Where the hell are all the bite size horses. I looked around but failed to see any on ground or in the air. For my first time in the local village, it’s kind of a let down for it to be this quiet, but judging by lil red’s reaction, the village shouldn’t be this quiet…

Following the throttling that I gave the tiny horse earlier today, after she woke back up she couldn’t walk or fly, so I wound up carrying her back to her home. Although I would have preferred to drop her off at the edge of the forest, she gave me these eyes that basically forced me to carry her the distance. She guided me through the quaint little village by pointing with her hoof wherever she wanted me to go. Walking through I noticed some pretty cool buildings like a themed bakery and a place that looked like a carousel, but I also saw the many townhouses that reminded me of old medieval European houses. Looking around I wondered which one was hers.

The walk through the village was taking longer than I had anticipated, and looking up to the sky, judging by the sun’s position, I’ll have three more hours of light… I hope lil red is a gracious host, I’ve hardly had anything to eat today. Looking down at red, she seemed to be enjoying herself as her legs curled underneath, making her look like a white loaf in my arms. Rounding a corner, I looked around, and my god what sort of person would make a glass tree house that big. I blinked a few times, staring in disbelief at the ridiculous architectural feat before looking to lil red. She looked up at me and pointed hoof towards the glass tree house.

“Huhh?” What the hell was this horse, some local ruler with immense power and wealth, queen of the pocket-sized ponies? That has a nice ring to it. Shaking off the disbelief I began the trek to the establishment. If lil red is the ruler of the miniscule mares and small-scale stallions, did I do a good or bad thing fucking her silly. Did she just convince me to walk into a trap or is this some sort of reward for laying a pipe in her? Or maybe she’ll make me into a concubine? I dunno, maybe something related to sex or maybe I’m just too horny, BONK. Arriving at the front door, I balance on one leg and give the door a light push followed by stumbling as I hopped away from the door. Oh, it’s a pull door. Once again balancing on one leg, I slide the instep of my foot between the door and vertical handle and begin to pull the door back by bending my outstretched leg. It’s quite difficult, opening a door with your foot while actively fighting to keep your balance when a winged horse is actively trying to fly out of your grip, but I succeed and quickly dash through the rapidly closing door. Lil red looked up at me and said something in horse, she looked serious, like I was about to meet her parents and I needed to make a good impression.

Regardless of what was to come I needed to take it seriously. Straightening out my back I strode confidently through the glass house’s hall, directed by the white hoof of lil red. Making my way through the hallways, I looked around at all the decor and concluded that this was definity some sort of a home for horse royalty, the new pressure worried me as I thought of how to act when I reached my destination. Ok keep calm Everett, the last thing you need to do is make a fool of yourself and wind up in some sort of hell because the royalty happens to be in possession of some of the most powerful artifacts in the world, that would be terrible. The directions from the loaf of white pony led me to another set of large pull doors.

“Ugh,” I groaned as I mentally prepared to balance myself again. Opening the set of doors was easier than last time, mostly because I held lil red in the air when she started flailing again. Bringing my knee in, I flung the door kinda open but it wasn’t wide enough to leap through so I stuck my leg in the door and shimmied my way through the gap. With more effort than should have been needed I got through and gave the door a glare that it reflected back at me. Turning around I was greeted by a large group of extra small equines, likely the family and court of lil red. Lots of the horses that stood before me had armour and weapons, which was a little concerning but I had to make a good impression and I bravely strode forward until I was ten or so feet from the group. Have to hand it to these tiny horses, they knew how to stay strapped, if it were the 15th century at least. They also must have been curious since they quickly surrounded me. I looked to lil red for directions. She looked around worriedly, towards a subgroup of the horses that consisted of six or so unarmed mini horses with two larger horses that had some pimped out armour. Actually, after closer inspection, the unarmed ponies were wearing some nice necklaces with custom diamond symbols. Respect the drip.

The larger of the two non-bite-size-but-still-kinda-small horses stepped forward and said something in horse and gave me a look like she was trying to gauge if I was worthy. Lil red said something back in horse but the smaller of the large-but-not-that-large horses interrupted and said something that kinda sounded like she was trying to convince lil red that I was not worth the time of day. Taking to heart what the second of the larger-of-the-small horses said, I steeled my nerves and puffed out my chest and took a deep breath before speaking to all the horses.

“Neigh...”

Everyone in the room seemed to go silent as the tiny horses with the ice around their necks looked at me with wide eyes and the pair of horses in their pimped out armour visibly recoiled. Well said Everett, I think you’ve made a good impression. Looking down at lil red, she was looking up at me with wide eyes and her mouth hung open like she was trying to say something.

A moment later lil red was vaporized with a pop, until I looked up and saw she was behind the circle that horses had formed. Then a purple horse with a horn and wings and a pretty rad crown stepped forward and said something and then the five other horses assembled like it was some sort of furry flash mob, and before I could watch the performance a rainbow beam engulfed my entire being and blinded me.

When the effects of the beam wore off I slowly opened my eyes to find I was no longer surrounded by miniature horses, but by hellfire and brimstone. Ah, hell. I looked around and found I was surrounded by a bunch of weapons, like a shotgun, a rifle, a rocket launcher, and a chainsaw among other ordinance. Suddenly I hear The Only Thing They Fear is You and realise how fucked I am. I guess this is what I get for sticking my dick in a horse.

oo000OOOO000oo

Oh, I hope this goes well… I thought of what I would say to Princess Twilight Sparkle when we would arrive. I was currently being carried by the creature as he strode through Ponyville, and while I expected to receive attention, the occasional call for the guards or even fainting, I did not expect it to be quiet what-so-ever. The silence and apparent desertion of the town was really off putting but the way that the creature held me helped to quell that anxiety. After we… did it, I passed out and he was nice enough to clean me up and offer his bed to me. After I woke up for the third time today, I found that the single apple I had in the morning was not enough to get me through the Everfree and back into town, so I got the creature to carry me back! And eventually I managed to convince him to take me into town. Originally I planned to go straight home after collecting the data from his encampment, but I had lost all my research after I fell into the mud pit. As disheartening as it was to lose the work that I have done for the last two months, I felt greater joy from being able to interact with the creature, and not just because he was a fantastic rut. But regardless, I wanted to make his presence known. He was clearly intelligent and while he may not speak Equish, it's obvious that he has the capacity for speech and to potentially learn my native language. First, I would need to get him out of the forest and have him start living in pony civilization.

We traveled through town and I gave directions from time to time until we reached the corner before the Castle of Friendship. I let out a giggle at the creature’s reaction to the castle. I’d like to eventually talk to him, he seems like an interesting creature and I would love to learn more about his species! Reaching the entrance of the castle, I prepared to be set down, but the creature kicked the door and stumbled back, rather than using its claws. Looking to the creature, he seemed adamant about using his legs to open the door, to my detriment. I let out a shriek as the body that held me bent awkwardly as it balanced on one leg, my wings instinctively began to flap, smacking the creature in the face repeatedly. Somehow, he managed to open the door and I was no longer at risk of being dropped.

“Next time use your claws! And besides, you need to act proper in front of the Princess of Friendship, one wrong move and you could end up in Tartarus,” I warned, hoping that the intention of my language would reach his ears. Looking down to me, he gave a nod. Letting out a sigh of relief, we continued on our way. Walking through the halls, I continued to guide the creature until we reached the entrance to the Cutie Map room, where there lay another door. Oh Celestia, please just use your claws…

Balancing once again, and beating him in the face with my wings again, until he hoisted me above his head. He managed to open the door but failed to make it through. “Just use your-WAH!” I continued to flail as he continued to try and open the door with his leg wedged in the doorway. The creature dropped me to then catch and pull me back into his chest as he squeezed through the door. He turned to the door and gave it a look, before turning to the rest of the room. Oh Celestia, why are they ALL here.

The solar and lunar guard were present, along with the elements of harmony and the two diarchs, possessing the elements and battle regalia. Why on Equis was this happening? Ok, the stakes are a little higher, but if he keeps his cool he could even gain the recognition and favor of the rulers, just act calm big guy and let me handle this. He began walking straight to the group of heavily armed ponies. Wait, no, STOP!

He stopped a few paces away from the elements and sisters, and the guards filled in around him, spears and crossbows trained on him. Princess Celestia stepped forward and spoke. “Demon, release Feather Pen, you are outnumbered and outclassed, and if you cooperate we will not attack and peacefully return you to Tartarus. Now, relinquish the mare.”

Oh no, speak up! Defuse the situation before he gets banished to Tartarus! “Wait!” I called out, “he’s not a demon, he’s a new species from the Everfree, don’t sen-” The voice of Princess Luna spoke up, interrupting my plea. “Do not worry miss Pen, we will rescue you and return this demon back to the deepest pits of Tartarus for bringing harm to you and terrorizing the citizens of Ponyville!” So that's why there was nopony in the street, because they all thought he was an escaped demon?! Quickly! Tell them that-

The creature that held me, set his shoulders back, puffing out his chest and opened his mouth to speak…

“U want sum fuk”

HOW THE BUCK DOES HE KNOW THE OLD MATING CALL

The guards were stunned, the elements were stunned, and Princesses were stunned, and I looked up at the creature trying to force out the words to both help his situation and inform him of his stupidity. These are the first words Equis’ newest addition to sentient life has to say...

Celestia was able to recover first, her horn lighting up as I was teleported behind the elements and Princesses. Princess Twilight, realizing the opportunity, shouted to the rest of the elements. “Feather Pen is free, come on girls!” the rest of them quickly formed up and before I could cry out an objection, a beam from the elements of harmony engulfed the creature and he was gone. Celestia turned around and approached me as I lay on the floor. I sat myself up with a great amount of effort and looked to where the creature once stood. “It is alright Feather Pen, the demon is back in Tartarus and will never harm you again,” her tone full of grace and compassion, but I felt like crying. Facing the Princess I tried to stand up to confront her but failed as I stumbled and fell. Princess Celestia caught me by her magic and brought me close and nuzzled me. “There, there, it's alright.”

There was too much I wanted to say that instant, caught between screaming at them for banishing the new species to Tartarus and telling them how stupid the creature was, as my mouth hung open silently. Princess Luna called out for a corpsmare to tend to me. No tell them what they did, make them bring him back!

Forcing the words out, I shouted. “You idiots!” The volume shocked everypony in the room. “He wasn’t a demon, he was an undiscovered creature!” I went on passionately, telling them about the research I conducted, the details of my lost notes, the encampment the creature lived in deep within the Everfree and how he was the reason I was still alive. The princesses and elements of harmony looked between each other, each embarrassed to a certain degree and the sisters sent for chalk. Turning to me, Celestia spoke. “I’m terribly sorry Feather Pen, my sister and I will begin to try and summon him back, but in the meantime, please relax,” she said before joining Luna in creating a rune. While I wanted to do more, there wasn’t much left for me to do aside from wait. A medic came to me and began to ask me questions and brought food and water. Please be ok…

oo000OOOO000oo

BA DA DA DA DUM

BA DA DA DA DUM

WHY IS THE MUSIC GETTING LOUDER

I’ve been running for god knows how long while wildly flailing the chainsaw, occasionally Ripping and Tearing a demon to ribbons. I didn’t know what to expect going into mini horse land but I really didn’t see this coming. What I also didn’t see coming was the one eyed ball shaped demon that bodied me off the ledge I was running across and into an abyss.

Damn, I should have just left lil red at the edge of town. I continued to pick up speed as I plummeted to my demise. Screwing my eyes shut, I prepared for the worse. It was a good run, I guess.

I felt my body heating up and as soon at the heat engulfing my body reached a crescendo, it disappeared. The sensation of falling was no more and I could feel myself nude, covered in blood and lying on a cold surface. Opening my eyes, I saw the fuzzy faces of a variety of horses, they all seemed to back away at my awakening. I sat up and rubbed my face. Holy crap on a cracker, how the fuck am I alive… As I sat wondering how I was back in horse land, a white blur tackled me, knocking me to my side. Dazed from the force, I looked down to what was wrapped around me and I found that a white furred, red haired, winged horse had latched on to my side, soft sobs emanating from her face buried in my abdomen.

God, I don’t know if you can hear me from this crazy fucken place but thanks for not letting me die. I relaxed on the cold marble floor and patted lil red as she let her emotions out. I just pray that things calm down for once. Please...

Author's Note

That's that. Hope whom ever reads this can appreciate my first attempt at being funny. Once again, thanks for stopping by and have a good one.