A Long Shot

by Near Miss

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3583

Near Miss can't die, Long Shot pulls off million-to-one odds, and Spleens is... Spleens. They now set out in their caravan to Gallifrey gorge

Near Miss is a unicorn who can't die, Long Shot is a bat pony who pulls off million to one odds, and Spleens is a changeling who... does whatever it is Spleens does. They are headed to Gallifrey Gorge to find a magic stick.

Published 2020-10-23 16:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-09-10 04:17:45 UTC

Chapter 2

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3

Somepony was being awfully rude.

Near Miss awoke to somepony's desperate and violent shaking. Opening her eyes, Near saw Long Shot above her, and Long Shot's eyes were frantically bouncing between eye contact with Near and something in the middle of the caravan. As Near looked closer, she saw Spleens collapsed next to the now cold space heater. In only a moment, Near realized what must have happened; Spleens had used almost all of her magic to try and heat up the space heater by herself so as not to bother Near or Long's sleep.

Launching herself out of bed, Near tackle-hugged her changeling friend, thinking nothing but warm and appreciative thoughts about Spleens. When Spleens did not immediately respond, Near redoubled her efforts, hugging tighter and thought about how Spleens had saved them all from the ancient spell at Wrens Anomaly.

Spleens, at long last, suddenly sucked in a lungful of cold air, before her entire body shuddered briefly. Spleens opened her eyes to see her two good friends above her. Before falling unconscious again, Spleens' only thought was, "Darn, I didn't want to wake them."

After around a quarter hour of direct love infusement via platonic hugging, with a side order of fully justified admonishment, Spleens was finally back on her feet, although she was only released from Near's grasp after promising to both take it easy and never pull that kind of stunt again.

Despite the early morning panic, the three mares made good progress that day, stopping for the night only a few kilotrots from Ponyville, which they expected to reach well before noon the next day.

Author's Note

In interest of clarity, a 'trot' (unit of measure) is approximately equal to one meter, or around three feet. a kilotrot is one thousand trots, so around one kilometer, or 3000 ish feet.

Chapter 4

After an uneventful breakfast, Near Miss, Long Shot and Spleens walked into a snow covered Ponyville shortly before 10:00 in the morning. Near, having been to the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP before, knew de wai, and thus it was well before noon when Near Miss knocked on the doors.

From inside the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP came a loud crash, followed by swearing, and eventually sompony opening the door.

"What do you want?" Said a rather irritated light blue unicorn as she poked her head out the door.

"Um," Near replied, "You asked us to get a thing for you?" Near said as she levitated the scroll they had received over to Trixie.

After a quick glance at the paper before her, Trixie's eyes lit up and she enthusiastically said, "OH YES! The Great and Powerful Trixie has been eagerly awaiting your arrival. Please, come inside."

Inside the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP, there was a small mountain of furniture heaped together, some of it still slowly collapsing.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie apologies for the mess, She was practicing for Her next Great stage act, wherein she will play Jenga using audience members instead of wooden blocks. For some reason, nopony was willing to help The Great and Powerful Trixie practice this stunt, so Trixie had to use most of the castle's furniture instead. Please, have a seat and tell Trixie what it is you have come here for."

Near gently and politely righted a few upturned chairs with her magic, before sitting down and answering, "In your letter, you said that Hoofdini's wand was last seen in Gallifrey Gorge, do you have anything more than that for us to go on?"

Trixie reared onto her hind legs as a few fireworks burst above her as she said, "No!"

After settling back onto four legs, Trixie continued, "All that The Great and Powerful Trixie knows is that Hoofdini's wand was last seen in Gallifrey Gorge, and sadly, Trixie has no further information to impart beyond that."

Long Shot rolled her eyes so hard they almost escaped from her skull.

Chapter 6

Long Shot, Near Miss and Spleens had barely exited the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP when a pink blur sped by, leaving all three girls with bright pink envelopes in their hooves. Inside each envelope was an invitation reading:

You're invited to Ponyville's official Thank you for fixing Wren's Anomaly party to celebrate Near Miss, Long Shot and Spleens fixing Wren's Anomaly. The party will be held around town hall tonight starting at 5:00 PM

"Guess word moves fast around here," Near Miss commented as she crumpled up the invite in her magic before poofing it away. "With that out of the way, we should really get going if we want to get to..." Near trailed off as she looked at her friends to see two sets of perfect puppy dog eyes. "Ugh, FINE, we can stay for the party."

"Fillies and Gentlecolts," Mayor Mare announced, "I'd like to welcome tonight's guests of honor, Near Miss, Long Shot and Spleens, the three of whom resolved Wren's Anomaly and opened a new way to get into Jackie's Holes."

A spotlight suddenly illuminated Near, Long, and Spleens, who were waving lazily, enthusiastically, and shyly, respectively.

"But that's enough of that," Pinkie Pie shouted, having stolen the microphone from Mayor Mare, "LET'S PARTY!"

The party within the town hall was, by Pinkie Pie standards, relatively calm. Most of Ponyville was in attendance, and there were many different activities set up, with ponies dancing, playing darts and enjoying a massive snack table to name only a few.

The party started out rather well, with Spleens hovering around the snack table looking for spicy treats, as Long Shot played darts, while Near Miss was surrounded by a small group of unicorns as she explained the finer points of creating magical explosions.

A huge white pegasus stallion with tiny wings, known to most as Snowflake, had noticed Spleens's interest in the spicier snacks. "I SEE YOU LIKE SPICY FOOD! WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A CHALLENGE?" Snowflake boomed.

"Um, what kind a challenge?" Spleens asked, more curious than anything else.

"WHY, A SPICY FOOD CHALLENGE, OF COURSE! WHOEVER CAN EAT THE SPICIEST THING WINS." Snowflake explained, "ARE YOU IN?"

Spleens eagerly nodded her head, her eyes wide and excited. Snowflake waved Pinkie Pie over.

Long Shot was having a lot of fun playing darts with other ponies. She had been winning with bullseye after bullseye, and her cutie mark was gently glowing.

"Not quite," Near Miss corrected a nearby unicorn, "While you can summon in or construct an explosive chemical, it's usually easier, at least on the small scale, to exploit adiabatic compression and subsequent expansion unless, of course, you can command enough magic to create an explosion from the magic itself."

Spleens and Snowflake had started slowly, with Pinkie's jalapeno velvet cupcakes, but neither were even phased. Moving on, Pinkie had presented both competitors with small samples of her 'double' habanero chili. Spleens thought it was delicious, although she wished it were more spicy. Snowflake started to sweat slightly.

Long Shot had won her 9th straight straight game of darts, and was starting to get cocky, and was now starting to win 'trick' games, such as only throwing with her weak wing, her tail, or one of her ears.

Snowflake was doing poorly. The strange changeling he had challenged to eating spicy foods seemed somehow immune to spicy foods, whereas Snowflake was suffering more and more with each increase in spiciness level. Pinkie brought out the last spicy food- Dragon Peppers, the spiciest thing known to ponykind, which glowed brightly with some kind of internal heat. The moment Pinkie Pie placed the plates before the contestants, both Spleens and Snowflake dug in, Spleens with great enthusiasm, and Snowflake with great dread.

"Finally!" Spleens exclaimed with a hoof in the air, "Something spicy enough for me!"

Nearby, Snowflake screamed in spicy pain and, after downing an entire punch bowl in an effort to stop the burning in his mouth, to no effect, he sprinted for the exit.

"I should probably go help him," Spleens said, as she ran after her erstwhile competition.

"Feast your eyes on The Great and Powerful Trixie's latest trick- Trixie is now in command of time itself and can stop or start it at will!" With that Trixie lit up her horn, and suddenly her entire body went stiff before she slowly fell over.

"Trixie, we've been over this before." Starlight Glimmer said, exasperated, "That spell doesn't stop time for anypony else, it just stops it for you." Starlight Glimmer then politely apologized for leaving the party early before proceeding to use her magic to drag Trixie back home.

"No no no!" Near almost shouted, "Only the most powerful and learned unicorns can create usefully large explosions with magical energy alone. I've been studying it for years and this is the best I can do."

An explosion from across the room almost threw off Long Shot's aim, but she still managed to nail her dart shot- tossing the dart from her nose before propelling it straight into the bullseye with a loud fart.

"OK, no, I don't know how, but you're clearly cheating somehow. You need to leave." Declared a nearby earth pony mare.

Hanging her head slightly, Long trudged out the door, only to find outside Near Miss, having just been thrown out onto her rump, and Spleens using her magic to try to calm down a large white pegasus who was desperately shoveling snow into his mouth.

"So," Long Shot said awkwardly, "Do you guys wanna see if we can crash at the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP for the night?"

Chapter 7

Long Shot woke up around noon the next day in one of the guest rooms in the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP, and after taking a quick one hour nap, finally managed to stumble her way into the castle's kitchen. There she met Starlight Glimmer, who was reading a book about some sort of arcane magic, if the title was any hint, while sipping coffee and occasionally prodding a still mostly-time-frozen Trixie. Trixie moved briefly most of the time after she was poked, but then froze again after a second or so.

"Is she going to be ok?" Asked Long Shot, more interested than concerned about the semi-paralyzed 'magical' horse.

"She'll be fine in a few hours; this has actually happened before," Starlight answered, "I just need to keep poking her to slowly wear down the spell she cast on herself."

"Magic is weird. Have you seen where my friends went?" Long asked now more fully awake.

"Yeah," Starlight said while giving Trixie a particularly firm poke, "They're in the castle library. Take a right out that door, and look for the big double doors near the end of the hall."

Long Shot made her way down the corridor, eventually finding the large double doors. Inside she found Near and Spleens pouring over a stack of old books and maps.

Near was talking to Spleens as Long got into earshot, "Some kind of battle or something, the archeology books aren't clear, but SOMETHING happened at Gallifrey Gorge, something that basically erased it overnight. Some of the buildings are barely foundations now."

"So, what does that mean for us?" Long asked. Both Near and Spleens looked up at the sudden intrusion.

"I think," Spleens answered, "It means we should tread very carefully when we get there."

Chapter 8

It was late in the day. Long Shot, Near Miss and Spleens had spent the day shopping for provisions for their next journey.

"Alrighty! Let's take stock of what we've got!" Near shouted with a hoof held high in the air.

There was a pile of supplies strewn in front of the caravan, within which were Long Shot, and Spleens.

"Food for us for three months?"

"YES!" Spleens called out, holding up a package of ramane noodles while gesturing to many other items of food.

"A third set of eating utensils so Spleens can have her own?"

"YES!" Long shot announced as she held up Spleens' new mess kit.

"Extra bedding for Spleens?

"YES" Spleens shouted as she held up a bed roll.

"Board games that won't end up with me flipping the table?"

"MAYBE!" Long Shot answered while shrugging with a tall pile of board games.

"Extra ammunition for the 40mm anti-pegasus gun?"

"What?" Replied both Long Shot and Spleens.

"Ya know," Near said, "Playing cards for when we get bored."

"I'm pretty sure that's not what you said." Replied a slightly de ja voo-ed Long Shot.

"Nope! It's right here on my list, playing cards, right next to orange juice."

"We got orange juice!" Shouted Spleens as she popped up out of the pile of provisions, holding up two gallons of orange juice.

"I guess that's everything, so let's pack up and get going," Near said as she held a hoof up triumphantly.

Because they had started out late that day, the girls only made it around five kilotrots before the sun went down and they had to stop for the night. They had skirted the southern boundary of the Everfree Forest as they headed west and, at dusk, had finally come across one of the public campgrounds that tended to litter Equestria's roads and paths. At the campsite there was already another caravan parked, with two weary looking pegasus mares huddled around a firepit, desperately trying to ignite the damp wood they had collected.

"Mind if I give it a shot?" Near Miss asked, to which she received enthusiastic nodding from the pegasai.

Near cast several spells in rapid succession including, but not limited to, thaw, evaporate, desiccate, and to finish it all off, a lazy stream of unicorn horn sparks which finally set the logs on fire.

The two pegasai were briefly driven back by the sudden heat of the fire, but quickly returned to their positions, trying to warm up their wings and hooves. After several minutes, they were warmed to the point that they remembered that they had company, and decided to introduce themselves.

"Um, My name's Sprite Sprint, and this is my twin sister, Sprite Spring," The bright green coated pegasus said, pointing to herself before pointing towards her dark green coated twin. Both of them had manes that were the exact color of the other's coats, and they both had their manes and tails cut rather short, likely to cut down on wind resistance.

Near Miss had, by this point, wandered off to pull out the cooking gear to start with dinner, but Spleens was happy to socialize with her new friends.

"I'm Spleens, that's Long Shot, and over there is Near Miss," Spleens announced as she pointed to her traveling companions in turn.

At this, Near stuck hear head out from behind the caravan, "Hey Sprint and Spring, have you had dinner yet? I'm cooking haycakes if you want any."

"We'd love some," Sprite Sprint exclaimed, flaring her wings out.

"If it's not too much trouble that is," Sprite Spring said meekly.

Chapter 9

Spleens woke up early the next day and, hoping to surprise everypony with breakfast, made her way outside. Spleens was briefly brushed aside by a sleep-drunk Near Miss, who was presumably returning to her bed after doing her early morning business. Sprite Spring and Sprite Sprint had actually beat Spleens outside and, in addition to gathering more firewood, had rekindled the previous night's fire.

As Spleens set up the cookware and started to make breakfast biscuits and lightly fried potatoes, she had one of those early morning half-awake conversations with Sprint and Spring, asking where they were from and where they were going.

"Functionally," Spring answered, "The answer to both is the same. We're from Cloudsdale, traders and the like. Normally we fill up on exotic goods from far away and fly them to Cloudsdale over the course of a day or so, where our sister, Sprite Price, sells them in her shop."

"But you're on the ground," Spleens pointed out, her confusion not helped by still waking up.

"Thing is," Spring continued, "Everything was going fine on this trip, until we passed over this weird grey valley, when we were both hit by some kinda magic, and it made our pegasus magic stop working, and with the weight of the caravan, we started to lose altitude. All we could do was glide down to ground, where we felt so tired."

"We couldn't stay there," Sprint continued the story, "So we just started pulling and shoving our caravan as far from that valley as we could. Once we weren't feeling like all of our strength wasn't being drained out of our butts anymore, we tried flying again a few times, but we could only lift the caravan for a few moments before it was too much. Since then, we've been hoofing it."

"What about you lot?" Spring asked, "What brings a changeling, a unicorn, and a Thestral out here?"

"A changeling, a Unicorn, and a Thestral walk into a bar, sounds like the start to a joke." Near pointed out, as she exited the caravan. "Somepony needed someponies to retrieve some kind of stick from some place, and seeing as how we just got done retrieving some kind of stick from some place, we seemed the most qualified."

"That's all we're getting out of you, isn't it?" Spring asked.

"At least until my coffee hits."

Chapter 1

Author's Note

My editor and I will do our best to make sure that reading the previous story, A Near Miss is merely supplementary, but not necessary to understanding this story. If something just flat-out doesn't make sense, please let me know in the comments. I won't give away future plot, but I will do my best to remove any other confusion.

Chapter 1

Near Miss, Long Shot and Spleens had set up their caravan at one of Canterlot's large public parks, and were sitting around having sandwiches when a scroll telepoofed into existence and nailed Long Shot in the face, knocking her onto her back. After she got up, Long opened the scroll with one of her wings and briefly read it before announcing, "It's for you," and passing it to Near. Slightly confused as to why somepony would magically aim a letter meant for her at Long Shot, Near took the letter into her unicorn magic and began to read:

To the blue and pink unicorn who gave Starlight that weird stick thing she just smacked Trixie with,

Since you were able to find that obscure thing for Starlight, Trixie would like you to find something for Trixie; it is a magic wand said to be capable of the greatest of illusions, supposedly once owned by the great Hoofdini himself. It was last seen in Gallifrey Gorge. If you can retrieve it for Trixie, there will be payment.

Signed,
The Great and Powerful Trixie

After she finished reading, Near tossed the letter into the caravan before saying, "It looks like Starlight Glimmer's friend wants us to go to Gallifrey Gorge to find something for her."

Between bites of her third sandwich, and still with her mouth full, Long Shot said, "Why would we want to do that?"

"Because Trixie is offering to pay us to." Near answered.

"Good enough for me," replied Long, and when they looked at Spleens, she shrugged her shoulders in agreement.

Chapter 5

"Would Starlight Glimmer know any more about this, um... artifact?" Long Shot asked.

"No!" Trixie responded instantly, "You can't tell her Trixie is looking for it."

"But why not?" Long Shot asked.

"Because," Trixie blurted out, her eyes darting from side to side, "She just can't know. But you can trust me, it's Totally Legit."

"That's okay, but, how do we find it then?" Long Shot asked. Trixie shrugged, clearly lacking any further guidance.

"What if," Spleens started, "We use the enchanted map that Starlight Glimmer gave us?"

Lacking any better plans, Near Miss and Long Shot nodded, after which Spleens trotted back out of the CASTLE OF FRIENDSHIP to go retrieve the map. Once Spleens had left the building, Trixie quietly whispered, "So, she's a good changeling, right?"

Long Shot glared angrily at Trixie and was about to speak before Near Miss got between the two, while saying, "Spleens is bright green, loves hugs, and thinks farts are funny, I think we'll be fine."

Just after Near finished speaking, Spleens returned, gently carrying the map in her mouth before setting it down and unfolding it on one of the tables Trixie had been practicing her magic trick with. "Map," Spleens asked gently as the others gathered around, "Could you please show us where Hoofdini's wand is?"

The map shimmered for an instant before going blank and then drawing a path overlooking a canyon labeled Gallifrey Gorge. Inside the canyon were what looked like the outlines of many buildings. At the center of the map, inside the largest of the buildings was a gently flashing x.

"Well, we know where it is," Near said, "Now how do we get there? Since you don't want Starlight Glimmer to know, I'm guessing she can't telepoof us there." Trixie shook her head before Near continued, "And you can't send us there yourself either can you?" This produced another head shake from Trixie.

"Well Girls," Near said before making eye contact with her friends one after the other, "I guess we're hoofing it."