Chapters This is how my life starts
Author's Note
hello this is my first ever fic and i am so excited to FINALLY start it i have been playing with this idea for... months? or was it years.. idk anyway i hope any who read this enjoys and doesn't take the title too literally yes this is a Gary Stu but at this juncture i am unsure which direction i am willing to take him since i am writing this on the fly and even tho yes OPness is my goal i want this to be an adventure he has to earn. there will be small instances of instant and short power that will take care of certain situations but again as i said... oh sweet dark-side of the moon goddess I'm repeating myself too much
ENJOY
This is how my life starts
Hello whoever is reading this. My name is Ethan Theodore Rhodes. I use to be human till a strange creature popped (and yes, I mean popped with the * pop * sound and everything) into my life and turned it topsy-turvy. But that is for later, for now I think some context is needed.
Before the ‘event’ (as that’s what I’m referring it to) I was an average 17-year-old with an average family and an average life. At least that’s what I think now but any 17-year old doesn’t think that way during the time. Yes, I was moody and yes, I had issues but overall, they were mundane and not worth the emotion I put into them. That was then and one day during my algebra 2 class a strange man walks in and introduces himself as Mr. Douglas Courd (pronounced kôrd) and was wearing the most ridiculous outfit. Now I’m not into fashion at all and even I cringed and the mismatched yellows, browns and greys that made up his choice in attire. He took a look around the room and I swear the stare I got peered into my very being and for once I had the feeling that today was going to be… chaotic.
After Mr. Courd introduced himself as our substitute stating the regular teacher Ms. Felwether was feeling under the weather and was laid up at home, he then turned to the dry erase board mumbled something and wrote out an equation that had most of us baffled. As he turned to look at us and saw our expressions he looked back at the board and said “whoops that’s an advanced calculus problem, my bad” and erased it while giggling. It was at this point I started having serious doubts as to his actual credentials to teach, but let it slide because he seemed more tolerable than our regulars droning voice.
It was after class now and during lunch that things took a turn for the weird. I had just gone through the lunch line and sat down at my usual spot by a window so I could people watch while I ate. I took a peek toward the cafeteria entrance when the sound of the doors opened a little more forcibly that I was used to only to see my worst nightmare made flesh. Henry MacDowell strutted in and upon seeing me made a beeline straight my way. After reaching me he the proceeded to knock my tray so the contents would drop to the ground but not before most of my lunch made a mess out of my shirt and jeans. “Hey Fuck nugget looks like you decided to wear your lunch again HAHAHAHA” all I could do was make my way to the nearest restroom and ponder why bullies still existed past middle school. It didn’t help that the situation was so cliché by him being the quarterback for our football team and me having the reputation for being smart even though my GPA was only 3.5.
As I entered the restroom to clean myself, I grabbed as many paper towels as I could and started cleaning myself in the nearest sink. After about a minute I heard the door open and assumed that Henry was back to finish what he started however as I turned, I heard the voice of the newest occupant. The words “Couldn’t help see you got a little something on you during lunch” come through my thought process from my math substitute, not only the least likely person I thought I would ever hear joke like that but the last one I wanted to hear that from.
"hello Mr. Courd, how can i help you?" i asked hoping beyond hope he would let me work out my embarrassment in private. As it turns out my luck is not that good.
I got a look that basically said ‘really? Gonna try the nonchalant route?’ so I just sighed and told him what happened. The weirdest thing was Mr. Courd didn’t even react to the fact I was for lack of a better term dumped on and only had one thing to say. “I have an idea that might get you away for a bit. However, in no way shape or form are you to mention who did this favor. I have a reputation to uphold and I also don’t want to make a certain someone angry with me.”
“Well what do I have to lose?” turns out I had a bit in the long run but that’s later. I know I probably should have thought things though a little more and trusting this person after only having one class with him as acting teacher was possibly the dumbest idea I had, but I was kind of wiped emotionally at the time. As I got cleaned up, I took the time to ask a few questions such as “where is this getaway?” and “how long would I be gone?” I may have jumped the gun in agreeing but that didn’t mean I had to be stupid about it. But like all mysterious and cryptic people he deflected each and every one saying something to the effect of “It’s a surprise!” or “where is your sense of adventure?”
It took about thirty minutes to clean my self between railroading my questions and the gunk of my meal, I was somewhat decent for now. Mr. Courd and I left the restroom and almost immediately I regretted it as who should show up but Henry himself acting as though he made the funniest joke since the whoopie cushion. I know I said Henry was my walking nightmare but actually he wasn’t that bad as bullies go. As in he didn’t go out of his way just to make my life miserable and I wasn’t scared to let him know just what I thought of him. Also having him as my personal bully for 7 years made me kind of desensitized to his level of bull shit and add to the fact that he sort of found the limit I was willing to take around year 4 by way of a broken nose and fractured right arm he mellowed out only going so far. As I walked I toward Henry I noticed Mr. Courd staring (I wouldn’t call it a glare but it still had glare like properties) at us as though interested in how this would play out. “what do you want MacDowell? I have places to be and I don’t have time for another ‘session’ now.” I really need to think on the dynamics of the relationship I have with Henry. “aww, don’t be like that you know damn well that’s how I treat those I find interesting. Also why are you hanging with the sub? Tryin ta earn brownie points for when Felwether comes back?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Henry, but I think who I ‘hang’ out with is my concern not yours. Also, that stunt in the cafeteria was uncalled for. I hadn’t had any breakfast and was actually looking forward to lunch.” I saw for the first time in probably two and a half years Henry look apologetic. “sorry dude” he says “If I had known I wouldn’t have done that and waited for a different moment.” well I’ll be damned, a considerate bully. I couldn’t help it; I broke down and laughed. “Hehahahahahoooo well I didn’t expect that.” After I calmed down a bit, Henry and I said goodbye and I was on my way.
Mr. Courd and I walked a ways down the hall and next thing I knew we were stopped in front of a door. I tried the handle only to find it locked. “what are we here for Mr. Courd? A locked door doesn’t seem like the perfect getaway I thought about.” I look in the direction of my teacher to find a huge shit eating grin and amusement twinkling (I kid you not I swear I actually saw twinkling) in his eyes. He reached for the door no key in his hand and opened it with a flourish of his hand as though saying Tada.
All I saw was a couple of brooms and a stack of chairs. Next thing I hear from my teacher was this “oh puhlease, Mr. Courd is too formal instead call me… Discord!” then I felt what I thought to be a hoof kick me into the closet and the door close. As I fell to my hands and knees just before I blacked out because I swear, I hit my head on something I hear a cackling laughter that would put the cheesiest villain to shame.
“Stupid ‘Discord’ and his stupid face” as I came to, I expected to be met with a laughing teacher exclaiming how hilarious I looked. I prepared to tell him off and yell for assistance but what stopped me was the realization that I wasn’t in the closet anymore. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t even in the school. It was at this point I started having a small panic attack due to currently unknown data. Looking around I noticed a bunch of trees and foliage. However, the most prevalent piece of information I gleamed was how nasty the air smelled.
It was at this time a primal growl erupted around me and before my very eyes I shit you not the fallen leaves and dead branches started moving on their own to form the fiercest looking wooden wolf I have ever seen (includes would carvings and sculptures on display at a wildlife display at the zoo). I would have screamed or run but my survival.exe was currently malfunctioning so all I could do was sit there and hope that it was friendly… yeah right like that was going to happen. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry long as just as was about to become fertilizer to the wood wolf the WIERDEST thing happened.
A neon orange colored looking creature jumped out and yelled in what I can only describe as a southern accent so stereotypical that I was surprised it didn’t yeehaw… wait never mind it did as it literally hogtied the wolf with a length of rope that not even I could see where it came from.
“Howdy, name’s applejack.” It took me a few to reboot so to speak to realize I was being spoken to. “yeah... yeah t-thanks, I guess. My name is Ethan. Ummm don’t mean to be rude but… what are you?” I know I might be butchering the first contact protocol but at the time I didn’t care enough. “well ah was about ta ask ya tha same. Never seen tha like of you anywhere. What was ya doin in tha Ever-free? It’s a dangerous an’ frightful place. By tha way ah’m a pony. Earth pony ta be exact.” Well that answered one of my questions if not maybe two. “I am what is known as a human… though I guess by your reaction my ‘kind’ doesn’t exist here.” I probably seem as though I’m taking this quite well but trust me once my brain catches up, I will most likely need some room to properly freak out at the fact I am holding a conversation WITH A FREAKING PONY.
As we talked, I noticed a shrill sound like a fighter jet screeching across the sky. The next thing I knew I was knocked from my position by the living embodiment of skittles. As I flew, I also took notice that I was relatively unharmed. I mean, I thought I would be dead from the impact alone but I guess whatever ‘Discord’ did left me more durable. My thoughts came to a sudden stop as I hit a tree… then another and three trees in I hit a cliff wall… HOW AM I NOT DEAD!!!!!????? I got up from the three-foot crater I left in the wall and shook the dizziness from my mind and yelled the first question that enter my mind “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??????”
After a few minutes of me rambling a pair of… I guess ponies from what the last one said only these had wings and one of them also had what I assume is a horn. The one with a horn and wings came up to me and started asking the most ridiculous questions I ever heard. “How did you get through the mirror?”, “Why were you in the Ever-free?”, “How did you survive that?” you know… ridiculous. As I stood there, I saw the other one with wings sort of shrink in on herself. At this point I knew she was either shy or antisocial. Either way I ignored ’20-questions’ and went over to kneel Infront of the other one. “hey, I’m Ethan. I was wondering what species of pony you are? Also do you know how I ended up flying without wings?” my attempt at levity was rewarded by a small giggle and the quietest answer I have ever heard.” My name’s Fluttershy. I’m a Pegasus pony and Rainbow Dash thought you were threating our friend…um I’m sorry for that by the way.”
A purple… aura I guess?... surrounded me and lifted me then turned me around till I was facing ’20-questions’ and she started asking me the same question I heard before. I just sighed and figured I would answer to the best of my ability. “In order then. What mirror? I don’t know, ask Discord. And see previous answer. Can you let me go I don’t like being floated against my will.”
As she put me down, she said “sorry, I get kind of worked up when coming in contact with an unknown and I don’t do very well when stressed. My name is Twilight Sparkle… WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING????”
“how can any book be terrible?” she asked with such reverence for the written word all I could do was tell her that should I find a way home and back I would get her the series and she could be the judge.
While I would have loved to take a moment to process the level of crazy my life seems to have become, the universe had other plans. I turned to twilight “Sooo… 20-questions”
” WHAT???!! ”
” What happened to make flutters so shy?” I felt like messing with the winged unicorn a bit, so sue me. Next thing I knew I get a rainbow in my face.
“HEY WHAT’S YOUR DEAL DUDE? Don’t be mean to my friend or else.” Rainbow, I assume from talking with Fluttershy, all but screeched.
“Geeze Skittles I was just kidding. No need to bite my head off.” I couldn’t help it and the look on her face (I assume it was a her but the attitude and rasp to the voice made it difficult to be sure) was priceless.
“I don’t know what skittles are, but I feel like I should be offended.” She shakes her head to clear her mind. “Also, Fluttershy has always been that way. I mean it IS her name.”
It’s at this point my stomach decides to put its two cents in. “That’s right I missed lunch… huh I guess getting yeeted to a different… world… universe… whatever takes a toll on the thought processer.”
“well… umm… we could go to ponyville and get some food… umm… if that okay with you I mean.” I swear I would die of diabetes before I even got to eat just from that adorable display from the shy one.
As I followed the equines I started to notice the density of the trees getting smaller and more light filtered through. When my group and I exited the forest my jaw dropped at what lay before me. I of course played it as cool as a cucumber with my reaction. “HOW DID YOU BUILD THIS???” Yup cool as a frickin cucumber in subzero artic temperatures. And I’ll give you three guesses which pony decided to give me a 3 hour lecture on how it works. If u guessed pinkie then you are correct. I don’t know how that pony fit 3 hours into 5 min and I was advised not to question it… oh by the way, I met pinkie upon exiting the woods and that lecture was how I was introduced. She is THE pinkest thing I have ever seen and that makes me worried for some reason.
After the pink one was done purple smart informed her that we were about to eat lunch. I think I lost time after that because next think I knew I was inside a gingerbread looking house that smelled like heaven for those that loved sweets and hell for diabetics. “well that was… quick I guess.” I state in a nonplussed tone as I watched the pink pony pronk into the what I can only guess was the kitchen. “ I… uh… did we time travel or was tim-“
“Don’t question pinkie, trust me that leads to madness” twilight so helpfully advised
“Yea when ya live here enough ya learn not ta question that’un”
“hmmm fair enough I suppose but I gotta know something. Is she always like that?”
“like what? Huh”
“Cheery skittles I meant is she always cheery. I mean that can’t be healthy.”
“why do you keep calling me that? What are skittles?”
“don’t worry about it. I’m just worried that maybe she trying to cope with some kinda trauma.”
“hmmm alright, but I’m watching you. And we never really thought about it.”
“oh I’m not dealing with anything. Its just I came from a very dull lifestyle.”
“GAH what the hell? Where did you come from?”
“WEEEEEELLL when a momma pony and a daddy pon—mphmmph”
“that’s enough sugacube.”
“well anyway what’s good to eat?”
“oh the cupcakes here are great.”
“well well well 20-questions has some answers hehehe.”
“WHY? Why are you calling me that?”
“well first impressions are everything and when I met you I got a face full of questions. Also, that’s a game from my home and I use sarcasm and jokes to cope with sudden shock such as a sudden shift in dimension… also for some reason messing with you is amusing.”grumble grumble cant believe even an alien from another dimension find it funny to mock me.”
“well you do make it so easy.”
“NOT HELPING SKITTLES!!!!!”
“WHAT EVEN ARE THOSE???”
“a candy from my home that come in an assortment of colors that resemble the rainbow. They have a catchy commercial with the catch phrase ‘taste the rainbow.’”
"WAIT YOU MEAN THAT YOU WERE MAKING FUN OF MY MANE?"
"ummm.... no, I don't care what you look like… if I did I would have a bigger problem that you’re all talking ponies than you hair color.”
I think twilight was having difficulty containing herself as I got another barrage of questions regarding why talking would be an issue and… well I ended up answering a bunch of questions about the level of sentience any being has and compared between both my world and theirs.
As we were finishing our meal a pure white pony with what looked like three diamonds on her butt walked into the shop.
“ah there you all are. I was wondering where you got… ummm twilight dear I do hope I am not hallucinating but please tell me you also see the creature sitting next to all of you?”
At this point I felt the recent experiences catch up and may have had a minor break. “PFHHAHAHAHAHA” or I might have just thought about how this pony resembles a marshmallow… I don’t know where the comparison came from but it’s now out there.
“hello Rarity, I am sorry for his outburst. I guess he is still processing… what word did he use? Yeet? Yes that sounds right. He got yeeted across worlds and finds himself in ours.”
“heheheheHAHAHAHAAHAHAH MARSHMALLOW PFFFFT HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
“uh… if you say so darling. I do hope he is aright though. He sounds hysterical… and not in a funny way.”
I stopped laughing at this point and, with difficulty containing an encore, I greeted the new one and found she was a unicorn and a seamstress. I put that tidbit away because I might need new clothes at some point.
So after my little mishap and regaining my senses I was lead to the local library. It was in a tree. A fricking tree. “ soooo… sparkles do you think If the tree was alive that it would be happy housing the corpses of its fallen brethren?”
“WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT???”
“hmmmmm… simple curiosity?”
Meanwhile in the background I could hear rainbow laughing up a storm but I don’t know why. Although I swear I heard between the guffaws and haha’s the name sparkles come from her.
“well I would like to think that the tree is happy protecting the precious tomes within.”
“HOWDY KIDS HOW IT HANGIN?”
I did not scream at the sound of the asshole that brought me and you can’t prove anything.
“ YOU BASTARD!!!!!! WHAT THE HE---”
“hey all I did was send you on your vacation as I said. Not my fault you failed to read the fine print.” As he said that he brought out a contract that looked to be written in crayon by a 3 year old on a slab of wet lasagna. “see article 7 subsection 3-2. Any being making a deal with one discord is subject to dimensional tomfoolery at the whims of said deity.”
I took the contract and looked at it. I read every noodle till I looked up with a resigned expression. “huh so it does. Well I guess I should just be glad your whim at the time wasn’t the dead space series.”
“Oh please, give me some credit. I did ask if you wanted a vacation not adventure.” Says the assumed reason for me being here.
I sigh. At this point I find the need to argue leave me and for some reason it had a tribly hat and suitca-“ ok ‘discord’ that’s enough. I see the point and should have thought more before accepting an offer like that from someone I just met. Honestly I don’t have any more ability to handle this right now. Booksmart, you got a room for me to crash?”
As both dash and discord are putting themselves back together (in discords’ case that was meant literally) twilight glares at me with such animosity I think she might be imagining my death. “Why do you keep calling me those names? ‘sigh’ whatever come on I’ll show you to the guestroom.”
“don’t worry about it. It’s a staple to dimension travel to test the waters on here the line is.” I follow her to the top of the stairs
“really? Are you seriously expecting me to believe that?” I merely chuckled at her question without responding. “I really hope you don’t try that with Celestia. I might actually think you are mental.”
“who? And why are you assuming I’m mental just because I want to have fun? Wait don’t answer. That explains so much about you.”
“HEY! I am fun… RAINBOW IF YOU DON’T STOP LAUGHING I WILL SOAK ALL OF YOUR WONDERBOLT MEMORABILIA IN THE LAKE!!!!!” The look on rainbows face when that was said told me it either has happened or twilight makes good on her threats. She stopped immediately and looked so put out, like a puppy that was left in the rain.
"Anyway you can stay here for now. but, I would suggest seeing about a job while you are here."
"I guess that's reasonable. I don't like to mooch and sitting around all day seems a waste to me."
Author's Note
sorry this seems a little late and that it is short I had a combo pile up in my life between my landlord and inspiration.
i did try for 1k but making this chapter was grueling due to the interactions involved. i hope to be better
after this will be a few days time skip and offscreen introductions. I will be taking some time to get my situation resolved before I start writing. so keep on keepin on fellow fic fanatics and ill see you all later
Author's Note
ALRIGHT READERS I originally intended this to be an April fools chapter but my computer decided to... well die i guess.
i got a new one yay but because of the ironic humor i decided to leave the title as is
ENJOY
Life is Funny
During the next few weeks I was able to get settled in as much as I could. I met a few locals such as; Derpy, Vinyl (aka DJ P0N-3) and Octavia Melody, also managed to get a job at the flower shop considering I had no real experience in anything else. The flower trio was more than welcoming… after they stopped fainting whenever I entered the room.
Eventually I was bored and melancholy. “Hey Twilight? I was wondering what you all do around here for fun.”
“well there’s sugarcube corner, sweetapple acres, visiting fluttershy at her home, getting rarity to make you some new outfits… well more new outfits, and then there’s sitting and reading or reshelving here in the library. I honestly don’t know what you could do with rainbow that doesn’t involve flying but I’m sure you can figure that out.” She said all this with an air of irritation.
“wow sparkles. What got in your craw? I just asked a simple question.”
“… sorry I just reaaaalllyyy need to reshelve these books and I don’t like distractions but, they seem to find me anyway, everytime I start.”
It was on those words that a sudden BRIGHT flash of light showed in front of me “AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH WTF IT HUUUUURRRRRTTTSSSS!!!!!!!”
“oh stop being a foal, it’s just Princess Celest…. OMG WHY IS SHE HERE NOW????!!!!! I’M NOT PREPARED FOR A VISIT!!!!!!”
“Oh dear, did I come at a bad time my little ones?”
“… wow I thought you guys only had one size… *mumbles to myself* wait.. is this a case of invader zim where the taller you are the more power you hold politically?”
“umm please excuse me but, I do not believe we have ben introduced. I am Princess Celestia and who might you be?”
“huh? Oh uhhh my name is Ethan and I have a question.”
Twilight then decides it’s a good idea to yank my down to whisper in my ear. “ You better NOT ask if the rulers of equestria is based on how tall you are.”
“but.. but it’s gonna naaahaha… I mean bother me until I ask. Come on where’s your curiosity? Als how are you holding onto me with those hooves?”
“no. and as to the hooves thing…. Uhhh I don’t know?... huh how am I doing this?”
After successfully distracting booksmart I approached tallestpone. “um I was wondering if being tall is why you rule the country?”
Twilight quickly looks in my direction.” AH..UH… WHYYYY? I SAID NOT TO ASK THAT!!!!!”
“oh also how do ponies hold things with their hooves?” I quickly input
“hmmm… No I doubt I am in charge because I am taller than everpony else. My sister and I raise and lower the sun and moon. Also she and I are well over one thousand years old and quite literally built this land of ours from the ground up. Also I still do not know how we pick things up with hooves, sorry.”
“huh well that my curious itch scratched… well atleast one of them.” I look over to twilight to lethere know im going out. “hey twi…. Ummm You okay there… uhh twilight?... hmmmm I think I broke her when I asked you a question. Oh well, hey Tia mind letting her know I’m going to hang with derpy and possibly vinyl?”
“hehe… uhum ye. Yes I will tell her, please enjoy yourself. Also, I would like you to visit my sister and I in canterlot sometime.”
“I… I’ll think about it.” was my response.
As I shut the front door was when twilight.exe finished reboot and just before the click I heard “WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT????????”
That was when I thought it would be best to book it to derpy’s place. and as I walked I saw rainbow shoot past overhead. I know it was her because of all the Pegasuses... pegasi?... whatever that has a constant rainbow shooting behind her.
I stopped to talk to some of the other locals as well “hey Vinyl hows it going?”
“oh you know late nights and even later mornings HAH.”
“oh vinyl why must you be such an embarrassment to me?” Octavia says. “honestly I think a little decorum in your day to day will do wonders for your social life.”
“come on Octy don’t be like that. You know I don’t care about those social elites anymore than you do.”
“really got a way with words do you Vy? Well I’ll see you later I’m gonna catch up with derpy for a bit.”
“Hah like you can talk mister 'im an alien being please give me a job’ I still have no idea how you got the trio to give you a chance without fainting every second.”
“well Vy that because you obviously lack my natural charm to be able to B.S. your way out of something… or into something.”
“Oh please what would I need to B.S. my way into huh?”
I look pointedly at Octavia “you wanna field this one or should I tell her she's on couch duty?”
“hmmmm I don’t think I like where this is going so ill just take Vinyl and explain later…. In private okay?”
“huh am I missing something here?”
“don’t worry I wash my hands of this ‘joke’ before I end up in the proverbial doghouse thank yu very much.”
“AHHHHHHHH COMING THROUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!”
“oh cra-GAH!!”
At this point rainbow thought I would make for a good crash zone. Also this is where I found I have a form of damage resistance because that speed with that mass from that altitude?.... I don’t even have to be a genius to know that usually equals ethan a la mush.