The Meatloaf of Serendipity
Octavia waited next to a city bus stop, with one hand on the upright cello case next to her. Almost no one else was around.
A purple-and-blue-haired teenage girl jostled Octavia. "I'm so sorry!" the girl said. The girl pushed up against Octavia again.
Octavia raised an eyebrow. "There's plenty of space around this bus stop. Why do you insist on trying to stand in the same spot where I am?"
The purple-haired girl winced. "I'm just clumsy, I guess." She pushed up against Octavia a third time.
Octavia said scornfully, "Why don't you go be clumsy somewhere else?"
As the girl grabbed at Octavia's shoulder, Octavia moved one leg, hooking it behind one of the shover's knees. The purple-haired girl teetered and fell over, with a "wmmph!" as much of the air was knocked out of her lungs. After that, it can be harder to breathe for a few minutes.
"So sorry," Octavia said calmly. "I suppose I can be clumsy too. Would you mind giving me my purse back? You seem to have snatched it."
The fallen girl threw the purse upwards, as a curvy-hipped, orange-haired girl ran past. The running girl caught the purse and carried it away.
The girl on the ground gasped for air. "(Gasp!) sorr...(Gasp!) srry." She struggled to her feet, and, still wheezing, slowly tried to run away, stopping every few steps to inhale more air.
"You know," Octavia said, "You're not very good at this."
The girl kept stumbling and gasping slowly away.
A blue-haired girl of about the same age ran up to Octavia. "Am I late?" she shouted. She put her hands on the cello case and tried to pull on it. "Ar--I mean, girl who I don't know! Get back here! Where's my distraction!"
The wheezing, gasping, staggering girl turned her head partway back towards the scene of the crime. "Trying to run away--WHEEZE!--after getting my--GASP!--plot kicked. You--GASP!--should--WHEEZE!--run a--GASP!--way too."
The blue-haired girl, whose name was Sonata, turned back towards Octavia. "Hey! Didn't you have a purse before?"
Octavia tried to look nonchalant. "What purse?"
"The blue striped one with the orange trim."
"THAT one." Octavia rolled her eyes. "I'm glad something finally happened to it. It doesn't really go well with anything. It doesn't even go with itself."
Sonata's mouth opened in a little 'o' of amazement. "You WANT someone to steal your purse? Wow, you really ARE rich."
Octavia shrugged. "It's not like the purse has anything in it."
In a park across the street, someone shrieked. "NEWSPAPER! That BIRCH! All this work, for CUT-UP NEWSPAPER!"
Sonata gave Octavia a skeptical look. "Newspaper isn't nothing."
"You're right," Octavia agreed. "But it's not valuable. That's a decoy purse."
Sonata screwed up her mouth as she thought. "Decoy? Do you keep a fake duck in it?" She looked up at the sky. "I wish I had a fake duck. A fake duck that could fly." Sonata pulled on the cello case again. "Sorry, I keep getting distracted."
Octavia snorted. "If I were working with those two, I wouldn't want to spend my time thinking about my work either." She pronounced that last word 'EYE-ther,' like people who are trying to sound like they were educated somewhere else. In fact, Octavia seemed to favor what some people call a 'mid-Atlantic accent.' That's an accent that is neither American nor British, as if it were a compromise by people who lived on a little island halfway across the Atlantic that doesn't actually exist.
Sonata frowned. "I'm going to get into SO much trouble with the other girls. I didn't even get a worthless fake duck purse. And I showed up late."
Octavia sighed. She glanced at her strong hardshell cello case and thumped it a couple times, making a "BOUM BOUM" sound she always found reassuring. "I'll tell you what. I've been thinking about going to get a milkshake." She tilted her head slightly to indicate the direction. "You can carry my cello so it looks like you're at least trying to steal it."
Sonata's face lit up with a big smile. "Gosh, thanks!" She reached out to shake Octavia's hand. "My name is Sonata!"
Octavia visibly struggled to keep a straight face. "I know. We go to Canterlot High together."
Sonata's eyes widened. "We do! I thought you looked familiar." She tilted her head slowly, trying to shake a memory loose. "You're Octavia Melody! I loved hearing you play in the Musical Showcase, I mean the Battle of the Bands. Even though we were trying to beat you, of course."
"Of course you were," Octavia said agreeably. "You three sang very well, at least until that strange accident with the exploding jewelry. But don't you think we should start moving? No one will believe you're trying to steal my cello, if you don't at least try to take it somewhere."
"Let's do it!" Sonata enthused. She tried to lift the cello case upward. But before it moved, she herself started to tip over. "This thing sure is heavy. You must be really strong! I don't know why the other girls didn't try to rob a flute player instead. Or a harmonica player, maybe."
Octavia snickered. "You'd be surprised. Some harmonica players are pretty tough. But if you want to move that cello case, it has wheels on the bottom. Just stand on THAT side," Octavia gestured, "and CAREFULLY tip it a little bit towards you. Not too much."
"OOH!" Sonata squealed gleefully, "It DOES move." She carefully inched it along the sidewalk.
Octavia forced her face into a serious expression. "I'm glad you're being careful with it. A stolen cello is worthless if you break it, after all."
"That's true! Even if I don't succeed in stealing it, the other girls should at least give me partial credit for not breaking it." Sonata's shoulders slumped. "They probably won't, but it would be only fair."
Octavia nodded. "They should. If they don't, I'm sorry."
"I'm just glad SOMEONE understands." Too gently to break the skin, Sonata bit her own lower lip.
On the way to the milkshake shop, Octavia and Sonata each took turns moving the cello.
"It's not that I don't respect your professional thieving skills," Octavia explained. "It's just that I have more experience carrying it, and I want to get to the shop before it closes for the night."
Sonata looked thoughtful. "That makes sense. Anyway, I can just try to steal it later, right?"
"Of course," Octavia agreed. "Then later you can tell your sisters, just before you were about to pick up my cello and run away with it, we recognized each other from Canterlot High. Then your sisters should be glad that you avoided being caught by someone who knew who you were."
"That's smart," Sonata agreed cheerfully. "I hope my sisters are able to follow all that logic. Otherwise they might not think I did anything very smart at all."
While carrying the cello case with one hand around the handle, Octavia put her other hand on Sonata's shoulder. "Please don't take this personally, Sonata. But your sisters are idiots. Did you see how stupid their plan was? Aria bumped into me at least four times. Adagio thought she was clever to run away with the purse, but she left Aria on the ground behind her where she could get caught. Later, Adagio screamed so loudly about how she thought she'd been cheated by stealing something worthless, all the police in Canterlot could have found her and locked her up. And aren't you the only one of you three who recognized that we all go to the same high school together? A fact which would make it a lot easier to catch any of you later, even if you got away the first time?"
Sonata frowned. "Are you saying, the reason Adagio's plans keep failing isn't because I'm stupid, but because her plans are stupid?"
"What do you think, Sonata?"
"They're always telling me everything is my fault. But when Adagio left Aria behind to get caught, maybe that was Adagio's fault."
"What would have been smarter, is if Adagio hadn't run away with the purse, and Aria had just given it back to me. Then it would be harder to prove they'd meant to steal it."
Sonata teared up. "Are Adagio and Aria going to get arrested soon?"
"If they keep acting like this? I think it's inevitable."
Sonata sniffled. "They're my only friends, you know. At least, that's what they tell me every day. And even if they're kind of evil and maybe their plans are kind of dumb, they're my sisters. And you know what they say, blood is thicker than water."
Octavia snorted. "I think your sisters' HEADS are thicker than water."
"Aww! You called them dumb and you didn't call me dumb. I think that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a while."
"That is?" Octavia looked seriously at the would-be thief. "I'm sorry. People should say nice things to you more often."
"Aww! That's the other nicest thing anyone's said to me in a while! So that makes two nicest things!"
Octavia cleared her throat. "Here's a third thing, maybe. You helped me carry my cello, so I think the least I can do is buy you a milkshake here." Octavia led Sonata into a coffeehouse, and to the counter inside.
"Oooh," Sonata said, looking at the menu board on the wall behind the counter. "Which milkshakes are the best?"
Octavia pursed her lips as she thought. "I think they're all good in their own ways. I guess maybe hardly anyone would DISlike vanilla or chocolate? But I usually like to get something more interesting."
"What are YOU going to get?"
"Hmm. Maybe a half-chocolate half-raspberry chunk with mint leaves on the top."
"That sounds good!" Sonata blew air between her lips. "Pffffffttt! Raspberry, ha ha!"
"Good choice. The mint leaves count as a vegetable, you know."
"Wow. Do they? I want that one for sure!"
***
A few minutes later, Sonata and Octavia were sitting at a somewhat secluded table behind some potted ferns.
"This table is the best!" Sonata said. "I can see why you wanted to sit here."
Octavia raised her eyebrows questioningly. After a moment, she asked, "Why?"
"Isn't it obvious? This table is convenient to both the front and back doors. So if you have to run away without paying because you don't have any money, it's easier to escape. That's also good if someone comes in who's angry at you because of something you did."
"Mmm. Does that happen to you a lot? Maybe to you and your sisters?"
"You have NO idea. Adagio got into the habit of taking us to any restaurant she likes, and just singing them into ripping up our bill at the end of the meal. So when our magic gems broke, things got awkward pretty quickly. There's hardly a restaurant in town that'll serve us anymore."
"That does sound awkward."
"It is. But I have a secret plan."
"One that doesn't involve crime, I hope."
"OH! This is a SECRET secret plan. You have to promise not to tell anyone."
Octavia looked stern. "Sonata, if you're mixed up in something really bad, I can't promise to keep it a secret. I can't help you seriously hurt anyone."
"But you hurt Aria when she tried to mug you!"
"Aria pushed and shoved me four times first. And she was trying to steal my purse. And I didn't hurt her nearly as badly as I could have."
"Wow. Yeah, I saw when I was down the street, running because I was late. You knocked her over like it was nothing. I guess carrying a cello DOES make you pretty strong. Do you moonlight as a furniture mover? Or as a strongwoman at a circus?"
Octavia gave Sonata a long look. "You have a creative mind, Sonata. And some surprisingly constructive thoughts. I wonder what you could accomplish, if you didn't shackle yourself to your sisters' ill-considered plans."
Sonata whispered, "That's what I was about to tell you. When Adagio sends me out to try to do my own crimes, I cheat."
Octavia whispered back, "You cheat at crime? I thought crime WAS cheating. So if you're cheating at crime...does that mean you're NOT doing crime?"
Sonata squealed cheerfully, "You're so smart! You figured out part of my secret secret plan right away!"
Octavia said dryly, "I'm sure that's only because you explained it so well. But what's the rest of your secret secret plan?"
Sonata whispered, "I went to one of the gourmet restaurants where Adagio had us do a dine-and-dash, and I apologized, and I said the only reason we did it was because we didn't have any money. And I begged for a job. I said I'd do anything, even clean the toilets."
"My curiosity is piqued. What happened next?"
"They gave me a job. First they let me work off the debt from before, and then they paid me in real money, and sometimes I get to take some extra food home. I tell Adagio and Aria I stole the food, so I don't get in trouble at home."
Octavia, her eyes half-closed, said, "What a tangled web we weave. Sounds like a good plan, though. You've even covered your tracks with your sisters."
"I know! And I get to eat food from Donny McKing's!"
Octavia's eyes opened. "I'm pretty sure Donny McKing's is not a gourmet restaurant."
"But it must be! Gourmet restaurants are the best restaurants, right? And the burgers and fries at Donny McKing's are SO good!"
Octavia wiggled her fingers on the table as she thought. "I suppose it's good to know what you like."
"It is! The only problem is, I thought I would learn how to cook by working there, but I can't make any of their food at home!"
Octavia mumbled, "But IS it food?"
"What, Octavia?"
"I just thought, some of their menu items might require some UNIQUE industrial ingredients."
"You don't know the half of it! I went to the supermarket, and I tried to buy the same fifty-pound bags of preconstituted french fry mix, or a bag of smoothyshake base, or a tub of genuine meat-flavored patty mix? They didn't sell any of that stuff. Isn't that crazy?"
Octavia fought to keep a straight face. "Indeed. What a dilemma."
The coffeehouse's front door opened. With a great clatter, two girls ran in, a purple-haired one and a redhead. They ran around the shop, grabbing some items off the counter, and ran out the back door.
Octavia whispered, "Adagio and Aria. Why?"
"They must have followed me here. Maybe they're trying to keep an eye on me."
"Someone should keep an eye on THEM."
A barista came to the fern-shrouded table. "I'm sorry, ladies, but someone just stole both your milkshakes. I'll have to remake them."
Octavia replied, "I understand." She turned to Sonata. "Can you wait?" Sonata nodded. "We can wait."
"I'm so sorry. As an apology for the extra delay, I can make these on the house."
Sonata almost jumped up and down with excitement. When the server had left, she squeal-whispered, "My sisters ARE looking out for me! They got you and me free milkshakes. And they got two free milkshakes too! That's like four free milkshakes for the price of zero!"
Octavia looked annoyed. "Don't get too impressed by their little scheme. If I wasn't a regular here, we would probably still be paying for these."
Sonata admitted sadly, "I guess you're right. My secret secret plan is still a lot better. Because I get burgers and fries as well as shakes, and I don't have to do any crimes."
"Yes, that is a lot better. A plan that doesn't end in prison."
Sonata looked appraisingly at Octavia. "You sure are good at fighting. And you seem to know a lot about crime too. Are you, like, a retired mob boss?"
Octavia laughed for a long time. Finally, wheezing a bit, she said, "No. I guess it's because I'm a cellist."
"Wow! So are all cello players like retired mob bosses? Really strong fighters, and experts on crime?"
Octavia laughed again. "No. But it all started when I told my parents that I wanted to be a professional cellist."
Sonata bit her lower lip as she thought. "If I was smarter, would what you just said make sense?"
Octavia chuckled. "Probably not. But it made sense to my parents.
"They told me, if I was to be a top-notch professional cellist, I would have to go where the jobs were. I would probably end up living in a big city. Or I might have to travel around to different cities, places where I didn't know anyone. They said, a girl doing that might get into trouble. So I'd better know not just how to recognize trouble before it happened, but also how to get out of it."
Sonata bit her lip. "So...how to beat people up if they try to steal your purse?"
Octavia nodded. "That and so much more."
"WHAT much more?"
They told me, if I wanted top-drawer cello lessons, I also had to take lessons in other skills. I had to learn martial arts that I could do without hurting my hands. Because a cellist needs her hands in good condition. Savate (that's French kickboxing) and karate (we focus more on the foot and lower body techniques) and so much more."
"Wow!" Sonata said. "Did you learn how to be a ninja?"
"We TRIED to get me pro-level ninja training. But we couldn't find a good enough school."
Sonata giggled. "Well of COURSE you couldn't! Because they're ninjas, get it? If they're good ninjas, you can't find them...well, maybe that joke works better in Ponish."
The front door opened, and two girls ran in--one redhead, one purple-haired. They ran around the coffeehouse, grabbed up several items, and ran out the back door.
Octavia sighed. "I guess we'll be waiting a while longer for that milkshake."
"Aw, that's okay!" Sonata somewhat awkwardly slapped Octavia's shoulder. "It's fun just getting to hang out with you! I can talk to you, and you don't call me stupid all the time or tell me to do crimes! That's really neat!"
Octavia said, "I'm having a pleasant time too, conversing with you. Although I WOULD like your sisters to leave us alone."
Sonata muttered, "Wouldn't that be nice?"
"Yes," Octavia said. The two girls giggled.
"So," Sonata said, "not a ninja."
"Regrettably, no. Although to help ensure my safety as a cellist, I received training in other skills."
"Like what? Demolition?"
Octavia laughed briefly. "No, that's percussionists."
"Ha! Somehow that joke is kind of funny even though I don't think I quite get it."
"Yes. That's how you can tell it's a percussionist joke. It works well enough even if you don't QUITE get music theory."
The two giggled again.
"So what else did you have to learn?" Sonata pressed.
Octavia reached under her skirt, as Sonata watched curiously. A moment later, Octavia pulled out a pair of handcuffs.
Sonata stared. "I don't think those are really a first date kind of thing."
Octavia laughed melodiously. "These aren't for a date thing. What these are for is to show you, I was taught how to evade and escape kidnappers. Here." Octavia locked the handcuffs around Sonata's wrists.
Sonata pleaded, "I promise I'm not trying to kidnap you, I swear."
Octavia smiled mischievously. "These are for learning to get out of. To get away from kidnappers."
Sonata laughed nervously. "Oh. Of course. I knew that."
Octavia's playful smile broadened. "What did you think they were for?"
"Um...stuff."
Octavia giggled. "A girl traveling on her own should know how to get out of STUFF. So my parents and my tutors told me." Octavia's mouth moved sightly, and a short metal wire protruded between her lips.
Sonata scooted her chair away fearfully. "Oh no! Are you a cyborg!"
Octavia touched her own lips with one hand, to take the wire out of her mouth. "Hardly. Merely well-prepared." Octavia crooked her finger, coaxing Sonata to scoot her chair close enough for Octavia to reach the siren's wrists. After a bit of wire-wiggling, the handcuffs sprang open. "Now you try it, Sonata."
Sonata accepted the wire, fastened a cuff around one of her wrists, and struggled for a minute.
"No, more like this. Watch closely...I'll try to do this slowly, to help you follow it."
After several more demonstrations, Sonata successfully released a cuff from her wrist. "Cool. But kind of kinky."
"The better you get at it, the less kinky it will be. It is simply a skill, like any other. Like playing the cello, or cooking a burger with fries."
"Is that what your parents and teachers told you?"
"It is exactly what they told me. And they were right."
Even as they conversed, Sonata practiced releasing the handcuffs. Sometimes Octavia's hands upon Sonata's hand or wrist showed the siren what she wasn't doing quite right, and how to fix it. Before they were done, Sonata was able to lock herself in and release herself even with her wrists behind her back.
The girls were only moderately distracted, the third time Sonata's sisters ran through the coffeehouse and carried away what they could.
Octavia sighed. "Those girls are rather annoying."
"You have no idea. Imagine living with them."
Octavia's lips narrowed. "I prefer not to."
"Exactly!" Sonata snorted.
The barista returned to their table.
Octavia looked haughtily at the back door through which the marauding sirens had escaped. "Let me guess...another delay?"
"Not exactly, miss. I'm afraid we're all out of ice cream."
Octavia and Sonata looked at each other, and chortled. After a moment, Octavia asked, "What do you have?"
"Sandwiches, chips, most of our desserts...meatloaf? And coffee, of course."
Dreamy-eyed, Sonata said, "I haven't had any real meatloaf in a long time. Just the fake meatloaf you can make in the back room at Donny McKing's, from the supplies we keep there. It isn't the same."
The barista said, "My brother-in-law used to work there. I completely sympathize. You'd think a restaurant ought to have food, right?"
Sonata said agreeably, "Right!"
"We get a big delivery tomorrow. So whatever you two girls want, it's on the house."
"Thank you so much!" Sonata exclaimed.
Octavia said, "I agree. This is very kind of you."
"I appreciate YOUR understanding. You know our coffeehouse isn't usually like this."
Octavia nodded. "I suggest the next time those two girls run though here, someone should stick out a leg and trip them."
The barista stood up straighter, trying to look like a big, strong man who could solve problems even if they involved crazy girl cooties. "Don't worry. We'll think of something." The barista left the table.
Octavia asked Sonata, "Do you think they're stupid enough to come through here again? They're really pushing their luck."
Sonata looked thoughtful. "I think if they've already taken all the ice cream...we should be safe enough, for now."
***
The barista brought out two plates of meatloaf with mashed potatoes and extra gravy. The two girls found that it was good.
"This is like a little feast!" Sonata said.
"I agree. I had no idea the meatloaf here was so delicious."
"You told me everything here was good."
"I said the milkshakes are all good. Which they are, when there's ice cream. But maybe everything else here is good too."
"We should come back here again and again, so we can try everything."
Octavia smiled. "You come up with good plans, Sonata."
Sonata leaped out of her chair, walked around the table, and hugged Octavia from behind. Octavia looked a bit surprised.
"What was that for?" Octavia asked.
Sonata pulled on Octavia until she got out of her chair and stood up facing Sonata. The siren hugged her again, more thoroughly this time. "Just for being you."
Octavia joked, "I don't even know how NOT to be me."
Sonata grinned. "So you can keep on doing what you're doing!"
From somewhere towards the middle of the coffeehouse, Octavia heard a male voice. "Three times, you say? That's a lot. And the descriptions sound familiar from a little crime spree earlier today, a bit farther downtown."
Octavia whispered, "Don't act nervous, don't turn around. That's Twilight's brother, Shining Armor. He's a police officer."
Sonata whispered, "I could keep hugging you for hours."
"Another good plan," whispered Octavia. "Let's try it."
Sonata saw Octavia's eyes widen a bit. Octavia whispered very softly, "For a beginner, best under your tongue. Ends are blunted so you'll be ok if you swallow it, but don't."
Octavia pulled Sonata closer, and pressed her lips against the siren's. Octavia's tongue pushed roughly against the siren's lips.
The siren squealed softly, as she parted her lips wider to let the cellist's tongue inside. When Octavia's tongue retreated, Sonata's tongue followed. A moment later, Sonata felt the cellist's tongue return, carrying something thin and curved, hard yet somewhat springy.
Sonata's tongue rose up, letting Octavia hide the handcuff pick underneath.
Sonata felt a hand clamp onto her shoulder, and was so startled she almost swallowed the lockpick.
Shining Armor said, "When you young ladies are QUITE done?"
Octavia loosened her own hold on the siren. "Thank you for a very pleasant afternoon. But now I must let you take your leave."
Sonata replied, "Nng. Thang you for a lovely ndime."
Shining Armour pulled Sonata farther away from Octavia. "Does she always talk like that?" he asked the cellist.
"She does seem to have a bit of a speech impediment, when she's nervous, or isn't careful to avoid it. But she's still a lovely young lady. I don't know what you would want with her. Is she some kind of crime victim?"
Shining Armor said, "Maybe. She might be able to give the police a lot of information. If she cooperates." He looked Sonata in the eye. "I doubt you're really, truly bad. Wouldn't you like to make a deal, sweetheart?"
Sonata said nothing.
"Well, I guess I can ask you again down at the station." Shining Armor gripped Sonata's arm firmly, walking her out the front door towards a police car.
As Octavia watched through a window, two sirens ran past, one of them hitting Shining Armor right in the face with a stolen pie. As Shining tried to wipe pie filling and whipped cream out of his eyes, Sonata ran away. By the time Shining could see again to catch her, all three sirens were gone.
"Heh," Octavia chuckled. "What a first date."
Author's Note
None of the techniques depicted in this story are guaranteed to work properly or to be safe. Don't you already know martial arts films featuring wirework are usually fake and unrealistic? 
I would like to apologize to any trees or ninja schools who feel they were insulted during the making of this story. That was not my intention.
Maybe I should also apologize to the percussionists, if any jokes hit them too hard.
I'm not sure whether a particular phrase used in this story owes any debt to the tale "Celestia's Secret Secret Room," or not. But it's a cute story!
