Ebony Learns the Meaning of Spooksmas
ITZ DA GREAT BUCKING ALICORN EBONY WAY
Author's Note
wut IS UP MAH GOFFIK HOMIEZ N PEGASHITTERZ, it is ya grl Ebony Way here wif a story abot da true meaning of HAlloween, I wuz at da store da otter day n saw all deze preppy decorationz up n it made me LIVED so I wrote dis story as a self expression, fangz 2 all mah homiez 4 reddin My Little Immortal n m sorry I did not finish it yet I just came out of a coma from eating 2 much Sonic Da Hedgehog Curry!16666666 I hope dad dis makes up 4 it!!!
Special fangz 2 mah best friend ___________________ 4 always bein dere 4 me, we will b 2gether 4ever
ITZ DA GREAT BUCKING ALICORN EBONY WAY
It wuz a normal day at Pricness Celestia's School 4 Gifted Unicrons and all of da poniez were goin 2 class 2 lern abot how 2 becum more friendship is magical. Well accept 4 me dat iz.
Hi my name iz Ebony Way and I am a goffik unicron in Princess Chelonia's school, I was recruited bi (geddit cuz im bi) Princess Nightmare Moon when I was a little filly n sins den (GEDDIT SINS LIK DA KIND DAT U COMMIT N GO 2 HELL 4) I have learned much anout magic, friendship, and libel laws. Well in the month of October in my sixth year (I'm seventeen) I wuz in mah bedroom gettin ready 4 da Spooky Ball, it iz a dance on Halloween where all da most goffik poniez go 2 lizzen 2 GC, kut ourselvez n do pot, coke n crake.
WELL DAT IZ WUT I WOULD B DOIN BUT UNFORTUNATELY................... FATE HAD ONTHER PLANZ.
"OMFG WHERE IZ MAH GOFFIK BLAK LEATHER MINISKIRT, BLAK HIGH HEEL CONVERSE SHOES, BLAK GC/MCR T SHIRTRIPPED PINK FISHNETZ N THONG DAT SEZ GOFFIK GIRL ON DA BUTT?" I sed 2 mah marefrend Sweetie Bell while foraging thru mah bedroom. "IF I CANNOT FIND DAT DEN WHAT WILL I WHERE 2 DAA DANCE???"
Sweetie Bell was looking under my bed, the monster under my bed waS TELLing her dat it wuz not dere. She looked at me n shrugged. "Ebony maybe if you did laundry more than once every six years then you would be more easily able to"
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH LOGIC IS 4 PREPZ N ARISTOTLE" I LAUNCHED N she bust into tearz, dat is ok bcuz we are goffik n tearz let us know dat we r still alive. "WHAT WILL I DO NOW?"
I stepped in2 da hall naked, I had a rlly big u-no-wut (I MEAN A HORN NOT A PENIS) n walked down 2 da cafeteria 2 get sum count chocula serial wif blood insted of milk n also sum blood orange flavored pellegrino drink. I sat down grumpily aT da table n got mah juice. I looked around and frowned madly at all da halloween decreations in da room. There were pumpkinz, picturez of witches hanging from da ceiling, jack-o-lantas wif da faces of prepz lik Hillary Duff and Chuck Schumer on dem, n Princess Celestia wuz already eating from a big bag of halloween candy strapped over her face bcuz she is fucking fat n gross
Suddenly somepony sat down next 2 me................. it wuz Bleedaloo! She wuz lookin pretty hot in her Halloween costume dressed up lik da Great Sphinx. "Hey Ebony, wutz wrong?" She sed cleverly.
I smirked at her. Ad said madly "Well I cant find mah clothes 4 da goffik dance 4 1, butt 4 anonther I am just so deprezzed by how da school lookz right now, Halloween iz suppozed 2 be 4 celebratin Satanz birthday but insted all deze prepz r just uzing it 2 eat candy n lizzen 2 Hilary Duff musilk!!!"
"Itz ok Enoby." Said Bleedaloo. "Hey u know wut might chair u up?"
"A GROOP CUTTING SESSION???" I said statistically pulling out my special hot topik loyalty razor.
"No no." Bleedaloo laughed. "If we went 2 ponyville 2 B'Lood's shop n bought sum new clothes 2 wear 2 da dance!"
"OMFG!!!" I glomped Bleedaloo. "BLEEDALOO U R MAH SMARTY FRIEND!!!11111111111111116666"
So we went to Ponyville sexily, lol
Ponyville wuz lookin a lot more giffk den Canterlot wuz, dere were crosses everywhere where Christians were bein crucified, some poniez were havin a blood orgy Satan, n dere were gutz and body's everywhere. It wuz a lot lik mah faborite story Fall Of Equestria where da mane character is having do-it wif her marefrend Hermitage n den a cereal killer cumz n killz dem.
Anyway I arrived sexily 2 da tree house dat uzed 2 b da library but turned into a goffik cloves store wen B'Lood (AKA Twilight Sparkle" moved in2o it. When we got inside tho I gasped. B'Lood wuznt dere.............. instead it wuz............................................................. Billy Eyelash!
"OMFG I LUV UR MUSIUK!!!!" I SED 2 BILLY EYELASH.
Billy blinked her Eyelashes slowly. "wtf r u sayin." She said confusingly.
Just then B'Lood came downstares. She wuz dressed lik dat goffik girl A1 from da video game Near Automobiles. "Hold on, hold on," she laughed. "Dat iz actually mah new boyfriend, he runs da store wif me, hiz name is Tim Spruance.
Tim Spruance wuz a goffik boy wif pale white foundation all over his body, n dyed black hare wif green tips lik limpid tearz if limpid tearz were green insted of blue. He was wearin a Slipnot T shit in ripped baggy blak jorts, n he looked lik a sexy skinny bi boi. He wuz da camp counselor at Camp Everclear n he wuz 35.
"B'Lood and I were just habing do-it upstares." Said Tim Spruance. "What do u want?"
I shake my hed 2 clear away da cobwebz n say "Well I need some new cloves 4 da goffik ball later, can u 2 help me out wif dat?"
"Shore!" B'Lood sed exhibitionistically. We went in2 da changing room sexily n she picked out a sexy new outfit 4 me, it wuz a goffik red jumpsuit wif swear wordz lik bic n fuk all over it, n a flopy red fedora dat said "m'loady" on da brom. Wearin it I looked exactly lik dat goffik grl Carmine Sanfrancisco
I paid 4 da outfit wif da money dat I stole from da prepz dat I just beat up da onther day n left wif da cloves in mah bag. Putting on da cloves I sed to Bleedaloo "OK Bleedaloo we r now ready 4 da dance!" I smelled happily.
DA DANCE WAS HORRIBLE OH MY BUCKING ALICORN
Everypony wuz wearing halloween costumes n eating candy n having a good tim, dere waz NO CUTTING dere wuz NO ORGYS dere wuz NO GOFFIK STUFF GOING ON WHAT SO EVER. I fumigated grumpily while drinking sum rum and coke mixed wif blood next 2 mah friend Wailflower Blood. Wailflower uzed 2 be named Wallflower Blush but she had 2 change her name to Wailflower after she discovered dat her real parentz were goffik superheroz who uzed dere powerz 2 kill prepz n pozerz. She is now giffk n converted 2 stanism.
Whaleflower sed, "Ebony I thought u sed dis dance would be super fly."
"I TOHOUGHT IT WOULD BE!!!!" I GOTHED AT HER. "But it iz full of prepz n bitches lol, letz get out of here."
We went sexily ouside 2 smok cigarettez n drink bony bear, "I just dont get it Wallflower, why r dere so many prepz ere 2day? Cant somepony explain 2 dem da reel meaning of Spooksmas."
Dat wuz when Wilford Brimley got a look of serious on her face. She stomped into da castle n did so until she wuz on stage next 2 Princess Celestia. "Hey u cant be up here." Sed Pork Control.
"FUK OF!!!!!" Sed Wayne Brady. Price Club gosped n stepped away 2 whisper wif professor Lyra n Professor Bon Bon.
Hans Blix cleared her throat. Den she sed. "A long tim ago dere were2 great powerz, Jesus n Satan. THey were boyfrendz. Dey loved each otter. Den Jesus fell in luv wif a fucking prep named Mary, n he bork Satans hearth. Derprezzed Satan jumped off of a building in fell 2 da earth n died, but two dayz later he came back 2 lif n sworn revenge. He bercame a cereal killer n kileld couplez who were having do-it 2 get back at Jesus, n 2 dis day we celebrate da day dat Satan came back 2 lif as da day of our dark master Satan. Butt we have 4gotten da meaning of Spooksmas n it iz now about eating candy and saying boo. We must get back 2 da meaning of Halloween n service of our dark master............... Satan!"
Whaleflower brought in a pony 2 be sacrificed. It wuz............................................................. Chancellor Neigh! He wuz da preppiest teacher in da whole school n he wuz a pedofile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cackled evilly n took out my knife n stabed him twenty timz. "NOOOOOOOO!" he sed as hiz blod went everywhere in da room. He fell over dead, and hiz blood turned in2 a pentagarm. Den da pentagarm caught on fire and out of it came........................... SATAN!!!
"Thank you my dark children." Said Satan darkly. He snaped his fungerz n da room caught on goffik blak fire, all da decreationz turned in2 blood, deth, and sex. "Now let us begin the celebration in my glorious name." We all drank some Bapst Blue Ribbentrop.
Just then da window bork n in flu Dicksword!!! "Ebony thou hast not yet killed Twitlife Speakle." He intoned meanly.
I laughed statistically wif mah goffik frendz behind me. "Weell everyopony ity lookz lik wew just got hour next scarcrifice!11115556"
We all cnarged foreword wif our nifes n our razorz held hiugh........ and dat was how I lerned da reel menning of Spooksmas.
