Chapters The benevolent Ruler of Equestria was concerned. Since her sister had returned from her imprisonment in the moon, she had remained distant from her elder sibling. The Solar Princess had been looking forward to, nay, dreaming of, nay, yearning with every fiber of her very being for this moment for a thousand years, ever since that cursed night when they were separated. When it had finally arrived, she was overwhelmed with joy. But now she felt melancholy. Her sister was with her, physically, yet her spirit remained distant. Rather than spend time with the Princess of the Sun, the Lunar Guardian preferred to spend her time alone, or often, sitting quietly in a very particular place.
Now was one of those times.
“Straight Arrow?” Princess Celestia called to her most loyal guard. “Where is my sister?”
“I do not know, Highness,” he responded solemnly. She had tasked him with keeping track of the younger Princess’s whereabouts, but even the best hunter cannot track an Alicorn who does not wish to found.
Celestia fidgeted on her royal throne just a bit. She sighed. “Straight Arrow, inform the Castle staff that I shall be gone for most of the evening. Tell them I shall be back by tomorrow to raise the sun and that they should not worry.”
“Of course, Highness,” he nodded, and then trotted off. Celestia exhaled, and then magicked herself out of Canterlot Castle towards a space in the very center of the sky. Once she appeared there, she easily began to fly, and began her journey to the location of her sister.
Luna was sitting there, as usual. She was not wearing her ebony crown and chestplate, but instead, the silver armor of Nightmare Moon. Celestia watched her younger sister sadly for a few moments, and then decided to reveal herself. “Sister, may I join you?” she asked softly. Luna did not even flinch from her sister’s sudden appearance, but merely nodded.
“Princess. It’s you,” she said flatly.
Princess . “Luna, we are sisters. You don’t need to address me by title.”
“Then what else should I call the Ruler of Equestria?”
Celestia ? But the Solar Princess did not say that. Instead, she said gently, “Luna, we rule together. You know that.”
“Right.” Luna agreed, but her voice sounded distant.
“Sister, it is not good for you to always be coming here,” Celestia reprimanded her softly.
“I like it here.” Luna replied, getting up to hug the huge three-headed black dog sitting in front of them. “I missed Cerberus.”
“You always did have a way with animals,” Celestia admitted. “But Luna, it is not good for a pony to spend so much time near Tartarus. The ancient dark magic that emanates from here- it is dangerous. If you desire companionship, there are plenty of ponies who would like to get to know you.” Like me.
Luna shrugged. “Equestria has changed in my absence, Princess. I am an anachronism. Nothing is the same, and I do not belong. We are no longer a young nation constantly on the brink of war- we are a mature country which has enjoyed a long era of peace. You have done an excellent job, to be sure. Nevertheless,” she continued, “I come here because it is one of the few things that has remained the same from my era. Cerberus, of course. But also Tartarus itself. The dank smell of ancient, evil magic. The despair emanating from this pit. It has not changed. In a way, this comforts me, as everything else I have known is gone.”
“I’m still here,” Celestia said, in the same calm tone as before, ignoring the momentary pang in her chest.
“You are still here, yes,” Luna admitted. “But you have changed, Princess. A thousand years of solo rule have taken their toll on you. You are older, wiser, more patient and kind than you once were. I can easily see the difference.”
“I’m still me, though,” Celestia answered. “I may not be as foolish as I once was, but who I am hasn’t fundamentally changed.”
“Has it?” Luna asked seriously. She finally tore herself away from the dog and turned to her sister. “Princess, I know you are happy to have your sister back. I know it pains you that I do not wish to spend time with you, and instead travel here. But you must understand... to me, you are not my sister.”
“Whatever do you mean, Luna?” Celestia tried to keep her voice steady, but her heart was beating rapidly and she feared the worst.
“My sister,” Luna began, “was a wonderful pony. She had flaws, to be sure, but she was wonderful. Everypony thought so too, and they used to sing hymns about her, and she loved it.”
“Luna...” Celestia interrupted with a tone of warning in her voice.
Luna ignored her sister’s agitation. “My sister used to don armor- like this-“ she gestured at her helmet- “and she had wrath. When the enemies of Equestria attacked, she was angry. She wanted revenge on them, to destroy the monsters.”
“My sister used to grow annoyed at the nobles who pestered her over silly things. She had no patience for their nonsense and she let them know it. She lost her temper sometimes.”
“When our teacher, Star Swirl, or later, somepony else that my sister respected, rebuked her, my sister’s cheeks burned with shame. She would hang her head and trot away.”
“She used to stride in to the town square to cavort with the common pony, and she enjoyed it, for everypony was her friend. She laughed and played with them. When any of her friends passed on, she would cry in her room, and when she caught stallions staring at her beauty, she used to flick her tail at them, for secretly she enjoyed their attention.”
“Everypony loved my sister, and I- I was jealous. I saw the way they loved her, and I- wanted that. I believed blindly that I could be like her, that it was possible for me to have the charm she had, and then they would worship me the same way. Obviously I was sorely mistaken.” Luna finished darkly.
“Luna,” Celestia shifted on her haunches uncomfortably, “What is the meaning of this story? We both know what happened in the past. Do you- do you still feel the old jealousy?” she asked nervously.
“Nay, Princess,” Luna answered. “For as I said, you are not my sister. You may share her visage and name, but the similarities end there. My sister was prideful. You are a paragon of humility. My sister was wrathful and demanded justice, while you are merciful. My sister felt shame, laughed, shed tears, experienced lust. You do not. My sister had vice, while you-“ she turned to the Ruler of Equestria- “have only virtue. You are gracious, and generous, and forgiving. I could never be jealous of you, because I could never imagine myself to be perfect . My sister is gone,” Luna said bitterly, “leaving only a ghost in her place, a caricature of Good who is not even a real pony. I miss my sister, but you are not her, Princess.”
Struggling to respond, Celestia could only muster, “Sister, I am not flawless. That is simply not true. If I was truly without vice I could’ve saved you- and myself- from a thousand years of suffering.”
“Princess, we both know what happened to me was unavoidable, and you acted righteously to save your subjects from a monstrous terror, but even if I accept your thinking, my argument still stands. After all, if your only mistake took place a thousand years ago, surely today you can be considered perfect.”
The me of today could have stopped that night from happening, Celestia thought. The old me was impossibly flawed, and it led to tragedy. She cannot return. She did not convey these thoughts. Instead, she decided to play along with Luna’s line of reasoning. “Sister, you claim I am flawless, but you view this as a negative. If I am flawless, as you suppose, then isn’t my lack of flaws a flaw itself? Your logic is contradictory.”
“You are flawless,” Luna amended. “But I view this negatively, because I desire my sister, Celestia, and not this strange Princess who occupies her form.” She paused. “Perhaps there is a way for you to prove yourself to me.”
Celestia looked at her quizzically and raised an eyebrow.
Luna looked at her sister for a long time. “Allow me to enter your dreamscape, Princess. I taught you the blocking spell centuries ago as you requested, and I have not attempted to enter since. But allow me to plumb the depths of your subconscious. If you do have vice, if the ‘true’ you is still alive in some way, surely that is where I can find her?”
This idea made Celestia quite unhappy, and she said: “Luna, that is quite a brazen request.”
“And yet I do not detect even a hint of righteous anger in your voice.” Luna noted.
“I can’t do anything right for you, then, Sister?” Celestia asked bitterly.
“Au contraire , Princess, you can do no wrong,” Luna corrected her.
“Which to you is the same thing,” Celestia pointed out.
“True.” Luna conceded. She continued, “Well? Will you grant my request?”
“I- Luna-“ Celestia struggled, “That is a very unfair demand. Nopony should be forced to reveal their innermost thoughts to another as a precondition for friendship.”
“What are you afraid of, Princess? That I shall discover nothing offensive? That you truly are flawless? Or that I will, perhaps, find something , something that you believe is worse than being thought of as depressingly perfect?”
Celestia stared at her sister for a long time. “Luna- I will allow this, although I am not happy about it,” she finally said, “but for now, we must go back. The Castle awaits my- our- return.”
“Very well, then,” Luna agreed, and the two of them took off, flapping their huge wings in the cold night, all the way back to Canterlot.
Princess Celestia sat regally upon her throne, greeting petitioners, but her heart wasn’t in it. Luckily, after hundreds of years of practice she had become quite adept at holding the banal conversations that constituted her royal duties while her mind focused on something else entirely. In this case, it was her sister’s words from the evening. My sister had vice, while you have only virtue . She knew it wasn’t true, but why did Luna think it was so? Did she really appear so flawless, even to, of all ponies, her own sister, whom she could surely show her less polished side? No, she decided. That’s just the old jealousy talking. Luna may have claimed this was unrelated to envy, but Celestia knew better. These claims she made had no basis in reality, but were instead the nonsensical ramblings of a pony in deep pain. And I’m going to help her , she told herself firmly, but I can’t get caught up in her twisted beliefs. These are only Luna’s perceptions, not anypony else’s- or reality for that matter. She dwelled on the thought for a while, as it comforted her, but something stuck out at her- anypony else’s . Suddenly she had an idea.
With only the faintest glimmer of mischief in her eyes, the Solar Princess turned to the next petitioners approaching her. “Greetings, my little ponies. What are your names and what brings you here?”
The couple, a pair of ivory Unicorns, looked back at her with shock and delight, barely daring to admit to themselves that they were speaking with the Guardian of the Heavens herself. They held out a basket. Glancing down at it, Celestia could see a newborn foal.
“Can you bless this child?” The father, who had curly blue hair, and introduced himself as Astral Glow, asked softly.
“Of course,” Celestia said, smiling at the parents and their foal. “You have a beautiful child. What shall I say?”
Now the mother, whose name was Sparkle Dust, and had violet hair and eyes, spoke up. “Princess, if you may, please bless our daughter, Shining Light, that she may grow up to be a good mare and live a good life, and that she may posses even a fraction of your wisdom and kindness.”
Celestia levitated the basket up to her and repeated the words, and she meant them, truthfully. She knew many ponies believed her blessings contained special powers, and although she knew that to be false, her efforts to put a halt to the practice had only intensified the desire for it. She had resigned herself to its existence centuries ago, and now she participated to the best of her ability. Certainly she didn’t inform the earnest parents, who had worked so long and hard to get an audience with her, of the pointlessness of their task.
She returned the basket and the foal to her parents and then she said, “Astral Glow and Sparkle Dust, may I ask you a question?”
“I- of course, Your Highness,” Astral Glow answered in surprise. This was not part of the script.
“Anything, Your Majesty,” Sparkle Dust added.
“Am I without vice?” asked Celestia seriously.
Astral Glow’s eyes opened wide in horror as he glanced at his equally shocked wife, terrified by the question. “Of course , Your Majesty. Truly, there is no pony in Equestria more perfect than you.”
“You are the greatest pony in all Equestria, and nopony is as gracious, That is why we came to you, to receive your grace unto our daughter.” Sparkle Dust said. She looked from the Princess to her husband nervously, wondering if they had been sufficiently praiseful.
Celestia paused for a second, and then sighed. “Thank you for your honesty,” she responded and turned to her next petitioner.
He was a green Earth pony by the name of Grassy Field, and it suited him. She asked him, “What brings you here today?” and he responded. “Your Highness, I am a farmer. I have brought some of my best crops to you, as my gratitude for the sun you bring out every day that allows my plants to grow.” At this he held out a food basket, and she accepted it. It was overflowing with apples and carrots and softly folded oat stalks, and her favorite, sugar cane, and it smelled delicious.
Celestia smiled at him, and said, “Thank you, Grassy Field. I am grateful to the farmers like you who work so hard to feed Equestria. May I ask you a question?”
“Of course, Your Highness.”
“Am I without vice?”
He froze. “Without question, Your Majesty! You give us the sun each morning, as you have done for centuries now. Ponykind only survives because of your generosity. There is nopony who can find fault in you!”
Celestia stared at him intently, and then looked away. “Thank you, my little pony. You may go.” So he did.
She greeted her next visitor, a Pegasus stallion with a light blue hide and a grey mane and tail. “Hello, sir,” she said. “What is your name, and what is your request?”
He hung his head shamefully, and wouldn’t meet her kind eyes. “Your Majesty, I am Stormy Skies. I- respectfully ask for your pardon.” He looked up.
Celestia nodded. “Continue.”
He said, “A number of years ago, I- I did something foolish. I stole a military uniform and sold it. In Cloudsdale, the punishment is quite severe. Not a day has gone by that I don’t regret this deed. May you please heed my request?”
She looked at him seriously. “A question first, my little pony?”
“Anything, Your Highness,”
“Stormy Skies, am I without vice?”
The Pegasus stared at her skittishly. “Well, certainly, Your Highness,” he said slowly. “You are as perfect as you are forgiving. That is why I came to you, after all. Because you grant forgiveness like no other.”
“And if do not grant you pardon?” Celestia pressed him. “Would I still be perfect and forgiving?”
“I- uh- of course!” he said. “If you choose not to pardon me, then it is because I am undeserving, for your judgement is flawless. You forgive all those who are worthy.”
“Very well, then,” she nodded sadly. “Stormy Skies, you are granted pardon. You may leave.”
“Oh, a thousand thanks, Your Majesty!” shrieked the stallion, and he cantered out joyfully.
Celestia watched him leave, then raised her foreleg to signal the end of petitioning for the day. The remaining ponies trotted out slowly, annoyed that they had waited for so long for nothing, but that was how it was with royalty. The Princess’s time was not unlimited. Celestia was left alone, aside from her guards, on her throne.
She frowned. This had not went the way she had hoped it would. But was it so surprising, after all? These were petitioners coming with requests, they were bound to try and flatter her. Satisfied with her explanation for the events, she decided to seek out an unbiased sample. She would prove Luna wrong without a doubt. “Guards,” she called out.
“Yes, Highness?” they responded instinctively.
“Cancel the rest of my activities for the day. I have... important issues I must address now.”
“Yes, Highness,” they said, and trotted out to do her bidding. Celestia then magicked herself to her bedchambers to prepare her disguise.
Whenever the Sun Princess wanted to venture out among her subjects unnoticed, she put on a disguise. Not a physical disguise, of course. That would not be sufficient to camouflage her glorious visage. No, a magical one. Staring into her mirror, she focused her mind on the pony she wanted to be and let waves of magic pass over her, starting from the tip of her long horn to the bottom of her golden horseshoes. She could feel her tall body shrinking, becoming shorter, less slender and more stout. Her coat was darkening, her wings were disappearing, her cutie mark was changing. Her long, lustrous, flowing mane and tail were now a good deal less impressive, in their current incarnation as short light pink buns. Her hide was dark grey, and her cutie mark was a quill across parchment. She was a Unicorn, and a tall one at that, although it was hardly impressive compared to her true height. Celestia stared at herself in the mirror with satisfaction. “Welcome to Equestria,” she whispered, “Quick Quill”.
Quick Quill picked up a piece of parchment and a quill, and then magicked herself to a dumpster behind a Canterlot restaurant, scaring a few raccoons in the process. Luckily, no pony eyes had seen her make her entrance. Dusting herself off quickly, she strode out towards one of the outdoor tables, where she saw a group of Unicorn stallions laughing. There was a fair amount of cider at the table, so she suspected they would be more receptive to her query than most of the snobbish Canterlot elite. She stood in front of them, and announced herself loudly.
“Hello, I’m Quick Quill, one of the reporters for Equestria Daily News ,” the concealed royal began. “I was wondering if you would be willing to answer a few questions for our survey?”
“For you, m’lady? Anything!” a white stallion answered.
He clearly isn’t sober, but I’ll use this to my advantage , Quick Quill thought. She flashed him a charming smile, “Oh, thank you, sir! I was wondering if you could tell me your thoughts on Princess Celestia? Do you approve of her rulership? Is there anything you think could be improved upon?”
“The Princess? Why, she’s amazing! The most perfect creature to ever walk on the ground, that’s for sure!” The stallion exclaimed forcefully.
“There’s nopony more wise and kind than her,” the second, blue stallion agreed.
“I see you two are big supporters of the Princess,” Quick Quill said. She winked. “But don’t worry, this survey is completely anonymous. So feel free to tell me any little thing you think she should be doing differently. I’m sure some smart-looking Unicorns like yourselves have some ideas,” she grinned, leaning towards them expectantly.
The third pony, who was purple, shook his head. “I don’t think anypony could do a better job then Princess Celestia. She’s led this country flawlessly for centuries.”
The blue stallion snorted. “Centuries? More than a millennium! And she’s still here, eternal, unchanging.”
“I can’t imagine living that long,” the white Unicorn said. “But somehow, the Princess does it, and she hasn’t aged a day. Beautiful throughout it all. She’s not like you and me.”
“I know the Princess is great, but come on, she’s just a pony,” Quick Quill interjected. “I mean, surely there is one thing you think she’s doing wrong in Equestria...?”
“Nope!” proclaimed the purple one. “There is nopony with her grace!”
“Or her generosity,” added the white one.
“Or as forgiving,” put in the blue one.
“There has to be SOMETHING you think the Princess is bad at,” Quick Quill said rather desperately. “Some flaw, some vice?”
“I have a question for you,” the purple stallion growled. “Why are you so interested in blaspheming the Princess? Do you have a problem with her?”
“No, no, of course not!” Quick Quill answered quickly. “I just think she’s not completely flawless.”
“How dare you!” thundered the second member of the table. By now, the conversation was starting to draw the attention of the other diners at the restaurant, which only functioned to egg on the drunk Unicorn. He pounded his hoof on the table. “Do you know who raised the sun and the moon for a thousand years? Do you know who created harmony in Equestria? Do you know who raised the sun today ? PRINCESS CELESTIA!” he yelled. Some of the spectators cheered. Somepony started singing “By Her Glorious Mane” in the background.
“And I’ll tell you what!” screamed out the white stallion. “This mare over here-“ he pointed at Quick Quill- “is saying the Princess isn’t perfect!”
“How dare she!” somepony yelled.
“I say we stone her for sedition!” called out somepony else, and it dawned on Quick Quill that she was the center of attention of a very angry, very drunk mob. The survey was going to have to wait.
“I think I’m just going to leave now,” she said, slowly backing away towards- SPLAT! A juicy tomato landed on the mare’s muzzle. She looked up and blinked. Too late, she realized that there wasn’t only one pony holding foodstuffs with their hooves or horns.
“GET HER!” somepony screamed, and they began to pelt her. Panicking in the face of overripe vegetables, Quick Quill did what any skittish Alicorn does if she’s surrounded- take to the skies.
Miraculously, her wings had reappeared, and she was fifty feet above the crowd before she even knew what she was doing. To her horror, she realized that she was surrounded by a large group of Pegasi- larger than she even knew were living in the majority-Unicorn city of Canterlot. They too held vegetables, and screamed the same slogans at her, and she desperately tried to fly away.
“The Princess is flawless, and wise beyond comprehension!” one of them yelled, throwing a rotting zucchini.
“How dare you insult the most kind, gracious, and beautiful being in Equestria?” another accused her.
“BLASPHEMER!” two shouted. She managed to dodge the radishes.
“I’M NOT PERFECT!” she screamed, and she was flying, she was galloping, she was magicking herself, she didn’t know what she was doing, she was just trying to get away, she just had to leave, she just had to run a little further, just a little further, and then she would be safe....
She didn’t know how long she had been running, but she found herself at the edge of the city, by a pond she didn’t recognize. The exhausted Alicorn leaned over to drink and catch her breath. She caught sight of her reflection in the water, and it wasn’t the disheveled appearance of a pony who had just run from a mob. It was the regal visage of the Ruler of Equestria. She stared at it, at her long slender body, her magnificent wings, her flowing hair, until the image was ruined by ripples from falling droplets of salt water.
“Well, somepony certainly has a high opinion of herself,” a familiar voice said.spoken to the nobility?”
Celestia looked around in confusion. She was no longer in Canterlot. Instead, she sat in huge field filled with yellowing grass, and surrounded by tall trees with red autumn leaves. It was no longer mid-afternoon, it was dusk. With a start, she looked down at herself to see that she was... herself. Her true form. Her spell had worn off. When had that happened ?
“Luna, what...?” she asked blankly. What in Equestria is going on ?
Luna smirked at her impishly. “You did say I could enter your mind.”
Slowly, realization began to dawn on her. “Oh... so this is- none of this is real?”
“Took you long enough,” Luna grinned, but stopped when she saw her sister’s face of abject... lostness . Her coldness fading momentarily, Luna spoke softly. “Celestia, it will be alright... it was just a bad dream...” she soothed.
Celestia sniffled, feeling comforted yet completely overwhelmed. She could feel tears falling from her eyes onto her white hide and matting it. She sat there silently, her sister by her side, for a second that lasted for eternity.
“Celestia,” Luna broke the silence. “It has been a long time since I have entered your psyche. It is... always interesting.”
Celestia turned to her. “Am I perfect?”
Luna gazed at her with interest. “My dear Sister, I must admit I did not expect that comment of mine to affect you so strongly. My criticism must be something that was already bothering you... certainly you seem to be unhappy with the status quo based on your nightmare- although it was not what I expected.”
Celestia turned to her curiously. “Not what you expected- Luna, what did you expect my nightmare to be?”
Luna looked away. “It is of no matter, Celestia. Forget I said anything. It would be wrong of me to assume I know the inner fears of anypony, even my own sister.”
“Luna,” Celestia said firmly. “You are already in my subconscious, with access to my every thought. You can at least reveal to me what you are thinking now.”
“Alright, fine,” Luna said, still staring at the ground. “I, well, I just assumed, I thought that your nightmare would be- would be banishing me. It is predictable and much more- well-”
“Selfless?” Celestia asked. She smiled wanly. “That I could have no pain compared to the regret over what I did to you. Yes, I suppose that for a perfect pony that would be true.”
Luna nodded mutely.
“Although, I have had that nightmare a lot, if it makes you feel better,” she admitted.
“It most certainly does not!” Luna said indignantly. “But Sister, this is your dream, so let us return to exploring your own thoughts and feelings.”
“Alright, so how do we...?” Celestia looked around in confusion.
Luna smiled. “Celestia, this is your dreamscape, so you decide what is there. Where would you like to go?”
“I guess we could return to Canterlot?” Celestia said.
“Excellent,” Luna said, and held out her foreleg, gesturing to their back. Celestia turned, and sure enough, there were the golden spires and marble buildings of the capital. She would’ve sworn it had not been there a second ago. “Luna, how-“ she shook her head and stopped. There was no point in trying to make sense of it. It simply was. Together, they trotted towards the city, and they arrived far faster then she would’ve thought possible, considering how distant they had been before.
They trotted into the city, and everypony ignored them. They were able to stride through with no disruptions, no over-the-top displays of patriotism and loyalty, which was a rather unique experience for Celestia, but one she found quite relaxing, especially considering the circumstances under which she fled the city. This did not go unnoticed by Luna. “I suppose you must be feeling calmer, if there are no ponies swarming you on the streets.”
“Astute as always, Sister,” Celestia responded. Privately, she was relieved she had at least taken note of this herself rather than being caught off guard when Luna pointed it out. The dream world was so disorienting to her, but perhaps she was acclimating.
“Curious,” Luna said. “For the sister I knew- she always enjoyed fanfare in the streets.”
Oh, not this again. Celestia was reminded of why she had not been excited at the prospect of having her sister probe her mind. Before it had been alright, even cathartic- especially when Luna had seemed to admit that Celestia was not a flawless ‘ghost’- she had even called her Sister - but now they were treading on the same ground as their original conversation, all while Celestia lacked the critical advantage of having private thoughts. She needed to do something, anything, to change the topic.
Feeling slightly daring, she willed herself and Luna to the Castle. To her pride and surprise, she looked up to find they were indeed inside, standing by the first of the stained glass windows.
Luna glanced at her with newfound respect. “Impressive, Sister,” she said. “Perhaps you are beginning to understand the dream realm?”
“I hope so, Sister,” Celestia said. “Otherwise, but for your directions, I would be as lost as a foal in the woods.”
Luna nodded, but she was looking at a closet at the beginning of the hall. She opened it, and both of them could see it was empty. She closed it, disappointed. “I had hoped it might still be there...” she muttered.
“Luna, were you looking for something?” Celestia inquired politely.
“In a sense.” Luna answered. She stared at Celestia with newfound interest. “Sister, do you remember Shooting Star?”
“Who?” Celestia asked. The name sounded vaguely familiar, perhaps she was some noblepony or other. Their names all bled together over the centuries. “Does she live in Canterlot?”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Shooting Star is a he, Sister. And he did indeed live in Canterlot- nearly eleven hundred years ago.”
Something activated in the recesses of Celestia’s memories- “Oh, wait, was he-“
“That stuck-up Unicorn you used to like? Yes!” Luna interrupted.
Celestia laughed. “I haven’t thought about him in eons. I’m surprised you remember him. Really, Luna, why would you bring him up?”
“You used to keep a painting of him stashed in your quarters, but when I was in your psyche, I was sometimes able to find it in other closets. I had hoped he might be there- or, more likely, one of your more recent loves.” She paused. “How long has it been since you took a lover?”
Celestia kept staring straight ahead. “More than three centuries.”
“Celestia...”
Mercifully, Luna did not pursue the topic. Instead, she turned to the stained glass windows and said, “Shall we continue, Sister?”
Celestia nodded. “We shall.”
They trotted into the hallway, and stared at the magnificent vistas. Sunlight streamed in through the stained glass, creating beautiful effect on the floor. They looked at them all; Twilight Sparkle’s defeat of Nightmare Moon, the sisters’ win over Discord, Celestia’s victory over Nightmare Moon... victory . She had always hated that one. It celebrated what she knew was rightfully a tragedy, even if it had taken her little ponies a thousand years to realize that.
“You are upset, Sister?” Luna asked.
“Well... of course,” she responded, wondering how Luna had known. She was very good at hiding her inner grief from her face.
Luna recognized her confusion. “Look around, Celestia.”
She obeyed, and to her surprise, it was no longer bright out. The hall had darkened considerably, and there was a chill in the air.
“The dreamscape atmosphere reflects your emotions. If you become upset, it will show,” Luna explained. “But there are other ways that your psyche reveals itself. Look.” She stretched her hoof out to the part of the glass where Celestia was pictured, and Celestia could see a single tear dripping from the eye of her glass counterpart. The window, rather than being headlined as Celestia Banishes Nightmare Moon , now read, Princess Luna’s Exile . Celestia breathed sharply. “I don’t remember it being like that.”
“It... is not. Not in the real world.” Luna said. “This is how your mind sees it.” She gazed up at her sister, her eyes watering. “Celestia...”
“Hush,” her sister said, and placed her wing over her, pulling Luna in for a hug. She looked at the younger Alicorn seriously. “It wasn’t a victory. I- I missed you every day. Every day. I waited so long for you to return and then- and then- you don’t even want to be with me. You said you wanted to enter my dreams to find me- the ‘real me’- and I allowed you. Have you found me?”
Luna cuddled up next to her. “I think so.”
“Good,” Celestia said. “Then perhaps, it is time to leave this place?”
“Wait, not yet!” Luna cried. “I just feel- like there is still more to see- that we are not yet finished.”
Her words gave Celestia a bad feeling. She felt as if they were standing at the edge of a cliff now. The view was beautiful. But if they stepped out further, only danger lay ahead. Best to be careful.
“Come, let us go downstairs.” Luna proclaimed, galloping out of the hallway to a stairwell that had appeared. “Let us head deeper.”
Don’t do it . “I- I’m coming, Sister.” Celestia called. She didn’t know what awaited them, but she felt a sense of dread come over her. Nothing good would come of this, of that she was certain. They were stepping into the ravine.
The stairwell was dark and musty, as if nopony had entered in years. Celestia could feel her pupils dilating in response to the lack of light. She wrinkled her muzzle at the smell. Last chance to stop this. “Luna, I don’t think we should go here,” she called out. “I have a bad feeling about this place.”
Luna laughed. “That much is obvious. I mean, look around. This is clearly where your subconscious is trying to bury things.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t go there, then?” Celestia asked hopefully.
“But this is most vital. After all, we still have not addressed your original nightmare. As the pony with dominion over the dream realm, it would be remiss of me not to help you work through this.”
“You already have helped me, Luna,” Celestia said. “When you accepted me as your sister. That was what my dream was about, nothing more.”
“Perhaps.” Luna said noncommittally.
If she doesn’t like what she finds here, it will be her own damn fault. She can’t say you didn’t try to stop her. Celestia was surprised at the harshness of the thought. Of course she wanted to protect Luna! But she was starting to feel a tingling irritation inside her chest. This whole place just... upset her in a strange way. She suddenly became aware that it was very, very hot. In the small, enclosed environment of the underground stairwell, the heat was so thick it was quite discomforting, even for the Guardian of the Sun herself, who had quite a high tolerance for it. The heat robbed her of her energy and made her feel tired and irritable. Lifting her head up and sniffing, she could distinctly make out the scent of smoke mixed in with the ancient musk. “Luna!” she said, her eyes widening in alarm, “There’s a fire!”
Her sister tilted her head up and inhaled. “There is indeed.”
“Luna, I think we should leave,” Celestia said in a slightly panicky voice. “This is dangerous.”
Luna sighed. “There is still much about you I would like to explore. And I still yearn to know what has caused you to change from the days of yore. But if you insist....” She turned around reluctantly and then stopped. There was no stairwell behind them. Instead, there was a tunnel identical to the one that faced them in front. It was completely darkened, with no indication that it led to above ground for miles. “... I do not think we can leave, Celestia. At least not the way we came. We can turn around if you like. Which way do you want to go?”
Just like Luna, get us into a problem and leave you to clean up the mess. “I don’t know, why don’t you decide, after all, you’re the one who wanted to come here,” Celestia sniped.
Luna stared. “Well, alright then, let us keep going ahead,” she ruled.
They kept going, and the tunnel widened yet remained dark. Celestia had the discrete impression that some creature or... thing was rushing around in the darkness. The scorching heat remained, taunting her like a persistent fly. She was already feeling miserable, but she began to feel a strong sense of foreboding that something bad was going to happen. Her chest tightened, and her heart jumped involuntarily at every shadow. The tunnel widened further, and all of a sudden they were in the huge halls of a decaying castle. Celestia recognized this place. It was-
“The Castle of the Two Sisters,” Luna breathed. “Now why would we be here?”
Something bad is coming, something bad is coming, it’s coming, it’s coming- Celestia jumped back. “Look!” she yelled. It was Nightmare Moon.
The black Alicorn snarled, baring her fangs. Her sparkling blue mane swirled around her. “The night... shall last... FOREVER!” she cackled. Celestia felt her knees go weak- with relief. That’s all? She had been expecting something far worse, but it seemed she had been too worried. Nightmare Moon had appeared in her dreams more times than she could count, and she no longer inspired the same fears she once did. On the topic of banishment alone, Celestia had faced much worse nightmares.
Now Luna was the one who looked uncomfortable. “You are NOT real!” she yelled at her alter ego, her calm demeanor slightly broken. She stared at it in defiance.
Nice of her to have to have a taste of what I’ve had to deal with for a thousand years, Celestia thought idly. She chuckled at the thought. Luna looked at her in surprise. “Celestia, what-“
“Nothing, nothing,” she trilled, putting her “frightened but brave” face back on. Poor little Luna, so afraid of her own creation. Maybe she should have thought twice before she tried to create eternal night. She didn’t allow herself to smile, but instead stared ahead of her at the confrontation, making no effort to intervene. She felt oddly... calm? But not really, because although she didn’t feel afraid, that strange tingling in her chest had returned, even stronger, putting her on edge. And it was still as hot as ever.
After staring for a while, she began to feel bored. “Let’s go,” she snapped, grabbing Luna with her horn and dragging her out of the castle. Nightmare Moon made no attempt to follow.
Where they ended up made her regret leaving the the comparative comfort of Nightmare Moon. Luna looked around in confusion. “What is this?”
“The Summer Sun Celebration.”
No no no, not this. Celestia hated the Summer Sun Celebration with a passion rivaled by few things. It was always a miserable affair where her entire focus was on just keeping it together long enough for it to be over, return to her room, lock the door, and perhaps have a good cry. Now she found herself standing on the stage in front of a crowd of thousands of excited ponies.
An announcer’s voice rang out, “And now, watch as Princess Celestia raises the Summer Sun to mark the start of the new season!” Swallowing, she reminded herself that this was just a dream as the crowd stared at her expectantly. She steeled herself for the inevitable rush of guilt and misery that was about to hit her. To Celestia’s shock, none came. Instead, she felt her chest tingle even more, and she began to feel angry. Why in Equestria did you do this for a thousand years? A celebration of YOU, and everypony is happy except you. It’s never about you, even when it is. Startled, she shook her head. I did it for my subjects, she reminded herself. They needed me to project strength. They didn’t know how I felt about it. The tingling burned harder. Yes, because they never do. Do they even know you have feelings? Or care? Celestia took a deep breath. They accepted Luna back, she told herself strongly. Even after all she did, they accepted her back. And they did that because they trust me. Because I’ve always been there for them. The voice was not so easily convinced. Wow, love and forgiveness in Equestria, led by the great Princess Celestia herself. How absolutely predictable. She shook her head. Love and forgiveness are good. It’s how I got Luna back . The words didn’t calm her as much as they should have. Celestia felt herself getting onto an uncomfortable train of thought, one that she had been avoiding thus far. But now it was screaming in her head loudly.
If the ponies of Equestria imagined Princess Celestia to have feelings- which, to be clear, they didn’t- the Summer Sun Celebration proved that- then surely they would imagine her as the kind of pony who would bear no hate for her disgraced sister, only guilt and regret over what she had been forced to do. Of course Princess Celestia would receive her sister, the sister who had betrayed Equestria over pettiness and almost destroyed it, who had tried to destroy her own sister as well, who had struck Celestia as she fled and laughed when she screamed in terror, who had seethed in hatred for a thousand years only to return to try and do it all over again- of course Princess Celestia would graciously invite her back, and generously give her back her full position, and forgive her completely. And she had done that, hadn’t she? Because she was Princess Celestia. And the Princess was gracious, the Princess was generous, the Princess was forgiving.
She shoved the thoughts to the back of her head where they belonged. The solution to all this was to just leave now . “Luna, we’re going,” she said firmly. Jumping off the stage, she levitated her sister alongside her, and began to gallop. She didn’t know how long they were going, but somehow they were in the tunnels again. That was good, wasn’t it? Because the tunnels were how they got here, so that was how they could leave.
“Celestia!” Luna yelled. Celestia turned and saw her sister glowering at her from within a golden aura. Apparently, Celestia had never put her down. Without responding, she released Luna from her magical grasp suddenly. Startled, Luna dropped to the ground with a THUD.
“Ow,” Luna mumbled.
“Oops,” Celestia muttered remorselessly. She continued galloping. She could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It looked familiar, somehow. And it was very, very hot. If it had been uncomfortable before, now it was practically unbearable. The smell of smoke was overpowering, and the light she had seen was the dance of flames. Her heart beat faster as she trotted into... her own bedroom. Her comfy fireplace was blazing with a fire so hot and huge it shouldn’t be able to fit. An overwhelming feeling she couldn’t identify came over her, but it made her chest throb and her heart quicken further. All she could tell was, this room was bad.
“Celestia?” She heard a voice behind her. She ignored it. “Is this... your bedchambers?” Confusion lined Luna’s voice. “What is the meaning of this, Sister?”
“It doesn’t mean anything,” she hissed. “Just help me get out of here.”
Luna shook her head. “I told you before, there is no easy way out. The dream realm is complicated. One cannot simply saunter around the mind at one’s pleasure.”
“You seem to have no problem doing just that,” Celestia replied coldly. “Anyways, this is your domain, is it not? Or can you not even effectively govern the imaginary?”
Luna flinched but didn’t respond for a second. After an agonizing silence, she stared at Celestia, her eyes flashing. “Do not test me, Sister.”
Maybe I should apologize .... The flames of the fireplace crackled further. The strange throbbing in her chest grew stronger. “And why not, Sister?” she asked quietly. “After all, have you not been testing me this whole time, to see if I am worthy of your love? It is only fair that I do the same for you?”
“I asked to ‘test’ you, and you agreed,” Luna said slowly. “I asked this because you changed while I was gone. Because you went from being emotional and flawed to being distant and perfect.”
“But you didn’t change,” Celestia said. It was a statement, not a question.
“I do not believe I did, no,” Luna agreed. “Unless you would like to differ?” A threatening note entered her voice.
“Yes, well, you didn’t have a chance to change, did you?” Celestia said. “All those years plotting revenge on the moon doesn’t really lend itself much to character development.” She laughed unkindly.
A low growl was emerging from Luna’s throat. “Celestia, stop ,” she said authoritatively.
It was the wrong thing to say. Anger blossomed in Celestia’s heart at the command. The flames of the fireplace burned hotter. “I should stop ? Because you say so?” The strange feeling in her chest was growing and burning and hurting . “Yes, Luna I did change. I changed because of you. So it’s strange you should complain about it. You betrayed Equestria, and left me alone. So I had to change. I had to fight the monsters alone, without the Elements of Harmony. I had to rule by myself. I couldn’t be an ‘emotional’ mare, as you put it. If I had, Equestria would not have survived. As it was, there was already one Princess who had acted quite ‘emotional’ and that quite harmed the land... I ruled all alone for a thousand years, and YOU get to order ME to STOP?”
Luna was now staring at her, her eyes wide in shock. But years of rage she didn’t even know she had kept inside her were being released from the Solar Princess. That was this throbbing, tingling feeling in her, rage, yes, rage and hate and vice and what else she didn’t even know, she didn’t know it was still there. She should stop now, but she couldn’t, even if she desired to. And she didn’t want to. The hate exploded in her chest, and all of a sudden the flames in the fireplace surged and the whole room, the room that had already been unbearably hot, was engulfed in fire.
A cry from behind her. Luna . She turned. The flames were licking Luna, and she cried out in pain. Celestia didn’t go to help her. She hated Luna. She hated how she had betrayed her, how she had left her alone, how Luna tried to kill her even as she cried... a thousand years of pain all caused by Luna’s selfishness... a thousand Summer Solstices....
Celestia trotted out of the room towards her balcony, leaving Luna behind to burn. She looked out to her beautiful city and gasped. Canterlot was on fire. The majestic marble buildings blazed, gold spires collapsed, and ponies screamed. They screamed for her, for their Princess to save them. Rage filled her. She hated her little ponies. She hated all her subjects. They had never cared for her , just the Princess who served them.
She watched the city burn until she realized she was on fire. The rage burned in her chest and throughout her, her mane was a burning fire, she was clad not in that cursed crown but in bronze armor, and she heard a strange sound. With a shock, she realized it was her own laughter. It was high and cruel and cold and was the laugh of a pony who was not at all well. Yet she laughed on in hate. She hated them all. She hated Equestria. She hated her subjects. She hated the crown. She hated Luna. She hated herself, who she had become. She was the loyal wife to Equestria, the husband who had never loved her, and her subjects were all children of this horrific marriage, tying her down and reminding her of her mistakes. Her crown was the ring that had consecrated this awful union. And Luna... she had escaped it, only to leave Celestia to shoulder more of the burden.
Canterlot burned, and she laughed.
She laughed on, and suddenly she was lying on the balcony, and she held the Unicorn Shooting Star in her forelegs, his black hide against her white, his dappled fetlocks against her solid ones, and her rage burned on, her hate mixed with desire, and she laughed, because Equestria might be her husband but today she would be commit infidelity, today she would finally be satisfied. And she laughed as she pressed him towards her, his muzzle in her muzzle, his flesh in her flesh, as Desire bloomed in her.
And Canterlot burned, and she did not care.
