Finding the Princess

by halothair

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1491

You are a simple pony trying to find the princess. Based on the Henry Stickmin Collection.

Your name is Anon. You don't know why, but you have been tasked with finding Princess Celestia. All you have to do is get into Canterlot's walls. Simple, right?
...right?

Based on, but not entirely stolen from, the Henry Stickmin Collection. Please buy the full game on Steam!

Art is from Smoldix
https://derpibooru.org/images/1392558?q=artist%3Asmoldix

Published 2020-10-12 22:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-12 22:00:00 UTC

Teleport

...really?

This is the option you went with?

You know the track record for teleportation, right?

Even Twilight had trouble teleporting with just her horn, so there's no possible way you could-

Eh, whatever, let's just do it.

The Teleporter is a new, emergent piece of technology that you have... ahem. Aquired. From Princess Twilight's designs. Apparently it's very useful for getting into places that you have absolutely no business being in.

Well, you do have a reason! You need a job and the Princesses are your best bet.

You look at the directions briefly and get them quickly memorized. Luckily, you have great memory, and you instantly think you got this.

You set the dials to a relative direction, forward about 50 feet in (that is where the throne room is located after all), and upwards about... 3 or so feet? I mean, it couldn't hurt; you wouldn't want to teleport into something or somepony, would you?

Well, no time like the present. You hit the GO button and brace yourself. Your stomach lurches as you find your body occupying another dimension and-

Oh.

Oh no.

Oh, that is unpleasant.

3/5 stars, would not use again.

Without warning, you are no longer where you used to be. After a short lapse of existence, you find yourself on a tile floor, ornate and intricate in its design, and beautiful for all to beho-

You just barfed on it.

Lovely.

Well, as you get your bearings, you realize that it worked! For once, it worked in your favor! And look!

"What the devil!?"

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! There they are! You made it into the throne room, and now you're ready to ask them for a job! This success has filled you with such confidence that you step forward and...

...promptly walk into a royal guard.

More specifically, many royal guards.

Turns out, while you were puking and thinking, you were surrounded by a platoon of guards.

Oops.

You turn to quickly ask your princesses your question, but stop as you see their eyes. Their expressions are... you're not good at reading faces, but it's definitely not pleasant.

"Breaking into a private area?" asks (well, bellows) Princess Luna. "Stealing a Princess's private property?! How dare you!"

"While my sister is very brutal in her methods, she is absolutely right. These actions are highly illegal, and now..." says Princess Celestia, "We must decide how to deal with you."

Before you can explain yourself, you are dragged away to the dungeon.

You weren't even aware the princesses had a dungeon, but here you are. The dank walls are cold, your cot is uncomfortable, and... the poster with the "Hang In There" kitty is a bit much.

Nevertheless, you got your wish. You got to see the princesses, and now you await your fate.

Was it worth it?

To be continued...
Sometime...
When I feel like it...

Author's Note

To be continued...
Maybe. I don't really know. This was just an experiment to see if I could somehow write a story similar to Henry Stickmin without stealing entirely from the plot. Rest assured, I will NOT be stealing any more plot points from the hard workers of this game, but I may just introduce my own storyline revolving around a certain secret agency that a certain candy-colored mare and her wife may be part of...

Ninja Skillz

You instantly remember that while others were studying friendship, you were studying... the blade!

Turns out, your horn is perfectly equipped for holding small objects in a place you call "Hammerspace". You think it's an alternate dimension where cool items are held? I dunno, you never really got the chance to study it. However, you know enough about it to draw out your trusty blade!

This blade has been in the family for centuries. It was first created when the first dragon laid waste to a small village in the Badlands, and the ponies within used their horns to create the magic needed for forging. After a lengthy battle, the dragon was defeated, and since then, your family has used the sword to bring peace to all who desire-

You feel a tap on your shoulder.

You slowly turn around to see the two guards standing right in front of you.

They must have snuck up on you.

While you brought out a sword.

In a public space.

Where anybody could see you.

...

Huh.

Y'know, you reason, maybe if I had hid in a bush this wouldn't have-

Your thoughts stop as you receive a hoof to the face.

FAIL

Author's Note

Seriously though, why did you do that in public?

Parkour

You remember seeing all those parkour videos on MeTube. All it takes is some basic agility and climbing ability. Seems easy enough.

To psych yourself up, you do some stretches, push ups, and sit-ups. Seems like you're ready to go!

You look at the wall. You calculate where to jump, what to grab, and how to navigate your way to the throne room.

You get in starting position...

You hear the starting horn in your mind...

3...

2...

1...

GO!

You quickly run at the wall, shouting at the top of your lungs! The guards notice you, startled, and they jump out of the way! You make a massive leap and...

...hit your noggin against the wall as your hoof simply brushes against the wall with nothing to support it.

FAIL

Author's Note

Wait, those parkour videos had griffins? With their claws?
Huh.
Would've been nice to know.

Stealth Kill

You instantly find yourself dressed in your stealth gear. You're ready.

You sneak around one of the guards, and you grab his neck, snapping it cleanly!

..or you would have, if your hooves hadn't grabbed his armor instead.

Both guards turn their heads towards you, as you flash them a sheepish smile.

FAIL

Author's Note

Anon? What happened? Anon!

ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Springboard

Luckily, you just happened to bring your trusty portable springboard with you! Ah, the memories with this thing... Good times...

Enough reminiscing! Your job is at stake!

You promptly set Springy (heh, you named it Springy) on the ground, aim her towards the gate, and you leap!

As you land on Springy, she sinks, ready to spring and...

...does nothing.

You look down at Springy. Looks like she sprang her last spring.

Welp.

FAIL
You really should have oiled that thing before you decided to-

Suddenly, Springy decides she has one last gasp in her, and she launches you... directly into the wall, next to two very confused guards.

FAIL

Author's Note

...how is that even possible?

Ask Politely

Smiling, you realize you don't need any fancy gadgets to get what you need. This is Equestria! The friendliest place on the planet! If you go up to the guards, they'll surely let you in, free of charge!

As you walk up, you greet them with a very friendly gaze. You begin talking, and you feel at ease knowing that their green eyes are giving you all their attention, and you love the-

Wait.

Royal guards only have blue...

Uh oh.

The changelings are upon you before you can say a single word.

Nuts.

FAIL

Author's Note

...how did you not notice that before?

The Beginning (READ THIS PART FIRST)

Your name is Anon. You are a normal unicorn pony living in Equestria. Your origins are unknown, even to you, and you have recently graduated with honors from Princess Twilight's Friendship School. However, finding a job has proved... difficult in the past. Due to a certain number of circumstances, every boss you have had has "laid you off".

To be fair, the last accident wasn't your fault. You're 100% sure griffon feathers grow back!

Anyways, you have decided that there is an old phrase that relates to your current situation: "Start from the bottom and work your way up".

Such sage advice.

...

Let's ignore it and try to ask the princess for a job.

You could ask Princess Twilight for a job, but you were never much of a fan of teaching. Princess Cadance is available, but she's usually in the Crystal Empire with her husband and daughter. She'd be much too busy for the likes of you!

Looks like there's only one option: break into Canterlot Castle and try to talk to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Surely they won't mind!

...

...what?! You have to drive the plot somehow!

You find yourself outside Canterlot Castle. All of your training has come down to this. The gates are closed for today; the Princesses are holding their court. It looks like there are two guards in front of the gate, ready for anything.

How do you go in?

Teleport
Ninja Skillz
Parkour
Stealth Kill
Springboard
Ask Politely