Starlight Glimmer Eats Too Much Pizza

by Admiral Biscuit

Rating: teen
Tags: Trixie, Comedy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1130

Starlight Glimmer is hungry, and orders pizza. She eats too much of it.

Starlight Glimmer is hungry, and orders pizza. She eats more than she should and has regrets.

Based on a true story.

Published 2020-10-17 13:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-17 13:40:02 UTC

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Starlight Glimmer Eats Too Much Pizza
Admiral Biscuit

Some mornings were good mornings. Some mornings Starlight Glimmer woke up refreshed, some mornings Starlight Glimmer woke up without an uncomfortable twist in her back or with one of her forelegs asleep because she’d slept on it wrong.

Some mornings she had a pleasant night’s sleep, either uninterrupted by dreams, or else with pleasant dreams. Last night she’d dreamed that she was at a Filly Scouts trip in Appleoosa of all places, and was forced to receive a friendship lesson from Rarity. Not that she minded friendship lessons, but it was an odd thing to dream. Starlight had never even been to Appleoosa.

Whatever. Her Super-Deluxe wind-up alarm clock demanded she rise, and she did, but only after silencing it a few times more than she should have.

Starlight had enough time to wash her face and brush her mane and tail and then trot into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and a bowl of oats . . . except that there weren’t any oats. The tin contained nothing but oat dust in the bottom.

There was nothing for it; she retrieved the newspaper and skimmed the headlines while sipping her coffee, then tossed the newspaper on the table for the next somepony to read, put her coffee cup in the sink, and it was time to go to work. Hungry.

She’d make up for it at lunch. Lunch wasn't that many hours away.

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Come lunchtime, she wasn’t completely famished. Sugar Stix’s mom had dropped off a small basket of sourdough donuts, one of the perks of being office staff. One of the only perks; the more paperwork she did the more there was to do. Starlight swore that whenever she looked away from her desk, the papers doubled.

Her stomach grumbled, and she glanced up at the clock. Just past noon—certainly lunchtime; nopony would object to her stepping out and getting some food.

What to eat? There were so many options, and she ran through a mental list, finally settling on Pegasus Pizza. They were expensive, but she’d heard good things about their pizzas, and they’d deliver right to your door, window or roof.

Some parts of Manehattan and Canterlot had a speaking telegraph system; Ponyville did not, so she had to walk to the pizzeria to order. It was a nice day, and it was good to be outside, even if the papers on her desk were multiplying in her absence. Why can’t Sugar Stix’s Mom’s sourdough donuts multiply? She turned that over as she walked—there were food duplication spells, but they rarely resulted in creating palatable food. As often as not, the spell would ruin the original, too. Somepony probably had an answer, and while she was still banned from the restricted section of the library, if she brought it up in conversation, Twilight would find the answer for her.

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The biggest problem with ordering at Pegasus Pizza was standing in line, taking in all the delicious pizza smells, and then having to wait twenty minutes to a half hour for gratification. There were benches for ponies who wanted to wait for their pizzas, and a few booths for patrons who wanted to dine in.

Starlight considered waiting, but she was hungry enough she might start gnawing one of the benches if she waited inside. Instead, she hoofed over ten bits and then trudged back to her office, her stomach protesting the whole way. Gratification would be delayed.

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The knock on the window startled her, and then she remembered. Starlight jumped out of her chair and pushed the panes open; a teal pegasus wearing an embroidered baseball cap flew in, deposited her pizza on her desk, tipped his hat, and flew back out the way he’d come.

The delicious smell that instantly pervaded the office set her to salivating even before she lifted the lid.

Her pizza was worthy for an alicorn. Toppings so generous that some of them fell off as she picked up her first slice. Three colors of peppers, two colors of olives, a sprinkling of hay, long strings of cheese. Plus, there was an extra small jar of cheese sauce to dip her crust in, if she wanted.

Starlight devoured the first slice without really tasting it, briefly sating the grumbling beast in her belly. The second, she took more time, tasting the perfection of the flavors all combined. Gooey cheese, slightly sweet marinara sauce, crunchy peppers, salty olives, and the little finishing grassy taste of the hay. And the cheese sauce—the crust was good on its own, soft, buttery, with a hint of garlic salt, but even better with a small dollop of cheese.

Four slices in, and she was getting full, but the pizza tasted so good she couldn’t help but have another slice. And then just one more, and she’d thought about saving some of it for dinner but maybe it wouldn’t be as good cold, and there were only two slices left anyway. Better to enjoy them now, rather than wait.

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She didn’t finish the last crust. She couldn’t. Her stomach was stuffed full of pizza, certainly more than she should have eaten; now that she was full, she wanted no more than to lie down and take a nap. That wouldn’t be possible; she had to sit through a board meeting in a half hour, and she had to stay awake for it.

I should have known better. She picked up the empty pizza box and jammed it into her trash can. It didn’t fit; it stuck out and mocked her.

Worse, all the salt from the pizza had made her thirsty, and she downed a glass of water which felt like it instantly bloated her and made her feel like she was pregnant again.

Starlight belched, and it tasted like pizza. Her office smelled like pizza, and she suddenly found herself deeply detesting the smell of pizza.

On the plus side, she wasn't hungry anymore.

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Late that afternoon, she finally finished work. Normally on her walk home, she’d be thinking about dinner, but not today. She took a circuitous route around town that avoided most restaurants and bakeries and especially pizzerias, confident that in the morning she’d be back to her old self again, and wiser for her experience.

She was almost back at the castle when she saw a Pegaus Pizza deliverypony fly in through an open window, and her stomach roiled. Trixie must have ordered pizza . . . to share.

Starlight sighed. Sometimes a pony had to make sacrifices to keep her marefriend happy. Any other day it would be a nice gesture; today it would be a test of her endurance.

Author's Note