What is a Smile Worth?

by Deep

Rating: teen
Tags: Non-consensual, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Horror
Length: 7738

For the first time in her life, Pinkie must choose between her own happiness and making another pony smile.

Pinkie lives to make others smile.

But the world is far from a nice place, and not everypony deserves to smile. For the sake of Equestria, perhaps it is best for some ponies to be left to drown in their own misery.

Faced with such a pony, Pinkie is left with a choice. To make this pony smile, no matter the cost. Or to preserve her own happiness.

Then again, it's not like she ever had a choice.

** This is a tragedy. Warning so you know what you are getting into.

Sex is discussed and reflected on, but not shown.

Part of the How We Lost It series, inspired by Fluttershy's Night Out

Proofread by Schattendrache

Other Stories in the How We Lost It series:
Twilight: Running Away from Destiny
Applejack: A Simple Pony
Rarity: What is a Worthy Man?
Rainbow Dash: Deathbed Thoughts
Fluttershy: Coming soon!

Published 2020-10-30 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-30 20:30:01 UTC

What is a Smile Worth? (Pinkie)

A smile.

No matter how sad the pony, there was always a way to get them to smile. A way to get them to forget their troubles, even if only for a moment.

But the world was far from a nice place, and not everypony deserved to smile. For the sake of Equestria, perhaps it was best for some ponies to be left to drown in their misery.

……………………..

“Time to make everypony smile!”

These were the words Pinkie told herself each morning, a reminder of what was most important in life. Today was no different, except this time she had somepony to help her realize her daily mission. For the past week, she and Applejack had traveled from town to town, fixing friendship problems wherever they found them. Not only did this allow Pinkie to spread her cheery brand of happiness throughout Equestria, it also gave Applejack and her the chance to spend some much needed time together. Today brought them to the destination Pinkie had been looking forward to all week long--Empty Soul. Rumor had it that this town in the Frozen North was the saddest in all of Equestria. Most would find this a reason to stay clear of such a dreary place, but this warning was exactly why Pinkie had to go there and make everypony smile.

When she and Applejack reached Empty Soul, the sun was setting, cooling the thin, frigid wind. The town was the size of Ponyville and stood on a field near the top of the highest mountain in the Frozen North, so far north that the Crystal Empire stood far to the south as nothing more than a faint dot. Countless mountain tops and valleys dotted the barren world below, complementing the bleak, grey sky. A knee-deep layer of crunchy snow covered the field, growing thicker with each passing minute due to an ongoing blizzard. Rarity had equipped her friends with the highest quality gear for their adventure, including layered jackets, scarves, gloves, hats, and cold-weather goggles. While the clothes did their part to battle the cold, it was Pinkie’s yearning for spreading laughter that truly kept her warm.

Perhaps yearning wasn’t the proper word to describe Pinkie’s desire to make everypony smile. Compulsion was more fitting, or even obsession. Spreading happiness was her reason for living, and her role as the Element of Laughter only intensified this drive. Even if she was naked and one minute away from freezing to death, she would have been just as excited to fill this town with smiles.

Energized by her mission, Pinkie led the way into Empty Soul, bouncing with each step she took into the capital of sadness. Despite the town’s proximity to the Crystal Empire, it was not made of the same crystalline material as the bustling kingdom. Instead, the sparsely populated town was made of faded grey stone cut from the bleak mountain it stood on. Dozens of crystal ponies shopped in the town center’s many markets, yet a heavy silence hung over the area. Not a single pony spoke to one another, at least not with their voice. If they did speak, it was through the frown they all shared. But this wasn’t a frown fueled by mere sadness, but one powered by years of isolation. Hundreds of ponies filled Empty Soul, each one of them alone.

Invigorated by the challenge, Pinkie glanced at Applejack and the two exchanged a nod. It was time to make everypony smile.

For the next few hours, Pinkie and Applejack solved countless friendship problems. Backstabbing, relationship drama, not being invited to birthday parties--they went through them all, rebuilding the shattered bonds of friendship between the townsponies. By midnight, the town was bustling with noise, and on top of that, Pinkie had decided to throw a party to celebrate the start of a new Empty Soul, only adding to the noise. Balloons and party lights filled the town center as everypony laughed and joked with one another as friends. Their job done, Pinkie and Applejack exchanged another nod in celebration. Another day, another smile, or in this case, hundreds. Ever since Pinkie had gotten her cutie mark, she had yet to face a challenge she couldn’t overcome. She had yet to meet a pony she couldn’t get to smile. Just as Rainbow Dash was the fastest flyer, and Twilight was the strongest magician, laughter was Pinkie’s forte. Not even the so-called saddest town in Equestria could compare to her ability to bring out the good in any situation.

Pinkie continued partying alongside the townsponies until she noticed a mare sitting alone in a shadowy alleyway a few blocks away, beyond the celebrations. Had Pinkie forgotten to cheer up a pony? Adding to the mystery, every one of the town’s inhabitants glared at the mare with pure malice whenever they happened to so much as glance in her direction.

Needing to investigate, Pinkie walked away from the party and entered the darkness that engulfed the empty blocks beyond the town center. She peered into the distance and saw that an earth-pony mare was indeed sitting by herself. But this mare… she was not like the others in this town, or anypony Pinkie had ever seen before. She looked to be the same age as the Element bearers, but her color was a desolate grey. Not the grey of the town’s stone buildings or of the Element bearers after Discord had corrupted them. Instead, it was a blurry grey that made her look like she was made of nothing more than mist. Her wild mane and tail were that of a pony who had given up on themselves, both emotionally and physically. But it was her frown that stuck out the most. It was empty, like that of a pony who had spent so long drowning in sadness that they could no longer feel anything at all. Deep scars covered the mare’s cutie mark, leaving its true appearance a mystery.

Unable to leave anypony in such sadness, Pinkie sprinted to the mare. Time to make everypony smile! Showing off her most cheeky smile, Pinkie gave this pony the most joyful greeting she could manage. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie.”

The mare turned to Pinkie, her stare devoid of any emotion. “You make ponies smile, right?” Her voice was that of a ghostly wail, so haunting that it sent a chill up Pinkie’s spine. Despite this, Pinkie stepped closer to the mare, warming her with a radiant smile.

“No matter what, I won’t rest until you’re smiling like I am.”

It didn’t take long for the mare to spit out what her friendship problem was. Apparently, she and a shop owner were in a bitter dispute over items getting stolen. The feud had gotten so heated that the owner had permanently banned the mare from the shop. It took Pinkie only fifteen minutes to discover that the true culprit was the owner’s dog, who was chewing up shop items and hiding the remains beneath the ground.

When the issue was settled, Pinkie returned to the party with the mare, expecting her frown to be replaced by a bright smile. To her horror, the mare’s frown remained, still bleeding with emptiness.

Pinkie knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she left Empty Soul without bringing happiness to this pony. "No matter what," she had told the mare, and she intended to keep her word.

She had to figure out the true root cause of this pony’s sadness, the trauma hiding beneath the surface.

“Let’s hang out.” Pinkie’s voice erupted with enthusiasm. “We can walk around, get to know each other. What do you say?”

The mare quickly nodded.

“Yipeee!” Pinkie practically burst at the seams trying to contain her glee.

Meanwhile, Applejack, who was standing a block away teaching the townsponies her family’s traditional dances, couldn’t help but stare at the strange mare with suspicion.

Before Pinkie could walk away with the mare, Applejack pulled her friend aside. “Granny Smith always told me to trust my gut, and my gut’s tellin’ me to stay clear of that mare there,” she whispered into Pinkie’s ear. “I know you, so I know you’re gonna try to cheer her up anyway, but I thought I’d warn you.”

Considering Applejack was probably right, Pinkie didn’t argue. That being said, she didn’t care. The Element bearers had managed to befriend villainous beings such as Discord, so even if this mare was a threat, that was only further reason for Pinkie to make her smile. Everypony deserved to feel happiness, even the cruelest of villains.

Besides, her own grandma had taught her something different. Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall. Learn to face your fears. You'll see that they can't hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear.

“I’ll do my best to be careful,” Pinkie whispered. No matter what danger lay ahead, she was ready for the worst.

…………………………………

“Lost Cause, eh? A name like that is just unfair,” Pinkie said. Walking alongside the perpetually frowning mare, she made her way through the deserted streets of Empty Soul. A few hours had passed since the start of their trek, enough for the top of the sun to begin peeking over the eastern horizon. Pinkie’s party continued a few miles away in the town center, but it was making only a fraction of the noise that it did during its peak. Most of Empty Soul’s inhabitants were fast asleep in their stone huts, ready to begin a new day and a new life full of friendship and happiness.

“But not inaccurate,” Lost Cause said. Even now, Pinkie shivered from the chilling sound of Lost Cause’s ghostly cry, and she fought hard against the voice in her head telling her to run away while she still had the chance. She was determined not to give into her fear and her primitive biases. “Let’s just say that I haven’t been the kindest pony throughout my life, and I’ve been kicked out of every home I had because of it. I moved to Empty Soul a few weeks ago because I heard how sad it was, so I thought I’d fit in.” Lost Cause hung her head as years of regret consumed her. “But it seems that even this place doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Pinkie thought back to the way the townsponies glared at Lost Cause during the party. Her voice softened out of empathy for the poor mare. “I couldn’t imagine what I’d do to myself if ponies treated me like that.” Her remark brought up a haunting question. What would Pinkie do to herself? The last time she had felt the cold embrace of isolation was when she thought her friends were ignoring her. In response, she had decided that it was better to wallow in her own misery and throw a party with inanimate objects rather than talk to anypony ever again. If Pinkie ever experienced even a fraction of what Lost Cause was dealing with, she… She didn’t want to think about the answer.

“I’ve imagined the answer. Several times, in fact.” As the weight of Lost Cause’s isolation sank in, her misty hue began blurring further, to the point that it looked like her physical form was fading away into actual mist. Pinkie needed to do a double take to make sure she wasn’t going crazy again. Lost Cause’s body was indeed transforming into a ghostly vapor, but only for a half-second at a time. It was as if she was glitching in and out of reality.

Pinkie’s heart sank deep into her chest as she contemplated what this could mean. She had fought masters of chaos, corrupted alicorns, changelings, and demons from Tartarus, but none had ever left her with such a chilling abyss of confusion. She needed to think back to Granny Pie’s words to give herself the courage to stand tall and continue facing Lost Cause.

“I’m sure you can guess what it is,” Lost Cause said, replacing Pinkie’s fear with a far more sinister horror. It took Pinkie only a moment to figure it out, but when she did, she almost recoiled. Just the thought of the act was enough to fill her with fury, enough to make her want to yell at the pony pondering the idiotic idea. Enough to make her want to kick that pony in the face and break their snout.

The whole reason for Pinkie’s obsession with making ponies smile--the driving force behind it--was to prove that the power of laughter could overcome anything. Not some things or most things. Anything. No matter how sad the pony, there was always a way to get them to smile. Always. No exceptions. But suicide… it was the one obstacle Pinkie’s skill could never overcome. The one problem she could never fix. If a pony killed themselves, then all chance of making them smile and resolving their issues was gone. This was why suicide was the gravest of all crimes. Pinkie would rather kill herself than allow a pony to end their life.

“It’s h-hard…” Lost Cause needed a moment to pause as her voice cracked. “It’s hard being in the kingdom of friendship and not having any friends.”

As far as Pinkie was concerned, she was done with this conversation. Talking was not going to help a case like this. What she needed to do was go the extra step and fix the root cause of her new friend’s misery. She felt compelled to replace Lost Cause’s empty frown with a smile so bright that it shone like a second sun. But to do that she had to figure out what Lost Cause had done to garner this much hatred, and to do that she needed time. It had taken Lost Cause hours to reveal her name, so Pinkie could only imagine the lengths she had to go to in order to achieve her goal. That said, the challenge caused her to shake with excitement. Did that make her a bad pony, thinking of Lost Cause as a challenge?

She didn’t know the answer to that, but what she did know was that she had to give this mission her heart and soul. "No matter what," she had told Lost Cause.

Using her hoof to lift Lost Cause’s head, Pinkie gazed into the mare’s eyes to let her know that she wasn’t alone in this world. “I’ll be your friend. I Pinkie Promise.”

Lost Cause’s frown remained as empty as ever, but the hope radiating from her eyes was unmistakable.

From dawn to dusk, Pinkie made sure to give Lost Cause the best day ever. Sledding, ice climbing, skiing, snowboarding, avalanche surfing--if it could be done in Empty Soul, then Pinkie and Lost Cause did it. Throughout the day, the townsponies shot Lost Cause glares dripping with disgust, but Pinkie shrugged off the ignorant ponies and made sure her friend didn’t see the hateful looks. Focused on her goal, Pinkie made sure to pepper Lost Cause with personal questions throughout the day, though the results weren’t exactly the best. Pinkie began by asking her new friend where she lived, only to receive a sudden change in topic. When she asked again, the only response she got was, “I’d rather not say.”

The only questions Lost Cause seemed to want anything to do with were the ones she asked. They started innocently at first as she and Pinkie walked toward the town center, the sun setting behind them. “So, how many friends do you have?” When Pinkie said that she had plenty, Lost Cause responded with, “Who is your favorite?” The question irked Pinkie, but not enough to make her voice a complaint. She made it clear that she loved her friends equally, no differently than how she cared for the happiness of everypony in Equestria with equal regard. Pinkie’s bond with her fellow Element bearers may have run deeper than blood, but her primary duty would always be to spread laughter throughout the earth. The world was like her family, and that was how she intended to keep it.

The next question was even more bizarre. “Do you have a special somepony?”

Pinkie was taken aback by the question’s personal nature. She would have gone so far as to say that she was weirded out by it, which was a strange feeling for her considering that she was usually the one labeled a weirdo. Her initial instinct was to change the topic, but she went against it because if this was the subject that would get Lost Cause comfortable enough to open up, then so be it. “No, actually. I don’t blame you thinking that I do, considering I’m always meeting new ponies.” Pinkie gave Lost Cause a playful bump on the shoulder. The slight touch made Lost Cause’s cheeks tint a rosy pink, a reaction that left Pinkie paralyzed from confusion.

The topic of romance on Pinkie’s mind, she pondered for a moment to give a more thoughtful answer. “I’ve actually never kissed anypony, and to be honest, I don’t think I ever will.” Lost in thought, she found herself staring at the last rays of sunlight as they died beneath the horizon. The sky here had a certain emptiness to it that made one think more deeply than they ever would under the bright, colorful blue of a place like Ponyville. It was grey like the mountain but had a reflective quality to it, not for the physical, but for the soul. The blankness above was like a mirror, casting a never ending reflection of one’s true self. Convictions Pinkie never knew she had came to the surface, mixing with thoughts Pinkie had fought to keep repressed since she could remember. “I get all the excitement I need from making friends and helping ponies out. I feel like I’m different, like I don’t need a special somepony like other ponies do. It’s like I already have a special connection with everypony, like they’re all my family, so that’s how I want to treat them. If I had a special somepony, or if somepony ever touched me in the wrong way, it’d ruin that connection forever. And if that connection is gone, I… I don’t know what I’d do, or what would happen to me. That connection, it’s what makes me... me.”

She didn’t know if this answer was more for Lost Cause or for herself.

Pinkie’s contemplation continued for a few minutes until the sun fully set, after which Lost Cause asked, “Do you believe in ghosts?”

The question knocked the wind out of Pinkie, not only due to its substance, but because it was asked after a question about her love life of all things. “M-M-Maybe.” The voice in Pinkie’s mind telling her to flee returned, making it all the more difficult for her to resist the urge to tremble. She thought back to Granny Pie’s words for strength. You'll see that they can't hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear. Pinkie let out a nervous laugh, but the voice in her head didn’t go away. “Why do you ask?”

Lost Cause glanced at the scars covering her cutie mark. Layers of mutilated skin hung off, blowing backward from the breeze. “The legends of this town don’t only talk about the sadness. They also talk about the ghosts.”

“L-Like, dead ponies?”

Lost Cause shook her head, her sickly hue making her seem one with the dead stone she walked on. “Just because a pony’s body is alive doesn’t mean that they can’t be a ghost. The legends say that these ghosts are grey like the mountain. They’re made of a thin vapor, like they’re still part of our world, but only barely. They say that these ghosts don’t have a face.”

Was that what Lost Cause was, a ghost? But she still had a face, so that couldn’t be the answer. The confusion was too much for Pinkie to bear and she gave into the urge to tremble. “B-Because they don’t want anypony knowing who they are?”

“Because when you feel nothing on the inside, why ever smile? Why ever speak? Why ever see, hear, or smell? The only thing your senses do are remind you of the isolation. If you’re going to be alone, why be a part of this world at all?”

Pinkie froze, letting the chilling words sink in. Despite her optimistic nature, she understood Lost Cause’s statement. Not only that, she agreed with it. If the day ever came when she lost her friends and ability to make others smile, she would no doubt lose the will to speak. She too would become a ghost. There would be no reason for her to exist. No reason for her to show anypony her face ever again.

If Pinkie ever suffered Lost Cause’s isolation, she would end up no differently than her. An empty husk of a mare.

“What did you do?” Pinkie said, her voice as cold as the snow beneath her.

Lost Cause turned to her mutilated cutie mark, her gaze blank like that of a spellbound pony. “I did what I was meant to do. I hurt every friend I ever had. Some I hurt emotionally, like leaving them when they needed me the most. Others I hurt physically, like breaking their bodies so they could never walk again. It all depended on what was the best way to hurt them, the best way to take their happiness away. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was evil, but then I realized there is no such thing as evil in our world. It is my special talent to hurt, confirmed by my cutie mark.”

She turned to Pinkie, her gaze piercing like that of a predator's. “I know what I do is wrong, but it fulfills me, the same way you’re fulfilled by what you do. That’s why I’m a lost cause.”

Paralyzed by a chill colder than any blizzard, Pinkie stared at the disfigured cutie mark. It was made of three individual symbols, but the scarring made it impossible to recognize anything more clearly than that. “Your cutie mark… What… What is it?”

“Three teardrops.” Lost Cause shifted her gaze to Pinkie’s cutie mark. “Who did you make smile to get your mark? Your friends?”

Her heart racing, Pinkie shook her head. “My family.”

“I made my family kill themselves to get mine.”

Pinkie’s heart skipped a beat, causing her to freeze in her tracks.

As Lost Cause continued walking ahead, the sound of her hoofsteps decreased in volume with each passing moment, until they were fainter than the pounding of Pinkie’s heart. “You can break your promise, you know. Leave this town or I’ll just end up hurting you too. Consider this a warning, from a friend.”

With that, Lost Cause disappeared into the distance. Pinkie had lost. For the first time, she had given up on a pony.

Author's Note

"Inspired" by a real story

Everything

Hanging her head, Pinkie made the lonely walk toward the town center. Darkness saturated the quiet streets of Empty Soul, bleeding into the night sky. Most of the town’s inhabitants were asleep, leaving Pinkie alone with her thoughts--thoughts she wanted nothing more than to run away from.

Even now, hours after Lost Cause had left, her words made Pinkie shiver with a chill no blizzard could hope to compare to. It wasn’t so much what Lost Cause had said--that she’d caused her family’s suicide; instead, it was the matter-of-fact way in which she’d said it, mixed with her ghostly voice. It was as if she was proud of what she’d done, proud of how she’d gotten her cutie mark.

No, there was no way Lost Cause had been telling the truth about that. Cutie marks were a symbol of a pony’s discovery of their destined special talent, not an excuse for murder. Destiny was a force for good and harmony, not evil and death. If destiny wasn’t on the side of friendship, then why was it that the forces of harmony always won? If destiny was really a force despicable enough to curse a pony with such a horrific special talent, then why was it friendship that was the most powerful magic of all? No matter how severe the threat, friendship always prevailed. Nightmare Moon, Discord, the Changelings, Sombra… The list went on. Harmony always won and its opponents always lost, because that was the way things were meant to be. That was how they were destined to be, as if pre-written by some all-powerful outside force. Pinkie refused to believe that fate was on anypony’s side but her own, though the longer she pondered the issue, the more she realized how narcissistic that thought sounded.

Even if destiny had birthed the Element bearers for the purpose of protecting friendship, that didn’t mean that it couldn’t also birth a pony for the sole purpose of inflicting pain. Both could be true, though that realization did little to calm Pinkie. In fact, the revelation sent an icy chill up her spine as lights from the town center caught her eye from a few blocks ahead. If Lost Cause’s destiny was to inflict pain, then was she truly at fault for the disgusting things she had done? She would be a victim of fate, not a villain. Forced to commit acts she knew were sinful by the same force that had blessed other ponies with a fulfilling life full of friendship.

What would Pinkie have done if she had Lost Cause’s cutie mark? Would she rebel against destiny, or would she inflict unimaginable pain upon Equestria? As she pondered the question, images of her family began flashing through her thoughts--images of them as corpses. Images of her mother, father and siblings as decaying slabs of meat, unrecognizable by anypony other than Pinkie.

Wincing, Pinkie tried her hardest to repress the thoughts, but they persisted despite her efforts. They were here to tell her the truth that she already knew, the truth that she hated about herself. If she had Lost Cause’s special talent, she would be no different than her. In fact, she’d be worse.

Spreading happiness was Pinkie’s reason for living. Everyday she woke up with the same mission, to make everypony smile. If she failed that mission even once, like she almost did with Cranky Doodle Donkey, she’d be driven into misery. And if she felt that her mission wasn’t being appreciated, like when she thought her friends were ignoring her, she’d be driven into pure insanity. Pinkie was a puppet of her special talent, no different than any other pony. If her three balloons were replaced by three teardrops, her trip to spread laughter across the kingdom would be replaced by a quest to leave everypony drowning in an endless pool of misery.

When Pinkie entered the town center, the area’s many street-candles revealed her bright pink color to be gone, replaced by the same grey hue that haunted Lost Cause. She still hung her head, but not with a frown. Instead, the expression on her face was blank, like that of a pony who was drained of all emotion.

The area was empty, except for Applejack, who paced up and down the block. When she saw Pinkie and the state she was in, she sprinted to her and gave her a tight embrace. “I don’t know what you’ve been up to or what’s going on, but we’re gettin’ out of here. Now.” Applejack’s voice dripped with worry, enough to turn her usual confident manner of speaking into that of a meek pony.

Pinkie’s only response was to give her friend a set of empty eyes, as if she was staring through her.

Turning pale from panic, Applejack stared at her friend’s misty, lifeless color. “I’ve seen you like this before. We snapped you out of it back then and we’ll do it again. Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing.” Her forced confidence lasted until she saw Pinkie’s mane, which had retained its usual shape. Whatever was going with Pinkie, it was not the same as before.

“I know the truth,” Pinkie said, her voice as empty as her eyes.

“And what in tarnation is that supposed to mean?”

“About myself. I’m pathetic, a slave. I’m no different than her.”

Fury filled Applejack, causing her to shoot a murderous glare. “You’re talkin’ about Lost Cause, I assume? The same pony I questioned every last mare, stallion, colt and filly in this town ‘bout. You wanna know what I found? I found that she doesn’t even live in this town. She appeared here a few days ago because she heard you were coming, and since then all she’s done is ask everypony and their dog about you.”

Taken aback, Pinkie raised her head. “Asked what?”

“Everything. Your favorite color, favorite food, favorite hobby, favorite position to sleep in, and stuff that's a heck of a lot weirder than that. Everything about this mare is a lie. I’d be willing to bet that her name isn’t even Lost Cause.”

As Pinkie’s heart sank deep into her chest, a realization hit her. If what Applejack was saying was true, did that mean Lost Cause’s cutie mark story was also fake? As much as Pinkie wished for Applejack to tell her that Lost Cause’s cursed special talent was a lie, she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that it was indeed true. But if it was real, then what did that mean for the rest of Lost Cause’s lies? Considering how much everypony seemed to despise her, perhaps the reason Lost Cause had been eagerly awaiting Pinkie was so she could finally have a friend. Yes, that would surely explain all the weird questions Lost Cause had asked the townsponies, though that did nothing to account for the disturbing questions she’d asked Pinkie. Questions such as whether Pinkie ever had a special somepony or whether she believed in ghosts. And there was also that moment when Lost Cause had glitched into actual mist. Pinkie didn’t know what to make of all this, but she did know one thing, that she had made a promise. A Pinkie promise. No matter what, I won’t rest until you’re smiling like I am.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t leave. Not yet. Not until Lost Cause is smiling.” Pinkie pushed herself back to separate herself from Applejack. “I made a promise. Even if it’s to my murderer, a promise is a promise.”

Applejack needed a moment to take in the sheer stupidity of Pinkie’s statement. “What if she hurts you? Do you really expect me to stand back idly by while she’s doing who knows what to you?”

“I do, because I’m ready to be hurt.” Pinkie looked Applejack in the eye, her gaze unwavering. “I know I’m a fool for being like this--I know that I’ve always been the fool--but this is just… It’s just who I am. Making ponies smile, it’s my special talent--”

“And staying true to myself and my family is my special talent, but you don’t see me using that as an excuse for getting involved with some crazy pony.”

Pinkie shook her head as she tried to find the best words to explain her reasoning. “It’s not just my special talent; it’s the whole reason I’m alive. It’s what wakes me up every morning. It’s what makes me bounce around like I’m on a pogo stick for hours and hours. It’s what makes me want to jump and scream something crazy like ‘Okie dokie lokie!’”

Applejack stared at her friend, needing to make sure that it was Pinkie she was talking to and not some imposter. “What’s happened to you? The Pinkie I know--the one we all know--she’d never talk like this.”

Pinkie shifted her gaze to the sky, the mirror above. “There’s just something about this town that’s different. It’s like the opposite of Ponyville, where the bright colors, blue skies, and friendly faces always brought out what makes me so cheery. Here, though, it’s like I’m forced to look inward for once, and I don’t like what I see. I see a pony whose entire purpose is to make others smile, even if it costs that pony her own smile. I see a pony who knows she can never change, because that’s just who she is.”

Accepting her role in the larger picture, Pinkie turned to Applejack with a content smile across her muzzle, while Applejack could only hang her head in contemplation. “It may be hard to believe, but I’d rather die right here and now than abandon somepony who needs my help. I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did that, and I know you feel the same about your purpose. How would you feel if you had to live the rest of your life as a liar and away from your family?”

Applejack peered into the mirror above. It took her only a few seconds to respond. “I understand.”

No longer able to keep Pinkie from self-destruction, Applejack told her the location of Lost Cause’s home, which she had gotten from some townsponies during the day. Pinkie wasted no time in sprinting to Lost Cause, who was renting a room in the local inn. When Pinkie stopped in front of the wooden door to the room, she turned to the sky one last time. The mirror above simply told her what she already knew she had to do. There was no more need for contemplation. There was no chance of turning back. She was who she was, and there was nothing she could do to change that. It was time to make everypony smile.

Her mind set, Pinkie opened the door. The sound of creaking wood caused Lost Cause to freeze as she stood beside the candle-lit room’s lone bed. Countless posters of Pinkie covered the wooden walls, as did dozens of drawings and doodles of her. Distorted images of hearts were drawn over Pinkie’s face multiple times on each poster and illustration, but that was not what creeped her out the most. That honor belonged to the way Lost Cause’s eyes and body shook with fury, contrasted against her blank, lifeless expression.

“I know it was her!” Lost Cause stepped back toward the nearest poster and grabbed the image of Pinkie’s cheery face, right on top of one of the many drawn hearts. She pressed her body on the image as if the sight of Pinkie’s smile filled her with strength. “It was that mare you came with. She told you lies and now you hate me. Is she with you? Where is she?”

Pinkie shook her head, letting out a sigh. “I came here on my own… to fulfill my promise. But first, I need the truth, Lost Cause. Don’t I deserve at least that?”

Lost Cause turned to the poster behind her and stared at its features. She stared at the way Pinkie’s cheeks popped out when she smiled, the way her cheeriness radiated outward. Lost in a trance from the sight of laughter incarnate, she rubbed her hoof over one of the drawn kisses, smearing it. “Fine. You want everything, then you’ll get it.”

Pinkie’s heart raced as she pondered what the truth could be, but there was no turning back now. She had no choice but to make this pony smile, regardless of the cost. "No matter what," she had told Lost Cause.

“I’ve been a fan of yours for years now, ever since I first heard of you making ponies smile in Ponyville.” The room’s many candles helped to cast a shadow of Lost Cause over the posters she was standing by. “Not like that’s surprising, right? A pony without a single friend in the world looking up to the pony with the most friends. Did you really expect any different? You would make everypony’s dreams come true, like that donkey, so I t-thought…” As Lost Cause stared at the smeared heart, her voice began to crack. “I thought that you could make mine come true too. I thought you could be my friend. I was obsessed with you, obsessed with making sure you would like me. I thought if you knew how much I wanted you, then you’d be too creeped out to give me a chance.”

“The story about your cutie mark, was it true?”

Lost Cause nodded. “When we started becoming friends, I knew it was only a matter of time before I hurt you. That’s why I told you to leave. I’ve only been here a few days and I’ve already caused everypony to rightfully hate my guts.” She turned to Pinkie, gazing at her with the empty eyes of a ghost. “Thanks. For being my first friend, for the amazing day, for everything. I know you won’t want to be my friend after this, so I thought I’d at least thank you.” She hung her head, ready for Pinkie to walk out the door.

“No matter what.” Pinkie’s words caused Lost Cause to lift her head. “That’s what I told you. Until you’re smiling like I am, I’m not going anywhere.” Energized by the thought of saving this pony from misery, Pinkie let out a cheeky smile and her misty grey hue brightened into her usual pink tint. Hope invigorated her. Now that she knew the truth, she was guaranteed to bring a smile to Lost Cause’s face. “Let’s spend tomorrow together again, as friends.”

Overcome by bliss, the ends of Lost Cause's lips crept up ever so slightly, enough for Pinkie’s trained eye to catch. It was by no means a smile, but it was progress, enough to feed into Pinkie’s addiction to spreading happiness. Enough to remind her that there was no sadness too grave for her to overcome, no pony she could not get to smile. She was on top of the world, ready to jump to Luna’s moon.

The sound of Lost Cause’s voice returned Pinkie to earth. “You said, ‘No matter what,’ right?” Except this time, her words didn’t come from her mouth, but from within Pinkie’s head. It was as if Lost Cause was inside Pinkie’s mind, burrowing deeper with every word she spoke. Pinkie didn’t know how Lost Cause was doing this, only that the sound of her voice was slithering within her thoughts and there was no escape. Lost Cause gazed into Pinkie’s eyes, not with her usual emptiness, but with malice--the will to do evil for evil’s sake. With one stare, Lost Cause made it clear that she would break every one of Pinkie’s bones for the sake of hearing her scream and beg for mercy. Not ulterior motive needed.

As Pinkie’s heart skipped a beat, her mind yelled at her to escape. She had to run away. Now. Yet her unending sickness for making others smile--her stupid, stupid obsession--kept her standing beside a murderer.

“You see, I like you, but as more than a friend.” The sound of Lost Cause’s voice dug its way deeper into the depths of Pinkie’s mind, causing her to tremble. Keeping her eye on her prey, Lost Cause walked to the door and shut it. “I feel a physical connection with you.” She shifted her gaze to a nearby poster, focusing her lecherous eyes on Pinkie’s features. The way Pinkie’s cheeks popped out when she smiled, the way her cheeriness radiated outward. She returned her gaze to Pinkie, not with the warm eyes of a lover, but with the cold, piercing glare of a predator. “You weren’t lying when you said you didn’t have a special somepony, right?”

Her heart pounding against her ribcage, Pinkie shook her head.

“Good.” Her gaze fixed on her prey, Lost Cause reached beneath the pillow and pulled out a blade. It was dull, cut from the same stone Empty Soul was made of. Perfect for ensuring the torture lasted as long as possible. The sight of the blade caused Lost Cause to shake with anticipation, yet her frown remained as empty as ever.

“I’m n-not going to sleep with you.” Amidst her trembling, Pinkie struggled to let out the words. The sight of the blade caused her to wince. She tried her hardest not to think about what was next, about what Lost Cause would do to make her sleep with her. Every part of Pinkie that was rational screamed at her to flee as fast as possible, but her commitment to others--her special connection to the world--kept her in the room. A part of her still believed that it was possible to change Lost Cause and make her smile. A part of her refused to give up and had faith that she was destined to win this.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you.” Lost Cause lifted her hoof, pointing the blade at her own carotid artery. “Sleep with me. Now. Or I kill myself.”

In a single instant, Pinkie’s resilience, her determination, her resolve--every part of her that was strong--withered away and died. As she thought back to all of her interactions with Lost Cause, she realized that this moment had been planned from the start. Lost Cause wanted nothing more than to hurt Pinkie in the most impactful way possible--to force her to do the one act that would destroy her unique connection with the world forever--and everything she had said and done had been in the service of that singular goal. For a pony whose purpose it was to take away the happiness of others, there was no sweeter victim than Pinkie, no smile more fulfilling to kill than that of the Element of Laughter. Lost Cause had played Pinkie for the fool she always was.

“Come on, don’t you want to make me smile?” Lost Cause pressed the blade against the side of her neck.

As the edge of the knife began tearing through Lost Cause’s skin, Pinkie thought about how easily she could escape this situation. All she had to do was nothing. She could let Lost Cause kill herself and then walk out, alert the police, and do her best to move on with her life. The only thing stopping her was herself. For the first time in her life, she regretted being the Element of Laughter. “I’ll do it.”

Pinkie didn’t know what happened next. All she remembered were the candles going off, followed by Lost Cause’s approaching hoofsteps. Ready to collapse from panic, Pinkie thought back on her grandma’s words, the words that had always given her the strength to push through fear. Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall. Learn to face your fears. You'll see that they can't hurt you. Just laugh to make them disappear.

Except this time, she didn’t laugh. In fact, she felt nothing at all.

……………………………………………….

Just because a pony’s body was alive didn’t mean that they couldn’t be a ghost. It was only when Pinkie returned to the town center, the sun rising behind her, that she finally understood this.

Applejack was the first to see Pinkie when she came back. After waiting for her friend for several hours, she had decided to crash the night at a nearby shop owner’s home. When news came that Pinkie was on her way back, Applejack sprinted into the town center, a bed sheet falling off her back along the way. She met her friend with the widest smile of her life, only to be left frozen in utter horror from what she saw. Pinkie’s body had lost its physical form, turning into what was nothing more than a ghostly vapor in the shape of a pony. Her expression was blank, matched only by her lifeless eyes. No sound came from her. Not the sound of hooftsteps, the sound of breathing, or even the beating of a heart.

Unable to bear seeing her friend in such a state, Applejack had to turn away and wince. Rage consumed her, enough to make her shake with a vengeful fury. “Lost Cause is done for. I’ll make sure of it.”

She dashed in the direction of Lost Cause’s home, only to stop a few moments later, when two quiet words, scarcely different from a whisper, passed through Pinkie’s lips. “She smiled.”

Pinkie’s voice was that of a ghostly cry, yet that same soft, a whisper like tone persisted. “She smiled. I saw it.” She thought back to the previous night, right after Lost Cause had finished having her way with her body. Lost Cause had fallen asleep after exhausting herself, while Pinkie lay in silence, wanting nothing more than to never feel anything again. No happiness, no sadness, no love, no connection. Sleeping peacefully after fulfilling her destiny, Lost Cause had smiled.

Not a half-smile. A full one. A smile wider and cheekier than Pinkie had ever grown.

After all these years, Lost Cause had finally smiled, and it was because of Pinkie.

Despite everything that had happened, perhaps Pinkie’s actions had been worth it. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things, losing her own smile was the right thing to do. She had brought happiness to Lost Cause. She had saved Empty Soul. She had made everypony smile, and there was nothing more precious than that. She had proven that no matter how sad the pony, there was always a way to get them to smile.

As Applejack restarted her dash, consumed by vengeance, Pinkie forgave. Despite everything, she couldn’t hate Lost Cause, just as she couldn’t hate herself for refusing to flee the room. They were both puppets of fate, each destined to oppose the other due to a cutie mark they didn’t choose. If there was anypony to hate, it was the one writing the story of their lives.

As the sound Applejack’s hoofsteps faded away, Pinkie’s face vanished. Her eyes, eyebrows, nose, cheeks, and mouth were gone, leaving only blankness. Pinkie accepted her fate, because when you felt nothing on the inside, why ever smile? Why ever speak? Why ever see, hear, or smell? The only thing your senses did were remind you of the isolation.

If you were going to be alone, why be a part of this world at all?

Author's Note

"Inspired" by a real story.