October 13th, 2019:
The auditorium of Ponyville Town Hall was packed wall-to-wall, and thanks to the number of flyers in in attendance, from floor to rafters. Ponies of all tribes, from earth to unicorn to pegasus and even a couple of bat ponies crambed inside. Other equines squeezed in with the masses, including donkeys, mules, and a single zebra who spoke exclusively in rhymes. Even more surprising were the other creatures in attendance, ranging from buffalo to changelings to griffons and a handful of teeange girls that all fought for the limited space. A few large dragons peered in through the open windows, the smoke emanating from their nostrils ensuring they had an unobstructed field of view to the stage. Meanwhile from outside came loud objections from the banned yaks; somepony really should have told them that Town Hall’s benches were for sitting and not for smashing. But their protests were ignored as every creature inside exchanged a flurry of worried words with one another.
As an alicorn approached the podium, all conversations ceased as the crowd turned their undivided attention upon the speaker and sat on the edge of their broken seats.
Princess Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat and smiled. “Thank you all for coming today. It is good to see every pony – every creature – in attendance. It is truly inspiring to see how everyone has come together over the past few years. Yesterday’s battle against Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow could not have been won without everyone fighting for the freedom of Equestria.”
“Now, I know that there has been much talk and concern over the future. Where do we go from here? What is in store for all of us? Well, I have come to allay your fears. Over the past two years, the other princesses and I have held secret discussions, and we have ensured our continued prosperity for years to come....”
Loud cheers and hoofstomps greeted her proclamation.
A blue unicorn sprinted through the forest. She galloped as fast as she could, her lungs burning as she gasped for every breath. She leapt over fallen logs, used vines to swing over swollen rivers, and climbed a towering cliff. Nothing would cause her to stop. Glancing behind to make sure she was not being followed –
The unicorn ground to a halt. Desperately she tried to pull her hooves from the muck, but she was utterly stuck. Suddenly a terrible realization hit her. She was in quicksand, and sinking down into it. But a snapping branch caused her to whip her head around and face the horror she had been dreading. All around her were human children. It had to be a dozen at least. They all had hungry looks in their eyes. She knew her escape had failed. Terror filled her eyes as she screamed, “Don’t eat the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
The children laughed. “Silly pony, we said we were going to eat Trix™.” One of them held up a colorful box.
Trixie rolled her eyes. “You mean that delicious cereal that is part of a complete breakfast?”
The children pulled her out of the muck and one passed her a bowl of cereal. The unicorn took a bite. “Mmm. This cereal turly is great and powerful!”
Fluttershy looked at the tiny lizard. “What was that?” She leaned in closer. “Fifteen minutes could save me fifteen percent or more on car insurance with GEICO™?”
Two shadows danced across the floor. One was a unicorn mare and the other an earth pony stallion. The shadows moved in rhythm to the music, performing an exquisite dance. When they stopped, the stallion’s shadow bent onto his knees and pulled out a box. The mare’s shadow flung her forelegs around the stallion as a diamond ring was levitated onto its horn. The screen faded to black.
Rarity’s voice spoke, “Remember darlings, a De Beers™ diamond is forever.”
Bam! The apple tree shook as the fruit fell neatly into awaiting baskets. Applejack wiped the sweat from her brow.
“Howdy! Runnin’ a farm sure is tough. But thanks to Apple, it’s a whole heck of a lot easier. Ah ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the fruit, Ah’m talkin’ ‘bout the fancy electronics. Why, Ah can manage inventory, file taxes, and take orders with my Apple Surface Pro™. Ah can keep in contact with mah cousins in Appleloosa with my Apple iPhone 11™. Ah can track my heart with my Apple Watch™.”
She put earbuds into her ears.
“An’ nothin’ makes the day go by faster than listening to mah favorite tunes on my Apple iPod™. This is an Apple farm, and not just because of the fruit we grow!”
A pink haired girl shyly addressed the camera.
“Um, hello. I’m here to talk to you today about a horrible problem. Every day, all across the country, animals are being mistreated or abandoned. It’s terrible! How could anyone do something like that to a defenseless animal? That’s why I’m asking you to support the ASPCA. Your donation will give these lovable animals a chance to be adopted by a loving family.”
Discord lay on the stairs. "I'm a loose step on a darkened staircase."
"Is somepony here?" called Starlight Glimmer from the second floor.
"What happens when a bum who won't move out - "
"Who's there?"
" - comes down the stairs?"
Starlight descended the staircase and suddenly tripped on the draconequus. "Whaa!!!" Thunk! Bang! Crack! Crrk! Starlight Glimmer lay unconscious at the bottom of the staircase, horn snapped in two, shoulder dislocated and leg broken.
A bright purple glow came from the second floor. "What's going on?" yelled Twilight.
Discord bolted through the front door of the castle and into the night. "If you have cut-rate insurance, you could be liable for these injuries. That's why you should get Allstate™, so you can be protected from mayhem like me!"
The man lay on his back, bench-pressing. Huge weights hung at ends as the bar bent under the immense weight. With each rep, the bench groaned.
After a dozen reps, the man returned the bar to the rack. He sat up and smiled.
“Hey Bulk Biceps, what’s your secret?” asked Pipsqueak.
Reaching into his gym bag, he pulled out a bottle of Muscle Milk™. “Kid, I drink this after every workout.”
A crowd of ponies gathered along the road, waving flags and looking on in eager anticipation. The announcer began, “And here’s contestant number one, you all know him, you all love him, the Energizer Bunny!”
A pink bunny in sunglasses beating a drum reached the starting line.
“And now our underdog challenger, a proud favorite of Ponyville, Angel Bunny!”
A little white rabbit in a colorful jersey hopped to the starting line.
“Angel, you can’t win. He’s got the power of Energizer™,” pleaded Fluttershy.
Angel smiled and pulled up the back of his jersey, revealing a single AA Energizer Max™ battery.
The starting pistol fired and a great cloud of dust arose. When it finally dissipated, the Energizer Bunny was still at the starting line while Angel Bunny was already accepting the gold medal.
“Hello, I’m Doctor Horse. During these challenging times, I’m encouraging everypony to do their part to stop the spread of Covid-19.”
“How can I help?”
“I’m glad you asked, Pinkie. First, wash your hooves several times a day for at least twenty seconds. You can ensure this by singing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice.”
“Hee-hee. I love singing ‘Happy Birthday’. It always puts a smile on my face.”
“Next, ensure you have proper face coverings. Ensure that the mask completely covers your muzzle.”
“Ooh, masks are super fun!”
“Finally, socially distance at least six feet apart.”
“How much is six feet?”
“Well, Pinkie, that’s the equivalent of two ponies.”
“Oh, I get it now!”
“Together, we can defeat this virus.”
The two stallions in straw hats and stripped vests smiled at the camera.
“I’m Flim!”
“And I’m Flam!”
“And today we’re here to tell you about the insane deals available at Crazy Bob’s Used Car Lot.”
“That’s right Flim, the deals are as insane as the owner.”
“What’s more Flam, every car has had a thorough inspection and has absolutely no problems with it, guaranteed!”
“You’d have to be crazy to pass on these savings!”
Maud Pie looked directly at the camera. “I’m Maud. I like rocks. I’ve studied rocks all my life. I got my rocktorate in rock science. But the only thing I like more than rocks is getting a great deal on a rock. At Zales™, you can get a big rock for a small price....”
…
“Buy from Zales™.”
…
…
“Is that all I need to say?”
In a cozy chair beside a fireplace, the lavender alicorn sat happily. Looking up at the camera, she lowered her thick book and addressed the audience, “Hello there, I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle. In these trying times, your local libraries are struggling. That’s why I’m urging all of you to donate your time and donate your money to keep these wonderful resources around for future generations.”
Pinkie Pie raced around the bakery. She mixed thick batter. A moment later she was decorating cakes with colorful frosting. In a flash she pulled steaming cupcakes from the oven as she tossed another pan in. Pausing, she said, “Ponies wonder how I can be so energetic throughout the day. Most think it’s because of the huge amounts of sugar I eat every day. Well, you want to know the truth?” She reached into a cupboard and pulled out a can. “Red Bull is what gets me through the day.”
A gray pegasus sat banging on a computer keyboard.
GEICO™. So easy, even Derpy Hooves can do it.
A waiter in a tuxedo carried a silver tray with a large silver lid covering the dish.
The announcer began, “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a three-part sesame seed bun….”
The waiter removed the cover to reveal – a plate covered with a few crumbs.
“Where’s the – ?”
The camera swung around to show a red pony with an orange mane eating a burger.
“Big Mac?”
“Eeyup?”
“I thought you ponies were herbivores.”
“Eer – yup?” he replied sheepishly.
“Come to McDonald’s and get a Big Mac… before Big Mac does.”
“This Christmas, give her a special gift.”
The camera panned over the display cases.
“Show her that you love her with all your heart.”
Ruby pendants and sapphire necklaces and countless diamond rings filled the screen.
“Show her that you are meant to be together forever.”
A small forlorn dragon sat munching on the gems. Spike looked at the camera, “And when she says she’s way too old for you, you can always eat them to make yourself feel better. Get to Jared’s™ quick before I eat them all.”
“Most ponies think I earned my wings for creating new magic,” said Twilight. “But, when I went to the astral plane, Princess Celestia slipped me something.” She pulled out a familiar can. “Red Bull gave me wings!”
Pinkie Pie trotted down the streets of Ponyville. She wore a dress, with something stuffed underneath, causing a large lump on her back.
“What day is it? What day is it?”
Lyra sighed, “It’s Wednesday, Pinkie.”
“Hump day! Hump Day!”
Get GEICO, and you’ll be happier than Pinkie Pie on Wednesdays!
Granny Smith sat in her rocking chair sipping a glass of sweet tea.
“Nothing says hospitality like a rockin’ chair. That’s why Cracker Barrel has a porch full of ’em. You can sit an’ rock ‘til your table is ready, then get a down-home country meal at a great price. Cracker Barrel is mah favorite restaurant, and it’ll be yers too.”
“Would you pass the cereal, Apple Bloom?” asked Applejack.
“Sure thing.” She hoofed over a box of Dreerios.
“That’s no good.”
Apple Bloom passed a box of Admiral Crunch.
“Ah don’t want that neither.”
A giggling Apple Bloom slid a box of Archduke Chocola.
“Bloom, quit messin’ around.”
“I know what you want.” She slid over a fourth box.
“Finally, my favorite cereal – Apple Jacks™! It’s part of mah complete breakfast.”
“Hello, I’m Bulk Biceps, and I’m here to tell you about this amazing product. It’s the Lean, Mean, Fat-Grilling Machine. It cooks meat, and the fat drains away. You get delicious meat with none of the fat! Operators are standing by!”
Discord sat in an overstuffed chair, in a purple smoking jacket. “In three weeks you, the voters of America, will have your say. On the right we have President Trump. On the left, we have Joe Biden. Cause the Washington establishment chaos! Vote for Howie Hawkins of the Green Party!”
In a dentist office, Colgate leaned over her patient. Leaning back, she removed her mask. “Pinkie, I would have thought that with all the sugar you eat you’d have a mouthful of cavities. But your teeth are the best I’ve seen. What’s your secret?”
Pinkie giggled, “I use Colgate Total™. It whitens, prevents cavities, fights gingivitis, protects enamel and freshens my breath!”
A sky-blue corvette raced along the roads. It swerved around hairpin turns. It accelerated down straightaways leaving literal clouds of dust in its wake. It passed slower-moving vehicles on the highway. Shockwaves could be seen forming along its body, threatening to release a massive sonic boom.
The car slammed on its brakes and skidded to a screeching halt. The tinted window rolled down to reveal a pink-haired girl. “What? Everyone feels the need for speed,” said Fluttershy.
The twin-engine jet touched down and slowed to a gradual halt. The door swung open and a blue pegasus in a flight suit flew out. Landing, she smiled at the camera. “Hello, I’m Rainbow Dash. Congraulations on getting accepted to operate the Air Force’s newest tanker – the Boeing KC-46 Pegasus. It’s at least twenty percent cooler than any other tanker out there. And as the pilots say: ‘You can’t kick ass without a tank of gas!’ Let me tell you about all the awesome features of this jet.…”
Apple Bloom covered her yawn with her hand. “There ain’t nothing on,” she lamented.
Scootaloo sighed, “I know, right? Six hundred channels, and nothing to watch.”
Sweetie Belle leapt to her feet. “I know!” She grabbed a remote and changed the feed on the television. Upon the screen came a set of familiar red letters.
“Netflix™!” the other two girls cheered.
“Netflix™ has a slew of great shows. Rarity just loves The Crown, Outlander, and Last Tango in Halifax.”
“And Big Mac likes Stranger Things and Lost in Space,” said Apple Bloom.
“And you can’t forget all the wicked anime!” added Scootaloo. “They’ve got Sword Art Online, Bleach, and a whole slew of Netflix™ original anime!”
“They offer a ton of great shows, including eight seasons of the best show ever!”
A familiar sets of notes came from the televsion, as the girls all sang:
♪My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhh...
My Little Pony
I used to wonder what friendship could be
My Little Pony
Until you all shared its magic with me
Big adventure
Tons of fun
A beautiful heart
Faithful and strong
Sharing kindness!
It's an easy feat
And magic makes it all complete
You have my little ponies
Do you know you're all my very best friends?♫
Author's Note
I wanted to do something for the anniversary of the series finale. This is what I had time to write. But now that I'm settled in my new home, I should have more time to write. Keep an eye out....
Dreadnought