Cheerilee's Guide to Gardening

Chapters

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Epilogue

Chapter 1

“Good morning class!” Cheerilee wore her usual excited smile, ready to bring these foals into the wonderful world of learning! Her wonderful, beautiful class brimmed with potential! “Today we will be talking about Leibneigh’s notation. Please open your calculus books to page 1646!”

The entire class groaned, except for Twist and Honey Drop. Her garden hated math, finding it too complicated and boring. While Cheerilee admitted that she might be pushing her students a little hard, she believed strong challenges helped ponies grow strong!

“Please make it stop!” Scootaloo whined an hour into their lesson. Her notes had devolved into incoherent scribbles, completely overwhelmed by numbers and figures. Poor Dinky rubbed her temples before slamming her head against her desk.

Sweetie Belle put her hooves into her face. “Is it time for recess yet? That’s my favorite class!”

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “Recess isn’t a class, blank flank.”

“Yeah, stupid. Like everypony knows that!” Her lackey, Silver Spoon, added.

“Is so!” Scootaloo shot back.

“Is, like, so not!” Silver Spoon replied and the four fillies broke into bickering, derailing Cheerilee’s class.

Other foals added their opinions as to whether recess was a class or not and the fighting began to spread. Cheerilee sighed. It seemed that at a moment’s notice, she might lose control of her students. It always annoyed her that some students enjoyed playing in the playground more than studying. She shouted to get their attention, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. She yelled again to similar results.

“Class!” Cheerilee screamed at the top of her lungs, catching her student’s attention. “Good. Now let’s return to the lesson!” She grimaced as the school bell rang, indicating the end of math class and the beginning of recess. The foals rushed for the door, but a hard glare from Cheerilee stopped any of that nonsense. This was her school, darn it, and class ended when she said so.

“Nopony is going anywhere until you complete the questions on page 1716.” This news made her students groan, but her hard glare made them reconsider arguing. Cheerilee nodded, glad everything had gotten back on track. After more grumbling, the class completed their questions and eagerly started recess. It wasn’t like losing ten minutes of recess would kill anypony.

Cheerilee stayed behind in the classroom to get a head start on grading some papers. Of course, she periodically peered outside, making sure nopony was misbehaving. A polite cough caught her attention.

“Yes, Snails?” Cheerilee asked.

“Uh, Miss Cheerilee, may I ask a question.” A long moment passed while the colt considered his next words. Cheerilee sighed and waited for Snails to continue, knowing how the colt did nothing hastily.

“Oh right, Miss Cheerilee, I was wondering if you could come and help?” Snails asked. “Snips has made a mess.”

“Okay, let’s see what happened.” So much for grading papers. But Cheerilee didn’t argue and followed the colt.

Diamond Tiara brightened when she spotted her teacher coming and smirked. “Looks like somepony’s going to be in trouble!”

“Yeah, like totally!” Silver Spoon added.

“Snips, Sweetie Belle, why are you stuck to the top of the swing set covered in tree sap?” Cheerilee asked, already dreading the answer, finding her students somehow wrapped the swings too. The trouble foals got themselves into always boggled the mind.

“It’s the tree sap!” Sweetie Belle replied. “It’s like a ninja! Ready to strike at a moment’s notice!”

“Ninja?” Snips asked, confused.

“Ninjas are cool!” Snails added helpfully.

Cheerilee sighed. That wasn’t an answer, but she didn’t argue and spent the rest of recess getting the foals unstuck. Somehow the rest of today’s class sessions went by without issue and her garden darted from their schoolhouse after class ended. They babbled to themselves, school long forgotten in their minds and a cynical part of Cheerilee wondered if they’d learned anything today. It was dark by the time she headed back home.

“Hey, Cheer!” Trixie called as Cheerilee passed the unicorn’s house. The blue mare was casually leaning against the frame of her front door “Rough day?” she asked.

“The same as usual,” Cheerilee replied. She hoped tomorrow would involve less tree sap, though.

“You look like utter heck!” Trixie said after examining the state of her friend. “We should go out drinking. I’ll pay for the first round!”

Trixie’s uncharacteristic generosity caught Cheerilee off guard and considered the offer before shaking her head. “No, I have papers to grade, and my garden needs tending. How about this weekend?”

“Good, Trixie was about to get out of this important paperwork that needs signing,” Pokey said, poking his head out a window. This shocking revelation didn’t surprise Cheerilee whatsoever.

“It’s all zoning nonsense!” Trixie replied. “Why the mayor thinks this needs my approval, I’ll never know.”

This earned a smile from Cheerilee. Trixie would rather face a hydra than do the myriad of paperwork that her position as representative required.

“Good luck!”

“Yeah, whatever. Goodnight Cheerilee.” Trixie replied despondently before Pokey pulled her inside.

Much to her disappointment, she didn’t run across any of her other friends. While she considered seeking them out, her garden really required her attention. It was how she relaxed after a stressful day.

“How did these get here?” Cheerilee grunted in annoyance when she spotted some knotweed growing among her petunias. Weeds, the blight of ponykind everywhere. While she wasn’t a farmer like Carrot Top, her earth pony heritage made her love nature and growing things. Weeds just won’t do! They strangled the more worthy plants and stole their resources.

Ponies were also like this. She liked to consider her class her own special garden, full of potential seeds ready to grow into something amazing! A strange twitch formed in her mind. Was it that time already? It had been awhile since her last weeding. But, it was a job that needed doing. But what weed would she pick? Cheerilee shook her head and put the matter out of her mind. It probably wasn’t that time yet.

“Morning class!” Cheerilee said to her garden but frowned after noticing somepony missing. “Where’s Apple Bloom?”

“Miss Cheerilee, Bloom said she was sick today and couldn’t make it!” Sweetie Belle replied after waving her hoof into the air.

“Really? She should have sent me a note instead of having one of her friends tell me, but nevermind. It’s something I can discuss with her sister later. Please open your history books to page 1898. Today we will be discussing the Zaldia-Equestria War.” The class complied with the minimal amount of groaning.

Cheerilee kept a close eye on her student’s progress. While not perfect, she liked what she saw. Yes, her garden was growing nicely. Maybe it didn’t require weeding after all. The day passed without issue except for the incident where Silver Spoon tricked Snails into eating an entire bottle of paste. Thankfully, it was nontoxic. Raindrops would have a fit if anything happened to her precious little brother.

The lunch period arrived quickly and she giggled with excitement while leaving on her break. A.K. Yearling’s new book, Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny, came out today and Cheerilee couldn’t wait to get a copy! She groaned when she noticed the line in front of the bookstore. It went past the next street. Cheerilee had hoped it would have died down by now.

This will take hours! She resigned herself to the harsh truth that she might not receive the new book of Daring Doo until a later date. Hopefully, the bookstore will still have copies tomorrow. She turned to leave when a familiar pink bow caught her attention.

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, Apple Bloom,” Cheerilee said through gritted teeth as she stomped up to the little filly.

Apple Bloom gave a nervous laugh, “Oh, uh, hi Miss Cheerilee. Fancy seeing you here!” She broke into a series of obviously fake coughs. “Yeah, I still feel pretty bad! Just thought I’d get some air!”

“Air around a bookstore with the newest novel by A.K. Yearling?” Cheerilee replied, not hiding her sarcasm.

Apple Bloom looked around eyes wide like she hadn’t realized she’d been standing in the queue. “Have I? Golly gee, what a strange coincidence!” She winced in pain as Cheerilee grabbed her by the ear and dragged her away from the bookstore.

“Your sister and I are having a long chat after school, right after an hour-long detention for skipping school on false pretenses.”

“Darn it.” Apple Bloom’s face fell.

“More weeds again!” Cheerilee grunted in annoyance after finding some thistles amongst her tomatoes. “All this rain isn’t helping.” She scowled at the weather ponies above her pushing dark clouds into place to form another rainstorm. Then she spotted Raindrops among them and her mood brightened and she waved.

“Hi, Cheerilee.” Raindrops said after flying down. “Working in your garden again?”

“Yep!” Cheerilee beamed. “The squash are coming along nicely. Try one.” She pulled off one of the vegetables and passed it to Raindrops. The pegasus’s eyes widened in delight when its fresh flavor struck her mouth.

“Delicious!” Raindrop replied and took another bite, juice dripping from her mouth.

“When the tomatoes are done, I should invite everypony over for dinner,” Cheerilee said, “I have a new recipe I want to try.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Raindrops replied. “I’ll talk to everypony about it.”

“Just make sure Trixie doesn’t organize the booze this time,” Cheerilee’s expression turned serious, “We don’t want a repeat of last year’s Hearth’s Warming party.” Raindrops blushed and nodded.

“Thanks for the snack,” she said holding up the ravaged remains of the squash, “but I gotta get back to work. This storm won’t make itself.”

“The rain’s nice, but all these weeds keep popping up!” Cheerilee grabbed a nearby collection of couch with her teeth and pulled.

“Sorry.” Raindrops’ ears flattened.

“It’s not your fault.” Cheerilee waved a dismissive hoof. “Besides, I like staying vigilant!” Again, a familiar pang struck her and she couldn’t help but consider the weeds that dwelled in her class also. Not as bad as some years, but they were there, lurking to ruin the rest of her garden.

“If you say so.” Raindrops shrugged. “It sounds like a lot of work to me.”

Cheerilee waved her friend goodbye and stared back at her wonderful garden. The faces of her students appeared amongst the various plants.

Is it time to begin weeding again? Weeding was dangerous and something she couldn’t do too often lest somepony become suspicious. Yet, the danger made the weeding exciting, and also shameful. Cheerilee wasn’t like normal ponies, which always pained her. Ponies shouldn’t have thoughts like hers. But she knew too well that a pony couldn’t deny their nature. The important part was using her nature for good! She refused to be like those ponies that hurt ponies for fun and delighted in hurting the helpless and innocent. If she was to be a serial killer, she’d be a serial killer for the good of everypony! She was the bearer of the Element of Laughter, which proved she was a hero!

Cheerilee tapped her chin. “Who are the weeds of my garden?” This matter required careful consideration.

“Would you believe the utter audacity of that creep?” Trixie exclaimed to the room at large. “Why Princess Luna hasn’t kicked out Duke Greengrass, I’ll never know!”

“No kidding!” Lyra scowled, nibbling at her plate of rippled chips. The poor mare was still reeling after learning that her beloved mentor, Octavia, had been under the duke’s hoof for years. The slimeball had tried using her mentor to get Lyra under his hoof as well.

“It’s over now. We’ll just have to keep alert! No problem.” Ditzy poured herself some root beer. While her friends were helping themselves to stronger drinks, the pegasus preferred her fizzy drinks. Besides, she thought it would be a poor example if Dinky found her mother coming home drunk. What a responsible pony Ditzy was!

“Will those ponies ever give us some peace?” Carrot Top said. “Don’t they realize we’re the good guys? We saved Equestria, for Luna’s sake! What if Corona comes back?”

“When they see power, they want it.” Trixie shook her head. “Regardless of the consequences.”

Cheerilee tapped her chin. “The story of the scorpion and frog comes to mind.”

Raindrops blinked. “Are they really that foalhardy?” The mare had only been vaguely listening to the conversation, not wanting to discuss politics, instead focusing on Cheerilee’s Tomato Basil Pasta. Much to the teacher’s delight, her friends were enjoying it.

“You bet they are!” Trixie exclaimed and her friends gave their reluctant nods of agreement.

“Princess Luna has to do more weeding,” Cheerilee muttered. It irritated her that the Night Court butted into her business. The teacher only wanted a normal life. Plus, the constant spying made her other, darker, activities more difficult. Once or twice, she’d caught sight of a suspicious pony poking around town. How bothersome.

“Weeding?” Trixie blinked, confused.

“You know, uh, getting rid of the bad eggs!” Cheerilee cursed. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Luna’s too nice,” Trixie replied, “she never wants to assume the worst of ponies. She figures things will usually work themselves out. Punishment will always be the last resort.”

“Well, if there are bad ponies, then the princess needs to kick them out,” Ditzy said thoughtfully, “it’s hard, but you need to use a firm hoof sometimes. I’ve learned that the hard way.” Her other friends nodded their agreement.

“So you agree with me that weeding is required!” Cheerilee said delighted, glad they were agreeing on this point.

“I guess?” Trixie replied, finding Cheerilee’s phrasing a little unusual. “There are bad ponies in the world and somepony needs to take care of them.”

Ditzy’s eyes widened. “You’re right. Otherwise, there would be anarchy!”

“Guys, can we please not talk about this.” Raindrops said almost desperately. “Like about the upcoming hoofball season instead? They have invited me to play this year, and I want your input.”

“Okay, no more politics, I promise,” Trixie replied, “anyway, I never realized you played, Raindrops.” They began a discussion about sports and it surprised Cheerilee how passionate her friend Raindrops was about hoofball. Trixie showed a surprising knowledge about Canterlot’s own hoofball team, the Canterlot Nightmares. The only issue was finding the time in the pegasus’s busy work schedule to practice. Rainbow Dash was never very conscientious about her employee’s hours.

This time, Cheerilee zoned out and considered what they had talked about. She delighted that her friends agreed with her about the importance of weeding. Over the centuries, weeds had grown out of control in the Night Court, which strangled it. It proved Cheerilee’s theory that society, like any garden, needed proper weeding to flourish. While unfortunately, she couldn’t do anything about the weeds in the Night Court, but her personal garden was another matter. She didn’t feel as guilty as she planned out her next weeding session. She’d already decided one weed that needed elimination. Her class better be on its best behavior tomorrow, lest they be chosen too.

“Look, Miss Cheerilee, I can explain!” Dinky said, wearing a desperate expression on her face.

“I’m waiting.” Cheerilee tapped the paper, which held a big fat zero writing with red pen ink.

Dinky gulped and nodded. She opened her mouth then paused, considering her next words with care. Much to Cheerilee’s relief, the filly picked the truth and her ears flattened against her head. “It’s hard. I tried studying, but...”

“Dinky, are you having trouble in your science class?” Cheerilee replied with compassion. Poor Dinky looked like a kicked puppy, and the teacher couldn’t stay mad at her.

“Maybe a little.” Dinky lowered her head in shame and Cheerilee put a comforting hoof on her student’s shoulder.

“Tell you what. I’ll see about getting you a proper tutor.” Cheerilee’s next words became sterner. But I expect you to work hard for your next test, okay.”

“Yes, mam.” Dinky’s voice was almost a whisper.

“Good.” Cheerilee nodded her head in satisfaction. “Forget about this test. I’ll allow you to take a makeup one next week on Monday.”

“Thanks, Miss Cheerilee!” Dinky walked away with a smile on her face, but Cheerilee noticed it contained a degree of smugness. Much to her horror, the teacher realized the filly had just manipulated her. That little devil knew how to use her cuteness like a deadly weapon. She spent the rest of the lunch period fuming at her own stupidity.

The rest of the day passed and Cheerilee watched her students with hawk-like eyes, watching for any mistakes. It put her students on edge. In reflex, they stayed on their best behavior knowing a predator was among them. Lightning struck outside and it was pouring when school ended for today.

“Night class,” Cheerilee said as her class departed, “stay dry out there. I don’t want anypony to get sick!”

“Aren’t the weather ponies overdoing it a bit?” Cheerilee asked herself as she threw on her poncho and placed papers into her briefcase. It has been a present from her sister, Berry Punch, for her birthday last year with her cutie mark engraved on the top. The rain increased in ferocity as she ran back home. The rainwater had filled the Ponyville River almost to bursting and its waters had turned violent. A slight smile crept onto her mouth. It gave her an idea.

“This way Snails! Ugh, you’re too slow.” Snips tapped his hoof waiting for his slower friend to catch up.

Snails, as usual, moved with his usual languid pace. “I’m coming. Just give me a moment.”

“Boys, what are you doing?” Cheerilee gave each colt a stern look. Unlike Cheerilee, they hadn’t dressed for the weather, and their wet manes stuck to their faces.

Snips tensed after catching sight of his teacher. “Not much, just playing in the rain!”

“My sister says rain is cool!” Snails added like he was speaking one of the universal truths of the universe.

“Yes, but you’re playing too close to the riverbank,” Cheerilee replied, holding back a more scathing retort, using cold logic instead, “what if you fall in?” Snails considered this reasoning with a thoughtful gaze, but Snips remained convinced.

“It’s fine.” Snips replied, waving a dismissive hoof. “I’m a great swimmer! Besides, I found this really cool rock! I need Snails to help me bring it home for my rock collection!”

“And you’re doing this in the middle of a storm, because?”

“What it washes away, or gets stolen?!” From Snips’ expression, the world would end if this occurred.

“Uh, yeah!” Snails nodded, succumbing to this logic.

“Show me where this rock is.” An irritated Cheerilee followed the two colts down the river until they came across a large rock about the size of an adult pony’s head. It sparkled as the rain poured down on it. Quartz, if Cheerilee wasn’t mistaken. She spent the better part of an hour lugging it back to Snip’s home while the two colts chattered away, circling around her.

“How nice of you to do this for my boy, Miss Cheerilee.” Snips’ mother said.

“All part of being a teacher!” Cheerilee forced a smile for the portly mare who shared similar colors to her son. “I’m always eager to help my students!”

“Bring it over here.” Snips’ mother pointed towards the garage and inside was a large collection of rocks of varying sizes. Some precious stones were among them, but most were shiny rocks that caught Snips’ attention. Cheerilee unloaded the heavy rock off her back without much care if it got damaged. She stretched, dragging the rock back had done a number on her poor back.

“Now, what do you say?” Snips’ mother said towards the two colts.

“Thanks, Miss Cheerilee.” The two colts replied.

“Would you like some lemonade, dear?” Snips’ mother asked. “I just made a fresh batch yesterday.”

“No thanks.” Cheerilee stretched some more, trying to restore some feeling in her poor back. “I really must be going.”

“A shame.” Ship’s mother replied. “Another time, then.” The two colts and the mother waved as Cheerilee departed. The teacher smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes and she ran through the rain. Her adventure had placed her on the other side of Ponyville.

Her poncho was soaking wet by the time she entered her house, and she placed it over her bathtub so it could dry off. Soon, she was sipping hot cocoa and considering today’s events. The persistent itch was becoming worse, threatening to burst. She hated how it had made her irritable all day, but she resolved herself that it would soon go away. Tonight, she’d begin plans in earnest for her newest weeding session.

Now began her favorite and least favorite part. She enjoyed the planning part, but nabbing the weeds would prove more difficult. The slightest mistake or misstep might ruin everything and expose her. A random pony on the street might accidentally run across her and become suspicious when they got a better look at the pony-shaped bag she was carrying. Or the weed might choose to take a different route that day, one which Cheerilee hadn’t anticipated. By their nature, ponies were unpredictable. The possibility for disaster and triumph went hoof and hoof.

“Yet, this is necessary.” Cheerilee refused to let these difficulties stop her from her rightful and righteous duties. Her class was depending on her. Without the weeds choking them, they would truly flourish. The work was ugly but necessary for everypony’s sake.

Chapter 2

Rain trickled against cottage roofs. Ponies closed their windows and shutters to protect their houses from the fierce oncoming storm. Two fillies ran through the streets to get home before the storm struck in earnest. One wore a crown on her head, declaring her the princess of the Ponyville schoolroom. The other wore fashionable thick glasses. A trip to Sugarcube Corner had taken longer than expected, and both were desperate to avoid getting soaked.

“Like, see you later Diamond.” Silver Spoon scowled as a drop of rain landed on her nose. Thank Luna her house was only a few blocks away from her friend’s palatial manor. Diamond’s butler, Randolph, stood by the door, ready to invite her inside.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?” Diamond Tiara asked. “It’s super lame you have to walk through this.”

Silver Spoon scowled. “I’d like to, but Miss Cheerilee assigned me some extra homework as punishment, but never explained why. So lame.”

“Lame.” Diamond echoed. “Whatever, see you in the morning.“ A light brightened in the small filly’s eyes. “One sec.” She darted into her house and returned with a vinyl record.

Silver Spoon’s eyes lit with excitement. “Is that Countess Coloratura’s newest album? But how? Doesn’t it, like, comes out at the end of the month!”

A smug, satisfied smile formed on Diamond Tiara’s lips. “My daddy has contacts. It isn’t the official version of the album, so it’s missing a few songs. It’s a sampler for the record people, but it’s still pretty cool. Now your homework won’t be so boring.”

“Thanks!” Silver Spoon put the record into her saddlebags and waved her friend goodbye. She beamed and she started off into the storm. Her parents were off on some business trip or whatever. They were away so often that their daughter didn’t bother keeping track of where they went. Nothing was stopping her from playing her music on full blast all night. She winced as the wind blew her mane into her face. Rain pattered against the filly’s head and she increased her pace. The streets were empty. Everypony had already hidden away somewhere warmer and drier.

The small filly froze and considered her next move. A shortcut through a patch of trees stood a few hooves away. Large patches of mud had already formed amongst the thick trees. Wincing, Silver Spoon looked both ways, searching for anypony that might observe her. She often took this shortcut, but it sometimes resulted in getting dirty or getting leaves or twigs in her mane. However, it cut several minutes from her path home, well worth the trouble. After a long careful search for observers, Silver Spoon nodded to herself, satisfied. She was an elegant, pristine pony and couldn’t bear ponies seeing her otherwise. Besides, a hot bath awaited her when she arrived home, anyway.

Leaves crumbled under her hooves and stuck to them as Silver Spoon ran through the mud. The trees protected her from the worst of the storm, but not enough to keep her from getting soaked through. Her heart soared, spotting her house and the warmth it promised. She stopped by the edge and peered through a bush, making sure the coast was clear. Her heart jumped when a rustle caught her attention.

“Miss Cheerilee?” Silver Spoon exclaimed equal parts mortified and confused why her teacher appeared from behind a tree. “What are you doing here?”

Her teacher beamed at her, and Silver Spoon shifted awkwardly on her hooves. For a reason she couldn’t explain, something felt wrong. She noticed that her teacher had leaves in her mane. Had Miss Cheerilee been hiding in a bush?

“So glad I caught you!” Cheerilee replied. “I feared you might spend the night at Diamond Tiara’s house.”

“Yeah?” Silver Spoon replied, confused by her teacher’s phrasing. Why would it matter if she spent a night at Diamond’s or not? “So I can do that stupid homework you gave me.” She didn’t hide her annoyance.

“Glad that you’re taking your schoolwork seriously!” Cheerilee declared.

“Right, I’ll be leaving now.” Everything in her screamed to flee and she listened to that voice. She turned to flee, but something caught her from behind and placed a rag over her mouth. Silver Spoon struggled with her capturer, but their grip was like iron, and her vision blurred. The last thing she saw was Miss Cheerilee’s grinning face and blackness consumed her.

“Ugh, what the hay?” Silver Spoon groaned and lifted her head. The bright light above made the filly wince in pain. She blinked, trying to clear the sleepiness.

“Finally, you’re awake!” A colt standing over her said, relieved he wasn’t alone. He gave his teacher worried, furtive glances. So far, she had ignored Snips’ pleas for answers.

“Thank Luna, that knockout drug had too much kick!” Cheerilee shook her head, annoyed with herself. She’d used too much of the special potion Carrot Top had taught her. The dear was always a marvel at creating interesting concoctions but hadn’t warned her about its potency. Nevermind, they were finally awake now and the show could begin!

“Uh, Miss Cheerilee, why are we, like, in a glass prison thing?” Silver Spoon tapped the glass of the giant fish tank with a hoof.

“You like it!” Cheerilee beamed. “It’s quite an interesting invention on my part. Simple but elegant!”

“What?” Silver Spoon asked, baffled. “Where are we? Why are you doing this?”

“An abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Ponyville! It’s a place that will provide us plenty of privacy!” Cheerilee replied.

Through the broken windows, heavy rain crashed onto the cement floor. She’d picked somewhere far away. In stories, the killer always had some secret basement in their house where they had their fun with their victims. In Cheerilee’s estimate, this was stupid. Why leave evidence in your home where anypony could stumble upon it? Knowing her luck, Trixie would discover it by accident, forcing Cheerilee to provide an awkward explanation. Best not to leave any evidence anywhere near her person. Only foals kept trophies of their crimes.

“Is this for a game?” Snips asked.

“This isn’t funny, Miss Cheerilee!” Silver Spoon slammed a hoof against the tank’s glass. “Let us out of here.”

“You right, Miss Spoon, this isn’t funny.” Cheerilee’s expression turned serious. “This is about punishment for bad useless foals.”

“What?!” Silver Spoon stepped back, shocked.

Cheerilee paced around the tank, giving her captives a careful study. “This is about removing weeds from my precious garden.”

“Weeds?” Snips tensed, keeping a careful watch of his captor.

“I’m not a weed, idiot!” Silver Spoon snapped.

“I’ve studied everypony in my little garden.” Cheerilee continued. “Looking for weaknesses. Searching for the weeds that strangled my other wonderful, beautiful students. Weeds that need elimination.”

“Elimination?” Her prisoners froze, their bodies turning rigid; shock and fear filled their eyes. They realized Cheerilee wasn’t fooling around.

“Yes,” Cheerilee said in a low purr, “it’s what the class needs to thrive.”

“No, you can’t!” Silver Spoon said desperately. “I’m no weed! Please! No!”

Cheerilee snorted. “Oh, really. I’ve watched you ever since you entered my class. You’ve been nothing but a brute and bully.”

“But Diamond Tiara meaner than I am!” Silver Spoon replied, throwing her so-called friend under the cart. “She’s the real bully. I was only following her lead!”

“Yes, well. Diamond’s a special case.” Cheerilee replied. “She has issues. Her mother’s a nasty piece of work. She’s only acting out for attention. The poor dear has trouble connecting with ponies. Not unlike my friend Trixie! Like Trixie, I sense there’s good in her deep down. She only needs a little push.” Her friendship with the mare had taught Cheerilee much about the hidden depth that lied within ponies.

Cheerilee looked Silver Spoon directly into the eye. “What’s your excuse? None. You’re a spoiled brat that enjoys tormenting ponies. A pony who follows and never thinks for themselves.” The filly stared equal part fear and outrage.

“And I’m here because I’m a dummy.” Snips looked down in shame.

Cheerilee nodded. At least somepony was thinking correctly. Top marks for Snips.

“What?! Then take Snails instead!” Silver Spoon replied desperately. “I’m way smarter than him. He’s a total retard! He’s useless!”

“Now none of that language young lady,” Cheerilee said, her voice reproachful, “he’s a real sweetie and much smarter than he appears.” Besides, Cheerilee couldn’t bear hurting her friend Raindrops.

“Screw you, you freak!” Silver Spoon slammed her shoulder against the glass, but it didn’t even budge. Cheerilee smirked. She’d been careful to order a tank capable of withstanding the wrath of a hammerhead shark. These weeds wouldn’t escape. Unlike the incensed filly, Snips’ body sunk, defeated, not fighting against his enviable fate.

“But there is hope!” Cheerilee’s voice brightened. This caught her captives’ attention who gaze up at her in hope. “Let’s play a little game.” She walked over to a hose built into the tank and twisted the knob. It jittered and soon belched out water into the tank.

“What?” Silver Spoon edged away from the water like it was a serpent.

“In the tank, you’ll see I’ve left a knife!” Cheerilee pointed towards an Exacto knife lying on the tank’s floor. “The rules are very simple. Two foals enter, only one leaves. The survivor gets to go home! Isn’t that lovely! You better hurry, you only have five minutes until the tank fills up and you drown!” She’d spent over an hour perfecting the timing. Wouldn’t her face be red if the tank filled too quickly? Cheerilee rubbed her hooves together, eager to see what would happen next!

The weeds stared confused and scared, unsure about what they should do. They jumped as the cold water touched the bottom of their hooves, knowing they didn’t have long until their end came.

“No, this is bad! Wrong!” Snips pleaded. “Please don’t do this, Miss Cheerilee, please!” His eyes widened as Silver Spoon dove for the knife and lunged at him. Somehow the larger, pudgy colt dodged the clumsy, desperate attack.

“I’m not dying here!” Silver Spoon’s face twisted in an ugly snarl.

“Don’t do this Silver!” Snips’ back hit against the glass wall and edged around it, watching the filly with a careful, fearful expression.

Silver Spoon cackled an ugly laugh tinged with madness and readied her weapon. “I see why Miss Cheerilee chose you. Nopony will care when you die, you fat little creep. Now be a good colt and get stabbed!”

The filly lunged again. Snips screamed in pain as the knife scraped against his side, leaving a trail of blood which dribbled down into the rising water. Silver Spoon yelped as the colt retaliated, slamming her against the wall of their glass prison. The knife fell from the filly’s hooves and Snips kicked it away. He looked down at his opponent, unsure what he should do to the prone filly. Snips eyed Cheerilee, but she only replied with an impassive look. The tank continued to fill, almost to their waists. The knife disappeared into the water lost from sight and Silver Spoon reached around blindly with no luck.

“Good, now we can talk like normal ponies.” Snips said, but Silver Spoon only screamed like a banshee. She dove, her hooves pressing against the colt’s throat. He coughed and sputtered and the impact knocked him off balance into the water.

The two foals wrestled for survival. Silver Spoon refused to surrender, fighting even harder she pushed Snips’ face under the water’s surface. The colt gasped, desperate for breath. Silver Spoon slammed his head into the bottom of the tank. Soon, the colt weakened and the filly held his head under the water proper. Snips struggled for several more moments, but it was futile. Silver Spoon made it impossible to raise this head above the water for precious air. Silver Spoon was panting after concluding her nasty business and stumbled backward, unable to believe what she’d just done. She stared at Snip’s lifeless body for several long moments.

“Congratulations! We have a winner!” Cheerilee said amongst the silence.

“Please let me go. Please.” Tears fell freely from the little filly’s eyes and slammed a hoof against her glass prison. The water reached almost to her neck.

“No, sorry,” Cheerilee replied matter-of-factly.

“What?!” Silver Spoon stared, unable to believe her own ears.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes and snorted. “This is why I’m getting rid of you, you’re a murderer. I’m a serial killer, silly. Do you really think I’d let you walk away? Come on.”

“No.” Silver Spoon’s voice was almost a whisper. “Please, no.”

Part of Cheerilee actually considered letting the filly free, curious how her life would proceed after this. She’d taken a life and that changed a pony, forever. Would she spend the rest of her life pretending this didn’t happen, desperately telling herself she was still normal? Would she turn her life around and work hard to make amends for her crime? Or would she embrace her darker nature and kill again? So many possibilities, but Cheerilee shook her head, deciding against it. While enlightening, she didn’t want to get caught and spend the rest of her life in prison. Too many other fillies and colts required her special attention.

Rage filled the filly’s face and Silver Spoon screamed obscenities, much to Cheerilee’s shock. Where had the filly learned such language? How shameful for somepony her age. The fury soon died, turning to desperation.

“Please, don’t do this!” The tank had almost filled to the top and the filly waded in the chill water. Her face pressed against the glass ceiling, reaching for the remaining air. “I don’t want to die! Please, no. Please!”

Cheerilee watched as the tank filled full and the tiny filly struggled in the water, frantic to stay alive. Silver Spoon slammed a hoof against the glass in one final desperate attempt to save her life. Cheerilee watched as the body went limp and floated down towards the bottom of the tank. Her glasses fell off her face, clinking against the tank’s floor.

“That went better than expected!” Cheerilee walked over to the hose and turned it off, glad at a job well done. The tank had filled at the exact speed she calculated. She’d even made sure to add both foals’ weight. Not even a single second had been misplaced.

The fight of the death was only a silly experiment she’d dreamed up and never thought the foals would actually do it. She’d been right to remove the nasty little weed named Silver Spoon. What a horrible little filly! Part of her felt pity for Snips, but his sacrifice had been a necessary one. Now came the hard part, disposing of the bodies.

Thank Luna neither of the foals received many wounds from the fight. A deep knife wound would be hard to explain and require a more drastic disposal method. A mudslide would be tricky but doable. Many wannabe killers thought a pony only had to throw a body into the Everfree and the timberwolves would tear it to pieces, removing any evidence. How ridiculous and risky.

Despite the Everfree being a place ponies avoided, it wasn’t unheard of for ponies to enter occasionally. Her friend Carrot Top liked going there to collect herbs sometimes. When ponies disappeared, rescue ponies always searched the Everfree first. Besides, timberwolves, while vicious and deadly, never bothered touching dead bodies. And wouldn’t ponies be curious why a drowned body found itself in the middle of the Everfree Forest?

Cheerilee glanced at the raging storm outside and smiled. It wouldn’t be too hard to believe that two foals out playing during a storm accidentally drowned themselves. Nopony would ask questions or even examine the bodies. Cheerilee’s record was squeaky clean, nopony would suspect her.

The bigger problem was disposing of this stupid tank. Cheerilee cursed her compulsion for elaborate kills. She enjoyed the challenge too much, unable to help herself. One day, she’d create a mess she couldn’t clean up and bury herself, but not today. First, she’d dispose of the bodies, then take apart the tank and hide the pieces until she could dispose of them piece by piece.

Cheerilee beamed. “Time to get to work! Nopony said being a serial killer was easy!”

The class muttered to themselves, a dark mood hung over the classroom and nopony was sure why. Two of their classmates were missing and Diamond Tiara, bully, and terror of the classroom looked stunned and broken. There were signs that she’d been crying. The adult ponies had been whispering about some incident but refused to explain anything. Police ponies prowled around town asking questions and gathering information.

Cheerilee entered her garden, wearing a solemn expression. She hated exposing ponies their age to the harsher realities of the world but pushed herself forward to complete her duty.

“Class, I regret to inform you that something has happened.” A small tear fell down her cheek. Dear Luna, she hated this part. “There’s been an accident. This morning, the bodies of Silver Spoon and Snips were found in the Ponyville River.” Poor Daisy suffered such a terrible shock when she had found them while pulling her cart along the river towards the marketplace. Cheerilee promised to send her a card later in the mail.

The entire class gasped in shock unable to believe their ears. This had to be a prank. Diamond Tiara breaking into active sobs proved that it wasn’t. Death was difficult to understand at their age. Some were sad, others broke into tears, and some appeared just confused.

“I’m suspending class until Monday. Don’t worry about homework.” Cheerilee continued. “If you wish to speak to somepony, a counselor is available. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Grief is difficult for everypony and nopony should face it alone. Just remember, I’m here for you, always. Class is dismissed.”

Poor Snails. The colt dragged his hooves, not bothering to hide his tears. His sister flew down next to him and Raindrops allowed him to cry into her plumage. The other foals' parents and family were there, ready to take their foals home. Cheerilee’s other friends came too, giving their friend their condolences and she embraced them warmly. Trixie appeared particularly broken up about the incident. Despite her grumpy exterior, she loved foals.

It was a dark day for Ponyville, but they’d recover. Everypony would. Ponies were tough and resilient. It taught them the fragility of life and how precious it was. A smile grew on Cheerilee’s face as Dinky comforted Diamond Tiara, and the stubborn little filly didn’t reject the hug Dinky gave her. Despite the antagonism between the two fillies, Scootaloo soon joined her. They’d be good friends to Diamond in the coming days. Despite these dark times, her garden would recover and flourish even brighter.

Epilogue

Cheerilee held an asparagus stalk and smiled. Through her earth pony hooves, she sensed its vitality. The rest of her garden was just as healthy and vibrant. She’d defeated the nasty weeds and everything was right with the world. She whipped the sweat off her forehead. After a week of storms, the weather ponies had transferred them over to Canterlot, leaving Ponyville hot and dry. At least her plants were enjoying the sun.

“Yes, they are coming along nicely. You’ve done a fantastic job tending this garden, Miss Cheerilee.” A voice said, and Cheerilee jumped in surprise and fright.

After calming her beating heart, she turned around, gasping in surprise at the sight of the intruder. It was Duke Greengrass. A blond unicorn mare stood next to him, holding a parasol over his head, protecting him from the harsh sunlight. The mare stood silently, attentive to her boss’s needs. The duke bent down and nodded in approval upon examining the asparagus for himself.

“Yes, I’ve done an excellent job tending my garden. I’m quite proud of it.” Cheerilee’s voice was tight. After getting over her initial shock, she straightened. She eyed the Night Court scum wearily. It sickened her that Princess Luna allowed this weed to grow in her garden. Why didn’t anypony do something about disgusting creatures like him?

“In my mind, you can uncover much about a pony if you examine the way they treat their home and the things they love.” Greengrass either didn’t hear the teacher’s hostility or didn’t care. “Pristine and perfect. Not a single weed anywhere.”

“Is there something you want, Duke Greengrass?” Cheerilee cut through the BS, wanting to know why the duke was bothering her. Revenge after Lyra’s friends after the musician ruined his plan? Give threats to make her fall in line? A hint of panic touched her wondering if he suspected her darker activities. Two foals had died under her care, after all. Though the duke was mistaken if he believed Cheerilee would bow to a weed like him.

Again, the duke took no notice of Cheerilee’s anger and annoyance. “Much like your past. Your school record is exemplary! Top grades and you never once got into any trouble. Not even a warning for tardiness! Your teachers each spoke highly of your ability.”

Did he speak to my old teachers? Then she realized his motives. The duke wished to hire her because of her exceptional talents. Greengrass had a famous history of surrounding himself with ponies of ability. He’d sponsored many foals with talent, regardless of why that talent might be. All to expand his power base and influence, of course. It never hurt putting ponies in your debt. While flattered, she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. If he believed, he could buy her, he was sorely mistaken.

“Thank you, but why would a yokel Ponyvillian like me be of interest to you?”

“My special talent is quite unusual,” Greengrass replied, and Cheerilee blinked at the non sequitur.

“An ability that many ponies misunderstand.” Greengrass pointed to his black X cutie mark. “Someponies assume it’s downright villainous. That I have a special talent for killing ponies. Or sillier, that I have a talent for finding hidden treasure. No, my special talent is gardening.”

“Gardening?” This explanation caught the teacher off guard.

“Indeed, it allows me to uncover my garden’s weaknesses and correct those problems. And to find the weeds among the green and eliminate them. Weeds only take valuable resources from the plants I wish to grow. Nopony wants to grow subpar asparagus, for example.”

Cheerilee blinked in surprise, shocked by the amount they had in common. Dear Luna, was he flirting with her?

The sudden change on Greengrass’s face caught Cheerilee off guard, turning serious. “My skills don’t just extend to plants, but ponies also. It allows me to see things others might miss. And when I look upon you, Miss Cheerilee, I don’t like what I find.”

“Why?” Cheerilee forced a smile.

“Perfection is an illusion.” Greengrass continued. “An impossible lie ponies strive for. When I see a pony with a perfect record, it makes me wonder. Why does this pony work so hard to stay perfect? It’s almost like they’re working hard to not be noticed. Why would that be, Miss Cheerilee?”

Unbeknownst to Cheerilee, sweat was gathering on her forehead, and it had nothing to do with the sun beating down on her. “Really? Come on, that’s silly! I’m just trying to be a good citizen!”

“You know what I think, Miss Cheerilee?” Greengrass’s mood darkened even further. “Those ponies have something to hide. It’s a mask to hide their true self. They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

A horrible knot twisted her stomach. “Me? I’m nopony special! I’m just your typical yokel teacher!” Cheerilee laughed. It sounded fake, even to her.

Greengrass’s mood suddenly brightened. “That’s great to hear! I’m glad I don’t need to worry about you. I’m being silly. Usually, ponies like that are only uptight perfectionists!”

“Right.” Sweat continued to form on Cheerilee’s brow.

“Sorry, I lost my train of thought.“ Greengrass said. “The reason I’m here is to give my condolences. It broke my heart when I read about the accidents. Nopony should die that young. So much potential snuffed out.”

Cheerilee sighed, glad they were returning to a more comfortable subject. She was an expert at displaying grief. “Yeah, I feel it’s my fault somehow. I should have done a better job keeping them safe. Nopony blames me for what happened, but I blame myself every day.”

Cheerilee recoiled when Greengrass’s eyes blazed. It had appeared only for a brief moment, but its intensity stunned her. The duke recovered and gave a polite cough. “If there’s anything your class needs, I won’t hesitate to bankroll it. After this tragedy, I want to make it easier for your students during this difficult time.”

Cheerilee forced a smile. “Thank you. Your generosity is welcome.”

“If you would excuse me, I have other business that I need to attend to.” Greengrass’s face twisted into a smile. “Representative Lulamoon is awaiting me in her office. Good day.” His assistant followed behind as he departed, keeping the parasol over his head with impressive skill. Despite the mare’s stoic expression, had Cheerilee sensed a moment of hatred?

A chill went down her spine when the implications of the conversation struck her. She used a nearby fencepost to steady herself.

Dear Luna, he knows. Somehow, Duke Greengrass had deduced that Cheerilee was behind Silver Spoon’s and Snips’ deaths. Her heart raced and fear chilled her bones. She forced herself to calm down and stop panicking.

But there’s no proof! Otherwise, he would’ve sent the law after me. Yet, the implications were frightening. The stallion knew her secret and revealed he knew the truth. He’d threatened her without even raising his voice or offering a threat. Rumors said horrible things happened to ponies that had earned the duke’s displeasure.

But he doesn’t have proof! This reassured her. She’d only plan more carefully next time. No, that wasn’t right. After the plot concerning Lyra’s teacher, Octavia, Cheerilee realized the duke was anything but passive. He would go after her with all his ruthlessness. She felt this truth in her bones.

A maniac laugh escaped her lips. “You’ve made a serious mistake, Duke Greengrass. Foals aren’t the weeds I can pluck! I’ll eliminate you like all the other bad apples!”