Chapter 1- Lets Introduce Ourselves
Yo. I’m- buck no, hold up. Hello. Howdy. Heya. Buck, I don’t know. Hey. Nah
nah nah. What’s up? NO. NO, BUCK IT.
I’m Tori Nado. Yes, I’m a Pegasus, I know, the name leaves a lot to the imagination. I live in Ponyville, which has the greatest snacks in Equestrian. Oh, they also have good food. I help with the weather. I know, another shocker. Well, I live with my best friend Frost Filling. She’s a unicorn, with a white coat, and a bucking red ass mane. Like, holy shit, I’m bleeding red. I have a green coat with a black mane. I honestly think I look pretty bucking sick. I’m also a pretty nice mare. Until I’m not. I mean can you blame me? I grew up in the worst part of Manehattan, like, terrible. That’s where I became a smart ass. Oh yeah. Ass. Another word for flank. It sounds better when I’m cursing. What a flankhole doesn’t roll off the tongue, though I guess the word ass isn’t popular outside of my street. Cause ponies look at me like I have 3 heads. I don’t. I have one. Idiots. But yeah, I’m a smartass, according to myself, Frost, Melon Collie, and a lot of the others I bucked over in my life. Most people don’t see that side of me.
Everypony literally loves everyone else. There’s a bucking castle in this town, a LITERAL castle, and nobody gives a shit. Except me. Ya see, there are like these Mane 6, total hotties, who are so bucking badass and- mhmmm! Anyway, there was this stupid looking centaur guy who came and wanted to steal magic or some shit. Now, Frost and Melon Collie, my other friend, told me that shit bucking hurt. Cause like, the stupid looking centaur did destroy half the town, including like, the cutest tree you ever saw. It was what you think of a tree. Perfect. No bad leaf. When my life would suck, I would stare at that tree, and be like, That’s a nice bucking tree. Now there’s a castle, to which I’m like, Wow. That’s a bucking castle in a small ass town. Holy shit. Now, when he did that, I was high on treemoss beyond my bucking mind. I was seeing, like, Celestia and shit. Treemoss is the best drug ever. Truly the best. And I’ve tried a lot. So I was away for the fight. Anyway, I did see the castle form. Holy shit, I crapped myself. It was so bucking loud, like, why so loud? I was dead, gone, away. My drugs were like, making me see crazy shit. That castle became my mother, then a boner, then a laughing Melon, and like, 50 other crazy things. Everyone’s like, “That's so cool!” I’m over here like, “Yo, why is there a boner laughing at me?”
I drink a little bit, I like to gamble, I like sex, and I also love treemoss. I don’t act like a fool in public though, that would be embarrassing.
Anyway, yeah, I like to have a good time. And that shits legal down here. Yeah. Well, not prostitution, but that could go buck itself, not me. But treemoss and gambling are legal. Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Having Things Stuck Up Her Ass, hates that. I mean like, I get friendship and all, but I have plenty of friends. I hang out with Vinyl, where I get to see Octavia and Vinyl. I hang out with Applejack, who’s like my best friend besides Melon and Frost, where I get to see Big Mac and Applejack. If Granny Smith was a bit younger… I’m not saying I would go there, but I would go there.
Anyway, I get so jealous of Frost. She literally has a stand of cupcakes and shit all day. Easiest job ever. I mean, her mark is a bowl of some batter or shit. Guess what mine is? Guess. Go on, do it. A tornado. I know, what a bucking surprise. Never would have guessed, my ass is hanging. Anyway, I work hard to earn my money. I guess Frost does too. She bakes and shit, exact measurements. It’s great, and Pinkie comes over too so double bonus. Anyway, Melon Collie is my other friend. She’s an earth pony, so she can do like, jack shit. She works at a flower place but doesn't really do anything else. Pathetic, me and her used to be thick as thieves back in the day, still are, but she changed. She thought about life too much. Treemoss helps me prevent that catastrophe. Melon moved in about a week ago, last Friday. She still has the house she has before, so she’s still staying there a bit. She’ll officially move in next Wednesday.
Anway, I walked into the house. The first half is divided into the kitchen and the living room, where Melon and Frost are on a couch together, laughing up a storm. I could clearly see Melon's cutie mark; flowers, due to her job as a florist. Anyway, I go into the fridge and pull out some milk. I’ve gotten really good at grappling stuff with my wings. For reasons I won’t share but imply. Anway, they finally noticed me.
“Hey hotshot, who were you bucking this fair Friday evening?” Frost snobbishly asked.
“Your mother. Don’t mind me, continue with your convo. Melon, you staying for the night?”
“Yeah, I don’t have any business at the house tonight. I’m meeting the buyer tomorrow for a final overview.” Melon's sweet voice was a good break from Frost's snobby voice. Damn, there I go again, criticizing everyone. I do that way too much. They continued their conversation, something about new flowers coming in tomorrow from Fillydelphia. I finished my milk, and sat down on the couch opposite of them, facing them. Buck, was I tired. Melon noticed me once the convo was over, and began to chat.
“Oh, the Doc is missing for three days now. He’s usually gone for only one or two, so the towns are starting to get worried.”
“Damn. I’m guessing that Derpy isn’t any help?”
“Not too much... shouldn’t you be more worried. I thought you were friends?”
“We are. He’s been gone longer than three days. I don’t know why it’s a big deal.”
“We all get worried whenever he does this,” Frost chimed in.
“Yeah, I guess.” I looked out at the window, then down the hallway, which led into my room, Frosts room, and the guest room that would become Melons. Anyway, it wasn’t a big deal. Sure, he usually isn’t gone for this long, but it has happened before. So there has to be a reason why this one is a cause for extra alarm.
“Shouldn’t you have known he was gone?” Melon asked. Great, don’t let me ask. I told them I knew he wasn’t at the lab, but he goes on excursions constantly.
“I don’t know what the big deal is. He’s been gone for 5 days before. Why is it so important now?”
Frost chimed in. “Derpy said he was going on about changing timelines and universes. That's something the Princess would talk about."
“Ok. Well, I didn’t know that.”
“How? You're friends.”
“I don’t know, I never asked!”
They just shook their heads. Ridiculous. I don’t need to ask. Why should I? Derpy asks of course. Real crazy between those two. She probably asks him about everything, but doesn’t understand anything he says.
“What’s the deal between him and Derpy anyway?” Frost inquired. I stared at her. Was it not obvious?
“They are basically dating. Well, they don’t know it really.”
“What?”
“They both eat out together constantly, she hangs out at his lab all the time, when she’s too tired to go home, she has Cloud Kicker take care of Dinky and sleeps in the same bed as Doc. What do you think?”
That had us dead. They really didn’t know it, but they were dating. Dead.
“You guys are going to Applejacks party tomorrow?” I asked. They both nodded. We chatted a little more, excited about the party tomorrow. We decided to call it a night there, it was pretty late. We went into our own rooms and said goodnight as Frost turned out all the lights.
I was tired, like really tired. So I practically just fell asleep on the spot. So that wasn't weird. The weird thing was when I was sleeping. It was dark, cause, duh. Then all of a sudden, a light yellow pony with a curvy mane appeared and kind of just…stared at me. She was smiling at me, but not in a creepy way, no, it was inviting. I smelled baked apples and something else. I don't know what it was, but it smelled delicious, and welcoming. It was still black for all except for that mare, who, might I say, was beautiful. I don't know how long she was just standing there, but it didn't matter, cause it was one of the best dreams I ever had. Because it reminded me of a family. Something I never really had.
She finally spoke but it was too low to hear. I was going to try to ask her what she said, but at that moment, I woke up. “Buck.”
I began to shift in my bed, and my eyes were bucking blasted with sunlight as I turned to face the window. Damn, how long was that pony there? I had no idea, but I knew that I wanted to go back to that dream, but again, I didn't know why.
All of a sudden, my door busted open behind me, and I wheeled around to see what had caused it. Surprise surprise, it was my sister, Sherry. She was somehow right next to my bed now, smiling at me. Damn, was she pretty. She had a white-ass coat and a purple mane, which had green highlights in it even though I told her that was a bad idea. She was, by all accounts, a mega star in the pop scene. Huge. She went across all of Equestria for a big tour she was doing, and she said she would stop by soon. Soon as in whenever I want with little to no indication so I can scare the ever living shit out of you. So that's what she was here for. To say howdy and rest here for a show tomorrow. OR, maybe she wanted to see how easily she can give me a heart attack. Turns out, it's real easy.
“HISISTERIMISSEDYOUSOSOSOSOMUCH!”
I just bucking died. So, after my mind brought me back to life, I said something snarky, I don't remember, and got out of bed, still wishing to go back to that dream. I saw Frosting and Melon in the doorway, smiling. Assholes. I hugged my sister, who smelled like sweat, meaning she probably went straight to my house after a concert. “Geez, Sher, at least shower.”
She looked like I punched her. “OH. My bad. I was SO EXCITED!” So yeah, she's loud. Really loud, and her volume fluctuates randomly. My ears are shot, they have to be by now. You could also probably guess she's very ditsy and airy, which has to be fake because of the shit we've been through. I've never said anything about it though. She’ll shed it on her own. I hope.
“You want breakfast?”
“Sure! THANKS!”
I motioned my hooves to ask her to lower her volume, which she responded to by giving a sheepish smile and a sorry. My so-called “friends” were dying laughing. I kind of hoped they were.
Anyway, with my two giggling bitches and my airy sis, who was flying by the way, which makes me feel clever, we walked into the kitchen. I began to cook some eggs I picked up from the market as my friends talked with my sister. Those two love her. They love her music and her personality. Her music is shit. I prefer good old rock that goes on forever because I just don't like it ending. Why end it when it's getting good? But her personality is very charming, and it kinda sucks you in. She came out of Blackout Street wayyyyyy better than me. I kinda am a little envious. I still have weird dreams and thoughts like the one I had today, although it was kinda nice…
“Ok! Food is ready!”
Frost began to make her way to me, magically carrying her plate, still chuckling. I didn't hear what they were talking about, I was kinda lost in myself. That happens a lot it seems, especially lately. Whatever. I was about to hand off the eggs to Frost when Sher came out of nowhere and put Frost in a shallow bucking grave. Frost almost fell over, and I knew if it was anyone else, she would get all snooty. How dare you not watch where you're going? That's dangerous, why would you feel that's okay? Cause it's not. No it isn't. She did that all the time, constantly, and it was a little embarrassing. Thankfully, she decided to hold back, partly because it was still early, and partly because it was Sher.
“Sorry! I didn't see you there.” It sounds like a lie, but it probably isn't. Anyway, I gave the eggs to Sher, and almost blew up trying not to laugh my ass off. Frost stared at me, and glanced at Melon, who was at the table and also holding in her laugh. Why were we holding it in? Snobby Frost would come out if we did. Well, she came out anyway.
“Not funny. I could have hurt myself,” Sherry said in an obnoxious tone.
I responded.. “Yeah, you could have hurt your pussy, which we know is the largest in the world.” That killed Melon, and even Sher started laughing, but only because she wanted to fit in. Frost did her humpf and handed out her plate, which I placed two eggs on. I wanted her to know there were no hard feelings, and I think she got it.
I don't wanna stroke myself, but i'll stroke myself and say that the breakfast was amazing, perfectly cooked eggs topped with cheese. Cooking was one of my hidden talents. You know, you gotta earn talents or- ok I sound so dumb, like Ms. Stick Princess. Anyway, yeah, I liked cooking a lot, fun and you get something great out of it. We were chatting on the sofa about I don't know what. Melon, of course, laughed at jokes but didn't tell any, something that annoyed me alot. Sher spoke so loudly, which annoyed me more, and Frost was being snobby and obnoxious. “Did you know…” Damm, so annoying. I feel bad for that new pony who just moved here, she would have to get used to this town. That said, she is Twilight's student, so she is most likely good with dealing with snobs.
Anyway, we got a knock on the door, and I got up to answer it. It was a mailpony, not Derpy, but somepony else. “Mail?”
The pony shook his head, He didn't have any mail, it seemed. “No, just news. We know that the Doc left after saying some crazy things, and he finally came back today. Just wanna let you know. Mail will come later today.” He began to fly away, but I wasn't done.
“That's it? He’s just...back?”
“Well yeah. He's locked away in his lab, and only Derpy could go in. So we dont have any news. Most likely, he was just being weird.”
“Don't you mean Muffins?”
“Do I?”
Great, now it's awkward. “Uhh… I don't know, it was a joke.”
“Oh.”
Great. Now it's really awkward. I would have to thank the Pony of Many Names for that. Anyway, he flew away, and for some reason, I had a suspicion.”What was that?” Melon asked behind me.
“Doc’s back.”
“Ok.”
I don't know why I felt antsy but I did, and once I felt something, well, I needed to do it.
“I'll be gone for a bit.”
I didn't wait for an answer. I opened the door and flew away.
