Scenes From a Life in Equestria

Chapters

Part 1: Canterlot
Part 2: Ponyville
Part 3: Sweet Apple Acres
Part 4: Various
Part 5: School of Friendship
Part 6: Library
Part 7: Fluttershy's Cottage

Part 1: Canterlot

“So, ’Ponyville’, huh?” Ellie said, muffled through a mouthful of carrot cake. She stopped to pick up the spray of crumbs from the ground with her napkin as she swallowed. "Sorry about that."

Princess Luna did not turn her gaze from the night sky over Canterlot to look at the human sitting cross-legged behind her. "Do not worry. As a Princess of Equestria, I have met many different creatures and have seen many eating customs. I am not offended.”

“No, it’s rude in my world, too. I just haven't eaten in front of anybody in person for a few months now.” She smacked her lips. "This carrot cake is amazing, though. It tastes even better after sitting out all day. Lends an extra savoriness to it."

Luna had at first been glad for the company during her usually lonely duty of watching the night, but she admitted that this human creature’s tendency to lose the thread of a conversation was tiring.

“You were asking about Ponyville?”

“Oh yeah, right. So,” Ellie steeled herself to stifle any laughs when saying the name, “Princess Twilight Sparkle is taking me there personally? Isn’t she about to take over this whole kingdom deal and is super busy and important? It just seems like a lot for, I don’t know, just me. I just showed up here, y’know?”

“Well, truth be told,” Luna hesitated. She turned to face Ellie. “She has been… less than helpful in helping direct the rebuilding efforts. We can tell that she misses her friends, but she is too eager to demonstrate her readiness to ask to spend more time with them, even though she is not quite needed here yet.”

She cast a gaze downward at the new jagged edge of Canterlot, scabbed by an angry mess of work sites lit up by safety lights. Webs of scaffolding and pallets of unfinished marble and stone.

“It took a decade for Mistmane to build Canterlot, and that is not counting the expansions it has undergone since. It may take years for the reconstruction to be completed.”

“Ah, so I’m an excuse, got it.” Ellie took another bite of carrot cake, and chewed. “I am going to miss this place, though. Everything is so fancy, and there’s always something new to see. I even met a talking cow!” Ellie said that as if it were a more remarkable experience than talking with the Alicorn Princess in front of her.

“Do you mean Dr. Cudhooves, the Equestria-renowned epidemiologist who was here to give counsel on managing the Parasprite outbreak in Baltimare?“

“Yeah, her!” Ellie chuckled. “A talking cow! How could I eat a burger after that?"

Luna became uncomfortable, though it was not as if she had never met carnivores before. “Burgers are made of… cows in your world?”

“Oh, yeah, but not the ones I eat,” Ellie shrugged. “Glad I became a vegetarian before coming here and meeting all these talking animals. Cows, goats, horses…“

Luna did not want to think too hard about that last one. Beyond the obvious reasons, it just struck her as wrong to think of this strange creature as a predator. If she had been a talking bear, it would be one thing, but this hairless, magicless being with no natural protective layer over its bare skin, no claws or talons to rend with, and flat teeth? The notion just felt creepy.

“It is noble of you to go against your species’ nature for a moral ideal,” Luna remarked tentatively.

Ellie gave a dismissive wave. “Pshaw. It’s not like I’m a vegan or anything. Honestly, I didn’t even do it for the animals.” Ellie paused. “Hey, is your civilization undergoing a crisis where the kind and amount of resources it consumes is contributing to a negative feedback loop that causes a worsening climate and natural disasters, but the people who consume the most resources and the entities that profit from it block meaningful change at every turn so everyone is helpless to just watch it all happen while also paralyzed with guilt for the resources they’re consuming that are certainly contributing to the problem, or anything like that?“

“Um…” Luna blinked. “No?”

“That’s awesome.” Ellie took another bite of carrot cake. “You should really keep that up.”

Luna could not see at all how the second part followed from the first, so she said nothing in response. They were both speaking Ponish, but it felt like they were using completely different languages sometimes.

There was a silence that followed, punctuated only by Ellie’s chewing. She broke it.

“So, uh, I know it’s not my place to comment on how governance works in your magic kingdom or whatever. I mean, especially considering the decisions my world has made!” She chuckled sadly in a way that transitioned to a sigh. “But Princess Twilight Sparkle seems very different from you and Celestia. I mean, meeting her after meeting you two, I thought she was a kid or something.”

“No, she is certainly not a goat,” Luna said, wondering how this human could ever possibly have thought otherwise. “But yes, Twilight Sparkle only ascended to alicornhood a few years ago, so she has centuries to go before reaching the level of experience and maturity of my sister and I. But she and her friends have saved Equestria multiple times, and she has demonstrated her governing abilities in founding the School of Friendship and guiding it through its first year despite great hardships.”

“’Ascended to alicornhood’? Huh.” Ellie paused in thought. “So you’re neither a biological stage nor a pony subspecies like unicorns and pegasi? It’s a state that is… induced?”

“When a pony accomplishes something truly amazing, demonstrating her worthiness of the title and its powers, she is granted alicornhood and becomes a Princess.”

“Neat.” Ellie paused to think. “Wait, ’she’ and ‘Princess’? Are you saying that alicorns have to be female?”

“Well, yes.” Luna was taken aback, as the fact was so natural to her that it seemed strange to have to explain it or even consider it as unexpected.

“And that’s a prerequisite to be a leader in your world?”

“Well, no.” Luna started to feel uncomfortable with this line of questioning, though she did not quite know why. “Our leaders are elected by the communities they lead, and they can be mares or stallions.”

“Sure, sure.” Ellie smiled. “But, y’know, at the very top it just so happens to be that the head honcho has to be an Alicorn Princess.“ She winked.

“Well, yes, but…” Luna was flustered, and starting to feel oddly defensive. “We are a nation of millions! Statistically, any mare has about as much chance as any stallion to become an Alicorn Princess, and everypony knows this. Stallions become mayors, scientists, doctors, and statesponies. Their ambitions are not a hair curtailed by their biological limitations-”

“Biological limitations!” Ellie said excitedly, sounding as if she were savoring those words. She held up a brofist to Luna. “That’s awesome, dude.”

Luna did not return her gesture or her enthusiasm. She did not seem to want to respond at all, for fear of exciting the strange creature further.

“Ah, sorry, Princess.” Ellie withdrew her fist. “It’s probably problematic just how cool I find that. It’s just nice to be on the other side for once, you know?”

Luna did not know. Ellie’s excited smile turned into a wry grin.

“It’s actually even nicer that you don’t know what I’m talking about.” She went back to eating.

Luna was just glad this part of the conversation seemed over. There was another stretch of silence, which Ellie broke again.

“I gotta come clean about something, Princess Luna,” she said hesitantly. “I mean, I’ve been afraid to say this just in case it took me out of the Matrix or something.” Ellie regretted how specific that cultural reference was even as she said it. “But I’m pretty sure this world isn’t real.”

That intrigued Luna.

“What makes you say such a thing?”

“Oh, you know. That it’s all some creation of my subconscious in a deep dream. Or maybe a coronavirus coma or something. Though if that’s the case, I don’t know what my subconscious is telling me with all this magical talking horse kingdom stuff. Sorry, I mean, pony kingdom stuff,” she corrected herself. “I mean, I was never really into that kind of stuff as a kid. But maybe I’m being told that I was and didn’t admit it? Or maybe that I should have been more open to it, and not had a whole complex about it? Or maybe the horse thing comes from Alicia? I don’t know. Sorry, pony thing.”

Luna was struggling to keep up.

“Sorry. I mean, beyond that. Things are just nice here? Like, I’m just some rando, you know? But here I am, just hanging out with a really cool pony lady who has the power to raise the Moon and is co-ruler of this whole deal. It seems, I dunno, Mary Sueish.”

Luna tried to guess what that last bit meant from context. “It is not so strange to me. The Wonderbolts found you unconscious in the woods. Here you are, lost in this strange new world with not a bit to your name. Getting you settled in and familiar with this place until we figure out how to send you back home is the least we can do.” Luna paused to think. “Though considering how you talk about your world, you may end up deciding to stay, if you wish.” She paused. “Is that not how such guests are treated in your world?”

“Sometimes,” she admitted. “And it’s awesome when we do. But not always.” Ellie frowned, but did not look like she wanted to elaborate.

“Besides,” Luna continued. “If you do feel out of place here in the capital, Ponyville will be a nice change of pace.”

Luna thought but did not say that, additionally, she would be relieved to no longer have this strange creature wandering around the provisional royal offices crammed into the surviving bits of the castle, weirding out the dignitaries and staff.

Ellie considered. “If this is a dream, I do look forward to seeing what my brain comes up with for the architecture of a small town, given the level of technological development of this place.” Which she did not understand at all, having already seen record players, color photographs, quill pens, and scrolls in her time here so far. “I don’t know, probably something medieval, but based on my own limited understanding of the period, like houses with thatched roofs or something.”

Luna smiled.

“I do admit, I find it amusing that you still think you may be in a dream. You are sitting on the floor, eating a carrot cake, and talking about architecture.” She straightened up, adding a layer of authority to her voice. “I have seen tens of thousands of dreams in my role as Princess of the Night. I have never seen one so mundane as this.”

Taking a moment to look at the magical talking winged unicorn goddess with a flaming aura for a mane and tail, Ellie burst out laughing.

Part 2: Ponyville

“This really takes me back!” Twilight shouted into the whistling high-altitude wind. She turned to look down at the human lying down on the floor of the basket of her hot air balloon.

“After I got really good at flying and teleporting, I’ve never really had an excuse to use this thing again! I used to love hot air ballooning before I moved to Ponyville! It’s crazy to think that was years ago now!”

“Yeah, crazy…” Ellie responded in a weak whisper. She was curled up in what Twilight would have recognized as the fetal position had she known more about human anatomy.

“It’s sort of nice things worked out this way! It feels like everything coming full circle. One last mission from Princess Celestia. Well, technically it was just a suggestion from a colleague Alicorn Princess, but we can just call it a mission.”

“Yeah, we can…” Ellie wheezed. “Missions from Princess Celestia… are just… social constructs, after all…”

“It really is just like old times!” The nostalgia was evident in her voice. “Teaching a new creature about the magic of friendship. Then when you go back home, you can teach everycreature there about friendship too, and fix your world! From how you describe the place, your species really needs it.”

Ellie seemed to mutter something in response, judging by the movement of her lips, but Twilight could not hear it. She looked down at her with concern.

"Are you sure you don't want me to just teleport you the rest of the way?"

“No!” came the forceful reply, Ellie suddenly finding her strength. Her voice returned to the weak whisper. “Like I said, not until I thoroughly understand how that works…”

“Well, all right,” Twilight said skeptically. “But starting from your level of zero knowledge of magic, it’ll take you years of study to learn the theoretical underpinnings of teleportation.”

“That’s fine, really. Just, please, don’t ever teleport me.” She thought for a second. “Or teleport in front of me… Or tell me that you’ve ever teleported.” The color began to return to Ellie’s voice as it returned to her cheeks.

“Ooookay…” Twilight was nonplussed, in the way nonplussed is defined in a dictionary and not how everybody actually uses it. “And you still don’t want to tell me what your hang-up is?”

“I mean… you said that you use teleportation ‘all the time’, right?” she said, looking up at Twilight now.

“Well, yeah!” she said in a way she didn’t have to say duh out loud. “It’s the most convenient way to get around. I use it pretty much every day!”

“Then yeah, I don’t think I want to tell you.” Ellie’s voice was almost back to normal now. “It’s probably nothing, anyway. Don’t worry about it. But don’t ever teleport me, either.”

“Well, all right then.” Twilight frowned. She tried to think of a way to change the subject.

“You know, it’s really too bad it didn’t turn out you were from that world on the other side of the Magic Mirror. Then at least we would know how to get you home.“

Ellie suddenly became upset. “Oh yeah, what gave that away? That my skin isn’t pastel-colored? That my legs don’t take up two thirds of my body?” Ellie turned pale again and held back a mouthful of vomit.

Twilight frowned harder. “You know, those girls on the other side are my friends, and they’re very nice creatures.“

It took a bit for Ellie to be able to respond, back to her weak whisper. “Yeah… sorry about that… I’m sure they’re… very nice… I just…” She sighed. “Sorry for my… reaction…”

Twilight didn’t have anything to say to that. There wasn’t really a friendship lesson about not being grossed out by other creatures’ very existence. Maybe she would need to write one.

The balloon finally began its descent. When it landed, Ellie embraced the stable floor of the basket thankfully, finally recovering from her last bout of nausea.

“C’mon, get up,” Twilight said impatiently. “We have a long walk ahead of us.”

“Walk?” Ellie whined, not moving from her prone position.

“Well, you’re the one who insists on not using teleportation, so…”

“I’ll walk! I’ll walk!”

Ellie stood up unsteadily, slowly reaching her full height. When she did, she looked down at Twilight looking up at her.

“Ha!” she said triumphantly. “Tables turned!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. She flapped her wings to hover in the air, deliberately choosing a height to be just above eye level with the human.

“All right, all right, I get it.” She threw up her arms in defeat. “Don’t even know why you’re bothering to flap those things anyway. I doubt the physical wings are providing a force within even three orders of magnitude of what you need to be doing what you’re doing right now.”

“Like I said the first time you brought this up: it’s how prioception is integrated into the thaumamotor system. It might be theoretically possible to get around the link but then you lose the tactile feedback needed to-”

“Yeah, you don’t need to give me the whole spiel again, Princess.” Ellie waved dismissively. “I mean, slapping enough thauma-s in front of a bunch of neurology words is enough to fool me.”

Twilight did not respond negatively to the dismissal. Instead, she just mentally reorganized her calendar of planned friendship lessons to put the ones about politeness first. Ellie was stretching her arms, looking up at the buildings around them as she did so.

“Thatched roofs! Just like I thought. And those wooden grid things in the front of the houses. This place looks just like the cover of a pretzel tin.”

Her gaze drifted downward, taking in the scattering of ponies going about their business in the square, not paying any mind to her or Twilight. Well, except that mint-coated unicorn sitting at a café table staring at her with her jaw hung open. Instinctively, Ellie glanced behind herself and saw nothing of note besides Twilight Sparkle’s balloon. When she looked back, the unicorn was running off in some direction in a panic. Her cream-coated companion shot Ellie a dirty look before trotting off in pursuit.

“Huh…” Ellie was perplexed. “I thought you said that Ponyville residents were used to seeing all sorts of weird, annoying creatures like me, so I would fit right in without causing a fuss.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what that was about.” Twilight sounded just as perplexed. “I know her, actually. That’s Lyra. She doesn’t normally react to new creatures like this…” Twilight gave a pegasus shrug.

“This way.” Twilight flapped her wings and started floating in the direction of her castle. She turned to look at Ellie.

“Also, I didn’t say ‘weird, annoying creatures like you’, I just said ‘weird creatures’!”

“I know what you meant!” Ellie teased as she started following Twilight. “Oh, yeah, Lyra.” Ellie chuckled. “I get it. Because of the lyre on her butt.”

“You mean the cutie mark on her flank?”

“Yeah, that.” Ellie smiled smugly. Then, her smile faded away.

“I’m sorry, Twilight. I don’t know why I’m being such a jerk today.” She sighed, turning her gaze down the road. “I think that it’s because it’s starting to sink in that all this might be… real, you know? Like, I’ve been here for days now, and I’ve had a hundred full conversations, more than I do even in my normal life. I’ve slept and woken up and had dreams. I’ve eaten more than a dozen meals. Mostly carrot cake, but still.” She sighed again. “And now it feels like I’m moving, to actually live in a new place. It’s just… a lot.”

Twilight was sympathetic. “Yeah, it must be hard. I remember how out of place I felt in my first days here, and home was just a hot air balloon ride away! I can’t imagine what it must be like for you, to have to get used to a whole new world while not knowing when you can go back to yours.”

“Yeah…” Ellie turned her gaze to Twilight. “I really am grateful, you know. You ponies really have been nothing but kind and generous to me, even accommodating the whole no teleportation thing.” Twilight smiled. “Sure, some things about your world seem really weird and even silly to me.“ Like the whole cutie mark thing, she didn’t say. “But it seems to work for you guys, so I should really keep an open mind about it. It’s the least I could do.”

“Aww, that’s a great example of understanding your own negative emotions!” Twilight smiled. In her head, she was checking off two of the friendship lessons she had planned. They hadn’t even started yet! “I can tell you’re going to be a great friendship student.”

“Thanks.” Ellie smiled as well. “Actually, I had some questions about that whole thing. Is it—“

There was a thwacking sound as Ellie was suddenly smacked down to the ground. She caught herself on her hands with her reflexes and was able to get back up quick, rubbing the spot on her head where the pegasus had hit her.

“Sorry, I just didn’t see you there! Are you okay?” asked a concerned voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” Ellie responded reflexively. She opened her eyes, and her disorientated perspective resolved to a gray-coated, blonde-maned pegasus. It was Ellie’s turn to be concerned.

“Wait, are you okay? Quick, follow my finger with your eyes.”

Instead of doing so, the cross-eyed pegasus blinked twice, confused. Ellie covered her mouth with her hand when she realized her mistake.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she cried, cringing. “I just assumed— I didn’t realize that— “

The pegasus interrupted her. “I’m sorry, but I have to get going. I’m late!” Slinging her mailbag over her shoulder, she was back off on her way before Ellie could blink. She spotted and picked up a pink envelope from the ground.

“Wait, you dropped—!“ Ellie began futilely. The mailmare was long gone. She looked down at the envelope.

“From: Ahiya, To: Rarity the Unicorn? That’s it? Is that how addresses work here?”

“Oh, I can take that! I know her.” Ellie felt a tingle as the envelope was enveloped by a magical aura and floated away from her fingers. “Once we get you settled in the Castle, I’ll just tele—” she paused. “I’ll just get it to her by an unspecified form of travel.“

Ellie smiled in appreciation. “Thanks for that, Twilight. Wait.” She paused to listen. “Do you hear something? Is that… circus music?”

“Oh no…” Twilight groaned. “I told her not to…”

The music steadily grew louder, and it did not take long for Ellie to figure out that it was coming from a colorful pink wagon coming down the same path they were going, pulled by a smiling pink Earth pony with a frizzy mess of a mane. Despite its distance, the music was already very loud, and if the inverse square law also held true in this reality… Around them, passerby ponies were fleeing in all directions, trying to square blocking their ears with having to use at least three out of their four legs to run away. Ellie was thankful for her bipedalism then, as was Twilight for her wings.

The music, well past a tolerable volume, thankfully stopped when the pink pony and her wagon halted just a few paces in front of them. Ellie relaxed.

“Heeeeeeeey Twiliiiiiiight!” greeted the Earth pony. “I modified the Welcome Wagon to play music as the wheels turn! Isn’t that neat!? Watch! Forward music!”

She took a few steps forward. The music started again. Ellie covered her ears again.

“Backward music!”

She took a few steps back. A distorted and equally loud sound played.

“Forward music!”

She took a few steps forward again. The music started again.

“Pinkie!” Twilight shouted over the din. “I think you set the music too loud!”

“What!?” Pinkie shouted. “Hold on!” She took out an earplug, and spoke at a normal volume. “Sorry, I had to put these in because the music was too loud. Isn’t it neat, though?”

“Pinkie…” Twilight sounded frustrated. “I—“

“I know, I know, you said there wasn’t a need for the Welcome Wagon because you’d be teleporting right to the Castle as always. But I woke up this morning with this crick in my neck that won’t go away!“ She turned her head to show a very concerning-looking right angle protruding from the back of her neck. “And that told me that you would be coming here by balloon, instead! Which meant that you’d be coming down this road, so I’m here to welcome my new friend!” She beamed. “Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie!”

It took Ellie a second to realize that was meant for her. “Oh, um, hi. My name’s Ellie.”

“Oh, Ellie! I bet that’s short for something! What is it?” All of a sudden, Pinkie was unhooked from her wagon and bouncing around Ellie, who was struggling to keep up. “Elizabeth?” Bounce. “Eleanor?” Bounce. “Ellen?” Bounce. “Elisa?” Bounce. “Elaine?” Bounce. “Elena?” Bounce. “Elspeth?” Bounce. “Elise?” Bounce. “Elsa?” Bounce. “Elvira?”

“No, just Ellie…” she insisted. “Wait, there are ponies named Elizabeth?”

“No, of course not! That’s not a pony name! Nopony has a name anything like that!” Pinkie laughed dismissively.

“Then how did you—”

“Hold that thought!” Pinkie pulled out a roll of paper, a pen, and was suddenly wearing a pair of glasses. Ellie could not tell at all just where she had been keeping those things. “Being in charge for welcoming newcomers to Ponyville, I have some questions for you!“

Twilight looked like she was about to say something but stopped. Pinkie looked up to to fix Ellie with a beaming smile. “Do you want to have a super special awesome fun giant welcoming party bash with alllllllll of the ponies of Ponyville right now!?” She bounced over to and poised herself excitedly over the ominous red button on the front of her wagon. “See, Twilight? I’m asking first this time!”

Twilight facehoofed while Ellie uhhhed. Wasn’t she just telling Twilight that she should be more open-minded to pony ways? But she could not think of anything she would want less right now than a surprise welcome party. Especially one planned by this particular peculiar pink party pony.

“Well, it was a long trip from Canterlot, so I think that I just want to—“ she began. Then she thought that it would be better to just be honest and straightforward without excuses. “Sorry, Pinkie Pie. I just don’t want a party right now.”

Pinkie insisted. “Are you saying that you don’t want a party because you don’t want a party? Or are you saying that you don’t want a party because you don’t want a party, but if a party happened you’ll end up liking it despite at first not thinking you would?”

Ellie was confused. “Uh, the first one? How would I even be able to choose the second op—“

“Okelie dokelie!” Pinkie interrupted cheerily. She made a mark on her paper. Then her face fell. “Wait, no welcome party, huh?” She let the roll of paper in front of her unspool down to the ground, bouncing all the way towards Ellie and past her feet. “Well, that takes care of all these questions.”

Pinkie began re-spooling the roll as she meticulously read down the list. Ellie was very thankful that she had decided to be honest. Twilight groaned.

“Pinkie, we don’t have time for this.”

“I’m almost done with the questions, Twilight!” Pinkie insisted. Just as she said that, she got to the end. “Ah, here we go!” She looked up to face Ellie. “When’s your birthday?”

“My birthday?” Ellie stopped to think. “I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know your own birthday!?” Pinkie responded, her puffy hair standing on end in shock. “Are you… an orphan?”

“What? No. I—” Ellie paused. “I don’t quite know how timekeeping really works here yet? Like, how the calendar would even work. Your rulers create the solar cycle themselves, and you ponies change the seasons manually. Wait.“ She looked down at her hands. “Do you ponies use the word ‘manually’, or—“

“B-but if you don’t know your birthday, what if…“ Pinkie put her hooves up to her face in despair. “What if you let your birthday go by without a party!?” She said that as if she were describing a potential war crime.

“Well, my last birthday party wasn’t that long ago, so we still have some time before the next one,” she reassured. It was true, though she imagined that Pinkie Pie would faint if she told her that it had consisted of an evening spent alone in her apartment with a box of takeout cake and her friends appearing only as tiny rectangles on her laptop screen.

“When I figure it out, I’ll tell you,” she promised, and that seemed to satisfy the Earth pony. Though the human secretly hoped that it would never come to that. The thought of spending nearly a year in this strange place… She admitted that it had been a nice vacation from reality so far, but she could foresee herself very soon dreading opening her eyes to anything other than the wall of Indigo Girls album covers opposite her bed in the morning.

“Okay!” Pinkie said cheerily. “Well, I guess I should just take the ol’ wagon home now.” Ellie caught a slight tinge of disappointment in her voice. “Have to make some adjustments anyway. I think I set the music too loud!” Pinkie gave a pony shrug and began harnessing herself back up to her wagon.

“Wait, Pinkie!” Twilight said. “Before you go… here.” Her horn glowed, and a pinkish purple bubble of magical energy shimmered into being centered on the wagon, just large enough to include Pinkie. She was excitedly gesticulating and saying something to Twilight, but not a sound could be heard. She then said another thing and waved to Ellie, who awkwardly waved back. Pinkie, seemingly not noticing anything was different, cheerily turned her wagon around and began back down the way she came, the bubble of silence following her wagon as it went.

“I think I made that spell a bit stronger than I intended to,” admitted Twilight.

“I… think it’s for the best.” Ellie felt the tension in her shoulders release as she watched the wagon shrink away into the distance. She sighed. “Twilight?” she began hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

She asked in a low, worried tone. “Are all the ponies in this town… crazy?”

Ellie did not understand what Twilight found so funny.

Part 3: Sweet Apple Acres

Applejack snorted impatiently as she watched the human in the distance struggle towards her at a half-run. She glanced behind herself, then gave the apple tree a well-aimed buck. A shower of apples rained down, with most going into the baskets around the tree as intended. She circled the tree in a slow trot, picking up the strays with her mouth and putting them into the nearest basket. When she was done, she looked up to see that the human had finally arrived, bent over with hands on her knees, gasping for breath.

“Sorry, I…” she wheezed between gulps of air. “More out of shape… than I thought… haven’t been… biking lately… been locked in… apartment for months now.”

Ellie looked up, still gasping, to see that Applejack had already done both her own work and hers, and unlike the human seemed not at all winded.

She took another couple of deep breaths. “Oh, right. You see, an apartment is a type of building from my world. It’s tall like a castle, except it’s not just princesses living there, and instead of magic stones it’s made of— "

“Ah know what a high-rise is!” Applejack interrupted, annoyed. “Ah’ve been to Manehattan before.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Ellie said, apologetic. Applejack frowned at her.

“Why don’t we just stop here for the day?”

“Yeah… that’s fair…” she looked back at the trees they had done so far, towards the farmhouse. “So, how many bits is that?”

“Well, we got to about twenty-one trees so far, so Ah’d say a just less than half a bit.” She paused to consider. “Ah heck, Ah’ll be Rarity this time an’ round up to a full bit. Not bad for a day’s worth of honest work.” Applejack smiled smugly.

“No, it’s okay, you can keep the change,” Ellie sighed, defeated. “I get enough charity from Princess Celestia, I don’t need it from you, too.”

“Well, Ah gotta be honest, when Twilight told me you never worked as a farmhoof before, Ah figured this is how it would turn out.” She began to trot to the next tree, at a slow enough pace that the human could keep up while still catching her breath. “Still, twenty-one! Figured you’d last a bit longer than that!”

Applejack would have felt more guilty about rubbing it in, had the human not gloated before the work started about how her long limbs could “keep up with those stubs you ponies call legs any day”.

“Yeah…” Ellie said, voice tinged with embarrassment. “You ponies run fast. I definitely underestimated how hard it was going to be.”

“Don’t you feel too bad about yourself, sugarcube!” Applejack reassured her, now that she had finally shown humility. “You’re not the first city pony to underestimate how hard a day of farm work is.”

“That obvious, huh?” she smiled. “What gave it away?”

“The way you hold yourself when you walk. All close like you’re expectin’ to press through a crowd any second. The way you breathe in the fresh air like you’re not used to it. How awkward you are when you meet new ponies. Though that’s probably more ‘cause you spend your whole day holed up in a room readin’ books like Twilight insteada talkin’ to ponies. Did Ah get that right?”

“Yeah, something like that…” If old Reductress articles on a tablet counted as a book, she thought and did not say.

“There’s also that cynicism,” Applejack continued unprompted. “Ah mean, most city ponies don’t have that neither, but when Ah do meet somepony with that attitude, it’s usually a city pony.” She paused. “Sorry, Ah meant city creature.” She shook her head. “Ah know we’re tryina use that more inclusive language now, but Ah’ve been outta practice since the School of Friendship closed for the summer.“

“Oh, it’s okay!” Ellie reassured. “It’s nice that you’re trying to be inclusive, but I understand! People forget!” she shrugged. “I mean, ponies forget. I mean, creatures forget.” She laughed. “See? It’s meant for those like me but even I get confused by it sometimes.“ Ellie paused and got a faraway look on her face. Then she yelled a word Applejack did not recognize as Ponish, though it sounded very harsh, then continued, “How did that follow me across dimensions!?”

Applejack did not pry, nor was she interested. Luckily, they were at the next tree. She revved up and gave another buck, and Ellie actually did her job this time in picking up the spares. They continued at the slow pace.

“Hey, that’s twenty-two now!” Applejack said with mock pride. “At this rate, you’ll actually earn a full bit by sundown.”

“Ha, imagine that,” Ellie said wistfully. “The first bit I earn in Equestria. Isn’t capitalism grand?”

“Capi-whatnow?” Applejack asked, confused.

Ellie lit up. “Oh, that’s right! Your market economy would seem so natural to you that you wouldn’t even have a name for it!“

Applejack did not like the tone of voice that Ellie was using. Like she was talking more to herself than the pony in front of her. Twilight had warned her about it. How she would begin by explaining the non-Ponish word with other non-Ponish words, then would have to explain those in turn, sometimes getting halfway through before saying “never mind” and dropping it. The conversations always ending with nothing actually being explained and Ellie saying “I’ll have to think about this a bit to really explain it well, I’ll get back to you”, and then never doing that. Even Twilight found it frustrating, and she loved doing similar things about esoteric magic spells or obscure Equestrian history facts.

But even Ellie could read the room here. Instead, she took the Socratic method.

“So… since a lot of ponies in Ponyville run their own businesses, not everyone brings in the same amount of bits, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” said Applejack. “Sometimes we get a great harvest, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we come up with a great product everypony loves, sometimes we waste half a harvest on somethin’ nopony does. Changes every year.”

“Yeah, so it’s not just a direct function of hard work, right?” Ellie was excited. “Sometimes it’s just luck. Like you said, sometimes there’s just a bad harvest.”

“Yeah, an’ sometimes ponies fall an’ break their legs. Luck’s a part of life.”

“Yeah, that’s right. But once you do have a bunch of bits, it’s easier to make more, right?”

“Of course.” Applejack waved a foreleg around. “Sweet Apple Acres wasn’t always like this. Mah family used the extra bits we earned from every harvest to make it better every year. Plantin’ more trees, buyin’ more equipment, raisin’ more barns. Lets us harvest more apples an’ make more products every year, so we can earn more bits an’ keep improvin’.”

“Ah, eternal growth…” Ellie said wistfully. The weird tone was back, just for a moment. “But getting back to it. Since having more bits makes getting more bits easier, eventually there are ponies that end up not only having more bits than other ponies, but are set up to keep making more bits even if they don’t necessarily work harder or contribute more to society. They just got lucky.”

“Yeah, that happens,” Applejack agreed. “Ah guess it technically ain’t fair, but lotsa things in life are like that. Fluttershy’s got the looks of a model, Twilight was just born with more magic than the average unicorn, an’ Ah got a closer-knit family than most ponies do. None of us earned those things neither.”

“Yeah, I kinda wanted to get into that whole magic thing with Twilight earlier…” Ellie shook her head. “But never mind. Anyway, what I’m saying is that there have to be ponies that just have so many bits that they can wield more power in the world than other ponies. Not because other ponies agreed to it, like how you elect Mayor Mare, but just because they have so many bits. Really rich ponies.”

“Yeah, we do have one of those. Filthy Rich.”

“His name is Filthy Rich!?” Ellie guffawed, incredulous. She looked like she was about to burst into laughter, but barely stopped herself. “I mean, wow. What does he do?”

“He runs Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. His dad actually started that business by resellin’ our Zap Apple Jam,” she added with a hint of pride.

“What, so his cutie mark is jars of Zap Apple Jam?”

“No, of course not,” Applejack said as if that would be more ridiculous than any of the other ridiculously specific cutie marks she’d seen so far here. “It’s three bags of bits, the big ones like you get at the bank.”

Ellie stifled a laugh again. “Okay, sure. Never mind. But yeah, what if Filthy Rich decided one day to buy up all those cute little owner-run shops you see at the center of Ponyville?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Now, why would he ever do that? Even if he tried, he’d maybe be able to buy two or three before havin’ to sell off his house an’ his business to get more.”

“Huh,” Ellie blinked. “Disparity’s not so bad then. Okay. Well, what if some rich Manehattan pony came here and tried to do that? There have to be some ponies out there with enough bits to do it.“

“Yeah, Ah guess,” Applejack conceded. “But that makes even less sense than Filthy Rich tryin’ to do it! What could possibly be the reason anypony would do somethin’ like that?”

“Well, you know, once all the shops belong to one pony, they could raise the prices however high they want to! Ponyville ponies would have no choice to pay, and the rich pony could take all the profits they want.”

“Now wait just a minute,” Applejack said. “This hypothetical rich pony, who must have gone plum-crazy, by the way, is payin’ these shop ponies for their shops, right? So what’s to stop ‘em from just reopenin’ their shops down the street with all the bits they were just given?”

“Ah, good point,” Ellie mused. “What if as part of the deal the crazy rich pony makes them sign a contract where they aren’t allowed to do that?”

“What?” Applejack said in an offended tone. “Nopony in Ponyville would ever sign a contract like that!”

“Really? Even if it was a lot of bits?”

“No!” Applejack yelled. They had stopped walking some time ago. She pointed a hoof at her cutie mark of three apples. “If some crazy rich pony came up to me an’ offered me enough bits to buy all of Equestria on the condition that Ah can’t ever run an apple farm with mah family again, I’d tell ‘em to go straight to Tartarus! An’ it’s not just me. Bon Bon’s cutie mark is candies. She’d never sell her candy shop. Mr. Breezy’s is a fan. He’d never give up his weird little fan store. Same for the rest of ‘em! Ah can’t imagine anypony givin’ up not only their livelihoods but their life’s passion just for a big ol’ pile of bits!“

There was a pause as Ellie considered this.

“Well, it doesn’t have to be voluntary. What if crazy rich pony, I don’t know, decided to open up a candy shop right next to Bon Bon’s? Then what if they imported all the best candies from the best candymakers in Manehattan and sold them at a huge loss, undercutting her? They’d be selling as good or better candies at a lower price, and nobody would ever go to Bon Bon’s little shop ever again!”

“That ain’t true!” Applejack protested. “Even if this other candy shop sold better candies at a lower price, it’s not like Bon Bon was chargin’ a hoof an’ a leg! Ponies’d still be choosin’ between a pony they know who’s able to tell ‘em all about her passion with a smile an’ this crazy stranger who ain’t.“ Applejack paused a second. “Well, knowin’ Bon Bon maybe ‘with a smile’ is a bit of an exaggeration…”

“No, the logistics of it isn’t the point!” Ellie was getting frustrated. “The point is that having way more bits means you have more power that you can use to hurt other ponies without it being illegal! Like, what if the rich pony just really hates Bon Bon in particular, and starts giving away candy or paying ponies to take them? Or they pay a newspaper to write bad reviews of her candy shop, or they start paying suppliers to not sell her the ingredients she needs, or who knows what? Whatever it takes, it ends up with Bon Bon never being able to sell a candy again. Then she goes bankrupt and has to sell off her shop knowing she will never do what she loves again and she cries a lot. What then, Applejack?“

“Well, if anypony tried anythin’ like that, Bon Bon or any of us would just take it up to Princess Celestia! She’d put a stop to it right quick.” Applejack’s conviction was firm. “An’ don’t you start on about the rich pony somehow bein’ so rich that they could bribe her to not do anythin’. As the highest sovereign, Celestia has no possible incentive to do anythin’ other than what’s fair!“

Ellie opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. The thought for a second, opened her mouth, then closed it again. Then she opened it again. “I would have a lot of arguments against that, but most of them don’t really apply to an immortal magic goddess who has led your society for a thousand years and is literally responsible for the sun rising each day, yet somehow has the time to get involved in the details of every little pony’s lives.” She rubbed her neck and grimaced. “I mean, from what I’ve seen so far, I guess can’t argue with the results. Things seem to work pretty well around here on the surface.”

“See, there’s the cynicism Ah was talkin’ about!” Applejack retorted. “Sometimes an apple’s just an apple, ya don’t hafta cut it up lookin’ for the worm. Besides, even if some crazy rich pony made it so that Bon Bon couldn’t sell candies for awhile, she’d just hafta wait it out! For the rich pony to get bored an’ give up or run outta money or get run outta town or somethin’. She wouldn’t hafta sell the shop.”

“What do you mean, ‘wait it out’?” Ellie asked, confused. “If she can’t sell candies, how can she buy food or… or do things?”

“The same way you are now?” Applejack raised an eyebrow.

It slowly dawned on Ellie. “Oh, Celestia’s bit…”

“Everypony— everycreature in Equestria gets it. Ah get it, Big Mac gets it, Granny Smith gets it. Applebloom just got old enough for a half-share. Even Filthy Rich gets it, an’ he needs it least of all. Don’t matter none.”

Ellie stood in silence, the gears in her head turning. Applejack looked at her with a smirk.

“What, you thought that you were special or somethin’, just ‘cause you’re from another world?“

“Well, a special charity case, maybe…” she trailed off. “I just thought it was just until I got settled in and found a job or something. You mean I’ll just keep getting it?”

“Well, yeah.”

“But then I really wouldn’t ever need to work, unless I wanted to. Or if I wanted to go on vacation or buy something fancy. And if I was ever in a job that wasn’t treating me fairly I could just leave.”

“Well, yeah,” Applejack said as if all those things were the most obvious things in the world. “What, you thought that you might one day have to live off just that farmhoof income?”

Ellie rubbed her neck and muttered something to herself, but not loudly enough for Applejack to make it out, so she just continued.

“You’d hafta work somethin’ ridiculous like thirty, or even forty hours a week, just to buy enough food an’ have a place to live! You wouldn’t even be able to buy anythin’ just for fun or go relax at the spa or take any trips! What kinda life is that?”

“Well, it’s not,” Ellie sighed in agreement. “But that’s how it works where I come from. That’s the deal most people get. My dad worked sixty hours a week when he first immigrated, and some of my friends are doing that even now.”

“Well, that just sounds awful. If ponies hadta work all the time like that, they wouldn’t have time to go support our team at a buckball game in the middle of the day, or wait in line all mornin’ for Apple Family cider on the first day of cider season, or join in on any of the festivals or fairs we do all the time here. What kinda town, what kinda community would we be?”

Ellie took it all in.

“Yeah… It would be awful, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Applejack paused. “Wait, what is it that you do for a job? Since apparently everycreature in your world needs one to be alive?“

She winced. “It’s a long story. Are you sure you want to know?”

“Ah’ve got time. After all, Ah don’t have to work in order to not starve to death.” Applejack sat herself down to emphasize the point.

So Ellie explained what an engagement data analyst for a clickbait news site actually did for a living. It was far less difficult than she would have expected to get the gist across. “Magic newspaper” bridged a lot of the conceptual distance.

“Ah must not be understandin’ you correctly, because that shouldn’t be a job,” Applejack remarked skeptically.

“No, I think that means you are understanding me correctly.”

“No, Ah mean that shouldn’t be a job! As in, by doin’ the job better you’re makin’ your world worse.”

“I know!” Ellie sighed. “That’s why I don’t exactly put in more than the minimum I need to not get fired. I was actually even going to quit right after I bought my condo, but then a stable job I could do from home suddenly got a lot more appealing…”

“So you understand the problem?” Applejack sounded even more skeptical. “You said earlier that there was apple buckin’ jobs in your world, too. Why would you choose this over an honest job like apple buckin’?”

“Well, it’s called apple picking where I’m from, actually.” Ellie chuckled and looked at her hands. “Hey, I just got why you call it apple ‘bucking’ and we call it apple ‘picking’! Hah. But yeah, I mean, besides preferring to not do actual work, my job pays a lot more than apple picking.”

Applejack somehow got even more skeptical. “Well, that seems wronger than a rattlesnake wearin’ pants at the Grand Gallopin’ Gala, but even if that were true, Ah can’t imagine even you choosin’ a job like that just for a little bit more money than an apple ‘picker’.”

“Well, it’s not exactly a little bit…” Ellie rubbed her jaw nervously. “It’s more like four to five times as much?”

Applejack’s jaw hung open.

“Actually,” Ellie corrected. “That’s assuming you meant an apple picker in my country. The median apple picker probably works in China, so I actually probably make something like twenty to thirty times as much.”

Applejack’s jaw hung open even wider, somehow.

“Yeah, I feel ya…” Ellie sighed, agreeing with Applejack’s shock.

“Y’know…” Applejack started. “Ah gotta be honest, an’ Ah really mean no offense. But Ah’m glad there’s just one of y’all here.”

Part 4: Various

Applejack disliked the human.

She knew that she had to be patient with her, as she was still getting used to Ponyville ways, but she wouldn’t have thought that the human needed to learn how waiting in a line worked. The concept was very simple: pay the one bit to Granny Smith, take the crisp, refreshing mug of Apple Family Cider from Apple Bloom, and go. Optionally, you drink the cider in one gulp right then and there and/or add a “Thank you” or “Thanks”. What you don’t do is stand there trying to start an argument.

“But, look, see the suds?” Ellie practically shoved her mug into Applejack’s face. The mug of cider had just as much foam as anypony else’s. “It’s carbonated!”

“Yes, that’s what makes it so crisp!” Applejack said with a frown. She wondered if it was a human custom to yell obvious facts at each other.

“But the carbonation has to come from somewhere! If it’s not being fermented, you have to be adding it at some point in the process.”

“Ah don’t know whatta tell ya!” Applejack said, frustrated. “We just put the apples in the cider machine and it comes out like that. Been doin’ it that way since Ah was a filly.” Applejack glanced behind Ellie to see the line of ponies stretching out behind her. The ones nearest to her were growing more frustrated. Ellie did not seem to notice.

“Look, I know there’s a foal here,” Ellie indicated Apple Bloom, “and it’s the middle of the day, and I’m not from here so I don’t know how you ponies do these things but, uh, this can’t be it, right?” she asked pleadingly. “You gotta be keeping the good stuff somewhere! I mean, you’re farmers! You have to know how to ferment! Or even run a still, maybe?” She paused. “Wait, is that racist for me to say that?“

Applejack was offended, though not at the last part, which she just plain didn’t understand. “There’s only one kinda Apple Family Cider! It’s all ‘the good stuff’ and we would never do nothin’ different!”

“But that doesn’t make sense!” Ellie insisted. “If it isn’t alcoholic, then why is there a whole line of ponies waiting all day to have some?”

“Because it’s refreshin’ and delicious!?” Applejack yelled angrily, having had enough. “Now are ya gonna just stand there and insult mah family all day, or are ya gonna get movin’? You’re holdin’ up the line!”

Tree Hugger was put off by the human.

Her aura just felt edgy and nervous, but Tree Hugger tried to move her feelings past that, tapping into her reservoir of harmony and peace.

She exhaled mindfully as she moved into the Mountain Pose. It was difficult for ponies to maintain bipedal poses for longer than a couple of seconds, and Tree Hugger actually had done a lot of work in training herself to do so. Yet the creature next to her could just stand on two legs without struggling or having to balance her chakras or anything. But no, that certainly wasn’t why she was put off by the human. It was the aura, for sure.

She opened her eyes to take in the beauty of the scene around her, in a field just outside Ponyville. The warmth of the sun on her face. The breeze blowing through her dreadlocked mane. The grass on the ground of a richer green than that of her coat.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the sitting human spit up a mouthful of her homemade brownies into her hand, then inspect it. If she were capable of thinking such a thing of anycreature, she would have thought of her as rude.

“Huh,” Ellie mused, poking at the green bits.

“Is something harshing your buzz?” Tree Hugger asked as she shifted into the Tree Pose, hoping that resolving the problem would smooth out her aura.

“It’s just that when you said ‘grass brownies’, I just thought…” she trailed off. “I mean, I should have seen this coming, since you’re all horses and all. That you meant grass from the ground.”

“Dude, you are so right!” She was delightfully surprised by the wisdom of the human’s words. “Grass is from the ground!”

She fell back down onto all fours, then bent down to clip a mouthful of grass with her teeth. She communed with the earthy flavor.

“I am totes going to call it that from now on. The ground feeds and nourishes all of us. It’s, like, so important to remember that.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Ellie wasn’t paying much attention. Again, if she were able, Tree Hugger would have thought that rude. “So, how do you make this stuff, anyway?”

“Oh, nothing spesh. Milk. Eggs. Flour. Sugar. Chocolate. Grass, from the ground.” She winked. She shifted back into the Tree Pose. “Then there’s the most important ingredient of all, of course. The one I take in, like, every day to sustain my harmonious state of mind.” She opened her forelegs out to embrace the world, emphasizing her point.

“Oh?” Ellie sounded hopeful, taking another look at the uneaten chunk of brownie in her hand.

Tree Hugger took a breath, in order to add meaning to her words.

“My love for every creature that has ever existed, of course… Each perfect and unique in their own way…”

“Oh.” Ellie sounded disappointed. Then, confused. "Wait, are you telling me that you're just like this?"

Zecora did not mind the human.

Most creatures came to her just to ask for her help, which she was happy to do as part of her calling. Some creatures came just to experience something different, which she did not mind. Some creatures came just to gawk at how different her ways were from Equestrian ones, which she did mind. She could not tell which of these categories the human fell into, but she knew it was not the third. Both Ponyville and her own culture would be equally foreign to her, and Zecora felt an odd kinship to this fellow resident in a land not of her birth.

She laid down the sap-filled branch in her mouth against the cauldron in the center of her hut. She turned to the human to speak in an instructive tone.

“The sticky sap— just add a twig, and make sure it is not too big.” She tore off a section of branch and added it to the mixture in her cauldron. A surge of foamy bubbles rose up from the liquid, but not high enough to flow over the top.

“I see,” Ellie remarked in a way that was obviously just being polite. Zecora did not mind, as she could not expect everycreature to share Apple Bloom’s level of interest in potions, but she wished the human could at least make herself more comfortable. Ellie had positioned herself in an odd way ever since they had gotten back to her home, sitting with her hands beneath the knees of her outstretched legs.

“Add the mushrooms while it bubbles, and you’ll see the effect doubles.” She used her teeth to grab the purple mushrooms they had picked on their walk, and dropped them into the bubbling cauldron. The surface of the liquid glowed as the fungus added its magical energy.

“That makes sense,” Ellie said matter-of-factly. “That’s why you call them ‘magic mushrooms’.”

Zecora could sense the tinge of disappointment. A sharp contrast to the excitement the human had shown earlier in the day when she had first heard Zecora say that two-word phrase. Zecora thought back to the things Ellie had said while following her on her foraging walk through the Everfree Forest, and seized on a key two-word phrase of her own.

“I understand well why you came. Of your intentions, have no shame.”

The human looked sheepish. “Oh, you do?”

“The questions you asked had a common theme. I was not as lost as I had seemed.” Zecora smiled knowingly. “If it’s an ‘altered state’ that you seek, the plant Poison Joke might make your week.”

Ellie averted her gaze. “Yeah, that’s why I tried that stuff as soon as we got back here. That’s how I got these.”

She held up her wrists to show that her arms now ended in hooves. Zecora frowned at the sight.

“You do have an antidote for this, right?”

Maud liked the human.

Not just because she wore clothes every day, which made Maud feel a bit less alone in her eccentricity, but also because she didn’t just humor her like most ponies did when she said that rocks could have powerful magical effects. She actually believed her. At least, believed her enough to follow her all the way down into the depths of the gem cave.

She also liked the fact that she didn’t have to say any of those things, or say anything at all. The human was content to follow her in silence. Well, silence beyond the complaints she made whenever she skinned her knee or hit her head on the top of a tunnel meant for pony heights. Maud didn’t like that part so much.

They finally reached the cavern, lit by a mining light Maud had installed the first time she had found the place. The light shone on the centerpiece of the underground room: a large blue rock embedded into the wall, streaked with brilliant gold.

“So this is it, huh?” Ellie asked.

“Yes,” the Earth pony replied, economizing her words as always.

“The rock that induces a state of euphoria?“ Ellie sought clarification.

“Yes,” Maud confirmed, communicating all of the information Ellie needed to fulfill her query and nothing more.

They sat in silence for a few seconds.

“So, how long does it take to work?” Ellie asked.

"It's working right now,” Maud replied. “As you could tell from my tone of voice earlier, I was very upset. Not only did I have an argument with my boyfriend Mudbriar, but Boulder still won’t talk to me after what happened last moon.” She blinked, continuing in her monotone. ”But now, I am overjoyed."

"Right…" Ellie trailed off. They sat in silence for a few more seconds.

“So, uh, how does it work? Is it magic, or something?”

“Yes,” Maud began. “The processes that create this particular rock,” she indicated the blue with her hoof, “and these streaks”, she indicated the streaks, “are uncorrelated and geological in timescale. Yet for their separate effects to occur together like this, they must have started within a pony lifetime of each other. The chances of such a thing happening are—” She paused to give Ellie a meaningful, expressionless look. “Astronomical.”

She blinked. “So in the sense of producing a rare and remarkable result, yes, it is magic. Looking at it always makes me happy.”

She turned her gaze back towards the rock. “But in the sense of having a supernatural physical effect on the world, no.”

“Oh,” Ellie frowned, disappointed. “I just…” She sighed. ”Never mind.“

Maud realized what Ellie had intended to say but did not.

“Oh, I see now.” Maud turned back to her. “When you asked me if there was a rock that induces a state of euphoria, you should have asked instead if there was a rock that would induce a state of euphoria in you. Then I would’ve said ‘no’ and you wouldn’t have had to follow me here.”

Ellie slapped her forehead as Maud turned towards the rock once more.

“You should really learn to be more specific,“ Maud said.

Pinkie loved the human.

She had been worried at first since the newcomer’s intake interview had ended with a dossier that was completely blank except for the words “does not like welcome parties”. She couldn’t even put in an entry for her birthday, which made planning her next birthday party doubly difficult! Not to mention the surprise gifts and the spontaneous songs she loved doing for all the ponies and creatures she knew. So she was worried that, horror of horrors, the human and her would not become friends.

But the human was a lot more open the second time they had met! She had even paid her a compliment! At least, she thought that “You seem down for doing some pretty weird stuff without judging me or asking questions” was a compliment. So they bought the equipment and went up to her apartment above Sugarcube Corner to do the pretty weird stuff, and she loved it.

"This just so great!” she shouted. “I mean, when I found out you don't like welcome parties I was worried you wouldn't have a sense of humor. But I should have known!” Pinkie laughed. “My sister Maud doesn't like parties either and she's literally the funniest pony I know! And this is just so hilarious and creative!"

“Um, thanks?” Ellie didn’t really know how to respond to that. She was definitely not matching the energy Pinkie was bringing.

"I mean, what creature would ever even think of doing something like this?” Pinkie asked rhetorically. “Spray-painting the inside of a paper bag and putting your face into it!? That’s just so wacky and random!”

Pinkie burst into another fit of laughter.

Ellie despondently brought her bag up to her face again and took a halfhearted breath. Still nothing. She sighed.

Pinkie caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of her mirror, setting herself off again.

”My muzzle is silver! Silver!!"

She howled like a hyena and began rolling around the floor uncontrollably, knocking the spray cans on the ground into each other. She did not seem to notice or mind.

Ellie smirked.

"I'm glad at least one of us is having a good time."

She looked down into the paper bag, disappointed.

"Well, I don't know what I expected…"

Ellie loved the book horse.

She loved her extensive collection of scientific references. She loved the at this point extremely bizarre, statistically and logically impossible correspondence between their two worlds.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Cannabis?" she asked, voice filled with hope.

Twilight lifted the scientific tome in front of her with her aura, and flipped through the pages.

“No, doesn’t exist here,” Twilight replied.

Well, life can’t be too easy, she thought, and sighed.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Salvia, species divinorum?" she asked.

Twilight flipped through more pages.

“Nope.”

Always got too real for me anyway… she thought.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Piper, species methysticum?" she asked.

More flipping.

“Nope.”

But that one barely even does anything! she thought.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Papaver, species somniferum?" she asked.

Two page flips.

“Nope.”

Probably for the best… she thought.

"Kingdom Fungi, genus Psilocybe?" she asked.

Twilight set the book down and picked up another, much larger one. After a slightly longer search, she looked at Ellie and just shook her head.

What? All of them? she thought.

“Kingdom Plantae, genus Nicotiana?” she asked.

Twilight put down the book and picked up the first one again to flip through it.

“Nope.”

Probably for the best, too… she thought.

"Kingdom Fungi, genus Clavi… cord? Or —ceps?" she asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes as she picked up the larger book again. She flipped through some pages, then shouted in surprise.

“Wow, actually found something this time! Genus Claviceps!” she said triumphantly in that adorkably nasal voice. “Common name: ergot! Hah, that’s funny.” She looked up at Ellie, who did not seem to get why that was funny. She looked back down to read some more.

“It’s an… agricultural blight on cereals? Are you sure this is what you meant?"

"Yeah, that's it,” Ellie confirmed, then shrugged. “Figures it’s the one thing I wouldn't know what to do with. Should’ve majored in chemistry instead of just enjoying it," she said with regret.

Twilight looked unamused. Ellie didn’t seem to notice, and continued on.

"Kingdom Plantae, genus Cannabis?"

"That’s the first one you said!" Twilight pointed out, annoyed.

"Yeah, but I really want that one!" Ellie whined in response. But she got it. It was time to stop.

"So what do ponies do when they're stressed out and need to relax?” she asked. “Like, if they have too much of the work they’re doing voluntarily or if they just realized that they’re stuck in a world of magic talking horses without any idea of when or even if they can go home." She looked up at Twilight. “You probably can’t relate to that last one.”

Twilight chose to ignore the second part. "I don't know, spend time with friends? Go to a party? Or even just stay inside and read a nice book?" She smiled. “That’s what I do.”

"Yeah, I know that what you're supposed to do, things that are actually fulfilling and good for you both physically and mentally,” Ellie said begrudgingly. “But what if you just want to let go of everything instantly without having to talk to anyone or actually do or think about anything?"

“I don’t know…” Twilight searched her thoughts. "Cake?"

Ellie blinked. "Yeah, cake's pretty good, isn't it?”

Maybe it was for the best. This world, this society was all rounded edges. She couldn’t see herself facing anything here that was actually too big to take on directly. Why would she ever need to take the edge off?

In addition—she realized with surprise—she now had friends here. If she ever did have something that was too much for just her, she could overcome it with the magic of, ugh, friendship. Maybe Twilight’s whole deal wasn’t so silly after all.

Ellie chuckled to herself. “You know, if I replaced everything I used to do back home with cake, I’d get diabetes in, like, a week!”

Twilight blinked in confusion. “Dia-betes?” she said, sounding out the unfamiliar word. “What’s that?”

Part 5: School of Friendship

“Ellie!” Rainbow Dash shouted down at her, snapping her out of her reverie. “Ball?”

Ellie suddenly remembered what she was actually here to do. She squared up the buckball in her arms and tossed it upwards. As it came down, she revved up a kick and sent it flying towards Rainbow Dash.

Well, “flying” was a strong word. Rainbow Dash had to rush down to save the kick with a spin of her wings, sending the ball expertly into the inert basket propped up behind Ellie.

“Yeah, you really need that running start!” the pegasus said. “You’ll never make the School of Friendship mixed-species buckball team at this rate!”

“I told you and Twilight a thousand times, Dashie!” Ellie shouted as she retrieved the buckball from the basket. “I am not going to attend a school with a bunch of kids!“

She flung the buckball upwards in a lazy arc, then ran at it at full speed, getting under it just in time. Her kick hit the buckball with force, launching it into the air at a satisfying velocity. It would have been very impressive had it gone in a direction anywhere close to her target.

“I got it!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she dashed off to fetch the buckball in a blur. In another blur, she was suddenly in front of Ellie, hovering lazily above the ground. She gave Ellie the buckball.

“Grown creatures take our classes too, you know! Twilight can’t be your personal friendship teacher forever. She has a little thing called ‘getting ready to rule all of Equestria’ to prepare for.”

“Hey, it wasn’t my idea!” Ellie protested. “I was more than happy to keep spending all my time eating carrot cake on top of that rooftop with Princess Luna. Twilight’s the one who’s really into it.”

She kicked the buckball again. It did better than the first time, but the result was still pretty bad. Rainbow Dash simply caught it in midair instead of bothering to send it into the bucket.

“Honestly, I think she likes giving personal friendship lessons more than the idea of ruling all of Equestria,” Ellie continued.

“Eh, maybe…” Rainbow Dash flew down to give the buckball to Ellie again. She tried to change the subject.

“So, what kind of a name is ‘Ellie’, anyway?”

“Oh, you know… a human name?” Ellie shrugged, confused. “Do names have to be things?”

“No, I mean, like how you called me ‘Dashie’, earlier! ‘Ellie’ sounds like it could be short for something too.”

“Huh, yeah, Pinkie Pie said something similar…” Ellie weighed her thoughts. She decided to confess. “Yeah, it is short for something.”

“Well, what is it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“It’s short for Elena. Elena Dorzhieva.”

Rainbow Dash stifled a chuckle. “Sorry. Elena just sounds like a name Fluttershy gives to one of her animal friends.”

“Yeah, sure!” Ellie retorted. “I’m the one with a funny name, Rainbow Dash. With her best friends Twilight Sparkle and Applejack and Pinkie Pie and…”

“Yeah, so?” Rainbow Dash said, puzzled. “Those are all normal names! Nouns and adjectives! Though mine’s the coolest, of course.”

She crossed her forelegs smugly while hovering in the air. “It runs in the family, though. My parents can be huge dorks sometimes, but even they have cool names!”

“Oh really?” Ellie gave a doubtful smile. “What are they?”

“Bow Hothoof and Windy Whistles!” she announced, proudly. “Both awesome names!”

“Yeah,” Ellie admitted. “Those are pretty awesome names.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash said encouragingly. “I’m sure your name means something awesome to the creatures of your world!”

“Not really,” Ellie muttered. “It mostly just makes them wonder why I have such a Russian name if I’m not white.”

Rainbow Dash gave her a puzzled look.

“Never mind that.” She shrugged. “Point is, if my name did mean something, I couldn’t tell you. Besides, and seriously, though, only my mom calls me ‘Elena’.”

“Hey, I get it! You’re not the only creature on this field to be embarrassed by what their mom calls them. Speaking of…” Rainbow Dash looked around at the empty buckball field. “Think it’s about time to call it a day?”

“Sure!” She slammed the buckball into the bucket with a satisfying finality, secretly glad it was over. “Was thinking of going on a walk through the campus after. Care to join me?”

“Why not?” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I’ve got nothing planned til’ the evening.”

They left the school’s buckball field, Rainbow Dash flying in circles around Ellie in a way that communicated that while she could always walk faster, the pegasus wasn’t displaying impatience. They were mostly silent, just enjoying the sights of the manicured gardens and fountains. Ellie smiled. She loved school campuses when students weren’t around.

“Weird to think how busy this whole place will be next week,” Ellie remarked. “I’m glad I got to hang out here so much before then.”

“Oh, the new semester will be great!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “I’ve got so many awesome Element of Loyalty lessons planned. Between that and the rest of the Wonderbolts season, I’m going to have a busy autumn.“ She crossed her forelegs behind her head and began to hover-fly backwards in front of Ellie. “Though if I had to choose one, I’m looking forward to the Wonderbolts part more. I’m getting paired with Søren for our show at the Friendship Festival, so we’ll finally be able to spend more time together training! I mean, all my squadmates are awesome but Søren is just, extra awesome, y’know?“

“Oh, really?” Ellie raised an eyebrow. It was the first time Ellie had heard that name, and knowing ponies it probably was something dumb like “Soarin’” instead of like Kierkegaard, as she had heard it. Which meant…

“What makes Soarin’ so awesome? Are they super fast or something?”

“What, do you think I think ponies are only awesome because they’re fast? How shallow do you think I am?” Rainbow Dash protested. “No, I’m actually way faster than he is. That’s actually sorta the reason we first met! I mean, met as in had an actual conversation. It was the Equestria Games…“

Ellie momentarily tuned out as she made another mental tally. Though this one disappointed her the most. She remembered well the first time she had met the tomboyish, raspy-voiced, rainbow-maned pegasus. It was all she could do to not yell “Babydyke!”, tackle her, and squee as she hugged her to death.

But the markers that would have been so clear to her back home evidently did not mean the same things here. The tally overall looked grim. Every romantic relationship and even every avowed crush she had had heard of so far had been between a mare and a stallion, or whatever a mare and stallion would be for donkeys, or a mare and whatever Discord was.

Of course, it’s not like it mattered to her what these colorful talking horses did with each other. Well, it would matter a great deal if it turned out that these otherwise very nice creatures she had gotten to like reacted badly or were put off by, well, herself, or any theoretical ponies like her. But if it truly just wasn’t a thing here and had no connotations positive or negative because nopony had those inclinations, well…

No, it would still be sad. Worse, even. A world where the bastards were right, and it really wasn’t “natural”.

So, yeah. She didn’t want to bring it up.

She tuned back in.

“He was just so understanding. Like, with how he and Spitfire and Fleetfoot are now, it really is like nothing ever happened. Emotional maturity is awesome, too, y’know?”

“Yeah, he does sound pretty cool,” Ellie said supportively.

“Ah, I’m sorry for going on like this.” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck with a foreleg. “I don’t really talk about this kinda stuff with my friends. I just get really embarrassed, you know? But since you’re not from here, I don’t feel like I have to keep up this cool pegasus image as much. Like, you don’t even know what the Wonderbolts are, do you?”

“No, not really,” Ellie admitted. “But I’d like to see for myself. Let me know next time you guys are performing in Ponyville?”

It surprised her that she meant it, unlike the many times she had said similar things just to be polite to friends of friends back home. But an aerial show put on by magical flying ponies would be, at the very least, more novel than yet another incomprehensible experimental play or an indistinguishable punk rock set put on at a bar she would otherwise hate.

“We actually don’t have any more Ponyville events this season… Closest would be the Friendship Festival in Canterlot. But practically all of Ponyville will be there anyway. You should come!”

“Yeah, maybe!” Ellie did kind of cringe at the thought of going back to Canterlot. She had been rude to a lot of creatures there those first few days in Equestria. To be fair, at the time she was sure she was in a fever dream and was trying to wake up, but still…

A thought struck Ellie. “Hey, earlier you said that you were way faster than Soarin’. Are you the fastest pegasus in the Wonderbolts?“

“Of course!” Rainbow Dash said matter-of-factly. “I’ve been super-fast ever since I was a filly! Doing a Sonic Rainboom is how I got my cutie mark, and most pegasi have to train for years to do that.”

“Wow!” Ellie was as impressed as she could be about a magical horse having more magic than other magical horses. “But you said you only got on to the Wonderbolts a few years ago? Thought you would’ve been recognized earlier for your talents.”

“Being a Wonderbolt isn’t just about being fast, you know.” Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs. “I had to learn a lot about teamwork and discipline and self-control before I was really ready. And even with all that, I almost got disqualified from joining forever, and not even for anything I did!”

“Really?” Ellie was intrigued. She turned her gaze from appreciating a fountain to look at the pegasus. “Tell me that story.”

And so, Rainbow Dash told Ellie the story of how Wind Rider tried to frame her in order to stop her from breaking his long-distance speed record, punctuated with a lot of surprisingly evocative imitations and demonstrative zooming. Though Ellie could not quite believe that her imitation of this “Rarity” character could possibly be accurate. All in all, she enjoyed it. Twilight and her friends just had so many neat little three-act stories like that to tell.

“All that to preserve a long-distance speed record?”

“Well, yeah!” Rainbow Dash confirmed. “He lost everything for it! Dishonorably discharged from the Wonderbolts, lost his book deal, lost his job. And the current holder of that speed record?” Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest fluff in pride. “You’re looking at her!”

“Neat!” Ellie smiled. “It’s really cool, the way magic works here.”

“Yeah, it is?” Rainbow Dash was confused. “Sorry, are we suddenly talking about something else now?”

“Oh yeah, sorry! Seemed natural from in here.” Ellie pointed at her head. “Was thinking about how pony magic isn’t limited to unicorn spells and pegasus wings. It’s really everything, isn’t it? Like, your physical abilities are not limited by your physical frames.”

“Yeah, I guess?” Rainbow Dash was puzzled.

“I mean, the other day I saw Maud punch a rock to death. I’m pretty sure that if I kicked a tree half as hard as Applejack bucks them, I’d break my tibia. You ponies are tough, and the forces you can bring to bear way exceed the ATP your muscles could possibly process. You have to be using another energy source.”

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head.

“ATwhatnow? I’m not sure I’m the best pony to talk this science stuff with. You might want to talk to somepony like Dr. Hooves or something. I know his marefriend Rose,“—Another one! Ellie thought with dismay—”I could introduce you to them.”

“Oh no, I don’t mean for this to be a science thing. It’s just that…”

She flexed her bicep. It was a bit more defined than it had been when she first came to Equestria, but it was hardly impressive.

“This is all I get. If these muscles can’t do it, I can’t do it.”

Rainbow Dash was confused. “Y’know, you’re the only human I that know. Are you saying that you’re strong or weak or what?”

“Oh, I tried to be really strong once.” Ellie smiled. “I was really into lifting weights. Like, I looked forward to doing actual competitions. Winning medals and stuff. Or more likely not winning them, but trying my best and seeing if I had the what it took.”

That Rainbow Dash definitely understood. “Yeah, that stuff is great!” She was smiling, but Ellie wasn’t. She frowned. “So it didn’t turn out well?”

“Oh, I just… stopped before I got there.” Ellie was hesitant. She stopped walking, having spotted a bench.

“It’s a story. Mind if we sit down?”

“Sure, you can sit down! If you don’t mind though, I’ll keep flying.”

Ellie sat down.

“It was in coll— I had just started living on my own as an adult. I met a bunch of guys who were really into lifting weights.”

“Like Bulk Biceps? He’s a sweetheart!”

”Yeah, that’s exactly right!” Ellie smiled. “They kind of all looked like him, and were all really nice and humble and supportive, too! I felt bad about the assumptions I’d made otherwise.”

Ellie laughed.

“This one guy, Geoffrey. Every time I’d break my own record on any lift, he’d stick out a fist and say ‘That’s awesome, dude.’ He was just so earnest about it that I even started doing it myself.” She stuck out her own fist. Rainbow Dash recognized the proper response right away, and swooped down to clap her outstretched hoof against Ellie’s knuckles.

“That is awesome!” Rainbow Dash said. “Sounds like a great group of friends!”

“Yeah, they were!” Ellie smiled. Then she sighed.

“Thanks in part to these guys, I got really into lifting. For, like, two years or so. I never missed a day of training. I made sure to sleep eight hours every night. I drank disgusting protein shakes. I ate a lot of meat. That’s one of the reasons I stopped eating meat altogether. I’d already eaten a lifetime’s worth in those two years.”

Rainbow Dash put a brave face over her discomfort with that remark.

“It was a lot of work! I sacrificed so much. But my numbers went up. My muscles got bigger. Gi—” She stopped herself just before it was too late. “People started noticing. It was worth it.” She smiled weakly. “Then there was Jake.“

“Wow, your names really are all like that. Was that another one of your gym friends?”

“No, he never was, and that’s the point. He was from my other friend group, and pretty typical for a guy from it. Nerdy. Lanky. Never lifted a weight in his life. Never exercised in his life, being honest. But he figured that he wanted to make a change.”

Ellie paused.

“He was a good guy! He never seemed the least bit embarrassed that I was the one teaching him all the lifts. He respected my knowledge.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Rainbow Dash was confused. “You said you did that stuff for two years, and that he was new at it. Why would he ever be embarrassed that you were teaching him?”

She smiled sadly, and did not answer the question.

“He’d skip exercise days all the time. He kept pulling all-nighters for class. He kept up his diet of pizza and Oreos. In three months, he’d beaten all my lifts.” Ellie paused. “He was a good guy. The first time it happened, he actually said ‘Sorry.’ That was when the fact became real for me.”

“The fact?”

“That I’d have to work hard to get as strong as the average male of my species. That I’d have to dedicate my life to get as strong as a strong one. I felt so stupid and sheltered then.“

Ellie sighed.

“Because I’m pretty sure most women just… knew that? And I knew that, rationally. But I guess some part of me believed deep inside that I was an exception, like how I was an exception to a lot of things. But to finally realize that no matter how hard I worked, I would never come close to even being the hundred-millionth-strongest human…”

Ellie groaned.

“It’s so stupid! Nothing bad happened to me. Nobody was mean. There were no consequences for my life. It really shouldn’t have affected me, but it did. It really shouldn’t have, but it felt unfair.”

For once, Rainbow Dash wasn’t being silent not because she couldn’t relate, but because she could relate too much. She could see the wheels turning in her head as it spun up a simulation of an alternate world. A world where Wind Rider never tried to cheat his way into preserving his record. Not because he was an honest pony, but because it would have been biologically impossible for Rainbow Dash to break it anyway. Ellie could tell it made her uncomfortable to even consider.

“But you know, unlike basically everything else that’s a consequence of that fact, who gets to hold world records isn’t even a problem. It’s just a difference. An inconsequential difference. But then it’s all the more meaningful that even that inconsequential difference doesn’t exist here.“ She smiled. “It’s nice.”

It had felt good to release her brain thoughts, but Ellie immediately regretted it. It was clear that the pegasus didn’t even have a context to put any of what she had just said in. There was an awkward silence.

Ellie tried to break the awkwardness. “But, hey! In Equestria, I am the world record-holder in everything!” She smiled, and flexed. “Strongest human alive.“

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash chuckled weakly. “Strongest human alive!” She held up a hoof. “That’s awesome, dude!”

Ellie smiled, and returned the gesture.

“That’s awesome, dude.”

Part 6: Library

“Hey. Don’t you have your own kitchen on your side of the castle?”

Ellie turned her head from the open fridge in front of her, though she didn’t need to know that it was Spike, flapping his wings to be eye level with her.

“Oh, yeah, I do!” Ellie admitted. “Twilight said I could look in here for something, though.”

“Okay…” Spike said, with an air of suspicion. “Just don’t think about touching the bowl of emeralds in the back. They’re imported.”

“I wasn’t… going to?”

Ellie shook her head and smiled as she found what she was looking for. A plate with a slice of leftover Sugarcube Corner carrot cake, made from carrots grown right here in Ponyville. The exact same kind that got sent off regularly to Canterlot under Royal Warrant. Taking it in her hand, she closed the door to see Spike still facing her.

“So do you realize that this is your final friendship lesson with Twilight?”

“Oh, yeah,” she chuckled. The calendar Twilight made for me mentioned that. Time really does fly!”

“I just wanted to warn you,” Spike said cautiously. “She might get a little… emotional…”

“Yeah,” Ellie smiled. “I could definitely see her doing that! She really seemed to be in her element teaching these lessons.”

It really was cute, how animated she got about them. Ellie could easily imagine her as a great elementary school teacher back home, or the host of a children’s TV show.

“There might be one more thing…” Spike hesitated. “Well, I’m sure Twilight will tell you if she feels like it.”

“Yeah, that is how volition works…”

Ellie smiled to herself as she left the kitchen and walked to the library. It was nice, how protective this child was for the single mother who raised him. It was also a point in Equestria’s column that such a young single mother like Twilight could still graduate from a top-tier school and get established at the top of her career as a scholar / soldier / diplomat / intelligence operative / school administrator / best-selling author / meritocratically ascended royal.

Wow, when she put it like that, this world was strange. Even stranger still was how relatable Twilight was despite all those things.

When she got to the library, the alicorn was already there, seated at their usual table with the usual mugs of tea on either side. Though this time, there was also a covered tray in the middle.

“So what’s this last friendship lesson?” Ellie asked as she took her usual seat across from her.

“Yeah, that’s the thing…” Twilight rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “There is no friendship lesson. This is normally the point in the class when I reveal that, congratulate everycreature on completing the entire course, and bring out the cake, but…”

She lifted the tray lid with her aura to reveal a small cake with a base of white frosting.

“Oh, yeah, that’s the cake I saw earlier! Then I said—“

“That you didn’t like frosting cakes, then asked if I kept the leftovers from that carrot cake?” Twilight smiled. “Yeah, that happened pretty recently.”

“I just don’t like overly sweet cakes…” Ellie said apologetically. “But you know, I’m more than happy to have a slice to celebrate the occasion.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to!” Twilight covered the cake back up. “This moment’s for you! It’s an achievement!”

“Yeah, I guess it is!” Ellie said. “Go, me!” she cheered weakly. She wondered if Twilight knew that she was humoring her.

Ellie took a bit of carrot cake with her fork and ate it. Twilight looked down. There was a period of silence until she spoke.

“It really is an achievement, you know,” Twilight insisted. “Especially at the speed you did it. Normally the full curriculum takes at least two school years…”

“Oh, you know!” Ellie minimized. “I’ve had good friends in my life for a long time! Between that, the year of CBT I had after college, and being way too introspective in general…”

“Yeah… To be honest, I thought you were just being arrogant at first. You tried to hide it but didn’t really do a good job. But in all of my lessons, all of them, I don’t think I said a single thing you didn’t already know.”

She looked at Ellie.

“You were just humoring me the whole time.”

“Oh.” She smiled apologetically. “Yeah, I guess I was a bit.” Her eyes shifted nervously. “But you know, it’s not like it wasn’t worth my time.” She looked at Twilight. “It was nice, just watching you give your lessons. You get so into it, it’s cute. And they’re very well-crafted for the lessons they teach! I’m sure you’ve helped a lot of creatures with them. You should be proud.”

“Oh.” Twilight looked down and smiled. “Thanks.”

“And I learned a lot of things indirectly! Just about how things work here in general. The culture and everything. I feel settled in, you know? Like I’m ready to move out of this castle, find something I like doing for a job, and start my life here for however long I’m around.”

“Yeah…”

“And it’s all thanks to you! I know you’ve done so many big things in your life that this must feel a little small for you, spending so much time on just me.“

“Oh, no, not at all!” Twilight laughed. “Things have been really quiet around Equestria for a while now, actually.”

It was true. The whole summer had gone by without a major crisis to solve for her and her friends. It was very strange, as not a season had passed since she moved to Ponyville without some long-vanquished enemy of Equestria emerging to threaten it once again. It was like things had returned to how they were before she left Canterlot.

“And I’m thankful for every day I get to keep spending in Ponyville with my friends. Before… You know…”

“Yeah.”

Ellie knew not to mention it directly.

“Well, I’m glad I met you when I did,” Ellie said. “I don’t think we could have gotten as close otherwise. And I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together.“

“Yeah?”

“Oh, of course! Our conversations are always fun. Especially when you get really into a topic and just go on and on about everything you know on it.” Ellie chuckled. “It’s really adorable.”

“Oh.” Twilight looked at Ellie. “You think so?”

“Yeah!” Ellie laughed. “And I gotta admit, it is fun when you get annoyed at me. I know not annoying your friends on purpose was friendship lesson number four or something, but I can’t help myself sometimes. I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh, no.” Twilight looked away. “I really don’t mind…”

“You’re just so easy to talk to.” She sighed. “It’s almost too bad we’re just going to be regular ol’ friends from now on, you know? There won’t really be any reason to hang out this much any more.”

“Yeah…”

There was a bit of silence. Ellie sipped her tea as she let her gaze wander for a sec.

“Um… I was just thinking…”

Twilight had started speaking so quietly that Ellie had to crane her neck forward to hear.

“Um… do you want to… uh…”

Just what could be making her this nervous?

“Do you want to continue being my friendship student?”

She was taken aback. “Um… sure? What does that mean?”

“Oh, you know!” Twilight chuckled nervously. “The curriculum’s good as a baseline standard, so that I can write names on diplomas and give out funny little hats, but you can’t learn friendship from studying and books! You have to learn it by living!”

“Oh.” Ellie blinked. “Yeah, I guess?”

“Yeah! So you’d write reports on whatever friendship lessons you learn just from living your life, and with your deep knowledge of friendship, I’m sure they’ll be very insightful. And you’d have complete freedom on when and how. It’d be like being a friendship researcher, or something.“

“Oh, sure! Yeah, I can do that!” Ellie laughed. “You didn’t have to be so nervous about asking me, though. I’m not going to think it’s beneath me or anything.“

“Of course! That’s what I was worried about!” Twilight laughed nervously. “I mean, I didn’t want you to feel like you had to keep humoring me.”

“Well, like you said, I’ll have complete freedom, so I’ll only write when I feel it makes sense. It won’t be humoring you.” She smiled. “And it’ll be nice to have an excuse to keep hanging out.”

“Yeah, it would!” Twilight seemed relieved.

There was another awkward pause. Ellie drank a sip of tea. Twilight looked away. Then she remembered something.

“Oh, there was one more thing…” Twilight put on a serious face. “Sunburst can’t do any more work helping Celestia in the archives, now that he’s finally back here full-time for his Vice Headmare duties. So it might be even longer until she figures out how to get you back home.“

“Oh, right.” Ellie blinked. She had no idea who Sunburst was or that he was helping Celestia, but felt very much like she should have.

“But you haven’t really asked me for updates on that in a while.”

“Yeah.” Ellie mused. “I guess I haven’t.” She sighed.

“I guess I’m conflicted, a bit.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked.

“It’s just…” she sighed again. She looked around the castle library, at all the shelves filled with books.

“I’ve spent a lot of time in this room, but I guess I never told you what I was doing.”

“You were… reading books? That’s what you’re supposed to do at a library. You were reading books in here, right?”

“Yeah,” Ellie laughed. “But it was for a specific reason. I was looking for things. Things from my world that just kept not coming up in my conversations with ponies here. Things I didn’t want to bring up because, well, they’re sensitive in my world, and I figured they would be too here.”

“What things?” Twilight was confused.

“Oh, things I would rather not specify.” Ellie grimaced. “But the general theme is really… bad things. Parts of a society that one wouldn’t be proud of. So I searched your histories and autobiographies and memoirs. Looked at not only the plain text but also for euphemisms, sudden unexplained decisions, little contradictions. I couldn’t find any hint of the many bad things I was looking for.” She smiled. “And I even found the one good thing.”

Many times, in fact. But the one closest to home wasn’t in books. It was realizing that the DJ “P0N-3” whose relationship with Octavia Melody was breathlessly followed by the gossip section of local newspaper was the same pony as the raspy-voiced unicorn mare she had met at one of Pinkie’s parties.

That conversation had not cleared up for her at all what a pony was doing with what appeared to be modern electronic sound equipment in a world of string instruments and phonographs.

She continued.

“It’s just so nice here. It’s so easy to make friends and to just trust people. There are so many things I just don’t have to think about. So when I think of leaving this place forever, I—”

Her eyes welled up with tears.

“I’m going to miss this place so much! I’m going to miss my friends here, I’m going to miss you…”

She began to sob. Twilight was very concerned.

“I’m sorry— I—” she got out between sobs.

“It’s okay,” Twilight assured. “It’ll be okay.”

“It’s just— I—” Ellie tried to choke back her sobs. “I just—“

“It’ll be okay.” Twilight came over and covered her with a wing. “It’ll be okay.” She smiled sadly. “I’m going to miss you, too.”

“Yeah?” Ellie snorted back a sob. “Even though I go on long rambles about things only I care about?“

“Hey, you just said that you found it cute when I do it earlier!”

“Yeah?” Ellie chuckled, starting to feel slightly better. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Yeah. Which means that I—” Twilight stopped herself. Ellie didn’t pick up on it.

“I have to confess something.”

“Yeah?” Twilight said.

“I don’t even really do that whole rambling thing with most of my friends. Unless they’re actually interested, but if they’re not I get too self-conscious. But with you…” Ellie smiled. “You always listen. It’s nice.”

Ellie closed her eyes. She did not notice Twilight’s nervousness as she shifted her eyes.

“Have you… Have ever thought…” Twilight trailed off as Ellie opened her eyes to look at her.

“Have you ever thought of staying?”

“What?” Ellie blinked. “Here in the castle?”

“No, of staying here!” Twilight tried to be convincing. “In this world. You can build a life here! You already have friends, and I’m sure you’ll find something you enjoy doing here way more than your job back there. And Equestria’s more than just Ponyville! You could travel, meet all sorts of different creatures. Or even explore beyond Equestria!”

Ellie appreciated the effort. She smirked.

“Yeah, but there’s one thing not on your list that I was kind of hoping I’d get to do again in my lifetime.”

Twilight blinked, darted her eyes nervously, then opened her mouth to say something—

“But I think I’d need a human for that,” Ellie laughed.

Twilight closed her mouth.

Ellie closed her eyes again, finally starting to feel calm. For the first time, she felt the fact that Twilight’s wing was on her face.

“Oh, wow. I had no idea these feathers were this soft.”

She held Twilight’s wing and stroked her own face with it, letting her feathers absorb her tears. She snuggled her face into the warm softness of her feathers. She sighed contentedly. It felt really nice.

Then she realized something.

“Oh, sorry!” Ellie pulled her face away from her wing with a start. “I totally forgot that those were, like, a part of you! Wow! I’m so sorry about that!”

“Um…” Twilight said, nervously folding her wings behind herself. “It’s okay… I really didn’t mind…”

“No, no, it wasn’t okay. It’s like I was caressing my face with the back of your hand or something…” Ellie trailed off, then chuckled. “Oh, right, you don’t even have hands, much less know the connotations of that! You see, back in my world I’d only do that to somebody I have makeout privileges with.”

“Um…” Twilight didn’t quite know what to say to that.

“Oh, wait,” Ellie realized. “I don’t even know if ‘making out’ is a thing you ponies do. You ponies don’t really seem to be into PDA, which is kinda nice, actually. And I guess you wouldn’t really write that kind of word in a serious autobiography or history. Hmm.” Ellie thought for a moment. “Like, it’s like kissing, but, uh, more? Ugh, that’s a terrible description. I wish there was a way I could just show you without it being weird.“

“Uh…”

“Well, I mean, it’s not important,” Ellie said dismissively. “Like, if it’s not a thing you ponies do already the action probably wouldn’t even mean the same thing to you.” Ellie got a distant look in her eye. ”I mean, come to think of it, corresponding gestures to social intention is another thing that’s completely arbitrary. Like, if you had told me when I first came here that making out was just something good friends did to signify their bond, I would have believed you.” She laughed.

“Uh…”

“It would have been weird for me because of what it means where I’m from, but I think I would have gotten used to it eventually.” She shrugged. “I wouldn’t have wanted to impose my cultural values over yours.“

“UHH…”

“Yeah, sorry, that was weird. But thanks for letting me go off on that tangent there.” She chuckled. “Like you said, I guess that’s one of the reasons why we’re such good friends.” She finally turned to look at Twilight. “Are you okay, Twi?“

Twilight did not look okay.

“I’m okay,” she insisted. “I just remembered that I have to be somewhere. Right now. Bye.”

With a crackle of magical energy, Twilight teleported somewhere far, far away.

Ellie looked at the spot where Twilight just was and let out a small sigh. Well, at least the next Twilight she met would believe she was the same Twilight as this one. She would have all her memories and express the same emotional reactions. She would still make time for her despite being so busy that she had to suddenly teleport away in the middle of a conversation. She would still be a good friend. That would have to be enough.

Besides, teleportation probably didn’t work the way she was afraid it would here. Like, if it did, their magic scientists would have said something about it, right?

It was a shame, though. I mean, she wasn’t a weirdo who liked horses or anything, but those wings did feel really nice, and Twilight would probably have let her keep rubbing them with her face out of sheer politeness. She was such a good friend.

Part 7: Fluttershy's Cottage

“So, ‘Whinnyapolis’, huh?” Ellie said, as she accepted one of the plates of carrot cake Twilight was distributing with her aura. “I heard that was pretty far north, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, yes,” agreed Fluttershy, gently putting down the teacup in her wing. “But when I got that letter asking for help with an orthros that suddenly started acting up, I just had to do what I could! Poor little thing was just experiencing his first Whinnyapolis autumn, and all he needed was a cute little sweater. It gets really cold up there, don’tcha know!“

“Yeah, our version’s like that, too!” Ellie chuckled, remembering her friend Lauren’s favorite topic of how neither she nor anypony on the East Coast had ever seen a day of real winter in their lives.

Anybody. Damn it, Ellie, you’ve been here too long.

“But I’m glad to see you back! And I feel really honored that you invited me to this thing. I know you all really have a special bond with each other.”

Besides their shared history, there were many, many things that set her apart from Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

“Oh, don’t think of it like that.” Fluttershy smiled. “You’re one of the girls now!”

Ellie smiled back. Though the first time she had ever heard those words and realized they meant to include her, she had winced. But eventually, she absorbed the fact that her short hair, allergy to feminine expression, and men’s dress shirt didn’t mark her as non-central to those words here. Nor to the female pronoun.

“Yeah, I really feel that! I’m taken aback at how readily you girls accepted me even though I’m not from your world.”

“Of course!” Fluttershy assured. “Though speaking of… um…” Fluttershy seemed hesitant. “I’ve always been curious about one thing about your world. I didn’t want to pry, though!”

“Ask away!” Ellie couldn’t imagine the demure pegasus saying boo to a goose, much less asking anything offensive to her.

“Is it true what Twilight said? That in your world, humans are the only animals that can think?“

“Yeah, that’s right!” Ellie laughed. “I mean, our non-human animals can think too, but definitely not the same way yours can.”

There was a bear lying on Fluttershy’s couch right now, quietly reading a book of all things.

“Doesn’t that get lonely?”

Ellie reflected. “Yeah, I think it does. It’s something that makes us think we’re the only species that matters. I don’t think it was good for us.” She looked at Fluttershy. “It must be nice, having so many animal friends.”

Of course, she didn’t really like the way that bunny that was always hanging around Fluttershy glared at her all the time, but besides that the animals were all nice.

“Oh, I wouldn’t know how I’d ever live without them!” Fluttershy agreed. “Without my furry friends book club, what would I even do on Wednesday evenings?”

As if on cue, a pair of birds refilled Ellie’s mug of tea.

“Thanks!” Ellie nodded, and the birds whistled in response.

“I kinda feel like a Disney princess, from a movie!” Ellie laughed to herself. “A few months ago I would have only said something like that ironically, but I can see the appeal of it now.”

“Oh, your world has princesses stories, too?” Rainbow Dash was excited. “What do they do? Do they invent a new magic— er, ‘science’ that goes on to help everycreature in your world? Resurrect a long-lost civilization?”

“Oh. Uh…” Ellie grimaced. “Well, most of them just…” She trailed off as she noticed the confused pony expressions around her. How was she going to explain this in a world where the word “princess” was synonymous with being of the highest authority, the highest power, the highest agency? Yeah, let’s just not get into that.

“Uh, let me just tell you about the one I liked growing up!”

She smiled as she thought of her favorite Disney princess movie, one that had spoken to her on so many different levels that it was actually kind of weird.

“There is this one, Mulan, which is about a girl that saves her kingdom by defeating an entire invading army!”

“Oh, cool!” said Rainbow Dash, this being clearly her speed.

“Yeah! It’s a great one.” Ellie smiled. “You see, her dad is conscripted to defend against the invaders, so Fa Mulan disguises herself as a human stallion to join the army in his place.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash was confused. “Why would she do that?”

“Oh, right!” Ellie realized. “It’s because her dad is getting old and frail, so she was afraid that he wouldn’t survive if he had to—”

“No, I meant, why would she have to disguise herself as a human stallion?”

Ellie was at a loss for an answer.

What was she going to say?

She wasn’t going to say that in her personal interpretation, becoming a common soldier to be fed into the meat grinder of war was hardly a triumphant moment of self-actualization, but rather the only way to escape an otherwise inescapable fate: Becoming an object possessed by a man. A womb that speaks, with even the speaking part conditional. A painted bird to display in the best case, and a set of callused hands to work and a strong back to burden in the worst.

She wasn’t going to say that had the mysterious force that brought her here had sent her back in time in her world instead, that she had long-standing plans to make a beeline for the nearest convent or Buddhist monastery or Sufi order, because while her own autonomy would never be respected, the authority of the local male deity might.

She wasn’t going to say that she had no reason to think of herself as strong and ingenious as the few women in history recorded as breaking those molds. Able to manipulate social situations to become the possession of a man with access to power she could use. Able to create commercial empires without the right to open her own bank account. Able to sleep in filthy men’s clothing every night because otherwise the French peasants she was leading would—

“It’s just a thing she had to do. Human mares just weren’t al— couldn’t be soldiers back then.”

She saw Rainbow Dash scratching her head with her wing.

“But they can now?”

She knew that the pegasus idolized Flash Magnus, and as a filly dreamed of being magically transported back to the Pre-Classical Age and fighting dragons alongside him. She knew that her mother never tried to worriedly turn her away from such bizarre things for a young girl to be thinking about.

“Yes, they can now.”

Not Ellie, though. Not with that pesky diagnosis of gender dysphoria from her senior year in college buried somewhere deep in her case history. Not that she could ever see herself wanting to in the first place, because she always had good enough prospects in life to never have to consider such a thing, with all the dangers involved. Dangers that also didn’t even exist here.

Ellie tried to change the subject.

“We’re still missing one, aren’t we?”

It showed how desperate she was because in truth, Ellie had kind of been relieved. She’d gotten off on the wrong foot with Applejack, and then had stepped on her feet a couple times more after that. Or stepped on her hooves?

“She said she’d get here on the noon train…” Twilight reflected. “Even with stopping back home, she should have gotten here by now!”

But Sweet Apple Acres was quite a ways out of town, and there was no way she would have been able to get there and then to the edge of the Everfree Forest by now, even at a pony gallop. Oh, right, it must be the other one. Rarity. Rainbow Dash all but confirmed.

“Oh, you know Rarity! She’s probably just fixing her mane so that it looks exactly the same as it did before, except it has one more twist that nopony notices!“

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and Ellie laughed broishly. Femmes and their beauty routines, am I right? Totally not participating in femmephobic internalized misogyny by making such comments.

Wait, she actually might not be, at least in this world. Neat.

“Up top!” Ellie lifted her left fist, and Rainbow Dash clapped it with her hoof, neither of them needing to even glance at the other. Swag. Wait, the kids still say “swag”, right?

“Wait a minute…” interrupted Pinkie Pie suspiciously. She pulled up a filing cabinet out of somewhere and opened a drawer.

“Wait, where did that come from—”

“I have your file right here!” interrupted Pinkie, not answering Ellie’s question. She took out one of the pages from a plain manila folder and practically shoved it in Ellie’s face. It had a caricature of her face in the center, surrounded by six cutie marks with lines connecting them crossing this way and that.

“See Rarity’s?” Pinkie pointed a hoof at the three diamonds in one corner. “According to this, you’ve never even met her!”

It was true. Ellie could see there was no line between her face and the three diamonds, which was practically the only missing link in the entire graph criss-crossed with black lines. Wait, not all of them were black—

Before Ellie could figure that out, Pinkie suddenly took back the page. When she looked up, even the filing cabinet was already gone.

“But if you’ve never met her, how could you laugh at what Rainbow Dash said? Could it be that my information is… wrong?” Pinkie seized her temples with her hooves.

Ellie laughed. “I haven’t met her, but, you know, I’ve been hearing stories from you all! She sounds like a certain… type, in my world.“

“What?” Pinkie Pie was puzzled. “They have unicorns in your world?”

“What?” Now Ellie was puzzled. “No. I, uh, never mind.” She shook her head. “I was wondering, though. Why I’ve never had the chance to meet her before? You all sound really close!”

“Oh, you know!” Twilight said. “She’s been on the road a lot recently! She has boutiques in four different cities now, and friends from all over.“

“But Twilight!” interjected Pinkie. “She’s always had boutiques and friends in different cities! She’s only been away from Ponyville so much because of her—”

She stopped herself, then covered her mouth with her hooves. Ellie looked around. Fluttershy seemed nervous. Rainbow Dash was giving Pinkie an annoyed look. Twilight was frowning. Ellie felt as if she should not pry. So she changed the subject again, to something else she had been wondering.

“Where’s Applejack?”

Everypony looked at her. “Huh?”

“Oh, it’s just that the gang would be all here if Applejack were here too, right? I actually assumed she was the one missing at first.” Ellie indicated the empty chair closest to the cottage door.

Instead of an answer there was an awkward silence, but it did not last more than a beat, as said door swung open theatrically in a light blue aura.

“Mes chéries!”

A unicorn in a coat of brilliant white made her dramatic entrance. Her purple mane cascaded down in a single flowing spiral. Ellie wondered how many turns it normally had.

She approached Twilight first, being closest to the door.

“I am so désolée for being so late!”

Rarity kissed the air on either side of Twilight’s muzzle as she just sat still, confused. Wait, was that la bise?

“You will not believe the day that I’ve had! Quel calvaire!”

She melodramatically placed the back of her hoof on her forehead for good measure, then kissed the air on either side of Pinkie’s muzzle. Pinkie laughed.

“You would think les porteuses would have seen a lady’s travel trunk of a proper size before!”

Rarity moved on to Fluttershy, kissing the air on either side of her muzzle as Angel Bunny looked on suspiciously. Fluttershy cowered under a wing after.

“But after a pourboire généreux the gentilétalon finally agreed to make the space.“

Rarity did the same to Rainbow Dash, who rolled her eyes during, then crossed her forelegs and hmphed after.

“It almost felt transactionnelle!”

Without skipping a beat, Ellie leaned forward to press her right cheek against the right side of Rarity’s muzzle, gave the air a smack, then did the same with the left side.

Rarity stopped herself and gave her a curious look. Not looking away from her, she called.

“Twilight, chérie! I do believe I’ve never been introduced to this… um…”

“Human!” Twilight supplied. “Her name’s Ellie. I told you about her last time we talked, remember?”

“Oh, of course!” She gave a mild nod, a slight curtsy with her legs. “Enchantée.”

Ellie smiled.

“Pareille.”

Rarity gave her another curious look.

“Well, now I am most certainement trés deçue that I cannot stay!“ Rarity began making her way to the door, having rounded the table.

“But I plan to be in Ponyville more often from now on.”

She stopped at the door, and turned back to look at everypony and smiled.

“I do look forward to spending more time with you all, darlings!”

Ellie swore she made eye contact with her for a few microseconds at the end there. Rarity theatrically closed the door behind her as she left.

Silence reigned for a few moments.

“Huh…” Ellie exhaled, shifting her jaw to one side.

“Yeah, that was Rarity!” Twilight said apologetically. “Sorry about that, she always gets weird like this whenever she gets back from hanging around with her fancy friends.“

“Oh no, I didn’t mind,” Ellie said, head only half in the conversation. “She speaks French?”

“Oh, it’s called Prench, actually!” Twilight laughed. “I guess it’s just like how your ‘English’ is our Ponish. A fascinating correspondence, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” Ellie said, still distracted. “’Prench’, huh?” Ellie smirked. “That’s funny.”

“Yeah, it’s what they speak in the Pays des Poneys!” Ellie’s ears noted with disapproval that Twilight pronounced the ‘s’es.

“’Pays des Poneys!’” Ellie exclaimed in wonder, not pronouncing the ‘s’es and stressing the last syllable. She chuckled. “Amazing.”

“Yeah…” Twilight seemed unsure of how to continue the conversation, or if it even was one at this point. “It used to be its own nation before being absorbed by Equestria. A lot of Canterlot families can trace their roots to it. A lot of playwrights, novelists, and philosophers come from there, too. They also make really good grape juice—”

“Could you introduce me to her?” Ellie interrupted. “I mean, to have, like, a real conversation with her? I mean, she speaks French!” She looked at Twilight. “Wait, do you speak French? I mean, Prench?”

“Oh, uh…” Twilight shifted her eyes. “No, I don’t. But I speak Old Ponish! And Pony Latin! I mean, Prench descended from Pony Latin so that’s almost as good, right?”

“Oh, I guess? But I don’t speak Latin.” Ellie said dismissively, not even bothering to wonder why they called it “Pony Latin”.

“And she makes clothes, right?”

She looked down at the shirt that had been her only outer article of clothing for months now. She had tried to take as good care of it as she could, but the patches and stitches and lingering stains were starting to accumulate. The once-white tank top underneath was in far worse shape. The bra was… fine, actually, since she only really wore it to social occasions like this, but it had been on the last set of hooks before it became her daily driver, so…

“Like, if we could just hang out together or something, it’d be really cool? We could talk in Prench and maybe talk about making me some new clothes…”

The look on Twilight’s face seemed… concerned? Ellie couldn’t quite place it.

“Oh, right! She’s like, a super fancy fashion designer!“ Ellie chuckled. “That really is cool! But I guess it would be insulting to assume she’d take time from her busy schedule just to make clothes for me.“

“What? No! Don’t be silly, you silly!” Pinkie Pie interrupted. “She’s the Bearer of the Element of Generosity, for cryin’ out loud! Of course she’d be glad to help out a new friend! Also, I’m sure she would loooooove the challenge of designing clothes for a whole new species nocreature’s ever seen before! Why, if she had known you were interested I’m sure she would have begged you to let her make clothes for you! Isn’t that right, Twilight?”

“Yeah…” Twilight agreed awkwardly. “All of that is correct!”

“And it’s not like Twilight’s the only pony that knows her! I could set up something! Oh!” She pulled out the filing cabinet from out of nowhere again. “Then I’d be the one filling in that missing edge! A friendship K7! That is so special!” She started prancing and then suddenly stopped. “Wait, not quite a K7, since it depends on which edges you project the multigraph down to. Hmm…”

Pinkie was lost in thoughts that Ellie did not bother even trying to comprehend. She was too excited to care.

Which itself was curious. She had never been this excited to meet a new pony before. She wondered why that was.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading! The sequel, An Evening at Carousel Boutique, is in the works.

2020/12/28: And it is up!