The Adventures of Nick the Knife and Steven Magnet

Chapter 1

“Oh no, my beautiful moustache! Not again!” the sea serpent yelled. He cried and tossed himself around like someknife just broke his arm.

“Oh quit crying like a Celestia damned baby! Better help me getting out of here!” I said, trying to wiggle myself free, pressing my hands and feet against the tree.

‘Wait. Did I just? ... Do I have? … What in the name of Celestia’s mother is going on here?!’ I thought, freaking out on the inside, frozen outside.

The sea serpent was another one. He froze immediately, as he heard my voice. He turned left and right, but couldn’t find anyknife. Then it finally drowned into him. Slowly turning around, he started screaming like a school filly that discovered a rotten body of another pony for the first time and backed away to the edge of the river.

“Y…y…y…you talked! You have arms and legs! B…but you are a knife! That’s impossible!” he screamed, nearly waking half of the Everfree Forest.

I calmed myself down as good as possible and started to speak again, hoping this wiener wasn’t freaking out again. “Ok. You freaked out enough. Would you kindly help me out of here now, before I rust away?”

“No! No, that can’t be possible! You cannot speak! You’re a knife!” he screamed again, with peaks in his voice, which no man should be able to reach.

“Well duh. I am a knife. What do you thought I would be? A manticore? A timberwolf? Or even a dragon? No. As you observed right I am a knife, captain state the obvious, and I will always be. Now. If you would do me the favor to calm the fork down and free me from this tree, then I would be really grateful. You know it kind of sucks to be stuck in a tree.” I said, glaring annoyed at him.

(How I glared at him? Don’t ask me. I have no forking idea of anything that’s going on here.)

His pupils shrank to the size of toothpicks while he moved towards me slowly and carefully. He grabbed my handle as soon as I had tucked my arms and legs to it and pulled with an immense wrath, which I hadn’t suspected within such a whiny coward. It felt like he was about to tear me in half any second now, but instead I started slipping out of this Celestia damned tree painfully slow.

As soon as the last bit of me slipped out of the tree, the sea serpent reacted too slow and fell backwards.

“Whoa!” he busted out in a more masculine tone as he let go of me, which sent me flying, and tried to soften the impact with the ground of the river with his hands.
(Why hands, you ask? For claws they were too polished and were manicured. I sense some vibes here, if you know what I mean.)
I on the other hand impacted with the ground on the other side of the river with full force.

‘Brace yourself. The pain is coming.’ I thought to myself, since I had my arms and legs just for a few minutes and forgot to use them. Silly me. And then the pain came, but not as I expected. It was more like a sting of a mosquito. I hardly felt anything.

The sea serpent on the other side groaned as got back up again. “Ow, that hurt.” He said to himself.

“Sorry for that, but thank you for pulling me out. That was very kind of you.” I said, getting up myself.

“No problem.” He said, finally accepting the fact that I was a talking knife.

“I’m glad that I could help you out, but now to the important things. Why did you cut off my moustache?” he asked me, whining again at the last sentence.
(Damn you karma for remembering him that I cut it off. I hate you.)

“It wasn’t on purpose. I swear.” I said to him.

“That doesn’t matter. I want to know why.”

“Whole story?” I asked.

“If it’s necessary.” He sighed.
So I told him about Twilight launching me straight out of the restaurant, sending me flying through Ponyville and into the Everfree Forest in a straight line. If I had some binoculars I could have shown him the restaurant.

“Oh. I think I know her. One of her friends was very generous to me. She cut off her tail and completed my moustache again, after a purple dust cut it off. It was the most generous thing somepony ever did for me. No even anyone! On second thought, I’ve never met any pony before.” He said, the expression on his face changing from joy- to thoughtful.
“But that still doesn’t explain why you are walking and talking. You’re a knife after all.” He added.

“I seriously don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with the spell Twilight launched me with, or something else. Beats me.” I said and shrugged.
(No I have still no idea how I’m doing this. Just bear with it.)

“All right. That seems legit, but now that you are alive what will you do?” the purple sea serpent asked.

“Hmmm… I hadn’t planned to come to life in particular. I’m not one to complain and am not going to, but I could think of a few places and situations I would have preferred coming to life than here in these cursed woods.” I said, mumbling the last part more to myself than to him.
I decided, that it would be good to return to civilization as soon as possible, but that might be a bit difficult. I didn’t want to go to Ponyville, since I had to fear to be used as a probably death bringing projectile again. I know Twilight’s temper now and will be very careful, if I happen to be around her.

Each other populated place would be dangerous too. I’m a walking and talking knife and this is confusing for everyknife, even here in Equestria. They’ll probably run away from me or even try to attack out of confusion.

‘Damned. I cannot risk scaring or even hurting any pony. How can I solve this problem?’ I thought to myself.
“There has to be a way.” I announced to no knife in particular, but somehow that sea serpent thought, that I was speaking to him.

“Way? What way? What’s the problem?” he asked puzzled.

“No, no. It’s not important...aah…aem… Sorry, but what was your name again?” I asked awkwardly.

“Oh. I think we skipped the name exchange at some point. I’m Steven, Steven Magnet. May I ask you what your name is?” he asked, showing of perfect gentleserpent manners.

“My name is Nick. I think since I’ve got no last name just call me Nick the Knife, but I was given another name years ago, in Canterlot Castle, by Celestia herself. I was named Sir Knifely the sharp.” I said with pride.

“Ok. Now that we know each other’s name, what was this way you were talking of?” Steven asked me.

I sighed. “Ok. You won. I want to go back to civilization and do something useful. I don’t want to spend my newfound life in the Everfree Forest. That would be a waste.”

“I know what you mean. I’m living here and this is the place where the weirdest beings in all of Equestria are living and someone like you never crossed my way before. So if you go into, for example, Canterlot on your own, they will most likely freak out. Furthermore I believe that you are the only one of your kind?” I nodded with my, lets’ say, head. (Not really sure of this. Why? Hellooo? Knife?)

“Alright. Since you are the only one of your kind it’ll be hard for you no matter what. They are just not used to beings like you. You need someone who you can trust and rely on. Someone talking to the ponies, before they see you and run away hysterically. That might be the solution for your problem.” He continued reasoning my situation.

“Well. You do have a point there. But where do I find someknife who would do this for me? It’s not like I can go to any living being, which is able to speak and ask if it may help me. I would more likely scare the shit out of them. Unless you would be the one helping me, all hope is lost.” I said frowning.

“I would do it. I planned a vacation a long time ago, but had never the guts to go, or a reason. But if you want me to come with you now, I’d love to go.” Steven responded happily.

“Really? You would do that? Oh thank you!” I cried out, joy spreading all over my face. (Nope. Still no idea how I’m doing this.)

“No problem. Get on my back and we are ready to go.” He offered generously.

“Thanks. Would you mind bending down a bit? I’m rather short as you know.” I asked him awkwardly.

He nodded and bent down far enough for me to climb onto his back. I climbed up and took a hold of some of his shiny scales, signalizing that I was ready. He sat his hands on the ground and started to walk, pulling more and more of his long serpent body out of the water, until, after about thirty feet, his legs were coming out and finally, after another ten feet, his tail was out of the water too.

“So where do you want to go?” Steven asked, stretching and flexing his muscles to get warm.

“Let’s see. Ponyville is out of the question. I don’t want to meet Twilight in her state of mind. Fillydelphia would be too far away for now and Las Pegasus is too risky. I think we should head for Canterlot. I haven’t been there for quite a while. Celestia will more likely understand my situation and act in my favor.” I decided.

“Canterlot it is.” Steven said and got going.