What's in A Name?

by AutoPony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Narcotics, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 6038

Princess Celestia deals with her unruly canine sibling. Just another normal evening.

Dealing with a sibling can be difficult sometimes, moreso when said sibling is in a bad mood. Just ask Princess Celestia, who has to juggle running an empire while balancing her relations with her younger co-ruling, chronically ill-tempered, inappropriate sister.

Princess Loona's name was always spelled with two o's... right?

This idea came to me during a night of drinking. I decided to follow it because it offered me more vodka.

Rated teen for an inebriated, foul-mouthed hellhound.

Cover art and the character Loona herself are from Vivienne Medrano's (VivziePop) Helluva Boss pilot.

Published 2020-10-23 11:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-23 11:20:01 UTC

We Are Family...

As another busy day in Equestria drew to a close, the sun desperately clung to the edge of the horizon. While eager to rest for the night, it patiently awaited the gentle nudge from its caretaker to slip out of sight.

Its caretaker had been patiently waiting for that time to come as well. After over ten minutes of staring off into the distant landscape from her seat at the dining room table, Princess Celestia felt a pang of worry.

Or was it hunger?

Regardless, it wasn't like her sister, Princess Luna, to be tardy in her duty to raise the moon. It was something she knew all too well was dear to her sister's heart, and she would not lower her celestial body until Luna was ready. Nor would she eat until Luna was seated at the dinner table.

Unable to wait any longer, Celestia excused herself from the table, letting her servant know she would return after fetching her sibling.

The guards stationed at either side of the doors leading in and out of the room raised their spears up straight and away from the door, saluting as the elder Princess strode past, not a word spoken between them. Celestia did not need to - but she also carried more haste in her step than normal.

From just a simple case of oversleeping an alarm to a case of illness and further ideas that bore little semblance of reality, Celestia's mind ran through all the possibilities as she made her way down the hall. Nary a sound returned to her ears as the carpet underhoof muted her steps. No pony other than the occasional stationed guard crossed her path.

After what seemed like hours, Celestia finally reached the door to her sister's room, still firmly shut. Curiously - and alarmingly - no guards were posted to her room. To be fair, there were still those that were ordered to roam the halls, but to leave a sleeping princess completely unguarded was highly unusual.

Celestia raised a hoof and lightly wrapped on her sister's door, anxiously awaiting some sort of response.

She let only a few seconds of silence pass before she could not bear to wait any longer.

"Luna, sister, are you awake?" Celestia called out as she barged through the door. Plush navy blue carpet greeted her hooves as she made her way over to Luna's bed, a large lump on the mattress shielded by the silky blue sheets she preferred.

"Luna, you've overslept, wake up," Celestia announced as she reached her sibling's bedside.

"I heard you the first damn time," came a groggy, grumbling reply, muffled by the covers. "I'm not getting up until my alarm goes off."

Celestia glanced over at the bedside table, spying the aforementioned item.

Or at least, what was left of it.

The pathetic gizmo looked as if it had been viciously and repeatedly battered against the wall. The clock's housing as well as the face itself was twisted and mangled, with springs, gears, and other mechanical bits sticking out or scattered about the tabletop.

"I don't think your alarm is ever going off," Celestia replied, her voice lined with suspicion.

"Perfect. Good night," came the quick reply.

With a huff, Celestia seized the linens with her magic, hurling them back to reveal her stubborn sibling at last.

Luna lay on her back, one leg bent with the other crossed atop it. One of her white-furred hands held an odd little device, which her frost white irises stared at attentively. She didn't look over or otherwise acknowledge she had been found, forcing Celestia to stare at the blood-red sclera of her eyes. However, one wolf-like ear swiveled toward Celestia, as if awaiting the next utterance.

"Luna, have you been up this whole time?" Celestia asked impatiently. She stared at the bipedal, wolf-like hellhound, wondering silently how the hay this was her little sister.

"No," she replied with a lack of empathy. "And that's with two o's."

"What?"

Luna finally took her eyes away from her... cellular device? That seemed right. Luna always had that cursed thing with her. Why did that seem so foreign now?

"Loona. With two o's," she repeated. "And stop staring at me like I'm some sort of freak."

"I said your name correctly, sister," Celestia replied, confused with the whole situation. She rubbed the back of her head with a hoof as she took this all in.

"No, you said my name with a u," Loona growled.

"I - what? Nevermind that," Celestia snapped back, shaking her head as she became perturbed by the lack of action by her sibling. "Loona, you need to raise the moon, so I can set the sun. We're over five minutes past the scheduled time."

"You can do it, can't you?" Loona lazily suggested. Her attention switched back to her phone as she flipped through the screen with a clawed digit.

"It's your responsibility," Celestia shot back. "By the stars, it's your namesake, dear sister."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Loona muttered with a sigh, slumping her shoulders as she stared up at the ceiling. Even as she relented, Loona's dark bushy tail swished back and forth with irritation. With her middle digit tucked back toward her palm and held by her thumb, she finally flicked upward, claw faintly glowing.

Out the window, Celestia watched as the moon violently shot into the air, stopping halfway up the sky with an equally sickening lurch.

"Ta-da," Loona said, her voice lathered in sarcasm.

"Was that really so difficult?" Celestia asked, regretting it almost as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Was that meant to be a stupid question?" Loona instantly replied, pouncing on the opportunity. "I mean, if you really want me to answer such a dumb que-"

"I get it, Loona," the elder sibling interrupted. "Come now, it's dinner time and you have your duties to attend to tonight."

"Oh joy, another night of constant boredom, mixed with a few moments of bullshit," Loona lamented, rolling her eyes in disgust.

Celestia sighed. She loved her sister dearly, but when she was in a bad mood, Loona was a handful. With no other options, Celestia summoned up her secret weapon.

"Please, can you do it for your big sis?" she cooed, giving Loona the sad and pleading eyes few ever saw from the sun princess. This time, she even turned her lower lip outward into a pout.

Just the tone of Celestia's voice was enough to elicit a groan from Loona's muzzle. Her striking red eyes met with her sister's soft and gentle magenta eyes.

"Dammit, I hate it when you pull that crap," Loona huffed. "If you wipe that stupid look off of your face, I'll be down in a few minutes."

Willing to savor even the smallest victory, Celestia finally enabled herself to smile. "Thank you, Loona," she hummed.

"Whatever. Get out of my room so I can change," she muttered, motioning to the tattered crop top and shorts she was currently wearing.

With that, Celestia trotted out of the room without another word, eager to get this rather dysfunctional evening back on track.

Nearly ten minutes had passed before Loona finally showed up to the dinner table - wearing virtually the same clothes she had on earlier. That was not to mention the hellhound still looked to be in a rather grumpy, combative mood, if her mild sneer had any indication as she took a seat at the dinner table.

Celestia looked her sister up and down, making her concerns crystal clear as she frowned.

"What now?" Loona grumbled, putting her feet up on the table as she leaned back. Once again, she pulled out her phone and began tapping at the screen.

"You look like you're wearing the same rags you were earlier," Celestia mused, not bothering to hide the disdain for the attire ill-befitting a princess of Equestria.

"Okay, and you don't wear any clothes period, dumbass," Loona quickly retorted. "At least I have some sort of decency.

Celestia froze at the response. Loona was technically correct - nopony else wore clothes. Why was that? Why did Loona wear clothes?

Shaking her head free of what could only result in an existential crisis, Celestia let the issue go. It was an uphill battle she wouldn't win tonight.

But there was one thing Celestia could not let go of.

"Could you please take your feet off the table, sister?" Celestia asked in a polite tone.

"Why?"

"It's impolite," Celestia replied, already feeling her patience begin to wear thin as she stared at her sister's paws. "It is not very hygienic, either."

"Okay, and?" Loona retorted, looking up from the gizmo in her hand. "No one else sits here. We have this whole goddamn table, and no one else sits here. Just us. In the same spots every day, twice a day an-"

"Okay, I get it, forget I said anything," Celestia said through gritted teeth, glaring back with simmering frustration.

Loona merely shrugged her shoulders, returning to her apathetic mood. However, the slightest smirk managed to cross her muzzle.

Fortunately, two of the royal servants walked out of the kitchen at the same time, each hovering a dish through the air in their magical aura. One was placed before the solar princess, a nice garden salad with ripe cherry tomatoes, crisp lettuce, and bits of carrot. Alongside was a half of a toasted daffodil, lettuce, and tomato sandwich - she didn't want to completely stuff herself. Lastly, a glass of iced tea accompanied her dish, the ice cube in the glass lightly clinking as it sat down on the tabletop.

The other plate landed before Loona - a virtually raw, bloody steak, with no garnish or any sort of additions to the cut of meat. Secretly, the sight sickened Celestia, unable to fathom where the kitchen staff procured such a dish - nor did she want to know.

Just as Celestia's dish came with a companion, a short glass of amber liquid was set beside Loona's meal, a few ice cubes settled at the bottom.

Celestia was famished after all of this time spent waiting for Loona to join her. She quickly unfolded her napkin containing silverware and took a small nibble from her sandwich. The rush of fresh daffodil and veggies reached her palate, making her forget all of her troubles as she savored the taste.

She forgot for a moment, anyway.

As if keen on being a nuisance again, Loona grabbed the whole steak with her free hand, the juices running out onto the table and floor as she held a firm grasp, bringing it to her eager maw. With all the finesse of a drunken fool, Loona took a massive bite with her razor-sharp teeth, pulling hard until she ripped off a chunk. Blood and juice spattered the table in an arc while she chewed at her meal in an obnoxiously loud, open mouth display.

Looking up from her meal, Celestia quickly averted her eyes again, not wanting to spoil her appetite at the grotesque display.

"So, since you weren't at breakfast this morning, how did last night go?" Celestia inquired. She was hoping to get at least some sort of a constructive conversation going.

"Okay, I guess," Loona replied, her speech somewhat garbled by her mouth full of food.

"Was there anything noteworthy as far as correspondences, visitors, or issues?" Celestia pressed further.

"I don't really remember, sis," Loona said, taking another savage bite from her food.

"Did you have any visitors?"

"I don't remember," came the nonchalant response.

"How do you not remember, Loona?" Celestia blurted, irritated by her younger sister's attitude. She finally sampled her salad as she awaited the expected indifferent response that was becoming the norm.

"Probably the vodka. Maybe the beers before that, I don't know - does it really matter?" Loona answered, staring at her sister with a queer expression.

"You were drinking while presiding over Equestria?!" Celestia choked out, as a stray piece of carrot slid down the wrong pipe in her throat. She began to cough and gag, her body desperately trying to rid itself of the foreign bit.

Showing at least some sort of respect for the first time, Loona hesitated to respond, sitting upright at attention until Celestia's fit subsided.

"I mean, it's not like I have anything better to do," Loona finally answered, leaning back in her chair again.

"It's against the rules, dear sister," Celestia scolded, finally able to relax after her moment. She took a hearty gulp from her glass of tea, still feeling the after-effects of the body-wracking coughs.

"What rules? I'm a princess, I can do whatever the hell I want."

Fully expecting to hear that phrase, Celestia focused her mind, her magic summoning a neatly rolled scroll before her eyes. As she gently unfurled the document, she cleared her throat, searching for one particular article.

"Jesus, save yourself the time. I don't need to hear this again," Loona grumbled, tossing her food back onto its plate and folding her arms in aggravation.

"Yet you keep doing it," Celestia chastised, making the document disappear with a slight pop. "Is that not the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result?"

"I don't know, you're the one that can pull fucking encyclopedias out of her ass," Loona sassed.

"I summon them out of my own personal repository, Loona, and you would know that if you bothered to keep one."

"Repository, suppository, same thing," Loon wryly snapped back, reaching over to fetch her glass.

Feeling rather suspicious, Celestia seized the item in a golden glow before her sister could grab it, sliding the glass away from Loona and over to her side of the table.

"Hey, that's mine! Drink your own shit!" Loona snarled, baring her teeth.

But Celestia would not be intimidated by her sister's display. Instead, she raised the glass to her lips, taking a small sip of the contents. As soon as the drink hit her tongue, she spat it out.

"Loona, this is rum!" Celestia angrily exclaimed.

"Dammit," Loona growled, turning back toward the kitchen door. "Which one of you idiots gave me rum?! I specifically said bourbon whiskey! How do you fuck that up?!"

The doors swung open in an instant with an utterly terrified unicorn rushing out into the room. Within the orange glow of his magic hovered a dark brown bottle. As if walking on eggshells, he carefully made his way toward the belligerent canine.

"Do not give that to her, she doesn't need it!" Celestia shouted, rising up from her seat. That was all it took for the unicorn to turn tail and rush back into the kitchen, the doors slamming behind him. Sobbing could be heard from the other side.

"Oh, nice. You made him cry," Loona mused, looking surprisingly pleased as she picked up her mutilated steak once again.

"I - that wasn't -"

Celestia steadied herself, feeling anger coursing through her veins even as she sat back down, closing her eyes. Every ounce of her being wanted to rush at her sister and throttle her for being so disgusting, disrespectful, and devious. Loona's smirk only reinforced the notion that she knew Celestia was on that edge, which only made the elder sister more furious. A little, long-forgotten voice in her head egged her on to let go, to let loose all that frustration.

But Celestia was quick to mute that voice. She was already dealing with one bitch tonight. There was no reason to add another to the mix.

That snide little pun caused Celestia to chuckle, easing some of her burden with just that little release.

"What's so funny?" Loona interrupted. The demand didn't stop her from tearing another chunk of bloody meat from her plate

"Nothing, Loona," Celestia briskly responded. She knew that joke wouldn't go over well. Instead of trying to come up with something else to add, Celestia went back to her dinner.

"Uh-huh."

"Loona, sister - just promise me, no drinking while on the throne tonight, please? It doesn't reflect well upon Equestria as a whole," Celestia pleaded, desperate for at least one more small coup over her sister's antagonistic attitude. "If something happens or somepony important appears, you need to be sharp. I know it is not always fun, but it is our duty as princesses to keep our subjects safe and our lands prosperous."

Loona said nothing as she slowly chewed, glaring as she awaited some sort of concession.

"You can get yourself plastered tomorrow to your heart's content after your duties are complete," Celestia said, rolling her eyes. The softening features of her sister's face told Celestia that was likely good enough.

"So what kind of all-important crap do you think could possibly happen tonight?" Loona pressed. "About the only exciting thing that happens every night is getting to a high level on Skullcrusher and my battery running low. Why don't we have a power outlet next to the throne?"

Celestia's mind tried to process what exactly Loona just said. This whole night had been confusing - everything seemed like it was supposed to be normal, but all out of place at the same time. But it had been a long day; some sleep would undoubtedly set her mind right for tomorrow.

Speaking of which...

"While you will not need to directly speak with them, we are expecting some officials from Griffonstone to arrive tonight," Celestia said cautiously. "I assumed they would arrive early this afternoon, but it seems their travel to Canterlot has run long."

"Griffonstone," Loona repeated, not quite presented as a question, but not sounding fully sure of the word.

"The griffons, Loona?"

"What about them?"

Celestia was on the verge of smashing her head into the table out of sheer frustration.

"The griffons live in Griffonstone, that's their kingdom," Celestia explained, knowing full well she was likely wasting her time. "We've just begun speaking again after several years of severed relations - they've recently had a change of heart and they wish to try working with Equestria again in terms of trade and other matters of diplomacy. I'm hoping this government is much more stable and reasonable, but time will tell. It will take some time - a symbolic visit from a trusted group of diplomats is the first step, and offering a positive experience during their visit will go a long way to success in the long term."

"So say hi to the catbirds, shake hands, grab each other's asses for a feel-good, that's it?"

"Loona," Celestia hissed in a hushed tone. "That is extremely racist."

"What was?" Loona said, rolling her eyes at yet another scolding from her older sister.

"Catbird."

"If it's so bad, why did you just say it?"

"I - for Faust's sake, sister, do not play games. This is very serious," Celestia said as she shook her head. "Please, just let our assistants handle the arrival, tomorrow I will exchange pleasantries."

"Who the hell said I was playing games? Are griffons not part cat and part bird?" Loona interjected, her focus seemingly honed on proving Celestia wrong.

"Yes, if you want to break it down as simple as possible, you would be correct - they are part bird and part feline," Celestia said putting a hoof to her head. "But to them, that word you used is derogatory and offensive, so don't say it."

The hellhound merely shrugged her shoulders, finishing up dinner with one final loud chomp of her jaws.

"Just - please try to make the most of tonight and act somewhat proper. You can even play with your - your phone thingy. Just stay out of trouble," Celestia tried to reason.

Loona let out a chuckle as she got up from the table. "I was bringing my phone anyways, sis. If I have to do this lame shit, I'm sure as hell not going to stare at the wall for however many hours."

Moving over to the other side of the table in long, sinuous strides, Loona stopped next to Celestia. With Celestia still sitting down, her younger sister had a height advantage on her - even if it was only a matter of centimeters, and only due to her voluminous and wild hair. "You really need to loosen the hell up. Get laid or something. How many centuries has it been?" she teased with a sly smirk.

"That is none of your business," Celestia quickly shot back, feeling flustered by such a scandalous and inappropriate inquiry.

Loona stared into her eyes for a few more seconds, before relenting. "Whatever. I got shit to do, I guess," she sassed, lightly patting Celestia's cheek. The remnants of her dinner upon her paw left a mess of juices and flecks of red meat on Celestia's white coat, and it took all of her mental strength to not gag.

"Behave yourself, dear sister," Celestia called out as Loona walked away, her tail swishing back and forth.

"Yeah, yeah," Loona huffed. She raised one of her hands up, the middle digit the only one extended as she walked out of the room.

After frantically wiping away the mess that her little sister had left upon her face, Celestia finished what she could of her dinner and set off for her bedroom. She hoped to get at least some sleep before tomorrow's stressful meeting.

The sounds of a violent scuffle and clanging metal just outside her her door awake Celestia from her sleep with a jolt. Her heart raced as she regained her bearings as quickly as possible. With the darkness of the night, it took a moment before her eyes could adjust so make out anything in the shadows.

"Sis, where the fuck are you?!" howled Loona's voice from out in the hall.

"Loona?!" Celestia called back incredulously. "Sister, what is happening?!"

The door to Celestia's room swung open viciously, with enough force to smack into the wall and bounce back. The sheer violence made Celestia jump once again. And once again, her eyes needed time to adjust, this time to the light spilling in from the hall.

Loona's silhouette stood in the doorway as Celestia frantically used her magic to bring light to the room. A golden strand of energy flew from her horn and up into the chandelier that hung from the ceiling, finally bringing proper light to the whole situation. The sight that finally met her eyes drew anxiety even further into her being.

While never the pinnacle of self-grooming, Loon's fur was now disheveled, both from evidence of exertion and the presence of blood. She wobbled a bit, before steadying herself against the doorframe. Her face was twisted into a scowl, her eyes not particularly focused on anything in particular.

"Your bastard bodyguard attacked me on the way here," Loona snarled before Celestia could speak again. "Mind explaining that one to me, 'dearest sister'?" she questioned, finishing her demand with an exaggerated, mocking tone.

"What? What are you talking about?" Celestia instinctively replied. She was confused and hurt by Loona's accusation and tone.

"See for yourself," Loona snapped back, marching back out into the hall and out of sight. Celestia began to get out of bed, but before she had a chance to set a hoof upon the floor, Loona reappeared in the door.

Her left hand held what looked to be a pony slung over her back, but as she tossed it further into Celestia's room, the hollow tang of metal filled her ears. It only took her a short glance to know Loona's story was impossible.

"You cannot be serious, sister," Celestia said, aggravated by the rude awakening. "Are you trying to tell me the decorative suit of armor we have had in the hall for years came to life and attacked you?"

Loona glared at her alicorn sister, before staring down at what had virtually become a pile of scrap metal.

"I didn't like the way it looked at me," Loona muttered. She tried to cross her arms to show her disappointment, but after nearly falling over, resorted to grabbing onto the doorframe once again.

"Are you drunk right now?!" Celestia shouted, knowing full well the imbalance and idiocy on display could not be coincidence. "What in Equestria's name did I tell you during dinner this evening?!"

"I'm not drunk, you overgrown goose!" Loona shot back angrily, baring her teeth. "You think I want to listen to your whiny shit again about how irres... ir.. is.."

"Irresponsible?" Celestia said, raising an eyebrow as Loona tried to form the word. It only made the hellhound more bitter, judging by the animalistic snarl she made in response.

"I know the goddamn word, shut up!" she shouted. "The last thing I want to do is hear your lectures again, I'd rather get shot in the head."

Loona motioned with her right hand to the side of her head. It allowed Celestia to spy the neck of an empty glass bottle she held within her grasp.

"Really? Pray tell, what is that bottle you're carrying?" Celestia mused, knowing her sister had cornered herself.

Loona lowered her arm, looking down at the object it held as if she was truly clueless to its existence. She stood like that for a few moments, silently staring.

"Do you want to try this ag-"

Before Celestia could finish her sentence, Loona stumbled forward a few steps, turning and heaving the bottle into the nearest wall. The glass instantly shattered, the force of her throw causing glass shrapnel and drops of the remaining brew to splatter the wall and carpet in all directions.

"Loona!" Celestia exclaimed, shocked and outraged by her sister's actions.

"What bottle? I don't see a bottle," Loona calmly replied as she shrugged her shoulders. "Are you sure you haven't been hitting the booze?"

"You are treading on dangerous ground," Celestia warned, her fatigue and anger wearing away at her resolve as she sat up straight. Her eyes narrowed at the drunken, brash canine. "I don't know what has gotten into you or why you would be so brazen and rude, but I will not tolerate this."

"Okay, mom," Loona snidely commented, staring back with disdain.

"I wouldn't have to treat you like a child if you knew how to behave yourself without constantly being an ass to everypony around you!" Celestia roared back.

"I don't have to take this uppity shit from my sister, either!" Loona growled back. " You're sounding a lot like those jackasses from Stonerville or whatever that stupid catbird city is, you wanna end up like them?!"

"For the thousandth time, Loona, stop being ra-"

Celestia froze, her blood running cold as she fully realized what her sister had just said. She slowly rose out of bed, transfixed upon the hellhound and she walked over to her.

"Loona, what did you do?" Celestia asked, fighting to keep as calm as possible.

"Well I was minding my own damn business and getting a drink-"

Which I told you not to do until tomorrow," Celestia hissed.

"Tomorrow becomes today at midnight, you dumbass," Loona retorted.

"I - whatever! What did you do?!" Celestia shouted back.

"Unless two of those dicks can manage to unfuck themselves and then swim their way out of the moat, I cleared up your schedule for tomorrow and solved a problem, since the rest of them turned and ran away," Loona replied, folding her arms. "You're welcome."

In her mind, Celestia tried to convince herself this was just a sick joke. There was no way Loona could be so- she couldn't have-

But she knew the answer.

"Why? I told you to just stay in the throne room and our servants would handle the griffons' arrival!" Celestia cried, taking a seat back upon her bed as a wave of nausea crashed over her.

All these years of peace, the hoops that she, Princess Celestia, had jumped through to make Equestria a safe haven for her ponies for centuries. All that would be thrown out the window because of her counterpart's temper.

Griffonstone would learn what happened as soon as the remaining group returned home. Equestria was not going to escape this fiasco unscathed.

"This can't be happening," Celestia mumbled, holding her head as her mind raced.

"It isn't happening," echoed a familiar voice.

The surprise of the answer combined with the oddly calming voice forced Celestia to snap out of her misery, her eyes darting about the room to find the origin.

Overhead, a small rift had appeared in the ceiling, allowing the night sky to make its presence known. Gradually, the sky swallowed up the cavernous ceiling along with the chandelier, the sea of stars lending their light to the room.

As Celestia watched in utter confusion and wonder, a few of the larger stars began to converge, falling to the floor as their bright light intensified, their form growing. With a light *poof*, the light dissipated, a blue alicorn left in their wake. Her mane retained the same visage of the night sky from which she had just spawned.

"Luna," Celestia mumbled. Dazed, she slid off the bed and walked over to her sister - her real sister - and wrapped her hooves around her form without a warning.

"My apologies, Tia, tonight has been a busy night for dreams," Luna squeaked out, surprised by the force of her sister's hug. "It appears I have appeared at a particularly tumultuous time."

Celestia finally let go of her true sibling after a moment of silence, allowing the lunar princess to take stock of what surrounded her. It didn't take long before her turquoise eyes befell the other being in the room.

"I must say, I have seen many things during my years of dealing with dreams, but you are quite unique," Luna mused, looking up and down the bipedal's form.

"She's a hellhound," Celestia nervously whispered into her sister's ear. Even though Celestia now realized this was indeed a wild dream, she still felt a pang of anxiety, wondering how this other - well, the so-called Loona would respond.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, half-pint?" the hellhound growled angrily, her predatory eyes narrowing at Princess Luna.

"It would appear manners certainly aren't your strong suit," Luna huffed, irked by the insult.

"You know what? Fuck you," Loona suddenly shouted, pointing a claw at Luna before directing it at Celestia. "And fuck you! All I've heard is you piss and moan about every goddamn thing under the sun, now there's another one of you doing the same shit!"

"Luna, since this is a dream, shouldn't you just en-"

"It's Loona, you moron!" the hellhound interrupted, flying into a rage. Her fur stood up on end with agitation as she took a step toward the pair of alicorns, baring her teeth. "For the last fucking time, it's L-O-O-N-"

Without a word, Luna stomped her right hoof, the action echoing loudly as everything suddenly froze in place.

"I've dealt with enough shenanigans tonight, I do not have the patience to deal with such trivial nonsense as the spelling of a spoken name," Luna announced out loud. As her horn glowed, the night sky that was overhead washed around her and Celestia, leaving nothing but the pair floating amidst the stars.

"Oh, thank goodness that is over," sighed Celestia, finally relaxing for the first time in what felt like ages. "It just felt so - it was confusing, like I felt like things weren't normal, but they felt normal at the same time..."

"That is the mystery and mystique of dreams. But we are not quite finished, dear sister," Luna replied, drawing Celestia's attention as the younger alicorn moved to face the elder sibling. "I am sure you are aware all dreams have a reason for their occurrence, yes?"

"Yes, I remember you explaining that to me," Celestia said, rubbing her temple with a hoof. "But how would you explain... well, all of that? How do you make sense of it?"

"Ah, it is not always about the content that a dream contains," Luna replied giving her sister the slightest smile as reassurance. "No, the events of tonight or the, erm... 'hellhound' - that is not important."

"Then what is it?"

"Tell me, Tia, do you remember dinner tonight?" Luna asked innocently.

The question befuddled Celestia. "Yes, I remember you and I having dinner tonight," she answered, her brow furrowed. "I don't recall anything troublesome or upsetting though."

"Do you recall what you had for dinner?"

"I had... I wanted something with a bit of a kick so I requested the "Firehouse" chili," Celestia replied again, still confused.

"And what did I tell you when you made that request?" Luna said, her smile growing just a bit more.

Celestia's shoulders slumped as the pieces slipped into place. "You told me I should reconsider, because spicy food before bed can lead to unsettling dreams," she lamented, hanging her head in shame. "And I said you worry too much, and I would be fine."

Celestia felt her sister's hoof gingerly touch her chin, easing her head back up. Luna met her gaze as she caressed her elder sister's cheeks with the plumage of her wings, obscuring Celestia's view of anything other than Luna.

"I am not here to reprimand you, nor am I here to gloat," Luna reassured her. "But perhaps next time, you should heed my advice when it comes to sleep, yes?"

Celestia let out a chuckle as she nodded. "You're right. Thank you, Lulu."

"I am happy I could help. And while I would love to stay for the evening, I am afraid I must move on to the next dream," Luna said, backing up a step as she folded her wings.

The action revealed a vastly different view than had been present just moments before. Sand stretched off to either side of the pair, while just behind Luna, the gentle waves of the sea washed the shoreline in a slow, back and forth rhythm. A few palm trees scattered about broke up the expanse of the beach, while overhead, a cloudless sky allowed Celestia to bask in the warming rays of her sun.

"I would be remiss if I did not leave you with pleasant dreams," Luna hummed. She sidestepped out of her sister's cone of vision, revealing a lounge chair planted upon the dunes. A table sat beside it, offering a drink from a frosted glass.

"You've spied on my dreams before, haven't you?" Celestia teased as she sauntered over to the inviting chair, flopping down atop it. Instantly, it felt as if all her troubles and worries melted away.

"I admit, I have checked in on your dreams from time to time. Moreso for concern rather than curiosity," Luna replied. "But for now, I bid you farewell. I trust I will see you at breakfast?"

Celestia wasted no time in nodding. "Of course. Love you, Lulu."

"I love you too, Tia," Luna said. With a beaming smile, she turned away, taking flight and vanishing into the sky.

As Celestia sat and listened to the sound of the ocean, her brow furrowed for a moment. She couldn't help but allow her mind to slowly run through her dream once again - this time out of pure curiosity that being troubled by it. With all the absurdities she had encountered, one particular question burned in her mind, strong enough that she could not help but wonder aloud.

"What in Equestria is a hellhound?"

The sound of a high-pitched, repetitive barking filled her ears as she came to. As her eyes focused, she could herself staring down at worn mahogany and scattered paperwork.

Loona forced herself to raise her head up, wiping away a bit of drool from her muzzle even as the phone continued to ring incessantly.

"God damn, I can't even sleep without someone crawling up my ass about stupid shit," she muttered, trying to shake her mind free from the bizarre dream. Fed up with the continued annoyance, Loona finally picked up the phone.

"Hello, I.M.P..."