How to blackmail your friend into becoming a wing man

by Scriptz Error

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Princess Luna, Anon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 3278

Blitzer (the pegasus not the deer) has been wanting to tell Luna how he feels but always gets a dry throat, so why not blackmail Anon to help him out?

Blitzer (an oc pegasus) has tried to stand his ground as a King to talk to a Princess about a matter of not just the two Kingdoms BUT BOTH WORLDS.

It goes as well as you expect from a Prince just barely made to King. But that's why he's used his expert social skills to black mail Anon into helping him out!

Will Luna reciprocate the same feelings? Will Celestia find out and intercept the confession? Will Anon ever have a normal day? Find all that out on this One-shot!

Two parter now!
Again as always criticism is welcomed by anyone.

Published 2020-10-04 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-04 16:00:01 UTC

The First Thing You'll Need To Do

"So let me get this straight; you need me to go along with any stupid plans you make up no matter how bad or ridiculous or insane they may be so that you, let me remind you, you a King, can be able to woo Luna. And if I dont oblige you'll spill out my darkest secret that your privately owned group of spies gathered?"

The other side of the door that was the gateway to Anon's home was occupied by the sight of a pegasus that had a beige coat with a light charcoal mane and a white fluff on his neck that ran all the way down to his barrel with a set of brown eyes to accompany the body, wings that were bandaged kept firmly placed on both sides of said pegasus. His face appearance was poise, a red scarf surrounding his neck while standing on four hooves. "Yes, that is exactly what I have said, every word you have just uttered was an exact repeat of what I have just spoken to you in the last 5 seconds."

Today Anon expected a lot of things, Fluttershy asking a bunch of questions of animals on earth, Twilight asking 100 times more questions about everything and some slight probing, maybe even Rainbow Dash flaunting her gay pride flag but this? This was not one them.

"Yeah fuck no," After that response Anon shut the door as apparently sleep was still lost on him, but as soon as he stepped one foot-

Knock knock

"Just pretend he isn't here," Anon began to chant to himself outloud,"just pretend he isn't here, just pretend he isn't here, J-"

"You know I can still hear you right Anon?" The muffled voice came from behind the door that Anon intentionally shut.

A groan was all that Anon could muster at the moment as his will fell to new lows as he opened the door.

"Fineeeeee, but after all this is over you better get me some actual meat, I can not go another week eating 'hayburgers' I mean who the hell puts hay in burgers!?"

"We do Anon, we, both universes do and you should probably think of eating more than just burgers. Now come on I got a ingenious idea on how to go through with this!" Blitzer said the last part with a wave of his right hoof and turned around to jump off from the steps of the door and began to show boundless energy if the constant jumping on the ground with all fours with the different limbs tapping at quick intervals was any indication.

"You know Blitzer, just because I'm a jackass sometimes doesn't mean you needed to actually black mail me, I would've helped you out albeit in a dick way but still, I would be here for you man." Anon said while starting to walk down the steps himself.

"I know, but this is a much more fun way to do it!" Blitzer exclaimed while beginning to trot to Ponyville.

"..." Anon stood silently still for a few seconds, his mind working to respond while Blitzer continued trotting.

Then Anon blurted out, "Is this payback for all the pranks I pulled on you or do you just like taking the piss out of me?" Anon asked curiously.

Blitzer turned his whole body around to respond while trotting backwards, "Can't it be both?"

"Huh, fair enough" And content with that response Anon shrugged and began to walk with his pegasus friend once he faced forward again.

But then silence came, not the wonder of sights kind of silence but the kind where if you just left it the longer it was there the more you'd feel lost to know how to break it or at least that's what Anon was thinking.

"Soooo uh not to make this weird or awkward but uh wanna tell me what's up with that?" Anon asked the end of it with a finger point to Blitzer's bandaged wings.

"Huh" Blitzer suddenly out of his bubbly energy turned his head to his friend to find his finger and traced its line of pointing to his wings, "OH!, yeah it's no biggie I just had strained it after taking down a dragon, can you believe that just because I was recently turned King creatures think I would suddenly just forget small towns? Like what did you expect, I'd just not see the destruction of a town? Just what do they think I'd be doing?"

"Uh maybe be sent as a delegation of your kingdom? Writing paperwork? I don't know but I wouldn't think certainly look over towns I mean what about your city where your kingdom is at?"

"If you don't start small then it'll all be over your head when it becomes bigger and it's in the process of being rebuilt but honestly, I've been kind of avoiding it."

Now Anon was alot of things, a dick, heartless, a monster, annoyed, but he knew no matter the shit he would give you, you had to give him credit for knowing when to be serious.

"Listen Blitzer, I'm obviously not the guy to have any grasp of experience on what you will be taking on, responsibilities are so off my field but I do know that if you ever wanna talk about them or just lay it off your mind for a bit, I'm here for you."

Blitzer looked at Anon for a bit and for the briefest of moments Anon could swear he could see a smile from his face but as quick as it came it ended with Blitzer facing forward once more,"Thanks Anon."

"No problem man...so can we put the blackmail behind us?" Anon asked curiously, clearly knowing the answer but asking out of playfulness.

"Not on your life dude, I just got the information from my spies and if I didn't receive it from them I would've almost never believed it" Blitzer said with some bubbly energy coursing back to it's flow again.

"Well glad to know one of us is enjoying the black mailing" Anon said with the most dryest, sarcastic tone he could come up with while rolling his eyes.

"Hey" Blitzer grabbed Anon's attention with a jab of his elbow to Anon's leg, "if all goes well then your secret is safe with me." he ended with a wink.

"Alright alright I get it, stay positive." Anon concluded.

"So Anon I've been meaning to ask, why do you live near the everfree forest, I mean from what I understand it's a basic paradise for Discord if you catch my drift."

Currently nowhere and everywhere

"ACHOO", Discord sneezed.

Currently back at the current time near Ponyville

"Well if I'm going to be honest I've just felt Everfree forest has felt like the most Earth thing from me, Uncontrollable weather, Mysterious creatures?, Very well possible death, all that feels like back home." Anon responded but by Blitzer's look Anon thought he didn't seem to get his connection.

"It's like," Anon began to properly format his thoughts, "Certain traits give me the feeling of Earth, back on my world the weather was uncontrollable so we watched it instead, we've explored so much of the world but there's endless creatures that are so deep in the corners of the world and we never sinked in so far to see them, a constant knowing of death, which as weird as it sounds, is also very human."

"Huh..you sure you aren't just masochistic?" Blitzer jabbed at Anon and thus received a kick to his left front hoof.

"Maybe your right because I just enjoyed hitting you right now but I might need to double check later." Anon said while keeping his right leg ready.

Blitzer still rubbing his somewhat aching hit said, "That's a sadist Anon, not a masochist."

Anon not being taken well to being wrong, "hmph" cringed in silence hoping they would reach their location soon, come to think of it.

"Hey Blitzer where are we actually going?"

Blitzer stopped suddenly without warning and with his two front hooves outstretched he exclaimed, "We're here!"

Anon suddenly stopped to see where they were and took in what was in front of him, "Sugar Cube Corner" Anon spoke aloud.

"Yup, here we'll make up a plan" Blitzer said while opening the front door with a small 'ding'

"Wait wait wait," Anon said quickly, "I thought you said you had a 'ingenious' idea."

"Well yeah," Blitzer said while heading over to a booth "the ingenious idea was to come to Sugar Cube Corner to come up with an even better plan!"

Anon sat down opposite of Blitzer to only realize what he just said, "Okay what?" Was all Anon could say in response to, in his opinion, the dumbest 'technically' phrasing he's heard.

Pinkie popped out of nowhere and said, "Here you are! A banana Milkshake with a chocolate chip muffin, so what can I get for you nonny?"

"Uh nothing, I've already ate breakfast before the 'Prince' came knocking at my door to blackmail me"

"Really? But the chapter didn't say anything about you eating anything before ha-Ohhhh I get it, well okie dokie lokie, good luuuuuuck." Pinkie said while trotting off to another booth

"You know, no matter how long I stay in this universe I don't think I'll understand her." Blitzer said while looking towards the pink blur's direction.

"Heh I don't think anyone from any universe will understand her." Anon said with a smirk while looking in the same direction but then a question popped up, "Hey wait so how did she know what to bring you, you didn't even go to the front desk to tell her." Anon asked curiously

"I planned ahead" Blitzer responded with a shrug and drank his milkshake before continuing, "I didn't eat breakfast yet so I wanted to get something while making you tag along and try out this place, I've never had anything aside from the Princesses' Palace's kitchen."

"Okay I can buy all that but you do actually have a plan right?" Anon said with concern but no sign of fear.

"Nope" Blitzer responded looking up to Anon with a smile that went from ear to ear.

"Okay bullshit, you plan this out which I'm not even going to explain how you shouldn't have been able to calculate this day this accurately with timing, what the actual fuck do you mean no? This is the sorta thing I'd think you plan out." Anon was flabbergasted by this lack of planning for something so important. Blitzer still held his smile but now closing his eyes while drinking his milkshake, to any outsider it would just seem that the beige colored pegasus was just REALLY enjoying his banana milkshake but Anon knew it was deeper than that, just didn't know why he was smiling so proudly. "Shouldn't this scare you? I mean you plan to pull out your heart and accept denial of love and you could absolutely get stomped." Anon spoke with a great emotion and concern, looking at Blitzer however made it evident that Anon's words seemed to have no effect on his mood unless, "Unless. YOU'RE IN DENIAL OF BEING REJECTED!"

Every creature aside from Pinkie in the the shop looked towards Anon and the only thing that came to his mind was 'Ooo might've said that last part a little too loud' and sat down quickly while using his left arm to try but failing to cover his face with embarrassment.

"Now I know how it feels to be a pony." Anon said silently out loud to himself while mentally cursing himself for putting that much emotion to his voice.

And thus awkward silence rang throughout the store until one voice spoke up, "Mmm, DAMN do they know how to make milkshakes or what? I mean I may be out of style but this is AMAZING" The voice showed extreme content and pleasure from the simple banana milkshake and that voice came from none other than Blitzer.

Every creature seem to have thought better than to pay attention other then their original intention after that.

"Okay spill, what's the game plan here" Anon spoke silently to Blitzer.

"The game plan is-"

"Aha so there is a game plan!" Anon interjected while still being on a whisper level.

"As I was saying the game plan is to just go to the castle and BS my way to be alone with Luna and work from there." Blitzer ended the sentence by going back to drinking his banana milkshake.

"What?" Anon was still stumped, how could Blitzer not have a intricate plan, he made one up just to use him! How would something this emotional not have a plan?

Blitzer stopped drinking his milkshake to break Anon's thoughts, "I'm judging by your look your still confused?"

"Well yeah, it seems just odd that you'd plan for something as trivial as us meeting and not have a plan for the next part which may I remind you could shatter you, so again I'm asking, Have you accepted the fact she might reject you?" Anon was at this point worried that Blitzer may have not seen this sort of heartbreak as real but he knew him, this didn't seem like him.

"Heh, Well for one you're wrong about this meeting be trivial, I've been so stuck in my kingdom's problems and barely just gaining the title of king from your dying father isn't a very nice thought to keep popping up in your mind, I get away from the kingdom because it always seems to remind me of the huge tragedy of how I ascended and makes me feel like me being king is a mistake. I've rarely gotten out before due to the importance of knowing lessons on how to be fair and righteous so I almost never really took in the culture around me, You know how odd it is to be taught to support the town that you never went to and listen to problems with no context of the real world applications? I feel so out of place, but that's why I do things like this, I like to feel like I'm a civilian like everycreature else, Here I am enjoying a treat with my best friend simply talking about a small problem that is a crush and while all this is happening I've left my kingdom at it's weakest. But I really can't help but want to feel normal, to feel free y'know?" Blitzer held a lot more in, he knew he had multiple problems as king but he felt that he wanted them to wait, to just relax and come back later. Was that wrong to want a break from it all? Was it because he was newly appointed king he had to relinquish his rights as another creature? These ideas while would be obvious to any other person didn't really apply to him, to him, he had the job/responsibility to take in account for every other creature in his domain no matter what. Blitzer had by this time, Looked down at his drink during all this time to find solace in its substance.

"I think" Anon began and took Blitzer out of his thoughts as he looked up, "That there should be a certain line where you should draw on your responsibilities, so just relax and uh..Thank you, you're my best friend too." Anon couldn't leave the mood like this and he wasn't going to risk showing more bromance but the last words he said were already taking affect as Blitzer began to have a small smile, well okay maybe he can enjoy it for a bit, "So the whole no plan thing, what's up with that? I would've thought you'd make up some fairy tale plan to swoon her over and already have a wedding dress for her"

"Pfft, Okay one I don't think I'd be able to do that on short notice and two, If I'm being completely real that would feel disingenuous, If I'm going to ask her out I want to make her to accept me, not just the mood or setting but me, I don't want her to feel forced into it if all there is the effect, I want the cause."

"Wow that is, the most arguable idea I've heard, and coming from a king no less!" Anon responded to such a questionable thing, or at least to him it's questionable.

"What do you mean?" Blitzer asked innocently.

"Dude don't get me wrong your a nice guy bu-"

"Stallion" Blitzer interjected.

"Right Stallion but girls are all about the extra! The effect! That's what they desire more than anything, they want it to be important and special to them so that they could see the greatness of it." Anon explained as if he was well versed in the topic.

"Then I'm glad I never met your world's mares"

"What?" Anon was taken back by 'not realization' Blitzer was having.

"If they are enamored by beauty but not realize beauty was the courting was itself then I don't believe it would work, besides Princess Luna is not like those 'girls' she is beautiful and gracious and I'm sure that she will appreciate the courting attempt regardless, and if she doesn't then I can't say I didn't try" Blitzer obviously knew Luna wouldn't be into something as dumb as a show to draw her into the romance but he couldn't help but think it might increase his chances and denial was a real thing.

"Huh I guess I never thought of it like that" Anon was kind of impressed that Blitzer was already so focused on the confession and not the cheesy or lousy things like a light show.

Silence came from both of them as the question at hand was answered.

"So uh Princess Luna huh?"

"Yup, why? surprised?" Blitzer began to feel his mood pick up as he took the conversation ahead.

"Well sorta, never took you for the night kind of guy." Anon while trying to forget about the mushy part was genuinely interested on his question.

"Heh, well I did always enjoy the night sky but not just that, it's sorta hard to explain. It's like she has this sort of idea that she wants to be part of all of this but she's been gone for so long she's distant and strange to it and even after she's been trying to acclimate to society, It's hard for her since everything she had was gone when she arrived again, especially with the Night Mare Moon image she has It's hard to become better integrated. I've let her come to my universe to feel accepted and like a normal mare again, not because of how I feel, I didn't even see her like that yet, but I connected the the sentiment in a way, I saved my kingdom and countless lives but after using the elementals against Token, everycreature has been afraid of me and what my reign will become as King."

"Well I know I'd just be repeating the same thing about being King but, you'll do great Blitzer, just believe in yourself and I'm hoping for Luna to see you the way you want her to."

"Thanks Anon."

Author's Note

Thought of this and was like "Might be funny idk" So here we are.

I made this a two parter due to the fact that I lost creative juices mid way so I thought might as well post this as a two parter instead of a one-shot.