Starlight is Being Weird

by Iron McGalley

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1109

Starlight devises a new method of transportation. Twilight is having none of it.

Starlight devises a new method of transportation. Twilight is having none of it.

Now with an audio reading by StraightToThePointStudio:

Starlight Is Being Weird - Celeestiaa Starlight Is Being Weeird (Fanfic Reading - Comedy/Random MLP)

Published 2020-10-13 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-13 17:20:01 UTC

Celeeestiaaa Starlight is being weeeird

Twilight Sparkle stared at her former pupil and headmare of the School of Friendship in disbelief. Out of all the things Starlight had done—and it was a long, eccentric list—this one had to be the weirdest by far. She didn't know what to say. Heck, she didn't know how to even begin to process the sight before her eyes.

"So what do you think, Twilight?" Starlight said, cradled in the arms of some weird, tall alien. "You know you can always be honest with me."

The princess of friendship blinked twice. She rubbed her eyes. Blinked again.

Nope, it was still there.

"Starlight," she began, and very soon found that she just didn't know what in pony heck to say. Starlight Glimmer shifted a little in the arms of the creature—green all over with a question mark for a face—and raised her eyebrow.

"Yes?"

Twilight made an effort to say something, anything, but it was all she could do not to banish the thing on the spot. Starlight had sent a letter to her just that morning telling her of a revolutionary new transportation method she had discovered, sure, but she could never have imagined that it would be something so... weird.

"Darling if I may," Rarity ventured, seated on her chair around the cutie map. They all were. "Just what is that... creature?"

"Well, I'm glad you ask!" Starlight said, and produced a scroll. The creature immediately held it open for her. "This is my newest discovery. A revolutionary new way to not only travel, but also relax, socialize, and de-stress after a long day of work.

"Allow me to demonstrate!" She nodded to the creature and it began to scratch behind her ears with its long, strong fingers. Starlight giggled. Twilight's eye twitched.

"I hate it," she said.

"Hold on just a moment there," Applejack said. "What do you mean 'de-stressing'?"

Starlight beamed, leaning into the scratches. "According to my testing, utilizing my discovery is guaranteed to lower work-related stress levels by a minimum of 55% on the average pony! In just the first week!"

"You've tested this on other ponies?" Twilight gritted her teeth. "What even is that thing?!"

Applejack rubbed her chin. "55, huh? Those are some mighty impressive figures you got there."

"Yes!" Starlight nodded. "It's also super relaxing."

Rarity cocked her head to the side. "Relaxing you say? Why, I could certainly do with some relaxation. The amount of work I've been dealing with lately is absolutely overwhelming at times!"

"What." Twilight turned to look at her friends. "Neither of you can be serious right now. You're not. This isn't happening. What the heck is that thing?! Why is it green? Why the suit? Celestia's liquid mane, what in pony heck is going on here?!"

"Aaaand it's great for napping!" Starlight's creature was rubbing her back. She had her head cupped on his hand and was looking straight at Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus made a face. "I dunno. My clouds look a heck of a lot more comfy than those," she said, pointing to the fingers. In response, the creature booped Starlight's nose.

"But it's napping on the move!" she said. "You can keep going about your day without having to slow down at all, and still have time to nap. It's like, 20% more nap-to-activity-ratio efficient!"

"Huh." Rainbow hovered over to the creature and poked its bald, green head. "You sure?"

"Totally!"

Rainbow shrugged. "I'm sold."

Twilight stared, mouth agape, as Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack and the others all converged around Starlight's monster. The world had gone nuts.

"This is getting out of hand, Spike," she said. "We need to call in some reinforcements."

Spike groaned. This was supposed to be his day off.

Princess Luna entered the map room some thirty minutes later.

"Thou hast summoned me, Princess Twilight?" she asked, as the doors parted to reveal a most unusual sight.

In the map room were seated seven ponies. Six of them were being cradled by tall, bipedal creatures in dark business suits. Green, expressionless faces with nothing but a black question mark on them turned to face her.

"What in pony heck is going on here," Luna said.

Twilight rushed over to her side, eyes wide, hyperventilating.

"Princess Luna, thank Cele- uh, thank you, you're here. Hehe." She cleared her throat. "We have a problem."

"I can... see that." Luna looked from one pony to the next. Rainbow Dash was fast asleep in the arms of her creature as it ran a comb through her mane. Rarity and Fluttershy both waved at her from between the arms of their respective humans. Applejack offered a hearty 'Howdy!' as her green being alternated between caressing her cheek and rubbing her back. Pinkie Pie was sitting on the head of her creature, beaming widely, talking non-stop. Thankfully, the princess had learned long ago how to tune her out. Mostly.

Then there was Starlight Glimmer, looking on proudly at what Luna could only presume was her doing.

"Starlight is being weird, princess!" Twilight was shaking. Starlight was smiling. Luna felt very weird.

"Starlight Glimmer," the princess of the night began. "Would you mind telling me what these are?"

Starlight shrugged. "I can tell you what they're not," she said. "They're not dull company while working night shifts. And they come in size large."

Luna looked at Twilight. Twilight looked at Luna, a pleading, desperate look in her eyes. Luna looked at Starlight.

"Size large, you say?"

Twilight Sparkle wrote furiously. Celestia would help. She had to.

Dear Princess Celestia,

HELP. Green creatures in suits. Starlight is being weird. Everypony is doing it now. Please help. They're EVERYWHERE.

Love,

Princess Twilight Sparkle.

PS: HURRY please.

Twilight rushed down the castle stairs as soon as she saw Celestia's chariot arrive. If there was anypony out there who could stop this madness, it was her. She had to. Racing past her converted friends and a beaming Starlight, Twilight entered the castle throne room and made for the exit. Luna was there, cradled in the arms of one of the creatures—much bigger than the others, so he could hold the alicorn easily in his arms. She felt sick to her stomach.

She slammed the castle doors open and gasped in horror.

"Hello, Twilight," Celestia said, held up by two of the green creatures in a litter. A third one was brushing her hair, while a fourth offered her a slice of cake. "Have you seen Starlight? I wanted to thank her for this wonderful idea she pitched me the other day!"

Twilight's howl of agony was heard throughout Equestria.