Not Always

by Cloud Ring

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Drama, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 2819

Long before time, there was one pink filly who loved the sun, one jaded queen who hated the sun, and one benevolent princess who was the sun. Then, on the first day, the sun had been broken.

In a magical land of Equestria nothing bad could happen to a foal.

Starlight Glimmer didn't just believe it. She knew it, as well as many other colts and fillies across the land.

She still remembers as it had been. Before. Always. And never more.

----

Cover art by inowiseei

Proofread by awesome Koekelbag.

There were two more people who helped me with the story. Both of them prefer not to be linked here. Still, thanks. You know that without you this story would be worse.

Published 2020-10-04 16:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-04 16:20:01 UTC

...And Not Today

Starlight Glimmer paced back and forth in front of the statue of the Terrible Trio. She was disheveled but still slow and deliberate in every step. Little 'hmm's and 'aah's along with occasional obscure spells' names flew in tact with an unsteady, sparkling glow of magic almost ready to be cast, but never actually completed.

Finally she sat on her haunches in a sunbeam that came through a window of an accidentally not ruined tower attached to Canterlot castle, and sighed. Her horn aura went dim, then dark, then disappeared. Over time, the sunbeam slowly narrowed down to oblivion, only indirect skyglow remaining.

Twilight Sparkle arrived almost an hour later, in the magenta flash of a teleport. She said, "Sorry, I got your message, I just..." The technically not yet supreme monarch of Equestria looked around and frowned. "Starlight, if you're asking me to reconsider the decision about these three—"

“Oh, how glad I am you’ve come!”

She was tackled by strong hooves and escorted to the checkered sheet of linen with a coffee thermos, delicious cucumber sandwiches and two yet-empty cups. “I thought you would be too busy, or too mad at me for that frankly minor issue…” In these few seconds, just by Starlight’s rapid breathing alone Twilight knew that something was wrong. Not so wrong as it could be. Still, this pretty late attempt at supper in Starlight's company notably warmed Twilight's mood a few minutes later, and she found herself smiling. Time went on.

"...and then Sunburst went up the stairs, however I tried for him to not to—" Starlight interrupted herself midline and frowned. “Reconsider the decision, you said?” She paused for a moment, looked at her hooves, then directly at the alicorn before her. "Twilight, I think I need to tell you a story. Would you like to join me tonight for it? It requires somepony close-by. Somepony who, well, knows me. Being able to not shift to their own great and powerful shticks is a strong bonus. Although... there is one more reason, Princess. But you'll see. And, to be frank, I'm scared."

Twilight moved in and lowered her head a bit to look into Starlight's eyes. "Well. Let's hear it."

* * *

Once before time, there was a filly named Starlight Glimmer, also named "sugarplum", "pumpkin" and other embarrassing words. Her day was always bright, her sun was always warm, her sky was always blue. But on occasion always cloudy or even rainy, which meant boardgames at home. Her kite was... what colors she liked it right now. Usually red, once in a while deep-blue, but always emblazoned with bold patterns and tassels. She always tried to come up with a fresh idea when she built a new one. Because you need to change something in your eternal life.

Sunburst, though, never got into kites. Not like he ever really had been needed to — she was justly sure that anything bad that could possibly happen in the day, would have dissolved away in the morning. This was promised by the giant white sun princess at the very edge of her morning’s dream.

As such, Sunburst's refusal of kites couldn't be bad.

She remembered, as in a fog, that some bad things happen, though. Essence fell down from a tree and broke her leg. Division angered their teacher, and went to his home crying from her harsh words he got in response. And Mom... but the little filly named Starlight Glimmer never liked thinking about her too much. But somepony white and warm and benevolent always was near in the filly's morning right after she awoke, promising that at the start of the coming day all things would be fine and any wrongs would be undone.

So the days went on, and on, and on again, and as promised she danced with Essence, helped Division with his homework, and read lengthy letters from Mom, filled with colourful descriptions of foreign countries. And Sunburst, of course Sunburst, with walks, and books, and hugs, and scrolls, and a kiss that could be the first, the always, the eternal. But not. Not yet. Just a few more evenings.

So was her life, and so her sun was always warm, be it winter or autumn or summer following it immediately after.

Until one day it was not.

* * *

She knew that something had gone wrong immediately from that day's morning.

First, the black diffuse cloud, of no kind she'd ever seen before, went through the entire sky with subtle buzzing, and no joy was left behind it. Second, no postal pony from the capital arrived. Had the post office been in her little city before? She could not remember.

Third, the very sun. Right before lunch it went dark, and cold, and gray like steel, and she just couldn't bear it. She shunned herself in a room with Sunburst, and right after she calmed her breath, books dropped right on her. In a moment, she was saved by Sunburst's magic. The shattered sun cutiemark appeared on his flank, and he disappeared. "To prepare for School for Gifted Unicorns", they said, but she never saw him again.

In the evening she wished for Sunburst's return, as she did when there was something bad. With all her heart and will, with hot tears and ragged breath, and beaten pillow, stronger than always.

In the morning there was another day, and no Sunburst in it, and everything changed. Like faintest tugs of her mane, she felt ticks of the ongoing time. She looked at the mirror, and it took her a moment to recognize herself.

Days became weeks, these ones collapsed into months, and still no Sunburst, and no more did she see or hear at the very edge of last morning’s dream that beautiful giant white princess who was the sun eternal, who wore the name Celestia, and who was always.

So she decided that Sunburst's cutiemark, as well as the colt himself, were the cause of her grief, and that somehow they broke the state of things as they should be.

But even in that she was wrong.

Here Twilight gestured her to silence, hugged her, wishing to hug that other little pony who never will be, and they went out for a moment to share the night stars' view with a few bottles of the cider. Then they returned, and Starlight continued.

* * *

A few months and more than a few forbidden books later, in an entirely different corner of Equestria, she was hardly standing on her hooves. For a few months she had a hope that only her little city was cursed and that she can find what she wants just by stepping further away of the gate, and maybe just a bit more. In these months one of the journals she had found decided to bite her haunch for insufficient attention.

There, in the forgotten mountain valley she had met Celestia, for the first time since always. Though she was not sure if this cloaked stranger is in fact the princess, she was ordered by her Voice to not seek definite clarity.

But still, in her sweet and caring tones, Celestia said that she is sorry, and that sometimes even the most powerful ponies just can not keep their promises, and that she was defeated in battle and lost the certainty that had been always — for Starlight and many other foals across the land. She also said that many of her fosterlings chose to forget and be happy in the world where time goes on and seasons follow each other in strict exact order.

She said many other things, but Starlight never remembered much beyond the broken promise, and crushing fatigue, and the curtain of crimson anger. So she promised to become the will of Time and Change itself, and win, and slowly break down all that ever had been held dear to Celestia the traitor. She meant it, for a moment, and in that moment she was marked for life by the falling star, the eternal sign of revolutions and destruction.

But, strangely, Celestia smiled through tears, and replied so, "Once in a coming time you will meet a Princess, and she will help you much more than I ever could, as time goes on for all of us now."

* * *

"And... that's it?" Twilight had found in herself the strength to not be taken aback by those penultimate words, so she was close and spoke in a warm whisper, albeit slightly shaken.

"Yes. You already know the other half of the story, Princess. Do you remember the first time we met?" Starlight blushed. "I actually checked if you were the Princess indeed. As if the Alicorn could be somepony else. I just had to be sure beyond any doubt. There started my new way. So she was right, now I get it." Starlight genuinely smiled.

"Wait. Wait!" Twilight frowned and raised her hoof. "We were enemies then! I think I started to help you later on. When," she smiled, "I took you under my wing."

"And a comfy one, I'd say. But please remember that I had been really obsessed with Equality then. I even thought the cutiemarks manipulate us to their own ends..."

Twilight made a slight nod here, "Of course they do. I'm getting your point. First you thought that I would be freed and follow your agenda, thus helping immensely..."

"...and what can be more painful for the ruler than to see her society being rebuilt in the other, entirely different, and better, image? You can't lie successfully until you believe in your lies, at least in part."

"But your truth is good only if it's one hundred percent correct. So did you believe or did you not?" Twilight pressed.

"I had been scared to trial myself by being without my mark. The Unmarking comes from it, so..." Starlight shrugged, "Make of that what you wish, Princess."

Twilight frowned, "You avoid the answer."

"I do."

"Well, then, that next part, when you get revenge?.. But your avoidance is noted," Twilight said, still frowning, clearly annoyed with how her wing feathers were sticking up.

"I was mad at you. That was necessary to clear the madness, and clear my obsessions for cutie marks. You see, Sunburst's one... it is the shattered sun. And it appeared exactly when... when Celestia was defeated on the other side of the country? Do you still believe in those coincidences, Princess?" Starlight shrugged again, her voice even and face slightly smiling.

Twilight knew better than to force Starlight to say more, so she just sighed and said in level voice, "In my eyes, and in any offiсial catalog, Sunburst's mark is the orange sun with yellow rays to the head's side, and ultramarine stars surrounding the sun from other sides. Please don't make me see it your way."

"As you wish, Princess," she replied, maybe too seriously.

"Okay... what now? Why did you call me? And why do you keep calling me that?"

"You may not like what you'll hear, Princess," Starlight stuck out her tongue, "Sorry, sorry."

Twilight just tilted her head, so after a moment Starlight continued in a deliberate, cautious tone, "Linear and narrow time, the one that just goes on, with no side steps, no retracing... it has its advantages, of course. For example, look at your own friends, if not at yourself... In the time that I'm living near you they have become stronger, braver. Richer, even. They fulfilled their wishes and made new ones in their place. They made their lives, and life has made them. Even I, myself, accomplished what I trained for these last few years after the second changeling invasion,' she moved her hoof, pointing to Chrysalis, a stagnant form, "and had been a pretty decent figure matching this one monster who killed my happiness."

Twilight interrupted, "But you said..."

"Don't confuse the child's petty revenge with the adult's petty revenge. Totally different things. I still may teach you the difference, you know," Starlight Glimmer smiled, maybe too wide in Twilight's opinion, "So, as I was going to say, one little problem... the ultimate end of the road for all of them, and for me. Even for you, in a very distant future.

"And I think I know how to bring the spark to relight the fire that will always persist. Not for a selected few, or even a selected many. For all of us.

"Once you'll take the powers of Celestia and Luna, just come here once again, with me. It will be simple. For you, Your Higness. Or should I say Your Majesty? You will need to also take the power of these three, of course,” she nodded to the statue, “and don't forget that I'm not yet worthless too."

"If you're implying that I'll need to, what, drain them..." Twilight raised her voice just a bit.

Starlight shielded her chest with her hoof, "Princess, Twi, I don't mean forcefully!.. As an only option, at least. But yes, I mean all three of them here. And thanks to our— your ritual there will be no new tragedies even close to that," she levitated herself for a moment to gently touch Cozy Glow's strangely warm stone ear, "ever again. Because anypony — not only Celestia's chosen lucky few foals such as me, but anypony — will be able to step sideways in time, and just... avoid the pain or hardship. Because time itself will be not an arrow or a thread, but rather a ribbon, with many closely tied threads. Through which you could just dance around, always. Or... as long as you wish, at least."

Twilight went up on all fours, and slightly expanded her wings, but eventually blushed and coughed in a hoof.

"Okay, okay. I get it. But… how may you be sure that... this 'always' is real?" Twilight asked.

"I can't. But all required spells and computational matrices do lay up together. You can check yourself."

Starlight looked down, still sitting next to Twilight, then whispered, ears flat, "Though I agree with you, this story may be just that, a story spoken by the mare who... is maybe a bit older than she wants to, and never was too healthy to begin with. Maybe the sun had never been broken. For what it's worth, I'm sure that Celestia will find a few hours for you to clear out all your doubts. I don't suppose her intent was of malice, of deliberate cruelty anymore — she just never accounted for herself being crippled by Chrysalis, left unable to,” Starlight’s voice faltered for a moment, “...to keep her promises to her ‘fosterlings’.”

She paused for a moment, then added, her voice raised, "But I know what I know. So, as you decide... please think of this filly. She would never have this destiny, if... if only."

"Of two fillies in this room, whom should I consider?" Twilight probed.

Starlight nodded. "Next question, please."

Twilight frowned, took a long pause, then replied, "Enough. I will decide. In the morning. Right now you are forcing me. To correct Celestia's mistake on an universal scale, no less," she looked at Starlight, as if waiting for a 'Just kidding!' from her. "She... moved you sideways in time herself, and you really just suggest that everypony will be able to do the same at will?"

Starlight looked up to her, "I'd say I'm sorry, but..."

"No need for that. I understand. Really, I do. And you knew that I would understand, and you still went and did what you did. And it's hard to get over it."

Starlight lowered her head but said nothing.

In silence they spread the soft linen on the tower's floor, near the statue, and went to sleep, together, towards the next day that will not be always.

Author's Note

So...

First of all, if something is unclear, it's the text issue, not yours. Even in my native language, my stories do meet reactions of 'I don't get it' sort. This is what I am always trying (and failing) to overcome. See the third point below.

Second, I usually avoid clarifying anything outside of the text itself. If it does not work, it just does not work, and trying to lead the readers to my desired understanding in the comment section is just... wrong. The text itself should do it. More than that, there may be more than one way of reading the piece (for me here, there is).

But, third, therefore... if you would say, in the comments, what exactly is unclear, and where exactly you have lost the gripe with the story's events, that would help me immensely. Maybe minor additional editions of the story itself could help too.

Only if that's okay for you, of course.