Shadows of Kindness

by Amethyst_Crystal

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Starlight Glimmer, Fluttershy
Length: 3389

Fluttershy and Starlight have a lot in common... and perhaps they know it, too

In which two kind care-taker ponies have some tea in the cold of an autumn evening, explore their own identities, with one shy and withdrawn, the other assertive and confrontational.

Exploring the relationship between the two gentle ponies with a 'dark side', something I've wanted to do more since Starlight's Five Scrolls diary chapters awhile ago.

Published 2020-10-30 14:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-17 15:20:09 UTC

A Troubled Tea-time

Singing birds perched on huge yellow wings, perhaps somewhat subdued in melody. The leaves were falling, the sky was darkening, the world becoming drowsy with autumn. A little yellow pegasus hummed softly along, smiling serenely.

“Every day I watch you, caring for so many creatures.” Starlight noted, setting down her tea. “You don’t just tend to their psychological and mental well-being though, for maybe an hour, maybe less.” Lavender hooves came up to her cheeks, the student counselor allowing her empathy to overwhelm her once more. “I cannot fathom how you deal with it all.”

Fluttershy laughed softly, turning to her guest as the birds flew off into her tree home. “Why thank you,” she cooed. “It’s nice to hear compliments from somepony who understands these things.”

Starlight shook her head sullenly. “Well, maybe I do a bit more, nowadays, but…”

“You’ve always tried though,” Fluttershy reassured, gently putting a hoof over Starlight’s. “Maybe not in the right sort of way, but I still kind of liked what you were trying for.”

Starlight withdrew her hooves from the table, leaning back in the lawn chair and grimacing. “Sure, if you consider brainwashing ponies and forcefully removing their cutie marks commendable.”

“Well, that’s why I overthrew you, of course,” Fluttershy reminded gently, taking a sip of her tea. “Your good intentions were twisted up by your own anxiety and paranoia.”

A flush of embarrassment and surprise washed over the unicorn. How casually and gently this pegasus portrays herself, it hid something more nuanced. The leaves began to stir and blow, getting a little chilly. But their soft fur helped keep the chill at bay.

“Thank you for defeating me Fluttershy,” Starlight muttered quietly, embarrassed. Another giggle in reply, more melodious than before. “I-it’s not funny though…”

“Starlight, you know me better now,” Fluttershy admonished. “I am not all sunshine and rainbows either.” She shot a cold glare, for just a moment. “You of all ponies shouldn’t pretend that’s the case.”

The school counselor set her tea on the plate with a clatter, her magic aura faltering momentarily. “Yeah well, at least you never -”

“Are you really going to guilt-trip yourself again?” interrupted the animal caretaker, taking a glance at Angel bunny nearby, who shook his head pityingly. “After all the good and kindness you’ve done?”

“But it’s nothing compared to what you do for so many creatures, every single day!” Starlight suggested, gesturing widely around her. “Your home is practically a daycare for them, not to mention your animal sanctuary too!”

Fluttershy blushed, putting a hoof to her mouth and looking down. “Maybe so, but in a way, they are easier to deal with than other ponies, and other creatures with lots of words and lots of socializing like us. Although, even a gryphon or dragon seems more approachable for me than other ponies…”

Starlight considered quietly, looking around at the animals under Fluttershy’s care, most of them crawling or climbing into her home now, away from the windy weather. Even her majordomo Angel was retreating indoors. “You’ve gotten a lot better about that though. You are much more brave than you used to be.”

“I suppose I can say the same for you,” Fluttershy added with a smile.

Starlight groaned, “What is this, a game of compliments?”

Fluttershy took a deep breath, mumbling a bit more, staring into her nearly empty teacup. “Just a friendly reminder that you’re not the only pony with a cloud of darkness around here.”

Another chill ran up Starlight’s spine, an uneasy stirring in her heart. “I suppose we’re more alike than I thought,” she admitted.

“That’s why I like inviting you for tea,” Fluttershy beamed. “You might be the only pony that’s as shy and mysterious as me.”

Starlight laughed nervously, a nervous grin on her face. Fluttershy could not help but laugh, spreading her wings. “Let’s just say, if my life had gone another way,” the pegasus mused, looking up at the trees in the darkening sky, “I might’ve turned out like you did for awhile… only, maybe worse.”

“That’s not true, how could somepony like -” Starlight gasped at the angry glare.

“Don’t you dare pretend otherwise, Ms Glimmer,” Fluttershy growled, in that soft gentle way only she could.

This wasn’t the first time Fluttershy voluntarily opened up her shadow to the unicorn she defeated so long ago, but she hadn’t before been so… confrontational about it. “Alright, then,” Starlight relented. “Maybe it just makes me feel a little nervous…”

Fluttershy looked away, sighing softly. “So you don’t like that about me.”

Starlight gasped, reaching out to touch Fluttershy’s hoof. “No, no, I just…” she sighed, clasping gently with both her fore-hooves. “Sometimes I put ponies on too high a pedestal, I guess.”

Fluttershy turned back to look. “Neither of us are perfect, Starlight. We both cry, we both lie.” she leaned forward, a bit ominously. “We both hide away our darkness for the sake of those we love.”

Starlight wanted to pull away, but she resisted the urge. “Maybe I’m just shy about that side of you.”

Fluttershy reached up, and ever so slowly, gently, pet Starlight’s mane. “Well, more like you’re shy when I get assertive… which isn’t quite the same thing.”

Starlight closed her eyes and sighed softly. She felt safe. Maybe this pegasus did have a deep, emotional darkness, just like her. But she knew… “You would never hurt me.”

“Ponies hurt each other all the time,” Fluttershy reminded her guest. “But you know, the trick is knowing how to comfort each other afterwards. Isn’t that kind of what your role is all about?”

Starlight smiled a bit, leaning forward into the petting. Angel bunny stared out the window, annoyed with his arms crossed. “Your little friend isn’t liking this attention I’m getting.”

The yellow pegasus leaned forward, whispering, “He’s a spoiled brat, though I do love him. But right now, you deserve some comfort too.”

Fluttershy wrapped up Starlight in her wings, hugging her close. “Everything about you, I appreciate and admire, whether it is pure or dark,” she assured the lavender unicorn, cradling her close.

Starlight couldn’t hold it anymore, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Thank you, for saving me from myself long ago,” she sighed, nuzzling, “And for everything else afterwards.”

Fluttershy cooed gently, cuddling her soft shy guest. “And thank you for teaching me about myself, and giving me insight and reflection, with everything you do.”

The rain did not pour quite yet, but the wind remained cold, as the leaves fell and died, and the world around them became dark, yet comforting in its decay and decline. “I should get going,” Starlight announced, trying to get away.

Fluttershy wouldn’t let go. “Stay with me tonight,” she suggested, maybe a bit forcefully. “Um, please?” she added, softly. “If that’s okay.”

Starlight understood. “Being so assertive today, I guess you are feeling a little lonely.”

“Every once in awhile, I guess it’s nice to have another of my species around,” Fluttershy admitted with a giggle.

“Especially if they understand your duality of kindness and darkness.” Starlight suggested with a wry smirk.

Fluttershy blushed and nodded a bit. The two headed inside for comfort and warmth, as the heavy storm descended upon the forest, rain and thunder washing the world around them.

Cloudy Weather & Shrouded Hearts

Starlight Glimmer shut the door quickly, as the winds picked up and the storms rumbled. “What’s going on? Since when do the pegasi make a storm this wild in Ponyville?”

“We’re much closer to the Everfree Forest compared to most ponies here,” Fluttershy admitted, with a touch of nervousness. “Out here, the weather is more difficult to control, and the storms can be heavy and harsh…” reaching down, she gave Angel bunny a pet on his ears. “But you know, I’ve just learned how to live with it.” She smiled softly. “Many of my animal friends live out here, so if they can be brave, so can I.”

Starlight smiled wistfully, though it turned into a frown. She shook her head and sighed. “I don’t know, I’m getting tired of all the storms I seem to get swept up in.” She lowered her ears and eyes remorsefully. “I’ve certainly been the cause of some, too.”

Fluttershy looked out the window, the raindrops pitter-patting down the glass, gradually picking up the pace. “Well, I may be the element of kindness, but I’ve certainly been stormy too.” She looked up at one of the photos of her pony friends on the mantle. “Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in our emotions: fear, envy, stubbornness... to let them guide us, even when it hurts others, and ourselves.”

A crash of thunder and a tap-tap-tapping from outside startled Starlight, leaping back with an anxious yelp. “Oh my!” cried Fluttershy, reaching out to open the window. An owl stood on the edge outside, shivering in the cold. “Why are you still out during the storm, Rebecca?” she opened the window, and in swooped the bird of prey. A weasel crawled over the windowsill right after, diving into the warm cottage home. “You too, Jeremy?” gasped the pegasus, shaking her head disapprovingly.

Angel bunny made an irritated shrieking noise, pointing at the new guests with a vicious glare. “Just because they weren’t invited doesn’t mean I should leave them out in the rain, Angel!” Fluttershy admonished sternly. Angel bunny threw up his hands in exasperation, stomping out of the room, not in the mood to be courteous towards predators, even if they did always behave in Fluttershy’s motherly presence.

“Still,” Fluttershy addressed the damp duo, “You two should know better than to be out on such a stormy evening. Didn’t you notice the shifting signs of the weather?” Rebecca flapped her wings and hooted thrice, while Jeremy wriggled on the floor and chirped. “Oh... I suppose that does makes sense, but you should be more careful! I wouldn’t want you two to get sick. Please make yourselves comfortable then!”

Starlight stared curiously at the creatures’ commotion. “It’s incredible how you can understand animals like that, Fluttershy. I have no idea what they’re even saying!” she rubbed the side of her head. “I mean, maybe I could use a spell to translate, but I get the feeling it wouldn’t be accurate.”

Fluttershy giggled, pouring out some warm green tea for herself and her pony guest. “Well, this is the special talent of my cutie mark, after all. Knowing what my animal friends need lets me help them as best I can.” Blowing softly on the warm cup, she closed her eyes in bliss. “Every creature needs comfort, sometimes.”

A loud rumble of thunder echoed outside, storm-clouds swirling above, heralding an early night. Fluttershy had already flicked on most of the lights when they went in, driving away the darkness.

“Do you ever feel like maybe…” Starlight struggled to find the words, staring into her cup of tea, frowning at the distorted reflection rippling between her hooves. She was more reluctant to use magic even for simple things, when she was in one of these dour moods. “Like maybe it’s more than you can handle? That it isn’t fair, to have all this responsibility?”

The yellow pegasus laid out some protein treats for Rebecca and Jeremy, giggling as they scarfed the nutritious snacks, in a rather ravenous way. “You two didn’t come all this way just for my homemade treats, did you?” she teased the predators, before addressing her pony guest. “Hmm, maybe sometimes. It is a lot of work to take care of all the creatures that want or need my help. But after several years, it just became second nature for me.”

Sighing in frustration, Starlight set her cup down with a loud clack, leaning back in her chair. “Well, I don’t know if I can deal with it. Not the animals, I mean just...” She put a hoof to her forehead, trying to will away the anxiety and stress, trying to focus on the soothing repetitive rain outside the window. “It feels like I can hardly ever help myself with my own problems, let alone others. How can I be a good therapist, when it’s so hard for me to understand anything, or anyone?”

Fluttershy stood up and walked over to Starlight’s chair, a stern expression on her face. “Do you really believe that you aren’t helpful to anypony else?”

The light lavender unicorn glared for a moment, hating to be put on the spot… but then she shook her head. “No, I guess not. But it’s easy to believe sometimes.”

Fluttershy sighed gently. “I’m not an expert like you, Starlight, but…” she hesitated, averting her eyes. “I think you might be suffering from depression.” Starlight jolted in her seat, like she had been slapped. Her friend’s diagnosis felt too accurate. “Even after everything you’ve done for your friends, for the school. After all that, you still think so poorly of yourself.”

Starlight grit her teeth, shivering uncontrollably. The two predatory critters backed off to mingle in another corner of the living room, sensing the angry energy of the powerful wizard. “Oh, and I suppose you are an expert? You think just because you have crippling insecurities too, you can so easily understand mine?” she got up off the chair, Fluttershy backing away with a frown. “Honestly, I’m starting to wonder if you’ve never stopped messing with my mind, ever since you helped Twilight overthrow me as leader of my village!”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes, her voice more stern and strict. “Just because you don’t like what you hear doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Don’t be stubborn abo-”

“I’ve heard enough!” Starlight trotted away, head held high, her pride trembling, trying to hold herself together. “I’ll be in the other room, so let me know if you decide to apologize.”

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, Starlight,” Fluttershy spoke more firmly, making the unicorn flinch and pause midstep. “Just like I don’t have to be afraid of you. We’re friends now, not enemies. Isn’t that right?”

The rain fell more heavily against the walls and windows of the humble cottage, as Starlight wiped tears from her eyes. “Seems to me like enemies are the only kind of people I know how to deal with…” It took all her willpower not to just teleport out and hide in her room far away. That was easy to do, when there were no obligations or consequences… but not when it came to hurting her friends. “I’ve never been easy to deal with either, after all. I’m always causing unnecessary trouble, or panicking about something...”

Fluttershy reached out with a wing tip, gently wiping away more tears from Starlight’s face. “There, there. You need to be more kind to yourself, too,” but her feathers were slapped away by a hoof, eliciting a gasp from the host. “You are too afraid of your own feelings. Stop trying to control them, and you will feel much better.”

Starlight turned around, shouting angrily, “Control is all I ever want! The more power I have, the less I have to worry! If I just control everything around me, then everything is fine!” Starlight stomped her front hoof loudly on the ground. “Except of course, I can’t do that, because I’ve learned that being stronger only causes others pain!”

Fluttershy stood tall, scowling with disappointment. “You think having authority over others makes you stronger? It’s not about control, it’s about cooperation and understanding.” she turned to glance the weasel and owl, who nodded in sage agreement. Having an audience to her tantrum, even just animals, made Starlight blush in frustration.

“You say that, but I know you’re afraid of the world too, Fluttershy!” accused the unicorn, her body trembling with emotion. “You just do a better job of hiding your fears now, that’s all!” A loud crash of thunder and flash of lightning made Starlight cower down.

Rolling her eyes, Fluttershy turned away and gave her a side glance, quiet disgust in her tone. “Lashing out when you’re upset doesn’t help anyone, Starlight, including yourself. We both know that. So if you don’t calm down, I’m going to ask you to retire to the guest room.” She flexed her wings in a kind of shrug. “Or you know, you can just teleport back to Twilight’s castle, or wherever.”

Starlight snapped, “Do you think you’re better than me?”

“No,” replied Fluttershy, “You think I’m better than you. Stop trying to paint me as your villain…” she lifted an eyebrow, “or are you still upset I changed your whole world in the desert, all those moons ago?”

Starlight didn’t respond. Silent. Dismayed.

“I think I’ll be retiring early for the evening,” Fluttershy announced. “I don’t like needless conflict, especially in my own home. Rebecca, Jeremy?” The owl and l focused attentively on their host. “I will leave you two to your comforts. You are welcome to sleep where you like out here. Goodnight everyone.”

The pegasus walked past the unicorn, heading to her bedroom on the upper floor, ignoring her entirely. After many minutes, Starlight came out of her trance of shame, and shambled over into the pony guest room, collapsing with a sigh onto a cozy giant beanbag.

Mind wandering, Starlight reminisced on that day so long ago, when she thought she had already broken the will of the weakest link amongst the six elements of harmony: kindness. True, she still held her suspicions of Fluttershy, especially since she was so reluctant to reveal traitors in her town, those who dared to miss the cutie marks she had magically stripped from their bodies and souls.

Yet it never occurred to Starlight that Fluttershy would discover her secret, that she kept her own cutie mark to control the others. “I thought friendship meant power and control, but…” Then with one fell swoop Fluttershy revealed the cutie mark, and so the hypocrisy and lies left her exposed, angry, helpless despite her magic. “I wish I could just forget the past, it only hurts,” she sighed to herself.

The school counselor could not sleep, she was only more distraught than ever. Getting up, she left her guest room and headed upstairs. Angel Bunny stood at the top landing, as if on sentry duty, glaring down ominously. “Um, hey there,” she mumbled, slowly creeping up the stairs, trying to ignore the soul-piercing scowl of that little creature. Usually Angel rather liked Starlight’s presence. “Don’t mind me…”

Knocking lightly at Fluttershy’s door, Starlight spoke up, a tremble in her voice. “I just, I want to say I’m sorry. You were right, I really need to… I know I have problems, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, of all ponies… after all the good and kindness you’ve done for me…”

It was merely a minute, but it felt to Starlight like forever, her heart in the pit of her stomach. Finally the door handle jiggled, the frame opening just a little, enough to see half of Fluttershy’s face, tears on her cheek fur. Starlight gulped, shame engulfing her heart yet again.

“I did all I could to avoid my own dark side, Starlight,” came the soft quiet reply. “It was so tempting to hurt you, to tear your heart to pieces with the venom of my words." Fluttershy averted her eyes. "You know I’m capable of that.”

Starlight breathed softly, feeling relief to have escaped that wrath. “I know… I’m sorry.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes, another tear visibly trickling down. “I forgive you… but let’s talk again in the morning.”

“Thank you,” Starlight blurted out, her own tears forming. “For being a good role model for me. I need to learn to choose kindness over contempt more often.”

Fluttershy gave a little bitter smile. “Me too... but I guess I did alright today,” and with that she gently closed the door. “Goodnight, Starlight Glimmer.”

“Goodnight, Fluttershy,” replied Starlight, standing in the hallway for awhile longer, before whispering quietly, “Thank you for saving me.”

The guest room felt more comforting and warm when Starlight returned. The unicorn collapsed with exhaustion, drifting into a dreamless sleep as the rain kept pouring down. Despite the suffering of both ponies’ fragile hearts, that shared sanctuary of kindness gave warmth and comfort.