Twilight Sparkle Teaches Pinkie Pie Equestrian Jurisprudence
Twilight lay sprawled on the wooden ground, nursing an empty bottle of cider. Their little playpen had been very well-equipped, but the cider had to be taken from Pinkie's stash.
She shook her head slightly, as if to clear some of her tipsiness. “Thanks, Pinkie.”
“No problem! Still got room for the cake?”
“Naaah. I'm full.” Twilight poked at her belly, and it jiggled a bit with the weight of the liquid filling it. “Hey, Pinkie,” she said, and grinned, her voice slurring the words. “Want a lesson?”
Pinkie pushed her body up against hers, the motion by now very well-practised. “Ooh! A lesson? I just love your lessons!”
Twilight moaned, running her hoof gently over the her marefriend's flank. “I guess teaching by example's a great way to win students over, huh?” She suppressed a hiccup, rubbing her muzzle against hers.
“Whatcha gonna teach today, Twilight?”
“Well,” she said, dragging out her ls as her eyes rolled in thought, “Since I'm trying to get Celestia to let me be a trainee legal scholar, how about—how about jurisp—jurisprudence?”
“Juris—wha?” Pinkie said, her right eyebrow going up.
“Like, um, the law. And stuff.”
“Oooh! Why didn't you say so?” She gave her a peck on the cheek, and it turned an even brighter shade of pink. “I'd love to hear about the law from the smartest, bestest pony around!”
She laughed a bit and her horn glowed a bit, enveloping her body; with a grunt, she pushed Pinkie's larger frame roughly onto her back. “The majority of Equestrian law is revealed through questioning. Get it so far?”
She giggled. “The basis of Equestrian law is the question. Got it.”
She shook her head. “No, no. The basis of Equestrian law is Celestia's will.”
“How's that work, then?”
“Questioning lets legal scholars guess what Celestia would want so she doesn't have to do it herself. Ponies ask a legal scholar, and the scholar makes the law on the spot.”
“Who's the scholar?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head a bit; she pronounced the word 'skoh-lar'.
“It depends. A lot of—” She shook her head and gave her a playful lick on the nose as she realised what she meant. “Me. I'm the legal scholar. The session,” she said, her voice booming in mock-solemnity, “has begun, and my word is Celestia's will. Ask me a question.” Her last word carried a particularly strong intonation, and the smile she gave had a certain feeling about it that Pinkie couldn't quite place.
“Oooh!” She furrowed her eyebrows in thought. “What if—what if a pony gets a legal scholar drunk in her basement and the drunk pony starts coming on to her?”
“Then,” she said, reaching a hoof up to grab at Pinkie's, bringing it down between her moist hindquarters, “The first pony should respond positively.”
Pinkie giggled and pulled her hoof back. “What if she doesn't want to respond positively?”
“Then,” she said, her horn glowing, “She's a bad pony. A very, verrryyyy baaad pony. She's a clit-teasing slut that needs to be punished.”
Pinkie couldn't help but shudder a bit at the tone of her voice. “What happens to bad ponies?”
She dragged her tongue across her ear. “Bad ponies have to get punished, right?”
Pinkie's voice was a bit quieter than usual. “How?”
“First,” she said, and enveloped with her magic a very menacing black rod stuck on the wall, “She has to be whipped five times. On the buttocks.”
Pinkie pouted. “What if she says doesn't wanna be whipped?”
Twilight put her muzzle up to her ear and spoke. “Then she's a a lying slut.” The word sent shivers down Pinkie's spine. “Even worse than a regular clit-teasing slut.”
“What's the penalty for being a lying—slut?” She seemed to almost have trouble saying the word.
“Then,” she said, and stood, pushing her around and putting the tip of the thing up against a slightly darker spot of pink on her backside. “Then she gets fucked like a lying slut oughta. In the only tight hole she's got left.”
She clenched her sphincter out of instinct as the cold thing pressed up against it, shaking her bubbly butt as though it were her head. “But what the slut says she's never had it up there before?”
The rod clattered to the ground, and Pinkie could hear the distinct sound of growing magic.
“Then she's an even bigger lying sllll—ut.” Twilight's voice had become measured, hard.
Cold.
Pinkie shut her eyes. “And what happens to even bigger lying sluts?”
“They get somethin' bigger.”
She felt a warm, very slightly slippery thing push up against her little hole and Twilight's hooves on her shoulders; her voice came out as a little squeak. “What if she says she wants some lube?”
“Then the answer is always no, because she's a—” She put her muzzle up against her ear again, and Pinkie could still smell the alcohol on her breath. “Because she's even cheaper than some half-bit whore and lube's too expensive for something like her.”
Pinkie's answering whimper replaced itself in due course with a scream of agony as Twilight, with pure brute force, thrusted with her new appendage and pushed the pink mare down on it; she could feel the tearing as her rectum moved with it, the tight hole ripping and pushing in and out as though it were a ring for her shaft.
Twilight, on the other hand, simply grinned in sadistic joy. The thing gave only pleasure: the tightness of the orifice, the slickness of the blood. “Any more questions?” she said, as calmly as one might imagine; she pulled another bottle of Pinkie's cider from the wall and took a deep, long gulp.
Then she couldn't remember much else.
—
As she woke up in her own bed, Twilight groaned deeply. Her mouth tasted like cider and cake and paper.
Paper? She reached into her mouth and held the wet piece of paper to the light, struggling to read the hand-drawn, smudged writing.
Thanks for last night! I sure learned a lot about the law. I can't wait until our next session.
Ooh, and thanks for patching me up before you passed out went to sleep. That sure was a nasty cutfall accident I had!
Love,
Pinkie.
“Oh, hey, Twilight!” Spike said, coming up the stairs. “Pinkie brought you in last night. Said you taught her 'til you went to sleep.”
She yawned and giggled a bit. “I sure did.”
“Oh, and, by the way,” Spike said, pulling a letter bound with the royal seal. “The Princess sent you a letter yesterday.”
Twilight shook her head, trying to rid herself of the hang-over. “What did it say?”
“My dearest, most faithful student Twilight. I am honored to tell you that I have decided to accept your application for trainee legal scholar of the town of Ponyville. Your answers to all inquiries commenced with the Pronouncement are now law, subject to further approval, and will be automatically noted down in the Canterlot Archives for easy reference.” He looked up from the letter.Congratulations, Twilight!”
Her eyes opened wide.
“Spike?”
“Yeah?”
“When was this letter sent?”
Spike shrugged. “Eh, about an hour before you left for the tutoring session. You looked too excited to bother.”
Twilight might have spoken further if not for a sudden burp and a flash of fire. “Oh, another one!” He made a show of clearing his throat and began to read.
“My dearest, most faithful student Twilight. As this is a letter concerning the law and therefore extraordinarily difficult to pronounce, please ask Spike to hand you this letter so as to spare him the trouble.”
“Spike,” she said, her voice trembling, “Could you please hand me the letter?”
He obliged, walking sympathetically out of the room.
I have recently received your first set of pronouncements.
First and foremost, I am afraid that I must declare your recent rulings on inebriated solicitation of authorities invalid.
While I appreciate your attempts at tort reform, I do not consider 'sluts get what they deserve' an adequate clause to account for personal injury in cases of personal malfeasance.
Furthermore, it has been perfectly legal to bring yourself to climax without the permission of your partner for over three hundred years, and your opinion on the matter is extremely regressive. I must therefore also declare your amendment to the Marriage Charter to be invalid.
However, your pronouncements on consent are extremely applicable and will be formally approved at the nearest possible opportunity. I must thank you with providing an insight into and allowing Equestrian law to account for minorities that might otherwise escape the notice of mainstream legal thought.
Overall, I must say that you have greatly exceeded my expectations and that you have been exceptionally productive, especially for a trainee scholar; I might suggest, however, keeping in mind that you speak for me and not Nightmare Moon.
Signed, Princess Celestia.
Twilight buried her face in her hooves and let herself groan as deeply as she ever had.
