It was nice to settle down in a somewhat safe place like that cave to get some shut eye.
Seeing that we went through this day we needed it. Steven instantly rolled himself around a column like a garden hose and tucked his hands under his chin for more comfort. I settled down on his head and nestled myself in his mane for the night.

When I fell asleep I dreamed of how I got back to Canterlot and of how Celestia would greet me. How she’d be delighted to see me and take me back into her royal life.
That is until someone decided to play earthquake in his sleep, which woke me up most unpleasantly.

“What are you? A continental plate or something? Wake up you lazy retard and answer me!” I yelled rather loud in his ear, kicking his head multiple times.

“I wasn’t moving at all. It was the column. I was laying perfectly still all the time.” He replied drowsily and with an annoyed tone in his tone from being awakened in the middle of the night.

I instantly froze at his words, my mind snapping awake in a split second, but that slowpoke took his time to notice that something was going horribly wrong.

“Wait. Did I just said that the column moved?” he asked, fear creeping in his voice.

“Yes you did.” I whispered in his ear, not daring to raise my voice anymore.
“And I think you were right about it.”

“Why do you think so and why are we whispering now?” he asked me.

Seriously? He really isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

“Look up. That’s why.” I snarled still whispering.

The idiot looked up and with every bit his eyes gained, his scales were going from their normal purple color to a lavender tone and when he reached the end to a beautiful shimmering white.

The reason why he turned a pearly white every dentist would love to have for their patients’ teeth?
Well.
Mistaking the leg of an Ursa Major for a column is doing that to you.
Try not to.
I bet you’ll fail.

Meanwhile Steven was already breathing in to let loose and scream his lungs out, but I stopped him by slapping his ear.

“You moron!” I whispered harshly.
“Do you want him to wake up and attack us? We have to get away as fast and silent as possible. So don’t breathe. Slide.” He murred something about me being rude into his half moustache, but slid away from the Ursa Major slowly.
Luckily it was sleeping tight and held its cub in its paw so we’d have a good chance to get out unscratched.

But Fortuna was lacking assistance here and so one of Stevens scales was standing out, cutting the Ursa in its flesh.
Sadly that alone was enough to wake it. And if that wasn’t enough, it saw us instantly, looked at us for a moment as if we looked like a treat to its cub or even remotely intimidating.

(Yeah. We are the deadliest treat an Ursa had ever faced. A prissy sea serpent and a knife not even coming close to the size of their cubs. Giant beasts of Equus beware for we are your extinction!
Someone lend me their hands. I certainly need more for the facepalm I’m about to pull off here. )

It turned its attention to the baby in her claws and looked for any marks on its body as if it was an egg and we were a snake that just tried to swallow it up in one bite and leave.

(I know the snake part would make some sense, but please. Every snake that’d try to eat something what was so big in relation would’ve ripped its skin apart and tore itself in two. Outch.)

When it turned back towards us its eyes were mere pinpricks. Pinpricks that were staring at us with pure anger.
(Seemed like this one missed anatomy class. F!)

“Um… Steven?” I asked the sea serpent.

“Y…y…yes Nick?” he responded shaking like a leave in a storm.

“Not to rush you or anything… but how about running away?”

“T…t…that is a g…g…good idea.”

“Then for Celestia’s sake……. RUN!” I screamed and grabbed into Stevens mane for dear life.
He instantly began to run out of the cave and into the woods to escape the raging Ursa Major who was chasing after us after its cub was set aside. It swung its claws at us in rapid motion, trying to bring down the harmful creatures that tried to hurt its cub. (Hey! Can’t you take a nap around the foot of an Ursa Major without it thinking that you want to have cub bacon for breakfast?)
Luckily the Everfree Forest was a thick forest and we managed to ditch all ground shaking claw punches.
Steven was winding himself around every obstacle in our way and made good speed. Unfortunately we were not gaining any ground as our pursuer was just smashing through whatever was in its way, creating a new and very wide path.
But our situation was even worse. We were not only not gaining any ground, we were losing ground.
And with every passing moment I could smell the breath of the beast behind us more and more clearly. (Toothpaste and Toothbrush emergency here! We need the mint fresh one!)

We screamed like mad as the Ursa came closer and closer, ready to tear us into pieces for the cold buffet table.

As it was into striking distance it drew back its claw to smash us in the ground and grind our bodies to dust.
It was bringing its claw down on us and we said our last prayers, as suddenly the ground beneath us gave way and we were falling. The impact of the claw shook the ground where we ran just a second ago, but we were out of range.

Three seconds after this we landed on solid ground with an audible thud.

Steven must’ve hit it pretty hard or with a big portion of bad luck because a small trail of blood was running down his sleeve.

Meanwhile the Ursa Major was, as far as I could see from down below, puzzled that we were just gone like this, but was apparently pleased with the result and went its way.

“I think we are safe now Steven. It left us alone… Steven?”
I was looking at a knocked out cold sea serpent. You should have seen the look he had on him. Absolutely hilarious.
After checking for the idiots head, seeing it would just cause him a big headache in the morning I let him rest for now.
I settled down on his head again and went to sleep myself.

I woke up as the first rays of the sun hit my eyelids. I lifted myself up on Steven’s head, who was still snoring the day away and got up on my feet.

After a few stretches to get my limbs working properly again, accompanied by some loud pops of my newfound joints, I knocked my companion on his head to wake him up too.

“Wakey wakey sleeping beauty. The evil queen is here.” I singsonged into his ear. Loudly.
The purple priss began to stir and his eyes were fluttering open slowly.

“Ooooh… please stop.” He whimmered.
“You’re killing me. It feels like someone is stabbing my head with a knife.”

“Hey! No discrimination here!”

“Sorry. It was a metaphor. But what happened? I just remember running away from the Ursa Major and then I woke up.” The purple sea serpent faggot asked me.

“Oh, not much. The Ursa was about to slice us into bite sized pieces as the ground beneath us gave way and we fell down here. It seems that you hit your head pretty hard, because you were out cold in a second. The Ursa left us alone too. It must have thought that it had killed us right on the spot and walked away. Anyways it’s gone now.” Needless to say that brain dead joke of a predator was looking confused as Tartarus.

“What?”
See.

“Ok. Because you are slow and I slept pretty well. We. Are. Safe. For now.” ‘Seriously, how can a being, able to talk and to build sentences, be so dense?’

“Alright, but where are we? This air is getting my hair all frizzy!” ‘Why Celestia? Why?’

“Could you stop complaining about your looks for now? I already told you that you can style yourself up after we got near Canterlot. For now we have to get there first.” I growled, nearly facescaling due to my momentary position on his head.

“No need to be so rude. I’m just caring for my looks and want others to see it.” He whined, puffing his cheeks and crossing his arms like a little foal that was just turned down on its wish for sweets.

‘No. Bad hand. Stay away from my face. Don’t even think about it.’

“Oh for Luna’s sake Steven! Stop acting like a spoiled brat and concentrate. We have to get out of this cave somehow if we want to get anywhere anytime soon.”

“So how do we get out of here?” Steven asked dumb as ever.

“Seriously? I have no idea as of now. Since no one of us went deeper into the cave or tried climbing out of it I doubt anyone of us would know.” I deadpanned.

“That makes sense somehow.” His mastermind combined.

‘Mother of Celestia! This trip is either going to kill me or leaving me mentally scarred.’

I groaned in frustration and let it slide.

“Now we have to get moving. What do you think? Can you climb up there and out the way we came in?” I asked, pointing to the hole in the ceiling where we glided in so gracefully in the night.

“I don’t think so. I was never a sportsserpent to begin with and starting now would do us no good I guess.” He commented, seemingly in deep thought.

‘Gotta give that one to him. That was Forking smart for his standards.’ I thought
“Alright. So it’s into the cave then.” I mumbled and Steven hesitantly got going.

For the next few hours the big forktard was actually useful. He crawled through the area like a real serpent. Alright. He got dirty and messed up, but I can cover my ears when he starts wailing about how he looked later.
For now we were making up a decent speed.
And had it not been for Steven, getting a thick branch at another hole in the cave ceiling where it fell down and making a torch out of it, we wouldn’t see shit right about now.
Never knew he had it in him.
So I decided to praise him a bit for it.
And seconds later, after I did praise him for such a feat, he let it crumble then and there.

“You know, I simply can’t do without a good fire in my home. How in Equestria would I make my hot towels for after my beauty mud mask, while I’m coming out of my perfectly temperature bathtub?”

Scrap that.
My praise was torn into pieces in midair, raped by a cabbage salad, burned to ashes and buried six meters underground.

“At least we are getting forward.” I said just to see a solid wall after the next corner.
‘Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!’

“Now that is something. A brick wall in a cave.” I wondered.
“Think you can go through it Steven?” I asked him.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I could possibly do it, but you’d have to loosen the mortar first, so I can push it in more easily.” He said thoughtful.

“You know that I can’t really do it myself Steven. Do you?” I deadpanned.
‘At least he’s not complaining about his looks anymore.’ I thought and sighed inwardly.
“You’d have to get rid of it by using me. And as I see that there is no other possibility for us now, you are allowed to. Just be careful or I’ll cut you.”

We were staring at each other for several seconds before I allowed him to grab me.

About half an hour and several brick hits to my poor blades tip later, Steven weakened the wall enough to give it a try.
He set me down on the ground and slithered back a bit. Then with all the speed he could muster, he ran into the wall.
He hit it pretty hard and it gave way. About one centimeter.

“Great Steven! Come on, go at it again! It’s nearly down!” I cheered for him.
Honestly I didn’t want to be abused as a mortar remover anymore and it was heavenly, seeing him run into the wall over and over again. I nearly squeed internally every time the wall proved to be stronger than his efforts.

‘And that’s what you get for slamming me into the bricks so many times.’ I thought with a devlish grin.
A lot of pained groans later; I never heard music so sweet; the crybaby finally made it through the wall.

“See? It wasn’t that bad.” I commented.

“Tell that my shoulder. My muscles hurt and worst of all, my beautiful shinny scales have scratches all over them now! It will take forever to get them like they were before.”
So much for finally leaving the looks aside.
I facepalmed. Hard.

“What did I say to you?” I asked, sighing heavily.

“You said that I can restore my fabulous appearance once we get near Canterlot. I know that. But it is heartbreaking to see these things happen. I mean, just look at me! I’ll need a six hour bubble bath and a clawicure at least. Not to mention my hair needs to be cut and combed and my scales need to be polished. This will take forever!” he whined with a pained expression on his face.

“Oh stop it already! You can bath comb and polish all you want when we are at the end of our trip. But for now do me one favor, alright?”

“Yes?” Steven said, a tear running down his face.

“Cut! It! Out!” I yelled at him, looking him dead in the eye.

“I think I can do that.” He sniffed a bit startled.

Now that I finally managed to save the day from Steven’s whining, yes bouquets and presents are welcome, we were ready to see what was behind wall number one.

Author's Note

Thought I'd write some more.
Hope you like it.