What Is a Worthy Man?

by Deep

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Tragedy, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Spike
Length: 4401

What did it mean to be a worthy man? Spike thought he knew the answer, at least until Rarity broke his heart. Now, he knows the truth.

What did it mean to be a worthy man?

This was the question that had haunted Spike ever since he had fallen for Rarity. At first, the answer had seemed so simple. Honesty, laughter, generosity, kindness, loyalty, and magic. These were the qualities Spike aspired to embody.

At least, they were, before he had his heart broken.

Now, he knows the truth.

Sex is discussed and reflected on, but not shown.

Part of the How We Lost It series, inspired by Fluttershy's Night Out

Proofread by Schattendrache

Other Stories in the How We Lost It series:
Twilight: Running Away from Destiny
Applejack: A Simple Pony
Rainbow Dash: Deathbed Thoughts
Pinkie Pie: What is a Smile Worth?
Fluttershy: Coming soon!

Published 2020-10-28 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-28 20:30:01 UTC

A Worthy Man (Rarity)

What did it mean to be a worthy man?

This was the question that had haunted Spike ever since he had fallen for Rarity. At first, the answer had seemed so simple. Honesty, laughter, generosity, kindness, loyalty, and magic. These were the qualities Spike aspired to embody.

At least, they were, before he had his heart broken.

……………

"Tell me, what does it mean to be a worthy man?" No longer the pathetic little dragon he once was, Spike stood on the top floor of his mansion, in the center of a room that was the very epitome of wealth. One of his servants was dressing him in a tight dress shirt and pants, perfect for showing off the muscular physique he had built over the years.

"Generosity, sir.” Done zipping Spike’s pants, the servant moved on to buttoning his shirt. "Giving to those less fortunate. That would be my answer."

Spike scoffed at the cliche response. "I would've said something similar long ago. But now I know better." Today marked ten years since he had left Ponyville, and just thinking about how much he had changed since then was better than the high of any drug. He stood twice as tall as the largest stallion, and his wide, imposing physique never failed to capture any crowd's attention. Puberty had replaced his baby face with the rugged look of an adult dragon, and if that wasn't enough, his wealth had given him a confidence that couldn't be faked. He didn't just stand tall, head held high and chest puffed out; he stood as if he owned the world. And if the world wasn't careful, he might have ended up doing just that.

"But now I know the true answer," Spike said as his servant finished. "Success."

Looking like a million bits, Spike marched out of the room and into the rest of his mansion. It was six floors of Equestria's finest, the biggest building in all of Canterlot after the Royal Palace. Multiple garages of vehicles, countless wardrobes of designer clothes, endless safes full of jewelry, and showrooms filled with priceless items from across the world were only a glimpse of what he owned. As a finishing touch, Spike had every inch of his personal palace encrusted with gems, down to the last golden column and marble statue. The gems kept Spike hungry, not for food, but for more of the success he had pushed himself into the depths of insanity to achieve.

Hundreds of servants worked nonstop around the mansion to ensure it remained spotless. The models did their fair share of work as well. They were also Equestria's finest. Picked for their beauty and youth, they were to stand and look pretty. In return, they would receive more than their fair share of bits.

If only Rarity could have seen him now. Today marked ten years since she had torn his heart to shreds. Ten years since he had opened himself up to her in the most vulnerable way and she had shut him down. You aren’t ready, she had said.

Spike didn't know what was the bigger joke--her excuse, or that he had considered himself worthy enough for her at that point. Then again, had he been so wrong to consider himself worthy? He had been a loyal friend to her, never lied to her, never missed a chance to make her laugh, made sure to show her kindness, and always showed her what generosity he could. He had not only felt the spark of friendship with her, but the spark of love as well. He was also brave, as him helping to defeat King Sombra had shown. He may have been young, but he had been worthy. At least, according to the lies he had been fed by his friends.

He ran away from Ponyville the night of the rejection. Failed by the Elements, he set out to forge his own values. The innocent, good-natured kid was dead, replaced by a dragon who played the world based on how it was, not how it should be. Spike knew that his friends would be disappointed in what he had become, but he didn't care. He was a success. Far more than he would’ve ever been as Twilight's number-one assistant.

But was he a worthy man?

There was only one way to find out. A rematch with the past.

One of his models ran up to him as he made his way to the central spiral staircase. “Lord Spike, the guest is here,” she said, her voice as bubbly as always. Spike didn’t know what was more alluring about his mares--their perky personality or the radiance of their beauty. He wanted nothing more than to grab this mare and take her to his bedroom, but in the end, he fought the temptation, just as he always did. Despite his success, he had yet to feel the warmth of a woman's body or the taste of a mare's luscious lips. He had kept himself celibate ever since he’d run away from home. At first, his sexual urges were easy to control, but now they were like a plague that ate away at him every waking second. His sanity yearned for a release, but he was determined to wait until he had earned it.

Luckily for him, he was about to find out if his wait was over.

Spike made his way downstairs to the main entrance--a set of gem doors as high and wide as an Ursa Major--and forced his most charming smile for the pony on the other side, Rarity.

A decade had passed since he’d last seen her, a fact made obvious by the faint wrinkles on her face. The years had not been kind to her, but her eyes still burned with the creative fire he loved about her. She wore an ornate dress that she had no doubt made for herself. Even now, she was a creator, a visionary. That was why she could’ve been the ugliest mare in all of Equestria, but still beautiful to Spike.

Rarity’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Spike, is that really you?” Her voice retained the energy of a mare a decade younger, but it was the confidence with which she stood that took Spike’s breath away. After years of living with his models, Spike had almost forgotten what it was like for a mare to look him in the eye as an equal. He had almost forgotten what it was like to gaze into the eyes of a friend. Only a few seconds had passed since she’d arrived, but he already felt like the insecure baby dragon he once was.

“It’s been too long, hasn’t it?” Spike’s forced charm melted into a heartfelt smile.

Silence filled the mansion, bearing down on both of them until Rarity ran up and gave him the tightest hug she could. Spike’s heart skipped a beat, and though he fought the emotion overcoming him, he couldn’t help but lose himself in the moment. It had been too long since somepony hugged him. A decade, in fact. A decade since Twilight had hugged him in a pathetic attempt to console him after the rejection. A decade since he had learned not to let his pitiful emotions get the better of him. He was supposed to be better than this now. The mare standing in front of him wasn’t his friend; she was the monster who had ripped out his heart. She was the unforgiving teacher who had taught him the truth about the world. That despite the songs of friendship and harmony, success was what separated the winners from the losers. This wasn’t some friendly reunion. He had one goal for today: To sleep with her and then break her heart. He yearned to hurt her in such a way that she would never recover. He wouldn’t rest until she felt every second of agony he had.

“I’m so glad you could make it.” The deceit slithering from from his tongue, Spike forced a charming smile and put his arm over Rarity’s shoulder to guide her inside. “It’s been too long.”

“It has.” Rarity’s jaw dropped from the opulence surrounding her. Frozen, she took a minute to gaze at the mansion’s over-the-top grandeur. “I had heard the stories of your palace, but seeing it in person… It’s quite overwhelming, if I may say so.”

“The results of a decade of hard work.” Spike’s lips curled into a devilish grin. “I hear you’ve also been hard at work.”

Rarity snapped back to reality. “Oh, why yes. My clothing boutiques have kept me rather busy since we last met. The workload hasn’t exactly been the best for my looks. It’s actually rather embarrassing.”

Spike gave her a wink. “Still the prettiest mare in Ponyville, I bet.”

With a laugh, Rarity nudged his shoulder. “No need for flattery, darling. Besides, trying to compete with the younger mares was always going to be a losing battle. I’ve moved on from that unhealthy stage in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I will always try to look my best, but there is no need to be obsessed with looking better than others.”

Spike was taken aback from Rarity’s growth. “Quite the noncompetitive attitude from such a successful businessmare.”

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to crush the competition at first, but the more successful I became, the more empty it left me. I wanted to make dresses for me, but the market always seemed to demand something different. Now I do the bare minimum to make end’s meet and spend the rest of my time pursuing my art for myself.” Rarity grew a smile powered by an artistic bliss no amount of success could match. “The hours may be long, but I’d never trade away the freedom.”

Spike shifted his gaze to his mansion. He had more riches than he could ever spend, but was he happy? He couldn’t deny that a part of him yearned for the old days in Ponyville. For the simple life in Twilight’s treehouse. For the happy times with his friends. More than anything else, he wanted to pour his heart out to Rarity and let her know that she had hurt him. He wanted the two of them to at least be friends again and return to the good old days. But those days were dead, and his thirst for vengeance needed to be satisfied. Even if Rarity had changed, she deserved to suffer for the crimes of her past self, for constantly praising him for being such a good friend--for being her Spikey-Wikey--and breaking his heart anyway. For giving such a pathetic non-answer as to why she had rejected him, as if he deserved nothing better. You aren’t ready. Happiness was overrated. Success was all that mattered.

Spike put on his most trained smile. “Let's head out. We have years of catching up to do. Let's make this a day worth remembering."

Rarity squeed with excitement. "I can't wait!"

………..

The sun was rising as Spike and Rarity left the mansion. Driven around by Equestria's finest chariot, they visited the most luxurious and exclusive spots in Canterlot. The day consisted of the Canterlot Museum of Art, the Canterlot Mall, a social gathering of Equestria's wealthiest entrepreneurs, and a restricted view of Equestria from atop Canterlot Mountain. Restricted if one didn’t have enough bits, that was. Everywhere they went, Spike made sure to wow Rarity with luxury, whether it be first-class service, the most expensive gifts, or a legion of servants ready to throw themselves into a fire for her. As wowed as Rarity seemed from the experiences, it was clear from her eye rolls and sighing that she would’ve preferred a nice talk instead of the over-the-top pampering.

When the sun set, it was time to give Rarity a night she wouldn't forget. Spike brought her to the craziest club in all of Equestria. They cut the line using his connections and made it to the dance floor, where Spike took her hoof and wowed her with a dance.

Everything was going according to plan. Rarity would get the best day ever and be so wowed by his lifestyle that she'd sleep with him. The plan was foolproof, tested countless times before on beautiful mares throughout Equestria. Spike never slept with any of them, of course, but he was amazed at how easily he could have.

As the dance continued, however, Rarity hung her head and shifted her gaze away from him. Was she bored?

"Let's do something crazier," Spike said. "I know about this party--"

"Spike, I don't want crazy. I don't even want fun." Rarity took a deep breath to clear her head as loud dance music banged around her. "Don't get me wrong, darling. Today was a blast, but what I really wanted was to talk. It's been so long since I've seen you. It's been so long since any of us have seen you. I know we've both been busy, but the group hasn't been the same without you."

If Rarity wanted a heart to heart, then so be it. Whatever path led Spike to his goal was the one he would take.

Softening his voice to match hers, Spike curled his lips into the sweetest smile imaginable and gave her an embrace that radiated warmth. “I feel the same way.” If a caring friend was what she wanted, then that was what he would be. He would fulfill her every fantasy so it would be that much sweeter when he ripped her dreams from her.

Spike brought her to a private table, where the two sat beside each other. He wrapped his arm around her torso and pulled her closer. She rested her head on his shoulder, allowing him to stroke her mane. Spike would've killed for this moment when he was younger, but now, he couldn't feel anything at all. Rarity no longer felt like a pony to him, only a goal.

"How is everypony else?" Ever since Spike had run away, he had made sure to never visit Ponyville. His friends had often tried visiting him, but he'd always come up with an excuse to get out of it. He didn't want to see the ghosts of his past until he was ready. Until he had proven himself worthy.

"Much the same.” The regret dripped from Rarity’s voice. "After all, we already knew our paths in life long ago. You were the surprise out of all of us. You were a dragon, so we knew you'd be different, but even I didn't expect you to become this…"

"Success crazy?"

Rarity let out a sigh. "I suppose that's one way to put it. I can tell that the Spike I once knew is gone."

Rarity’s words caused Spike's heart to sink into his chest. He winced as if he was being stabbed. "Is that a bad thing?"

Rarity needed a moment to answer. "I don't know. Only you can answer that, I guess."

Spike didn't want this conversation to continue any longer. The quicker he brought Rarity to his bedroom, the better. "Want to go back to the mansion? I just remembered that I never even gave you a tour."

With only a shrug of indifference, Rarity said, "I suppose."

……….

The stars saturated the night sky by the time Spike and Rarity returned to the mansion. After a quick tour, Spike told his workers to leave for the night and he brought Rarity to a bedroom to show her where she would sleep. Ever since the club, his heart had been pounding against his chest in panic. Today was supposed to be the day he slept with Rarity and had his revenge against her. Instead, he had bored her and she looked no happier than in the club. Why had he failed? Success was supposed to be the key to winning a mare's heart. That was what life and Rarity's cold lesson had taught him.

Left with no other option, he went for the most pathetic path he could--playing the victim. "I'm sorry, Rarity.” Spike hung his head, forcing the saddest frown he could muster. "I messed up. I was supposed to treat you right today. Instead, I bored you."

Rarity's look of indifference turned into a glare and she slapped him across the face. "If I hear such a pathetic attempt at self-pity ever again, I'll slap you even harder. Spike, I would have had fun no matter what we did today. Because I was with you. It doesn't matter what I do with you. The only thing that matters is that I'm with my friend."

Spike stood in silence, rubbing his reddened cheek. For all his wealth, models and muscles, he had no clue what to say.

Rarity grabbed his hand and sat him beside her on the bed. "Tell me, did you need to take me to the ends of the earth to have a fun day? Was my presence not enough? Be honest with me, Spike, am I still your friend?"

"Of course!" This wasn’t the smooth, successful man speaking. Instead, it was the hurt baby dragon who Spike could never leave behind.

"Because everything about today has felt fake, like it was meant to impress me. Did you really think I would be impressed by these chariots and that pitiful attempt at a charming smile?"

Spike's heart raced out of control. His plan… His ten years of work and preparation… He was going to fail yet again. Despite everything he had achieved, he still couldn't get Rarity.

He refused to fail. Not again. Not after so much work.

"Well?" Rarity said. "Spike, if you still hate me for ten years ago, then just tell me, please."

Spike couldn't bare to hear another word from her. He couldn't bare to live another second as the dragon he had become. He didn't want this mansion or these gems. He just wanted her.

Even if it would destroy their friendship forever, he had to try one last time. He leaned forward and did what he should have done years ago. He kissed her. The taste of her lips was magical. Because they were hers. Even if Spike had slept with every other mare in Equestria, he still would've felt like a virgin. The only pony who ever mattered was her. The most beautiful mare in all of Equestria. The curse who haunted him every waking second. The parasite who refused to stop eating at his mind.

To his surprise, Rarity didn't push him back. In fact, she grabbed him and pulled him on top of her. Spike didn't know how many times he kissed her lips, only that each time was as magical as the first. He had waited his entire life for this. Every second--waking and asleep--he had dwelled on this moment.

"You want this?" His eyes transformed to that of the innocent child he once was.

Rarity nodded. "You have no idea how long I've waited."

Spike didn’t know what to make of that comment. Regardless of its meaning, he pressed his lips against hers and lost himself in the bliss only she could provide. What happened next didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was with her. Years of repressed emotion came flooding out with each act, but more than the overwhelming bliss of any physical sensation, it was her eyes that overloaded his senses. Her fiery eyes, so full of passion. Spike had lived a lie for so long that he’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel genuine passion. He had almost forgotten what it was like to want for the sake of wanting and not for some ulterior goal.

When the two finished, they lay in each other’s arms. The deed was done. Spike was no longer the pathetic child who could never get Rarity.

Only one act remained--breaking her heart. Breaking it so completely that it drove her to the same insanity that had overcome him.

Spike turned to Rarity, readying himself to shatter her. She snuggled against his muscular chest, smiling with a bliss that only the warmth of a lover could give. She gazed into his eyes, giving him her most seductive look. Spike could never get tired of the fire in her eyes. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that he would soon extinguish that fire and replace it with the same emptiness that had haunted him for the past ten years.

“I wonder if you know.” Rarity let out a giggle. “That you’re the first person I’ve slept with. I’ve never even kissed anypony before.”

Spike raised his eyebrow. Rarity always did seem like the type to sleep around with rich, handsome stallions. “You were my first also.” He didn’t mind continuing the conversation for a bit longer. If anything, it would give him some time to think of a most perfect way to crush her soul. It was funny; he had spent all this time acquiring wealth to win her over, but he had forgotten to think of an actual way to break her heart. Did that mean his heart wasn’t in it?

“Do you know why I saved myself for you?”

She had saved herself? For him? Spike didn’t know what to make of the revelation. “Was it because I was richer or more handsome than the other men?”

Rarity shook her head, blushing almost to tears. “It’s because you were always the most genuine man I have ever met. I couldn’t count how many worthy stallions I met over the past years, but you were always the most worthy. They only wanted me for my looks or my money, but you… You liked me for who I was.”

Spike froze, realizing how misguided he had been these past years.

“You could have been the poorest beggar in Equestria, the ugliest man to ever live.” Rarity stroked his chiseled jawline. “In the end, you had me. You always had me. Everything else about you is just a plus.”

Overcome with emotion, Spike pushed her aside. The past decade… he had wasted it. He’d pushed away his friends, his home, and for what? For a palace he didn’t care about? For riches she didn’t care for? All this success and he still felt like the biggest loser on Earth. He had even lost himself in this pointless pursuit. There was only one way to atone. He had to tell the truth.

“R-Rarity…” Spike’s voice cracked as he held back tears. Rarity froze, not knowing what to expect. “Everything I did since I left, it was only to sleep with you. Even this date, it was a plan to get your body, nothing more.”

Rarity shot him a malicious glare, the only message she needed to send. At the same time, she shook her head as if she had already known this.

Spike hung his head. “Please, don’t hate me. I knew I wasn’t worthy, so I had to do everything I could to become the man you wanted.”

“I am not a prize.” Any hint of kindness in Rarity’s voice was gone, replaced by a bitterness that caused Spike’s heart to sink deep into his heart.

“Then stop treating yourself like one! You know why I’m like this? You know why your sweet Spikey-Wikey is dead? Because of you. You were the one who rejected me.”

“Spike…” Rarity’s gaze fell on Spike like an act of violence, a reminder of the pathetic dragon he was and always had been.

“No. I’ve kept this in for too long now.” Spike jumped to his feet. The impact of his massive body on the floor rattled the bed, knocking Rarity to her side.

"Spike, you are scaring me.”

"Good. It's about time you felt just a fraction of what I've been through. You rejected me, and now you have the nerve to say nonsense like You had me, and Everything else is just a plus. You wanted nothing to do with me romantically before. It's only now, after I tore myself apart to get all this wealth, that you slept with me."

"Do you really believe that?" Disgust oozed from Rarity’s voice.

"Yes, I do. You were the one who said I wasn't ready before."

"Because you were a minor!"

Spike froze. A minor?

"You were a child, Spike. That's why I rejected you. That was why you weren't ready. I wouldn't have felt right touching you back then.”

Spike thought back to the rejection. He didn't remember his or Rarity's exact words, only the feeling of the moment. The feeling of rejection, of being told he wasn't ready, of wanting to run away as far as he could from home. If what Rarity was saying was true, did that mean the past years of anger were for nothing? "Then why didn't you tell me this ten years ago? Instead, you tell me this now, after so much."

As Rarity hung her head, she needed a moment to gather the courage to answer. "Spike, I'm sorry for what I put you through. I really am. I should have clarified what I meant as soon as I had the chance. Instead, I was scared to admit my mistake. When you ran away, I guess I wanted to give you space. And when you never came back, I guess I thought talking things out wouldn't change anything. This is my fault, and mine alone." She stood and faced the dragon whose life she had ruined. "You don't have to forgive me, but I do want you to know that if I could change things, I would. I guess I thought this day would be my chance to make things right, but that was just an empty dream, wasn't it?"

Spike couldn't bare to look at her another second. Not as a lover, and definitely not as a friend. She was right. This was all just an empty dream. "I’m done with us hurting each other. Just leave.”

Rarity nodded. “I just want you to know, that I don’t regret saving myself for you. Goodbye, Spike.” With those final words, she left the room and exited the mansion.

As Rarity shut the door behind her, she left Spike alone with only his riches to comfort him.