We Have No Mouths, and We Must Confess

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Written by: Oneimare

Preread and edited by: Typoglyphic

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This story is an overdue gift to my dear friend, who never fails to make my days bright.

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Epilogue

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“Discord!”

“Your majesties.” When the draconequus turned to greet them, Celestia and Luna were met by a broad overly muscular torso cast in spandex, a red cape flapping behind it in a magic wind. “Did you come to bask in the presence of the noblest of heroes?”

Unimpressed by his antics, Luna was the first to speak. “It’s nothing but admirable that you find it in yourself to not ruin things in Equestria for once, but that’s not the only reason we wanted to talk with you.”

“Thank you for helping them be together,” Celestia quietly finished after her sister, bowing her head just a little.

But Discord only shrugged.

“I didn’t do a thing.”

The princesses looked at each other, then at Discord, an utter confusion clear on their muzzles.

“I told you I wouldn’t. And I didn’t.”

“It is unlike you to keep to the rules.” Celestia squinted at him. “Even if it was you who set them.”

“If I were to always break the rules, it would be just another kind of order.”

While the older sister ruminated on that statement, Luna came to a vastly different conclusion. Pointing an accusing hoof at the smirking draconequus, she exclaimed:

“Then you knew it would end this way all the time!”

Discord took a sudden interest in his claws and replied with an overplayed nonchalance, “Of course I did, I am a god after all.”

“I always suspected you can see the future,” Celestia commented almost absentmindedly, still not quite out of her musings.

“Do you want to know what happens next?” Luna readily picked up the idea only after a momentary hesitation, taking a step closer to Discord as her eyes lit up.

Celestia tugged her back, whispering, “They say it can drive a pony crazy to know their fate. How do we know it’s not one of his tricks?”

But, a pair of glasses perched on a tip of his muzzle, Discord already started prophesying, reading from a long timeworn parchment and making notes on it with a phoenix quill.

“I can see two mares, caught in the spirit of forbidden love, finally confessing their deep feelings to each other, sealing them with a no less deep kiss.” The princess looked around, at the ponies around, and frowned. “Then, right where they stand, their passion fueled by a millennium-long abstinence, they start to make love to each other, an innocent draconequus caught in alicorns’ sodomy–”

“Discord!” an angry yell came out in a chorus of two voices and the parchment was torn out of his claws, bursting in flames from one side and eaten by darkness from another.

“I’m done with your stupid jokes,” Luna harrumphed and promptly walked away, leaving her sister to deal with the Lord of Chaos.

She tried to reclaim possession of her writing utensil; as before it became ashes in her grasp, returning to its new master in doing so.

Grimacing, the alicorn muttered with a sigh, “I suppose it was naive you would use your abilities for anything constrictive, even if you could see the future indeed.”

Discord wiggled his eyebrows.

“You don’t need divination to see what happens between your former student and her former student. Only for you, my dear princess, a half-price discount for a ticket.”

“That’s disgusting, Discord,” Celestia wryly stated, regarding him with a level look. Then after glancing around to be sure nopony could hear, whispered, “How much for one?”