It all began like every other typical day in Equestria, a particularly quiet period in the tiny town of Ponyville. The most activity that is to be seen along the streets is along the Market Place, where the vendors stood by the stands barking out requests for a passerby or two to buy their produce. Among such walking by one stand to the next, a certain baby dragon, Spike, was carrying two baskets worth of produce as he whistles a merry tune.
It was that particular hour of the day when Spike would make a run through the market to pick up some groceries to bring back to the castle. What with Twilight Sparkle busy with her studies while balancing her princess duties and being the school headmare, naturally it would be up to Spike to manage this errand so as not to bother his friend during her work. Plus, knowing that she had an infamous appetite after a lengthy period of studying, Spike would need all the produce he can get. But if anything else, it would give him an excuse to get out once in a while and greet the neighbors and friends along the way.
After a period of walking, Spike stops by a nearby stand and carefully lays the baskets aside for a quick rest. Just then, a pan filled with chocolate treats leans right before him, in this case miniature slices of pie in the shape of triangles.
“Mud pie sir?” A feminine voice asked. “They’re free samples!”
“Free?” Spike smiled. “Well, don’t mind if I do!”
Absentmindedly, Spike reaches his short arms toward one of the pies clutching a tiny slice with his claws. He hurls the pie into his mouth and chews on it… until he stops, his eyes widen, and they shrink to pinpricks. Spike violently spits the pie onto the ground, coughing while trying to clear his throat, and scrubbing his tongue.
“What the hay?!” Spike yelled disgusted. “What kind of pie is this~”
Spike turns around and paused when he saw the face of the vendor before his eyes. Only it wasn’t a woman, and even if it were she was not the most pleasant sight before the young dragon’s eyes. As a matter of fact, it was one of his ‘friends’, Discord the Lord of Chaos… although friend is a bit of a strong word. Yet there he was, his face coated with the ugliest makeup: Too much red lipstick, a heavy amount of eyeshadow, and blush so black along the cheeks it’s like he dabbed his face with coal.
“Well, it’s certainly not a Mud Pie from Mississippi I’ll tell you that much,” Discord replied in his regular voice. “And… it’s not mud.”
“GAH!!!!” Spike screamed, falling back in surprise.
Discord watches with a smirk, as Spike once more tries to clear the taste out of his mouth. So desperate, he takes a pair of peaches from one of his baskets and squeezes every ounce of the juice through his mouth and quickly swishes his mouth. Meanwhile, Discord grabs his face with his talon and pulls it off… revealing he was wearing a mask, as his regular face looks on and he tosses the face with the heavy make-up aside.
“Morning, Spike ole boy!” Discord greeting. “Foolish and gullible as always.”
“For the love of-!” Spike muttered, spitting the juice. “Discord! What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” Discord asked, rolling his eyes. “What a quaint and silly question.”
Suddenly, with a flick of his talon, Discord disappears as a miniature Discord suddenly appears on Spike’s right shoulder.
“If you know me as well as everyone pipsqueak, then you know by now I don’t ever explain ‘why’ I do just about anything. Must a man always tell his significant other the whereabouts I choose to be.”
“Significant other?!” Spike shouted.
Flustered, Spike slaps a paw on his shoulder, but Discord disappeared seconds before contact. Spike moans while rubbing his shoulder, as Discord reappears sitting in one of the baskets taking a banana, peels it really slow, and then hurls the actual fruit away to slurp the banana peel.
“My aren’t we grabby today,” Discord replied sarcastically. “I had no idea you felt that way about me.”
“Wuh—NO! I was… of course… I was… but I…” Spike stuttered.
“Oh, do form your syllables won’t you kiddo. It’s like talking to a colt in a magic kindergarten.”
Discord sighs as he Spike is at a loss for words. Of course, Spike would expect Discord to mess with him as much as any of his friends and it was obvious Discord had this planned. Still, being one of the best players in ‘Ogres and Oubliettes’ and because there’s not many guy friends Spike has other than Big Mac, Spike didn’t actually have a choice. As Discord watches the dragon compose himself, his eyes spot a little filly walking through the market.
A tiny little Pegasus, about the age of a school filly, it was Cozy Glow, one of the students at Twilight’s School of Friendship. There was no mistaking her based on appearance: A pink coat, her light blue curly mane and tail, her scarlet eyes, and a cutie mark of a rook. Although in Discord’s mind, she looked more like a ‘Candy Floss’ or some rip-off of some child star named after some beverage he can get at the jazz club. And seeing this filly going about her business, Discords eyebrows raise up and down as he gets an idea.
“You know Spike… you really are such a slow creature,” Discord spoke. “Actually, no… creature is too kind for you. I’m thinking something lower than that, something… barely with any form of life at all.”
“What the heck are you getting at, Discord?!” Spike frowned annoyed.
“And there we go! Yelling at a guy when he’s just trying to make friendly conversation, if only you were this outspoken over that little missy you’ve been crushing on for years. But you know what they say: The weaker the dragon, the more it yells… too bad that don’t account for all the noise you make.”
“Gee… aren’t you in rare form today,” Spike replied sarcastically.
“Why thank you, you’re too kind,” Discord replied, ignoring the sarcasm.
But Discord knew he had Spike all exasperated, just the way the mischievous Draconequus had it all planned. It was then he decides to go for the big whammy.
“Say now? Who’s she?” Discord points out.
“Huh?” Spike spoke confused. “What do you mean who’s…?”
It was then Spike actually acknowledged the pony, standing approaching him. Discord’s eyes keep a close watch upon the filly, as if deep down he could tell something was off about this pony (But he’d rather save it for another season). She appeared like the run of the mill young-and-cute filly crossing the street, but perhaps a little ‘too’ cute.
“Hello Spike!” Cozy greeted, fluttering her eyes.
“Um… Hi Cozy Glow,” Spike greeted awkwardly.
“Well… well…” Discord replied mischievously. “So, you finally started seeing other ponies for a change little man?”
“What? Dude, it’s just one of my friends… uh… well, we are… she’s…”
“Cozy Glow,” The filly interrupts. “The name’s Cozy Glow and it’s delightful to meet you sir.”
“Indeed…” Discord nodded, turning to Spike. “Seems Twilight was right about you all along. I just never realized you had it in you to be such a, oh what’s the polite word for it… a simp.”
Spike’s eyes widen in surprise, while Cozy Glow raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!” Spike yelled, waving his claws. “Where in Equestria did that come from?!”
“Oh… I don’t know,” Discord replied, with a small smile. “Sorry to burst your bubble kiddo, but when I see something as such, in this case ‘a simp’, I just call it like it is. Now what kind of a friend would that make me if I weren’t being honest with one of my best pals?”
Spike merely frowned at the comment, especially the way Discord played around with the word ‘friend’ in the sentence.
“Oh my, it seems Twilight didn’t have the time to teach you the meaning of the word. Well, to put it bluntly, a simp is best described for a man who likes—”
“You’re jealous, are you?” Cozy Glow interrupted.
“Hey, hold on Cozy Glow,” Spike spoke surprised. “Isn’t that a little uncalled f—”
“I just call it as I see it, Spikey,” Cozy giggled, turning to Discord. “Well, is it true? Are you just ‘teasing’ this handsome stud because you’re ‘jealous’?”
“Handsome… stud?” Spike asked uncomfortably.
But Discord didn’t reward Cozy’s question with a response, he just stared at her as if he were studying the scenario. Not like the fact that Spike happened to be in town when this filly arrived, he knew better than to be jealous of his friends hanging with others… again. Course, he didn’t seem to notice the way Spike eyed his face closely as if expecting his blood to boil. But whatever Discord did have in mind, that seemed to not be the case.
“You know… You’re right,” Discord feigned innocent. “I do apologize for teasing one of my friends. It’s just that it’s been such a long time since our last guy’s night, it just gets so lonely when my friends start hanging with girls. I can do that anytime with any girl I feel like, but mostly Fluttershy, but once in a while it doesn’t hurt to hang with the boys.”
“Since when do you ever—” Spike began.
“Never mind, this is not about me,” Discord brushed off, summoning a tiny box. “Here, I brought you a present.”
“A present?” Spike asked curiously. “But it’s not my birthday.”
“I know, I know,” Discord nodded. “Think of it as a little ‘peace offering’. A kind gesture to share amongst friends. But uh… would you mind closing your eyes for a moment?”
“… Uh, no!” Spike shook his head. “You think I’m not onto you. Celestia knows this could be just another one of your pranks. Anything from you is probably—”
“Oh golly Spike, do go on,” Cozy Glow motioned. “It seems like he’s trying to do something nice. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Hmm… Well, all right,” Spike caved. “Not like I shouldn’t be used to this.”
Spike takes the box from Discord’s grip, as he folds his arms back and turns his head away with a smile. Looking at Discord for a moment, Spike cautiously unties the yellow ribbon over the tiny white box. Then very carefully, he opens the lid as a bit of dust shoots in his face. Coughing out the dust in his lungs, the little dragon peers into the box only for his face to shift to confusion.
“Hey, what gives?!” Spike asked. “It’s just… it’s just… an… empty… baaaa…”
Spike eye’s suddenly rolls back in his head, as if suddenly became overcome by drowsiness. Before he knew it, the Dragon suddenly lost consciousness and faints back landing on the back of his head. Discord merely giggles as he snaps his paw and turns a nearby vendor’s stand into a makeshift reclining chair with fruit marks on it.
“Oh Spike, how I enjoy tormenting you out of boredom,” Discord replied casually. “A nice way for a guy to pass the time.”
As Spike slumbered away like the fool Discord knew him as, a hysterical laugh caused the Lord of Chaos to open an eye. The only other figure being Cozy Glow and she was actually laughing.
“It is fun to mess with folks isn’t it?” Cozy chuckled, trotting away. “Like he really thought I was crushing on him.”
As Discord watched her leave, another Discord appears right beside him. This one wearing glasses hanging loosely over his big muzzle.
“Devious for a pony her age, isn’t she?” The other Discord observed.
“Heh… seems more like a mare with a rare case of dwarfism than a filly,” The real Discord replied, brushing his beard.
“I know that look,” The other Discord spoke. “What devious thoughts do you have planned now?”
“Oh… why stop at just letting Spike snooze like the lazy little dragon he is. Now I’m thinking something really fun, of course this is forbidden magic but then who am I when it comes to rules? But no matter where he goes, Spike’s bound to get more attention than even the writers will permit him too.”
“Good sir! That is arrogant, presumptuously scheming even… Do go on!”
“Well, as dreadful of magic as it may be, I’ve spent the thousands of years crafting this into perfection. Why Spike will be so distracted by all the attention, coming from the most unlikely of suitors, he won’t even realize what’s going on.”
“Nice said ole boy!” The other Discord praised.
“Oh stop, you are too kind!” The real Discord replied.
The two Discords shake hands, in this case the talon shaking the other’s paw, as Discord’s real paw snaps his fingers behind him. Seconds later, the second Discord disappeared, and Spike wakes up to a sudden jolt. The little dragon gasped, taking deep breathes, as he just came to.
“Wh-wh-wh-wh-what happened?” Spike asked, struggling with his words. “Geez! I feel like I hit my head on a wall or…”
A giggling noise caused Spike to turn, as he massaged his head with one claw.
“Discord?” Spike asked, staring suspiciously. “What are you laughing at?”
“Oh, whatever do you mean, Spike?” Discord asked innocently. “I’m merely just—well, speak of the devil.”
The two boys turn when Cozy Glow suddenly came back, only there was something unusual about her. Turns out, there was more to Discord’s little trick that Spike was blissfully unaware of. For now, hearts started fluttering from Cozy’s eyes as she gazed longingly at him.
“Cozy, what’s up with you?” Spike asked uncomfortably. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Oh Spike,” Cozy sighed. “I never realized just how incredibly attractive you are.”
Spike’s face stared at her in shock, turning a bright shade of red.
“Uh… Cozy, did you eat something funny?”
“No… But I do see something very delicious, a true dish.”
Spike was rightfully uncomfortable, as he couldn’t tell if Cozy Glow was actually toying with him again or if she was actually being sincere. On that note, Spike wasn’t used to being on the other side or having a creature showing an attraction to him, much less a pony. Of course, there was Gabby from Griffinstone, but he insisted they were just friends.
“Listen Cozy, if you’re running a fever, maybe we should get you home,” Spike offered with an awkward smile. “I think maybe you should get some rest.
“Oh Spike, you are such a sensitive idiot aren’t you?” Cozy Glow swooned. “You’re so sincere… I could cry!!!”
All at once, Cozy Glow started to cry as her eyes streamed with tears.
“Whoa, whoa, hold on a sec!” Spike spoke shocked. “Why are you crying?!”
“Oh Spike, I always cry when I’m happy you beastly man!”
“… What do you do when you’re sad?”
“… Cry.”
Cozy Glow continued to cry, as Spike turned towards Discord who merely turns his head away as if he were struggling not to laugh.
“Discord, a little help here please?!” Spike demanded. “Do something!”
“Moi?” Discord asked, feigning surprise. “But what can I do? I wouldn’t want to pull anymore tricks?”
“Discord I know you had something to do with this! Whatever you are doing with my personal life, it’s none of your business!”
“Maybe… But that won’t stop the writers from putting together whatever I please.”
“… What are you talking abou--?”
“Oh Spike, I’m so sorry for those mean things I say behind your back,” Cozy Glow cried.
“That’s fine… Wait what?” Spike turned in confusion.
“Oh Spike, don’t you know that when girls do mean things to a guy, it usually means one thing? I ‘hate’ you… because I love you!”
“WHAAAAT?!” Spike yelled in surprised. “W-Where did THAT come from?!”
“Oh, isn’t this a delightful ‘Days of Our Lives’ moment!” Discord chuckled. “What can I say Spike? Seems some boys are just too ‘irresistible’ to your charm and spell.”
“Oh Spike, marry me you hunk!” Cozy Glow spoke, hugging Spike. “Say yes and I’ll make you the happiest Dragon in all of Equestria.”
“Marry?!” Spike cried, trying to pry off her. “Now let’s talk this out for a second! I barely even know you.”
As Discord watched his friend attempt to slip away from the suddenly love-sick filly, another idea pops in his head just to spice things up.
“Your chimichurri vegan burrito sir,” A vendor offers a steaming plate.
“Thank you sir,” Discord thanked, taking the tray.
Snapping his paw and having tons of bits pour all over the poor stallion, Discord approaches the two while chewing on his burrito.
“So Child, you truly love Spike that much?” Discord asked between chews.
“Oh yes!” Cozy smiled widely. “Like I’ve never loved another man in a thousand years!”
“What is happening?!” Spike asked frantically.
“Hmm…” Discord thought, tossing his burrito in his paw. “Oh my, my, my… No, no, no! I’m afraid this won’t do at all.”
“WHAT?!?!” Cozy cried out. “Why not?!”
“Oh dear, how do I put it ever so delicately. You see my dear, there’s no hope for you and Spike to be an official ship… because frankly he’s head-over-heels in love with other girls!”
“WHAT?!” Spike cried in shock.
“WHAT?!” Cozy gasped, turning to Spike. “Is this true?!”
“What NO!” Spike yelled, waving his claws. “I mean, I kind of had this crush—No, no that’s not what I meant!”
SLAP!!!
Spike felt a hard-stinging sensation on his left cheek, as Cozy Glow delivered a hard slap.
“Oh Spike, you are so mean!” Cozy pouted.
Rubbing his face, Spike turned angrily towards Discord.
“Discord, you twisted, evil, sociopathic Dragonequus!” Spike points accusingly. “What is your scheme this time!?”
“Oh come now, no need to be shy!” Discord said jokingly. “We know how boys are when it comes to admitting their feelings! Like how you were just telling me of those three mares who couldn’t keep their hoofs off you.”
“Three… mares?” Spike gulped, not liking where this was going.
“Oh, Spike!”
“Are you out here?!”
“Oh, there he is!”
All of a sudden, three female voices cause Spike to look up as Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and even Princess Celestia show up. For whatever reason, the three mares approach them as Discord leans back, summons a bag of popcorn with a snap, and starts munching away.
“My, what an interesting cast of characters,” Discord replied.
“There you are Spike!” Twilight yelled.
“You know how hard it was to find you?!” Celestia cried out.
“Oh dear, are you hurt Spikey?” Fluttershy asked calmly, examining his cheek. “Here, let me get that for you.”
Fluttershy proceeds to massage Spike’s cheek, trying to soothe the stinging sensation as the other mares gathered around him.
“Twilight, what’s going on?!” Spike asked confused.
“Don’t you worry, Spike,” Twilight assured, taking out a bottle. “Just drink this and everything will be just fine!”
Twilight pressed the bottle into Spike’s mouth, until surprisingly Fluttershy swapped the bottle directly from his mouth. But Twilight didn’t like that one bit, as she turned her attention to Fluttershy.
“Fluttershy, what’re you doing?!” Twilight yelled. “That was Spike’s special medicine!”
“Well, I was about to ask the same question, Twilight Sparkle!” Fluttershy frowned. “How dare you continue to treat him like a baby!”
“No pony knows Spike better than me! I practically raised him since he was an egg!”
“If you pardon me for butting in my faithful student,” Princess Celestia stepped up. “But if we can be technical, the egg was found and placed under my care ‘before’ it became part of your test.”
“Yes, and he’s been living with me ever since!” Twilight argued. “And no other pony shows as much love for Spike than me!”
“L-Love?” Fluttershy asked blushing.
“Yes! Must I draw a picture?” She shouted. “I… Love… Spike!”
“WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?”
The group froze in place, even all the ponies in the background, as a loud cry echoed throughout Ponyville. Neither one had an idea where the shout came from, only it didn’t sound far considering they were in close range. Despite the ringing ears and a few broken windows, Discord turned toward the girls and Spike as they faced each other awkwardly.
“So… I’m not the only one who heard that, right?” Discord asked, breaking the silence. “Like a million voices crying out in anguish?”
“No,” Twilight shook her head. “Probably just hearing things.”
“Yeah…” Fluttershy nodded.
“So, we’re just going to ignore that, huh?” Discord asked again.
“Yeah, nothing important,” Princess Celestia assured.
“Okie-dokie…”
The awkward silence proceeds again, as they all eye each other waiting to see who breaks the silence. Spike whistles and tries to step aside only for Fluttershy to suddenly pull him back.
“Under the circumstances,” Fluttershy continued, as the others groan. “No matter how much you love some pony, you can’t keep babying them all the time!”
“I must concur with Fluttershy,” Celestia replied. “That’s terribly unfair for the little dragon. Here Spike, I have something that should refresh your… to put it delicately… sweet tooth.”
Celestia channels her magic, the aura charging within her mighty horn. And then before the dragon’s very eyes, a gem appears before Spike, his eyes widen as he recognized it by its shape and color.
“A fire ruby!” Spike gasped. “It takes months to age this just right!”
“Oh yes, I know how you love these, and I craft it specifically for you,” Celestia smiled.
“Oh uh… th-thank you… Princess Celestia… ma’am,” Spike blushed, taking the gem.
Just as Spike was about to eat it, Twilight slapped the gemstone from out of Spike’s claws. Spike yelped and clutched his stinging claws as Discord held his stomach, bellowing out laughing.
“Oh, good serve Twilight!” Discord chuckled, looking down. “Hmm… can’t say the same about the gem. It’s all smashed into itty-bitty pieces! Eh, a ‘real’ ruby wouldn’t really break… right Tia?”
“Ugh… Stay out of this, Discord!” Celestia frowned.
To say that Celestia was disappointed her plan was thwarted was a major understatement. She turns toward her student, as Twilight frowns and shakes her head. Celestia merely smiles sheepishly.
“Seems I can’t take my eyes off you for a second, Princess,” Twilight replied.
Celestia merely giggled to herself, as Spike rubbed his throbbing claws.
“Some pony PLEASE tell me what’s going on!” Spike begged.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” Twilight spoke, turning to Spike. “That gem our Princess just offered you contained a very, very, VERY powerful sleeping pill.”
Shocked, Spike turned towards Princess Celestia. Discord stroked the beard under his chin wondering how this would turn out.
“Seriously?!” Spike asked angrily.
“Well, I didn’t make Twilight my student for nothing,” Celestia shrugged chuckling. “But yes, I did put a sleeping pill in there. Not the kind you can easily find in a store, oh no! This one is so powerful, not even the Pony of Shadows would wake from it!”
“Are you kidding me?!” Spike yelped, stepping back.
“Um Princess, pardon for asking,” Fluttershy spoke quietly. “But um… what were you planning to do with him after putting him to sleep?”
“Ah yes, since there’s no reason not to declare,” Celestia began, clearing her throat. “First off, I intend to—”
<>
Discord time!!!!!
*Pause* Ooh… So close! *Clears throat* Well ladies and gentlemen, to make a long story short, let’s say Princess Celestia had some… ‘exotic’ uses for our little friend.
One of these days you’re going to put me on an ‘M’ rated list...!
Keyword being one day.
*SunTwi merely pouts*
*Sighs* All right, moving forward…
<>
“PRINCESS CELESTIA!!!” Fluttershy gasped. “How could you stoop so low? That’s… Totally unfair!”
“Yeah, don’t I get a say in any of this?” Spike asked.
“Oh no, not that! I’m talking about how ‘I’ was going to have a moment with you!”
“WHAT?!”
“Keep dreaming, little filly,” Celestia grinned mischievously. “The little dragon is all MINE!”
“He’s MINE!” Twilight protested.
“Don’t speak to him like he’s merely an object!” Fluttershy yelled.
“Ah, shut up you skanky old hags!!!”
In the midst of all the excitement, the mares and the two gentlemen had completely forgot about that one elephant in the room (Or in this case, the market). Having heard enough of their bickering, Cozy Glow jumped in the middle of the scenario and put their arguing to rest. To say they were shocked, especially hearing such talk from a filly so young, that was an understatement.
“Skanky…” Twilight began.
“Old…” Celestia added offended.
“HAG!!!” Fluttershy gasped, before starting to cry.
“Oh you did not just say what I think you said, young lady!” Celestia yelled.
“Yeah, every pony knows you never try to make Fluttershy cry!” Twilight added. “It didn’t work for Gilda!”
The aforementioned Griffin conveniently passed by carrying a bag of envelopes, scrunching some ‘hate mail’ in her free talon.
“I made her cry ‘one’ time ponies!” Gilda grumbled, passing through. “ONE… TIME!!!”
They all stared awkwardly as Gilda grumbled to herself, the heavy back carried over her shoulder before she faded off to the side. Though she was sad, Fluttershy quickly wiped her tears away.
“I didn’t want to have to do this, but I must make one thing clear to all of you!” Fluttershy declared. “Spike… is already… MY husband!”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!” He yelled surprised.
Even Discord was quick shocked, even though he didn’t seem fazed on the outside.
“Spike, you scallywag!” Discord replied, feigning shock. “You elope with Fluttershy and not invited ‘me’ as the best man?!”
“Stay out of this, Discord!” Spike yelled. “You’re making things worse!”
“You think that’s bad, wait till all the Fluttercord shippers come knocking on your door!”
“FLUTTERCORD?!?!?!”
“Will some pony PLEASE tell me what she’s blabbering about?” Cozy Glow demanded, turning to Fluttershy. “Explain yourself!”
“Well, it just so happens I’ve taken the liberty of going to city hall and filed our marriage registration!” Fluttershy answered, displaying the file in her hoof. “As of today, I am now OFFICIALLY Mrs. Spike the Dragon.”
“MARRIAGE REGISTRATION?!” Spike yelled, wide eyed. “When did you even have time to do that?!”
“And how did you even get his signature?” Celestia questioned. “There’s no way you got his signature!”
“Oh, well funny story…” She answered calmly. “I had help from a friend in the Crystal Empire…”
“The Crystal Empire?!” Spike asked annoyed. “As if the guards in Canterlot weren’t bad already…”
Suddenly, before Spike could finish, three more guests skid toward the group. Judging by the look on Spike’s eyes, it was not hard for him to recognize them. Specifically, three fillies who always hang out together and share nearly the same cutie mark (With minimal differences in detail).
“Oh my!” Discord smirked. “Seems we can look forward to some, ah… ‘extra’ mingling…”
“Wow, Spike!” Scootaloo sighed, lying her head on his tummy. “You’re so hot!”
“Have ya been workin’ out?” Apple Bloom asked, holding his arms. “Those muscles are so toned!”
“I really like you’re… scales,” Sweetie Belle sighed, fluttering her eyelashes.
Spike didn’t say anything, as they drew closer to him, but it was plain as the nose on his face how uncomfortable he was. Discord lounged about, as all these mares leapt upon the poor defenseless dragon. Spike could barely gasp as his tiny frame was crushed beneath their bodies, barely having the lung capacity to released a muffled cry of agony.
“Girls!” Fluttershy shouted, pulling Spike out. “Aren’t you ashamed of yourselves! Need I remind you all that Spike is MY husband?!”
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Spike asked.
“No…”
Celestia slowly approached Fluttershy with cold, dead eyes, before grabbing the marriage certificate with her aura. She studies the written document for a few seconds, a serious expression on her face, nodding as if she understood the by-laws and such. But moments later, the Princess rips the certificate into pieces with her bare hooves.
Then slowly, extending her hooves in front of Fluttershy, the Princess’ hooves open as the shredded paper rains in front of Fluttershy. Her eyes widen and start to tear as the remnants of the slip of paper rain before her eyes… everything left of the certificate with Spike’s ‘signature’ now in a billion pieces.
“NOOOOOOOOOO!” Fluttershy cried out. “My marriage registration!”
As painful as it would be for any pony in town to watch these girls act so irrationally, Discord on the other hoof was rather delighted by these shenanigans. He always anointed himself as the most powerful being in all of Equestria, but to see his magic make one of the most powerful of ponies act out like a child was very amusing for Discord. Proving now that his spell was far more powerful than even he could ever imagine.
“For shame, Fluttershy!” Celestia spoke begrudgingly. “Using a guard from a neighboring kingdom to forge a fake signature… that’s just sad. Impressive, of course… but sad.”
A chuckle echoes in the air as Cozy Glow approaches Fluttershy who looks down toward the ground in shame.
“I just love the sound of ponies being put down in the morning!” Cozy Glow said happily. “Makes me wonder what you ponies will do next…”
Cozy Glow slaps Fluttershy along the hip when all of a sudden a pile of envelopes fall from Fluttershy’s mane. The group stare in shock, as Twilight picks up an envelope with her magic before Fluttershy can get it. Opening the envelope, she gasps as she see a marriage registration with the same signatures.
“No!” Fluttershy yelled. “My duplicate marriage registration!”
“Duplicate marriage registration!” Cozy Glow repeated angrily. “You actually had more of these?!”
“I’m surprised with you Fluttershy!” Twilight shook her head. “Where’s your dignity?”
“Yeah, there’s no way Spike would ever fall for some pony like her,” Sweetie Belle added. “She’s never even had experience going on a date.”
“Wh-Why is every pony ganging up on me?!” Fluttershy cried. “It’s just… I… Why can’t I fall in love with Spike like every pony else?”
Just then, they heard some pony, or rather some creature, clearing their throat. They all turn to the side as it turns out there was someone they didn’t expect to show up. A rather tall dragon, red in scales with a yellow underbelly and sharp fangs sticking out of his mouth. Someone that Spike knows all too well, and he could see this creature was far from pleased.
“I have a bone to pick with you, pipsqueak!” The dragon shouted.
“Garble?!” Spike shouted surprised.
“Garble?!” Discord repeated. “Well… this is unexpected.”
“I come to this mamby-pamby town looking all over for you, and I find you surrounded by these mares?!” Garble asked angrily. “Few of them barely your own age?! You better have an explanation for this mister…”
“Oh no, not you too, Garble!” Spike groaned stepping back. “What’s with your eyes? They’re very… very… heart-shaped?!”
“What is this madness?!” Twilight Sparkle asked. “You and Spike are supposed to hate each other!”
Garble merely steps closer to the ponies, getting angrier with each step.
“Can it Twilight Twinkle!” Garble yelled.
“It’s Twilight ‘Sparkle’!” Twilight yelled back.
“I know what I said! You horrible pack of harpies, thinking you have the right to put your hands on my Spike! I’ll burn every single one of you ponies into Cheesesteak!”
All at once, Garble opens his mouth wide as a glow bellows deep in his gut. Spike’s eyes widen and all the other ponies slowly turn toward each other. Discord, sensing danger, shifts into a military outfit and blows on a whistle hung around his neck.
“DUCK AND COVER, EVERY PONY!” Discord shouts. “Hoofs over yer head; low to the ground! Duck and cover!”
All the ponies in the market proceed to scream and run, as Spike and the mares split up as Garble unleashes flames over the spot. The area around Ponyville starts to go up in flames, as emotions literally flare from the teenage dragon. But not of love nor hate not eve obsession… just pure, unhinged rage.
Fortunately, Discord was able to teleport just as Garble blew the flames with a mighty roar. Over the rooftops, he could see that the town was starting to go up in flames with Twilight and the mares huddled around Spike, who looked scared out of his mind. Just seeing all this chaos, which was far too great even for Discord, he couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty about it.
“Okay… I think we’ve gone far enough with this spell,” Discord declared. “Take five every pony!”
With a snap of Discord’s paw, a bright light flashed all over Ponyville. A second later, the flames had disappeared, no buildings were singed, nor any stands were overturned. All the ponies, including Garble, stared blankly while piled together on top of Spike, who’s left eye twitched uncontrollably. Soon as they started coming to, turning their faces toward each other, they quickly pick themselves off the ground. To say they were all confused was a major understatement. Suddenly, Discord appears before them as they all turn toward him.
“Well, I don’t know about all of you,” Discord replied. “But it’s safe to say that spell was a little stronger than even I imagined. Who’d of thought it could work on creatures of all ages? Well, except for me because well… I’m just that great.”
Neither the ponies nor Garble or even Spike uttered a word. They just glared toward Discord, realizing that whatever spell they were all under (Except Spike) this was all his doing. Discord smiled sheepishly, his talon disappeared and scratched a spot his arm length couldn’t reach.
“Oh, all right… maybe I went a little overboard with the hijinks today. But you know, I’m sure we’re all going to look back on this moment and we’re going to laugh. It’s not as if this story is canon anyway, you know. I mean Spike and Fluttershy or Spike and Celestia. Whoo! The ideas folks come up with are crazier than even mine.”
Spike, the most flustered of all, having spent an entire period overwhelmed with more attention than he’d like crawled from beneath the pile of girls (and Garble). Once in the clear, Spike proceeds to pick himself onto his short legs. Spike takes a deep breath, blowing out some hot steam as he glared toward his Draconequus friend.
“Girls…” Spike spoke, breaking the silence. “Pile me!”
The girls turn toward one another, then getting the idea they nod their heads. Using their magic, Twilight, Sweetie Belle, and even Princess Celestia telepathically carry a load of random objects and proceed to hurl them all over Spike. All at once, the ground starts to shake as a tremor suddenly rocked Ponyville. Suddenly, exploding from the pile, Spike assumed his giant dragon form and bellowed across the town in rage as he towered over all the ponies. Even Garble was so stunned, his jaw hit the ground.
The taller Spike loomed down over Discord, who stared so wide-eyed and shocked, all the color drained out of his body and dripped into a giant puddle beneath his feet until his entire frame was nothing but all white with black outlines. And then Spike unleashes a loud roar, that could rival that of a Kaiju, and Discord releases a high-pitched scream, tucks tail, and runs away. So scary that even the puddle forms into a Discord outline, which screams at the sight of Spike, and follows the Draconequus.
The motley crew watches as Spike pursues Discord in an act of revenge for his fiendish prank upon the group, but mostly towards Spike. The chase has Spike charging toward Discord through the buildings and over the hills, until their shadows run towards the sun. The ponies didn’t really do much except stare toward the horizon, and occasionally blink.
“… Well, I don’t know about the rest of you girls,” Twilight spoke. “But I should really get back to the school and sign some papers.”
“I do need to check up on all my animals at the Sanctuary,” Fluttershy added, walking away.
“Hey Cozy, you wanna join me and the girls for brunch?” Apple Bloom offered.
“Golly, brunch sounds real good right now,” Cozy nodded, following the girls.
“And I’m… going to start planning my retirement,” Celestia declares, flying away.
“Oh yes, you go do that Princess…” Twilight spoke absentmindedly, then realizes. “Wait… What did you say?”
Rather than going back to the school, Twilight follows Celestia as every pony else in the group leaves to try to forget the day that just transpired. Garble just stood there while all the other town-ponies were minding their own business. He didn’t notice Gilda return to that spot and approach the dragon, she too wondering what was going on.
“I tell ya,” Garble spoke. “These ponies really are nuts!”
“Tell me about it,” Gilda agreed.
“Hmm…”
The dragon and griffin stood there breathing it all in. Until Garble turns his attention towards Gilda, and she in turn.
“You wanna make out?” Garble asked.
“… Sure, why not?” Gilda shrugged.
Then the two proceed to start making out, as if they were under their own little spell. Beautiful yet somewhat bittersweet as they seemed to just make out for the sake of making out. They proceed to kiss and hug, until finding themselves somewhere private in an alleyway where they could proceed with more ‘exotic’ actions…
<>
Discord, YOU… BRUTE!!!
Whoop! Exit stage left!
Whooping like a Stooge, Discord makes a dash for the exit as the Aurthor proceeds to chase her partner with a mallet. Before long, the real Discord pops up from a window.
“Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-That’s all folks!” Discord shouted.
Suddenly, a giant purple claw clutches the Draconequus by the throat and pulls him away into a corner.
