The Six sometimes like to try out strange new games with their friends.

This one is called Among Us.

Not everyone has the same experience.

Especially when one of Twilight's pet peeves is triggered.

This is Among Us except the ponies actually physically play the character roles. As such, ponies graphically "die", but they're fine, it's magic and props.

As a Summersong fic, butts and boobs are mentioned now and again.

This is supposed to just be a short kusofic of sorts and it really had no right to take as long to write as it did.

Published 2020-09-26 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-26 00:30:01 UTC

In Which Twilight Becomes Progressively Less of a Good Girl

"Th-the, the Princess is playing too?!" Twilight Sparkle rasped, dots dancing in front of her eyes. Her voice was muffled behind her visor, which thankfully obscured the stupid look on her face.

All ten of the ponies present were wearing skin-tight spandex suits of a unique color (Twilight of course being purple), with only their manes and tails exposed. They had big awkward backpacks, preventing the winged ponies from flying, and modified snorkels over their faces. Pinkie Pie had immediately concluded this was a "space horse" outfit and eagerly forced herself into her obnoxiously pink suit.

Rarity had fainted several times over the course of her companions and herself donning the ensemble. Each time, she had made a little more progress in her sleep towards turning her own cyan outfit to more of a sapphire. When she woke up, she didn't seem to realize that hers was the only one covered in sequins.

Twilight had never noticed Celestia mystically apparating into this regular-pony-sized body sleeve. She must have felt a bit self-conscious outlined so candidly in tight, gleaming white... though that was more or less her regular color anyway.

As Twilight continued to pixie-trot in place, four ponies sighed, three ponies stared, and Pinkie and Rarity looked around the room, with a wide-eyed curiosity and a half-lidded cynicism, respectively.

They were huddled together in what might have been an advanced, state-of-the-art, military closet, with walls of paneled, utilitarian steel. It was certainly the size of a closet - thanks to the three random giant green crates eating up the precious real estate, ten average ponies were bumping their spandex-covered butts, and some of them were larger than average, either by height or by pudginess.

The room was roughly octagonal, with only one door leading out - a door that looked like the lock to a safe. Ten small dressers flanked the door in two sets of five, one set on each side. All were empty; the ten mares present had divested the dressers of, and vested themselves with, the contents.

"Whattya mean 'the Princess', Twi," Rainbow Dash yipped. Her blue suit looked as perfect as a Wonderbolts outfit on her. Even her snorkel-visor was sharp. She could be a GalactaStick lead. "There're four Princesses here! You're one of them!"

Celestia, the largest pony present by a wide margin, continued to wriggle, flapping her wings like a nervous goose, and glance down at her sides, anxiously trying to avoid stepping on or smacking anyone. Luna and Cadance, the second- and third-biggest, who had annexed two of the crates to stand upon, continued to growl and fire weak magical bolts at anyone they fancied might try to join them on their thrones.

"Yes, but she's The Princess," Twilight whispered low as though Celestia wouldn't hear. Her wings clung fast to her sides and trembled with anxiety.

The black-suited night princess growled from atop her green dais. "And what, pray tell, doth thou implyeth with that?" Her entire visor turned white from the glow in her eyes.

"Twilight grew up with her." Cadance deadpanned. She was grumpy that Pinkie took her color and she'd had to settle for red. "You know Twilight has more moms than most girls have hairties."

"Thank you for your input, sister-mom-in-law," Twilight quipped. "But have you forgotten this is a game about killing each other?!"

"It ain't fer real," Applejack consoled. She was wearing her hat on top of her orange suit. "How dumb do you think we are? I ain't about ta git in a gladiator pit with ol' Hammerjaw over there." She jerked her head towards Luna.

The night princess hissed, then began to make strange bovine sounds and opened her visor, scrubbing at the inside. As everyone blinked at her, her indigo face glowed bright red. "I spat upon mine masque..." she admitted sheepishly.

Celestia smiled. Rarity wobbled in place. Fluttershy caught her as she nearly fainted again and helped her regain her footing.

"Remind me why Starlight is wearing brown," Rarity warbled. "Fluttershy has that lovely cadmium yellow. It's almost as pretty as her daffodil coat..." Fluttershy went pigeon-hooved and looked away bashfully.

"I told you, I don't give a damn what color I wear," Starlight frowned as Rarity put a hoof to her chest, her eyes as wide as if Starlight had just called Celestia a scarlet mare. "I just wanna stab a pony."

"Are you sure you're reformed?" Twilight asked sincerely. She was still pixie-trotting.

"You're trusting Luna not to take your head off with her thighs," Starlight pointed out. Luna nodded sagely.

"Um," Fluttershy interjected. "I, I'm not sure I understand the rules. Is this game anything like Clue?"

"Which is a Hasbro Inc. game!" Pinkie smiled to the camera.

"Oh no!" Twilight objected. "In Clue, the victim is already dead. In this one, up to three of us are randomly selected to be changelings - murderers." She paused for Fluttershy's exaggerated gasp. "All the changelings know each other, and they can also sabotage the ship. The rest of us try to do tasks to upkeep the ship, try not to get murdered, and take votes on who we think the changelings are. If the changelings can outnumber us or destroy the ship before we lynch them all, then they win."

"L-lynch?" Fluttershy blinked. "This is a very violent game..." she bemoaned.

"It will not be the first time Luna and I have been lynched," Celestia sighed. "It's actually rather good for you if you can survive it."

"Aye," Luna chimed in, "I've the stronger neck of us." Celestia swallowed and rubbed at her own neck uncomfortably. "Thereby," Luna continued, "I provoketh them to hang me first. Upon tearing the rope asunder, the both of us are deemed invincible and taken as gods."

"Right-let's-get-started," Twilight awkwardly laughed, heading for the door. "Oh: no talking except during meetings, and no talking if you're a ghost!" she called back over her shoulder with a very forced smile. She then looked out the door with wide, horrified eyes and a deep Kermit pout. "Ghosts aren't real, by the way," she pointlessly asserted, then stalked out, nine space horses following her.

This game is exhausting, Twilight complained to herself, huffing and puffing. It hadn't even been one minute.

At first she was elated - the visor on her outfit had a to-do list on it. It even put little glowing arrows on the floor in her vision to tell her how to go do them. She wished she could keep it.

But then she realized that, contrary to the closet she'd just come out of, the actual gameplay environment was massive. She wasn't sure where she was going. Were the lights even on? Her backpack was heavy. And the tight outfit hugging her body made her constantly aware how gigantic her ass was.

She blinked, suddenly realizing she had solved the task puzzle without paying attention. At least the puzzles are easy, she thought. Even Applejack ought to be able to do them.

She heard hoofsteps behind her and spun around, startled.

She squinted, seeing no one there in the dim light, but she clearly heard someone else walking in the room. I can clearly see all the walls in the room, she considered, But maybe other players are invisible when the lights are off..?

Twilight slowly shuffled towards the door, jumping every time she heard the other pony move.

Her ears pricked as she heard someone yelling in the distance and a sound like a cartoon pop. Without glancing behind her she scurried out of the door.

Then she jumped with a squeak as a loud alarm sounded, followed by a robotic voice droning "CORPSE REPORTED".

"Oh hi, Twilight," Cadance said, suddenly visible in the room she'd just left. "The heck was that noise? I guess we'd better head back."

Twilight nodded, keeping a wide berth from her as they trotted back to the cafeteria. There was no point to sunshine sunshine if Cadance was pretending to be a changeling pretending to be Cadance.

"I can clear Luna, she was doing the thing in navigation," Starlight chirped brightly.

"I need not the confidence of a killer," Luna sniffed, smacking her hoof on the cafeteria table for emphasis.

"Excuse me? What the fuck are you accusing me for?!" Starlight cried, her cheerful nature gone. "I just spoke up for you."

"Thou hast obviously turned thyself in," Luna said, gesturing with a hoof. " We all heard the scream seconds before thy report. Didst thou not say just a few minutes ago thou wished to stab a pony?"

"That doesn't mean I'll be picked as a changeling," Starlight retorted, arcing her back like a cat. "Besides, she wasn't stabbed. Her head exploded." She waved a hoof dismissively.

"A technicality," Luna excused with a pout.

Twilight and Cadance made strangled sounds and stumbled back at the sight of what seemed to be Fluttershy's bloody, headless corpse on the table.

"Who's gonna eat that?" Pinkie joked.

Rarity was unconscious in a comfy chair nearby. She was curled up on her side with her hair loose like she was waiting for a prince to come wake her up and wanted to look as gorgeous as possible.

"... What happened to Rarity?" Cadance asked.

"Whattya think, she saw Fluttershy's head explode," Applejack explained. "Had ta drag 'er back. I tell ya she's spent some half our vacation unconscious so far, we ought ta pick somethin' cuter next time."

"Fluttershy's not actually dead, is she?!" Rainbow Dash trembled. "She looks pretty dead..!"

"Aw hell, Dash, that ain't really her corpse, th' tits ain't half big 'nough," Applejack said.

"I was thinking more of that super short tail," Cadance deadpanned. "Fluttershy's tail would be called 'immoral' where I grew up." She looked self-consciously back at her petite undercarriage and trailing tail, the latter touching the floor, the former nowhere close.

"Hm, yes, it's probably a standard body prop they swap us with," Twilight reasoned. "One for every suit color, and they just quickly swap the body and hair colors around. She's likely been teleported to a copy of the game map to represent that she's a ghost who can't interact with us, but can still do her tasks."

"Well, if'n any of th' big ladies git killed, we'll know if th' corpse is way too small," Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Celestia! Thou art sus!" Luna suddenly roared, wings outstretched and hair glowing. The shorter ponies ducked and covered their ears.

Getting back up, Twilight blinked. Sus, she mouthed silently with furrowed brows.

The sun princess leaned back with wings raised defensively. "What did you call me?" she asked indignantly.

"As I hath heard foals and fools alike calleth those who act murderly: Sus!" Luna repeated, gesturing illustriously. "As in suspicious!" Twilight developed an eye twitch. "Thou retain a most conspicuous presence, yet hath not been seen! Not by me at any rate! Prithee, hast anyone seen my enormous sister about the premises?!"

"E-enormous?!" Celestia cried, a hoof to her heart, scandalized. Her wings unconsciously dropped down to cover herself.

"I saw heeeeer!" Pinkie cried, waving a hoof wildly. "She went to the thingy! The thing where you do the thing!" She paused, then frowned as everyone stared at her quietly. "I don't know what it's called!" She shrieked and stamped her hoof. "It's the place with the wires! It's south-left-ish! Then she went north-ways and I think that's when Fluttershy's head blew up."

"South-left-ish?!" Twilight cried, a hoof to her heart, scandalized.

Celestia looked at Twilight's perfect imitation of her and sighed, setting her hoof back down and pulling her wings back up. "The lights had gone out and I couldn't see a thing. I bumped into someone. I almost kicked Cadance when she passed by."

"That's the kind of thing a murderer might do," Cadance retorted.

"Ya bumped into me! You're one-a maybe two or three mares in Equestria who can bowl me over," Pinkie said sweetly. Celestia blushed.

"Do ya think," Applejack pondered, a hoof to her chin. She turned to look at Rarity. "Do ya think Rarity blew up Fluttershy's head?"

Everyone else turned to look at Rarity, shuddering with her eyes closed on her comfy chair. "Brains full of bunnies all over the room," she mumbled.

They lynched Rarity. She needed a break anyway.

Sus, Twilight kept repeating in her head. What a horrible shorthoof. Then she scowled harder. And "shorthoof" is a terrible equine substitute for "shorthand". I'm a unicorn, it should be "shorthorn". Wait, that's a slur. Dangit.

She reared back and silently whinnied as Applejack came out of Admin, looking at the to-do list in her visor and failing to notice her. Applejack's gonna get killed, she thought as Applejack continued past her blindly. She hasn't even noticed her hat fell off.

Twilight entered the Admin room, looking around anxiously. She fished out her card and swiped it quickly. Then she headed out.

She quickly backed up into Admin as Luna quickly cantered past, pursued closely by Pinkie, who was stalking her with nose low to the ground like a lion ready to pounce. Twilight's mouth fell open and she at once stepped in to walk with them. Luna sighed in relief and slowed down. Pinkie did the point-at-my-eyes-and-yours thing.

S-U-S, Pinkie signed to Twilight. Twilight felt her neck tensing, both because it was that word again and because Pinkie was communicating outside of a meeting which was DON'T DO THAT.

She continued to walk with them back to the cafeteria. She then stood nearby blinking as Pinkie chased Luna around one of the tables in circles.

That horrible blaring sound made all three of them jump. "CORPSE REPORTED", came the awful robotic voice.

Twilight, Luna, and Pinkie, already in the meeting area, stayed right where they were. They jumped as an orange-clad corpse with its chest torn open teleported onto one of the tables, followed by a pile of bright white chunks and two supremely large plastic white wings with price tags on them. Luna put a hoof to her mouth to hold back giggles.

"I have indisputable proof of the killer," Twilight offered once the survivors had walked in. Luna stopped giggling at once.

"It was Cadance, right? She's being so sus," Rainbow Dash snorted. Twilight's eyes vibrated.

"Who's being sus?!" Cadance cried indignantly. "Me?!" She put up her chin as Twilight ground her teeth. "You were following me the entire time! We found the corpse together! How would I have found the time to kill two ponies?"

"You stood at the scanner thing for like twenty seconds," Dash accused. "It doesn't take that long to scan."

"Indisputable," Twilight repeated.

"I'm really bad at it!" Cadance retorted.

"It's sus as heck," Dash insisted.

There was an awkward pause. Twilight inhaled slowly. "Indisputable proof," she spat in one breath.

"Did you even see Twilight at all this round?" Cadance countered.

"W-what?!" Twilight cried. She had completely forgotten to consider the others might suspect her of being a killer. "I was following Luna!"

"To murder her?!" Cadance accused.

"No! To stop Pinkie from murdering her!"

"Excoosie yoosie!" Pinkie snipped. "I was following Luna 'cause she's the killer!"

"N-nonsense," Luna denied, "I hath barely even learned this game! I wouldst not be so capable as a killer, on mine very first game. I couldst not even pretend to do the tasks, I know not what they are."

"Hold it!" Twilight cried, pointing at Luna in a half-lunge. Everyone hopped back a step, waiting for her to continue. "Princess, didn't you introduce the very-much-making-itself-at-home 'sus' into our hospitable vocabulary?!" Twilight demanded. She made a sour face and stuck her tongue out, then shook her head.

"I... I hath merely heard the term in casual discourse --"

"You accused Starlight of self-reporting her kill," Twilight reminded everyone, "... in the most matter-of-fact way possible!"

Luna chewed on the inside of her cheek, glancing away and back to Twilight rebelliously. "I can be a bit blunt --"

"How do you know killers can self-report?!" Twilight roared. "Don't say you guessed! You said it like you were 100% sure!"

"... That's a good question. Did you girls know that?" Starlight asked sincerely. She sighed. "I've got no clue how to play this fuckin' game..."

They all stared at Luna, who for once, was lost for words.

"Sus~" everyone but Twilight sang, pointing their hooves at her. Twilight gave a nauseated groan.

After Luna was lynched by putting her in stocks and throwing tomatoes at her face until one was a bomb, a lovely blue spotlight announced the non-murderers as winners.

"I might perhaps have played this before," Luna admitted in a small voice.

"My wings don't look that cheap," Celestia grumbled. "Stupid back-stabbing sister..."

"I never want to be a killer again," Rarity announced. "It's... inelegant."

"I didn't feel a thing," Fluttershy consoled.

"I sure did." Rarity growled.

Twilight frowned at the electrical circuit. Come on you piece of crap, she growled in her head. Open up, I gotta do this task.

Then she very intentionally hit her head on the wall. Twilight Sparkle, you absolute dunce, you're a changeling this round, you can't do tasks, she reminded herself. You're the worst changeling there's ever been and Applejack will find you out immediately with her mystical truth-seeking powers.

She pouted. Wait, is Applejack the other changeling? She glanced at the corners of her visor. Who's the other changeling?! She couldn't figure out how to check.

She sighed out of her nose. Fuck it, she resigned, and walked out of Electrical, adamantly trotting along the perimeter of the map.

As soon as she saw Applejack, messing around with the engine, she took out a crossbow and shot her. Guess she wasn't a changeling, Twilight reasoned.

She blew a raspberry at her "corpse" and kept walking.

It was reported in five seconds.

"You son of a bitch," Applejack said to Twilight the instant she appeared in the ghost map. Four ponies had seen Twilight walking in a circle around the perimeter. Also, she had totally failed to notice Starlight was in the room when she shot Applejack. She'd heard the word "sus" seven times in the last meeting.

"You're the honest one," Twilight explained with a shrug. "I had to take you out, you're a big threat."

"You shot me right on th' butt!!" Applejack complained.

"Oh psshh." Twilight waved her off. "Your butt's been through much worse than that, Uwagh!" She shuddered as Rainbow Dash walked right through her. Apparently, ghosts could still see what the other players were doing, like some kind of hologram projection.

"Th' heck is that s'posed ta mean!" Applejack demanded.

"I can't kill you as a ghost, can I?" Twilight asked very seriously. "I think I can only sabotage things."

"Aw hell, go ahead, ain't like I can stop ya," Applejack relented, and the two went on their way.

Ghosts could also listen in on meetings. Twilight swiftly became the angriest ghost, and since only Applejack and now Rarity could hear her, she felt free to complain while they exchanged unamused looks with each other.

"By Luna's great unshaven beard stop saying sus you jive-talking hippies!" Twilight roared, unheard by the living.

"I'm just saying," Cadance said casually. "Pinkie wasn't even a murderer last round but she kept stalking everyone making weird lion growls. She's the sussiest one here!"

"'Sussiest'?!" Twilight screamed. "I'll pull your hair out you slang-coining bitch!"

"Applejack," Rarity asked as Twilight honked incoherently, "Is this what we have to look forward to when we die for real?"

"Let's all become Princesses 'n' live ferever," Applejack answered.

"We could still be assassinated," Rarity sighed. "Much like we just were."

"Who's th' other killer?" Applejack asked.

"Flip-honking smack-a-dang wacka wacka --" Twilight frothed.

"Rainbow Dash." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Uncouth as she is, she slapped me on the cutie mark."

"You too?!" Applejack scoffed. "I understand Rainbow Dash feelin' inadequate, but what in tarnation does Twilight got ta be insecure about?!"

"Sussy sounds like hussy, you hussy!" the pedant continued yelling, not hearing either of them.

"Mm, yes, Twilight ought to beep when she backs up, but it's not just the size, darling," Rarity drawled, glancing over Applejack's rump with critical eyes. The farmer shuffled her hooves self-consciously. "Although your curves are perfect. It's about the shape. The firmness. The fact you can crush skulls between your thighs while Twilight can only crush her sofa." She growled and stomped. "The fact that Rainbow Dash gently slapping you on the rump would not cause your entire ass to explode!" She jabbed a hoof at the corpse representing her, missing its back half. "They didn't even bother trying to copy my mane! They're like fan artists!"

"Y... uh, you got the hardest hair ta draw, Rarity..." Applejack mumbled. red-faced.

"Then only the best should draw me," Rarity tossed her head primly.

"You jackasses!" Twilight yelled, jumping in place and shaking a hoof like a fist.

"What?!" Luna roared at the next meeting. "Three dead?! With only one changeling?!"

"Don't look at me," Celestia said. "Unlike you, I actually am inexperienced with this game. You're the most qualified for a triple kill, dear sister."

"And what might be the odds I am a changeling twice in a row?" Luna scowled.

"I didn't see who killed me," Cadance admitted to her fellow ghosts. "But it was immediately as I left the cafeteria... I felt this terrible malice, like friggin' Sombra was playing, and then pow."

"Rainbow Dash ain't one ta be subtle," Applejack nodded.

"Howdy," Rainbow Dash cut in, back-hoofing Applejack on the cutie mark.

"R-Rainbow Dash!!" Applejack yelped. "Weren't you a changelin'?!" Dash absently dodged her startled kick, kissing and shaking her now-sore hoof.

"See." Rarity deadpanned.

"See what?" Dash asked cluelessly. "Anyway, I guess there must be three changelings."

"But changelings can't kill each other, can they?" Starlight frowned. "Or at least they shouldn't?" She gave a roar-sigh. "This game is bullshit!"

"The changelings win if they can outnumber the ponies, right?" Cadance confirmed. "So they'd never want to kill each other, even if it might make them look less sus."

"By th' by," Applejack furrowed her brows, "Changelin's can't do tasks none, right?"

"They can't," Rainbow Dash confirmed. "Doesn't bother me, I hate chores."

"So ya have ta pretend you some?" Applejack confirmed.

"That's what changelings do, yes," Cadance said patiently, though with a mighty scowl.

"I ain't learned what all them tasks are, yet..." Applejack sighed.

"We can't confirm anything," Fluttershy asserted to the three other survivors. "It wouldn't be very fair to accuse someone without proof..."

"There are four of us left!" Luna objected. "If we do nothing, only two kills are needed to secure defeat!"

"If we lynch the wrong player, only one is needed," Celestia pointed out. "We must all stay together from this point on. We will perform our tasks in order from tallest to shortest and starting over."

"Okefenokee," Pinkie saluted.

"Okay..." Fluttershy warbled nervously.

"Then it is settled," Luna nodded. "Forsooth! Cooperation, ho!"

"Okay, what the fuck." Starlight echoed in the unlit cafeteria. "There's supposed to be a spotlight, right? Showing who won?"

"All four of them died," Rainbow Dash said. "Like, all at once. Literally every player's dead."

"Right, but how?!" Starlight spat. "They were sticking together, weren't they? All of us were following them. Then they just all fell down dead."

"I've ne'er seen it happen before," Luna pouted. "There is a mandatory wait between kills. One changeling could not kill four, including herself, all at once."

"... Um," Fluttershy began. "Where's Twilight?"

"Wait," Rainbow Dash considered, her ears perking up, "Was she with us for the last meeting? She was a ghost, right?"

"Yer right," Applejack realized. "She shoulda been here fer th' meetin'. but she weren't. Where th' heck --"

Everyone jumped as one of the doors kicked open and a purple-suited mare levitating a chainsaw appeared, cackling madly, with that scary violin sound that always plays in horror games.

"Who's son-of-Tirek-ing 'sus' now?!" Twilight roared. As most of the mares dispersed - including the ghosts - Twilight ran giddily towards the only mare who had not moved, still cackling.

Twilight Sparkle groaned, laying in a hospital bed with a full body cast. "I can't believe I tried to take Luna on with a lousy chainsaw," she grumbled for the tenth time.

"I can't believe she just stood there," Cadance shuddered. "Ever since Shiny made me watch Sawmill, the sound of any electrical cutting thing makes me want to throw up."

"You may recall I was in one of those movies," Celestia gurgled, her face green. "You know I am not that good of an actress... Well, I did not act. They hooked me up to some gizmo, and I thought they actually took off my..." They did not know what of hers, as she shuddered and checked all over herself to be sure nothing was missing.

"Oh, I heard about that," Fluttershy sympathized. "How fortunate that their insurance covered acts of Princesses."

"The chainsaw is not what offended me," Luna spoke haughtily. "Even if it were not plugged in; screweth you, I could have handled you. But you cheated, Twilight Sparkle, and I shan't abide such sacrilege in this noble game of hunters and charlatans."

"It is impressive that you rewrote the enchantments of the studio and were able to murder as a ghost," Celestia admitted, "... but very much not in line with the magic of friendship."

"Is it cheating if I didn't win, though," Twilight grumbled.

"I would say that is more disappointing," Celestia shook her head.

"Almost as disappointing as 'cheating' a Gala into a circus and neglecting to invite thy sister to enjoy it," Luna added, looking pointedly away. Celestia pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes.

"It isn't like Twilight to break rules," Fluttershy cooed sadly. "I don't want to sound mean, but Twilight's always been a... a stickler." She hid her face in her wings, ashamed of her words.

"Sticklers love rules. Grammar is a kind of rules. Really important rules that you all profaned," Twilight preached weakly.

"Speak not of holy trespass, Whore of Babylon," Luna condemned.

"Are you seriously that mad about 'sus'?" Rainbow Dash squeaked. "That's kind of racist, Twi."

The entire room went silent.

"Kind of what," everyone asked in sync.

"I'm on like, super painkillers right now," Twilight slurred, "Did you say what I think you just said..?"

"Racist," Rainbow Dash repeated, her forelegs crossed. "Australian ponies can play this game too, Twi."

"Mm, good drugs," Twilight concluded, closing her eyes with a sleepy smile.

"Rainbow Danger Dash," Applejack demanded, "By Princess Celestia's ambiguously-identified treeified body parts, what th' hell're you talkin' about?!"

"Australians say 'sus' all the time! It's as common as 'oi mite' and 'cooey'!" Rainbow Dash honked like this was not only an unquestionable fact but the most obvious such fact in the world. "Besides, it's faster. I mean, it's just short for 'suspicious'. Who's got time to say all that? We were talking over each other as it was."

"... Is 'Australian' a race?" Pinkie asked, a hoof to her mouth in thought.

"Australians is a whole other species," Applejack conjectured. "And don't be lookin' at me like I'm some kinda hypocrite, least you can tell where m' words start and end!"

"I wouldn't bet on that," Rainbow Dash sassed.

"As a fashion figure," Rarity drawled, "I am no stranger to jargon. At least 'sus' is English, I shan't mind it. Be that as it may, between the... colorful practical effects of the pretend murders, and the fact that our dear friend Twilight Sparkle actually tried to murder us with a chainsaw --"

"Which wasn't plugged in," Twilight mumbled.

"-- I should be much obliged if we simply never played this game again!" Rarity finished.

"If any of you ever say that damn shorthoof again, I'll become an angry ghost for real and haunt you for the rest of your days," Twilight promised.

"And how many days shalt that be, Twilight Sparkle?" Luna challenged.

"I can be very persistent."

Luna and Celestia exchanged a look, then nodded solemnly.

"The game is banned between us," Celestia announced.

Twilight began snoring.

"Just between us," Rarity whispered loudly to everyone, "I think Twilight makes everything about herself sometimes."

They all nodded, choosing to say nothing in response to that.