I'm Sorry I Have to Say Goodbye...

by Deep

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1046

Starlight writes her final farewell to Twilight. She didn't expect this to be this hard. But it's for the best. She only hopes Twilight sees it this way too.

Starlight writes her final farewell to Twilight.

She didn't expect this to be this hard.

But it's for the best.

She only hopes Twilight sees it this way too.

Inspired by Thought I'd Let You Know

Published 2020-10-29 19:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-29 19:20:00 UTC

Thank You. For Everything.

~~Dear Twilight Sparkle,~~

Hey, Twilight,

I just want to get straight to the point. I don’t want to waste any more of your time. I already wasted enough of it as it is.

Let’s face it. I’m not like you and your friends. I’m the villain.

All my life I thought it was Sunburst leaving me that made me do what I did. But the truth is, I’m just a bad pony. Sunburst was just an excuse. A defense I used to justify all the bad things I did and all the ponies I hurt. My village, taking everypony’s cutie mark, going back in time so I could ruin your life. That had nothing to do with what happened between Sunburst and me. The truth is, I did all those things because I’m rotten to the core.

I’m hopeless, Twilight. That’s what I’m trying to say. All these friendship lessons you try to make me learn, they can’t change who I am deep down. Do you really think that going on ~~pointless~~ spa dates with Rarity or baking a cake with Pinkie is going to undo all those years of pain? Everypony I hurt isn’t going to get over their trauma just because I chill with Rainbow Dash now. They’ll say they forgive me, but I know the truth. They’re always going to be hurt. Because of me. And there’s nothing I can do to ever take away that pain. ~~Seriously, are you so stupid that you can’t see this?~~

Even if I do everything I can to make the rest of their lives perfect, it won’t take away all the years they lost in my village. Those are years they can never get back. Time they could’ve been spending with their families and doing what they loved. Instead, I kept them trapped just ~~so nopony could ever leave me again~~ so I could feel like I was in control for once in my life. And you know what, Twilight, I loved every second I kept those ~~poor ponies~~ fools trapped. I was their ruler, my every word law.

Do you know what that kind of power feels like? ~~Why was I so stupid? Why didn’t I just visit Sunburst as soon as he left?~~ It’s a rush like no other. You think friendship feels amazing? Try having total domination over an entire village and then come back to me. I was like Celestia herself to those ponies. No, I was more than that. I could’ve kept my slaves locked up until they withered away into ash, and nopony could’ve done a thing to stop me. Well, nopony until you and your friends ~~saved me~~ ruined everything. It felt so good, and you took it from me.

All those lies about equality. I didn’t want to admit to myself who I really am, but now I do. I’m unfixable, because there’s nothing to fix. I ~~just want to stop feeling this way~~ need that power to feel alive. Do you really think I don’t know what I’m doing when I abuse my magic? Oh, there goes Starlight brainwashing ponies again. Isn’t she the dumb one, making the same mistake again and again. Or maybe ~~she really is that dumb and hopeless~~ she loves controlling all those weak little ponies because it makes her feel alive. Don’t forget, Twilight, I’m stronger than you. If I didn’t have that moment of weakness and joined you, I could’ve ruined you. You and your friends, gone. Equestria, destroyed. Your precious friendship, ashes. How does it feel, Twilight? After all your training and friends, I’m still a better magician than you. I could vaporize you to dust if I wanted to at any second, and there’s not a thing you could do about it. ~~Please, don’t hate me for this. I’m tired of disappointing you. I’d rather leave than keep letting you down again and again.~~

So don’t feel bad that I’ve run away. You never had a chance of reforming me, because there was nothing to reform. I’m perfect just the way I am, just like you’re perfect. ~~You really are perfect, Twilight. Sometimes, I think you don’t get how pathetic it makes me feel.~~ Let me be me, and I’ll let you be you. When I go back to doing what I love, I’ll do it outside of Equestria. So don’t you worry about me. I’ll be happy. ~~Have I ever truly been happy?~~

I wish you all the best with the rest of your life. I really do hope that we don’t meet again. Because I know if we do, it’ll be because you and your friends want to stop me again. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you if that happens. So, please, for your sake, don’t try to find me. ~~Please, I don’t want to hurt you, Twilight. Please, don’t try to find me. But I know you will, because you don’t give up on anypony. You and your damn belief that ponies can change. When will you get it through your thick skull that not everypony can be reformed. I’m broken and nothing will ever fix that.~~

I’ll be happy doing what I love, just like you will. ~~I don’t deserve to be fixed after what I did.~~ There are so many ponies out there much more worthy than me for you to take as your student. ~~Everytime I make a new friend, I’m so scared that I’ll hurt them with my magic. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to rip my own horn off.~~ I know that no matter who you pick, you’ll be an amazing teacher. ~~I just want you to put me in a dungeon deep in the ground and lock me up until I’m gone.~~

It was me who failed you. ~~I can’t keep letting you down. That’s why I have to do this.~~ You were an amazing teacher, the best I could have ever hoped for. ~~But I can’t have you think that you’re a failure. I’d rather have you think of me as a monster than think that you failed me.~~

~~Please don’t come and find me,~~

~~Thanks for believing in me,~~

~~You really were a good friend. The best.~~

Goodbye,

Starlight.