Rainbow Dash Grows A Beard

by Ficisism

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1662

In which Rainbow grows a beard, among other wacky events.

Rainbow Dash wakes up in a strange place, with… a beard. Unfortunately for her, that doesn't seem to be the only crazy thing going on.

This shouldn't really be taken too seriously, for it was written on a whim off of a strange idea I had, randomly. Characters (in the character listing thing) will probably be added as I go along, for I don't really have any future plans / ideas laid out for this fic yet. Also, comedy is an… um… sparse tag, you could say. Don't expect too much, I'm not really all that great at it.

Cover art by gyrik22 on DeviantArt.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-31 08:44:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Rainbow Dash awoke to the sound of chirping birds, accompanied by a ray of sunlight shining softly on her stomach. She sat up, yawned and stretched, completely unaware to the truth of her surroundings. Looking around, she could see some large trees off in the distance, with a bunch of cushiony grass in the immediate surrounding area, which she happened to be sitting on. As if to complete the effect, a slow, cool breeze made it's way through, ruffling Rainbow's mane. This was certainly the perfect morning.

Wait, what? Rainbow finally realized her surroundings, as it just dawned on her that she hadn't slept in a cloud slowly wafting it's way across the sky. Instead she was down-to-earth. Literally. Although, in it's defense, the grass was quite comfy.

But still, how did she end up from high up in the clouds to down on the ground? There was a pretty sure recollection of falling asleep on a mass of fluff, at least. Rainbow looked upwards into the sky, staring at the clouds of which she was so used to peering down from above. Out of the corner of her vision, she could also see the sun. Not that it mattered, anyway.

Returning her gaze back to earth, Rainbow decided to figure out where on the ground she actually was. Those darn trees were still off in the distance, but not much was around besides them. Just... plains, mostly. Grassy plains.

Remembering her capability of wingpower, Rainbow quickly ascended her way into the sky, returning to the familiar eye level of clouds. Or maybe, cloud-layer level. She had a much greater field of view from above, so she looked around once more.

There were trees all around – or what seemed like all around – and below was the plain that Rainbow left a few moments ago. Upon closer inspection of the forest, Rainbow noticed a lone log cabin, in a small little clearing. The chimney was producing smoke at a steady rate, so it she decided that it must still be in use. From time to time, at least.

Why do they always have to be log cabins? Whatever, might as well go there; I don't see any other avenues.

Rainbow Dash flew over to the log cabin, and landed in front of what she assumed to be the door. It certainly looked like a door; having a doorknob and all. She raised a hoof to knock, before lowering it, due to noticing a peculiar aspect of the logged home. First off, there were no windows. Around the front door, anyway. Rainbow shot a questioning stare at the spot where windows should've been, before walking around to the side of the house to look for other windows. Of course, there were none. Not on one side, or any other. Rainbow flew up to the roof, where there was no skylight. She briefly considered entering through the chimney, before remembering where smoke comes from.

Aww. It would've been an awesome way to make an entrance. I guess we'll just have to settle for the door. Wait, we'll? Am I going crazy?

She pondered her sanity momentarily, before returning to the ground, specifically in front of the door.

Do sane ponies question their sanity? Do sane ponies question questioning their sanity? Do sane ponies question questioning their question of sanity? Do sane pon- never mind, I'm going to end up like Pinkie Pie if I keep this up. Why am I talking to myself? Thinking to myself, I mean.

Snapping back to reality, Rainbow Dash made out to knock on the door once again. After doing so, there was silence. She knocked again. Silence.

Not being one to.. um... not intrude, Rainbow tried to open the door. It wasn't locked..

Of course it's not locked. These houses are never locked. Which usually leads to traps. Or mazes. Or crumbling walls. She paused her thoughts for a minute, pondering... well, her thoughts. I think I'm reading too much Daring Do. Actually, I think I'm thinking too much. I could be thinking too much about thinking too much. Maybe I am thinking too much about thinking too much abou- Rainbow cut off the train of thought before it got out of hand and she spent the whole day thinking about thinking.

I shouldn't be thinking so much; I'm not Twilight. Or Pinkie Pie.

Thoughts receding, Rainbow pushed the door open wider, which was followed by a creaking noise, made by the door. She carefully took a step inside, as there didn't seem to be anypony occupying the cabin. She began inspecting the wall for suspicious stuff, partly due to an instinct, of some sort. There wasn't anything in particular that was out of place on the walls – which were brown, as you'd probably expect of a log cabin. Just a few posters here and there, paintings, a clock, stuff like that.

Maybe, that's what they want me to think. That it's safe, because of the familiar items. Heh, that'll be the day. When villains get smart.

Deeming it relatively safe, she took a few steps more, before halting at the center of the room. She was standing on a rug; the space between a couch and a coffee table. Which led to the room's floor-content. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. A bookshelf lined with books, a smaller table with a lit candle on it, a fireplace that was lit and was providing the chimney smoke, common stuff. Also, the floor was wooden and colored brown as well, giving the room a strange, brown, look. The rug she was standing on happened to be green, which gave at least some contrast.

As it appeared from the outside, the cabin was pretty small on the interior. There was only one room, which was obviously the room Rainbow was in. No kitchen, no bedroom, nothing. Just the room that looked like it might be a living room. The couch didn't appear messy or used, which left a question to where the owner slept. Maybe they were away?

But why would they leave the fireplace and candle lit?

Surprisingly, the cabin was actually well-lit, even though there was only one candle and the fireplace. Finished with studying the room, Rainbow Dash concluded there was nothing more to be had here, and promptly strolled back out the door, not even bothering to close it.

The cabin had provided no information as to where she might be, so Rainbow was still clueless as to her location. The owner didn't seem to be in the area, so that was another bust. Even though she didn't investigate much of the area. But going into the deeper parts of the unknown forest didn't seem like all that great of an idea.

Since when have I pondered ideas? I hope this place isn't messing with my insides. Or whatever they're called. At least I don't seem to be too much of an egghead now, not knowing what my insides are called.

As she was silently questioning what to do next, a sudden thought struck Rainbow. A semi-intelligent thought.

What if... what if I'm... dreaming? Bwah, I should've thought of that earlier! Now, I can just hurt myself, and I'll wake up!

Putting a hoof up in the air, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and struck her face, resulting in a mild sting. Opening her eyes again, she greeted the waking world with an air of enthusiasm.

“Did ya miss me, Clouds-... aww, crap.” Unfortunately, Rainbow was still surrounded by greenery. With a loud groan, she flopped on her back in exasperation. Noticing the sky, she peered longingly at the clouds. Of course, she could fly up there right now and be with them, but those weren't Cloudsdale clouds. Cloudsdale clouds were special. At least, to her.

Turning her eyes back to the ground, Rainbow absentmindedly itched her cheek with a hoof, as the result of another thought barrage. A crinkling sound, similar to one that would appear when scratching one's mane appeared, causing her to frown.

She raised her hoof again, this time more slowly. Putting it to her chin, she could feel something... fuzzy.

Fuzzy? Fuzz fuzz fuzzy fuzz. I think I'm losing my mind.

Rainbow itched the fuzz again, which only seemed to result in more itchiness. So she laid on the ground for a few minutes, just scratching the weird fuzz. When all the itches seemed to have passed, she got back back up onto her hooves.

Is there a mirror around here? I didn't see one in the cabin. Is there... a pond? A lake? Some sort of reflective thingy?

She looked around, gazing at the dark and now-misty forest. She didn't really want to go into the forest, even for finding out what this strange new mutation on her chin was. Rainbow turned away from the forest, looking back at the cabin. She then noticed the sky, which was growing darker and darker with each passing moment. Judging by... well, the sky... anyways.

Strange, it's getting dark already.

Rainbow Dash paused her thoughts, while staring at the cabin for a few minutes.

I could take shelter in there, for the night. I just hope whoever owns it doesn't come back to it while I'm sleeping. Or maybe they will, and I can get some answers. I just hope they are coming back without malicious intent. Towards me.

Deciding on a course of action, Rainbow trotted into the cabin again, this time closing the door behind her. Seeing as there was no bed, she just plopped down on the couch. It was actually somewhat comfortable. Not as so compared to a bed, but it was good enough for now. Luckily, the air around her was mildly warm, so there wasn't any need for a blanket or cover of some sort.

Trying to settle in, Rainbow silenced her thoughts and closed her eyes. Not soon after, sleep followed.