But I Really Do Have Feelings

by Clearnote

Rating: teen
Tags: Sassaflash, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Drama, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 4230

When Wind Whistler flew to Ponyville, she thought that she would be accepted.

When Wind Whistler, a pegasus from G1, falls into a portal that leads her to G4, she is at first puzzled, for the way she looks is 'unlogical'. She hopes that in this new land, she will be accepted, unlike back in her own generation. However, when she flies to the small town of Ponyville, things turn out to be worse.
Much, much worse. (Slight gore, but nothing more than 'I stepped on a stick, and my coat looks like it is turning red, but I know that it is my blood' and such.)

Published 2020-10-18 18:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-18 18:00:00 UTC

Prologue

It was a cool day.

Leaves blew through the air, a light breeze lifting them to the heavens.

A perfect day for Gusty. But not for me.

My name is Wind Whistler. I am a pegasus mare with a blue coat and pink mane and tail. And I am logical.

Very logical.

I went on a stroll this morning. Buttons was teasing me for being smart, and I didn't feel like hanging around. Apparently being logical means that you have no feelings. I know that this statement is untrue- I do have feelings. I simply do not express them at the drop of a hat like everypony else.

As I reach the part of the forest that Shady is always so scared of, a tear rolls down my face. Many more follow it. I burst into silent sobs, but I don't that stop me. My legs drive me forward and have no plan of stopping.

But that changes. I step on something, something sharp. It impales my upper right hoof, straight through the center. I start to wobble, and then I collapse on the forest floor beneath me. My cyan coat begins to turn red. Or, at least, it looks like it is. I know it is my blood.

I bet the others would laugh.

They don't care about me. They never did. They never will. I use my teeth to pull the stick out of my hoof. The blood begins to gush. Tears are still coming, but no sobbing noises escape my mouth. I will not allow them.

Limping, I search for any long leaves to use as bandages. Instead, I smack into Wishful.

"Help, help, can't find other bushwoolies, bushwoolies! Help, lost, lost, very lost!" the purple bushwoolie cries quickly.
When he sees my wound, he gasps.

"Wind Whistler, Wind Whistler! Hurt, hurt, hurt, not okay! Help, going to help, help Wind Whistler!"

I give a smile, or try to, but the pain stops me. Another tear falls. Drip, drop, drip, drop. Wishful grabs leaves, which, with his incredible speed and knowledge of the forest, does not take very long. Soon, I am bandaged.

"Many thanks, Wishful," I say, being as polite as I can, trying to show emotion.

"Welcome, you're welcome, very welcome!" he cries, before zooming off to find his friends.

I sigh and continue walking. However, my walking is cut short as a large vortex, like a hole through reality opens up right in front of me. I am intrigued. Never has this happened before, in my memory. At first, I recoil, but I can't help but get closer to this mysterious tear in the world. Closer, closer, until I am blinded by the light. The last thing I remember was its glassy, lilac swirls before I was sucked in.

Author's Note

This is my first story. Please don't be mad at me if you don't like it! I really like G1, and I simply had to make a crossover.

Chapter 1

What happend?

My eyes flutter open. This isn't the forest. And... why does everything look so different?

It's not just where things are, everything looks odd. The trees are thinner and have an airy look to them. There are many houses, which all look like they were made by a baby pony. Where are the stables? These are not estates or castles at all!

And... and... I look weird. I'm so thin and small, and my wings are larger, skinnier, and more feathery. As I painfully trot over to a small pond beside me, I am in horror. My snout is so small, and my mane is longer and looks different in a way. My eyes are huge, and my ears are bigger, too.

Everything looks different in a way that even I cannot describe.

It would be illogical to scream and panic, for that would never get anything done. So, I trot over to the land of many odd houses. I am wondering if I can even fly with these odd wings, so I take off to the sky.

To be honest, it's easier! With my large wings and small body, air travel is much more logical! If only the others could see me. They would be jealous of my flight.

I also see no humans. My guess is that no one has ever gone over the rainbow to find some. I guess I could do that for them. Then, maybe, I could be treated kindly in this new land.

------☯------

Once I make it into the town, whenever I see a pony, I smile. These ponies have never bullied me. If I am kind, they never will. I see a green pegasus with a green mane and tail kicking at the clouds in the sky. This is odd, but I see how logical this could be if a pony wanted a clear sky. I fly up, and try to copy her movements to bust the clouds. She looks at me strangely, and flies over to me.

"What are you doing?" she asks. She seems to be confused.

"What you are doing," I reply simply. "Kicking the clouds."

She laughs. It's not a mean laugh, it's a kind one. She looks familiar. I feel like I know her.

"Medley?" I ask, hiding my shock. She nods.

"I am Sprinkle Medley. And you?" she asks politely.

"I'm Wind Whistler," I say, now hiding my sadness now knowing that this is not the Medley I know.

She does a flip. "Want me to teach you how to bust properly, Wind Whistler?" she says brightly. I smile and nod my head.

------☯------

Medley and I are having a blast! She taught me how to kick clouds (This will be very handy if I ever return home. The others will love me!), how to make a cloud start to rain (Good for bullies!), and how to properly fly (I guess I wasn't doing it right!).

To be honest, I've never felt this happy. My life has gotten significantly better since I fell through that portal, even though I do miss my home.

Medley flies up to me. "What do you want to do next?" she asks, obviously excited.

"I do not have an idea of what to do next," I reply simply. Medley grounds herself, and I land as well. She puts a hoof to her snout. It is clear that she is thinking.

"Oh, I know!" she cries. She runs off, and I have no choice but to follow her.

She stops at a large crystal house. "You should meet Princess Twilight!" she practically yells in excitement. So this is what a castle looks like in this world? Odd.

Medley knocks on the door, and when it opens, she shoves me right in. I crash into a small dragon. I rub my head.

He stands up. "Hey, watch it!" he cries. When I look at him, I see how similar he looks to a dragon I know.

"Spike?" I ask, hoping that he was cast into this world as I was. He nods. I am happy, but as usual, hide it. Spike leads us to a door, then up a flight of stairs. I see a large, crystal table in the center, along with seven crystal chairs, one of which is smaller than the rest.

Spike sits down in the smaller chair. He seems so accustomed to this that part of my happiness leaves me, knowing that this, just like Sprinkle Medley, is only similar-looking and similar-named ponies of both of these worlds.

When the baby dragon unfurls his wings, I know for sure that this is not the Spike I know. The Spike I know has not grown his wings yet.

"Twilight," Spike whispers to a purple pony seated in the chair next to him. "There are visitors!"

The pony, Twilight, who has the same name as a unicorn I know though looks nothing like her, looks up from her book. She waves.

"Please, sit down. What seems to be the problem?" she asks kindly. Sprinkle Medley sits in the chair with a diamond symbol on it, and I sit down in the one with the apples on it, because it reminds me of a pony I know.

"Well..." I start.

Before I can continue, Medley buts in and says, "Wind Whistler is new here, and wants to meet you!"

I blush red. I was going to say that I was from another world, not that I wanted to meet her, but I can apply it later. The unicorn, Twilight, unfurls a pair of wings, just like Spike had. My jaw drops when I see that she is both a unicorn and a pegasus. A unicorn-pegasus!

Twilight sees my shock and folds her wings back in. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, Wind Whistler. And... haven't you seen an alicorn before? Surely, if you knew of alicorns, and that I was one, your jaw would have dropped the second you saw me, not as I unfurled my wings."

My cheeks are redder than ever. My face feels hot. I gallop out of the room and as soon as I reach the door, I spread my wings and take to the skies.

Author's Note

As you may be able to tell, this takes place after episode eleven in the eighth season, but before the season finale (of season eight).

Chapter 2

I was soaring through the clouds, up, up up.

I had no intention of returning to Ponyville. Ever.

Even for Sprinkle Medley. We had become friends, but this day just got worse and worse.

First, the ponies were teasing me. Then I got impaled. Then a vortex sent me here. And everything looked weird here! Next, everything I did was apparently wrong, then I was so embarrassed by Twilight Sparkle. That is NOT how I wanted to be discovered. What would they think, that I was a homeless stowaway who knew nothing. That thought made me even more upset. I wanted to be accepted here.

I stopped flying upward and sat down on a cloud. Oh, I wish I could have sat on a cloud back home, but they all burst! This land is simply illogical.

I started to sob, and the cloud got kind of soggy, but to be honest, I didn't care anymore.

If I had not been so lost in my sorrow, I may have seen the pegasus flying toward me.

"Hello?'' she said gently. I looked up at her. She was a blue pegasus mare with a vanilla mane and tail. Medley's symbol had been a raining cloud, but her's was two vanilla lightning bolts, the color of her mane and tail. She looked like a pony I knew from back home, and the third time is the charm, right?

"Firefly?" I asked. The pony shook her head. "I'm sorry, you must be thinking of somepony else. I'm Sassaflash," she said.

There were no ponies back home with that name.

Oh well!

I stood up. "I'm Wind Whistler," I said.

"That's nice!" she said, smile never leaving her face.

I knew that this would not end out well. I flew down from the cloud and walked back to Ponyville. I might be able to hide there, for there are many houses and trees and other such things. No one will find me. It is nightfall, and I hide under a staircase to a house. There I lay my head and fall asleep.

------☯------

My head is filled with nightmares.

I see Twilight chasing me, hunting me down with Spike. When they capture me, I have no choice but to surrender. They use me as a servant, and I never find happiness again. Then I see Medley and Sassaflash urging me to stay strong, and that they are my friends, which I ignore. I trudge on, and when the dream seems like it is ending, it starts over again.

After seeing the nightmare about three times, I see an indigo pony, an alicorn, step into my dream. By then, I am weeping, and my bandaged hoof is starting to bleed again. She walks over to me, and I expect to be stricken, but she only places a hoof on my shoulder.

"You are seeing fear, and won't let yourself escape the fear," she says, soft, but boldly. I sob.

"I want it to be gone. I want to go home." I say, not strong at all.

The alicorn looks at me. "Are you lost?" she asks.

I explain to her my situation. She places a hoof on her snout.

"That is odd, and complicating, though I believe that Twilight Sparkle could help you," she replies. I am stricken by fear. Never will I see Twilight willfully. But when I tell her this, she stands up and begins to walk away.

"Unless you speak to Twilight, you will never go home," she says. Then she disappears.

------☯------

I trot around Ponyville, now full of ponies being happy in the morning sun. I can easily hide, blending into the background. My head is filled with questions. Should I see Twilight? Should I not see Twilight and accept my fate? Should I talk to Sassaflash, or Sprinkle Medley? My brain was beginning to ache.

I was so dizzy in thought that I knocked into another pony. "Hey, watch it, you insolent brat!" he yelled in his hoarse voice. I have had enough. Maybe I should stand up for myself.

"You are insolent, additionally. Perhaps you need to remain out of my way!" I shouted back at him.

All the ponies around stopped. "Nerd!" some called. "Mind your own business!" called a few more. But there was one small colt in the center of the road. He looked at me and called, "Feelingless!"

Everypony else joined in with the colt. I ducked my head to hide my tears. The words were like knives stabbing me in the back. I only ran.

------☯------

The crowds did not shrink, they only grew. They watched me run, tears flowing down my face. They called me names like 'Feelingless' and 'Emotion-Loather'. If anyone had no feelings, it would be them, not me. I am simply logical and do not use emotion to solve problems. But here, in Ponyville, I felt like I had shown more emotion than I ever had in Dream Valley. I was crying, standing up, feeling fear like never before, and back when I was happy, throwing out some large smiles.

But there was no smiling now. There were only tears, and they fell.

They fell a lot.

I finally approached my destination, but I did not slow down, or stop. I slammed open Princess Twilight's door and ran up the stairs to her table-room.

She was not there.

I was terrified. I walked around looking for clues of where she had gone. That's when I gave out a yelp. I had impaled my hoof, the upper right one again. It tears through my bandages, ripping open my wound and spilling blood everywhere. The pain is too much to bear. I let out a scream of pain, and collapse onto the floor. The last thing that I remembered was the floor. The shiny, shiny floor, like a mirror, a piece of glass, a river. Its smooth surface which had produced the sharp crystal.

I gave in to the pain and passed out on the floor. The shiny, shiny floor, like the vortex that had swallowed me up. I was like the floor itself, feeling as if I was part of it. Or like I was falling through it.

Author's Note

Sorry that these chapters are so short!

Chapter 3

I woke up feeling numb, like my nerves were dead. Then I felt it.

The pain surged through me and I screamed in agony. An alicorn stared into my eyes, looking worried.

Twilight.

I couldn't help but keep screaming from all the pain. When I used all of my strength to lift my head a little, I saw it all.

The blood.

I was bleeding from many wounds, especially my right forehoof's. I was practically as red as Moondancer's mane and tail! This was so bad, that even the other ponies would not laugh at me. No one could laugh at this.

Twilight carried me with her magic, talking. A lot of talking.

"I'm taking you to the hospital. They can fix you, I think. No, no, no, not think, I know. You did crash through my floor though, and it's a wonder you survived at all. Don't worry, don't worry...''

------☯------

I woke up, feeling sore and exhausted. There were large casts around most parts of my body, and my legs were all in the air, hung by strings attached to the casts. I could barely move. A pony walked in. He was a unicorn, with a light amber coat and a brown mane and tail.

"My name is Doctor Horse. And you must be Wind Whistler," he said. I couldn't nod. I was too tired. So I just stared.

"You've been getting better since your little fall, though you have lost a lot of blood."

I rolled my eyes, but only in my imagination. I was so tired.

"You will live," he said. "But you will have to wear bandages on your leg forever; it isn't getting better. If you don't like that, we can amputate it."

My eyes widened. What?!

I barely listened to the rest of what Dr. Horse had to say, but it was along the lines of 'you will limp forever'. This day just keeps getting better and better. That's when I see the calendar hanging up by the window.

It's been 16 days.

I passed out 16 days ago and only just woke up?

All hope of ever going home leaves me. For all I know, there might be no way to send me back now. I look around for Twilight, but she is nowhere to be found. When Doctor Horse leaves my room, I feel more alone than I ever have.

More than when I'm being teased. I'd rather be teased by the ponies back home than be permanently bandaged and limp forever. I usually don't fly as much as the other pegasi, who are usually almost always in the air. Even if I go home, they will see my injuries, my limp.

They'd cast me out.

So much I would give to have none of this ever happen! I would be home, not injured, and being teased. Being teased is better than this though. I'd never thought that I would ever say something like that.

I break into quiet sobs.

------☯------

I wake to the sound of birds chirping. My eyes flutter open. I'm still in the hospital bed, alone. Oh, well. I feel better than yesterday, I must be healing. That's a good thing.

A purple alicorn walks in. Twilight! She gallops over once she sees that I'm awake.

"You're awake!" she cries. "They said you were up a week ago, but when I came, you were asleep! And now you're up!"

I was asleep for another full week?!

I hold back my tears and force a smile.

"I'm so glad that you're here," I manage to get out. It's hoarse and shaky. As if it was dying.

"Oh? Why's that?" she asks me. It isn't angry or shocked. It's kind and peaceful. She gets a little closer to me. Her presence is very gentle, even though she had once asked me a question so demanding that it scared me.

I tell her about my situation. When I get to the part about seeing her for the first time, I even begin to cry. She is sympathetic.

"We'll get you home," she says. I want to feel happy, but for some reason, I don't.

------☯------

One month later.

I've been out of the hospital for a week now. During my stay at the hospital, we made somewhat of a plan. When I got out, I apologized to Sassaflash and Sprinkle Medley. They didn't mind. They gave me hugs, and that made me feel a little better. Soon I would leave if Twilight's spell worked. I am excited, and am oddly fast, though I would be faster if not for this dragging limp.

As I walk through town, overjoyed, everypony starts looking at me.

One pony calls, "Hey feelingless pony! Trying to see what it's like to have emotions?"

Everypony else, except for Sassaflash and Medley, who are following me, laugh. My spirits plummet. My friends are trying to cheer me up, but their voices are drowned out by the laughter.

"P-please... cease you tri-trills..." I manage to crack out.

That only makes the names come out.

"Feelingless!" "Emotion-Hater!" "Nerd!" are shouted from all around. Tears roll down my face. More and more. They never stop. All of my good feelings are gone. I lower my head and trudge along the path. My hooves feel heavy, like they are made of stones.

I don't care where I'm headed. I really don't care anymore. One step after another. When I look up, I see that I'm not in Ponyville anymore. The laughing is gone. I sit down and just sob. Sassaflash and Medley see me, but they know that it'd be best if they left me alone, so they do.

It's a cool day. There's a slight breeze, ruffling the leaves on the trees. I hear a bird chirp, but it's far away. It reminds me of the day I was brought here. My crying is reduced to sniffles. When I look around me, all I see is this world. This weird, odd, illogical world.

This world that is not for me.

Epilogue

I see Twilight coming. She's galloping, on all four hooves. She's coming toward me.

I only stare.

"Wind Whistler!" she calls. I stand up and walk away. I don't want to go home. I want it to be over. But... I don't want to be dead.

When she starts coming toward me even faster, I break into a gallop as well.

"Leave me alone!" I cry. Twilight does not stop. So I take flight. Higher and higher, until she cannot see me. Soon, I am surrounded by trees. I think Twilight mentioned this place once...

The Everfree Forest. I land and start trotting, for she will never find me here. There is no need to run anymore.

To be honest, I'm scared. This place is filled with dangerous beasts and plants. And I have no knowledge of how to stop them. How will I defend myself?

I see a partially broken-down cottage. Good enough for me. I walk on in, for I will rest here. It is almost nightfall. As I lay down near the remains of what might have been a table, I hear a voice.

"Heeeeelloooo..." calls the voice. It is very quiet and soft sounding. It sounds so trustworthy. And I am so sleepy.

"Coooommmmme," the voice commands softly. In my tiredness, I get up, half asleep, and limp over to where I think it is.

There is a pony there. It is a pegasus. Her mane and tail are magenta with a white streak, and are moderately messy. Her eyes are a dark cyan, and her coat is a light shade of blueish-grey. I can see her freckles glistening in the moonlight, like stars upon her face.

"Who are you?" I yawn. My eyelids are feeling very heavy. She gives a small smile.

"I am Clearnote, and you are mine."

A pain bursts through my head. When I open my eyes, I see that a blue mist is surrounding me. I scream in agony. When I look at the pony, she only smirks.

"Let go. There is nothing you can do. This is the pollen of a Zevano flower." Her smile grows. "And I know how to use it."

I collapse onto the ground. I feel sick, dizzy, and so tired.

"Goodnight," Clearnote says softly.

My eyes close. She has won.

Author's Note

Read the next chapter/epilogue to see what the plant really does!

Post-Epilogue

"Rise."

I stand up, ready. Clearnote smiles.

"Who are you?" she asks me.

"I am Wind Whistler, cast from my world, mocked in Ponyville, and a runaway," I answer. The words leave my lips simply, easily, and lightly. I am no longer afraid. In fact, I feel very warm inside.

Clearnote continues to grin.

"And this world?" she asks. "Does it have a ruler?"

"Well, Majesty rules over her castle and some ponies consider her to be the queen... And there's Rosedust, the queen of the Flutter Ponies... And a bunch of other kings and queens and a prince or princess here and there, but no one is the king or queen of everyone." I say, answering her question. It's just so easy.

Clearnote looks very happy, and very maniacal.

"Thank you, Wind Whistler. Now follow me. We have plans to make..."

Author's Note

Sorry that this post-epilogue is so short. I thought that short and sweet would make a good ending, because I feel like it brings suspicion. Hope you enjoyed the book, and see you for book two! It'll be called 'I Can't Help But Expect The Worst'. Bye, for now!