What Dreams are There in Chaos?

by Krixwell

Rating: teen
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Discord, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2663

A princess confides to a statue.

It has been weeks since Luna began visiting Discord's statue to keep him company, and in that time, she has told him of many things. But our darkest confessions are often the hardest to broach.

TW implied minor character suicide.

Cover image by moonatik.

Published 2020-11-02 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-02 18:20:01 UTC

What Dreams are There in Chaos?

"I know not what to tell thee anymore."

Princess Moonbutt sat by the base of his statue, head low. The sickening smell of light purple filled the sunset air from the wreath of lavenders she had hung around his neck. It made him want to sneeze, but he had no functional nostrils at the moment, so he settled for standing there, stock still, just like always.

It wasn't the worst pose to hold for a thousand years, but even maniacal laughter grew dull over the centuries. Especially when he couldn't actually laugh.

"I have tried to keep thee company ever since I discovered thou art conscious in there," she continued, "However, it is hard to hold a conversation with a rock without running out of things to talk about, and I hardly imagine thou wouldst care about administrative paperwork."

She was right about that. Paper in general wasn't good for much other than food. Not that he had eaten in a while. When the crack widened, he'd have to conjure up a bowl of the delicacy, ideally with a silly bendy straw.

Oh yes, the crack. He could feel it, pulsating near the heart of his statue, droplets of chaotic energy leaking out. It had begun that morning, and already it was driving innocent children to hoof-fights in front of him. Soon, it would begin to widen, spread out across the considerable length of his petrified body, and then it would finally be time.

Moonbutt was silent for a while. She shifted from a sitting to a lying position as they watched the sun make its way across the horizon. Her horn lit, and the moon rose to take the sun's place, surrounded by the smaller lights of the stars.

If he could, he would have smiled. The ponies of this age thought this was order, that Celestia and Luna controlling the sky was how things were meant to be. It was almost cute, the way they thought their control was natural. Oh, if she only knew how much of Equestria's so-called "harmony" was cobbled together from a world broken by his beautiful chaos, long before the reign the two alicorns had risen to face, long before the Elements had been created to protect and restore what the ponies who created them believed was the natural way of the world.

He couldn't wait to break it all over again.

"I tried visiting thy dreams again, counter to my better judgment," Moonbutt said, "however I could not find them, regardless of when I would search."

Of course you couldn't. I didn't want you to. Dreams were his time to stretch his chaos muscles. He had only needed to let her in once. Although messing with dream constructs had nothing on the real deal – real ponies' reactions were more genuine, and much better for taunting. Perhaps he should have let her back in sometime. Of course, once the crack spread, things would stop being so one-sided… in her favor, anyway.

"I tried every time of night, and the day as well, knowing thine hours of sleep likely follow no reasonable pattern. Thinking of it, I know not whether thou art even awake right now, or during any of my previous visits." She sighed. "I suppose it does not matter."

It really doesn't.

She left the words hanging again, looking wistfully at the moon. At least he thought that was what she was doing – it was hard to see properly when his eyes were closed, made of stone and permanently facing the wrong direction. He had to squint to make out her face below his talon.

"It... was a falsehood," she said eventually, "when I suggested I had nothing left to talk about. There is still one topic I have been procrastinating on broaching."

Oh, this ought to be good. Over the weeks since she had started visiting him, Moonbutt had seemingly broached every topic she thought he might have some interest in. Some of them, he hadn't even had to fight the urge to yawn at. Not that he could yawn if he tried.

She had recounted old memories from his second reign – good times, if you asked him – and his defeat by the Elements of Harmony. Of her fillyhood with Celestia and princess tutoring under The Guy With The Beard, who had always seemed to know what the sisters would face after his disappearance. Of her ill-fated romance with that crystal fool to the north, and even her own fall from grace.

She had spoken of her return as Nightmare Moon a thousand years later, as had apparently been predicted by a dream reader centuries ago. Of her defeat at the hooves of six young ponies wielding the Elements in Celestia's stead. He would have to do something about them when his prison broke.

She had told him of her reinstatement as Princess of Equestria, of feeling out of place in a modern world, and the “difficulties” she faced as a reformed villain. Well, that was all the more reason to never become reformed, was it not?

He had almost brought himself to care – he would have shuddered if he could – as she told him essentially the story of her whole life. So what could she possibly have been procrastinating on telling him? He hoped it was juicy.

"I remember them," she said grimly, "all of them."

Oh, just spit it out, he thought. Remember what?

Though she could not hear his question, she continued. “I find there is a common misconception among the ponies of this age that I was sent away to hibernate, on the moon or inside it. The truth is that I, in a sense, became one with the moon. For a thousand years, I was conscious, living as merely a disc of light in the sky, unable to do much of anything at all.” She looked up at him. “Surely thou canst relate. It is why I am here.”

And he could. He knew all too well what it was like to be restrained. Thankfully, it would not last much longer, and then the ponies would finally learn what nightmares the Lord of Chaos had spent his time out plotting for them. Oh, what fun it would be!

“However, my imprisonment was regrettably incomplete,” she said gravely. Why would that be regrettable? “While I could not use my magic in the physical realm, as I had no horn, my imprisonment did not prevent me from sleeping. This gave me access to the realm of dreams, where I retained all of my powers.”

Just like me.

“Just like thee, except my powers allowed me to leave my own dreams and visit those of other ponies. Anypony but my sister, thankfully, for I know not what I would have done had I found her dreams.”

Just like me, but better, he thought, a scowl twisting the features of his unchanging, permanently laughing face.

“The Nightmare came along as well. Nightmare Moon was always a part of me, after all, the darker side of my psyche given physical form and overpowering my mind. We… I, did horrible things. Bored and furious at the ponies of Equestria for taking my sister’s side, for dismissing me as the lesser princess, I created as many nightmares as I could. I tormented the dreams of ponies who had done nothing to deserve such cruelty, twisting their hopes into worries and joy into misery.” She sighed. “On the physical realm, Nightmare Moon was short-lived both before and after my banishment. To the ponies of Equestria, I do not appear to have done any lasting damage, but I truly believe no other villain has caused as much harm to this world as I have. Not even thou.”

She fell silent for a while.

Oh, this was juicy! Delicious! He would have laughed if he could, his emotions truly matching his pose for the first time in years. It would have to wait a few hours.

“I remember all of them,” she repeated. “Every single one of the poor ponies whose hearts and minds I twisted. The nightmares all blend together – a thousand years is a long time, a lot of nightmares – but their faces… I close my eyes and I can see them, staring in horror at my mockery of everything they loved. At the time, I took pleasure in it.”

He couldn’t relate. The ponies that had been hurt by his actions all looked about the same to him. Who cared about the ponies when he had his beautiful chaos? But then the ponies had locked him away in this statue. Celestia and Luna had done it, but it had been on behalf of all of them. He would remember their faces now.

“Silver Lights,” she said abruptly, gritting her teeth.

Moonbutt's horn lit up, and a projection sprang out from it, depicting a slender young pegasus mare with silvery white fur. Her long mane and tail were pastel pink, with teal streaks. Her face flickered between a wide smile and thorough exhaustion. He would have found her utterly forgettable, if it weren't for the pony she vaguely resembled.

“A school teacher from Cloudsdale, a long time ago. She reminded me of my sister, a fact which caused her a great deal of pain. When I found her, I was angry, so angry. I had been creating nightmares for ponies at random, attacking whomever had the misfortune of their dream being near me in the realm between dreams, but Silver Lights… she became a target. I would seek out her dreams every night for months on end, turning them miserable. Her class of school children attacking her. Being fired from her job. The city falling, her students unable to fly, her forced to pick which ones to save. There was even one particularly creative dream about the Cloudsdale weather factory making rainbows out of pegasus foals. All for no reason save that she looked too much like Tia.”

She paused, staring at the moon.

“Then one night, I couldn’t find her dream. I never did again. A part of me hopes she had simply found some form of magic to protect her, but another part knows she had not.”

Oh. He no longer felt the urge to laugh. Why wouldn't he, though? This Silver Lights would have been just a random pony of no consequence, boring as could be. Why should he care what happened to her, if he were in Nightmare Moon's stead?

"I…" Luna said, "do not know why I am telling thee, of all creatures, this tale. Nopony knows what I did while I was sealed away. Not even my sister."

Really, now? That could be useful.

"Perhaps I simply needed to tell somepony. Somepony who would not judge me as I judge myself." She looked up at him. "Somepony who understands what it is like to feel rejected by the world, to be cast away and driven to selfish, vengeful acts. To lash out against a world that wronged him."

What? No, it wasn't like that at all! He just liked his chaos more than he liked other creatures. It wasn't his fault if that made them shun him, cast his chaos aside… seal him away…

Huh.

Resolve suddenly marked her features in the dim moonlight. Wings flapping lightly, she rose from her position at his base and flew up in front of him. He could almost taste the vibrant turquoise of her eyes as she looked at his face. There was still sorrow in them as well, but the strength of her gaze seemed as though it should break right through the stone.

"I was forgiven, Discord. They may not know all I did, and I may not forgive myself – I have taken measures to ensure I never will. But they all granted me a second chance, a chance to be a better pony. I am sure they will extend the same opportunity to thee, shouldst thou ever be freed from thine imprisonment as I was. For all of our sakes, and especially thine own, I hope thou takest it."

It was a ridiculous idea. Submit to the ponies' judgement? The only thing he needed a second – well, third – chance at was ruling an Equestria enveloped in glorious chaos.

And yet…

He could feel the crack widening, ever so slightly. At last, droplets became a slow trickle, and he could direct it in the only way chaos magic could possibly be controlled - by not controlling it. It didn't make sense, and that was exactly why it worked.

Of course, there wasn't much he could do with it, not for another few hours.

But as Princess Luna turned away from him, getting ready as usual to fly back to the castle and take on the night's task of battling nightmares, a soft gust of wind did blow through the Royal Canterlot Garden. It picked up a single stalk of lavender from the wreath hanging around his neck.

The lavender flew on the wind, tracing a circuitous path before coming to a perfect landing in Luna's mane, next to her ear. Surprised, she looked up to see the flower.

A soft smile spread below those vibrant eyes as she looked back at him. "Good night, Discord," she said, then flew off.

Good night, Moonbutt.

Hours later, the crack began to spread.

When Celestia rose the next morning after raising the sun, the first odd thing she noticed wasn't the reports of cotton candy clouds, chocolate milk rain or animals gone feral. Those would come later.

It was her sister, fallen asleep at the breakfast table with, of all things, a stalk of lavender in her mane.

She shook her head, then teleported herself and Luna into the latter's bedchambers, tucking her sister into bed like she had done so many times when they were young. She laid the stalk of lavender on her nightstand – to tease her about later, of course.

For now, it was time for her to sleep, while Celestia took care of the chaos of the day.

Author's Note

The notion of dream harassment leading to a character's suicide was inspired by another fic, but I cannot yet mention which fic, as it is a story I had early access to. As such, if you come across the same concept in another fic in the next year or so, it's more likely I cribbed it from that fic than vice versa.

I had not started this fic intending to write about that, but the idea that Nightmare Moon would create nightmares was previously established in my stories' shared continuity (in Dreamers and the Moon, the first time I ever wrote Luna), and the way that might have similar consequences as in that other fic hit me like a ton of bricks.

Other things of note:

Discord's "zeroth" reign, a thousand years before the one Celestia and Luna stopped, is part of an idea I have wanted to introduce into this continuity for a while now, but never had the opportunity to before now.

Luna's "ill-fated romance" with Sombra is in direct reference to Fall of an Empire, pseudo-canonizing the events of that excellent symphonic metal opera to my continuity.

Luna's return being prophecied by a dream reader was established in Tunnel's End.

Rainbow Factory is not canon except to Silver Lights' nightmares.

Luna's grammar in this fic was slightly annoying to write. Back in What Fun, Discord successfully got her to stop using the royal We and the Royal Canterlot Voice when talking to him, but she doesn't stop using thou/thee and -st until Luna Eclipsed, resulting in a sort of mixture of how she talks at the beginning of Luna Eclipsed and how she talks after it. Easy to slip, writing that.