Don't Make the Same Mistakes I Did
It's another one of those days where I couldn't decide whether or not to even bother getting out of bed.
Luckily for me, it was Saturday, so there wasn't any school. I was content to simply lie on my back, looking up at the uneven paint on the ceiling, something that had always bothered me. However, in the conga line of garbage life had decided to throw my way, it ranked very low on the totem pole, so I ignored it.
I brushed a lock of purple and turquoise hair out of my face, wishing I could just fall back asleep and stay asleep. It wasn't like anything in my life was going to change today, no matter how much other people disagreed with me on that. Besides, half the staff at my school would probably be grateful if I never showed up again. So who was I to—
"Chipmunk cheeks! Wakey wakey! Breakfast time!"
I groaned to myself. Of course Dad wouldn't let me sleep the day away. I could ignore him for a while, but he'd only get louder. Then he'd eventually come up here and drag me downstairs, smiling that stupid, sincere smile the whole time. A few extra minutes of sleep weren't worth that.
With a mighty heave, I managed to drag myself out of bed, trying in vain to smooth out my hair a little more. I threw on a dull purple shirt and jeans with some holes in them, more out of habit than anything else. Besides, if I did come down in my pajamas, Dad would never let me hear the end of how cute I looked in them.
I trudged down the stairs, finding my father busily flipping pancakes at the stove. My mood improved a little bit in anticipation, which I suppose speaks to my Dad's cooking skills. At least he's good at something. Nevertheless, I wasn't going to give Dad the satisfaction of knowing that. Pulling a chair up to the table, I opened the fridge, grabbing a carton of orange juice and pouring myself a glass.
It was then that dad turned around. "Oh, punkie wunk! You made it! Doesn't it make you feel amazing to get an early start to the day?"
I rolled my eyes, not that he noticed. "Sure, Dad." I started chugging my OJ, hoping I can finish breakfast quickly and get out of the house before he really gets going. Of course, my life never turned out the way I wanted it to.
"Oh, honey buns, don't drink it too fast!" He snatched the glass out of my hand. "You'll give yourself a tummy ache!"
I opened my mouth to question the idea of somebody getting a stomach ache from OJ, but Dad had already skipped back over to the stove. He scooped a pancake onto the plate, and then proceeded to put a smiley face on it with strawberries and blueberries. I couldn't stop myself from groaning as he set it in front of me.
"Dad, I'm not three anymore," I informed him, as I had done many times before. Of course, the result was no better.
"Aaaaw, is somebody a grumpy wumpkins?" Dad then proceeded to pinch my cheek with one hand and ruffle my hair with the other. "That's okay, you're still my little sweetie!"
My palm then collided with my face. Dad's constant infantilizing of me always drove me nuts, but it was particularly aggravating today, for reasons I wasn't sure about. I picked up my fork to begin eating.
"Now, Starlight," Dad continued, sitting down in the chair opposite me, "I got a call from Sire's Hollow High yesterday. I heard you got into another little tiff?"
"Dad, we talked about this," I started, gripping the fork so hard my knuckles turned white.
"There, there, spunky, it's okay," Dad said, ruffling my hair. "I just want to know if you got any boo-boos—"
"DAD!"
I slammed my fist into the table, causing everything on it to rattle, sending silverware clattering to the floor. My unfinished glass of OJ tipped over, spilling onto the hard woodfloor. Dad flinched back as though I'd hit him, an idea that was actually kind of appealing right now.
"I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP YOU PULL!" I shouted, shaking my fist in his face. "I'M SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE A BABY! I'M SICK OF YOU!"
Dad opened his mouth, but no sound came out. I could already see the tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes, but I didn't care. I snatched the pancake off the plate, sending the fruit tumbling to the floor, cramming it into my mouth and swallowing it, before I stomped over to the door, grabbing the handle and yanking it open, and stormed out into the day, slamming the door shut behind me. I faintly heard Dad call after me a couple of times, but my rage was burning so hot I didn't care.
I walked for a while, the way you do when you're so angry you can't even see. I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going, just stomping along wherever my brain happened to direct my feet. My anger had simmered down a little after a while, but I wasn't willing to go back and face Dad. I finally looked up, finding myself in Canterlot Park, which, of course, had a large number of people galavanting around. I groaned to myself, though it seemed nobody had seen me yet.
I was just contemplating running away and finding something else to do, when my phone rang. Grabbing it out of my pocket, I let out another moan when I saw who it was calling me: my peer mentor. Due to multiple instances of me fighting with other students, the school administration had come close to sending me to juvie, but had instead opted to assign me a volunteer mentor from another school until my behavior 'improved.' I hated it, of course. She was my age, she had no right to tell me what to do. Nonetheless, I answered the phone, if only because she'd keep calling until I did.
"Hey, Starlight!" came Sunset Shimmer's annoyingly cheery voice.
"What do you want, Shimmer?" I snapped back at her. I wasn't in the mood for her to lecture me on my 'issues.' It wasn't like she had anything to offer me, anyway.
"Listen, Starlight. I heard you got into another fight this week and I just wanted to—"
"He was showing off," I growled. "Dancing around with that stupid trophy like it meant something. All I did was give him exactly what he was asking for."
"Starlight, you know you can't assault other students—"
"No, you know what? Shut up!" I yelled into the phone. "That little creep deserved everything I gave to him. I'm not gonna listen to you drone on and on and on about how 'wrong' it was! I do what I want, you got that?!"
I waited for Shimmer to break down. To start sobbing, like Dad always did. After all, she seemed like the same kind of whiny, self-righteous, naive idiot. Instead, she made no sound, and I actually had to check to make sure she hadn't hung up. I was surprised, if I have to be totally honest. I would've expected her to report that I was a lost cause after that little outburst.
"Are you finished?" she finally asked, breaking the silence. I actually froze where I was, not prepared for this response. Shimmer didn't sound annoyed or angry with me. Instead, she sounded like she was just accepting the state I was in, and she wasn't going to force me to cheer up or some crap like that. I was so caught off-guard, I didn't know what to do.
"Um...yeah, I guess," I finally managed to get out, feeling like an idiot. I couldn't think of anything better to say, though.
"Listen, Starlight," Shimmer continued. "There's somebody I want to introduce you to. Somebody who I think you'll have a lot in common with, who you'll be more open to talking to. I might be wrong, but I honestly believe it'll be good for you."
"I don't—" I started.
"Look, I'll make you a deal. You come to this one meeting, and then I'll never ask you to do anything again. No matter how it goes, I'll leave you alone after this, if that's what you still want. Please."
I mulled over her words for a minute. Shimmer wanted me to meet someone, probably someone who claimed to have been as bad as I was and then 'seen the light' or some nonsense like that. Of course, I wasn't keen on it, but the promise of having Shimmer get off my back was tempting. All I had to do was get through one more round of her crap.
"...fine," I grudgingly agreed, after a moment of debate.
"Excellent. Meet me at Canterlot High, by the old Wondercolt statue in one hour."
"Why there?" I asked, genuinely curious. Shimmer was usually comfortable enough to come to my actual house to do our in-person meetings.
"Well...let's just say there'll be less questions to answer if we meet there. Trust me." Then she hung up, leaving me confused and burnt out.
I sighed, not looking forward to this in the slightest. I was absolutely sure it was going to be a waste of time. Though I would finally be free of Shimmer after this, so that was something to look forward to, at least.
I dragged myself down to Canterlot High. I didn't go to school there, but I knew the place by reputation. Who in the school district didn't, at this point? Of course, the rumors of magic and students growing wings and such were bull, but there were still some interesting things floating around. Some crazy Battle of the Bands, the school finally managing to tie Crystal Prep in the Friendship Games (what a dumb name for a contest) after so many years of straight losing, something was clearly going on. Maybe they were cheating. I didn't care enough to find out, but it was worth noting.
It was then that I noticed Shimmer standing by the corner of the school, waving to get my attention. Once again, I began to regret agreeing to this deal. Still, it was too late to back out now. I walked over to her.
"Thanks for coming, Starlight," she said, with that stupid smile on her face. "I promise, you won't regret this!"
"Okay, where's this motivational speaker you paid to talk down to me?" I asked.
Shimmer frowned a little, but she clearly didn't let it get to her. "Okay, now I'm not gonna lie to you: This is gonna be weird. Probably the weirdest experience in your entire life. But just stick with it, alright?" Then she started beckoning with one hand, and another person came out from behind the wall.
I usually consider myself a fairly stable, calm person. That blowup I had during breakfast isn't how I typically act. I can mostly roll with anything. But, if I have to be honest, when that figure stepped into my sight, my jaw dropped harder than a sledgehammer.
Because she was me.
There were differences, certainly. She wore torn pants, a weirdo vest/shirt combo, and a pink beanie I wouldn't be caught dead with. But she had the same eyes, the same hair, the same skin color I see every time I look in the mirror. We might as well have been identical twins.
"I just...I...what?!" I managed to sputter out, pointing one hand.
"Uh, hi there," said the other me, waving awkwardly with one hand. Holy crap, she even had the same voice!
"What...what are you?!" I shouted. "Is this some kind of Invasion of the Body Snatchers—"
"No, no, nothing like that," insisted Shimmer, hurriedly grabbing my shoulders. I was too freaked out to get angry at her. "Starlight Glimmer, meet...Starlight Glimmer."
"Are you sure this was a good idea, Sunset?" asked the other me. "She doesn't seem to be taking it too well."
"Of course I'm not taking this well!" I snapped, though it was more out of sheer confusion than anger.
"Look, why don't we all sit down?" Shimmer suggested. "I think we're gonna need to explain everything before we can get anywhere."
"So, let me get this straight," I started, "not only are you my doppelganger from an alternate universe, but in that universe, you're a unicorn? And Shimmer's from there as well?"
"Pretty much, yeah," said the other Starlight. "When you get down to it, it's really not that complicated."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm tempted to call everything you just said bull, but considering the insane amount of effort it would've taken to fake you—copying my skin, my hair, even my voice—I'm inclined to believe anything." I'd have to rethink my opinion of the supposed magic around Canterlot High, as well.
Shimmer smiled awkwardly. "I told you it was gonna be weird."
Other Starlight (I guess I could call her pony Starlight, or whatever) looked over at her. "Sunset, could you give us a few? This'll be easier if we're alone."
Shimmer nodded, getting to her feet. "Holler if you need me," she insisted, then walked off to do who knows what.
"So..." I started, staring at P-Starlight, unsure how to proceed. "This is awkward."
"It is, isn't it?" she replied. "I knew it would be, considering Sunset was asking me to talk to myself, but it's another thing to experience it first hoof—I mean, hand." She held up her own hand, wiggling her fingers. "I'm still not used to these."
I sighed. "Look...me, I admit that this is more than I was expecting, but I still don't see what you could possibly offer me. You come from magical pony land, you couldn't possibly understand the crap I have to deal with in this crappy life."
"Maybe I can't," she admitted, surprising me again. "After all, I don't really know you. I only know what Sunset told me about you. But...I think we might have more in common than you'd guess."
"Like what?"
"Well..." She seemed afraid of what she was about to say. "I'm gonna guess you had an upsetting experience when you were a kid, involving...Sunburst?"
I flinched. I'm not exaggerating, I actually flinched. I hadn't heard that name in so long. It brought back everything I'd spent years suppressing. My hands found their way to my upper arms and began rubbing, as I felt a sudden chill go through me. I looked at my counterpart, trying desperately to stop myself from tearing up in front of her.
"How...how did you know?" I tried to demand, but it came out as pleading.
P-Starlight smiled a patient smile, placing her hand on my shoulder. "When we were foals—remember, we're ponies where I'm from—he was my best friend. Then, one day, he discovered his special talent in magic, got his Cutie Mark, and left my hometown. I didn't see him for years after that. I know humans don't have Cutie Marks, but I'm assuming something similar happened to you?"
Despite my reluctance to do so, I found myself pouring out the truth, having to pause just to catch my breath. "We were...just kids. He was my best friend...my only friend. Then the school decided...he needed to skip a grade. We don't even go to the same school anymore...he's going to Crystal Prep, but my Dad couldn't afford it." I gritted my teeth, trying to look angry in spite of the tears that were threatening to spill. "Dad...useless Dad didn't make enough money. Talents, intelligence...all it does is ruin lives and divide us. He abandoned me the second he found out he was better than me."
"And now you vent your rage on any kid that seems special," P-Starlight concluded. I rounded on her, clenching both fists, but she raised her hands in a gesture of peace. "Hey, what I did was way worse than anything you're capable of! I stole the special talents of an entire village, forcing them to live in this crazy, equality-obsessed village where nobody was allowed to be good at anything. Then, when I got stopped, I tried to take my revenge on the ponies who beat me by using a time-travel spell to ruin their lives, and nearly reduced the land of Equestria to a desolate wasteland."
I backed away a little, surprised at this turn of events. My doppelganger's words didn't sound phony. My first reaction was to actually believe she'd done all this bad crap and was repentant for it, and now she was legitimately trying to connect with me over this. Plus, she'd gone through something similar with her own Sunburst, so she seemed to understand the pain I was feeling.
"Does your Firelight...I mean, Dad...does he treat you like a little kid, too?" I ventured.
She gave a small chuckle at that. "He used to. Okay, sometimes, he still does. But we had a civil discussion about how much it bothered me, and he backed off. But that's not the big problem here."
She placed both her hands on my shoulders, making direct eye contact with me. "I know that what happened with Sunburst makes you hate those who use their talents. Even worse, it makes you distrustful of friendship in general, because if he left, what's to stop somebody else from doing the same? But I'm gonna ask you a question someone once asked me: why didn't you just stay in touch with Sunburst? I know you humans have something called phones."
At that moment, it was like I'd been wearing a blindfold and earmuffs for years and somebody just tore them off. It was such an obvious question, I wondered why nobody had ever asked me before. Suddenly, all I could feel was shame. I'd been lashing out at people who'd never done anything to me over one tiny incident.
"I...I...I don't know..." I finally managed to get out.
P-Starlight nodded. "I didn't know why either. I guess what happened was that I kept putting it off, until I felt it was too late. Then I decided Cutie Marks were to blame, just to avoid taking responsibility for my own failure. Because friendship is a two-way street. You have to work to keep your friendships together.
"What I'm trying to tell you is...you don't have to be so angry and bitter over this. You have the power to fix it, to make new friends, to actually be happy. I managed to reconnect with my Sunburst after all the terrible things I did. I was afraid he'd have changed so much we'd be incompatible even as friends, or that he'd want nothing to do with me after what I'd become. But I was wrong, and if your Sunburst is anything like mine, he's as afraid of you as you are of him.
"As for Dad...like I said, just have a talk with him. Tell him what you're feeling. He's probably just trying to help you in the way he knows how. I promise, he'll understand."
I swallowed, fighting to prevent myself from breaking down into tears in front of her. I still had my pride, after all. Nonetheless, I looked my counterpart in the eyes and nodded.
"I'll try," I squeezed out.
P-Starlight smiled warmly, and in another move that caught me off-guard, she actually wrapped her arms around me, pulling my body against her. I froze where I stood, unsure what I was supposed to do now. I slowly started to raise my arms to return the hug, but she let me go before I got very far. I think she knew it made me feel awkward, even if I needed it, so she didn't force me to return it.
"You'll be okay, I promise," she said.
I found myself walking back to my house, hands in my pockets, nerves racing. After our little conversation, P-Starlight had called Sunset back, and we'd had a small discussion about my future. I admitted to Sunset that she'd impressed me, finding the one person in the world who I'd listen to. I'd promised I'd try to avoid getting into fights, but this time, I actually meant it. It turned out, Sunset was friends with some Crystal Prep kids, and they would be able to track down Sunburst for me, and hopefully, I'd be able to make up for that mistake.
But before that, I'd have to face my other big screw up.
Looking up, I saw I'd reached my destination. I stared at the door for a few minutes, wishing I didn't have to go through it, before sighing and digging into my pocket for my key. Putting it off wasn't gonna get me anywhere. Might as well bite the bullet.
I unlocked the door and walked in. "Dad?" I called into the house, but he didn't respond. I groaned to myself. This was already starting great.
I walked through the house, checking every room. It didn't take me long to find Dad, sitting by the fireplace. Of course, there was no actual fire in there, but he stared into it anyway. I fiddled with my hands, afraid. He had to know I was here by now.
"I...I'm sorry, Dad," I finally admitted.
For a few moments, nothing happened. Dad's fingers gripped the armrest of his chair harder, but he didn't turn around. I swallowed again, more scared than I'd been before. Eventually, Dad broke the silence.
"I'm sorry too, Starlight."
I trembled a little, afraid he was angry, but when he continued speaking, it was in a calm, clear voice.
"I know you haven't really felt happy since you were a kid. I thought, y'know, if I made things like they were back then, maybe you'd feel better. But I was wrong. I'm sorry."
"That doesn't excuse how I've been treating you," I mumbled.
Then he finally turned around, looking at me with tears in his eyes, but there was something else there, as well.
Hope.
I fell into his hug.
