Chapters “Reform… Discord?”
Celestia kept expression serene. “I believe you have what it takes. His magic may be used for good, if you can convince him of it.”
Fluttershy set her teacup on the end table; her hand was shaking. “Discord... the god? But why… that is, why can’t you do it?”
"Your compassion exceeds anyone else's I've ever known. I don't want you to be afraid. He's locked away, both in a hidden room and in a chair. He can't hurt you."
Fluttershy's eyes darted about the sitting room of the castle until she found she could not focus on anything. "I don't know what I can do. I'm not good at anything except talking to animals, and Discord is not an animal. Is he?"
"I think you have a way with everything," Celestia said standing up. "But I can see you're distressed. Why don't you take a few days to think about it?"
Nodding, Fluttershy smoothed her dress as she stood to join Celestia, but she felt numb and hadn't meant to nod at all.
"Thank you." Celestia bent forward to lay her hand on Fluttershy's shoulder. "I'll be waiting for your answer."
***
"No way. No. Way! " Rainbow Dash was so disturbed she could not sit still, but paced Twilight's throne room in circles. "Are you out of your mind?"
"It does sound like a big risk," Twilight said. "Are you sure you want to go through with it? I didn't even know Discord was still alive. Has she really kept him in that prison for a thousand years?"
Fluttershy shook her head. "I don't know. I kept asking her what she wants me to do, but she never did give a straight answer."
"I'm certain she wouldn't willingly put you at risk," Rarity told her. "If she says he's locked up and frozen still, then he must be."
"It hardly matters to me ," Fluttershy wailed. "I thought he was turned to stone!"
"I think you should follow your gut," said Applejack. "If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. I don't know why she expects you to be with him all by yourself. I wouldn't do it, that's for sure. What even is he?"
Fluttershy felt miserable, unable to make a decision, and already three days had passed. She trusted Celestia with her life, but Discord was... discord. Chaos. An enigma. What could he be like? A monster? A man? Some ethereal being of light? What could she, a nervous, docile young woman, do for something like him?
"Celestia must believe you have what it takes," Pinkie told her. "And she never makes mistakes, does she?"
"Uh," Twilight mumbled, hanging her head for a moment. "Anyway. I wouldn't mind going in your place, Fluttershy. I have an historical perspective about these things, and I can be very nice. I would love to get to know him. Maybe he's not how he's written in history books."
Fluttershy slumped in her chair, her legs splaying out. "She was very final. It's me, or not at all."
"Well, that just seems weird," Applejack said, yanking off her hat and placing it on the friendship map. "She must be up to something."
"I don't know what to do," Fluttershy sighed. "I want to help her, but I can hardly take care of myself. I wish she hadn't asked me."
Rarity and Twilight hugged her on either side, and Rarity said, "Perhaps you should ask your family."
Rarity's words caused Fluttershy to jerk back as if she had been electrocuted. "I could never tell them. They worry about me enough as it is. They wouldn't be able to sleep at night. They'd probably think of visiting Celestia to tell her off, but they really dislike confrontation, so they couldn't even do that."
Pinkie Pie produced a cupcake frosted with pink and yellow roses from seemingly thin air and handed it to her. "I'd love to meet Discord! He sounds like a fun guy. But Celestia didn't ask me..." She let her head droop as her hair began to flatten.
"That's right," Twilight said, perking up. "She's right. Maybe it will be fun. Maybe he's been so bored in there for so long, he just wants to talk to someone? Give it one try, if you really don't mind it. If you decide not to return, I know Celestia will understand."
***
Fluttershy found herself before Celestia the next day, though she was not quite sure why she was there; Twilight had a habit of convincing her to do things she had no interest in doing. But what were friends for?
Covering her eyes with her hands, Fluttershy said, “I’ll do it.”
Celestia hugged her, though Fluttershy could not reciprocate. “Thank you. I was hoping you'd agree. I think things will go better than you anticipate. Shall we head over?"
"Now?" Fluttershy squeaked, then cleared her throat. "I mean, I haven't prepared anything yet. I don't even know what I'll say."
"Just introduce yourself. He hasn't spoken to anyone but me in a long time, and he doesn't enjoy it." Celestia had wrapped her arm around Fluttershy's shoulders as they meandered down a series of corridors and stairwells. After they descended a particularly dark and narrow staircase, the emerged in a round turret room filled with sunlight and balcony on the far side. To the right was a heavy door of dark wood carved with symbols Fluttershy did not understand. Two guards stood before it, stony-faced and unblinking.
"Is this..."
Celestia nodded. "Right here. I'll wait for you. You don't have to stay long. And if you come into any trouble, just come right back out this doorway and my guards will help you."
Her throat dry and palms sweating, Fluttershy grimaced at the door, but Celestia lay her hands on Fluttershy's shoulders so they were facing each other directly. "It will take a long time, Fluttershy. Maybe more time than you have. You don't have to save him."
Fluttershy looked back at the door, her teeth clenched, hardly hearing the princess's words. “I’ll do it.”
The guards unlocked the three chains and two bolts from the rounded door and opened it. Fluttershy clenched her hands into fists, digging her nails into her palms, to keep from shaking as she stepped inside.
The room was bigger than she’d anticipated; there was plenty of space between where she stopped just inside the closing door and the throne where the Lord of Chaos sat. She heard and felt the door close, then lock, and tensed her shoulders as if something might fall across them. Then, silence. The floor, ceiling, and jagged, seven-sided walls were all beautiful facets of a bluish crystal. She thought for a moment she could see something moving behind them, but her eyes could not focus.
She looked up to see Discord sitting on the throne on the dais. He hadn’t moved. His face was down, his hair falling across it like a curtain. Perhaps he was asleep. Perhaps he knew she was there and wanted to rip her heart out. She swallowed and cleared her throat, balling her hands into fists for encouragement. She took one small step forward and stopped still when she saw him move.
His head was still down, but he was moving it slightly from side to side as if disappointed. His feet and lowers legs were covered in stone, which grew into his stone chair. His hands and forearms and across his neck were also stone, locking him in place. She was too afraid to move or speak and stood frozen, just as he was.
“Who are you?”
Fluttershy flinched at the voice. It was low and guttural and echoed around the chamber. She winced, ready for some attack, but nothing happened. Discord’s head was still down and she stepped backward so her back was against the door. “I- I’m Fluttershy. Princess Celestia wanted me to…” His lack of reaction unnerved her.
“Wanted you to what?” His voice wasn’t very loud, but in the crystal room it bounced off every facet.
“Wanted me to… talk to you.”
Discord stopped moving, but then his body shook and Fluttershy realized with some chagrin that he was laughing. He lifted his head a little and opened one eye; she could hardly make it out through his dark hair. “She told me she was sending in a friend. I had no idea it would be a scared little girl.”
Fluttershy lifted her chin and forced herself away from the door. “I’m not scared.”
“Why are you here? Where is Celestia?”
“She told me she couldn’t do this on her own.”
“Do what?”
Fluttershy glanced at his shrouded face and then at the floor. “Help you.”
He raised his head. Enough of his hair parted for Fluttershy to see that the irises of his eyes were red. The skin around them was swollen red and purple; he looked as if he had been beaten, or as if he had been crying for a long time. When he looked at her directly, she lost her nerve again.
“She wants to make you better,” she whispered, but her voice bounced around the room as his had. “She wants you to use your magic for good.”
Discord shifted what he could of his body on the throne. “My magic is for good. Your princess and I have differing opinions on what being good entails.” He waited to speak until she glanced at him again. “Tell your princess she’s wasting her time. And you’re wasting yours.”
This isn’t going well at all! Fluttershy thought. What would Celestia say? She had put so much faith in Fluttershy, despite Fluttershy’s protests. But maybe, this time, Celestia was wrong. Fluttershy hugged herself. “I will tell her.” She bit her lip, waiting for Discord to yell at her or laugh at her, or both, but he didn’t say anything after that. After a while she peered at him again through her own long bangs. He was staring at her, frowning, looking exhausted.
He really looks terrible , she thought. His skin was flushed and shiny, his white beard overgrown. She sighed. “You don’t want to stay here like this forever, do you?”
His expression didn’t change, and still he said nothing, but Fluttershy found his silence empowering. “Well?” she asked. “Celestia is offering you a chance to get out of here. Don’t you even want to consider it?”
Discord blinked at her and she fought to keep her eyes on him; his eyes were unnerving. “What’s your name again?”
“Fluttershy. My friends and I work for Celestia. We help each other sometimes.”
“But only you’re here.”
“Celestia asked for me, is all.”
“Why?”
Fluttershy hesitated. “She thinks I can help you.”
“And what do you think?”
She frowned at him. He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t know what she wants me to do.”
Discord hung his head again, his eyes closing. “You do know who I am don't you?”
“You’re chaos incarnate.” Fluttershy swallowed hard.
He seemed about to fall asleep, but said, “I would show you something you want to see, but I can’t use my magic right now.” He shrugged his shoulders as much as his tethered arms would allow. “So you see, we are at an impasse.”
Feeling miserable and hoping for a way out, movement behind the crystal walls caught her eye. She was quite certain when she arrived she had seen trees swaying in a silent breeze, but now she saw thunderclouds roll in and rain fell in sheets. A flash of lightning startled her from her thoughts and she briefly narrowed her eyes. “Are you doing that?”
“Typical,” his sleepy voice echoed. “Everything always has to be sunshine and rainbows for you Ponyville kids.”
“I like rain,” she protested, absently taking a step forward. “It’s strange I can’t hear it, though.”
“You must be going deaf. Are you leaving? I saw you touch the doorknob.”
Fluttershy hesitated, tripping over her words in her mind. “Do you want me to?”
“Yes. Get the fuck out of here.”
Her tentative, strange feeling of hope was immediately dashed and replaced with a disappointment that confused her. She turned away and knocked on the door, where at once guards opened it and escorted her out.
Celestia was in the sun of the balcony, adjusting a spyglass she had aimed toward some trees, and was startled when Fluttershy said her name. “Goodness, girl. You’re quiet as a mouse.” She lowered the spyglass and her smile faded. “How did it go? All right?”
Fluttershy shook her head, uncertain she could speak clearly, but Celestia smiled. “No blood, no tears. Well, I might say it was a success. Shall I ask for you next week?”
She swept her pink hair from her face, unsure of how to answer before realizing she was always unsure about everything. She clenched her jaw and almost frowned at Celestia. “Yes.”
Kindness , Fluttershy thought. How can I cure his wickedness with kindness? What is Celestia thinking? She steeled herself as the guards undid the lock and opened the door. She held close her sewing basket and stepped inside. She had been visiting Discord every week for over a month now, and though their interactions were rather cold, a part of her wondered if Discord didn’t mind conversation, even with her, after so long on his own. It unnerved her to think she may also have enjoyed his company somehow.
She heard the door close and lock behind her. The air was still frigid. Her eyes scanned the crystals walls and she was delighted to find a new scene behind them. She wasn’t plastered to the wall anymore, but took several large steps toward the throne and sat on a cushion there. This time she had brought her sewing kit and her knitting; she was making winter woolens for her animal friends for the coming winter, and if Discord wanted nothing to do with her, at least she could get something done.
“You’re not very good, are you?” Discord’s gravel voice asked. As always, his hair covered his face, and she wondered how he always seemed to see her so clearly.
“Well, you’re not very nice. I’m trying, anyway. I could teach you, if you’d like.” She clamped her mouth shut as soon as she said the words, a pang of guilt hitting her stomach.
“How kind of you, but I need hands to knit. You remember, I am in prison here? Do you see my hands locked in stone? Or are you so busy with your needlework you’ve forgotten?”
Fluttershy had an apology ready, then a retort, but set her knitting needles down and stood up. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware you wanted my company.”
Discord jerked his head up, tossing his hair back enough for her to gauge his appearance for the first time since they met. “I don’t. I would talk to a maggot if there was one in here.” As he spoke, his hair slid into his face again and he shook his head angrily to move it.
“Here, let me,” she said, picking up her sewing scissors from her sewing basket. She stepped up the dais with little fear and leaned against the throne, then lifted the scissors and bunched Discord’s bangs into her free hand. In three snips, his hair fell onto his lap.
Discord shook his head to free any loose strands. Fluttershy smiled at him when he looked at her. Already he looked younger, softer. He didn’t return her smile, but he didn’t look angry anymore. Fluttershy stepped down and tucked the scissors away. “There,” she said, satisfied. “Better?”
Discord blew air up from his mouth to ruffle his bangs, which now brushed his eyebrows. “Tickles.”
“Now I can see your face.”
“Can you.”
Her smile faltered. “What do you do in here every day?”
He nodded his head to one side. “Play.”
Fluttershy looked at the scenes behind the crystal walls. A part of her wished she could break through them to see clearly what was on the other side.
Discord sneered. “If you take a hammer to one of them, you can go see.”
For one frightening moment she considered his words seriously, but then regained her senses. “I can’t do that.”
“Are you sorry?”
She couldn’t think of a suitable answer before he spoke again: “No, I suppose not.” He let out a long breath and settled his chin in one hand. His eyes followed gazelles bounding beyond the wall through tall grass.
Fluttershy watched the same scene, mesmerized. “Why do you use your magic to torment people?”
“I don’t torment them.”
“Celestia and Luna locked you in here.”
“I can’t help what I am.”
“Lord of Chaos?” She was watching his face to see if there were any signs of deceit.
“That’s right.”
“Can’t you…”
He pressed himself against the throne back. “Can you help what you are? Shy? Small? Scared of your own shadow? Why don’t you change those things?”
“That isn’t fair. Anyway, I’ve been working hard to be more outgoing. I never could have sat here with you a year ago.”
“Pity you didn’t come here a year ago.”
Fluttershy settled on the cushion again, ignoring his remark, and returned to her knitting. “I have a friend who used to fight with us. She’s really a lovely person. She changed, but she wanted to change.”
“Ah. I see. Well, I don’t want to be somebody else, so I guess I’m fucked.”
“It’s only that things aren’t working out for you. What would it hurt to try something new?”
He gave her an odd look. “You’re awfully opinionated for one so young.”
Fluttershy brushed back her hair with her hands. “This is why Celestia wanted me here.”
“To hound me into becoming as saintly as she is?”
“To try to be your friend.”
Discord’s face darkened. “How is the old battle-axe?”
To her horror, Fluttershy almost laughed, but cleared her throat to hide the noise. “She’s well. I don’t see her that often; only when I come to see you.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “How long are you going to keep tormenting me?”
“Am I tormenting you?”
“Celestia told you to come in here and knit rabbit booties, did she?”
Fluttershy held up the yellow and white bootie she was knitting. “You could tell?”
“No doubt she must be proud of the progress you’ve made with me.”
She shook her head. "I know you're not happy with me here. But I am here."
"My heart leaps with joy."
"Don't you want to talk about anything? How did you end up in here? Um." She looked at him swiftly, embarrassed. "That is, if you don't mind answering."
"Who cares? I'm the bad guy, aren't I?"
Fluttershy could not think of answer and set her knitting down. "Well, what kind of food do you like?"
"I don't eat."
He said it with such finality, she decided to change the subject. "What about games? Maybe we could play something."
"I have my own games. Had."
"I'll bring something next time."
His head was tilted up again, so he could see her face directly, and she quizzically returned his expressionless gaze. "You're coming back again, then. Going to make a habit of it?"
She shrugged. "I guess so. Celestia wants me to."
"And you?"
She smiled at him, in spite of herself. "I think we can get along."
"Oh?"
She nodded. "I was awfully nervous when I first came here last month."
"I know." He stretched a much as he could, confined to his throne. "And the funny thing is, you still should be."
Fluttershy put her knitting in her sewing kit and closed it up before standing. "I'm not so nervous now I can see your face. May I ask about your eyes, though? They're always red and purple and swollen. The guards here aren't... hurting you, are they?"
Discord let out a sharp, breathless sound; she thought it might have been the start of a laugh. "No one comes near me. Not even Celestia."
Trying to smile while his eyes were on her somehow made her nerves creep back, and she stepped backward until she felt the door at her back. "I can bring something for them next time, if you want."
"So you're a nurse, too, are you?"
"I just... take care of others sometimes. Cold compresses, maybe?"
"You'll have to do the compressing. No hands. Remember?"
Fluttershy swallowed. "I know."
Discord gave her a contemptuous half-smile. "Not afraid of me anymore? That was quick."
"I didn't say I'd do it," she said with an edge. "I'm only trying to help."
"Why? Because Celestia asked you to? Because she wants to turn me into something I'm not? Did you even stop to think about why she wants what she wants, precious, angelic Fluttershy? Truly, you do have the kindest heart."
Emotions flipped within her; she hadn't considered Celestia's reasoning for reforming Discord beyond the fact that Discord had done terrible things and must do penance for them before being free again. "It doesn't have to do with me. I don't know why she wants you reformed, but you'll be in here forever if you're not. Aren't you tired of it?"
Discord's face contorted into a mask violence. "I'm the one who gets to tell you what I'm tired of and what I'm not."
"I just don't think you should be uncomfortable. If you're in pain-"
"Will you just get out of here?" he seethed. "Get out of my face. The fuck do you think you are? Coming in here for twenty minutes a week, the hell do you know about anything?"
Fluttershy was surprised she felt so shocked at his vehemence. As she grabbed the doorknob, she said, "I-I'm sorry," and left the room.
He body was trembling as the guard bolted the cell door, though from fear or exhilaration, she was not sure. She was not exactly afraid of him, not the way she had been a month before, but his mood switched by split seconds and she felt oddly helpless.
"You look much better," Celestia told her, walking in from the balcony. "I was a little worried about you last time."
Fluttershy dropped her sewing basket on the floor. "I'm still not sure what you want me to do. I don't know if I'm doing anything at all."
"You are. All you have to do is what you're doing now."
"What, talk to him?"
Celestia nodded.
"He's not happy."
Celestia gestured for her to join her. "He wouldn't be, after so long in there."
"It seems..." she began, but bit her lip. It seems kind of cruel, she thought. "I know he did terrible things, but he can't even move his arms."
"I'll tell you something," Celestia said, wrapping her arm around Fluttershy's shoulders. "As he starts to change his thinking...if he starts to change it... his binds will loosen. Limb by limb, he can get out of there, but it's a slow process, one that only he can complete. This is why I am confident of your safety. I know you can help change his heart, Fluttershy."
She almost laughed. "How? I can't do anything. All I'm doing is sitting there talking to him, and he doesn't even want me to."
"You're gentle and patient. You're compassionate and loving. These are things Discord lacks. I hope, over time, he will realize how good things could be if he decided to make them so."
Fluttershy was shaking her head before the princess finished. "But I'm just a nobody. I'm not brave. I have no skills. Why don't you let Twilight see him? Or Pinkie? They both wanted to."
Celestia chuckled. "Pinkie Pie is a dear, but doesn't have the... emotional depth I was hoping for. And Twilight, princess of friendship as she is, still struggles sometimes with prioritizing emotion over knowledge. Do you know what I mean? But your heart... your heart is always in the right place. He needs to experience those things. Maybe you don't see it yet, but he needs you. You will never prioritize anything over the love and patient understanding you give to others."
A warm breeze raised up through the balcony doors; Fluttershy brushed her hair behind her ears to keep it still. She had been ready with another counter, but Celestia's words were too complimentary for her to dispute.
Celestia patted her shoulder and let her go. "I sense more ease from his cell already. And from you. Maybe you won't see a great change in him, but I will be able to feel it; it's mostly my spells that are keeping him in there, after all."
"How long will it take?"
"Many years, I think. Maybe longer." She smiled. "He won't always need you. Eventually, you'll see him less and less, and one day the rest he'll have to do himself. I don't want you to feel that all of the responsibility is on your shoulders, because it isn't."
Walking onto the balcony, Fluttershy leaned over its railing. "I feel like it is."
"You're just having conversations. That's all it is."
The wind was picking up, and Fluttershy closed her eyes, feeling it lick through her hair. Some strange emotion twisted her middle slightly as she thought how much Discord would probably like to feel the wind again. How terrible to be in a windowless room for a thousand years, even if he did deserve it; and he must, for Celestia herself had put him there.
"I think you should have a longer break," Celestia said after a lengthy silence. "Let's wait a couple of months. It will give him time to think about things."
"Months?" Fluttershy straightened and watched a circle of sparrows arguing over perches on a tree below.
"As I said, it will take years for him to free himself, even with your help. I don't want you to feel guilty about the decisions he makes. Focus on your friends for a while. I'll call on you when it's time."
Nodding absently, Fluttershy retrieved her sewing basket and inched her way down the stairwell to the secret corridors in a daze. Months , she thought. What will he do in there for months? Even as she made her way outside to return to Ponyville, she could not shake the apprehension she felt about the whole situation. What did Celestia intend to do with Discord once he was reformed? Would she really let him roam Equestria freely?
At home an hour later, Fluttershy found Angel napping on her sofa. She curled up beside him, hugging him close, and closed her eyes.
“I wish you’d cheer up,” Twilight said, handing Fluttershy a cup of tea. “Or at least tell me what’s bothering you.”
Fluttershy took one sip of the tea and set it on the picnic blanket. Her best friends were with her. Even Harry and Angel were in attendance, but she was not happy.
“Your brother?” Twilight asked. “An animal?”
“Discord,” she sighed.
“Dis cord?” Twilight gaped. “Uh. I see. Well, what’s the matter with Discord? Um, besides the obvious.”
“I don’t really know. I saw him for a while, and he… he scared me. Celestia told me to take a break, and I have, but…”
“You miss him?” Pinkie shouted.
Fluttershy’s eyes darted around. “No, no. It’s not that. I don’t know how to explain it. He’s just in such a bad state.”
“Uh, yeah,” said Rainbow Dash. “Lord of Chaos? Destroyer of all things Equestria? Celestia and Luna had to lock him up.”
“That was a thousand years ago,” Fluttershy said. “Now he’s just a- a shell. Pathetic and sad.”
“You’re not feelin’ sorry for him, are you?” asked Applejack, her brow furrowed.
Shaking her head, Fluttershy fiddled with her teacup but did not drink anymore. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. But when I see something suffering, I have to help.”
“He deserves it,” said Rainbow. “Even if you don’t think he does, the rest of us do.”
“But he can’t even move. He’s locked by stone in a cold, hard chair. I asked about his eyes, but he yelled at me.”
“What’s wrong with his eyes?” Twilight asked.
“Maybe nothing. I thought he’d been hurt, but maybe he cries, or-”
Rainbow was overtaken by raucous laughter. “He cries?” She slapped her thigh, and even Applejack and Rarity covered their mouths.
“- Or,” Fluttershy continued, “he’s sick or something. He’s a god. I don’t know what happens with gods.”
“He should not have yelled at you,” Rarity said, handing over her empty teacup for Fluttershy to play with. “Doesn’t he know you’re trying to help him? Though why, I don’t know.”
"I don't-" Fluttershy stopped, smelling something in the wind. "Is that fire?"
Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack tossed aside their teacups and sprang to their feet. Rainbow Dash one-upped them all by running to the rise of the hill they were on and then called back, "Lots of smoke. A dragon, maybe?"
Fluttershy could not help shaking, but Twilight took her hand and squeezed it. "If it is a dragon, you can be our back-up. Just stay behind the rest of us." They stood together and joined the others at the rise.
"Duty calls," Rarity sighed.
Rainbow Dash cracked her knuckles while Applejack pulled her hat firmly onto her head, and they all ran down the other side of the hill.
***
Five days had passed when Fluttershy received the summon from Celestia. Her heart beat a little faster and she found she was rather excited to return to Discord's cell. Would he be happy to see her? One day, surely...
"How's the burn on your arm?" Celestia asked when she arrived, pink-cheeked and with windblown hair from the brisk autumn morning.
"It's a lot better than it was yesterday," Fluttershy said. "I could hardly use it."
"Tch. Well. You don't have to stay long if you're not feeling up to it. It's been four months; another week or two won't make a difference."
"I'll be fine."
The guards unbolted the door and, palms sweating, Fluttershy stepped through the doorway. The room and its inhabitant were exactly as she remembered; walls of crystal and the slumped form a tall man with long, dark hair sitting in the middle, half-encased in stone.
“Hello,” she murmured, though in the crystal room it sounded almost like a shout.
Discord’s bangs were growing long again, just covering his eyes. He hardly moved, but for a curt nod of his head. “Here you are after all this time, and after we had that conversation, too.”
“Conversation?”
“You said you’d be back every week. Cold feet?”
“Princess Celestia-”
“I know what she did. She told me.” Discord stretched what he could of his body.
Fluttershy leaned agains the wall by the door, gauging Discord's sullen form. "How have you been? I didn't mean to be gone so long."
He made a noncommittal noise and said nothing. He might have been napping, but after a while said, “You look shorter than you did two months ago.”
Smiling, she settled on her cushion and set down her sewing basket. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Why not? People change.”
She met his eyes, matching his emotionless face with her own. “Yes. Well, maybe it’s true.”
“Hm. And what have you changed into?”
Fluttershy dug out her knitting from beneath the notions tray of the basket. “Nothing. Nobody.”
Discord thought this amusing and tilted his head up with a laugh. “Are you someone or no one? That answers that. I’m no one, too.”
Working her knitting needles, Fluttershy said, "I was very, very shy. I still am, but when I was younger it was almost unbearable."
“I gathered. Your name. ”
“And I'm still afraid of so many things, but... I have best friends that I love, and they help me be better.”
Discord sank back, looking disgustedly at a wall. “And here it is. The power of friendship. If only I had known what I know now.” He yawned and closed his reddened eyes. Fluttershy hesitated for longer than she thought necessary before taking up her sewing scissors and getting to her feet.
She opened and closed the scissors in the air. “Would you like me to?”
Discord peeled one eyelid open and closed it again, then sat still for a long time. Fluttershy, tired of waiting, stepped onto the dais and took his bangs again. After a few snips, the black, white-streaked strands were firmly in her hand.
“Maybe you should plant it,” he said when she was done and saw his hair in her hand. “Grow another me.”
She grinned and motioned at his beard. "I don't mind," she said when he looked at her strangely. "My brother's the one that's good at this sort of thing, but I can try."
Discord acquiesced by leaning his head back against the throne, eyes closed. Fluttershy chewed the corner of her lower lip as she gingerly clipped at his beard. It took a while; it was so overgrown, but had once been something like a goatee. He was still and silent as she cut, but suddenly jerked his head to the right.
"Enough," he said tiredly. "Don't cut the whole thing off."
"Sorry." Fluttershy lay his bangs off the edge of the dais. “I'm sorry I don't have a broom."
"Didn't Celestia tell you? Free housekeeping."
"What are you going to do once you get out of here? I haven’t asked you yet.”
He shrugged one shoulder.
“Don’t you think about it?”
“And just who might I be when I do get out?”
“Maybe anybody. You might have a clean slate.”
Discord’s sigh sounded more disgusted than tired. “What is it with you people and starting over? Why would I want to start over? I love being me.”
Fluttershy hesitated. “Do you?”
Perhaps no one had genuinely asked him such a question before, for he finally looked at her directly. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Maybe you should,” she agreed, trying to give him an encouraging smile. “I mean, you should be yourself, just… a nicer version of yourself.”
“Aren’t you afraid of what I’ll do when I get out of this chair?”
She swallowed, but shook her head. “Why? What do you want to do?”
He half-smiled. “If I told you, you’d run away and never come back.”
Her own smile broadened. “So, you want me to come back?”
Discord grimaced, alarmed. “Doesn’t matter what I want. Celestia pulls the strings in here. Every string. Every single one. Even yours.”
“What do you mean by that? Every time I try to get you to talk about yourself, you say something mean to change the subject.”
Discord’s grimace returned. “Please tell me you aren’t this stupid. And I do talk about myself.”
Fluttershy returned to her knitting. “Celestia’s been my friend for years. She’s never put me in danger. I know you two don’t like each other, but I’m not Celestia.”
He settled back in his throne. “No, you’re not. I’m sure you love to tell her all about me after our little get-togethers.”
“Actually, I don’t really tell her much,” Fluttershy said, realizing it herself as she did so. “Anyway, she doesn’t ask.”
Discord had not expected her answer and was quiet for a minute. “I want to use my magic."
She paused her knitting needles. “What do you want to do with it?”
“I could fix that burn on your arm. Maybe."
Fluttershy looked at the sleeve of her sweatshirt, which covered the burn from the dragon's fire. She didn't know what to say, knowing he could not possibly have seen it. "Oh?" was all she could come up with.
"Fine, if you don't want me to. I'll make something. Change something. Something new. I haven’t been able to for so long… I don’t even know what I want.”
“Maybe I could help you figure it out,” she said, in what she hoped was with encouragement and not trepidation.
The openness she thought Discord might show her again evaporated, and he said darkly, “What, with our counseling sessions? Are you a therapist now? I see what Celestia wants. She thinks your ‘niceness’ will drip onto me, and I’ll be magically transformed into one of her puppets.” He spat onto the crystal floor. “Tell the old bitch I won’t do it. And you may as well give up the charade.”
“Charade?” Fluttershy was so perplexed by his outburst that she sat frozen.
“This kindly, loving, smothering bit you do. However much Celestia’s paying you to torment me, it isn’t nearly enough.”
She set her knitting down. “Celestia isn’t paying me.”
“That’s even worse ,” Discord cried, cringing. “What are you doing here? What do you get out of this? Some sick, perverted feeling of joy?”
“Of course not,” she said, getting to her feet in earnest. “I’m only…”
Discord raised his eyebrows.
“Discord,” she continued, “I don’t want you to think I’m here because Celestia’s forcing me, because she isn’t. Maybe a-at first. The first few times. But not now.”
“Then why?”
It was a simple question that she had difficulty answering, but settled with, “I just want to try and help you. That’s all.”
His lip curled. “And after you help me, you can tell all of your perfect, sunshine-y friends about how wonderful you are. Makes sense.”
“No ,” she cried again, distressed. “That is not true. I worry about you. And my friends, they worry about me because I worry about you.”
For the second time, Discord was startled into silence. He tried to cover it up with a dry laugh. “Now I’ve heard everything.”
“But it’s true,” Fluttershy said, stepping onto the dais; she stopped herself just before reaching his side, realizing where she was. “What’s wrong with someone trying to be nice to you? Just because there isn’t anything in it for me, doesn’t mean there’s nothing in it for you .”
Her words seemed like a light shining in his swollen eyes, and he blinked rapidly. “Aren’t you afraid I’ll turn you into a monster or curse you or something?”
“Maybe. But you’re not now .”
Horror flashed across Discord’s face, and Fluttershy took that moment to smile at him. She stepped backwards off the dais and clasped her hand behind her.
“And here I thought Celestia was the psycho,” Discord muttered. “But it’s you.”
Fluttershy let out a long breath. “I’m not crazy. I don’t know you, Discord. Whatever you did a thousand years ago… I wasn’t here.”
Discord really turned his face from her this time; his neck was twisted so far it looked painful, and she stood for a time, waiting for him to say something. The sound of the bolts on the door unlocking echoed first, and she tucked her knitting under her arm and picked up her sewing basket just as the door opened.
“Princess Celestia requests your leave, miss,” one of the guards said. “Immediately.”
Fluttershy hesitated, looking once more at Discord, who had not moved. She exited the room, her head bowed, and nearly bumped into Celestia, who seemed unhappy and made Fluttershy sit down as soon as she saw her.
“Perhaps I’ve been too hasty, putting Discord’s reformation all on you," the princess said.
“What?” Fluttershy asked, sinking into a cushioned chair Celestia had moved in for her. “Why?”
“You look unwell. Are you sleeping enough? Do you have a fever?”
“I’m just tired. I’m so busy.”
Celestia knit her eyebrows as she looked the young woman over. “I apologize. I was so concerned about your effect on Discord that I did not consider the effect he may be having on you.”
“I’m fine. Really, I am.”
“I don't want this to be too draining for you. Perhaps we should wait six months.”
“Six? I don’t see… that is, I don’t know how that will help him. I don’t mind visiting him. He wasn’t in such a bad mood today.”
Celestia shook her head. “I do apologize on his behalf; I know how cruel he can be.”
“I think he even might have been happy I came by.”
“Happy?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Well. Let me think about it. I need to have a word with him, anyway. Go on home, Fluttershy. You’ve done more than enough today.”
***
“I still say Celestia’s a lunatic for making you do this,” Rainbow said the next day, when Fluttershy and the others were visiting Twilight’s castle.
“She might be right,” Twilight said, troubled. “You look so unhappy, Fluttershy. I’m worried about you.”
“Oh, I’m not,” Fluttershy told them, trying to smile. “Not really. I’m sorry if you’re worried. I just can’t figure out what to do.”
“Let Celestia worry about it,” said Applejack. “She’s the one that put you up to it, so let her deal with everything that comes with it.”
“I wish she’d make up her mind,” Fluttershy said. “I was visiting him once a week, and now it’s almost like she doesn’t want me to see him at all.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “She probably realized she made a mistake, but is too proud to admit it. What?” she added, when Twilight glared at her.
Fluttershy bit her thumbnail, thinking to the day before. She thought she had just begun getting somewhere with him before Celestia pulled her out. She hadn’t realized, but she'd been in for nearly an hour that time, and Celestia had become worried.
Pinkie Pie handed her a yellow-frosted cupcake. “Take one. I made them for you. You always need a pick-me-up after seeing him.”
Fluttershy was only half-aware of Pinkie’s words, and took the cupcake without seeing it.
“There, see?” Applejack said, worried. “You're always so far away when you come out of that prison. You're like a ghost.”
Fluttershy blinked at the cupcake and returned her attention to her friends. “I’m sorry, everyone. I just have a lot to think about.”
“And us, too,” Rarity said. “Have you even looked at your knitting since yesterday?”
“My knitting?”
The others glanced at each other, and Rarity continued, gently, “It didn’t exactly look like... what you usually knit. You were holding it while walking home, darling.”
“Why? What was it?”
“Uh,” Applejack said, “don’t worry about it, sugarcube. We all have off days.”
Touching her face, Fluttershy realized she was perhaps unwell, after all, and scooted her chair back more abruptly than she intended before standing. “I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right. I think I do feel a little sick. I'm sorry, Twilight; can you fill me in on things later?”
“Of course,” said Twilight, standing with her. "Let me walk you home."
"Oh, please don't bother-"
"I insist." Twilight's words were final.
The walk home was slow, and Twilight held her arm for support, worried she might fall down completely, but they arrived without incident. Once home, Fluttershy felt flushed, but before climbing into bed, she opened her sewing basket to pull out the knitting from under the notions tray.
It was a doll of sorts, just Angel's size; from its center extended black antlers, two sets of red dragon eyes, the beginnings of a feathered bird tail, and half of a goat's leg sticking out from one side. She squinted at it as if by sheer will it might turn into the tiny sweater she'd intended to knit for Opal. Disturbed, she lit a fire in the fireplace and, once blazing, tossed the creature into it.
Angel, having observed it all, curled onto Fluttershy's lap to comfort her, and she pet him while staring at the flames. "I'm sorry, Angel. I haven't been thinking quite straight."
Angel nuzzled her hand and, after seeing a tear slide down her left cheek, jumped onto her shoulder to nuzzle her neck.
It was a sunny spring morning when Celestia's letter arrived. Fluttershy had been tending her garden and thoroughly engrossed in her work when it arrived, and she was oddly elated. She turned the letter in her hand before opening it, holding onto her anticipation. The summons was simple and direct, and Fluttershy was ready to go in half an hour.
Angel did not want her to leave and grabbed her ankle when she touched the doorknob.
“Please don’t worry about me, Angel,” she said, crouching down to stroke his back. “After all this time, I really feel all right.”
Angel squeaked and gripped her ankle even harder.
Fluttershy sat down on the floor and scratched his head. “I think... maybe he really needs me.”
Angel squeaked again.
“No one else wants to help him. Or maybe they can’t. Maybe I can’t.”
Sighing, she stood again and shouldered her satchel and looked at her reflection in the foyer mirror. Straggly pink hair shaded her face and long black lashes framed her tired eyes. One of her eyes was blackened from a fight she and her friends had had with an evil horse. She tried opening her eye wide to hide the swelling, but it would only open halfway. She patted her face to add some color before stepping outside.
***
Celestia seemed happier see her than Fluttershy remembered. "Discord has a surprise for you, I think. He certainly surprised me."
"Surprise? What surprise?"
"You'll know when you see him." The princess nodded to the guards, who unchained and unbolted the iron door.
Fluttershy could barely contain her excitement and almost ran inside. When she heard the bang of the door close, she scarcely noticed at all. "Discord," she said, grinning.
Discord's hair was overgrown again, as was his beard. His head was tilted far to the right, but he straightened it when he heard his name. "You sound like someone I met before."
"It's me, Fluttershy," she said, dropping her sewing basket.
"Fluttershy?"
"I'm sorry." She stepped closer to him. "I didn't mean to be gone so long."
"Celestia's doing, is it?" he yawned. His eyes, she realized, were closed. "She wants you here again, for my sake. Isn't that heartwarming? Isn't that inspiring? "
"I wanted to see you, silly. Celestia won't let me come more often. I would visit you more if she allowed it." She took her scissors from her pocket. "Shall I?"
Discord eyed the scissors and bowed his head. Fluttershy gathered his bangs, now past his eyes, and cut them so they brushed his eyebrows. She hesitated, wondering if she should fix his beard, then leaned forward to begin trimming. She felt an odd sensation on her arm and jerked back.
“You see?” Discord raised his left hand almost entirely off the arm of the throne; only a small section of stone kept his pinkie finger stuck to it.
“Oh, my! That’s really… I’m-”
“I was just as surprised as you,” he said, inspecting his frail hand. “It doesn’t do much.”
“It's wonderful." She smiled. “I didn’t think it would happen so quickly.”
“Is that the word you’re using? Over a year of correspondence, and I can almost lift my hand from this chair.”
Fluttershy glanced down. “I only mean… I’m happy for you.”
He went quiet again and when she looked at him he was staring at her, faintly horrified. He narrowed his eyes when their gazes met. “Happy?”
“Aren’t you?”
He curled his hand into a fist. “How should I know?”
“How did it happen?”
Discord looked at the crystal ceiling. "It's been chipping away. Every few days, a little more would give. I... anyway."
Fluttershy felt an urge to stay with him on the dais, but settled on her usual cushion on the floor instead. "I wasn't sure I should say anything, but I didn't think I was doing anything. I've been worrying all this time you'd still be..." She pursed her lips and took out her darning needle from her sewing basket and began fixing a hole in a tiny mouse hat. She felt he was looking at her and decided not to reciprocate.
"Happy. Huh." His low voice echoed around the room, but Fluttershy found it rather comforting. She recognized him now; the distinctness of his voice, and the way he held himself, despite his many shackles, in his throne. She realized she felt she had known him a long time, though it wasn't exactly true.
"What did you do?" she asked. "Back then, before you were here."
"How can you ask me that? I did anything I wanted."
"I don't know what chaos magic does. Why did you use it?"
"Why did I...? I am chaos, Fluttershy. How could I not use it?"
Fluttershy finished fixing the hat and tucked into the basket. "But why did you hurt people? Chaos doesn't necessarily mean bad."
"Tch." Discord tossed his head. "Blame my parents."
"You had parents?"
"No."
Fluttershy shook her head.
"I suppose you do." He tugged his hand backwards tying to break his pinkie free.
"Yes."
"Are they like you?"
"Mm-hmm. Kind of." Fluttershy searched for another small piece to fix; she had decided to give up any kind of large sewing or knitting project while visiting Discord, ever since her previous visit yielded such frightening results. She felt Discord was too distracting for her to work on much of consequence.
"Ah. That explains it."
"What?"
Discord shook his head and eyed the dark, tree-like objects behind the walls. "What's it like outside?"
"That probably hasn't changed," she laughed. "Sunshine, rain, wind. I like it. I'm usually outside."
"Usually..."
Fluttershy’s smile faded. “You want to walk.”
“I never walk.”
“I mean-”
“I know what you mean.”
Fluttershy thought for a minute, then retrieved her scissors and stepped to Discord's side again, holding them out. "For you."
He eyed the scissors, his eyes wide. "Scissors."
She set them on the arm of his throne, tucked under his wrist. "It's my present to you. Maybe one day soon you'll be able to cut your own hair."
He did not react and said nothing and, disappointed, she returned to her cushion. She fumbled in her satchel and pulled out a deck of cards. “Do you want to play Go Fish? I think you could play with mostly one hand.”
“Let’s not play.” He snapped his fingers. “I’ve been wanting to show you this for a long time.”
“What…” she trailed off as the room around her dissolved. She scrambled to her feet and tried backing up to the door, but where it had stood was now a shadow which bled into a forest which defied reason. Red and silver trees grew upside-down from a starry sky, their willowy branches sweeping the charred ground like bridal veils.
“I knew you would be scared; I was hoping you wouldn’t. You’re so predictable. This is all my doing. Have a look.”
“I really shouldn’t be here,” Fluttershy stammered. “Celestia-“
“You're standing where you always stand, and Celestia’s not here. When she comes to visit, I’ll show her, too.” He tapped the armrest with his fingernail. “Oh, wait. She never does.”
Gingerly making her way to the edge of the room where the trees began, Fluttershy felt one shudder, then another, pass through her. She felt almost like a pinball machine and glanced at Discord, alarmed.
"There's a beach over the horizon. I couldn't get it any closer."
The horizon was quite far, at least an hour's walk, and but she was mesmerized. "It's... I've never seen anything like it."
"The machinations of my troubled psyche?"
"Is that what it is?"
Discord shrugged. "I lied, anyway. You'll hit a wall in two more steps. There still probably is a beach back there, but you'll have to bring that chisel."
She gave him her warmest smile. "Maybe one day we'll go there."
"Go?" Discord blinked. "'We'? "
She stepped back into the room. "You don't want to?"
His usual grimace returned. "Hardly."
"Well, I'd like to." She stretched her arms overhead. "it's been a long time since I was at a beach."
“You’ve been fighting.”
“Yes." She cupped her hand around her injured eye. "It didn't go very well."
“You’ve got a black eye.”
“It doesn’t hurt. Not unless I touch it.”
Discord hung his head. Fluttershy watched him, worried. He looked just as terrible as he had the first time she saw him, only his hair was better kept and the skin under his eyes perhaps wasn’t quite so purple-red. She stepped aside to turn around and put her back to him when she realized she was worried he might really be seriously ill. It was a very small worry, but it surprised her nonetheless.
“If you can get my hand out of here, I could fix it for you,” he said.
“What?”
“My magic. I can heal your eye.”
She felt the pressure in the room pile onto her and fought the urge to retreat to the door. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why not? I’ve never hurt you, have I? I’ve never even raised my voice.”
“I mean, I can’t do that for you. I don’t know how to get you out of there any more than you do.”
He shook his head, jerking it from side to side. "You always leave."
"I'm sorry."
Discord’s face twisted into something angry and bitter, and Fluttershy gathered her things, returning to the safety of the door. He struggled against the stone with every ounce of strength he possessed, writhing and grunting and grinding his teeth together. His eyes were wild. Fluttershy could feel the air around them change.
“Discord, please don’t,” she gasped. “Stop.”
Discord fought harder and the air grew heavier. Something in it pricked Fluttershy’s skin.
She whirled around and began banging her fists on the door. “Let me out,” she cried. “Let me out of here! Let me out! ”
She hit the door until it opened and fell out of the chamber onto the palace floor. She stayed there until she heard the door close and lock again.
Celestia rushed in and found her still on the floor a moment later. “Whatever happened? Are you all right?”
Fluttershy let Celestia help her up, but she was shaking. “Discord’s angry,” she said with a nervous giggle.
“He didn’t try to hurt you, did he?”
Fluttershy shook her head, struggling to speak. “He was trying to get out of there. Really trying. I really thought he’d do it.”
Celestia smoothed Fluttershy’s hair from her face, her hands calm and steady. “He can’t get out of there. I promise you, he can’t. Even as his magic returns, he won’t get out of there for years.”
Fluttershy took several deep breaths. "I'm sorry. I'm still so scared of things. I hate it. I'll be fine."
Celestia looked her over, helping her stand. "I'm not so certain we're going about this the right away. You don't look at all well."
"He only frightened me. I'll be all right."
"Even without scaring you, you don't look well. I've talked to him more than a few times about being conscious of the pressure of his power, but I see he has not heeded my advice."
"But he can't use his magic, can he? Not really."
"No, not in the way you mean. But there's only so much god-like, chaotic magic a room can hold, even if it is just residual."
"There are real things behind those walls..."
"Some of his raw magic can't be contained; the walls do it for him. He has some control over that part, but it's locked away. Even I've never seen it."
"The... residual magic. Why does that affect me? Is it why you don't visit him?"
Celestia shook her head. "He won't have me. His very being is chaotic. It's impossible to sever it from him completely." She squeezed Fluttershy's shoulder. "He isn't doing anything with it. I don't think he wants to hurt you, but he can't control it. There's nothing I can do about it. It's why I've been so careful about letting you be with him. I thought things would be all right at first, but you haven't been well. It takes longer and longer for you to recover."
"Couldn't I write to him?"
"There's that, yes, but he cannot write back."
He could if you wrote his letters for him, she thought, frowning.
"Anyway," Celestia continued, sensing Fluttershy's thoughts, "he and I do not get along. I'm sure he would not like me transcribing his thoughts."
"He wouldn't have to reply. I could just let him know about what I'm doing. I think he likes hearing stories."
The princess smiled, acquiescing. "I'll ask him."
Fluttershy was crushing one of her hand with the other. "I'm sorry, Princess Celestia. Forgive me, but I can't help feeling this task is impossible. For Discord and for me."
Celestia tried to smile, though one eyebrow was angled down. "He is what he is, Fluttershy. I've had no hand in that."
"I know."
Celestia smiled again, more encouragingly. "As his nature changes, perhaps it won't affect you as much. I don't really know. Someday, if he gets out and has full control again, it might not happen at all, but I imagine you won't need to see him when that time comes."
Fluttershy focused on the chained door. She could have stood there an hour, lost in thought, but Celestia directed her to the stairwell.
"Why don't you stay home for a few days?" the princess said. "I'll have Twilight look in on you, in case you need anything."
"Princess Celestia..."
"I have every confidence in you, Fluttershy, but he's... warped. He isn't like us. You don't need to achieve anything in the end; the achievement is his alone."
Celestia had a habit of wording sensitive things in calm, but vague terms. Fluttershy had always listened to her without preconception, but now found her words irritating. Warped or not, human or not, Discord was alive. Though he was not open, he felt emotions and had opinions. Somehow, when she pictured him now, he looked neglected and lonely. The achievement wasn't his alone; her being with him had to be proof of that.
"Then why do you keep asking me to come here?" Fluttershy found her words defiant and couldn't bring herself to look at the princess.
"Your presence softens him, but only he can make the decision to become better. You should live your life as you already do. Your visits are infrequent. He doesn't need more than this."
Fluttershy had hoped Celestia would give a more appeasing answer and tried to agree with her, but left the castle feeling surly.
***
Her mood did not improve over the next week when she joined her friends for the annual Gala dress fitting at Rarity's boutique. She did not want to talk to anyone, but Pinkie Pie was in fine form when she entered the shop.
"Hey, Fluttershy," Pinkie said, springing to her feet. "What's up? What's new?"
"What? " Fluttershy said forcefully, not looking up.
Pinkie froze, her smile evaporated.
Rarity rescued her and at first frowned at Fluttershy before relaxing. "Did you see Discord again?"
"Last week."
"Oh," Pinkie said, her hair drooping.
Fluttershy felt the air around her change, much the same way she felt it change when she entered Discord's cell. She hugged herself, bristling. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Pinkie bit her quivering lip.
"Hold on, Fluttershy," said Applejack. "That ain't fair."
"Yeah, we're gonna have a word with Celestia," Rainbow Dash said.
"What? " Fluttershy looked up at her friends.
"She can't allow you to see that brute anymore," Rainbow shot back.
"What business of it is yours who I see?" Fluttershy was incredulous.
"It's our business when we see our friend sufferin'," Applejack said.
Fluttershy folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not suffering. You think he's some monster, but he's not!"
"He's corrupting you!" Rainbow cried.
"And he's making you evil! " Pinkie threw herself forward and tried to take hold of Fluttershy's hand.
Fluttershy stepped back in disgust as Twilight Sparkle said, "He's not making her evil. But I don't like seeing you this way, Fluttershy."
It took a second for Fluttershy to stop gritting her teeth. "Oh."
"He's got some awful hold on you," Pinkie said, her eyes welling.
"He doesn't have a hold on me," she snapped.
"Darling, stop ," Rarity cried, holding her hand out. "I can't take any more of this vitriol coming from your sweet self."
"The guy's a demon," Rainbow said. "I told you all along you should stay away from him."
"What do you know?" Fluttershy rounded on Rainbow. "You've never met him. You have no idea who he is or what he's like."
"I know he's hurting you," Twilight said, though she looked sorry to say it.
"He doesn't hurt me . What is wrong with all of you?" She felt a tugging on the edge of herself that was almost violent, and ran her hands over her face to fight it. "Will you please just leave me alone?"
She shouldered past her friends and out the door, head down, directionless. A part of her knew her friends were worried about her, but they didn't trust her. They spoke so low of her and of Discord, and they did not even know him. To them he was a monstrous creature from a history book and nothing more.
She turned the thoughts around and around in her head until she reached her home, along with the realization that perhaps her agitation wasn't entirely from Discord's residual magic after all.
As the months continued, Fluttershy always looked forward to her time with Discord. She even felt, in some uncanny way, that they were friends, or at least trying to be. Celestia had allowed Fluttershy to send him monthly letters, which seemed to give him some comfort, as he often brought them up when they met.
Over the next year, they told each other about their lives. Discord spoke of his earliest memories and all of the terrible things he’d done. Fluttershy regaled him with stories of Ponyville and her battles alongside Twilight Sparkle and the rest of her friends. She told him of her parents and her brother. He told her of other worlds and creatures. She told him of Nightmare Night and Hearth’s Warming.
And so it was, one such week just before Hearth’s Warming, when Fluttershy was called again to visit him. She'd been more than thrilled, and even her friends guessed what the bright occasion was, and she did not deny it.
Discord was his usual morose self when she entered his cell, but she was at his side in moments.
“Your hair," she said, "it’s always so long. Aren’t you cutting it?”
Discord cleared his throat. “Celestia took my scissors away. Contraband. Hello."
“Hello," she smiled. "I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”
"Can't be helped. The buzzard's got it in for me."
Fluttershy laughed, only feeling slightly guilty, and Discord looked her over. "You've recovered from that fight with... Thimble, was it?"
"Tirek," Fluttershy snorted. "No more stitches." She held up her arms so he could see them, smooth and unblemished.
Discord whistled, looking at the ceiling. "I still sometimes have trouble believing you save the world."
"Not the world." She sat next to him on the floor. "Just Equestria. And I don't really do much of anything; my friends are the fighters."
"Oh?" He eyed her sideways, smiling. "I disagree."
"It's been dull for a few months now," she said humbly. "Everything's busy enough as it is."
Discord reached beneath his shirt and held the doll out to her. She looked at it and to him and back again.
“For you,” he said, trying to help her figure it out.
She took the doll and looked over it. It was highly detailed and looked exactly like Angel, with only a few obvious mistakes here and there. “You made this?”
“Of course I made it,” he said, annoyed. “D’you think Celestia gave it to me to give to you? D’you think Celestia gives me anything, ever?”
“I only mean… your hand…”
“I can do a smidgen of magic if I try now. I do have almost two hands again. And you left those knitting needles for me last time."
She kissed its nose. “It could be his twin. I wonder what he'd think of that.”
Discord stretched his neck. “It’d better; you talked enough about him. Well? Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do for your Hearth’s Warming, or whatever?”
“Mhm.” She was unable to say any words and only looked at him. She felt a tumultuous mix of emotions within her and was frozen still.
“Well,” he coughed. “Don’t you look thrilled.”
Fluttershy bit her lower lip, hesitating, then leaned down and kissed his cheek. “I love it.”
Discord had not anticipated the kiss, as his eyes were nearly always closed, but when he felt her his eyes snapped open and he leaned away from her. “The hell are you doing?”
Her smile faltered. “I’m sorry. I’m just happy. I wasn’t expecting anything from you."
“Yeah, and that’s where you mess up,” he grumbled, rubbing his cheek with his shoulder.
Her cheeks grew pink, but she did her best to hide them by pulling out her green and red hair ribbon and holding it out for him. He was still leaning away from her, his eyes slightly narrowed.
“To keep your hair out of your face, when it gets too long,” she explained, holding it closer to him. “I’m sorry Celestia took your scissors."
Discord used his fingernails to gold the edge of the ribbon and lift it from Fluttershy’s hand. “Won’t she take this away, too?”
“What harm can you do with a ribbon?” She leaned forward again, pointing out the details. “See the little Hearth’s Warming trees and rosettes? My friend Rarity made it for me.”
He held it out to her. “Then it’s yours.”
“No, no; I want you to have it. I have plenty.”
“She made it for you.”
“And I’m giving it to you.” She stepped back, hands on her hips, almost frowning. “You can’t refuse a gift. It’s not polite.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Then you can get rid of it after I leave. Just don’t tell me what you do with it and I won’t be sad.”
“Sad?” he scoffed, but turned the ribbon in his fingers before hiding it in his fist.
"Never." She link her hands behind her back. “Have you thought any more what you'll do when you get out? And don’t say something scary like last time.”
“Scary?” He lifted his head just enough so they could look at each other, and their gazes held until Discord dropped his head again. “I’m not scary.”
“I know.”
“Then why did you ask me not to be?”
“I want to hear your honest answer.”
He rubbed his chin. “I’d… go to the beach.”
“The one you made?” Her eyes drifted to the crystal walls.
“No. A real one.”
“What’s the difference?”
“You haven’t seen my beach, so you wouldn’t know. Red sand. Silver water. Pink and black seagulls.”
“Well, I’d like to see it.”
Discord leaned back, his eyes closed. “Too bad.”
“You’ll take me there someday, won’t you?”
Again he was quiet; he always was when she really wanted to hear an answer. She kneeled next to his throne. “Won’t you?”
“How should I know? You might be a hundred years old and can’t walk.”
She gave a small laugh and set her chin on the arm of the throne. “Then you’ll have to carry me.”
Discord had not anticipated her answer and looked disoriented. “I don’t carry.”
“I’m not that heavy.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s the principle.”
“You can't do it?"
He let out a disgusted noise. “I’m a god. I can hold anything I want to, except... “
“Except?”
“... What I don’t want.”
Fluttershy was satisfied and brought out her cards so they could play Go Fish. For an immortal god, Discord was not a very good player, but she let him win one game after she'd won five.
"Leaving already?" he asked when she gathered her belongings.
"It's been at least an hour. I don't like it when the guards clamor in. It scares me." She returned to him once more and squeezed his hand before returning to the door.
“All right,” he said as she turned the knob. “Let’s go together. The beach.”
She turned back to him, the tension in her body releasing at last. She smiled and nodded once before realizing she held a small bouquet of pink and red roses in her hand. When she glanced up, his head was down and his eyes closed, and she opened the door, stepping into the light from the balcony.
Celestia was leaning against the balcony railing, dreamy-eyed and lost in thought; Fluttershy was afraid to disturb her.
"Ah," Celestia smiled turning around. "That time already?"
"I suppose."
Celestia smoothed Fluttershy's hair. "Go home and stay in bed. Promise me."
"I promise," she said, though a part of her didn't want to. She bowed and paused in the doorway to the stairwell out of the tower. "Oh, and princess? I'm sorry about the scissors."
"Scissors?"
The door shut and Fluttershy worked her way through the castle to the train station. She looked over her flowers on the ride back to Ponyville and as she dawdled home and did not immediately notice the raindrops falling around her. As her hair began to flatten, something covered her, protecting her from the droplets. She looked up to see a sky blue umbrella held over her by a young man.
“Where are you headed?” the man asked her.
“H-home.”
“I’ll walk you.”
***
Celestia stood just inside the cell door, the palms of her hands flat against it. “You can’t keep doing this to her, Discord.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“I won’t allow it.”
“Oh, piss off.”
“She’s miserable.” Celestia slammed the door shut. “Three weeks, she’s been lying in her house. Her friends can’t even talk to her.”
Discord jerked his head to the side. “She doesn’t seem so bad, when she’s here with me.”
“Stop manipulating her. Let the girl have her own life.”
“I’m not doing anything. You know I can’t.” He leaned forward as much as he was able. “She actually wants to spend time with me, you know. I don’t suppose that ever occurred to you.”
“Leave her be."
“She’s not like you. She cares about others.”
Celestia was already shaking her head the moment Discord began speaking. “She’s quiet and gentle, and spending time with you is turning her hard. I hardly think you need her now, with both your hands almost freed.”
“What a hypocrite you are. You forced her into this and now everything’s my fault. If she suffers so much, why let her come back at all?”
“Exactly. She was crying with me when I told her. You do know what crying is, don’t you? You’ve had years of experience causing it for others, and here you get to do it again.”
“I’m not making her cry,” he seethed, straightening as much as he could. “You are. She wants to be with me.”
“She doesn’t know what she wants,” Celestia yelled. “You’re not human! I will never trust you, and neither will she. All you have to do is get out of there. Grow up and figure it out on your own.”
“You won’t keep her from me.”
“I will.”
“You won’t . I never do anything to her. I never hurt her.”
The air around them sparkled and burned and Celestia flinched. “You do. You’re selfish enough to believe it’s not true, but it is. You’re already hurting me.”
“I don’t care about you.”
“You lose your temper and then end up back where you always do, fighting your way out of it; but they’re your mistakes . Why would I let her come back here? She hates it.”
“Because you want me out of here. Or is it ‘need’? You won’t let her stop.”
Celestia’s upper lip twitched. “Then once a year is what it is from right now, and what it will be. No letters. No exceptions. You’ll have to get used to her not being around.”
Discord smiled at her, but only from his lips. “Fuck you, Celestia.”
The princess, unblinking, turned around and walked out.
***
Fluttershy had not slept at all the night before she was to see Discord again. It had been an entire year, and she missed him terribly. It had been a strange year for her in so many ways, and there was a part of her that bore the hurt of Discord not being in it.
Unlike her own changing life, Discord always looked the same when she saw him. His hair and beard were overgrown, his eyes were red and purple and swollen, and he looked exhausted and weak and angry. Her heart sank when she took him in, waiting for the cell door to close and lock behind her.
“And here she is," Discord said without ceremony. "How many years has it been?”
“Only one,” she said quietly. “I’m sor-”
“I bet you are.”
“I am . I missed you. Celestia keeps changing her mind. I can’t go against her wishes, Discord. I want to.”
He sat his chin in his hand, resting his elbow on the arm of the throne. “I make you miserable, do I?”
“Of course not. You don't think that, do you?" She dropped her cushion and sewing basket in the middle of the floor, but kept walking.
“Celestia told me. And she never lies.”
He started when he felt Fluttershy’s hand on his. “It’s not your fault. Please don’t worry about me.”
Discord was incredulous. “Don’t worry? Too late.”
“You let me... be me. I hardly deserve it.”
“You deserve it.”
She let go of his hand and bent down to hug him; he was too surprised to come up with a suitable reaction, but didn’t push her away.
“I know it’s rough,” she said when she let him go. “I don’t know what you think or… but I know that .”
“Are you crying?”
Fluttershy touched her cheek and felt a tear trickling down it. “I'm sorry.”
“... Celestia wasn’t lying. Huh.”
“I don’t like seeing you in here.”
“Hell’s sake, don’t cry.”
She wiped her eyes. “I’m not.”
“Do you really feel that bad?”
“No, I…” She returned to her cushion and kneeled on it, forcing a smile. “Never mind. Let’s not talk about me. I’m here to see you .”
“Shit, Fluttershy-”
“Please . Please. I want to talk about you.”
"I have nothing else to say. I've told you my life story. Shall I tell you of my ruminations in here over the past year?"
"Then, I don't know... you can just express yourself. How do you feel?"
"Feel. How I feel . I'm angry, Fluttershy. I'd strangle Celestia if I could, but she never gets close enough. Joke's on me."
Fluttershy had no interest in sewing or knitting; her eyes never left him. “Is something wrong?”
"Nothing's ever wrong."
Fluttershy again felt the heaviness in the air, compressing and tightening like a vice around her body. She had long ago gotten over her fear of Discord, but now that fear came rushing back and she made her way to the door. She felt behind her for the doorknob, just in case.
Discord was so enraged he fought against his restraints to stand up. “Who cares if something's wrong ? I certainly don't, and neither do you. I'm a monster and a criminal. I belong here. Don't you agree? Well? Answer me."
“Discord, stop,” she whispered.
“Stop what? You told me to express my feelings. I am expressing them.”
“I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me. I thought we’d been getting along all right.”
Discord slumped in his throne. “When are you getting me out of here?”
Fluttershy was confused. “You know I can’t get you out."
“Celestia said I needed you. So why aren’t you here ?”
“I am -“
“You come here once a year. For minutes, only.”
“Discord-“
“What is this hold she has over you?”
“Th- there is no hold. She says I’m being hurt.”
Discord scowled at her, violent and tense. He dug the nails of his free hand into the arm of his throne, scarring it. “And are you?”
She shook her head. “No, you’d…” She bit her lip, shaking her head again.
Discord grimaced. “Go on, then.”
“What?”
“Go. You’re about to leave; just do it now.”
She looked from him to the crystal walls and back again, then turned around to grab the doorknob, but hesitated. “Discord…”
“Get out of here.”
“I won't. I won't go." She strode back to him. "Not when you're yelling at me."
Discord's voice was strained and rough, and his eyes glistened. "Whatever you're trying to do to me, I don't feel it. You say nice things, but I don't hear them. I'll just give up right now for the both of us. I'm tired of fighting."
“No. I won’t let you.” She wrapped her arms around him, buried her face in his shoulder, and began crying.
“Stop. ”
“No. ”
“Get lost ,” he roared. “Celestia still gets what she wants. Screw her and screw you."
“I don’t care about Celestia,” she cried, holding him tighter. “I want so much for you. And I want you to stay you .”
Discord, nonplussed, hesitated before trying to pry her fingers from him. “Let go of me.”
“No . You can beg me to and beg me to, and I won’t .”
His shirt was getting wet and he tried pulling his arm from under her body, but she would not move. “The hell is wrong with you?”
“You’re always alone,” she whispered through her tears. “And it makes me sad. I want you out. ”
“I make you sad.”
She shook her head. “You don’t.”
“You’re crying on me.”
“Because you’re mine . You’re mine , and I won’t abandon you. You can’t fight and push me away; I will never stop trying to see you.”
He had not expected anything like this and gave up fighting. Parts of his shirt were soaking, and he let her sob on him until she was too tired to hold onto him.
“Just go,” he said, tired, when she let go.
“Discord…” Though she tried to hide it, he could hear the hurt in her voice.
“You should never have come at all.”
She tripped off the dais, almost falling. With one last imploring look, she ran past her sewing kit and cushion and stumbled out the door, sobbing, into Celestia’s waiting arms.
***
After a week of mostly crying in bed, Fluttershy joined her friends in Canterlot for their monthly meeting, and although her eyes were dry, her heart still ached. Twilight and the others, at least, were chipper.
"How was it catching up with him?" Twilight asked her when they had settled themselves around the table. "It must have been nice."
Fluttershy couldn't look at her. "Oh, you know... he had a lot to say."
“Hah,” Rainbow Dash laughed. “I bet. What’d he think of your being married?”
“I didn’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
Fluttershy shrugged. “We were talking about him; not me.”
“And your baby?”
Fluttershy instinctively touched her belly, which had not yet begun to show. She shook her head.
“Probably better that way.”
“Why?”
“He seems like the kind of… guy that’d hurt a kid. He’d hurt whatever he can’t have so no one else can have it either.”
“Not at all,” Rarity admonished. “She’s so sweet, I’m sure he’d want her for himself. Hypothetically,” she added when Fluttershy looked at her. “Who wouldn’t want to be with you?”
"Well, he's too late now."
Fluttershy fiddled with the little Angel doll in her hands and started when Twilight held out an apple muffin for her.
“Sorry,” Twilight murmured. Fluttershy could hardly look at her for the way she was eyeing her. “You don’t seem so stressed this time. Is it getting easier?”
Fluttershy had not noticed any change and merely shrugged.
“Maybe you could see him more often now.” Twilight smiled encouragingly.
She glanced from Twilight and through the others so quickly she found herself looking at a tree. She nibbled the muffin and covered her mouth as she said, “I’m not sure how much good I’ve been. It’s been four years already.”
“I’m sure you’ve done a lot; Celestia still asks for you. Aren’t his hands free now?”
“Almost.”
“By the way,” said Pinkie, “Lil' Cheese just loved the sweater you knit him for Hearth’s Warming. You’re so good at it now.”
“It took a long time,” Fluttershy said, relieved to be on a different subject. “I was afraid it’d be too small for him by the time I finished.”
“Fits him like a glove!”
"You must be knitting a lot for you own, eh, Fluttershy?" Rainbow asked. "I'm afraid to ask how many booties and sweaters you've made already."
"Oh, just a few," Fluttershy told her, blushing. "I sleep a lot more."
"Better to get it in now," Pinkie said, nodding. "In a few more months, you won't be able to sleep. I can give you some of Lil' Cheese's old things, anyway; the ones still intact."
She smiled, biting her thumbnail. She wasn't entirely sure why she hadn't told Discord about her marriage or her pregnancy. She supposed the truth was that she hadn’t really thought about telling him or not telling him before her visit, but while she was with him she realized she could not bring herself to do so.
She loved her husband. She was happy with him and thrilled to start a family with him. But Discord sometimes haunted the back of her mind. What had she expected his reaction to be? Sad? Angry? Happy? Maybe he wouldn’t have cared at all. But why did a part of her feel like she’d abandoned him?
In the next moment, she wanted to be home, to be safe, warm, and with her husband who loved her. Sitting through the next hour discussing Equestria with her friends was so agonizing she could barely keep up with their words, and when the meeting concluded, she rushed home without so much as a good-bye to anyone.
She grabbed Angel, who was asleep on the windowsill in a spot of sun, but he hardly made protest. She couldn't talk about Discord much to anyone, not even her husband, except for Angel. Somehow Angel always knew what she was feeling, and he did not judge her.
"I miss him," she hiccuped through her fresh tears as she held Angel. "What am I supposed to do? What can I do for him?"
Angel squeaked and curled against her chest where she held him. She lay on her side, eyes tightly shut, with him wrapped in her arms as more tears squeezed out. "I love him."
Author's Note
This is about the halfway mark of the story. I don't know exactly how many chapters are left, but I believe 5 more would be the maximum.
Fluttershy paced around the map in Twilight's castle as she often did after visiting Discord. Three weeks earlier, she had spent almost an hour with him, playing card games and relaxing in each other's company, but she had hid her new family from him and was wracked with guilt. Returning to Ponyville and everyone in it seemed a cold, harsh slap in the face that she could not quite recover from.
"You're awful, all of you," Fluttershy cried. "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you ."
“Stop it, Fluttershy,” Twilight said in her sternest voice. “That’s enough.”
“You like him because you feel sorry for him," said Rainbow.
Fluttershy pressed her hands to her temples, bending forward.
"Fluttershy," Twilight began, laying her hand on Fluttershy's back.
Fluttershy shoved her hand away. "Stop smothering me."
Rarity looked from Fluttershy to their friends. "That cruel monster. He's so selfish."
“He's not cruel. If he used to be, he’s not anymore. Every time I come back you all harp on me. Stop ."
“You’re always crying and angry when you come home," said Twilight.
"Yeah, forgive us for being worried," said Rainbow, arms folded over her chest.
“He’s gentle ." She rounded on the princess. "Sometimes he loses his temper, but he’s frustrated. I think he wants to be better- he is - but he can’t use it. I don’t know." She hit slapped her hands onto the map. "I can’t say it in a way that makes sense.”
“Can’t use it, or won't?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “Maybe he’s getting bored with me," she said, defeated. "I don’t think Celestia lets him see anyone else. I know you all still hate him, but I don’t. We understand each other. We’re friends.”
Pinkie choked on her cider, but had the decency not to comment.
“We are ."
“And then you leave and you’re sick,” Twilight said, still the only one obviously worried. “It’s not okay. It’s not right.”
“Celestia knows, and so do I,” Fluttershy said, irritated. “That’s why it’s only once a year.”
“And you’re okay with being sick and sad and in pain for a month? To all your friends? To your husband? Your son? ”
“Twilight-”
“Don’t get mad at her, Fluttershy,” Applejack said. “This is how it starts.”
Fluttershy bit her lip hard, feeling the roiling anger in her chest.
“If Celestia tells you it’s all residual, then maybe she really believes that, but I don’t,” said Twilight. “I know you miss him and get agitated, but you’re also in physical pain. I hate seeing you suffer.”
“I’m not suffering.”
“Yes, you are. It breaks my heart, Fluttershy.” Twilight’s eyes sparkled with tears. “I’m not saying he does it on purpose, but something isn’t right. I’ve already gone to Celestia.”
“What? ”
“While you were bedridden.”
“You had no right .”
“Fluttershy,” wailed Pinkie, “we’re your friends. ”
Twilight held up her hands. “She won’t stop you from seeing him, but she wants you to stay at the castle for a few weeks this time. Her doctors can look after you.”
“You can bring your baby-”
“I’m not staying at the castle,” said Fluttershy. “I don’t like it there any more than Discord does.”
“I’m afraid it’s not up to you,” Twilight said quietly. “Fluttershy, I know if one of us were in your position, you’d do exactly the same thing.”
“Please don’t leave angry,” said Rarity.
“We love you,” Pinkie cried, lying on her belly across the table and gripping the edge.
Fluttershy hardly heard them. "It's a year away. She won't even remember."
"Fluttershy ," snapped Twilight. "You can't save him. It's not up to you."
Fluttershy stared at her friend with a mixture of fury and hurt. Twilight took hold of her wrists. "I know how much you want to help him," she said, more gently, "but don't torture yourself over someone who has to save himself. You've done nothing wrong."
Though she tried to fight, her body would not move, and she was frozen and shaking when the rest of her friends surrounded her, embracing her together.
***
“What a display,” Celestia told Discord, disgusted. Dramatically stormy ocean waves crashing against the other side of the crystal walls, like a fish tank in a hurricane. Celestia was ask but glaring at him, but he was used to it after so many centuries. “And after all this time, I thought you’d actually appreciate her.”
“As if you give one whit about me.” Discord stretched his legs as much as he was able and yawned.
“I do. If you’d stop feeling sorry for yourself, you’d figure it out one of these days.”
“What do you want, Celestia?” He sounded mostly tired, with only a slight edge.
"She will see you tomorrow. You know what I'll say."
"I don't do anything to her."
"She's married, you know. She has a baby."
Discord raised his head, searching the princess' face. "That was fast."
"She was already married the last time she came here. She had her baby about six months ago."
He lower his head again.
Celestia watched the raging waves behind the walls. "Settle your emotions. Control yourself."
"I have none."
"You're angry already."
"Oh, leave me be, you old harpy."
"What you show off behind these walls, I can tell exactly how you feel. Don't you think she deserves to see you when you're not in a rage? Don't you like her?"
Discord close this eyes and tried to sleep, ignoring her.
"Don't hurt her." Celestia left the room, slamming the door behind her.
***
The next year, three days before Hearth's Warming was cold and dreary, with snow and rain plunging down in random, plump drops. Fluttershy dressed in her best winter dress of dark green wool trimmed in silver and gold threads. Tights, boots, and her pale cream coat completed the look, and she was warm and happy when she said goodbye to her husband and son and made her way to the train station.
The ride to Canterlot seemed shorter than usual, though she was lost in thought, her mind running off in different tangents as she imagined what Discord had been up to for the past year. Did he miss her as terribly as she missed him? She pressed the seat in front of her with her boots as if it would make the train go faster.
She barely greeted Celestia and jumped through the doorway once the guards opened it, but she skidded to a halt when she saw Discord, with his hair covering his face as it had the first time she'd met him. Behind the crystal walls was an ever-changing menagerie of colors and places Fluttershy had never even fathomed before, and she was momentarily hypnotized.
He lifted his head and looked at her as if hardly seeing her and she ran to his side.
“Oh, Discord, a year is too much. I really missed you,” she said nervously, unsure why he was looking at her that way.
“Imagine that.”
She smiled and held out something wrapped in green tissue paper. “I didn’t give you a proper gift last time. Happy Hearth's Warming.”
“I didn’t get you anything.”
“I don’t need anything. Open it.”
Discord set the present aside. “You look different. Your hair is shorter.”
Fluttershy absently felt the ends of her hair, which now reached just past her shoulders. “It was getting too hard to take care of.”
“You had a baby.”
She let go of her hair. “How- how did you know?”
Discord shrugged. “Celestia told me. And about your husband.”
“I-I’m sorry,” she said, stricken. “I wanted to tell you-”
“You don’t have to tell me anything.”
Fluttershy squeezed her hands into fists. “Then what about you? How have you been?” Her eyes strayed to his right hand, which again was almost completely locked in stone.
Seeing her confused disappointment, Discord said lightly, “Been a rough year.”
“Yes.”
“Your husband. He's good to you?”
Her throat was parched, but she nodded.
His hair was long again, but she did not get her scissors. His eyes were still red and bruised-looking. She touched her palm to his forehead; his eyes darted in every direction and he tensed, not knowing what she planned to do.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Of course.” Fluttershy dropped her hand.
“Celestia tells me you’re troubled whenever you leave. She yells at me, actually. Calls me all a manner of insulting things. Where's my union rep?"
She brushed her hair behind her ears. “She exaggerates.” She held out her arms and looked them over, then turned once. “See? Good as new.”
“I can’t control it all,” he said tiredly.
“I’m too sensitive, maybe,” she said, clasping her hands together.
He shook his head, troubled. The waves behind the walls, on occasion, crashed in cacophonies around them, but Fluttershy did her best to keep her attention only on Discord.
“If I could see you every day, I’d be here."
He sat back. “Why?”
His sincere confusion made her heart ache. “Because we’re friends. I like spending time with you. Don’t you?”
“Yeah, but I… I mean, I guess.”
“Then we are friends.”
He whistled. “That’s all it takes, huh?”
“Mhm.”
"I see. Five, six years? Sitting in a magically-locked cell... talking to a girl once a year. I'll be sure to write it down once Celestia gives me a journal and a pen."
Fluttershy's smiled broadened and she reached across him to pick up his gift. "Why don't you open it now?"
"More contraband?" He raised an eyebrow and picked away at the paper with his fingers.
"I asked Celestia this time" She bit her lip before saying, "Would you like me to cut your hair? I'm sorry I didn't do it last time."
He shook his head and, at length, unwrapped a black bound journal and a shiny black pen. He turned the pen in his fingers. "And what will you think if I stab her neck?"
She took the pen from him. "Please don't. Don't even joke about it. Here." She tucked the pen into the spine of the journal and set it on his lap.
When he flipped through the pages, Discord rolled his eyes. "I see nothing written here. Is it magic? A joke?"
"You write whatever you want in it. You can write down what you want to; how you feel, or even how angry Celestia makes you."
"Oh, very angry."
"Or you can write about what you do here all year, and then next year I'll know."
He looked as if he wanted to protest, but lay his hand on the journal instead. "It will be riveting. Thank you."
Fluttershy brushed her hair back, then clasped her hands together before laying her hand on Discord's free one. Something in her made her nervous, where she had never felt that way with him before. She licked her lips. "Hey," she said, sitting on the arm of the throne and pushing his arm from it with her hips. "I can sing for you. Do you want to hear some Hearth's Warming songs?"
"Songs?" He blinked. "Hearth's Warming?"
"I love to sing, didn't I tell you?"
He merely looked at her as if he didn't quit recognize her.
Fluttershy cleared her throat and began in a high, quiet voice, "Silent night, starry night, all is calm, all is bright..."
She closed her eyes as she sang, letting a warmth cover her and relaxing her newfound nerves. When she finished, she found Discord had his own eyes closed, and she feared he had fallen asleep. When she edged her way off the arm, she felt his hand on her back and stopped.
"Another one," he said, eyes still closed.
Thrilled by his acceptance, she pushed herself from the throne's arm half onto him, trying to wedge herself between him and the side of the chair. Discord protested and, not knowing how to touch or not to touch her, flailed as best he could against his binds, trying to remove himself completely.
He gasped and stuttered, but she was nearly aside him now and had no interest in moving. "There," she said. "I'll do 'Jingle Bells."
Before Discord could open his mouth, she burst into a rousing rendition of the song, lightly bouncing in her seat. Discord, who was pressed unceremoniously against the other side of the throne, leaned away from her as she sang, though by the end of it his free hand was settled in his lap and not grasping at air.
"Well? Did you like it?" she asked when she'd finished singing.
When she faced him, smiling, he flinched. "Fluttershy, what are you doing?"
"I'm just so happy to see you. And it's almost Hearth's Warming; I want you to know what it feels like, being with ones you... ones you care about."
"I see," he said, still sort of gasping from being pressed to the side. "Beautiful. Lovely. Can you get off?"
She wriggled her way from his side, but before standing she turned her head and pecked his cheek. She swung her legs out and hopped from the throne back to her feet.
He touched his cheek. "Why do you keep doing that?"
"I'm sorry," she said, her exuberance fading. "I should have asked."
"No, but why are you doing it?"
"Because I like you." Her smile returned. "And it's the holidays, and everyone's happy during the holidays. I want to share it with you."
"Kissing?"
"Feeling..." She couldn't quite say the word. "Feeling important. Feeling cared for. Because you are important to me. I hope you know that."
She could almost see his face catching up with his brain and after a minute he sighed. "Go ahead, then."
"Another song?"
"No bouncing."
She sat on the arm of the throne again and held his hand as she sang through her repertoire of Hearth's Warming ballads. By the final one, his grip on her hand matched hers.
"There you have it," she said when she had finished. "I thought I knew more than this, but I can't believe I never sang for you before. I'll have to practice some new ones for next year."
"Next year?" He peeled one eyelid open. "Right."
"I'll practice more. A year seems like a long time, and it is , but it's kind of not that long."
Discord let go of her hand. "Why not make it five?”
“Five?”
“I'll still be here; does it matter?"
She stood up. “But I’m hardly here as it is.”
“I’m not angry. Let’s just have a break.”
“A break... from what? We aren’t doing anything.”
He shook his head, refusing her gaze. "Fluttershy-"
“Please don't turn me away. Every time I come here I ask you not to, and you try to do it anyway."
He drummed his fingers on the arm of his throne. "I'm not getting out of here anytime soon. Maybe not ever. You don't have to waste your time."
"It's not a waste of time. I just told you I like seeing you; you know that by now."
"You come, you go." He shrugged, but his eyes were narrowed. "This year, and the next."
Fluttershy recognized his expression as one he had shown her last year, almost as if he wanted to cry but had never done so before and therefore his body did not know how to do it.
She knelt in front of him. "A year is better than never at all. I could; never do that, Discord. And I don't want you to forget about me."
"Forget? "" He spoke with such disgust, she leaned back. His wild eyes were on her, but he realized himself and looked at the ceiling instead. "That's not what I mean."
"I adore you. We have such fun together. I want to keep having fun together."
"Celestia was right, as much as I hate to admit it. You can't save me.” He tugged his right hand, glued to the arm of the throne.
“Save? I'm not here to-”
“It is why you came here. And you did,” Discord said with finality.
“Discord-”
“Don’t. I don't understand you when you start talking like this."
She covered his encased hand with her own; he turned his face away. “I know things aren’t the way… I know," she said. "I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do.”
When he glanced at her, he found her crying again. “For hell’s sake, Fluttershy, you don’t need to cry.”
“H-hormones.”
“What?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“How many kids do you want? ”
She ran her forearm across her eyes. “I love him."
He sighed. “Save some water and salt for that baby.”
“I can’t do this,” she whispered, her voice trembling. "When I think about you, I feel like there’s something inside my head breaking me, or blocking me. When you're upset, so am I. I can feel it."
“Fluttershy-”
“It hurts. ”
“Fluttershy. Go home.”
“No." She wiped her eyes again. "I just got here.”
“Your family needs you, and not like this."
“And Ineed you . I can’t help it.” She wiped her eyes again.
He produced a starched handkerchief and handed it to her as one corner of his lips turned up. “Despite your best efforts?”
“No.” She covered her wet face with the handkerchief. “No efforts. The truth is..."
“Go home and stay there. I’m not going anywhere. Your grandchildren will probably know me.”
He flinched from her again when he saw her reach for him, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him, her cheek pressed against his. After a brief hesitation, she felt his arm wrap around her back. It held little tension, but after another moment his hand lightly pressed against her side.
She could barely get her voice out. “I don't want that.”
“Go home.” He snaked his arm back around and grabbed her upper arm, pushing her away.
“I can't. I missed you, so much.”
“I would miss me, too.” His voice turned from something ragged to slight amusement.
Fluttershy sniffled. “Are you trying to cheer me up? You've never done that before.”
“You always cry on me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t mind,” he said, his eyes still on her. “You're the one who's always sad. I don't like seeing you this way."
She lowered the handkerchief. "I'm sorry."
"Not like that ; what are you apologizing for? I want you to be happy. "
Fluttershy touched his arm. "I just can't stand seeing you in here. It breaks my heart."
"Hearts break, do they? Such fragile things you all are."
She lifted his arm and held it against her chest. "Do you feel it? My heartbeat. I'm alive , Discord, and so are you."
He didn't move and she let him go, her mind racing. What could he feel? What did he miss? Could he even comprehend the love she felt for him? Was it something he could have? And as for herself... what was she expecting of him? They were both exactly where they were when they first met, yet even they had changed. She took a step back.
Discord still watched her. "You're tired."
She covered her eyes with her hands and gasped, "Yes." Her head hurt.
"Go lie down."
She took another step back. "Yes."
She was about to turn around when he reached out and clasped her hand in his, drawing her to him and pressed his face against her shoulder, squeezing her against him.
"D- are you all right?" she asked when she found her voice; his grip was almost painful. She put one hand against his back and one against the back of the throne to steady herself.
"Happy Hearth's Warming," he said gruffly.
When he let her go she tried saying goodbye, but he had hidden his face with his hair again and did not move even when she opened the cell door.
***
Discord hadn't slept in two days; Fluttershy had that effect on him. It was at once a pleasant and painful feeling, one he could not name, but it kept him sleepless until even his immortal body was too tired to go on. To calm his electric mind, he remember her singing, replaying her voice over and over again as if it were a prayer from a pilgrim to an unknown god.
He remembered, too, how her body felt when she touched him, and the warmth of her when she sat beside him; he clenched and unclenched his fist. Finally at his wit's end, he decided to open the journal she had given him and write something- anything- down, but he then heard the bolts and chains of the cell door come apart.
He expected the guards or even Celestia, but when Celestia pushed her way past the guards, she was pulling Fluttershy through the doorway. “Look,” she said to Discord, who had just lifted his head. “Look at her.”
Fluttershy was fighting Celestia as best she could, her face red and covered in tears, but the princess held her steady. Discord sat rigid, his eyes wide.
“Well? Believe me now? You really want to see her like this? You’re changing , aren’t you?” Celestia gave him her most withering look and half-dragged Fluttershy out of the room with her.
“Put her to bed. Don’t leave her alone even for a minute,” Celestia told the doctor waiting for them, then leaned back into the cell and spat, “Pull yourself together. Straighten out that warped mind of yours before you do something you’ll really regret.”
The door slammed shut and he was alone again, unmoving.
***
Fluttershy was no more able to sleep at the castle than at her own home after visiting Discord, so she donned her robe and wandered the halls and stairways of the castle after midnight. She'd spent over a week under the princess's watchful eye and, with patience and medicine, slowly began to feel like herself again. She was tired of being in bed all day and all night and this was her second night prowling the abandoned corridors and rooms in the moonlight.
She had turned the corner walking from another guest room to glass doors of the solarium when a dark figure caught her attention; her heart leaped against her chest until she recognized Princess Luna's serene form. She was standing on a balcony, looking out over the land. Her hair floated around her with a myriad sparkles, and Fluttershy watched it for a while, mesmerized.
Then she found she could not bear the anxiety of waiting for the princess to notice her and said, “Princess Luna?”
The princess turned her head, expressionless. “Oh. You’re… Fluttershy. My sister said you’d be staying here for a while.”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Having trouble sleeping?”
She nodded again. “I’'m only really comfortable when I’m at home.”
Luna leaned back on the banister, supported by her elbows. “You’re the one who talks to Discord.”
Fluttershy hugged herself and sat against the railing. The night was growing colder and she shivered. “Sometimes.”
“My sister speaks of you. Are you not well?”
“Princess, you’ve been where he is. Being away from the world for so long?"
“I was not locked in a room.”
“I know, but I feel like you might understand him.”
Luna made a slight sneering movement with upper lip. “We fought him and imprisoned him. I do not know him. Celestia is the one who keeps her eye on him.”
“But you had trouble adjusting since you recovered. What helped you?”
Luna straightened. “Patience from my sister. Twilight Sparkle and all of you. To be honest, Fluttershy, I still feel like an outsider.”
“You do?”
“I missed a thousand years, as he did.” She nodded toward the corridor. “I can’t get them back. Everything is different, and so is everyone. I cannot get my bearings.”
“I had no idea you felt this way.”
Luna considered her. “You enjoy his company?”
A small knot in Fluttershy’s middle tightened. She nodded.
“I find that interesting. Especially because it’s you.”
Luna’s habit was bluntness to the point of insult, but Fluttershy found she could bear it; the night air was soothing. “Me?”
“You are so quiet. You’re weak. My sister tells me you used to literally be afraid of your own shadow.”
Fluttershy stretched her legs out. “I was. But Discord… I’m not afraid of him.”
“Why is this?”
She gave a short laugh. “My best friends don’t even understand why. Sometimes I don’t understand, either.”
“He does not threaten you?”
“No. Never. I think I confuse him.” She twiddled her thumbs, staring at them with great interest. "He's nice to me. As nice as I think he can be, anyway."
“I have no memories of him 'nice'.'
“He is," Fluttershy implored Luna. "Now, even more so."
“I am having trouble imagining this, but then, I am not sure why it matters what my sister thinks.”
Fluttershy rubbed her eyes. “She says I’m unwell after I see him.”
“Are you?”
Fluttershy focused on her toes. “I don’t feel quite right. Something happens when I'm in there with him. It doesn't scare me, but later... ” She paused, remembering Twilight's words. "But it's just his chaos magic, isn't it?"
Luna sat beside her. “His is very old magic. I cannot comprehend its depth, but I do know some of the damage it can cause.”
“But I always get better," she said, raising her head. "I can stand not feeling well for a few weeks if I can help him. I would never complain.”
“You are very noble, fair Fluttershy.”
“No,” she said, hugging herself to keep warm. “I want to see him. He’s my friend.”
“Friend? ...As you are with Twilight Sparkle and Applejack?”
"We are friends, it's only that no one gets to see it."
"No?" Luna's expressionless face rather irked Fluttershy.
"I feel like I’ve known him my entire life. I could sit with him for hours."
Luna smiled. “Then he surely is not trying to hurt you.”
“I know he isn’t, but Celestia doesn’t believe us.”
“You want him out?” Luna said, eyeing her.
“Of course I want him out. Seeing him only once a year… I could see him every day if she’d let me.”
“She is not likely to allow that.”
Fluttershy shrugged. “Discord hates her.”
Luna made a strange noise, not unlike a laugh. “He throws things at her. But he’s troubled, Fluttershy. There is a great deficiency in him.”
“Isn’t that what I’m here for? To help him fix it?”
“It seems so. However, he must want to be fixed. Perhaps it is this deficiency which affects you so.”
"So it's not his fault."
"Perhaps it is and perhaps it is not. Perhaps it is both." Lifting her chin, the princess said, “Do not despair. He must appreciate your company if he does not turn you away, and you do not seem agitated to me."
Fluttershy gripped the balcony and scanned the treetops below. “You didn’t see me ten days ago. I hardly remember it myself.”
“It must be difficult,” said Luna, joining her, “being exposed to his kind of power. That is something I do remember.”
Fluttershy’s grip tightened so much she was shaking. ”It hurts. It’s painful, in every way I can think of, and it gets worse. It’s like my heart turns inside out. Every part of my body seizes and then breaks apart, over and over again. It’s unbearable.”
“How do you feel now?”
She let go of the balcony, her hands tingling. “Tired. Helpless. I am helpless.”
“It is true that you cannot wield such magic.”
“It’s not that; no one cares about him. No one cares if he lives or dies, not really. No one cares if he’s happy or sad... if he actually wants to live or... end it all. But I do.”
Luna extended her hand to Fluttershy, who took it, relieved by its warmth. "I think I would have liked to know you during my confinement."
"Me? Why?"
"You see him. You listen. You give him the best parts of you. Perhaps everyone deserves that chance, don't you think?"
"Chance?"
"To feel love."
Absently, Fluttershy touched her neck. She was tired enough of crying without others bringing it up, and let out a long, exhausted sigh when she felt a tear spill down her cheek again. "I don't... think he can feel it."
Luna squeezed her hand and guided her back into the castle. "Maybe one day he will."
Deficiency, Fluttershy thought. What was it? The absence of love? An inability to empathize? A lack of selflessness? Or maybe Discord had no interest in feeling such things, or no desire to find out one way or the other. The thoughts kept her awake, night after night. Often she got up after midnight and paced the kitchen, sometimes brewing tea or standing at a window, staring into darkness.
By the time Celestia called for her again, just before Hearth’s Warming, she confided in Twilight Sparkle, who did her best to be supportive and not judgmental.
Twilight rubbed and patted her back in what she hoped was an appropriately affectionate gesture. “So, you… are confused about him?”
"I love him." Fluttershy wiped her eyes. "I think maybe I'm in love with him."
Twilight's hand froze. "In love with Discord?" After hesitating, she put aside her bewilderment and rubbed her back again.
"I love him."
"Okay."
"I don't think I knew how much until today."
"Does he know?"
Shaking her head, Fluttershy coughed. "I don't know. I don't care if he feels the same way, I just want him to feel... to know that someone out here wants him to be all right."
"I'm sure he does. How could he not?"
"But he doesn't. He can't do it." she blew her nose with her handkerchief. "He says he doesn't understand, but I think he does. Something won't let it in."
"Won't let him what?"
“Something in him won't allow it. I don't know if it's something he's missing or if he's afraid." She let out a long, rough breath holding her head. "I keep tormenting myself trying to understand him. He doesn't want that, either."
"Fluttershy, you can't force him to do anything."
"I know that."
"Then why can't you leave it be?"
"Because..." She couldn't think of quite the right answer. "I don't know. Because it's so unfair."
Twilight hugged her. "He's thousands of years old; it wouldn't make sense for him to turn into someone else in just a few years."
"I don't want him to be someone else."
"I think you know what I mean. Maybe he can feel love, maybe he can care about others, but he's not doing much to show it. So, either he can't feel them, or he's still figuring them out." She kissed Fluttershy's cheek. "I told you this last year, but it's not your fault. You can't make his decisions for him."
Fluttershy felt the familiar sting of tears welling in her eyes. "It's just that the years fly by, and I feel so lost. And, somehow, we get further apart."
"Maybe that's how it should be."
"But I don't want..." Fluttershy closed her mouth, her mind spinning. And what about what Discord wants? She'd spent all these years thinking about what she wanted and about what she thought was best for him, but she still was not clear about Discord's own thoughts. The fact he refused to open up to her, even now, was a heavy blow. "It doesn't feel right, somehow."
"To you?"
Fluttershy lay on her back on the sofa. “He’s so… in knots. And when I try to undo them, he fights me.”
"Maybe that's all he's used to. Fighting, I mean."
"Or he doesn't believe the things I tell him. No matter how much he fights me, I won't abandon him."
Twilight patted her arm. “I know how hard you try for him, but I think you’re asking too much of yourself."
“Someone has to stand up for him."
She sat up and Twilight hugged her. "He's so lucky to know you. He'll probably never know how lucky. And maybe one day he'll need to feel what you've given him, and it will reach him."
Fluttershy wiped her eyes with her arm. "Princess Luna told me the same thing a year ago. Why can't it reach him now?"
Twilight hugged her again, rocking her. "I don't know."
***
Fluttershy woke up exhausted the next day and got ready for her visit in a stupor. Her heart leaped against her chest when she thought of Discord, but she felt she would unravel and kept focused on her family before venturing into the cold to the train station.
Once reunited with Discord, she squeezed him in a hug and assumed her usual place, sitting on the right arm of his throne as he regaled her with another story from long ago.
"And that's when I knew I'd made mistake," he said.
Fluttershy laughed. "Only then?"
"How was I to know the stars wanted to stay stars and not be crustaceans?"
"You might have asked them."
"And where's the fun in that?"
Fluttershy lightly scratched his head with her fingertips. "I suppose I hadn't thought of it that way."
He smiled. "I think we could have a lot of fun, you and I."
"Don't we already? Oh, and... for you." She fished out a small, wrapped present from her pink coat pocket.
He turned it in his hand. "Another year."
"They do seem to rush by faster these days. Open it."
"In a minute." He pointed to the wall on his right. “You see?”
It took a moment for her to notice, but she could see the ocean now, brilliant blue with flashes of pink and a bright red sand. “Oh,” she breathed, “look at it. It’s beautiful.”
“We can’t get there yet, but in another… mm, ten years? Maybe?”
She hugged him again. “Not that long, Let’s say five.”
“I’ll try.”
She interlocked her fingers with his. "Hey, promise me something. Would you promise me you won't give up?"
Discord's hand remained limp. "On what?"
She squeezed his hand, turning to look at him. "On you. I know how unhappy you are."
He turned his face away. "That's not-"
"And I'm asking you to promise me, as your friend... no matter what happens, don't give up. Things will be better, but for now-"
"Tch." He was silent for a long time, but she didn't move. "I won't promise you anything. You have no business knowing everything in my head."
"I know." She squeezed his hand again. "I'm being selfish. I don't want to worry about you. Even if... if Equestria falls to its enemies, or if you hate me someday, promise me you won't stop fighting for yourself."
He let her go. "And you?"
"Oh, I'll be fine. I'm always fine."
Discord bowed his head. He saw her clearly, clawing and crying and fighting Celestia as she dragged her in and out of the cell. He had not quite believed the princess’s stories until he’d seen it for himself, and it bothered him. He had never seen someone he cared about suffering before, but then, he had never cared about anyone before, either.
“Goodness, I’ve been here for hours,” she said, getting to her feet. “Is something wrong with the guards?”
“Nothing’s wrong with the guards. I asked Celestia to let you stay a little longer.”
“And she’s okay with it?”
“She’s okay with it.”
Fluttershy dropped her needles and scarf and leaned over him, hugging him. “Thank you. Every year feels like ten.”
He grunted upon her impact, but said, “Doesn’t it?”
She pulled back, her hands on his shoulders. “Why did she change her mind?”
“I can be persuasive.”
She butted her forehead against his, grinning, then felt his hand on her shoulder, holding her still.
“So,” he said, now looking her in the eye. “When are we finished?”
“What do you mean?”
“When do you want to leave? Five minutes? Five hours? Five years?"
Fluttershy's smile slowly faded and Discord's frown deepened. He let her go. "I-I've got people at home..."
He kept his eyes on the fields behind the crystal as she stood away.
“Wow, I’m tired,” she said, stretching her arms. “I felt like a machine all yesterday, lifting animals and feed, and then more animals. Sometimes I can barely get out of bed.”
"I'd pick you up."
She smiled. "Yeah?"
He raised his arms helplessly. "Nowhere to go, alas."
Fluttershy hesitated before sitting over the edge of the throne arm and lowering herself across his lap so her head was propped up by his arm on the throne arm on the other side and her knees over the other. Discord shifted back and forth, trying to get comfortable, grimacing slightly.
She close her eyes. "I could sleep here."
"Don't," he said without animosity.
She opened one eye so gauge his expression. When she smiled at him, he looked frightened but cleared his throat.
"You really like touching people."
"I like touching you. " Her cheeks flushed. "Sorry. I didn't mean it the way it came out."
"How did you mean it?" He barely touched his hand to her hair.
She could no longer look at him, her body uncomfortably warm. After a few weak tries, she sat up sideways on his lap. "I just show affection this way. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"I'm not. You're just weird."
"Oh." Shoulders drooping, she slid from his lap and patted her clothes down.
"Are you this handsy with everyone?"
"Yes. Sometimes. Sorry again."
He rested his chin in his hand.
"It's about expressing yourself. How you feel."
"With touching?" Without her realizing, he played with the ends of one of her long tendrils of hair.
"Mm-hmm." She held her palm up to him and waited.
It took a while, but Discord raised this own hand and their palms touched. He curled his fingers over hers.
"See?" She smiled.
He did not reciprocate. "Is this all?"
She almost rolled her eyes and pursed her lips to keep from laughing. She turned her hand and held his. "It's better both ways."
He held her hand for a minute, then let go. "... I don't know what to do. There's something I'm supposed to do, isn't there?"
"You don't need to do anything. I'm happy right here, just like this." She held his hand and kissed the back of it.
From nowhere, Fluttershy felt a heavy wave crash into her, and she rubbed her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.” She rubbed her eyes again and the sensation passed. “Sorry.”
He pressed his thumb against her palm. “All right?”
She nodded, hiding a grimace. “Oh, they keep me up too late sometimes.”
"Your children?"
"Yes, they're darlings, but not much time for rest."
"Darlings, huh? Sounds dull."
She grinned. "Not at all. They take all my energy, but I don’t really mind."
"Mine would be little terrors."
"I'm sure that's not true."
"They'd have powers like mine, wouldn't they, unless their... hm." He let go of her hand.
"Well, you wouldn't have time to do anything bad."
He furrowed his brow. "I'm not bad."
"I know," she said quickly, feeling a pang of guilt. "Sorry."
He shook his head. "It's not really my thing, anyway. I am selfish. I'd want my woman all to myself."
She felt the familiar knot in her belly. "That's not selfish."
"It is."
She thought about what Luna had said, about letting Discord feel love as her stomach did cartwheels. Whether he could actually feel it or not, she would try to keep showing him, without knowing how. She watched him now, his bruised, swollen eyes more troubled than she had ever remembered seeing them, and her heart sank.
“Hey,” she said, reaching out to him.
He shifted his body away from her. “Better not. I’ll hurt you, remember? So Celestia claims.”
"Discord,” she whispered, strained. “Can I ask… you do want to keep living, don't you? No matter what happens."
"...If I say no?"
"That's- no. I won't let you say it."
He tensed his shoulders. "Then why ask at all? Don't ask questions if you don't want answers."
" No. You can't give up now, not after being in here for so long. You're so close to being free-"
"I'm not close; you have no idea how not close."
"Then, so what?" Her chest rose and fell as her breathing grew rougher. "You're closer than you were a year ago, and closer than two years ago, and three, four, five."
"It’s not enough.”
"It will be.”
"Not this again-”
She knelt in front of him. "Please don’t give up. I won’t give up on you, so you can’t, either.”
"I’ll do whatever I want to do. Why do you always do this?”
“Because I still like you. I’ve always liked you.”
“Dammit , Fluttershy…”
“Wh- why is that so wrong?”
He stared at her. “Nothing good comes of it. Nothing changes.”
“How can you say that? We’ve got each other.”
“No, we haven’t.”
She held his hands. "So I want you to keep fighting. No matter what happens, from now... you can't give up on yourself."
He recoiled slightly.
"You won't, will you?” she asked. “You’ve got to keep living."
"Is it up to you?"
She resisted cowering from the increasing anger in his voice, trying to stand her ground. "I want you to hear it.”
He tugged at his hands, trying to pull them from hers. "I don't need a mother , Fluttershy. Stop.”
"You can't fight me forever, and I will never stop. You know I won't." Her anger, when pushed the right way, could almost be on par with Discord's.
"You'll die long before I will, so it doesn't even matter. Why bring it up?"
"Because it matters. What you think, what you say matters. "
"Yeah? How? To whom?"
"To me. To you." She wanted to shake him. "It doesn't even matter what I think if it's already true."
"You're wasting your time."
"You don't scare me, you know. I can be tough, too." Fluttershy's entire body was shaking.
He laughed. "You can stop repeating yourself. I don't believe-"
“No!" she roared. "I won't stop saying it, and I don’t care what you believe!”
Discord leaned back, eyes wide.
"I won't let you do it, Discord," she said, squeezing his hand again. "Even if a meteor strikes me down tomorrow, I will never allow it."
She nearly matched his crushing hand with her own, and after a brief, unspoken battle of wills, both let go at the same time.
He regarded her with a mixture of confusion and disgust. "Why do you keep harping on?"
“I thought you wanted something different.” She let go of her wrist and let blood trickle from it down her hand. "And I can’t leave things as they are because I... it's still here. It's for you. And if you change your mind one day, in ten years, in fifty, in five hundred... it will still be here, for you."
"What?" He rolled his eyes. "Your dying hope for my blissful future?"
"My love for you."
His body went still, but he refused to meet her gaze. "I can't feel it. You know that, right? Even if I did, I wouldn't know what to do with it."
"It's okay,” she said, feeling a new lightness, a release in her own admission.
He rubbed his temples. “I don't get you at all. There’s nothing here for you. I’ve never dreamed about anything, so there’s nothing to look forward to. There’s nothing I want except to get out of this god-forsaken prison.”
When tears threatened to spill over again, she turned her back to him. "Then you'll have to find something to live for.”
His gaze was fixed on her back; her cream-colored dress and the sparkly pink scarf around the neck, how they barely moved with each tight breath she took.
"I know,” she said, her voice breaking. “I'm a problem for you. And you're a problem for me. But we don't have any time, Discord, so please, can we just enjoy it, right now?"
"We always did."
"No. Like this ."
She turned back and leaned down, tilting his head up, and closed her eyes before kissing the corner of his mouth. Her lips lingered until a heavy jolt surged from him and into her. It was like an anchor pulling them both down, and she gave a small cry before stumbling backward.
He caught her by her arm to keep her upright. “Fluttershy…”
Her throat gurgled; she felt her head, then her chest, would explode from the pressure.
Discord tightened his hold on her arm. "Let it play out."
"Stop."
He gripped her wrist with his other hand. "Let it go."
"I can't." Again her head felt like it was being pressed between two bricks, her heart sped up, tears forcing their way from her eyes.
“Just wait-”
“It’s too much,” she gasped, doubling forward. She was on her knees, her cheek in his lap, and he stroked her hair as her vision grew dark. Before losing consciousness, she heard him yell Celestia’s name.
Her spell must have only lasted a moment, for she felt Celestia pulling her upright by her shoulders and repeating her name.
The princess’ face swam into focus as the pain in her head vanished, but her throat was parched. She struggled to her feet with Celestia’s help.
“Flluttershy, look at me,” Celestia said, almost angry. “Look.”
When her eyes met Celestia’s pink ones, she wheezed, “I’m all right.”
“Stand here.” Celestia pushed her against the crystal wall by the door, and Fluttershy hardly had time to think before she saw the princess descend on Discord.
“This ends now,” she said, her voice taking on an echo and shaking the room. “Discord. It’s over.”
“Celestia,” Discord began, his voice in comparison dwarfed and quiet. “It isn’t-”
“Enough .” The princess rolled back the sleeves of her starched gown. “Enough.”
“Don't." Fluttershy stumbled between them, arms splayed. "Stop. Please. "
Celestia's surprise turned to determination. "Step aside, Fluttershy. I know you mean well, but he does not."
"You don't know him!"
"I do know him. And he will say anything to get what he wants." She raised her arms as sparks of light crackled around her fingers.
"No! "
Discord’s indecipherable cry of pain was long and sharp, only muffled by the dark stone that was covering his right side, from head to toe. Every few seconds his body spasmed and his throat let out choking noises and splutters, unable to speak.
Fluttershy hardly understood what she was seeing and was stupefied. The dark stone continued spreading across Discord’s body until only the left edge of his face remained, along with his left shoulder, arm, and leg.
How , her mind screamed, but her mouth could not yet form the word. She staggered toward him until Celestia blocked her path.
“Don’t touch him,” Celestia said. “Not until the spell has run its course.”
"How... how could you do this to him?" Fluttershy did not recognize her own voice.
"Listen to me." Celestia lay her hand on Fluttershy's shoulder, but Fluttershy shoved it off.
"Please don't touch me," she said quietly, her voice quivering. "Don't touch me at all."
“He made his decision. He’s not a fool.”
"What was the point of this?” Fluttershy covered her face. “Why didn't you do this years ago, after you saw what happened to me?"
"I didn't think I had to. I thought he could change."
"You wanted him out. What’s the matter with you?"
"He's taking things from you."
"I'm not afraid of him."
The princess's face softened. "I know. I know."
"I trust him, I..."
"I know."
Fluttershy pushed past her and knelt in front of Discord. His left eye was fixed on the ceiling, moving slightly from side to side, but his entire body was rigid and he did not see her.
“I’m here,” she told him, her hands around his. “I’ve got you.”
“Stand aside,” Celestia commanded, but Fluttershy ignored her.
She kissed his hand. “I’ve got you. I love you.”
“Fluttershy. ” Celestia grabbed Fluttershy’s shoulder, pulling her backward and she sat hard on the crystal floor.
For all the times Fluttershy had cried and tried not to, now there were no tears left. Celestia pulled her to her feet again, and while her hands were rough, her voice was gentle.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think things would get so bad. It's not your fault, Fluttershy."
"And it's not his. "
"It is."
"Fluttershy is correct," said Luna, entering the cell, and nothing about her voice or face was soft.
"Sister," Celestia frowned.
"He doesn't understand what he feels. He's confused. Of course he gets worked up when she visits; he has affection for her."
"What are you talking about?"
"Has he felt this before?” asked Luna. “How would he know what to do with it?"
"Luna-"
"Let me speak. I do not defy your decision. However, turning the clock back on him by a hundred years will undo everything those two have worked so hard for."
"He hasn't worked hard. That's exactly why things are the way they are. He manipulates. He steals."
"About other things, yes," said Luna, “but not this."
Fluttershy hardly heard their argument through her ringing ears, and she covered them with her hands to try and block them out.
Celestia was terse. "I appreciate your insight on the matter, but it really is not your affair."
"We both locked him away, Celestia; it was not only you. How is it not also my affair?"
"There's no room here for your frivolous sympathies. He needs to grow up. He's paying for his crimes."
“Yes, he is, and he has been-”
“He has not. He’s still a child, still a monster. He hurts people, Luna.” There was a distress mixed with the anger in her voice that almost tugged even Fluttershy’s heart.
“He is not hurting anyone now, except maybe your pride-”
“This is not about me, it’s about him, and it’s about her -”
"Stop, " said Fluttershy, moving between them. "Please, stop fighting."
Celestia seemed to have forgotten her presence. "Fluttershy."
"I won't see him again. Tell him so. I won't see him ever again, just please undo what you've done to him." She was visibly shaking. "I couldn't bear to see even someone I hated locked-in that way... please. "
"He's not in pain."
"He is. I don't care about anything he's done to me. Let him go, please. Please."
Celestia shook her head. "This isn't a deal I can get into-"
"Then make it. For me , not for him." She forced her hands into fists only to keep them from tearing her dress apart. "I give you my word."
Celestia, nonplussed, looked between her and Discord, who was still twitching, half-encased in stone. She shook her head, then searched Fluttershy’s face before giving a nod. She clapped her hands twice.
Fluttershy let out her breath, tugging on the collar of her dress as she watched, bit by bit, the stone around Discord crack and crumble around him. Her heart pounded in her chest, almost drowning out the sound.
After a loud inhale, Discord’s body stopped twitching and he slumped in his throne again, the way he had when Fluttershy had first met him. His eyes were closed, but his hair fell over his shoulders and soon covered them.
“Go, Fluttershy,” Celestia said, not looking at her. “Now. It’s done.”
Fluttershy hesitated until Celestia turned her eyes on her, and gave one final look to Discord before being escorted out of the cell by the guards.
She did not realize she was walking, nor where she was, until Luna stopped her just before entering the stairwell.
"You are sure?" the princess asked.
Fluttershy nodded, biting her lip to keep from screaming.
"You are not happy."
"No."
"It is to be expected." Luna almost sounded sorry. "I am sure he appreciates your decision."
She rubbed her palms over both eyes, stemming her tears. "All right,” she said, before bowing and walking away.
***
Time passed before Discord saw anyone, and was neither pleased nor surprised when Celestia came to call. He had expected her to harangue him immediately after she gave him the news of Fluttershy’s permanent departure, but after ten days he wondered if she were actually afraid of his potential wrath, and by the time she did show up he no longer cared why.
"What do you want from me?” he asked, tired and bored. “She's not coming back. I can't hurt her anymore. I'm not throwing things at you. I'm not calling you names. There’s nothing to talk about."
"Because you're good now?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Look what you did to my face." He touched the scabbed-over cuts the stone had given him along the right side of his face and neck.
"It tells me you're beginning to realize things have to be different from how you see them."
“Doesn’t matter anymore. She chose this.”
“And you let her.”
He scowled. “I was sick of her face.”
“Oh?”
If she had been close enough, he might have slapped her. “You got what you wanted. What are you doing here?”
“I need you to understand something, Discord. The life you may have outside these walls, it does not include her. She’s done more than enough. I’d considered stopping her seeing you eventually, anyway.”
“Thank you for explaining.”
Celestia sighed. “Shall we move on, then? You’ve realized how things are better now?”
"It's not that , I..." Discord drew his hand across his face, nails raking his skin.
“We aren’t just good or evil. Being good takes more effort than being bad.”
Fluttershy’s visage appeared in his mind’s eye; she was hardly capable of being bad. Perhaps what Celestia said was true of him and everyone else, but Fluttershy was the anomaly, he realized; not him.
“You were right,” he said, twirling a small pair of scissors around his finger. “Isn’t that what you really want to hear? You were right all along.”
***
The next few days swept past Discord in a blur. Celestia had tried to hold a meaningful conversation with him, whatever that was, but he had no interest in any more she had to say. He thought of nothing and looked at nothing and felt nothing, and when another visitor arrived, he couldn't quite place her. Behind the walls were low hills of red flowers swaying in a breeze, and beyond that a sparkling ocean that occasionally caught his eye.
When the visitor stepped closer to him, he recognized her. "Luna. Well, well. Come to share in your sister's glee?"
The door closed behind her, echoing around the room. Luna’s face, as always, was a blank slate. "My sister is not gleeful."
"Well," he muttered, clearing his throat, "I can see which side of the bed you wake up on."
"You do not see Fluttershy anymore."
"Are you telling me?" he asked lightly, tracing the arm of his throne with his index finger. "I can stand on my own two feet again." He looked at his legs. "Almost."
"I hear she misses your company."
"She always said so."
Luna tilted her head. "Don't you care?"
He shook his head.
"How unusual.” She looked confused. “Then I gather you are now enjoying your time in here."
His eyes were scalding. "Of course I am. Entertainment galore. Adoring fans. Musical theatre. Parties. Soirees. I can even jack off now, every day!"
Her expression did not change and he grinned. "You're not amused?"
"And Fluttershy?"
"What about her?"
Luna walked toward him. "And Fluttershy?"
"Ask your sister."
“You could make your own decision. You could change it back to how it was, when she was here. Perhaps Celestia would allow it.”
His face contorted, but he said nothing.
“You don’t want to?”
“Fuck, Luna, what are you doing here? Did I invite you? Do I want to talk?”
“Fluttershy helped you. I thought you might miss her. Celestia told me you didn’t, however I wanted to ask you myself. I was right about you, wasn’t I?”
"Right about what?” he snapped. “She tried to be my friend. She's some thing. She showed me... what some thing is."
"What is 'something'?"
"I don't know. Different." He watched the red flowers turn to purple, then black, before withering and blowing away as dust. " Life. "
“I thought perhaps it was so.”
His scowl deepened. "Feeling meddlesome, now? Couldn't walk through the door for a thousand years? Unlike you, I remember all of it. Every single day."
"I don't regret what Celestia and I did to you."
"Thank you. I waited a millennium just to hear you say that."
"But I do regret what's happened between you and Fluttershy."
He tossed his head. "Happened? Between her and me? Nothing happened."
"It is your melancholy, isn't it. And your fear and your anger. And you miss her. You don't like saying goodbye."
"I don't remember saying goodbye." He held up his hand. "It's too late for therapy; I'm a lost cause. You’ll have to get your savior’s badge somewhere else.”
She stood in front of him. "I think you do not know what you feel, and those feelings, the confusion, they consume you. You let it out in your chaotic aura and you hurt her. But I don't think you mean to."
"Fuck ," he said, squirming as much as he could from his throne. "What is it with you two? You can't rest until you've squeezed the last ounce of breath from someone. It's none of your damn business."
She was inches in front of him, imperious with her cold blue eyes and gently waving hair. "I'm sorry."
His eye twitched, unsure of what to do next because he had been expecting an argument. "The hell are you sorry for?"
She lowered her eyelids, focusing on the floor as she stepped past him and to one of the crystal walls. She placed her palm against one of its smooth facets. "This could be a soothing place, if you let it. Let go of your acrimony."
"Get out of here."
"You feel for her." She faced him again, eyes piercing. "You don't know what it is yet, and it bothers you."
"Get out ."
"So, I'm sorry she had to leave."
Discord did not like being outmaneuvered by dialogue. "She didn't have to leave; Celestia gave her no choice."
Luna shook her head. “She had a choice. She made the one she thought would be best for you. But what about your own choice?”
“Stop with the cryptic bs.”
“You can’t handle her being close to you, can you? She throws you off. You are lost, and I don’t know how to fix it, either. I suppose it’s too late now.”
He gritted his teeth. "If my emotions are so disturbing, then how can you stand being here?"
"Because they're about her; not me."
He jerked his head to the side and focused on the wasteland that was now behind the walls.
“It’s your magic,” she continued. “Your chaos. One day, you’ll figure out what to do with what you feel, but for now it’s destructive… as I imagine it has been for the duration of your life. Yes?”
His lip curled. "Chaos is what I am; of course it’s what I feel."
"I mean about her ." Her frown was small, but on her usually-expressionless face it stood out. "Probably you love her, and it scares you."
"Love? Her? "
"I won't ask you for your answer. I think you already know it."
"That’s not it.”
"How would you know?"
He raised his head, first glancing sharply at her, then frowning.
"Had you ever even thought about it?"
He curled his arm in front of him protectively. "Why would I?"
"She cared much for you."
Discord winced. "She's not here now."
"Hm." She tapped her cheek with a finger. "Well, it is true; she did marry someone else."
"Again... thank you."
"And even if you do get out of here, it does not mean she will be with you."
Discord held onto the arms of this throne. "I don't want her to be with me."
"Then what do you want?”
“To get out of this room. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Luna looked him over. "Maybe if you keep saying that, it will turn out to be true, but it isn't helpful to you now. Won't you thank her, at least? I can relay a message to her if you wish it."
He looked at the ceiling. "Why, for melting my icy, fragile heart?"
"Your heart is fragile. Fluttershy saw it a long time ago."
He hit his chest. "The joke’s on both of you; I don't have one. After all these years, there's still nothing here."
She considered him before watching the waves beyond the scorched earth. "What is the beach for?"
“I couldn’t make it in time.”
“In time for what?" When he didn't answer, she asked, "Why is the sand red?”
“Why not? ” Discord snarled. “Would you get out? How many times do I have to ask? You all got what you wanted. Leave me in peace.”
Luna returned her attention to him. “Don’t you want to tell her something? Celestia will know if you write her a letter, but I can tell Fluttershy what you tell me."
“Forget it.”
“I have no judgments.”
“I don’t trust you, the same way Celestia doesn’t trust me.”
Luna blinked. “You won’t start throwing things at me, will you?”
“Just go.”
Luna surveyed Discord and the room, then the ashes and ocean beyond the walls before returning to the door where she stopped. “She has a message for you. She said, ‘I don’t want you to worry about me.’”
Discord felt a new sensation in his eyes and blinked rapidly. Heat ran down his cheeks, and when he touched his face he felt moisture. Covering his eyes with his hand, he said, “Then tell her this: I'll get out for you. You don't have to wait for me. You don't have to miss me. But when I walk out of this castle, I'm walking straight to you."
Author's Note
I had such trouble with this chapter. After awhile I split it into two, but then I realized it just worked better as one, so it took forever, and it's a long one. There should be one more chapter. Thank you for waiting.
“I hate her.” Fluttershy was pacing in front of the map in Twilight’s castle.
Twilight sat in her chair. “I know you’re angry, but don’t let it be misplaced. She believes she’s made the right decision.”
“Of course she believes it, but it doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“She has your best interests at heart; that I do know, even if you can’t believe it. And I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you, and I know it must only be half the pain you feel. I can’t help you.”
Fluttershy’s bitterness dwindled when she saw tears sliding down Twilight’s cheeks.
“It’s so unfair,” Twilight said. “I know how much you care for him.”
“I’ll never understand this. I think she felt like she was losing control of him and didn’t like it.”
“Fluttershy,” Twilight began. She wiped her eyes and patted her cheeks dry. “Please know I’m saying this with sensitivity: Discord isn’t like us. He has powers even the princesses can’t understand. Maybe you love him… I know you said so once. But I really think you should leave it as it is.”
Fluttershy listened to her words carefully. “You once told me it wasn’t my job to save him. I know what you meant by it, but I don’t agree with you.” She shook her head. “I’m married. I love my husband. I love my children. And I love Discord, too.”
“And if he gets out of there tomorrow? Do you plan to go with him? Have you even thought about it?”
“Of course I’ve thought about it,” she said with a slight edge. “I’m not going with him.”
Twilight relaxed, obviously pleased. “I think that’s wise.”
“I know what he’s like better than anyone,” Fluttershy said, still with an edge. “He couldn’t be tied down again, anyway. It doesn’t bother me. I only want to know he’ll be all right. I want to see him walking and happy, even if I’m not around. That’s all I want.”
***
Discord drummed his fingers on the arms of his throne. He looked dangerous, but to Celestia, now he looked merely unsettled. “You put me in here. I know you can get me out.”
“Discord-“
“Just for a day -“
“That isn’t the agreement. Your being stuck in here proves you’re not ready.”
“What are you afraid I’ll do? What could I do now that I haven’t already done? I’m sorry, Celestia. I’m sorry I ever fought you and your sister. You wanted me reformed, and here I am!”
She shook her head. “You’re not out there on your own yet. Be angry with me, but it was your own doing that put you here. You’d do well to remember that.”
“Then babysit me. You can put me back in here the moment I do anything wrong. If you’d just let me-“
“No .”
“You don’t even know what I’m thinking!”
“You want to see Fluttershy again. It’s a bad idea.”
Discord seemed unable to cope with some new emotion. He kept shaking his head and pausing and shaking it again, his eyes wide. “Then let me just say goodbye to her. Please, Celestia. Let me talk to her for five minutes, and I’ll never leave this room again.”
She sighed. “Don’t you understand what you’re doing?”
“How can it hurt her if I say goodbye to my only friend? I’ll never see her again. She’ll go on with her life like nothing ever happened. That’s the way you want it, right? I agree to that. Just let me talk to her. Celestia, please.”
Celestia was wavering. Her resolute view of Discord’s deal could not be broken under any circumstances, but even she second-guessed herself. Yet she remembered fighting him, so long ago. It had been almost impossible then. She knew he was capable of saying and doing anything to get what he wanted.
She looked at him directly. “You’ve got to let her go.”
He scowled. “You’re not perfect, either. You’re holding me to a higher standard than anyone.”
“Under the circumstances, it’s good that I am.”
“You’re heartless.”
“I’m not.”
“You convinced her I’m some monster when I’m not. You’re afraid she’ll want to be with me and not her family, isn’t that it? Isn’t that her decision?”
“This is exactly what I mean. You want out of here because you think you’ll get something you want in return. You don’t want to get out because you’re a good person. Perhaps you can fool someone as kind and naive as Fluttershy, but you cannot fool me. ”
His usual murderous glare was back. “I’ve never fooled you.”
“Not in a long time,” the princess said, matching his expression.
His face twitched and he looked through the crystal walls.
“It’s for the both of you that I'm not letting you see each other,” Celestia said. “You will get out of here when you are ready. It’s out of my hands now.”
Discord sat back. “The both of us. My, my, such compassionate words.”
“You know what you have to do. If you want out, do it yourself. Whatever you want to do after that, I won’t stop you.”
***
Years passed and Fluttershy made sure to hand over her Hearth’s Warming gift for the year to Luna who, as far as she knew, never brought it up to her sister. It wasn’t really communicating, she told herself, so she wasn’t breaking her promise to Celestia. But over time, her memories of Discord faded. Her hatred for Celestia, too, evaporated, but whenever she was summoned to the castle, a heaviness settled around her heart and she couldn’t wait to leave.
On one such occasion, Fluttershy and her friends had been summoned for a meeting, Celestia stopped her before she could slip away at the end.
“I’m just checking in on you,” the princess said kindly. “You look well."
"Thank you."
"... You still think of him.”
“Oh,” Fluttershy said, shrugging one shoulder, “not so much. Not anymore.”
“You’re still angry with me?”
She struggled to meet the princess' eyes. “I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter... He's well?”
“He is.”
“He’s not covered in stone?”
Celestia shook her head. “His hair is rather long again. He still thinks very highly of you.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy gripped the hem of her sweatshirt.
“You did what I asked, and I’m very proud of you. I know it’s been hard.”
Fluttershy fought to smile. “Princess, we have the same conversation every year. I’ve got to go. The kids have a school pageant.”
“Fluttershy, wait.” Celestia grabbed her arm when she turned to leave.
Fluttershy stood her ground and glared up at her. “Whatever your problems with him, they have nothing to do with me.”
“Flutter-”
“I’ve listened to you say the same thing for years. Please don’t keep trying to ease your conscience where I’m concerned.”
Celestia let her go. “I’m only worried about you.”
“I’m fine. You know that, right? I’m fine. ” She held up her arms and pushed down her sleeves to reveal her skin. “No lasting damage. No damage at all . I’m perfect. ”
“I’m glad.”
“You didn’t call me all the way here just to keep cornering me, did you?”
Celestia held up her hand. “I wanted to tell you he’s fine. I saw him a day ago. He’s still pulling through. He’s stronger than he was."
Fluttershy felt a violent pang in her body; how is it Celestia could see him so casually, and she never could? “I’m stronger, too.”
She moved around her to make her way toward the foyer. As she neared the doors, she felt someone’s presence behind her and rounded on the princess. “Will you stop following me?”
Princess Luna didn’t bat an eye as she caught up to her. “I will not keep you.”
Fluttershy only wanted to leave, but said, “No message?”
“He still wants to talk to you himself. Nothing has changed.”
“Celestia said he was doing better."
“My sister can be quite soft-hearted.”
“Celestia? ”
Luna gave a nod. “She does want to help him. And after you were sweet on him, she didn’t want to keep you from him. These things I know, at least.”
“Didn’t want to… she hardly let me see him at all. She never listened to a word I said.”
“You did not know him as we did. Perhaps she is still haunted by our shared past. She is, as you know, not without fault.”
Fluttershy did not want to hear any of Celestia’s praises, and set her teacup on its saucer with a tremendous rattle.
“Against her better judgment,” Luna continued, “but she did it for you.”
“And Discord? She might have had better results if she did it for him, instead.”
Luna turned her eerie, glass-like eyes on her. “As previously said, she is not without fault. I think she wants him free as much as you do.” She blinked. “She does like to blame people, my sister.”
“Luna,” Fluttershy sighed.
“Yes?”
“I know this.”
“Ah.”
“And it seemed you were on my side until now.”
“I do not take sides.”
Fluttershy began walking again. “Just the same…”
“She has not forgiven him.”
“It’s been a thousand years,” Fluttershy groaned. “How can she expect him to reform when she doesn’t believe he ever will? How can she put me in the middle of this quarrel with him?”
“He was a terrible plague. He took over everything- the whole world as we know it. Some lost their lives. You do know this, do you not?”
Only when she felt her nails dig into her palms did Fluttershy realize she was clenching her fists. “I know.”
“The scars on her hands were by his. The scars everywhere else, too.”
“I don’t know him. The Discord you knew back then, he doesn’t exist. You believe me; I don’t understand why Celestia doesn’t.”
“She never was very imaginative. I never had to have nightmares, as I created my own dreams. My sister did not fare so well.”
“It was so long ago.”
“Be that as it may, she hasn’t forgotten, and neither have I. I will never be friends with him. I hope you understand this. Freeing him and getting to know him are not at all the same thing. I support your efforts in helping him, but my sister can see him as she does.”
“What is it she wants from him? Why does she want him freed if she can’t trust him?”
"She does not want to be burdened by him any longer. Her spell won't release him until he is trustworthy, and that includes being trustworthy about you."
“Then why not…” Fluttershy trailed off, unsure what to say. Why not get rid of him? Why not hand him off to someone else? Why not bury him under the castle for eternity? “She feels guilty?”
Luna made a coughing sound that was, to Fluttershy’s sensitive ears, suspiciously like a laugh. “ No . You cannot distance yourself from him because you care for him. She cannot distance herself because of his oppression. He is like a shadow. She wants to be free of him. Probably she cannot rest until he has been dealt with.”
“You helped lock him up. You don’t feel that way?”
The princess shook her head.
“Why did she want me to do this? I have a hard time believing any of my friends would have… ended up this way. She is so angry with me, even though she says she isn’t. She should have kept me away when she first said so.”
“You can be persuasive,” Luna said. “She felt sorry for you.”
“I messed up terribly.”
“Not really.” Luna tilted her head to one side. “Well, a little. But she did not anticipate it. You’re hardly at fault.”
“I feel like I am.”
“You’re gentle. I know Discord appreciated it, but his attachment to you is not helping him at this time. He thinks he'll see you when he’s out but that's not true, is it.”
"Of course he will."
“You know what I mean. What will he do when he realizes this? Celestia has been thinking of it for a long time.”
Tears stung Fluttershy’s eyes, but she kept them from spilling over. “I’m tired, princess. Just tired.” She pulled on her mittens. “You will keep looking after him for me, won’t you?”
“He will outlive even me. As long as you know this.”
Fluttershy returned her nod and made her way out.
***
More years crept by. Five? Ten? Despite his yearning to be with Fluttershy, time held little interest (attention) for Discord. Each year, Luna gave him a Hearth’s Warming gift from her; a woolen scarf; books; paintings; baubles from her travels. He kept hold of them as if they brought him life, but there were no more letters. Eventually he suspected Fluttershy had not sent him those gifts at all, that Luna or even a guilt-ridden Celestia had bought them for him, but one year he received a small photo album of Fluttershy and her children and his heart grew warm again.
Bitterness returned, too. He tried, as he so often did, to reconcile his sentence as the penance it was for his own wrongdoings, but again he felt cheated. He worked harder than ever to be good. When Celestia dropped by on the rare day, he was not unkind. When Luna woodenly wished him a happy Hearth’s Warming, he gave no sardonic reply.
One arbitrary, meaningless evening, he was reading through one of Fluttershy’s books for what may have been the two hundredth time, when the light in the room changed. He dropped the book as sunlight flooded him, and he shielded his eyes with his free hand.
He could smell the ocean before his eyes adjusted, and felt the hot sand beneath his feet. He looked down. He was standing, free, and could feel the salty wind gently tugging at his clothes. When he heard a distant noise behind him, he turned and saw what he thought to be Fluttershy down the beach, running toward him.
She was in a yellow dress, the wind blowing her hair out. It was long again, and she kept pushing it behind her ears, over and over, then ran a short way to the shore and called back. “Discord! It’s wonderful!”
He stumbled toward her through the sand. “What are you doing here?”
“This is your beach, right? Didn't you send for me?”
He looked at the sky and then out across the water. “I don’t remember.”
“Well, I’m here. I want to see everything. Where are the seagulls? Pink and black, right?”
He scanned the sky again. “Hiding.” He let Fluttershy pull him along, unable to shake his unsettled feeling. “How did you get here?”
"I don't know. It doesn't matter, does it?" She took his hands in hers.
Still perplexed, he could barely reciprocate her grip. He focused on her eyes and found no trace of tears in them, and he leaned down, wrapping his arms around her, crushing her against him. He held her for a long while before releasing her. Her face was flushed and she was still smiling.
"Let’s walk," she said, pulling him along the shoreline beside her. The water sparkled so deeply that the occasional wave made their legs glitter, too.
"I've missed you," she told him. "And here you are. It must be your magic working again. I'd just left my animal sanctuary for the night, heading home, and then I was here."
"I don't think my magic's doing much," he said, considering. "Well, maybe it is."
The unusual seagulls appeared in the distance, and they stopped to watch them hovering above the water.
"It's a good sign, I think," she said. "I never thought we'd get to meet each other this way. I've been waiting so long."
"But you left."
"I had to leave. And you... you didn't want to see me, either," she said, her eyes glistening.
He looked away.
"Maybe your heart died a long time ago, or you never had one, but mine's still alive. It's hurt. I thought about you every day. Every day, for the rest of my life."
He let her go. “Why don’t you want to come back?”
“Discord, I gave my word.”
“Then break it.”
She shook her head. “For such a long time, I wanted you with me. But the truth is, I want something even more than that. You deserve to be free. You deserve a fresh start, and I won’t get in the way of that.”
He laughed. “I’ll never have one of those. You’re not in the way. You're the whole reason I might have a future."
“You don’t know that. It’s been selfish of me to want you out only for my sake.”
“Tch. ‘Only for your sake’. That’s not even true. You’ve always told me I deserve to be trusted on my own merits. Screamed it sometimes.” He rubbed his ear.
“If I have to step aside to help you get there, then I will. I have.”
“Fluttershy.” He abruptly stopped walking, close to anger. “What kind of ridiculous fairy tale do we live in where the only hope for someone like me is at the expense of losing someone like you? It’s hardly romantic. It doesn’t have to be just one way or the other.”
She hugged herself. “Celestia won’t allow it.”
“She’s psychotic.”
“I’m more important to her than you are. She wants things both ways. I can understand that a little, I think.”
His expression changed from anger to surprise, and then to a storm of fear and despair. “She’s wrong. I mean... I do love you. I know what it feels like. Would you wait for me if I asked you?"
"You know I'll always be here for you."
"I don't know what to do once I get out of here... but I'll find you."
She smiled up at him, her heart racing. Thunder rolled in the distance, breaking their reverie.
Discord cupped her cheek in his hand. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You didn’t. Honest, you didn’t.”
“I saw you when Celestia dragged you in."
“I know you didn't mean it. I wasn’t strong enough. I’m the one who failed.” She grinned when he opened his mouth to protest. “And look at you. Look at this place. I pictured you here with me so many times. It's perfect."
“I'm sorry. I’m working as hard as I can-”
“You’re getting out for yourself, remember? Not for me. You don’t need to apologize.”
“I’m getting out for you.” His admission was so candid, she didn’t say anything for a moment as she tried to think of a reply. “I told Luna to tell you once before, but I wanted to say it myself.”
Her body was in knots; to ease them, she wrapped her arm around his waist and cuddled next to him. She felt she could never tire of his warmth connected to hers; she wanted to touch him forever. "I’ll be here.”
Their mutual hesitation was brief, broken by a deep kiss. He lifted her to him, his arms around hers, and she wrapped her own around his neck. When they broke apart, she ran her fingers through the ends of his long black hair until a large wave nearly pushed them over.
They played at the edge of the water for a long time, and afterward lay on towels on the sand. The temperature was perfectly warm with a cool, refreshing breeze. They always held hands and took turns talking about their lives and dreams, and although they spoke freely, they were careful not to bring up the fragility of their time together.
"You seem happy," Fluttershy said as they lay together on the sand.
He held her against him. “You made me better.”
“I didn’t do anything. I just sat with you… I talked about nothing.”
“I needed you so badly. What kind of monster takes decades to understand what it's like to feel? I still need you.”
She kissed his hands, which covered her own. “I’m here. Right now.”
His grip on her tightened; he relaxed it when he saw her wince. “How did you get here again?"
"I blinked and I was here," she said. "You wanted me here, didn't you? Did I die?"
"You're not dead," he told her earnestly. “Of course I wanted you here, but my magic... when is Hearth’s Warming? Is it soon? A miracle?"
“A few more months. Anything in particular you’d like this year?”
He shook his head, then kissed her neck. “Only the same thing I always want. You know, your love… I feel it. I think I do.”
She smiled, but tears welled in her eyes, and his own smile faltered. “What’s wrong?”
She covered her face. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to. I know you’ve been fighting hard. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I feel as if I've known you my whole life. Whatever you do, I'll always be here for you."
They kissed again, looking at each other in a way they hadn't been able to before, and as dusk approached, they watched the changing sky. Discord gave a great, painful gasp and was in his throne again, tethered to stone. He felt as if he'd been hit by a boulder and fought to keep from being sick. He turned his head form side to side, but Fluttershy was nowhere in sight.
***
Time passed again in uncountable years. More gifts came. The stone around him kept chipping away until one day he could stand. Another day, he could play the small xylophone, which had been a Hearth's Warming gift from Fluttershy. He thought about her so endlessly in those early years it had become unbearable, and he had fought the image of her in his mind's eye for so long, he at last could get through a day or two without thinking of her at all.
Celestia visited several times a month, usually for a minute or two to make sure he was still alive, he supposed, or perhaps because she was bored.
In those days, he dreamed of walking to Fluttershy, sharing his words with her. His journals were full. His mind, for so long dark and walled, was also. Emotions and ideas he could not name flooded him, and he thought that he was happy.
But one morning Celestia visited early, only a day after she had just been to see him.
“Missed my face that much?” he drawled as she slipped into the chamber. “Or is it Hearth’s Warming again already and you forgot to tell me? Typical."
Once the door was closed and bolted, she only took one step forward before stopping. “Discord, I want you to believe me when I say I’m sorry.”
His attention perked. “Are you? About time.”
She closed her eyes, her jaw tense as if ready to argue. “Not about this. Fluttershy.” She looked up. “She’s gone.”
“Gone where?” Something in Celestia’s voice sent a ripple down his spine.
“She’d been sick for a while.”
Discord sat upright. “Hospital?”
“She died. Just yesterday. I wanted to let you sleep before I told-”
“Thank you.” His words were quiet and severe, and Celestia was silent. He spent a minute or two looking around his cell, at the glittering facets, at the sunny beach beyond the walls. He could almost smell the salt air. “Thank you,” he said again, without the severity.
“Her friends and family were with her. It’s just one of these things, you know. We’re not like you. We’re fragile. She was."
His smile was partially a grimace. “No one’s like her. Was .” His own words hit him, and his stoicism vanished. He couldn't think of anything, but his face struggled between showing anger and sadness. “You couldn’t… you couldn’t have told me earlier? You wouldn't even let me say goodbye?”
“I couldn’t bring her here, and you can’t leave. You couldn’t have done anything. I didn’t want you thinking you could.”
He ran his forearm across his eyes. “You hate me so much you can’t change. You expect me to, but you won’t do the work, either.”
Celestia watched him before lowering her head.
“I’ll forgive you for putting me in here, Celestia. I’ll forgive you for not telling me she was dying. But I don’t think I can forgive you for putting her in the middle of our hatred for each other.”
He raised his eyebrows when he saw her face also struggling to retain its calm, and she said, “I’m sorry about Fluttershy.”
He bowed his head, letting his long hair cover his face. “So am I.”
***
More time passed; Discord’s leg was again solidly in stone, and for a long time he didn’t care much. But, as time marched forward, so did he. And so it was, one day, maybe five, maybe ten years later that he found himself almost free.
He was deep asleep when Celestia’s voice called to him from the waking world. She stood before him, resplendent in a white dress. She smiled. “There you are.”
"The hell else would I be?" he murmured, stretching.
"You might want to be anywhere but here, now that you can leave."
Discord fought his grogginess and looked at his limbs. Not one piece of stone was on him, not anywhere.
“You’ve been sleeping for several days. Having a good dream?”
He stretched again and yawned and flexed his feet, eyeing them as if making sure they were his. “How long have I been this way?”
“Maybe two days. I tried to wake you. Actually, your left pinkie was still hanging on, but I released it last night.”
He raised, then furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s... very compassionate of you. I didn’t think you would ever change your mind about helping me.”
“I’m not entirely cold.”
“Of course not.”
If Celestia felt uneasy about his composure, she did not show it. He stood shakily and, step by slow step and leaning against the crystal wall, he made his way to the chamber door. When he reached the doorknob that Fluttershy had held so many times, he stopped. “I still love her. I want you to hear this."
Celestia was nonplussed. “Discord, you don't mean it.” When he didn’t respond, she said, “Even if you feel like you do, it isn’t real.”
“Why would I do any of this for anyone else but her? I don’t have anything out there. Nothing’s left that's mine.”
She watched him wrestle with the knob and hobble outside. “Forgive me,” she said, and he felt like she meant it. “I... didn’t think you were capable of feeling that way.”
Looking back, Discord frowned. Celestia gathered the armful of gifts Fluttershy had given him over the years, which had piled up around his throne, and followed him from the room. She kept a great distance from him and told her attendant to put everything in a satchel.
He limped through the halls and rooms with the princess trailing after him. He stopped before he entered the central hall. “Following me?”
She shook her head and passed him the satchel.
“You won’t have me do anything? No one to kill? No evil kings to maim?”
“No.”
He shouldered the satchel and moved past her. No one stopped him. No one spoke to him. Each step took him further from his prison and, he felt, from Fluttershy, too. When the guards opened the upper hall doors, he felt he did not know himself. When the doors were pulled shut behind him, he exhaled a long breath.
As he made his way toward the castle entrance, he caught sight of Luna, who was blinking more than usual, no doubt drowsy with the dawn. She had opened two tall windows at the top of the main stairwell, letting in the cold air to help wake her up.
He lifted his head when he caught her eye. “Thank you.”
Luna looked offended. “Your mind is horrendous. I never thought I’d get out of there.”
“See something interesting?”
She clenched the front of her dress. “What didn’t I see? Even when you sleep, you’re a mess. I never had such trouble.”
“You could have told me your plans.”
“And had I failed?”
He half-smiled.
“It was as good as I was able. It took years of trying. I didn't dare do it again, but… did I get the beach right?”
“Perfect.”
She pursed her lips. “I lied. I was on her side. Fluttershy’s.”
He continued down the stairwell. “Weren’t we all?”
He hardly noticed he was outside until he heard the great doors shut behind him, resounding in the quiet. His hair whipped his face in the wind, and he withdrew a small pair of scissors from his pants pocket. With a few snips, his bangs were shorn jaggedly above his eyebrows. He flexed his fingers as they reacted to the new movement.
He hadn’t felt cold in so long, he was still before pulling on the turquoise hat and mittens, Hearth’s Warming gifts from Fluttershy long ago. He stood at the crossroads, looking left and right, wondering which way he should go. Rays of sun filtered through the thin clouds, and tiny snowflakes drifted down to melt on the path. He pulled down the knit hat a little further, bracing against the cold.
Author's Note
I'm sorry for taking such a ridiculously long time again to finish this. Life just gets in my way frequently. I know there are some typos, but I'll smooth this chapter over in the next few days, once I give my eyes a break.
I cut quite a lot from this chapter. I think I mentioned it before, but I feel this story lends itself to endless chapters, so I really had to hack off parts of it here and there to keep it somewhat contained. I know I could have cut more, but I do so enjoy tormenting these two.