Celesti-Os

by Strawberry Sunrise

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 1216

Celestia promotes her new top-of-the-line breakfast cereal.

Celestia promotes her new top-of-the-line breakfast cereal.

Published 2020-11-09 00:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-09 00:50:00 UTC

Your New Favorite Cereal!

A long, long time ago...

“What’s the newest breakfast treat that all your foals will want to eat?” a voice said on a lone TV as colorful stars and rainbows danced across the screen, the TV’s owner having forgotten to turn it off before leaving on an extended vacation.

“What is it?” a group of foals asked as the camera cut to them jumping up and down in excitement. “What? What? What?”

“It’s...Celesti-Os!” the announcer continued. A bowl of sun-shaped cereal pieces in the colors of Princess Celestia’s mane zoomed into focus, hypnotic yellow and orange rays like those of a cartoon sun spinning around it.

“Celesti-Os?” the foals asked.

“Celesti-Os!” the announcer confirmed. “Your new favorite cereal!” The commercial cut to a light green earth pony with a dark green mane, who picked up a spoon with a hoof and ate a bite of cereal. “Mmmm-mmmm!” he said, licking his lips. “But don’t take my word for it!” he added, revealing that he had been the announcer all along.

The commercial cut to Princess Celestia, who was wearing a black business suit and a top hat and walking down a hallway as the camera followed her. “You may know me as Princess Celestia,” she said brightly. “But I wasn’t always a princess. Before I wore the crown, I wore...a gown.”

There was an awkward pause.

After a moment, Celestia froze mid-step, a hint of irritation crossing her face as she seemed to look at something offscreen. “A kitchen gown? An apron? I was a cook? I made food?” she said, lowering her leg and no longer sounding quite as happy as she did before. An indistinct voice responded in the background and Celestia frowned as the camera wavered slightly. There was another awkward pause as she sighed and facehoofed. “Why did we decide to do this live?”

Several moments later, there was another cut and Celestia’s walk resumed as if nothing had happened. While she still wore the top hat, it was now paired with an apron. “Sometimes, even I get tired of the princess game,” she said, “So I’m getting back to my roots with a new top-of-the-line breakfast product. Introducing...Celesti-Os!” As she said this, the hallway opened into a kitchen where several boxes and bowls of Celesti-Os had been laid out on a counter in the center, and she gestured to the display.

Princess Luna slowly rose from behind the counter, having apparently been lying on the floor waiting for her moment to appear. Unlike her sister, she wasn’t wearing anything special for the occasion. Speaking in a monotone voice as if reading from a script, she stated, “Celesti-Os are the product of several years of in-depth breakfast research dedicated to finding the sunniest of flavors.” She spread her forelegs to show off the display as the camera zoomed out, then she lifted a spoon and took a bite as it zoomed back in. “Mmmm-mmmm,” she said and gave an impossibly huge, uncomfortable-looking smile.

The camera cut back to Celestia. “See, even my sister likes them!” she said as a sound of muted retching came from the background. Her top hat shifted on her head and she frowned. “I thought I took that off already,” she muttered, raising a hoof to remove it and throw it off-camera, revealing that her crown had been on underneath it. A shot of Princess Luna spitting the cereal back into a bowl with a disgusted look on her face flashed on screen for several frames. The camera cut back to Princess Celestia just as the top hat hit Luna in the face.

“SISTER!” Luna shouted from offscreen in her Royal Canterlot Voice, and the lights flickered for a moment.

“Whoops,” Celestia said with a chuckle and a smile, a bit of light schadenfreude appearing to brighten her mood again. "Perhaps you should try another bite?"

Offscreen, Luna could be heard taking deep breaths, as if trying to hold herself back. In stilted tones that grew angrier with each statement, she began to speak: “That’s it. I’m done.” Celestia’s smile faded and the camera cut back to Luna. “I put up with you taking the daytime for yourself. I put up with you presenting yourself as the ‘superior’ princess. I put up with your teasing, and your insults, and all of your stupid ideas over the years…but I am not…hawking...your terrible...CEREAL!” Using her magic, she levitated the entire display of Celesti-Os off the counter and flung it against the wall of the kitchen so forcefully that the boxes burst open, scattering Celesti-Os across the room. “They don’t even look like Os!” She banged her forelegs on the counter and screamed, her body growing and changing until she had fully morphed into a new form.

The camera cut to Celestia, a look of confusion growing on her face, then cut back to Luna, who slowly rose from the counter and smiled.

“You may know me as Princess Luna,” the new Luna said, her tone now more subdued but with a heavy note of menace to it. “But that’s not who I am anymore.” She picked up Celestia’s top hat and put it on with a slow, deliberate motion, then began walking toward the camera. “Before, I protected you from nightmares. Now I'll be your Nightmare.” She bared fangs at the camera, then gestured for it to follow her as she walked back toward the hallway. “Sometimes I get tired of always being in my sister’s shadow,” she said, pushing a motionless-with-shock Celestia out of the way, “So now I’m taking control...” There was a long pause as she continued to walk down the hallway. “...with a true top-of-the-line breakfast product.”

She stopped walking and raised a hoof. With a flash of her magic, a box appeared in her grasp, showing a new cereal featuring pieces shaped like crescent moons whose colors matched those of her own mane. “Introducing Moon-Es, by Nightmare Moon. The newest breakfast treat that all your foals will have to eat. Because they won’t have a choice.”

“Moon-Es?” the same group of foals from earlier asked, the camera cutting to them cowering in terror as a bowl of Moon-Es appeared in front of each of them.

“Moon-Es,” Nightmare Moon said as the camera cut back again. “Your new favorite cereal!” She opened the box with her magic, summoned a bowl and a spoon, and poured herself some cereal. “Moon-Es are the product of several years of pent-up rage and jealousy dedicated to finding a way to get back at my incompetent, overbearing SISTER.” She lifted the spoon and took a bite. “Mmmm-mmmm,” she said, licking her lips. “Like tasting darkness itself. Now that’s a taste you can never forget." She winked. "Literally."

The camera cut back to the foals, who were still cowering, then cut to Celestia, who was slowly calming down and appeared to be walking toward Nightmare Moon. "They don't even look like Es," she muttered, and the camera cut back to Nightmare Moon again.

“Just one bite. Just one bite, and the night...will last...FOREVER!” Nightmare Moon screamed, lunging toward the camera without warning. As she broke into evil laughter, the screen went black.

“Moon-Es. Part of a balanced breakfast,” said the green pony announcer from offscreen.

The End