Asking
It was tea time at Fluttershy Cottage.
The weather was lovely and the meal was set in a quiet corner of the yard. Fluttershy, Discord, and an entourage of furry critters gathered to enjoy the afternoon.
For a while now, Discord had been fidgeting nervously.
Finally he spoke. “Flutters, I need to ask you a very special question.”
Fluttershy swallowed hard. What could have Dissy in such a serious mood? He was normally so light-hearted; not quite to a fault.
“Y-you do?”
“Fluttershy, would you—”
“Yes! Yes! YES!” she cried, her heart leaping within her, “I would like to save up to 15% on my auto insurance!”
Discord was momentarily nonplussed by her answer – but then a smile found its way onto his face.
What a perfectly chaotic response she had given him.
“Forsooth,” he fell back into the speech of a distant century when he was much younger, “thou'rt well suited to share my purely notional Throne of Chaos, sweet lady Shy.”
…
In a nearby shrubbery three voices made hasty, whispered, consultation.
“What’s an auto?”
“Why do you insure one?”
“What did we just miss?”
The CMC:TNG crowded around their periscope to see what would happen next. Marriage, schmarriage, they just hoped to watch Fluttercord kiss.
…
Discord presented a small velvet box; Fluttershy gasped with delight.
Inside, a delicate, shining, hoof-ring was set with a single flawless chaos gem; Fluttershy sighed as Discord placed it on her hoof.
Fluttershy held her hoof up to admire the sparkling jewel, and then rested it gently on Discord’s paw. “Were you really that nervous dear?”
“Could you tell?”
“You ate your teacup.” Fluttershy’s voice held only the gentlest hint of disapprobation.
Discord looked down and found that he held a teacup handle in his scaled hand.
“So I did, at that. I’m so sorry, love!”
“Now sip your muffin like a good boy while we decide how to share the news with my friends.”
“Who may be admiring a new garden ornament very shortly,” he mumbled soto voce.
Discord poked the teacup handle into the side of a muffin and sipped loudly.
Angelbunny stared with huge eyes as his adoptive mother’s fiancé drank a muffin.
“I think we’ll just have the girls over for drinks, if you don’t mind a low-key announcement.”
“I don’t mind Loki at all,” Discord teased, “he’s always welcome.”
“Can you run to Paperwhite’s stationary and pick up some nice invitations?”
“Certainly my love. Do we need anything else from town?”
“Milk, carrots, and paprika, if you don’t mind.”
Angelbunny thumped a warning.
“Sweet paprika, dear, not the hot stuff again.”
“Duly noted. Back in a jiffy, future Mrs. Discord P. Sullivan.”
Discord kissed his fiancé and teleported to the inside of the cottage. Stepping out the front door, he closed it carefully behind him and set off towards Ponyville whistling a jaunty tune.
“And condoms!” Fluttershy shouted after him, raising her voice as he grew further away, “we’re almost out of condoms! Don’t go paying extra for the ribbed ones, I can’t tell the dif-fer-ence!”
Telling
On the appointed announcement-day, Discord wore a tuxedo and served wine to Fluttershy and her friends. The mares milled around chatting, lovely and sophisticated in their little black dresses. When the moment was right Fluttershy nodded to Discord and he flicked the edge of a wine glass with a claw. The glass rang like a gong, drowning all conversation, a bass chime reverberating in the air.
“I’m so glad you could all make it here tonight,” Fluttershy said softly when the ringing died down. “Especially you, Twilight, I know you are busy with your project. But since you are all my best friends in the whole world, I wanted to tell you all that Dissy and I are getting married!”
Five different squeals of excitement filled the room – but before the questions and congratulations could start, there came a loud knock on the door.
“Everypony’s here already, right dear?” Fluttershy asked.
Discord held up a hand and counted on his fingers. “Me. You. Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie.” He was holding up seven fingers. He put his other hand, the paw, on his hip and frowned to think as he gazed at seven fingers. “Hugger is passed out already and Loki is surgically attached to our liquor bar.” Nine scaly fingers. “That should be all.”
The knock sounded again.
Discord peeked out through the gunslot. Without explanation he opened the door, performing a grand, flourishing, bow.
Their Highnesses Celestia and Luna stepped into Fluttershy’s cottage.
“Your Majesties!” she gasped, “welcome! We didn’t know you would be here tonight.”
All the ponies bowed to their rulers.
“My liege,” said Discord to Celestia, genuflecting.
“Discord,” she acknowledged, coolly.
“Do you come to forbid the banns?” he asked.
“Neigh, we come to toast the happy news! We seek only the happiness of all our subjects.”
In the twinkling of an eye, champagne was poured and passed around.
Discord raised his glass. “Er, to our glorious rulers!”
The Mane Six all called out, “Aye!” and drained their glasses as Celestia beamed. Luna acknowledged the toast with a shy smile.
A second round was poured.
Again Discord raised his glass. “To my lovely fiancé!”
Pinkie chimed in, “and to the best wedding party ever!”
Celestia hesitated slightly until everypony were drinking the toast.
“And here’s to throbbing consummation!” she said.
Everypony in the room choked; Celestia grinned as she drank.
Twilight closed her eyes and raised a hoof to her face. At the best of times Celestia’s crass humor was embarrassing. Right now she really didn’t have patience for her Highness’ merry pranks.
Luna addressed nopone in particular, “forsooth, it bodes ill to 'llow our wretched but dear sister from out the castle with ballgag un-worn,” she lamented quietly.
Everypony focused intently on their drinks, hoping to hide their blushes.
“Oh excuse me,” Celestia prattled cheerily, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I should have remembered that a modern wedding is typically pre-consummated.”
Once more everypony tried not to choke.
“Fie,” Luna muttered.
Knowing
Toasts completed, empty champagne glasses had been traded for wine or mixed drinks.
Fluttershy was still looking down at her hooves, her face scarlet.
“Don’t let my ex get to you, dear. You faced down my mother, I know you can handle Celestia,” Discord whispered loudly to her, knowing full well he would be overheard.
“Don’t tell me you think Queen Valeria of Draconequia is more frightening than I am?” Celestia was amused now.
“My mother, former mother that is, thanks to Fluttershy’s fierce intervention on my behoof, is pure evil. You, Highness, are nominally good.”
“Nominally? That is damn’d faint praise, sir. Congratulations, Miss Fluttershy,” Celestia said, “I really mean it.”
“Thank you, your Highness.” Fluttershy was still blushing from Celestia’s teasing. Anypony who paid any attention at all knew that she and Discord were already lovers, but her Highness didn’t need to blurt so much about it.
“It is a wonder that your friends didn’t decide to join forces and turn him into stone again.”
Fluttershy said nothing for a moment and Celestia drank deeply.
“I can turn part of him into stone all by myself…”
Celestia choked in surprise but her mouth was still full of wine.
“…like granite…”
Fluttershy continued dreamily as Celestia tried to swallow her wine without spraying it, her royal eyes bulging with the effort of controlling the need to cough.
“…really, really, hard...”
Fluttershy’s eyes were closed now, an expression of innocent bliss on her face. Heedless, it seemed, of Celestia’s struggle.
“…but so gentle.”
Celestia had, at last, forced down most of the wine and stood gasping for breath as Luna pounded her back. A trickle of wine ran down from her nose and her sinuses burned.
Fluttershy curtsied to the Princesses as if all was well, and went to talk to her friends of the Mane Six.
“Verily hast thou been outmatched, O mine sister,” Luna whispered as she administered a final thump.
Now the Mane Six crowded around Fluttershy to admire her hoof ring.
“It’s soooo stylish! What’s it made of, darling?”
“Oddtanium, πe carats. Discord tells me its very rare in this dimension…”
…
Meanwhile Discord was having a quiet word with Celestia, once she was able to breath again.
“The happiness of all your subjects, Highness?” he asked with gentle accusation.
“Of course, Mr. Sullivan. Why do you ask?”
“What of young Twilight’s somepony special?”
“That pony is not a citizen of Equestria,” she said tensely.
“He will die for you whether you accept his oath or neigh.”
“I want nothing of it. He is no pony of mine. Seers have spoken.”
“Your Majesty, you walk a thin line between the perverse quibbling of detail and outright prevarication.”
“And you, my friend and ex-lover, walk the thin line between insolence and statuary. I will hear no more of this.”
Discord bowed obediently, and said no more about the banished pony.
“What’s this about Valeria?” Celestia asked, changing the subject. “You know you can’t just disown the one who laid your egg even if she is almost as bitchy as I am.”
“I did no such thing. Fluttershy goaded her into disowning me.”
“Fluttershy?” Celestia raised her eyebrows, quite frankly impressed.
“Yes, Fluttershy. Speaking only from my personal experience, I don’t recommend underestimating her.”
Bowing again, Discord stepped away to circulate among the guests to see who required their glasses refilled. Celestia declined — there’s a first time for anything.
…
The hour grew quite late; first the Royal siblings and then the other mares left. Loki slipt out when nopony was looking. Hugger was fine, snoring behind the sofa.
Twilight was the last to go. She hugged Fluttershy again, shook Discord’s hand with her hoof.
“I’m so happy for you two,” she said for the umpteenth time.
“Thank you, but, um, what of your project? Rescuing your somepony?” Fluttershy couldn’t mention the foreboding soothtell; all five would be if trouble if word of illegal divination got out. But she attempted to justify a sense of urgency without it. “Dissy and I both really want to see him back in Equestria, with you.”
Twilight was visibly strained from overwork; her good cheer a façade she wore only for her friend’s sake.
“Well, it’s time to get back to work; no sleep for me this week. But I’ll break that spell if it kills me.”
“See that you do,” said Discord, “and see that it doesn’t.”
The door closed and Discord was alone with Fluttershy.
Alone with the pony he loved.
Flutters led the way to their bedroom. Her gaze was sultry now; her fangs glinted in the candlelight.
There was no need to ask this question.
After
The next morning it rained.
“Discord, honey,” Fluttershy complained, “somepony was drinking mead out of my boot last night!”
“Indeed,” Discord agreed, sniffing the proffered rain gear, “as you may recall, beloved, I merely stated that Loki was welcome. You were the one who sent him an invitation.”
