My Time in Equestria

by LazyChaoticUmbreon

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3305

So yeah you know how it goes except this time with a twist.

So yeah again you know the drill get transported to Equestria and then you make friends with the ponies, Right? Oh no no no no no ha not me. So how about we cause a little chaos and mayhem. Did I mention this story is about me?

Don’t ask why I Made this.
I was board out of ideas and overall kinda BS with Coke orange vanilla.

Published 2020-10-13 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-21 14:55:42 UTC

Chapter 1: Thats Not What You Call A Welcome to Equestria

Author's Note

Just a heads up I got board and made this story to cure my boredom so don't judge me. Also this is my story in Equestria, everyone's got to have one eventually.

Right? T_I
😕

Chapter 1: Thats Not What You Call A Welcome to Equestria

So your probably wondering for that first chapter, yeah? Well I am currently in stone right now so I have to do my best while in a position that makes me look like a fucking baby. Anyway lets get to it. First up, again, your probably wondering about that first chapter. Well that was to show my ignorance that every villain makes. Well just a heads up I wasn't always an Chaos Magic wielding Umbreon. You see it all started back around I don't know I lost track of time so lets begin the story Shall we?

Everfree Forest

Now first up lets get this out of the way first so you know what and my limits. Now for my power levels I am stronger than Discord in a nutshell, BUT BUT I am not invincible. I have the body durability as say....Celestia. I can be knocked unconscious I can get cuts and broses and all that other jazz and I also have limited Mana so yes I get exhausted from using magic too much. So now that my bio is out of the way lets continue. ONWARD WITH THE STORY!

I woke up as every story starts got to keep that trend going, the Everfree forest. May I say it is as creepy as its made to be. I got up looking around noticing my surroundings.

"Where am I?" I said as the dark and foreboding forest loomed over me like a giant looking down upon me with pity and disappointment.

I soon felt that my body did not feel right. I felt warm and fluffy all over and took the risk of looking at myself. to say I had a panic attack would be an understatement. I curled up into a ball and cried for like 30 minutes or so. I soon heard the typical howling nd knew what they were. I soon saw a couple of Timberwolves. I tried to stand up, but realized that I spent 30 minutes having a full blown panic attack instead of learning how to walk as an Umbreon. I reached both my forelegs out bracing for my death, only to hear an explosion and Twiggs hitting the grass and dirt of the forest. I saw that there were two wolves remaining and decided to take advantage of their confusion and try to run, but one of the wolves snapped out of his confusion and pounced on me biting into my shoulder me bleeding a lot from that and it hurt a lot. I tried to do something but it just would not let go. I then immediately noticed a twig with a sharp end to it I tried to grab it with my paw, but with no luck. I then flexed my paw making them spread out and grabbed the twig. Holding it backwards I swung backwards and heard a whine and a yelp of pain. As soon as he let go I knew walking would suck.

I got up and tried running, but would always trip over myself every five seconds. I eventually came into a clearing and noticed that it was night time. I soon realized that I was on a path and followed by barking. I let out a scream as the Timberwolf that I had stabbed now had a twig coming from its eye and I saw in the other pure rage. I took off running as fast as I could manage which wasn't to fast. I tripped over myself yet again and rolled over onto my stomach until something shoved me to the ground. The Timberwolf growled and snarled I was ready for my death until I heard the Timberwolf whimper and run off into the forest. I soon heard gasp and voices coming from my left. My vision was blurry as I soon had a yellow fur covered face in front of my asking if I was alright when all I could mutter was.

"Thanks." before I blacked out.

Chapter 2: Recovery

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 4: Time For Some Fun

So, with my newly acquired chaos magic, I decided what to do then and there. To become a villain. I mean who doesn't want that I just needed a reason to. I wanted to be evil in a sense, but I needed a reason. what that reason would be? Would be a very good question. Anyway, STORY TIME.

I sat in my kitchen and snapped again and another cup of Coke orange vanilla appeared in front of me and I started jumping around like a child on Christmas day. I quickly swiped the coke and chugged it down and my eyes literally glowed with pure joy. I soon fell over in bliss as I drank more and more. Coke Orange vanilla is best drink think other wise I WILL KILL YOU!! back to the story.

"I am in heaven." i said as I got up off the floor and tossed the empty bottle with the other 137 bottles of coke that were in the corner. Again best. drink. Ever.

I decided to start on my becoming a villain, but i needed a plan and some practice with my tom fuckery. Not to mention Skittles is still a little sus about me so that counts towards something. Right? Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, thats right, Tom Fuckery.

I decided to deal with the Skittles first. She would give away my plans more than anything. So she had to be dealt with....what’s that you ask? Of course I’m..go...not kill her, pft who does that?.

Let me just grab my shovel and I will get right with you.

Literally 5 seconds later

I had to plant some plants. Yeah, I did that. Anyway again where was I. Oh yes my plan. Over the past couple of weeks since I have become a resident Skittles has been constantly trying to prove I am evil and won’t stop. Yeah I know, that’s not a reason it’s just plain annoying is all I am saying. So, I was trying to plan my revenge story, because who doesn't have one. Like seriously who does not have someone they want to gut from their mouth to their ass and wear them as a coat, come one don't tell me you haven't had grudges before. So yeah that’s a thing. So anyway I had to have a revenge plan and I knew just how to get it.

Author's Note

I am just this bad 😂

Chapter 5: The Plan

So with my idea ready to go all I needed was a way to make it come into play. My plan was to prove rainbow right.

....what? Oh I know what your thinking, no not like that. I mean in a sense where they would believe her, but then would feel guilty and I can act my anger towards them. A perfect plan if I do say so myself.

So this is how it will go. I had to do was find a reason to get skittles to get every body or pony my case on board with her. I know smart plan right like, like totally flawless. Anyway, my plan was to have something to make my sus levels rise to them. I can use magic I can also disguise my magic as well. If I could make it look like dark magic then my plan would work perfectly. Another idea was to pretend to be making an evil plan, but in reality, I was simply just making plans to renew my house. So I had a reason this was my perfect plan the only issue was how to use my Tom Fuckery.

Putting that in the plan would be the hard part. Yeah, that...that would be the hard part. So, I had to get creative.

My first thought was to get plans of the Everfree and have pictures of the Elements of Harmony covering the map to make it look like I was looking for the Tree of Harmony. Yes, I know what that is, I am not that stupid. I decided on the plan with the Everfree forest and yes I know my last experience was anything but lovely. I just had to find out where it was. Yes i eventually found out it was under a fucking castle. I decided to walk to the library, in which that alone would make sus levels rise a little bit. I came to the door and opened it to find that the lights were off. That's when a thought entered my head.

"Oh no." I said as the lights came on to reveal, you guessed it, a welcome to Ponyville party. I should have known that would happen, but hey why don't you plan an evil plan then we will talk.

Anyway, I will not bore you with the details it kind of just had Skittles and Apple Ass giving me the stink eye. Even though they thought I wasn't looking. I AM FUCKING MAGICAL! WOAH, FUCK YEAH! The party went normal from there, the usual Pinkie games, cake, and etc. What caught my eye or the lack there of, was a certain lavender unicorn named sparkle butt. Yes I came up with names of my own so get over it. No Flutters does not get one, she's too innocent. Then, it clicked on me. She was probably researching about me and my species in general. Oh foolish mare oh how my plan was already coming together. With Twilight unable to think or find any history of my species then she would think I am lying. It would all go down hill from there. It was a perfect plan.

Eventually, the party ended I got what I had come for. They were books on the elements, history, and a map of Equestria. The map was so I had an escape plan if my first plan went wrong. Where was I supposed to go you ask? Oh no where just a cave in the frozen north. No one, or pony, would ever look in that frozen waste land.

Your also thinking, you have chaos magic yet your not using it. And I will say what I said at the beginning I have limited mana that takes about a day or two to refill, But with practice I can make it bigger. So yeah, that's that. Moving on, I had the books I started tracing my tools making the Weapons on my choice appear and then thought of something. I needed a second in command. I may not be a human with a rip off infinity gauntlet, but I was clever. I had to make sure I was remembered, that I was a giant compared to all other evils, and that I...........

I am getting carried away let continue shall we? As I just sat next to a tree tracing my stuff for my plan I could hear wing flaps near by and knew who it was. Now, yet again your probably thinking Skittles is being a little too suspicious and following you too much. I don't know, usually in these kind of stories she backs off by now don't ask me ask her.

Continuing, I smirked as I finished the drawing of the element of magic and closed the drawing book and made my way towards my house with the Skittles following suit. I entered my humble abode and closed the door. I set the book down so she would find it, while making it looked like I was hiding it. I soon left to go to the market for I actually had to pick some food up. An Human turned Umbreon needs his meat and other important stuff like food.

???

You thought I was going to buy stuff like shampoo and soap. That's funny and already have that. moving on, I left and turned a corner and waited about 3 minutes and found the side window to my kitchen open funny story too, I left some bacon on the table just for the added affect of villainy. I know, I am brilliant. I knew she had found my drawings because I caught sight of my book in her han....um..paws....no wait. HOOVES! Yes, I got it.

Anyway, I followed her back to the library and found that they were discussing about what was in my book. Thats when I took it upon myself to make them do what I hopped they would do.

Hide it.

Author's Note

Hmmm

I'm thinking...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...

Another one???????????

God Fucking Damnit

"Well this is a fine predicament." I said as I started to sweat out of nervousness.

"Lazy you've had your fun now it ends here." Twilight said to me as I just grew a flat expression.

"Oh really is it now? Are you going to keep monologuing or actually do something because so far nothing has happened and I have a high doubt you can actually stop me. Wait a minute why did I say that?" I said as that last phrase caught my big oval shaped ears. I laid there on a cloud as I watched them float up in the air.

"I should be going now." I said as I was about to snap my fingers, but I saw that a giant Beam of Skittles was coming my way. and the only thing that could leave my mouth was.

"Oh god damnit."

Author's Note

I know this is short get over it.

Chapter 3: Tom Fuckery Acquired

My time being STONED, ha see what I did there i am funny laugh at me, haha haha. I on my normal strolls until I discovered my chaotic magical shenanigans by you’ll never guess it. Snapping. K let me tell the story because why not. It all started....

I was walking through Ponyville, and yes I bought a house fight me bitch. I walked through the town heading to a local café for some hot coco in the middle of summer. Yes I know I did this stuff while I was Human fight me yet again. I decided to do something different that day as my usual waiter came to my table. Her name however did not fit her, I really hate saying this......her....her...cute...cutie...cutie you know what fuck it. Her ass mark HAPPY WITH ME. God So ungrateful. But I did not say that to them of course, I had standards. Her name was Lunar Eclipse named after her great great great grandmother when she had server in the Lunar guard during the nightmare moon thingy happening stuff with all that B S. Anyway her butt mark was that of a comet with the with a Solar eclipse in the middle. Which confused me so I just don’t look at pony asses anymore. And no I did not do it before then, Perverts. I just the marks hurt my head. A lot.

“Greetings Lazy, what can I get you.” As she had her usual smile on her face. God if I had to marry o made in this hell hole she might be it. But i don’t think Umbreon and ponies are comparable....I am going to burn those stacks of paper before they spread.

I put my paw to my chin in thought as I looked at the menu. I then snapped my fingers and said my answer.

“I will take a coco surprise with cream and a marshmallow top.” I said. I was simple yet effective.
I gave her my menu and she walked off, but when I looked down I saw a cup of what I ordered already in front of me. When she came back she noticed the cup as well as I looked at her in confusion.

“Um...did you put this here?” I asked as I looked at her with a questioning glance. I then thought of something. I snapped my fingers for the cup to go away and it did. I let out a worried breaths.

“I can make things appear?” I said to myself as I began to sweat nervously. I had magic yes, now keep in mind I had no clue so don’t go oh these reactions are bullshit. I had no clue. Also I had not know for like a month cause I never really wanted anything and decided to snap. So yeah case closed I guess.

And that’s how Tom fuckery entered my life

Author's Note

Why do I torture myself doing thins

Chapter 6: Annoyances

I knocked on the door and I heard the room go quiet and the door opened. I soon came face to face with a sweating Twilight Sparkle.

“ Oh hm hey Twilight.” I said acting oblivious to the fact that Skittles just robbed me.

“Oh hi Lazy, um, how are you today?” She asked as I gave her a questioning glance.

“Good?” I said trying to get inside of her head.

“Anyway, I need a book, specifically a book on history. I have been curious on how my new surroundings work. With being from a different world in all.” I said acting yet again oblivious to the fact I was robbed. She teleported a book in front of me and explained how it contained everything in pony history as well as other species. I began to walk away until I decided to say something.

“Oh Twilight, my I had a personal journal in my house and it has gone missing and I was wondering if you haven’t happen to see it anywhere have you? I really need it back. It’s important.” I said as Twilight began to panic.

“Um I haven’t, but if I do see it I will let you know.” She said putting the most sincere smile she could.

“Okay thanks a lot that book is very important to me.” I said acting the part I was meant to play.

I walked away with the book in my telekinetic grasp and rounded a corner then with my Tom Fuckery made myself invisible and teleported the book to my humble home away from home. And yes I am sticking with calling it my Tom Fuckery. Also I am not sure how trade marketing rules work in a pony society, but that’s for another time. I had peaked in the window and watched as they read some of my more personal stuff. Then they got to the part I needed.

“Look here girls.” Twilight said as the others gathered around her.

“I have been thinking of these so called elements of Harmony. They seem like powerful artifacts, but according to some of these books I can deduce that there are requirements to wield such power. But that’s my problem. It has been set in stone who would be chosen. Instead of finding someone with the right resume it has already chosen. I will do more research later in my entries. I must seek this power I must understand it by any means necessary. I don’t care if I have to do as long as I find the truth.” Twilight finished as I grin and a giggle escaped my mouth I added that last part for dramatic effect. They would go to read the rest of my entries until Twilight shut the book and gave it to rainbow dash AKA: Skittles, to return that was my queue to return home and wait. Wait for the fun, to begin.

Author's Note

It’s almost time