The Music of Our Souls

"The Music of Our Souls" - Firepoppy

        I once had a family like any other pony: A mother, a father, a sister. Sure, we weren't the perfect nuclear family - we had our fights, our quarrels. But what family doesn't?

        My father, a pegasus factory worker, toiled for long hours in the weather factory to feed and clothe us. He was barely ever present in my life, always claiming his job kept him too tired to spend time with us. In the morning, he left before anyone in the house woke up, and at night he only arrived at our ground home when we were all asleep.

        Mother, who was an earth pony, took no job. Instead, she preferred to look after my little sister, Flicker Shine, and me. I hated myself for the way I thought of her. In my mind, I considered her to be weak, too stupid to get a job. It was wrong of me to think of her like that -  it wasn't that she was incompetent, nay, she was the one who kept us from getting into trouble, and it was her who took care of us from sunup to sundown when my father ceased to be a constant presence in our house. I knew this, yet I did not stop my thoughts.

        Life went on like this in our house for a good many years. I woke up, took my sister to school, and left for school myself. After school was over, we went home and did our homework, then ate dinner. We went to sleep, without waiting for my father, and the cycle began again the next day.

        It wasn't until the day Flicker Shine got her cutie mark - when I had not yet - that I decided my life was too boring, too monotonous. I wanted change!

        I was jealous that day. Horribly, horribly jealous. How was it fair that Flicker, who was several years my junior, get her cutie markbefore me? I was the oldest! I should have gottenmy cutie mark first! Those thoughts were immature and selfish. I should have been happy for her, instead of spiteful. But... I couldn't help it. My mother threw an extravagant cute-ceañera for her.That should have been mine.

Mother noticed how I had been acting at the party, and pulled me to the side. "Ribbon Rhythm! I cannot believe how immature you are acting! You are older, and should know better. Stop sitting in a corner by yourself, and stop ignoring our guests. I am very disappointed in you. Now go and mingle, I don't want to see you sitting alone in the corner." She didn't understand anything! How could she? She probably gother cutie mark before anyone inher class.

        "It's not likeyou get what it's like, how it fe-" I huffed in irritation. "You know what? Never mind. I'm sick of you acting like you own me! I'm not your baby filly anymore! I can take care of myself! I don't need you; I don't need any of you! Justgo!" Mother leaped back, like my words had physically stung her. I didn't want to say those horrible words; I loathed seeing the pain and hurt in her eyes. That wasn't me! I wasn't like that! My hooves clopped loudly down the stairs, almost by their own will, the sound echoing around the house. No one seemed to notice. No one ever seemed to notice.

        I wandered aimlessly around the town until night fell. The moon was round that night, lighting my way. Eventually, I found myself back at home. The lights were out in all of the houses, even mine.

        At the time, I didn't notice the lack of light. Or if I did, I didn't care. Letting myself in (there were no locks needed in such a small town like the one I lived in), I crept upstairs and tried to make as little noise as possible, so not to alert my parents and Flicker to my return.

        I woke up to a high-pitched scream. Flicker Shine! I quickly tossed the blankets aside, and threw open the door.

        What I saw, was not what I had expected. There was no murderer, no rapist, no nothing. Only my sister, facing away from me. Her mane was messy and tangled, her coat unkempt. Her flank, inscribed with her cutie mark, stared glaringly at me. I felt irritation creeping up inside of me. Who was she to wake me up so early in the morning? School would not start for a few hours yet. I quickly brushed my feelings aside, however, and tilted my head to the side questioningly. "What's wrong? What happened?"

        "Where's Mom?" She turned, her eyes wide in panic. Something was terribly wrong.

        I looked at her, confused. "Where she always is. In the kitchen. Making breakfast." Please, my mind begged. Please let her be there. Like she always is. Like she always will be. I thought this, but I did not believe it.

        "She's gone. I haven't seen her, not since the guests left when my cute-ceañera was over." Flicker paused. I could tell she was itching to leave, to look, to somehow convince herself that what she had, or had not seen, was not true.

        "What do you mean she's gone?" How could she have just run away and disappeared? "Where's Father?" It's not like he wasever around, but...

        She looked away from my demanding gaze. "I-I... don't know. I d-don't know where he is. I don't know where a-any of them are."

        I wasn't sure what to do next. Should I look for our parents? Go to school like any other day and pretend nothing happened?

        "Well? What are you waiting for? Go look for her!" I snapped out of my reverie and focused my eyes on Flicker Shine.

        "Right.." I murmured and quickly ran out of the door and into the bright, glaring sunlight. It seemed too bright, unfitting for a day like this one. The shock numbed me and I felt nothing.       Mother... gone? She was always there! Always there for me, for us. No matter what I thought of her secretly in my head, she was still our mother. And for Flicker Shine's sake, I wanted her to stay with us, at least until Flicker had grown old enough to care for herself.

        There wasn't any sign of anyone leaving the house. There were no hoofprints, no stirred up dirt, and definitely no parents in sight. Only me, myself, and I.

        We looked. Of course we looked. What else could we have done? It was a futile effort. A pony can't be found if they don't want to be found. I knew, yet I looked, if only to appease my sister - and my own self.

        I don't understand! Why! Why'd she leave? Didn't we mean something to her? So what if Ribbon Rhythm was mean to her? I know she didn't mean it. Was it me, then? Did I do something wrong? I must have, if she would just leave us like that...

        I shouldn't whine, like a little kid. Rhythm will laugh at me. She always thinks she's so much more mature than I am. She's not even that much older - just a few years. And who got their cutie mark first? Me, right?

        Ribbon Rhythm is the one who's taking care of me now. She counts as an adult, so that means I'm stuck with her - at least until whenI turn into an adult. I don't know where Mom and Dad went. But who cares about Dad? Dad's not the one who matters. He left us long ago.

        I miss Mom... She was our foundation, the one that glued us all together. I don't know what I'll do, what we'll do. I know for sure that she's not coming back. It's been too long.

        Rhythm insists I continue school, instead of dropping out like she did, in college. I don't, and won't, hold it against her though. She only did it so she could afford to keep us alive: To afford food, lodging, whatever.

        She's so nice, so sweet, so kind. Always putting the happiness of other ponies before her own self. I wish I could be like her, spreading laughter everywhere she goes. But I'm not her, nor will I ever be like her. I'm selfish, proud, and cruel. I'm everything she's not. My sister's the one that always reminds me that no matter what, she'll be there for me. Even when no one else will be.

        I guess I don't deserve a sister like Rhythm. She's so much like Mom - always there, caring for us. I didn't have a chance to apologize for everything I've said to her that I regret. Every time I yelled at her, ignored her, threw aside her advice - I would take it all back, if only I could see her, and talk to her again.

        Why do I only now realize how horrible I really was to her? Was I really that blind, that naive? If only I hadn't said something, hadn't done something, then she wouldn't have up and run off. It's all my fault.

        Worry, worry, worry. It seems like that's all I do now. It seems like I'm many, many years older than I am. It seems like... like... like everything's gone wrong!

        In the beginning, things went smoothly. I quit college and took a job waiting tables, in order to support the two of us. I wasn't sure what I would do, once I was on my own. I suppose I would attempt to earn my cutie mark, and do whatever the mark dictated was my "special calling."

        But now, as I look at Flicker Shine, I don't see my sister anymore. She's not someone I know, not anymore.

        She won't eat, she won't sleep, she wouldn't even go to school if it weren't for "keeping a public image," as she says. I don't know what's wrong with her...

        I hate, hate, hate when Rhythm looks at me with those wide, pitying eyes, like I'm weak, or something! I don't need help! I'm fine, just fine!

...Right?

        That one voice in my head murmurs to me, gently. I force it down, and grit my teeth. Right! Right! I'm right! And I most certainly donot need help from nopony! Nopony at all! I sigh and lean back, my head falling on my pillow with a softthump.

        "Flicker Shine? Flicker Shine, are you home yet?" I don't bother getting up and answering her. She'll find me soon enough anyways. "Flicker Shine!" Her head pops in through my doorway, and gazes at me, concerned. "Are you all right?"

        "Go away, Rhythm," I groan and pull the covers over my head.

        "Flicker."

        "GO AWAY! STOP PRETENDING LIKE I'M YOUR FOAL! I'M NOT! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU!" I regret the words as soon as they leave my lips. She hesitates at the side of the bed. then leaves.

        I'm a horrible sister.

        I leave Flicker Shine's room, wounded. It's not her fault, I remind myself. You shouldn't have bothered her. When I return to my own room, the house is silent. I assume Flicker's already gone to bed.

        My bed sits in my room, warm and inviting. I sigh, and crawl in it. It's been a tiring day. Sometimes, I wonder what I'll do with myself when I no longer have a purpose in caring for Flicker. Still no cutie mark, nothing special in my life I can focus on.

        My thoughts tangle together as my mind begins struggling to form a coherent sentence. Eventually, my eyes close and I drift off to sleep.

        Sunny rays shine in through my window, into my eyes, waking me up. My thoughts immediately shift to Flicker Shine. I need to take her to school! I push off the covers, bed creaking as my hooves hit the ground with a loud, resoundingthud. My back protests, making me wonder whether or not I should just spend the day in bed, and call in sick.

But I can't do that. Flicker Shine is counting on me.I'm counting on me. I sigh and brush out my mane, tail, and coat, making sure to look pristine. Satisfied I look decent enough to be seen at work, I walk towards my open door. The large, wall-to-ceiling mirror I walk by shows a weary mare, who doesn't look like me at all. There's a glimmer of something in her eyes I can't identify. Is it trepidation? I can't tell.

        Flicker Shine's door is open a small crack. My hoof reaches inside the crack, slowly peeling the door open. It doesn't creak. My gaze slides across the room, resting on her bed.

...What?

        My hooves walk forward of their own will. Flicker Shine's laying on her back, her arms splayed to the side. A sickeningly scarlet substance has soaked through the mattress, dripping on the smooth wooden floor with a horrible dripping noise. Her matted coat is covered in the liquid. I shift my eyes to her face, finding the source of the viscous liquid. A gruesome smile graces her neck, grinning at me. Congealed blood slowly flows out of it.

...Flicker Shine?

She's dead.

        She's dead.

        She's dead.

She's dead.

I reach out a hoof tentatively, and place it on her chest. "Flicker Shine!"

        She won't reply. I know. But that doesn't stop me from shaking her and yelling again.

        I slump over on her bed, thinking,no, no, no, no!

But eyes don't lie, and I sure of only one thing.

        That Flicker Shine was dead, and I was alone.

        It was then that I decided to make my own decisions and not be tethered down by others anymore. I would live by my own rules. I would leave my small childhood town, and discover what Equestria had to offer. No more roots were to be put down here! My thoughts were resolute. There was no one to stop me except my own self, and the part of my mind that doubted me was forced down.

        I dragged myself off of the bed, and quickly trotted out the door. My back hooves kicked the door shut as I went by. My possessions were left alone, except my saddlebag, which I filled to the brim with all of the bits I'd saved up through the years. Bits are a necessity unless you're an Earth pony, and can grow your own food. I would not be so foolish as to leave them behind.

        The small, miniscule house I had grown up in was fading away from view now, and I allowed myself one last glance behind me. No one noticed my frenzied flight. The fluttering noise of feather brushing up against feather was the only noise to be heard in the quiet streets.

        That was a decision I should have made a long time ago.

        And so now, here I am.

        I've got a purpose now. All those years I didn't know what I would do, seems meaningless. I know what I want to do now, who I want to be.

        I want to be somepony. Somepony that others will remember. Not famous - but like I've made an impact on others' lives. Never, in my childhood, did I understand who I was meant to be. It's all clear now.

        After my departure, I kept flying until I reached a small town - barely a dot on the map - called Ponyton. It was there that I rested my hooves on the ground for the first time in many hours. My wings were fatigued, and all I wanted was a good meal and a nice warm bed, to rest in.

        Ponyton's local hotel was your generic small-town hotel, with a bar and restaurant on the lower level, and rooms on the second floor. Not being one to drink, I skipped the bar and ordered a fruit salad and a hot marigold burger. The food was filling - maybe not up to the standards of Canterlot's finest, but decent. My hotel room was just a basic room with a bed, desk, and a small bathroom adjacent to the room. There was a shower, and I quickly took advantage of it and jumped in. The warm water rinsed the sweat, dirt, and tears out of my mane and coat. I turned my head around to wash my back, and noticed something on my flank.

        Ha! My cutie mark! All too late, but still - a cutie mark is a cutie mark. The cutie mark itself was cryptic - whatever could a purple star and a few music notes mean? It couldn't have anything to do with music, surely, for I was not musically talented at all.

        But I think that now, I know what it means. When I made those decisions - each one leading up to where I am now - they all taught me a little something. That Ido have music - the kind that everyone has, in their own souls. The kind of music that makes everypony special. The kind of music that took me so long to find.

        And now, the kind of music I strive to help others find.