Sweetie Belle cook egg fried rice

by Mica

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sweetie Belle, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Autumn Blaze, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1358

Hello niece and nephew. In this story, Sweetie Belle try to cook egg fried rice. Does not go well at all.

Hello niece and nephew. In this story, Sweetie Belle try to cook egg fried rice, Uncle Roger style. Does not go well at all.

This is a crackfic that I wrote before class today. Expect the implausible. This is an unofficial parody and is not endorsed by Nigel Ng. This is rated E, but contains crude humor that may be offensive to some people. Caution is advised.

Published 2020-11-06 16:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-06 16:30:00 UTC

Maybe MSG can fix this horrible chapter

It was a fine day in Ponyville and Sweetie Belle had spent all night watching Uncle Roger egg fried rice weejios on YokeTube.

“I’ve decided I don’t want to be a bad cook anymore,” said Sweetie Belle. “Now I know how to make egg fried rice, I’m going to redeem myself and cook the bestest, most delicious egg fried rice ever that will surely impress Rarity!"

So at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning, Sweetie Belle got up to get supplies.

“Okay, first thing I need is a wok. I must have a wok. Otherwise Uncle Roger will yell, ‘Where your wok!?’” So she went to the Ponyville market, but nopony had a wok for sale. But then she saw Trixie in the street and she asked, “Trixie, can you use your magic to make me a wok?”

And Trixie said, “No, but the Great and Powerful Trixie can make you a teacup poodle that you can walk. See!?” She fired her horn at a pebble in the street. It transformed into a walking teacup poodle.

Sweetie’s jaw dropped as she saw it paw up her foreleg and wag its tail.

“Aww, she likes you!”

“Haiyah!" Sweetie Belle already had a good grasp of Uncle Roger vocabulary. "I said a wok, Trixie! W-O-K. Not a teacup poodle.” Sweetie Belle stepped away from the poodle.

“Wait, Sweetie Belle!” Trixie called out to her. “Do you wanna keep the poodle? I can’t exactly keep him in my wagon, you know? Please…!? I’ll let you name him whatever you want!”

Then Maud Pie walked up to the poodle and said, “Boulder, there you are. You look different. What happened to you.”

Anyway, Sweetie went to the castle to look for wok. She knocked on the door at 6am, and Twilight opened the door, looking like she was hungover (or maybe she just stayed up all night watching the election results).

“Twilight, can you make me a wok?”

Twilight scratched her ears. “Did you ssssay ‘friendship prrrroblem’?” Her speech was slurred. “I’m too tired to deal with this. Starlight…!?” she hollered.

The other purple-horned magic horse came down the stairs.

“Sssstarlight, you deal with this, okay? I’m going back to sleep so I can continue my dream where I’m on a private yacht with Flash Sentry.”

So Starlight let Sweetie Belle in, and used her magic to create a high-quality steel wok out of thin air. Which goes to show that Starlight Glimmer ~~is Mary Sue~~ is best pony.

Next, Sweetie Belle stopped by Sugarcube Corner to borrow some vegetable oil. Pinkie was already wide awake, since she’s a baker, and bakeries need to open early in the morning.

“Sooo…you’re making egg fried rice, huh?” Pinkie asked.

“Yep!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “And it’s gonna be so delicious that I’ll finally be able to impress Rarity with my super saiyan cooking skills!”

“Well, you should totally ask Autumn Blaze for help," Pinkie suggested. "Like, I’ve heard she knows a thing or two about making egg fried rice, all kirins do! Really, you should definitely ask her, she’s super friendly! At least when she’s in her regular form…”

There was a pause.

“What?” Sweetie Belle cocked her head.

“Oh nothing! Did I say something strange again?” Pinkie chuckled nervously. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve got some chaos magic in me and I don’t know why.”

Sweetie was unfazed. “I’m gonna cook egg fried rice all by myself! Because I watched Uncle Roger weejios all night, and now I’m an egg fried rice master!” She dreamed of the day she would be called the honorary title "Auntie Sweetie."

“Okay, just be careful not to get burnt!” Pinkie said as Sweetie Belle left Sugarcube corner. There was an unusual amount of concern in Pinkie’s voice.

“Okay, now I have a wok and vegetable oil,” Sweetie Belle said. “Now I need rice. Leftover rice. Never prepackaged rice.”

So Sweetie Belle went to the Ponyville market to look for rice. All they had was prepackaged rice (Uncle Roger would be very disappointed.). So she went to Sweet Apple Acres to look for rice, and Applejack was like, “Rah-ce!? We farm apples here, sweetheart, not rah-ce! Do mah eyes look small ta you!?”

But luckily Sweetie Belle is friends with Apple Bloom, and Apple Bloom gave her some rice that she swept off the barn floor after throwing it at Sugar Belle and Big Mac's wedding.

“I guess that counts as ‘leftover’ rice,” Sweetie Belle said. So she took some of that.

Then, she went back to the market to get the other ingredients. Eggs, onion, soy sauce, peas, carrots, chili, and a big bag of MSG.

“Now, Uncle Roger says I need to cook with real fire. Hmm. Rarity has an electric stove at home, which is even worse than an induction stove, which is even worse than real fire. Where can I get some real fire?”

She looked around the market, and there was Spike, at the florist stand.

“Hey Spike!” she called the dragon over.

And so there was Spike, being exploited as usual. “More fire! Less fire! Middle fire!” Sweetie Belle commanded. She used Spike's fire breath as a wok burner. You could say that Spike was her wokboy.

“Okay, now one more thing. I need something called ‘wok hay’. What is ‘wok hay’?” Uncle Roger said that a lot in his weejios, but Sweetie Belle wasn’t exactly sure what it meant. “Well, one of the words is ‘hay’…maybe it just means hay that’s fried in a wok. Yeah, that must be it!”

So she bought a bale of hay. Finally she was all ready to cook. She patted Spike on the head, starting the fire. She first put in the oil, then fried the eggs into a scramble. She set the eggs aside. Then she added the onions, peas, carrots, chili, rice, and soy sauce. The rice was getting too wet, and wet rice was very very bad for egg fried rice. So Sweetie Belle poured a whole bag of MSG into the wok. Because more MSG can make anything better. MSG will fix any problem. It will fix bad fried rice. It will fix bad cooking. ~~It will even fix our elections.~~

Then, the finishing touch. She took a bundle of hay and threw it into the wok, and the wok hay caught fire. Actually, the rice also caught fire. Actually, the whole wok also caught fire, and turned into liquid lava. “Yay for wok hay!” she cheered. The wok hay would give her egg fried rice the perfect, "smoky flavor."

After the hay burned to ash, she broke up some of the wok lava and mixed it with the black, crispy rice. And she poured it in a bowl to give it a nice shape.

“Fuiyoh!" Sweetie exclaimed. "Lots of MSG, super not-wet rice, cook on real fire, plenty of wok hay! The best egg fried rice EVER!”

As a gesture of thanks for helping her out, Sweetie Belle offered Spike half of the egg fried rice. Spike took a bite, and he started choking and gagging.

“Did I put too much chili?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“No,” Spike said, continuing to choke on a burnt rice grain, but his opinion doesn’t matter—because he’s Spike, and Spike is everypony’s favorite ignored and unloved dragon wokboy.

“Okay, time to send this egg fried rice to Rarity!” Sweetie Belle said, beaming.

Suddenly, Autumn Blaze came out of nowhere, in full nirik form, charging towards them at high speed.

“HEATHENS! THOU HAST BETRAYED THE EGG FRIED RICE GODS! PREPARE TO BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR SINS!!!!!1!1!11!!!!!!11!!!”

Spike and Sweetie Belle hugged each other tightly (Totally platonic, I swear. Spike is into older mares.). The flaming nirik was less than ten yards away from them.

“Uh-oh,” Sweetie Belle muttered.

Author's Note

The final product:

Indistinguishable from toast. :unsuresweetie:

I thought I might as well captialize on this meme while it's still alive and kicking. :pinkiecrazy:

~~If this story becomes popular, I challenge~~ ~~StraightToThePointStudio~~ ~~to read this in Uncle Roger's accent.~~ nvm that's racist