Mike and Anon Win The Lottery and Open A Cheap Disneyland Knock-Off

by MonkeyWithATopHat

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Violence, Sex, Human
Length: 2135

We wanted snacks, but we accidentally got rich. Whoops.

Mike and Anon wanted snacks, so Anon went out, but he came back with a lottery ticket and no munchies. Investments aren’t the same as chips though.

Published 2020-10-17 04:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-27 04:10:58 UTC

Prologue - Where are the Chips?

Me and Anon had landed into this place on accident, if it was up to me, I would have preferred to be homeless on earth then be poor in Equestria. Most people here are complete douchebags. I wish I could tell my past self what a shithole place this was.

We were both scared, and we both had no idea what type of ordeal we were going through, we met his group of 6 ponies in particular who were in some areas, profoundly more annoying than others.

The yellow one is probably the least annoying, but she has a tendency to apologize when she definitely doesn’t need to, which just comes off as little self esteem. The orange one is fine, and probably the least annoying out of all of them.

The white one is kinda bitchy, maybe not living up to the so called “generosity” title that she has. The purple one is sometimes annoying on how she has to know definitely everything, and she asked us about a full interviews worth of questions when we first came here.

The blue one has an ego about the size of the god- damn ocean, sometimes she is, how I call it: “The Biggest Bitch In the 7 Seas!”

I’m assured that the pink one has an addiction problem, it’s just that nobody has found it out yet, maybe she uses a different type of “sugar” in her cakes. Are there any cartels in Equestria?

No matter the case, we had no money, who knew being a big, tall, scary ape man would be make getting a job exceptionally more difficult? So much for diversity. We could only get odd jobs, at least it’s better than being in prostitution.

Me and Anon were poor, like we couldn’t afford electricity levels of poor, we needed to light candles for light, with this society being as advanced as it is, you would have thought they would have invented cars, but nope, still carriages.

One really annoying thing is that when the sun comes out, it’s just straight up appears, which means that you can be blasted with the full power of the sun at night, which is a great way to go blind.

Anyways, we are poor.

Got that driven in your head yet?

We couldn’t afford gourmet food, it’s more like ketchup with bread 3 meals a day, it feels and tastes like ass, but it’s better than starving, I would fucking eat the squirrels outside, but I feel like the ponies wouldn’t like that very much.

They are all vegetarian, which is a real pain in the ass, no more burgers or hot dogs, I heard that the Griffons sell meat, but traveling is expensive, and we are kinda strept for cash at the moment, having water is a luxury at this point. Our clothes look like what would happen if you went through a Goodwill dumpster, the white one offered us new clothes, but I was too freaked out by her bitchiness to accept them.

I was waiting for Anon, I sent him out with the last of the cash we had for this week, to go ahead and get some snacks, preferably something we can share, I can remember only giving him about 3 bits. We can probably buy a Whole 1/4 of a Apple! The Apple Farm up-charges apples for no sane reason.

This was one of the lucky days that the electricity wasn’t shut off, we had a small CRT T.V. that was about the size of Gallon of Milk. None of the channels are good, they fucking suck so hard.

The news channels are far more entertaining than the actual News channels, these ponies are so rude and egotistical about themselves that it wraps around and becomes humorous. I wasn’t really paying attention, I was really just spacing out on looking at news on my phone about back home.

Anon burst straight through the door, he had a big stupid fucking smile on his face. He had no bags in his hands, hopefully he still got something, I don’t want to go hungry tonight, preferably not dying. He walked over to me and sat right next to me on the couch, his smile is genuinely getting annoying, better ask him before he asks me.

“What the hell are you so happy about?”

I asked him, his smile lessened a little bit, but he still kept on having a happy expression.

“Look what I got! I spent all our money, but I can make it up to you. Trust me Mike, this will be our road to success!”

He pulled out a Big-Ass Lottery Ticket, from behind his back, expecting me to be surprised from it.

So Anon, he just wasted our food money on a fucking lottery ticket! So much for trying not to get into prostitution, I gotta sell my dick for some sandwiches now.

“What the hell? You were supposed to get snacks, not a ticket to develop an addiction!”

I yelled, he slightly winced after I shouted at him. I think he was expecting a slightly different response from me, not for me to basically give him a light scolding, like a dog that pissed on a carpet.

No food for us now, but I guess we gotta join a gang now for food. I don’t wanna be remembered as a foal murderer.

“ Wait- wait, Just give me a chance, I promise, I’ll make it up to you, just give me something to scratch it off.”

He responded, clearly seeing that I was upset.

“ I would, but we don’t have any bits to use! What are you going to scratch it with now? Your Scrotum?”

I said, clearly having a slight form of bitterness, realizing that we are gonna have malnutrition for the next couple weeks.

Anon quickly took out a toothpick, rapidly scratching the silver texture on top of the card.

One Sevens...

Like as if that means something, can’t wait for the disappointment on his face.

Two Sevens...

Huh, looks like he got lucky for the first 2 scratches, not as if he would the win the jackpot anyways, it’s even more disappointment for him to be waiting for.

Three Sevens...

...

Fuck.

Both of us stared at each other in complete silence. We just realized that we won the jackpot, no longer will we have to eat 1/4 of an apple! We could get an actual whole apple!

We can now eat like a Canterlot noble now, we can get all the chips we want! We can buy everything! We can buy every store in the world! We can buy a inflatable bounce castle! We can buy a gian-

Anon cut off my train of thought interjecting that he “had a great idea that would make us even more.”

He got a napkin from the kitchen and a pen, he then drew the most crude drawing of a plan, it was like as if he never drew before in his life.

Seriously, I could ask Ms. Cherrilee to give the students a test, and they could probably draw something better than that, god damn.

Despite It looking like a kindergartners drawing, it had some sustainability of thought, I think he was trying to describe his plan, His handwriting fucking sucks, so I can’t read it, so I asked him to describe his drawing.

“My plan is to build a theme park, that will eventually make us even more money, it’s like building a giant money printer.”

His plan does sound idiotic, but it also sounds like there is some logic behind it.

“How about we just spend it on some other cool shit? Like buying a bunch of sandwiches?”

I said, this barely affected Anon, he didn’t even pay attention to it, His facial reaction did not change, not even a wince.

“Think about it, we have a memory of Disneyland, we basically have a giant template for us make into a giant money farm!”

This is probably the most intelligent thing Anon has ever said, It sounds so fucking absurd that is might just work, why not try it out? What’s the worst that could possibly happen?

I Fucking Jinxed It, Didn’t I?

Author's Note

This is my First FIMFiction story, I was hoping somebody would make a story like this, so I just decided to make it myself.

Please, Leave your Suggestions and Criticism in the Comments.

Chapter 1 - Can I Buy Land, Relatively the Size of a Country?

Anon’s Idea is so ridiculous, that it actually might work, I mean, it’s not like there is a lot of competition. Maybe there is a gay-ass carnival sometimes, here or there, but it’s gonna be shit compared to our park.

I mean, fucking disneyland? You can’t compete with that, good grief, my mind is already racing on the ideas. We could build the best park in the world, and become rich and famous, my life goals, apart from having sex with a woman, but, still goals.

“So where do we start? We need somewhere to build this abomination park!”

I asked, hoping that Anon would say something about on how he planned all this out, and we just need to follow instructions.

He had the same amount of cluelessness that I expected from him, not sure on where to start.

We both decided that in order to start, we need to have a place to build and our backyard definitely isn’t even enough room for only one ride. So we had to get creative.

When we first came here, we could only get a house because basically the fucking bitch of a mayor felt sorry for us. I felt humiliated at some points, but also thankful, most would just see us as animals.

Everybody ran away from us when we first walked into town, so much for making a good first impression, bad people get bad things happening to them right?

We decided that we needed to get money in order to start, so we decided to go to Canterlot to see if any lone banker could be willing to give us our prize, the problem is, that we can only redeem the ticket in Canterlot, but we don’t have any money to travel, so that means that we need to take drastic measures.

I know I talk about prostitution a lot, but it might have to be an option for us, but hopefully we can just sell all our shit, and get enough money for our trip.

Ponyville, Equestria: 21 Hours Later

We finally conned the last mare into buying our lamp, we managed to get about 37 bits from selling our stuff, hopefully that will be enough, or else we can walk, but I prefer keeping my legs.

Me and Anon decided that it would be best to go by train, thinking that it would be the most efficient in going to Canterlot, it was about 15 bits round trip, so we only had about 7 bits left.

We took our seats near the back, passing by all the rich ponies and getting dirty looks, this is why I hate public travel. Rich assholes in every single place, no matter what.

I was fearful of losing the winning ticket, I prayed that nobody would think to mug us during our trip, hopefully Canterlot is a low crime area, maybe people are too rich for robbery.

We waited for about 9 hours before we arrived to the train station, we finally got out after all the rich people got out, so that way they can “Not walk on the same path as poor people.”

Heh, I bet they’ll be kissing our feet when we finally become rich. They’ll beg us for money, and we will say no and give a big “Fuck You!” to them.

I thought, still daydreaming about how the park would plan out.

Maybe I’m stretching too much, way too much. We still got a long way to go if we even want it to be relatively a success.

Fucking, Who Knows How Long Later...

We finally arrived on the train platform, and man.. does this city look expensive, looks like as if Jeff Bezos was the mayor of a major city and gave most of the cities budget to his personal wealth.

We were already getting dirty looks from the train platform, guess racism still exists in this world. Can’t wait to be called a monkey, right?

You know what, fuck finding a banker, we are gonna go straight to the top, and ask the fucking Sun Ass Princess, and make sure that she gives up money, and hopefully believes in our ~~Lies~~ Claims.