Magister Factotum

by GamingWolf

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Slice of Life, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 5136

Shade and company spend the Summer doing jobs that are strange, obscure, dangerous, and/or dirty.

Shade is an immortal. All those close to her know that about her. Partially spurred by Sunset Shimmer’s innocent question and boredom, Shade spends the Summer going around the world to try out different jobs. Her friends come along for the journey when they are able.

Published 2020-11-02 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-03 22:39:27 UTC

Getting Started

Hundreds of people walk around the food court. Dozens more sit in dining areas with their group of friends. Except for a young woman with a black and red faux hawk. She sits by herself at one of the larger circle tables in the dining area.

Her pale yellow eyes stare at the screens of two laptops while her hands tap madly at the keys of the laptops, the left hand on the left laptop and her right hand on the right laptop. Visitors still gawk and watch in awe at the alabaster woman working simultaneously on two laptops even though she has performed the task one hundred and sixty-seven times before today. Her face remains impassive as an onlooker snaps a quick photo with their cell phone.

“Hey! No photos, pal! Delete it!” A raspy voice demands.

Pale yellow eyes avert their gaze from the blue glowing screens to see a cyan skin, rainbow haired young woman grabbing the phone of the onlooker. Alabaster hands continue to tap away.

“Alternatively,” the alabaster woman speaks up, her quiet voice cuts through the din of the area as everyone around goes quiet, “pay the fee and you can keep the photo.”

The onlooker, a young man with dark gray skin and light blue hair yanks his hand and phone away from the grasp of the cyan woman. “Back off, dude!” The guy pushes the rainbow haired woman by her chest. His hand presses against something softer than he had expected.

Before he can gather his thoughts, he finds himself on the ground with his arm behind his back and the cyan woman’s knee in the small of his back. “You disrespectful shit!”

“Augh!” The man exclaims in pain. “Ow! I’m sorry! You just looked like a guy.” He yelps in pain as his arm twists further up. He watches the alabaster woman strut over to him and pick up his phone.

“Get off of him, Rainbow Dash.”

“You sure, Shade?”

The alabaster woman, Shade, nods her head. “I deleted the photo already.”

Rainbow Dash jumps off the man on the ground. “Next time, just ask, pal.”

His grimace wipes from his face as he stares at the white hand before him. He stares up at the serene face of the woman of his affection. “Ask next time. For now, leave.”

He accepts her hand. The coldness of her hand and the cool of her voice send chills down his spine. “A-anything for you, Sh-Shade!”

The two women watch as the guy stumbles away, looking back every few seconds with a goofy grin.

“You are early.” Shade says as she returns to her seat. She closes the laptops and puts them away in a black bag.

“Are you kidding me? I couldn’t wait to get out of class!” Rainbow Dash turns the chair around to sit down and rests her arms on the back of the chair.

A grin begins to tug at the corners of Shade’s mouth. Rainbow Dash’s beaming smile is as infectious as Pinkie Pie’s.

“Time for fun in the sun and not having to worry about college!” Rainbow Dash exclaims as she pumps a fist into the air.

“Congratulations on surviving freshman year.”

“You can say that again!” Pinkie Pie pops up on the left side of Shade. She gives Shade a bone crushing hug. Shade squeezes Pinkie making the pink woman squee with joy. Pinkie Pie slips out from Shade’s grip to hug Rainbow Dash. “I’ve missed you all so much! It’s been like a bajillion years since we all last got together!”

Shade straightens her black blazer while chuckling at Pinkie’s hyperbole.

“If by a ‘bajillion years’ you mean three months since Spring Break,” Twilight says as she walk up to the table, “then yes; it has been a bajillion years since we last all got together.”

“Twilight!” Pinkie zips over to the lavender skin woman to deliver another bone crushing hug.

“Can’t. Breath.” Twilight manages to wheeze out.

Pinkie releases her grip and offers a weak laugh. “Sorry, Twi! Just missed you!”

A hearty guffaw draws everyone’s attention. “Pinkie Pie, I’m sure everyone feels the same way.” Applejack says. Pinkie Pie beams and zooms over to the cowgirl to give her a hug.

The women sit down at the table. They talk about what they plan on ordering for lunch. Ten minutes later, familiar pink hair pokes up from the crowds of people that Shade and Pinkie spot.

“Fluttershy! Over here!” Pinkie Pie calls out to their friend, waving her arms in the air.

Fluttershy brushes the long, pink hair from her face to smile at her friends. She waves back and heads towards the group. “Hello, girls,” she greets everyone at the table.

Pinkie Pie jumps up to hug Fluttershy which Fluttershy returns.

“Hello, darlings.” Rarity greets the group from behind Fluttershy.

Her friends offer their greetings. They all talk amongst each other about the day they had and plans for the Summer. A few minutes later, when the conversations die down, Pinkie Pie starts searching the crowd for their last friend.

“Shade, Sunset works for you, do you know why she is late?” Rarity asks.

“Classified.” Shade states.

“Except it’s not,” a warm voice says to the right of Shade. “Hey, all. Sorry I’m late.”

“Now that everyone is here,” Rainbow Dash says as she gets to her feet, “let’s talk about our vacation!”

“‘Vacation’? No, no, far too busy to be taking a vacation.” Rarity says.

“Yeah, some of us have farms and stores to run still.” Applejack adds.

“And a multi-billion bit corporation, fifteen non-profit organizations, twelve multi-million bit businesses, and run multimedia accounts that fourty-two percent of the world’s population watch and follow.” Shade lists.

“Only forty-two percent of the population, huh?” Sunset gibes.

“Once my projects in Zebrica are complete, the number should increase to sixty-seven percent.”

“You do all of that stuff so you definitely can use a vacation!” Rainbow Dash says. “You have, what, ten private islands? Let’s go on a two week vacation on one of them.”

“Sixteen islands act as animal sanctuaries and the other twelve are for conservation purposes, strictly no humans allowed.“ Shade corrects her cyan friend.

“Here’s an idea, Rainbow Dash: get a job.” Applejack inputs.

Rainbow Dash visibly recoils at that word. “If i get a job, how can I practice for all the sports I’m in?”

“Yes, Rainbow Dash, a job will be good for you! I am always in need of help at my boutique.”

“And could always use an extra pair of hands on the farm.”

“You would be the perfect guinea pig for an experiment I am working on.”

The table turns to look at Twilight.

Twilight blushes and retreats from the attention. “J-just joking!”

“Riiiiight,” Pinkie Pie draws out.

“Having a job is a normal part of life. You do not want to know how many I have had in my lifetime.” Shade says.

“Actually, I’m curious.” Sunset admits. Six head nod in agreement around the table. “How many jobs have you had?”

Shade quickly flips through her memory. “One hundred and sixty-seven thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-two. The longest job I had was for one thousand, six hundred and eighty-five years. Bounty hunter.”

“But how many of those jobs were different?” Twilight is the first to shake from their stupor and ask.

“Have you ever been a trash collector?” Rainbow Dash inquires.

“Yes.”

“I know you have never been a rodeo clown.” Applejack says with confidence.

“Something similar with bigger creatures that have more teeth and horns.”

“Veterinarian?”

“Yes.”

“Periodontist!” Twilight interjects.

“Yes.”

Twilight frowns.

“Armpit sniffer?”

Everyone turns to give Pinkie Pie varying degrees of looks.

“No.” Shade quickly adds, “And I do not want to.”

“Model?”

“Yes.”

“Spy?” Rainbow Dash says as she leans closer to Shade. Her eyes brimming with curiosity.

“Yes.”

“Awesome!”

Sunset is scrolling through her phone. “Ah ha! Here’s one: Pearl Diver!”

Shade raises her left brow. “Is that an innuendo?”

Fluttershy squeaks and hides her burning face behind her hair. Rarity wields a knowing smile while Sunset casts a questioning glance to everyone at the table.

“What? How?”

“While not done professionally, I have done that.” Shade finally answers.

“Ooh!” Pinkie hoots. “How about a regular clown?”

“No. And do not want to.“

“Aw...” Pinkie frowns.

“Assassin?”

“Always people out there who want others dead and do not want to get their hands dirty.”

“Awesome!”

“Nuclear—“

“Yes,” Shade cuts off Twilight.

Twilight huffs.

“Chicken sexer?”

Shade furrows her brows in thought. “No.”

“Ah ha!” Applejack celebrates.

“Worm wrangler?”

“Do graboids, thresher maws, and sarlacci count?” The questioning looks of confusion speak for the group. “I did not think so. I will give it a shot.”

“Great! I’ll get things ready for ya tomorrow.”

“You should record it for one of your channels!” Rainbow Dash exclaims.

Rarity gasps. “Make a show out of it!”

“Make a show about going around Equestria doing weird jobs?” Shade questions.

“Why stop at Equestria?” Sunset says.

“Yeah! You can go around the world and do weird jobs!” Pinkie adds.

“Dirty jobs!” Applejack inputs. Rarity gags at the thought of getting dirty.

“Dangerous jobs.” Twilight says with a smirk.

Shade rubs her chin as she thinks. “I suppose I can bring awareness to dying professions and have that vacation Rainbow Dash wants.”

“What?” The cyan woman tilts her head.

“Of course all of you are coming with me. I need a crew to help. I can do many things but splitting myself to be in multiple places simultaneously is out of my abilities.”

“I’m in!” Rainbow Dash exclaims.

“Me too!” Pinkie chimes.

“If I can find a replacement volunteer for the shelter, I will join.” Fluttershy says.

“Can I get two weeks of vacation, boss?” Sunset elbows Shade.

“No. This will be part of your job.” She looks to her friends. “I will pay you all as well.”

“I don’t know...” Rarity says as she swipes at the screen of her phone.

“Why don’t you let Coco run the store? It’ll be a great opportunity for her.” Twilight advises. “Oh, and count me in.”

“As your largest investor,” Shade starts, “I will pay for any materials that catch your fancy during our travels. This may also help you learn about different cultures and their clothing style.”

“Deal!” Rarity quickly accepts.

“Very well. I will go to the office and start getting everything in order.”

A growl announces someone’s hunger. Everyone looks at Pinkie. She shakes her head and points a pink finger to the pink hair sinking below the table.

“After lunch.” Shade adds with a smile.

Chicken Sexer

“Do I need an introduction?” Yellow eyes stare into the camera from a impassive face. The pale white face slowly smiles. “As a Jack-of-all-trades, I want to know how to do everything and anything. You will see me journey across the world performing jobs and professions that are not widely known yet play pivotal roles in our society while also learning along the way.”

The camera pans from Shade and shows the surrounding scenery of Sweet Apple Acres. The camera flies through rows of apple trees and zooms into the air to give a bird’s eye view of the property. It dives towards a red barn with white trim and stops in front of Applejack and Shade, both of which wear the same outfit of brown cowboy boots, blue jean overalls, red flannel shirt, and red bandanas.

“You will watch as Applejack teaches me how to sex chickens. If you think this is a bestiality show, you are greatly mistaken. Those videos are on Applejack’s dark channel.”

“What?” Applejack’s smiling face turns as red as her bandana as she glares at Shade.

Shade laughs. “I jest, viewers, I jest.”

Applejack turns to the camera, “She most certainly is joking! I love all my animals in the most professional and familial of ways.”

“Shall we get started?” Shade grins.

Applejack and Shade walk through a barn where hundreds of chicks cheeping crescendos as the two draw closer to the sexing room. Shade looks back at the camera and looks at the sign above the door sill, a sly smirk slowly creeping across her lips.

“‘Sexing room.’” Shade reads aloud.

Applejack sighs and rolls her eyes. “Now, get your mind out of the gutter. This here is the room where the chicks get separated into cockerels and pullets.” Applejack says.

“So this is not where you were conceived by your progenitors?”

Applejack heaves another sigh. “No. That was Applebloom.”

Shade smiles. “How many chickens do you have at Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack?”

“We have about two hundred chickens we here at Sweet Apple Acres use primarily for egg laying. A majority of those fresh eggs are used for our baked apple goods.” Applejack explains. Her smile falters. “We have a couple dozen hens getting a little old so we had half the eggs from three weeks ago be fertilized and they are hatched today and ready to start their life.”

Applejack and Shade are standing in front of a table. Next to the table are white plastic bins full of peeping chicks. On top of the table are cardboard boxes.

“I know what you all are thinking,” Shade says as she turns her back from the camera to reveal herself holding an egg in one hand and a fuzzy, yellow chick in the other, “Is Applejack single?”

“Shade!” Applejack whines and pulls her hat down to cover her scarlet face.

“The world may never know.” Shade nods. “What came first: the chicken or the egg?” Shade emphasizes by holding up the chicken and the egg closer to the camera. “The answer is obviously the egg.”

“Wouldn’t the chicken need to lay the egg first though?” Applejack inquires.

“In order for the chicken to appear, it evolved from its ancestors because of mutations. Mutations that happened while as an egg. It is not a far stretch to say that one day a dinosaur lays an egg and then out pops the chicken.”

The egg in Shade’s hand starts to shake. Cracks start to form and a tiny beak emerges from the egg. The chick peeps as it continues to break free of its calcium carbonate enclosure.

“Want to know more about chickens? If not, too bad, our resident animal specialist Fluttershy will tell us more about eggs.” Shade says as the chick kicks off the remaining egg shell. She hands the fluffy chick to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy holds the chick with teal eyes the size of plates that threaten to pop out of their sockets.

“Ahem. Fluttershy?” Applejack gently nudges her friend.

“It...it...it is just so precious!” Fluttershy awes. She coos and baby talks at the chick.

“Hey, Fluttershy, maybe tell the viewers what that white part on the chicks beak is. I am sure many wish to know.” Shade inputs off the camera.

“Oh!” Fluttershy beams from ear to ear. “See that white bump on the chick’s beak?” She asks while presenting the chin to the camera and pointing a finger at the beak. “That is an egg tooth which helps break the egg shell. Many reptile, bird, and monotreme embryos have an egg tooth. They usually go away a few hours after hatching.

Eggs are usually white because of the calcium carbonate they are made of. Passerines, ground-nesting birds, and chickens (our Gallus gallus domesticus here) have a variety of colored eggs because of biliverdin and its zinc chelate as well as protoporphyrin. All this applies to land vertebrate eggs though.”

Fluttershy breathes in a deep breath.

Shade zips behind Fluttershy and smiles at the camera. “Thank you, Fluttershy! Now, to the main reason we are here!”

Applejack and Shade sit at a table with a white plastic bin full of chicks before them. Cardboard boxes are to the left and right of the plastic bins. Old coffee cans are in the plastic bins with plastic liners. Lamps illuminate the chicks and keep them warm.

“There are a few methods to sex a chicken. I’ll show you two today. The first method is by checking the wings. Females will have longer primary feathers compared to the coverts; while male primary feathers and coverts are similar in length.” As Applejack explains the camera zooms in on the wing that Applejack is holding and has a clear shot of the feathers alternating in length.

“A female then.” Shade states.

“Eeyup!” Applejack flicks her wrist and sends the chick flying through the air and into the cardboard box on the right.

The camera swings over to Shade’s face as she holds it in front of her. “Pop quiz!” A quiet cheer is heard in the background. “What is a male chicken called and what is a female chicken called?”

Shade pushes the camera to focus on Applejack. Applejack grins. “Well, that’s easy! The males—“

“Times up!” Shade announces as her face takes up the view of the camera. “Males are dinner and females are lunch.” Shade laughs.

The camera pans over to Applejack wearing a flat expression. “Young males are cockerels and young females are pullets.”

Shade shrugs. “Same thing.”

“Anyways,” Applejack returns to her bin of chicks, “we gotta sort through these chicks quick like.”

“Roger, roger.” Shade salutes and sits at the other table.

“Wait!” Twilight’s voice is heard out of the frame, “what about the second method?”

“Oh.” Applejack chuckles. “Right. I was surprised when Twilight brought this up. The other way to sex a chick is called venting.”

“Looking up its butt. Got it.” Shade nods.

“First, you want to gently squeeze the chick, making sure its rear end is pointing into the coffee can to make it poop.” Applejack picks up a chick, points it towards the coffee can, a squeeze later and poop shoots out the chick and into the coffee can.

“Two points.” Shade comments.

“Now, we gently spread its cloaca and see if there is a bump or not.”

“Spreading cloacas upon first meeting? How forward of you, AJ. I like.”

“Well, you make a computer or something that can determine the chicks sex while letting them keep their dignity!”

Shade grins. “I thought Sunset was the one with mind reading powers? I will need a couple dozen chickens to test on.” She leans to the camera, “Humanly, of course.”

Applejack and Shade are each carrying five small cardboard boxes full of chicks. They stop in front of a small machine resting on a large steel table. Applejack set the boxes down and Shade follows suite.

“This is where we inoculate the chicks. The ones we brought are the ones we are selling to different farms. By law, all chicks must be immunized by twenty-four hours after hatching.” Applejack explains.

“Why?” Shade inquires as she checks the machine.

“There are a few diseases that chickens carry and can catch from outside sources. The biggest worry is Bird Flu which can jump species.”

“Zoonosis.” Shade comments from under the machine. She has the cover open and is inspecting the insides of the machine.

“The next worry is Avian Herpes.”

“If I am not mistaken, that is not zoonotic.” Shade has a screw driver and is tightening the screws of the panel.

“Right.” Applejack confirms. “It is the most preventable disease and most virulent.”

“And since it is a herpes virus, once the chicken has it, it has it for life.”

“Eeyup! Which is why Equestrian law requires the vaccination of chickens for those two viruses.”

Shade stands at the end of the machine with a chick in hand. “I believe that part sticking out of the machine is a valve the chick presses against and a pneumatic needle injects them, yes?”

“Eeyup.” Applejack nods.

“Does it matter how it is done?”

Applejack picks up a chick, presses its head against the valve, a small click is heard, and she deposits the chick into another box. “Like that.”

“Want to have a race?”

“Ain’t gunna be a race because I’ll win.” Applejack states as she walks over to another table with an inoculation machine. “I’ll even give you a head start.”

Shade turns to smile at the camera.

“Oh. Loser has to clean out ALL the stables.” Applejack adds.

“Good thing you are used to it then.” Shade chuckles. “Go!”

“Boys and girls, men and women, and everyone in between, we are at the end of the show. Leave a comment, write an email, or send me a letter telling me what you think and drop a suggestion for which job to work on next.” Shade scoops a cow pie with a shovel and dumps it into a wheelbarrow. A cow deposits another mound of pie onto the concrete close to Shade’s boots. “Thanks.” She says with a flat tone looking at the cow’s tail. She returns her gaze to the camera to say, “Until next time.”

Worm Wrangler

“Do I need an introduction?” Yellow eyes stare into the camera from a impassive face. Mud slides off black and red hair leaving a trail of pink worms behind. The pale white face slowly smiles. “As a Jack-of-all-trades, I want to know how to do everything and anything. You will see me journey across the world performing jobs and professions that are not widely known yet play pivotal roles in our society while also learning along the way.”

Shade is laying prone on the ground as she rests behind a sniper rifle. Her forest camo military fatigues blend with the surround woods and grass. She pulls the bolt back on the rifle to load a round and looks at the camera. “Shhh. I am hunting—worms.” She returns her cheek to rest on the stock of the rifle to peer through the scope. “Le gasp! There is one now! It is gigantic!”

Giggling pries Shade away from the scope to see Fluttershy standing next to her. She wears woodland camouflage waders that go up to her chest and a green t-shirt. Fluttershy bends down to pick up the worm dangling off the front of the scope with one of her gloved hands.

Shade clambers to her feet and dusts herself off. “Thank you, Shy, I thought I was a goner.”

“All part of the job.” Fluttershy giggles.

“What are we doing today again?” Shade questions Fluttershy.

The two of them walk along a river bank holding white plastic buckets full of tools and small styrofoam containers. Shade has on waders and now matches Fluttershy.

“Worm charming.” Fluttershy answers.

“Why do you do this?”

“Aside from farming them, this is the only way to gather worms. The worms are used for fishing, for pet food, gardeners and farmers are always demanding them, and its fun!”

“Can confirm that I use worms in my gardens and agricultural farms.” Shade nods. “How do we capture them? I assume calling out for them does not work.”

“Well, that is pretty much what we do.”

Shade stops to stare at Fluttershy, waiting for clarification.

Fluttershy smiles. “All will be revealed in time, grasshopper.” She continues walking and climbs up the embankment to enter the woods.

Shade looks at the camera and mouths the word, “‘Grasshopper?’” She shrugs her shoulders and follows after Fluttershy.

“If I am any insect, I am most definitely a dragonfly.” Shade informs Fluttershy as she stops next to the pink haired woman.

Fluttershy giggles. “This is an area I like to work. Before hunting, one must find the appropriate hunting grounds.” Shade nods. “Moles are the archnemesis of worms. Where you find moles, you will find worms. Worms love damp and humid areas. Looking under logs, thick fallen leaves, and rocks is also great way to find worms. This area has moles, the shade of trees, and since it rained last night, the area is nice and humid.”

Smack!

“Ow!” Rainbow Dash exclaims from behind the camera. “What the hay, Shade?!” The camera swivels around to find a white hand with palm out in front of the lens. The camera focuses on the dead mosquito.

“Saved your life.” Shade replies. She then bends down out of the view of the camera.

Click.

“The repeller only works when it is turned on, Rainbow.” Shade says.

Rainbow Dash gives a lame chuckle. “Whoops?”

“Please be more careful, Rainbow Dash. Froggy Bottom Bogg mosquitoes are known to carriers of Flavivirus, Plasmodium, and other arboviruses.” Fluttershy explains.

“Also round worms. Definitely not the kind of worms you want.” Shade inputs.

“Aren’t all worms round?” Rainbow inquires.

“Nope!” Fluttershy chimes. “There are also flatworms! We are looking for earthworms. This area contains about four different species.” Fluttershy takes out a wooden stake from a bucket and drives it into the moist soil. She picks up a medium size piece of metal with ridges on one side and hammers the stake further in the ground with it. “We are going to call the worms with this wooden stake and rooping iron.”

Fluttershy kneels on the damp earth and begins drawing the rooping iron across the top of the stake creating vibrations in the ground and a loud sound similar to grunting.

“The vibrations caused by this imitates the vibrations of moles tunneling, the natural predators of worms, which drives the worms to flee to the surface since moles do not like to go above ground.”

Shade copies Fluttershy a meter away. “How long do we do this?”

“Until worms come to the surface.”

“As long as it takes, then?”

“Yup!”

Fluttershy and Shade continue to work for a few minutes with the grunting of the rooping iron adding to the ambiance of the surrounding area.

“Fluttershy, care to explain why gardeners and farmers want worms?”

“Well, earthworms are decomposers; they break down larger organic matter into compounds and elements plants need. Their burrowing aerates the soil and bring organic matter from the top soil down directly to the roots of many plants. Their castings provide more nutrients to plants than compost alone.”

“Fascinating.” Shade nods. “Are all earthworms the same?”

“Goodness no! Some worms don’t even burrow which prefer the fallen leaves, some prefer to live closer to the surface down to about ten centimeters, some worms like living between ten and thirty centimeters below the surface, and then others prefer the deep soil below below thirty centimeter. Some don’t even like soil and live in mud. I believe one species of earthworm spends as much of its life in manure as possible.”

They continue to work in silence for the next couple of minutes.

“Can anyone go out and hunt for worms?” Shade inquires.

“In their own property, yes; outside their property, no.” Fluttershy heaves a sigh and wipes the sweat from her brow. She continues to explain, ‘Worm Hunting’ permits are obtained from the Equestrian Parks and Wildlife Department. Then one needs a permit to sell the worms they catch if they wish to do so. The worm hunting permit comes with eight markers to mark your one acre plot to hunt in. A Wildlife Warden can help you with marking your territory. A person can have up to five territories in a park or twenty mile radius. Each additional plot from the first costs one hundred and fifty bits. Permits need to be renewed annually and plots changed biannually. Worms can only be collected in the buckets supplied by the EPWD but you can buy as many as you want. The EPWD will give a full refund for all buckets returned. Each bucket needs to be marked with your name, address, and permit number.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Seven years.”

“How much do worms sell for?”

“Stores usually pay a bit per kilogram of worms.”

Shade raises her brows in surprise. “That can add up quickly.”

Fluttershy smiles. “Yup!”

“How many kilos do you usually gather per outing?”

Fluttershy giggles. “Just know that I had no trouble paying for veterinary school, the new car, or my apartment.”

“Secret millionaire Fluttershy, over here,” Shade remarks.

“I have never seen a million bits.” Fluttershy laughs.

“Well, you look at a thirty-seven billion bits every time you look at me.”

Fluttershy snickers. “I see my friend every time I look at you.”

“Thanks, Shy.” Shade smiles.

“Get a room you two,” Rainbow Dash comments from behind the camera.

Fluttershy and Shade look at their cyan friend. “Only if you join us,” they say simultaneously and wink.

The camera falls to the ground and Rainbow Dash’s yelling is heard along with rapid footsteps getting quieter.

“What’s this button do?” Pinkie questions as the camera zooms in on black rubber boots.

“That’s the zoom in button,” Shade says.

“And this button?” The camera zooms out.

“The zoom out button. Pinkie,” the camera swivels up to show Shade’s face, “just point this at me and Fluttershy and do not push any buttons. Okay?”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie chimes and a pink hand holding a thumb up comes into view of the shot.

Shade walks back to where Fluttershy is kneeling on the ground picking up pink worms and depositing them in a bucket.

“Did you find Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asks as Shade draw near.

“GPS has her in her studio back at Canterlot City.”

Fluttershy giggles behind a muddy, gloved hand. “She should know we are joking.”

“We were?”

Fluttershy rolls her eyes in good humor. “Anyway,” she lifts up a handful of worms to the camera, “these are Pontoscolex corethrurus. They love this kind of environment. These reproduce parthenogenetically.”

“That’s no fun,” Shade comments as she dumps a handful of worms in a bucket.

“It’s not about ‘fun’, that’s just how they evolved.”

“What does ‘parthenogenetically’ mean? You know, for the viewers.” Pinkie says.

Shade grins. “They do not need to have sex and do not need another mate to reproduce.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound fun at all!” Pinkie inputs.

Fluttershy shakes her head. “Once we fill up the buckets and decide we are finished, we need to take them to the Wildlife Ranger outpost to have them weighed and accounted for.”

“Boys and girls, men and women, and everyone in between, we are at the end of the show. Leave a comment, write an email, or send me a letter telling me what you think and drop a suggestion for which job to work on next.” Shade holds a dark red earthworm in both of her hands as it wiggles around. “Oh, this? This is Laurain. Its one of the largest earthworms ever found. It lives here at the Wildlife Warden Outpost behind me. Come and visit Laurain.” Shade lifts the earthworm to the camera. “Or else Laurain will visit you and devour your soil.”

The camera shakes as the camerawoman giggles.

“Until next time.”