Fluttershy becomes Bacon Jesus
“Oh… my…”
Fluttershy stood before a mountain of what seemed like strips of flesh of an animal. That’s because, it literally was a mountain of flesh; a mountain of bacon, to be precise. Strips of crispy meat weaved into a base which formed the foot of the ‘mountain’. More strips of weaved bacon stacked the base, with each consecutive strip being a bit thinner than the previous, such that it was possible to climb the mountain of bacon.
Now, where in Equestria would one find a mountain of bacon, and what sane pony would dare take a bite off it? Why, at Plot Hole City of course! For you see, Plot Hole City isn’t just about… uh… posteriors, but also about, well, plot holes! It is a place where inconsistencies roam free and where flying sharks are the norm. In fact, there was only one pony currently in Plot Hole City, and she was about to realize why Applejack loved those disgusting pigs so much.
She stared at the mountain of bacon. It made her cringe as she wondered what inhumane creature would do such a thing to those innocent pigs, but at the same time, her lips were getting wet. She cast aside her thoughts of creatures killing pigs for their meat, and instead thought of how amazing the crispy pig meat would feel as it entered her moist lips, filling her body with a torrent of pleasure as the meat touched her tongue. She would want it to linger in her mouth before it finally cascaded down her throat, where the pleasure would finally end until she ate another strip, of which there was a lot of.
Unwillingly, or perhaps deliberately, she slowly trotted closer to the mountain of bacon until she was a lick away from tasting it. Of course, she wouldn’t just take a bite. What if somepony, or someshark, wanted a piece of the meat as well? Her friend Rarity had taught her that “It is rude for a lady to crudely eat everything you see,” and that she should “eat in proportions”. Fluttershy took her advice, as she gently pulled out a strip of bacon from the woven base, in fear that the whole mountain may topple down. Unfortunately, it didn’t, and Fluttershy held in the hand for the first time, a piece of dead animal.
She analyzed it for the longest time. She wondered why there were lines separating different parts of the bacon, she also wondered if she looked the same on the inside. Would Fluttershy when she finally croaked, be turned into delicious bacon? Would it even be possible to turn a horse into a pig and then into bacon? She reminded herself to ask Twilight when she returned to Ponyville. For now, she was holding a piece of dead animal; an appetizing, tantalizing, palatable, savoury piece of dead animal. She didn’t want to hold back any longer. She opened her mouth, causing a bit of saliva to drip off, and stuck the bacon in her mouth.
And she simply exploded. Not literally, but it might as well have been. An overwhelming amount of feelings struck her all at once, at all parts of her body, not just her mouth. Of course, her mouth was feeling like the Jesus of all mouths right now as she felt the juices of the meat drizzle out of it. The crispiness tickled her teeth. It felt similar to the crispiness of freshly plucked lettuce, but much more defined and, well, tasty.
Her mouth wasn’t the only part of her body feeling the molestation. Her wings were spread out, almost like they were trying to escape the clutches of their possessed bearer. Her hooves were trembling, not in the “Oh my gosh there’s a giant demon of demonic demon-ness”, but in the “Oh my gosh I’m eating the most amazing thing I’ve ever eaten in my life” sense. She wanted the feeling to go on forever, but she knew it wouldn’t. She finally swallowed, her throat feeling rejuvenated and refreshed.
Fluttershy stood still for what seemed like hours as she tried to comprehend what had just happened. She wanted to say something, but her mind was spinning all around. In the end, she only managed one sentence.
“It tastes like the diseased.”
Fluttershy, still struggling to maintain her balance, climbed the mountain of bacon. She wanted more. No, she needed more. It was like a drug, but a damn good drug. As she reached the apex of the mountain, the width of the final stack of bacon had reduced to the size of an average plate. Greedily, she reached her hoof out and grabbed another piece of bacon. Abandoning Rarity’s idea of lady-like eating, she straight up gobbled it up. One by one, layer by layer, she wolfed down the bacon. She didn’t care if her body couldn’t take it, she wanted it nonetheless. If she were to die, it would have been a perfect send-off from the world. Perhaps there would be more bacon in Pony heaven. Perhaps Pony heaven was made up entirely of bacon, because that’s where Fluttershy felt she was at right now.
By the time she had reached the final layer, the base, of the mountain, her stomach had doubled, nearly tripled, in size. Yet she could still go on. A pang of sadness hit her when she realized that after this, she would have no more bacon to eat. Applejack would disapprove of this meat-eating activity, so the only way to find more bacon would be to stay in Plot Hole City. But she couldn’t stay in Plot Hole City. She had her animals to take care of, and her friends would be worried sick. In fact, how did she get here anyway? Fluttershy took a moment to wonder this, but soon ignored it and returned to her bacon-consuming fiesta.
She was at her last strip. She wondered what she would do with it. She could eat it now and get it over with, bring it back to Ponyville and share it with her friends (even though they would most definitely decline. Oh well, more bacon for Fluttershy!), or just leave it there for any passerby to claim it.
Just then everything went dark. Everything disappeared in an instant. The dim lights of the city vanished. The buildings, the floor, the trees, everything had disappeared and was replaced by plain darkness. The only source of light was the extremely bright light shining at Fluttershy. It created a small circle around her and was the only thing keeping her from falling into Oblivion. Fluttershy panicked.
“W-w-what’s going on?” she murmured. Suddenly, a figure appeared in the dark sky, hovering over the cowering Pegasus. It shone brighter than the sun but it didn’t hurt Fluttershy’s eyes. It opened its mouth and spoke,
“I am BACON JESUS. I come from Bacon Heaven, which is like Pony Heaven but not the same. I have come with a message. According to this slip of paper which I wrote in my sleep, anyone who eats more than ten thousand strips of bacon in an hour and lives to tell the tale, is supposed to, uh… ‘replace’ me as BACON JESUS.” Bacon Jesus sounded less like a Jesus and more like a failed stand-up comedian. Fluttershy merely stared in awe as the indescribable figure continued his ramble.
“According to my BACON ANGELS, you ate, uh, 27,000 strips of Bacon in 57 minutes alone. And, uh, I guess you are the new BACON JESUS, I guess. Gosh darnit, I was about to go surfing with my Bacon surfboard. Uh, you still there, pony, girl, thing?”
“Y-yes, sir…?”
“What are you standing around for? Come, we must bring you to Bacon Heaven. Grab my uh, thing, and we can be on our way!”
Fluttershy grabbed BACON JESUS’ thing and they whisked away to Bacon Heaven.
Five ponies visited Fluttershy’s gravestone in Ponyville graveyard a year later. Her body was found by two passing sharks. Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stood side-by-side as they mourned the loss of their friend. They reminisced all the good times they had together, all the difficult endeavours they had to go through.
“It happened too early…” Twilight Sparkle said. “It wasn’t her time.”
The ponies broke into an almost orchestrated cry. Rainbow Dash, throughout all this, had somehow managed to maintain her composure.
“It was all because of that stupid bacon!” Rainbow Dash cried. “If she hadn’t gone for it, she would still be with us, having fun and… all that.”
The other ponies remained silent, except for their sobs and inner thoughts.
Somewhere high up, in another dimension probably, a lone pony sat on her bacon throne; wearing her bacon crown, jewellery, robe, shoes, gloves; staring at her bacon mural. She sighed in content.