In the corner of a well-used building sat a group of friends. They gathered around one of the many round, wooden red tables of Hay Sisters Hay, the most popular joint in Ponyville. That popularity was mostly due to Twilight and her recent ascension into alicorn-hood. She came there every day, sat in the same booth, and ordered the same meal. She was there today.
The group of ponies would usually go up to her, say hello, sometimes sit next to her and talk. Not today. Today a unicorn by the name of Dandy Lion insisted they sit on the opposite side of the restaurant for some unknown reason.
It had to be in the worst spot ever. The once bright red table was now a pale pink. The booth once clean, and plush with fibers were now torn and saggy. The spot didn't face any windows, was right next to the bathrooms, the light above it flickered and buzzed. Anyone who sat there looked immediately suspicious, clearly up to nefarious acts.
Dandy forcibly levitated his friends up in his blue magic and into the torn and tattered booth. His eye darted around the establishment, sweat beading up on his forehead. After looking over every inch of it, at every group of creatures, he stared longer at every single unicorn he could find. Eventually, he sat down, making sure his back wasn't turned to the restaurant-goers. He was acting more suspicious than a foal who snuck a cookie before dinner.
“Dandy, what the Tartarus is wrong with you?” snapped Gradient Sound, the earth pony who was just as confused as he was hungry. In the end, he let Dandy do his thing as he too enamored with the smell of the freshly cooked hay burgers was making him unconsciously drool and his stomach rumble in need.
“Yeah, why are we all the way over here. It isn’t ok to avoid Twilight like this. I know we’re not the closest of friends but this is just plain rude.” Wing Beat, the pegasus protested, flailing her hooves to and fro. Dandy wasn't the strongest unicorn so she was sure if she wiggled enough she could get free.
“I have news. Concerning news,” Dandy Lion said wrapped his hooves around each of his friend's neck and brought them close to him. Dropping his voice to a hushed whisper he looked around the establishment one more time before he began to speak. “I first heard this story from Book Bind, who heard it from Margarine, who heard it from Jingle Bells, who heard it from-”
“Dammit. We get the point, Dandy, go on. Also, speak up, where do you think we are the library? ” snapped Gradient Sound once more, his stomach twisted with hunger and he winced. He desperately tried to focus on anything besides the heavenly aroma of freshly BBQ hay. He was so hungry at this point he could eat a human.
“Alright, Celestia, chill dude." Dandy snapped back, his voice coming back to normal range, his face scrunching in annoyance. Gradient just had breakfast two hours ago. How was he always this hungry? "So I heard that there is a secret society full of elite magical unicorns in Canterlot. Did you notice that the advancement in magic has become stale despite all the unicorns?”
Wing Beat frowned, bringing up one of her hooves to her mouth, lightly chewing on it as she thought. She really liked reading magic books despite not being able to use it as a unicorn did. “You got a point, I mean it was just static silence until Star Swirl got back from Limbo.”
“Even then, when he did get back. His published works were so mundane like levitation and teleportation. He’s Star Swirl, you’d think he’d publish something juicier then typical magic. Like raising the dead, or mind control, or time travel!” Dandy said as he flailed his hooves about excitedly. "Could you imagine?!"
“Huh.” Wing said as she thought about it some more, chewing on her hoof a bit harder. For a stallion so smart. It was oddly suspicious that he would publish something so mundane. He was the smartest unicorn around besides Twilight.
“He’s just old, he wouldn’t know that these are now mundane spells. Even if there was a secret society. Why would he hold his research back like that? He’s a man that respects the flow of knowledge. I really doubt that he’d hold back anything.” Gradient Sound hissed, he felt like his stomach was twisting in knots now. He waved his gray hooves so frantically they were a blur. He desperately tried to catch any employee's attention. It didn't matter which one at this point.
“Stop being an ass Gradient it isn’t my fault you’re hungry." Dandy snapped back, hitting his hoove on the table in frustration, causing the plates and shakers to jostle. "Benefits, of course, Celestia is buying their silence.”
Gradient squinted at his friend cursing under his breath. He stood up, getting muzzle to muzzle with Dandy. “Well then, it has to beone Tartarus of a bribe because-”
“Welcome to Hay Sisters Hay! May I take your order?” A young mare chirped with a joy that only service workers could fake. Really she felt worried and stressed as it looked like a brawl was going to happen. She wasn't paid enough bits to break up a brawl.
“Finally, I would like the Let-It-Rein-Cheese Burger with a side of Once-And-Flor-al salad.” Gradient said as he hoofed his menu over to the server. Soon after she took it he crossed his hooves, sat back down, and grumbled bellow his breath.
“Sorry about him, he’s always a whiny colt when he gets hangry. I’ll take the Saddled-With-Lettuce, thank you kindly.” Wing said as she lightly placed her menu on top of Gradient's. She made sure to be extra careful and polite to make up for her friend's behavior. As she brought her hoof back she noticeed it was covered with bit marks. She blushed and rubbed her hoof on the table hoping no one had seen. She always had a hoof biting problem, it was a hard habit to try and kick.
“Yeah he can be a real pain. I’ll take the Herd-Of-Carrots please and thank you.” Dandy said with a nervous smile and a shaky voice as he lifted his menu in blue magic and placed it on top of the pile.
“That’s alright, I’ll get these to the chef then. If you need anything else my name is Silvia Marey.” Silvia said as she smiled and left for the kitchen which was just behind a set of double white doors. Secretly she regretted getting that table. Maybe someone in the back would switch with her.
Dandy turned his attention back to his grumpy friend and his scrunched face. Dandy took a breath and regained his composure talking in a much gentler voice. He didn't want to start a scene after all. “Yes, it is one Tartarus of a bribe. When a unicorn shows the ability for magic. Celestia rounds them up and whisks them and their family away to gold and ivory towers.”
“There they get to live the good life. Butlers, maids, and personal chefs all weight on them by hoof serving their every whim. I heard they even import top-grade hay from Yakyakistan. That their rooms are so big it’s like living in a home for three. Bathtubs so large they classify as swimming pools, pools so large they classify as lakes." Dandy waved his hooves about lightly.
"Schools, roads, everything, and anything is named after them. That they marry off to royals and other important figures. They get personal chauffeurs, private postal service, bodyguards, everything they could ever need.” Dandy's hooves got faster and his eyes grew wide as he got closer to his friends.
“That's not even the best part. They have access to all new episodes to the best TV shows like Hunting for Humans, Keeping Up With The Alicorns, Cow King, , and Real House Mares of Las Pegasus first. They get access to books, movies, games before they are published. They live their best life, no matter how expensive." Dandy was practically in his friend's faces, eyes wide, hooves flailing excitedly.
“Wow, all that just for your talent. Could you imagine something like that, my apartment is the size of a closet!! I would totally sign up for this. Can you put a word in for me Dandy?” Wing said making a noise somewhere between a sigh and laughter. It was so hard to be a broke student, one burrito and bamb, over budget.
“I hope you get restaurant privileges 'cuz the food is taking fooorrrevverrrrr.” Gradient whined as he dragged his hooves all over the table impatiently.
“Gradient I swear, you’re not dying, you’re hungry.” Wing snapped as hard as her wings did. She was sick of dealing with Gradient’s hanger. Next time she was packing him a snack, something small and easy like fruit bars. She loved him, she did, he was her friend, but Celestia he could really get under her hide. Especially when he acted like this.
“The food will be here soon. Just cuz I’m a unicorn, Wind, doesn’t mean I get access. My cutie mark is in art not in magic.” Dandy said as he stood up and pointed to his flank, a half-painted canvas cutie mark was on it. “But I think I know who might.”
“Oh?!” Wing and Gradient remarked together, leaning in closer to Dandy, curious as to who this unicorn could be. If they knew, would they get the good life too?
“Magical Night, I think she would be in on this, You all remember Magical Night don’t you?” Dandy asked, his friends should remember. At least he hoped that they did.
“Yeah, she was in our grade. We spent all of elementary together! We used to be so tight, I wonder whatever happened to her. Do you think she is doing alright?” Thinking of her made Wind feel bittersweet as she wondered whatever happened to her sister, well not her real sister, but Wind considered her one. It broke her heart when she left without a word, sometimes it still did.
“I remember when she left, got her cutie mark, and just left. We had mashed potatoes and roasted carrots for lunch.” Gradient said as he frowned, it had been so long since he had seen her. “I hope she’s alright too, Wind. I miss her.”
“I miss her too but don’t you find it strange. One day she’s there the next she's just gone. Her parents didn’t even sell their house, they just left it behind. It’s still abandoned! Who does that? Unless you get an offer so good it's worth leaving everything behind.” Dandy said as his hoof hit the table again but this time it was much harder, jostling the salt and pepper shakers on it violently.
“Please be careful sir,” Silvia said as positively as she could, the customer was always right but that didn't mean they could make a ruckus. It was against the policy to do so and she really hoped she wouldn't have to fetch the manager.
“Oh sorry.” Dandy smiled sheepishly, curling his hooves to his chest, his once blue muzzle now a deep shade of bluish-red.
“It’s alright,” Silvia lied as she laid a black tray filled with bowls of food and drink down in the center of the table. “If you need anything else just shout.”
“Thank you very much!” Dandy, Wind, and Gradient yelled at the same time. They simultaneously thought that a nice tip was needed at the end of their lunch.
“You think she got invited?” Wind asked as soon as the waitress left, digging her freckled red muzzle into her bowl of lettuce, carrots, and apples. As she ate she realized she was a lot hungrier then she thought she was.
“Think? I’m sure of it! She levitated the whole damn school off the ground, all she wanted to do was levitate her tray of food! Why wouldn’t she be invited?” Dandy said as he swiped his hoof across the air as if to demonstrate Magical leaving, almost knocking a glass over as he did.
Gradient was already halfway through his food. he was feeling much better as if his brains suddenly came back to him. “So what?” Gradient asked “she got invited, so what? We have no idea how to find her. Even if we do. If we ask her that it’ll sound like….like we’re there just for the stuff.” Gradient paused before thinking it over some more “we want to see her right?”
“Oh….I guess...it would look like that. I want to know she’s ok. It would also be nice to know if this was real though.” Dandy said as he blushed a deeper shade of red. He hadn’t meant to come off that way.
“We could ask Twilight, she is the Princess of Friendship. Maybe she could help us?” Wind said as she looked over to that very princess, covered in ketchup, muzzle full of fries.
“That's a great idea, I bet she was a part of that society! Probably still is, and she can help us find Magical!” Dandy chirped as his thoughts drifted off to that perfect secret life, plus he is a part of something cool, and meet a long lost friend.
“We can’t bother her now, she’s eating and that would be - wait - Wind!” Gradient said as he turned around, trying to reach his friend. It was too late though, Wind was too far away to grab.
Wind took a deep breath as she weaved through tables of ponies best she could. Trying her best not to bump into any of them. Eventually, she reached Twilight. Wind was sure the princess wouldn’t mind too much. She coughed lightly clearing her throat before she started “Um, Twilight.”
“Hello! How can I help you?” Twilight asked happily, turning her ketchup drenched muzzle to face one of her many towns-ponies.
“Um, I know it's your break but I’m having a friendship problem. How do I sign up for your help? I’m afraid I won’t have another chance to run into you.” Wind said cautiously she wanted to see her friend, but she didn’t wish to inconvenience the princess too much. She was always busy these days.
“Oh, if it’s not a pressing matter you can see Spike at my castle and sign up. Maybe I should announce that so that more creatures know.” Twilight said thoughtfully, she got that question very often. She should really fix that, it wouldn't be hard to.
“Thank you, Princess Twilight I -” Wind was going to continue thanking her, she was.
“Are you a part of a secret society of unicorns hoarding knowledge about magic?!” Dandy yelled as he appeared suddenly behind Wind, fortunately, it was not loud enough for the restaurant to go quiet but it was loud enough to interrupt Wind. Of course, it was loud enough for Twilight to hear.
“That is ridiculous, no” Twilight with a surprising amount of monotone to her voice, as if this was a practiced answer.
“Sorry about him, thank you for your time,” Wind smiled as she pushed Dandy away from Twilight and back to the table. It was harder then it looked and she had to keep him from embarrassing himself, and weave through the pony filled tables. “Come on Dandy, Twilight needs her break.” Wind said as she kept pushing her friend across the wooden restaurant floor until he was back in his seat.
“Did you hear that?” Dandy asked with a smile on his face. “So monotone, you know why because Twilight is a robot! I gotta tell my friends about this!” Dandy said as he picked up the bill with his magic and trotted off to go pay it.
“Should we be concerned?” Gradient asked as he tilted his head to watch Dandy pay the bill. Hoofing over his credit card to the mare working the cash register.
“Maybe?! Let's just go with him and see. I mean theories are fun but not if those theories are hurting anyone.” Wind said with some concern. She dug into her pink and yellow purse and left a twenty-bit tip on the table. A healthy twenty percent tip, she hopped it was reasonable enough.
Twilight groaned frustratedly at her meal, no one told her life was gonna be this way. When she entered alicorn-hood and the government she expected her life to change, but not like this. How did ponies keep coming to such lunatic conclusions about her? One action caused ponies to say the craziest of things!
For example, like how she was currently removing lewd cutie marks from ponies with the help of Starlight Glimmer. Then proceeding to hide those cutie marks under her bed. Or how humans lived under the castle, how Luna and Celestia were her puppets, or how she was brainwashing her friends with some secret government brainwashing machine. What was it called again MK2…..MK3…..MKInfinity….MKUltra? It was one of those. Apparently, she was a part of some secret society now.
Twilight took a long slow breath and leaned back into the soft padding of her favorite booth. She kept breathing until that familiar tightness in her chest went away. It was fine, this is fine, this rumor would die out just like all the others. Plus hers weren't so crazy when you looked at her friend's theories. In her opinion, Rainbow and Pinkie's were the craziest Rainbow was turning pegasi into rainbows and Pinkie was turning her friends into cupcakes. Twilighty giggled, at the very least these were entertaining, and she did enjoy the creative turns a mind could take. As long as it didn't affect her and her friend's lives, she saw nothing against them.
Author's Note
But hey that’s just a theory, a conspiracy theory, thanks for reading.
Should I make these into fim fics??? --> Hunting for Humans, Keeping Up With The Alicorns, Cow King, or Real House Mares of Las Pegasus.
